Backyard Bowls with Erin Keif

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The Santa Barbara incident has frankly touched the conscience of the American people.

This was from President Richard Nixon's remarks on March 21st, 1969, as he visited a disaster recovery site in the picturesque Southern California coastal community of Santa Barbara.

1969 was a seismic year in American life with events that still resonate.

The moon landing, Woodstock, the Stonewall riots, the premiere of Sesame Street, the invention of ARPANET, the predecessor to the internet.

But one impactful incident has been largely memory hold, the Santa Barbara oil spill.

At the time, the exploded offshore drilling platform generated the largest oil spill in American history, a record tragically bested twice by the Exxon Valdez and the Deepwater Horizon, following the American political pattern of never again, shifting to again, only bigger.

But the ecological crisis inspired activists, led by Wisconsin Democratic Senator Gaylord Nelson, to convene a new holiday called Earth Day.

The beginning of nationwide Earth Day celebrations in 1970 led to a barrage of environmental legislation under the Republican Nixon administration.

The creation of the Environmental Protection Agency, the Clean Water Act, and the Endangered Species Act, among others, all laws the Republican Party of today actively works to undermine.

The Beachy Commune of Santa Barbara is a mix of million-dollar residences and high-end luxury hotels that coexist with treehugger beach bums and University of California students enrolled in a notorious party school.

And it proved a logical fit for an acai bowl concept founded in 2008 by two surfer-dude partners who became fans of the Berry Puree on a Hawaiian vacation.

Today, with a half-dozen outlets across SoCal, will it expand and endure like Earth Day itself?

Or will it end in shambles like the Nixon administration, filled not by the Watergate scandal, but by the oversaturated acai trend?

This week on Doughboys, Backyard Bowls.

Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host, the 41-year-old virgin, the Spoonman Mike Mitchell.

Jesus.

Hey, Doughboys, I've been an avid listener since 2015.

Browsing through my notes app, I found this roast, which was written as a 37-year-old version.

So I must have written it four years ago and forgotten about it.

Maybe for the best.

Well, I got news for you.

You should have used it when I was 37 because it makes no sense.

I believe this episode will actually come out when you're 42.

So,

HBD.

Oh, my God.

Right?

This will be after your October.

It's November.

We're in November.

Gobble, gobble, bitch.

Many gobbles to you, my good man.

It's November.

Yes.

Oh, wow.

November.

Cool, cold.

It is.

It's really, wise, it's really gotten cool around here lately.

It sure has.

You know, you want to crock a soup with the weather tears.

It turns cold.

Let's just say my house is a lot cooler now.

It doesn't have anything to do with my AC getting fixed, perhaps, in this hot weather.

Say, I would like, say, if I was lying and it was almost July, end of June.

Yeah.

Then like, then it would be cool if the AC got fixed in my house and like during this hot weather, but it's cool because it's November.

It's cool because of the November,

but also it could be unseasonably warm because of global warming.

Sure, that's cool.

So it can certainly be hot in November and you still need the AC anyway.

Yeah, but it's not, we're in November.

The point is it's November.

Yeah.

We're not thinking about the Celtics who won like how long ago?

Well, we're in the set.

We don't know.

We're in the thick of the next NBA season now.

Yes.

We're in the 2024-25 NBA season.

It's been such a good season so far.

I really have enjoyed it.

It has been a lot of fun.

Roaster continues for Nick.

0100001001.

This is a very long string of binary.

011100100110011101100101011100100100000.

I think you made it.

01000010.

Hold the power button in for

this.

This is so long.

I don't know if

I want to read this all.

Yeah, I don't think you do.

Okay.

Best wishes and happy munching, Peter.

We'll put the binary on social media because they think there's a hidden message in there that people can figure out.

Oh, you were spelling some bullshit out.

Anyways,

Peter sent sent that in.

Thanks, Peter.

Yeah, the Celtics and the Panthers, they won.

I mean, I'm just thinking back to five months ago.

When the Panthers won the cup over the Edmonton Boilers in a thrilling game seven?

The Hawk Tui girl was all the rage.

But now

it's five months later, so I don't even remember the Hawk Toue girl.

What's the Hawk Toue girl?

I knew you wouldn't know.

It's disgusting.

You don't need to know about it.

What is it?

This girl, she said a thing.

She's spits.

They're like, What is it?

Like, what is it?

Like, it was like asking her, like, what does like a, what do you do in the bedroom sort of thing?

That gets a guy going.

Yeah, that gets a guy going.

She's like, sometimes you just got a huck toy on that thing or whatever.

Like, like, she's spitting on a hog?

Yes.

Get it going.

Sure.

She's fine.

She got fired.

She got fired.

She got fired on her job.

What was her job?

That's actually.

She was a preschool teacher.

Oh, wait.

Is that true?

i did not know that

i mean that is very fun

it's sort of a perfect internet story

and it is also that sort of thing of i mean i now i because she was wearing like a hawk tooey hat and i was like oh boy but the fact that she got fired is a bummer because if my friend said that to someone who was doing like an kind of an annoying on the street interview i would laugh at that you know what i mean like i wasn't in a classroom this was like she was out living her life no but i'm not dropping my child off

with the hawk two girl i don't know if i'd be dropping my kid off with her

oh i would trust my kid with her i would trust the hock twoey girl i wouldn't have an issue with the hot two girls is this one of those tick tock things with a little microphone where they're going around they're just talking to somebody it's basically one of those yeah like a street interview interesting okay well I would trust the Hawk Toue girl.

She's going to land on her feet.

We're in November.

She's doing great.

She's thriving.

She's been rehired.

She's got a cameo.

She's doing wonderful.

You're the Hock Toue girl.

In the five months leading up to that, especially with an election, I'm sure you're going to eat your words when this episode comes out.

Trump's running mate is Hock Toue girl.

I'm going to Hock Toue on Joe Biden.

People going, yes.

Yeah, we love it.

Mitch, I have a question for you because I encountered this last night.

Yeah.

What is your most line contingent fast food restaurant?

Because I was on my way home from the studio.

Oh my God.

And yeah, and I was planning on getting Jersey Mike's, but the Jersey Mike's is by an In-N-Out burger.

I was like, I just didn't think of Jersey Mike's or McDonald's.

Wages, this is actually insane.

The In-N-Out burger had three people in line, and I wasn't even going to get it, but I was like, this is the shortest line I've ever seen around dinner time.

I just have to do it.

That's so funny because we got In-N-Out after

Mitch's show last night.

Wow.

We went to, it was like the one in Glendale, I think.

Same thing, shortest In-N-Out line I have ever seen.

We cruised right in and right out.

It was so fast.

I did.

I would not have choked.

I would not, I know, literally in and out.

But a lot of times, the in and out, you're not doing the old in and out, you're there for a while.

Like, I'm you're well, when you say the old in and out, it sounds like fucking just so you know,

you're not doing the old in and out.

My the new Hawk Toue girl

fired from Doughboys for my old

guy

fired from Doughboys for that.

That's the lie.

You fired yourself.

Wags, guess what?

Yeah.

I had In-N-Out Burger too last week.

Is that your answer?

Is that why you, like, is that the place where you're like, if the line's this short, I just have to go to it?

No, I always kind of expect a line, but I, but I, uh, but I was not even planning on going.

My line was not, oh, if, if there's like a really sh I mean, there's nothing that feels next level to see if there's like no line to be like, I'm going to get there's no line at the cake shop.

I'm going to get a cake.

You know, like, that seems insane.

You're like, you, you're like, if it's like, I never get the urge to,

I mean, there's definitely stuff if there's a long line I've turned away from.

But there's, but impulsively, if you're like going by a raising canes, it's like, holy shit, there's like no weight here.

I just might as well get it because it's oftentimes I'm waiting 40 minutes.

You know, you never really do that.

There's not, you don't think in those terms.

No, but I mean, my in-and-out line was pretty short last night, too.

It wasn't bad.

Okay.

I went to the Glendale one.

I can tell you which one it was.

Not the one at the Americana.

The one on Harvey?

yeah i think so okay so we were maybe in line at the same time harvey drive yep that's the one i went

that's funny we talked about it before we left the theater i was like we're going i think we're gonna go get in now

after i was clowning i was clowning how fun is that it was a lot of fun yeah well we're gonna be doing some clowning today

you should as always they wanted you to do the show You feel doing great, you fucking clown-ass bitch.

All right.

You got a drop to play.

Oh, Emma, hit him with a drop.

drop.

Howdy hoe to Spoon Nation.

I didn't want to do that in front of our guests.

You don't have to play.

That's how the podcast works, though.

Howdy-ho to Spoon Nation.

I can't look at my guests.

Anytime we have a great guest in here, I can't look at him when I say this shit.

Howdy ho!

Te Spoon Nation.

I'm embarrassed my guests saw that.

Play the drop, asshole.

Do we have to play a drop today, I guess, is my question.

It's a good guest.

Yeah.

All right, here's a drop, Wikes.

I mean, well, no, never mind.

I suck today.

Yeah.

I guess just everyone sucks, but I also suck the most.

Right.

This is embarrassing.

Howdy, just Boones.

This is embarrassing.

That's a good sign for the guest.

That means that you're a good person.

Unlike our other shitty guests.

Here's the guest for 53 seconds.

The drop was all me embarrassing myself.

Wow.

I loved it.

You loved it.

That was a good drop.

I mean, it was edited.

That's not.

Yeah, they're all edited.

I know this works.

Yeah.

Hey, dope.

Howdy ho, Despoon Nation.

How's that?

And I am embarrassed.

I mean, I'm in front of

every guest that I say it in front of.

Though I also am embarrassed in front of today's guests.

Hey, Doughboys.

I put about eight episodes worth of clips of Mitch being embarrassed in this drop.

R.I.P.

to howdy hoe, which seems to have been retired.

Yeah.

Thanks, Dan F, Arlington, Virginia.

Thanks, Dan F.

You ever been to Arlington?

Is that the cemetery spot?

I have been there.

Is that the cinematic spot?

Is that the cemetery spot?

I have been there.

Arlington National Cemetery, right?

Is that what Arlington, Virginia is?

Yeah, I guess.

Is that what it is?

Or is that a different thing?

Because I've been there.

Arlington National Cemetery in D.C., right?

Yeah.

So I don't know.

Is it Arlington, Virginia?

Is Arlington, Texas?

No, Arlington National Cemetery is in Arlington, Virginia.

Arlington, Virginia is like, it's like right next to D.C.

One of those.

Yeah.

Got it.

All right.

Well,

what are you doing there?

It's a place people go.

I don't know.

Honoring the nation's fallen, Mitch.

How about that?

That's nice.

Yeah.

Do you go to the Unknown Soldier's Tomb?

Do you ever see that?

Is that one there?

I think it might be.

Is that where they do the flag change and everything?

I don't remember.

I did all that shit in D.C.

when I was a kid.

We went there.

Which cemetery do you want to be buried in?

Have you thought about that yet?

No, I don't want to be buried in a cemetery.

Where do I want to be buried?

I don't know.

Fucking wherever.

I'll find a good spot for you.

Just return to nature, whatever the most, the least ecological footprint there is.

You can get turned into a tree.

A lot of people do that now.

Yeah, maybe we'll get turned into a tree.

That's cool.

That would be cool.

There's a Mitchell plot with about 10 spots in it.

Fun.

Gonna get in there at some point.

I'm probably just gonna go in at some point and decide when I'm done.

How many spots are you gonna take up?

Probably a few.

Yeah.

But you're long.

I'm gonna go the long way.

I'm gonna lounge out.

Our guest today, Hooker.

Blue Hill Cemetery.

Well, our guests will know the spot.

That's right.

Our guest from Massachusetts, co-hosts of the podcast, Hey, Riddle Riddle, and Sitcom DD.

Right here on Headgum, Aaron Keefe.

Hi, Aaron.

Hello.

Thank you for having me in here.

We're very excited to have you.

Where's the spot?

It's Blue Hill Cemetery.

It's

in Branktree.

Oh, yeah.

Do you know where the Bertucci's is in?

Oh, big time.

So

right down the street from the Bertucci's, which is good.

You can visit your dad.

You got some Bertucci's.

You're good to go.

Mitch has his feet up for audio listeners.

This is like a new look for you.

I thought it was, it would be, I did it because of like

the big spot.

But now you're just kind of like committing.

But now is it nice?

I can't tell.

You look really casual it's nice yeah thank you my shoes are very dirty so that is getting

that looks the table's a little far further yeah

um okay so where in massachusetts are you from i am from hingham which is right next to quincy wow

and ironically i had to go to quincy to get any fast food that i wanted there was no fast food in hingham when you go to okay so you go to quincy for fast food what are you getting uh wendy's mcdonald's wow yeah drive up 3a because hingham they you're not allowed allowed to have a drive-through.

Oh, it's one of those communities.

Okay.

Because Eleanor Roosevelt drove through our town and was like, this is nice.

And then they were like, nobody touch anything.

You can't change

anything.

Yeah.

Wow.

And so then I had to drive all the way to Quincy.

That's Quincy.

Quincy is, I feel like Quincy

is laughed at by the, or it's like

Milton is like a nice town next door to Quincy.

I've talked about Milton before.

And they like don't, I feel like Milton didn't have any package stores, or maybe they don't even have any fast food either.

I think they maybe do have fast food, I forget, but they would come into Quincy to like use package stores and maybe get fast food.

And Hingham is the same thing, yeah.

Because we're just like, you know, we're the yokels, I guess you could say.

Is a package store just like what we call a liquor store or a convenience store?

Okay, got it.

My cousins are from Hingham.

When I was younger, I thought Hingham was snobby, but I know you and you weren't, you're a no-snob.

So, well, maybe a little, who knows?

The nickname for Hingham was Blingham or Chichingham.

Whoa, okay.

I don't remember Quincy having a nickname.

I think we left you guys alone.

We were a little scared.

Yeah, no, people, yeah, it is.

Yeah, the nickname wouldn't be good for Quincy.

Yeah, I think I've heard America's Toilet.

Yeah, yeah, I think I heard that too, actually.

My dad's from Quincy.

That's right.

Wow.

I was at a wedding recently, and my mom yelled, Do you like, do you know, Mike Mitchell?

That's true.

Wait, really?

Yeah,

at a wedding.

And I was like, what?

What?

Yeah.

Jane and Bill Powers, they were there.

It's true.

We talked about it.

It was so funny.

Yeah.

It was my uncle's best friend is his family friend.

Wow.

What a small world.

I mean, Massachusetts is very,

I feel like that happens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A lot.

Yeah.

Have you done a lot of Massachusetts restaurants on the show?

Have you done Bertucci's before?

Yeah, we did do Bertucci's.

We've done a few of them, but they were on, you know,

we were touring and we were over there and we were either doing shows and mostly in Boston, but we've done one show in Foxwoods, Connecticut, and we did one show,

a couple of shows over in Western Mass.

We should just say you weren't happy to be there

in the touring way.

No, but

we've had lovely meals

with those Boston chains.

You know, the British experience, I think, was a little bit

downtrodden, right?

Yes.

Well, Carl had a, I secretly opened a can.

That was the loudest noise I've ever heard.

Then you mentioned it, so now I have to believe it.

Wager's Apple Watch is going off about decibel levels.

I forgot what I was going to say because I got so sidetracked by this fucking

Carl was hungover and like barely ate a roll.

You and Gabris were like, we're going to give some bad scores on this trip.

You're ready to give a bad score.

Hold on.

That's all.

I'm just, I'll get to it.

Yeah.

Bertucci's did get purchased and the quality did go down.

And the waitress was like, it's not like it used to be.

She was saying.

It's a Robert Earle restaurant, right?

He's the guy who owns Buca de Beppo, and he basically has this empire of ghost kitchens.

And so he buys,

he buys up chain restaurants that have large footprints that maybe have had trouble hitting capacity post-COVID and then uses their somewhat idle kitchens to make like, you know, Mariah Carey's cookies or Mr.

Jeezburgers or whatever the fuck, you know.

Oh, man.

Taiga bites.

When we went, which one did we get that I got out of Bertucci's?

There was some ghost kitchen that I had.

I think it was Taiga Bites.

It might have been Taiga Bites.

Yeah.

And that was a category.

I drove up to like Bertucci's, and then it was like,

I was like, I'm here for Taiga Bites or whatever.

And they're like, hold on.

And it was like a separate thing when they went and got it.

And like, what a bummer.

This empty COVID Bertucci's that then was like doing takeovers.

Basically, it was, it was a bummer.

I've done Friendly's.

Wait, what?

Which one?

He is eating at a Friendly's.

He has.

Friendlies.

I haven't done Friendlies.

Yeah.

We stopped at a Friendly's on the way to,

what the fuck?

Where the fuck was that?

We reviewed Friendly's.

That was.

No, no, no,

on the way to what show?

The show with Hodgman.

The Papua John Show?

The Puppaginos.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Puppaguinos.

That was outside.

Yeah, what was that festival?

It was whatever some bands fest.

It was the band festival.

Wilco was Wilco, right?

Yeah,

Wilco.

Will the guy from Wilco did the show, and I think the entire time it's like, what the fuck is that?

I'm having a very similar experience.

Where am I, man?

What is it?

No, that's a lot of people react that way to the show.

No, he called me a little bitch, remember?

Yeah, he did.

And he was like,

I was funny.

Yeah.

And Hodgman.

Hodgman was there, yeah.

And Gene.

Gene Gray, yeah.

Gene Gray.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I did not have a great time on that trip overall.

Well, which one?

That's a different trip.

So every trip to Massachusetts?

You hate us?

I don't hate Massachusetts, but

we're always there for work.

Like,

that's what it always is.

It's always a business trip.

So I don't feel like I ever get to, except for that one time, Mitch, we stayed an extra day, and me and you and Mookie were just kind of were out on the town.

And then Mookie stayed even longer and then I hung out with them and Mike.

That's right, it's illegal seafoods

at the seaport.

But we had a lovely time, and you took, we went, where do we all go for pizza?

That was a lot of fun.

And then you also took us out to the was it the clam box?

Yeah, it was either Tony's or the clam box.

I think it was the, was it the clam box?

Maybe it was Tony's.

It was Tony.

No, we went to Tony's.

We laughed at the clam box sign and then we went to Tony's.

We drove, we stopped.

Yeah, we laughed at the clamps.

Had the full experience.

Which is right on the beach.

It's a busy street, so we held up traffic for our last.

And then we drove down to Tony's.

And you loved, you loved that.

Look, here's the thing.

I'm from Lakewood, California.

I spent a lot of time in Long Beach, California.

I'm a lifelong SoCal surfer dude.

I love Lakewood.

Is there a lake in Lakewood?

Quincy?

No, no, no.

It's not at all.

It's a fucking dumb name.

It is a bad name.

Lakewood is America's first planned community.

It kind of is the template for like the, you know,

suburban rot of the rest of the country where it's, it's just like, so

the name Lakewood is one that's been used.

I think there are 30 U.S.

cities that are all named Lakewood.

And it's one of the most common city names.

Yeah.

Boy sitting across from me.

But who is dressed like kind of a 1950s boy in a way?

We had a

so like, but I spent a lot of time at like the beach and beachy communities when it was in Quincy Mass.

When I've been over there, like it reminds me of home in a lot of ways, a different climate, but it is just like, oh, you're right by the ocean.

That's a lot of fun.

Well, you'd like Hingham as well.

Yeah.

Or Blingham, as they say.

Yeah, right by the ocean.

Yes, it is by the ocean.

It's another

sea city.

They got the,

what's the Hingham, the mall right there that's in the shipyard?

The shipyard.

They got the Hingham ship shopping.

Derby Street Shops.

Derby Street Shops.

It's very nice.

Yeah, got some ocean.

Speaking of my dad, before he went to that cemetery, we saw the Muppets at the shipyards together.

It was his last movie.

Um, uh, it was, and he didn't like it.

You ever told Jason Siegel that story?

I never told Jason Siegel.

My dad, my dad saw your movie.

It was the last movie I saw him in the theater before he died.

He didn't like it.

He didn't like Walter.

Walter, he did nothing for him.

I think we drove him to the right after that.

He's like, I'm about ready to go.

Good night.

He probably dropped me off early.

Okay, well, you're in Hingham.

There aren't any chain restaurants there.

There's no fast food.

What is there to eat there?

Are there any local restaurants that you like?

I know where you're going.

Where do you think I'm going?

It's a little restaurant named after Mark Wahlberg's mother.

Oh, yeah.

Alma, whatever the fuck.

I'm so sorry.

That was so disrespectful to her.

I'm sure she's.

Pass away.

Rest in peace to Alma.

Yeah, there's the original Wahl Burgers is in Hingham.

So that's allowed to exist.

That's grandfathered in of like, well, they made more Wahl Burgers, but that's the original.

That's the original.

That is the original.

And then their restaurant for their mom is there.

Yeah.

The one that, like, the mainstay that I always think of is Starz, which is right on the water.

And that's like also where people will like drink the night before Thanksgiving.

It's like a diner.

You've been there.

It is, it's not a great, I wouldn't call it a great vibe.

It's, it's, it's fun.

I mean, it's like so many of those other spots around there.

Yeah.

That's the, that's the Thanksgiving drinking spot.

Yeah.

Well, I don't, I haven't been in a while.

Yeah.

That you, oh, you don't do, you don't do the thing.

I mean, who, I guess I don't either.

Yeah.

Thanksgiving Eve.

After 25, I was like, I think, yeah, I think I get it.

Sure, yeah.

Yeah.

What is your?

Well, and also it's like not like, oh, I'm, I'm reconnecting with my high school friends again.

Like that, I think there's a period when you're doing that.

And like, I think people grow out of that.

He still does it.

Kind of does it.

At Malachi's is where I would use it.

Oh, yeah.

Which is in that the new

that the it's come out at this point, the instigators.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

That I'm not upset to not be in.

The movie in my hometown.

Yeah, yeah, no.

No, it's it's yeah, no, it's fine.

I think Paul Walterhauser is going to do a terrific job.

I've watched it already.

I couldn't get any of that experience from living there my entire life.

Right, no, yeah.

No, I'm very happy for the movie.

They needed PWH to be brought in to play the role of Mike Mitchell.

Oh, man.

No, no, no.

There's no bitterness here.

I know.

Weird that maybe my teeth aren't moving.

Instigator is kind of a generic title, I feel like.

Yeah, well, I mean, we've seen it at this point.

And why?

I mean, say it right now.

It sucks.

I mean, am I wrong, Wags?

No, it sucks.

Shit.

Watch movie.

First of all, streaming movie.

Yeah, what are we doing?

Apple movie?

Not even a movie.

Not even a movie.

What are we doing?

Tomorrow at least had COVID to blame.

Okay, you're in the seaside commune.

Maybe there's no notable local restaurants that took away your fancy, but it is, I imagine there's a lot of seafood just being in mass in general.

There's even a freaking lighthouse.

There's a lighthouse there.

There is?

Oh, shh, just go with it.

Yeah, there's a lighthouse there.

Wow, there's a lighthouse.

Are you a seafood enthusiast?

I love seafood.

What's your favorite?

I love oysters.

Okay.

I love a lobster roll.

All right.

What kind of lobster roll?

Oh, you just said warm.

Like warm,

all the fixings.

I also love, I think my favorite food might be like a seafood french fry, if that makes sense.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

But he might not.

There's this very specific kind of french fry that like is yellow.

Yeah.

I mean, I mean, it is kind of, I mean, what I'm saying makes sense.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's like very crispy on the outside, very soft on the inside.

And they just, they like you, I associate them with like tartar sauce.

Yeah, or like, did you ever go to Sullivan's on Castle Island in South Boston?

I mean, like, that's the best.

Fried clams, and like I go to Sullivan's, but I used to collect garbage from there.

You, why?

I was a garbage man.

Oh, thank God.

I thought you were just unsanctioned.

Sneaking on the Castle Island.

Why?

There's so many treasures in here.

This is amazing.

I love it.

Yeah, that like that Castle Island French fry.

I don't know.

Do you know what I mean, though?

Yeah, 100%.

Yeah.

Castle Islands, I believe, are crinkle cut.

Yeah, those are crinkle cuts.

But it is also, they are very similar.

They're like a very, they're very yellow.

I know that this sounds insane to say.

No,

I get what you're saying.

I mean, like, we had fried clams when we went to Tony's.

And so, like, I, yeah, I get the kind of

fries that would come with it.

Some, I think, I don't think you're talking about these, but some sea fries, I will call them.

I think that we can, we might as well.

Yeah, we've invented this now.

Some of them will have skin on them, and I don't think those are sea.

Like, in my mind, the sea fries, I know what you're talking about, are like thick, yellow.

Wise, you know what they remind me of?

They remind me of Wendy's old fries, but like thicker.

Okay.

And more potatoes.

But a good fry on them, too.

Like they, like, they're, they're crispy.

They're really fried.

Yeah.

Really soft on the inside.

Like, Jake's in Hull.

I feel like I associate those French fries with them.

A few of the places in Faniel Hall where you can get a lobster roll.

Oh, yeah.

Those French fries.

Quincy Market.

Did you ever go or no?

I don't think we went to Faniel Hall, did we?

I don't think so.

I mean, you didn't, I I don't know.

You took me around to a bunch of places.

Did you go to the original Dunkin' Donuts in Quincy?

We did, yeah.

We did.

Yeah.

I showed you everything in Quincy.

Yeah, you did.

I showed you this shed that I got locked in for during football practice.

I showed him everything.

I've gotten that tour, the driving tour of Quincy now, three times, I believe.

Oh, nice.

Because you gave it to me originally there, and then when Carl was there with us, you gave it to us again.

And then when Mookie was there, you gave it to us again.

You're never paying attention.

I'm paying attention.

I'm looking at your phone.

You were watching the Hawk Two of your phone.

Look at me.

Is there a plaque where you got locked in the shed?

Do people leave flowers there?

They think I'm still in it?

Yeah.

Leave little notes and teddy hairs for you, I'm sure.

People know I've escaped.

People know I have escaped at this point.

No, I don't know if too many, you know, the shed isn't there anymore.

I think that's a problem.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

It was like a shipping container.

Right.

And Coach Chrism and Coach Carr were like, hey, there's something in the back of the Coach Chrism.

I was like, hey, there's something in the back of the thing.

And then I went back there and I heard like,

oh, they locked you in there on purpose?

Yeah, it was funny.

I mean, like, they were like,

oh, they were grown-ups you trusted.

Yeah, no, I mean, it was only for a few, it was only for a few

days.

A different thing.

Is the city proud of you, do you think?

Without the city giving you like a key or anything?

You know what?

I did get the key.

Yeah, you did.

I got the key for,

I did a show called What's Going On, which was actually, I wonder if you can find the, I bet you that Mike, the Mike Mitchell Day thing is still up on you on, like, or Vimeo.

But if you search like Quincy, Mike Mitchell Day, I bet you could find it.

But they, Mike Cassidy flew back to Quincy without me knowing.

So it was a talk show that I would go up on stage and I wouldn't know who the guests were or what any of the bits were.

And then they secretly flew Mike Cassidy and Jack went back and like Justin Donaldson.

And they like taped a thing around Quincy where they like met with like my kindergarten teacher and like my theater teacher and like my aunts and Neil Kylie from the fact that they like went all over Quincy and then like my old high school's cheerleading team like cheered out a thing and they went to the mayor and like could we get like a key to the city?

He's like, we don't really do that.

And they're like, well, could you just give us one in there?

He's like, sure.

And they gave him a key.

It's John Adams's skull.

It is right there.

His tomb is right near.

Don't go believing how high, Nick.

The Adams presidents are actually in a tomb.

Oh, interesting.

In the movie, they show them in a grave.

Right.

And Red Man and Method Man dig up their bones and smoke them.

That's right.

I remember that.

My dad and I got locked in there.

They forgot we were down there.

Oh, my God.

I was doing a book report on Abigail Adams, and so my dad drove me to all the...

Adams sites.

We went down to see the tomb.

And then the guy who led us, because it's in the basement of that church, right?

Yes, yeah, yeah.

And it's like John Quincy Adams and his wife, too, are in there.

And then they forgot.

You're locked in a tomb?

Yeah, and we were like, hello.

I was like,

It's really scary with a dead president, yeah.

I was like, I don't, I don't love it.

That's horrible.

I'm gonna add that to my tour, yeah,

and maybe a plaque and stuff,

bears and stuff.

Yeah, of course,

yeah,

John Adams, John Quincy Adams, and their and their and Abigail Adams, and uh, yeah, whoever Mrs.

Adams,

Mrs.

Quincy Adams, uh, yeah, Wednesday is down there,

yeah.

Wednesday, yeah, yeah, they're all down there, cousin it.

I guess, I just guess it's nice that the four of them are down there

together.

I don't know.

That room has a weird vibe.

It has a weird vibe.

Have you been in there?

Yeah.

Also, it's like a weird thing of like you're, you know, like you and your wife and your parents.

And, you know, I don't know.

I mean, I guess there's, I don't know.

It's like tension in there for sure.

It's supposed to be nice, right?

Isn't that what you're telling you?

You have a family plot.

Isn't that the idea?

Like everyone sees to go in there.

I'm just saying, like, I don't know.

Like, you know, like, I don't, like, I don't know if ghosts get horny or anything like that.

I don't know.

That's your concern.

You feel like the Adams are like sucking and fucking, and then at a certain point, they're like, we're out of combinations.

Let's mix it up.

I think John and Abigail were pretty in love.

Yeah.

I think they're still having sex.

You think they're still

fine to just be monogamous.

Yeah, their letters are pretty fiery.

Got it.

Did you watch

the mini-series, the John Adams mini-series?

Oh, yeah, big time.

Yeah, it's good.

I was watching it.

I've never seen it with Giamatti.

You got to see it.

I got to watch it.

I bet I would love it.

My sister won the Abigail Adams Award this year.

That is the truth.

That's right.

Congrats to Courtney.

Oh, my gosh.

Amazing.

Her reward was, they locked her in that two minutes for a few minutes.

Got to watch some ghosts have sex.

You're welcome.

John Adams was like,

who said that?

It's just him.

He's by himself.

Oh, God.

Good for him.

Yeah.

Good for him.

Also in How High We Didn't Talk About It,

Ben, I said Ben Affleck, Ben Franklin comes back.

His ghost appears, and it turns out that it's like, because when they smoke his ashes, does he come back to life?

Is that what it is?

I can't remember.

Yeah, they then see his ghost, his ghost, and he's like, I invented the, I invented the bong.

That was why I go in my head.

Yeah, it turns out that he invented the bong.

He's funny.

Do you know that we reviewed it on our podcast?

We did.

We did a whole episode about it.

I can barely remove it with Sean Diston.

Barely remember it.

Okay, so you're in Massachusetts.

You moved to Chicago.

You lived there for many years.

What was your Chicago experience like?

A big, well-known food city.

Yeah.

Oh, I love Chicago.

Yeah.

Born in Boston.

Don't make me do this.

Maybe.

Yeah.

I think I might like Chicago a little bit.

I'm so sorry.

You're like the most Boston person I've ever met in my life.

This feels like the Boston personifies sitting next to me.

I'm losing Chicago.

I'm very sad about it.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Yeah.

This is your hometown in a lot of ways.

Yeah.

I'm, I'm, I don't know.

I don't know.

I'd, they may be equal to me.

I understand being blase about your hometown.

It's just like, well, whatever.

Can I tell you something that you'll find exciting?

Yeah.

Not far from that little circle in Hingham.

I mean, you know, you cut when I drive in Hingham, there's that one road that has the speed sign up on it.

And there's like that little shack cottage or something.

You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah.

And then you drive by there.

And then you're like, then there's a little rotary.

And then you go this way, Wages, and you drive just a little bit, not too far away.

So you're about 10 minutes out, 15, 10 to 15 at this point.

You're going to get to Grew's house.

To Grew's house?

Steve Carell's.

Oh, the actor who portrays Grew.

Grew's house.

I'm despicable me.

Of all the roles to choose of his.

Well,

he doesn't just dress like a boy.

He likes boyish things, too.

He's a huge minions.

He's a huge minion.

He's a huge franchise, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

But you said Grew's house, and I was like, do you mean like an actual landmark that they use to model like Grew's house?

But no, you actually mean where Steve Carell lives.

Steve Carell's house.

Huh, how about that?

He doesn't live in LA.

Do you see him out and about and hang out?

Yeah, during like the summer, I've seen him a couple times.

I think he owns one of the

Cracker Bear corner store and hangums.

Oh, yeah.

He owns

something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's Corello's over there.

Yeah.

Hanging out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Going to friendlies with his kids, I'm sure.

That's what I mean.

How fun is that?

Maybe you can find one is the sad thing is that there's not too many friendlies left.

We were in like, we were like a ways in the western mass when we got one.

Yeah, that's right.

Wait, we're talking about Massachusetts again.

I see what you did.

Hey,

how'd you do that?

We're talking about Chicago.

I don't think Steve Burrell would choose Chicago.

He chose Massachusetts after all.

Yeah.

So, okay, Chicago, you're living there.

What are your favorite, like, like, eats?

Food.

Yeah.

Well, the sad thing about Chicago is an incredible food city, and I was eating fucking hot dogs at improv theaters the whole time, which is like devastating.

It's Shakespearean, how tragic that is.

What kind of hot dogs?

Without just whatever hot dogs.

Without ketchup, so people don't scream at you.

I'm not, I didn't, I mean, I don't have gluten, but even like the gluten-free, not a big deep dish person.

Hated taking people.

It was a night ruiner.

Everyone had to go to sleep immediately after having deep dish.

Yeah.

But I love

my favorite restaurant in Chicago is called Tweet, and it's like a breakfast restaurant.

Tweet?

Tweet.

Like a bird?

Yeah, like a bird.

Like a social media post of now renamed X.

Wow.

Exactly.

Wow.

So that was my favorite restaurant, but also I lived in like River North and there was amazing stuff.

Like Cafe Babariba was amazing.

I don't know if you've ever been there.

It's like a top of the Cafe Barberino.

Babariba?

Babariba.

I thought it was maybe named after Vinny Babariba.

Barbarino.

I did.

I was excited for a second.

Yeah.

Oshavel, I've heard of Cheval.

Oshaval.

Oshaval.

Big and little.

Yeah.

I like the Billy Goat Tavern.

I mean, I know that I know it's a touristy thing, but we've had Pequad's wages.

Had a lovely time there.

Yeah, we had a good time.

But that is deep dish, which again, a night ruiner.

To your point, yeah.

It's very much like a thing like, okay, I've done that.

I don't need to do this with any regularity.

Exactly.

I feel like my Chicago go-to spots are like now dated by like seven or eight years or something.

Like, I bet you there's better places.

The one spot I will shout out is a place that Natalie took me to, Berry Area Zaragoza.

I've been there a few times, but it's like some of the best beer I've ever had in my life.

And it's yeah, it's

a couple of tragedy.

We were another Shakespearean tragedy, is we were right near, we were right next to the streets.

We were right next to one doing our dumb show, and then we couldn't get it because of the hours.

We had to like order takeout from a bar nearby.

Which was so sad.

That's two brought worse.

That was elegant.

I loved that.

Are you saying that too?

She had a Shakespearean thing about hot dogs.

No, I know, I know.

I was just trying to combine the two.

I liked it.

Why don't you try one?

I'll see you.

Let's see.

I don't.

It's not my bit.

I don't have to try one.

You should try one.

I try one of your bits.

Which bit?

What did you try?

I'll try one if you want me to.

You'll try a bit of mine?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I don't have a bit for you to try.

So the idea is you're Chicagoing up a Shakespeare.

Yeah, there you go.

All right.

Toubrat or not too brat.

I like it.

That is the sausage.

I was going to say toubean or not too bean.

Oh, toubean or not too bean.

Toubean or not toubean is much better.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm so sorry to have immediately improved on what you just did.

My favorite like Midwest food discovery was Culver's, which is not a Chicago's.

Had a great time at Culver's.

I get emotional every time I get to go to a culvert.

Yeah,

it's just the best.

Decurred or not to curd, am I right?

All right.

We're all sort of circling the same quote.

We know, we know, we know, we know, yeah, we know.

It feels like it for sure.

At two

curd,

oh, brother.

Oh, man.

He's so quotable.

Shakespeare.

One of the most

quotable.

Okay, so you.

So it's almost annoying.

Anyway, go ahead.

You lived in Chicago.

You lived in Mass.

You're out here now.

But you also went to Ireland.

Was that this year?

Yeah.

What was your Ireland trip like?

Have you been before?

Never been before.

Are you Irish?

Yeah, can you tell by my everything and my translucent skin

on how sickly I look?

Yeah, I have a ton of Irish ancestry.

I had never been.

I was very excited to go.

I had a Guinness there, and I hadn't had gluten in 15 years, 16 years.

Worth it.

And then when I got to the Cliffs, I was like, yeah, I should be the queen of this place.

Cliffs of Moore.

Yeah, I was like, I should be directing a fleet of ships from these cliffs.

Something happened to me where I was like, yeah, yeah.

It sounds like your dream is to maybe be an evil person, possibly.

Yeah, yeah.

I just like send people to do my doings.

Very grew of me, I think.

All right.

Okay, cool.

You got one minion.

I did the Ireland trip and

when my dad was not to bring him up a bunch, but he ties into this again when he was sick.

We went to Ireland.

We did the southern coast.

We went around the southern coast and it was great.

Beautiful.

It's beautiful.

The food was way better than I thought it would be.

I had very low expectation for the Irish food.

I went to a pub and I sat next to, this is going to sound so weird and made up.

I sat next to a billionaire from New York by accident.

Wow.

And

like learned all about his life.

He was interesting and nice.

Do you think he was lying?

No, I looked into him immediately.

I was like, this guy's full of shit.

Yeah.

But he was it Trump?

Yes, Trump.

Our current president?

Oh, no, no, no.

It wouldn't be yet.

Yeah.

Oh, when is this episode?

November.

Well,

there's election happens, and then he gets inaugurated.

Sure, all right, but he would still know by now.

He would know.

This might be the darkest week of people's lives that the hearing is happening.

It's a possibility.

And then you'd add Doughboys listening on top of that.

It's pretty bad.

But he has a.

That's a possibility for any week.

Let's be honest.

Any week now could be the worst time to be alive.

So it's fine.

It's just like, that's the nature of recording something in advance.

That's a good point.

Oh, no.

So he,

the billionaire,

gave me a bunch of, he has like a house in Dingle, which is where I was.

Okay, yeah.

And he gave me a bunch of restaurant recommendations.

And I was like, okay, great.

And then didn't see him for a couple of days and told my friends when I went back to my Airbnb, I was like, I met a billionaire today.

And they were like, what?

And we ran into him on the street and he was like, have you gone to the restaurant?

You simply simply must try the oysters with the caviar on it.

And they were like, that's the most billionaire thing.

You might as well have been wearing a monocle.

It was so cartoonous.

But the food we tried there was like, like, we went to all of his recommendations and it was like incredible food.

How was the oyster with the caviar?

Unbelievable.

Wow.

He was so right.

Yeah.

It was worth $20, I think, for two of them.

Yeah.

But worth it.

You mentioned being gluten-free.

Like, this has been a thing you've done for a while.

Like, what is the main obstacle to a GF lifestyle?

Like, what is the thing that's like the toughest

thing by its absence?

That's a great question.

Being in transit, I'd say, like, airport

road trip food is really bleak.

Sometimes I'll like be in a panic on a, if I'm in like the Midwest,

I'm not going to, I'm not going to eat for a while.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the hardest part.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm both when I travel, I don't, I don't eat usually on travel day.

Do you yeah always you do I get but this is the thing like I we have we have completely different schedules so like if we've got like a flight you know like let's say let's say we're traveling together and we've got like a flight at like 10 a.m I'm up at like six o'clock and I'm going through my morning routine I'm having a breakfast and everything I'm getting my day started and me it's 9 45 I gotta get to the plane but I mean it's true that's what the fuck's happening though like you are someone who's like I'm gonna go straight there and I'm gonna like like you're cutting it a little bit closer.

You're waking up a little bit closer to departure time.

You're so defensive.

I've never missed a flight during Go Boys, and you have.

And they were invented multiple times.

Where were you nervous?

You were going to miss it more than once.

That's tattooed, Broadworth.

That's true.

I didn't want to go,

but I ended up going.

Because that was the reason why you didn't.

Yeah, that's part of it.

But anyway, I was going to say the.

Oh, that makes it so much better.

I didn't really want to go anywhere.

I still went.

It worked out.

Yeah.

Anyway, what I was going to say is, like,

my whole day is based around I have to get my morning routine in.

So, like, if I were doing something early, I just am shifting my morning routine earlier, which is you, I think you're more sort of like you're a night owl, right?

Your things are shifting a little bit later.

And you tend to eat later.

Like, like today, we had our meal before the show.

That's very oftentimes your first food you're eating in a day, right?

Sometimes, yeah.

I would say most of the time.

Not yesterday.

What was yesterday?

Yesterday was the cafe latte thing or whatever.

Oh, yeah.

Well, because you got it in advance.

Fine.

Okay.

That's an exception.

But for the most part, you're like someone who eats like first thing, like later in the day, and you sleep in later than me.

Okay, you win.

What's the whole fucking thing?

You know, we're on different schedules.

I agree with you.

I was in bed before you got home last night.

We just talked about this.

We go over this all the time.

We're completely.

I was clowning.

I was clowning last night.

Just a quick peek behind the curtain.

It It really does feel like they're both about to burst into tears.

Like energy-wise, I feel like I'm at a sleepover, and you're both about to call your parents and ask you to

pick you up.

His parents should come fucking pick him up.

Fucking dressed for it.

That triggered like my fight or flight in my arms.

I'm like, my friends, you're fighting.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, first of all, yes, we have different schedules.

I don't know.

We have different schedules.

I don't know what has to do with flying because even if we're not flying in the morning, I'm saying I don't eat when I travel.

I know.

I understand that.

Look, are we going to want a little crazy?

Are we going to get crass here?

What?

What do you mean?

I'm just going to say, like, I have, I, like, I am trying to have an AMBM before I board a flight.

So I want to have some food in my body.

I want to have some time to get up.

Look because I don't want to be shitting on the floor.

I accidentally went into an AMBM instead of an AMPM the other day.

It was horrible.

I left there.

I was like, what did I buy?

You just bought a turd?

I bought a turd.

Oh, man, I shouldn't have filled up my big gulp here.

Would it be piss or would it be like William Critter?

I thought it would be diarrhea, but I guess it could be piss.

I'm going to have to disassociate for the next couple of months.

Wake me up when this is all over.

But I think

there's an element of maybe you're afraid of having to use the bathroom on the plane.

And so I don't want my stomach to be hurting when I'm holding it.

Yeah, you don't want to have a tummy ache.

You don't want to rumbling.

And the air pressure will hurt your stomach.

No matter what the schedule.

Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Air pressure hurts your stomach?

I don't really experience that, but I don't necessarily have the best experience in flight anyway.

But anyway, I'm trying to get all that, get everything moving before I get on the plane.

So like I want to take care of that stuff so I don't have to worry about it.

So yeah, I usually am eating something in the morning, but I'm also a breakfast guy.

I always eat breakfast.

You get everything out, right?

Like every

you cover every body basis i'm saying yeah every fluid's got to go it's going to be drained

it's got disgusting for no reason

well you flipped out on me you i don't understand why you got so defensive when it's just a truism it's just absolutely sometimes we're on cover my meals here are my first meals that's true sometimes we'll finish a fucking record we're not eating in advance and you are like i haven't eaten yet you guys are ruining my birthday sleepover

That is true.

That's true.

It is true, but that has nothing to do with the airplane.

The idea of me eating my first meal at 3 p.m.

is unthinkable.

That's insane.

What does this have to do with an airplane?

You were just talking about eating.

You're talking about eating for airplanes.

I'm talking about eating for an airplane.

I know, and that's why I'm like...

That's why I'm saying

that's why I'm saying I always eat.

Beforehand and you're saying I usually don't eat when I'm trapped.

Well, we usually eat for the show.

because we're on different schedules.

You're not talking about the show, we're talking about flying.

Bert and Ernie, if Bert and Ernie were terrible on the bottom,

guess who's what you are?

You're Ernie piece of shit.

I mean, I'm Ernie.

Oh, you're both Ernie,

and it's awful.

Oh, my God.

That's so funny.

What I was trying to say is that what I do for the podcast doesn't matter for flying.

I could eat no matter what.

I'm just saying it doesn't matter.

I'm just saying that.

That was my whole point.

It doesn't matter.

I'm just going to say this calmly.

The whole thing we're saying is that we have different schedules.

Oh, my God.

That basically, because you brought this up initially, you said, I like, you don't like to eat on days when you fly.

And I do like to eat.

It's just because we have have different schedules.

I didn't say that.

And that's not why I don't eat before a flight.

It doesn't have to do with my schedules.

I'm saying it's a nighttime flight or a morning flight.

That's all I was saying.

You're not eating the entire day if you're flying a Redout?

No, I'm not going to eat like hours before the flight.

That's what I'm saying.

I'll never like.

Yeah, and I'm saying.

If I have an 8 p.m.

flight, I'm not going to eat at 5 p.m.

or I'm going to eat like maybe at noon or maybe have other meals earlier in the day.

Yes.

But when it's like a like four or five hour window before a flight, I'm not eating.

And because you sleep in later, it has nothing to do with it.

You're not going to be able to do it.

Earlier, then you're not going to have a window to eat in advance because you haven't gotten up yet.

That's all we're saying, Mitch.

It didn't make any sense, but sure.

To move on, I know.

It makes bizarre.

It makes sense.

I like to eat on an airplane.

What do you eat?

It is fine.

What are your in-flight snacks?

What do you go for?

I like to get like a fruit snack.

Yeah.

When you say fruit snack, you mean like a piece of fruit?

No.

Oh,

no.

No, like Welch's fruit snack.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

That's, I think those are, I think that is like a reason, like a bag of Cheez-Its on the flight.

Oh, yeah, something salty, a little something salty, something sweet, and then like electrolytes.

Kai.

Yeah.

What's your go-to for a, for like an in-flight snack?

Uh, hmm, Cheez-Its.

Or, I mean, you, I flew the other day.

Yes.

I had a 7 p.m.

flight.

So I slept until about 5 p.m.

That's not what I'm saying.

But I got a bagel and I didn't eat the bagel.

I wrapped it up and took it home because I don't eat before flights.

Got it.

I never eat before flights.

He's going to yell again.

I do.

I know.

Stop saying it.

I just, I don't eat before flights.

So I got a bagel, I put it in my bag.

You got a bagel on the plane.

And then I got a bagel beforehand.

Got it.

And I put it in my bag.

I wrapped it up and put it in my bag.

And I chose not to eat it.

And then I got on the plane and I had, I did have some pretzels on the the plane.

There you go.

This is a spirit flight.

You're saving the bagel until you get back?

Until you get home?

Yeah.

Oh, no, the next morning I ate it.

That to me is unhinged.

You're buying an airport bagel to save for the next day.

It was sliced.

What was that?

That wasn't toasted.

It was sliced, but it wasn't toasted.

Oh, okay.

It was an everything bagel.

And then there was a side of cream cheese.

So the cream cheese was out for two hours, basically.

That's fine.

Why not just get something at home?

Well, I ate it the next morning for breakfast before I got the coffee stuff.

on at your hotel here in you were back home yes you bought a wait you bought a bagel in vegas in vegas at the airport yes that you had the next morning back in your home at 9 a.m wigs i got up and i ate a bagel at 9 a.m a vegas bagel yes why not just get a bagel in la anywhere get go to the grocery store because it was a fag it was a it was like a famous bagel place i wanted to try okay that that's some context that's used okay an airport famous bagel place yes i didn't get like a shitty airport bagel you see you got one at l in vegas like

it was called bagel mania got it and i got a bagel and i don't know how famous they are or how good they are but they were like vegas is famous bagel so i got an everything bagel and i got a side of cream cheese they it was i got chive cream cheese they gave me regular cream cheese

and i wrapped it up because i don't eat before flights sure uh I know that that's crazy and it might set you off.

And then I brought it home with me.

And then I had some some pretzels on the plane, but you have to buy on spirit.

You have to buy.

I've never flown spirit.

Have you ever flown spirit?

I have.

What was that?

What was that like?

Not good.

I have a friend who's a flight attendant for them.

Okay, sure.

So good.

So great.

I loved it very much.

I

it was the flight was delayed by like hours,

which was the, which was annoying.

But

buying snacks on a plane, it shouldn't.

you don't want to do it but then it's going to be just the the default soon you know you have to buy you

got to buy a coke and like you have to buy your coke right but every airline is just going to copy that it's just going to become a thing where it's an expectation where now there's an up charge for alcohol and eventually it'll be an upcharge for absolutely anything you want to get on a plane do either of you drink on planes i will sometimes yeah he drinks on everything

hey i think you might have had a few this morning because my drifts uh

uh i will sometimes, but then I'll have to, I feel like it will make me have to pee.

Here's the thing.

First off, I'm an aisle seat person, so because I'm going to have to pee a bunch of times.

So I'm just, I always do the aisle seat.

And I don't, I can't sleep on planes.

So that's part of it, too.

I get very anxious on planes.

So I do feel like the one thing about

alcohol is I can self-medicate anxiety to some degree.

So I will have like, First off, I like having a bloody Mary just because your taste buds are different and, you know, a different altitude.

So I like

that tomato juice.

And I also like,

you know, I'll have a glass of wine or something.

I don't know.

I don't go nuts, but I'll sometimes get myself a little buzz.

You just named three drinks.

Well, like, I want to go get all those in one flight, but like, I'll get like, hey, someone's coming by.

Like, yeah, all right.

Get myself a bunch of stuff.

Do you get three drinks?

I know.

I mean, I'll sometimes have a cocktail, but I don't want to, if I have two cocktails, I feel like it's going to start.

Yeah.

I'm going to have to start using the bathroom.

You ever, you're in first class, because sometimes, you know, you're, you're in a union job or whatever.

They would fly you first class.

You get, that's a very very nice perk.

It's gonna happen, you get that little champagne, that's pretty nice.

Yeah, you ever do that, yeah, but I actually go with like the juice option.

If it's champagne or something, oh, you get like an OJ, yeah, I get OJs.

I can't resist like the fizz, and I'm just like, oh, I get to have champagne, okay.

Here we go.

I elegant, yeah, yeah, it's yeah, it's elegant.

Like, uh, if I fly, if I got, I had a jet blue credit card because they're one of the people who fly to Boston,

so they have like a thing where you can get like uh, like a mint drink, yeah, And it can have booze in it or not.

And I always feel like a little kid because I'm like, when you say it without the booze.

Sorry, you say mint drink, not like a mint flavor.

Mint is what they call their mint daily.

They put a mint leaf in it, but it's

like a lime.

I think it's like lime-based.

But it's because their first class is called mint.

Their first class is called mint.

Do you fly jet blue back?

Sometimes, yeah.

Yeah, it's a big, it's a Boston airport, so it has the most options.

Yeah.

Not a lot of, not a lot of

Las Vegas to LA options.

I almost had to, you're going to be so mad because I almost,

my flight almost got canceled because we were recording the next day.

So you wouldn't have to.

And you're going to Vegas just for fun.

I was going to Vegas for fun,

which is against the law.

And so I was like almost

I would have had to rent a car and drive back.

I was very nervous it was going to happen.

It would have been fine.

All right.

You mentioned before we were going to start recording that you don't have a sense of smell anymore.

No, not really.

You have the condition known as anosmia.

Which I didn't even know it had a name.

Yeah, and that's obviously your smell affects your sense of taste a lot.

Like, is it changed what foods you eat or you change your just sort of like what flavors you crave?

It definitely makes the experience a little bit sadder and worse.

Oh, man.

But I can smell something if I put it right up against my nose.

So it's just like, it's just dull.

It's dull.

Yeah.

So like anything that's like this far away, I can't smell.

But I've had the experience now, which didn't used to happen.

If something's bad, I get way too close to eating it before I realize.

Oh man, because yeah, so that added to the stress a little bit.

Yeah, that's scary.

I went to this crazy lady and she put like lasers up my nose to fix it, and it didn't do anything.

So I've never tried to get it back after that experience.

She put lasers up your nose?

Yeah, also, you described her as a crazy lady.

I probably shouldn't have said that.

Fucking lunatic with the laser pointer, jammed it up my nose.

What type of laser?

What type of it was like a like a

con artist?

She She just was like, when everyone was losing their smell during COVID,

I don't know what to do.

I'll pretend I have an answer to this.

Is she a doctor?

No.

Okay.

I think she was like a chiropractor.

Got it.

Got it.

Yeah.

But someone was like, yeah, they can get your smell back.

And I went in and I was like, uh-oh, immediately did not like the vibe.

Yeah.

And let her put laser tip my nose.

But your sense of smell was not specifically a COVID casualty.

No, it was a Zycam casualty.

Wow.

And you can quote me on that.

I fucking hate you, Zycam.

Wow.

I used Zycam for a little bit.

I guess I I will never use it again.

Never use it again.

Yeah.

Is there a class action suit or anything that people are doing about it?

I think they tried and then they failed because you can also lose your sense of smell if you get a cold.

Oh, so they can't prove it.

It's very sinister.

Big Zycamp

and their big tower

laughing, counting my money.

You like tower.

Our snack or whack was Zycamp.

Oh, no.

Do you mind?

Yeah, go for it.

We make you lose taste, too.

You were snorting it up your nose right yeah i did the little like dip it in a thing and then put it the zinc yeah

and then i was like uh-oh because i was a big like candle and perfume person right i guess i still am but it doesn't hit the same anymore yeah that hot yeah yeah and then also sometimes like you think you're an amp you don't even realize you're in an amp

it's a disaster what a mess disgusting i mean you should be able to see too yeah sure but just kind of on autopilot sometimes

uh i was wondering that's as far as your senses that's i guess that's the one that it's like yeah i i would lose that first but still it doesn't make it any less hard wow how do you how do you rank the senses oh

boy that's tough you know what today

i would vote hearing hearings hearing's hearing might be number one no no no no i'm saying today i would vote to get rid of my hearing for this whole episode

Yeah, fair enough.

Taste, I wouldn't want to lose taste.

Taste is good, but I could lose taste.

The advantage of losing taste

is that then all of a sudden, like, you know what?

I can just eat mush.

I can just eat healthy, like nutritional business.

Taste is your losing smell, too, right?

Basically, aren't they so they're very, they're very interrelated.

I don't know what people have an exact percentage, but you know, you hear like taste is like 75% smell or something like that.

And if you lose touch, it's not just like your hands, it's like your whole body.

Actually, you know, touch is probably most important.

You need touch.

You got to have touch.

Oh,

yeah, right.

Yeah, you got to have touch.

Yeah.

Oof.

Someone say you lost touch a long time ago.

Me?

Yeah.

What would you like?

Like, I couldn't know.

I could no longer pet Wally Nirma.

No, yeah.

You got to have touch.

So I just wouldn't feel anything?

It would be numb.

No.

Touch might be my number one.

I think touching hearing.

Touch, then hearing, then sight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then the other two are lower for me.

Sight below hearing?

Yeah.

Sight is good.

The thing is, sight is big, but like, I feel like you'd like

so much of life is conversation, right?

It's like a series of talking with other people.

I guess you can have those conversations with other methods if you don't have a, you can't hear, but I don't know.

I just feel like that's,

it'd be, it'd be tough to lose that.

If I had to give up like sunsets or music, I'd give up sunsets.

Wow.

Yeah.

I don't know if I could lose.

I think sight is the one I wouldn't want to lose at at all.

Though Jemmy snored, so I don't know if that means that she's bored of this conversation or what.

But I thought it was pretty good.

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We do have to talk about our restaurant.

That's right.

How would we like to lose our taste for this restaurant?

That's the big question.

Good question.

Wait, I have one more question before we get into just one that I wrote out.

Aaron, your podcast is called Hey, Riddle, Riddle.

Yes.

Do you ever feel like you're craving some Hey, Fiddle Fatdle?

That's the last question you had to get to?

All right, Aaron.

Will you answer the question, please?

Yep.

All right, great.

Backyard Bulls was founded in 2008 in Santa Barbara by surfers Dan Goddard and Pete Heth.

They got really into acai bowls while living in Hawaii, and they're a surfing spot

on Oahu called The Backyard.

So that's where the name comes from.

My movie pitch.

What is that?

Santa Barbara, his sister.

Yeah, that one's good.

I like it a lot.

Yeah.

Santa Claus is indisposed.

Oh, that I love.

Santa Claus's sister.

Santa Barbara.

I'm Santa Barbara.

I'm Santa's sister.

When's her vibe?

Is she like surfer-y?

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, she's like, she like evokes the city of Santa Barbara.

Yeah, yeah.

Sort of laid-back surfer-dude culture.

She saves Christmas?

She saves Christmas, yeah.

And it's also like anywhere you can be can be Christmas, you know, it's kind of like

right, yeah, that is fun.

That's a good attitude.

What was the one they made?

There was like a Netflix movie where there was like a Christmas sister or something, right?

Or but they were Santa's kids, right?

Oh, yeah, I don't remember who that, what that was, Santa's kids, right?

Wasn't there some necessary?

Santa has kids?

I don't know.

I thought in this one, the Claus family?

No, it wasn't the Claus family.

It wasn't Bill Hayter in it.

Noel.

Oh, Noel.

Noel, yeah.

that wasn't santa's sister right i think that was santa's daughter yeah i don't know i remember santa's santa's we'll never know anyway back santa and mrs claus have had children i don't know in this universe i feel like they have a sexless marriage that's how i feel too That's like the Da Vinci Code's whole thing, right?

What?

Well, the secret of the Da Vinci Code is like Christ had a son.

That's the reveal.

So it's a similar sort of thing of like everyone thinks they're chased, but maybe, you know, and he's figuring that out, and people don't want him to figure it out.

Yeah, because

it's like a scandal in the church.

Da Vinci Col is one of those things where I was like, it was coming out and everyone loved the book.

And I was like, I'll see it after I read the book.

And then I never read the book and I never saw the movie.

There's been a lot of stuff like that over the years.

Gone, Baby, Gone was another one where I was like, I'm actually going to read the book before I see the movie.

And finally, I gave in and saw the movie finally.

Backyard Bowls prides itself on being green, both with ingredients and packaging.

And I think that's

single-use plastic, so I don't know about that.

Is it like, is it whatever, disposed, like

environmentally friendly?

Yeah.

Oh, well, maybe they're just liars.

Yeah.

And then they also have six locations in SoCal, including one that is very close to our studio, which is part of why we had it.

But has anyone had this before?

Because I've had this both in LA and I've also had it at the Santa Barbara location or one of the Santa Barbara locations.

I've never had it before.

You've never had it before.

I've never had it before either.

Are you a bowl enthusiast?

Like this kind of

meal?

No, not usually.

I don't, I sway more savory.

And every time I get a bowl like this, I feel like it's coming off the heels of some sort of like existential crisis where I'm like, this is going to fix my life.

Yeah.

This is who I am now.

Right.

I'm an SIE bowl person.

You don't want that life.

I mean, maybe it's a nice life.

I don't know.

At what cost.

Yeah.

Casey, Emma, have you, either of you had backyard bowls before?

It is very close to Head Gum.

Today was my first.

Yeah, my first time also.

So, Marty, the CEO of Headgum, was talking about that he's a big backyard bowler.

Not only did he say that, he came in and said one of my favorites.

One of my favorites, like a go-to place.

Marty also talked about going to the one in West Hollywood, which

tends to be hopping.

And I've been to the Santa Monica one.

It's been like a long, lengthy queue.

The Santa Barbara one, I feel like I waited 30 minutes for a bowl.

This one is comparatively, I feel like they're maybe not doing as much much business and maybe it's just where it's located.

But this is a place that's very popular, at least with some clientele.

And maybe it's like kind of a Santa Barbara sort of vibe.

It's like a sort of beachy sort of,

that's the sort of people who gravitate towards this.

Yeah.

I mean,

I just don't know if I like acai bowls at all.

I mean, we've talked about this.

I like the one from Prest.

Have you ever had Pressed Juicer Ages?

I like this one from Press.

How much, how do I feel about Acai?

I don't know.

I guess I'm kind of like neutral on it, too.

Yeah, it's like whatever, but I like the other stuff that's in the bowl.

Yeah, I don't know.

Just the goop at the bottom of the bowl, I just don't care about a lot of goop.

And this one has rather it'd be ice cream.

Every time I'm having that, I'm like, I just wish this was that straight.

That's ice cream.

Yeah, yeah, frozen yogurt or something.

It's just, it is that sort of thing of like, I guess it's supposed to be healthy, but how, I mean, we've talked about it before.

How healthy is it?

It's how, it's a lot of sugar, as we talked about.

I mean, on the, on that side, we always say this thing of like, eating a salad is better, you know what I mean?

Like, I know that's like that salad's actually not good for you.

I was like, Yeah, well, whatever, it's fine.

And acai bowl, I kind of categorize in the same way, but it is a lot of juice.

And this one used like this, like I had one that had a mango base, and I was like, I don't taste any difference.

It tastes like acai always tastes to me, which is like purple goop.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, let's get into our orders and let's start with the bowls because this place is backyard bowls, although they also have smoothies and toasts, which we'll talk about.

Aaron, what did you get?

I don't know.

I should look was it the island bowl?

Was it the because I got the Santa Barbara bowl, which I'll talk about.

I almost got the Santa Bowl.

Oh, it did.

You got the Island Bowl, I thought.

Erin got the small island bowl with gluten-free granola.

Okay, the island bowl, which is acai banana, mango, pineapple juice, and coconut milk.

Milk is spelled with a Y, which is a break.

Yeah, why is it?

This is not real milk.

I think it's just their brand.

And it comes with hemp granola, banana, strawberries, blueberries, coconut flakes, and local honey.

So a lot of components in this.

What did you think of that?

Well, I picked this off of the list because I truly was feeling like I was going to get scurvy.

I was like, I haven't had fruit in a long time.

Wait, really?

Yeah,

you just don't eat fruit?

I forget to buy fruit.

I forget to eat fruit.

Also, you were at sea for a very long time.

I eat fruit every day.

Oh, I don't know what's wrong with me.

I definitely am like unwell because of it.

Yeah.

What fruits do you like?

I like grapes.

I like raspberry.

Okay.

Watermelon.

Yeah.

But I sometimes have issues with like texture

with fruit.

And I will say it does sort of feel like I just had like a birthday cake for breakfast.

With what we ate today?

Yeah, that's how my blood feels.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You said you could feel the blood rushing to you.

It's very sugary.

You got to get on Wag's schedule if you want to eat fruit.

Yeah.

I do.

I will oftentimes get up early and the first thing I will eat will be a, you know, I'll go on my little walk in the neighborhood and then I'll have like a a, a fruit and, and, and yogurt bowl.

Like, that's very often the first thing I'll eat in a day.

Mitch is a big fruit guy.

I got my fruit man, Victor.

Victor is fantastic.

Uh, he's going to move away.

He's going to move to Vegas.

Yeah.

Talking about flip-flops.

I'm coming back.

He's going.

He's going to Vegas.

He's, he, uh, it was 110 degrees in Vegas.

Oh, we gone

this comes out.

He's end of the year.

So, so 110 degrees.

And I am like you, very Irish.

Yeah.

And like, we were just like walking around, and I was like, my arm is rashing up.

And my arm was just rashing just from being in the sun, basically.

But Victor has great mango wags.

You've had his mango.

I have had his mango.

He has great pineapple.

He has good, good, good, good.

And he has great water.

I mean, he has great fruit.

He has great fruit all around.

And he does like, he does a good job of.

There's other fruit carts, but he just, his fruit is good.

And then he does.

He squeezes fresh lime over it, which a lot of them do.

And tahin.

There's a lot of great fruit carts, but he does a good job.

job.

He's really good.

I know that I say, but suspect me up.

He's like one of the best.

You got to try, Victor.

All right.

You got to try, Victor.

I'll go.

I'll become a fruit person again, I guess.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean,

there's a lot of like scurvy, lime cures scurvy.

So there's, and he, and, and he just,

he, he drizzles it, and lime is fucking great.

It took him so long to figure out scurvy.

It was like hundreds of years where they were just like, why do people get sick at sea?

What the fuck is going on here?

And they thought it was like things like, oh, you're, you're like unmoored from being on land.

You need to be on land.

That's what heals scurvy.

Like they just had no idea how to diagnose it.

They were there and they were drinking, right?

Like

weren't they also drinking a bunch?

Wasn't that?

They were, yeah.

So they're dehydrating.

Oh, wait, that's actually how it helps.

Like the lime, like it was like rum and lime.

They were drinking.

Yes, that's part of it.

But I mean, like,

I read this book, The Wager, that like every, I think it's being adapted into a movie and everyone was reading last year.

It was like a big shipwreck book.

But like, they just talk about like everyone getting scurvy and they just like, they just didn't understand what the cause cause was.

And so they're shipwrecked and they're, they're just eating like whatever native plants are in like Patagonia or whatever they landed.

And like just doing that, because it's the only food available ends up curing their scurvy.

They're like eating wild celery, but they don't even understand the connection.

I have an important question.

Do you think like Captain Hook ever like jacked off with his hook hand?

Like the wrong hand by accident?

You were doing some mental gymnastics while he was telling that story.

I'm like seeing where your brain went.

Not that, I mean, there's a classic thing of like, whoa, Captain Hook better not, you know, with the wrong hand.

Yeah.

But I'm saying you ever think you're like, I mean, first of all, big first question, is Captain Hook real?

Which he was, I believe.

But wasn't there a real Captain Hook, quote unquote?

I'm not sure if there's a historical basis for Captain Hook.

Oh, there was no real Captain Hook.

Maybe there is.

I'm just wondering at the fictional cartoon.

I thought there was some sort of real real captain.

Oh, is it Captain Cook?

Was that what it was?

There's a Captain Cook, yeah.

But is your whole idea that like he like he hooks it around his hog and is like, because I would just think the issue there would be texture, like the metallic texture.

I don't think you would have to do it.

Yeah, the metallic texture wouldn't work, I feel like.

Cold metal.

Yeah.

But if you would do it, then he would do it.

If you put yourself, if you empathize, then he would do it.

He tried.

I mean, it's true.

He like tried it.

Gave it a shot.

He probably tried.

You're saying in this fictional world, I'm saying he tried it and was like, this isn't going to work out.

Thank God I have one good hand.

Did pirates have a lot of hooks?

Was that a real thing that they had hooked?

Well, so this was a very like, again, they didn't know how to treat fucking wounds.

So someone would get like, take some, some shrapnel from a cannonball, you know, splintering the wood on the deck, and it would go into their leg.

And they don't know how to patch it up and keep it from being gangrenous.

So the only thing they knew how to do was to apply a tourniquet and then amputate it.

So yeah, they did have a lot of missing limbs.

Oh, yeah.

It was fucking awful.

Awful time to, it's like it's amazing that these things even worked.

But then being on one of these, you just would get sick, lose a limb, and then sometimes just like die, like starving.

So why are, why are you not eating fruit?

What's what's what's your what's your holdup?

I don't know.

Maybe I'm sad.

Maybe I'm not okay.

I feel like every time I'm eating fruit in my life, it's like a direct correlation of like how I am and sure.

No, I mean, I think that's a really human thing of like our moods govern what we put into our bodies.

Are you someone who eats vegetables?

Yeah, I love vegetables.

You love vegetables.

Love vegetables.

You probably can love into what you eat from vegetables.

My high school friend, his freshman year of college in like 2010 or whatever, he got scurvy his freshman year of college.

Wow.

Because he had never like fed himself before and just didn't know that he had to eat fruits and vegetables.

I knew a guy who got scurvy when I worked in video game development.

And he was my friend who only ate Taco Bell for like a couple of months.

It was like, it was just like, well, I'm an adult.

It was the same sort of thing.

I'm an adult.

I can eat whatever I want.

I'm just going to get Taco Bell.

And he was getting really sick.

And he went to the doctor.

And the doctor, after he ran his blood work, came back like laughing because he'd never seen it before.

He's like, you have scurvy.

And then his prescription was just like he had like vitamin C tablets and was also like, yeah, eat some fucking fruits and vegetables, you idiot.

But there's so much, there's so much vitamin C in like things like

broccoli.

So you're probably getting it through that if you're going to love a lot of vegetables.

I just like don't crave sweet things.

So anytime

a fruit sauce.

No sweet tooth at all.

Not really.

Occasionally like something chocolatey.

Like I like a dark chocolate or like a peppermint patty from the freezer.

You must certainly, though, be a fan of twisted middle antagonist Sweet Tooth.

Of course.

Of course.

Yes, yes.

Thank you.

And I love Boston.

Sweet Tooth, one of my best friends in the show, Wages.

He's cool.

He's a cool guy.

Well, don't spoil Season 2.

I'm not going to say anything about season two.

I mean, it's now been, it's filmed.

I'm officially back holy

yeah i just got in the craziest temporal space when this episode comes out

you'll be done with the thing that we're anticipating yes like the thing that we're planning for is going to be done by the time what we're doing now is out which you wanted yeah

but it just is kind of hitting me that that's what's happening what we're doing we're done we're going to be done we're done in fact we're done almost now we're almost done and then you will be done when this i will be done when it when that's wild to think about.

Yeah, it's trippy.

Wow.

It's going to be a different world.

It really will be.

So Emma will be like, Do you want me to edit out that whole fight from the Aaron Keefe episode?

And I'll be like, What happened?

I didn't think that was that bad.

No, it wasn't bad.

You're just psycho.

You were being so stubborn.

You were being so, so stubborn.

I'm not being stubborn.

I was saying the same thing.

Oh, my God.

You still can't do it.

You still can't do it.

I won't remember a thing about it.

Type it out I'll send it to you so you can listen to it.

Do you like any desserts?

Are you ever like, oh, I like

a strawberry shortcake or something or hot fudge sundae?

Occasionally, when I remember, ice cream exists, that'll be nice.

Like, I like a vanilla ice cream.

I'm getting that it exists all the time.

Wow.

Like, maybe like an orange sherbert.

I like it.

Every once in a while.

What about like a sweet drink?

Even when I like drink cocktails, I like like a spicy margarita.

Okay, sure.

Wow.

Yeah.

I don't love, I just don't love sugary things.

things.

That's probably honestly

a pretty advantageous palette to have because like sugary stuff is like the least healthy shit.

I love a Coca-Cola.

I can't help this.

Yeah, liquid sugar is killer.

I did.

You know what?

Actually, this past weekend on a Saturday, I had the most overwhelming craving of my life for a root beer float.

And then that's what I had for dinner.

I ordered all the fixings.

And I had a root beer.

I sat in total silence on my desk,

not watching anything.

And I had my little root beer float.

and it was amazing wow that's awesome i do that sometimes when i'm like getting dinner i'm like i'll put something good on and then i'll look up and i was like i was watching an infomercial for 20 minutes yeah not even paying attention just like staring at the tv and just shoving stuff into my face there's never a moment where we forget ice cream exists

i think it's always on our mind i can't keep it in my in our freezer because i'm like i just i will eat right at it all the time i love it i i mean i grew up and where my family were just having ice cream all the time it was just like a like oh dinner's done time to have a scoop of ice cream.

I was like, I can't believe how much fucking

just how normalized that was for me.

I like the ceremony of ice cream.

I do really like that.

That's such a Chicago thing.

The first warm day, I would, I have a note in my phone.

I should find it.

I have a running count of how many grown-ups I would see eating ice cream cones with like no kids around.

And that's how you know it's like the first warm day in Chicago is people are just walking down the street with an ice cream cone.

That's so fun.

It's so nice.

Talking about Victor, yeah, reminded me, this is truly just for you and no one else.

I saw Saul.

Sorry, I saw Sal.

What?

I saw Sal.

What?

I saw Sal,

my old UPS driver.

Mitch, I'm not going to recall the name of your old UPS driver.

I saw Sal.

I don't remember his name.

I saw him.

Okay, I'm glad.

I'm happy.

I was on a walk.

I saw Sal.

Did you have a little conversation?

Yeah, we talked for like 20 minutes.

Okay, how about that?

How's he doing?

He's doing great.

Okay, great.

He's great.

He's like seven years from retirement.

That's nice.

I was walking with Max Mayer.

We were walking around the block.

Ah, Max is the best.

Sal, I saw him

because I was walking on my old street.

Yeah.

And we got it.

He got all excited.

We said hello.

We talked for like a good time.

I hadn't seen him in like three years.

I saw Sal.

You used to see him all the time.

A man that you've met.

That's why I was.

I did meet him.

I just don't remember his name.

Because, again, it's been three years and I didn't live where you live.

I know.

I was interacting with him.

I didn't expect you to just know him off the top of your head, but I saw Sal.

Well, you did just shout, I saw Sal

four times in a row.

I get that me yelling, I saw Sal is weird.

I can't when things are weird for me.

I saw Sal, though, and it was nice.

That's great.

Yeah, it was great.

You got to introduce Aaron to a Victor and Sal.

Yeah.

Yeah, I want to meet all these people.

Yeah, you got to come meet the people of my neighborhood.

Okay, so I got the Santa Barbara bowl.

Now, here's the thing:

Amelia picked picked this up for us, and I'm looking at this.

This sunbitch is huge.

I cannot believe how fucking

a popcorn bucket.

Well, that's the thing, though.

Like, I assumed that it was just going to get, you know, I think I asked for it in regular or whatever,

the medium.

This one, and I'll read the menu.

The menu says it only comes in large, large size only.

I have no idea why this is the case because this does not have like so many more components than, say, the island bowl.

In fact, it seems to have fewer.

Acai, banana, strawberry, hemp milk, hemp granola, blueberries, strawberries, bananas, goji berries, bee pollen, and local honey.

So there's a blend is part of it, and the toppings are all the stuff on top of it.

Way too fucking big.

It's the size of a popcorn bucket, but word of advice, don't go trying the popcorn trick, guys.

It's some cold stuff in there.

The pong's going to get a little icy.

Yeah,

icy.

Yeah.

The bad boy is going to retreat back out that hole.

Yeah, yeah.

What are the health benefits of bee pollen?

I thought you're going to ask what are the health benefits for doing the popcorn bucket.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Any health benefits for fucking a popcorn bucket?

They actually say it's better.

The doctors say it's like really healthy.

Doctors say it's like, it's like it is like one of the healthiest things you can do, just so you know.

The dude, whoops, that's what you're saying to everyone who stops you in the movie theater.

They try to kick you out.

I have a doctor's note for this.

Asking me why I have so many dune popcorn buckets around my house.

It's fine.

The metal piece just fell.

It's fine.

your your microphone fell apart they go up on the table okay keep that oh my gosh

it's uh you get to keep it

um uh

be the benefits of bee poll that's a great question yeah i don't know i googled it it says that it can improve blood circulation to the brain and strengthen your nervous system so it helps with mental health like brain fog it's also anti-inflammatory antiviral and antifungal i guess i just don't feel like i should be eating it like i'm like i don't care that much about it.

Isn't bee pollen used in like injections and stuff or no?

It's good for allergies, too.

Like, local bee pollen will help you with local, like, seasonal allergies, just like honey.

Unless you have a bee allergy.

Unless you have hampering.

Actually, that's very true.

Amphord used to have a bee allergy.

And then he got bee shots all the time.

And that's what we know.

I remember he's getting stung by bees.

Bee pollen.

I wonder if it is in low doses.

Anyway.

And it's not a thing that I am like happy.

Like, I'm not

going to have to get bee pollen.

I'm never excited to see it.

Like an extra dollar and for what I didn't even know if we did anything did you get did you did you add it on or was it just in yours I think it was in something mine came wait

he was in yours

yeah this the Santa Barbara bowl comes with bee pollen it was also on top of someone's smoothie oh it's on top of my smoothie too I'm fucking going pollen nuts

yeah my super yogurt every day oh you do I do wow yeah well

I asked to add bee pollen but Amelia just she put add put add bees did you see this when I opened yeah that was a whole they flew out and they were all around my head.

It was like really embarrassing.

It was really embarrassing.

Yeah.

The granola in my bowl was very good.

I like the granola.

Ben-free granola is usually good.

Thank you.

I just appreciate you moving on from that.

I got you, babe.

Yeah, thank you.

I didn't know.

I did not mean to do that.

No, no, it was the right move.

And my fruit was very good.

Yeah.

But I just don't care about the

mush, I don't like it.

I don't care.

I love that there's ample amounts of fruit.

I like the texture from the granola.

I agree with you completely.

I just care about the bowl in general.

Who cares about the bowl?

There are, there are, there are.

Who cares about the fucking bowl?

I can't.

There are eight different bowls on the menu, I think.

Seven or eight different moles, and you can do a custom one.

I feel like every single one of these just tastes the same.

Like, I'm just like, I don't understand.

You could tell me this was, I actually got you the berry bowl, and I thought it was Santa Barbara, but it's like, okay, I don't know.

Like, this is all, we're just swapping out a handful of components here, but fundamentally, it's the same sort of thing.

It's acai sort of puree, and then some granola, and then some various fruits just tossed on top.

Well, we had the place next door, which we all agree we don't.

Oakberry,

oakberry is awful.

Yeah, this is better than oakberry.

It's a completely different tier than oakberry.

I think it's, I think it's this is actually good, and oakberry is like bad.

My smoothie is blue, it's kind of fun.

Um, it's like a freaking Navi jacked off in there,

yeah, or like a freaking Smurf jacked off in there, yeah, something jacked off in there.

Oh, two co-hosts

jacked off in there.

It's like freaking Grover jacked off.

Oh, there we go.

That's better.

It's blue stuff.

Because your cum is the same color as your skin or fur.

What, did Sully from Monsters Inc.

fucking shoot a load into Mitch's cum?

His fur naturally matching his reproductive fluid.

We know anatomy works.

I think these bulls are like fucking what?

Oh, you got the island bull, Mitch.

You got that design.

I got the, yeah, I got the ball.

They're fucking whatever, right?

Isn't that the thing?

They're like, I'm like, I'm enjoying myself, but I also, I don't really need this.

I didn't care about it at all.

And even though we said, oh, those blue characters maybe, I didn't, even though we said that they all maybe jacked off into this.

Yeah.

I actually did like this way more.

This was, this was, this, I thought the smoothie was good.

I liked my smoothie.

What was it called?

The blue?

You get the blue moon: banana, mango, coconut milk, pineapple juice, fresh ginger, coconut flakes, local honey, and blue spirulina.

I got the super green.

That's what I'm holding here.

This one is kale, spinach, banana, strawberries, mango, spirulina, coconut oil, coconut water, coconut milk, bee pollen, and local honey.

The bee pollen just kind of dusted on top.

Aaron, what did what was yours?

Because I'll say this.

Don't make fun of my smoothie.

He's about to make fun of my smoothie.

I I know what he's going to say.

Don't do it.

There's still time.

Don't make fun of it.

Come on.

You don't have to.

Come on.

All right.

I won't make fun of it.

What was it?

Your smoothie was

a mint chip mantra smoothie.

I won't make fun of it.

Can I just say one thing about it?

Yeah.

Yes.

When we went to get drinks before the episode, we opened the fridge door and we were like, this looks like an old

moldy smoothie.

It looked like a smoothie that had been sitting in a fridge for a long time.

In fact, you put it in the fridge to drink afterwards.

I would not be surprised if someone saw that and threw it in the chip.

They throw it away.

It looks like it's been there a while.

It looks like it's been there for like.

It had been there 15 seconds.

I know.

I know.

I was right in front of you closing the refrigerator door.

But it looked moldy.

It looked very.

It's very good.

Yeah, you liked yours.

Was there avocado in it?

Why would you?

Mint chip mantra, fresh mint, four-sigmatic mushroom and adaptogen plant-based protein, almond butter, spinach, banana, hemp milk, vanilla, dates, and cacao nibs.

We'll take a picture of it.

It looks like an old moldy smoothie.

Yeah.

Okay.

It felt a little bit like a milkshake, like a mint chocolate chip milkshake.

That sounds fun.

And it had had little chocolate chips at the top.

That's fine.

Yeah.

My stoopie.

I'm not drinking smoothie.

I've had a lot of green drinks over the years.

I think this is a quality smoothie.

I like it.

Yeah, you're not wrong.

I'm sorry for coming down.

You're not wrong.

It looked pretty good.

It looked like mold.

But it was delicious.

Would recommend it.

Yeah, I like the smoothies.

I think they're yummy.

Well, we also got toasts.

So there was an avocado toast.

Which also we all commented on how the room stunk when we opened up.

Aaron could not sense it.

Smell it.

All right, so here's what we got.

We got the avo and egg toast, which I believe you got on the Young Cobra's organic gluten-free bread.

What a cool name.

Very cool name.

Young Cobras.

How about that?

Anyway, this is local sourdough, smashed avocado, organic egg, harissa, pickled red onion, sprouts, flake salt, and lime.

By the way, I should mention that my Santa Barbara bowl was so fucking big that I split it with Amelia.

She had half of it.

And then the avocado and egg toast, Mitch, you and I shared.

We split one of.

And then we added that on the sourdough.

You had yours, the gluten-free bread.

And Mitch, you also got an almond butter toast, which is sourdough, almond butter, organic strawberry preserves, dairy-free coconut yogurt, blueberries, and bee pollen.

I like bee pollen.

A lot of bee pollen.

I like that.

I like both toasts.

Yeah.

I liked them both.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love the avocado and egg toast.

I thought it was great.

The haristo was really nice.

I like the pickled red onion.

I thought those was like, I like my expectations are

basically non-existent for to-go avocado toast.

And I was like, you know what?

This is pretty fucking good.

I could have this all the time.

I like mine.

I loved mine.

Yeah.

And gluten-free bread is such a risk because gluten is like glue.

And so it can be very crumbly.

It can like turn to dust

and not be able to really hold ingredients well on top of it.

And I thought this gluten-free bread was great.

It did its job.

Oh, wow.

A little bit more like normal bread.

Yeah.

That's fantastic.

The toasts were a highlight for me.

That was like my favorite thing I had.

What did you think of that, that almond butter toast?

I thought both of them were really, really good.

Yeah.

And I had an almond butter toast yesterday.

Wow.

Because

we did this podcast.

That's right.

We do it every day.

We have been doing it.

I forgot every last week's episode.

That's why you're fighting.

You guys have spent a little too much time together.

Or do you, are you always fighting?

I think that's why we were even fighting.

We're just having a spirited discussion.

As someone who was sitting between the two of you, that was a fight.

It was more meat.

My mind caught on fire.

It was more me trying to explain why we didn't matter that we had different schedules, but I still can't get it together.

It's so relevant.

I triggered it again.

It's the crux of the argument, is that we have different schedules.

It doesn't matter because your flights are at different times is what I was trying to tell you.

It doesn't matter.

I think Will Weiger was trying to say that

if there's an early flight, he will make a point to wake up hours earlier to also get used more protein, which you and I also will not do.

Yes, I won't do that.

I agree with you.

That's all I was saying.

I know, but I would never, it doesn't matter when my flight was.

That's what I was trying to tell you.

It doesn't matter, though.

Oh, my God.

You are a psycho.

You are a psychopath.

You're out of your mind.

But it doesn't matter.

You're going to hear me crash through that window.

Good for you.

I'm running to my car.

I will happily follow in your.

Well, I'm not going to be able to go through your shape.

I'm going to have to.

I'm too big to fit through her shape.

We don't need to talk about this anymore.

We'll change topics.

Do you think Captain Hook ever used his hook to

do the popcorn trick to make fill a hole?

It seems like perfect.

Yeah, right.

He could just kind of trace it there and then show it.

He could put his hog through.

It is funny.

And then he could hold it with his hookhand.

So he would trace the hook?

Yeah.

And then cut in.

No, he'd just like pierce it through.

With his, with his hook, like put it, sort of, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've never had a dick, so I could think of cool stuff like this all day.

That'd be such a better day than this running through my brain.

With this one, you just had to think of blue stuff, really.

But still, it was disgusting.

The answer is yes.

I do think that.

Yeah, we all agree.

I'm just trying to think if there's any other blue stuff that we didn't hit.

Bluey, of course.

Yeah, Bluey, yeah, natural.

I mean, let's not say that about bluey.

Oh, that's fine.

Come on.

Bluey is a child.

Then this is Bluey's first wet dream into the thing.

Okay, is that fair?

Bluey is a girl.

Is bluey a girl?

Do you not know anything about bluey?

We should watch blue.

Dude, first of all, blue is a boy's color.

What the fuck is going on in this show?

That was bad.

Louie's dad is blue, so he could have jerked off into that.

There you go.

There we go.

Okay.

Thank you, Erin.

That's all we asked.

Emma, you got the...

Wait, did you get the Dune Day Crusher?

Is that what it's called?

Dune Day Crusher smoothie.

Yeah.

It was pretty good.

I liked it.

I got it partially because there's a creation that does a smoothie that's very similar.

And I was like, oh, this sounds very similar to the creation smoothie that I like.

And I think the creation one's better.

I like it better.

There's more cocoa nibs in it.

So I get like little bites of chocolate in it, which is fun.

But this was pretty good.

I finished it.

I loved it.

It's got cold brew in it.

Doom cold brew, makuna choco plant protein, banana, cashew, milk, peanut butter, cacao, dates, and cinnamon.

They want it.

Sorry, finished with that.

Yeah.

No, I was just saying it's got cold brew in it.

And I already have my coffee.

So I'm extra caffeinated.

Yes, right, which is, you know, better or worse, we'll find out.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I overall enjoyed this place, but I guess we'll see where we land with fork scores.

Because it's also

not a place you're like, I don't feel like it's particularly exciting.

It's more functional.

I don't know.

Maybe to some people, this is a treat.

I mean, certainly to Marty it is.

Yeah, that was weird.

The fact that it said it was one of my favorite spots was weird.

But this is the thing.

Marty's like a very fit guy.

He's a head gum hunk.

He's maybe the leader of the head gum hunks.

I'm delighted to hear about this.

Yeah, it really is speaking to me.

Well, you made a joke before about like all the attractive people in there, and I was like, We talk about headgum hunks.

Have you ever listened to the pod?

You said no, yeah, would never

be caught dead,

would rather die.

And now, after experiencing it even more so, you don't want to listen to it.

It will trigger my fight or flight forever.

Leave LA, possibly.

Yeah, I got to get the hell out of here.

I don't blame you.

Okay.

The East Coast.

Boston is the best.

I wish I could go back there.

I wish I was bicoastal, Nick.

You can be.

You can live in Quincy.

Why not?

I want a little house on the Cape.

That's my dream.

If I win the lottery, there you go.

That would be nice.

Yeah.

A house on the Cape.

My sister and

I got a.

Are you all right?

I think I got a bee in my throat.

Oh, God.

There was a, yeah,

I got a frog in my throat.

Um, my sister and I have talked about that.

But, and, and now I'm like, that would be nice, a nice little cottage on the cape.

And then you look, and it's like, oh, $1.9 million for

a one-bedroom cottage on the Cape.

Anyway, I don't, I don't hate this place, but I don't really care about it either.

Like, like, I do think it's way better than

Oak Berry next door.

Very much so.

We've all said kind of our general thoughts here.

How does that translate numerically?

We're going to get to our fork scores.

So Aaron, here's how this works.

We'll each go around.

We'll give a closing argument, if you will, about backyard bowls and end that by giving it a score from zero to five forks.

You are our guest.

We'll begin with you.

Oh, great.

I don't think I'd ever get this for breakfast.

I think it's too much to start the day with.

I think if I was like

getting over some sort of sickness, i'd have this for lunch uh like if i'm trying to treat my body well and have a nice lunch i think i'd give it three

can i do half yeah absolutely 3.8

3.8 wow wow okay

i got to give a lot of respect when you get gluten-free bread right i feel like that's 90 of the battle for me in any restaurant i think that's a great score 3.8

is that i feel like

no i'm just trying to do the math in terms of time he's he's So it's like three forks and then a five-tined fork, you're getting four of them, right?

Does that fraction reduce?

I think so.

I think the nicest way I can put this is he's type A, kind of.

He's just very much, he's worried about the math of this, but he will figure it out.

No, I think

he's, yeah, he's, yes.

He is Bert.

And I am Ernie, of course.

And Ernie goes more by the heart.

And I say, yeah, yeah, I don't really care about his place that much.

I am more Bert, and you're more Ernie.

I I think that's fair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've diagnosed that.

Yeah.

Who's who voices Bert?

Frank Oz, I believe.

Oh, and then you'd be Jim Henson.

And I'm Henson.

Wow.

That feels right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And like you said, unlikable Ernie and Bert.

I enjoy this place,

but I don't really care about Acai bowls.

I think they do a decent job.

I don't know if I'll ever get this ever again in my life.

That being said, I think they do.

I think it's better than Oakberry.

Some of the stuff was good.

That's damning with faint praise.

Better than Oakberry.

Sure.

I mean, I like

juiced is the one I like the most because they also just offer juice and like wellness shots and stuff.

Do you mean pressed?

Yeah.

Oh, sorry, pressed.

I said juiced.

Yeah.

I'm thinking of O.J.

Simpson's prank show.

R.I.P.

Like him like, wasn't it?

They did do weird stuff like you're always going to like stab.

stab, right?

Did they do stuff like that?

He was trying to sell like the four, the Bronco.

That was one of his pranks.

Yeah, it was

fun.

Rest in peace.

I'll look it up.

Rest in peace.

Rest in peace.

Rest in peace.

What can we say?

It kills my idea for a Nordberg cameo in the new naked gun.

I mean, that's what I was hoping.

What was your idea for a cameo?

He just shows up at the end.

Man,

I can't believe you didn't pitch this to the writers.

I know.

I got a Norbor out here.

What happens?

He just shows up at the end.

Oh, shit.

How do we not think of this?

Well, I shouldn't say it, but I did hear something.

We'll probably have to edit this.

I just gave some inside Hollywood gossip.

We had to edit it out of the episode.

Emma's probably pissed off right now.

You're going to decide that in five months.

Most likely going to forget about it.

And

I'll get yelled at by someone.

I don't care about this place too much.

3.8, I think, is a good score.

Maybe we'll go 3.5 personally.

I'm a 3.5 guy here.

Yeah, here's the thing.

It is just kind of dessert, right?

It is just kind of a treat under the guise of some sort of like health food.

And that's the trick of all these acai places.

I don't like,

I think I would agree with you.

I don't really like the acai puree, frozen, you you know, yogurt-y sort of blend.

I feel like it's a thing that's that's trendy, and it's maybe it's a trend that's on the back end at this point.

I feel like we're not going to see as many of these places in 2030.

I, I just, I mean, I don't know, like, like, doesn't it kind of feel like you're like the explosion of frozen yogurt places in the 2010s, and like Pinkberry was a huge trendy thing, and Yogurtland was omnipresent.

And now that is kind of like, it feels like this is the eye of Sauron is on acai right now, it's going to be oversaturated, and then it'll lose its specialness.

I will say that

I think this is all really well done.

I think this is like a good version of it.

The toast really exceeded my expectations, and the smoothies were good quality.

I just think the core bowl concept is not something that particularly intrigues me.

But I think I'm just going to be ballpark buds with everybody.

I think this is a good three and a half fork place.

I think this does just a little bit more in terms of of its quality level, in terms of its presentation,

in terms of just like the

fact that it has really good toast.

I think it does a little bit to just take it just above the average chain, but not quite into golden plate club territory.

I think three and a half is right where this belongs.

So three forks, two times.

Not bad.

We're ballpark buds here.

What are the, you're like, what's the quintessential zero fork for you guys?

And then like your highest score ever?

I think the worst food we ever had at a restaurant was the meal we ate at the Pirate Dinner Theater.

That was really cool.

That was fucking awful food.

Yeah, it was really cool.

How was the show?

The show was fantastic.

Jeff Butner.

The show was good.

Yeah, we had Jeff on here.

We asked one of the pirates to come on.

Did he jerk himself off with this?

You know what?

I'm sure if we re-listened to that episode, I'm sure we did ask some question about how Captain Hook jerked off.

And he's like, probably like, I used to work at Disney.

I don't even know what the show is.

Anyway, this show is for eight-year-olds.

And we remember you three adults sitting there watching it the entire time.

It was also like, I bet you it's doing a lot better now.

Was, well, they also had some

labor issues.

Labor issues.

Yeah, I mean, the same owners as the medieval time?

No, it's different ownership.

They have a little bit of a feud.

So that one was pretty, that actual food was pretty bad.

I'm trying to think of what the longest time the food was.

I mean, it was carrots.

That was the reason I was trying to unionize.

I made him walk the plank, I think.

Year one of.

Come on, I still got it.

That was great.

That was great.

That was good.

Year one of when we went to Caro's, which is a dying, maybe now dead brand.

I don't know if that last Caro's in South Pasadena is still hanging in there, but that's like a Denny's adjacent breakfast, IHOP adjacent breakfast place.

But they were in dire straits back then.

I got a barbecue.

I remember I got

a, a pulled pork sandwich.

Yeah.

And I said it looked like a spider's nest.

That's like basically what it looked like.

It was like one of the grossest things I've ever seen.

Our server, we asked our server for recommendations and she flat out said, I don't eat the food here.

It was that level of

just grim.

Oh, no.

It was really bad.

Poor Karos.

I feel bad for it for some reason.

But as far as best, I mean, this is the thing is just like,

hey, Culver's is up there.

Culver's is one of the best.

Oysters and cabbiars probably up there too.

I wish it's like a five-forker.

It's like, because you're dealing with both the

sit-down side and the fast food side.

And I feel like a place like Cheesecake Factory in terms of widespread chains, that to me is like a five-fork chain.

I feel like what they do is.

I mean, we've also ranked like Taco Bell five forks.

Yeah, sure.

But Taco Bell is, what they do is great.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, they're solid.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think three and a half forks for backyard bowls.

That feels about right, right?

Yeah.

I think we know what we're doing here.

Hey,

what does the name mean?

We need to get into the backyard bowls.

I said that, and you talked over it.

Well, good.

What why?

What was I supposed to say?

They are, they it's a bowls place,

they lived in Oahu, they used to be surfers, and they used to surf at a spot that was called the backyard.

That was the etymology of the backyard.

I was thinking about like Shakespeare Chicago quotes.

I was thinking, like, yeah, two hot dogs both alike in dignity, something awesome like that, I'm sure, while you were talking.

I love that quote, too.

That's another one that Romeo and Juliet classic.

How do we forget that quote, Wages?

Yeah, I don't know.

Usually top of mind for me.

Yeah.

Did you ever do Shakespeare?

In like college.

Wow.

Okay.

I also worked at Houston Shakespeare Festival.

Really?

For a summer?

Yeah, it was really fun.

I was the assistant director on Day one.

The assistant director of a Shakespeare festival?

Yeah, I walked in day one, spilled coffee on the director.

Oh, man.

That's bad.

Now your song sounds a lot like Wages.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was bad.

Wow.

When we pitched the Doughboy show to Netflix, Wages dropped a coffee on the executive's foot, basically.

Yeah, it's true.

And you got the show.

Actually, we did.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We did.

And then they took it away.

Oh.

Yeah.

They looked at some of my tweet history.

Yeah.

Better safety.

Sorry for that, my bad.

Did you have like a, do you have a favorite Shakespeare play?

I love Much Ado About Nothing.

Okay.

Especially the Kenneth Branagh, Emma Thompson one.

Oh, sure.

That's a lot of fun.

Denzel Washington.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So hot in that movie.

It's ridiculous.

Is Keanu win that one too?

Hell yeah.

Yeah, that's a fun, that's a fun adaptation.

It's great.

I like, I love Braun Og.

He's having fun.

He's having the best.

He's literally, there's like a 10-minute scene in that movie where he's slow motion dancing in a fountain.

I'm like, you directed this.

I don't remember that.

I don't remember well, but I've said it was a movie we watched like in high school.

And then, yeah, I mean, I like his Hamlet a lot, but I love those Erquil Poirot mysteries.

I get Costello and Hamlet.

That's probably my favorite.

Yeah.

Hold the let.

Hey, it's time for a segment.

I've got some close-up images of food mascots, and Mitch and Aaron must guess who's who.

It's close encounters of the food kind.

So we're going to bring these up on the monitor here.

I just want to acknowledge it was really good.

I liked it.

Yeah.

We all liked it.

Yeah.

Amainly was saying when we did this before, we called it Slop Quiz Extreme Close-Up Edition.

I feel like there's that, like, I went with Close Encounters of the Food Kind because I feel like that was a little bit more, you know, it sounded a little bit more like a segment, but I don't know.

I'm open to pitches here.

Are you a fan of Close Encounters?

Well, that's a great movie.

You ever seen the James Lipton interview with Spielberg?

Yeah.

And he's talking about, he's like, says, like, James Lipton is like,

your father was a computer scientist.

Yeah.

And your mother was a pianist.

And in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, the solution to the aliens communicating with humans is a merging of science and music.

And Spielberg just goes, wow, thank you for that.

Because he didn't understand, like, understand that was a core insight into his humanity.

It's like, it's amazing.

It's an amazing piece of footage.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

That's funny that he didn't think of that.

But I understand because it's like, oh,

that was something that was internal for me.

And then I didn't realize that that's what I was expressing.

That's lovely.

That's a great movie.

I love that movie.

Mitch, can I answer?

Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

We're playing the game now.

all right this is slop quiz colon close encounters of the food

this is kenneth branon

this is the this is the fountain scene yeah

oh yeah so describe what you're listening for our audio listeners there looks to be a big water

hair yes probably

eye possibly i mean you know what this is as well yeah we both know this one so we should both does he have a name the pringles guy mr pringles yeah he does actually have a canonical name but the answer we're just looking for is Pringles.

We just have to name the brand, not the mascot.

I don't think I've ever really looked at him before now.

Yeah.

I really feel like I'm seeing him for the first time.

You've avoided his gaze, basically, you're saying?

I feel like I'm seeing now that he looks like a lot of the guys I've dated.

You got to turn them away if they come to your door with a red bow tie.

He kind of looks like the Monopoly guy.

He does.

He has a sober sort of vibe.

He does look like, he does look like he's, yeah.

Like, when I used to do improv battles, it's like the guys who would show up with like red bow ties.

Mr.

Pringles, I think he has a name.

They settled on a name for him, like a first name, but I think he's just called Mr.

Pringles, the Pringles guy.

I don't think I've ever noticed either that the dot on the I in Pringles is a Pringle.

Yeah, how about that?

I hate that.

I think it's fun.

Why?

Why do you hate that?

I hate it.

That's a lot of fun.

It's whimsical.

It's stale.

I like it.

The chip is still.

The chip is stale.

Get it off.

It's for display purposes only.

All right.

Next up,

that will be a practice round.

No one gets a point.

Let's move on to the next one.

Okay, sure.

What the fuck?

Oh, ew.

I know what it is.

I know who it is, too.

Buzz in with your name.

I'll be there.

Yeah.

What the hell?

We both know it.

Is it an MM?

Yeah, it's an MM.

It is Eminem.

It's the one that has the piss.

It's making me so uncomfortable.

I hate this.

This yellow one is filled with piss, obviously.

We had a close-up of just

there.

Just the feet.

That's what we were seeing for audio listeners.

All right.

I'll give each of you a close-up.

Close-up of feet.

What is this?

Wag's laptop around the same time?

He likes feet.

Feet guy?

I don't think about feet guys.

I like to show them off.

I like to show them off.

Yeah, that's

not collecting photos.

Your laptop is photos of your feet.

Does it make it better?

So it's the Doughboy shared photo album.

album.

Okay, so Mitch,

why is

the feet look like it has to take a, it has to be.

He's nervous.

Why is he nervous?

Yeah.

Because he's shy.

The red one is the confident one, and he's like kind of like the dopey sort of follower.

Which, who, as far as Wags and I go, which one is red and which one is yellow?

You're Santa in the commercial, and then you're the red watching.

He does exist.

They do exist.

I'll take that.

All right, next up.

We should, I know who this is.

The buzzin'.

Yeah.

Mitch.

Yeah.

It's a real life version of the Quaker Oats guy.

Oh, no.

Your guess is Kakeroat.

Quaker Oats guy.

Oh, no.

It's Aaron, you have a guess?

KFC guy.

Yeah, it is.

Aaron gets it.

It is Colonel Sanders.

That's the actual Colonel Sanders.

Yeah, maybe that's what threw me off about it because that's not an actor strength.

That's disgusting.

No, that's the actual.

Can we go back to the picture?

Look at that.

That's disgusting.

He's always an old man.

He's in an advanced age.

I hated all of these photos.

Look, they're combined by Amelia.

You're blaming Amelia?

I am blaming Amelia.

They are very disturbing to see super close-up.

No, that is the actual stolen valor Kentucky Colonel, Harlan Sanders, who never served.

I knew I fucked up as soon as I said it.

Next up.

It's him again.

Oh, I know.

Mitch.

Aaron.

I heard Mitch.

I just have to tie it.

It's Toucan Sam.

It is Toucan Sam.

We were closed up on his eye and a little bit of feather from his head.

I'm impressed you got that because I think I might have guessed different bird mascots.

I don't know if I would have gotten Toucan Sam without seeing his famous beat.

Is he Fruit Loops?

He is the Fruit Loops guy.

He's Fruit Loops.

He's Fruit Loops.

You know, like Burton Ernie?

All right, Mitch has two.

I think we have to take the final step, and I think we have to move in together.

Oh, yeah.

Two twin beds, one room.

I can see that for you guys.

You're always taking baths.

Makes sense.

Let me text Natalie if it's okay if I move in with Mitch.

Yeah, she's good with that, Jensa.

Immediately, yes.

Yeah, had your stuff packed so fast.

She had yes written in her phone ready to go.

You guys ever do a live show on Halloween?

You should get the t-shirts that they wear.

Oh, that's fun.

Wow.

Couples costume.

We were both

Wendy's gals.

Yeah, we were Wendy from Wendy's last time.

That was fun.

Makes a a lot of fun.

And we were doing like a shy name thing.

Oh, yeah, nice.

Okay, let's look at the next one.

Mitch.

I heard Mitch.

Oh, Aaron.

Now I know.

You know who it is.

Yeah, the horniest of all the mascots.

Because this is just a hand.

I guess Chef Boy RD is, is that who it would be?

Is it the hamburger helper?

Yeah, Aaron gets it.

Also, Chef Boy RD.

What are you thinking?

Oh, I hate it.

I just forgot who he was.

Yeah, Sentient Hand.

Do you think Chef Boy RD is the horny?

Oh, Chef Boy RD is is a guy.

It's a guy, yeah.

Chef Boyard is a guy.

He's just an Italian guy.

They're all pretty perverted.

Yeah.

That is pretty.

That guy, he's happy about something.

I don't like it either.

Dude, you'd be happy too if you had a mouth in your palm.

Sucked yourself off anytime you wanted.

This is what I mean.

If I had a dick, I could think awesome stuff like this.

I'm glad that you went back to that character

because she seemed to enjoy it so much the last time we did it.

We We were listing blue characters that can come in the shake.

A lovely guest, a very funny, talented person to have on here, a great podcaster.

I don't know if we've ever alienated a guest more.

Owl,

I'm having.

Don't blame me.

All right, Aaron gets a point.

Let's look at the next one.

Oh, fucking Aaron.

I know this guy.

Yeah.

Tootsie roll owl.

Yes, another owl from the Tootsie Pod.

Now you're cleaning up.

Yeah, he is a little closer.

One, two,

three.

Yeah.

A lot of fun.

It's like fucking with a little kid.

It's fucked up.

It is fucked up.

It is, yeah.

Four to two.

Next up.

Four to two.

What the fuck?

You gotta.

We just have a close-up for our audio listeners.

There's a close-up on that constellation of red dots.

I heard Mitch.

Do you know who it is?

Yeah, you better,

though.

Yeah.

It's Wendy.

Mitch is correct.

It is Wendy.

It is four to three.

Next up.

Coming back.

Aaron.

I heard Aaron.

Chef Boy RD.

This is Chef Boy oh my god

i thought that was hillary clinton

zoom in can you zoom in on it

yeah zoom in on it

see that see see i thought that was blonde hair his his eye i thought it was blonde hair

in a chef's hat yeah i thought it was hillary in a chef's hat like as a photo op she did she was at a soup kitchen or something um all right i'm fucking dying next up

a notorious food mascot.

It is Chef Boyardee from a can of raviolis.

Mitch.

I heard Mitch.

Jack Box.

This is Jack Box from Jack in the Box in his suit.

We had a close-up of his hat.

What is it?

We're close.

We're so close.

It is five to four.

Aaron is in the lead.

So this last one will decide

if it's tired.

Yes, I heard Mitch.

The Noid.

It is the Noid.

It is tied up.

However, we have a tiebreaker.

Fuck.

So there will be one winner depending on who buzzes in next.

Mitch.

Oh, no.

Doughboys.

Mitch, you are correct.

This is the Burger Book.

He doesn't listen to the show.

That one was.

You had to look behind you.

The answer was behind you the whole time.

Oh, man.

Mitch wins.

That was the Doughboys logo.

Just like a restaurant without your feedback.

Let's open the feedback.

And hey, are you pissed off?

I'm a little sad.

Yeah.

I'm okay.

You did great, though.

I think I did.

At least I got a couple right.

You did great.

A couple right?

You got half of them right.

Thank you.

I'm feeling a little bit better.

Maybe I'll come back.

Yeah.

I should have let you win.

No.

Everything that's happened in this episode.

I should should have let you in.

No, no, no.

That would have been insulting.

You actually trying respects me a little bit more.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

All right.

Wait, bitch.

Oh, this is just the series.

You can see your background.

Yeah.

That's just the game's over.

Just like a restaurant reviewer feedback.

Let's open up the feedback.

And hey, we have a voicemail today if we want to listen to this.

Hey, so, boys, this is Johnson from Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Every Tuesday, my mom and two of my best friends go out to our local bar because on Tuesday nights they have a special $3 chicken tender basket meal.

Wow.

My question is: if you guys owned a restaurant, what would your weekly special be in order to help drum up some extra business?

Also, if you guys are ever in Michigan, let me know because while we were out a couple of weeks ago, my mom told me that she wants to have sex with Mitch.

So I would like to set you guys up.

Thank you.

Look, look, look,

I told you this.

Look, look, look.

We should do a Michigan show anyways.

And I don't think that.

What was the caller's name?

I'm just going to call him son.

Johnson.

I believe it was.

I think it was Johnson from Kalamazoo.

What I heard is Johnson.

Johnson from Kalamazoo or John from Kalamazoo, Michigan.

The idea of my mom telling me that is so wild.

Mike Johnson.

You're going to take take for a name?

Very cool.

Love that.

I've been to Kalamazoo.

I've done improv there before.

You've been to Kalamazoo.

Where is Kalamazoo?

I have no idea.

I just did the Michigan, I think like here.

Okay.

It's outside.

It's like, because I guess the only city I would know is Detroit, so I don't know what it would be.

Very cold.

They had an improv festival.

Wow, that's fun.

The coolest tiki bar I've ever been to in my life.

Really?

Three stories.

Okay.

It has like a ship bar in it.

Incredible food is in Calamazo.

You're a big tiki fan.

Not really, but

incredible tiki bar there.

Worth going.

When you marry this woman.

Yes.

You guys are invited.

Mitch loves tiki bars.

I do love it.

So that is an attraction there.

Oh, yeah.

So I don't see the reasons to not go here, honestly.

The question was.

Wife's tiki bar?

What else do you ask for?

Your plan is to marry a stranger's mom.

That's just.

There have been worst plans in the world.

Okay, so the question was:

Tuesday night, that's a $3 chicken tender basket meal.

That's the offer that they have at this particular bar in Kalamazoo.

You have your own establishment.

What are you doing?

What's your special promotion night to drum up business?

It seems like a lot of these are on Tuesdays.

I don't know why, like taco Tuesdays.

I don't know why my Tuesday is just a down night for dining.

We were just talking, remember we were talking about actors that moms get horny for recently?

Yeah.

Did we do it on the show or no?

Probably.

I don't know.

It was Jordan Morris back in the show.

Oh, we did.

Yeah, we did.

Are a lot of moms getting horny for you?

No.

No?

No.

No moms are getting horny for me.

One mom, I guess.

Thank you.

No, no, no, no moms are normally getting horny for me.

We were saying, like, my mom loves, what's his name?

The Rock.

Robert Redford.

No, no, it's Sean Connery.

Sean Connery.

My mom loves Sean Connery.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is the topic.

The question isn't about horny moms.

The question is about a special at a restaurant to drum up business.

I think the thing, my first off, I would be like, everyone does Tuesday.

Why don't I do like Wednesday?

I think people do Tuesday because it's like one of the worst nights in the restaurant industry.

Yeah.

Industry weekend is Monday, Tuesday night.

So I think it's like anything to get people in the door.

So it has to be Tuesday.

That's the night.

I don't think it has to be, but I think that's when you need the most help.

Right.

It's like a Monday or something.

So this is in Kalamazoo.

It doesn't necessarily in Kalamazoo.

And mine will be in Kalamazoo.

With your mom's money.

Mommy Monday, Mondays.

Any mom comes in, they can eat for free.

I'm that thing.

Or you'll eat for free.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

It's funny for us to go like, oh, crap off the shit.

I was like, fucking fucking guy.

You're talking about holy jacket off of your smoothie like 11 minutes ago.

You directed a Shakespeare thing.

Oh, fuck it.

Disgusting.

Yeah.

I don't know.

This is a tough question.

You know what I think?

I feel like there's going to be

a bunch of nostalgia for spaghetti.

I feel people are going to be like, you know what?

I want a big fucking plate of spaghetti.

Michigan is the wrong place to do that.

Mom's spaghetti is already a thing there.

There you go.

But I was going to.

You're going up against Eminem.

I mean, you don't have to.

You're married to the specifics of a Kalamazoo because you're horny for this mom.

I never said I was horny for this mom.

I saw him buy a plane ticket on this phone like 10 seconds ago.

They could be wherever.

It's your restaurant that could be anywhere.

So, like, this is your version of Taco Tuesday, wherever you have this establishment.

I feel like pasta is very, very cheap to produce.

And because that's part of it, like, you want to have like a high-margin item.

So, like, hey, you know what?

There's going to be like endless spaghetti or something.

Because also, endless spaghetti means two bowls of spaghetti.

But, I, I, but, like, like, yeah, that sounds like fun.

And that sounds like, hey, you want to go to this bar?

They have endless spaghetti.

Why the fuck not?

You know, I don't know.

Now, when you say endless spaghetti, do you mean one noodle that keeps going forever?

Yeah, it could be that.

Yeah, it could be just like, yeah, but I mean, like, the issue is then if you have someone else that's eating the other end of it, you know, I mean,

I think you ultimately want it to be standard spaghetti.

I think like one endless strand would be

a fictional spaghetti that lasts forever is, I guess, a little silly.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I think I would do pizza buffet Fridays.

What do you think of that?

Friday afternoon pizza buffet.

Friday afternoon, I like.

Yeah.

Pizza Buffet is a great thing to bring back.

Miss the old parlors.

Because we were talking about which, by the way,

wait, it's the other, it's the Quincy shipyard, which is near Weymouth.

Yeah.

Not the same.

It's not close to you, but there was a pizza hut in Quincy.

And we love the Pizza Hut Buffet, which I think they do have a few of them left, Bikes.

Yeah.

But that would be, I think, a pizza, a pizza buffet, a couple of slices and some salad and breadsticks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that's fun.

How about you, Aaron?

Do you have?

My instincts would be like wings.

Wings are fun.

Wings are fun.

Yeah.

Wings are fun.

I feel like you can make them in bulk.

It's true.

Yeah.

Always a hit with a bar crowd.

People are drinking a lot.

They're going to have a lot of wings.

They might order a few too many wings, you know.

That's fun.

Yeah,

I'm a big look.

I'm kind of gotten, I'm a bit of a slider skeptic.

I've gotten exhausted with sliders.

I feel like you see sliders on a lot of those menus, but I think you could have.

It's a lot of ingredients.

It's a lot of like labor to put those together.

I think you could have some fun with like a giant slider and it's like a burger size slider but then you're like oh you get giant sliders at this place for like the price of a slider i think my only issue with that is that it's fucking stupid

and a giant slider is a burger you eat yeah but that's the thing it's like i was like i'm not getting a burger i'm getting a giant slider and then people like are these just burgers like i don't know i'm eating three of these bad boys so you're it's working on like confusion basically.

I think it's, I think there's the novelty of it.

What did you get from In-N-Out Burger, by the way?

I got a, uh, I, I did a protein style because I'm saving on the carbs.

I did a protein style, um, double-double.

I did it Big Mac style, which I do sometimes, which is no tomatoes, um, add pickles with a, with onion, with raw onion.

And then I got animal fries.

Like I was indulging a little bit.

I don't know.

You know what I did for the first time ever?

What's that?

Added chopped chilies.

That's a lot of fun.

I get chopped chilies all the time.

I usually do because I'm a bit of a heat seeker, but I did not get them last week.

I didn't didn't even know that was an option.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Treat yourself.

I got to try that.

It's great.

Love of chopped chilies.

Yeah.

There's a place in Chicago that I don't think exists anymore.

I think it might have closed in like 2016, but their like Tuesday night special thing was breakfast for dinner because they also served breakfast.

That rocks.

And it was such a hit.

I love that.

And then people would go and get like drunk on breakfast cocktails on like Bloody Mary's mimosa.

I love that.

And they're having pancakes on like a Tuesday night.

It was like a great like afterwork thing to do on a Tuesday.

That is fine.

I think that's smart.

Yeah, I love

novelty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's making me think of pigs in a blanket, which I feel like is a thing.

Like, you see sliders a lot of times, but you don't see like a

pigs in a blanket or like a mini hot dog.

How about a hot dog bar?

Love a hot dog bar.

Ooh, that's fun.

Very Chicago.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Your favorite city.

Trying to think about another Shakespeare quote.

Nothing's quite coming.

Too late.

Adieu, adieu.

Adieu, adieu.

What?

He just took a shot.

Like, yeah,

he's completely shut down.

He's slowly buying him.

Tell him is he ticket?

He's getting the hell out of here.

I can't think of another.

I don't know.

I don't.

I feel like I'm going to let a lot of listeners down when I say this, but I don't know a lot of Shakespeare.

Think our listeners know a lot of Shakespeare?

I just thought that they thought I wouldn't.

Yeah, because you're an actor, you're a very talented actor.

Maybe they think you have some, like, you know,

a lot of stage training, but it wasn't a thing you studied, unlike Aaron.

Yeah, some credit I will give you guys after being on the show.

Um, a lot of my favorite people in my life love your show very much.

Wow, how about that?

My two funniest cousins listen.

Oh, wow, which cousins?

Well, now they're going to know, but Pat and Tom both listened to the show.

Shout out to Pat, shout out to you guys.

Yeah,

a hundred percent.

No, um, and then one of my best friends, Haley, is a big fan.

Wow.

Shout out to Haley.

She's like the funniest person that I know.

Wow.

How about that?

Adieu, adieu.

Yeah.

I'm going to, that's going to be here forever.

You also didn't do any Chicago pun with it.

Well, I was trying to think.

You had to work your way up there.

I was trying to think of parting the bun is such a do-ado parting is such sweet sorrow was the line I was trying to.

I'm sorry.

Ado-ado made sense.

Yeah.

Yes.

A do-a-doo.

A great drink to have with my dog.

A mountain dew with your hot dog.

I was going to be sharing a mountain dew with a dog.

I thought you like a bowl full with dew drops that you're sharing.

A do-a-doo.

We said a do-a-doo.

Everyone's so stuck on a do-a-doo that I just turned that into the thing.

A do-a-doo.

A great drink to pair with a hot dog.

next time jemmy's like panting in the sun i'll offer her some cold mountain dew and see how it goes i'll let you know some baja black i tried over here i tried you didn't have to like you could you didn't even have to purchase i thought it was a great i thought i thought you did a great job

no you landed the plane uh if you have a question or commento you didn't know that was shakespeare you dumbass

You know what do I do?

You turn it on me now?

You didn't know what do would do.

No, I don't know what do I do.

Oh, you should have not.

I don't, I literally don't know any other Shakespeare line, but hold on, let me look it up.

What's the actual line?

A do-a-doo, parting is such sweet sorrow.

Okay, hold on.

Ado-ado, parting is such sweet

sorrow.

I was so afraid that it wasn't a Shakespeare line that I googled it to make sure that it was.

And it is.

It is.

Where is the Ado-A-Doo part coming from?

What?

Where is the Ado-A-Doo part coming from?

From Shakespeare's pen, I guess.

What do you mean?

A do-a-do, parting is such sweet sorrow.

Why is this in a Willy Wonka?

Is this from Willy Wonka?

It's a Romeo.

Oh, it's Romeo and Juliet.

Okay.

Okay.

What the fuck?

Why did the Willy?

I don't know where the do-a-doo, because the full quote is good night, good night.

Pairing is such parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good night.

No.

We should wrap up the episode.

No, a do-a-doo, parting is such sweet sorrow is Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka.

Oh my god.

Oh,

trying to quote Shakespeare.

Oh my god, oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

A miracle.

A do-a-doo.

Oh my god.

Ado-a-doo is Wonka.

I'm going to be, I'm going to, look, I'm going to say this.

I'm going to say this.

To be fair,

parting is such sweet sweet sorrow is from Romeo.

Yes, that is from Rome and Juliet.

Yeah.

Wonka, the sweet tooth that he has, added a do-a-doo.

So it's already a food quote.

It is already a food quote.

He was referencing.

He added five years to my life.

Well, here's the issue.

I was so afraid that I was wrong, and then I googled, and this just goes to what you say.

Google AI got it fucking wrong.

Yeah, it's really bad now.

Google AI says, I'd do a do, parting is such sweet sorrow is a line from William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

Yeah.

I'm having a great time.

Wait a minute.

Hold on.

From Nomeo and Juliet.

That's your issue.

That's the issue.

Time to switch to Bing.

If you have a question or comment about the world of chain restaurants, you email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830Goto.

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Our producers, Emma Erdbrink, our associate producers, Amelia Marino.

Our engineer is Casey Donahue, and our video editor is Mike Dorfman.

Our guest, please come back, Aaron Keefe.

I would love it.

So, so fun.

You want to come back?

I had the best time.

Wow.

You come back.

I ain't come back.

I know.

I did kind of bully you at the end there a little bit.

You'll be back.

This was fun.

I mean, we're done.

We're done.

I mean, we're done.

We're going to be doing what we're not done, done.

You think we're ending the podcast for good?

Is this the last episode?

We'll see how I feel after we have, how much we have like.

We have like a week and a half, two weeks of stuff left.

I thought Thursday was our last day.

No, next week we've got two more episodes.

We've got four episodes next week.

Yeah.

The finish line is in sight.

Right.

And then you record again next year?

Yes, we will record again next year.

And

in October in the past.

Yeah, we'll figure it all out.

Toronto.

Did we do it or did we not do it?

We did it.

We definitely did it.

Aaron, anything you'd like to pitch or plug?

Pitch.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I'd like to plug Hey, Riddle, Riddle, and Sitcom DD to Headgum podcasts that I'm on.

And yeah, check them out if you want.

One's a Riddle podcast.

I think you're coming on maybe if you're still here.

Wow, okay.

Please come on if you want.

Any time, yeah.

And the other one is a DD podcast set in the sitcom world.

So check those out if you want.

Hell yeah.

Check those both out.

And hey, that'll do it for this episode of Dough Boys.

Until next time for the Spoon Man, Mike, Mitchell, and McGeiger.

Happy eating.

Ado, adieu.

Hey, buddy, want Dough Boys merch?

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It's all available at kinshipgoods.com/slash doughboys.

That's kinshipgoods.com/slash doughboys.

Sources for the intro are in the episode description.

What's up, everybody?

I'm Kyle Mooney.

And what's up, everybody?

I'm back by.

And man, ooh, we got something to tell you.

Oh, yeah, we definitely do.

Yes, it's a brand new podcast on Headgum.

That's right.

And it's called What's Our Podcast?

Yep.

And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast should be about.

Yeah, we don't.

So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about, and then we try it.

Yep, guests like Mark Marin, Jack Black, Brittany Broski, Cape Berland, Bobby Moynihan, Make Stalter, and Tim Ball, Landon Axler, Joelie, Joni Joni McGrees,

and Dender.

And Dender.

New episodes release every Wednesday.

So subscribe to What's Our Podcast on YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms.

Yeah.

I'm going to go do it right now.

That was a hit gum podcast.