Toront-dough: Tim Hortons with Stephanie Beatriz and Alana Johnston

This is a Head Gum Podcast.

In 2008, the Toronto Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup.

Oh, it happened

in the film The Love Guru.

Written by and starring Toronto native Mike Myers in a Justin Trudeau-esque performance as Guru Pitka,

the much-anticipated follow-up to the Austin Powers franchise was a commercial and critical disaster.

Given the decades-long futility of the Toronto Maple Leafs franchise, it's perhaps fitting that their only Stanley Cup championship since 1967 took place in a movie that nobody saw or liked.

But despite the team's real-life struggles, it's a testament to the delusional power of fandom that the Leafs remain in the top five in attendance in the National Hockey League.

And

it's a testament to the team's imprint on the national psyche that the country's biggest fast food chain was founded by and named for a Hall of Fame Leafs defenseman.

The business savvy enforcer opened his first donut and coffee shop in 1964 in Canada's Hamilton.

No, not a hip-hop musical about first Prime Minister Sir John MacDonald,

but a city in southern Ontario.

Within 10 years, the chain had 40 stores.

By the 90s, that number was 500, and today it's over 5,000.

Its sales alone account for over 20% of the nation's food service industry.

I report you decide.

Tragically, addiction cut its namesake's life short at the age of 44, but his legacy still towers like the CN Tower.

According to the company, quote, 80% of Canadians visit a Tim's in Canada at least once a month, end quote.

If you were born the year the Maple Leaves last appeared in the Stanley Cup finals, you celebrated your 57th birthday this year.

Since then, teams from the U.S.

state of Florida, where hockey ranks sixth in sports popularity after the NFL, college football, Major League Baseball, the NBA, and NASCAR,

have made the Stanley Cup finals eight times.

It's possible, even probable, that many young Leafs fans will go from the cradle to the grave without their beloved team ever hoisting Lord Stanley's cup

But perhaps the legendary Leaf Defenseman's eponymous fried dough and roasted bean institution may serve as a sugary, caffeinated consolation prize.

To quote a past Dough Boys guest, Ontario's own Norm Sousa, quote, nothing more Canadian than a donut shop named after a hockey player.

This week on Dough Boys, we begin Tarant Dough, Dough Canada, the Great Bike North, a month-long culinary tour of the six with Tim Hortons.

Wow.

Wow.

Thank you.

Welcome to Dough Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

What's up, T-Dot?

With the Doughboys here, it's more like low T-Dot.

Shout out to Barry Lamb and the Dose Cord for that joke.

So,

look, I just want to get right into it because we have so much to cover.

This is such a huge chain.

This is the definitive Canadian fast food chain.

So, let's get him out here.

This week's roast is courtesy of Ian Yamamoto.

Let me introduce my co-host, Bag of Milk,

the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell.

What's up, T-Town?

Wow.

More like low T-Town.

You stole my joke.

Do they call it tea town?

Because I already know.

I heard I'm going to try to get it started.

They already have T-Dot, I've been informed.

Oh, okay.

I don't really give a shit, but

Toronto, I've been in your city for two months, and I still have no idea what the fuck your guy's deal is.

It's a weird place, Wages.

My first day here,

a guy came up to me and he said, you're a fucking terrorist.

And he followed me for three blocks.

Wait, really?

Yes.

And that's the best person I met in Toronto.

Canadians aren't nice.

Wow.

They're aggressively passive-aggressive.

Interesting.

You're all fucking dickheads.

Trump's trying to get the wrong border wall set up.

He should go north.

Fucking lock you guys out of the U.S., you freaks.

Why would they want to go there?

What's that?

Why would they want to go there?

It sucks down there.

Yeah, it sucks down.

Yeah, yeah, no, no.

It sucks down there way worse than here.

Never in my life have I said, I wish I was in Buffalo, New York, until I was in Toronto, Canada.

This can't be true.

You must be having a lovely time up here.

I'm sure you're doing all right.

No.

Wow.

Well, Mitch, I've had my own struggles, as you know.

I had a,

I got up at 4 a.m.

in Los Angeles this morning to board a 7 a.m.

flight.

And I had a long-standing obligation yesterday that I had already made a commitment to, so I had to fly out this morning.

There's a freak off, Mitch.

I was going to say,

you get all this time off from Doughboys, and then Diddy gets arrested.

Look,

your freak offs are over.

They're just not the same anymore.

They're not the same without them.

They're just not the same without them.

They're not the baby.

No, I had our Mitch, our good friend, my get played co-host, Matt Apodaka, got married yesterday.

How about that?

I was at his nuptials.

Congrats to Matt and his lovely wife.

So I flew up, and

look, I'm fucking tired, and I don't love flying, and travel in general makes me very anxious.

But I'm honestly feeling pretty good.

Landed in Toronto.

Nothing gets delayed.

I feel like I'm sitting pretty.

I'm going to gonna have a great time.

My bag remains in LAX.

So

that's what you get when you fill it up with baby oil.

I came straight from a freak off.

What do you expect?

Loose baby oil?

It wasn't even in bottles?

Yeah, so a little bit of an ordeal, but still,

we're hanging in there.

And let me tell you this.

Very cool to see in person the airport referred to by the code YYZ.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'll send you a Rush Starter Pack playlist, Mitch.

Do some homework.

I'll be one of Ontario's great products.

Toronto is like New York.

Rest in peace, Neil Purt, the only good libertarian.

Oh shit.

Yeah.

Toronto is like New York if you put it in a juicer

and juiced out any interesting things

and then you were left with traffic in Little Canada, that exhibit of small Canada.

That's all it has.

And why is there

Why is there so much traffic?

There's nothing to do here.

Where is everyone going?

Have you been to Little Canada?

Fuck no.

It looks so bold.

It's Little Toronto, isn't it?

Where'd your hoggle want to move in?

Everything's to scale.

Okay.

They do there is a thing.

There's a machine where they like little Canada you down to size.

Really?

Yes, it's true, right?

They downsize you?

They downsize you.

Wow.

They shrink you down, then they put you in the exhibit.

That's so fun.

I'm probably going to try to do some fun touristy things because we're up for a stretch.

Because, Mitch, we should say.

Yes.

As you maybe have inferred from this graphic, and I'm not sure how much

went on on social media so far, but this is Toronto, Doe Canada, the Great Bite North, the culinary tour of the six.

We are going to be spending all month at Canadian chain restaurants

starting things off with Tim Hornets.

We had no choice.

Yeah.

We haven't done anything.

If you listen to the podcast, we're pretty behind.

I didn't listen, but Nally told me that our most recent episode,

and this episode is coming out in the first week in October, our most recent episode, You Tell Me About Hawk Tua.

I'm like, what's that?

She's had a whole arc.

We missed so much stuff.

We really did.

I think this is a great, this will be a nice way to, you know, figure out how to deal with the logistics of your schedule.

And

I like that we're making a meal out of it.

I like that we're being able to hit some of these big Toronto totemic chain restaurants.

I'm going to give a little bit of the lineup so you know what else we're going to be reviewing.

I think

this is fun breaking chews here.

So there's five Thursdays in the month of October.

Sucks.

Tim Hortons today.

Next week, Harvey's.

What the hell?

What?

Then, Swiss Chalet.

Which pizza chain are we going to cover?

Boston Pizza.

I don't know why people wanted it over Pizza Pizza.

Pizza Pizza seems like a drug.

And I won't reveal the fifth.

The fifth is a mystery chain, and I think it'll be a fun reveal when you discover what it is in real time.

But that's those are some big ones.

And we've already done AW Canada in the past.

So, and the poutine smokes poutinery.

So, we've done some big ones already.

Yeah, it's gonna be fun.

Gonna be a hoot.

What's up, bogs?

Mitch, I told you that I wanted to talk about Megalopolis before our guests come out.

All right, did anyone see Megalopolis?

Did anyone see Megalopolis?

Can I say my thing to you?

Oh, yeah, please.

Salute ho to Nation Clear.

Wow.

Mitch, you made it.

I made it French for you, you fucking asshole.

You may not know that, but that's a nice amoge bouche for what's about to come next.

But we'll get there in a second.

Okay.

There's a character in Megalopolis, Aubrey Plaza's character.

Aubrey Plaza is great in the movie.

We both worked with her.

A lovely person, very talented.

Her character's name is Wow Platinum.

Now, Mitch,

what is the word we say more than any other word on the podcast?

Come.

Okay.

Number two.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

And what is the highest honor a chain restaurant can achieve on the Doughboys podcast?

If it gets five forks from everyone?

It's fucking

the cum play club?

No, it's not the cut.

It's not the cum play club.

Platinum play club.

The platinum play club.

Wow, platinum.

I think Francis Ford Coppola is dope pill.

He's a listener.

He's a dope boys listener.

He's a dope boys listener.

And you know what?

That makes sense because we're a coppola goofballs.

We are a coppola doof.

No, I said it wrong, too.

We are a coppa goofballs.

Wise, a lot of people came, a lot of dope Boys listeners came from the States.

They came from all over.

Wow, wait, wait, who here is from Toronto or Ontario?

Okay.

Good number.

Who came from another province?

Insane.

Because my understanding is every province is like a 20-plus-hour drive.

Every province is like the size of Texas.

Who came from the States?

Did anyone come from the U.S.?

Wow.

Wow.

Man.

All these Dough Doughboys fans here, the ladies in Canada are going to be Canada dry.

We should gather up all these fans and go to Niagara and see if it dries up.

I'm saying our fans can't get women to come.

Yeah, no, I understood.

I understood what you're saying.

Or if you just arouse in the first place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can't even arouse.

Yes, that's better.

No, no, it's fine.

It's fine.

There's a lot of castmates from Twisted Metal Season Season 2 here.

How about that?

They're losing respect for me by the second.

You didn't have to invite them.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I shouldn't have.

And they don't have respect for me, anyways.

Anyway, Mitch, you said a little bit of French a moment ago.

Yes.

And as our audience knows, Canada has two national languages: English and French.

And so,

in compliance with the Canadian Official Languages Act of 1969,

to present a French-language version of this week's intro.

Please welcome Miguel Gaultier.

What's up?

Hey, not much.

I shouldn't have asked you that, honestly.

It's alright.

I'm going to talk in French now.

Yeah, whenever you're ready.

The dinner foie que les Maple Leafs son gang la Cup Stanley and Landy de Miluette.

It's live in the film The Love Guru.

And

Mike Myers, originaire de Toronto,

Justin Trudeau-esque in the role of Guru Petka.

The suit resultant of Austin Powers is a catastrophe commercial and critique.

Continue to la facilitate Maple Leafs of Toronto by Destiny.

He normal that the Champion of the Cup Stanley de Puppet National Sunset is in a film that people have

made.

But

the difficulty of

viral, the fact that the Maple Leafs parliament

promised

national hockey in terms of

Timoing, the

financial field.

Big sentence.

The fact that the Playground Chain of Restoration Rapids pay et found by defensive designs patents and the personnel themes of the print of the kippes sur Lidstin National

Items d'Affaire

are first magazine de Beniet et de Café,

Saint-Cat, in the Canadian Hamilton.

Wow.

No, in the

musical hip-hop sur le Prime Minister

Sir John A.

MacDonald, but

Ontario, in the design, the

Carante Magazine, in the 13th century, and 5.

Today,

in the country more than 6 million countries, it is represented in the

20% of the National Industries of Restoration.

Tragic depends on the visit of his

Qatar, but it is historical

that the Tour Céene.

So, the 3%

of Canadian visitors of Canada.

If you knew the belief that they participate for the

final Cup Stand Live, we have

56 anniversary this name.

Since the Florida, the hockey

term of popularity sports popularity

NFL, the

football,

the major de baseball,

the NBA,

and the NASCAR.

We participate

in the final Cup Stand Live.

It is possible to probable that Nobel family lives past Bersault at home, 12

James La Coupe, the Lord Stanley Coupe.

But

the institution is penned by the Patat Frit and Dariko Grillie to

Lifes to serve the Lord,

Secret, and Caffiné for citizens

of Doughboys,

Norm Sousa.

Rien de Canadien that magazine de Bengien must appear hockey.

This men, sur Doughboys, the Oshawa

Wow, wow.

Wow, Miguel, everybody.

Miguel got here.

Miguel, have a seat real quick.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Miguel, what a waste of your time and everyone else's.

And my aunts, who helped me translate that.

Yes,

you told me this, and thank you so much for helping us out.

That was awesome.

You translated that, but also you had assistance from your aunt, who is a professional translator and also.

A nun.

A nun.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, she's a nun.

She's really cool.

That makes me feel sad.

She's got nothing better to do.

Oh, no.

Her full-time job is like believing in God, I guess.

That's where I get it.

So, okay, so you're from, originally you're telling me you're from Manitoba.

Yeah,

I'm from a small town called Saint-Pierre-Jolie, a small French town.

Wow.

One person from there.

I did not realize there were French-speaking pockets of provinces outside of Quebec, but there's a Manitoba, there's a French contingent there.

Yeah, they're kind of spread out around all of Canada, but in really tiny, little minute pockets.

Do you have a favorite, you've lived in Toronto for a while, do you have a favorite like Toronto area restaurant, chain restaurant, fast food go-to?

Not that are, I mean, I love going to like Jerk King.

It's like a.

Jerk King, okay.

That was my nickname in college.

Pretty cool.

It's like a great like late-night jerk chicken spot.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm down.

I wish we were reviewing it.

But there's just so many, so many of these bigger chains that we got to hit up.

Yeah.

Try to hit up a jerk king while I'm here.

Come on over.

Jesus.

You can do an autofocus in your hotel room?

Why not?

Yeah, why not?

Put it on the Patreon.

The most money we've ever made.

Miguel, I have to ask, we are talking about Tim Hortons today.

What is your Tim Hortons fork score out of five as a Canadian?

It doesn't count, though.

It's not, yeah, this is not necessarily canon.

This is not necessarily going to go on the wiki, but I just want to get a baseline of you as someone who's lived in Toronto for over a decade, who spent your entire life in Canada.

What is your fork score for Tim Hortons?

If it doesn't count, yeah,

like zero?

Zero!

Wow.

Zero, and people cheered.

You're cheering.

You're sick.

Thank you so much for helping us out.

Where can people see you to perform in the city?

Because I know you do improv around here.

Just anywhere.

You watch comedy.

These guys know.

All right, well, there you go.

Miguel Gaultier, everyone.

Thank you so much, Miguel.

Awesome job.

He is going off the wrong way.

Well, I guess maybe he's going to go.

Is he going to go watch the show?

That sucks.

I told him he didn't have to.

He shouldn't.

Yeah.

I got to just bring up one thing before we

got to introduce our guests.

And you have a drop you got to play.

Oh, fuck.

We were in Tim Horton's earlier today.

That's right.

One of my many visits, I'll let you know.

And I said earlier on in the conversation, I was like, there's Tim Horton.

There was a picture of him.

Yes.

And I was like, he looks like Frankenstein.

That's right.

And I was joking about how he and I would go out for the same roles roles in the dark universe.

Yeah.

And then later I said, Tim Horton died in a drunk driving accident.

Which is, oh, sorry.

No, if that represents the truth.

If it's a truth, then it's a bummer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm going to go the same way.

But he died in a drunk driving accident.

R.I.P.

Jerk King.

And then Amelia

went, wait, Frankenstein got into an accident?

Which doesn't make sense in any way

Can you come here do you think

Amelia everyone

You were genuinely worried that Frankenstein got into a car accident

I thought I was half paying attention you were talking about the Tim Horton and I heard and then Frankenstein and you said someone died at Good A DUI and I was just like it just instinctually, Frankenstein got a DUI, and

but you were nervous.

You have an understanding that Frankenstein is a fictional character, yeah, yeah, okay.

I was worried about whoever it was,

it'd be a big story.

It would be huge news if Frankenstein got hurt in a driving accident, Frankenstein's monster.

Get his ass,

Get the fuck off stage.

Thank you, Amelia.

Thank you, Amelia.

All right, play your drop.

Let's get our guests out of here.

All right, Emma, hit him with a drop, please.

Oh, my God, we're.

Do, boys.

Also, we know British Columbia is in Canada.

We're not fucking a bit more.

I know.

We're not stupid.

We're not fucking stupid.

Oh, yeah, Vancouver, Toronto, they're right next to each other, you know.

How far is Montreal from Toronto?

They got one NBA team for the whole country.

It can't be that bad.

It's like the video of Drake that came out recently.

Oh, my God.

Drake had a hog video.

Oh, my God.

How's he looking?

He's big.

The dope boys were talking, complimenting on Drake's hog, but he's problematic.

What the fuck do you want to do?

We don't know if he is or not.

We have no idea.

Oh, Jesus.

Great.

Always, I forgot how good it was to play a drop in front of a live audience.

It certainly wounded the national character south of the border, I will say, to have Diddy, this iconic, you know, music figure,

this pop culture, you know,

legend, I'll call him, go down in flame so spectacularly with such a horrible scandal.

It must be nice to be a Canadian and be like, that'll never happen to Drake.

We're in the clear.

Is that who you're going to have your freak off with?

If you guys walk onto the University of Toronto, is there like a doomsday whistle that goes off?

Are you allowed on the campus of the University of Toronto?

Don't worry about it.

All right.

Hi, Doughboys.

To commemorate your visit to the Six, spelled with a Six and then an IX.

That's fun.

I put together, no, it's not.

I put together this Canadian geography lesson from the Doughboys featuring a beat from a certain big hogged, non-problematic local rapper.

Can't wait for the Toronto show and for Tim Hortons to get the two forks one tine it deserves.

Two forks.

You guys hate it.

Alex at chipped hip on Instagram and Twitter.

Thank you for the drop.

Wow.

Why do you hate it?

Well, whatever.

They're like, Mitch is going to try to give it five forks to just like please the crowd, but I don't like Toronto.

We've established it, but you want me to give it...

It sounds like you want us to give it a bad grade.

We're going to get into it.

We'll get into it.

We're going to get a bridge when we come to it, and

we're going to start on that bridge right now.

Y'all ready for our guests?

Come on, guys.

I know we've dug ourselves into a trench here.

I know.

It's been a half hour of shit, but we're about to get it.

We're about to climb out.

We're putting some ladders up.

Y'all ready for your guests?

Please welcome to the stage, Stephanie Beatrice, and Atlanta Johnston.

Here we are.

I like to party.

I like to have fun.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, everyone.

Okay, it's about to get good.

Alana, we should say for our audio listeners, wearing the Canadian tuxedo

denim on denim.

Easy, easy.

She's now running around the table.

Thank you.

So good.

Beautiful, beautiful ensemble.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

It's nice to have some femme energy in the middle of this shit show, Murray.

I mean, I gotta say, I gotta say, Stephanie and I were backstage listening to whatever this is we weren't really listening and we were excited

we were excited to get out here yeah because you guys need us oh my god yeah no shit I mean shots fired Mitch all over Toronto Toronto what even I know you're supposed to say Toronto thank you so much

I said it wrong?

Yeah.

You've been saying it wrong.

You've been here for like two months, dude.

Toronto?

Toronto.

Toronto.

Toronto.

Close, yeah.

Toronto.

No.

Toronto.

Yeah, closer.

There you go.

Wow.

This is our silent tea.

Let's keep doing this for like 10 minutes.

Toronto.

Okay, so Stephanie, you've been up here since July.

How long have you been working up here in Toronto?

I've been here since July.

Wow.

Shooting season two of Twisted Metal.

How about that?

How exciting is that?

I believe that, and

Alana, I think this is a thing you've attended before.

The Canadian National Exhibition, aka the X.

Stephanie, did you go to that?

I loved it.

Wow.

I loved it.

It was so hometowny, but not at all.

You know, this is a big city, but it felt like I was like at a little.

I mean, in the United States, it would be like a little state fair.

Right.

But it was huge.

Everyone was like wasted.

It was so fun to be in the middle of it.

Are you guys talking about the X?

Yeah.

The X.

The X.

You've been to the X in the past.

I basically am the X.

I'm there.

I'm getting steals, deals, you name it.

Food, galore, weird donuts with honey and burgers, why not?

It was wild.

Yeah.

Did you have a favorite bite that you had in all your food consumption, baby?

I had the unicorn.

The unicorn.

Essentially just a corn on like a stick.

Perfect.

And then they dip it in some kind of cheese that's not quite right, but dyed different colors.

Okay.

So you can like kind of fool yourself into thinking I'm having a healthy snack.

And it's not at all.

And then we had some kind of...

Were you, Mitch, were you pantomime eating your microphone like it was the ear of corn?

No, I wasn't.

It looked like you were.

It looked like I was trying to eat my microphone.

I had one of those too.

I didn't have to pretend.

I'd have to show you.

You didn't like the unicorn.

Also, you don't eat corn like that.

You eat it.

I do.

And all the kernels pop off.

You don't do that.

I don't do.

No, I don't do.

I did have a unicorn, but I didn't.

You don't like it.

I liked it.

No, I thought it was good.

I did like that.

it out.

As much as you like it here?

Huh?

Did you like it as much as you like it here in this city?

Toronto's growing on me.

I'm going to be bombed as we.

Good.

I want to be trampled to death by our listeners.

They will all do that.

They'll just be like slightly insulting.

We'll walk past you guys.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

I'm more of a Hamilton guy.

You spent time up in Hamilton.

That's right.

We've been shooting in the hammer.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's been.

he's in Hamilton.

Not going to go see a Tiger Cats game.

What are we doing?

That's all they have.

That's all that's popping up.

What are the Tiger Cats?

A team.

What sport, though?

Football.

Football.

Oh, God, I got it.

CFL.

Fun.

How fun is that?

It's a, sure.

Hamilton has its own CFL franchise.

Yeah, good.

They needed it.

It's in the league.

They compete with the Argonauts.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow.

How about that?

It's a steel town.

It's just like steel mills.

This is the truth.

No, I've heard this.

And the birthplace of Tim Hortons.

I went there.

I went to the original location.

I went to the OG Tim Hortons.

I went to the OG Tim Hortons.

That's how much I care about always.

I will say

I Did want to go and then I looked at the remodel of the Tim Hortons there and it is really intensely modern and it gave me like it gave me the ick.

There's a museum on the second floor.

I do wish I had seen that.

And there's a lot of like little interactive things.

There's like a driving similar Tim Horton's wild last ride.

You can put a mask on and see what it was like, his last drive.

Oh my God, we're all so embarrassed for you.

There was a lot of cool stuff.

That was a little untasteful, but there was a lot of cool stuff.

Yeah, that thing at the museum was really tasteless.

That thing.

I was there.

Me and Sparky and I.

Your friend Sparky.

How about the Transpo driver?

Yes, my friend Sparky.

We went together.

Yeah.

How cool is that?

It was a blast.

You're spending a lot of time together because a big thing is that you are being housed.

You obviously don't live up here.

You're being housed in Toronto proper.

Yeah.

And so there's a big long commute to Hamilton and someone drives you out there.

How about that?

I stayed at the Sandman Hotel up in Hamilton.

That's cool.

It's a Sandler-themed hotel.

I used this joke all week with my castmates.

I can't do it again.

Did it go over as well?

No, they didn't care.

I said I was in the little Nikki suite and they nodded.

Wow.

That's so crazy because it's such a good joke.

I heard the issue with the Sandman Hotel is that the Spider-Man Hotel went up right next to it.

And it put it out of business.

To be fair, he used that joke on me.

So we're both retelling bad jokes.

The Hamilton is very interesting.

Yes.

And it has the original Tim Hortons, but he's not from, Tim Hortons not from Hamilton.

He's not?

No.

What?

I think they just threw it up in Hamilton because they're like, there's nothing else in this hole.

Yeah, he went to Hamilton.

He went, fuck it, I need a coffee.

That was it.

He built it.

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I want to, we've got a lot of Tim Hortons to talk about, and I want to make sure we get to there, but I want to talk a little bit more generally first because I mentioned some of the other chains that we're going to be reviewing in future episodes.

Alana, you are going to be joining us in studio for our Swiss Chalet episode.

This is a chain.

This is a chain you are truly passionate about.

It's not.

Hold on.

Can I just want quickly.

Yeah.

They cheer more for Swiss Chalet than they've cheered for us all night.

What the fuck's wrong with you, Swiss Chalet?

Here's what it is.

What is it?

Now you know why, right?

When you understand the perverse psychology of our fandom, it tracks completely.

They like Swiss Chalet.

They don't.

They don't like us.

They don't like Tim Hortons, so they can send us to Tim Hortons to punish us, and that makes them happy.

Slash horny.

Yeah, slash horny.

Yeah, guys, we're going to slam dunk the Swish.

You just win.

I'm very excited.

My big question is, and this is for everyone, and Alana, I want to get your thoughts.

And Stephanie, if you've had it, I want to get your thoughts.

Pizza Pizza is from Toronto, as my understanding.

It's from Ontario.

But it seemed like the consensus among Canadians, or at least among our fandom, was that people wanted us to review Boston pizza.

Do you have any takes on pizza pizza?

Here's my two cents about pizza pizza.

Yeah.

Okay, the lunch buffet?

Sure, I used to.

Why not?

I was young once.

You know, living my carefree life.

but the the attraction of pizza pizza was the parties was like the part you know you'd go there for like your birthday party nobody's talking about the zaz themselves nobody's coming going how about these toppings you know what i mean it's not happening boston pizza though bp to save time

now those are toppings you're sitting here you're eating the pizza next thing you turn around why is there sour cream on it who knows no

oh you don't even know what they're doing in boston

it's like canada yeah It's not from Boston.

But it appeals to the people from Boston.

It's a nightmare.

It's an absolute nightmare.

Sour cream on a pizza?

They put sour cream on.

There is one pizza they put sour cream on.

They are so busy there.

We had some Tim Horton's pizza approximations, which we will talk about in a second.

I insisted on the savory dishes.

I was like, if we're going to do it, we got to get in there.

We've got to really go for it.

You were absolutely correct.

It was part of our duty.

We were being comprehensive by it by having them.

I'm glad we did.

But I'm curious, Stephanie, like, what are your general pizza preferences?

I like...

Hold on, I have to close my eyes.

Sorry, I think pizza.

My husband Brad knows this, but like when we first started dating, I was like, you know, does food ever make you kind of like horny?

And he was like, yeah.

And I was like, you want to get married?

I like it when there's like a little bit of like crunchy cheese on the crust part.

Oh, yeah.

I don't like a soggy bottom.

I don't like a too sweet tomato sauce.

I love a lot of cheese.

I love a double cheese situation.

Love a pepperoni, small pepperoni, crisped up so that it makes a little scoop so they can scoop up the oil.

Yeah, yummy, yum, yum, yum.

And then maybe some peppers on it, you know, like spice of peppers.

What?

I want to talk about it.

I got the pizza in Hamilton.

I really like the pizza.

Oh, yeah, the pizza in Hamilton.

Mike Mitchell got us some pizza in Hamilton that was really delicious.

Wow, thank you for bringing that up.

That's really nice of you to bring it up.

He brought, he ordered them as a surprise for the cast.

It was a very long day.

We were all like,

and then the pizza came and we were all so happy.

Kawabunga pizza.

It was really good.

How about that?

Ranked the number one pizza in the world at one point.

I was like, where did you read that?

Like, I don't know about the world, but it was good.

It was hella good.

It was good.

It was good, especially for hamilton pizza and then we got second

you ruined it ah you ruined it right there

no it was good for any pizza honestly the truffle pizza was really good you know it's okay mitch you can't lose a crowd you never had

no problem no problem unscathed stephanie's patting my back and it probably feels like a dish rag

a wet dish rag sorry no it's fine it's fine and you know when it started happening when i ate that tim horton's pizza

It's true.

You were doing fine.

Rough stuff.

I was doing fine until we started to eat the Tim Hortons pizza.

Is that why there are towels here?

Are they for you?

Yeah, what the fuck?

You got me fucking sweat towels?

For the listeners, for the listeners, there's a table with just waters and a pile of towels only in front of Mitch.

I think they placed them there after I call myself the jerk king.

We actually got.

I wanted my stupid mind.

I was like, for our listeners, he's now whipping out his dick.

God damn it.

We got pizza pizza for second meal in Hamilton the other night.

Oh, you were gone.

I didn't.

I don't.

I won't.

Sorry.

I won't.

I liked pizza pizza.

So is pizza pizza.

You like pizza pizza.

It tasted like old dominoes.

It tasted like dominoes.

Remember when dominoes is like, we suck, and the pizza's different now.

Old pizza pizza tastes like old dominoes.

I like dominoes in the United States.

I haven't had dominoes here, so I can't speak on that.

Hold on.

I like dominoes.

Do you like pizza pizza?

Yeah.

Oh.

So is.

Where did your self-esteem go?

Is pizza pizza Little Caesars?

No.

No.

It is unrelated.

Oh, so

that's not okay.

Yeah, well, okay, so

it's a trademark that's owned in Canada.

So I believe Little Caesars, if it has any sort of footprint up here at all, does not use pizza pizza, which is their slogan in America.

Very strange.

Yeah.

Very wild.

It's just like cheap and big, and you can get it if you need it for a bunch of people.

Yeah, but we don't have the crazy bread.

Okay.

I just want you good a little bit.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Samoa Joe has told me from the start that it is: Samoa Joe is the wrestler who's in Twisted Metal, not a Boston nickname for one of my friends, and I'm

being canceled.

Samoa Joe is my friend.

So I can say it.

I'm not racist.

There's a tremendous wrestling fandom up here in canada the greatest wrestling country in the world they know who samoa joe is yes samoa joe is like it's the same thing as little caesars and i don't have the heart to tell him it's not because i think he just will throw me through a table

it's okay your sweat towels will break your fall

should we throw those to the audience at the end when they're covered in sweat i think it's a great idea will we be charged

Because if not, they're going to the crowd.

Nice, nice.

That's an interesting level of beta that I can relate to, just like being scared to correct somebody when they're clearly wrong and just going along with it.

I remember one time in college, this like cool, like, like, you know, like buff Brazilian guy who's older than me was telling me how in episode one, the little boy,

Anakin Skywalker, grows up to be Luke Skywalker.

And I was like, yeah, it's crazy.

Do you feel beta with this new haircut?

Because

it's giving like

it's giving Trump assassination violence.

Oh, Jesus, Mitch.

He was a Wigger-ass-looking guy.

Come on.

I like it.

We like it.

I got a lot of time off.

I don't know what you're up to, but

I like having the buzz.

It is very, very, I mean, this is the thing.

Anyone out there got a buzz cut?

Anyone's high and tight?

Or just got the straight-up chrome dome?

Because I feel a bit of a kinship with you.

It's like having longer hair, which I've had, my hair was closer to Atlanta's length not too long ago, it's a big pain in the ass to take care of it.

But it looks hard.

It looks fancy.

Both your hairs look fantastic.

Thank you.

Yes,

they look great.

They look great.

They look fantastic.

But it's our two hairs, the one and the one.

Good.

Christ.

You both have wonderful heads of hair,

but it is a big pain in the ass to maintain it.

And I'm just always like, anytime I work out or something, now I just like, I don't know, rinse off and I'm good to go.

It's great.

It's very beginning of summer.

Yeah.

Which is perfect for the fall.

Yeah, you get into the shower, you put your gun together, you take it apart.

I'm going mad.

Shut up.

You get out of the shower.

You get into your little short shorts and your crop top.

Knee socks.

That was a private pile reference.

I wasn't saying he looks like the shooter again, though he does.

I like it.

I think it looks great.

Does Natalie like it?

She does like it.

Yes.

Thank you for asking.

Is she like doing fantasy stuff with you now?

Also, it really

defines

me off the car.

Sorry.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

I'll take it back.

I'll take it back.

You can tell your cheekbones.

It's very nice.

Cheekbones.

Yeah, that's very good definition.

We do.

What are you going to say?

Go ahead.

I was just going to say congratulations on maintaining your look.

That's all I was going to say.

Nothing.

I wore a fucking Hawaiian shirt tonight.

And congratulations on that, yes.

I want to talk about my favorite Canadian restaurant quickly.

McDonald's.

Yes.

Did you have the boutine?

I went to McDonald's.

This is the truth.

I went to McDonald's thunder and lightning storm outside.

Bow, wow.

I did that to be theatrical.

Bow, wow, wow.

Can we do any flashing lights?

Is that possible?

Close your eyes if you get t-shirts.

Wow.

Just turned into Rainforest Cafe.

I loved it.

Thank you so much back there.

I went into McDonald's, thunder and lightning storm.

I go over and I get myself a meal.

And

lightning strikes and I hear a thunder crash.

And the lights go out in the McDonald's.

And I was like, oh my God, the power went out.

And I had my McDonald's meal and I sat down at a table.

There was another guy there.

I sat down.

I started eating my meal.

And I was like, this is crazy.

The lights are off.

The storm put the lights out.

And then a McDonald's employee came up to me.

He's like, hey, dude, we're closed.

He's like, We turned the lights off, leave.

And I was like, Oh, it wasn't thunder and lightning.

He's like, No.

You got your meal to stay?

I got my meal to stay.

I was the only one in there.

Wow.

The guy who was sitting down left, and I was like, Whatever.

Why did they let you get it to go if they were about or to stay if they were about if they were about to close?

Oh, I got it to go, but I sat down and ate.

Oh, okay.

What time was it?

It was like 3 a.m.

I think that it was not a moment.

But I was like, what a moment.

I was like, this is crazy.

It's the next, next, next.

I was like, oh, it's crazy.

I'm like, whoa, the power's up.

What a moment.

Yeah.

I think there was some confusion with the thunder and lightning because you seem to think it sounds like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

So an alarm could have gone off, and then you immediately were like, what a storm we are in.

How do you know if thunder and lightning?

Can you please give me a better thunder?

And rain.

Whoa.

What the fuck?

That's good.

This is good stuff.

It's going through that employee's head.

Like when he saw you sitting there just thinking, like, this is it.

This is it.

This is my final moment.

This is my final moment.

This guy's going to fucking murder me in the middle of this McDonald's.

I think he was like, how is this guy the only one who doesn't get that we're closed?

It was embarrassing, but it's still great.

Great meal.

Hey,

the product is pretty good up north too, Wugs.

Can I say, because, you know, we've talked about it before, and it was a chain we reviewed before in Vancouver.

Is anyone here from British Columbia?

Anyone come out for British Columbia?

Come on.

There's a cat?

That's on the other side of the country.

You came out for this?

Okay, so

that's okay.

That's okay.

Oh, my God.

You flew all this way to see me?

Walked right into it.

Wow.

And you know how people walk?

Clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, right?

I thought I was a regular Michael Winslow.

I thought I was doing good over here.

We were up in Vancouver and we reviewed AW with Offbook for a live show.

Five forks all around.

Platinum Plate Club.

Wow.

Wild Platinum.

AW is pretty good.

That is one of my favorite chains I have ever eaten on Doughboy's Tour.

You're doing

drinking a root beer on a Monopoly?

Very good.

I'll be quiet the rest of the party.

No, you're having no Mitch.

Oh, my God, Mitch.

Doing great.

Oh, he put his mic on the stand.

Back in the stand.

ANW Canada is awesome.

I love it.

It is a place I'm going to make a point to get again up here, even though we're not reviewing it again, because I want to try that Ruffles Crunch burger.

But

I'm curious, Alanda, do you have any thoughts on AW?

And Stephanie, have you had ANW either in the States or in Canada?

I've definitely had the root beer.

I've never had it.

Never had the rest of the beer.

But we did walk by the poster today, yesterday and I was like what is that the crunch whatever the fuck that is

great teen the teen burger yeah they're the teen burger the teen

yeah

he said hold the burger okay

I'm back baby

You know what?

Either saying spoon or booing me, and I don't care either way.

It's nice.

Okay.

Well, A ⁇ W and I have one thing in common, and that is beef with the Doughboys.

And here's why.

What?

I have actually never had A ⁇ W, and you two are the reason why.

When we went to Saskatoon, I specifically asked to review A ⁇ W.

And it did not happen.

And now, Because of that, I am not allowed to have it.

Why do we review Smoke spoutinery in Saskatoon?

I don't know.

I think it's from Saskatchewan or something, maybe.

I have a better question.

Why did we go to Saskatoon?

Yeah, can I tell you, real quick, quick side note?

Mitch and I were in a fight for about six months after that trip because I got laryngitis because it was like 40 below.

And then he claimed I got him sick.

Laryngitis, I'm not trying to give it to you.

I didn't know I had it.

And he didn't talk to me for like six months.

He was mad at me.

You came on my podcast and told me that you were mad at me about it.

I was pretty pissed off.

Mitch is the sick detective.

He's been COVID tracing since before COVID.

If someone gets him sick, he blames them.

Like, he's like,

you were sick near me.

Yeah.

This is true.

I didn't.

You were sick.

I came to work.

I came to work.

What the fuck?

Come on.

This is true.

It is true.

I've been on antibiotics.

I've been on antibiotics, but I'm fine.

I feel bamboozled.

I wore a mask.

I wore a mask the whole time.

Not while you were acting, not in the scene.

I took it off while, and there was an actor who was here who had a great monologue, and I was coughing during it.

It was a nightmare.

You know what?

Yeah, forget it.

I'm going back to the airport to go find his luggage and get on a plane and get out of here.

All right?

Wise,

you have no shirts, correct?

You have nothing.

Yeah, I have what I'm wearing.

Well, okay, wait, actually, Mitch, that is a reminder.

Thank you because.

So, has anyone ever had their luggage lost by Air Canada?

Has that anyone experienced that?

Yeah, I thought this might be pretty commonplace because I told the woman at the hotel that like Air Canada lost my bags, and she's what, mm-hmm.

Like, like it was nothing.

No, I'm so sorry.

But anyway,

they give you a little care package.

So, like, as like, hey, sorry that we fucked up and your bags aren't here, and you don't have any of your shit.

They give you a care package that's got a few things.

It's got like a toothbrush in it and some floss and like some single-use deodorant, some conditioner.

The four seasons?

No, the Air Canada gives this to you.

And they're just like, here you go.

No, they did.

They're like, hey, you forgot.

Here's some essentials for you.

Here's a six or a molson.

But one thing they give you,

one thing they give you is an XL t-shirt.

This is the shirt.

Okay, it's plain white.

It has very clear creases from where it was folded, and it is too big.

A plain white XL t-shirt.

To what end?

What am I going to do with this?

I guess they don't want to put the Air Canada logo on it because that's shameful, but.

Yeah.

That's really nice, though.

It is.

I mean, there's no American

aviation, whatever the fuck.

I don't know.

Like, they don't fucking dig into their like, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

No, you don't.

You don't care at all.

Wow, that's really nice.

Delta, good luck.

Yeah,

it's nice that you get something.

But yeah,

I don't have anything, Mitch.

I have what I'm wearing.

I had an outfit I was going to wear for the show that I'm not wearing because I'm wearing the clothes I had in the plane.

You shared the email with us, too, and I do want to say it makes you sound suspicious.

I mean, am I wrong, Moggs?

Hold on, if I can find the all caps email I got.

It's property irregularity report,

which makes me feel like something was weird in your bag.

See, there it is.

That's the

apologies for the mishandling of your bag.

See link below.

Enjoy your XL white tea.

So you didn't have a choice of what you were going to wear.

Did you have a big outfit prepared?

I had a little something.

A little something.

It's fine.

It's no big deal.

It's fine.

It's totally fine.

We're having fun.

It's all going to work out.

I'd be flipping out if they lost my Canadian tuxedo.

Any of them that.

Okay, what is everyone's level of donut fandom?

Like, where, like, we're talking about Tim Hortons, but more generally, where do you stand on donuts?

Where do you stand on coffee?

Is that an occasional thing?

Is that like a frequent breakfast?

Where are we with donuts?

I love donuts, but I have to, like, it has to be like a once every other week sort of treat for me.

So let's eat too many of them.

Once every other week?

Yeah.

So you eat like 27, 26 donuts per year?

It's a reasonable number of donuts.

You're someone who likes donuts.

He likes donuts.

Yeah.

Are you not using the donut calendar app to track it?

Because we are.

We'll test it to you.

We'll test it to you.

This is someone who's in the last

three days I've eaten like eight donuts.

Yeah, sure.

I probably have like,

I don't know, like 10 donuts a year.

Yeah, that's a good number.

Yeah.

Reasonable number.

Coffee every day, colds, iced coffee, which is very hard to get here.

Wow.

I would shoot it in my veins if I could.

Wow.

Immediately, I would like patch myself with coffee if I could do it.

I love it so much, and it has to be iced so I can get it in fast.

But it's just very hard to get iced here.

Yeah, like they look at you real weird when you ask for it.

They're like, but it's cold here.

Why do you want cold coffee?

But it's interesting.

Alana, where do you stand on donuts and coffee?

Well, yes, Mitch.

Nothing, never mind.

Let's hear what you think about coffee.

Love coffee.

Don't mind if I do.

I've already had six today.

Let me see.

Well, I'm more of a cookie gal myself.

Okay, sure.

Okay.

I like donuts.

I would say I

wouldn't go out and get one.

It would have to be put in front of me.

If I'm going out to get something, it's going to be a bit more of a blast.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, Tim Hortons, we'll get into, was founded in 1964 in Hamilton, Ontario as Tim Horton Donuts, as we talked about, a name for the defenseman, as we mentioned.

The brand name was later Sean Parker to just Tim Hortons.

No apostrophe, interestingly, Tim Hortons plural.

Today has over 5,700 locations, and after a 2014 merger, which is very controversial, it is now part of Restaurant Brands International,

along with Burger King, Popeyes, and Firehouse Subs, three other American chains

that comprise the entire company.

They lost their beans.

I thought that would get a pop.

They lost their beans.

Please explain.

Please explain.

Do you mean like lost their marbles?

Tim Hortons lost their beans to McDonald's.

They lost their beans.

Okay.

They fucked up.

You keep repeating it like we should know what that means.

You don't know what it is.

What is this?

Explain it to me.

Jack and Jill shit.

Tim Hortons

lost their beans.

He did it again.

What did you go for?

McDonald's came came in, swooped their beans up.

McDonald's coffee is now old Tim Horton's coffee.

They lost their beans.

Do you mean like misplaced their beans?

So is this like Toodles in Hook where he lost his marbles and nobody knows what's going on until the end?

Or like.

I am going to bangerang down the aisle at the end of the show.

Nice, nice.

But no.

They lost their bean suppliers.

They lost their bean suppliers to McDonald's.

I almost.

Wow, it's almost as if there was a way easier way to explain it.

Yeah.

I thought everyone would be on board when I said they lost their beans.

I thought you meant like somebody hijacked the truck of beans and stole beans or like you lost their swooped in special recipe or something.

They did.

They did.

They lost the special recipe.

Mitch, I've got a source here, Yahoo Finance Canada.

No, Tim Hortons did not sell its coffee to McDonald's.

Oh, my God.

I don't know why this story originated or how it grew the way it did, but I can 100% confirm that it is a myth.

Mike Hancock, Tim Hortons' chief operating officer, said in an interview with Yahoo Finance Canada this week.

He had to see Toodles floating up with his marbles in his hands off to Neverland.

He didn't lose them after all.

It was a happy ending.

Wow.

So

that's an urban legend, an urban myth up here that's been perpetuated.

That's a real shot to the beam.

It's been circulated.

Okay, so I've been to Tim Hortons, I believe, a half dozen times.

And all of my previous times were, for the first time I ever went, I went in Saskatoon.

And then after that, they have all of them.

That was my first visit with you as well.

Yeah, didn't we all go together when we all went together?

And we also,

I've been in Vancouver.

This is the only place in Canada I've been.

So like, yeah, I've been to Vancouver a couple of times, and I've been at the airport for whatever it's worth.

So like,

this is like the most thorough evaluation of Tim Hortons I've gotten to do.

It's come via two experiences today: one in store and one backstage, all, you know, taking place within the four hours that I was in Canada before this show.

And

I will say, my expectations were pretty low because I'd been primed by just the fandom and also by Canadian friends I have, by Atlanta, by Norm, to just not expect a lot.

I had a pretty good time.

Wags?

Yeah.

I think that the

two pieces of bread should talk before we get to the.

What the fuck am I saying?

We're the bread.

We're on the

beans.

He's getting toweled off.

It's fucking

flop sweat rags.

That's why they gave them to me.

Everyone expects them.

Jenny's really using them, though.

It's great.

I'm just going to put them over his shoulder.

I.

I.

I.

Someone's going to have to launder that towel that you have.

We're going to give it to the audience.

We're going to give it to the audience at the end.

Jesus.

All five five want them.

I feel like people want us to hate this restaurant, but I got to tell you, I had a pretty good time, too.

Wow.

I had a good time with Sparky.

I'm not trying to.

I told you I don't like your city that much.

I'm not trying to kiss your ass.

I had a good time.

I had a good couple of visits.

Yeah, if this is pandering, this is some 4D chess level pandering that I don't think you're capable of.

So I think you're being honest.

Oh, cool.

Thanks.

Wait a second.

Yeah, that's awesome.

No, no, no.

He's right.

I'm too dumb to 4D chess pander.

I need some clarification because usually when somebody asks, what do you think of a place, you'd be like, the food was really good.

You guys are just talking about how much fun you had.

And I can't help but think it's because I was there.

Like you guys are like, what a good time.

We just had such a good time.

I was making so many jokes.

I was being hilarious.

Are we sure we're not reviewing me?

If so, five, five, six.

Guys, Stephanie and I, yet to see us backstage, getting on like you wouldn't believe.

Honest to God.

Sorry to you boys, but wow, what a time we're having.

We are the Tim Hortons to each other.

You said to me that you said, I said, I'll meet you at Tim Hortons at 4:45.

And then you said, it's a date.

And I said, no, it's not a date.

And then you said, you have to say it's a date.

And I said, okay, it's a date.

And I fucking cream my jeans.

Jesus.

I'm sorry.

Calm.

That's what you like to say in this.

I calm.

I cream my jeans.

I wowed.

I wowed in my jeans.

I will pander.

I love it here.

Yeah.

Wow.

I love it.

I love Toronto.

I love it.

I love the people.

I love the little cute streets where you can like eat all sorts of different things from international places.

I like like how everyone is super, super nice, but also talks fucking lots of shit.

My God, I've never met a community that gossips so much.

Canadians love to talk.

Well, because Mitch said there's nothing else to do.

Which is a lie.

And also, I went to Little Canada and it was fucking amazing.

Yeah!

Okay.

Wow.

It was a veritable wonderland.

All right.

I waltzed through all these Canadian provinces.

I was like, I'm a giant.

My kid was losing her mind.

We absolutely ordered three Christmas ornaments of the little tiny miniature uses.

And we also had ourselves put into

what is the big arena?

New Downside.

But the thing and the

formula?

Yeah, what is it called now?

It's something not a Rogers Center.

Yeah,

tiny Brad and Tiny Roz are going to be put into the Rogers Center.

I love it here.

Well, guess what?

Toronto has grown on me.

Just said that.

In this last five minutes,

Once I saw the audience react to you that way, Toronto grew on me quite a bit.

Yeah.

Win that crowd, Maximus.

Go get him, Mitch.

You know what sucks?

Vancouver.

She told me to shit on Vancouver.

I said, when you inevitably bomb on the show, shout out that you don't like Vancouver, you'll win them right back.

Careful, buddy.

All week, all week at work, it was like that.

It was rough.

Drink some water.

Hydrate.

There was a whooping cough outbreak in Canada.

And who started it?

There was so much stuff.

There was a West Nile virus outbreak.

What's going on up here?

There was a ton.

And then whooping cough.

Look, I love this place.

And when I went with Sparky, who I give five works to Sparky, great guy.

He's like Jiminy Glick.

He's great.

And I got some Tim Bits.

Okay, fuck off.

And I got an ice cap.

That's more like it.

And I ate those on the ride home from Hamilton, and I was having a blast, Wages.

So the Tim Bits, we should, you know, for people who have not been to a Tim Hortons, which, you know, is not the people in this building, but our listenership at large,

they're basically donut holes.

They're donut holes.

This is not right.

I mean, you can't rename a donut hole and expect that it's okay.

We can and we will.

I think the name is Tim Bitts sounds it sounds like Tim Horton's balls.

Little Tim Bitt.

Little Tim Bits.

Little Tim Bits.

See how many you can fit in your mouth?

No, I didn't.

I don't like the.

I do like the packaging.

It comes in a cute little carrying case.

It's very cute.

It's very adorable.

Yeah, I liked it the first time.

They were called munchkins at Dunkin' Donuts.

Because I was was going to say the natural point of comparison is the Dunkin' Donuts, Munchkins.

Kind of like the Tim Bits.

I mean, this is the thing, I feel like both of these chains suffer from growing too large and being owned by

larger umbrella corporations.

And as such,

the umbrella corporations are not available.

Not for the resident people, Mitch.

Don't worry about it.

Sorry, sorry.

You're not going to get Laplaga.

Okay, thank you.

There is no.

You can tell the nerds in the crowd.

Every girlfriend is sitting there silently.

They do not know what the fuck they're laughing at.

Yeah, now they're silent.

Yeah, I think the girlfriends in the crowd have been suffering for a long time.

And God bless you all.

God bless you.

God bless our plus ones.

You're heroes.

So

the same thing happened, Mitch, with Duncan, as you witnessed, is that they were like, we want to be all over North America.

We want to be all over the world.

We don't want to be a regional chain anymore.

Tim Horton's the same sort of aspirations.

We don't want to just be in Canada.

We want to try to grow into the States and elsewhere.

I believe they're now in something like 13 countries.

And when your presence starts to grow that large, your product is going to suffer as you scale up.

And what's happened is both of these chains, Mitch, has happened with Duncan as well, used to bake everything in-house, and now a lot of it is baked at a kitchen and then shipped to these locations.

And oftentimes it arrives frozen, and

the product takes a hit.

Anyway, all that said, I think the Tim Bits in their current iteration are better than the current munchkins.

I think it's just a little bit of a better donut hole.

Not that either of them is great.

Yeah.

Also, a better origin story for the name.

I agree.

Yeah.

Because someone would go, Do you want to go to Tim's?

A bit.

And that was it.

Timbit.

They said, that's that.

That's how they did it.

Yep.

Look it up.

Look it up.

Swear it.

Swear it.

Are you looking it up right now?

I actually, if you want to know what I'm looking up right now,

did Tim Hortons lose their beans?

Oh, my God.

I'm mad.

I think what trips me out about the Tim Bit is that it is spherical, like truly spherical.

Whereas it's not been a donut hole that's like, you know, something that's like left over from the.

It feels very,

I don't know.

It feels fake.

It feels very fake.

Like you open it and it's like, can I eat this or is this for display purposes only?

Right, 100%.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, they are pretty perfect.

They are perfect.

Yeah, they are.

Yeah, like machine pressed.

And I, you know, my first bite bite of Tim Horton's up here, this trip, was, look, I love birthday flavor.

I got some of the birthday cake Tim Bits.

I mean,

it's kind of just like a cake donut or a glazed donut with some sprinkles on it.

And hey, I like that shit, but it's like, you know, it's not doing anything spectacular in terms of birthday flavor.

You wanted a candle in there?

What?

I want it to be a feel more birthday-like.

You wanted someone to sing?

It might be a nice one.

Happy birthday.

A little tiny voice.

No, I don't know.

Frosted a little bit or something.

Oh, frost.

That would be good if you had frosting on it.

Yeah, that is actually really good.

But we also had...

Just put your own frosting on there, you freak.

Christ.

Yeah, we're the freaks.

Do you mean your own wow?

No, no, I don't mean your own wow.

I might need to sleep in like an iron lung.

I'm dying.

I don't know if you noticed.

Dehydrate.

Drink some water.

Take this bottle too.

There's another one.

There is so much access to water up here

I liked my Tim Bitts too.

Yeah, hey, that's funny.

I liked my Tim Bitts.

Wait, what's it?

Was it funny?

It sounded like Tim Buck 2.

I liked my Tim Bitts too.

I thought it was funny in my head.

I'm trying to get entertainment for myself in any way I can take it.

That's good.

No, that's good.

That was good.

You kind of did a Tim Bit there.

I did do a little Tim Bit.

I

went to Tim Hortons.

I'm trying not to cough.

Take a second.

Like, gather yourself, have some water.

We'll come back to you.

I will cough through this if I have to.

I would.

Please don't.

Cool.

I'm so glad I flew in for this.

I'm excited to go to work with this virus on Tuesday.

Yay.

I took antibiotics, unless it is viral.

I went to Tim Hortons the next day after.

Stop Stopped trying to speak.

And I got a farmer's rap.

Jesus Christ.

Someone else tell us what a farmer's rap is.

What is a farmer's wife?

And I liked the farmer's rap.

It was so damn good.

Mitch is determined to labor through this like RFK Jr.

for some reason.

Mitch was like, I have to let the people know.

Dying, dying, just dying last words, farmer's rap.

Damn, I'm so sad I can't vote for him in November.

The farmer's wrap was fantastic.

And I was eating this farmer's wrap, and I was like, why is everyone so mean to this place?

This is the farmer's wrap.

I'm going to describe the farmer's wrap while Mitch takes a break, but the wraps, the savory side of the menu, Atlanta, is somewhat controversial because they were there, you know,

donuts and coffee was their whole thing.

They were founded as a donut shop, and then they've expanded the flatbread we'll get into, but like a lot of the wraps and then the soup that you had are all like relatively recent additions, is my understanding.

Well, and they changed the soup.

And they changed that.

Yeah, they changed that.

Like when I, so I moved,

who cares?

But the chicken noodle soup used to have the, which ones are the spiral ones, noodles, which ones are those called?

Rotinos.

Spirals.

Spirals?

And now it's the shells.

And I thought, without asking me,

okay,

we won't get into the taste.

It's still there, but we won't get into the taste right now.

But when I went today with all the savory items, like I didn't know about half of them.

First of all, they got rid of the ones that I like right out of the gate.

Again, no text, no heads up.

Okay.

But it was like, I was so confused as to what they were trying to do with this chain.

Like I couldn't.

I was like,

what's happening is not.

Right, is it sweet?

Is it savory?

Are we in the club?

Because these two are having such a good time.

Like, I was very confused.

I'm sure you were too.

It's worth it.

Every time I went in there, I was like, there's a donut and coffee.

And then, like, there was like a very strong, savory smell coming from the back.

Yeah, like lasagna.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then people were getting like little pizzas and like sandwiches.

And I was like, yeah, it's like six days.

What's going on?

Yeah.

It's really weird.

It's very weird.

It's very strange to come back to that.

I mean, it's the Starbucksification of the chain to some degree, right?

It's like, we got it.

We want this to be into a full star behind it.

Starbucks doesn't carry like an irresistible roast beef sandwich.

No, but their pizza is weird.

You guys are being too hard.

I loved my seafood platter.

It was really good.

I had to get something in.

I was coughing so much.

Do we have any cough drops for you?

Anyone have cough drops?

Do we have any back there?

Like cough drops?

Does anybody have cough drops?

Throw it up on stage, would you?

Throw cough drops.

Usually I get hit in the head when this happens, so I'm gonna.

Wait, is it wrapped?

I trust you.

Is that from Richard?

Sorry.

I can't believe that.

We have a friend in the cast named Richard.

You guys know Richard?

The one with the lozenges?

Here's the thing, and we encountered this as well.

Tim Hortons is trying to drive you to their app so much that trying to navigate their website on mobile is enough.

Tim Horton's going to be driving anywhere.

Yeah.

Yeah, there you go.

He's back, baby.

The lozenge is working!

The lozenge is working, baby!

Wow.

With a vengeance.

Looks like this date is going swimming, Lynn.

He never said the date was over.

We didn't pick an end time.

So as far as I'm concerned, we just added a lot of the men.

And that's his problem, isn't it?

Is the farmer's wrap a breakfast item or a lunch item?

I can't find this shit.

Not Nick trying to keep us on track.

Guys, for you to talk about food.

I can't find it.

Sausage, right?

There was sausage in it.

What else?

There was a farmer's wrap.

There was sausage in it.

Sorry.

Sausage.

There's a little hashbarn strip in it.

I'll be breakfast then.

Eggs,

cheese.

And the wrap.

It's fantastic.

Yeah, I mean, like, look, the wraps I had were a little anarchic.

I had the lunch wraps, though.

Like, we had the Buffalo chicken one, and what was the other one we had?

the chicken Caesar one?

The chicken Caesar.

No, no, sorry, just the chicken classic.

Just the chicken classic, and those are both like kind of like they have like rice in them.

They have a bunch of components that you don't quite understand what they're doing.

Just like a whole leaf of romaine, like pressed against one half of the chicken.

I will say, I was very terrified about that

buffalo chicken wrap because I tore it in half and was like, Why is there rice in here?

Yeah.

And then I took like a very small bite, and I was like, This is fucking delicious.

I wanted to dump it out into a bowl and eat it and then someone said that you can get that ordered as a bowl i really liked it yeah in a pinch that's not terrible fast food it's rice chicken there's like some semblance of vegetables in there there were like little pieces of cucumber and lettuce and tomato i was like this isn't bad i think i did it i was the only one that wasn't crazy about it just because you know if you're gonna put rice in something you gotta give me a heads up You know what I mean?

At any meal.

You gotta let me know that rice is coming.

That's tiny.

I could choke.

I need to know.

Has it been rinsed?

I need to know.

Why do you think corporations are going to text you or let you know?

Because I sign up for it.

That's why I tear it open.

See what's going on in the middle.

I'm not going to be expecting it.

I'm never going to bite a burrito from the butt end without knowing what's going on inside.

You did do a good job then.

Yeah.

It was good.

I liked it.

I would eat one of those for lunch in a pinch.

In a pinch.

And I will say, I had an airport breakfast burrito this morning that was the, like, if I'd had, I would have killed for a Tim Hortons tier breakfast as opposed to that.

The airport breakfast burrito I had was

so,

it was so flavorless.

It was like eating a paper towel roll.

And I doused it with hot sauce to try to bring it to life, but it was, it was disgusting.

Like, I hated it.

It was just like, I'm just eating it because I need anything in my body for, you know, for my one meal before I eat Tim Hortons.

And yeah, so from that standpoint, I do think there are items that work.

I did think the soup, what I had of it, was tasty.

I thought that was like, that was like, that's a quality soup.

That's like a Panera tier, or maybe a little better than Panera tier soup.

Which, for a chain restaurant, that's not bad.

The flatbread was execrable.

I thought it was truly putrid.

It was truly awful.

And

Mitch, you liked one of them.

I didn't like any of it.

Embarrassingly bad.

The cheese pizza, I thought, was okay.

Yeah, but then, like, you, no.

I ate it.

He goes, he's like,

this isn't bad.

I am not joking.

Three minutes later, he was like,

sweating.

I agree.

I ate the chicken parm pizza and I told you, I don't know if I'm going to bar for a shit.

And I said, and thank you for this lovely date.

The chicken parm pizza was the worst thing I ate.

I didn't try it.

Just a gauntlet.

Visual alone looked like vomit on a flatbread.

It tasted like a gnarly looking.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Gnarly.

No, it was disgusting.

It was gross.

It was bad.

It was bad.

It's like licking a garbage pail kid.

Disgusting.

Licking a garbage pail kid?

I said what I said.

Hey, anything goes up north, am I right?

Really, really.

According to Drake, yes.

I walked into that.

That one was on.

I was walking on eggshells about Drake.

Who gives gives a shit about Drake?

You like Drake?

I asked Wager, I was going to take a piss on his house.

This is real.

You can do that?

Remember I texted you?

I was going to do a video where I was going to pee on his house, and then you were like, you shouldn't do that.

You should not do that.

You should not text me.

I'm not sure if I can do this.

I didn't text you?

No, you texted someone else.

Who were you texting?

I don't know.

I told someone about this.

No.

Were you texting a different wire?

Mitch.

I'll find out.

A different Nick.

I'm searching piss.

Okay, great.

Oh, are you making sure that McDonald's didn't steal your piss?

While Mitch collapses,

I will stay from the donut side.

Again, low expectations.

Can I tell you what came up for me?

No.

I'm pissed.

I can't get Taco Bell Gelato in Canada.

I say pissed so much.

Am I miserable?

To be around?

I think you're a delight.

Here's some stuff about uh-huh.

No, are you just gonna read piss text?

This is a text about Toronto.

The city smells like piss and shit.

Wow.

yeah, we literally

actually be miserable.

Yeah, I do.

It might be the case.

You call me a hater on set, and I think you're right.

I couldn't find it, but I think.

Did I call you a hater on set?

Yeah, you're right, though.

You can be a little grumpy, a little cynical.

And I will say that I mean, no, I mean this in a pot, and like part of that is because

you want things to be good.

You have high expectations, for instance, for like art.

You love movies, so you want, you have high standards for what is a good movie.

I wanted to be good tonight.

Yeah.

It didn't happen.

No, it's all right.

I got to say this.

I had some, I liked, everyone says that the donuts are bad at Tim's.

No, that's what I was about to say.

I was about to get into the maple Canadian donut I had.

I love a maple donut.

Was delicious.

And, Mitch, you were going to get into a donut of your own.

I loved every donut I had.

I thought they were good.

Except for the Blue Jays donut, and I'm not saying that as a bit.

The

Blue Jays donut sucked.

Somehow missed these in the green room.

Oh my god, we have a bunch of donuts.

That's the curler game.

Wow.

Okay, there are a bunch more donuts Emma has brought out.

Thank you, Emma.

Oh, I need some more.

Wow, thank you.

Oh, my God.

I'm so happy.

Wow.

Okay, this is why I'm really excited about the donuts.

And Emma asked if it was the one I was talking about because

one of the donuts, and we got it, the honey curler.

I don't know if anybody likes it.

Oh, the honey cooler is great.

I knew it.

I knew I could trust my own.

Alana just did the pose Donald Trump did after he almost got assassinated.

Why?

Why didn't you get near me?

That's it.

That's it.

Okay.

So it's the honey curler.

And yes, Stephanie wasn't with us earlier.

And we got it.

And when I got here and I met Stephanie and we were talking about the donuts and I flipped out, I was like, I can't believe I didn't bring her one.

I was so obsessed.

She didn't get to try it because it's not my favorite Tim Horton's donut.

It's my favorite favorite donut, like overall.

Yeah, it's so good.

And you guys got to try it, and I believe you both liked it.

I loved it.

I thought it was delicious because I like the maple donut because it's sweet, but it's sweet in a specific way.

It's sweet in a donutty way, and the honey curler accomplishes the same sort of thing.

It's so okay, wait, mitt.

Uh-oh.

Does not look like a good reaction.

Let her breathe.

Uh-oh.

It's so sweet.

It is.

It is very sweet.

I don't eat a lot of sugar.

I don't eat a lot of processed sugar.

Barf.

It's very sweet.

Wow.

In a good way?

I mean,

I would, I'll say this.

If I was by myself having a coffee and this in the morning, I would be really satisfied.

This is a very satisfying donut situation.

Like, experience.

Yeah.

The texture is nice.

It's like crusty, sugary, crusty.

But then the donut underneath is also kind of like

hearty, like kind of like the old-fashioned, like there's density to

the bread.

It smells really good.

It smells like

honey, which I didn't expect.

I kind of was like, okay, honey, donut, sure.

But it really smells like honey.

It's very sweet.

Like,

I know my three-year-old would be like,

she would love this.

Yeah.

Yeah,

this is the thing.

Like, they're not messing around with the sugar at Tim Orton's.

Now, I can handle it with the pastries.

I can handle it with the donuts.

The drinks are another story.

Here we go.

So,

we experienced the double-double coffee, I believe, for the first time.

Wow, the double-double.

You guys like your sugar here.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You like your maple syrups.

You like your sugar.

You like your sweet, sweetie sweets.

That shit is so fucking sugary.

It's too much.

It's so sugary.

But here's the thing, they're really smart because, like, you have a sip and you're like, fuck, it's so sugary.

I'm going to have some more.

Yeah.

You got to drown it out.

It's so sugary.

I'm going to have a little bit more.

Like, it was back there in the green room, and I was like, this is fucking disgusting.

I saw that change as it happened.

You didn't watch me do it.

I mean, look at me.

Here I go.

And there's another little bite.

I don't eat a lot of processed sugar.

Me neither.

I never touch the stuff.

Great.

I almost fell off my chair.

The double-double reminds me of a Dunkin' Donuts regular coffee, and I liked it quite a lot.

And it even said DD because it's a double-double.

Yeah.

And you know what?

I might try a triple-triple before I get out of this.

Wow.

Go, Midge.

What?

That guy really likes you guys.

I think he said, give the fork review.

Get on with the show.

sugar.

Almost in 90 minutes.

It sucks.

Yeah, I mean, like, just speaking of the sweetness and speaking of the liquid sugar, so we got the strawberry watermelon drink and then also the orange peach drink.

Those are both way too sweet for me.

Okay, but Stephanie found a hack.

What is the hack?

I cut it with a sparkling water back there.

I like poured a bunch of sparkling water and then like a doop of

that, whatever that was, the refresher.

I think that's what you need to do with the refresher because like just straight through the straws, like, I need the sweetness level to be halved or quartered.

It is horrible.

It's Kool-Aid without a broken wall.

Yeah.

But it would be great with like vodka or something.

Kool-Aid.

Without a broken wall.

Yeah, because he's always like, Kool-Aid.

No, no, I get what I know what you're saying.

Yeah, but did you hear it?

That's how you go through a wall.

You guys, this is delicious.

Oh, yeah.

It is.

You see why I like her so much.

She knows.

But I know myself, and in about 10 minutes, I'm going to be like,

absolutely not going to be able to shut up.

That's a good thing.

Because Nick and I are just bombing our way through this show.

Wait, I have to ask, is this a bomb?

Does it feel like a bomb to you?

No, actually, this is probably the best show we've got.

Yeah, I thought I was doing great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, Toronto.

Toronto Doe.

We're doing a whole month of this bullshit.

That's right.

Can we say, do people not want us to say the hard tea on Toronto Doe?

Should we say Toronto?

Toronto.

Toronto.

But

for our portmanteau, Tarant Dough or Toronto?

No, that's cute.

All right, we'll keep it like that.

All right, great.

I'll say the tea.

That's cute.

Wow.

No, no.

I won't say the tea.

You shouldn't have opened it up to the audience.

I just don't, I don't know, Mitch.

You know what was actively bad?

The black coffee.

It was actively bad.

Yeah.

And I think it was Richard, one of our castmates on Twisted Meadow, that was like, it's bad.

It's really bad.

I was like, great, I'm going to order it.

Yeah, he was right.

He was right.

Fucking swill, man.

It was not good.

I will say this.

The quenchers, after I drank a sip of the quenchers and then I had a double double, the double double tasted like water because those quenchers

were so sweet.

Or refreshers or whatever they're called.

And

the pumpkin spice.

Capu.

What the fuck is it called?

Ice cap, you fucking cap.

Ice cap.

The pumpkin spice ice cap.

What is the ice cap exactly?

It's an iced cappuccino.

It's like slushy-y, yeah.

It was such a strong pumpkin flavor.

Yeah, it really was.

And it wasn't even like, okay, this is what it was like.

It was like you put a straw on a pumpkin and you called it a day.

Yeah.

It was like sipping butternut squash soup.

Yeah.

It wasn't even like, oh, it's too sweet.

It's too sweet.

It's just the rummage.

I'm interested.

That sounds actually pretty good.

I don't eat a lot of processed sugar.

They're They're making it sound better than it was.

Yes.

Putting a straw on a pumpkin is better than what that was.

Yeah, that was really disgusting.

Look, there were a few things I really, really detested, but there was a lot of stuff that I overall enjoyed.

I think we got to get to our fork scores just for the interest of time.

Whoever yelled out from the audience is correct.

So, Alana, you're a veteran of the podcast.

You are the Canadian on the panel.

I'm going to have you set a baseline.

We're going to go around.

We're each going to give our closing thoughts on Tim Hortons and give it a fork score from zero to five.

The knife seated to my left, we'll begin with you.

Well,

after visiting Tim Hortons

with you guys this afternoon, and after being born here and raised on Tim Hortons my entire life,

I can say I now know why I moved.

It's not that I don't like Tim Hortons, it's that I don't like Tim Hortons.

The quality has gone down.

Wow.

The people are there, but they don't care.

You know?

They're there because they have to be.

It's the only coffee option available.

It's everywhere, so you got to have it.

But if given the choice,

I would just have water.

You know?

So that's going to be, oh, yeah, you guys do forks, not knives.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let me think.

Okay, this is how I'll do it.

I would would give it five knives because that means it's bad.

And I'm going to give it two good forks.

Two forks.

Two forks per se.

Two good forks.

Two forks.

Two forks.

Because I like some stuff too.

I like some stuff as well.

Like the honey cruller is perfect.

It's perfect.

So that's a fork right there.

Is there a vertical, like in your memory,

is there a previous Tim Hortons where you're like, this was a three-forker, this was a four-forker?

So like looking 10 years back, 15 years back?

Yes, my hometown in Orangeville, where they baked it.

Yes, where they baked all the goods there, and the cookies were massive.

Peanut butter cookie, massive.

And an egg salad sandwich,

egg salad sandwich, yes, which was my favorite, which isn't there anymore.

Yeah.

R.I.P.

Egg Sandwich.

So, this is a place that has declined.

Has declined, much like me.

That seems to be the consensus.

Oh, Mitch didn't say anything in my defense.

You're better than ever.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Stephanie, your closing thoughts on Tim Morton's your fourth score from zero to five.

Oh my God.

I'm going to fly through the roof.

Like, I feel my, you can't see it, but my leg is like

under the table.

I would say for the savory, and I'm going to separate the savory from the sweet.

For the savory, I would.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, your leg is.

I would give the savory like

two and a half, like two forks and two tines, I guess.

Because that chicken, buffalo chicken thing was quite tasty.

I hope I don't kill you from this podcast.

Oh my god, I feel I honestly feel like I'm gonna fucking have a heart attack right now.

Oh my god.

I

want to run around the stage.

I need to stand up.

What's happening?

I think I would give the

honey crawler specifically.

I would give five or That's my girl.

That's my girl.

But as a whole, I would give Tim Hortons maybe like two forks.

Two forks.

Here we go.

Yeah.

Here we go.

The coffee's like not

doing it.

And I love coffee.

But the honey coruler is, whoa!

Welcome to honey cool.

Oh my God.

How do you do this?

I wake up.

Do people eat it like all the time?

Like, what is my heart rate is like, I can feel my heart beating like in my forehead.

they eat they do eat this all the time this is a part of my review this is why they're so nice like they're just like

they are not nice first of all they're nice they're really nice they talk a lot of shit behind your back though whoa

second of all you all like Tim Hortons

yes you do you're lying to me

think about it just think about it for a second You like it.

Mitch, you don't have to like everywhere you go, okay?

I'm here, aren't I?

I'm kidding.

I was so happy when they asked me.

You have no idea.

I have to move around a little bit.

Stephanie's leaving.

Stephanie is standing, moving around the stage.

It's full space.

We took bets on you leaving the show much earlier.

Tim Hortons is good.

No, fuck you.

Don't try to get them back now.

I'm not.

It's done.

It's over.

I like Tim Hortons.

and that's okay.

Wow,

I like it.

I'm not pandering.

I like Tim Hortons.

Wow.

You know what?

Sparky did tell me, well, Sparky also did tell me that the beans, they took the beans.

Okay.

But then Sparky also told me that Mrs.

Horton was left with like so little money.

And I don't know if that was true or not.

I'm sorry.

Is Sparky okay?

You guys know what's going on.

Sparky rules, but he might not know anything.

He was telling me a bunch of stories.

I don't know if any of you are talking about it.

He was talking shit.

He was talking shit.

He was talking shit behind people's backs.

I think a lot of myths about Tim Hortons have circulated.

I actually didn't look into what happened to Tim Horton's estate.

I would not be shocked if someone else profited more off of his name than he ever did.

I mean, that's the tale of his oldest time.

I like how Tim Horton lived.

I like how he died.

Oh, no, no, no.

In that horrible car accident.

He was a trailblazer for guys like me.

What would you guys do if I just shot into the sky?

That's how I feel.

I love that I apologize to Stephanie for not getting her the donut, and now I'm going to have to apologize for giving her the donut.

The wedding.

I feel crazy inside.

We sadly,

we're not affected by this.

I felt my heart pump for the first time in like a week.

Yeah.

What are you on?

Beat per minute?

The doctor's happy.

I'm a beat per minute now.

I do.

I can feel my pulse like dunk, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

Okay, give your forks.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I'm a willing participant.

No, I'm sorry.

I like the podcast.

I listened to the podcast and stuff.

Just please don't die on my.

This can't be my fault.

I like Tim Horton.

I like the, like I said, I like the way he lived.

I like the way he died.

And you know what?

I like his donuts.

It reminds me of Dunkin' Donuts.

They put D D on the cap of the double-double.

It reminds me of Dunkin' Donuts.

I know that maybe it's not as good as you once had, but the farmer's rap is fantastic.

All the donuts I had were good.

I like the coffee.

I like coffee like this.

I like it better than fucking Starbucks.

It's a lot better.

I like it.

And the ice cap is good to your chip.

Dude, chugging water.

This is bad.

Hamilton is a hard-working city-wise,

and I fucking relate to that.

I know that I'm an actor and I'm on set.

You relate to it?

Do you relate to it when makeup's like, oh, you're a little shiny here?

And when they bring you a tiny fan to help you sweat?

You know what?

I'm like, that's what they're experiencing next door in the steel mills in Hamilton.

Tiny fan?

This guy's drowning in towels.

And you know what?

Oh my god, it's just chuckling.

The price is right.

Am I going to die?

Amelia's brought in another water.

There you go.

Look.

Stephanie's last credit, one of her best.

Doughboys live.

Something you can be proud of for your last credit.

That's true.

It's the prices are working class prices.

Me and the boys from the mill, we can go down.

I'm going to fucking.

come on, boys.

Come on, boys.

Tim's on me, boys.

Let's go.

I'm driving.

No, you're not.

You have a driver.

You literally have a driver.

Sparky's driving.

And you know what?

If you all look in your souls,

you know that you like Tim's too.

You're lying to yourself.

Five fucking forks.

Wow.

Fuck you.

Oh, my God.

Fuck, out, fuck, out, out.

It's now, now.

Yay!

Fuck the towels!

Fuck the maple leaves.

Fuck all you.

There is a back entrance.

No, no.

I'm sorry, did you say maple leaves as in the team or the leaf?

Maple leaves.

Sorry, I forgot they spell it wrong.

I just didn't know.

I just didn't know if you had a problem with the leaf.

Go, Bruins.

Fuck you.

Five forks.

I missed when he was joking.

Mitch with the go-home heat, but you're going to be up here for another few months.

What are you doing to yourself?

Yeah, I'm going to get my ass kicked probably.

Probably.

Not if the boys from Hamilton got my back.

Look, we're up against the clock, so I'll keep my thoughts quick.

Oh, my God.

I mentioned, and I'll investigate.

Multiple people are dying on this.

Time is flying.

I mentioned that my first time

eating Tim Hortons was in Saskatoon with the two of you and also with our friend and past Doughboys double guest and Edmonton resident, Nick Ross.

And Nick sent me

his thoughts on Tim Hortons, and I want to read some of these now.

Because I think this is honestly speaks to sort of where the national character is, where the national consensus is on this chain.

It used to be so much better.

Fresh donuts made in-house and good breakfast sandwiches, but it got bought by foreign investment, and now everything is shipped in frozen.

They are actively getting in their own way with revamped items that have no business being there, like flatbread pizzas.

It used to be the most Canadian chain, but now I feel like AW Canada is just so much better in every way.

Wow.

ANW Canada, I believe, the number four chain restaurant in terms of locations in Canada now.

It's a restaurant that really needs to go back to basics because even people I know prefer McDonald's coffee, and coffee was supposed to be the thing they were known for.

Nothing about the beans theft.

Nothing about the beans theft is in here, Mitch.

They used to have an annual contest called Roll Up the Rim to Win,

where you could win by rolling up the paper rim of your cup to see if there was a prize, and they linked that to a digital app and took the joy from it.

It's the wave of the future.

Back off.

Kills me because I wish Tim Hortons was good enough that it would be a recommendation for any foreigner coming to Canada, but it isn't.

But also in a sense, it is because it's so ubiquitous and it's so Canadian.

And so I think this belongs right in the middle of our belt curve.

I think

slightly below the middle of our bell curve.

I think Tim Hortons as it currently stands is better than Starbucks, low bar,

maybe a little better than Duncan overall.

No fucking way.

And I think it deserves two and a half forks.

Here we go.

Much more reasonable.

All right.

We got a food stuff.

We're going to decide if it's worth putting in your mouth.

It's Snack or Whack.

Now, look, here's the thing.

We can't review every Canadian chain, but there is a pretty big one we want to acknowledge.

Stephanie's going to move around.

We have more sugar coming, and

you have no obligation to have any of it, but we do want to acknowledge a big one, Beaver Tails.

Beaver Tails was a Canadian pastry chain founded in 1978 that has a distinct signature, I guess, torso-sized pastry that we're going to taste tests.

You can have a bite, or you also don't have to have any.

Anyway, to bring out some beaver tails, please welcome Amelia Marino.

Thank you again, Amia.

Wow.

Beaver tails.

Oh, I guess these are a little bit.

This is more like the size of a Nintendo Switch, I guess, in terms of scale.

You're saying it's not as big as a beaver's tail?

Wait a minute.

What is it?

I guess it is the size of a beaver's tail.

I don't don't know.

I've never seen a beaver in person.

I'm not from here.

If you're from here, you've seen a beaver in person for sure.

What were you going to say?

I was going to say that this crowd gets a treat.

They get to watch the Doughboys eat beaver for the first time.

I like it.

How am I doing?

Wait, where'd Amelia go?

You'll get there.

You'll get there.

Amelia, come back out of here.

Amelia.

Hey, guys.

Amelia, thank you so much for all of your help.

Thank you for bringing up here in Toronto.

It is your actual birthday today.

Yes, it is.

Wow.

Well, well, well.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear Amelia.

Happy birthday to you.

Emma has brought out a

with candles.

Thank you guys.

This is too nice.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday to you.

Thank you, everyone.

That's too sweet.

Do Do you know what?

You know what I bet you wished for?

For Frankenstein to be okay.

That is true.

That is so true.

Thank you, guys.

I'm going to eat that later.

Bye-bye, everyone.

Thank you so much.

I don't think you should take a break.

I'm on the come down now.

Like, now I feel like

a perfect time to eat more sugar.

We have a regular beaver tail.

We have a, this looks like some sort of Oreo cookie.

Like, this is like a vanilla and

choco.

And then we've got a, what the fuck is this?

Oh, that's the strawberry cream cheese.

This is the strawberry cream cheese that's a colour.

What is that one?

Looks

like shit.

Horrible.

It looks like shit.

Okay.

I'm not going to lie.

Right, so we got a dog shit one as well.

Yeah.

Did we order the dog shit?

We ordered the dog shit one.

They were out of cat shit is the thing.

That was our first choice.

Are you sure?

I mean,

it looks like fair food.

That looks really unappetizing, but that one might be good.

I would not be shocked if that was like Sabrina.

It would have toffee on it or something.

Yeah, it might be good.

Okay, okay, okay,

okay.

All right, we're going to do that.

I'm eating the birthday one.

Sorry, Amelia.

Alana, you have,

you enjoy Beaver Day.

You like the Beaver Day.

I do.

My favorite is the original one that's like cinnamon and sugar that Mitch is having.

Sometimes people put lemon on it.

Anybody here?

Yeah, lemon.

It's really good.

I find, because, you know, these are pretty thin.

So I find when it has too many toppings, it falls apart and it's too gooey, and then I'm too concerned about the mess to enjoy myself.

So, me, I'm keeping it clean,

sticking with the origin.

That cinnamon sugar one is just kind of like a flat churro.

That's exactly what I was about to say.

We have fun.

That's exactly what I was about to say.

We have fun up here.

I like it.

Yeah, we'll do it our way.

We'll flatten out anything.

We don't care.

We really don't.

Mitch, you look like something.

Are you okay?

You're right.

I don't want to eat any of the Beavertail.

You don't have to eat.

Surprise?

Surprise.

Am I right?

Well, well, well.

No, that's not what this is.

I do this all the time.

You don't have to, Mitch.

I just feel so sick from Tim Horton's.

Well, don't, yeah.

If you're not feeling great, don't do it.

It's five.

It was good.

It's good.

Honestly, I love the place.

I'm going to puke, but I love the place.

What is that on the side?

This is a nightmare to try to saw through.

It's not.

That's what I'm saying.

You pull this apart.

There's no way to go sharing.

No, that's the thing.

It's just like you're grabbing it, and then this thing's just like coated with topping.

My hands are just going to get

it.

So goopy.

Did you remember?

I can't remember what it was called.

It was a chain in the U.S.

called like Godfather or Godfather's Pizza.

Yeah, Godfather Pizza.

Herman Kane.

It tastes like a dessert company.

That was his company, yeah.

Yeah.

Herman Kane, who had a Quixotic presidential run

back in 2012, maybe.

And yeah, he was the godfather of Godfather's Pizza.

That was his company.

They're pretty fucking good, honestly.

Can I try that one, too?

Sorry.

I've enjoyed what I've eaten.

I've changed my mind.

I want to try each one, please.

Wow.

We should say

we got to take the Metro over here, which I really enjoyed.

Very happy to hop on the choo-choo.

Alana, you were an able guide on the subway.

Very, very fun.

We had one point where we went out of a tunnel and we went into greenery, and it was very lush.

It was beautiful.

I was like, oh, how fun is this?

We had another bit of fun, which is there is a stop called Castle Frank.

Which Mitch and I were both delighted by.

I loved it.

And then we also, we talked about how Frankenstein lives there.

That's where his castle is.

Yeah.

And gotten into an accident driving home.

Frankenstein's castle.

Yeah.

But then you said that Atlanta, this is like kind of a known stop because people have some affection for it because no one goes there.

Yeah.

So it's just one of those stops that's just there.

Like there's somebody's in LA Metro system too.

That's just like, it doesn't seem like anyone ever gets on or gets off, but it's just part of the system.

Did you see anyone get on or off?

No.

Well, Frankenstein lives there.

They're probably scared.

Didn't have any torches or pitchforks.

I was tickled by that.

I was delighted to go by Castle Frank.

Me too.

I loved it, Wax.

Because, I mean, mean, and I got to be honest, part of my affection for it was

my full legal name is Nicholas Frank Weiger.

And sometimes I go by Frank, which means it's time for this week in Canadian hot dog news in another edition of Let Me Be Frank.

Hot dog, simmer in the city.

Crate of my grill getting greasy and gritty.

Toast bon, donut look pretty.

Sucking on a dog like you're sucking on a titty.

Pork and beef, sausages and long bread, rolling on a roller grill, mustard ain't really.

One bite is a different world.

I swapped off bites with a girl.

Munch on, munch on, and chomp all night.

Despite the fauns, it'll be alright.

That taste when the casing has snapped.

Later that day, you'll for sure have to nap as it simmers in the city like you're sucking on a titty.

You ain't nothing but a heart dog,

frying all the time.

You ain't nothing but a heart dog,

frying all the time.

You ain't never been a burger, and you ain't no launcher mine.

They said you a sandwich.

Well, that was just a lie

They said you a sandwich

Well that was just a lie

Just a fun around a wiener so you sure don't qualify

If you could eat my frankweights

What a taste that dog would have

Just like in old-time Frankfurt, one you get from a baseball game

in a bun so soft with a mustard squirt and onions diced on top.

You know that Frank's for me,

and it will never be for free

as long as it's a frank

that you eat.

In this society,

is this where we're eating?

The only Frankfurter that's available to us?

My plan is a wiener people can dream about.

A hot dog opalis.

When a fast food empire dies, does it collapse in one terrible E.

coli poisoning scandal?

No,

but there comes a meal when people no longer eat there.

Imagine today's society as a sausage link of civilization about to reach a burnt end.

Don't let the chow

destroy the Frank Ever.

What about those...

What about those standing in your way?

Who like their hot dog the way it is?

Good question, live audience member.

When we ask these questions, about the menu, when there's a dialogue about specials and substitutions, That basically is

Foodtopia.

Directed by Frankfurter Ford Dogola.

Wow.

Frankfurter Ford Dogola.

Yeah, Frankfurter Ford Dogola.

Frankfurter, in case you didn't hear it, Frankfurter Ford.

Frankfurter Ford Dogola.

Guys,

that was exceptional.

It really was.

It was so entertaining.

I have to say, Mitch,

you knew it.

You knew the song.

I pulled out the lyric book.

I'll be honest with you.

This morning it was going to be a Dr.

Evil monologue.

And then Wig said, we got to do Megalopolis.

And I said, have fun, buddy.

So things switched up a little bit.

But you know what?

People like this.

You've got the voice of an angel.

Thank you.

You do.

You have a lovely singing voice.

And I know you love Gordon Lightfoot.

I love Gordon Lightfoot.

Canada's own.

Gordon's Gold.

You got me listening to Gordon Lightfoot.

I'll get you listening to Russia.

You asked me what's going on.

Yeah.

Fair question.

What happened?

It was like...

It was like it was Elvis, and I screamed.

I had like a weird teenage, like, wow!

No, but in Stephanie's defense, it came out of nowhere.

I mean, it just came out of nowhere.

I was like, what, beta?

Alpha, alpha, alpha.

And then when you went up and sang, I was like, wow, he's got such good range.

Oh, my God.

I feel like that was an absolute motherfucking fever dream that I just witnessed.

And

I can't even.

It's one of those things where you're like, this is incredible.

I'm enjoying this, but it keeps me.

This is a podcast.

It turns out this is all happening in Stephanie's mind during a sugar-induced coma.

I would not be surprised.

I mean, wow.

What an Elvis he does, huh?

It was great.

I like what he does.

It was great,

thank God, Barbara.

If the Colonel heard that, he would not be surprised that you were white, by the way.

Yeah, he's white.

Yeah, no, I know.

Oh, the Doughboys?

Yeah, they're white.

What are you talking about?

So we're going to Google hot dogs.

Oh, you're going to tell me they're not white.

They're white?

I don't know.

They're white.

For the 10 people who have seen the movie.

Going hard on Megalopolis and Boz Luhrmann's Elvis.

Let's throw the whale in there while we're at it.

All right, we got to, bitch, we'll just do one each because we got to get to questions.

We're going way too fucking long here.

So

we're searching for hot dogs on Google.

Hot dog, but

I think hot dog Canada.

I think it's a Canadian thing.

Before that, can I just tell you one of the first things that popped up?

I have to tidy up now because

the sugar's still like,

so like, it didn't end it.

I don't know how do you do.

What's happening?

We're gonna look at articles.

We're gonna Google and you can read this outline.

You can read the first one out loud.

I once snuck into a diddy party.

Here's how I schmooze with the stars at events with naked women and the best hot dogs.

That's in hot dog news.

Wow.

Hot dog news.

Missed that headline.

Here's one.

I searched.

This is on my preferred search engine, Microsoft Bing.

This is from the Daily Hive.

I searched for Hot Dog Canada on news.

Blue Jays Jays fans eat obscene number of hot dogs, breaking a record.

Wow.

God bless.

So proud.

I'm with you guys.

Over 700,000 loony dogs were consumed this season.

Oh, wait,

they were only a loony?

Apparently.

I don't know what the price is.

Is a loony dog a loon?

It's $1.

There's a Looney Dog Night.

I think it was against the Red Sox, and a lot of people online said it was me that was doing this.

And it wasn't me, just to be clear.

Were they at like a special price or something?

Yeah, it's apparently a promotion every Tuesday, $1 hot dogs, and

they broke the record this season.

And on August 29th,

yeah, 76,627 hot dogs were sold during a single game against the Washington Nationals.

How about that?

Wow, wow.

I'm proud of you.

Yeah.

Maybe your greatest national achievement.

The healthcare is pretty good.

All right, we got to take some questions, Mitch.

Yeah, we're done.

That's Let Me Be Frank.

That's an abrupt Let Me Be Frank, an abbreviated Let Me Be Frank.

All right, Emma.

What's up?

Who are we bringing out for questions?

All right, I got Alyssa C., Benny, aka Matthew B, and Connor M.

If you want to come meet me over in front of the stage.

All right, walk on down to where Emma is right there and have your question locked and loaded, and we'll get to you.

That's so crazy because I'm seeing people walk out.

There are people walking out.

Also, you can leave.

If you want to leave,

you're not captain.

I saw saw one person go to the bathroom.

If you want to leave, we will remember what you look like, okay?

All right, I got to listen here.

I see someone walking right there.

Oh, Alyssa.

Hi.

Hi, Alyssa.

Hi, Alyssa.

Hi, Do Boys.

Hi, how are you doing?

What's your question?

My question is, what is your number one Canadian snack that you are sneaking back over the border?

This is a great question.

And actually,

just kidding.

This teased me up to some degree because I'm going to allow every questioner, we are going to allow every questioner to rummage through this Nestle 50 box, which has

four different candies, Coffee Crisp, Kit Kat, Arrow, and Smarties.

Very different from the American Smarties.

American Smarties are like

a fruit candy.

This one is a chocolate candy.

I like that Coffee Crisp.

That Coffee Crisp is real good.

We had those on set.

We had those on set.

Yeah, they're quite delicious.

They're very, very good.

Alyssa, what's your answer?

It's a coffee crisp.

It's a coffee crisp.

For you, wise.

Is that what you're taking?

That's what I'm taking.

Take a couple if you want.

Yeah.

Treat yourself.

Hi, brother.

Not too many.

I need a few.

Mitch, what do you?

Do you have a Canadian candy you really like?

Ricola.

Ricola.

I'm going to take a Ricola back.

Thank you, Stephanie.

How long has it been since I ate the honey?

Like five minutes?

Yeah.

I think.

I feel sort sort of normal again now.

After we sang, let me be frank.

Yeah,

back in a normal ball.

I think

Coffee Crisp is the answer, right?

Coffee Crisp is great.

It's so distinct, too.

It doesn't just have to be a sweet.

Like, hello, ketchup chips, dill pickle chips.

Oh, boy, I wasn't thinking about chips on all dress.

What about, have you guys tried Maynard's wine gums?

Please.

I haven't.

Can you come home with me?

You are so funny.

I saw them and I was like, what the fuck is this?

They're incredible.

Maynards.

Wine gums.

I mean, that's how we say it.

I had some Maynards at Beetlejuice, too.

I had some Maynards.

That's fun.

Okay, name drop.

Sorry, I didn't mean to

name drop Betelgeuse.

Two, shit.

Can't say it one more time.

All-dressed, I forgot about it.

I loved all-dressed chips.

Those are wonderful.

They just do not exist in the States.

All right, next question.

Hi, what's your name?

Connor.

Connor.

Hi, Connor.

Hi, Doughboys.

Are you reading?

What are you reading from?

You're scaring us.

Book of Mormon.

I didn't write the question by myself.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

A significant other help you?

Did your significant other help you?

Yes.

Love this.

She's the Doughboys fan.

I'm the plus one.

Wow.

Wow.

This is a version of expectations.

What do you think of the show so far?

It's entertaining.

Okay, all right.

That took a second.

It's ah, entertaining.

Well, what happened is he looked at you and said it's.

He looked at Wiger and said, uh, and then he looked at Stephanie and I and said, Entertaining.

Connor, what is the question?

It's a bit long, sorry.

Okay.

Okay, so Ricky from the Trailer Park Boys famously loves chicken chips.

And I have a text chain with an old coworker where we exclusively send pictures of chicken chip flavors.

The latest was a subway teriyaki chicken.

So my question is, what chicken preparation would you like to see in a chip form?

Okay, for example, yeah, keep going.

My is chicken and waffles chips.

Oh, that's fun.

Now, all that is coming from the voice of your significant other?

We worked on it together.

Okay, got it.

Got it.

It's a collab.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

A collab.

That's a great question.

Just help me wrap my mind around a chicken chip.

This is like a potato chip.

This is like a crisp with chicken flavor.

Okay.

So like, I could say tandoori chicken chip.

Oh, that's fun.

There you go.

I love that idea.

Oh, no, that's not mine.

Mine's butter chicken.

Chicken chip.

Oh, butter chicken's a great one.

That would be mine.

Oh, boy.

I had a roti for the first time.

Roti is fun.

Are they so good?

They are good.

So good.

Yeah.

So good.

They're good.

Yeah.

It's like

an Indian burrito.

Yeah.

It was good.

They handed it to you.

They said it was a low tea.

so I this is a this is again I think like the problem is when I love fried chicken is my favorite food I love just like a well-seasoned fried chicken you know I mean like a Popeyes fried chicken just like like just salty

you know savory

so as far as like a specific varietal I guess I'd I'd I'd I'd tend towards

I think I'd want something garlicky, maybe like a lemon pepper garlic, if that's an option.

And I I know that's a little specific, but I'm almost like, I feel like lemon pepper is like a little too, you know, on the nose.

So I want to go at it from a different angle a little bit.

I might be overthinking it.

Maybe I'll just say lemon pepper, but I think lemon pepper garlic gives it a little something.

Jesus Christ.

Don't you when you're

doing that?

I know, I know.

That's the show.

I'm just reminded of it.

Here's the thing.

You might be expecting something spicy because I'm a bit of a heat seeker, but I.

Lemon pepper is pretty good.

And then also at the same time, you got to worry about Dracula.

So, you got to get garlic in there somehow.

So,

lemon pepper and garlic is kind of a good combo.

I think that that's a good one.

You got fucking Dracula breathing down your neck when you're trying to munch on some crisps.

Not down my neck.

It's the worst place he'd have to be.

He's too sweaty.

He's going to slide right off.

I'll stick with lemon pepper.

I'm trying to win the crowd back over, so Swiss chalet sauce.

Wow.

Chicken.

Incredible.

You could have just said quarter chicken, but that's fine.

Incredible the sauce.

Spicy chicken sandwich.

I would do like hot, Nashville hot chicken.

Oh, I love that.

That's a lot of fun.

That would maybe work best.

Wait, did you?

He's gone.

He ran away.

Did you rummage?

Connor left.

Connor, did you rummage?

He didn't want one.

Your SO doesn't want to rummage?

He was running away.

Okay.

Don't make that.

Connor's leaving so they can go draft some more questions together.

All right, this is one more question.

This is Benny.

Hi, Benny.

Hi, Benny.

Hi, Doughboys, and Knife and Stephanie.

Oh, finally.

So I'm here with my friend Travis and my lovely partner Liza.

Wow.

Who is almost 37 weeks pregnant?

Wow.

Wow, Benny.

Congratulations!

Have it now.

Please don't have it now.

Please don't.

Please don't.

Do you know anything about pregnancy?

Like, do you know

a long time?

Okay, sorry.

I don't know too much.

Keep it in.

So my question is, if you can name your child after any chain restaurant, which one would you choose?

Wow.

This is really, this is a really tough question because

you want it to be also like a name.

You know what I mean?

Like, I love In-N-Out Burger.

Oh, old In-N-Out Weiger?

That's the thing.

A child name In-N-Out.

Doesn't want me to be reminded of how he was conceived.

I think I have an answer.

And it is a Titan not just of my personal chain restaurant fandom, but also a Titan of improv comedy.

And where would we be without improv?

Thank you, Mr.

Close.

Thank you, Mr.

Close.

Thank you, Mr.

Taco.

Del Taco, my child, would be named Del.

Del Weiger.

Del Weiger.

Well, I and then that also just, because Del Taco as a name makes no sense because it was shortened from Casa Del Taco to just Del Taco, they Sean Parker it, and now it's just like of the taco is like what the name of it means.

So then you have like of the Weiger, which kind of makes sense.

It's a child's name.

Five Guy Mitchell.

McDonald's McDonald Mitchell is

grabbing.

See, I was going to say Arby's because they have the meats.

Yes.

And it sounds like it's the first one that gets.

Yeah, Arby's.

It's great.

With the S.

With the S.

I'll turn a Canadian for you.

How about Harvey?

Harvey Weinstein.

Harvey's a good one.

Harvey Weinstein.

Very good name.

I love it.

Benny, did one come to mind for you?

Is there anything you're weighing?

The only one I would name it after is Switchele because it's a five-fork restaurant.

Wow.

Whoa.

Wow.

We'll see after I'm done with it.

We certainly shall.

Hey, folks, that's our show.

Thanks so much.

Everybody Beatrice, Aletta Johnston,

Emma and Amelia.

Thanks, Dan.

We're the Danforth Music Hall.

And now it's time for the Spoonman, Mike Mitchell.

I'm Nick Weiger.

Happy Eating.

Hey.

Fat boys are back, fat.

And you know they can never be wet.

The fat boys are bad.

Do you guys think the fat boys?

The knife is here with the knife's mama now.

Mom?

Yes, I am.

Well, I'm the mom of the knife for sure.

Okay, mom.

I gave her a knife when she was one year old to cut her cake, her birthday cake.

It's true, and there's a photo of me holding a knife as a baby.

Now, mom, what did you think about Tim Hortons?

Well,

I have two views on this.

I love Tim Horton.

I'm a big Tim Horton fan, but I gotta tell you, the quality has gone down the drain.

That's what I said.

Yes.

Especially when they're giving me the cream in my coffee.

I say half of a cream and it's so white.

This is my third time hearing this story

in like 24 hours.

But I still go there because I do believe they might change and get back to the 60s.

How do you feel about not being asked to be on the Doughboys podcast?

Very upset.

Actually, furious.

I am furious.

These people here.

And my dad, this is my dad.

My biggest complaint with Tim Hortons is they don't sell beer.

That's not mine.

Mine is: I want quality.

I want the quality I'm used to from the 70s.

Speaking of quality, it's time to sign off.

When I find myself with Tummy Grumbles, Evan Saucer comes to me.

We drive crazy fast to Mickey D's.

And when it's time to order, she is standing right in front of me.

Accidentally order hot dogs, Mickey D's.

Mickey D's, Mickey D's, fucking up at Mickey D's.

I'll just have a phantom, Mickey D's

Toronto.

How's everyone doing?

It's your favorite Doughboys guest, Mike Hanford, here to tell you about a show I have coming up at Comedy Bar on Bloor Street on October 5th, right here in Toronto.

Hey, that's coming up.

I'm going to be doing two shows, 7 p.m.

and 9 p.m., and I'll be doing an hour of stand-up at both.

And guess what?

Toronto's very own Sarah Hennessy will be there opening for me, which is perfect because she's hilarious.

So come on out, October 5th at Comedy Bar.

We're gonna have some fun.

Mickey D's, Mickey D's, fuck it up at Mickey D's.

No eyes for that phantom, Mickey D's.

That was a hit gum podcast.