Krispy Kreme x Pop-tarts with Jess McKenna

This is a head gun podcast.

Want to watch this episode?

Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash Doughboys Media.

Back at it again at Krispy Cream.

So begins one of the most memorable posts of all time on the now-defunct video sharing app, Vine.

The sub six-second clip starts with that direct-to-camera sign-on, followed by the speaker, Interior Donut Shop, Knight, executing a spectacular series of back hand springs, climaxing with the acrobat accidentally kicking a large lit sign off the store wall.

The dizzying sequence ends as the heavy neon donut signboard plummets to the floor, but notably before impact, which only adds to the video's impact.

Back at it again at Krispy Cream went viral many times over after its 2014 circulation by gymnastics clip aggregator Fab Cheerleader, but its star was unknown for years before a thoroughly thoroughly researched 2016 New York magazine article by Brian Feldman identified him as an Atlanta-based tumbling instructor named Aaron.

Aaron said the impromptu routine led to a visit from the cops, resulting in him deleting the clip from his own account and distancing himself till the heat died down.

But it was additionally an inadvertent bit of viral marketing for an 87-year-old North Carolina-based donut chain, which endured economic turmoil from overexpansion in the early 21st century and is now stabilized under private ownership.

In recent years, it's engaged in fruitful brand partnerships, acquiring crumble competitor Insomnia Cookies, later flipped for profit, launching a successful pilot program to offer its donuts inside McDonald's, and in January 2025, debuting a crossover with grocery store toaster pastry Pop-Tarts.

The signature non-serial offering of Kelanova, which rebranded from Kellogg in 2023, apparently because it didn't sound enough like a defense contractor from RoboCop, Pop-Tarts debuted back in 1964 after a development process artlessly and joylessly portrayed in Jerry Seinfeld's execrable Netflix original film Unfrosted.

A bad movie from Netflix, weird.

Feldman's New York magazine profile of the undercover Vine Star concludes with a sentence, quote, asked if he had any other thoughts to add, Aaron stated, as a matter of fact, tumbling his life, end quote.

And it's hard to argue.

considering Aaron's virtuosic display of human mastery converging with unintentional destruction packs more raw entertainment into six seconds than unfrosted does into 93 dog shit minutes.

This week on Doughboys, we're back at it again at Krispy Cream to review the Krispy Kreme Pop-Tarts collaboration.

Back at it again at Krispy Cream.

Welcome to No Boys, a podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, Dr.

Eatville,

aka

aka cat bastard, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell.

One million nuggets.

Very good.

Very good.

Come on, off the top.

I liked it.

Sorry.

Can I get it wrong?

Yeah, I really hate to come in this hot.

I think it's out.

I think it's out.

It's out.

Yeah.

Ooh, how the fuck do I...

There you go.

Perfect.

One million nuggets.

Perfect.

I could have changed it up.

I liked it.

This is an awesome.

Nuggets is the way to go.

Yeah, I mean, because it's like a doll, like, is there a food that sounds like dollars?

You know,

one million silver dollar pancakes, I guess.

That feels way too long.

Exactly.

Cumbersome.

We're talking about delicious foods.

One million doll hairs.

Yeah.

Doll hairs.

One million dolmas?

But then you got to think about what you got to think of what a a dolma is first.

I feel people are like, oh, yeah, oh, that thing, the grape thing.

One million dole whips.

That's it.

That's good.

That's it.

One million dolmas.

One million dole whips is really good.

You can't have a.

That's why

we need a good improviser here every week, wives.

You suck.

You're really bad.

Yeah, I know.

I suck, too.

Why do you think I stopped doing it?

I realized it's been longer since I stopped doing UCB.

Longer form.

Thank you for the improv correction.

It's been longer in a stretch of time since I stopped performing at the Upright Citizens Brigade than the entire time I performed the Upright Citizens Brigade.

I retired forever at the end of 2015.

Wait,

what did you first say?

I wasn't paying attention to you.

It's been a longer stretch of time since I stopped doing improv at UCB than the entire length of time I did improv at UCB.

That is wild.

That is wild.

Hey, this is an Austin Powers 2 themed roast.

What is this?

My big, fat, groovy wedding?

I don't know.

See, this is an Austin Powers 2-themed roast.

And since some would say Dr.

Evil is an impression of Lauren Michaels' famous speaking voice, I thought it apropros for Mike Mitchell.

Sincerely,

apropos.

Apropos?

I think.

Did you say apropros?

I've never read it aloud.

I'm assuming that was supposed to be apropos.

I've never seen, I don't know how to say it.

I mean, it was probably written like apropos.

A-P-R-O-P-O-S.

Yeah, I'm just guessing.

I've already said that the word you were trying to to say is apropos.

Oh, okay.

Are you the smart one?

I mean, relative to you.

Well, I got news for you, Wags.

Uh-oh.

Wow, here we go.

Here's the big reveal.

Boys, I'm now the smart one.

Wow.

It gave me a headache almost immediately.

Are you going to be aware that

for our audio listeners, Mitch just put on a pair of glasses?

I think it's a very flattering frame.

Looks nice on your face.

And now this podcast seems quite childish.

Sincerely, Tony Owen at TonyZines, Tony Owen.com.

We got a URL in there.

P.S.

I wonder if Mitch will say, get in my Wally.

You did not say that.

Get in my Wally?

Like

get in inside my cat?

I guess so.

Yeah.

No, I don't want you to get in my Wally.

Tony, he did not say that.

Roastedbirdfuck.com.

I mean,

that is funny.

If I was saying to cat food, it's funny.

Yeah.

Get in my Wally.

That's funny.

Yeah, it's funny.

Maybe next time you put out cat food, go to World.

See how it feels.

Are you going to wear the glasses during the episode or just put them on for a taste?

I don't know because I also do think we talked about how I have brain fog.

Yeah.

And then I've been wearing these and I've had regular headaches, which is almost a relief.

And I haven't had as much brain fog.

It's been a year of trying to figure it out.

So

I have been trying to wear them at night, especially.

When I first got glasses, I was like nauseous for the first couple of weeks when I wore them because it takes a while to get used to it.

You're used to not seeing clear.

And now you're seeing clear.

Well, it's also like with

their progressives, and my mom warned me against getting them.

And like when you move your head, like the vision, it does like warp, warp stuff.

So, I'm not going to keep them on the whole episode.

Is that, and I know it's like disorienting to have like a, you know, like a new way of seeing the world.

Is that prescription strong enough where you can look down and see your own hog?

You should, you should, you know what, you should try the

what my prescription is like.

I got laced on the bottom.

I don't think that my prescription's that.

And also, the answer is yes.

My truly favorite thing is to watch a person not quite able to get through their jokes.

And you were like milliseconds you know it was like can i

this is uh yeah what do you know the numbers here i don't think it's very strong it doesn't seem super strong i mean but but the thing is like i had so i was minus five seven five in this eye minus four two five in this eye and then i got laysick wow i got lasick 15 years a week

may i yes please okay i have so sorry 2020 vision wow yeah of course sorry emma what's your prescription i am mine's very mild

just to see if it's similar because mine's like negative 50 and negative 75.

I mean, so it's not a lot.

Yeah, yeah.

This is not.

You look the coolest in my glasses, bro.

You look cool.

Yeah, cool.

Those are good frames.

They look good on everyone's.

Hey, all right.

When I was a kid, I used to take my dad's reading glasses off his bedside table and like put them on and be like, whoa.

And

did that give you the same thing?

Kind of not as intense.

Yeah, they're not very intense, but

I have an astigmatism.

So that is.

Casey, what's your prescription?

I'm plus three in both eyes.

Oh, wow.

So you're far-sighted.

I'm far-sighted.

Wow, interesting.

My dad is also far-sighted.

You said you were, I thought you said you were far-sighted.

I did say far-sighted.

Far-sighted.

Oh, yeah, you're far-sighted.

Someone made that joke recently, and I don't know who.

I always forget, though, far-sighted means you can see

far.

I can see far, but not near.

Yeah.

And I'm the opposite.

I mean, it's not.

I can't see.

It's actually pretty sweet of us as humans that we decided to name it in in the positives.

Yeah, in like what you're good at.

This is what you're good at.

Right.

Hey, guess what?

You're far-sighted.

You can see far.

Well done.

We didn't say like you're near dumb.

It's like my mom taking me to shop in the husky section as a boy.

It's like, oh, okay, I'm a husky.

Yeah, this is just a different type.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a dog's name.

I'm far-sighted.

If I don't have the glasses on, I see everyone as talking dogs.

Excellent commitment to circling back.

Thank you.

It was on the, I know what it was, but we were on the Go Off King stream.

That's what it was.

That's what it was.

And they said, and they were saying

that.

I stole the joke.

Yeah, that's it.

You know what?

Sometimes you got to steal a joke every so often.

Mitch, I have a little bit of business before we get to our drop.

I wanted to revisit this.

This was last week with our, or a very recent episode.

I don't know if it was just last week as of this release with our buddy Zach Cherry.

We went through some new bits for 2025.

Sure.

One of the bits that I previewed

is something that I wanted to make sure that I revisited with Casey present.

Casey Dunahue, of course, a resident Dune head.

And he wasn't here last time.

So the bit is,

you know, of course, Mitch, Timothy Chalamay had a big year.

He plays both Paul Muadib Atreides in Dune and Bob Dylan in a complete unknown.

And of course, last year we had our character based off of Austin Butler

appearing in both Elvis and in Dune, Elvis Harkinen.

Elvis Harkinen.

Yeah, so now we have a new character that's akin to that, Muad Dylan.

Ooh, really good.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, I love it.

Muad Dylan.

It was Muad Deep Dylan, but Emma had the punch up to Muad Dylan.

A little bit of simplification.

How many times will they come to steal spice?

Emma, let's hit it.

I hope it's the same song.

How much melange must the trades consume before he is Lisan al-Ghai?

And how many sardaukar must the Framid feed

before they're allowed to be free?

Yes, and how much water of life must the Reverend Mother drink

before Paul can be with Chani

the answer, my friend, is burrowing in the sand

the sandworm is burrowing in the sand so the answer is the sandworm yeah it's really good and he plays on the little um the ballisette instead of the uh harmonica nick i gotta hand you that cartman impression is so great

i thought you would at least have a uh you'd at least have a dylan i mean you kind of do i kind of did i tried i went too low in the register is the problem i'm i'm too much of an amateur singer

I think it would have been easier if I went up an optional house.

How much melange, Mr.

Trades can see.

Before Cal's mom won't be a bitch.

All right, Mitch, play your job.

Wise,

I got some updates from the LAFD.

Oh, great.

The fires are getting really contained because they hired the hawk to a girl, which we mentioned before.

And they said that

they wanted me to tell you that you could, that they asked for flashlights.

You don't have to keep donating fleshlights.

It's like a lot of them.

You've been sending them a lot of fleshlights.

They don't need fleshlights.

But I'm going to need those back, especially the Darth Maul one.

And also.

They've, they've, they've, they have an evacuation around your apartment complex because of the amount of baby oil that you have in your place.

So they're just afraid, like, if that goes up.

Look, with Diddy in prison, someone's got to keep Johnson and Johnson in business.

Thank you to

the first responders again.

Of course.

Were you affected by our guests?

Were you affected by the fires?

I mean, everyone was affected.

Right, right, right.

No, we were always clear of an evacuation line,

but pretty scary.

Also, like, does just remind you how giant our city is, but like, and how you have different attack, you know, just places that you go more often.

Yes.

So, uh, like, obviously, I spend more time, obviously, maybe not obvious, obvious to me, I spend more time close to the Eaton fire, the Pasadena, Alti Show fire area versus the Palisades fire.

So, like, more awareness of what's happening there.

Um, so yeah, it's been so, so sad.

But then when my family was like, this new one's close to you, I'm like, no, that would take me forever to get that when the sunset fire broke out.

Oh, right, yeah.

And I was like, guys, that's so much farther.

Like, can you pay attention?

And then I looked at the map and I was like, oh, I'm equidistant.

I just don't go to Runyon anymore.

Yeah.

You know, like, it just is like, I don't know.

You're like, oh, I'm three miles away.

Yeah.

Like, I was like, I'm actually dead center between them, but just emotionally, I was like, I'm very close to the eaten fire because I'm in those spaces more often.

But yeah, it's been a hard time, but also,

I think an inspiring time.

True.

Very true.

And we're very happy you're safe.

Thank you.

But glad everyone here is safe.

Oh, God bless you.

Yes.

Yeah.

We got very lucky.

And our shitty podcast must go on as we as we'll say, like, as someone who falls asleep to podcasts, when people did have to take a break, I was like, I understand, but please come back for me.

I have to have some of my friends in my ears.

Otherwise, the thoughts get in.

I wonder how many people are falling asleep to your Eric Cartman song tonight, Wags.

Hey, there's one in this studio.

Jemmy's catching some shut eye.

Cute as shit.

That is super cute.

That's a little croissant.

Yeah.

She is a little croissant.

All right.

Emma, let's hit him with a drop, please.

Today is going

Golden Corral is open.

Shit.

Golden Corral is open.

If I don't go real soon, I'll ruin my tidy wide east.

Ruin my tidy wide east.

Ruin my tidy white east.

I believe Golden Corral is open.

Shit.

Golden Corral is open.

Maybe I'll go there and take a shit.

Shit.

Are we the only two people that don't sound good with auto-tune?

We sound like shit.

Auto-tune couldn't tune us to sound good, it sounds like.

That was a, that was a, was that a recent drop?

That was a runner from the drop-off this year?

Yeah.

Yeah, because I was like, it sounded familiar.

I really like that one.

That was a, we, that was a song we just riffed out back in the golden corral episode.

You're not the only improviser here.

We improvised that whole,

thing that none of us were laughing at.

We improvised that.

That was from Stony Sharp.

Yeah, buddy, Stoney.

We love Stony.

Nick and Mitch sing like angels in the Doughboys dance remix of multi-platinum hit song Wonderwall by Oasis.

Shout out to the bathrooms at Golden Corral, warmly, Big Cat Music Squad.

They always do a good job.

Thank you, Big Cat.

Thank you, Big Cat.

Drops at birdfuck.com.

We're going to run through the rest of the runners up for the drop-off for the rest of January, but we'll have have new drops coming in next month.

So please keep sending them.

That's 100% true.

Send those drops in.

Not just for drop-offs.

Now we get drops from like five years ago because no one sends them anymore, which is okay.

We'll still use them.

Some good old drops out there.

Yeah, yeah,

good old drops, you know?

Yeah, the good old drops.

And hey, a good old guest in terms of one of our OG guests from back in the day, originator of the McKenna Doctrine, Jessica McKenna's back.

Hi, Jess.

Thanks so much for being here.

Thanks for having me.

What a treat.

Always overdue when you revisit the podcast i i we we love having you on it's true i i did want to talk about i had my i i my glasses are dirty i have to clean them okay sorry i probably shouldn't announce that for every glasses i'm new to this again yeah it's right

you're new to glasses it's been 30 years i had glasses for when i was from when i was a boy like six till 12 12 30 and i wore contacts for a few years So 30 years off, and now I'm back.

What happened to you?

You reached, did your eyes?

Corrected themselves.

They corrected themselves.

And so you're just fine.

When I was younger, I've told you this before that they took, they thought I was going to go blind in one eye.

I went to Boston's children's hospital and I wore a patch over my lazy eye for

a full year.

That's tough.

My dad also had a, you should talk to him.

My dad also had a lazy eye and head wore a patch when he was a

wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And back then, glasses were not cool.

You know what I mean?

Right.

Harry Potter generation, glasses went wild.

Wow.

I mean, like, look, the coolest people in the studio are sitting behind the producer's desk.

They're both, they're both four-eyes, but back in the day, you'd be called a nerd.

You'd be called a nerd.

You'd be called a nerd.

You'd have your underwear pulled up over your head.

100%.

I mean, where's your bookie wook, four-eyes?

Really, gonna put myself on blast here.

Yeah, I used to wear fake glasses because I liked the way they looked.

Wow.

This is this is this.

Yeah, sometimes my sister got a pair from like Claire's or something, and sometimes I would steal them and wear them just like clear frames.

And then I did the same.

Like, sometimes I would put them on while I worked in a coffee shop in New York.

So I was like, I just just want to be wearing frames.

Yeah, that is cool.

It's funny.

I did that as a kid, and then I actually needed glasses, and I was like, this isn't fun.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, it's a little bit stolen value.

Like, I shouldn't wear glasses if I don't require them.

Glasses would get you, it was a, it was a bullying target.

You would get made fun of for businesses.

I was like mortified that I had to wear glasses.

That one seems so bizarre now.

Yeah.

I feel like we maybe, my instinct is only just like, are they cool glasses or not?

Yeah.

You know?

Sure.

Yeah.

You're saying that I was wearing like big dork glasses when I was there.

I mean, no, no, no, no.

Like, like,

what's inherent?

I guess it's just like, you're not regular.

I think that's what it is.

I think it's just like, yeah, any sort of deviation.

Right, right, right.

But also, I think there's a little bit of, because kids are so status-obsessed, there's a little bit of like, oh, you've got glasses.

That means you're smart.

Let's kick the smart kid's ass.

Yeah.

You know, so weird.

Because we can't tell.

I know how bad it's suck to have glasses and be fucking dumb.

Yeah, why do we associate glasses with being smart anyhow?

I don't know.

There must be some sort of correlation historically between

your eyes are like it's like I think it's like you know you're reading too much books.

You're reading too many books, your eyes got

to blow your eyes out.

Maybe it dates to literacy and you'd see literate people wearing glasses to read.

And so you'd be like, oh, it's like a smart thing, a smart guy thing.

Does it feel like you couldn't play sports with glasses?

Most sports you can't play on glasses.

Sure, that's part of it.

You couldn't be a jock, so you had to be a nerd.

Right.

That's true.

Do you have to?

Well, I was going to say, instantly, that feels like a really good working theory.

Yeah, yeah.

That it comes from when we weren't all, when we didn't have as many people who were literate.

And then if you were literate and you're like, ow, my eyes.

Yeah.

You'd be like, nerd.

Get in those scrolls and start helping us heave these plague bodies.

Jess,

I'm always a fan of your PTR experience, PTR episodes.

I listened to your recent one where you talked about the Disney app, but

I want to drill down like Disney bites.

Have you been to the parks recently and have you had any decent bites?

Yes, okay.

I went to the park in November

and I had some great bites and I had a new bite that I didn't know about.

Wow, wow, it's been around for a while.

I don't know.

No, I think it's only a few years old, which is why maybe it wasn't on my radar.

But it is

the Churro Fudge.

Churro fudge.

Churro fudge.

Yes.

So, like, on Main Street, like right off of like

that,

I think it's the Jolly Roger, that restaurant right at the end is you're like walking down Main Street and you're veering left into adventure, into Adventureland.

That restaurant there at the end that has, it's like also the end of the strip of all the connected stores on Main Street that start, you know, at the Emporium and go all the way through the candy store.

They have churro fudge.

It's like a, it's, uh, it's great.

Or not fudge, brittle?

Bark.

Bark.

Okay.

Churro bark.

That sounds delightful.

Yeah, because it has a snap to it, not a soft fudge.

And it has a similar flavor profile to churros.

Like it tastes like a churro.

That sounds awesome.

Yeah, it was great.

Because they do have good churros at Disney, too.

One of my must-gets.

Yeah.

They don't have the churros at Costco anymore.

The churros now, they have the double-chunk chocolate cookie, which is a good cookie.

Yeah.

But, you know, I do miss the availability of a good churro.

Yeah.

Churros are delicious.

I've never heard of this.

If you said churro barked to me in the past, I would have thought Pluto got too close to one of the churro vendors.

Surely, surely.

Surely, that must be what it is.

I would be my assumption, too.

I had a friend, like, I like you, I grew up in SoCal, uh, and so I, you know, we just you just know people who worked at Disneyland.

I had a friend who worked at Disneyland, and he was he worked for the um, the Jungle Cruise, and so

he must have been pretty much great job, great job, yeah.

Uh,

funny, yeah, funny dude, yeah, yeah, anyway, so he he worked the jungle cruise, um, and he was walking by you're the friend that got into comedy.

so confused

uh mitch if you knew my group of friends in high school uh you'd be like this guy

everyone has a fucking job um uh so like the

uh uh he was walking by like he was walking by the candy shop and there was a oh i'm trying to remember exactly what the bit he did was i think he was in the candy shop and he went behind the counter and there was another employee there and he pretended to put both his arms into the candy mix.

And he was like, and the other employee was like, oh, you like, like, like, clearly played it off like they thought it was a bit.

The next day he comes into the park

and he's met at the gate by the, like, like his boss and then a union rep.

And he goes in, they're like,

so you stuck your arms into a vat of candy yesterday and we had to destroy $2,000 worth of inventory.

And he had to be like, no, I was doing like a bit.

I thought they knew that I was doing it.

Like, none of it like completely just didn't work.

He didn't lose his job.

Oh my God.

But it was like an insane situation.

Yeah.

He didn't really put his hand on it.

He didn't actually do it.

No, he pretended to do it.

Like he was like, it was one of those things where he was like behind a counter.

I told the story poorly.

I haven't thought about it in years.

He was like behind the counter.

There was a big vat and he put his arms behind the counter so like it was blocked, but it looked like it could have been going into the vat.

Yeah.

And then he was convinced the other person like just played it off like they knew that he was doing a bit.

But the other person was just being like going with it, but they were like, I'm going to have to report this because that's

destroyed.

Right.

Unhygienic.

That's so, what a fool.

That's a wild

person.

That's wild.

No offense to them, but they sound like a fool.

They sound like a fool.

So, wait, this is down on Main Street.

Is that

Truro Bark?

Is that a Bob Seeger song down on Main Street?

Oh, I thought you were going to say that.

I get Truobark, yeah.

Is Truro Bark a Bob Seeger song?

Is down on right down on Main Street?

Is that a Bob Seeger song?

There's like something.

I don't know Bob Seeger's catalog, though.

Yeah, neither do I.

Well, fuck it.

Sorry.

Sorry, Mitch.

Maybe it's about this place.

I never go into the main street shops too often.

Yeah.

I hit the Hall of Presidents.

I leave after Trump's done his bit.

Oh, man.

Is there going to be two Trumps?

No.

No, I don't think they're at a second one.

It would be really funny if they put a second one up.

Because who's the other one who had non-consecutive terms?

Grover Cleveland, yeah.

So there aren't two Grover Clevelands.

There should be.

That's kind of funny.

It would be funny if they put it.

I mean, it would be funny if they put up a second Trump, but I don't don't think they're going to.

Remember the Trump robot at the Hall of Presidents looked like Hillary?

Like, it was like clearly they made a Hillary one.

Right, right, right.

And they're like, whoops.

Whoops.

Yeah, no, sad.

It sucks.

I will say that

I am a little bummed that that trivia question doesn't isn't hit the same way anymore.

Like, who was the only president who had two non-consecutive terms?

Now there's a second one.

It's like, that was kind of cool that there was like one that you'd like kind of obscure president you point to from the 19th century.

Yeah.

You're very happy with this one.

Otherwise, great.

My only complaint.

Churro bark.

I got to try some churro bark.

Churro bark.

Yeah.

Can I, can I hear you?

What's your, what's your day at, what's your Disney day?

Whoa, I mean, like, how much time do we have?

Yeah.

I mean, I'll just, I'll tell you this.

Like, yeah.

For me, if I'm, if I'm at Disney, I got to ride Pirates.

That's, that's one thing I got to do.

Great.

Sure.

And then I either got to do, at least got to do space or Thunder Mountain.

I got to do one of those.

Sorry.

And you get off of a Pirates once you see Johnny Depp, right?

You swim away.

You just close your eyes whenever he bops out of a barrel.

Yeah, he's fighting.

Get away from me.

What a misfire to put Johnny Depp in the pirates ride.

Yeah, I mean, it's a good animatronic.

It is.

It's really good.

Yeah, it's great.

Yeah.

But he waves goodbye to you at the end.

It feels like they...

It feels like they made a mistake there.

It feels like they shouldn't have actually.

I think they didn't know that he was maybe going to get it.

He had created like a

sort of once-in-a-generation pop culture character.

Right.

It's kind of like populating the Indiana Jones ride with Harrison Ford's likeness.

It's kind of like, well, that's the association you have with this IP, you know, and then you don't, you're not expecting the man to get canceled.

I mean, and also, I don't like the ride becoming more like the movie anyways.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Sure.

But I still, that is like.

I have to go on Pirates.

Well, there's also.

I mean, this is the thing.

It's not the only place you encounter that.

Like if you go to Universal The Baby Driver ride, which is great, but it's got Spacey all over it.

I know

the great animatronic Spacey, it's very lifelike.

Yeah, but it's just in 3D, and so I get nauseous.

You know, like everything in Universal is like a small simulator ride,

but an amazing soundtrack.

Um, it's also weird that they have this the character that Spacey plays walking around the park, too.

For it is weird that they walk around Spacey, it is weird

anyway.

What is your Disney day?

Well, it depends if I'm doing park hopper, which I normally do now.

And then

I usually

start at California Adventure.

And

no, wait, that's not true.

I usually start at Disneyland.

The last time I went, I started at California Adventure.

Usually start at Disneyland.

Disneyland is a better park, right?

Overall.

Yeah, I mean, I now experience them as like one

park, really, but I started Disneyland.

And recently in the last like couple of years, I probably start in Galaxy's Edge.

I start in Star Wars Land.

Wow, you start there.

Yeah, because if I'm in...

Kanto, is it Kanto Bite?

Kanto Bite.

Well, Kanto Bite is from Last Jedi.

The fictional world from Batu is the,

yeah, what is it?

It's the outpost of Black Spire or something like that on the planet Batu.

And the area is called Galaxy's Edge.

And thus, we must all call it Star Wars Land.

It's true.

100%.

But usually the last couple of times, I'm usually like shepherding nieces and nephews around.

And it's like, okay, I got us a lightning lane for Rise of Resistance super early.

Let's get a breakfast at Olga's Cantina and I'll have like a boozy drink at 8 a.m.

Cause it's like the time I'll get to get in.

That's fun.

It's also like, well, I think they've changed this, but it was like one of the only places you get alcohol on the Disneyland side, and they make pretty fun cocktails.

So I'm usually starting there and then maybe hitting a few other big ticket items, maybe Big Thunder, maybe Pirates, maybe staying over there.

And then I like to pivot for maybe a lunch reservation over at California Adventure because usually the kids need like more of a sit-down break.

What age are we talking?

Four to 11 was the last.

Okay, so these are pretty young kids.

Yeah.

What's your go-to spot for lunch in California Adventure?

So when we have also, like, if my mom's with me or my sister or like my brother-in-law, there's also like adults in the crowd, we usually go to the Italian restaurant in Napa.

Ooh, and then so people can get, again, another cocktail.

You can drink a lot more at Disneyland, and that offsets the stress that I have of being the

heavy as the head who runs the app.

100%.

Yeah.

So I'm like, well, I'm going to have some bevies throughout the day.

Yeah.

You're going to be a hero, though, at the end of the day.

So then I usually do California Adventure up through dinner and either also eat dinner over there because I do sort of find the food sit-down option sometimes better over there.

But like my family loves Guardians.

We have to do Midway Mania.

So a lot of other favorites are over there.

We almost always strike out on being able to get in cars because it's radio to racer is really hard.

Last time I had, we had quite a few fast passes and it and it broke down.

I ride rocks, though.

It's so great.

It's so great, but it can sometimes like you have to pick your places to like spend money to get fast passes or lightning lanes.

And it's typically been that people are more interested in getting guardians or like just the age range, getting guardians or already using it in the morning on Rise of the Resistance.

Then I'll usually do the nighttime back at Disneyland.

Now we're hitting anything big we didn't get, maybe a nighttime space,

going over to Tomorrowland.

maybe there's like a churro to tie us over or a hot cocoa depending on the time of year or a bucket of popcorn while you wait for um buzz light year

and uh you got this down yeah what a you got this you got this on lock yeah what a what like a sequence of events that's great that's sort of the vibe that's gender that's damn good do you ever do a ronto breakfast ronto rap

um is that the one with these guys uh the yeah the ronto roasters yeah i was just gonna say back to this is doing like a hand crank motion for our audio listeners uh

Yes, I got that for the first time when I went in November.

Very good.

And I got the meatless, or I got like the veggie option.

Delicious.

Wow.

Okay.

Very flavorful and quick.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're fast there.

I told you, bitch, before, but my alpha brother, Nate Wager, he

said he sent me a pic once that he was like at the top of the leaderboard for Astro Blasters because he like found like, he was like, I found

an exploit.

He found like one target he could just hit repeatedly.

Like, and and it was one of the high-value ones.

Yeah, it was fucking cool as hell.

Man, Space Mountain at nighttime.

What is there anything better?

Oh, I love it so much.

It's a great, it's a great ride.

That's, you sound, it sounds like it would be a great.

I'm sure that you're, do you say you bring your nieces and nephews?

Is that who it is?

Yeah, and they're great.

And my like sister who like obviously also grew up going, but didn't internalize the same intensity as I did.

She's very grateful, usually like buys me a thank you gift for being boss.

That rules.

Which rules, yeah.

It's nice to be appreciated.

but it is funny.

I, like, I, I'm obviously try to just be funny all the time, yeah, but like, the longer that you actually, as kids grow up, you like find your pockets where you like are a little stern, you know, or usually it's only around like safety because I'm not their parent, but like every once in a while, you're like, hey, knock that off, you know, like takes a village to raise a kid, you know?

Yeah, and I'm not, I'm not afraid to be in there.

And when they started complaining about like a 25-minute standby wait for Big Thunder, I was like, hey, zero tolerance for that.

This day is costing your parents hundreds and hundreds of dollars.

And when I was your age, I pulled out a when I was your age.

It was, there were no fast passes.

Yeah.

And we only waited in line.

And when I got to come here, when Indiana Jones opened, I waited in line for two and a half hours to ride it and then got back in to wait for two and a half hours again.

Wow.

Now I say it a little softer than that.

I'm like, hey, just to put this in perspective, because it depends if is it happening early in the day and you just actually, they just don't know that there's something else that they should be aware of?

Sure.

Or are they hangry and you're like do you actually just need a snack sure or is it the end of the day and you're like i've been busting my butt for you all day this was at the beginning of the day and i was like just to level set for you guys because i want you to have a good experience if your mom hears you complaining like that it's not gonna go well okay so because here's here's what we had honestly you should come in here and talk to nick and i like this sometimes

i can see like my sweet niece like hearing this and her being like okay yeah

okay got it and then if they like felt the instinct to complain later they'd be like no it's not even that bad.

It's not even that bad.

And I'd be like, good job, guys.

That pre-fast pass reality, which is feel so long ago now, but it's like, it's hard to conceptualize.

So it's what, 15 years at least or 20 years ago?

Or 20 years

ago?

When I was in middle school, like 2000-ish, 2001.

But when I was a little kid, but yeah, so I definitely still got to benefit.

I had like an annual pass in middle school and early high school, and they had started rolling it out.

And at that point, when I was already like very invested in running the show,

I'm really loving that the last time I was on, I was like, I am a Tracy Flick and the two of you were like, not really.

And I was like, I am.

I used to take everyone's tickets and sprint around the park to go get the fast passes.

That's right.

We wouldn't move quick enough as like a group.

Yeah.

And I'd be like, I'll just, I'll just do it.

I was like a 13-year-old and I'd like sprint through the crowd and be like, okay, I got Cindiana Jones for 210 to 310.

Next one available, $1,259.

I remember the early days, because I was out here, I believe, at that point when the the first, maybe the first, yeah, the painted fast passes.

Me too.

They also had individualized graphics on top for what ride it was.

They were cool.

I mean, I gave the Quincy guys like the best day at Disney.

It was when I think the app was first available, and you could get the Fast Pass on the app, and you didn't have to pay money.

Yeah.

And we just went on every, and they were like, oh my God.

And I was like, yeah, people, it was like before, and now everyone uses, every single person uses the app.

I don't like Star Wars land.

Okay.

I don't like it.

I think that the Millennium Falcon ride is bad.

That I might concede to at this point.

I think like the line experience of it is pretty fun.

Like the moment where you go into little groups and you, but uh, but yeah, the ride is basically nauseating.

When you're on the falcon, like when you're in what looks like the falcon, I think some of that is funny.

You take a picture at the chess table or whatever.

Sure.

Or whatever the fuck it's called.

I still have not

gone and I still have not experienced Bot 2.

I've not visited Bat 2.

I've not been to Disney.

And you've been at Disney while it's open.

You just did not walk over into it.

Was that true?

Yes.

Wow.

We went to the Blue Bayou.

Oh, that was that day.

Yeah, it was right.

It was Star Wars Land was open.

Well, I hit my head on the tram.

What do you want?

I was disoriented all day.

And then, and

fucking Disney.

And we went and we rode Rise of the Resistance later, I think.

Yeah, I know.

Here's because we had to leave.

That was also the same day we went into Pirates Dinner Adventure.

Oh,

right.

I think, here's what I think happened, Mitch.

I think I was like, we don't have enough time.

And you were like, it's going to be fine.

And then I left and you went and wrote it anyway.

Yeah.

And then you were right.

And then I got mad because you got to write it and then you still made it on time.

Well, how about that?

We got to be on time to eat, go to a fucking Pirate Zooms, which the meal was the worst shit we ever had.

It was fucking awful.

Great show.

Wait, were you going to say?

I think I was going to say, I would have really helped that situation.

I can feel it.

I believe a friend of mine from high school is in that pirate show.

That's cool.

Wow.

Jeff Budner, right?

That's right.

Yeah.

We had,

we invited him on the show.

He was in the show and

he was in the great performer of the show and he came on the podcast.

The performance was great.

The show was great.

The meal was awful.

When I see clips, I'm like, this looks pretty fun.

It's pretty fun.

It was.

It was fun.

It's a fun time.

Just like I would just eat ahead of time and know that you're basically getting like, you know,

like a frozen meal that's been reheated in a microwave.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

I wanted to ask you, we could talk about Disney all day, but this has also been a big year.

We can.

This has also been a big year for musicals.

You're

a very talented musical performer,

I think, someone who has a lot of musical knowledge.

I'm going to run down a few of these.

If you've seen any of these or have any thoughts on any of these that you'd like to share, I'd just like to get your take.

I feel like the rundown is we got Wicked, we got Amelia Perez, we got Joker 2, and then in a sense, it's kind of a jukebox musical, we got a complete unknown.

So I haven't seen Amelia Perez yet, but I plan on seeing it.

Yeah.

And I haven't seen Joker 2, and I probably won't.

Yeah.

I hated both of those movies.

Oh, I really included in the musical.

I guess you're right.

It is a full-fledged musical.

Yeah.

And I really liked Wicked.

I was like...

When Wicked came out, I was in high school, and I feel like it got very overplayed in my drama room.

Like, I was a little like, ugh, I prefer Le Miz.

Like, I just like thought, and then I saw it, and I was like, oh, this is good.

But it

didn't like, it wasn't like one of my musicals.

And then as the musical, like the first trailers, I was like, oh, God, I don't know.

And then

it did just sort of so deeply scratch my theater kid brain when I finally saw it.

And I was like, there's a lot about it that I thought they did really well that I really liked.

And I realized how in my DNA the musical was, even though I didn't attribute it as one of my favorite ones.

I was like, I actually do know all of these words.

And

so I really liked it.

My highs on it are Ariana Grande's comedic performance that I feel like was really, really

well matched for like cinema.

Right.

Because that part on stage is like chewing the scenery, like landing on the bed and like throwing up a kick.

You know, it's a big performance, which is great for the stage.

And I thought her choice to like make Galinda like sort of a little more vacant and like have that really work for camera, camera, I thought was awesome.

Yeah.

And then, shout out, Very Bias.

I went to theater camp with the choreographer.

Whoa.

Yeah.

So, shout out, Christopher Scott.

That's cool.

Wow.

Yeah.

And so that's very cool.

He's worked with John Chu for years.

And it's been amazing to like watch his rise in success.

But I was like, when his name comes up as like choreographed by Christopher Scott, you're like, oh my God, this is incredible.

So I had a very like emotional weigh-in.

So for me, I was like, this is pretty,

pretty well done.

And I feel like maybe most other cons about it would be stuff about, like, if you don't like wicked.

Yeah, I, I, cause for me, and my, my big con is just the part one of it.

Yeah.

Like, it is a little bloated, but, um, but I, it is a very impressive production.

A little bit of a taste.

And I love just seeing a lot of bodies in frames.

That's what I mean.

Like, and it's, it's, it's, uh, the, the choreography was a highlight.

So that's a shout out to your friend.

Uh, the, okay, so we have a little bit of a surprise here.

Um, this is, I mean, it's just, I guess it's just a surprise for us.

It's just a treat for us.

It doesn't really do anything for the audience.

No.

I just want to say the process of getting this pizza was adorable.

And

it was a lot of Mitch just being like, I don't know, in a world where we got pizza and then never mind.

And then Nick being like, I think you want pizza.

And then everyone on the team being like, we're happy to get pizza, but Mitch still being like, no, nobody wants pizza.

But of course, everyone's always happy when pizza comes.

We got pizza.

We got pizza.

Amelia, amazing about it.

Thank you, Amelia, for bringing this in.

Mitch, where's this pizza from?

Amelia, hey, wise, when you said to Amelia that she could get anything she wanted, it looks like she got a second pizza for us.

I love that.

It wasn't me texting her.

It wasn't me texting her, get a second pizza.

That's crazy.

Even more dance about this pizza.

I want this slice.

I'm going to just, I'm taking, you know, when people, there's a slice that's available

and then change or you want to ask me.

I'm just doing that because it looks like a better slice.

Sorry, Jemmy.

Am I crushing you?

No, she's

Is there a better depiction in media of pizza than Ninja Turtles?

I think it's pretty.

It's up there.

What else?

I mean, what are the other options?

That's a good slice.

Mitch, where's this pizza from?

This is Lasorted Wigs.

Great.

And right now,

they're doing like a pizza coalition for the...

firefighters in

Los Angeles.

And I think they're just donating a bunch of different pizza places, but but La Sorded, I think, is hosting it.

Wow.

So, so they're heroes.

And in a sense, for supporting them, we're heroes.

I think so.

Mitch,

we got to go backwards in time a little bit, Jess, because yes, you were correct.

The characterization of Mitch hemming and hawing over ordering pizza and ultimately us talking him into doing what he wanted to do in the first place.

But this all came from Susser.

So Susser, who also showed up to our meal today,

he group texted.

He's going to be so mad he missed pizza.

I didn't even think about that.

So susser, um,

susser, we're say we're having donuts today, which we'll get to.

Uh, susser group texts, is it true that pizza is being ordered to the studio before the record?

I reply, first I've heard of this.

Susser, hmm, well, now that it's out there, maybe it's a good idea.

It worked, incredible,

it worked in the best way possible.

Sorry, does that basically count as manifesting?

I guess so.

It worked in the best way possible, and that he isn't here for it.

All right, I'm having a slice of cheese.

While I bite into this, I gotta say that

that one's really good, spicy, whatever the hell it is.

What is that?

A spicy Italian?

Yes,

I got some sausage in there, wise.

No burata.

Oh, maybe no burata.

Is that right?

You're eating that.

Why the fuck should you take the burata off?

Wow, that's a good slice.

I freaking love burrow.

Yeah, I love burata.

Or maybe you can order it on top of that.

It feels like there's a sharper, harder cheese in this

cheese blend, was like a romano in there or something.

Probably like a parmesan or something, yeah.

That's got some tang, some salt.

I like it, it's nice, a little pungent, it's delight.

Casey, you don't want any pizza?

I already had lunch, I'm not very hungry.

I already had lunch.

Why is that one's called the cheese pizza called the mamba?

Wow, I love that.

All right, I just got Amelia to come in.

I asked her to bring me a Coke Zero and then we're gonna grill around this.

Um, can we talk massive cheeses a little bit?

Sure.

So,

just as I'm chewing, you have a little bit of a connection.

Yeah.

And we were talking about this before we recorded.

The big thing that I learned, and I've heard a lot of Massachusetts specifics from Mitch over the years.

This guy, he talks about where he's from.

He does a little.

Yeah, it'll come up.

You can use your arm to indicate Massachusetts geography.

So, sorry.

Specifically, Cape Cod.

Specifically, Cape Cod geography.

Yeah.

Want to fucking know?

It's not where I'm from.

I'll do my best.

Yes.

So we were talking ahead because my brother lives in Boston and he is lucky enough to also have a house on Cape Cod.

And my sister-in-law, even though she grew up in Rochester, her family used to go to the Cape in the summer because her dad's from Massachusetts.

They all, almost everyone on that side, like went to BU or Harvard, very like Boston based.

And so now that's where they live and they spend the whole summer on the Cape.

And he was asking me where on the Cape and I said, I said Dennis.

And he's like, oh, we used to have a place in Sandwich.

So for the audio listeners, I'm now holding up super dope flexed arm with like great muscle tone.

Really just like

such a jacked arm.

Thank you so much.

And I pointed to where Dennis is, which is like upper bicep.

It's bayside, bayside versus oceanside.

So they're bayside Dennis.

And then sandwich is closer to the armpit, sorry, because it's closer to where, you know, Massachusetts proper.

I can't believe you say a word like armpit on the Doughboys podcast.

I know.

Thank you for apologizing.

Forgive me.

And they were like, and then all the way up here is P-Town.

Provincetown is up at the end.

Wow, at the top at where your fist is.

Yep.

Wow.

So that's Cape Cod.

I love that.

Yeah, it's pretty cool, right?

It's like the Michigan hand thing.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

But for like a smaller bit of real estate, you can really kind of zero in.

Now, next time you look at a map, really zoom in.

I mean, it really looks like an arm.

I will.

You guys at home, too.

I don't even know the geography at all.

This is all this stuff is.

You can't do it like Jess does because Cape Cod doesn't have like a big sag at the bottom of it.

Our arms don't work for this.

Our arms don't work for this.

Massachusetts, just just like a standard, like

skinnyish rectangle of a state, you know, going outward and then off of its little end.

There's the Cape.

And then you got Nantucket is like,

I don't know.

Where's Nantucket, Mitch?

I once knew a man from Nantucket.

One of the bottom.

Oh, we'll talk about later.

And Martha's Vineyard.

Those are both like, where are they?

Well, they're islands.

They're islands.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're I should know this, but I never really went to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket.

I mean, they are.

Nantucket is an island, right, Emma?

Yeah, they both have.

Oh, they both have it.

Okay, so if it's the arm, Martha's Vineyard is also kind of near the arm pit, and then Nantucket's like over here, off that

sort of below the visual.

The ferry to Martha's Vineyard is fairly quick.

I think it's like an hour, and then to Nantucket, it's like two or three hours.

But it's like right near the start of the Cape.

Right at the very end.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Casey is a Floridian, if you want to indicate where you are in the state, you just kind of hang your hog, right?

Yeah, that is how we do it in Florida.

Got it, got it.

Makes sense.

Mangled ass hog.

Massachusetts.

Well, Mitch, that's what they look like.

Oh, uh.

And your dick doesn't look like Florida.

Oh, ma'am.

My hog looks like Rhode Island.

I always felt like.

Massachusetts almost looks like a mini version of the United States, kind of.

I always thought that.

Like, Cape Cod is like a mini mini floor.

Yeah, kind of, right?

I don't know.

Not really.

A little bit.

It's still a peninsula, I get it.

Whatever.

It's close.

Emma, can we give Jemi any treats?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, she can have some cheese pizza.

I mean, just a little.

Are you thinking of giving Jemi a cheese slice of cheese pizza?

Maybe give her like a piece of sausage or something.

I don't know.

It may be nice.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I mean, sure.

Look, a lot of people will say she shouldn't have the sausage, but I'm telling you, this dog used to eat on the streets, so her stomach is pretty iron.

Watch, she'll reject it, though, and it'll be really funny.

Yeah, she maybe doesn't seem into the pizza crust.

Oh, maybe she's no, no, she doesn't want to.

She wants a couple licks, you know, she wants to feel it out.

Way to go, she's really skeptical.

Well, if you give her like a piece of meat, she might like it, but she maybe doesn't know what to do with a little chunk of bread.

I don't know, she eats a lot of Mike's bread, so that is a very cute doggo, yeah, cute as hell.

But she's she knows how to play the long game now.

She's like, Well, if I just sit here and stare, they'll give me some more.

I kind of want all my meat on my pizza.

All right, you've been saying, you were also saying you've been doing some golfing with your, with your hubby.

What is the, what is the, like,

how did you get into golf?

And what's your typical golf day?

So I got into golf originally when I, oh, gosh, when my parents got divorced.

Oh, but up, but, but, up, but.

I was like, oh, I should have like an activity I do with dad.

Um, uh, cause I was the youngest of three.

I was like really the only one

in the situation where it was like, this is now time with dad.

Everyone else, like the other two were like at, in college, basically.

Um, and it was like, you know, my dad and I would go see a movie or I'd like go hang out, but it was like, oh, maybe we should have an activity.

So then I took, started taking golf lessons.

And then my mom took golf lessons and my brother took golf lessons too.

And then they instantly got good at it.

And I hated it and quit and got furious because I would like be really bad.

And I don't like doing things I'm bad at.

I'm with you.

You know, it's hard.

Yeah.

Wouldn't you rather do things you're good at?

Yes, of course.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Especially when you're a kid.

You're still.

When you're a kid, like, you don't like, I'm just like, I suck at this.

I don't want to do this anymore.

Yeah.

Well, you're still a podcaster.

Yes, especially when you're a kid.

As adults, we have these things we're bad at all the time.

That's true.

Drive taxes.

And then I got back into it slowly.

I feel like it was like family trip things, or then it became my mom started playing a lot, so it became like something fun that we could do.

Yeah, and then similarly, like when Morgan married into our family, he was, he would sometimes be the fourth to fill out the, like, my brother, my brother-in-law, my mom, and Morgan would sometimes fill out.

Force them, because that's what happens with golf.

You gotta force them going.

And it just kind of is like slow evolved where I was like, well, maybe I could get into this because it's something to do outside.

It's like, and then I feel like a lot of people got into it during COVID because it was something to do outside that was like a way to still see friends that was safer.

And

yeah, but I'm still very bad.

And Morgan's gotten good, which is annoying.

And so I can only play when we play like little rinky-dink courses.

And it's still very much about like,

you know, are we going to get some beers?

That's what I wanted to ask about.

You know, we had, we had recent, uh, recently on the podcast, we had Link Smith John O.

Wilson and was talking about the 19th hole.

You know, you go and you go to the clubhouse and you get yourself a treat.

What is that like?

That's pretty fun, but I mean, when I like, I'm maybe it's because we're mostly playing in vacation mode, but like my brother, brother-in-law, and Morgan, it was like where we got like a tequila soda from the from the cart person.

Oh, you're so you're bringing down the course.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's fun.

And then you get to blame anything you do on that.

Yeah.

Which is great.

Yeah.

When Jonah brought up the 19th hole, you really perked up for a second.

You were really interested in figuring out what the 19th is.

I like the 19th hole.

Yeah.

I don't know where the concert are the 19th hole.

You know what it is.

I don't know.

The 19th hole is.

I think you thought it was a little something different when he first brought it up.

I start telling up.

Let's see.

Ear holes, eye holes.

19th.

Ear holes.

Good God.

Where store are we at?

One of my dad's last gifts to me was a set of golf clubs.

Yeah.

And I have not really played that much of one.

I'm trying to get back into golf.

A nice outdoor sport.

I like doing it.

I just, I'm very bad at it.

And I never.

Yeah, it's hard.

It's like impossible.

Yeah.

It's hard.

But you got a beard crumb.

That's all right.

All right.

Let's get it.

That's all right.

Okay, let's get on.

Yeah, you got it.

I got it.

Let's get to Chris Beach.

Hold on a second.

I want to talk about

Bugman doesn't like wicked.

He told me this yesterday because he was like, he's like, the wicked witch tried to kill Toto.

Like, how can you have a story about how she's good if she tried to kill Toto?

Well, who passed that story on, you know?

That's a good point.

History is written by the winners.

We're watching a stage production of what...

We don't know.

We'll never know the truth.

There's three versions, yours, mine, and the truth.

That is true.

That's true.

I agree.

I'm on board.

My mom and sister watched Wicked, and I was, my mom was like, oh, I don't want to watch Wicked.

I saw the play and she didn't like it.

And then she watched the movie, my sister, and she was like loving it at the end of it.

Yeah.

And I watch it, but I didn't pay too much attention to it.

I got to watch it again at some point.

You watch it, Wags, right?

Yeah, I watched that in the theater.

Me and Ellie did.

Yeah.

Did you go to a single?

Did you go to a sing-along?

No, I didn't go to a sing-along.

No, but

I would go to a sing-along at this point now that it's been out for a while and I have already seen it.

Yeah.

I've never been to a sing-along.

I've never seen Rocky Horror Picture Show in the movie theater.

We went to a sing-along.

We went to, I've maybe told the story before.

We went to a sing-along at the, what the fuck is the theater that's got that, the Disney-owned theater in Hollywood?

The Pendages?

The Egypt.

No, not the Egyptian.

That's the Egyptian, yeah.

It's the Egyptian.

They had a sing-along of Little Mermaid.

No, no, not the Egyptian.

El Capitan.

El Capitan.

Thank you.

The El Capitan.

We saw a production of production.

We saw a sing-along of

Little Mermaid.

And it was actually really fun.

Which, like, the actual animated or the like.

Not the new one.

Okay.

No, not the woke one.

No.

No, it was the, it was the, it was a cartoon.

It was the animated one from When We're Kids.

And so it was like.

That one's pretty woke, too.

They put the, you know, the subtitles up on screens.

You can sing along.

It was great.

At the end, when the credits come, they had a mascot character of Sebastian.

Great.

And it turned into the part part in Apocalypse Now where the GIs rush the stage at the USO show and try to like tackle the dancing girls.

It was fucking crazy.

Like people were like,

people were too excited to see Sebastian.

They were like running up the stage and they had to get security to get people out of there.

It was fucking people.

Or was it kids or was it people?

It was adults.

It was mostly Disney adults.

What the fuck is wrong with us?

Dear Lord, that is insane.

Yeah.

I got to get a pic with Sebastian.

Man in a Sebastian, man or woman in a Sebastian suit.

That's fucking crazy.

Yeah, it was wild.

Then again,

if we went to like an app,

Amelia has left.

She's gone.

Bye, Amelia.

If there was like an avatar showing and a Navi came out on that, we would probably rush.

Oh, my God.

If there was a Payakon mascot character, both be out there.

One of our favorite whales.

Okay, so.

I know he's technically a tolcoon.

Okay, let's talk about Krispy Kreme.

Phew.

I got so scared that first second.

Krispy Kreme, founded in 1937 in Charlotte, North Carolina, by Vernon Rudolph.

Vernon brought his donut recipe, Mitch, from New Orleans, down in Dubayou.

What the fuck?

What's going on?

A bread donut recipe from Dubayou.

We reviewed Krispy Kreme twice.

Mitch, what a duo duo this is with Matt Besser and Sam Sanders.

Wow.

They got a two-man improv group, right?

I would love that.

I would see it.

And it is a golden plate club member.

And in fact, I believe it is the only 6-4 score, 6-fork score, rather, from a guest.

Sam Sanders gave it when we reviewed that in 2022.

Now, Sam Sanders is a smart man.

Yes.

But.

I was starting to think, is Sam, Sam, sorry, no offense.

Are you a dumbass?

Because I'm not sure.

I just like to say.

Hey, I said no offense.

Are you a dumbass?

Are you stupid?

Did you wear glasses, but it wasn't for, it was just for show?

I feel like Sam really, well, actually, this shows how smart of a man he is.

I'm calling him a dumbass because he's clearly an intelligent man.

But did he talk us into four forks?

I was like, do I.

I was there.

I was already there.

You were already.

I didn't get to do it.

A man, you know, and we had him on once.

We had a lovely time.

A lot of nostalgia, a lot of affection for Krispy Kreme.

He really talked us into the regular Krispy Kremeut.

Yeah.

When it's hot and fresh.

The hot glazed is a showstop.

It's good.

It is fucking great.

It is good.

And that is like the, you know, like that is them delivering on the promise of the cream.

Maybe you're a genius.

I don't, I don't, I don't know.

No, I don't know.

Giving anything six four,

like, that feels a little.

Yeah.

The thing Mitch came up with.

So he had a lot of nostalgia.

Mitch, I know you don't have a lot of nostalgia.

You're from the town that founded Dunkin' Donuts.

Jess, you and I both, again, both from SoCal.

Yeah, I'm not a nostalgic guy at all, really.

We didn't have, but you don't have nostalgia for Krispy Kreme.

I do.

I have zero nostalgia for Krispy Kreme.

We didn't have Krispy Kreme for basically my whole childhood.

Like, I remember when it came to L.A., it was like a big fucking deal.

So it was not a challenge.

Like, I grew up more with winchels.

and yum yum donuts as far as chains go.

And when I finally had it,

a lot had been promised about this chain, and I thought it delivered, honestly.

My first few Krispy Kreme experiences was like, oh, wow, I do see what the hype is.

Yes, agreed.

I

we used to get donuts from yum yum up the street from my house, and we would always get donuts after an earthquake.

That's my biggest association

with donuts and earthquakes.

Is it was like, oh, it's a weird day.

Well, we can go get donuts.

And when Krispy Kreme came, it was like, this is a whole new

style of donut.

Right.

The lightness of the donut.

Like I was used to eating like a dense, cakeier donut covered in like pink frosting, or my mom's always been like a maple bar person.

Love a maple bar.

Love a maple bar, which those are lighter, more like a glaze.

But yeah, I remember it being huge.

And then I remember it being a big

when teachers are, teacher appreciation week.

I was still in elementary school, actually.

So that's when it came.

I remember like pushing a cart, like the milk cart around the classrooms with boxes of Krispy Kreme for the teachers.

Like the PTA and the kids organized as like part of Teacher Appreciation Week.

And it was like, this is a showstopper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're bringing in Krispie Kreme.

That's how much we love you, teachers of Brookhaven.

And I do also remember like early slumber parties where it was like, dude, rumor is Whitney's mom's going to get us Krispie Kreme in the morning.

And we're like, that's crazy because there's only the one by the block of orange and she's going to have to be in a drive-through line for like four hours.

But she's going to do it.

And we were like, wow, that's amazing, Miss Kershaw.

Thank you.

Like, I remember it being really intense if some parent was going to go do that for you, especially on a weekend.

Yeah.

Like, sit in that line and get you Krispy Kreme.

My Krispy Kreme, my first two experiences were both associated with movies.

One was Fantasia 2000.

You see, I'm going to go to the other side.

And the other was the Jennifer Lopez

movie, The Cell.

That's your two Krispy Kreme?

Yeah, so you were getting it like before or after?

I believe after both times.

Cool.

I think it was like, like, saw a movie and it's like, yeah, that's a good Krispy Kreme.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Saw two great movies and got Krispy Kreme.

I like both those movies.

You like The Cell?

Do you like The Cell?

You don't like the cell?

Do people like The Cell?

The Cell's good, Casey.

You've seen The Cell?

I've never seen The Cell.

It's horror, right?

Isn't it a horror movie, kind of?

It's like an internal.

It's like a,

it's basically

having to go into the subconsciousness of a serial killer.

And it's like this really, you know, surreal, sort of grotesque sort of environment.

Who's the drug?

Tarsum Singh, is that correct?

That's what it is.

I'll look it up.

Sounds like me every week on Doughboys, by the way.

Tarsum Singh?

No.

Going into the subconscious of a serial killer.

Tarsum Sing.

That's just like a way of describing your ethos.

By the way, I texted Sus and said we got pizza.

I let him know that we got pizza.

Is he coming back?

I mean, probably.

He probably will come back.

I mean, there's not that many slices left.

No, and I probably want one last slice.

Yeah, I mean, I was thinking there's like two skinnies there that I was like, ooh, that might be just right.

Yeah, feel free.

Yeah, grab a skinny.

It is Tarsem.

It's sometimes just

billed as Tarsem or Tarsum.

But yeah, the Fall, the other really well-known movie.

I mean, it's

some hot honey, too.

This is the Mamba pizza here.

I like it.

It's a good cheese pizza.

I might have another slice.

You have the fat boy on my plate.

Oh, wait.

Did you guys get any pizza or not?

You're good.

You're good.

All right.

Here you go.

Take the big boy.

I'll take the little guy.

It's kind of like us.

Well, you're tiny compared to me.

I know.

I know.

I'm a big guy.

You are.

I know you are.

I know you're not a little guy.

It didn't work really.

No, I appreciate the effort.

Okay, we're talking.

Thanks.

So, this is the crispy.

The reason we're revisiting revisiting this is there is a topical peg here.

Krispy Kreme, and they throw in the X, but you don't pronounce the X.

Krispy Kreme, Pop-Tarts, Donuts is the collaboration.

So there's a collaboration between these two.

How do you know you don't pronounce the X?

That's how you do it.

You don't do it.

It's like Spy X family.

You say Spy Family.

Hunter X Hunter.

You just say Hunter Hunter.

The X is silent.

The X is silent.

The X is silent.

Yeah.

You just say the two things on either side of the X.

Really?

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

No, it's a thing.

If there's, if there's something, X something, if it's a collab.

Yeah.

Like, let's say there was a Doughboys off-book crossover, and we build it as Doughboys X off-book.

Yeah, you wouldn't say that X.

You'd just say Doughboys off-book.

Could you say Doughboys Times

off-book?

No.

Well, you say that if you want to sound like a fucking idiot.

Doughboys off-book.

You just say it like that.

You don't pronounce the X.

It's true.

It's not a Times.

It's not a Next.

It's not vocalized.

I'm so sorry.

All right, fine.

I didn't know that the X was, I didn't know what it was.

Well, you learned it.

It's interesting because it's essentially operating like an ampersand.

Sure.

But I guess what they're saying is sort of multiplying, which is that specifically the sum of their parts is going to create a better whole.

You know?

Yeah, I get what you're saying.

Is that the internalized branding of the X?

I think it must be.

Mitch has put his glasses back on.

I get what you're saying.

I get it now.

The other thing that is Pop-Tart's also kind of back in the zeitgeist because of the Jerry Seinfeld movie Unfrosted.

I really did not care for the movie Unfrosted.

You did not like Unfrosted.

I did not like it.

Yes.

It was a a tough one.

It was a rough watch.

Oh, you know what?

Because, like, sorry, with pizza in my mouth.

But, like, if we were to say

Doughboy's an off-book with Ampersand, it might be us sharing a two-hour slot where we each take an hour.

Right, right, right, right.

The times is we're doing a musical about Taco Bell.

Yeah, we're putting

our forces together.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're combining our.

Are you in Unfrosted?

You're not in.

No.

Okay, all right.

But such a good...

I feel like, yeah, a lot of people are for for us one second.

I would have been, I would, I would have had, I would have the good sense to not say that movie sucked in front of someone who was I didn't know it.

That's what I was trying to do.

Honestly, I was doing the same thing in my head about you.

I was like, was Mitch in it?

We both were worried about that.

That's very funny.

We have friends in that movie.

The credits is, and this is a thing they've talked about on podcast, alright?

The credits sequence of Unfrosted is Wild because it's an original Jimmy Fallon Megan Trainer song.

And it's one of those things where they, so they're performing an original song, but then everyone is like doing a lip-dub/slash dance to it for everyone from the cast.

And so many of them are just like completely checked out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't blame them.

Moves yourself in that in that moment.

Okay, so the Krispy Kreme Pop-Tarts Donuts Collab.

Beginning January 6th, Mitch, for a limited time, fans can enjoy this tasty smash-up featuring three classic Pop-Tarts flavors.

So here they are: Pop-Tarts, Phil, Pop-Tarts, Frosted Strawberry Donut, Pop-Tarts, Frosted Chocolatey Fudge Donut, and Pop-Tarts frosted brown sugar cinnamon donut.

We got all three of these bad boys along with some original blaze donuts in this year.

I just gotta say,

you know, when your Christmas Christmas Day isn't like, it wasn't a good Christmas, it's kind of a snooze.

It was kind of a snooze.

It was a bummer.

Yeah, yeah.

So next year, next year will be.

Here's what I'll say off the bat.

Two of these absolutely deliver on feeling like Pop-Tarts.

And I feel like the frosted chocolatey fudge donut to me

just seemed like a chocolate donut.

The exact same opinion.

Yeah, that was going to be one of my headlines.

Was like, I'm not sure.

Now, I don't think I've ever had the fudgy Pop-Tart, but again, I don't feel like fudgy Pop-Tart is any sort of everyone, if you'd say Pop-Tart, is picturing either brown sugar, cinnamon, or strawberry.

Right.

Or some other fruit flavor.

And then there's the, there's the outward flavors from there.

It's like, yes, they also have like a blue raz, they have a, they have, they have a s'mores, they have a cookies and cream, they have seasonal ones, but the two iconic launches, I feel like, and maybe they launched with all three, but I feel like that's not what people were eating.

My microphone flag fell off.

Oh, will people know that you're at Headgum?

You nailed it.

His whole time, he's been at Headgum.

He didn't leave.

There were no cuts.

If we panned to a different camera, he was here the whole time.

No cuts.

No cuts.

Hunks outside of this little room here working.

Why is everyone a hunk?

Everyone is a hunk here, including, it was very funny.

One of

the lady hunks, I guess we could call them, she came in while we were eating the donuts and basically laughed.

It made me laugh so much.

She was like, we were all talking about how we didn't eat before.

And she's like, you guys are going to be so sick if you laugh.

Do you remember that moment?

Yes, yeah.

My back was

sad to miss any moment of a hunk.

A lot of fun.

Any type of hunk.

Yeah, you're correct that the chocolatey fudge, and I don't even know what flavor it is.

I guess frosted chocolatey fudge is the flavor, is pretty deep in the Pop-Tarts bench.

It's like,

if they'd had a s'mores, even if the s'mores was like, this doesn't necessarily taste Pop-Tarty, at least reminds me of a distinct Pop-Tart chart.

Can I say I'm so happy they didn't have a s'mores because it just would have sucked, I feel like.

I don't think they could have executed a good s'mores.

I'll say this.

It was the least Pop-Tarts flavor, but the chocolate donut wasn't my least favorite of the donuts.

Interesting.

Interesting.

But you're also a chocolate guy.

I like chocolate, yes.

the cinnamon sugar one which was my favorite pop-tart

didn't the donut version didn't it was just kind of like a nothing to me it was like i don't think i like cinnamon like

like the cinnamon cream you know what i mean like uh like i would rather it be a cinnamony donut and i know that there is like kind of a cinnamon that's like a liquid cinnamon in those pop-tarts yeah but it didn't really convey that either to me it was the the the jelly the or the strawberry uh pop-tart donut worked for me completely yeah i will say I didn't really care for the chocolatey fudge one versus the other two.

I thought it was okay.

Jemmy really didn't like the chocolatey fudge one.

What do you mean?

She was really not into it.

Dude, you fed her the chocolatey fudge one?

Yeah, she's like, I don't want this.

Oh, no.

Okay, cut.

We have to go to the hospital.

Oh,

she's kidding.

She's still just knocking around.

Yeah, she does not.

You can take that away.

She's not going to eat it.

It's still there.

Okay, don't eat that later, Mitch.

Okay.

I won't.

So, so let me let me read the descriptions real quick.

The frosted strawberry, unglazed shelled donut filled with strawberry filling, dipped in shortbread icing, topped with shortbread pieces, sugar sprinkles, strawberry filling drizzle, and a strawberry pop tarts bite.

We'll get back to that.

Maybe just on the cusp of ungopachka from the description, but we'll talk about how it comes together in execution.

The frosted chocolatey fudge is original glazed donut dipped in chocolate icing, topped with brownie butter-flavored buttercream, crushed frosted chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts bites, and white non-Parels.

All right, this is another word I'm going to say incorrectly.

Non-Perels?

Non-Parels, how do you say it?

Non-Parels?

Yeah.

Non-Parels.

Like sprinkles, like circle sprinkles.

Non-Perels.

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like the little tiny.

Yeah.

Apropos.

Apropos.

I think you said a pro-pros.

Apro-pros.

Pop-tarts frosted brown sugar, cinnamon donut is cinnamon sugar donut topped with brown sugar, cinnamon, cream, cheese, flavored buttercream, and a frosted cinnamon roll Pop-Tarts bite tart.

So they all have like a little mini Pop-Tart that's on top of it.

Which is I think is a fun.

I think it's fun.

I think it's a lot of fun.

And I'll say this, if you're sharing the donuts as we were, although we had enough where we could have each taken one full donut, but come on, what are we going to do?

We're going to each eat four full donuts before recording.

And also Susser was here.

Susser was here.

That was the other thing.

So we were subdividing these.

So there's really only enough for one bite per donut that has the pop-tart on it but we did each get to try each of the in the mini pop-tarts and i will say

if you have it in context with the donut bite i thought it worked really well on its own it's kind of a little too potent was there there was there one for the chocolate donut no but it's crushed no there wasn't yeah it was crushed on yeah you're right you're right yeah um i liked them i thought they

i kind of like them too i mean i thought the mini pop-tarts were almost like it almost didn't taste like anything it i honestly maybe tasted better than like a cold regular pop-tart because it was more better than whatever yeah cold yeah the the ratio of of like pastry to filling was like pretty fun yeah it wasn't like you know how like pop-tarts are like stiff and cardboardy yeah these these weren't that they also kind of remind they had almost like more of like a shortbread texture they really operated as like mini cookies to me yes in a way that i thought was pretty fun like dunking just a few of those and a glass of milk that's a good time i think it would be a great time shortbread is a great way to characterize it yeah and i will say because you know you're eating a lot of donuts a little little mushy little chewy it's nice to have a little bit of crunch on there yeah it was that was a great texture

you know i think i'm realizing because i brown sugar cinnamon is my favorite pop-tart yeah wow mine too that's my favorite pop-tart yeah until recently i didn't like hot fruit um interesting yeah uh so i didn't like like fruit pies or anytime like fruit goo actually when i was a kid i used to say i only liked fruit in its original form i didn't really i didn't like fruit at the bottom of yogurt i would just like i would eat fruit but applesauce not like so you're talking to two guys who probably liked fruit in goo form the most yeah more of a more of a goo guy what was the what converted you to the hot fruit just like adulthood and maturity yeah i was just like i can't have like a kid size list of things i don't eat i need to have it be an adult size list which is like allergens things you're trying to cut back on and and maybe i still have mushrooms on it but i keep trying So, what are you?

Okay, so you're in a situation where you're going to get yourself a piece of pie.

What pies are you eyeing?

I would rather have like a key lime pie, a chocolate pie, a coconut cream pie.

I'd rather go that direction, a pumpkin pie, a pecan pie.

Yeah, sure.

But now I'm like, yeah, I like a peach pie or an apple pie or a cherry pie.

You're maybe not ordering it, but if someone made one, you're like, I'll have a piece.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And enjoy it.

Yeah.

Sure.

Yeah.

But to me, it's going to just like become a mixture of crispy dough, mushy dough, fruit filling, and I'm gonna just sort of like, it's gonna be just a slop.

Yeah, but it's okay.

It's like nice and flavorful and homey.

Have you have you like made peace with the hot fruit side of things?

Like like can you have us like a piece of warm apple pie a la mode or something like that?

Yeah, yeah.

It's like I think the heat

was was not the issue.

It was like the texture got it.

That was associated when fruit was hot.

And so I think I just had to like get over that.

But it's still not my favorite, favorite version of a dessert.

Sure.

And so as a, as a, in relation to that, I had no time for the fruit pop-tarts growing up and absolutely lived off of, so I was saying earlier, I'm not a breakfast person, never was.

And it was just like a horrible Everest for my mom to climb as I was growing up that she insisted I like leave for school with having something.

And I would just be like, nope, nope, nope.

Like wouldn't eat anything, was really, really picky.

And I, and even as I got older, I'd be like, I'm actually just physically not hungry yet.

Right.

You've packed me a lunch.

I promise you, I eat this bar at recess and I have this apple.

Like, I'll eat in one more hour, but I'm just like not hungry.

And she was just like, you have to have something.

I can't send you out the door with nothing.

And that basically meant she just gave me sugar because the only thing we could agree on was I would have Pop-Tarts.

So often I would be driven to school, obviously running late, with a brown sugar, cinnamon, Pop-Tart, and a sunny D.

So just like an absolute sugar.

And one thing she did do for me, because she's the best, is she would also make me oven churros.

Oh, that's because she's like, it's basically a waffle.

I don't know.

Just please eat something.

I could God.

And she bought me a very healthy lunch.

So she knew the food I was eating the rest of the day was like healthier.

But I don't know why.

Your poor mom dealing with your little Tracy flick ass.

I know, right?

I was just like, it's so funny to me now because I'm still the same way.

Like, it takes me forever to get hungry.

And when I was in middle school and high school, I'd be at school at like 7 or 6:55.

Yes.

I was just like, I can't eat yet.

Like, my stomach would feel not awake yet.

That was an idea.

I talk about this.

I still root for snow days.

Well, I know that you guys don't experience those, but as an adult, I still root for school days, snow days.

As an adult, I still think homework is not good.

I don't love homework.

And the day should start later, especially for high schoolers.

Like a high schooler's day should start at like 10 a.m.

Basically, you should be going in at 10.

Yeah, but it's also like,

what is schooling actually for?

It's for, you know, getting your, get it,

it's for, for teaching obedience when you're working a job, right?

Like, so that's ultimately the goal.

And so, like, yeah, you're going to learn to force feed before you get into your shift.

Yeah, exactly.

That's right.

Or it's also a version of child care.

And if they're starting at 10, that's really hard for working parents.

Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

But that's the other thing, too, is that, but for high schoolers, I'm saying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And high schoolers can go to school on their own for crying out loud.

They're going to be up to no good for a few hours when they're on attendance.

That's why I'm going to be able to do that.

Can I tell you?

Every third Wednesday, my high school had late start start day, where we started at 9.30 for zero period and 10.30 for regular.

And one of those late start mornings, you know what I did with that time?

Was that?

Made out with my boyfriend.

Hell yeah.

Oh,

shit.

That's cool as that.

Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, I know.

So, yeah, you know, you never know what 9.15 is going to bring out in a teenager.

Same thing for us, right?

Oh, yeah, 100%.

I absolutely love pitching these types of jokes in front of the two of you.

Just making you like, yeah, yeah, same, same.

Tongues and everything.

7.45 was our, was the, I think the late bell at my high school was 7.45 a.m.

at North Quincy High School.

Was your, because I had a zero period, but it was for music.

Which imagine was.

Yeah, zero.

We had, we started, like, we started super fucking early.

Yeah, extra period early.

So 6.55 is when I had to be at school.

That's remember.

It was before 7 a.m.

Yeah.

And I was like, before 7 a.m.

Yeah, it was so fucking early.

And I had like the worst sleep problem.

So I'd always just be like half asleep going into school.

Or you were late nighter at this point when you were.

This was before, yeah.

Yeah.

7.30 was our first spell.

Way too fucking early.

4-7 is insane.

Yeah.

I mean, it was voluntary to do that.

You were 10.

You were 10 or something.

Or like freshman year, mine was choir.

And then they offered us.

There's a choir class, a makeout class.

Yeah, exactly.

They offered like a few academic ones every year because they were also for kids who like wanted to take more classes.

So sophomore year took Spanish too.

And And junior year, this was a weird one.

They never offered it again.

They offered honors English a zero period to help kids with like impacted schedules.

Oh, wow.

Tracy flicks.

And that was a mistake.

Anything like too, too academic that early, you were just like not really functioning.

And then my absolute favorite and

was my senior year.

I still had to do one more PE credit.

So I took zero period weightlifting.

And it ruled.

That sounds awesome.

Yeah, it ruled.

It was like.

Hey, that's why your Cape Cotter looks so good.

Thanks, Coach Conley.

It was the best.

But it meant only my senior year did I have my license.

And so, and I got it a month late, so I was in like a back parking lot, like a new one, and it was right next to the track.

And we started every weightlifting class with a like a quarter mile, and then on Fridays, we ran the mile.

But all you had to do was be there by the time your name was called, and that counted as on time.

And that would actually be more at like 7.05 because they are 7.02 because they gave us like changing time.

Oh, that's nice.

So I would just, I knew I had like a couple extra precious minutes and I parked.

I would go to school in my gym clothes with my school clothes ready to change into later.

I parked right by the track and hopped the fence.

And as long as I was there by McKenna, which I almost always was, and he would alternate.

He'd go from A's and then sometimes he'd go from Z's, but M, always in the middle, baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're so pretty.

Yeah, smack dab.

Yeah.

I get the W, so I was always at the end.

I don't remember any teacher ever going reverse alphabetical order.

So yeah, I was always waiting.

Yeah.

M's right.

Nice and mediocre, the M.

That's where I am.

You know what an M and a W,

it's upside down.

Boy,

boys.

This is this, you guys.

So we got like a Mario-Wario sort of relationship.

Yeah.

Yeah, we do.

Let me guess who you think Wario is.

Well, and as the hottest, buffest person, I'll be the Luigi.

I guess Luigi has become the thirstiest

character.

I mean, like, well, this started, but you know, Mara's like Trad.

He's like tradition.

He's like too, you know, he's like too traditional.

Yeah, I mean, it's like saying your favorite Star Wars character is Luke Skywalker.

It's just kind of like, that's like the, you know, the might be mine.

I know, hey, it might be mine, but I'm just saying, like, it's like, it's, it's the, it's the default option.

I feel like the people are like, the other characters are a little bit more colorful, have a little bit more distinct.

But I think even before Luigi Mangioni, there was the Luigi, Luigi, back in Luigi Tennis, they had like the visible outline of his hog, you remember?

And then people measured that he had like a four and a half inch flaccid hog in fucking hands.

Yes, like Florida.

yeah

surprised he could even hit his backhand with a tallahusie like that

my favorite so we did have pop-tarts as a kid a similar sort of thing in my house I was not like like a like a necessarily the pickiest of eaters but I did like prefer garbage and I think my parents were just happy for me to be eating anything so you're you were you're having a pop-tart before you were 6 a.m.

fucking first bell or whatever no by then I was California schools No, by then, my dad was making me like a little.

This is again, just like parents going above and beyond.

My dad had to fucking go to like he had to go to community college or public university and teach a class, but he was like making me breakfast beforehand for school.

But he would make he would make me like a little

big sandwich.

Didn't your dad teach uh clowning one-on-one?

Fucking clown ass dad.

How dare you?

Taught chemistry, Mitch.

Fucking

pie plus face equals laps.

Not even chemistry,

Mitch, you take those glasses off.

You deserve them.

I don't deserve them.

My dad every day would go to work.

He'd put on his big shoes and get in his tiny car, go make money for his family.

He carpooled with other, with his, with his family.

Yeah, he picked up a few of them.

15 in a car.

So, um,

uh, but, but, you know, but we did have Pop-Tarts.

It was usually not breakfast.

It was usually just like a snack.

It was usually just like a treat, more of a sweet treat, like it'd be there with the chippahoys.

So, I, but I was a big frosted strawberry guy.

That was like my, I did like that hot fruit and I did like that frosting layer.

A lot of times I would eat them cold out of the bag, uh, but you know, like like

toasted, there's nothing wrong, no problem with that.

They're cool because they're hot.

Yeah, exactly.

My favorite here, Mitch, I think they were, they were all pretty decent.

I liked the chocolatey one the least, and I thought it was the least Pop-Tarty.

I thought the frosted strawberry donut was just a really good execution.

It was good.

I thought it really

and it really tasted like a Pop-Tarty in donut form.

I agree.

I wanted to like brown sugar the best, but I do agree that the strawberry is the best promise of the premise delivered.

And also, the only thing I would take away from it

is that

top jam drizzle.

Yeah.

And I think we also lost a lot in the cutting, but I was like, you can let the jam just sing on the inside.

Like, just, I think the stickiness wasn't needed, but those

shortcake crumbles, that was really, really nice.

Shortcake crumbles are great.

The drizzle on the top, this is the, first off, so they're just kind of Peter Northing Northing some like strawberry icing over the top of it.

But

the issue is that to me is toaster strudel.

Yeah.

That's not Pop-Tart.

Like, like, the drizzle is a little bit of a toaster strudel.

And they weren't Peter Northing it.

It was, they were Mike Mitchelling it, if anything.

It was very...

They weren't like, they were, it was just a little bit of stuff.

Yes, right.

It wasn't drenched.

It wasn't a lot, but it was kind of in that sort of

one of them didn't have a.

It's kind of ropey.

For lack of a better word, one jelly dunk did not have a full load inside of it.

It was.

uh, that's true.

It was, um, that is the only way to describe it.

One of them sort of lacked, I would say, a full load.

You all saw it.

We saw it.

I had to tell you which quarter had any goo worth its goo.

Yeah.

I think I started crying and I said, which one has goo?

And you calmed me down.

And I said, hey, listen, someone spent hundred of dollars on this.

In my day, we only have pop-tarts or krispy cream.

I think they all should have been filled because to me, that's a pop-tart.

That's what a pop-to-pop-tart is.

They all should have been filled donuts.

And there was only one of these was filled.

I think if the frosted brown sugar cinnamon one has some sort of filling in there, then it's like, that's a little bit more Pop-Tarty.

That said, it still was a delightful donut.

I felt it was a yummy.

Yeah, if it was filled and then less reliance on such a thick slab of cream cheese buttercream, which is like cream cheese is not a flavor profile associated with not like not in my Pop-Tart.

And also more kind of, I mean, I know it's, it's, but it reminds you more of a toaster strudel.

Yeah, yes, because that drizzle had a cream cheesy taste to it.

Yes, yeah.

And some of them, I think, even had cream cheese, like cream cheese and fruit or whatever.

Yeah.

It almost makes you wonder with how these sort of branding things come together if they had like, they were like 90% of the way towards a deal with toaster strudel, and then they were like, well, that fell apart.

All right, let's see if we can get Pop-Tarts.

And they didn't want to redo their recipes.

Does Toaster Strudel have the might to elicit a collab like that?

It does not have the same same cachet, but if they had Dunkin' Donuts X, I just said it loud.

If they said Dunkin' Donuts

Toaster Strudel, fucking X is silent, eh?

Does Dunkin' do a Girl Scout cookie?

Ooh, I think they maybe do, yes.

That's a pretty good collab.

I also think in retrospect, what we're losing, and it's not maple, it's brown sugar, but it's that different sweetness that a brown sugar has.

It has like a toastiness to it, a molasses-like taste versus pure sugar.

I don't think i was getting that flavor note and that is what is so fun to me about the brown goo in the brown it has like molassesy sweetening it's brown sugar has a different sweetness to it and i wasn't getting that as much i think cinnamon i was getting but i wasn't really getting brown sugar i was just getting cinnamon and sugar again Kind of more of a churro donut.

It really tasted like a churro donut.

But it was good, but

I thought it was delightful.

Tongue Donuts does have the Girl Scout cookie,

Girl Scout cookie coffees, it looks like.

Yeah, that sounds right.

So the glazed donuts we also got, they were not warm, but they're still a very solid glazed donut.

And then nice to have as a little palate cleanser slash baseline.

The other thing we got is we got the glazed donut coffee.

This is horrifying.

Yeah, this is...

This is a big whiff.

It is so, so sweet.

I have had this for, it's sitting in my Yeti mug, and I've had this for whatever.

This was probably two hours ago when this order arrived at this point.

And I've drinked maybe like a quarter of this.

It is just so potent.

It is so sugary.

And it's a thing you don't need when you're eating a bunch of donuts.

I'd rather just have a black coffee versus something that what they say is the flavoring is vanilla, but it is just such a, I think a strong amount of vanilla in order to be a simulacrum in liquid form of the glazed donut.

And it's just over the top.

I agree.

Yeah.

It's really sweet.

Way too sweet.

I normally drink my coffee black, so anything that I'm having in it is like a bump up, but this was like,

I mean, took my breath away.

How do you make your coffee?

You got like a drip maker?

What do you do?

I do

pour over on essentially a Chemex, but not a Chemex

that has like a mesh reusable instead of using paper filters.

I've switched to

a French press system in recent years.

I do like the French press, having a lot of success.

You know what I think?

What?

You tell me.

Every morning I do a French press.

I told the wife.

I like French press.

Oh, that's a good joke.

Sorry I interrupted it.

That's great.

I thought you were going to say you call over your French neighbor and see how many reps you can.

Come here, Marcel.

Morgan doesn't drink coffee, so I'm always only making it for just me too.

And recently had folks in my house in the morning, and I was like, oh, gosh,

this makes me like want to have a larger way to make coffee.

But I do French press in the summer.

I have like a big French press that I make cold cold brew in.

Oh, that's true.

And it just lives in the fridge and it's like a pitcher.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you cold coffee ever?

You were disappointed that this wasn't hot when it came.

I wanted this sumbitch to be hot.

I was disappointed that it was cold.

They all came iced.

Maybe that's just how they deliver them.

I, yeah, I do hot coffee.

My issue with cold brew is, I don't know if this is psychosomatic.

I feel it, it's so strong.

Oh, sorry.

I don't shit myself.

Need a golden corral and an insect.

No, it's less intestinal distress and more just like I feel like I can see through time.

Like I feel like it's like so, the caffeine really hits me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I just, you know what?

I do a single coffee bean in the morning.

Nope.

Right.

And that's all I do.

That's all.

And that keeps me going through the day, basically.

And do that before or after your French press?

It's right after my French press.

Okay, got it, got it.

So you finish all your reps.

Yeah, and then

I say hon when I do it.

Is that French?

Oh, wait.

I have something in my nose.

No one look at me.

Okay, don't look at Mitch.

Hey, don't look at him.

Don't look at Mitch.

Don't look at him.

Don't look at Mitch.

I actually think that was maybe this is disgusting, but I think it might have been sugar from the donut

that was in your nostrils.

I think there was

a line of cinematography.

I wish there was a thing of sugar in my nostrils.

Wow.

Oh, that's tough.

That's a tough look, my guy.

That was tough.

That was tough.

That one's going to be hard to come back from.

Let's get to our final thoughts on the Krispy Kreme Pop Tarts Collab.

So, Jess, you've done the show, veteran of the show.

You know how this works.

We'll each go around, give our closing argument, and end by giving it a fork score from zero to five.

And we can talk about it for Krispy Kreme in totality, not just this experience.

Jesse, I guess we'll begin with you.

I still thought the quality of donut across the board was really, really high.

I still think that the,

I liked the mini Pop-Tarts a lot.

I agree that the strawberry was the strongest execution of the Silent X

of really bringing two things together.

That one felt most like a Pop-Tart donut.

None of them were a bad bite.

I don't particularly find myself drawn to a fudgy donut that like is, you know, using brownie batter frosting like that's already so often another additional dessert like zone concur that i don't really need that one but i thought the brown sugar very much like a churro donut i still enjoyed the flavor profile thing they could have done a little bit more everything was still very high quality but i think for the slight fall off of like what could be perfect execution on what is a pretty promising collab i gotta go four forks or forks wow still high score yeah very good score um still in golden play club I was more of a toaster strudel.

Actually, you can go first.

Oh, kind of a health nut over here.

Toaster strudel.

Frosting optional.

Okay.

I got to get my secondary screen out here.

You know, everyone these days is talking about their two-screen experiences, but this two-screen experience will actually enhance the podcast because I don't have text, my text message is my iMessage on my iPad, but I do have it on my phone, which I've gotten here.

Because since the commissioner Evan Susser was present and he was such a factor in us doing this chain and crafting this order and us ultimately landing on pizza,

I believe that it is only a propros to allow him to have his say here.

Wow.

Susser's thoughts.

The coffee was a bust.

He also got the same thing, the glazed donut coffee.

But come on, crispy cream is good.

Four forks.

Wow.

Who am I to disagree with a commissioner himself?

I came in thinking Krispy Kreme was a four-fork chain.

That was my score last time we reviewed it.

And I stand by this.

I think this was a four-fork experience.

I think this absolutely delivered on the Pop-Tarts theming.

I think that two of the three of them were hits.

I think that one of them was great.

And I think I agree with Jess that the overall quality of the donut is high.

This is a four-fork chain.

I don't go to Krispy Kreme for coffee.

This is a donut chain.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is a fucking donut chain.

So, in terms of what it's trying to accomplish, it's trying to have great donuts, and I think it succeeds.

Four forks.

Yeah.

I would never ding it for the coffee.

No.

Because I looked at that menu and they have black coffee.

I could have ordered.

Yeah, I would have just gotten that.

But also, I'll probably just go to like a Starbucks or a coffee bean and get a coffee instead.

Don't you like it when sus is like, hey, I want stuff.

I'm coming in.

And then he comes in.

He's also kind of in a bad mood.

It's happened like multiple times.

What are you mad about?

You're coming here and taking food.

Why do you seem upset?

What he was, he was

in a bad mood.

Well, it was, I was talking, I was texting him.

He's like, Let's get you want to get something for lunch before he mentioned the pizza, he wanted lunch of some sort.

Yeah, and then I was, I, he, I, he messaged me and was like, You want to do lunch?

And I was like, What do you want to do?

And he didn't answer, so I went and showered, and I came back, and it was like 20 to 30 minutes later.

Showered

things happen.

Um, some stuff went down the drain.

Let's just say that

There might be a few clogs in those firefighters' hoses, as we've said.

It goes out of my shower into the fire house.

I don't know.

But

Susser, I got out and I was like, what do you want to do?

Because he was like, it's too late now.

And I was like, you seem mad.

He was like, I'm pissed.

And I was like, okay, he seems mad.

But he was the one who, he wanted pizza.

He wanted donuts.

Yeah.

We gave him half of that.

And he can come and get the pizza if he wants it.

Anyways, sus is right.

He can come and get three slices of cold pizza.

If he wants it.

You think that's below him?

I would know.

I would not be surprised if he showed up and walked out with that box.

Pop-tarts, I did enjoy.

And the cinnamon sugar ones or the cinnamon flavored ones were my favorite when I was younger.

I was more of a health night.

I was more of a toaster strudel guy.

And

I liked warm fruit, but I got what you're saying.

You know, when you get like a piece of like peach or apple that's like too hot, you know what I mean?

And you're like, oh, that's to me, that was Boy Scouts when they'd make like cobbler in a Dutch oven.

It's like it would always be like super fucking hot.

And I'm just a fat little boy wanting to eat it right away and burning my mouth.

Yeah.

And it's very, like, I like a cobbler, but it has to be cooked to like the perfect texture.

If you get like a hot, solid piece of fruit, that is pretty gross.

It can be like molten lava and hurt, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

It's tricky.

Yeah.

Hot tomato, too, is like the word.

Or any sort of hot squash, if it's too hot, can really sort of hit it.

Because also sometimes it's hiding hot water in there.

Yeah, that hot, that high water content.

Yeah.

Bite down.

Oh, yeah.

Ouchie.

Ouchi mouchy.

Ouchi mouchy.

Ouchi mouthy.

Ouchi mouthy.

Ouchi mouthy.

Ouchi mouthy.

Look, there is no ouchy mouthies today.

No.

I like a nice roasted tomato, though, sometimes.

No, hey, I don't, I got nothing against a hot tomato.

I'm just saying that, like, you get that thing.

It can be scalding if you, if you bite into it, and then, and that sunbitch is too hot.

I gotta tell you, I'm always pushing the limit of food temp.

Really?

Yeah, I'm always diving in impatiently.

Are you doing that with your coffee too?

Because that was the thing I had to do.

Yeah, so my, because I have black coffee, and so there's nothing to cool it down.

So it's like, this has just got to sit for a few minutes before.

Well, I will say the pour over.

Yeah.

And I do my gooseneck set at 207, which is supposed to be like best for bean

bean health.

Yeah.

And that

it makes it already not that hot.

Interesting.

Just if you're interested.

Wow.

I'm rarely having a hot, hot, it's warm enough, and I put it immediately into an insulated mug so it stays pretty hot, but it's never burned in my mouth when I have it at home.

But when then when I forget and I go into the wild, hot black coffee, I mean.

Yes.

Asking for trouble.

Hot coffee is too hot and then apples have gotten too big.

Those are my two big takes.

Wait, what?

Apples have gotten too big.

In the grocery store, the apples are too fucking big.

Does not sound like something I thought you would complain about.

All right.

It's kind of fun.

Have you seen how big these apples are?

They're too big.

I don't know.

No, I want it to be a snack.

You got to all eat this fucking thing.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a meal.

I don't know.

You got an issue with a big apple.

A tiny apple sucks, though.

You don't want a tiny apple.

I don't mind a tiny apple.

I'd rather have a regular size apple, but I think there's just too much genetic manipulation

and, you know,

chemical,

all these fucking pesticides and shit that have gotten these things so fucking big.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I don't need this anymore.

All right.

All right.

All right.

I don't need an apple the size of a grapefruit.

I want an apple the size of an apple.

Give me a reasonably sized apple.

Where are these grapefruit?

Where are the fucking groceries?

I believe you.

I believe you.

I believe you.

Especially if you're not, if you're buying like a non-organic, you know, if you're just buying like a really, like these chemically fattened things, they're fucking huge.

We're all chemically fattened in some way.

That's true, Mitch.

You and I, especially,

from the last 10 years.

We got the Bane chemical, but it's just to make you fatter

And not strong.

Yeah.

It's tricky with me

with Krispy Kreme.

First of all, Krispy Kreme, that's nasty.

You don't like the name?

I think the name's fun.

The name is a Krispy.

It's cream, but it's Krispy.

I think it's fun.

It's nasty.

It's nasty.

It's nasty, Nick.

All right.

Sounds like someone showered too recently.

I disagree.

I disagree that.

It's crispy.

I disagree that.

That's nasty.

I don't think it's nasty.

I think it's a good name.

I mean, I obviously want to.

If it was crusty cream, that would be disgusting.

That would be gross.

Krusty cream is nasty.

Krispy Kreme is very close to crusty cream.

It's not that close.

I mean, it's not hard for you to go with your brain.

You're like, oh, the donut is crispy and the cream is creamy.

Yeah.

God damn it.

Sorry.

I didn't have my glasses on.

No, you know, you know, I love to be on your side, Mitch, but just I, yes, you can obviously think of it as gross, but you don't have to.

Yeah, you you don't have to.

I think this is a chain that's close to your guy's heart.

And it's not

like

it's going to give it 3.99 forks, but I'm going to be a little stinker.

Why would I be a little stinker?

Yeah.

You guys love it.

I love that you guys love it.

And I do think that those

glazed, the fresh hot glazed are so fucking good.

They're good.

That's like a signature item.

Yeah.

It's like a McDonald's French fryer.

Like, yeah, you do this thing incredibly well.

Right.

Yeah.

And you know what?

For that, but I mean, the coffee was bad.

Coffee's, yeah, the jelly donut was good.

Sadly,

the cinnamon sugar one should have been, they should have just made that one different.

And the chocolate one meant nothing to us, but I thought it tasted okay.

Like, imagine a filled donut, a cinnamon filling with just like a brown butter glaze, like a, you know, like

really like a lighter top.

Yeah.

Too much frosting reliance on flavor profile there.

I agree.

Agree.

I thought that these donuts were pretty good, though.

I can't deny it.

Yeah, they were good.

Four forks.

Wow, four forks.

Staying in the Golden Plate Club.

Wow, it's still

as Mitch's phone goes on.

It's a new thing.

If something gets four forks.

It's knocking on the door of the Golden Plate Club and the door's going...

Is that your ring camera?

What is that?

That is.

You got very mad at me for this because my home is going to be a little bit more damaging.

I didn't get that mad at you.

I just was like, you know, I'm put on alerts for anything.

I said your baby being paranoid.

And it is just my neighbors are walking by, and I just caught them in the corner.

What are they up to?

What are their names and their addresses?

Which one's the French one that you pressed?

Well, he, of course, is a mime.

Of course.

No problem.

He was walking.

He was walking his dog.

God, God.

Yeah.

So he was just walking by.

Whoa.

And he hit a windstorm.

Which with these damn Santa Anna women.

Yeah, I know.

It's dangerous.

I love Santa, but I don't know who this Anna is, but together,

they're no good.

You didn't give me any danger.

I got to get back with Mrs.

Claus.

Santa's got to get away from Anna.

Get back to Mrs.

Claus.

Since he's been with Anna, things have been fucking gone sideways.

Four forks, but wise, guess what?

What?

It's a Dough Boys Double Review.

We're going to review this pizza.

I think we just got to come up with something other than double review because Doughboys Double already exists.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

It's just going to confuse the audience because Dough Boys Double.

Wait, this is a Patreon episode review?

You're going to eat it up.

They like the show.

I just think it was.

We were not in scroll reading and

I think we need to come up with a new name for it.

I'm fine with doing a second review.

You stacked your reviews.

Oh, I like that.

A Doughboy Stacker.

How's that?

We got a Doughboy stack review.

We got a Dough Boys Stacker.

Okay, great.

We'll workshop this.

I'm just going to.

Do you need to be alliterative?

Is that what's bumping you?

Yeah, kind of.

Okay.

Yeah.

Doughboy's Double Decker?

Fuck.

I know it still still has double in there

doughboy's double decker is pretty damn boys double decker is pretty good how about a dough boy's upper decker that's pretty good too okay all right it's a doughboys upper decker that's when you put a big poop right in it

that is that is a water tank

i just need to make sure i remembered um i'm gonna give a i i texted amelia

and um

She, I, I, I figured out this mystery of this burata.

Yeah.

This isn't minus burata.

She added burata to this pizza.

It was left off off accidentally.

Wow.

Which, look, I'm still giving the lasorded, who's helping out the firefighters.

I'm giving them four forks.

I think it's a four-forker.

Yeah, that's a great, a great piece of pizza.

I only had the cheese, but I really enjoyed it.

And Mitch, are you going to keep that cheese just sitting there?

Yeah, fuck yeah, I am.

All right.

Okay.

Mitch likes to leave his slices of pizza out for a few hours.

Take a little sausage slice.

There's not much sausage.

I might have one in a second.

But right now, that was our review of the.

Wait, what are you going to do?

Are you going to give it a,

what are you going to give give a sort of?

I just gave it four forks.

Four forks, yeah, yeah.

Four forks?

Yeah, I mean, to be fair, I wish I had sampled more of the menu, but

my experience, four fork.

Yeah, that's a four-forks.

All right, that was our review of La Sortid's and Krispy Kreme Pop-Tarts Donuts Collab.

It's time for a segment.

A new segment.

This was teased last week, Mitch.

I've got some scenarios where you might be thirsty, and Mitch and Jess must respond with their ideal drinks.

It's the debut of our new segment, Thirst Responders.

Thirst Responders.

Hit it, Emma.

Jesus Christ.

Thirst Responder,

why don't you come

come drink a beverage?

You've been up watching severance.

Season two is out now.

Oh, you're a parched one.

I know which diet you follow.

Those drinks that you swallow

can thirst you somehow.

Thirst responder.

Okay, so this is a series of open-ended questions.

Wow, really good.

I'll give you, thank you.

I'll give you the setup.

Why have you sing like Hartman again?

Emma texted her firefighter friend.

Yeah, Amelia did.

Oh, sorry.

Amelia texted her firefighter friend

about

thirst responders.

And it does sound like a good, look, if you have any extra beverages, you got water, donate them to the first responders.

I think that's a nice move to do, but it sounds like

he was like, are you going to bring me Gatorade?

He was like asking her if she was going to bring her Gatorades, right?

It was basically what she asked.

And no, that's not what we're doing.

Instead,

what we have for Thirsty, we're playing a dumb game.

A series of open-ended questions.

So, Mitch, just I'll give you the setup telling you why you're thirsty in this particular scenario.

And you tell me, in this set of circumstances, in this hypothetical, what your dream beverage would be.

Great.

Do you understand?

I love this.

Okay, great.

This is great.

Okay, here we go.

First one.

It's New Year's Day.

Okay.

And you partied way too hard last night.

Hell yeah.

You wake up with a horrible hangover.

So bad you resolve to never drink again.

Thankfully, you planned ahead.

You look inside your fridge.

And last night you bought the perfect beverage for this eventuality.

What do you got in there?

An ice-cold Gatorade Glacier Freeze.

I was going to say

Gatorade Lemon Lime.

That's a good one, too.

Lemon lime's a good one.

Yeah.

Just the default flavor.

Sometimes this is bad.

The original, the original.

And actually, like, I've been getting into stuff and sometimes not being ice cold.

Oh, wow.

So I think mine would be slightly above room temp.

Wow.

Yeah.

Cause I have found like in

trying to maintain like vocal health.

Yeah.

That

super cold liquids are like hard on your

shock.

And so I've now developed the taste for a room temp water.

And I realize that I can consume it so much faster.

There's no risk of brain freeze.

So if I already have a pound and headache from rage caging too hard i think i'm gonna go for like a slightly just above room temp it's it's sat on on the counter but it has a slight chill to it from being in the cool night air um but i that means i can chug it more effectively because i want to get that drink i want to get yeah that whole thing in me as fast as possible with no headache what you were saying so that this is a thing i i've i i both learned when i i i took a vo class and then i also heard it from the lead singer of queensrike uh the idea that you have a hot beverage and that's actually better for the for the the pipes.

Yeah, hot or really room temp, like drinking like room temp water is better if you're like feeling a little, a little like hoarse or anything like that.

Right, sure.

So not like necessarily warm, warm, but just not that cold that's going to shock your cords.

Yeah, to avoid the ice, yeah.

So I've woken up,

open up some cat food, get in my Wally, I said to the cat food, and then

I

open the fridge, I have a little draw, a beverage drawer that I keep at like close to freezing.

Yeah.

For me, I know it's probably better for my vocal cords, but with a with a bad hangover, especially, I need the coldest, closest thing to frozen that's not, that is still liquid.

My advice is not from a health point, it's from like I've now developed the taste for that.

That makes

where now like it's like not that cold is actually super, can become super refreshing because I'm like, oh, great.

I can chug this whole thing.

Very European.

I feel like they don't like ice over there.

They don't.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think Glacier Freeze also, for me, is like the perfect.

I love the fierce strawberry.

I've told you this before.

But Glacier Freeze is like the perfect, almost like

not

on the spectrum.

It's kind of right in the middle.

It's almost like a nothing.

And not, it's a great flavor, but it's like a middle nothing flavor.

You know what I mean?

It's like not super sweet.

They're all sweet, I guess, but it's not super sweet.

And it's not like a

like lemon lime I like, but I'm like, would that be too like tart or like too uh you know what I'm saying like it's kind of a Weiger flavor totally neutral just like a beige flavor yeah yeah that's what I love I had I love it I got really into the strawberry PD or not PDL the strawberry gator light zero but that's a one you don't encounter very often so when I run across it in like a 7-Eleven or something I'll grab a strawberry kiwi or something yeah it's a strawberry kiwi uh a gator light zero and i do like the gator lights all right next up next scenario these pretzels are making you thirsty while watching the Seinfeld episode where Kramer gets the line, these pretzels are making me thirsty in a Woody Allen movie.

Two cool dudes.

You realize you've been idly snacking on pretzels yourself, and they've been making you thirsty while you've been watching.

Luckily, within reach, you have a nice beverage that will both wet your whistle and cut the salt.

What is it?

Now, I do like my seltzer waters very, very cold.

So I'm, and I, in that situation, I'm going with a very cold LaCroix Pure.

Oh, I like the La Croix Pure Pure is unflavored.

Yep.

Yeah.

Good one.

This is hard for me because immediately I'm like,

you say this and I just want a

tap bud light.

Ooh.

Like an ice cold.

That is

with some pretzels.

That's a lot.

That's what I'm saying.

But I'm at the house, right?

This is the issue.

Would I leave the house and go to a bar and watch the episode on the bar?

It's a dream scenario.

I think it's already.

Is it dreaming?

Yeah, I think so.

It's dream scenario.

Yeah, I think stream logic.

All right.

Then, yeah, I would leave and watch the rest of the episode at a bar and have an ice-cold draft beer.

Ooh, that's nice.

It's just the saltiness that, that, like, there's, there, I don't even, like, crave beer.

That meant I drink cider way more than beer, but the two scenarios is like on a hot summer day, I always want like a, a draught of cold beer.

And then with, like, salty pretzels, that's the other thing that, that gets me.

Mitch, I think in this scenario, you just happen to be watching Seinfeld and syndication at a bar already, and the pretzels are there on the bar, and that's your bar snack.

What the hell am I going through that I'm watching on a weekday

watching a syndicated Seinfeld at at the bottom.

Oh, you're there amongst a bunch of friends.

There you go.

They're all there.

All right, hey, scenario.

Yeah, you're having wings and you just having to look up.

Cliff's there, and you have some pretzels.

You know, it's all good.

You're at cheers.

Yeah.

Cliff and Norm are there.

You're at cheers.

No one's sitting in any of the bar stools

on one part of the bar

for some reason.

But other than that, everything's great.

Cliff and Norm.

And we're watching Seinfeld.

Yeah, no one's commenting on how you're watching a different NBC sitcom.

That's what you're doing in this reality.

This next one is an Amelia pitch.

You're a 10th grader in gym class, maybe in weightlifting class.

Hell yeah.

You're exhausted, struggling through the last lap of the mile.

Just as you think you can't go any further, something catches your eye, a flash of light reflecting off a can near the finish line.

So this is in a can.

Your friend is holding it up, waiting for you.

If it were any other drink, you might have quit right then and there.

But this one, this one makes all the difference.

What is that beverage?

If it's me in 10th grade,

Like I'm going for the first thing that came to my head was just a regular Coke or maybe a Dr.

Pepper, but I think something that's going to make me finish the end of the mile something i did really hate doing yeah and it's 10th grade me growing up in the oc i gotta go with a ice cold can of cactus cooler hell yeah man i had cactus cooler so often i had it so many times i had it like as a as my lunch soda yes for so many like for years yeah to the point where i kind of got burned out on it yeah but i i really love cactus cooler the specificity of that being like a treat that's gonna be the carrot because i was drinking five cokes a day dr pepper all the time.

But a cactus cooler, you know, sometimes it can hit you just right.

That was my problem is that I took, I took like a novelty, like periodic soda.

Like I didn't understand, I was too young to understand that like there's like a something to only having something occasionally.

Sure.

And this really distinct like orange pineapple soda.

I should not have had it every day.

Oof.

But once in a while, it's an absolute treat.

Mitch, what's yours?

Mine, look, I'm going back to the Gatorade well, but I get there.

There's a jug of Gatorade that was made in the gym.

This is 10th grade, right?

Yeah, it's supposed to be a can, but I'll allow it.

Oh, it has to be a can.

In Amelia's scenario, it's a can.

They're holding a can.

It can reflect off a bottle, I guess.

That's true.

Yeah, that's true.

But this would be a cup.

Okay, well, what's in the cup?

You guys have turned on the dream thing pretty quick.

Why don't you just say it's been canned?

I just want to hear the end before I.

Aluminum cup.

Yeah.

And also, some Gatorade does come in a can.

I was saying because I'm like waiting to hear the whole thing.

Yeah.

Wait, also, what is the thing?

the, what is the, what is the scenario again?

Can you just tell me?

You're a 10th grader in gym class, exhausted, struggling through the last lap of the mile.

Just as you think you can't go any further, something catches your eye.

A flash of light reflecting off a can near the finish line.

Your friend is holding it up, waiting for you.

If it were any other drink, you might have quit right then and there.

But this one, this one makes all the difference.

What is the beverage?

The can is so is just the tricky thing.

That's part of the challenge, but you can make it whatever.

I mean, my answer really is those big Gatorade jugs with ice in it and Gatorade powder, lemon lime, Gatorade water.

That to me me is like I would just like drink that so fast and so much of it and feel great but if it's a can

oh man cactus cooler is such a good answer

I mean should I just be honest yeah fucking Coca-Cola yeah a can of coke pretty good I mean that was heavy so that was high up I that's you know I considered it I mean

I also considered it for my hangover drink like a can oh so good that's if I'm drinking beverages the day I'm hungover it's a Gatorade and a Coca-Cola at some point.

I have definitely fountain soda Coca-Cola with ice.

That is going to help you.

Do you ever go get the breakfast fast food combo when you're hungover and get the Coke as your drink?

Yeah.

That's a lot of fun.

Whoa, I've never done that.

Yeah, I'll do that at McDonald's sometimes.

All right, next scenario.

You've been marooned on a lifeboat for weeks.

I'm changing my mind.

Yeah.

It's a can of Sunkissed.

Sunkissed is great.

That's what it's like.

Just the orange, orange flavor?

Orange flavor.

Sunkissed.

You've been marooned on a lifeboat for weeks.

You've resorted to drinking your own urine.

But unlike the Mariner from Water World, you have no way to process it back to water.

Okay.

You're about to lose consciousness for the last time when a rescue chopper flies overhead and lowers a ladder.

The Coast Guard search and rescue operator hands you a bottle of thirst-quenching liquid, and it's like mana from heaven.

What is it?

This is the easiest one to me.

I mean, I have a specific one that I would maybe choose, but

high-quality H2O.

It's that sort of thing of of when you're that dehydrated.

Yeah, just pure water.

Water can be the best.

Coal, I would need cold water again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I like uh, and specifically, the one I'm thinking of is Bobby Boucher's water from the water boy, the one that's always cold.

Yeah, that bottle.

If I drank that, I think I would be very happy.

So let's just say Bobby Boucher is descending down that ladder and handing you his perfect water.

Perfect.

What a dream.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Have a couple laughs, too.

Better Better not say water sucks when it comes down there, too.

Oof.

Oh, boy.

I think

I've been turned on to

coconut water.

Oh, okay.

And I think I've already been marooned on the sea, and I'm, I'm, I'm out of my mind.

I think I, I want it to be

like a $20 brunch cocktail.

You know, like how sometimes you go to brunch and you can get like a mimosa bloody mary, but you can also get like the, the, like the detox or like the revitalizer.

How is coconut water?

Yeah, exactly.

It's like, it's going to be like coconut water, a muddled cucumber.

It's going to be light, maybe a squeeze of lime.

We're winking at a piña colada, and there's just a slight bit of alcohol in that.

Yeah.

It's not.

You would get fucked up.

It's not a cocktail, but it's just like, this is going to taste like life's worth living.

It's like a half ounce of Malibu rum.

It's like a very very delightful thing.

It's a wink at having alcohol in there.

Sure.

That's going to be an all-timer buzz right there.

Yeah, exactly.

I might as well get it.

Yeah, I love it.

All right, next up.

A wizard has cast a transmutation spell to polymorph you into your choice of a dog or a cat.

You are alone in a big scary human house, and there's a lock on the fridge that you are unable to disarm with your cute little paws.

The only thing you have access to drink is toilet water.

However, to your delight, the wizard has also cast an enchantment upon the toilet, so its water is actually a delicious beverage.

What is it?

Please note that you also have canine or feline anatomy, so certain human foods are toxic.

Okay, question.

Yeah.

Am I living this way for the rest of my life?

Let's say for this exercise that the polymorph spell is temporary, like it'll wear off.

What's the deal with this wizard?

What do we do to piss him off?

You displeased him.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Great.

We displeased him.

Well, he had like a riddle for you, and you like didn't play along.

What was the riddle?

The riddle was

born a forest nest

upon a

stick I rest.

Thousand legs cannot stand.

What am I?

And so our response is kind of like, what?

And then it gets mad on us.

And it gets mad because we don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

It's a broom, obviously.

Is it a broom?

Yeah.

Cool.

Well, I turn into a cat because I got Wally and Irma.

And then you can say, get in my Wally.

I would not have sexual relations with Wally or Irma if I turned into a cat.

That's not what I was saying.

Hey, you instantly went to Bill Clinton.

Yeah, I was just going to,

like, you could, when you ate food, you could, since you look like Wally and Irma, you could say, get in my Wally.

Oh, sorry.

This is a classic mitch methinks doth protest

I would I would be like there I mean it would be fun to talk to them and be like hey oh my god I can talk to you guys yeah you can you can understand them um

how are you guys doing is there anything you want to complain about never go outside I would tell them like you should never go outside and explain to them how outside is dangerous and so like I'm always nervous about you guys going outside I would have a big long conversation kind of Ed Harris Truman showing him this is nice a little bit a little bit yeah I'm like so the wizard made you a cat in your own house Yes.

Yes.

And then I would probably, the three of us would probably hit the couch and I'd probably take a nap with them for a while.

Sure.

That's cute.

And then

eventually I'd wake up.

Little cuddle puddle.

Yeah, I mean, immediately.

It would, honestly, it's not that different from what my life is now.

Sure.

Boy, that feels a toilet also.

We don't solicit fan art very often, but a cat Mitch snuggling with Wally Nerma, that'd be pretty cute.

That would be pretty damn cute.

I think I would like that quite a bit.

I

think I would like that quite a bit.

Oh, may we all be so contented, please?

Just to receive cute fan art.

I mean, my answer is a simple answer in the feline world.

It's, I would like a big bowl of a toilet bowl of milk.

Oh, that's fun.

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

Are you going to be a dog or a cat?

I think I'm going to be a cat.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

I love it.

And my question about like, do we morph back is I'm wondering, will this experience be so

traumatizing and grody that it'll ruin this beverage for me going forward?

So is it a beverage that I'd like to very much have, but I'm okay with if potentially I don't want it again?

Yeah.

And so I'm going to say peach-flavored green tea.

Good answer.

Yeah.

It's nice.

I'll enjoy it for as long as I'm a cat.

But if I never have one again, it'll be okay.

Yeah, if you have a permanent association with, like, I was using a feline tong to lick this out of a toilet bowl, and so I kind of just have an aversion to it.

Okay, yeah, makes sense.

And so,

so

can cats drink green tea, I guess.

Oh, gosh, I don't know.

I don't know.

Probably not safe for them to have too much caffeine with their little bodies.

We looked that up, Emma, yeah.

All right, great.

But also, maybe we took a couple laps of it, you know?

Yeah, I'm not chugging the hole.

You're just trying to hydrate yourself.

You're still, you're just trying to stay alive until the spell works.

A small amount of decaffeinated green tea should be okay.

All right, so decaf.

Okay, we'll make it decaf.

Yeah, we'll have a go decaf.

Decaf.

Peach-flavored decaffeinated green tea.

That's, I love it.

Also, this jogged a memory.

I shouldn't tell this.

I just remember that

a kid who, a guy who lived next to Armon.

I'm not even going to say names.

Yeah.

But he was like, you know, you can drink out of your toilet.

Like, all you have to do is flush it twice.

And then someone went number two in the toilet and they flushed it.

And then he flushed it again and he drank water out of the toilet.

And it was like such a little kid hearing.

How old?

We were like 10 to 12.

I didn't like hearing that.

Yeah.

Fucking gross.

Oh, I mean, it is gross.

And everyone, no cuts.

No cuts.

No.

Nick's been at headgum the whole time.

And that story has to stick.

There will be no cuts.

Yeah.

So I didn't like telling it.

I know you didn't like telling me.

No, that's rough stuff.

Okay, kids are gross.

Kids are disgusting.

Yeah, kids are disgusting.

All right, final scenario.

Okay.

You are marooned on the desert planet of Arrakis, and the Fremen stillsuit, which recycles your body fluids into potable water, has been sabotaged.

Namely, the heel pumps that generate the kinetic energy to power the filtering mechanism have been disconnected, likely by the traitorous Dr.

Yue.

You have accepted you will die of thirst on this desolate foreign rock, your desiccated corpse swallowed whole by the behemoth sandworm the indigenous Fremen call Shai Halud.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a Harkinen soldier ambushes you.

But your training in the weirding way allows you to quickly dispatch him with your crispknife.

You then use your desert power knowledge to harvest the water from his body to sustain yourself.

And actually, the fluid tastes quite delicious.

It reminds you of a beverage your mentat tutor taught you of from film books about the ancient society of Earth back before the Butlerian jihad, which codified, thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a human mind into the orange Catholic Bible.

You vow to learn to brew it on your own and share it throughout the Padasha Empire, defying the Bene Gesserit once you return to your home planet, the ocean world of Caledon.

Yes.

What is the beverage?

How long did it take me to write that?

I was just going to stream of consciousness.

Yeah,

there's nothing written down, Emma.

Damn.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay.

His eyes just turned white and he starts saying

doesn't that happen with one of the happens with the men tats, yeah.

Okay, with mentats.

I wish they went more into mentats.

Thufer Howitt, look, I

reread Dune, and then I read

Children of Dune.

Your Mentat's looking pretty good right there.

Thanks, buddy.

What a thing to say.

Uh, the uh, the

Thufer Howitt, who is uh, you know, at a you shut the fuck up.

I wish he was present in the in Dune part two.

Apparently, he shot some scenes, they're they're very pivotal in the book, and they're not in the DV adaptations.

Hey, Tiger Roger, shut the fuck up for a second.

Okay, well, if I got it from a Harkinen,

I'm thinking, well, their whole planet looks like black licorice.

That's true.

That is true.

I wonder if that.

Coca-Cola could fit in pretty well.

Or maybe like a beverage that has a million flavors that we can't name all of them.

I'm going with Dr.

Pepper.

Wow, what an answer.

Oh my God, the spice.

The spice.

That spice must flow.

23 unique flavors.

One of them is Harkinen.

Wow.

What a great answer.

Thanks.

Maybe that will become the spice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's possible.

Guild navigators are guzzling Dr.

Pepper so they can navigate the stars?

It's possible.

Wow.

Nick, I'm going to go with a drink, and I think that you'll be, I think this will make, like, much like the fan art, fart,

fan art.

I said fart.

No cuts.

Like the, much like the fan art would make my day.

Yeah.

I think this will make your day.

I'd go with a Nick Weiger.

Wow.

An Arnold Palmer, basically.

Yes.

I would go with.

A Perfected Arnold Palmer.

I just with the sand, and I'm just like, that's a thirst quencher.

That would be really, really good.

I almost chose Arnold Palmer for my toilet bowl.

And that's how I caught myself where I was like, then what if it ruins Arnold Palmer's?

Yeah.

Which would be devastating.

So I went with just a flavored iced tea and not a black iced tea that I would be okay getting rid of.

That's a good move.

I I would not want, I mean, like, it would ruin milk for me forever.

Yeah.

But how nervous do you guys get when you order an Arnold Palmer?

Because they're so hard to say.

I get a lot.

I mean, I get nervous saying anything because I'm just, there's a good chance I'm going to say it wrong.

I always practice my order in my head because I'm like worried I'm going to mess it up.

Yeah.

It's a hard, I don't know why.

It's really hard for me to say.

Arnold Palmer.

Arnold Palmer.

I think Arnold Palmer will be apropos in this situation.

Arnold Palmer.

Arnold Palmer.

You know, that's it.

Put the glasses back on.

That's a big, it's a big golf drink.

It is a big golf drink.

He named after a golfer himself.

A big golfer, who also had a fucking huge hog, apparently.

Yeah.

Apparently, President Elect was talking about it.

President now.

Here's my question to you.

It would be good if I had a smart question.

Did you say Arnold Hogger?

Yeah, I just said it.

Let's go right past this.

Mitch Arnold Hogger.

All right, keep going.

Has there ever been a good spiked Arnold Palmer?

That's what

he would have it with vodka.

Oh, he would have it with vodka.

Yeah.

Yeah, they call it the John Daly after they famously did the alcoholic offer.

I feel like there hasn't been a good, maybe I just haven't had one.

Like a good, I've had twisted teas, which are fun.

And they're tasty.

We used to make that at the sports bar I worked at.

And we would use

lemon.

They would have like Stolley had like a lemonade vodka and they also had a sweet tea vodka.

And if you use both of those, you could make like an Arnold, a boozy Arnold Palmer cocktail.

That sounds real fun.

Yeah, it was really fun.

Good summer cocktail.

Trying to make it boozy, though, just does take out like the thirst-quenching quality.

I mean, while you're hitting the links, just a little shot of vodka and a lemonade.

I see that's going to do you right.

Yeah, you're right.

We used to make this thing in college called Summer Beer, where we would take like frozen lemonade, like concentrate like Minute Made cans.

Okay.

And what they call for in water, we would make with like a very light beer, like a bush light or

a nat, you know, like very, like a Michelob Ultra, like a very light beer.

And then you put a shot of vodka at the bottom.

That sounds sounds good as hell that sounds great it was really good what a treat we're gonna have to hit the links with you wags and i let's get out there maybe we'll have to i mean we both will have to take lessons yeah we hit the links all right oh

you know hot dog oh i thought i thought you were i thought you were sucking off arnold palmer

um

i thought you were gonna say you were hitting the links with the switch 2 which was announced uh that's true as of this recording not much not a lot of details but uh exciting that it's coming out watch the space watch the space Watch this space.

Just like a restaurant value feedback, let's open up the feedback.

Today's email is from Jack from Highland Park.

Hey, nearby.

Jack writes, Considering we are at the height of human culinary knowledge, if you were randomly transported back in time to pre-electricity, what meal would you cook to increase your newfound societal status?

Would Mitch be able to make one of his famous bar pizzas good enough to impress a Roman emperor, or does he rely on modern conveniences?

I'm going to get my head cut off so fast, but go on.

Could Weiger introduce burritos to the king of Estonia?

Maybe the guests could choose to invent a dish a la beef wellington or caesar salad well that's a tall order for jess uh to invent a dish but um yeah that the idea is like okay we're going back in time i got to impress someone we're going back in time you don't got podcasts you got scrolls like we talked about scrolls yeah you're reading scrolls oh my gosh i'm falling asleep to scrolls

terrible what do i do while i fold my clothes scrolls

that stuck with me so much is scroll reading and and plague removing bodies or the fun things that you do

which may be still more fun than listening to Doughboys, but um,

please

here's gonna release a scroll.

We should do a drop doughboys scroll.

I would love to do a scroll.

Yeah, let's drop.

We'll do all right, we'll do it.

We'll sell like 10 of them.

Yeah, lose a lot of money.

People love a scroll.

Of course.

Autographed by the boys.

Just being excited about the new scroll you're about to read.

It seems like such fucking shitty.

This is my issue with.

Oh, the new scroll is late.

I I can't believe it.

Scroll's supposed to be out by now.

Where's the Emma?

There was something wrong with this week's.

People are complaining about the scroll.

The video scroll isn't uploaded.

Man, just going back in time sucks.

You know what I mean?

It sucks.

There was no air conditioning.

I just would be upset.

I just, as a hygiene person, I'm just like, I can't, where am I supposed to wash my hands?

I'm shitting shitting in a bucket.

What's going on here?

It's fucking disgusting.

Yeah.

Living in squalor.

I mean, this is just funny because it's like a stolen valor question, but it would be kind of fun.

I feel like making my mom's Caesar salad, because I feel like that is like something that maybe I could do of like garlic, and maybe there's some oil and lettuce.

And like, cause I'm just thinking basics.

Yeah, cooking.

You know what I mean?

Cooking pre-electricity is so like, that's like a challenge.

So it's like, well, I guess I maybe have access to, let's just say I have a gas range or the equivalent of gas range.

Let's say I can cook something in a pan.

Sure.

I think that my best bet for success, because

I'm a decent home cook, but I'm not someone who's like, oh, I'm like creative at improvising and figuring out a bunch of, you know, like I have these ingredients.

So I know what I can make out of this.

You know, I'm like, I need to kind of follow a recipe.

So I think I would keep it simple and say, I'm going to try to make something that maybe they just have.

These people,

the...

Totality of human knowledge up to this point maybe has not yet settled on this particular dish.

And so my answer is I'm going back there.

I'm getting a loaf of bread.

I'm getting some cheese.

I'm getting some butter.

I'm making a grilled cheese sandwich.

It's like, hey, maybe you've never had a grilled cheese sandwich before.

We'll get rid of your fucking mind.

That's pretty good.

I had a similar

impulse and it was born out of what Dr.

Eatful said.

I think I'm making chicken nuggets.

Oh, yeah, that's pretty good.

Because I'm sure, like, or fries or essentially like a happy meal.

Because

are we frying things in oil yet?

I assume oil is like maybe hard.

I don't know.

Do they have oil?

I think they have oil, but they're like they got it on top of the castle wall to pour it onto invaders.

Right.

So maybe they haven't thought, you know what?

That actually is good for cooking.

Yeah, chocolate some potatoes, throw them in there.

Exactly.

Like, if I can introduce French fries, I'll like change, I'll change their life.

Yeah.

You know, um, that's pretty damn good.

And it's not that hard to make, you know.

Uh, but like, if you've never had anything fried before, like, yeah,

did they just not think of like frying oil?

Like, like, I wonder if people didn't have oil, like enough oil.

Like, could be.

Like, or you probably had like mother oils, like oils you had to, like, keep.

Yeah.

You know, like, you have to keep using the same.

Right.

You can't change out the oil.

You don't have enough.

It's not in enough abundance.

Or like fat.

You can just do it in like animal fat.

You know, right, right, melts.

Tallow.

So maybe, I'm sure they were cooking things with and using oil.

I know that's how a lot of like early bakes and stuff, there was like beef, beef beef tallow in it to give it like, you know, a fat where, you know, now we would just use butter.

So they were doing some stuff.

I mean, we weren't like dumb as bricks.

We weren't.

We were doing what we could.

Yeah, it would be fun if the bass would be like, would you, would I, I mean, with these glasses, especially, would I just be the smartest person?

Like 500 years ago?

I know, I mean, I guess there's still some pretty smart people.

Yeah, I would say no.

You wouldn't be.

Say, probably Isaac Newton would maybe be smarter.

But would you be the best cook immediately?

Like, would you you be like the, like, I don't know.

Also, like,

not to get like totally nitty-gritty about it, but I think just like tastes and flavor things change.

Like, even if I

if you go to like Musso and Frank's and they're like, yeah, get this, like, cheese on celery.

This was Charlie Chaplin's favorite dish.

And you're like, this fucking blows.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, they've got like jellied beef.

You can get it.

Yeah, but it's like, but that was the thing of the time.

It's just like how we'll look at ourselves and be like, hot chicken.

I mean, you know, like, so hard to say.

Like, we might come in with our flavors and they'll be like, whoa, which is is why I think like simple children's foods

might be big hits because, you know, they're salty, they're nice, they're, it might just be more in the preparation.

I think you're 100% right.

I was thinking pizza, but then pizza has been done for centuries, right?

Like, uh, I guess in Italy, I guess it depends on where you are, probably, too.

So, after wiping out the Weiger line, um,

you're gonna kill my ancestors?

No, I would just, I would steal the, I mean, I would, I would go and charm whoever whoever you're, you know, Greg.

So that you could be his daddy?

Yeah.

His great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great.

Sorry, the big win you have in mind is somehow becoming Greg's daddy.

That'll show it.

That's showing him.

So after I do that,

you become my great, great, great, great, great-grandchild or whatever.

I think pizza is, but I don't think there's anything better than what you said.

Frying up some potatoes.

You could do that really well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I think together we just brought the past to kids' menu and they should all be really grateful.

What about a burger?

Could you make a burger?

Yeah, I mean,

like the hamburger or the dish is not that old.

So like, yeah, probably if you had access to some ground meat, I don't know what the pre-electrical, I guess, I mean, there were just like mechanical grinders.

So I guess you're just using a mechanical grinder if you have access to one of those.

My question is make yourself a patty.

I said I wouldn't be the smartest man, but would you would you immediately be one of the best cooks?

I don't think so.

Because I think there still were just people who like had a lot of craft and like had professional training.

And, you know, I think you might, you maybe have, might have more like knowledge of world cuisine because, you know, things were pretty cloistered back then.

Yeah.

But

yeah, would they like a cheesy gordy to crunch?

I don't know.

I think it would be too, I think it would like kill somebody.

I think it'd be too powerful.

I think it would.

I think it would.

All right.

Yeah.

Because like if it like you're just like, like, especially in, you know, much of, I think in our scenarios, we're thinking back on our own heritage and we're thinking of like, we're picturing like a European past, right?

Like that was like a period period where there wasn't a lot of spices.

People weren't used to like having that amount of flavor.

So I think it would be pretty

witches pretty quickly from being from, you know what I mean?

I mean, yes, I would.

Yes,

you would be in trouble.

You know what we would be, though, is we'd be very tall.

We'd be some of the biggest people back then.

You look at the average height over the years, you know.

And we probably, you and I would probably get the plague.

You'd be accused of being a witch and we get the plague and it would be over, which is good.

Yeah.

Yeah, good way to end it.

Hey, if you have a question or comment about the World of Chain restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830 Godo.

That's 830-463-8-6844.

And hey, to get the Doughboys Double Our Weekly bonus episode, plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog, subscribe at patreon.com slash Doughboys.

Our producer is Emma Erdbrink.

Our associate producer is Amelia Marino.

Our supervising video producer is Casey Donahue.

And our video editor is Mike Dorfman.

Our guest, Jess McKenna.

Jess, thanks so much for coming back.

What a great day.

Thanks for having me.

Wow.

What a great time.

When was the last time you were on before this?

We had you on for a last year for Pank.

Yes.

We had you on for the Patreon feed, but for the main feed, it's been a little bit before.

I think it might have been the tournament.

So we had a dessert tournament.

Yep.

Always too long.

Welcome back.

Always too long.

Always a pleasure to be here with the boys.

We love that.

What a treat.

Anything you would like to plug?

There you go.

People should check out off-book.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

Jimmy Lev show is coming up.

This is coming out in January.

Yes, thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, so yeah, we don't do off-book as a studio recording anymore, but we have been touring a lot, so there's plenty of episodes in the feed still.

And we are touring to the Midwest.

So March 19th, the Ark in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

The 20th, Park West in Chicago.

The 21st, The Burroak in Madison, Wisconsin.

And then two nights in Minneapolis at the Cedar Cultural Center.

So we'd love for you to come out if you're in any of those cities.

Y'all should come out and see that.

It's

a Zach adjust together.

It's just an incredible performance.

It's a fun time.

That's great to see.

Check it out.

It's really fun to do live.

So please come check it out if you're in those areas.

Which city do you think will have the drunkest?

Madison.

You know what?

I would guess Madison too.

We haven't done Madison.

We haven't done Madison.

We've done Milwaukee.

We've done Milwaukee, but in the Midwest, and look, hey, there's a challenge to add the Midwest out there.

The drunkest crowd we've had, Minneapolis.

So we both said it at the same time.

I mean,

SoCal,

SoCal girl, love SoCal till I die.

But Midwest is best.

A lot of fun.

In terms of like a whole region, I love the Midwest.

And

I've never been to Madison, but when I was at Northwestern, people would go to their Halloween in the same way that like people I knew growing up would go up to Santa Barbara's Halloween where it's like, oh, they have a crazy Halloween.

So, I don't know, college town.

I feel like maybe we'll get a drunk Madison crowd.

Honestly, I love.

Chris Farley went to school in Madison.

Or he's from Madison.

Is that what it is?

I'd love a wild Madison crowd.

Yeah, that'd be hoot.

Yeah.

I love, every time we've been in Milwaukee,

we've had a good time.

We sure have.

Hey, that'll do it for this episode of Dough Boys.

Until next time, for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell, I'm Tiger Weiger.

Happy eating.

See ya.

Bye.

Hey, buddy.

Want Dough Boys merch?

We're talking hats, shirts, sweatshirts, patches, glasses, all sorts of stuff, aprons.

It's all available at kinshipgoods.com/slash Doughboys.

That's kinshipgoods.com/slash Doughboys.

Sources for the intro are in the episode description.

That was a head gum podcast.