Panda Express 4 with Matt Kowalick and Holly Prazoff

This is a head gum podcast.

Want to watch this episode?

Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash doughboys media.

Audival's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you.

When it comes to what kind of romance you're into, you don't have to choose just one.

Fancy a dalliance with a duke, or maybe a steamy billionaire.

You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field.

And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.

Discover modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Mas and Rebecca Yaros, plus regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander.

And of course, all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash wondery.

That's audible.com/slash wondery.

This fall, the Food and Wine Classic in Charleston returns November 14th through the 16th for three days of incredible food, wine, and southern hospitality in one of the country's most charming cities.

You'll experience grand tastings, cooking demonstrations, and beverage seminars featuring top chefs, wine and spirits experts, and the bold seasonal flavors of the low country.

It's a weekend built for discovery, connection, and unforgettable culinary moments.

Tickets are going fast, so head to foodandwineclassicincharleston.com to grab yours before they're gone.

On February 21st, 1972, President Richard Milhouse Nixon began his historic visit to the People's Republic of China.

The week-long summit, which began the road to normalizing relations between the two superpowers following two decades of non-contact, transformed global trade and geopolitics.

And it also birthed the phenomenon dubbed panda diplomacy.

In the aftermath of Nixon's tour, China gifted two giant pandas, Ling Ling and Sing Sing, to the National Zoo in Washington, D.C., immediately making them the Smithsonian star attraction, the Mu Dang of their day.

The next year, Chinese-American immigrants Andrew, Peggy, and Ming Tsai Chung opened a sit-down restaurant in Pasadena, California, named for the Chinese bear species that had quickly become a Yankee obsession.

The Churg family opened a takeout version of the concept a decade later, and that mall-friendly spin-off would grow to become the largest Chinese-American chain in the country.

Upon Nixon's death in 1994, a strain of revisionism took hold, rehabilitating Tricky Dick from exiled pariah to flawed man who nevertheless merged a modernizing domestic policy with de-escalation of Cold War global conflict.

Sure, he loved getting drunk and saying racial slurs, and also was responsible for killing countless civilians.

But come on.

And it doesn't hurt that the Watergate scandal, which abruptly ended his presidency, looks positively quaint by modern standards.

Remarking on his landmark visit to the People's Republic, Nixon said, quote, this was the week that changed the world.

Even for a man prone to self-mythologizing, this was not hubris.

Nixon to China reshaped the trajectory of that century and the one that followed.

And it also gave us pandas, and indirectly, their namesake fast casual Chinese American chain.

This week on Doughboys, we return once again to Panda Express for the kids' Panda Cub meals.

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host,

You Shall Not Fast.

Gandalf the Gain with Spoonman Mike Mitchell.

You know, you knew.

I mean, I'm starting my, is that, is that, is that the, because I'm starting a fast?

Mitch, this is incredible timing that this worked out, but no, this was not the, the roaster had no way of knowing that you were going to be starting a fast, of course.

Okay, so what?

So, wait, what?

Why, why did I get it then?

I think they're just saying, I can never fast.

Yeah, you shall.

I need to eat it.

I think that's the idea.

My eyes creaked open this morning, and this was my first thought of the day, which is truly fucked up and a sign my life is in shambles.

It hurts to be mean to Mitch, but this is the format you have created.

Okay, Ethan from New Zealand.

Oh, the home of Gandalf.

How about that?

Bic pic.

Big pic.

Bick pic.

That's that's uh to try to get between the Australian and New Zealand.

You say backpack.

Backpack or Bic pic?

Bick pic, yeah.

The New Zealanders, the key we say big pic?

I think that's what it is.

Big pick.

Bick pick.

Yeah.

Very interesting.

Roast at birdfuck.com.

Yeah, it's very interesting.

So what a razor is

trying to sex somebody.

They send a big pic.

Geez, we're off to a shitty start.

Hey, down there in New Zealand,

they're a day ahead of us down there.

They already have heard this episode.

This episode's already out there.

It's already out there.

Yeah.

It's Friday.

It's Doughboys Friday for them, I guess.

I guess so.

Wow, I didn't even think about it.

Did they get Dough Boys on Friday?

If you're in New Zealand, it's Dough Boys on Friday.

Taking it right into the weekend.

Yeah.

That's actually pretty cool.

That's actually pretty cool.

Yeah.

What day of the week do you get Doughboys?

Let us know on our social media.

It's either Thursday or Friday.

Hashtag Doughboys Day.

there's no wednesday there's no one who gets a wednesday yeah i don't think anyone gets it on is there any time zone that is back in time i guess like hawaii is behind us well it's all relative yeah so there might be a wednesday time zone

technically gets it wednesday nights that's okay so some people do get it wednesday some people do get it wednesday yeah how many hours behind is is hawaii from la

five six i don't know three three our guest is has mimed three to us are you confident in that answer yeah and if you were in

i believe you i'm just just like, I would.

My parents lived there.

Wow.

Yeah.

And if you were, I did not know that.

If you were in Glorious Messager, you would pass the test, too.

The three test.

Oh, right.

Yes.

Yeah.

Do your fingers go down.

Is that a fat guy thing?

How come my fingers don't go down?

Do my fingers go all the way down?

Mine don't.

Is that normal?

Don't give me an incredible credulous look.

Learn to do it.

I can't do it.

It feels a little awkward for me, though.

I'm trying to, for our audio listeners, we're trying to make the

three digits out but using your thumb as one of them so pinkies don't go down yeah ring finger and pinky stay up my conversation i have to push my finger here and i'm gonna tell you this it's the most pain i've ever been in my entire life wow

i think ever uh wise you you you uh before we started you uh diagnosed me with draculitis because uh

because of the uh because of the the lights are are are uh what it goes just to the punchline without the setup you can lose a lot of magic

You said you were sensitive to light, and I said you maybe have Draculitis.

Yeah,

I was good.

I was complimenting the joke.

It's funny that you said I had Draculitis.

Yeah.

And I think you honestly, I mean, late nights, I'm an insomniac.

I like the night, and the light is bothering me.

I may have Draculitis.

God, can you imagine if you had to like...

put out the effort to like find somebody to like, you know, suck their blood for sustenance.

Can you imagine what a pain in the ass that would be?

Oh, it'd be a huge pain in the ass.

It'd He'd be so annoying.

You're gonna like lure someone to your manor, and you gotta like, you know, give them a feast or whatever, and then you gotta like wait till they go to sleep, and then you sneak in there and you, you, you bite into their neck.

It's like there's so many steps involved.

I'm wondering if I would feast on one of our guests.

That's uh, Dory.

Yeah.

But then also, would he be around for, does that mean he'd be immortal?

Oh, God.

I forget how it works because you can, but then you get stuck with more Draculas.

Because you can make another, a second Dracula, but you can also

just suck them, right?

You just suck them off.

And then

you're just sustained, right?

Because does that just kill them?

Or can you just take some of their blood?

I think you can just take some of their blood.

I texted my doctor.

And I texted my doctor and he just sent me a prescription for garlic.

And he said that there is a Draculitis test.

There's like a mirror test, too, I guess.

Oh, that makes sense.

If you can't see yourself in the mirror, that might just be a sign.

Yeah, yeah.

If you can't see yourself in a mirror, you just might be a Dracula.

I thought you were going to say you might have Draculitis.

Oh, you might have.

You might have Draculitis.

You might have Draculitis.

If your mode of transportation is becoming a bat, you might have Draculitis.

If you don't want a steak in your belly, and especially not a steak in your heart, you might have draculitis wait why draculites why wouldn't they eat steaks i don't think they eat food right wait is that true yeah i don't think they eat her

it depends on the cannon half of that's not bad i put them in steak like a steak in the heart yeah that was the idea okay great kind of saying it both ways no more toilet paper i mean it was a little close i guess you wouldn't you wouldn't need a toilet at all i guess

if you don't need a toilet you might have draculitis there's a little bit of an a to crew were plumbing you went over some guy's house he's like remove the toilets i was like wait a minute.

You can just keep the toilet in case you have a guest over.

Come on.

What a fucking Frankenstein.

I'm turning this room into a podcast studio.

All the acoustics are going to be horrible in there.

It's a bathroom.

I'm taking all the tile out and putting in a carpet.

Wow, should we do an episode from the bathroom?

I actually do love that idea.

It would be very, very, very echoey if we did a bathroom.

We could fit in that bathroom, I think.

And the rule is, if you have to go, you have to go in that bathroom while recording.

Oh, God, that's horrible.

Bathroom breakdown is way different.

I don't want to do that.

I don't agree to that.

This is just going to be me watching you take a shit.

I don't want that to happen.

I like the idea of this Dracula pod.

Yeah.

Today's guest, Theo Vaughn, helping me through the show.

Just Dracula listening off conspiracy theories.

It would be fun.

Anyone can have a podcast, everyone should have a podcast.

That's how I feel about it, Mitch.

I agree.

Why not?

Why not?

The state, we used to be on, we used to be stage actors, we used to go up on the stage, uh, we did

tread the boards.

We were, we, we were wax every night, there'd be people on their feet cheering for us on the stage as stage actors.

I never thought of myself as a stage actor.

You were a stage actor, it's the truth.

They did like sketch some sketches, yeah.

That makes me a skate.

This guy's a stage actor, yeah.

You're both stage actors.

All of us.

Yeah.

The stage don't like it.

I mean, I'm sure a lot of stage actors don't like it, but you're both that couch.

You're stage actors.

I don't know.

Over here, we are stage actors.

Yeah, of course.

That I can buy.

I just never thought of myself that way.

I acted in things by necessity because that's just like you're doing sketches.

What does that mean exactly?

You acted in things by necessity.

Well, you wrote something.

It's just like, well, the easiest way to realize this is if I just act, I just play this role.

You know what I mean?

So you're okay.

So you're looking at this as like truly writerly man now.

Yeah.

In hindsight,

you're saying you were just a writer man who was forced up on stage.

I mean, not forced, obviously.

I was choosing to do it.

But it was like, this is like a means to an end.

This is the way I do it.

You're a stage actor.

You were up there.

You're doing a good job on top of that.

Well, that's nice of you to say, but I don't think of myself as a stage actor.

Maybe I could be, though.

Well, whatever you're doing,

it's fine.

You don't have to act ever again.

I don't care what you do.

Mitch, I'm fine.

Let's do a production of True West.

We'll trade roles.

John C.

Riley and Philip Seymour often.

I mean, I love it.

I would love to do that.

Doughboys presents

True West would be very if we just did

True West.

I like this idea.

I love it.

We're going to play a drop because we're going to

introduce our guests.

I think the guest on my coach is getting mad at me.

But I'm always mad at you.

Yeah, that's also true.

Why?

Because

we got to get to this drop.

Look what came in the mail for me today.

Wow, your Nintendo Switch 2 Pro Controller.

How about that?

That's right.

When I'm playing Switch, the Nintendo Switch 2 Pro Controller gives me more control of the game.

So you can't use an old Pro Controller with it?

You can, but it has like, it doesn't have all the, there's an extra button.

And then also.

Wait, is that true?

You could have used the fucking...

But it doesn't have the extra button.

I don't give a shit about the extra button.

You also can't wake it from sleep.

If you don't want it, I'll get it.

I'll because I don't have one yet.

I will buy it off of you.

No, fuck you.

It's mine.

Mine.

Gimme, gimme, gimme.

No, no, no, no, no.

I was hoping that

was kind of like a, I was just testing out an ad for Nintendo to see if that

was I sort of got what you're doing, like kind of like an add-on spec there.

I think you just got to toss in a promo code or something.

Promo code

doe.

Emma, let's hit him with a fucking drop.

I'm going to say something that's very controversial.

No, no, no.

Wait a minute.

Breakfast burritos, overrated.

Stop, right, stop, stop, stop.

I told you it was going to be fucking controversial.

The dough boys.

They are a national disgrace, ladies and gentlemen.

It's controversial.

They're horrible.

A breakfast sandwich is better.

Breakfast burritos, they make you feel like shit.

Mike Mitchell,

I let you talk zip it.

I'm talking about, I'm saying to you, the dough boys.

They are trash.

Horrible.

We deserve better than this.

Talking about this no more.

I'm so done.

Look.

Let's go to break.

Go ahead.

My question is,

there are athletes named Mike Mitchell.

They must have gotten Stephen A.

Yelling about Mike Mitchell at one time.

Yeah, it's a nice bit of clip-pulling.

Way too much work for

way too much work you did there.

I mean, I like it.

It was a good job.

Maybe our future president, Stephen A.

Smith.

Could happen.

as hard so the drop is stephen eight smith fun as horrified as stephen eight is about the breckie burrito take horrible thank you for choosing podcasting as a rewarding career path you are enjoyed that's nice always listening in astoria oregon wow how about that say their name i guess because they didn't include the name but

a lot of fun maybe i'll just say okay boomer their name's boomer is it yeah

i think that's fine.

Wait, is that what it is?

Is it OK Boomer?

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, I think from.

How old is that meme now?

I feel like it's like a five-year-old meme.

I don't know.

They don't even know.

Not as old as the Boomers.

They don't.

I mean, there's a lot of stuff.

We can't just go off of them.

They don't know.

They don't know.

They don't know.

They don't know shit.

Okay, Boomer started in late 2018, early 2019.

God, man.

Jesus Christ.

That predates the pandemic.

People were saying okay boomer before COVID-19.

Yeah.

Kobe Bryant was still alive.

People were saying okay boomer.

That's wild.

Jesus.

Eight years.

So eight years ago, was it 2007?

18?

It was seven years ago.

Yeah.

Three years into this podcast.

Jesus Christ.

If the best man at your wedding was a Frankenstein, you just might have Draculatus.

Where's the toilet?

He's breaking down walls.

Imagine a wedding, no toilet.

Oh my God.

What a nightmare.

nightmare.

Maybe if I sent out an invitation to a wedding and say no toilet.

Just so you know, we're doing a no-toilet thing.

So like if you have to piss or shit, you got to do that before you come to the wedding.

There is an open bar and all you can eat chili.

No toilet.

I don't know if chili makes me shit more than, oh, we should get introduced.

We should get our guests in here before we start talking about chili.

Then what?

Then like regular shit.

I'm not sure if I'm like eating chili.

I'm like, oh, I got to shit more than like, I mean, I think for me it's more so just spicy jalapeno-y food that's what i'm thinking i think because i was like okay

it's it can be spicy not always and it it often again not always but generally has beans now i know our texas listeners maybe our texas guest will dispute that but they're but chili with beans is a common thing so i think if you're having beans and spiciness guy doesn't fucking know

His dad used to pick him up and walk him around the neighborhood.

This is the joke we used to make.

Daddy.

And then you would pick them up and walk them.

Remember, we used to.

My legs were tired.

Drops at birdfuck.com.

Mitch, I do want to introduce our guests.

I want to mention one thing real quick.

It is Doughboys the Comic Book Launch Week.

How exciting is that?

Wow.

The Doughboys comic is out.

A lot of you have it already.

Others of you who have ordered it, it should be on the way.

But stick around after today's episode because we have a bonus segment with the comics writer Alex Fear and our artist Fred C.

Stressing.

So that's a lot of fun.

We talked with Alex and Fred for a little bit.

That'll be at the very end of this episode.

Please make sure to listen all the way to the end for that.

Wags, 100%.

We're very excited.

We're very excited about the comic book.

It's yeah.

It's and you know what?

The first issue is great.

It's it's very it's I'm looking for, I was going to say something too, and I can't find the fucking note I wrote.

Do you want to say to the end or do you want to try to find it now?

I'll save it to the end, I guess.

Okay, great.

Let's introduce our guests.

Good podcasting.

You know, whatever.

Speaking of good podcasts,

speaking of good podcasting, our guests host the podcast Screen Timers, the only pro-screen time parenting podcast, Matt Kowala, Kali Krazoff.

Hi, Matt.

Hi, Holly.

Hey, guys.

Thanks for having us.

Thank you.

Thanks so much for making time for us.

Thank you for being here.

Let's talk kids because this is a parenting podcast.

What are our kids' ages at this point?

If we want to disclose that,

I know parents are sometimes coy about these ones.

Yeah.

Mine's five and a half.

Yeah, mine's six and a half.

Five and a half, six and a half.

So the same general age range.

Do you get your kids commingle?

Are they friends, colleagues?

Her kid's a year older.

Yeah, we've just said that.

They're friends.

Well, yes.

Yeah.

I feel like we kind of sometimes meet up at a park so we can talk.

That's fun.

And then our kids will kind of be like, why don't we play?

What do we do?

Yeah, our kids aren't good at like playing together

yet.

Yeah, but I do think that we're getting there.

Oh, that's fun.

When your child was born, okay, Boomer was

one of the most incredible memes we had ever seen at that point.

It's very true.

Yeah, it's one of my kids' first words.

Okay, Boomer's

at birth?

No, like when she started talking.

The meme had been around for a little while, so she was familiar.

That makes circulated sense.

Yes, yes.

My former roommate, I must say.

That's right.

Matt Kowalik.

I wish I had a kid when we lived together.

I mean, it would have been fun.

Yeah.

You and I raising a a kid.

I also think I would have been respectful.

I would have worn headphones or something at night.

I would have stayed up late still.

Right.

But I would have been, I think I would have been.

You could have taken like night duty.

Yeah, no.

I mean, yeah, sure.

Actually, I would have.

I would have done that.

I think I would have, for sure.

Well, I always thought you would.

I wouldn't have let you, but you could have.

I would have been great.

No, you're fine.

I mean, we've made you aware of this, but my husband and I, Joe Wengard, have discussed that if anything ever happened to one of the two of us, Mitch would step in to sort of take over as one of the parents.

would, I would be honored.

And I think I would do a great job.

Yeah, we did research and we thought, who would be the best?

And it turns out it's Mitch.

Mitch and Jemmy.

It's just funny to see me with a little kid and I'm covered in like food stains and the kid is clean and fine.

Koalak, we lived together a lot.

I think we did okay.

We did great.

I think we did great together.

We did.

Do you remember that there was like a porno site?

We lived together.

Do you remember that?

No.

Just when I hear the phrase we live together, I always think of like, oh, there's a there was that old porno site, we live together.

I never visited.

Want me to check if it's still

that URL still alive?

We livetogeth.com.

I don't know if it was just that, but I think maybe the account was called We Live Together.

I remember it was.

I remember the craziest thing.

Remember when we first moved in?

There was that high

pitch ground

in the pipes.

Oh, really?

And then we called.

I just thought that was you, by the way.

Wallock's in the drywall again.

And then they called the guy to come, and then he called, and then the guy that came to look at it was deaf.

Yeah, he was.

So it was like, you can't even hear the problem.

It was a troubling situation where he could not hear the issue.

Right, yes, yeah.

It was complicated, I guess you could say.

But he fixed it.

And it wasn't ghosts, like you thought.

Amelia's just scrolling through we livetogeth.com.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, don't look at porno on the head gum wi-fi.

It does still exist, though.

It's still

there.

Got it.

Little did I know that I would have loved to be deaf for the next five years of living with you.

Would have been fantastic.

No, you know what?

That's not true.

You played a lot of, you would play a lot of great music.

He had a record player.

And you would play some

Take Me to the River by Elton John.

That got in my rotation because of you.

And you were playing Secondhand News by

Fleetwood Mac.

And

there's a lot of good songs that I learned.

And you're, rest in peace, Brian Wilson.

You were a Big Beach Boys.

I was a Big Beach Boys head.

Yeah.

Yeah, we give Koala a lot of guff

on the pod, yeah.

Now the only pet sounds I hear every night are Wally and Irma.

It's really good.

Yeah.

Pet sounds, yeah, I listen to it every night.

We give Koala a lot of guff on the podcast.

I thought that was fantastic.

I did, Mitch, I did like it.

I complimented you on it.

It was very well graphed.

Pretty damn good.

Nicely deployed.

I'm dealing with some heavy brain fog over here, folks.

That's pretty damn good.

God, you fucking assholes.

Mad at a straw man?

No one's mad at the straw.

I'm not a straw man.

You got a,

you have,

you're a man with good taste in music, a good taste in film.

I think of you

as a scholar of cinema.

I always feel like you're watching and talking about interesting movies.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Disagree.

Okay.

So I want to ask a parenting question, which is, I'm always curious about this.

You have kids.

How does your own, how does your own diet shift?

Like,

are you, are you eating worse?

Are you eating better?

Are you more conscious of your child that you're caring for when you're preparing meals?

Because it's got to affect every aspect of your life.

Well, I don't, I feel like the myth that I was told, and maybe it is for some people, I have no judgment, was that like you would be eating your kids' leftovers.

oh sure and like i don't do that i don't want like slobber junk on a plate yeah so like i don't eat her leftovers and i feel like the only annoying thing is is that when you don't have kids sometimes you can be like this meal is crackers and something you know what i mean but i feel like there is this pressure to provide a meal three times a day wait what do you mean your meal could be crackers like you know like girl dinner shit you know what i mean

interesting yeah because i like i would sometimes be like hey i got a scoop of egg salad and some like leftover fried rice and i'll just that'll just be a meal And like, but I would not feed this to a kid.

Yeah.

I know, but I'm just, I'm just talking about like, that's what I got on hand.

I'm going to eat.

I know that's disgusting.

I mean, that one specifically just rubbed you the wrong way.

Hey, I'm sorry.

Scoop of egg salad and leftover fried rice just seemed like a because it's just like, hey, this is what I got.

And I did, whatever.

It's just me.

I don't give a shit.

I'll be a fucking pig.

I feel like you can't do that as much.

But like, I don't eat her leftovers.

Like, I would say my controversial hot take on kids and food is if I go to a birthday party and there's not enough cake for me to eat, why am I there?

Do you know what I i mean like sorry provide a cake for me yeah i like try to beat some of the kids to that cake yeah me too i hate it i'm telling you because you you watch the kids get the cake i've been to parties where there's not enough cake for adults yeah and you watch the kids like lick a corner of the cake and then be done yeah and you're like i would have eaten that whole thing up yeah that's annoying as hell and also i i do

i mean I do wonder for you, if this is with kids, like if the little kid's like, here, eat this.

I'm like, I don't want like your little booger food.

You know what I mean?

Like, never eat it.

Yeah, yeah, like, like, like, kids can be gross.

I mean, I think that's a thing we know.

You love them, of course, but like, uh, if they're slobbering on food, I don't know if I want to eat the rest of their food.

No, you're going to get sick.

Oh, yeah.

They're going to have a cold or something.

And they're going to wake you up a hundred times and wonder why you're not feeling well.

It's the worst thing to be sick when you have a kid.

Yeah.

And you get sick from the kids a lot all the time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I eat a lot of the same stuff over and over again because I show you my kid only eats certain things.

So I eat a lot of salmon, sweet potatoes, and rice.

Wow, that's

pretty healthy.

And then, but then also, she does love McDonald's.

There you go.

It's like her old man.

Daddy's girl.

Yeah, like my kid is all like, I love pupusas.

And I'm like, it's not something we're eating a lot at home, but like,

man, what a difference from when we were children.

Yeah.

Mint leaves.

My kid just eats like flowers.

She's like, I ate flowers today at school.

And I'm like, okay.

She's like, can you eat tree sap?

I'm like, you shouldn't.

Hey, dude, that's what maple syrup is.

Well, not at school.

The shitty playground tree.

It sounds like a kid goes to school in the forest.

There is, by the way, preschools that are called the forest.

Wait, really?

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

There is no building, and the kids use like a camping toilet.

That's wild.

That's crazy.

And like, I pay a lot of money, I build it.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, you do.

Well, I mean, I don't know how much you pay, but like all of it's a lot of it's expensive.

But, like, I never, I didn't want to send my kid.

My friend sent her kid, and I was there one day when she came home from school, and she looked like a chimney sweep.

Like, she was covered in dirt.

Oh, right.

From head to toe, because they were just playing outside.

Yeah, I remember from being a kid what a dirty kid I was.

I was like, I was fucking disgusting.

I can't believe it.

And I'm very hygienic now, but then I'm just like, oh, yeah, children are gross.

Yeah.

Just always like absorbing, you know, whatever dirt and mud they're playing around in.

My friends always.

My friends always reference that I had a pasta stain on my lip growing up.

Yeah, it's a classic kid.

I mean fat little boy thing.

But I wasn't fat.

I was a thin little boy.

I got fatter over, I got fat by middle school.

I started the journey of beautiful golden-locked boy.

I was.

Koalik is right.

I was a little golden-locked boy.

And then we had the argument over, you did look more like Kevin McAllister.

I'll give it to you.

But I was like, I looked like Kevin McAllister.

I don't think anyone ever thinks that I would be a little blonde, a toe-headed boy, but I was.

But I was always a pasta stain kid.

I was always a stain, and I think it has carried over into adulthood, but I have a mustache to cover it up now.

The ring of juice kid, I feel like, is a bit of a stick.

Yeah, that's like the purple, like to me, I think of purple, the purple mustache.

I think anything you can stain on your lip, I had a stain.

Did you have constantly untied shoes?

Yeah, still.

I was at the doctor's office and said, Oh, your shoes untied.

I was like, Yeah, I know.

I fucking give a shit.

They were like, That's your diagnosis.

Go home now.

That's where I got diagnosed with Dracheulitis.

So, oh, sorry, go ahead.

I was going to say, shoelace is not an issue for children.

They don't make a lot of tie shoes.

Like, my kid does not know how to dance.

My kid does not know how to tie shoes.

Thinking about getting back into Velcro, do I?

I just think laces, I mean, now that they have the slip-ons,

what are we doing with laces?

It's not, it's, they're not worth it.

We're moving to Mars.

We don't need laces on Mars,

but you can tuck your laces.

We have the Mars stuff.

Yeah.

Good fun.

I just want to say too long.

Mars is the future.

Mars is the future.

You're right.

We got to keep him off the ship that transports all the cheese.

Have you ever done that?

You're saying that kids' birthday parties aren't fun, but like you're never eating the cheese off the pizza or something like that?

You're never having fun with all the food you get from kids' parties or what?

A lot of kids' parties, they have really shitty spreads for parents.

Yeah.

Like I could, I would, I want to start a podcast where I just just critique everybody's kid's birthday.

I love this.

It would be brutal, though.

I couldn't.

Make it as a part of your show.

You should.

Actually, we should.

That's a good idea for a segment, yeah.

Because I'm very harsh.

I want a shady seat and food that isn't cold pizza.

And then you've won me over.

Yes.

And sometimes for some parents, we also want alcohol.

That's fair.

Yeah, I can understand that wanting that release, wanting to just get like, hey, my kid's occupied in the bounce house.

Let me just get drunk for once.

I get that.

Yeah.

For once, for the first time ever.

I mean, that was the thing because me growing up, like as a kid, we would have block parties and would always be just like seeing the dads and they would get like shit faced.

And like, uh, and I, and I, to me, I'm like, they don't do that.

Why don't they?

Like, every party I went to as a child, there were always moms and dads drinking, I feel.

You know what sucks now, though, is birthday parties.

Uh, we used to just get dropped off.

Yeah.

Now all the parents come to the parties too.

So you don't get to just like drop your kid off at everybody.

Why is everyone doing this?

What's happening?

I don't trust anybody anymore.

Well, but that's going to change.

As our kids get older, there will will be drop-off parties not for me

i'm going to everyone

the high school ones are going to be

this guy has been following elon a little too long i am koalax plus one weigher

we're here for my daughter's high school party the two of you together we're here for the beer bath

Yeah, as you get older, I mean, that is a thing.

When I was younger, I've said this on the podcast.

I would just walk home from school.

And this is, my sister was in fifth grade.

I was in first grade.

I was in first grade, a baby, basically.

And I would just walk home with my sister from school.

It was like a group of kids, but it was like, and now when I go by, like, not only is the elementary school just line of cars of parents in Quincy, where.

Look, like, I get to LA is a big city.

In Quincy, Massachusetts, I'm like, your kid is fine walking to and from school, but the middle school does it too.

And even the high school, there's cars outside of the high school.

I'm like, this is so weird to me.

Like, when high school got out, when I was in high school, there was no parent waiting to pick up their kid.

I think you would get made fun of.

Yeah, go on.

I would take the subway for 45 minutes back home and then find a coffee shop that I could smoke at for three hours.

Wow.

Yeah, because I walked to school.

Anyways.

I walked to school every day

or a Canadian brand cigarette you were smoking.

Wait, what brand?

Benson and Hedges.

See?

Wow.

Some weird fucking

Canadian brand.

Belmont Milds today.

Yeah, no, no, no, neither.

Those are my brands.

Wait, what was your, what's your home?

What is your hometown?

Well, Toronto.

It was Toronto.

Yeah, I was right.

I would walk to school every day, exact same age gap, Mitch.

My brother was in fifth grade.

I was in, my alpha brother Nate was in fifth grade.

I was in first grade, and we'd walk to school together.

And then I walked to school every day as a kid in elementary school, and they took the school bus through middle school and high school.

So, yeah, it's the long line of SUVs dropping off and picking up kids with some parking attendant guiding everything.

Like, that's like a relatively,

that's a thing that happened within the past 10 to 20 years.

I feel so bad for the crossing guards.

Their lives must, the quality of their lives has probably gone to the bottom.

They're being replaced by AI.

Man.

Why is their life worse?

Because I think that they just have to deal with fucking annoying parents every day being like, meh, like, is my kid ready or whatever?

I just feel like there's.

I guess so, but at least everybody's in a car.

Yeah.

They don't have to actually do anything.

Well, now, I bet you it's also that scary thing if there's now a hundred cars waiting and then you have to get one kid across the street as opposed to

the cars are much more lethal now.

Yeah.

Like it's just they are like SUVs are like the height for like child killing.

It's basically if you look at pedestrian deaths, they have gone up so much in the past 20 years as cars have gotten bigger.

And quieter.

And quieter, yeah.

The cars are quieter now too.

So that's another thing.

No, I've only ever had a sedan in my life.

I've only had two cars.

Yeah.

And I probably have said this millions of times.

Two Nissans my entire life.

Two Altimas and a sedan.

I never had a bigger car than than that.

I don't need a child-killing car.

No, thank you.

Yeah, I do.

I definitely have one.

Give me one that will just fuck up the child really badly, I guess, with my Nissan Altima.

I think that's all I need.

I don't need a big boy.

When I look at pedestrian fatality statistics, the thing that jumps out at me is that the biggest day of the year.

When is this happening all the time?

I mean, it's a thing I check.

It's a thing I'm curious about.

I always look into transportation and infrastructure and car culture and all that sort of stuff.

Nick walks in the door from the podcast.

Hey, Natalie, you know what I was going to look at?

Yeah, pedestrian fatality numbers.

Big jump on Halloween.

Oh, yeah.

And you just think about it, it's like, oh, that's really depressing.

A lot of like kids are just mowed down while trick-or-treating.

See a fucking wolfman in front of you.

I'm going to mow it down.

And that holds up in court.

I thought it was a wolfman.

You're free to go.

Thank you.

In fact,

you get a medal of honor for killing the the wolfman.

Got him.

And also, if you die on Halloween, you go to hell.

That's true.

That is really

good.

I don't want to do that yet.

No.

I know.

Our neighborhood's really intense on Halloween.

And like in Eagle Rock, it's crazy.

A lot of fatalities.

No.

And it's Matt doing all of them.

You're in my way, man.

You're trying to get my candy.

But, like, it's crazy.

I, like, it's very scary to drive around there on Halloween.

Wow.

I wanted to ask about some more Toronto questions because we were up there for Toronto Dough last year.

I want to hear more about the cool Halloween thing, but I was Googling Crypt Cooper's birthday.

No.

You might as well leave that window open.

I feel like he's a Libra.

Let's see.

Oh, wait.

It's not.

I thought it was, I thought this was a joke, but the Crypt Keeper's voice actor, John Kassir, celebrates his birthday on October 24th, one week before Halloween.

Wow, that's spooky.

I mean, is it?

It's one week before.

I know, but still.

I mean, like, he's like, you know, he wanted to be there for Halloween.

And you know what I mean?

That makes sense.

Yeah, it does make sense.

It absolutely doesn't.

We were up in Toronto for

Bitch was working there last year,

shooting Twisted Metal Season 2 coming soon, Mitch.

I just like that there's a fandom page for Crypt Keeper,

gender, male, family, the Enoch family, and the Marina family.

Is this the wiki?

Occupation, Crypt Keeper,

actor, storyteller,

crime, murder, torture, and fraud.

So he's guilty of a

status alive, which I feel like doesn't really work.

I don't know.

I think also if he's an actor, you're an actor, dude.

Why does that make me an actor?

I think if the Crypt Keeper is an actor, you're an actor too.

If the Cripkeeper is an actor, that makes me a stage actor.

I put you guys in the same category.

I am.

Similar laugh, dude.

Hey, we do have similar little laughs.

Status alive, Fate.

This is funny.

Fate continues to do storytelling.

There's no actual

there's nothing on his activity.

When's your birthday?

August 28th.

Very close to Halloween.

It is pretty close.

Yeah.

Look here, though.

October 16th.

October birthdays.

October 16th.

Wow.

Fucking crazy.

All right, Holly.

Now you have to disclose your birthday.

February 8th.

Wow.

I'm February 9th.

Wow.

Aquarius, very useful.

I should have a shared birthday.

Amelia, what's your birthday?

September 29th, a week before Mitch's.

Wow.

Hell yeah.

I'm like,

you're the Halloween to my cryptkeeper.

Or the other way around.

If your best friend's the crypt keeper,

not half Brat Dulitis.

All right, so we're up in Toronto.

Mitch is shooting Twisted Metal Season 2.

That's right.

Coming soon.

vroom vroom coming soon vroom vroom coming soon that's the tagline i didn't now it is that really no but i i i mean no they're they did they did a lot better by the way when coming amelia said coming vroom is pretty good oh man i when next time i cut next time i post the thing should i put coming vroom yeah all right that's good uh when amelia said you guys should uh share birthday you went pretty silent i don't like celebrating my birthday that much i don't either yeah i'm a not i'm a i'm a birthday agnostic yeah and then what happens if you're like i don't celebrate my birthday

then Then you're, then, your buddy's like, oh, but we got to, it's your birthday.

And they want, they want to like kind of bully you into, pressure you into special stuff.

She celebrates Christ.

I shouldn't have said bully, but they bully me into stuff.

I did during COVID, I had a drive by to, you know, the skoala to Wigger's for his 40th birthday.

I had our friends drive by Wigger's house, and he couldn't

get mad at me.

No, I was just confused.

He's like, why are they doing this?

It's your birthday.

It's your 40th birthday.

I was having people drive.

You know how it is to be like, guys, come out and surprise Wiger and drive by.

you all drive all the way out to wherever the fuck he lives uh fucking seven miles away and you drive by and then the only thing i really know about you really is that you live far away i do live far away yeah and then you're driving by and he's just like putting the this is the response you get from

this

but you know me

yeah i know you i i look

i'll never make that a mistake ever again my life

Thought it'd be a nice thing that people be like, hi, Nick, we like you.

It was a lovely gesture, but I was disoriented.

and i i think just like surprises in general i process in a like i don't know what's happening you know i mean we had we had a we had you had to sign some sort of paper for i forget what it was oh yeah that was the other thing we had that yes you said i'm coming by with tax documents yeah

and i think we were suing you song or something that's what it was we were suing our old producer you song um

and he

like you were coming by is so like that's what i thought you were that was the the priority so you get there and you have the, and I'm, and I'm just like, where are the tax documents?

Like, I didn't get that it was a misdirected.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, he had his business brain suit on.

Why is it?

Why am I getting all these birthday greetings when I could be signing tax documents?

But you don't like to celebrate your birthday.

You're not like a big birthday person.

Do you do anything?

Yeah, I usually, because it's like people haven't seen each other for a bit because it's after the holidays, I will usually have a dinner that everybody comes to.

Oh, that's nice.

But I organize it.

Sort of low-key.

I'll come to the next one.

No, but

it's girls only.

That's fun.

Wait, is it really?

Yeah.

That's fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I tell Joe to stay at home and watch the child.

I don't want him there.

I want just my girlfriends.

Wow.

Hey,

I can't come, but can Megina come?

Yeah.

Megina.

Megina can come, and everyone will be very happy to see Megina.

By Mrs.

Doubt by your birthday, everyone will be like, We know it's you.

Why are you doing this?

Oh, yeah.

You'd know every single person there.

They'd be like, no, dude.

Okay, so we were, we were up in Toronto last year.

I, and it was my first time.

I had a lovely time.

I thought it was a great city.

Loved to love taking the choo-choo.

I loved walking around.

Great food up there.

You worked at a our buddy Atlanta Johnston was telling us this you worked at a funnel cake shop on the island in Toronto.

Yeah.

What's it called?

Center Island?

Center Island.

Center Island.

Yeah.

And it was amusement park Centerville.

Centerville.

And yeah, I made funnel cakes for like three summers.

Wow.

Yeah.

What was that like?

It was, okay.

It was like they would hire like 250 16 year olds oh my god to like run this amusement park yeah you want to do that with doughboys

it was um very fun and very terrible all at the same time and basically i left the job because

a family like two sisters and a brother who worked there I one of the sisters was working at the funnel cake shop.

And this might surprise you, but I took it a little seriously.

And she came back like 20 minutes late from her break and i was like you can't do that and then her family like who all worked there were like we're gonna kill you oh my god so and then i left i quit

you got threatened with murder uh-huh yes wait really yeah and they did end up at the end of that summer they you had to take a ferry to get to the island right so they were waiting at the ferry docks for other people who still worked there and i think they beat somebody up oh my god so like it was so much fun like you could make out with everybody but then also people wanted to beat each other up that's crazy canada we can get kind of nasty guys you can i live up there you're all i mean i knew this already just from meeting canadians and uh uh and being and i mean the moment i met you you started you gave me a hard time from the from day one uh yeah i've been emotionally beating you up for years yes every canadian you the knife everyone who i every every canadian i meet immediately can just see right through me and

can see right through me and immediately or like like can get to like bully me.

They know they know my that I don't have confidence and you all can see through it right away.

I'm not saying it's funny.

I like it.

But being up in Canada, you are all you're all you're all weirdos.

Yeah, it's true.

It's a very strange it's a very strange place to be.

It feels like it's like very funny people.

Very, very, very funny people.

Yeah, I mean, I don't live there anymore.

You can say whatever you want.

It feels like a heightened a U.S.

in some ways.

Yes.

It's like both like a, like a, and, uh, you know,

it's both classier and trashier at the same time, if that makes sense.

I love it, Wags.

The extreme ends expand a little bit.

I mean, look,

governed better.

You know, I mean,

it's a better place to be, especially now, I would say.

You have better infrastructure.

You know, it seems like the city is cleaner and more of a community, at least the time I spent in Toronto, you know.

Yeah.

But

you can still get beat up for a funnel cake.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But no, I also, I told you, I also like it, it was at the same time that they told me they wanted to beat me up.

I got cast to be the spokesmodel for Center Island's amusement park and commercial.

Wow.

So they cast me and then I quit.

And I was like, I'm sorry, I have to quit.

Like, will you still let me take the job if I don't actually work there?

Because they wanted to hire an actual employee.

Right.

Like the Chipotle ads or whatever.

Yes, exactly.

Like now Charlie Saron works at Chanel.

Exactly.

Yes, that's right.

That's exactly right.

I'm very impressed by that reference, but they did say I could continue to be the spokesperson for

the amusement park.

So you're like

Charlene's throne is my hall pass.

From who?

That's so cool.

That's cool, Mitch.

She's my hall pass.

That's funny to need a hall pass when you don't need that.

So you have a,

you're up there, you're 16, you're acting this commercial.

Do you remember any of like what you said?

Do you remember what the spot was at all at the end?

You had to go but remember you have to be this tall or this tall and like yeah I moved my hand up and down.

That's fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I remember you knocked it out of the park.

Thank you.

I'm sure you did.

And I also remember it was of anything I've ever shot for the last 20 years, it was the best food on set.

Really?

There was like a man grilling ribs.

What?

And it was like the best.

It was my first real commercial.

So I was like, is every set like this?

Yeah, right.

And it's like, no, no, not at all.

Wow.

I had some great, speaking of great Toronto food.

What's the thing where it's out on the little island there?

And then

they have a big food hall and it's like carnival and bullshit like that.

Is that what you're just talking about?

I don't know.

What are you talking about?

There's like a thing where they...

You took a ferry?

No, I took the train there, and it's like a...

Oh, God, I forget.

This is on Center Island, what we're just talking about?

Is Center Island an actual island?

Yeah, you have to take a ferry there.

Oh, I did take me and Micas,

we took like a water taxi out.

To the island, yeah.

To the island.

Okay, yeah.

I never, I didn't step, I didn't get on the island, but that's where, that's where you were.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow, that's cool.

So, what are you talking about?

Yeah, I'll find out what it was called.

It was a food haul up there.

Are you just going to Google where I go?

Where I go, food.

Do you have any connection?

And I know

this is ground we've covered on your previous appearances, but

I do want to

dig in again if there's any Canadian chains you wish were down here.

Are you like a Swiss Chalet?

Swish LA, hands down.

Yeah.

Swiss LA.

It's only Swiss LA, really.

Really?

Yeah, that I dream about because I don't get that very often.

Right.

We went for spring break to Vancouver, which is all like on the other side of the country.

And it's like not, I'm not from there.

We just like, it was an easy flight and my kid wanted to go away somewhere.

And like, I googled like, where are the Swisselet locations in Vancouver?

And they're like, no, they don't have any.

They don't have any.

And I almost was like, I don't think we should go.

I don't think we should do this.

I love the AW Canada.

That's my favorite.

We went.

Yeah.

But, oh, no, we didn't end up eating it.

My kid did.

But yeah, we did because AW is actually more popular on the West Coast.

Of Canada.

Interesting.

But you liked like the mama burger and the papa burger.

Uncle Burger.

The CNE.

Oh, God.

Okay.

What is the nickname for it?

Don't think that.

The exhibition, the X.

The X.

They call it the Express.

Do you have the Little Donuts?

I mean, I ate so much food that day, and there was so much good stuff.

You know what I loved?

Was there

an ice cream cone place that they have like a hot cone, and then they put the ice cream in it.

And I forget what the name of it is, but I'll look it up.

Like a hot.

You're going to Google what I eat?

Where I go.

What I eat.

I'll figure it out.

Okay.

That sounds delicious.

I mean, making funnel cakes, it was very greasy.

I chose to not work with the people.

Like, I didn't want to serve people.

I wanted to be in the back, but I would like my clothes were just greasy, very greasy.

Yeah, you know, I've never worked in food service.

I do feel like I'd make the, I'd choose back of the house over front of the house just because I'd like, you know, I don't want to, I can interact with people, but I, I'd prefer to kind of be doing my own thing.

Well, and like standing over a vat of hot oil is dangerous, right?

So it's sort of exciting.

Sure.

And

I Eva's

original chimneys.

Whoa, I've never heard of it.

I wanted one of those so bad when we were there and I never went and got it and I regret it greatly.

It was one of the best things I've ever eaten

in my life.

They are so good and they're like cinnamon and sugar cones.

Eva's original chimneys.

Try one if you're up in Toronto, I guess.

Wow.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I gotta go back.

Toronto.

Toronto.

I gotta go back.

Toronto.

Toronto.

Toronto.

Sorry.

I got it wrong.

But sorry, I interrupted you.

No, it just, it was gross and a lot of, I would make like sometimes 300, 400 funnel cakes a day.

400 a day?

Yeah, it was the most, like, it was a very popular stand at the

amusement park.

How come funnel cake has never broken out of the carnival sort of world?

How come that there isn't like the equivalent of a cinnabon, but for funnel cake?

Like being a TV actor trying to cross over into film.

Right.

You used to dip the old Wendy's fries into a frosty.

It kind of tasted like a funnel cake.

Jesus.

There, it's you need.

Colleg, thanks for being here.

Make him leave, just talk to Holly.

It wouldn't be the first time.

Hey, you're stuck with him now.

No, honestly, we have the best time together.

Really?

Yeah.

What the hell's happened with you?

We always talk about it.

Well, it could be this way 10 years ago, maybe somewhere around there.

Well, whenever we're always like, if someone does the work, they're like, wow, you're being a real nick.

Yeah.

And if

somebody misses a deadline, we go, whoa, bit of a mitt.

So, is that right?

We just made those assumptions based off knowing you guys.

I mean, yes, in many ways.

Sure, to some degree.

I think, you know,

I could say he, he,

relax, you know what I'm saying?

Like, relax a little bit.

And he could say, come on, you do a little bit more.

I could also say, relax a little bit.

Yeah, that's also true.

We both

work

with stupid fucking people.

I do work.

I've heard, I know there has been jokes for a decade of how I don't do work.

I do way more than I want to for this shit show.

I don't want to do it.

Neither of us want to do it.

What are you going to do?

I do feel like, I don't know, comic notes.

You and Susser just did comic notes, and I haven't done them yet.

There's stuff like that sometimes that I slip up on, but come on.

I don't want to.

On a future issue, not the issue that's coming up.

That idea came up.

Yeah, you should get your notes in on that one.

I gave notes on the first issue that's come out.

I gave my notes.

I did what I had to do.

You're doing great.

I'm doing great.

Everyone's pulling their weight.

He's a very type A guy.

You get it.

And you're not really even a type A guy, knowing you.

You're not great with that.

Are you a type A guy?

No.

Yeah.

Wait, really?

No, I don't think he's type A.

No.

He's not type.

I think that you're an extremely organized, email-y.

You're a logistics person.

You're a logistics guy.

Yeah, I'm organized and I'm on top of logistics, but I'm also not obsessive about it.

I'm not saying you're completely a type A guy.

I think that you have

some type A guy.

What do you think?

When you just say type A, what are you thinking of?

I don't know.

You're annoying.

You're like, well, you love work.

That's what the A in type A stands for, annoying.

No, I just think of like, you're like on top of it and you're sort of figuring it out.

That's a good way to put it.

I mean look that is the truth, but sometimes there is a there can be role reversals where I'm like Weiger is not responding here and I need him to respond

There can be there is plenty of times where that happens too.

Yes.

I think as you're very uh you're you're you're very you're like a principal

Okay.

Yeah, you're very much like a principal

I all like I always say I'm the captain now type guy if you catch my dream I mean susser and I call him the captain.

It's funny because I always like I, you have similar personality traits of my husband.

And I also like sometimes feel like he's a principal.

Sure.

Yeah.

There is, look.

He used to wear a very principled style blazer, would kind of push it over the top.

That was a good look for him.

Yeah.

Your husband is a very funny man.

I get that.

He was in charge of like the UCB school.

Yes.

When we were going through there.

So like that, you know, the principal thing makes sense.

I think you're a similar way.

Sure.

I think that like when we, for instance, when we last did our tour, I'd be like, hey, we got to talk about this thing.

And we're like, well, yeah, we'll talk about it.

And then we didn't really talk about, oh, shit.

I'm going to get myself in trouble.

I'm fucking up so bad.

Trouble from what?

From him.

No, everything's fine.

Are you scared?

Yeah.

He's a principal.

Like I said, he's going to send me to some fucking

talk about things.

I've worked for people who are type type A, and Wager is absolutely not type A.

I think Wagger's more type A, and Mitch is more type B, but neither of you are like fully type A or type B.

All right, that's fair.

If type A people are very competitive and like,

like, controlling, and you're not competitive, but you're like logistics focused.

Yeah, I'm not competitive.

Type B is like super like easy flow and go with the flow, and you're both like a little bit more.

Yeah, you kind of meet in the middle.

We're both mentally ill.

I mean, that is for sure.

Type C, type come.

Yeah, we are.

We are type.

We're type come.

If I type A and type B, you mean blood type, you might have Draculitis.

See, you're damn good.

To me, that's a party boy type B comment you just had.

Why are we saying type A people sound terrible?

I would consider myself type A.

Do you really?

Yeah, we know.

No,

your husband and Weiger are type A, but I think in the comedy world, there are, I think a lot of, of,

like, or more principle types, I think, thrive because also they're both hilariously funny.

I mean, that's the other,

that's the other thing, part of the equation.

But for instance, like, when we're going on a tour, and I was like, hey, like, what if we plan this?

And you're like, we'll get to that, we'll talk about that.

And then when we were on tour, and you're like, we got to figure this out.

And I was like, it's, it's,

sometimes you want to do it on your time, I guess you could say.

Yeah.

But also, this is true of me, too.

I don't want to do stuff on my time.

Yeah.

And

the honest answer is, I don't want to do anything.

I mean, that is

the truth of stuff.

I was, there was some tour stuff that I think you got frustrated with that I was trying to talk about before we went on tour and you did not want to do it.

It shows that great.

The shows are great.

It worked out great.

It went great.

It was great.

It did work out great.

But

sometimes you don't want to do it.

So for me, that frustration can be like, Mitch is the lazy one.

I'm like, I want to talk about this stuff.

I want to do it.

But sometimes I can't.

I think we also just have different ways of communicating.

Cause like, like, it's just, you know, sometimes something can get buried in like 200 text messages.

I never sent you an email planning anything.

That's the whole thing.

And I'm just like,

if this was just an email on this one topic, we would get this resolved.

But by the way, at your death, I ain't planning shit either.

I'm going to text your lovely wife and say, when is the burial?

And what are you doing after the burial?

All right.

Take it easy.

Come on.

Morning.

You can't cuck hold a dead man, Mitch.

Doesn't work that way.

Can't do it.

Missed your opportunity.

Oh, come on.

It's fun chasing the other wives around.

No, get your own.

Nah, that's too much work.

You're going to hate my guts.

Oh, my God.

I would send an email for your death, of course.

You want to worry.

I don't think we're expecting that from you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't worry about that.

You're expecting me to die first, is what you're trying to say?

No.

Okay, thank you.

Do you guys think that, yeah, Matt and I, who's the A, who's the B, who's the type come?

I I think you would way more be the type A slash principal than koala, just because I know I've worked with you too.

Yeah, who's wrangling the stuff between the two of you?

I would probably think it was Holly, but I would not be speaking versus who's texting.

Yes, yes.

Are we wrong?

Yeah, I think we both do the work.

That makes sense.

Yeah, we split the work.

I mean, I'm the tech person, which is a bit more.

I don't know how to work all that stuff.

Yeah, and he won't learn, but other than that,

and it's just plugging cords into things.

things

i mean i get it that i get it that's emma is that for us we don't know we have no idea we i've i've i've worked with two people you're the only person i haven't worked with here and i think that i annoy people to some extent i also have changed sure sure that's good that's a good thing change over time yeah yeah anyways i feel like we have worked together yeah we have worked together

i feel like weren't you santa once i was santa and i was an elf well we've worked together of course i'm saying like i was i was saying like long-term.

I lived with him and worked with him.

Right.

Right.

Were you the Holly?

Were you the upside down soup expert on County Bang Bang?

Yeah.

And I had carrots in my nose when I got home.

I'm sorry.

Because that was my bit.

And I was like, oh, man, I can't believe who made Holly do that.

But the stunt guy kept going, this isn't right.

You shouldn't be doing this.

And I'm like, dude, I'm not going to say anything.

Because I think they went out of their way to be like, let's hire a stunt person so that she feels safe and good.

And I'm like, hanging from gym equipment, essentially.

And then, yeah, he kept making me so paranoid.

He was like, they shouldn't do this with you.

And I was just like, oh my God, I don't want to die with soup in my nose.

Yeah.

Not great bedside manner from that guy.

No.

Yeah.

But, well, I would argue he was being honest.

And, you know, I appreciate, especially from a man, honesty.

That's nice.

Yeah.

We, we worked on something that I think your wife produced, yeah, I was also in it.

Oh, right, the Santa, the, the, the, when I was

that role,

what Santa thing,

you were the one who brought it up.

You said, Did you play Santa?

I played an elf, and I thought you were talking about that thing for like ABC Family or whatever.

Was that was that what it was for?

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember you were an hour late

times, dude.

And my wife said, I was an hour late, yeah.

No, I was not.

There's no chance I was a full hour late, but my wife said, hour late, worth the wait.

Wow.

That's nice.

I am not with acting, I'm not usually an hour late.

Sounds like you should take his wife.

She knows me too well.

Yeah, I played an elf like a hundred times.

And I've played Santa a hundred times.

We are, we're typecast around the holidays.

I feel like one time I showed up for an audition for elf and I was like, I got this.

I get, I book every elf part.

And then they were like, you could tell that the client was like, we want to see two different versions.

People who should be playing elves and then like sexy bikini models.

Oh, man.

Like, we're on the other side of the room.

And I think they kind of went with sexy elf,

which is rude.

I only have one type of thing I can do.

They do, they do hunky Santa's now, too.

Yeah.

That's driving me nuts.

I've read on so many people up Santa's.

You know what's us when you read for Santa, you're like, ho, ho, ha, you know, you blow the line and you're like,

I'm never going to book this this now

that's the you know ho ho ho is the you know you gotta know that yeah right the basic of being a santa um i uh

actually only say you live at the south pole yeah

jesus christ i take that again you know they let you take another take they do they'll let you do it again yeah

i played santa once I was like when I was, you know, and not that I'm a slender man, but I was like a heavier, a heavier.

I do think you are the slender man.

Heavier than I am now.

And

I was a believable Santa.

Oh, let's be real here.

You You were a fatty, right, everybody?

Yeah, sure.

I was a fat fuck.

You're not going to say that.

Yeah, he was.

No, he was.

I was a big fat fuck.

I was a big fuck.

No, you weren't.

Yeah, he was a big fat fuck.

I always had a crush on you back then, so I wouldn't.

Wow, okay.

Yeah.

Not you.

You're a little chubby chaser.

Because he was looking thick as hell, let me tell you.

He was so, you know, you're like, you were funny and a fantastic stage actor.

We should do it.

It would be funny to do a play.

I'm not thinking about it.

I mean, we did.

I just couldn't learn the lines is the issue.

True West, is that what you said?

Yeah.

Yeah, let's do it.

You could learn the lines.

Why don't you challenge yourself?

It's so hard for me to learn lines.

Did you ever have it?

Because even in sketches, I'm like, Jesus Christ, I can't keep like three pages in my head.

I'm just, I'm biffing stuff, you know?

Yeah, I found it.

I find it a little difficult.

It's very challenging for me.

I don't know how people do it.

Our buddy Mookie Blake log is like incredible at just like learning lines.

Jess McKenna, another one.

He looks at a page a couple of times and just has it in her brain.

Hey, we're pretty good over here, too.

Yeah, don't forget about these stage actors.

No,

I'm just saying other examples.

Yes, the two of you.

Ho ho ha.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's a hard line.

Also, you could just, I'm thinking of other examples.

Look right across.

I mean, look, Jess McKenna and Mookie are great.

They're some of the best, but look right across from it.

We've got two actors right here.

Stage actors.

Stage actors.

And Canadian commercial actors.

Yeah.

Remember, you could be this tall or this tall?

Thank you.

I memorized that.

I am officially,

I have shot in the state of Canada now.

Wow.

Are you a member of X?

State of Canada, Mitch.

Oh, boy, Mitch.

Okay, Trump.

Sorry.

I've been following Trump a little too much.

I'm on X a little too much like Koalak.

Podcast gets more popular.

The state of Canada, Jesus.

Whatever.

I told you I have brain fog.

Who gives a shit?

The country of Canada, the beautiful country of Canada.

I've shot up there.

I didn't know.

I think it was SAG AFTRA, and then they just took taxes out twice.

You know, they take taxes out twice.

They take Canadian.

If you're shooting here, they take Canadian taxes and U.S.

taxes, which is fucked up.

But we shot at the

Bombardier, the old Bombardier.

Whatever.

They made planes there, why?

Because that's where we shot a lot of pieces of metal.

They made sets and stuff there.

I will say this.

We were once having sushi at Katsuya at LA Live.

Okay,

my kid's favorite restaurant.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

And we were there sitting on the patio, and like, there was a big screen that kept doing promo for Twisted Metal.

Wow.

And my kid, every time it came up on the screen, she'd go nuts.

Sally loves it.

That's so cool.

You got to show her stew.

Yeah.

Say, Uncle Mitch is in that show.

Did you explain to her?

If we both pass, that will be your guardian.

I haven't told her yet.

I just think she's not ready to hear it.

Yeah, she'll get it when you you say it.

Wait, what does your kid like from in terms of sushi?

She doesn't eat a lot of sushi, but she eats like the dumplings and the fried chicken.

And like, yeah, she likes the vibe there.

Got it.

She like wants to, you know, rub elbows with, you know, businessmen from downtown.

Yeah, for sure.

That's, that's, I like that.

It's a great restaurant.

I mean, it's a great choice.

Yeah.

I want to say this.

At the Bombardier, which is where they maybe built planes, there was a Tim Hortons there.

So like on the campus, there was, I mean, not even.

You know what?

Also, I would like them to open Tim Hortons here.

You want Tim's, you do want Tim Hortons.

Okay, so everyone hates Tim Hortons.

Like every Canadian,

we just had a guest on who hates.

I understand.

If you live there, like when we were doing a comedy tour across Canada and like every road, like any like highway stop is just like, what are they called?

Like, you know, like a rest stop has a Tim Hortons.

And I remember specifically being like, I'm so sick of Tim Hortons because it's all they have.

It's ubiquitous.

But when I go back now, it's all I want, including the chili with beans match.

Shove it up your butt.

Wow.

Fucking gross.

Wait, there is a Tim's equivalent in Houston where you're from Shipley Donuts.

Shipley's Donuts is awesome.

Chipley is great.

I'd be down there.

They also make a kolache.

Kolachi, yeah, the collaches are really good.

I think I should open a kolachi place here because there's no kolachi.

It's like a Polish.

place.

It's a great age.

It's a Polish, it's like a bread, and inside you can get like

ham, cheese, jalapenos.

It's kind of like a little hot dog in there.

You can get.

You should open up a collachi place.

You're having a hard time just describing what it is.

I'm not going to sell them, but you're going to go.

Koala's kolachis is a great

one.

Kewalachi's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, I'll support you in this.

Kolachis are really good.

Shipley's is awesome.

I went to Shipley's since I was a little boy.

And

that and Whataburger.

Yeah.

I was less impressed by Whataburger, but I gotta go back to Whataburger.

I get that confused with the Wahlburgers.

It's a different place.

It has the best donut hole in Massachusetts.

That's Mark Wahlberg and his family's Waterburger place.

Yeah.

And you're into that?

No, not really, honestly.

No,

he's,

you know, he's

I'm obsessed with Mark Wahlberg's Instagram.

I mean,

I am not.

I think I drove you by the place where he beat that man when we were in Boston.

Do you remember?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

That's where you took him?

Yeah, that's the only place I took him.

I was like, we got one stop.

It's a place where

Aqualic, where

Wahlberg beat this man.

Wow.

And people assumed that he beat him blind, but the guy, luckily, was already blind.

Yeah,

he just beat up a blind man.

He just beat up a blind man.

I think that's where

it is.

It is for sure worse.

I mean, I'm pretty sure racially motivated.

It was, yes, it was racially.

Now he's found God.

He's found God now.

Yeah.

Wakes up early.

And it was very nice to me on the Fox slot.

So, you know.

All is forgiven.

All is forgiving on my end.

Hey,

what else am I going to forgive?

I'm not blind.

Wow.

Well, I just want to say the Bombardier.

There was a Tim's.

Everything was just closed.

But I was like, oh, there's like a private campus Tim Hortons that they have, which is pretty cool.

But Andrew Regin, who we had on the podcast recently, hates Tim Hortons, was talking shit about Tim Hortons.

A lot of Canadians hate it, but I'm like, you also don't hate it.

This is what's bothering me is like, we would go in there and it's like fucking packed all day, every day.

It's like your only option.

Like this will, like, my high school was weird.

We would have, we had a little mini Tim Hortons in our high school.

That was our cafeteria.

It was a little mini Tim Hortons and then a pizza pizza where they would bring cold pizza in and then sell it.

Wow.

Pizza pizza quite a bit as well.

Awful.

How did you do that to yourself?

Because it would be like, it would be the second meal or whatever on set.

They would just go and get pizza pizza.

You're shooting late and maybe that's the only thing that's open.

Yeah.

I have a friend, and he lived down the street from a pizza pizza, and he would eat it every day.

Shout out to Dan Gallia.

And then one day he was like, I can't eat like this anymore.

I have to stop.

And that pizza pizza went out of business.

Wow.

Like he was single-handedly keeping a pizza pizza open.

That's well, I'm trying to think of the place where the place where I had

was Hamilton.

Oh, yeah.

How could I forget the name of Hamilton?

It was my favorite play.

That's what we should do.

We should do Hamilton.

That's where I had Pizza Pizza that night because we were shooting in an old abandoned high school up there.

It's bad.

I think it's like one of the worst pizzas.

Hamilton really has great pizza outside of they have like great local pizza.

I don't know if you spent any time in Hamilton.

I don't know if anyone in Toronto wants to spend time in Hamilton.

Orient us a little bit again.

Hamilton is like, what, an hour drive outside of Toronto,

Ontario?

With traffic.

And it's a steel town.

The steel town is called Hammertown.

It's the Quincy of Toronto.

Got it.

Quincy's not an hour away from Boston.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Quincy's not that far from the place where Mark Wahlberg beat that guy.

Does they have a flacc that says that?

Yeah, Quincy has, as you enter Quincy, not far from where Mark Wahlberg beat the man.

I took the train.

I took the train

into Quincy, which was a lot of fun.

I loved it.

We're all from,

we're all from very, the four of us are all from,

they all got their plus sides.

Toronto's got its plus side.

Oh, you're saying Houston.

You're close to what's the barbecue town that's not far from Houston?

Austin?

No.

The place where it's just the barbecue town.

I know what you're talking about, but

isn't that closer to Austin?

Maybe it is close.

But Houston and Austin, isn't it kind of right in the middle of the day?

It's like the place that's like an hour outside of Austin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that what it is?

Oh, fuck it.

I don't know.

You guys have good barbecue, is all I was trying.

I was trying to get it.

Everywhere.

Yeah, Houston has great barbecue.

And you're not at great restaurants.

And no beans in your chili.

Is that like a barbecue?

My mom used to make chili with beans, and I didn't like it.

I would take all the beans out, but she's from Illinois.

You take the beans out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How would you do that?

That seems laborious.

Yeah, it is.

I also love

a Frito pie.

Oh, I love a Frito pie.

Yeah.

Fritos.

Chili and then cheese.

A lot of fun.

Yeah.

I like it.

You know what else is good?

You take chili, you mix it with shells and cheese.

You got a chili mac.

Ooh.

Yeah, that is a possibility.

I've always been less into chili mac.

I feel like I just like a mac and cheese better.

But I mean, that also is just like my mac and cheese fandom.

I feel like anything I add to it, it's like a grilled cheese sandwich.

I'd rather just like the base version.

But chili mac is an absolute valid dish.

I feel that way about a chili dog.

I thought for so long I liked them, but I'm like, no, I like a hot dog.

I don't want extra shit on it.

You want a regular ass hot dog.

Yeah, I don't want to keep your chili to yourself.

I do like a chili dog.

It's situational for me, though.

I also like regular hot dogs sometimes.

I feel like I get the right amount of each.

They used to have chili dogs in my middle school.

Did they really?

So gross.

That's so angry.

Because it's gross.

It is kind of gross.

I've got a bunch of fucking like middle schoolers eating chili dogs.

Lockhart, Texas.

That's a Lockhart.

And they also shot

the guy from Spinal Tap who directs the movies.

And I can't remember.

I can't remember.

Christopher Guest movie there.

They shot one of the Christopher Guest movies in Lockhart.

I should never forget Lockhart again because I just have to think of Tifa from Final Fantasy VII.

Oh, right.

Of course, Tifa.

Of course.

That's how I'll remember, too.

Because the barbecue's hot, and Tifa's pretty hot, too.

Tifa is pretty hot.

Lockhart is great.

I mean, Lockhart was great.

That was our first tour.

I had a good time.

I was a little grumpy, but I did enjoy the barbecue.

By the way, on our first tour,

then in the 10 years when we toured more, it got better and better, I'm sure.

You know what?

You know what was next to us in uh in in toronto what beast games

and i ain't talking kong versus godzilla i'm talking mr beast himself mr beast is mr beast is

non-union show which i did like if they like ever step foot like they're like there were signs being like don't step foot on our set to the non-union show they were saying like fuck off to the non-union show basically but beast games right next door wow that hasn't come out yet has i think it did come out has come out and i think it was the no it has no cultural impact and is like the most watched thing on yeah we also like don't talk to its viewers right you talk to like 13 year old boys often yeah well

is that your hall pass

jesus christ

you don't need a hall mr beast i hope you're talking about

you need more you need something with i don't want it's not it

uh

yeah the beast the beast games wow let's talk about fast food before we get into panda express So you have,

you know, your kid likes McDonald's.

Holly, I don't know if

your child has any fast food that they are particularly fond of, but like, how much fast food do you allow?

Are there times when you're like,

shit, they just got to eat something?

So I guess fast food is what's happening.

Like, what are the contexts?

Or is it a treat?

Like, because that's, my association as a kid is that I got fast food probably too often.

But, you know, God bless my parents.

They were just trying to get me to eat anything.

But then also I would get fast food as a reward.

Oh, yeah.

I think we're trying to do like now McDonald's like once a month, but she is obsessed.

And we just went on a road trip, so we she had it like two times, right?

But she fucking loves it, yeah, and asks for it now all the time because she gets a sprite.

Yeah, she loves sprite.

I mean, McDonald's sprite is also said to be very good.

We've always been the McDonald's Coke people, and I think it's the same thing, right?

It's probably the can, it's the same, it's the syrup, but I'm there.

There is actually scientifically speaking

science

no they they have a they have a metal canister

canister for the syrup so it is McDonald's Coke is better for a reason I'm not sure if that's scientifically speaking but it is very scientific I don't know if they have a a the same process for the sprite but the McDonald's sprite is hitting yeah the McDonald's sprite is is very good as well I to me I mean of course happy meals were the big were the big thing as a child oh yeah i still get them if i go to mcdonald's do you really oh yeah

why do you why do you i just kind of like I just, it brings back happy memories for me.

And as Matt knows, I don't have tons of happy memories from my childhood.

So, um,

yeah, it makes me think of like the time I did feel like a kid.

That's sweet.

I don't make my kid get the apple slices with the happy meal.

Why do you say extra fries, baby?

Oh, you don't

make the choice.

And I just say extra fries.

Like, fucking.

No, my kid's not going to eat.

Like, I, I, world's ending.

Have fries.

The apple slices thing is such bullshit.

I'm sorry.

Who cares?

I mean, like, I get it.

You're in a wet bag.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My kid's not eating that anyway.

No, my whole, like, thing about my kid eating is like, eat whatever you want.

Like, we are very not rationing of candy or treats or fast food.

She, like, does not like hamburgers or hot dogs, which now, which is annoying.

Like, so she, we, she won't eat in and out, which is, like, my choice of fast food.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Roger's got beef with her now.

Oh, yeah.

She won't eat.

It just doesn't like, they don't have any alternatives.

Yes.

So So it's like, I, we will sometimes go to Chick-fil-A, which I don't support

on a political level, but like she will eat chicken fingers.

Yeah.

But I, I don't care.

She can eat, like, we just try to feed her as much food as she wants to.

I don't like Chick-fil-A's food that much, but as you know, I love their political stuff.

Yeah, you're going on.

Chick-fil-A sucks all around to me.

It doesn't suck, but I just don't like, I've never been, I've never cared about Chick-fil-A that much.

I've warmed up to their sandwich over the years.

The first time I had it, I was kind of like,

this is what all the fuss is about, which I imagine is a lot of people who aren't from the West Coast, their first experience of getting an Outburger is like this.

This is what people are hyping up so much.

But over time, as I had more Chick-fil-A sandwiches, I was like, oh, this sandwich is very consistent.

I agree.

I like their chicken sandwich.

I'm like, she likes the chicken tenders, but it's like, I would.

like rather her politics aside, I don't want her to eat like McDonald's chicken tenders because I think they look gross.

But she will, like, like, if that, you know, when she goes home and out to Joe's family and they go to McDonald's, that's what she's eating.

Like, I'm not going to sweat the small stuff.

That feels like a good attitude.

The McFinnis strips are a disappointment.

Give her the nuggets every day.

No, I, if she wants them, that's the thing.

I don't limit.

Like, and you will see my kid will like be halfway through like a candy and be like, I don't want this anymore.

And it's like, she's not like, I don't know.

I think both of our kids, yeah, we're because we're so like very chill about that stuff.

I see my kids self-regulate.

shit.

Oh, interesting.

Because you're like, yeah, you can watch the little TV.

Okay, now we're going to turn it off.

Yeah.

Also, I'm such a piece of shit.

Give the kid the nuggets.

No, no, no, no fucking fat piece of shit.

What do I do?

Holly and Joe die.

You can get her fucking nuggets off.

I hope we die together.

You know, it'll be wonderful.

I know, really.

What a way to go out.

I've thought about that.

But then I'm like, but that is sometimes then you think about

statistically.

We all want that.

We all want that.

Why is Ruby?

I want to go first.

Well, statistically, men will go first.

Yes, for sure.

And then apparently, women find like the last couple years of enjoyment in their lives after the men go.

Yeah.

And that's what I'm holding out for.

Widows are apparently, a lot of them are content.

Yeah.

Finally.

Yeah.

Women are very good with patience.

Oh, man.

The last few years of Burma's life after I go are going to be great.

Oh, my God.

Let's talk about Panda Express.

We got to talk about Panda Express, but can I quickly just say?

Yes, please.

Harry Houdini, River Phoenix,

Federicro, Fed, Federico Fellini.

Sorry, I can't say his first name well.

Sean Connery,

all in hell, according to the Dying Halloween rule.

Wow.

Oh, really?

Wow.

Sad.

That is sad.

Magic gang can help you much in hell, Houdini.

Or maybe it will.

I don't know.

Maybe it will.

It could impress the devil.

It could impress the devil.

They'd be like, hey, you don't have to be tortured today.

Yeah, yeah.

That's pretty cool.

Here's an AC unit, dude.

Panda Express was so the history is a 1973 Panda Inn, which Emma, you were saying you went to recently with Mike.

I went to for the first time last week, and it was incredible.

I actually went twice last week because the first time was so good.

We went back.

It's a very well-regarded sit-down Chinese restaurant, old school Chinese restaurant.

It's a hard stuff.

Yeah, it's very, it does not at all like a Panda Express.

It is founded in Pasadena, California in 1973 by Andrew Cheng, his father, Ming Tsai Chung, and Andrew's wife, Peggy Chung.

In 1983, they launched an express version of the concept in the Glendale Galleria.

So the Galleria location is the first ever Panda Express.

Wow.

The first investors were UCLA football coach Terry Donahue and his brother Don Donahue.

I'm just realizing this.

Yeah.

That's Phil Donahue.

I don't know if Phil Donahue is related.

Rest in power.

Because we were talking like, should we do like happy meals or whatever?

And then I was like,

the Panda Ian was, you got in my head.

I thought it was fun because the Panda.

the Panda Cub meal or whatever.

The fact that their kids' meals called the Panda Cub meal is very cute.

We've never done it.

That was lost on me the first time around.

I did have to read the fine print to go, oh, come on.

But Holly, I don't think, has ever had Panda Express as part of it, too.

No, I've had Panda in.

Yeah.

But never.

Today was the first time I ever had Panda Express.

That's wild.

Panda Express, I think, I'll say this before we talk about the kids' meal.

Yeah.

I think you maybe, were you the guy who I maybe had it with the first time?

I love Panda Express.

I know you love it.

I mean, this is a part of it, too.

But Panda Express, I think for a fast food Chinese, like that specific Chinese food restaurant,

is like a grade A.

Well, when we were in

the 20s, a bowl with the chicken was like five bucks.

Yes, it's, it's still, and it was good.

I think, I think, I think, I think Panda Express rules.

Yeah.

That's all I'm trying to say.

I, I, I agree.

I've, I've gotten, you know, I've always had a fondness for it, but I've had more appreciation for it in recent years.

There are 2,400 locations.

It remains family-owned, and it, you know, again, it's just, it's, it's like a, it's a, it's an affordable lunch for, you know, for the working class.

The second location, incidentally, of the, of Panda Express was at the Westside Pavilion, which is a dead mall that no longer, that closed and is being converted into Google's LA offices.

How about that?

Wow.

Yeah, very cool.

But

Panda Express.

They don't have Panda Express, but the Westside Pavilion is the mall where I bought my Nintendo GameCube.

Wow.

Yeah.

And we started with Switch 2 controller.

Life is a Herald.

Life is a Herald.

It sucks a lot of the time.

We haven't reviewed it since 2021 with Oscar Montoya, where it landed at three forks three times.

We'll see if it gets over the top this week.

Wow, four years since we've done Panda Express.

Isn't that kind of crazy?

Yeah.

You know what I'll say?

I've been to Panda Inn.

I think Panda Express is just as good.

Wow.

Koalak.

I think everyone will disagree with you, but

people love Panda Inn.

I love it too.

I've never been to Panda Inn.

I want to go.

So the Panda, we should cover it for an episode.

That would be a good topic.

I don't want to wait till we do it.

Well, you can go, but we can still cover it for an episode.

Can we do it soon?

Yeah, we can do that too.

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

That's fair.

Just like I

go twice.

I just want it now, is all.

Just go.

We just had Panda Innovation.

I know, but I want it still right now.

I left some of mine on the table.

Go for it.

It's in Pasadena.

You can go tonight.

There's also a Panda Inn in Glendale.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's one in Glendale.

If you go to Pasadena, take my mom and dad.

They live there.

Do they really?

Yeah, they'd love to have have you.

You've got to get to know them.

I should get to know them.

You should.

If we were really close friends, you'd come with me to Panda Inn tonight.

Do you want to go?

No.

I just want to, I want you to say you would go.

I would go.

All right.

Maybe we will go.

Wow.

I'm doing a water fast for

three plus days.

This is true.

You're starting that tomorrow, correct?

I'm starting it tomorrow.

Are you guys going to review water on the show?

No, sadly, we've done it like four different times.

Really?

We have to do that.

The show's not good.

We've done water.

It reminds me of like on Vanderbump Rules, they had like a water specialist come and like do like a water tasting at one of their parties.

Wow.

We did water to ice, I believe.

Look, we can't get into it, but yes,

we've done a number of water episodes.

You didn't decide to stop the whole thing then?

We should have.

We're stuck.

We're stuck doing this podcast forever.

I wanted to book some role and get out of here, but it didn't.

I was close.

I was waiting for you to book some role.

I was very close to booking something that would have been life-changing and I would have been fucking donezo.

500 or 300.

I was hoping for it to happen.

I know you were.

It was very time.

It was a great time we got to wrap it up.

What happened to you?

Why not?

Who gives a shit?

He dies in the fucking gutter, hopefully.

Well, I don't want that.

All right, fine.

He dies in a bed.

Okay.

Soon.

It almost happened.

It was very...

It was a...

Oh, we thought you meant that he almost died.

Oh, no.

In the bed.

I don't know.

I haven't seen him in any gutters.

It almost happened.

We got the nutrition first Panda Cub meal.

I'll read the copy here.

Now serving treetop apple crisps and honest kids' juice with the new Panda Cub meal offers balanced options for parents and kids to choose from, created based on USDA dietary recommendations for children.

Each of the three meals have nutritious vegetables, less than 600 calories, and one serving of fruit.

The one serving of fruit is the treetop apple crisp, which we will get to.

Your three protein options are orange chicken.

Doesn't count.

Orange chicken.

I know.

I feel like they're technically ticking a box, but I don't think it actually counts.

I don't think that's like...

Did they say just apple?

They say treetop apple crisps and they say it's technically one serving of fruit.

But again, you know, it's like,

yes, by the letter of the law, but I don't think this is actually nutritious.

We got orange chicken, teriyaki beef, or broccoli beef.

Those are your three options.

And then it comes with,

like, so you get one, one, one small size protein, and then you get half super greens, which is basically just broccoli and I think some cabbage thrown in there, maybe some kale, and then

half rice.

And that's pretty much what each of us got, right?

Mitch, you got the orange chicken.

I got the orange chicken.

Koali, you got the teriyaki chicken.

And Holly, you also got the orange chicken.

Matt told me to.

Well, the orange chicken, if you've never been to Panda Express, that's their signature dish.

That's what he tells me to do.

I mean, that's

talk louder, Holly.

So your first time there, you said Matt was saying Kowalik was like, you should try the orange chicken.

I won't lead you astray.

I will say this.

He's right.

No, he made the right chicken.

I never want you to say that, but he is right.

He is right.

I mean, I never want to say it.

He is right.

In this scenario, he is right.

The orange chicken, I think, is the showstopper

at Panda Express.

They have a signature dish there.

They have a reason to go to Panda Express because it's this thing that they do and that they innovated.

It's good as hell.

It's very good.

And it was hip today.

I thought it was delicious.

I thought that sauce was tangy and I thought the chicken was crispy.

And you contrasted it with the chicken that you had with the teriyaki, which doesn't have the breading.

And you can kind of tell how low quality the meat is.

The teriyaki chicken is just not, it's not a, it's, it's just something I would not get at Panda Express.

I've never been impressed by their teriyaki chicken.

I guess it's ostensibly lighter, although it is a sugary sauce.

I thought thought it was a good order because it feels like something a parent would order their child.

Right.

I got, yeah, I got two things that I have never ordered there, which is the fried rice and the teriyaki chicken.

You never get the fried rice?

No.

Oh, I feel like that's such a

steamed rice or a brown rice.

I should have gotten steamed rice.

I like white rice more with my orange chicken.

And usually what I'll do is I'll get aside.

Well, I ordered another plate.

I ordered a plate.

Look, this is a whole thing.

We were there.

I ordered a plate.

and

did it come?

It did not come.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, good question.

Amelia, you can start talking if you like.

I forgot to order the plate.

I texted Amelia my order, and she texted me my order, and then I texted it back to her with all of it.

And then Amelia was, I was like, hey, where's the plate?

When I got in, and she's like, I forgot it.

And I went, How?

That's how I responded because I was secretly very mad.

Oh my God.

I never,

I just went, how, and

there was no, you just forgot it.

Yeah, I think just the way the

I think just the way it was like spaced out in the, in the, in my notes,

in my head, I was like, okay, Mitch's order is done.

Now on to the next one.

You didn't inspire any confidence when I said, are there apple juices?

And you go, I don't know.

I didn't count them is what you responded after that.

So I was like,

they were still making the food when I got there.

I thought I was going to be really late, but then I ended up being the first one here, so I could have stopped and counted it.

If you come 10 or 15 minutes after the time, that's fine too.

That doesn't matter.

See, this is your type A shit scaring Amelia.

She's fucking up.

She's fucking up my order.

You're scaring her, dude.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Well, she should be scared of this.

What if I die on my waterfall?

We've been yelled at by Headgum for not being here when our guests and stuff arrive, and we're not here.

Oh, my God, maybe it's Headgum's Type Against Maybe.

He's never here.

Fuck who is there.

He's yelling at you, Adam Connolly?

Headgun's closed today.

No one's here.

No one's here today.

I still won't want to say it, but Matt and I were technically the first ones here.

All right, well, that's fair.

That is, and look, we don't want to do that to you, but for free.

I texted Amir.

Let him know.

Yeah, you just texted him here.

You texted Amir, hey, I'm here to close your loop.

I did offer to go order another one, and you said mouse.

I did.

You did offer that.

Look, you didn't do anything.

Well, you did do something wrong.

You fucked up big dad.

I'm looking at the way it's laid out.

I understand the confusion because you list out the Panda Club meal, then you list your drink, and then you put plate, and then there's another.

Like, it looks like it's the same.

You're saying the same thing.

I understand how.

No, no, no, we talked through all this.

Make sure you don't make the list.

We talked through this.

We did.

We talked through it.

All that said, the.

Oh, I can't get mad at my employee.

I can't yell at my employee.

I just like how on this episode, Mitch is mad that he didn't get his apple juice.

Yeah.

My confidence wasn't instilled when you go.

I'm throwing a tantrum.

We get it.

My confidence.

Oh, I'm a tantrum.

Hold on a second.

Now you've fucked up.

My confidence wasn't instilled when you said, I said, did they forget the apple juice?

Which is a good question because I'm just like,

none of us wanted apple juice.

No, but I'm saying

they did forget.

They only gave us two of them, so they forgot.

But I think the way the meal is laid out,

change the drinks.

And so I said in my meal, get the mango guava iced tea.

Yes,

the pomegranate pineapple lemonade.

So I think we got the regular apple juices.

Yeah, I ordered a bunch of apple juices with people's orders.

But when I went to go pick it up, the employee was like, everything's in this bag.

All the drinks are in this closed bag.

Everything you asked for is in there.

And I felt really confident in that employee

and uh

and yeah i just i i took everything and you know sometimes mistakes happen it worked out it's always the trick that it worked out we didn't need the apple juice i was i was what i was trying to figure out was a thing of they just didn't have it that's what i was trying to figure out because i feel like at a place like

you find out they don't have it and then what this has nothing to do with me screaming at amelia what i'm saying is is what i'm saying is is this a place that offers hey we have a kids meal that has apple juice and apple crisp, and then they just

have to do it.

That's what I was trying to figure out.

That's all I was trying to figure out by it.

They do have the apple crisp, they do have the apple juice.

They both suck.

The apple crisp are fucking bad.

The apple juice, it's that stupid healthy juice thing.

It's only like 45% juice.

So it's not even

pure apple juice.

And then it's like sugar added.

It tastes like apple water.

Yes, and they're trying to say, oh, this is like a healthier version of it, but it's like, this is just a processed, a super processed juice, like a super processed fruit drink, rather, not an actual juice that has no added sugar, but has all these other additives.

It's fucking bad.

Apple water, right?

I mean, it is apple water.

If you go to a kid's birthday party, they are just everywhere.

Those exactly.

Yeah, because every kid is taken one sip and left it somewhere because it sucks.

Yeah.

So it's like you just, you walk around a party and they're littered on every table everywhere because every kid's just

abandoned.

Yeah.

But it's good to teach them disappointment early because otherwise this sort of thing happened.

Did you notice how calm Holly and I were while you were having your tantrum?

Our children taught us that.

And what we'd say to them is like, you're having a lot of big feelings right now.

You got your bowl, you piece of shit.

You ordered

half of my orange chicken, which I could have told you.

Oh, no, you did not.

You gave me a couple pieces of your orange chicken.

I ate one fourth.

You took his fried rice.

I ate a piece of his fried rice from his second meal.

Look, Amelia,

you didn't do anything wrong, and I'm also not a bad guy here, and I forgive you.

I disagree.

But I did text you just one thing.

So

we're all good.

I hope it's I'm sorry.

He texted me, strike one.

Only one.

You better polish up that resume.

Yeah, no shit.

It's only one.

You should be thanking your lucky stars.

We're going to strike like 900.

This seems like a very healthy work environment.

Everyone's doing great.

I was very much looking forward to my plate, I will be honest, because I'm drinking water the next day.

Oh my God, no.

So this is this apartment.

You're anticipating like this fast.

So you're maybe like binging a little bit, right?

Maybe it's a gift.

You didn't get the plate, which means you have to go to Panda Inn for dinner.

There you go.

That sounds great.

Amelia knew you wanted Panda Inn.

She was like, he doesn't want this orange chicken.

He wants to go to Panda Inn later for dinner to get orange chicken.

Amelia, we're going to Panda Inn for dinner and you can take care of the order.

Here's what I was going to say.

And I said this while we were all eating in the kitchen.

The thing about the Panda Cub meal, and I have this experience anytime I see like the portions that children are served in this country, is like, this is actually probably the right amount of food for an adult to eat.

Like, I'm looking at it.

I didn't finish mine.

Yeah, and I'm like, this is probably what I should be getting at Panda Express instead of the plate with three different proteins, which is what I normally get.

Because I'm like, well, that's the best value.

And all of a sudden, I'm eating 1,800 calories in the middle of the day and wondering why I feel like shit the rest of it.

You know what I mean?

It's like, it's like, oh, I should be eating a smaller amount of food.

I should be eating, Mitch, to borrow a phrase from Umkar Plutt, one quarter portion of what I normally eat.

Amelia, you know what?

Thank you.

I ate a normal, I did eat a normal amount of food today.

It is the truth.

I want half white rice and half, or steamed rice and half steamed white rice.

Wait, sorry, what color of rice did you get?

Hua.

Oh, it's white.

That's right.

It's white.

They have no idea what the fuck we're talking about.

Did you see the Elvis movie?

It's the Elvis movie.

Oh, no, I never did watch it.

It's good.

It's good.

No, it isn't.

You didn't like it?

No.

I thought it was so bad.

I absolutely hated every second of it.

Oh, no, but did you make it like hard?

Oh, now I'm like, is that like

Colonel Parker?

Yeah, Colonel Tom.

He's the worst part of that movie.

Oh, but I think it's fun.

He's like doing a mad TV character the whole time.

It's great.

I think I'm ready to watch it.

You should watch it.

It's fun.

I can, I'm going to say, I don't want to see another musician, male musician, biopic.

I fully agree.

I think they mostly are really boring and annoying.

The Wikipedia biopic.

I like Elvis.

I didn't say that

the week that the Bruce Springsteen trailer came out.

I'm saying it because of that.

Yeah, so I don't like it, who gives a shit?

But I, and I, like, the Bob Dylan movie, I went in being like, this is gonna be dog shit.

And then watching, I was like, hey, this is actually fine.

You know, it's like, it's like, these people are mad because this man is gonna play an instrument with metal strings instead of a softer string.

Right.

These people are so mad about it.

Everyone needs to relax a bit.

They did need to relax.

I agree.

Like, I get it.

It did make me go, like, wow, this is what a problem was like

during this time was that they were like, the guitar is different.

It is funny to watch this cultural moment where you're like, who cares about this moment?

I mean, people were throwing stuff.

They were so mad.

I like that.

I had fun with that.

That movie's not horrible.

Yeah, it's not.

No, it's fine.

It's fine.

It's a fun movie.

It doesn't need to exist.

It doesn't need to exist, but it's fun.

It's not sure, but it's nice.

The Elvis movie, I like because it's got this gaudy, like, over-the-top aesthetic, which I think is a good fit for the larger than life sort of his persona.

And then also, I just like love Elvis's music.

And so, like, for me, it was just like, hey, I get to, this is fun to see all these songs from the context.

Was there a lot of, I don't know, I fell asleep, but I feel like there was a lot of dress sniffing in that movie, and I don't like it.

You don't like someone taking a whiff of a dress.

I don't, I hate it, especially when it's your mom's dress.

It's fucking weird.

Boys love sniffing dresses.

You gotta smell, you gotta smell mommy's dress.

It smells like mommy.

Yeah, it smells like mommy.

Come on now.

No, I can't.

Yes, a hound dog.

Yeah, he is a hound dog.

Nothing but.

I also like, feel like there was like the two Elvis movies.

Yeah, that one and Priscilla, which I also liked.

Which I didn't watch Priscilla, but it's like, I want somewhere more in the middle.

Priscilla's interesting because he's never want us sniffing the dresses, but you keep on wearing them.

You're right.

I don't get matters.

I'm not asking for you guys to sniff the dresses.

Well, to answer your question, he is not an animated dog in the movie, just so gotta, I don't know if that's what you thought it was, but

it's a Priscilla is good.

Priscilla is the, I get what you're saying, because Priscilla is the sort of thing, because it's just sort of like portraying the side of Elvis that's really glossed over entirely in the Elvis movie.

Yes, that was my big point.

Which is that he was a groomer.

He groomed a 14-year-old.

Yeah.

And it is that,

so that movie focuses on that, but as a result, it has no rights to the catalog.

So there's no Elvis movie in that, no Elvis music in that movie.

So it feels a little AC.

He had an awesome soundtrack still.

Still get a soundtrack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They figured it out.

You know, when I first

watched that movie, I said, okay, groomer.

Yes.

Yes.

I'm trying to make that work.

I'm trying to make that the new meme.

All that said, I really liked my orange chicken Panda Cub meal.

I thought it was quite, I thought the orange chicken was hitting.

Holly, this is your first time having it.

What do you think of that?

I thought it was delicious.

Yeah, real good.

I would like to explain that I don't live on a different planet, but that in Canada, I'm pretty sure when I was younger, we did not have it.

We had something called Manchu Walk,

which was yuck.

Yeah.

So I'd associate it with the same, and it's not.

It was pretty delicious.

Yeah.

That chicken is good.

And I think my kid would actually really like it.

The orange chicken is damn good.

600 calories,

not too

shabby.

Not too bad.

I mean, like, the orange chicken, clearly not good for you, but I did half the steamed white rice and half super greens, which they kind of mixed together, which I did not like.

I wanted to not eat.

Yeah, I kind of wanted to not eat the greens as much, clearly.

Like, I was trying to do the full kids.

The greens, dude.

You're going to be on a three-day water cleanse.

I need my nutrients, and I am going to be on a three-day water cleanse where I'm not going to eat anything.

Are you going to do it?

You should do a check-in.

I feel like for the podcast, you should check in with Mitch throughout the days.

You don't use your records.

I don't need to record.

Yeah, I want to be daily check-in.

Why don't you do some vlogs?

Yeah.

Tomorrow at noon and I'm dead.

Because I usually have to do like a 24-hour fast like when I get a colonoscopy because I'm fun

and I am like dead.

Yeah, by the time they take me in for it, I'm like, I'm so dead.

Man, I've tried intermittent fasting where I just like, I don't eat break.

And I like, that takes me out.

I got like my body just shuts down if I don't have food.

Join me on the three-day water fast.

Are you going to be able to do this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you going to do it?

You push it.

I don't know.

No one's watching me.

Charlice Thera?

Who watches the watch of the movie?

No,

I wish.

Are you going to watch any water movies?

Oh, Water Worlds.

You've got gotta watch water world

maybe i'll watch water world the whale gotta the whale maybe i'll watch the whale yeah um way of water is probably the best choice yeah uh no the new 28 years later come i am i am packing is that a wet movie but you know you know what i want yeah is that a wet movie it's a hog movie we've heard we've heard it's hog um uh i want um i want popcorn and a drink for 28 years later so i might see that on like tuesday or wednesday night or something because you got to come off the fast slow oh yeah you got to be gentle be gentle but i'm seeing two movies i've already have two movies lined up for Friday and Sunday.

What are you seeing?

Yeah, somebody's got plans that we're not invited to.

A co-star from Twisted Metal, Patty Guggenheim, has a movie that's coming out, so I'm going to go see that.

And then

I'm seeing a movie on Sunday with Gabris.

How fun is that?

I think Dirty Work, like the Dirtier stuff or something, I think is what we're seeing.

Where's that?

I don't know, but I'm not going to tell you.

Where is it?

I'll just text Gabris.

Yeah, yes.

I mean, I don't know where it it is.

I would tell you.

I was saying, I was specifically saying I want Tokahola.

The Super Greens, here's what I will say.

I really am, you know,

trying to eat better in general.

And there are times when I'm like, fuck, I'll get a salad, but it's like, you know what?

It's okay for me to get the salad bowl that also has some like rice or quinoa in it.

Like, I don't need to deprive myself entirely of carbs.

And this kind of feels like that sort of balance of just like, I like having the white rice there, but I also like the super greens.

This is the thing my dietitian was saying.

It's just like, eat the greens first and like, kind of just like, like, okay, so like, start to get full off of that.

And I find, I find myself, if I'm doing that, then I maybe have a little bit less of the, uh, you know, of the carbi base left.

And, and that was the case here.

Like, I, I was very hungry when I started eating this meal, but I also didn't finish my white rice.

I finished the protein and I finished the super greens.

Uh, and it felt, I, I don't know, it's, this feels like a nourishing lunch.

Like, I ate this and I was like, oh, I kind of feel like satisfied and,

you know, not too heavy afterwards.

That's how I feel after I get like the bowl of orange chicken and white rice.

Yeah.

I feel like that was a meal and I don't feel too bogged down.

And the bowl for you is like, because

I would always get a two or two or three item combo, like the plate that they have there.

But the bowl is just the one protein and a base.

Yeah.

And so if you just did that, that's basically the equivalent.

That's like just a slightly expanded version of the kids' meal.

Yes.

So that's what you're defaulting.

Yeah, that's all I get.

Can you get the super greens?

Maybe.

You can, yeah.

You can split the bases.

And also their broccoli beef there is good.

It's directly across from my kids' school.

Wow, there you go.

The Beijing beef is great.

It's that little fried beef.

Is that what it is?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like the red fried beef, the Beijing beef.

I mean, just get the orange chicken if it's across the street from your kid's school.

I know.

Like, now I'm like, I guess I'll pick her up and we'll go.

There you go.

100%.

And then there's a Menchi's next door to that.

Oh, shit.

I haven't been to Menshe's in so long.

I want a frozen yogurt.

Maybe I'll have that tonight.

I went to, this is kid-related.

I went to Handel's last night.

I texted, I group texted everyone this because we were talking about handles yesterday.

And I was like, oh, I have a a lot of thoughts about handles.

Handles are so good.

Really?

So I went to Handles last night.

Let me try it.

It's like, you haven't had it?

No.

They won't let you try the flavors at Handles.

Mr.

Handles.

What the hell's going on with your handle?

The one that I go to won't let you try it.

They don't have samples?

No.

So she was like, but if you don't like it, just bring it back.

I'm like, I don't want to do that.

That feels so shameful to be like, I didn't like this.

That's interesting.

I have not experienced that.

Lily and I just went to Handles on Friday, and they let you try it, but Handles they I go to the one at Hastings, Hastings shopping court.

Okay.

We went to one in Los Felis.

Yeah,

they won't let you try it there.

Which is the management there.

I don't know.

Can I ask you a question?

Uh-huh.

Were you acting like a Karen?

Yeah, you know me.

No, it's like they give you so much, too.

I don't want that much.

And then they give you the bowl.

Sorry.

They give you the bowl.

I don't want it.

I don't like it.

Why don't you say sorry because of the bowl?

No, because I hit the dog.

I thought you were saying because it was like, you mentioned bowl.

I do want that much.

I went to Handel's last night, and it's like a Wednesday night.

It's fucking popping.

I cannot believe how many people were there.

I got myself a, which scoops did I get?

I wrote it down here.

Oh, I got the coconut caramel delight and vanilla with Oreos.

And I'd had the vanilla with Oreos before, and I love that flavor.

That flavor is much better than you have, that it has any right to be.

It's like the best version of a cookies and cream.

And then the coconut caramel I've never had before.

That sounds good.

It was.

It was a great combo.

I'm sitting there.

I'm sitting at a table and I have a bite of the coconut caramel delight.

And I involuntarily say aloud, man, it's fucking good.

By himself.

By myself.

And then I realize there's like a little girl sitting there with her dad.

No, she's heard it.

You think she's heard it?

Oh, yeah.

Our kids have heard.

Yeah, my kid knows all the bad words.

Fuck shit.

Yeah.

Come, come.

Well, I don't know if I've taught her come yet, and I want her to hear it from me.

You sit them down, you say, there's no such thing as Santa Claus, and now I want to tell you a new word.

Like, my kids, my kid thought that asked me, this is how I knew she knew bad words.

She said, what's Barbie's last name?

And I said, I don't know.

That's a good question.

And she said, isn't it bitch?

And I was like, what?

It's really funny.

Because from the Barbie soundtrack, they had a song that was like, it's Bobby, bitch.

Oh, man.

So I was like, no, that's not her last name.

and also that's a bad word.

And she just burst out crying.

She was so upset and humiliated.

And I was like, You can say it in front of me, like, I'm cool, don't worry.

Yeah, my kid's allowed to curse at home if she wants to, just not around other people.

And I've, she's, she's like, I have her on video mumbling when she was like two, going, fucking shit.

I feel like she calls you bad words.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah,

so immediately

respect you.

You'll like this at dinner.

Did tell me that.

She said,

Dad, when you die, we're getting a cat.

I checked in with Doll like a few years ago, and he was like, My wife and my daughter just disrespect me all day long.

It was

well, any child, like my child was mad at me like two nights ago.

She had a friend over, and she said to me, You make all the children cry.

That's good.

I just was like, Yeah, that was a really good one.

I absolutely do.

That's what they're there for.

Why?

Because you were at the handles, the one close to Headgum Studios?

No, I went to a different handles.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

If you go to the one near Headgum Studios, they will give you

right.

That's the one Amelia and I went to last week, and they did let us sample.

Can you go into that one?

No, it's just window.

Oh, yeah.

See, it's a window.

I don't know.

I was really like, what ice cream place doesn't let you try?

Like, they tried that shit during COVID.

A lot of ice cream places were like, can't try it.

And you're like, that's your thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's too many there to not let you try it.

No, you got to try it.

Because I tried an apple caramel.

I wanted to get an apple caramel one.

And, you know, sometimes like apple flavor can be like gross.

Yeah, a little sciencey.

So I wasn't sure.

And they were like, we're telling you, it's good.

And I was like,

just let me taste it.

That's weird.

That's, this is a mall version.

This is a mall version one.

Yeah, it's like it's in an outdoor mall, though.

Weird.

Yeah, most of them, the one, they're very good with, they'll let you have every flavor on the wall.

Well, I'm going to go right after.

You should.

I'm going to try everything.

Yeah, you should go.

You really should go.

I might join you if you go.

I was thinking I should send my kid with you to Panda in tonight.

You got to get to know her.

You've never met her.

Do you even know her name?

Yes, I do.

Wait.

Hold on.

I do know her name.

It begins with a.

Does it begin with?

It begins with a no.

I think she said it on the podcast.

I know.

And I remember it.

What's Matt's kid's name?

No.

I know your kid's name.

Wait, W?

No.

Well, that's not her.

Okay.

I know.

What's Matt's kid's name?

Joni.

Okay, wow wow and i do your no i know your child's name wait it's confusing question actually is it did you is it lucy no but that's a cute name it's a cute name wait what is your i just i swear to god i knew i know this you should for legal reasons her league well she was born she's winifred she's winny winnie but then like when she was two she was like that's a disgusting name i want to be named sally and that's sally that's what i was thinking of sally has lucy sally whatever yeah yeah but the annoying part about her picking Sally is it's so close to Holly that people call me Sally and her.

Oh, sure.

And I was like, dude, could you have picked a name different from mine?

Maybe it's because she loves her mommy.

She might come around on her other name, too.

She does.

She kind of goes like, maybe I'll be Winnie next year.

And I'm like,

whatever, dude, fine.

I'm sick of this.

I want off this roller coaster.

Just pick a name.

Everybody else is just taking the name.

I can't believe you gave me a name test live on the air.

This is fucked up.

Well, the lawyers are going to ask you this type of stuff.

You've got to know our names.

I'm the bad guy for the meal stuff.

I'm the bad guy all around today.

You're doing great.

Old type B Mitch.

Oh, I thought you were type come.

Oh, yeah, I'm type come.

You should join me in the water fast this weekend.

Why do you think?

Why should I be doing that?

Do you little bitch?

I don't think you can.

I don't think I could either.

I don't want to.

Fuck.

I don't think, I don't understand.

Wu-Tang's doing it.

Oh, now it makes sense.

Oh, Oh, okay.

I totally, I'm trying to do it.

What's that?

Every single one of them?

Inspected death?

No, my friend Wu-Tang.

Oh.

What was the impetus for this?

I have long COVID issues.

Yes.

You know this.

But

was this your idea?

It was my idea.

And then I was talking to the Tufo brothers, and

they have both done fasts before, and they're joining me.

Dr.

Tufos?

They're not doctors, but Anthony and Dan are joining me

in the water farm.

Is that safe?

Because you should have something to keep your blood sugar up.

Yeah,

I got some

electrolyte drink mix if I need it.

And if your blood sugar drops too much, you do have to break the fast, but I'm going to be fine.

I think you can do it.

We're hunter-gatherers.

To quote Joe Rogan.

But that still doesn't make sense because you're having water.

Yeah, but you would have, you know, you would, as hunter-gatherers, you would lap water from the lake.

You're gathering, but what are you hunting?

You were hunting food.

I'm going to be fine.

I'm going to be fine.

You would have it.

Yes, we're in a there's a lot of people who have long COVID who have benefited from doing water fast.

I hope it works out for you.

I can't wait for everyone, every comment on the Reddit to just be mad at me for yelling at Amelia, mad at me for getting your child's name, and then mad at me for doing this water fast.

You fucking dorks.

I'm mad at the straw man again.

I fucking hate the straw man.

No, in your defense, I don't know if you've known, like, I told you if Joe and I perish, you will be taking over

a parent ship, and you've done nothing on your end to sort of, you know what I mean, prepare.

Yeah, yeah, but that's okay.

I don't expect you to know her name.

You know how many children's names I don't know?

Yeah, I should, I should, I should have remembered.

That's why the word blood doesn't matter.

You don't have a kid, it doesn't fucking matter.

Thank you.

My whole thing, Mitch, is that your job is to maintain a list of the children, whether they're naughty or nice.

So you should know these things.

I've mentioned this before.

I've mentioned this before on the podcast.

I had an incident where I overhydrated.

This was 20 years ago, but I overhydrated.

Yes, I ended up in the ER.

It was the worst physical pain of my life.

I had hyponaturalemia.

It is really bad.

It's really, really bad.

Every muscle in my body felt like it was cramping.

How'd you do that?

If you're out in the sun and you just drink water,

the salinity in your blood will, the amount of sodium you have in your blood and potassium will dip so low that your body will like react like it's, uh, you know, it's like it's shutting down.

I'm gonna be taking it easy this weekend, which is not really different from most weekends.

And I'm gonna,

uh, I'm not gonna be like over-drinking water.

You're not supposed to over-drink either, like, three, around three liters a day is what you're supposed to do.

Well, especially because, like, now they're saying there was like the whole, if you pee clear, you should be like, your goal should be to pee clear.

And now they're saying, no, don't pee clear.

That's too much.

Really?

Yes.

It means you're peeing out all the water and not absorbing it.

Yeah.

I feel like all my urine is just clear.

Mine's sharp.

I thought you were supposed to be going clear with

thicker yellow.

Aren't you supposed to go clear?

You're supposed to go clear.

We always thought you were supposed to go clear.

We are not supposed to have clear pee?

I thought that was the whole point.

No, it should be thicker and yellow and sort of be hard to get out.

Homer.

Wow.

Like a soup.

Homer piss.

Thicker and yellow.

I'm like a sparklets dispenser.

I'm just sending out straight clear.

Jesus.

I was pissing out some very bright yellows when I was taking vitamins because I was taking a lot of vitamin B.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was taking a couple of vitamins.

I was a B complex and a B12.

How do you find this?

Is there a piss guy?

Did you just find it?

Do you find this guy?

Yeah, my piss doctor.

Yeah.

Piss doctor.

Yeah.

I mean, they like to be called urologists, usually.

Got it.

Oh, yeah, there is a piss doctor.

Should I see it?

Is that a thing?

Do I see a urologist and be like, hey, what?

Help me.

Yeah.

What do you think?

Okay.

Machi Machi.

He's going crazy over there.

He's like, everything's fine with me.

I just wanted to show you.

Well, don't you do a urine test as part of your physical?

I don't do that.

Ah, see, I'm giving cups of pea to anyone who'll ask for it.

No, I don't do physicals.

I only go to the doctor if something's wrong.

You're damn near 50, you fool.

You gotta go.

I gotta get a guy.

You're near 50?

You are?

I'm 44.

No, I'm 45, and I'm not near 50.

Sorry,

Mitch.

You're supposed to be getting a physical every year at your business.

Are you really?

Yeah.

And the man asked for the pee in the cup.

I'm taking Wally and Irma into their physical tomorrow if you want to join.

Go to the vet?

Take you to the vet.

My two cats and my big fat cat.

If you just strip down, I'll put you in a big cage and bring him.

Can you bring a man into the vet?

Can you get away with that?

I think probably.

Wait a minute.

I've seen this before.

I shaved my dog.

By the way, I shaved my dog.

He's being a, and his hog is huge now, all of a sudden, by the way.

But anyway, will you test his piss out?

Well, his piss tastes normal.

Wait, what?

You're weird, dude.

You're fucking delicious.

I thought I really enjoyed my Panda Express cub meal.

I thought it was very, very yummy.

I guess we should get to it.

Anything we missed, I guess we should talk about the drinks.

Mitch, you got the watermelon mango refresher.

I got the mango guava iced tea.

Wait, did I get the watermelon mango?

Is that what what it was?

I think that's what it was.

And then there was the pomegranate pineapple lemonade.

We tried all three of them.

I talked about how the apple juice was terrible.

My mango guava iced tea, I was like, this is going to be way too sweet for me.

These drinks often are.

But I was like, no, this is like a nice, this is just like a nicely balanced, like it's like, I know it's not passion fruit, but it reminded me of a good passion fruit iced tea from like islands.

I was like,

I could take down this whole thing.

Yeah, it wasn't too sweet.

No.

I really liked it.

Really yummy.

I don't think a kid would drink it, right?

Can they drink an ice?

I think you would fucking love it.

Oh, not an iced tea.

Oh, I didn't know.

Are they all

No, mine wasn't because I specifically, I think mine was a lemonade.

Yes, yours was a lemonade, mine was an iced tea, and yours was a refresher, Mitch.

Why don't they have caffeine?

Like, because the Starbucks refreshers have caffeine in them.

Oh, interesting.

So it's like, that's the thing as a parent, you kind of always have to be like, does this have caffeine in it?

Like, we were at the train station getting on a train.

Like, I don't want my kid to have caffeine.

I want her to sleep all through the night.

Every day.

Yeah.

What were we taking the train to?

We took the train, the coat, the surfliner to Santa Barbara.

Oh, Oh, yeah, it's a great train.

And a woman came up to us at the train station and was like, Does your daughter drink soda?

And she's holding a Coke?

And I'm like, No,

like, I was like, A stranger did this, yes, weird, and she was gonna give her a Coke, yeah, and I was like, No, dude, have drinking Coke.

No, it was closed, but I'm like, Don't give my like that's the only thing I don't.

Oh man, I loved Coke as a kid, and it was a bad thing to have to.

I would, my parents never had that stuff.

I would march across the street to my best friend's house, and they only had Pepsi, and they would have always two-liter Pepsi bottles.

I would fill a whole glass.

Like her mom absolutely hated me.

Wow.

Because we're drinking all the Pepsi.

Exactly.

And like,

how were we doing that as children?

I know.

It's insane.

And I mean, it turns out kids shouldn't be doing it.

It is what they found out.

Yeah.

Panda crafted cocktails.

I think that's kind of fun.

But I do not know what a refresher is.

I liked it.

I think it might have caffeine in it.

But mine, I don't know.

I had the what?

I don't do well with caffeine at all.

I'm not a caffeine guy.

Oh, God.

That's all I drink.

i i can't we also had the pomegranate lemonade pomegranate pineapple lemonade yes i don't have any additional copy here on the the on the app in terms of what the watermelon mango flavor refresher actually is so it doesn't say whether or not it has caffeine is there real mango in it

again all it says is the name yeah the descriptions were very yeah that's why i played it safe and got the lemonade

oh but you live on the

i i did i genuinely did like oh i liked our lemonade quite a bit yeah these are all yummy excellent yeah Yeah, it looks like the only one that actually has added caffeine was the tea that I had.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Everything else was caffeine-free.

But if you need anything, I'm right here.

Thank you.

I get jittery with caffeine.

This is caffeine-free, Minchier.

Oh, God.

Thank God.

And is there real mango in there?

I don't know.

Mango is also supposedly good for long COVID.

I don't think they're putting that much mango in there that it's going to affect your health positively.

You want it to eat.

I'm also just like, I had to say to the doctor, I was like, when we we were talking about long COVID, I was like, I know that like methylene, I'm not one of those crazy people that like is thinking methylene blue will help me or hydroxychloroquine or green or whatever the fuck.

Why do you think Panda Express beverages?

I do believe in

maybe that mango has some mitochondrial effects.

I do believe that.

Why not?

The fruit,

holistically, you know, you eat fruit, you feel better a lot of the time.

I believe in stuff like that.

I empathize with you, bitch.

You feel like something's wrong with you.

You don't know exactly what it is.

You think you got to figure it out.

Then Then you deal with skepticism from people who should be there to help you.

And so it's a tough thing to express.

You got a piece of shit right over there.

I've been nothing but supportive since I got you.

You were very, very, very

supportive.

I get health problems.

I told you to take the medicine.

You told me to take medicine.

You told me to take medicine.

And we also got some crab rangoon, which were also the, they're just the,

I think they're technically called like the cream cheese rangoon or whatever.

But this is the thing you hadn't had before.

Well, I hadn't had pen.

She hasn't had Penn Express.

I haven't had them for Penn.

I've had them for.

Oh, you've had them in general.

I thought, okay, got it.

I'm like anything with cream cheese.

Yeah, me too.

Same.

Like, I'm a Philadelphia roll person.

Well,

your husband.

I know, from Philadelphia.

Yeah.

Well, outside Philadelphia, so I don't know if that counts.

Do you have a favorite cream cheese?

Philadelphia.

Philadelphia.

But like, no, but I mean, like, do you have like a favorite kind of varietal of cream cheese?

Like, do you like like a plain?

You like like something with some scallions?

It's funny because Philadelphia probably isn't the best.

I mean, there's better cream cheese we've all had.

had.

I like it plain or I like it scallion.

Yeah.

Yes, same.

We do.

I don't like the veggie cream cheese.

I don't need that.

No, no, thank you.

Do you like whipped or do you like the or the solid?

I actually think I like solid more than I like whipped.

I'll go either way.

Yeah.

But for me, a cream cheese frosting also on a cake is supreme.

It's fun.

Yeah.

Supreme type of frosting.

Those crab rangum were hitting.

When I did an ASCAT and

Jason Kelsey was there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And your husband was there as well.

He didn't do do the show.

He just

did at the Eagles game.

That's what it was.

So he got really good seats for the Eagles game.

So it's like as soon as the Eagles game was over, he was.

Were they playing the Rams?

Is that what it was?

Yeah, he booted over to UCB to try and see if he could meet Jason Kelsey.

That's what it was.

And it was our Christmas card this year.

How exciting.

And he certainly did meet him, yes.

Yeah, the picture of the two of them is our Christmas card.

Wow.

I bought Jason Kelsey shots at Birds.

I bought him tequila shots.

And then

then I, and then, I think I told you this, but I brought him another round of shots, and he was like, God damn it, Mitch.

So, already within an hour of knowing, Jason Kelsey's already like, God damn it, this fucking annoying guy.

We should get to our final thoughts.

Yeah, let's get to our final thoughts on Panda Express, specifically the kids' menu.

So, you both did the podcast before, but just a refresher, we'll each go around, give a closing argument, if you will, and give it a score from zero to five forks.

We'll start with you, Matt Kowalik.

Your thoughts on Panda Express, your fork score.

I think Panda Express is probably one of my favorite fast food joints.

Wow.

Top three easy,

especially based on the amount of times I eat there.

And by the way,

you love McDonald's.

I love McDonald's.

And we shared that in common.

We both loved McDonald's.

Though we also, you really love Domino's too, even though I told you.

Love Domino's McDonald's.

I complained about the pizza being too crispy and getting a refund and then still eating the pizza.

But

me and you would do a lot of the thin crust pizza together.

We had a lot of great food.

Look, I loved, we loved living together.

Well, sometimes.

We loved living with each other sometimes.

You guys should move back in together.

That would be fun.

That would be good.

I could see it.

Christy would be all for it.

But I was going to say, Domino's is huge for you.

McDonald's is huge for you.

But Panda Express joins those too, huh?

Yeah.

I think it's, for me, it's like my healthy, fast food choice.

Sure.

Or if it's like two or three o'clock and I'm like, fuck, I didn't eat lunch.

I'm just like, I'm just going to go to Panda and get my bowl.

But today, I got the kid, the cub meal with the teriyaki chicken and the fried rice, and I thought both were gross.

Oh, no.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I thought the teriyaki chicken, I guess not gross, but it was a little rubbery.

No, I didn't even want to taste it at all.

The fried rice was dry.

I like the fried rice there, but I do actually think you're onto something where I think the steamed white rice is the way to go with some orange chicken.

Though

I do like that, I do like the fried.

When I get a plate, I usually do half fried rice, half chow mein, and then a little side of white rice.

And then I have bites of the other stuff.

But

I think your bowl, I think you got your bowl down to a side.

I'm also such a creature of habit, I only get that bowl when I go there.

Sure.

What's the rating, though?

What's your fork score?

Four and a half.

Four and a half forks.

Wow.

Five forks.

Wow.

Holly, your maiden voyage to Panda Express, your thoughts, your fork score.

You know what?

I went in expecting to not like it.

I loved it.

Wow.

I thought it was very good.

I will go again.

I'll take my child.

I'll order her this cub meal.

Wow.

I would switch my order to white rice.

Yeah.

But I'm going to give it five, five.

Five forks.

I give five every time I come, guys.

I love it.

I love it.

I think it's a great score.

By the way,

after I texted Strike One to Amelia, she sent me

this website to an attorney that says treat it unfairly at work.

You may have some

compensation.

Those Zoomers.

I don't think we're Zoomers.

Are you saying okay, Zoomers?

Okay, Zoomer.

Yeah,

that is my thought.

Hey, you got this thing wrong at work.

I'm going to go to an attorney.

Oh, she's back.

Yeah.

I saw your text finally.

It was very funny.

I'll say this about Pain Express.

It's a funny thing in that I didn't grow up with it, but it does feel like an old classic friend that anytime I get that orange chicken, I'm enjoying it.

And much like our two guests here today, Wages, two people I've been very close with for a very long time now when did you move to l your when did you and the crew of canadians move to la i thought you were all in out of your minds

i think i was here 2009 2009 there was a sketch you guys showed where like there was a video sketch somebody's butthole someone's butthole it wasn't your butthole it was someone's butthole

it was very close up you can't tell who it was and you couldn't even really tell it was a butthole unless you really knew sure and i was like these canadians are out of their mind but we've known you for i've known you for a very very long time uh with uh my sketch group, The Birthday Boys, and I've known you for a very long time.

Is that when you realized you love buttholes?

That was a trick.

It was triggering in that way.

Great.

But two people I'll be very close with, and I don't see as much anymore as we get older.

That makes me sad.

Well, we are hanging out without you, and we're having a good time.

I am happy for that.

I love the both of you.

I love your spouses.

Right.

Does it make sense?

Does spouse

I.

I love both.

Yeah, I love both.

And you've learned our children's name.

And I learned your, I know your children's name.

You have two beautiful children.

And the same thing with Panda Express.

You know, I don't get it too often, which is probably good.

I shouldn't get Panda Express too often.

But every time I get it,

it's always really hitting for me.

I always, really, really enjoy Panda Express.

It's a good meal.

And having a kid's meal today, that's a satisfying kids' meal.

That's a thing where I'm like.

Have a kid's meal.

And when you're younger, a lot of the kids' meals were bullshit.

We didn't really talk about that too much.

You get a toy.

Happy meals for me also meant a lot.

I liked happy meals and getting a ham.

I got a hamburger happy meal because I didn't even have cheeseburgers back in the day.

But a hamburger, happy meal, I know.

A hamburger happy meal with fries and a toy.

Like, you know, that was like my favorite thing in the world.

There's no toy here.

And I do think that that hurts the Panda Cub.

But also, like, if they're going to pair with like some.

What?

Yeah, thanks, Mitch.

You know what?

The last episode I listened to, you were futzing with your phone.

I've saw it.

I write things down and I look at them.

But like, it's better than them, like,

pairing with some, like, unknown animated movie.

Like, do you know how sometimes if they don't get a good enough thing, you're a bit like, we don't want this.

Yeah, yeah, no, I agree with that.

Right.

You get the C-tier, you know,

down the line.

Right, right, yeah.

Burger Kings and stuff.

The autofocus toy.

I actually really did think that that meal, though, despite not having a toy, which it would be fun to have.

Yeah, no activity either.

Like sometimes they'll give you like a coloring book or something.

Right.

Yeah.

And you can get any drink you, and that I think that would do it.

They should just give a small coloring book or something with crayons.

But, and I think that would put it over the top.

But

I do think since you can get any drink you want, I think the apple juice is bullshit.

And I do think that the apple slices are bullshit.

But that meal itself, that small meal with some rice and some veggies and the orange chicken, how can you beat that for a kid's meal?

It's fantastic.

I don't like the apples.

Is there somebody

with me?

I mean,

they just were whatever.

You get a whole ass fucking apple at Panera.

I feel like that should be the standard for an apple.

Yeah, but how mealy are those things?

Yeah, and you're eating a bowl also.

But I don't know, but I just don't like the dried apples wedges.

Sometimes

I don't need the apple.

Whatever.

And also the price, he's right.

The price is, it's not a bad price, right?

Was it 10 bucks?

Yeah, 10, 11 bucks.

That's maybe kind of okay.

I mean, that's everything.

It's everything.

It's everything.

But if I'm, I'm going to, should I rank Panda on its own or should I just rank it based on the kids' meal?

I mean, it's up to you.

We always pick our own metric.

It's really important that you get it right, though.

On what they're trying to do,

look,

I think just as a restaurant and even as a kid's meal, even though I wish they had a toy and I could deduct it and give four and a half, but I'm going with this couch because this is the better couch.

This is the stage actor's couch.

That's right.

And that's why I'm giving it five forks.

Wow.

Such power.

Such presents.

Can I go back and give it a five?

No, you can't.

No, you can't.

And I thought about it.

It's because my kid eats it.

Yeah.

Wow.

It's one of the only things she eats.

Yeah.

So I'm giving it a five.

Looks like you're joining the stage actors.

Yeah.

I like Panda Express a lot, and it's kind of grown in esteem for me over the course of this podcast because it's a place that I used to go to a lot, and I go to less.

And then every time we revisit, I'm like, wait, no, this is better than I remember.

This is the Panda Express is

it's hitting to borrow a phrase from you, Mitch.

It's, it's a, it's, it's, it's a really consistent.

Weren't you saying that?

Didn't you say it was hitting?

Did you come up with that?

I mean, I have said it, but I think I'm always jokingly saying it because I've heard it been, I've heard it said.

I don't, it is, it wise, it was hitting today.

As Mitch likes to say, Panda Express was hitting, and it's, it's

it's generally quite consistent.

It's a good value.

It's a place where, again, you go there and you'll see people from all classes lined up

in a queue for lunch, which to me is like a sign of

its quality.

And again, just to restate it, its value.

When you say classes, you're not talking some high school that you're going by.

You get the biology kids there,

chemistry kids.

They're all there.

But

I don't know.

I just really like their proteins.

proteins.

I really like the simplicity of their menu.

I feel like when they try new things, it's working.

And I think as kids...

For what they're trying to do.

For what they're trying to do as kids' meals, these cub, these Panda Cub meals, first off, very cute name.

And second off, I think

it's a really effective,

really effective lunch.

They don't give you a toy, but they do do give you something fun, which is...

A fortune cookie.

And we always have a fortune toy.

There's always a toy at

Panda Express

with the fortune cookie.

We have four fortune cookies here.

We're all going to open ours up, and I think we can do this, and then I will reveal my fork score.

We're crinkling lots of plastic in the microwave.

Here's the fortune.

As far as see wise, you're not doing it correctly.

For me, you have to eat half the cookie before you read the fortune cookie.

Really?

I've never heard this before.

Anyone else heard this?

You have to read it before you eat the cookie.

Yeah, that's what I've always heard.

Well, I'm doing it my way.

I ate half a cookie, half of a half, to sort of go in the middle.

That's smart.

Here's mine.

Your golden years will be happy and fulfilling.

How about that?

I got news for you.

You're in it, my man.

This is it.

Okay, Qualik.

Your smile lights up a room.

Oh, my God.

I don't like the fortunes that are just like

a description of you.

Yeah.

Well, this one really

root for the underdog.

That's just advice.

Yeah, and I'm not taking it.

None of you guys added that hilarious thing in bed afterwards, which

always takes it to the next level, Fortunes.

Your smile brings happiness to others.

Oh, wow.

That's better than mine.

Mine just lights up a room.

And yours brings happiness.

Mine brings happiness.

My other one was actually very hopeful.

For me, it was very hopeful because I've been dealing with some stuff.

And it did say this wise.

Your other one.

You open another Fortune cookie for Fortune Cookie.

Your water fast will work.

Your water fast will work.

You love water.

Any troubles you have will pass shortly.

That's nice.

Wow.

That's nice.

I hope they come short.

That doesn't mean you die.

Hey, either way, it's a problem solved.

I think I got the worst one.

Yeah, I think so, too.

It's because yours isn't even about you.

No.

Yeah, that's a movie.

Do you want to try?

There's one cookie left.

There is one more cookie left to get.

No, you know what?

I stick with what I got.

Wow.

I am the underdog and I'm rooting for myself.

Oh, I love that.

Anyway, I have no reason to deviate from the consensus based off today's experience.

And I like that this chain

is immigrant-founded and still family-owned.

I'm going to give this five forks.

So welcome to the Platinum Plate Club Panda Express.

I think that's where you belong.

Five forks!

Oh, my God!

This is a great day.

And you know what?

This also means you guys are stage actors.

We are stage actors.

What the fuck was that?

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

If you hadn't retcon to five, I was going to do four and a half, but after you did, I was like, ah, might as well.

Hey, we got a beverage.

We're going to decide if you should pour it down your throat.

It's Dranker Stank.

And Amelia is busting this out now.

We have Sprite plus Tea, a refreshing take on tea.

Sprite plus tea is exactly as it sounds, a mighty collision of lemon, lime, and natural tea flavors.

Still caffeine-free and delicious.

Try some.

That's interesting.

They've added iced tea, but it's still caffeine-free.

You know what?

I'm glad you said that because I would have avoided this product.

I'm going to to open this other one up.

It makes sense because I feel like Sprite is

the soda of choice for people who don't want caffeine on all of them.

For sure.

I usually will pick Sprite if I'm trying to avoid caffeine.

So it makes sense to keep it caffeine-free.

No, that's my dinner soda.

Yeah.

Yeah, I always order it at wherever I am.

I go, if I have the regular soda, I'll be up all night.

Exactly.

And it's a piece of information that people don't want to hear.

Now, we were talking piss color earlier.

We were talking piss color early, and this is usually my piss color right here.

Oh, that's healthy.

Chestnut brown.

Chestnut brown piss.

Okay, we're just trying it.

Yeah, we can take a sip.

We're drinking out of the head gumason jars.

Damn.

Mama likes.

That's pretty good.

Yeah, it's really good.

That's pretty good.

Are they trying to go for like an Arnold Palmer lemon and it weirdly, I didn't want to go to the bottom of the

work so you can taste these.

It's really good.

You should try it.

Like, I'm going to order this.

I'm shocked.

Is this any healthier for you or is it just as bad?

I can't imagine.

So this bottle, which is a 20-ounce bottle, is 230 calories and 123% of your daily sugar.

So I think it's just as bad.

Yeah, very healthy.

It's really good if you add a Jolly Rancher and some liquid codeine.

Whoa.

Scizorp.

We know

the Houston boys teaching us about scissor.

I do like this quite a bit, and I do think that it must be, so it must be a caffeine-free tea that they put in here too

i like it i i can't believe that this works it's like a more intense

yeah i literally have like seen ads for this and been like a no thanks and now look at me drinking my words you know you know this is like what the the the lemon brisk iced tea should taste like that's what it reminds me of but this is like a better version of it way better yeah this is a this is a drink for me hold on i was like i like the lemon brisk oh no more than this no no no this this you're right this is i like the arizona iced tea yeah the arizona iced tea is good yeah no but i i think it's quite good and this gives that this gives that vibe to it this is this this is why because i'm gonna say it drank it's a drink this is a drink for me i wonder if it's i wonder if there's a hero version of this it's it's hitting wow it is hitting it wow it's hitting uh uh what did you say i'm saying it keeps saying it just like the famous phrase drank or stank for you drank drank wow dranks all around drank for the daisy what do you guys think over there drank yeah that's really good

amelia finished the rest of that bottle she doesn't usually drink soda i don't like soda you could also make your own at home and make it healthier just regular iced tea shut the fuck up

wait you're making sprite at home not sprite do you think you could or okay so you can buy a sprite and pour it into a not a non-caffeine iced tea you dip shit what if i bought like an iced tea at mcdonald's and a sprite and then i just like them into a cup together that's not a bad idea an unsweetened iced tea yeah that could maybe it would work but i don't know i just think that like the mix of this is pretty great they've hit a golden ratio here, whatever it is.

I have no reason to do my own alchemical approximation of it when I can just get this one out of the bottle.

It's quite good.

Fair.

Hey, just like a restaurant value feedback, let's open the feedback.

Today's email is from Ben S.

Ben writes.

White Castle and TGI Fridays have had frozen versions of their food in grocery stores for years, but during recent trips to the store, I saw Wendy's Canned Chili and Wendy's Square Beef Patties.

I've seen the Chili in the Wild.

Those were the ones that he said that are in stores.

White Castle TGI Fridays.

TGI Fridays, right?

And California Pizza Kitchen is another one.

one there are plenty of examples i have not seen the wendy's square beef patties in the wild but i have seen the wendy's canned chili i have seen the square beef patties and in the grocery store i literally went why yeah why that's that's that's weird uh are there any other chains that you'd like to see expand with fresh or frozen versions of their foods in grocery stores

i mean how about panda express not at all panda yeah i mean yeah frozen orange chicken yeah they could do an orange chicken bowl yeah why wouldn't wendy's do something like where they could have the frosty that would be fun that would make more sense to me.

Yeah, because that's yummy.

But it's probably hard to get that consistency in and have it be in the freezer aisle.

Like, like, like, cause it's kind of like

the semi-sort of softness to it, right?

Yeah.

Have you ever had that?

There's like soft serve ice cream in a pouch?

I have, yes.

Yeah.

You're thinking like that with a frosty.

Yeah.

That could work.

Because that, those, those pouches of soft serve are delicious.

Yes.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

That semi-soft

level is hard to attain.

Yeah.

Not for me, but.

i love cookie dough i was just wondering could they make like a donut dough you do like cold

that's an interesting idea i like that koala so we have like a crispy because they had krispy cream donuts uh donut

uh dough because there was there was a time during the krispy cream bubble just to to to close this up where they had krispy cream at the end of the aisle like they had entin mints they had you can just get them at grocery store they still have it it's not as good it's not as good and and i don't like that but if they had a version of like hey you can get get the Krispy Kreme glazed donut like dough and you can do whatever you want with it, that would be

anything you want.

We're going to say, Mitch.

Well, I have two ideas.

One is just to go on this Popeyes thing.

They give you the orange chicken, and then it's not glazed yet.

You put it in the air fryer.

You can cook it in the air fryer and then add the orange glaze afterwards.

I think it would be a good approximation for what it is.

The glazes like in a packet.

The glaze is in a packet.

I think that's a way to do it.

Yeah, then it's going to get all soggy.

I bet it's.

Yeah, that would be delicious.

The air fryer.

They get the crispiness, and then, yeah, that's probably

fried anyways, fried, and then flash frozen.

I think that's the way to be.

And then you cook it, you heat it up in the air fryer.

And then the other thing I was going to say, Jersey Mike deli meat.

Interesting.

Like a branded deli meat from Jersey Mike.

But the thing is,

here's what I say.

What's that?

They slice it up for you.

They slice it fried.

We just shut up for five seconds.

Please, let me say this.

Go ahead.

You could put it at the part of the grocery store where they slice it for you.

Yes, please.

Also, you please shut up for five seconds.

He's always telling women to shut up.

Koala, shut the fuck up.

You have a package that's the Italian sandwich and it just doesn't align all the meats and the cheese.

You can open it and just like slap it onto some bread and your sandwich is ready.

Yes.

But what about Mike's whey sauce?

You get like little packets of the vinegar.

You can add little packets of like vinegar.

There's a packet of Mike's whey vinegar in the...

This is.

He just sold it.

Mike just sold it.

This is a.

Did you call me Mike?

No, but Mike did sell it.

Oh, he did.

Oh, really?

We're very upset about it.

Yeah.

Well, Peter Cancro is the owner.

Yes, he sold.

Is it Blackstone or BlackRock Capital?

I forget which one it is.

Oh, yeah.

I think it is BlackRock Capital.

Whichever one it is.

One of those onerous, you know, multinational private equity funds that owns everything now.

So it's destroying the brands.

It's not a bad idea.

What did you say, Google?

And then they destroy the brand.

They do, yes.

This is the issue.

What about the bread?

Wow.

Because I just feel like what you're describing is like, now I'm just getting all the individual components they have at Jersey Mics.

Me as a consumer, I'm like, at this point, I'm just going to the Jersey Mike's.

But what if you don't live near one?

Now, I do live near one.

And I will say, people get into car accidents driving into the Jersey Mics.

Yeah.

You live like one block.

I live one block from a Jersey Mike's.

It was once held hostage by a man with a knife i'm sorry about that

but my issue is people when they get hungry for jersey mics have lose the ability to drive their cars sure because i've seen multiple accidents right outside where people are coming into the parking lot just being like

the subs i think of more that more as like an in-and-out burger or a raisin canes thing the big the big drive-through queue where people are getting into fisticuffs oh well our drive-through in eagle rock it the draw the line for it backs up into the freeway that's annoying it's so bad.

That's very annoying.

That's rough stuff.

Yeah, that's in Quincy.

You know, the Popeyes is in Quincy,

it would go out into the artery.

That's

the issue.

And the Popeyes will go right to your arteries.

That's true, Paul.

That's the other issue.

Yes, yes, you're right.

I do think that you could do the Italian and then like, hey, you want the bread?

It's in your grocery's freezer.

You know what I mean?

Sure, yeah.

You could buy all these components, and I think it would work as like, hey, I'm not sure.

I'd like to be more than a Jersey Mike Sandles.

i'm not investing i'm not investing all right you know maybe it's fun maybe i maybe i

don't think you up i we're just pitching here no no one's fucking up we're just throwing ideas out i think you absolutely throw out good ones how about but we mentioned it earlier i don't feel like enough of these ice cream chains make their product available in grocery stores man wants handles pints yeah maybe get a handles pine i don't know what's wrong with that it'd be kind of nice What about a bag of like frozen McDonald's nuggies that you could just like make at home anytime you wanted?

Like that too.

Another

McDonald's nuggets.

I'm shocked.

Enterprise.

I mean, they have not put those out for a reason because

then they have to list the ingredients.

Yeah.

That may be the issue.

That might be it.

Maybe a bit raw.

That might be the.

Yeah, exactly.

10% beak,

8% chicken hand.

Chicken hand.

What the fuck?

What is it called?

No, no, no.

I'm saying if I read that on the thing, I would say, what the fuck is going on here?

And then you'd say, yum.

I mean, yes, I wouldn't care that much.

I still would eat them.

But I'm like, that's the thing with McDonald's where a McFlurry, too, would be fun.

A mixed-up McFlurry.

Yeah.

McDonald's McFlurry's in your grocery's freezer would kill.

I think I'm just like, as far as sit-down chains, I think they do have, you can buy the mix for the red lobster cheddar bay biscuit, which is nice.

But like, I also feel like that is just an extra step of like, now I've just got to whip this thing up.

Where I, I, I, I think the, the version that this, that Ben S is talking about is the one where it's just basically a heat and serve well I will say too in Canada you can buy the Swissele sauce which you guys have had yes that sauce is great it's so good you can buy it but it's not that it's not as good it's never as good as when you go to the place that's kind of I wonder like is part of the utility of these products is that they remind you to go to the store because you get the krispy cream donut at the at the vaughns and then you're eating it and then you're like well this the kroger krispy cream isn't hitting but now i want krispy cream well i will say this i went to a krispy cream in pasadena because there's there's not that many Krispy Kremes.

Yes.

And I watched the guy box up the Krispy Kremes, and he was just doing it from like pre-made.

Like it looked like they get their like shipment in the morning.

Like they're not making that.

So I will say they weren't that good.

Yeah, that's a bummer.

Because like when Krispy Kreme first opened in Canada,

people went crazy.

Like there was like a five-hour lineup to get into the Krispy Kreme.

Oh, I remember when it expanded West,

when it opened up in LA for the first time.

And that was a big novelty.

Never really impressed me that much I know that like I me neither when it opened up in Austin I remember when I was in college everyone was obsessed with it and I was like if you get a hot one siblings

I agree no if you get a hot one they're so I mean that is also true the original glazed hot is very good it's like their orange chicken it's their star attraction it's just is whatever um is there any meat like KFC chicken breasts or something

like that the Wendy's burger I feel like that meat's a little sweeter than other

yeah I'm interested in trying to I think the square is fun.

I hate it.

I don't want it hanging off my bun.

Oh, I think it's kind of fun.

Oh, it's fun.

Nibble it around.

Is it fun to you guys?

You're being a Karen again.

We just went back to Chili's, and we're in the midst of a Chili's renaissance.

I feel like Chili's should, you know, while they're in the Zeitgeist, be like, let's come up with some, it's some, you know, grocery store versions of our most popular dishes.

Like the Santa Fe egg rolls.

Yeah, sure.

Well, some of their apps.

The Bloomin' Onion is, I think, you could get it in the fruit grocery free store.

Yeah, the Bloomin' Onion.

They eat the Outback Steakhouse

Outback, I think, had some frozen stuff.

They might be wrong.

I don't know if you can recreate that Bloomin' Onion.

Yeah.

Well,

the fried stuff can be hard, but also, I think it is like the stuff that you can get closest to with an air fryer or something.

That's a tough one, but you could do those mozzarella planks that they have there.

You could do the Southwest Egg rolls.

You could do some of their apps, but and also you could do, like, they could have like a baby back ribs version.

Ooh.

Because the TGI Friday stuff is, I think, potato skins and mozzarella sticks.

Because I've had those.

Yeah.

And they're, and they're, and they're not, I think they're okay.

They're not too bad.

Potato skins, I get down on a potato skin every once in a while.

This is making me realize how much of how many Marie Calendars meals I used to eat.

That used to be a big thing.

Oh, right.

That was a big heat at home thing.

And that's, you know, that, again, comes from a restaurant brand.

But I think the, the, the take-home, actually, the, this, the, the grocery store business actually did better than the, the restaurants.

Would you be interested in if there was like, it's like KFC brand chicken, raw chicken in your grocery store?

Raw chicken?

No.

What?

Why would I do that?

That's what I'm asking.

Or what about a KFC bird?

You could bring the bird home.

Like a physical bird?

Yeah, yeah.

Like a live chicken?

Yeah.

This is a KFC raised or KFC branded chicken.

Yes, yes.

I'm not investing in that one either.

I don't like it.

Yeah.

Would you have this and assemble your own

Playable?

Frozen.

Dang.

Amelia, you just hit on the.

Frozen Playable would be pretty nice.

You just hit on the thing that he has fallen in love with.

I know.

I wish there was fucking playa out here, but it's just not available.

He loves

the playable is great.

We had it in Newark.

It's delightful.

It's just the best version of the acai bowl.

Which I have never had either.

Wow.

Don't go to Oakberry.

There's an Oakberry on this block.

Oakberry sucks, but Playable is the anti-Oakberry.

It is sublime.

And there aren't any in the West Coast.

Just to show you what a psycho he is.

I think he would maybe move to a city that had Plyable because he's insane.

Zach Cherry said he would move to LA if Dillboys Media opened a Playable franchise here.

He said he'd move here to manage it for us.

Zach's managing pliable?

Zach, you got so much better things going on than managing a pliable.

Sounds like we're getting life to me.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfock.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-go to that's 830-4636844.

Our producer is Emma Erdbrink.

Our associate producer is Amelia Marino.

Our supervising video producer, Casey Donahue, our video editor, Mike Dorfman.

You can find our apparel and merchandise, including our 10-year anniversary shirt at kinshipgoods.com/slash doughboys.

Wags

subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash doughboys.

10-year anniversary shirt.

Get it now.

It's a spoon and a burger in the shape of a 10.

We've done it for 10 years.

You know, whatever.

Congratulations.

That's really great.

This is our 501st episode.

This is right?

This is it?

I think so, yeah.

Wages, you know,

I want to give a thank you on the last episode.

I didn't give a good thank you.

So I just want to say thank you to everyone who's listened and for everyone who has contributed to the show in any way, all of our guests, like our two lovely, hilarious friends that are here today, and all of our guests in the past.

And I just want to thank Mike Cassidy for always giving us his music, and Chris Van Arstalen for giving us his art, and USong,

and Drop King and Fish, who do the Discord, and

Vinod

who does our Wikipedia, And of course,

Amelia, Emma,

Mike, and Casey.

We love all of you.

Anyone, Headgum, everyone, a Headgum, Sam from Patreon.

And then, of course, the big man, Evan Susser, who we love dearly.

I thought you were going to say Adam Conover.

And Adam Conover.

Just some shout outs for me.

And hopefully I didn't miss anybody, but I wanted to,

you said some very nice things on the last episode, so I wanted to say something.

No, that was lovely, Mitch.

And hey, you know who else we should thank our guests, Matt Koala, Kali Prazov.

Screen Timers is the podcast.

Mitch and I are guesting on an episode about the movie Parenthood, which I don't know if this is coming out first or that's coming out first.

I think ours will come out first, but that's cool.

So

people should check that out.

It'll come out before next Thursday.

Yeah, it comes out

next Tuesday.

Yeah, this Tuesday.

And so

as of now, you can go and listen to the Doughboys crossover episode in the Screen Timers feed.

Go check that out and have that be your jumping on point.

point nick um but yes we should record that right now

great idea but please uh please plug the show again and tell it tell everyone about it yeah if you're a parent and you like comedy and you like hearing other like comedian parents talk about raising kids and screen time and and the shows that their kids the shows youtube channels or movies our kids like and they probably hate yeah we talk about it all it's kind of like a safe space for parents to listen to other parents talk about how they honestly feel about screen time and everything else.

Yeah.

Well, there you go.

I love it.

Give it a listen.

Check that out.

And also, don't go anywhere.

Keep listening.

Keep watching to this episode for a bonus segment with Alex and Fred, the team behind Dough Boys the comic book.

That'll be coming up right after this.

That'll do it for this episode of Dough Boys until next time for the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell.

I'm Tiger Wire.

Happy Eating.

See ya.

Stick around.

Hey, buddy, we have a bonus segment on today's episode celebrating the launch of Dough Boys

the comic book.

Wow.

Bonus segment.

Bonus segment for Dough Boys the comic book, Mitch.

Bonus segment.

Issue one is shipping now.

Some of you already have it in your hands as of this episode's release.

Issues two through six are coming soon.

Get your own.

Fiction wages.

They got that comic in their hand.

They're not putting it down till they're on the last page.

It's a page turner.

It is.

We'll get into it.

Get yours.

It's like the great

Gatsby.

Yes.

Or Catcher in the Rye.

Can you name a third book?

The Old Man in the Sea.

In the.

The Old Man by.

Oh, and the Sea.

Yeah, there you go.

Get Yours.

I read that one, you know.

Did you really?

Yeah.

What's your favorite part?

The Ocean.

I believe they called it the Sea.

Oh, yeah.

There's a lot of interpretations on that.

Oh, go ahead, Mike.

No, I just want to direct back.

I can't argue with Emm about literature all day, Alex.

This is ridiculous.

I just want to direct back, make sure, people, if you don't already have your copy of Dough Boys the Comic Book, and get yours at brkids.com.

And with us today for this segment, the team who made this bad boy happen.

Dough Boys the Comic Book Writer, Alex Fear, and artist Fred C.

Stressing.

Alex, Fred, so happy to have you both.

Hello, hello, hello.

Hi, thank you for having us.

Guys, you're probably the people are going to be praising you over this product.

And if they're pissed off, it is their fault.

So we just will let them know.

That's what I say whenever they complain about my work.

Yeah.

Bring me your rage.

Here.

Shout out the show.

We can't.

We really, speaking of praise, we can't praise y'all enough for what you put together.

The comic book is so great.

The story is so compelling.

It's very funny.

And the art is phenomenal.

It's really,

it's exceeded my expectations in every way.

So

thank you to you both for putting this together.

Cool.

Alex, congratulations a bunch of show.

Or on the comic.

Yeah, congratulations to you both.

Sorry, Wags.

What did I mean to cut you off?

Thank you very much.

Alex, you put so much time

and work into this, and I think the story is great.

It really pays off.

And Fred, those, it just, like Wag said, it just looks so damn cool.

It looks fantastic, guys.

Oh, my God.

Thank you very much.

It really does.

Real quick, shout out Meg Casey, my wife and colorist, for also bringing it to these pages.

She's done some amazing job on these.

And

she's like

half of the creative team art-wise.

But I will also take the rest of your praise.

Thank you.

So I want to just go back a little bit because, Alex, this was an idea that you brought to us.

It was, yes.

Hello, I'm loud.

I'll quiet down.

Yeah.

There wasn't, Fred and I, we were working on Rick and Morty back in the day.

Yes.

The Rick and Morty comic book.

Oh, yes, the Rick and and Morty comic book.

The picture book.

A little worse than the show, but a lot better to read, don't worry.

And

as the like, we're like licensed comics people now.

And we're like, oh, which license would we want to work on?

And I was like, I'm going to work on a dope boys book.

And I began like the first issue plot of this, I thought of like about five years ago.

And then I was having dinner with you, Nick.

That's right.

Tiger Weiger.

Get the name right.

And

yeah.

And you asked me, like, oh, what would you want to work on?

It's like, funny thing you mentioned.

And I pitch you the whole

plot of the first issue about

a cop eating bad, fast food that you eat every day and he dies and Nick and Mitch go on the run.

Not the spoil page eight of this wonderful

book.

So, so the, so, you know, the, the, the, obviously the, the, the, the story you

put together.

Um, uh, the, the art I want to talk about, Fred, real quick from that side.

Like, like, I have a quick question for Fred.

Is it true that

you just basically took the character design of Violator from Spawn and then

added a baseball hat on it and flannel and that was me?

Yeah, I also got rid of some of the makeup.

It was like a bit

of

a process.

Yeah, it's mostly just Violator.

See, I know Violator from Spawn.

I'm so impressed by that.

I did Google his name, but I do remember him.

Do you have, like, Fred, I'm curious on the art side, what is your process for the character designs?

Because, like, I'm not sure how often you're, you're drawing comics versions of real people, including me and Mitch and the whole team and stuff.

I'll say it's, yeah, that's not often.

Um, so that was kind of, I mean, first of all, you guys were nice enough to send me a bunch of photos, um, which I have saved way deep in my hard drive.

So, don't worry about it, it's fine.

Um, yeah, no, I've got a bunch of reference you guys took, which was great, very helpful.

Like I was saying, did Meger send you any with his shirt on?

I'm not going to disclose that.

No, yeah, it was, so it was an interesting process.

I was basically trying to do something that was sort of like my style, but also design it looking like you guys, looking like the guests and stuff, and sort of kind of come up with this cartoon mix of

just like, I don't know, trying to come up with a good way for.

everyone to look in that style because everything I've done professionally to this point really has been I've done Rick and Morty I've done some Invaders M, and all that stuff has been really

specific in the way that the characters look and are designed.

So having that freedom to really just go a little bit more, lean more into how I just naturally draw has been really great.

It's interesting to see your process as someone who does, like, is not involved in, on the comic side at all.

And, you know, I didn't know, actually, really know how a comic was scripted and what your process as collaborators was.

But my favorite thing I see is if in one of these scripts, and you two obviously have a long-standing working relationship, so you have something of a shorthand.

But Alex will sometimes write like for a page splash, just write like, Fred, feel free to go nuts with this one.

Yes.

Yeah, those, those, there are the Fred goes crazy pages, which is one of my favorites.

Yeah, yeah.

We've been doing those.

Our favorites too.

Yeah.

Doing those since I think our first book, the Rick and Morty Bird Person issue, which, yeah, I'm just going to plug all our other stuff.

Sorry.

Yeah, no, that was one of the first ones we did that with.

And it was sort of like, oh, this turned out really good.

We should do this more going forward.

I want to go back to your process for like writing, because

like Alex, you put together these scripts, and I think we talked about it.

We would have talked about it on the Patreon episode that was out earlier this week, but you and I have known each other for a while.

Yes.

We were both onion

contributors back in the day.

You're talking onion the parody newspaper.

That's right.

You weren't onion contributors.

You didn't contribute to a vegetable.

Okay, all right.

Yeah, yeah.

I want to make sure.

Some people don't know.

An onion consumer, certainly.

That is true.

I like eating them.

Yeah, are you an onion?

Are you an onion fan to vegetable?

I am from the Soviet Union.

Nasty ass onions are a key part of my cultural heritage.

You get a good locks bagel with an onion.

Onions are important for my career, for my diet.

I want to just thank them.

Wow, I love that.

Yeah, so we were working on that.

You had any onion praise to toss on?

Onion enthusiasts here.

I like them.

Oh my gosh.

I like them fried.

Give me an onion ring.

I'm good.

I love it.

I know from working with you in the past that, like, you know,

I mean this in a nice way.

You are a lot.

And so, like, your scripts are very much just like you, like, just, I feel like just a lot of times, just like thought dumping out on the page.

They're kind of sprawling.

They're kind of all over the place, but they're also so unique and unexpected.

And that's part of the fun of them.

You're very, very kind.

Some might say

less than professional, but I say entertaining, baby.

Thank you.

Do you like as you two have worked together, like Fred, like, I mean, are you used to getting these tomes in Google Doc forms and figuring out how to decipher them?

Yeah, no, absolutely.

It's always weird for me when I see a page and I go, hey, Alex, I'm going to add more panels to this because it needs more panels.

Because Alex, you write like these intense.

I know you love your nine panel grids, your Ellen Moore style, Tom King style writing.

And I love to draw those and break things down into these tiny moments, and that's really fun.

But yeah, it's like the Fred goes crazy stuff where he gives me like a handful of ideas.

And as I'm drawing, I'm like, how much can I reasonably fit on the page?

And then we sort of go back and forth on like, what's the most important joke here?

What's the, what could we like chop or whatever?

And it sort of gets whittled from there.

But yeah, Alex is like a great collaborator on that.

And it's one of my favorite things about working with you.

Fred likes doing good.

That's why I like work.

I like to do good work.

I try.

He's very passionate.

He likes doing the good, weird shit.

Because I am.

Yeah.

Can be very annoying for the wrong artist.

But for my dear friend, Fred,

he finds that charming.

That's a good friendship.

Someone's annoying people like.

Well, I mean, again, I just,

we're so, so happy with the comic.

It's, I mean, I think the podcast is bad

and, you know, embarrassing a lot of times.

It's success inexplicable.

But the comic is like, I have trouble understanding the emotion of pride, but I do feel like the comic is something that

I'm like proud of.

I'm proud that the Doughboys are part of it.

I think it's very, very clear.

I think so too, Max.

What a beautiful thing to say.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I think we were for sure when

we first started this, we're like, what the hell is this going to be?

Who knows?

Exactly.

And then I think we were so happy with the way that.

Yeah, that it's actually good.

I'm just like,

Lord.

Part of the reason I wanted to do this is I'm going to heap praise, which might be cut.

Sorry, I don't know if it's off-brand, but I do think you are the two funniest people kind of like doing it right now.

That's very kind.

A lot of people would describe us as a lot.

That's what's good.

I'm a lot.

We just had a big spiel about how I'm a lot, but it is just like as a fan of the great old comedies where people just found the right two personalities, mash them together.

It was like, oh my God, this is my dream to do like a Doughboys movie to do, because I've been a fan of you since I was like 21.

Since I was like moved to the LA in the UCB, the Birthday Boys, you know, everything you did.

First time I met you, you were doing like stand-up for the Birthday Boys pilot.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wages did the same.

He did a great job.

Yeah.

You did do a great job in that stage.

I did.

I was my one day working as a warm-up comic.

And it was the fucking long ass hardest day I ever worked in my life.

It's a freeze frame into my brain.

It was brilliant work.

But it was just like, yeah, my dream.

Like, if I could just do a slate of comedies, it would just be just like all this great UCB talent I saw when I was like so young.

And this comic was a chance to do just that.

That's very kind of you to say.

It's very, I mean, I think you're wrong.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is why I'm breaking Kayfe.

This is terrible.

It's a bad show, apparently, which I laughed too hard at, but that's okay.

That's one, please.

We need that.

It fills up for the space where people aren't laughing.

Coke heavy today.

I just noticed that and I like it.

I just want to point it out.

Yeah, I mean, I just, I kind of, you have those days.

I was like, I'm just fucking going.

I just want to fucking give this a shit.

I'm like, Coke heavy.

I love it.

140 calories of sugar just straight to the dome.

78% of my daily intake of sugar in one can.

Who gives a fuck?

You gotta.

You gotta, though.

You gotta do it.

You gotta read?

You gotta do it.

Fred, do you have like a lot of praise like Alex just gave us?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

No, I see, I, not living in LA, I'm much more familiar with both of you from the podcast scene.

So, although I did, I was familiar with Birthday Boys and a big fan of that when that started up.

But, like, I know Weiger from a lot of his comedy bang-bang appearances before I got to Doughboys.

And yeah, no, I love your guys' stuff, and it's amazing.

I haven't had the chance to see you guys perform in person or do any like pilot warm-ups, but yeah, you guys are amazing.

We're gonna get you back in the pilot warm-ups.

I can pay some.

That was my calling.

I mean, not

the IFC Birthday Boys pilot,

but some of those can pay some

hard cash.

Yeah, memory serves that was unpaid.

I love it.

I get it.

I'm repeating myself.

The comic is so

happy.

I think it maybe was unpaid, but it was a really great opportunity for you.

Yeah.

Good exposure, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And if we didn't use you, we would have had to have like an AI comic do the warm-up.

Well, I'm like fuck AI.

That's a joke.

Fuck AI.

We can all agree, fuck AI.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

You said that like a Chicago, 19,

you're the 19, like a 1930s Chicago guy.

I'm ready.

I'm ready to go for taxes.

Well, we are all ready to have the Dough Boys comic book.

Everyone should check this out.

If you're a Dough Boys fan,

I think you're going to love it.

There's so much fan service in it, but there's also

it's funny on its own.

You don't have to like it, and it's great on its own.

You don't have to, you know, be a, be a, a, uh, a super fan of, of Doughboys to, to appreciate it.

Um, berkids.com is the URL where you can order your copy.

Uh, everyone should check it out.

Alex, Fred, uh, thank you so much for all the work you've done, and thank you so much for making a die for us.

Thank you.

Appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

People want to know in the Simpsons movie, you see Bart Simpson's hog.

Yeah.

Will you see me and Nick's hogs over the course of the Doughboys comic?

Sometime we'll tell.

The people demand it, I'm sure.

I think that we should do the same skateboarding scene.

Can we order some extra small ink for Mitch?

Extra small ink?

Do they have extra?

Do they have extra small ink?

Oh, no.

Fred pulled up a small ink bottle.

Thanks, guys.

Everyone, get the comic.

Yeah, get the comic.

That was a hit gun podcast.