In This Game... Only Letters, Friends!

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Speaker 1 Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

Speaker 1 This episode, multi-platform Mark heroizes Homelander, then kicks off the alphabetic escapades. Battling Bob enjoys moisture and barbaric bellowing, then pulls Pietro, Peter, and ZZ top.

Speaker 1 Webless Wade slumbers after a prick, becomes a pancake, then invokes pussy, queefing, and a quickie with queen.

Speaker 1 From deep loving to chewing come.

Speaker 1 It's time for

Speaker 1 in this game, only letters, friends.

Speaker 1 Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Speaker 1 Hello and welcome to Distractible. My name is Markiplier.
Yes, that Markiplier from YouTube and TikTok and

Speaker 1 the other places where I exist. Twitch, maybe still, if they haven't deleted my account.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I've been inactive for a long time. But I am not the star of the show today.
These two gentlemen are. That's Bob.
Star number one. Number one star.
All right. Top star.
And Wade,

Speaker 1 the second star.

Speaker 1 Two.

Speaker 1 Okay. I feel like we're starting off on an even foot.
Two star. You get two stars, man.
That's two. One more than two.
One.

Speaker 1 If this is Michelin stars, that's a lot of stars. Two stars is one more than two.
Oh, you are the Markiplar I was thinking of. It is me.

Speaker 1 All right. So this is distractible.
If this is your first time, welcome. I love you.

Speaker 1 Wow. Leading off with that.
I want to come in strong. I don't want a soft, I don't want soft calls to action.
I love you.

Speaker 1 Wait, we have to be clear. Is that directed at the listeners or the watchers? There's

Speaker 1 different people here. I don't care whether they have eyes or ears.
I love you just the way you are. And I'm enunciating.
So if you're reading my lips, you know I mean it.

Speaker 1 That made me uncomfortable trying to read your lips. There's a lot of teeth.
I like that. I wish you'd talk like that all the time.
I've chased off all the new viewers now. So it's just all at once.

Speaker 1 Oh, thank God. Wouldn't want to move up those podcast charts that we worked so hard to move up.
I'm trying to get our bounce rate up. You know, people click in and boing, I don't want this shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to push us down in the ratings. In this episode, I have a fun game prepared, but no, it's not the perfectest crime.
It is not. It's something else.

Speaker 1 But we're going to get to that in just a little bit because these guys have been living their best lives and I want to hear about it. Let's decide who goes first.
Oh,

Speaker 1 one,

Speaker 1 Bob.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I can't believe that.
I was so sure it was going to be the second guy on the list. Oh, no.
You would think that. Yeah, everything's going pretty good.
It's raining here, which I don't know.

Speaker 1 It hasn't been that long, but like, if you ever have, I mean, where you live, Mark, out in L.A., I guess you probably get this. In Ohio, I feel like it rains pretty consistently.

Speaker 1 Like, normally it's like, oh, it's raining, whatever. It started raining last night, and it was raining when I woke up this morning.

Speaker 1 And it's been so long since it rained that I literally woke up and was like, ah, it's wet. What happened? Why is it all wet outside? Oh, no.
Does that happen to you, or am I just like a goldfish?

Speaker 1 Because it really weirded me out for a minute. No, I did that too.
I woke up and it rained over here, or it drizzled, and I just go out and the whole yard's went. I'm like, Did the sprinklers break?

Speaker 1 What's going on? There's a leak everywhere. There's a leak everywhere.
This is ecologically irresponsible. Why there's a leak? Okay, well, I'm glad it's not just me.

Speaker 1 Also, James has learned that he could scream real loud. So that's fun.
I've never been made dizzy by a scream before, but that can happen now.

Speaker 1 Last night we were getting ready for bed and he was like, it was, he gets two books and then we go to bed and it's like a whole, we have a whole routine.

Speaker 1 And we got to the end, I think to the end of the second book and like closed the book and Mandy was like, okay, put the book on the shelf and we're going to do this.

Speaker 1 And he just was like, no,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 1 More stories. We're like, no, man, it's bedtime.
This is, we do this every night. This is the routine.
and he did that sort of like

Speaker 1 shake of rage and then proceeded to scream louder than anything has ever been in human existence and i actually like it made my head vibrate and when he stopped screaming i was kind of like ah ah

Speaker 1 So I never had that before, but I'm sure that he'll only do that the one time. And that's not going to be all day, every day for the next three weeks of my life.
How do you stop that, Wade?

Speaker 1 Bad advice. What you do is you give him a megaphone so he can be even louder to the point where he makes himself paralyzed from the noise.
You're right. You're right.
There we go. Yep.

Speaker 1 You give him headphones and a microphone and make him scream into his own ears.

Speaker 1 You know how Homelander went up to that one superhero and went swing on the sides of the head and then made him deaf now that he'd scream louder. And this is a horrible advice.

Speaker 1 Put him in a bit of a stupor stuperhero. I see what you did there.
Yeah, I should definitely do whatever Homelander does. He's a good guy, right? He's a father.
I haven't watched the show.

Speaker 1 I haven't watched the show. He's like the Superman character in that universe, right? He's a good guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is America.
Yeah. He is America.
Yeah. And he's a father.

Speaker 1 He's raising a child. I think his first act as a father was to throw his son off of like a roof or something, wasn't it? Spoilers? I didn't even.
Yeah. Kid's dead now.
Spoilers.

Speaker 1 No, I think literally the first thing he did was like, yeah, son, you can fly too. And he threw him off the roof and his son just went, ah.

Speaker 1 He's like, man,

Speaker 1 man, that reminds me of the video that I saw of these birds on the mountainside.

Speaker 1 I think we talked about them, but just every once in in a while it pops in my head and how the fucking BBC cameramen are doing this and the BBC editors make it go, I swear, boink, boink, boink, as it's hitting every rock down the mountain as it tries to fly.

Speaker 1 Boink, boink, boink, squeak, squink, squeak. And then it's like, it lands and it gets up.
It's like, it's fine. And then the camera pans over to its dead brother on the ground.

Speaker 1 God damn. Jesus.

Speaker 1 No, it's not a fun. It's not a fun video.
I don't know why I'm laughing.

Speaker 1 But that is funny, though. You're right.
I agree with you, Mark. That's fair.
No, those guys, I know

Speaker 1 it's a whole thing, and it goes both ways, right? The wildlife cinematographers, which like, don't interact. You can't affect nature.

Speaker 1 But they just sit there and like, literally, there are situations where they could like, ah, if I just reached out, I could totally save this tiny baby animal from drowning in front of me.

Speaker 1 But I, I won't, though. I won't.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to film it so everyone can see back home i do you think that they like that or does that like fuck them up because i feel like that must be wild that must be really weird and wild to be that close to that they must get sometimes really incredible beautiful heartwarming footage that hopefully balances out all the nature is a cruel beast and you will die by being eaten guaranteed what happens i see like two teens camping in the woods and a bear comes in and it's like dragging them away and they look up like for the love of god help me and the camera guy's like oh this is really good footage nature guys nature sorry nature's so beautiful these are natural campers please help me i see you i know you can hear me i see you

Speaker 1 there's two camera guys filming the same thing and one starts getting attacked by the bear and the other guy's like oh nature it's happening i can't help him though i have this gun right here but i can only save myself You're with the nature now.

Speaker 1 You

Speaker 1 they themselves get attacked and they just aim the camera at themselves. Nature! Can't help myself.
Nature!

Speaker 1 Fucking Blair Winchley. Nature.
I'm just not there to deliver. Nature, nature, nature.
In the booth, Sir David Attenborough is just like, oh, here we see young Gary getting mauled to death by a lion.

Speaker 1 Why don't you fight back, Gary? The aliens guy? Nature.

Speaker 1 Ah, that meme never gets old. It applies to everything.
I sent you that meme recently, I think, right? Yeah, yeah, you did.

Speaker 1 I forget what for what it was uh about the bengals i think i put uh sadness on it we're talking we were texting about the bengals and i was just like

Speaker 1 sadness i don't even think we texted during the last game i think we both were just at the point of like acceptance no i you know i couldn't watch the bengals with this week because they were on at the same time as my new team the lions by which i mean they played the lions and got their ass beat but i'm a lions fan again now so that was a great game for me all right so that's Bob Smalltalk.

Speaker 1 Well done. Good small.
That's my life. Wade.
Well, I was going to talk about the rain some more, but Bob beat me to it because it turns out we live kind of close. But yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the rain points have all been scooped up. And we're both boring old guys who talk about the weather all the time.
Uh-oh. What was it?

Speaker 1 Friday, I got my COVID and flu shot, Code Booster and Flu shot. So as Friday went along, I was like, oh man, getting real tired for some reason.
I don't know. I passed out for me very early.

Speaker 1 I went upstairs, hung out with Molly. We were watching something on TV at like 11 o'clock.
And I was just like kicking back, like, oh man, I'm feeling pretty tired. It's me.

Speaker 1 Nice to kick back and watch something with.

Speaker 1 Just passed out immediately and then went to bed, slept probably like 10 hours, woke up, felt really awful for two hours. Molly's like, you should go back to bed.

Speaker 1 And for some reason, when someone suggests I sleep, I'm always like, no, I don't need sleep. Sleep.
What do you mean? I'm fine. I'm awake.
wide awake.

Speaker 1 Do you ever have that where you talk to somebody who also, they fall asleep and you're like, hey, are you sleeping? And And they're like, no, no, I wasn't.

Speaker 1 It's like, you think, clearly you were snoring. Obviously you were, but they have to deny it.

Speaker 1 No, no, I think I've had this before where Amy has said that at night I have started snoring, where in my head, I'm just like, oh man, I'm not falling asleep here. No snores at all.

Speaker 1 And she'll tell me that I was just snoring. And I'm like, no, I'm.
That's impossible. There's no way.
I was conscious this whole time. I was aware of my experiences.
There's no way.

Speaker 1 But apparently I was. We had a friend visit recently who fell asleep, and same thing.
They were like, Hey, you passed out for a few minutes. I'm like, No, I didn't.

Speaker 1 His consciousness is a really fragile, thin veil between us and the darkness. So I think that

Speaker 1 it's very easy to miss these experiences. I did fall asleep, and then I was like, No, I don't want to go back to bed.
All right, fine. I guess I'll go lay down.
I'm not going to sleep.

Speaker 1 Passed out immediately again, slept for like three or four hours. But that was fun.
And then yesterday I was feeling a lot better. So I went and threw football for a few hours.

Speaker 1 And man, upper body sore today. You just threw a football around for a few hours? Yeah.
How with one other person? Or what? That's like, I like

Speaker 1 that sounds fun, but that's a lot of hours of just like standing out there.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We weren't throwing super long distance because we were staying within like, let's talk while we throw. So we were just kind of like chit-chatting about all kinds of stuff, Legos and things.

Speaker 1 He's a big Star Wars fan. So we're about like Star Wars Legos.
And we were just throwing ball while we chatted. Will you come over and have a catch with me sometime? Dude, I love talking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll throw football. I love throwing football.
That's how nice. And foot still kind of healing a little bit.
So I was like, probably easier just to toss than it would be to run around.

Speaker 1 We were going to play basketball, but the thought of running around and jumping while this is still on my heel is like, eh, maybe, maybe just like casual toss would be easier.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we just tit-chatted, threw football for a few hours, and I woke up and I was like,

Speaker 1 is that how you always wake up? Usually it's...

Speaker 1 It's a little bit better than usual.

Speaker 1 I'll save my small talk for when I'm inevitably the loser and go to the next round to participate. Okay.

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Speaker 1 Go to rocketmoney.com/slash distractible. That's R-O-C-K-E-T-M-O-N-E-Y.com/slash dot com slash D I S T R A C T I B L E.

Speaker 1 I have a game for you. Good.
Guys, I have devised it. And by me, I mean Amy.
Amy's devised this. Even better.
In this game,

Speaker 1 only letters, friends.

Speaker 1 You are going to use the alphabet to help you survive death-defying scenarios that are going to risk your very existence. Now, the way that it's going to work, we're going to take turns.

Speaker 1 Both of you are going to go first, and the person who goes first gets to pick the letter.

Speaker 1 You don't know the scenario that you're in, but you get to pick the letter of the items you will choose to survive. It's a quick fire round.

Speaker 1 You use that letter to pick an item out of the air, and then it immediately goes to the next person as fast as you can, back and forth. Bing, bong, bing, bong, bong.
Same letter,

Speaker 1 and then I will write them down and judge which one of you actually helped yourself survive it is possible that you both survive and and and pass the test and get a point that round but otherwise if if you picked bad items because you're limited by the letter you die you don't get a point make sense yeah i like this i don't think wade knows very many words i think i have a huge advantage here I'll toss a coin to go first, or maybe I'll just be like the number one up there above me right now.

Speaker 1 Bob, you'll go first. And how it'll go is you'll pick a letter and it can only be picked once.
So I'm crossing letters off the alphabet as we go. Then I'll give you the scenario.

Speaker 1 And as soon as I give you the scenario, it's go time. You have to pick as fast as you can.
I will dock points if you take too long or I'll cut you off if you can't.

Speaker 1 Do we need to pick multiple items with the same letter or how many items do we get? One letter per round, five items. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 So I will skip your turn though if you take too long and it'll go to the other person.

Speaker 1 So you could possibly lose out a chance to pick an item or the other person can snipe the item that you were going to pick, but it has to start with that letter.

Speaker 1 It can be multiple words, but the first word has to start with that letter. I won't let you say sentences of items.
It has to be either one or two words.

Speaker 1 You can't say a biggest bag of survival items that will help me in the scenario. I won't allow that.
Can't do that. Okay.
Okay. All right.
You both understand how it goes.

Speaker 1 Do you need me to to re-explain it, Wade? No, I'll just watch Bob do it. And if he does it right, I'll do what he does, but wrong.
We kind of have to do it at the same time.

Speaker 1 So I hope I'm still feeling good about my chances. Okay.
Yeah, that's good. This is looking good for you, Bob.
Okay, hold on. Then if we run at the same time, do we each pick our own letter then? No.

Speaker 1 No, no. It's the same letter.
The person who's going picks the letter. I read them the prompt.
I read both of you the prompt. And then the person who goes first.
gets the first pick.

Speaker 1 Has to be an item that starts with that letter. Then the other person, same letter.
Okay, so we tend to need 10 items that start with that letter because he'll have five, I'll have five. Exactly.

Speaker 1 And then you can't say the same item. You have to

Speaker 1 new items. Five times.
Take too long. I'm going to skip you.
Are you boys ready? Yes. Yes.
All right, Bob. What is your letter? L.

Speaker 1 L.

Speaker 1 Great choice, I think.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 You all right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, man. Fine.

Speaker 1 What'd you have done if I said M?

Speaker 1 How do I write that as a point? Ooh, hoo-hoo.

Speaker 1 H-U-H-U-U-U-H-U-U-H-U-A-H.

Speaker 1 Oh, that would have been better. I was doing double O's.

Speaker 1 I think in Lethal Company, there was a mod I used where there was like an L dance. So whenever you said L, I immediately thought of the L dance.

Speaker 1 You thought of the L dance from Lethal Company and not Fortnite? I'm proud of you, man. That's good.
I don't play Fortnite, so yes. Good boy.

Speaker 1 So it's L,

Speaker 1 and we're going to start with a simple one. These are all life or death scenarios.
So if it doesn't feel as life or death as possible, I'm going to say the word. I'll make it more life or death.

Speaker 1 You both

Speaker 1 are falling out of an airplane. No parachute.

Speaker 1 Go.

Speaker 1 Long rope. Long rope.
Okay, go. Lift.
Lift. All right.
Like a lift, like a ski lift. You know,

Speaker 1 oh, like a whole ski lift to catch me. Bob.

Speaker 1 Light aircraft. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 That's enough. Stop and stop.
You can't say more. Okay.
Wait.

Speaker 1 Lamborghini.

Speaker 1 Lambo. He's got it.
Hopefully, it's got good airbags.

Speaker 1 Lingonberry Jam. Lingenberry Jam.
Excellent choice. Lipstick, so I look my best, but I die.

Speaker 1 Bob. Oh, man.
Laser pointer. Laser pointer.

Speaker 1 Got it. Wade?

Speaker 1 Lake to land in.

Speaker 1 I'll even give you it's a landing lake, but need I remind you, water at a terminal velocity is still just as hard. All right, Bob, last chance.
Oh,

Speaker 1 a launcher.

Speaker 1 A launcher? A me launcher.

Speaker 1 If I...

Speaker 1 I can't explain it. You'll have to just understand.

Speaker 1 It's a launcher. It can be a launcher of me, but not a me launcher.
You watch yourself. Wade.

Speaker 1 Lisa. Lisa.
Lololo. Lisa.

Speaker 1 You decided to take another person with you? Lisa from The Simpsons. She'll have some good ideas.
Maybe Lisa has a parachute we could share.

Speaker 1 You better ask. All right.
So

Speaker 1 let me recap your choices. Bob, you have a long rope, light aircraft, lingonberry jam, a laser pointer, and a launcher.
Wade, you have a lift, a ski lift,

Speaker 1 a Lambo, a lipstick, a lake, lake, and La La Lalisa.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 L was harder than I thought it would be. I have to be honest.
I know. We did a couple test rounds.
It's very difficult. All right.
So the ski lift,

Speaker 1 I think it needs to be embedded in the ground to actually help you, Wade. And a ski lift, I would think, would start with an S, but Lambo, not known for being very crash resistant, I don't think.

Speaker 1 Cool, though. Very cool.
Very cool, Wade. You're going to look great when you die.

Speaker 1 Lambo lipstick, Lila Lalisa in the passenger seat.

Speaker 1 Aim for the lake, babe.

Speaker 1 Oh, look, there's a lift. We can go up and fall again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, is the goal of this to live?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the goal is to live. Presumably.
Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so because, Bob, you have a long rope, a light aircraft, lingabberry jam, laser pointer, and a launcher.

Speaker 1 I mean, the light aircraft kind of wins you this one. Yeah, the rest of it was just for fun.
Lingenberry Jam is a snack.

Speaker 1 Laser pointer to make other pilots blind and make them crash their planes while i'm flying my light aircraft you know fun stuff he's pointing at wade as he's going down see to make sure he doesn't get to make fun of wade i point at wade i point at where i think he's gonna land like

Speaker 1 lisa tanks away i can't see i think i'll accept items that sabotage your opponent to make sure they die because it's if you both survive you both get a point but if you the other one dies he's gonna hit the lake uses the launcher uh calling it for bob that's a bob point right there so you got the you got the surviving

Speaker 1 however I'm going to make an additional rule here that's going to make it even more difficult for you guys.

Speaker 1 I'll explain it in just a second. So that was a

Speaker 1 long rope. Maybe I can save you Wade.
Not Lisa, just you. So that's what I'll say is the rule.
Adjectives, if the, it can't be, the letter can't be an adjective describing the actual item.

Speaker 1 So long rope. I would accept light aircraft because that is a whole category of aircraft.
But long rope is just a longer rope. So we'll make judgment calls.

Speaker 1 I'll give you a second chance if that's what you come up with, but we'll try to catch that. So, long rope is just a rope, just like a ski, a lift, a ski lift would be a ski lift, not a lift.

Speaker 1 Lift, I would think, it would be an elevator, which might have helped. No, that wouldn't have helped you at all.
No, actually, levator. So, Bob gets the first point there.

Speaker 1 Wayed you smack into the lake in a Lambo with Lisa and lipstick. But you look great.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Well, your corpse is actually a mangled, metal-infused mess and soggy. But if anyone had taken a picture of you moments before,

Speaker 1 you would have looked so good.

Speaker 1 In fact, just super cool. Lisa's just...

Speaker 1 But I hand her the lipstick after I use it, so she has a distraction. All right, Wade, you get to pick your letter, and then I get to tell you your survival or death scenario.
Perfect.

Speaker 1 Let's go with the letter B.

Speaker 1 Boys, you too. Some dictator has said that you're gonna die.
You're on, you're against a wall. There is a firing squad in front of you, and they are going to fire.

Speaker 1 They're going to count down three, two, one, fire. But you get B words to decide if you survive.
Wade, go.

Speaker 1 Blocks.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I built a wall of blocks.

Speaker 1 All right. You could have said bricks, maybe, but blocks.
All right.

Speaker 1 Bob.

Speaker 1 Well, I thought this. I assumed this one wouldn't be on there, but bulletproof vest.

Speaker 1 I'll take it. Bulletproof.
Because I think that description is a very specific type of vest. I think that works.
All right. Wade.
A bomb.

Speaker 1 You don't want to hit me, do you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've got a bomb. I'm going to make sure it's a big round one with a big wick at the top.
All right, Bob. Bouncy ball.

Speaker 1 Bouncy ball. You got it.
Wade, Bobcat. Bobcat, the vehicle or a cat? Cat.

Speaker 1 Send after them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure. All right, Bob.
Ah, no, that's a good idea, Wade.

Speaker 1 Bobcat.

Speaker 1 The skid steer, though.

Speaker 1 The skid steer.

Speaker 1 All right, Wade, back to you. Blank slate.

Speaker 1 Blank slate. All right, cool, man.

Speaker 1 Bob? Blades.

Speaker 1 Blades. Just the vampire or

Speaker 1 weapons. Weapons.
Wade. Buildings.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 How many?

Speaker 1 Billions. Billions of buildings.
That's the star of the B, right?

Speaker 1 It counts. Yeah, all right.
Yeah, this genie. I'm a genie that takes you very literally.
You get billions of buildings. All right, Bob.
last chance.

Speaker 1 Oh, Bill Clinton, Secret Service has to protect him. He has a Secret Service.
He has a Secret Service detail for the rest of his life because he was president.

Speaker 1 So Bill Clinton wouldn't be cool with that. It'd help.
All right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Wait. I don't have to recap, man.

Speaker 1 Suddenly,

Speaker 1 blocks appear in a wall in front of you.

Speaker 1 Of what type? Lego bricks, I'm guessing.

Speaker 1 You have a bomb strapped to your chest. You have a cat, a bobcat, which is not that big of a cat, to be honest.
Still scary if it runs at you. It would be.

Speaker 1 They have guns, though, so I think they'll be all right. You have a blank slate.
So you just have

Speaker 1 a stone tablet with nothing on it. And then billions of buildings are falling on your head now.
What kind of monkeys, Paul Wish? They're falling on my head.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, you either spawn inside of them and you clip into the walls like that.

Speaker 1 But yeah, is this like inception or some shit or just

Speaker 1 yeah the whole horizon just folding in with buildings i think i did okay well the bomb well you would have been maybe fine but the bomb really the bomb man you get a bomb

Speaker 1 well but does he get to chew is it on like a timer or is it like a no it's a big one with a fuse and it's lit that's what all right anyway so wait uh bob bulletproof vest very good not quite head protection but it protects your core which is where most of them aim for i guess yeah Yeah, they're going to aim center mass.

Speaker 1 That's the strategy for. The bouncy ball will distract their aim.
The Bobcat a skid steer has like a full cage on it, so you're kind of inside that and a little more protected.

Speaker 1 Blades for chopping the bullets out of the air, I'm guessing. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Deadpool style from that X-Men movie when he's all has no mouth and he's all creepy and he's all

Speaker 1 Okay, all right. Not from the Deadpool movie where he doesn't hit any of them.
He just gets shot a bunch.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. So I'm guessing

Speaker 1 I can't guarantee you that skill, but you'll try. I'll try.
Yeah. And then Bill Clinton's there plus Secret Service probably.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's standing in between me and the firing squad and the Secret Service are like rushing in from the side. So they're like, get down, Mr.
President. And I'm like, I'm within.

Speaker 1 Now, I would say that the buildings would be a problem for you, but you have a bobcat, which is a skid steer, and it does have a full cage.

Speaker 1 So if a building topples on it, you're not guaranteed to survive. But with the bulletproof vest, the blades, and Bill Clinton,

Speaker 1 I think you live, man. I'm pretty sure.
Can't shoot through Legos. Because they're still going to shoot at the end of it.
They still shoot. Even if I have a bomb?

Speaker 1 Probably. Have they never seen a movie?

Speaker 1 Can't shoot the guy who has a bomb? Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's too bad you can't explain because it should be a bomb with a dead man trigger where you're holding your hand out and you're all, if my finger comes off this button, because then they'll get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it doesn't have to be. That's no, that's not commonly how that works.
That's a specific thing. You have to fit the letter.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right, back to you, Bob.
You're both doing wonderfully, but one is doing more wonderfully than the other. I was gonna go one way or the other, depending on how this was going.

Speaker 1 And I feel like I'm gonna regret this, but I choose Q.

Speaker 1 Q, Q, damn, bold, Q. All right, what a quandary.
Quite the choice. Quack.

Speaker 1 Third Q word. All right.
Let's get into this. Both of your scenario.
And you're in separate vehicles for this one. So you're not in the same car unless you want to be in the same car.

Speaker 1 But given Wade's choices, I'm going to put you conveniently in separate cars.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that. So, Bob, your and Wade, your car has driven off a bridge.
There was ice on the road.

Speaker 1 You slid, bam, right dead center into a frigid frozen river so not only has your car gone down through the top layer of ice it is now under the ice you you have your windows are up death defying scenario almost guaranteed death under frozen river your letter is q

Speaker 1 take it away well This is the whole thing I was banking on for this, and I'm going to stick to my guns, even though I'm not sure how it helps. I want a Quetzal Cottless, Quetzal

Speaker 1 Quetzal Cauntless. You have to be able to pronounce it.
You have to be able to. Quetzal Cauntless.
Quetzalquatless. Okay, Quetzel.
I have to look up what that is afterwards.

Speaker 1 It's that we talked about it in my words in my one-man show. It's one of the animals.
It's a dinosaur. It's a big flying dinosaur.
Quetzal Cauntless.

Speaker 1 All right. I did not spell that right.
All right, Wade. Quickness.

Speaker 1 Quickness. All right, you get quickness.

Speaker 1 You know, I'll give it to you. That works.

Speaker 1 I want Quicksilver to save me the Marvel character. Oh, the Marvel character.
Wait. Oh, I got to go again.

Speaker 1 The queen.

Speaker 1 The queen. The queen.
Like queen. You get the band, queen.
I'll take it. Just got to get out.
Just got to get right out.

Speaker 1 I know, Freddie. I'm trying.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 All right, Bob, back to you.

Speaker 1 Quest love.

Speaker 1 What? Quest love? Quest Love. Isn't he the drummer from

Speaker 1 that?

Speaker 1 Oh, no, yeah, Quest Love. He's a drummer, American musician.
Oh, all right. You got a a drummer.
He's the drummer for the roots. That's where I know him from.
Because the roots were on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, cool. Quest love, drummer.
I got it. Wade.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Queefs, so I have air.

Speaker 1 Queefs, so I have air.

Speaker 1 Queefs, so I have air. My plan is just like, don't say queefs, don't say queefs.
For air.

Speaker 1 Already.

Speaker 1 For air.

Speaker 1 All right, Bob. Back to you.

Speaker 1 I would like a quality inn motel.

Speaker 1 A quality inn. Maybe at the bottom of the river there's a quality inn.
I'm not sure. Somewhere.
Some haunted quality inn that sank into the river many moons ago. Okay, gotcha.
Wade. Oh,

Speaker 1 quillfish. I'm going to assume that's real fish.
It's a Pokemon. It's a Pokemon.
You're right. You're right.
Oh, the Pokemon. Quillfish.
My loyal Pokemon will help me get out.

Speaker 1 I'm assuming it's a water-based Pokemon. That actually could help you.
Okay, that might be good. The original version.
Then there's a Lolin or something that's like poison stupid.

Speaker 1 All right. Bob, last choice.
I'm not stealing from Wade, but maybe this was sparked by that. I want Quill.
The Star Lord himself. Quill.
Oh, Peter Quill? Yeah, but they just call him Quill a lot.

Speaker 1 Or anyway, Gamora Gamora does, right? They call him like, Where's Quill? Where's Quill? Okay, is that true, Wade? Do they call him just Quill? They do. All right, okay.

Speaker 1 We'll be, I'll give you that quill, Star Lord Quill. Okay, Wade, last chance.
Quill! Like the feather, so I can write my last will and testament.

Speaker 1 Hey, don't take my ideas. Don't take my ideas.

Speaker 1 All right. Okay.
So a lot of this depends on what's a Quetzal Quantus? It's a big flying dinosaur. Okay.
How big are we talking? Oh, that's big. It's fairly large.

Speaker 1 I think it's like the biggest one. Okay, so your car explodes because there's suddenly a Quetzalquantus is spawning inside.
So all the doors come off, which is, you know, that you do got to get.

Speaker 1 the doors off.

Speaker 1 You have Quicksilver, which I think, honestly, that's a huge get.

Speaker 1 because if he knows where you are, he can get you and get you out before the hypothermia sets in. You have Quest Love.
I'm assuming Quicksilver has to choose between one of you, Bob.

Speaker 1 He might like Quest Love more than me. I mean, look, I'm not going to speak for Quicksilver, but that's okay because I brought backups.

Speaker 1 He's very fast, so I guess he might be. There's a quality in somewhere down there in the river.

Speaker 1 Isn't Quicksilver the one who, isn't that scene in the mansion where he saves like 40 people in the X-Men mansion while the whole thing explodes? Isn't that? I'm pretty sure, yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was thinking of Silver Surfer this whole time. You're talking about the fast dude.
No, Quicksilver is the X-Men, and he helps

Speaker 1 Magneto break out of jail and is

Speaker 1 the one that does like slow, like, yeah, time moves slowly. There's actually two Quicksilvers in the Marvel Universe because there's the MCU one and then there's the Fox X-Men one.

Speaker 1 The Fox X-Men one is faster, and that is the one you picked out. The X-Men one, he is faster and has more feats of rescuing people, specifically rescuing people.

Speaker 1 So, I think, without a question, you survive, Bob. The question is: whether, because, wait, you have quickness.
You have quickness. Oh, dude, my I'm not gonna like, my heart's not gonna stop.

Speaker 1 Don't stop me now.

Speaker 1 Don't stop me. Don't stop me.
You have queen, quickness,

Speaker 1 queefs. As many queefs as you need.
For air. Pure air.

Speaker 1 Queefs.

Speaker 1 You have quillfish and a quill. A feather.
Let me look up what quillfish is.

Speaker 1 But a balloon. A balloon Pokemon.

Speaker 1 What? Oh. Like a blowfish.
That's kind of what you want. It's also poisonous.
So grabbing onto it is going to be... It's very spiky.
Yeah, maybe we just do mouth to mouth.

Speaker 1 I don't think you want to do mouth to mouth with it. I'm not sure why you would offer that up as your first choice.
Air.

Speaker 1 You already have air. You have all the air you need.
Don't forget about your queiffs. It's literally 0.5 meters in height.
It's one foot ball when inflated and covered in spikes. I would probably...

Speaker 1 If you like grabbed onto the tail. Okay, there is a tail.
I got to look up whether 8.6 pounds of buoyancy is enough to lift you out of the river. I've also got quickness.
And you're quick.

Speaker 1 And think of Freddy Mercury's lungs singing underwater, pushing me out. And all the queefs, you know, all the queefs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a lot of buoyancy. As you float away with your queefs and quillfish, Freddy Mercury sitting on the bottom of the river, just like, I want to ride my bicycle.

Speaker 1 We are the champions.

Speaker 1 I'm going to give you a 50-50 shot. How about that? That's the best I can do for you on this.

Speaker 1 Because it's like you have some things working for you, but this is a death-defying scenario.

Speaker 1 You have one Pokemon, but even in the Pokemon world, I can imagine an episode where Ash is in a frozen river like, help! And Quillfish isn't able to say it. Heads, you survive, tails, you don't.

Speaker 1 Heads! You get it! That's right, bitches! All right, you get that. Her Majesty, Queen!

Speaker 1 You, yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. I'm not sure why I'm saying it like that.
Yes, you win. You survived, Wade.
Congratulations. Bob, you also survived.
So you both get a point going out of that round. All right.

Speaker 1 Never a doubt. Oh, this is so much fun.
I'm having so much fun, guys. This is great.
It is back to you, Wade. You're going first, which means you get to pick the letter.

Speaker 1 There's so many letters to choose from. Reminder: B, L, and Q have been already selected.
I know you wanted to jump on Q. I know that's a hot one.
Oh, don't worry, Bob.

Speaker 1 I'll get back to you with the letter Z.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you sure? He wants to play games. I'm going to lose now with my own hard letter.

Speaker 1 That'll teach us. All right.

Speaker 1 You two are lost in whatever forest this animal that's stalking you is in.

Speaker 1 You have just the clothes on your back and these items that you have brought with you, starting with the letter Z, and you are being stalked by three and a half panthers.

Speaker 1 In the middle of the night, I'll let you decide which half is that last one. Too bad for that half guy.
Yeah, that half panther is really not pulling his weight here, but uh. Just the top half.

Speaker 1 That way, there's no legs. Yeah, there are.
Well, I mean, it's kind of all legs, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, I see just a worm body.

Speaker 1 That would be terrifying. A panther just...

Speaker 1 All right. There's three panzers and one snake panther coming after you.
Yes. Wade, as a reminder, in case you forgot, your letter is Z.

Speaker 1 No, I'm going to take the easy one here. The zebra.
A zebra. Okay.
All right. Either to ride me out or distract.

Speaker 1 I see. I see.
Okay. I could see the wisdom.
Bob. I would like my Zeppelin, please.

Speaker 1 Great choice. Great choice, man.
Get right out of that room. The band or the blimp? No, no.
The rigid airship. The Zeppelin.
Well, a Zeppelin. It's a kind of rigid airship.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure if there's enough room to deploy it, but we'll see. We'll see.
Zendaya, because I know Spider-Man will be there to help her.

Speaker 1 Zendaya the actress

Speaker 1 is going to be there because they're banking on Spider-Man showing up. Great.
Okay. Probably has like a body card.

Speaker 1 I'm bringing my own Zen. I choose Zenyada from Overwatch.
Ah, damn, that's a good one. Zenyata, this is a great stack up.
This is good. All right.
Zenyada practically flies, a big robot and deadly.

Speaker 1 Very good. He fart hovers.
Does he? He sits cross-legged, but hovers. So

Speaker 1 I always considered him to be a fart hoverer. He's got the unlimited Kweef power.
I was the Zenyatta main back in the day. So I love that dude.
It was fun. All right, wait.

Speaker 1 Zipper to zip the trees together so the Panthers can't get through.

Speaker 1 Zipper.

Speaker 1 Big zipper. Okay, you get one big zipper.
You zip up two of the trees out of the millions and billions of trees. i'll take it

Speaker 1 all right bob back to you uh not at all stealing an idea from wade from the last round i choose zapdos

Speaker 1 zapdos all right okay all right the the lightning flying pokemon zapdos one of the three

Speaker 1 trillion trilogy of what are those things what's that called the Blue Eyes White Dragon of Pokemon or whatever they are. What are those things? The legendary birds? Those ones.
The legendary birds.

Speaker 1 They're, yeah, whatever. I don't know the lore that well.
Wade.

Speaker 1 Well, I choose the move Zap Cannon, so I have a 33% chance of hitting.

Speaker 1 Zap.

Speaker 1 But if it hits, it really damages.

Speaker 1 All right, okay, all right, okay, okay. It's fine, it's fine.
All right. All right.
Bob, back to you.

Speaker 1 I know lots of stuff that starts with Z. I'm just trying to pick which one I want.

Speaker 1 Well, you got a limited time. I choose ZZ Tops.

Speaker 1 ZZ Top. The whole band? All of them.
Hopefully, they're on a tour bus or something. Are they all still alive? I do not know.
They are quite old, but I have no idea. Well, if they are alive,

Speaker 1 if any of them aren't alive, their dead body will show up. Girls go crazy about a sharp-dressed man.
Zoe Saldana, who plays Gamora. Oh, yeah, but not Gamora.

Speaker 1 But she knows how to be Gamora. You brought two actresses out into the middle, and they're just standing there like, why have you done this?

Speaker 1 And I still say, Zavengers is a symbol.

Speaker 1 They're like.

Speaker 1 All right, okay.

Speaker 1 Bob, back to you. Man, I have so many words just rushing through my head.
I choose zero point,

Speaker 1 which is the ultimate ability of the agent KO from the game Valorant, which disables, which disables characters' abilities when they're hit with it.

Speaker 1 What is the Panther's ability? I don't know. Speed, biting,

Speaker 1 whatever abilities they have, they can't do nothing. All they can do is slowly walk around and be all, I'm disabled temporarily.

Speaker 1 I think their

Speaker 1 best ability is that they are black at night, so they're almost invisible, so they turn white. I'll say they like invert, so they're really easy to spot.

Speaker 1 It's also cool because it's like a throwing knife thing. You're all

Speaker 1 he says something cool and then he's all.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Man, you have stacked up the powers, Bob. You got a Zeppelin to get out of there.
So you not only get out of, you get home.

Speaker 1 You got Zenyata, who's probably, let's just assume he only takes one of them down, which it's Zenyata. He can also heal.
He's primarily a healer.

Speaker 1 Zapdos, which is literally like

Speaker 1 a giant electrical bird. Unless the Panthers are ground type.
Oh, that's true. Are Panthers ground type? They seem more like...

Speaker 1 They seem more like normal type to me. Or dark.
Probably dark type. Maybe dark.
I can see dark. Maybe, yeah.
All right. ZZ Top is there playing music.
And then zero point this ability from Valorant.

Speaker 1 I'm going to just go on a limb and say you're going to survive the three and a half Panthers. Pretty easily.
All right. Maybe with a couple scratches, unlike me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, Wade, don't be too shocked because you have a zebra, which is a very easy target for a Panther. That takes one of the Panthers away.
Wait, Wait just has bait to defeat.

Speaker 1 You have Zendaya.

Speaker 1 You bring two other people to feed Panthers.

Speaker 1 You have

Speaker 1 Zoe Saldana, who keeps

Speaker 1 her Panthers.

Speaker 1 But the problem is I said three and a half Panthers. Oh, don't worry.
I can account for that. You've got a zap cannon.
What the fuck was zap cannon again?

Speaker 1 It's a move that, like, does crazy damage, but I think it's only got like a 33% chance to hit.

Speaker 1 So presumably it would kill half of a panther. Okay, it's 33%, which, but it's half a panther, so it's slower.
Look, man, the zipper ain't going to help you. I think this is still a 50-50 shot.

Speaker 1 I'm not on our

Speaker 1 But the bait really got your numbers down. The bait really works.
Yeah, I didn't see the vision until just now. That makes so much sense.
How it weighs on your conscience, I don't know.

Speaker 1 How's that feel, Wade? Is that okay? You live with it? Already forgotten about it. All right.
Let's see if you're going to keep forgetting about it.

Speaker 1 A ba!

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Uh-oh.
Dallas, I got it. Dallas.

Speaker 1 No, that's a tails. Unfair.
Unfair. Okay, he called unfair.
On that coin flip you call unfair? That's the thing? Yes. Okay.
So

Speaker 1 if it's unfair, obviously you survive. It overturns it.
But if it's doubly fair, you lose a point. Deal.
Deal. All right.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 Bonk. Wham.
Heads. Tails.
Ah, so close. So close, man.

Speaker 1 Unfair times two. Listen, we're going to have to add some stuff to the Constitution if you want to do that.
All right. Sorry, Wade.

Speaker 1 It didn't work out for you. Man, half a Panther away.
That's so, that's honestly really close. It's pretty good.
That was really, that was really close, man. You almost made it out.

Speaker 1 I should have brought a Zigzagoon instead of a zipper. More bait.
Yeah, more bait. Yeah, man.
All right. Okay.
Zaquillfish. It's French.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Joe Malone, London. I don't like smelling like everyone else.
You know, like, I want to smell good, but I also want to smell like me.

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Speaker 1 They have all kinds of stuff that your best friend slash podcast co-host might love to receive. Drop holiday favorites at joemalone.com or at a Joe Malone London store near you.

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Speaker 1 All right, Bob, back to you.

Speaker 1 What is your letter?

Speaker 1 C.

Speaker 1 C.

Speaker 1 Good choice.

Speaker 1 Not quite.

Speaker 1 Crap.

Speaker 1 Cunning.

Speaker 1 Cement.

Speaker 1 Hey, stop taking my words. I don't know how to give encouragement with the C word.
Cool choice, comrade.

Speaker 1 Cool choice. Cool choice, comrade.
Okay, that's good. Okay.
Gentlemen, you have gone on a shopping trip, but this shopping trip has gone horribly, horribly awry.

Speaker 1 You are dead center in the middle of the world's largest IKEA. And unfortunately, the building has caught on fire.
You're in the maze-like areas of IKEA.

Speaker 1 Everything's flammable, super flammable, actually. The sprinkler system is out.
You either have to escape or die in the flames.

Speaker 1 The letter is C. Bob is going first whenever you're ready.
I don't know what it does, but I choose a Class C fire extinguisher.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's an adjective.

Speaker 1 But it's a specific kind of fire extinguisher. There's A through D and K, and there's.
Class C fire.

Speaker 1 Apparently, it is involved in putting out electrical equipment fires, such as motors, appliances, power tools. But it is still just generally a fire extinguisher.
Wade, how do you feel about that one?

Speaker 1 It doesn't sound like it'll be that useful, so let him have it. All right, class C, specifically Class C fire extinguisher.
You got it. Wade, carpet, comma, magic to fly out on.

Speaker 1 There's two C's in there.

Speaker 1 If he gets fire extinguisher, why can't I have a carpet? If you could say chaw magic or something like that, maybe. But I, I, this is bending the rules quite a bit, guys.

Speaker 1 I let him bend. All right, I'm gonna give you a carpet and I'm gonna put parentheses magic.
I won't tell you what kind of magic. That's fine.

Speaker 1 All right, Bob, back to you. I would like a Civic, please.
A Civic. All right.
Cooler car.

Speaker 1 Cooler car than that.

Speaker 1 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Nah, cooler car, both with C's.
I think it works. So he gets a cooler car than you.

Speaker 1 That's just a cool.

Speaker 1 He can have a car. He doesn't get to have a cooler car.
That's an adjective. Well, the car is also a C.

Speaker 1 It's because the adjective works with this one because they're both C. So

Speaker 1 he's specifying just what type of. All right, he gets a car.
Just any car. I will literally pick a random car out of a random car generator.
That's what you get. All right, Bob.

Speaker 1 I choose Commander Keene. Commander

Speaker 1 Keen.

Speaker 1 Who is that? It's a side-scrolling platformer game developed by Hidden Software.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
Commander Keene. All right.
I choose Commander Keene. He'll save us.
Uh-huh. Sure.
Wade. Clap Trap.
Clap Trap

Speaker 1 borderland. He actually does almost always kind of help.
He does. He does.
He's helpful. Bob, a carrier.

Speaker 1 I'll let you interpret that however you might.

Speaker 1 It might be an Ikea bag, but you know,

Speaker 1 we'll see where the cards land. All right.
Wade, cougar. Also into interpretation.

Speaker 1 We'll see where the cards land. You got a cougar.

Speaker 1 All right. Okay, Okay, Bob, last choice.
Oh, man. I'm already so safe.

Speaker 1 You know what? I'll just have a snack corn dog. All right.
Wait, last chance.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.
Ooh. You were so fast, Bob.
Chewing gum. Chewing gum.
Chewing gum.

Speaker 1 Hey, you can have another double C if you go the other route. I accidentally did.
Chewing cum. He's a guy.

Speaker 1 That's where you get.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Gum. Well, I wouldn't allow that because it's just like all gum is chewing for chewing.
I don't know. The rule.
Okay, I don't even know. Next time I'm going to be super strict.
Only single words.

Speaker 1 That's what I'll say. Only one word.
World's perfectest letters. All right.
Okay. All right.
Listen, you guys are messing it up. All right.
Classy fire extinguisher. That's good.
That helps you.

Speaker 1 I think that would at least get you one room away. That would be some progress, right? It would make some progress.
You have a civic. I'm assuming that's a Honda Civic.

Speaker 1 We could probably bastard a wall or two. Commander Keen.

Speaker 1 Commander Keene is an eight-year-old boy with an IQ of 314. He's a brilliant inventor.
He's built a spaceship.

Speaker 1 He's built the Bean with Bacon mega rocket, as well as other devices out of household materials.

Speaker 1 And he's known for traveling around on his pogo stick, which he discovered on Mars, allowing him to perform incredible high and far jumps that let him reach inaccessible areas. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 He didn't perform incredibly enough to have a game in the last 24 years.

Speaker 1 Well, either way, that pogo stick might jump you out of there, I guess.

Speaker 1 There's multiple levels to this IKEA, but I'm assuming that it could help.

Speaker 1 Carrier, I'm going to say that's not an aircraft carrier. I'm going to say that's some kind of a thing to carry things, but still, you have a corn dog.

Speaker 1 Between the fire extinguisher, the Civic to drive through walls, and Commander Keen with a 300 IQ. I'm thinking you get out.
I think all I needed was Commander Keen.

Speaker 1 I think he's got, we're in Ikea surrounded by home goods. That's his

Speaker 1 materials. Now, Wade, you have a carpet magic.

Speaker 1 There is a moment in Aladdin where the carpet catches a little bit on fire, but much like the fire extinguisher, I think that gets you progress towards the exit, but not full pros.

Speaker 1 I need to pull up a random car generator to see what car you get. A Hyundai Elantra.

Speaker 1 Also good.

Speaker 1 That's fine. That's a nice compact car.
That's fine. Bam! Through a few more walls.
And then, okay, you have Claptrap.

Speaker 1 Now, Claptrap's benefit is Claptrap is metal, has one wheel, has some weapons, I think. Generally speaking, can be zappy.
He zaps. You have a cougar.

Speaker 1 Is this

Speaker 1 an older woman, or is this the cat leave me to the coin i'll oh all right okay heads cat

Speaker 1 tails madam yes

Speaker 1 that's tails okay so you have a uh older but attractive female companion and plenty of chewing come i think

Speaker 1 i

Speaker 1 i think that if there's fire on the way out, I use her as another rug. You feed her to the fire just like you fed Zendaya to the Jaguars.
There we go.

Speaker 1 Ladies out there, never accompany me into a disaster zone. Oh, man.
All right. I think you do make it because the carpet gets you pretty far.
I think farther than the fire extinguisher.

Speaker 1 The car is equivalent. You bash through there.
And Clap Trap, not quite as smart as Commander Keen, but has some utility. So besides, you look really cool chewing your chewing comfort blowing

Speaker 1 on the way out of the fire. Really well done.
I think you live. Oh, man, but at what cost? At what cost? Only

Speaker 1 nobody nobody really knows evidence burned up in the fire. All right, we only got through five letters.
I'm shocked.

Speaker 1 I had a bunch more prompts, but we are fortunately out of time to do any more. Keep track of what letters we use, though.
So that way if we do it again, we don't have to use those again. I got it.

Speaker 1 It'll stay in my notebook here.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to read the

Speaker 1 letters. I'm going to read the

Speaker 1 points that you got. Bob, be ready to be surprised.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, man? That's anybody's game out here. Oh, man.
All right. Bob, you get Y wet point.

Speaker 1 Dizzy from Scream. You won.
You survived falling out of an airplane. You survived every scenario.
I just realized that you survived everything.

Speaker 1 I'm a survivor. I'm not going to give up.
You survived falling out of an airplane. You survived being executed by firing squad.
You survived being in a car in a frozen river.

Speaker 1 You survived three and a half Panthers at night and

Speaker 1 the fire in the world's largest Ikea. Wade,

Speaker 1 you got a sleeping point, you tossed some football around. Ooh, hoo-hoo, ho, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Speaker 1 That's what I wrote. I don't remember what that was.
Three, uh, scenario three, which is car in a frozen river, and scenario five, which is world's largest Ikea.

Speaker 1 So, oh, yeah, that's uh, so with Bob, you have seven points going into the final round, and Wade, you have five points still within the wheel of possibility, and there's a chance we've not seen sudden death in at least one episode.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, that won't come up again. I'll put on the wheel, like uh,

Speaker 1 put nah, I'd live. What's that mean for the survivor? Like, who is the best who who survived? Who lived?

Speaker 1 Put will to live, the will to live. Because if any of you are just like, I give up or something in the website, that'll be will to live.
All right, how many spins are we doing?

Speaker 1 How many?

Speaker 1 Come on, one.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 All right. There's still a chance.
Sudden death. Sudden death.
Or golf rules. The wheel would never pull golf rules again on me.

Speaker 1 It would never pull golf rules. I see surprise golf rules.

Speaker 1 These are really getting jammed in here, these long curls.

Speaker 1 And here's the one spin. Come on!

Speaker 1 Daddy needs a new pair of wins.

Speaker 1 Oh, happiest contributions. I will say that might be Wade because you were dizzy from a scream and then you were complaining about the weather being wet.

Speaker 1 He slept, even though he was sick, he slept and he tossed a football and he went, oh,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 and his suggestions made me laugh a lot. So

Speaker 1 I'm going to give you that point. So, but unfortunately, Wade, that puts you at six.
Oh man, that's a close game. So close.
Yes, it was a close game. And in this game, only letters, friends.

Speaker 1 Only letters, friends, was written at the top. I-T-G-O-L-F.

Speaker 1 It golf.

Speaker 1 Golf rules.

Speaker 1 At the very beginning, this was a golf rules episode. Oh, Mark did surprise golf rules.

Speaker 1 In this game, only letters, friends. I said that at the beginning.
In the opening of this entire episode. As the name of the game.
It golf.

Speaker 1 Wade wins with the lowest number of points. I'm mad about that, but just because I'm curious, if we had gotten surprise golf rules on the wheel, would that have flipped it back?

Speaker 1 It would have flipped it back. Yeah, it would have flipped it right back.

Speaker 1 That would have been the most painful loss of my career.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine getting that with the one spin and then having it take it away because the rules were already no?

Speaker 1 Imagine absolutely having luck dictate that you're the winner of an episode and then having the golf rule spin come up and steal it away from you. Who could that happen to?

Speaker 1 Who indeed?

Speaker 1 That, yeah, that might be the most painful loss of your career win, but we'll never know how that feels.

Speaker 1 That's a shame, that is.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 1 Masterful performance, Bob. Masterful.
What a survivor.

Speaker 1 You did so good.

Speaker 1 And by the the sheer sechnicalities of I'm going to throw a curveball in the mirror. You don't know how long I was like, how do I hide golf in the name of this thing? Easy.

Speaker 1 Just read words and we won't pay attention. You know, I probably could have been that easy because I was like,

Speaker 1 a game of letters freedom. Game of letters fun.
Game of letters

Speaker 1 feelings. I was really trying to figure out how to do that.
But in this game, only letters, friends is what I came up with. Congratulations, Wade.

Speaker 1 You, by the sheer cosmic forces that surround you, win. For some reason, Unfair was already called, so I guess there's not even anything I can do about it.
No, sadly, sadly. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 I really thought this through stupidly somehow.

Speaker 1 You know, Mark, great game. Bob and I picked some of the not easiest letters to work with.
Some that we thought would be easier ended up being harder than expected.

Speaker 1 But, you know, I gotta give credit where credit is due. Zendaya, Zakugar, Zoe Saldana, thank you for your sacrifices.
They didn't help,

Speaker 1 but somehow they did. They did help.
They just didn't do it all.

Speaker 1 They contributed a lot to that scenario, really. I think they contributed just a little bit.
No worries.

Speaker 1 For me.

Speaker 1 Anyway, thank you. Bob,

Speaker 1 I am sorry about this one. I almost thought about not doing it, but I did.
did plan that from the beginning. You know what?

Speaker 1 I do understand it, because we have to manufacture ways where Wade is allowed to win by not paying attention to anything at least some of the time. Whoa.
I was paying attention today. I just thought.

Speaker 1 We have to work that in, or he would just never win anything. So I get it.
You know, I get it. Don't hate the player.
Hate the game. I'm not hating the game.

Speaker 1 I'm respecting the game. What about me? I feel like I got some.
Oh, I'm just kidding, you fuck. Anyway, I lose, and Wade hosts the next one.
Hooray!

Speaker 1 All right. Well, thank you guys so much.
If only we had rebuttals in these losers. speeches.
I choose to rebuttal. You know, first he doesn't even remember the episode I host.
And now this.

Speaker 1 Hey, you want to come over and have a catch, though?

Speaker 1 Throw a ball? Yeah, new winner speech. Thanks, Mark.
This is the first episode we've done since the couch episode. Real good to be hanging out together again.

Speaker 1 We've done two episodes since the couch episode. I don't count either one of them.

Speaker 1 Listen, listen, listen. I'm glad this is the most divisive episode possible.
But

Speaker 1 I thank Amy for coming up with the idea. That was very fun.
You guys did great. I appreciate both of you.
But unfortunately, one is the winner. All right.
Thank you. But you know who's the winner?

Speaker 1 You at home. Listening and or watching.
Both of you did equally good, I'm assuming. All both of our listening and watchers?

Speaker 1 The listener and the watcher. Thank you.
Thank you for being here all the way to the end. Hope you enjoyed it.
Follow the podcast to stay up the day with it. We do two a week.

Speaker 1 Don't know if if you knew that, and if you haven't told your friends about it, don't do it. Don't tell your friends and family about this podcast.
Thank you. Thank you, Bob and Wade.

Speaker 1 That was very funny. And have a good day.
Podcast out.

Speaker 1 Watch new episodes on Spotify.