Crock-Dough-Burn-Pho-Est: The Original Soup Kitchen with Stavros Halkias

This is a head gum podcast.

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No soup for you.

This line, delivered by actor Larry Thomas in an episode written by Spike Ferriston, was among the most famous catchphrases from the 90s sitcom Seinfeld.

The episode's title character, The Soup Nazi, was inspired by Dr.

Nair soup purveyor Ali Al Yagene, who at the time ran the bustling Manhattan hotspot Soup Kitchen International.

In Ferriston's telling in an interview on The Rich Eisen Show, the plot line's genesis came from his patronage of Yagene's soupary while writing for David Letterman, where he was denied his meal in the same way George Costanza is in the episode.

When later hired as a writer for Seinfeld, Ferriston's pitches were batted down by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld himself until Spike offhandedly mentioned the soup drama, which led to him being instructed to write a draft.

Actor Larry Thomas, for his part, didn't make enough money portraying the soup Nazi to quit his day job as a bail bondsman, though he did later clean up at cons and on cameo.

While the publicity boosted its business from tourists, Yagane naturally loathed the portrayal, and his original concept shuddered in 2004.

But its spiritual successor reopened in its same Manhattan location in 2010 as part of a broader franchise expansion.

As for automotive enthusiast Jerry Seinfeld, he went on to direct and star in the 2024 film Unwatchable, sorry, Unfrosted, where Ferriston was one of four credited writers.

And, adjacent to Nazis, in remarks Seinfeld made at Duke University in September of 2025, he opined that people who say free Palestine are worse than the KKK.

This was following booze and walkouts at Seinfeld's Duke commencement speech over his unwavering support of Israel's brutal war in Gaza.

In Ferriston's telling, when he took Jerry Seinfeld to Soup Kitchen International shortly after the episode aired back in the 90s, Yagane told him,

Get the fuck out of here.

Words that still ring true today.

This week on Doughboys, we say, Yes, soup for us, as we continue Croc Dough Burn FaS 2025, a supersized month of bisques, broths, stews, and stocks, and crocs, with New York City's The Original Soup Man.

Mike, which is a camera?

That's your single.

Yeah, you and Mitch are on that word.

Wait, which one?

Which camera?

That one.

Okay.

This is me and Mitch.

It is a Dolly.

Welcome to Doughboys.

Welcome to Dough Boys, a podcast about chain restaurants.

I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host, one half of Biscoll and Split Piebert, the spoon man, Mike Mitchell.

Jesus Christ.

These can be used individually or in tandem as our guest gives a big thumbs down.

These can be used individually or in tandem for soup month because bisque is a type of soup and split pea soup is a type of soup too.

Additionally, no offense, but since the name of the soup month is a little dry and straightforward, I wanted to pitch adding a colon in the tagline

ladle to the grave after it.

Figured it was appropriate after Mr.

T's bleak intro to the Betsy episode, Mahalo, Steve Mason from Colorado.

How about that?

Steve, a lot of explanation for your fucking shitty joke.

Yeah.

I don't mind mind Ladle to the Grave.

Ladle to the Grave is not bad,

but also it doesn't fit with the Spielberg and I mean Spielberg.

Siskel and Abraham and Sisko and Abraham.

Well, no, but that's a different thing.

That's like a tag to Croc Doe Burn S 2025, which continues here as Super Size Month of Biscuits, Broth, Stews, and Stocks and Crocs.

So that's what it's a tag to.

So I understand in that context.

She thinks we need to add more to that.

Yeah, yeah.

Wise, Eagle Eye viewers will notice if you're watching the YouTube feed that our setup setup is a little different today.

That's right.

We're in Chew York City.

We are here at,

and shout out to our guest and shout out to Eldis for hosting us here in the Stobbies Royal Studios.

Very, very exciting that they've able to accommodate us as we're

in the city that never sleeps.

And we are having, because we're reviewing a New York-centric super-y.

Yes, that's right, Wise.

Speaking of never sleeping.

I didn't get much sleep last night.

Oh, I'm sorry, buddy.

Someone was getting railed in the room next to me.

Wait, really?

Yes, for real.

Yes.

And for so long.

For a while.

It made me be like, fuck, this is like so, this is longer than anything I've like ever.

Yeah, you're annoyed and you're questioning your manhood.

But I very much heard all night long, like, yeah,

someone, God bless, whoever, whatever was going on,

some lady was enjoying herself.

Got it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you assume

another individual was involved.

I mean,

whoever the other individual was, super quiet.

They weren't saying anything.

It was just, I just heard the lady over, like, for like,

like, it was a good like 40 minutes.

I mean, we don't get too explicit, but it could be someone self-pleasure.

Maybe that should be a good thing.

That maybe was what it was, maybe it was.

It was what it was.

Just spreading the cream cheese, as it were.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

They call me Lenders Bagels.

Shmear me up.

I couldn't hear anyone else, and I did have my ear to the wall.

Jacking off, you finish.

The fucking,

you know, the refractory period passes, you jack off again, you finish.

Jesus Christ.

My refractory period, as you know, is like

72 hours.

Yeah, but yeah, yeah.

Hey, I can say it now: the Arlo Hotel.

There was a sixth floor of the Arlo Hotel.

It's kind of a part.

It's too cool of a hotel.

You get to reach a certain age.

You can't stay in a hip hotel anymore.

Yes.

Young people hang out there and it's just like, I need to get some fucking sleep.

Did you notice there's a sound machine that's automatically on?

You cannot turn off?

In the Arlo?

Yeah, it's like our room has like a little round sound machine and it's plugged in where you can't get to the plug so you cannot unplug it.

It doesn't turn off.

It's just on all the time.

Was mine getting interference?

And that's what I was hearing last night?

Because I was podcasting.

Yeah, no, I didn't.

I had no idea.

It's just because of that.

So you don't hear what's happening in the next room.

Oh, that's wild.

I didn't even notice there was a sound machine.

It's like on the desk.

Bad sign when there's a sound machine in your hotel.

Right, right.

Like, you're not getting quiet.

Like, that's we're starting there.

There will not be peace and quiet here.

Maybe this bullshit will help you.

Well, it also has a thing that I think, I mean, I feel bad for any.

Mike is here with us as well.

And

any couple that is there,

the bathroom is the toilet is next to your bed.

In the

They're basically slats on the bathroom door.

It's an absolute audio.

It's very much like a zoo scenario where you're just seeing a person shit in like a little glass cage.

Everyone in this hotel is shitting in the lobby.

100%.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Well, and also, I'm not sure if you like, do you have the mirror right outside of your bathroom door?

Yeah, it's always great to get a glimpse of my small funk on the way out.

Yeah, exactly.

I was going to say my big ass on the toilet.

That's what I was looking at.

A lot of fun.

So we're recording here here at Zombies World Studios.

We're pointedly not recording at Headgum New York, which no longer exists.

Kind of a bummer,

a huge bummer.

And as part of that, I mean, that happened

a little while ago in the recent past.

And then this, in the more recent past,

there was a Patreon episode.

I was going to say, there was a warning side when it was the biggest studio I'd ever seen that no one was using.

Yeah, for sure.

I mean, it felt like they could have probably tried to find a smaller studio.

Yeah.

Anyway,

Head Gum has also done some, I guess, with the corporate languages restructuring.

Uh, but really they've just fired a bunch of people, uh, including uh, you know, Emma Foley, who's here in New York, who helped us a lot when we record out here.

Um, of course, our good friend Marika Brownlee, who we've got some time, we've been able to spend some time seeing out here, was instrumental to the early days of Head Gum, and someone who is like, you know, a big part of bringing us to the network and welcoming us to the network.

And then I think probably most notably for our adoptoys listeners and audience in general is like Casey Donahue got laid off.

And Casey's such a, you know, was again, just such an integral part of our podcast, making it a video podcast.

We just, we don't have any sort of comprehension of what happened.

We're just living in the aftermath, but it's a huge fucking bummer.

And you know, he's great, talented people who no longer have jobs.

And on top, yeah, it sucks.

It's, it truly sucks.

And a bunch more people that I didn't list who were not as involved in the day-to-day

100%.

And also, this is also fucked up.

Headgum sent Wayne Brady to Riyadh.

And so

that's a real bummer.

We thought that was also really fucked up.

It was like a thing in his contract.

He had to go to Riyadh.

Jesus Christ.

No, it is true.

It is.

It is a bummer.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyways, to start the podcast on an off note, it is true.

I feel like we have to say something.

No, we do.

No,

I appreciate you saying it.

You should.

Yeah, no.

I mean, I should too.

It sucks.

I heard Headgum was getting bought by Paramount and CBS, and Barry Weiss is actually going to be the boss now.

Oh, that's right.

So, you guys have to kind of start being more Zionist.

You know, that's, I heard, that's what I actually got an email.

It just got in my Google calendar.

They saw I was doing Doughboys, and they're like, here's some approved talking points.

Yes, yeah, you know what I mean?

So, I'm ready,

I'm ready to say how good the Mossball soup

at this place was, or whatever.

We love some of our sponsors,

for sure.

Goodles are fantastic.

Well, those are guys.

I did have Goodles legit for, I didn't even know.

I forgot that that, because isn't what's your face?

Gal Gadog.

Gal Godot.

Which we didn't, we didn't know that.

We didn't know.

We didn't.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, right.

We knew.

And you courted them.

She's hot.

It's like, maybe I can fuck Gal Gadot.

If a person's really hot, any bad stuff they do goes away.

Why is he know this?

True, yeah.

Until they get ugly, and then you send them to jail.

That's what happened to Weinstein.

He was so hot.

We as he was fucking super attractive at the back of the day.

Yeah, then he started

huge blackheads on his back.

It was a really quick transformation.

I think he fell in like the toxic adventure goo.

Mitch,

we have a wonderful guest, and we have more bullshit to do up top, which includes you playing your drop.

Emma, hit him with the drop.

Last night, you know what the reason was?

Bonanza.

Hanging with my old buddy dunk.

Last night, you know what the reason was?

Hanging with my old buddy dunk.

Hanging with my old buddy dunk.

Dunk dunk sounds like Sam.

Sounds like Sam.

buttons.

Donk Kong sounds like Sandler a little bit, don't you think?

Wow.

Great to hear a half a laugh.

They left that in there, you kind of politely bombing.

A guest who like doesn't, I don't know who the guest was, but like don't know the reference

speaking of.

yeah.

Anyways, yeah, good to hear myself bomb over and over again.

Yeah, I mean, like, look, our guest, one of the funniest people on earth, and you know, it's uh,

we already feel like a nightmare of uh unfunny just being next to him, but then also going through the beats of our fucking episode, all hitting all the points of our the template of uh you know Donkey Kong sounds like Adam.

Yeah, exactly.

Like, what is it?

By the way, what does that even mean?

It wasn't, it wasn't mostly just for him.

You do know what I'm talking about.

I do know what you're talking about.

Oh, you mean Donkey Kong, when he talks, sounds like him saying man?

He does sound like Sandler a little bonanza.

Donkey Kong Bonanzo.

New vocalization.

That's kind of like the new guy they cast.

The new guy sounds a little bit like Sam.

A little bit like Sammy.

I love him.

Yeah, it is two 40-plus-year-old men playing the new Donkey Kong.

Right, right, right, right.

Platformer.

Hey, crew.

Had to share this drop I made today in response to the boys sharing their love for Donkey Kong, especially Tiger Wager's impression.

Much love, Buckles from Boston.

Wow, thanks, Buckles.

Drops at at birdfuck.com.

All right.

Our guest, kind enough to host us, kind enough to give us so much of his time from Savi's World, the new film, Bud Gunio.

Stavros Halkius is here.

Hi, Stop.

Hey, guys.

How are we doing?

I'm very good.

It's great.

Thanks so much for having us.

But Gunni's out now, right?

Yeah, when this comes out, it's in New York, October, the week of October 20th, New York and LA, October 23rd, and everywhere else on Halloween.

So there you go.

There was a picture of you at Cannes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can't, can't, can't.

No, no, no.

Venice.

Oh, Venice.

Yeah.

Venice Film Festival.

Sorry.

Yep.

And get it right.

I'm a fucking guy that goes to Venice now, Mitch.

You got to talk to me a certain way.

You looked great in the photo.

You were in a tux and you had your hair slicked back almost like a Venice guy.

Ponytail silver.

The ponytail looked fucking great.

And you had Emma Stone in one arm and

Alicia Silverstone in the other.

It was insane.

Yeah, it rules.

It was fucking awesome.

Yeah.

It does feel like I really, it's kind of getting to the point where my life feels like an elaborate dinner for schmuck scenario.

And they're just going to pull the rug out from under me.

Like, I had no business there on a fucking red carpet with fucking, in a movie with two of the best actors, Alicia Silverstone, a legend.

It's fucking crazy.

Yeah.

They were nice to me.

They weren't like fucking, you know, they should have, they should have workplace harassed me for being there, but they were just polite, you know?

But it was crazy.

It was fucking awesome.

And the movie's, the movie's really good.

Go see it.

Yeah.

I met her once at a wedding, Alicia Silverstone, and then also

Lucy Lawless, Lawless, who I immediately had a huge crush on.

I mean, look, I had a crush on her beforehand, but I showed her how to use Uber wages.

Wow.

And then she quickly Ubered away from me.

She's like, why, why?

And she was like, Palmer's Day.

What was your address?

What was your old address?

Palmerston.

Yeah, yeah.

Why is this going to Palmerston?

Is this a part of the app?

Is this like the dispatch center?

You're like, no, no, just go.

Don't worry about it.

That's how you use it.

Oh, the junk dav here?

Weird.

Oh.

You're following fast in your car.

You're driving fast as shit behind the Uber.

And she's like, oh, I'm going home.

I'm like, all right, yeah, see you later.

That's the end of the story.

Too timid to attempt a kidnapping on a Lucy Lawless.

We're here in October.

You mentioned Halloween.

Are you like, were you a Halloween guy?

Are you still a Halloween guy?

Ooh,

you know, just the regular amount.

I mean, as a fat child, you know, the candy was a big draw.

Sure.

I don't think I'm a particularly spooky.

I keep every year I'm like, this is the year I'm going to fucking have a Halloween ass month.

You know what I mean?

I'm going to watch some fucking scary movies.

I'm going to like, you know, it is fun.

I liked like, you know,

sort of it before I moved to New York, kind of like my mid-20s, like, there was like one year where I didn't, you know, I didn't go out to party, I didn't whatever.

And I just kind of like trick-or-treat, like when Trick-or-truthers came through, I gave him the, like, the awesome candy, the candy you wish, you know, the king-size bars.

I did that one year, and it was like the most gratifying thing, you know, because I was like giving back to other fat children, you know.

I remember when getting a big candy bar, it literally like, I still, I have, I still think about that.

Oh, huge.

Now, yes, you know what I mean?

Just a couple house.

I still think about some, some old lady that gave me fucking quarters one time and I wanted to fuck her.

Like, I was pissed.

I wanted to fuck her.

Fuck her up.

No, no, no.

I wanted to like, I was like, I literally wanted to get violent with this old woman.

She gave us like fruit and like nickels.

And I was like, what the fuck is this?

The depression?

But I remember getting pennies from that.

Like, that was another thing.

Like, just place it, it's got these old people giving out coins.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I like the version of it where this was a sexual awakening for you.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

She pissed me off.

I'm like, why is this making my dick hard?

Why is an old woman being mean to me, getting me this

stiff in my Hercules costume?

Woking up with a girl in your 20s, asking her to put on a gray wig.

Give him a roll of nickels.

Put this roll of nickels up my ass.

Bite my nuts with his dentures and put these nickels up my ass.

I think like the best I ever, the best night I,

nothing happened, of course, in college, like I, I put, uh,

I was a baby.

I dressed up as a baby, which also probably didn't help me, but I dropped up, I dressed up in a onesie, like a baby onesie, because it was very comfortable.

Yeah, but I was like, it looks like I have no dick.

So, I put like a I put a saw, a tube sock in my, in my underwear.

So, your dick was too small to accurately portray a baby.

Oh, this isn't believable.

Babies don't have dicks this small.

I got a stuff.

God, I really don't have enough pubes to sell baby.

i i put the socks in there and then it was the funny thing where like girls were like hey i was like this is i don't have the confidence to carry this but

it was like the only attention i ever got in college and then

sucked it was like it was yeah it was very very also similarly to last night where i was like oh the human beings do this i know i've never done this in my life yeah yeah

they were they were there was a girl into it and i met her and we hung out a little bit hey there you go okay I guess I am remembering one

cool Halloween party where I dressed up as

I think I was the Pillsbury Doughboy was a go-to.

That's good.

Sure.

Not just as a youth, but also like in college.

And that was the one time I went to, shout out to Fish Head Cantina in Arbutis, Maryland, one of the trashiest bars you've ever seen in your life.

I went to the Halloween night and I,

you know, I, I.

Did you paint yourself white?

Face white.

Yeah.

Face white, coveralls, chef's hat.

And yeah, I got, I think I could have, I was dancing with this girl all night.

I was like, nice.

I'm going to get pussy in college finally.

And then I just had too much jungle juice and threw up all over myself.

Classics.

We also did a thing called Pink Drink, which was just the lowest grade vodka possible and crystal light straight up.

Oh, wow.

And like pink lemonade, crystal light.

That was sort of my, that was my contribution to

my college's Halloween culture.

I'm glad that this story is painting your face white, by the way.

That's a huge plus.

Yeah, thank God the Pillsbury dumb boy, they took him out of the oven early.

It would have been a real problem otherwise.

You'd have to go into politics or stuff.

Were you a big,

I wonder with you because you seem to not get joy like other people do.

No, I mean, like, look, I love,

as a, as a chubby little boy, I did absolutely love Halloween candy.

I loved hoarding Halloween candy.

I was more of a chocolate kid than like a Starburst or Smarty kid.

But, you know,

anything that I could get my hands on, I was, I was just happy to hoard it.

I never actually encountered the place.

For me, it was, it was always a rumor that there was like, oh, you go by the country club, by the golf course.

There's like everyone's giving out king-size candy bars.

And then I never actually saw it materialize.

I never got handed like a full-size Snickers.

Oh, man.

But, but I, I love getting like all those little, and I know Hershey's like sucks, but I love getting those little tiny, like, Mr.

Good bars and barrels or whatever the fuck.

The mini Snickers are great.

The mini Snickers are awesome.

Like the little squares.

Yeah, they're squares and then a little longer guys.

Fun size.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fun size.

It also,

it made you appreciate a candy you'd never come across, you never normally come across.

I feel like, because you would get those like fucked up white Tootsie rolls.

You remember those?

Oh, yeah.

Those are fucking awesome.

I would never buy those.

I would never ask for those.

Or like the root beer barrel hard candies.

It would just make you be like, you know what?

Let's get, let's open up our horizons here candy-wise.

For me, it really strengthened my relationship with coconut because, like, almond joys and mounds, I was like, I never would normally be into this, but I started having those in Halloween.

Yeah, it's a little dipping into it.

Yeah, why not?

You reminded me of loose candy.

I hated places that just had loose candy that would go in your back, like just like not in a wrapper.

Did you get that at all?

Yeah, I would get that at candy.

You never got that?

That's fucking, that's literally they were trying to drug you and like fucking put you in a basement.

There's no way.

There's no loose candy, like loose hard candy.

Yeah, yeah.

You guys didn't get that?

They would say to not eat it, obviously, but like, like, you know.

The guy's like, you're going to have that, right?

Why wait?

Come on inside.

Grab that.

I have more in here.

Man, loose candy's nuts.

And I'm not a kind, like, just back down.

I'm not, I'm not a costume guy these days, but when I was a kid, I liked dressing up.

I won back-to-back Cub Scout costume contests.

What were you?

I was Freddy one year.

Nice.

And the next year, I was like an original character.

Little look at your own.

I made up my own

leather face adjacent like guy who had like a bag over his head.

I look at like a murlap sack, partly covering my head.

I have a feeling this character is going to come back someday.

All the Cubs guys are like,

you win, Nick.

Yeah, good guy.

That's a great costume, Nick.

Party's over, everyone.

Oh, it's Halloween.

I also had a fit.

I think a big part of it was like I had some plastic bugs and they were just like chewing them in my mouth.

So it looked like I was like a weird, like, buggy.

That's fucking awesome.

You were a fucking freak.

Yeah.

How old are you?

22.

Yeah.

Eight is awesome.

Eight is awesome to come up with it.

Were you a horror movie kid?

Yeah, I was.

I mean, like, but like, I think Mitch is more of a horror guy, but I did watch a lot of horror movies.

I was afraid of horror stuff back then.

I was super afraid of horror stuff.

Like, like, Chucky scared the shit out of me.

This is all, like, also, you get this of like when I was, when I was, like, seven years old, Chucky was on pay-per-view and you'd see like the first 10 minutes of it on pay-per-view and it scared the shit out of me.

And Freddie scared the shit out of me, which now you watch them and they are like jokes.

Yeah, there can't be.

Yeah, they can't be.

Especially the first Chucky's pretty funny.

Yeah, the first Chucky's great.

I mean, it's a great job.

I love Chucky now, yeah.

Yeah, he's, he's, and also, we've talked about this before, but the same creator who's done like all the, except for the reboot has done all the movies.

He's Don, what's his name?

I forget.

Coscarelli, maybe?

That's right.

But Freddy scared the shit out of me.

Were you not afraid of him when you were?

I mean, I was, but then, like...

I think you're scared for a little bit, but then it's also like the other thing that the other element of these, especially if you're watching them as like a, you know, like a young teenager, is like, there's oftentimes sex and nudity in these movies.

Yeah, yeah.

So it's like, oh, there's a context where it's like, I can see something kind of like bloody, but I can also see something kind of horny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that also

yeah, yeah, yeah, even that stuff scared me.

Uh, I was a cereal killer, I had uh little boxes of cereal and then forks, plastic forks stuck in them, classic colours.

You couldn't do, you couldn't, couldn't bring knives to school, obviously.

But, uh, but uh, the pathetic, it was always sad when you'd have a kid, and it was just so clear his family didn't love him.

When it was like, he's like, I'm a soccer player, and he's just wearing his uniform from soccer.

Yeah, sure.

And it was like, damn, your mom fucking hates you, dude.

Your mom does does not give a fuck at all.

She can't go to Party City.

She can't even make you a little costume for you, real quick.

It was like, yeah.

You could get a mask for 99 cents.

I did do that one year.

I wore my karate gi.

And then I also, I was a white belt, so I borrowed my brother's like, like, higher belts.

That's your version of stuffing the crotch.

Yeah, my alpha brothers' brown belts.

And he didn't have to stuff the crotch.

Oh, yeah.

You were, and his, it's the opposite where his parents are like, Nick, please dress up.

Yeah, he's just sitting in his room, lights off, staring at a wall.

They're like, it's Halloween, Nick.

Don't you want to get candy?

No,

I'm fine.

We should talk since we are here in New York.

We should talk similarly.

Yeah.

One time, I just want one last Halloween story.

One time my teacher wore a ghost face mask and I fucked her.

That's That's fine.

Yeah, that's cool.

You and a few other classmates.

Yeah, me and a few other classmates.

That's awesome.

That was a blast story.

Especially changed your memory for you.

That lady's awesome.

For real.

Like, that's so sick.

To like throw a costume in your molesting of children.

Like, let's do a fun one.

Let's do a fun and to like get a train ran on you and you're the rapist is actually impressive to figure out.

To do that, like, to do that math where it's like a train gets run on you in a costume and you're still the molester.

I mean,

that's a great innovation in sexual predator, being a sexual predator.

That woman's breaking the glass ceiling of being a sexual predator.

Cheers to that lady.

I think we could say, Doughboys and head gums both say, Cheers to that child, molester.

Somehow, everyone gets rehired.

We did it.

Even the lady, too.

Wow.

She'd help off his morale, probably.

What are you going for?

That's all you're a ghost face.

I want to mention, so Eldis is here helping us out as well.

Thank you, Eldis.

Eldis,

you introduced me to a new beverage today, which was

the afternooner.

Now, I'd never had this before.

Describe the afternooner for everyone.

It's called the Afternooner based on a random coffee shop that I walked into a couple of weeks ago.

That's what they called it, but it's a mix of OJ, cold brew, and tonic.

In roughly equal ratios.

I think it's like one part tonic, one part orange juice, and two parts cold brew.

Got it.

Yeah.

Ellis is thrilled to be able to pump this to like this drink that he'll forget about in two weeks.

He had it yesterday, and he's like, I really like it.

I'm sure he'll get sick of it, but I'm obsessed with it.

I have like a 12-pack of tonics like in my fridge at home right now.

Like I've been cranking these out.

Basically,

I arrived here first and it was just you and I.

And like basically the first thing you did was offer me this drink.

I tried offering Stav one yesterday too.

He wasn't that interested.

It sounds like dog shit.

I will say.

It looks like dog shit.

It really does.

It's a pretty putrid-looking concoction, but it was really yummy.

And I think the sweetness of the citrus is just like a surprising counterbalance from the cold brew.

I would not have thought these elements would work together.

But Stav, you were saying it was like an orange chocolate.

Yeah, it's like a Jaffa cake or some bullshit bullshit that British people love, which I will say sucks, by the way.

I don't like that.

That thing sucks, but you know, at least it's something.

It exists in the world.

And

I am with getting coffee with bubbles, though.

Like, I like that.

Oh, yeah.

Like

doing a doing a seltzer, doing a little flavor seltzer, or if you really want to just be trash, diet Coke and a fucking and some coffee.

Oh, yeah.

In Greece,

they had that together.

They had like a coffee Coke when I went went last year, and I was fucking addicted to those.

I remember the Coke with coffee that was canned, but I

had them here too.

I just encountered them in Europe.

Yeah, they had them here for a little while.

Yeah,

they were canned.

I mean, I'm sure they weren't as good as like an actual, yeah, that's the thing.

I never thought of it as like making it as a drink.

But yeah, I mean, like, I did like the other, that's another

effervescence in the afternoon.

It was quite nice.

Red wine and uh Coke, the other thing we've had.

I've heard of this, yeah.

Oh, that's like an old lady special.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I bet you that ghost face lady, she was pre-gaming that gangbang with red wine and coke.

That's like all my mom's friends would drink that at like a Greek restaurant.

Either that or the flip side.

That's what it is European, right?

Yeah, I mean, I literally know that as old, a thing old Greek ladies would drink.

Yeah.

That and the flip side of it is sprite with white Ziffindale.

So they have like a dark analytic.

They kind of like pair the sodas with the with the wines.

I love that.

Yeah.

Wow.

By the way, we were going to, just like last night with me in the hotel, we were going to put our ears up to the door and listen to what you and Eldis were talking about.

You were saying it'll be dead silent in there.

Little did I know Eldis was pumping the afternooner to him.

I should have known better.

You caught him at just the right time.

He loves this drink.

It's going to be, there will be a Reddit, a Doughboys Reddit thread with 12 comments on it trying the afternooner.

So the payoff will be worth it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You liked it, right?

I thought it was quite yummy.

Yeah.

Are you going to get it in the rotation?

Because you are a coffee guy.

I am a coffee guy.

I'm not not sure if I like a cold brew, I usually don't do.

It makes me a little too buzzy, but like, I like, I could see myself.

Like, if he drinks a cold brew, he dresses up as his Halloween dragon.

The bug man or the fucking.

I don't know.

I don't know.

How often do you like?

Is this like a morning drink for you?

How often do you have it?

It's been a two-week thing for me, and

it's been pretty much daily.

But yeah, I might have it in the morning.

But, you know, I like the name, the afternooner.

So I'll try to order something work on it, you fucking idiot.

some you saw something written on a chalkboard at a coffee shop and you're like this is gonna be part of my personality now

i like to wait until at least 1 p.m usually but sometimes i can't wait that long the afternooner you fucking idiot you drink it in the afternoon are you serious you won't have it in the morning

i had it in the morning once or twice

one last thing i'll say about it it's a nice thing you you it looks like shit right now but if you pour it over ice and pour the oranges down the back of a spoon, you get a little gradation effect where it's like the brown color brew on top and it's like, you know, gets lighter going down.

So just something to think about.

Okay.

Everyone try this drink.

Why?

Why are you plugging the afternooner?

No, because it looks like a pint glass of diarrhea.

But like

it was, yeah, like in theory, like a tequila sunrise.

I love a drink that has a gradation to it.

I like,

you know, sometimes places will have different, like cold brew plus a

latte on tap.

Yeah.

And they'll do like the black and tan version of coffee.

I like that a lot too.

That's a lot of fun.

Yeah.

You know, I love snake bites, cider and Guinness, basically.

That's one of my favorite drinks.

But you're, it's, you're like a pain in the ass to order.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Especially as a grown man.

Hey, can you cut my beer with a little cider?

I'm 44 years old, by the way.

Guinness is tasty, but I like it a little sweet.

Like an old Irishman who's like, oh, fuck.

We should, I do want to talk about New York specifics because, like, we're, we're here.

Uh, do you have like any, uh, I know we touched on some of this when you're in studio in LA, but like, like, like, where are you with pizza?

Do you have any, do you have any regular slice shops you like to go to or what you're looking for in a slice?

Sure, yeah.

I mean, pizza definitely.

I mean, look, I'm trying to be a good boy.

I'm trying to not get fattish, not continue to be fattish.

You're doing well.

Thank you.

I'm trying.

So I haven't, I haven't like re, because

I'm pretty, I moved into Manhattan.

I was in Queens for years, and there's some great slices over there that, like, I really like this place.

Rizzo is in Astoria that has their own kind of like crust.

It's a little, it's not as like, you know, the classic New York slice is, you know.

kind of thin crispy and i love that right that's great that's good

um and also just the classics here you know, this was not exactly like that.

It's a little softer.

I like that.

Eldis, you don't love Rizzos that much, right?

That's not your.

I do like Rizzos.

Oh, you do, okay.

But, you know, because it's not like the classic New York slice.

And then in Queens,

I loved this like kind of trash, because I also love kind of trashy pizza.

We kind of talked about it a little bit where it's like,

you know, Greek carry-outs have a specific kind of pizza that's like, it's not artisanal.

It's not good, but it just like, it just hits so nicely in this place um uh a retro pizza in nestoria in queens just does a dynamite right down the middle not great not bad always just hits the spot slice

the sauce is a little too sugary because it's like you know like bought it's like cisco probably and it has like high fructose corn syrup in it probably but i love i love some of that and then you know

The class, you can't, you really, truly cannot go wrong in this city.

Like,

I've just been stopping by and getting a single slice of cheese at every pizzeria in Manhattan that I like.

Whenever I'm kind of hungry and I'm like, I worked out, you know,

I can sort of spare the calories today.

I like to just try them out.

So I love the New York, New York slice.

I love, you know.

a variety of,

I want to have this encyclopedic knowledge so that next time I will have an annotated list for you.

But I think you can't, truly, it's like

you can't go wrong.

But I do, I will say, my favorite, like day to day, I like the New York slice, but I really do love the, uh, just a thicker sort of like a Sicilian, a Detroit style, like just something with a little bite to a little, where it feels almost like focaccia-y, where you feel the oil in the, in the, like, slice.

But that's also like you eat one of those and you're fucked, you know,

you're fucked for the day or whatever.

But yeah, it's great.

And it's like, that's the thing about New York is like, you just have the best of every food here.

Yeah.

Sushi's incredible.

We, we, the first day i moved in here me and a couple friends we were we were just walking around and we just stumbled onto a michelin star uh thai restaurant it was incredible there's you know the the chinatown here is incredible i mean it's i know it's uh whatever the soup month how it crock dough whatever the

super size month of bisques broth stews and super and you know what i will say that so the roast was one of the worst ones i've ever heard in my life i mean bar none it's horrible wordy too much, barely makes sense.

It's also kind of a roast on you because you,

if he's Siskel or Ebert, you're the other one.

Yeah, I guess I'd be probably Biscull in this calculation, right?

Yeah, I don't know.

And I would have gone by Bisquickwool.

You know what I mean?

That's kind of, that's a little fatter than Bis.

Yeah.

Anyway, but I will, I hate, and I, and I didn't like his whole attitude and the way he was describing stuff.

Yeah, fuck this.

But Ladle to the Grave was, I will take my cap.

Not bad.

You know?

Yeah.

Last time I was doing it, it was a guy who did Yoda's Yoda's nuts balls or whatever.

Yoda's nutsnack or something.

That was a good, that was a good.

Shout out to that guy.

He's going to be thrilled to get

a second shout-out.

More of that stuff.

But yeah, that doesn't make sense, but at least you're calling him balls and they're green.

Don't need to gild the lily.

Don't need to be too complicated with it.

Just be a Wario's hairy asshole.

Honestly, that's fucking great.

Wario's hairy asshole.

Right to the fucking point, dude.

I love that.

That's really good.

But yes, I just, I'm having a great time moving.

Like, I just walk around the neighborhood and I just like, I just see a restaurant.

I'm like, I have to try that.

And I just like make little fucking dots and I'm just, I'm going off.

I'm in a very much a sushi zone right now, just because it's like, you can eat it and not feel like a complete piece of shit, you know, if you just kind of don't do the fried rolls or whatever.

But New York is just, I mean, this is fucking town rules and the food is unbelievable.

It's a sad thing.

Yeah.

It's a sad thing for us that we come here here and we have to, one of our meals is White Castle or some or something

that we're eating right now.

The original soup kitchen today, of course.

Yeah.

I couldn't remember what name it goes by now because it was originally the soup kitchen international and then it became the original soup man and now it's the original soup kitchen.

Yeah.

A few different iterations.

Interesting.

But yeah, always that's the whole thing.

We go to great food cities when we're on the road and then we are always sacrificing a meal or meals for content.

Can I give you okay, not to use your podcast?

When you're traveling, just pick a famous restaurant and be in like an iconic restaurant from a place.

We've done that before, and it is way better.

It's way better.

And no one would be like, what the fuck?

This isn't chilies.

Well, you know what I mean?

And it may

lose them.

Fuck them.

You know what I mean?

Who gives a fuck?

No, we should.

Like, by the way, there's no, the soup, this guy doesn't have fucking.

I mean, I guess the New York thing and it's soup month, so you made an exception for the soup, the Seinfeld soup Nazi.

That's who this guy is.

So I get it, but yeah, fuck, fuck your listeners.

Just go have a good, just have a nice meal at a famous restaurant, and they can suck your dick.

And by the way, you fucking idiots, when you go on vacation, they fucking, they've, if, if Mitch can fit in the booth, you can too.

They've stress tested a nice restaurant.

You motherfuckers want to go to chain restaurants because you don't have the space, and I'm with you, I know.

But you should, this is, they're doing you a service.

If an autistic man and a fat man are welcomed in a fancy restaurant,

that's 90% of you.

I know that for a fact.

So they're doing a service for you.

Sorry,

usually combined.

It's all into one person.

So anyway, that's me getting ahead of them saying, hey, that's not a chain.

I say you do this.

We should do.

Every time you travel, pick one nice place and just review it.

New York also had

what was the

Asian soup place we went to,

which we loved.

Remember in New York City, the...

I mean, you're thinking of Jean Famous famous food but that's not just a soup not just soup it was a bunch of but that's but that's a fucking chain yeah we

have reviewed that before we reviewed it and it was great that's great that place is awesome that place is good and maybe we should have done that to you know we maybe should have revisited it instead of what we did but i think this was a i think this was a a good calculation i think that this might have been your pitch i can't remember we came up with this i did i think maybe you said and i said we might i was saying we should do it yeah

because you were like you were like i want to eat some good soup some chowder make me eat some dog shit and then but i have to admit, the soup Nazi is a good guy to pick coming to New York.

It's kind of classic.

Pretty iconic.

And have you ever had it before today or no?

No, no, no.

Do you have, just, just talking generally about soups, do you have any, do you have any favorite soups?

And, you know, like, I, I, I obviously have to ask about Greek soups in particular.

Yeah.

Well, Greek soups, honestly, I don't.

So growing up, so avgolemono is like a classic Greek soup.

It's sort of like a lemony.

It has, I don't know, avgo means egg.

I don't know what part the egg, I don't know where the egg is involved.

I did, and a lot of people will have that when they're sick or whatever.

Right.

I'm not a big, that was never, for some reason, Greek soups are kind of a, I don't really like a lot of them.

I don't like, you know, they'll have like a fasolada, which is like a bean kind of soup, chili stew thing.

Wasn't my thing as a kid.

My, my dad would make like a real like peasant ass.

either beef or fish like soup, which was just boil the vegetables a little bit, throw some fucking fish or beef into it, just a clear-ass broth, truly like a peasant's.

Like, we had all the bullshit in our fridge.

It was basically whatever, when the vegetables in your fridge are about to go bad, make a soup and then pick either fish or beef for it.

And so, I never, the Greek soups, honestly, for me, don't really, I was not a big soup guy.

I mean, lemon chicken soup, right?

Yeah, yeah, lemon chicken soup.

Um, yeah, like uh, yeah, I mean, Avgolemo, I think they'll throw some chicken in Avuolemon too.

Um, but I don't, I'm not a bit, you know, I was never the, you know, growing up, truly packaged ramen.

And then when I got my hands on like fucking Campbell's clam chowder, changed my, I was a big canned clam chowder.

As again, a fat child.

I was like, hell yeah, dude.

This is fucking.

I love seafood and it was like, nice.

It's creamy.

It's lettery.

It's not a bad.

It's not a bad.

Campbell's clam chowder is not a bad.

No.

And I think it was like the Donovan McNabb, Campbell's, Campbell's Mom commercials.

Like those, right?

Those worked on me.

As a child, advertising worked on me the way coffee shop chalkboards work on Elders.

And so I was just in on Campbell's immediately, you know, and then chili, too.

I know there's some controversy.

Is it a soup?

Is it not?

In my mind, it's like, it's fucking soup.

Who the fuck are we kidding?

It's off limits this month.

I get it.

Yeah, but I do love chili.

Except the soup man does make chili.

The soup man does make a chili, which I guess we will be about.

Fucking soup.

What are we talking about here?

I mean, this one's particularly was soup yeah like I think that if you have like a looser chili it it counts as a soup and this one was a little loose chili yeah I could see that yeah the the grade eight because some some chilies it's basically they're a fucking paste yeah you just smear them on the shit um but yeah that was kind of and then i was somebody who like you know growing up i had a we had a very like if it wasn't greek food i like it was it pizza or chinese no no exposure to any other cultures whatsoever and so it was like college when i like, I'm introduced to pho.

I remember the first time I went to a ramen place, I was like, what are you fucking out of your mind?

I'm going to pay $20 to have fucking ramen.

Ramen

costs nine cents or whatever.

But I really, Pho and Vietnamese soups in general, I really fucking love.

I mean, I've become like, especially going on the road, you get sick a lot.

It's like a classic, again, not too crazy of a meal.

If you want to kind of keep it a little light, especially if you're like all congested and shit, it's a go-to meal for me when I'm on the road.

Or if I'm feeling, that's become my, if I'm feeling sick, what soup do I get?

I get pho usually.

Sure.

And, you know, I'll still, obviously the classic,

I think why I took the clam chowder also as a kid is because not a ball, not a Greek soup, but a Baltimore thing was

cream of crab soup.

Oh, shit.

I've never had cream of crab at all.

You are going to, is it good?

That's going to change your life, brother.

I want to try it.

It's incredible.

It's so fucking good.

Where is it versus like a lobster bisque or a clam chowder?

Is it the same sort of principle?

It's a, it's similar.

It's not really, I mean, some of them have potato, but it's just like, it's, it's sherry.

It's

like sweeter.

It's like, kind of like, it almost tastes not cinnamon-y, but it's like, it's kind of got those elements of like,

I don't know.

I fucking love cream and crab.

It's just like, it's, it's, there is, bisque will have a little bit of tomato.

There is, this is white.

This is cream and crab.

It's just, that's what the fucking name is.

And yeah, I just, I fucking loved it growing up.

And, you know, throw some crackers in that bitch.

And if they really put a ton of, if you go to a good place where they'll, well, they'll fuck it up with like, you know,

they'll fuck it up with like plenty of crab meat.

It's awesome.

Yeah, sounds awesome.

That was, that was a, that was a soup.

That was a soup of my youth that really got me going.

I, you, we were talking about this beforehand, but we were talking about how like, you know,

we think we're, we're further ahead in the world than we are and we're very diverse.

But it is that sort of thing of like, I didn't have ramen.

I didn't have sushi till I was like in my 20s.

You know what I mean?

Like and growing up, we've talked about this before.

Like Mexican food was like the like you know the the most diverse food i would have it was like well i grew up in southern california so my i know it was

you're you were you're over in in new england there was a time when mexican food was not like a national cuisine no yeah

i mean i grew up on or taco night was like that came around when i'm like 15 16 and it was my mom seasoning ground beef the way she would for Greek food and just putting it in shitty shells.

You know what I mean?

And then we put sour cream and fucking cheese on top of it.

That was my, I hadn't even had Taco Bell.

Like, even though I was available, I was just like, my family, that was like literally too different for my family.

We just didn't do any of that shit.

100%.

Same.

And that's what ramens and fuzz and stuff like that.

I don't know if you ate those when you were younger, but that was like.

No, I mean, ramen, again, my experience was with it, was this is like a kind of a budget kind of like poverty meal, you know, like like, like, oh, I can get, I can get a cup noodle or a top ramen and it's cheap as shit.

And then it wasn't until like, yeah, I was in my 20s.

I was like, oh, I'll go to a nice ramen shop.

You know, but that's also like a thing that's roughly lined up with when these nicer ramen shops started expanding yeah in the states yeah yeah i think other soups have taken a bad i feel like you know soup nazi has fallen on hard times oh asian soups clear every other fucking genre of slew of soup yeah it's like i mean it's like i if i'm if i'm gonna have soup for dinner first of all i would never have soup for dinner until like it was always in an appetizer until Asian soups came into my life.

And it's they fuck.

And we haven't even, that's the thing.

There's so much more to like explore you know

pho is not as great obviously but then like a bunbo hoi where it's like they're like spicy lemongrass they got going on um you know ramen but like uh soba when you get like the thicker udon and like that like i just think i think the continent you know all of like sort of like asia just fucks everyone up when it comes to soup.

Yeah, which it feels, it feels like,

especially because I think it's mostly the noodles are so superior.

And the filling is so much more superior than like orzo or rye.

I mean, rice in a soup makes me fucking sick.

I see rice in a soup.

I'm like, this is fucked up.

Well, you also get like the Thai soups, which are like

its own sort of category.

I would not eat a trough-sized portion of like clam chowder or like split-pee soup for like dinner.

Sure, you know what I mean?

Like, but like, like, like having a huge ass, like, toilet bowl-sized, like, like, portion of ramen.

I'm like, this is fucking good.

I don't know why you got to say toilet bowl-size.

He thought it was the most appetizing

serve like serve uh plate or dish that he could possibly think of flush the leftovers

we almost did that with the leftovers today we almost did flush

on what do you do i i i often will flush leftover like soup down the toilet can you flush like can you flush food what happens if you throw up I mean,

I mean, like, yeah, obviously you can, I will throw up into a toilet.

You can flush.

You can flip

food.

It's just been processed.

I also thought it would have been nice to put the soup in the toilet because Mitch had shit in it.

And

I wanted to give my toilet a chaser afterwards.

Give it a bisque chaser after whatever atrocious dump Mitch took in it.

You went in to give it the soup and there was an empty bottle of Tylenol on the floor.

What are you doing, toilet?

What are you doing?

No, no, I get the plunger.

No, no,

I need you.

I have to shit inside of you soon.

This is the fourth toilet of my life who's committed suicide.

Not again.

The plumber is zipping it up in a black bag.

Toilet pulls through, but the toilet's kid goes on to host a podcast.

But I think the only like sort of American generally soups that even we could enter into some kind of tournament that would even could even possibly have an argument is like a clam chowder.

Yeah.

And look, I'm going to just say chili.

We got to make a version of chili that counts as a soup that's not too thick because that's an incredible soup.

I love chili.

And that's, that can be a meal.

It can definitely be a meal.

And that's the only thing in my opinion that all this other shit to me is like, yeah, it's canned.

Soups are.

a poverty food.

That's how they start.

It's you make a fucking bone last longer by fucking boiling it.

And they got way more creative.

They have better, like here, it's just like, yeah, split pea, cream of mushroom, all this fucking dog shit.

Get it out of my fucking face.

I just see, it seems like it's that it's time has passed a little bit.

Uh, also, I was gonna say on the uh, I, the, uh, the Apple podcast charts, toilet pod is above Doughboys.

Like, Fox spawns above toilet pod.

Uh, I think, I think Sup Nazi has fallen on hard times.

Uh, also because the name probably well, now it's probably got a big boost in popularity in popularity.

Actually, that might carry him.

You're like, what, this guy just Jewish?

Fuck.

There'd be a lot of guys pissed off.

After the Trump rally at MSG, I'm sure a lot of them went to the Soup Nazi and got pissed off when they found out the guy was Jewish.

They should just hire Michael Richards at Soup Nazi.

That would be fucking awesome.

They do have the actor Larry Thomas has like become like...

later became like kind of a brand ambassador, the actor who played the Soup Nazi.

And then, you know,

we went to the original case and Jason Alexander's headshot is there.

So like they're leaning into it a little bit more, but there was a time when that guy was like, fuck Seinfeld.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

He didn't like it.

He didn't like the association at all.

I'm curious before we get into the original soup kitchen.

Yes.

Like, do you have any favorite New York City soup shops?

Like, I know Hale and Hardy soups, which we used to like, that place is, I guess, completely folded.

But that used to be a lot of fun.

But like, I don't know if there's any like

even

though anything, yeah, yeah.

So, yeah,

when I first moved, I had a really shitty writing job in Times Square, and I did actually, I would go to Hail and Hardy if I, but again, it would always be sort of like a, you know, you get it with a, you do the classic tomato with some grilled cheese bullshit.

Like it was never, I could never

really

like have a soup for lunch.

That to me, it was just too depressing.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Um, but no, I mean, I really, yeah, I like, I really like, uh, I'm, I'm like what I was doing with the, like what I'm doing with the, um, uh, pizza spots.

I'm trying every pho place around like in sort of basically, literally in like lower Manhattan.

Most of it is in Chinatown, but like in Lower Manhattan.

There was a great place

in,

again, in Astoria where I used to live, Pho Indochin, I think it was called.

Great, great place.

Check that place out.

They also do a lot of like, I like regular, you know, the rest of Vietnamese food too.

And they got, they had a really nice.

uh menu uh pho bang is probably my favorite one and uh so far that i've that i've tried i really like that one and i haven't i'm ramens to me are great

but the really good ones are it's like it's such a fatty pork-based broth that I just I'm trying to stay away.

I'm trying to go for brothers that are a little lighter right now.

So I'm really in a pho zone right now.

We were talking, I mean, like ramen is the best, but you just, it's a thing you can't eat constantly as a 40-something-year-old boy.

Well, I also like, you know, because you get, you can get the shoyu ramen, which is usually a chicken base, but like I'm someone who's like, doesn't try not to eat pork.

And so much of the, the best ramen is like, like a tonkatsu or, or, or, you know, a different pork pork base.

And it's like, there are times I'm just like, ah, fuck it.

I'll just get the spicy pork.

But

I just feel,

I don't know.

I feel more, it's so dumb.

We all draw our own lines in terms of what we were willing to eat and not eat.

But like for me, it's like feels like a little bit more of a, I'm not trying to be on a high horse or anything.

I'm just saying, like, for me, it feels, it feels a little bit less, a little bit more ethically hazy.

Yeah.

So we just eat a little bit less pork.

So when you're denying yourself that, you're losing a lot of like the best shit that ramen has to offer.

Yeah, yeah.

Life and ramen has a really good chicken-based chicken broth.

Okay.

Yeah.

yeah because when i i like you know i feel like i don't know maybe 2015 16 there it felt like there was kind of a ramen craze um 2014 maybe it was even earlier because i feel like there was like a there was like some netflix that they had like a lot of i just for whatever reason and i really i remember taking a trip before i lived in new york and like trying different ramen places and even my little brother who like little you know he's he's two years younger he's he's a 34 year old man but yeah my younger brother even he would like it got to the point where he would, he was so into ramen that we, he, he would come up and just make pilgrimages to try specific ramen spots.

And I remember Ivan having a really good chicken-based one that maybe check out and that felt kind of fatty in the way the pork did, you know, yeah, it wasn't clear the way some chicken ones are.

So I don't know.

If you, you know, I know, you know, I know you.

you don't want to like harm pigs and i feel i feel bad they're so delicious they're so fucking good they'll never stop and i feel bad but whatever you know them ultimately

I think it's just kind of like

fucking everything.

You're just trying to minimize your impact, but it's like, it's the same thing as recycling.

It's such a drop in the bucket.

Like, there's a way you can talk yourself into, well, why even fucking bother?

Ride your high horse.

I think it's not, I personally can't ride any horse.

We went to Colorado.

We went to Colorado Springs, and my sister and mom were like, we're going a horseback ride.

I was like, cool, I'll come.

And then you were like, you can't get, you're going to kill the horse.

The horse will.

Is there a mutated Clydesdale?

No, I remember because when you're a little kid and someone have a pony at a birthday party, that's a tough one.

As a fat child, where the guy just looks at you like, nah.

I was like, nah, buddy, not going to be you.

That's a thousand-pound animal.

You can't get on top of that thing.

The other night,

I was filming and I ran long, and we had to cancel our record, and I had ordered a pork ramen.

This was back in LA.

It was a different back in LA.

And I ordered pork ramen with extra pork and extra egg.

And I was like, hey, Mike can have my ramen because we had already ordered it.

And then wise, you were like, Emil, you can have my ramen.

It was a fucking vegetarian ramen.

You're the vegan ramen.

It was a vegan ramen.

She got fucked over.

Yeah, that's a tough one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Veggie ramen.

Veggie ramen.

No, thanks.

No, it's always a bummer.

You know, yeah, and the places that don't have a chicken base, it's like that's your only one.

Oh, imagine the place doesn't have a

bad weird.

Yeah, we were.

Well, I'll give a teaser.

Daikakuya.

That's where we were going to go.

Yeah, I don't know if you've ever had that in Daikuya.

Oh, so it's my favorite.

It's a great spot.

And one of the places that kind of we'll get into it next week was, you know, kind of at the vanguard of making ramen a, a, a, you know, food you'd go out for in the States.

Cool.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

But the places, the place rocks.

Going to Japan.

I mean, I've been to Japan and having ramen there obviously is fucking insane.

Yeah.

I mean, it's, it, it feels even better than like what they say about here in pizza.

Like there, I truly like, I would randomly go somewhere, no, no research whatsoever and would have every best bowl of ramen I've ever had in my life all took place one trip in Japan.

No research whatsoever.

Right.

Just walking in, just walking around Tokyo and being like, I'm going to have, I'm hungry.

I'm going to the first place I find soup.

And it was always incredible.

I didn't have one bowl where I was like, wow, that was bad.

Or even subpar.

Yeah.

Fucking crazy.

I feel like Japan is the.

You're going to go somewhere.

I think you'll go to Japan.

I mean, I don't think you'll go anywhere.

Yeah.

Like Nosferata.

We'll put you in a fucking coffin and fucking sail you across the street.

We'll put you in a boat.

All the rats have been eaten on the way over.

That's me.

I'm his little fucking...

What's his name?

Not Igor.

What is his hell?

Oh, Renfield.

He's familiar.

He's familiar.

I want to ask you quickly.

Sure.

Pizza, the famous pizza spots.

Once, because we were on it.

Did you do Defaras ever?

Have you done that?

I actually don't know if I've done DeFara's.

The old man died, so that is like oh, that place.

No, I never, I've never gone to that one.

Johnson Bleaker, yeah,

that was really good.

That was very good.

Yep.

I really like Scars.

Scars, I heard

that.

That's the new hot spot.

Because I love a pepperoni.

I love a pepperoni, like a crispy cup.

Yeah.

Scars is fucking awesome.

I wish I could remember.

I went, again, just because I walk and I didn't, I don't remember where the fuck the place even was.

I think it was kind of closer.

I don't remember where it was, but I went to a place that was very good and they had a really good vodka slice.

I didn't have it, but like it, it I just happened to bump into the owner, uh, and I had their regular slice because I want to be a scientist about it and just start with a regular, but that the vodka was fucking, was looking really good.

But I wish I could remember the place.

Sorry, I'm fucking this guy over right now, but um, yeah, uh, just the class, I mean, they're, they're good, you know.

Joe's is, even though it's a we went to Joe's last night,

Joe's is good.

The people are too mean to Joe's.

They got one at L.A.

right down the middle, just like it's not, it's better than right down the middle, but it's just like a reliably, very good slice.

Is it, you know, like going to change your life?

Is it like a five out of five perfect?

Are they doing anything creative?

No, but they're fucking crushing a great slice.

Yeah.

Wax, how was your water there last night?

I just never, I was like, it was so fucking late.

Um, and uh, and I was like, if I have pizza now, I'm gonna have acid reflux.

I'm not gonna be able to sleep.

What time did you wake up today?

Oh, like nine something.

Jesus Christ.

You went to bed at about three.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, it's fine.

Yeah, you got six hours.

Six hours is not, yeah, it's not bad.

I usually sleep six hours.

I mean, I can't.

I wish I could sleep better.

I just can't.

Yeah, he, well, he can't.

The first time we went on tour, did we just, we just maybe told this story recently, but Wags came out in sunglasses and it was 10 p.m.

Maybe like the blue light blocking momentum.

Yeah, yeah.

Well,

I have the blue light blocking now, but like I was just on the road.

Oftentimes I'll just use sunglasses

so I don't have to travel with another pair of glasses.

Carl's hart thought he was doing a funny bit.

Are you gonna character?

Silly waggery and his funny little bit.

No, he's just a psychopath.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, just coming to silently sort of shame us so that we stop making noise so he can sleep.

There was noise being made on that trip.

That was a different chiller.

Oh, all right, yes.

Yeah,

you're mixing things.

There's some Arlo Hotel-style shenanigans happening?

Not from me, but yes.

Yes.

Eldous has sat through a couple of those, haven't you, little buddy?

Did they go as long as the Arlo one for me last night or no?

Definitely not long.

No, no, definitely not that long.

You screaming like

what are you doing in my private

one time I heard a girl gagging?

I was like, come on.

Jesus.

I mean, that's what I was thinking, too.

I was like, I'm getting my dick sucked, being like, all right.

There's a little much, sister.

It sucks to roll your eyes while getting your dick sucked.

It really took me out of the moment.

She's perfectly talking.

What's wrong?

I was getting my dicks sucked by Michael Winslow.

He's doing like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

He's making radar noises while sucking my dick.

Wages, you know what a scam I would fall for is?

What's that?

If I got a text that said, free cake, just put in all your information.

You get a free cake.

Come on down to the free cake store.

We got free cakes, but we just need all your personal information, your social security number, your date of birth, etc.

Then, yeah, I'm going to know that's a real security.

I'm signing up for that, Wigs.

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Wages, I just got a text from the free cake store.

Oh, man.

I'm there.

Let's go.

Hey, buddy.

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Wow.

It is Crock Doe Burn Fest 2025.

We're talking the original Soup Kitchen, the inspiration for the 1995 Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld.

Great episode of Television.

It is a great episode.

I mean, a classic.

A classic, easy.

Literally, I think that is how I learned the term Nazi.

Oh, wow.

I think I I knew about soup Nazis before I knew about regular Nazis.

Because I watched Seinfeld as like a seven-year, six or seven-year-old.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's such a funny, silly, it's kind of a very silly, almost like VOD.

You get the bit even as a child.

It's like this guy's stern.

He is very cart.

I mean, Seinfeld is a very cartoonish show sometimes, but that one in particular, it's like, this is a stern guy who can take away this soup.

that everyone loves.

And even a child could understand that concept.

And I just remember.

So anyway, I do legitimately think I knew about Sup Nazis before.

Probably a good way to ease into it, honestly.

It's probably the better way to kind of find out.

I think it was Indiana Jones for me.

Oh, oh, right.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Also, a cartoon Nazi, like, like, not, it doesn't actually feel like a threat.

And sure, you know, but um, uh, I mean, it does, but it's like in a movie the villain sort of sense, yeah, yeah, yeah, and they, yeah, they melt them out, they're defeated at the end.

Yeah, I miss fun Nazis, oh, yeah, yeah, I know.

Bring back somebody, bring back the fun Nazis because we're gonna deal with fucking real Nazis, you know, It really sucks.

That's what I was saying.

Yeah, soup Nazi just doesn't.

I mean, like you were saying, probably more popular, but just not as fun.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe the Red Skull or something.

You know what I mean?

That's fun.

That's more fun.

Anyway, so yeah, but Spike Ferrison, who wrote the episode, talked about, I mentioned this in my intro, but the interaction that happens with George Costanza, where he asks for bread and he's like, no soup for you, takes it away from him.

That actually happened to him.

So that was just like his direct experience.

That's crazy.

It opened in 1984 in Manhattan as Soup Kitchen International by Ali Yegan A.

is

the man who got crowned the soup Nazi against his witches, obviously.

It was closed in 2004, then reopened to the same space and named the original Soup Man.

They tried to expand it into a chain, which is partly why we're covering it.

There were about 20 of these at a certain point, but now it's back to a single location, rebranded yet again as the original soup kitchen.

I mentioned all this earlier.

Yegane is no longer involved with day-to-day operations, but he does oversee the soup recipes, apparently.

Uh-huh.

Interesting.

I mean, yeah, this

screams

barely.

This is like, this is a lot.

This is actually perfect as a soup because it is, they are making a very weak broth out of the bone of how good this restaurant was in the 80s.

You know what I mean?

Like, this is bull.

This sucks, dick.

I mean,

I don't want to like tip my cap too much, but it's like, this is like

it closed and then it reopened.

We tried to expand.

It's really, that makes so much sense to me because it feels like a very pale, a shell of itself sort of thing.

Like, having this soup, I can't imagine there was a time where somebody was like

that worried that this guy took their soup from him.

Here's a crazy thing I'm going to say right off the bat.

We liked it.

Nick and I liked it.

This is great.

This will open up a rich vein of conversation and debate.

But I want to say, like, Nick, and you're, I know, you know, you already did the intro and everything, but like, this really was that good.

Like, when it first opened, it was like that unimpeachably good?

Or was this Spike Ferencede had like a weird interaction?

It was like, this would would be a good idea.

Yeah, to Spike's Ferenc, like, did he just overdo it to make it for you know, dramatic stakes?

Or was this at one point known as like, whoa, you gotta go to this fucking place?

From what I, what I read, at a certain point, it drew a line.

Part of it was the quality, but also part of it was as a value proposition.

Like, like, like, the soup was like shockingly cheap.

Gotcha.

And but, but, like, you have- still not super expensive, it's still not super expensive.

Um, but, but you're having a uh,

I'm not gonna, never mind.

Okay, it's super expensive.

And I was gonna say, like, and I was like, why would I even like because you should, that's once.

Why would I say expensive is good?

Why would I do that?

It's wasting everyone's time.

It's like a fucking idiot.

I liked it.

We've all done it.

I shouldn't have brought it up.

I'm sorry.

I wasn't going to say anything.

I should have kept it in my head.

Anyway, he can't get roof access, can he?

I'm very nervous about him in a city with skyscrapers.

But like, I think part of it is

I feel like they're, they're just, just the general quality of soups that are available.

And part of this is what, to your point earlier, of just like the rise of Asian soups being widely available in the U.S.

soup is just at an at another level than it was in the 80s and 90s.

And also a soup chain is just like a chain, like soup, soup plantation, another place, which had way more than soup, what it seems like Soupman has.

Like

that, that we still call it that?

Well,

Super Plantation closed for good during the pandemic.

But I'm not sure if it's restricted.

The pandemic?

Yes, yeah.

It was called Suplantation in 2020.

It lasted a shockingly long time.

We reviewed Suplantation.

We reviewed Suplantation.

It was going strong after Doughboy started.

Supplantation is the portmanteau, but like, notably, and don't listen to that episode because I'm sure we're like, it's actually a fun name.

Things have changed even since then.

This episode's released.

The Suplantation Chain Rescue came out on Tuesday.

So we just talked about it.

We just reviewed everything.

We talked about it.

And we did it.

And you're like, we need stronger slavery themes in the name.

Let's stop pussyfooting around.

We were saying the name should change.

Yeah,

the name should have changed a long time ago.

But that's like a thing like, you know, like Six Flags, the theme park.

For the longest time, one of the six flags was the Confederate flag.

And that's one of the things they got rid of like 2014 or something like that.

At least you have to go through a little scavenger hunt to figure that out.

Yes, yeah.

It's not called General Lee's Six Flags.

You know what I mean?

Soup Plantation.

Soup Plantation insane name.

Why is soup draw

soup plantation and soup Nazi?

Like soup,

the most basic food has all these racist names attached to it.

The old man that dances is really happy with his plantation.

That's why the old guy is dancing.

Yeah.

He's thrilled with how things are going.

You know, that actually gives me a theory because this also, it's in Midtown, right?

The location's in like the the 50s or whatever, like 53rd or whatever.

I don't know exactly where, but it's like 53rd and like 6th.

Amazona.

Not far from Central Park, not far from Rockefeller Center.

We almost walked to Central Park to eat, and then we were like, let's just eat at the Le Pan Catidion.

We did the Le Pan Catidion across the street, which is another chain where you do it for soup month.

And it sucked way worse than this.

Interesting.

The soups were worse there.

The soup sucked, sure, but that's a good, that's a good place, I think.

Yeah.

We did, we did George Lucas' talk show yesterday, and a fan afterwards was like, why were you sitting outside Le Pang

had seen us and just didn't say anything.

Yes, yeah, they saw us and say shit to us, which is the it's sad when we hear that they're too scared to say hello to us,

too cowards to hear.

Yeah, I mean, that's insane.

You're right, it's on 55th and 8th.

So, so actually, this, that kind of makes sense because probably what was going on is this guy just was Halen Hardy.

You know what I mean?

There's this is in a time before, that's a, that's a place where it's very midtown, 55th and 8th, although in the 80s, it probably was a little shittier, but still by Rockefeller center like it's in a place where i'm guessing people were working a lot i mean you know the guy who wrote the episode it happened to him probably while he was writing seinfeld or whatever he was writing on letterman or letterman whatever yeah so it's a place it's it's by a busy place but there's a lot of office buildings he probably was just kind of the halen hardy of his time in a world before we had those so that actually makes a little more sense to me it's like because i couldn't It's weird to think of him as like this insane.

He has got the best soups of all time, but it makes way more sense where it was cheap.

It was quick.

It's right by your office.

That's why it was probably popular, and you didn't have like fucking Yelp.

So, like, discovering a place was like word of mouth, or you walked by it, you know, right, right.

Okay, that makes sense.

Well, the thing that was surprising to us when we were there yesterday is that it wasn't just tour, there were a lot of seemed what seemed like there did seem to be a lot of locals.

It was, it was not, you know, not as swarmed as like a Grey's papaya, but like the same similar sort of experience.

It feels like, oh, it people from different classes are coming to this.

Uh,

yeah, and it's not just tourists, I was a little surprised.

I've actually been lucky now that I'm thinking about with new york spots because grace papaya is good honestly

is great white castle is maybe the only one that yeah white castle sucks dude kind of bad yeah yeah well no we did guys american oh right that sucks shit we went to that

times square yeah

when the fuck did that close down you guys did that as soon as the podcast started i think they were closing down early walked out the door no it like closed the next year it was like you know that that place did not last very very long and it was like started anything like the problem with it with some of these guy fiery restaurants you're just like oh this is gonna be fun and then you go on there it's like no this is just kind of like inert, and should be more fun, they should have like guy's fries that look like his hair or something.

That's what they should do.

They should lean into it more because they got like the donkey sauce, but it's like that's as heightened as they get.

Yeah, the server should have fucking flame button-downs, you know what I mean?

They don't do any of that, it's crazy.

It's just this kind of a boring gastro pump vibe, yeah.

That's the same because I do honestly fuck with Guy, and I feel like he's kind of like Guy Fieri.

We like Guy, he's a good guy.

We're big guy grocery games fans here.

Me and Ells have watched hours of that.

That's wow, when chopped is a little too art artistic

too intellectual for you the people's version of chopped fucking snooty chops is on art house chops you know what I mean no no no throw on guys grocery games some guys chopping up hot dogs putting mayo in it you know what I mean

but yeah that's weird because I feel like I feel like he would be able to nail that.

That does make me sad.

Yeah.

That's the Bourdain, which I know you're in a Bourdain movie.

Yeah, coming up with

the thing that makes me dislike Bourdain a little bit, even though I love Bourdain and everything he did.

But he was very mean to Guy.

He was too, he bullied Guy too much, a little too much.

He did.

Yeah,

that was the, that was actually the moment that turned me to, where I was like, wait, is Guy very cool?

Because he like made fun of Bourdain for being on heroin.

He was like, he was like, oh, I'm sorry.

I was just cooking while you were doing fucking heroin, you piece of shit.

And that's like a pretty funny roast back.

It's like, oh, my bad.

I was just making food people love while you were fucking doing drugs and, you know, saying the best.

Oh, you got to go to this obscure fucking French.

Shut the fuck up.

Have a fucking hot dog.

Guy is the guy's game to, you know.

Absolutely.

Bourdain shop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I love both.

Yeah, I love both.

That is weird.

I feel like now.

I feel like they could have buried it.

They would have buried them.

I think so.

Yeah.

I do love, though, that's the sort of thing when you're just kind of talking.

When someone goes way too far in an argument, like just like immediately goes for whatever your weakest spot is.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That's a power move.

Yeah, it really is.

Oh, is that why your fucking mom died?

Jesus Christ.

That would happen.

I went to Baltimore City Public Schools.

That was awesome.

Whenever you would see that.

Yeah, yeah.

I remember don't say anything.

Like when something like that would happen, you're like, don't move.

You don't want to be brought into this.

Dude, I remember I was one of the jobs before I started stand-up full-time, like when I realized I needed to just do stand-up full-time is I was a tutor.

I was a writing tutor in my college and then I was like tutoring kids in Baltimore City.

And And I was like, this will be good.

I'll do like this after-school program.

And there's this like little reserved, like, you know, it was middle school.

I had a hunch he was gay, but they're kids.

So it was just like, I was like the kind of kid that like, oh, this kid would have gotten bullied when I was growing up.

And I was like, I have to like watch out for him, you know, whatever.

And some like girl.

Like says something like some like, and this girl was also like fat.

And he was just, and she's like, calls it, she, she called him a slur, a gay slur.

And he was like, that's why your mom was burned in a house fire.

Oh, my God.

And I was like, What the fuck?

And I was like, Jesus Christ.

Maybe I don't have to watch out for him.

And he got her, dude.

He got, and she was like, she's just shaken to her core.

And she just left him alone the whole semester after that.

Jesus, this kid just, I mean, I guess if you're like a, and he was smart as shit.

And he was, you know, I do think the kid was gay.

And so if you're like a nerd, and he looked like a classic fat little kid, little glasses, like, and then, dude, so you know, this kid just, he just punched back harder.

Had him the barrel.

He just had it, dude.

He had it locked and loaded for everyone.

I even saw him like sizing me up a couple times, and I like backed off.

Yeah.

Like, he gave me the look where I was like, this is the look I give when I'm about to roast someone, and I want no parts of this child, you know.

You know, you know, how I mean, I'm sure you know this too, is that that fat guys just get stray bullets all the time.

It's like, two guys are fighting, they're like, and fuck you, you fat fucker.

Like, I'm just sitting here watching it.

What the fuck did I do?

Yeah, because it's very easy.

It's so easy.

You're in rhythm.

You're like,

you know what I mean?

Just like,

it feels nice to just get a fat kid or someone who's like cross-eyed.

You know what I mean?

Just these very obvious visual things where there's no work to be done, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

But no, anyway,

I don't know.

Can you see if you can look up the quote?

The exact quote.

I would love to know if I, I think it was something.

You just look up like Guy Fieri, Anthony Bourdain, heroin.

It might come up.

They would have buried the hatchet.

I think so.

I think so.

Although Guy Hayes, the jewelry is getting a little wild, even as a guy fan.

Yeah, yeah.

He's looking like a member of Migos these days.

His chains are getting, and I respect him and I love it.

And I'm a chain guy myself, but he's wearing like shit that you like, like lock up a bicycle with or like a motorcycle with, you know?

Man, if only Bourdain didn't meet Aja Argento, everything.

Yeah, could have buried the hatchet.

I like what there was.

I mean, first off,

when Diders Drives and Dives, this is documented,

goes to a restaurant, goes to a local shop.

There's like something like a permanent 200% increase in business.

Like, it's crazy how much publicity he gives some of these chains, like breathes new life into them.

Sometimes they don't deserve it.

They don't deserve it necessarily.

The diner in Greektown, it was like fine.

And dude, they made up a dish.

Like, I've been going there, my, like, I've been going there since it opened.

And they were like, you got to try our famous riblets.

I was like, you've never cooked this once.

They made up, because it was just a shitty diner that had no specialties.

And they just made up three dishes.

And like like four months after, I think actually that diner might be the only one that didn't get the bump.

Wow.

Just went quickly back to where it was.

I found that.

I found the quote.

You have the quote.

During a 2012 roast of Anthony Bourdain at the New York City Inline Food Festival, Fiery got his chance to fire back at his tormentor.

Fiery's line was, I hear you're the only one in class who did most of his cooking with a spoon and a big lighter.

That's pretty good.

Oh, my God.

That's a fucking good joke, man.

That's a good joke.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

He got his ass, you have to admit.

And right after that, he's like, Mike Mitchell's a fat fucker.

Wasn't even there.

Looking forward to getting like a text from like Josh Gondelman or something.

He's like, I actually wrote that show for you.

So, okay, so you'd never been here before.

Never been there, no.

Didn't even know it still existed.

I thought it was like, you know, from the times of your life.

Exactly.

I didn't know it still existed.

And I guess in some ways it doesn't.

It's not the original.

Exactly.

Yeah.

It's a simulacrum of what it once was.

But I think there's also an element of like, it's frozen in time.

Like it feels like these are the same recipes that they were serving in 1984.

Very much a hole in the wall.

It is just,

you cannot sit down on there.

There's a little

cart that they move out of the way to take, which we were there.

They took a soup off the thing.

Yes, we witnessed in real time.

It was actually pretty exciting that they swapped out potato with bacon for split pea.

And we're like, holy shit, there's a new soup up there.

They saw two dorks be like, Holy shit, holy shit,

all right, they switched it to a shittier soup.

Potato bacon sounds kind of good.

It did sound good.

I know we were sad, and it was a shittier, much shittier soup.

The split pea was pretty disappointing.

We'll get into it.

But the, but, like, if you've seen the Seinfeld episode, there's an interior, there's like a whole counter, and there, there's like a, you know,

it feels more like a chipotle or something like this.

This is much more of just like a uh, just an open-facing business.

You're you're ordering from the sidewalk so yeah it's pretty it's pretty modest and there's no place to eat uh which is why we ended up at the at the tables outside the uh the the le

pan continuing i was gonna say they sell mugs coffee mugs and shirts that's right

which for me

on me but but it looks good they're real they're oh thank you

do you want to check the classic fat guy thing is going one size here's the thing fat guys need to understand you're never gonna everyone knows you're fat yeah you know what i mean a little extra room on the 3x

just

get the one that closest fits your body because you think, oh, if it's billowy, everyone will think I'm a skinny man in an oversized shirt.

It's like, no, just be a little tight.

I think that's a good fit for you, Mitch.

I thought they were a little tight, but I also, look, I haven't taken arms looking good.

You know what I'm saying?

I haven't taken the shot in two weeks.

Oh, really?

So, and also, I think I'll always look bid unless there's a Zepp bound that makes your head get smaller.

You have to get Irish Zepp bound.

But I haven't taken the shot in a couple weeks, which also is nice to, I had food poisoning, had diarrhea, and so I didn't take it.

And then now I got to enjoy New York more because of this.

That's actually, like, and this is me, you know, not knowing how these drugs work, but the, like, if you're having like some sort of intestinal distress or something like that, you might actually just go off of it for a time.

That's the thing they'll advise you to do.

My doctor said to go off it for a week, and I changed it to two weeks, which you probably won't be having.

A little vacation.

A little vacation.

but

we were talking about it, and it's that sort of thing of uh on our fat guy text,

which it is like when if you got food poisoning, it does slow down your digestion.

And some people have been

for me.

What happened to me is like, I got

food poisoning with the and actually the timing was horrible because I got food poisoning when I was going up in dose.

Oh, Jesus, and so that usually just kind of makes you feel a little queasy.

Yeah, but this was like food, and I was sick as it was before the tour, Eldis.

Those shrimp like literally before the night before a

two-month tour i got food poisoning i was just i had to get on a cross-country flight like the day after having insane food poisoning it was it was nuts because did you feel for like a week basically i felt bad for a couple days extra but that's the that's the up thing about these meds is that i do think part of why they work is they just give you food poisoning half the time and you're just like well i can't fucking eat you know like and truly i bet you a lot of people that's how it works because like it feels that way sometimes.

That's why I didn't.

At first, I was just like, I'm, I, I feel fine.

And then I went into a wardrobe fitting and I was like, I'm going to faint to the costumer.

And she's like, oh, great.

A 300-pound guy is going to fall over in the room.

And she got me a Coke and I felt a little better, but then shit the entire weekend, basically.

Yeah.

Mitch, you want to show the back of the shirt?

I'm not sure if you're not sure.

Oh, sure.

It's a soup for me on the front of New York City.

And on the back, we have the no soup for you.

Is it there?

Yeah.

That's nice.

Legs hurt just from squatting.

So, yeah, again, they're fully leaning into the Seinfeld connection at this point.

I'll just say that there were there we actually bought five shirts total.

We bought two and then we bought two and we thought it would be funny to come in wearing the shirts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then you lost them.

We went to, okay, look, here's the thing.

I had the shirts with me.

They were in a paper bag.

We went to the George Lucas talk show and somewhere, it got misplaced somehow backstage.

It got misplaced.

It was my fault.

And then you can deliver, you can get the shirts delivered.

And then today I made the executive decision to get to just get all of our shirts.

I'm the only one who ended up wearing it for, I think, because you hate it.

I had, yeah, I just did not want to give it free advertisement.

Yeah.

And you, and you just, and then when you saw Stavi out of it, you were, you were done with it.

It's like LV on an island.

Yeah.

So now you have the Soup Nazi shirt, if you want.

I'll wear it.

I'm happy.

You know, I'll wear it.

But, you know, I just, we can get it.

We can, whenever you guys want to engage critically, I'm happy to do it.

Let's talk about it.

Also, I'm glad that the Soup Nazi, it doesn't say Soup Nazi or anything like that.

They made the right decision with the shirt.

The color color scheme's not red and black, red, white, and black.

Swastika was soup.

Like they just shaped ladles to be swastikas.

Gets his federal funding pulled so they have to put soup Nazi on the shirt again.

So we got the lobster bisque, the clam chowder, the chicken and rice, the black bean, chicken gumbo, jambalaya, corn chowder, minestrone, and split pea.

There was some overlap, stop, but but they they fucking uh changed the menu daily.

So, like, which I like, I do like that.

I do like that a lot, and that's part of the appeal of this place.

You never quite know what you're gonna get.

God bless you, yeah.

So, I got a different lineup.

Yeah, um, I got, I took, no, I took copious notes here.

You know, I'm uh, I'm pro on your legal pad, on my legal pad.

I was thinking it reminded me: my dad had yellow legal pads everywhere, and it was very funny for us that our version of it is soup.

We're we're making jokes about soup on the legal pads.

Yeah, soup tastes like foreskin.

Your dad's like fucking writing notes for the Supreme Court or whatever the fuck.

And I'm just like,

chicken chowder or smegma chowder?

So, yeah, I got chicken.

My dad, meanwhile, is getting Roe Brus Wade overturned.

We're going to show these whores who's boss.

Go get him down.

He was a train man.

He worked in trains.

Trains, interesting.

Yeah, so I had like chicken chowder, chicken corn chowder, potato leek.

I don't fuck.

Do you want me to listen?

Yes, please.

So we got chicken corn chowder, potato leek, tomato bisque, chicken chili, Italian wedding soup, shrimp corn chowder, jambalaya lobster bisque, and vegetarian chili.

Yes.

Yeah.

So and I want to just take, I wanted to try them all.

You know what I mean?

Of course.

Have an opinion, take a couple spoonfuls.

And I will say, I did not end up having more than one spoonful of all.

Like, there's a couple that I kind of, I did not, overall, I was very disappointed with this, with this offering.

Uh, I just thought it seems like you had a, you had you were, you had a quick lunch before soup tasting, and it did look like a better lunch.

Yeah, and it was like packaged fucking mac and cheese and like steak I cooked three days ago, and that looked better than

this shit.

But I don't know, I think overall,

it reit just, it was the highest this got to me was replacement level soup.

Like to me, I bet you there's versions of all of these soups canned that are better.

That I think they exist.

I didn't, I didn't have one that knocked my socks off.

There was one that was like, the closest it got to was the lobster bisque, which, and I graded them all, Doughboy style.

It didn't, I didn't give a single one of them four.

Wow.

Wow.

To me, the lobster bisque got to 3.75, but I didn't have a single one that got to four.

And they really lived mostly in the 2.5 to 3.5 range.

And maybe one was, I gave one, I gave the Italian wedding soup zero stars.

I thought it was completely dog shit.

Oh, man.

And I will say, in general, the soup, the soup Nazi, the soup man, whatever, love too much fucking carrot.

There was carrots in every fucking soup.

This is the thing that

Nick pointed out yesterday.

Oh, there's so much shredded carrot.

In everything.

It was filler.

There was a lot of filler.

But I'm happy to go through each soup, whatever you guys want.

Let's talk about it.

So, I mean, the lobster bisque was our favorite.

Mitch and I came to a consensus.

We ranked them one through nine.

And yes, the thing is, like, the small is quite small.

It's just like a little, you know, like a like a like a half mug basically of soup.

So, not only were we sitting outside Le Pan to kitty to kitty in.

What the fuck?

How's the kitty in?

Kitty in.

Code tidienne.

Le Pin code tidion.

But we were out there and also sharing soups back and forth.

I would spoon one and then he would spoon one.

That really looks like

two homeless guys found a soup man gift card.

We, uh, we, but yeah, the, the, like, if you want to try a bunch, there's a way to do it here.

We basically had like sort of a sampler sort of platter.

Yeah.

The lobster bisque was our favorite, and the second one was the other seafood soup, which was the clam chowder.

I wish you had the clam chowder because I'm a big clam chowder fan.

But here's what I'll say.

I mean, you know, I thought those rich and creamy, lots of clams, vegetable chunks.

You know, it

It was pretty hearty.

It was filling.

But to your point about replacement level soups, yes.

Is this better than like a clam chowder you could get at a lot of places?

I'm not sure if this is notably like...

I'm not saying grocery store.

I'm not saying even restaurants.

I think you can find canned versions that are just at a shitty grocery store.

They're just as good.

You go to fucking Whole Foods, you go to an artisan place.

There's canned versions that I, for my money, are probably better is my hunch.

Some of those nice, like, jarred soups you'll get or whatever.

Yes.

We thought that none of them were bad, quote unquote.

We didn't.

I tried that, and I agree that that was probably the worst one I had.

I think a few of them were kind of bad.

Yes,

a few of them were kind of, yes, kind of bad, but we weren't.

Also, we did Le Pen to

Catidienne.

Jesus Christ.

And that was the last soup place we had.

And all of them were basically better than what we were doing.

Oh, interesting.

So I think that we were going into it.

That's also where our heads were at.

And then also.

it's not a fucking soup place.

The fuck that place is like a breakfast.

It is, yeah, but they have a lot of soups.

Okay.

I guess like going to Panera first.

Like, yeah, we do.

Honestly, I would rather go to fucking Panera.

Look, we had a blast at Panera.

I would rather go back.

Without question, I would rather have soup from Panera than from a restaurant called the Original Soup Kitchen.

Yeah.

All they do is fucking soups.

And a place that's the most corporate chain you could possibly think of that doesn't even specialize in soup fucking kicks their ass, in my opinion.

Okay, that is kind of fair now because we we loved we we loved panera that which which we just reviewed and and uh look the lobster bisque and clam chowder up there with those soups i would say those are good yeah yeah we really we really enjoyed those but lobster bisque to me it's like it was the best one that i had but i think it might be the worst lobster bisque i've ever had in my life

like

like it was me here's the thing the i'll give them i'll tip my cap that they had real chunks of meat not like bullshit chunks they did yeah which that's good.

But I just thought this, like, the, and I look, obviously, I'm not a big veggie guy philosophically.

Yeah.

But just, but in this,

in a good soup, the right veggies, like, I just thought, I never thought it was the right combination of veggies

one single time.

I always thought something was a little off.

And mostly it was carrots.

Like, like the potato leek soup actually was pretty good, I thought.

I thought the potato leek soup, I tried that too, and I thought that was decent.

It looked like shit, but like the potatoes and the flavor, the actual broth was pretty good.

But why the fuck were there shredded carrots in it?

I didn't think the same thing.

Disorienting.

Eating the tomato.

I just got a tomato bisque for myself today, a small one.

And I like was shocked that there was carrots in it.

I've never had carrots in a tomato bisque.

It's like a standard garnish on all of them.

Yeah,

it's a little confusing.

I think every single one of the soups had some shredded carrots in it.

Yeah, what the fuck is that?

Also, just the quirk of this place, like every soup comes with bread, which you'd expect, but also a piece of fresh fruit.

So yesterday we were getting pears today it was bananas

all right uh and most of them are green though yeah and you get a mint so yesterday they were andy's mint so i was like okay that's what today they were your peppermint patties like why does that even change yeah really strange there was a there was a there was a place where you could buy bunnies next door to the soup kitchen and i wonder if it just is there's extra carrots floating around

i liked it no i liked it by the way way, not true they don't eat carrots.

Did you know that?

Is that real?

It was, that it is a,

they were making fun of a Humphrey Bogart character that ate carrots like that.

That it's a, it is a, like, basically like a scary movie level spoof joke that Bugs Bunny was doing from a specific movie where Humphrey Bogart eats a character like a carrot like that.

And, but people just, it became so Bugs Bunny's thing after that that people think Bunny, it's all Bugs Bunny and bunnies do not eat carrots at all.

they don't like carrots they eat fucking lettuce

yeah what about carrots wild yeah that's insane did you know this um i mean i don't think i i like i assume they didn't eat them like they were chomp on a cigar but like i i i guess i probably thought that they would maybe if there was a carrot they would eat some of it yeah that's what i think maybe it was even humve bogo was smoking a cigar or something i don't know yeah but i don't but you know i saw a fucking instagram reel about it or some shit and i took it as gospel yeah yeah and it makes sense because i i've never seen a when they when i when i saw that i was like oh yeah i've I've never seen a fucking rabbit eat a carrot in my life.

I mean, look,

then they would not like any of these soups because

there is too much fucking carrot.

If you were planning on serving these soups to your bunny, don't do it.

I think three of these soups were pretty good.

I think the lobster biscuit clown chowder and the chicken and rice, which had a creamy base and a good texture to it.

If our listeners have bunnies, they've petted them to death.

All right.

There was a black bean soup, which had a good texture, but it was pretty underseasoned.

And you can add like a number of accompaniments for these.

We got some sour cream for the black bean, which was the only one with that any of those add-ons made sense to you.

You had a huge addition because it was just like eating straight black beans out of a can.

Once you added sour cream, it went a long way.

But it's also like, if you need to wake it up with sour cream, what are you really getting here?

And then everything from there was like kind of like, to me, a mid or below.

And that's a great point.

All these soups were, I could, I could tweak one thing and they would be passable, but they all, not to go back to our, they all felt like chopped ingredients to me, right?

Where it's like, what would you do to make this good?

That's what every one of these fucking soups felt like to me.

It's like there was like the lobster bisque, take the fucking lobster meat out.

That's what you do to make it and make a fucking you know, sandwich or some shit.

Yeah, you got halibut, sourdough croutons, almond butter, and like dog cum.

Like,

see what you got

and like, and and like

it sounds good.

Yeah, like, the chicken chili felt like was the most out of a canned soup.

Like, the season, seasoning, big problem.

Yeah.

This shit was.

Everything was underseason.

I don't think anything except, I think maybe the potato leek was pretty seasoned well in my case.

Even the lobster bisque, like,

most of it was just either not salty enough.

The jambalaya was nicely spicy, but not salty.

I just.

The jambalaya was just okay.

It was like, because because you feel like you're going to have a good jump.

All of it's just okay.

The veggie chili, no flavor whatsoever ever.

The shrimp and corn chowder, that just sucked, dick.

The shrimp was like, the shrimp was those little fucked up.

It was like they, it's like they took, they went to the shittiest Chinese food restaurant you've ever been to in your life, bought shrimp egg rolls from them and picked out those little fucked up shrimp egg shrimps that you would get at low-grade Chinese restaurants and put those in a fucking store.

It felt like pet store food for like fucking bigger fish.

Yes, Yes, it fucking sucked.

It was, even the, even the, like, the, like, the Italian wedding soup looked like, it looked all the like veggies and shit, it looked like fucking, it was so clear.

It looked like shit that came out of a gutter.

You know what I mean?

Like, runoff from your fucking gutter.

It sucked.

This place was fucking horrible.

We did have some in our Jambalaya.

There were some, some of those little tiny shrimps.

And then, Mitch, I don't know if you remember, you took one out and said it reminded you of your dick.

You used that to stuff your next Halloween costume.

Oh, you're a baby.

They finally get it.

How were you on the soup?

What was your final thoughts besides obviously?

I mean, I finished it.

The carrots was off-putting.

I think.

The finishing was okay.

Yeah.

I mean, it's just like it's tomato soup.

It's not like carrots are very odd to add into a tomato soup.

It's weird.

Like a lot of broths and stuff start with like the mirepoix, which is celery and carrots and onion, and you just reduce it down like crazy, and that's like gives it good flavor.

But I've never seen that much, like, shredded.

It was like the kind of shredded carrots you get on top of like a garden salad from wherever the fuck.

So that was bizarre.

I was saying, younger me would have hated it because I did.

I don't want veggies in my tomato soup.

Usually, I just want like the Panera tomato soup, just like simple, creamy and delicious, yeah, creamy and delicious.

Tomato soup is fucking delicious.

But I, I mean, I enjoyed it.

It could definitely have used some salt and pepper, maybe.

And Mike and Elders, you did not eat any soup, right?

I don't like soup.

Oh, you don't like soup?

philosophically anti-soup philosophically yeah do you have a favorite soup if you had to have one what would it be

yeah mozza balls what is the mike what is the reason for for your distaste for soup in general it just doesn't fill me up at all it's not a meal to me yeah you're you're you're a gym bro you're you're you know you're dude loves to work out yeah but so like it could be that but it's also like even as a even as a as an appetizer you're not as like like a cup of soup is not something you're gonna fancy you're a big gym bro mike i didn't know i didn't i didn't know this oh yeah, he's always pushing people.

Come on, dude.

You don't disrespect the man's physique, dude.

Oh, no,

I didn't mean it.

You want to see?

You want to see?

I enjoy watching people work out.

I'll come to the gym and watch it someday.

Come on down, man.

Just drinking a Coke.

I really like clam chowder.

There we go.

All right.

It's all right.

And that's a good one.

That's how I feel.

It's like if I'm going to a certain place, like a great, you know, like as an appetizer, if you're, you know, in New England anywhere, I'm having clam chowder.

I'm having a cup no matter what restaurant I'm in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they do.

And I guess the clam chowder yesterday, New England clam chowder will beat that clam chowder yesterday, no matter what.

Of course.

I thought the lobster bisque.

Campbell's clam, Campbell's canned, like fucking clam chowder.

Okay, to be fair, I haven't had the clam chowder, but if you're ranking it under the bisque, canned clam chowder is better than it.

I don't know if I'd go that far, but no, but like, but certainly certainly, like, you know, legal seafood, for instance, which we reviewed in Boston, like, that clam chowder is head and shoulders.

Oh, that's a thousand percent better.

Yeah, and again, that's just like, you know, it's a seafood restaurant, so they should have a clam chowder, but but you know, this is uh, to Savage's point, it's like this is a soup restaurant, yeah.

Like, this is their whole thing.

Eldis, you're a soup guy, or what's your, what's your, what's your thing with soup?

Uh, yeah, I like soup, they're fun, they're fun to make.

There's so many different things you can do with them, afternoon or soup, yeah.

But yeah, he hasn't walked by a soup restaurant to tell him which one he should have every day.

Cold brew-infused clam trouble.

That might be good.

What is your favorite soup?

God, I don't know.

I mean,

you're Albanian, is that correct?

I am Albanian.

Is there an Albanian soup?

Yeah, there is.

It's a donkey shit and mud soup.

Don't listen to this disgusting racist propaganda.

That's what they have when their oldest daughter gets married.

That's the special occasion soup.

mean, Albanian, a big one growing up was fasule, just this like awesome

thick, like lentil soup.

Lentils,

they made we made lentils too, but no, this is like a white bean.

Oh, okay.

White bean, like red tomato weed kind of soup.

We did lentils too.

We did make avgolemano and not a lot.

My favorite soup, I mean, I feel like pho.

Yeah.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Pho is just such a good go-to.

It's like awesome in the winter, obviously.

It's awesome in the summer.

Good hangover food.

Good hangover food.

And I feel like, I don't know, I've never had like, it's kind of like a pizza thing for me.

I don't think I've had like that many awful, awful fuzz in my life.

Like, even the mid-grade is pretty damn good.

So.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

I really like a Fu Bavine, which is the one that comes with the meatballs.

Oh, yeah.

See, I'm not a meat.

I hate those meatballs.

Oh, interesting.

We're really not philosophically aligned soup-wise.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I actually like, I really like, I'm a big tendon and tripe guy.

Oh, that's fine.

Yeah, sure.

I don't know.

Something about the meatballs, they're a little too gummy.

They're a little too.

I see the gummy texture, I don't mind.

Okay, I like them too.

I like the meatballs, but I do, I will do the

steak and the meatballs.

Yeah, I like a brick.

I like the fatty brisket.

Yeah.

I don't like the rare steak because it just, it just gets.

I've been doing the thing where I take it out earlier, actually, where it's like, I keep it a little uncooked because it like really, the one they give you rare just dries up so fast.

I I like a fattier cut.

I like the like connective tissue shit.

Like tendon and tripe, I like that because it just kind of is kind of like, I don't know, has a little interesting texture to it.

But otherwise, I feel like it gets the meatballs and the

rare steak get too dried out for me personally.

Nellie really likes the tendon and tripe.

She really likes that in a

menudo, too.

It's the same.

Like you know, you get you get those

offal in soup sometimes.

It's just like

soaps, sops it up real nicely.

Yeah.

I mean, look,

I think American, the American soup time has kind of it's over, it's crumbling, right?

Like, like, yeah, much like the American Empire, it's just kind of like you know, the sun is setting on it.

Asia's beating us in both, in both categories, yeah.

Infrastructure, quality of life, soup.

It's all, we're all,

it's the Chinese century, man.

I'm signing up, President Xi Jinping.

I am ready to enlist in the Red Army.

I'd love for, if we look, if we could get high-speed rail in the the U.S., I'm all for global dictator, Xi Jinping.

Like, whatnot.

Let's just make it happen.

Yeah.

But, but it's, it's, yeah, I mean, like, because it's also like, it's not like we have freedom of speech here.

No, we don't.

Yeah.

So, like, what are we, what are we clinging to?

Just be, yeah, they're upfront about.

Like, no, I mean, have it, listen, where you get health care, you get, you know, an affordable apartment.

Don't bad mouth the president.

Right.

Everything will be okay.

Great.

Fucking awesome.

I'll shut the fuck up.

Yeah.

If I can get from here to Baltimore in like two hours, an hour 30, fuck yeah dude i'm down because we're getting nothing for that trainer we're getting nothing yeah so you'd sell everything just for a train it seems like i think so yeah i'm kind of with wiggle

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We should get to our final thoughts on original soup, man.

I'm sorry, original soup kitchen.

Another problem, by the way, a soup kitchen does not.

If I saw original soup kitchen, I would think it's a soup kitchen.

Yeah, the serving, you know, like bad branding all around.

Very, very disorienting.

Stop, you know, the podcast before.

We will go around and review this.

Final thoughts and give it a score from zero to five forks.

However, because it is soup month, because it's croc dough burn fest,

we are not doing forks.

We've been changing it up each week.

We did, do you remember any of them?

We did, we did soup forks.

We did gator peens.

We did another one with Jason.

I forget what we did with Jason.

How about afternooners?

Afternooners, dude.

Zero to five afternooners.

You walked in, Stob, and I was here with Aldous, and I said, oh, Aldous gave me an afternooner.

Did you remember what you said?

Yeah, I was like, yeah, he sucked you off and gave you a foot rub and sucked your dick.

You said it was an Albanian custom.

Yeah, yeah.

That's right.

Albanian hospitality.

Stav,

your thoughts and your score and afternooners.

Yeah, I mean, look, I was excited because I do, I love, this is an iconic episode of television.

I would have loved to try a soup that was so high quality.

You know, George Costanza got nervous and lost.

Like, I wanted to be, I was kind of like, oh, this is fun.

Even when you texted me, I was like, oh,

I was like thinking, oh, we can go to some good.

I was literally like, maybe we go to some good, like, like Chinatown, ramen, or pho place when we were talking.

And then you're like, how about the, you know, the soup nazi?

I was like, you know what?

That's fun.

It's New York.

I've never done it.

So I was pumped.

And I was like,

and surely I'm getting nine soups.

I'm sure they're not all going to be good, but there's going to be some standouts.

And it was one of those things where, with each passing soup, it was like when Donald Trump was running for president, it's like, Wait, is this, are these all going to be bad?

Like, it was like

with each passing one, you're like, Wait, is this really going to happen?

Is this, and that's what it felt.

Every spoonful, I was like, Huh, all right, well, just, I guess, I started with the shitty one, and then it was like, okay, oh, for two.

I'm sure this next one will be good.

And they were just like, I just, I mean, going down, it was like, every note is, why is there carrots in here?

Yeah.

And all the scores are like 2.5.

You know, chicken chowder, 2.5.

Potato leek, 2.5.

Italian money soup, zero, zero afternooners.

Chicken chili, three.

Unremarkable is what I said here.

Tomato bisque

should have been a three.

Why is there carrots?

Deducted 2.5.

Shrimp chowder, same thing.

Should have been three.

Why is there carrots in a shrimp?

Corn chowder?

2.5.

And it's low-quality shrimp.

Veggie chili, 2, no flavor.

Jambalai gets a 3.5.

Bad, but at least it's spicy.

Lobster bisque, 3.75.

No carrots in that one, which is probably helpful.

I don't even.

They might have been.

There might have been.

I think there was a difference.

There might have been a carrot or two.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But even the like,

yeah, I don't know.

I got a.

I also gave a couple the dunk tests.

I was like, all right, at least these will be good dunking.

And it's like, only the potato, leek, lobster bisque and tomato pass the dunk test and that's tough yeah dunking soup is like the fucking best thing in the world that's if a soup can't be awesome dunked with bread you're you it's just i don't know two stars two two afternooners who afternooners wow

all right yeah i can't i can't i can't in good conscience give it anything more than that wow a thing that you a thing that you put in my head i mean you have the breakdown of the soups that we liked in order right so yeah you want me to go through them in order sure uh from from one to nine, lobster bisque, clam chowder, chicken and rice, black bean, chicken gumbo, jambalaya, corn chowder, minestrotti, and split pea.

So, the thing that you made me think of is that at Black Bean, you're starting to get to soups.

I would not just go and like, if you're like, hey, it's lunchtime, and will I go get a black bean soup from the original soup kitchen?

No, I wouldn't, right?

Like, would you for lunch, even with a piece of fruit and bread?

Yeah, no.

I mean, the other three, I would go and get lunch there.

And I I did think that those were close to four

afternooners.

Interesting.

I liked them.

They were good.

I don't know.

Which ones are these?

The lobster bisque, clam chowder, and chicken and rice.

I guess not four forks for the clam chowder.

Cause like maybe three and a half forks.

Yeah.

The lobster bisque was around four forks for me.

And then the chicken and rice was like three and a half.

It's tough.

Look, the place also.

has lobster rolls and that's what they're really pushing which to me is just a sign bizarre it's a sign that things aren't aren't like the lobster Nazi, that's not what it is.

You know what I mean?

This is also a recent addition to the menu.

Like, this was not a thing they've always had.

This is that's why the lobster bisque had quality lobster, yes, yeah, because that makes sense.

Every other meat was kind of dog shit, you know, yeah.

No, and I think, I think, it's like when a place is that like we're a soup place and they're pushing lobster rolls, that's not the pizza hut.

We got awesome fried chicken.

It doesn't make any fucking sense.

No, it doesn't make sense, and it's a sign of a place like like getting bad and

the concept isn't working.

But I still had fun with you, Wags.

I don't know.

We had a great time.

It was, I was thinking a lot of the episode.

Maybe that was kind of in my mind.

We had to know.

We had it.

This is the thing.

You're going.

You're actually having the experience.

You're seeing the signage.

You're seeing like all of the quotes from the episode and like the headshot of Jason Alexander and the headshot of Larry Thomas.

You're being reminded of this, this, the show that you liked and this episode that was so iconic.

Eating in the shadow of a place that we just had that sucks.

We just just had, yeah, we said it was a bad experience there.

And so it's like, it's like, it feels like a little bit more of a thing.

And especially like we're approaching this as tourists, not as locals.

So like we're kind of having a little bit more of a good time.

So that's probably earning it an extra half four.

And you guys went too.

I think I probably would have had a better time.

And the other thing is that's a little unfair about this is I wanted to, you know, try it all.

But if I actually, if we're all hanging out and we go there, what I'm actually doing is probably getting clam chowder.

It's probably a three and a half type soup.

I'm probably dunking it.

I'm with you guys.

It's probably fine.

If you have a soup you like, it's going to be the shittiest.

It's going to be a pretty shitty version of it, but it's not going to be horrible.

So this giving it kind of this encyclopedic review really hurts a place like this because I feel like I'm just not a guy who would have, you know, potato leek or Italian wedding soup red.

Even the best version of that probably I wouldn't love.

So maybe it's a little unfair to it to do it this way.

No, I will say this.

It's totally fair.

The bad soups were bad.

I I mean, like the

split piece soup was bad.

And there was a couple that were down there.

And like the Jambalaya, we were like, this should be so much better than it is.

It was pretty bad.

I think that we were

what we had to look forward to is going to Comic-Con and having to take a shit there.

So I feel like we were in like the safest space we could be at that moment.

And then after that was going to be chaos.

And then like

a guy was like, hey, I'm a fan of the birthday boys.

And I was like, I had the shit so bad.

We're in line next to this guy.

We should, we, we, we game planned it out out because we're at this and we had to go to the Javits Center for New York Comic-Con.

And so it was like a 30-minute walk.

And I'm glad we did.

It was a great to have a post-lunch walk.

It was a lovely walk, great conversation with my friend.

But we, but we got there and we both had.

I think for that 30-minute walk, you were silent for like 28 minutes.

I think the line you said to me was, nice walk, buddy, at the end of the walk.

But

you do.

You're eating like all of this, you know, hearty liquid and you're just feeling it be processed into diarrhea.

And then you're just like, the walk over there was a little bit perilous.

We got there and we destroyed adjacent toilets.

Yes.

Were you the one right next to me?

I was in the stores in the stall right next to you.

Oh my God.

There was you could see into your stall.

Yeah.

Did you know?

Oh man.

Just drilling through it.

Installing a Glorial while shitting.

You don't really need all.

You could go under or over.

Yeah.

Wydra hung his dick over the thing.

Like he's drying a sheet in the

1910s.

In college, I went to this.

So like you, you find like the bat, like I would find like the bathroom that had the most privacy.

And there was one I found on campus.

I went to UCLA that was only like the third floor of like an administrative building, but it was like airport size, like 12 stalls.

And I was like, and there there was never anyone in there, right?

So I would go in there and I was like, I have to, you know, uh, get this uh poison out of me or whatever.

I just go do that.

I also made a jackoff motion.

Well, so here's here.

You go.

Here, here's where this is headed.

One day I'm in there, I'm taking a shit.

I got my physics textbook open, uh, and

uh, someone like again, a huge bathroom, no one else is in there.

Guy comes in, sits in the stall immediately next to me.

That's fucked up.

And I'm just like, okay, what's going on here?

But what, whatever, fine.

Like, maybe he thought this was like the most private option or or whatever.

Um,

a guy uh is sitting there, uh, takes his sandals off.

And my memory is wearing Birkenstocks.

He could have been wearing shoes and socks, but he gets barefoot.

Then he takes his pants completely off, folds them, and sets them on his sandals.

Yeah,

then, and I'm like kind of observing this passively because he's installed right next to me.

Was it Professor Ghostface?

Uh, he then, uh, like, you know, again, I'm just shitting the whole time.

He then sits his bare ass on the floor.

Oh my God, dude, he was definitely trying to.

And starts jacking off.

What?

What the fuck?

That's fucking insane.

And this huge, huge pink cut dick with

like red pubes.

How the fuck did you see all that?

You really could see because he's sitting on the floor.

I'm under the

this big dick and he's just like jacking off.

And I was like trying to figure out what he was.

He had a mirror on his shoe.

Yeah.

Be watching the footage on the toilet cam I installed earlier.

This guy's being fucking weird in there.

And I had no sense.

I was like, so.

Did you borrow your toilet camera from, you know, what's his name?

The guy we know wasn't toilet.

Oh, really?

Not a friend.

We know.

Hold on.

Hold on.

To be clear, not the idea.

Okay, okay.

There's an allegation of a piece of shit.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

Interesting.

But yeah, then he's just like, and like,

and I was like, I had no idea what was going on here.

I eventually realized, like, oh, this is like a hookup spotter.

This guy, like, thought that he was maybe going to, or maybe it was just like a foot fetishist guy, and he's like trying to jack off my feet or something like that.

But I just like hurried things up.

What kind of feet are you?

What kind of shoes are you wearing?

I was just wearing like close to like

sneakers.

Yeah, close-to-shoes.

So they did take them off for him, right?

You were trying to.

Yeah, yeah.

But then I remember when I like kind of hurried up and got out of there and like stood up I remember he like kind of sat up and I saw his face for the first time and he said a total like just nerd head

that was a nerd guy nerd with a big dick yeah nerd with a big dick you never know he was gonna have him wow holy shit that's really weird I can't believe I've never heard that story before that's fucking wild so wait so you how much was he jacking off?

Like how many minutes did you share with his dick?

Once he started jacking off, I got out of there pretty quick.

And it's the kind of like, it's like I was in the middle of shitting.

You kind of like wipe hurriedly.

It's fucking a nice thing.

And it's like, it sucks.

That's like your, that's your vacation shit spot.

It tainted my sanctuary.

So like now I can't go back there and have this.

Maybe he never went back?

Not really, no.

Maybe it was his first year in college and that's how he jacked off at home.

He was homesick.

He had the same kind of tile in the bathroom growing up.

Still what irks me the most is just bare ass on public bathrooms.

Crazy.

Disgusting.

Crazy.

That's what got me.

Of all of that, that's the most disgusting thing.

You put your bare ass on a public toilet.

Yeah.

Ugh.

Yeah, checking off, no big deal if you have to fuck your ass.

Put toilet paper on it.

I hated the red cubes.

That was the part that disgusted me the most.

No, I mean, that is quite the signal, though.

You're saying, look.

I'm putting my ass on the floor.

I'm good for whatever.

He was basically like, put your dick, open this stall up and throw your dick.

I'll handle it, pal.

He really was giving you a very clear, there's no clearer signal that he was down for a good time in that toilet than putting your bare ass on the floor.

Yeah, do you think the fact that you were, he sat and he went in the stall right next to you because like that's what gets him off?

Like the fact that there's a person right there, like watching?

I have to think there was an element of that.

That is why I do that.

Yeah.

And also, like, in a crude old factory sense, he knew what I was up to in there.

You know what I mean?

So maybe there's like some weird like

scaffolding, you know.

Oh, yeah.

I don't fucking know.

Yeah, or that's the place because it was, you know, you found that it was the most secluded shitting toilet.

Maybe

the gay community at UCLA found out that was the most secluded cruising toilet as well.

So you might have been fucking up their sanctuary.

That was the whole thing.

We heard straight shit.

Exactly.

Hey, these toilets are for cum.

That guy's telling his side of the story in a much more popular podcast.

Everyone on campus knew it.

Anyways, 3.75 afternooners.

Wow.

I'm surprised you're going that same number Eldus has had today, probably.

Just two, actually.

Two already.

I'm surprised you're going that high.

And I took us on a tangent here.

So

we're running away on time.

Three and a half afternooners.

Three and a half afternooners.

I think I'm going to split the difference between the two of you because I did think there were the highs were decently high, but the lows were quite low.

And also, I get again, just the thing I said earlier, I think this place is kind of trapped in the 90s, but not in like a fun nostalgia way.

And just kind of like, this food just kind of feels dated.

Right.

It doesn't feel like it's adding anything to the soup conversation.

It also doesn't taste like a,

you know, like a spoonful of a memory or anything like that.

It's just kind of like, oh, yeah, this is, this is just a shittier version of better soups that are widely available.

That said, there was some kitchen to going to the location.

I did have fun.

And I think that lands me at like,

if you're us and you're like, hey, I like Seinfeld.

Hey, it's the Soup Nazi place.

Let's try it out.

I think what you're in for is a three-afternooner experience.

I think it delivers right on the promise of the premise.

I think that's fair.

That's fair.

Yeah, I think that's fair.

How many forks do you give Michael Richards set at the laugh hour?

I know.

I can say it for you, five forks.

Five four.

Oh, yeah, I know.

He was just a decade too early.

2025 is going to Netflix special.

All right, it's time for a segment.

I got a food stuff.

We're going to decide if you should put it in your mouth.

It's snack or whack.

And hey, this was a little bit of an audible because

we got this handed to us from a fan, Rohit, who we met at New York Comic-Con.

These are some Canadian snacks.

These are ketchup popcorn.

So here we go.

I think those are just kernels.

I think you have to pop those.

Wait, what?

I think it's just kernels.

Doesn't it say kernels on the top?

They're just kernels.

A popcorn machine in here.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And a cotton candy machine.

Well, you fucking chimpanzee.

He'll do it.

Well, shout out to Rohead anyway.

We'll chase him back in L.A.

All right.

We'll do something else.

I got a food related exam.

Mitch and Stop us compete for superiority.

It's slop quiz candy edition.

These are compiled by Amelia.

Each question here is a two-parter.

So these are Halloween candy themed.

Part one, and you can buzz in with your name.

This candy invented in the 1880s by a Wonderly Candy Company employee was originally called Chicken Feed.

The options are Tootsie Rolls, Smarties, Candy Corn, and Licorice.

Mitch.

I heard Mitch.

Candy corn.

Mitch gets a point.

Fuck, I knew it was candy corn.

Part two.

The Wonderly Candy Company, which still sells candy corn to this day, now goes by what name?

Jelly Belly, Mars Wrigley, Mondelez International, or Haribo.

Can you say that again?

The Wonderly Candy Company, which still sells candy corn to this day, now goes by what name?

Jelly Belly, Mars Wrigley, Mondelez International, and Haribo.

Mondele International.

It is not Mondelet International.

Can you say the options against?

No, fuck you.

He said it twice.

All right, B.

Mitch, B.

No, no one gets a point.

It was Jelly Belly.

Jelly Belly.

Okay.

Mitch has a point.

Stop.

Yet to get on the board.

Point number three.

Part one.

This brand of candy is prominently featured in Steven Spielberg's 1982 film

Reese's PCs.

That's right.

Mitch gets another point.

Part two, Spielberg originally wanted to feature a different candy, his personal favorite, but the brand wished to read the script first.

Eminem.

It is correct.

I'm getting my ass fucked on this one.

Okay, Mitch has three points.

Next one.

Part one of this question, this question number five.

Up until 1990, this candy bar used to be called a marathon bar in the UK.

Mars bar, butterfinger, twix, or Snickers.

I know the answer.

No, don't fucking patronize me.

Say the answer.

Stop, Mars Bar.

It is not Mars Bar.

Oh, shit.

That's what I thought the answer was.

Mitch C.

No, it is not Twix and Snickers.

I was surprised to learn this.

Oh, Snickers.

Snickers was called a marathon bar in the UK up until 1990.

Oh, because the peanuts and shit.

That makes sense.

Part two, the name Snickers comes from.

That says marathon to you?

Seems like more a thing you need

during a marathon.

Yeah, that is fat logic.

Yeah.

Peanuts are basically vegetables.

You have that.

When you run a marathon.

Part two, the name Snickers came from the Mars family's favorite blank.

Pet, racehorse, comic comic strip series, or TV show.

Oh, man, I have no idea.

I stav pet?

No, it's not pet.

Mitch, racehorse.

Mitch, you are correct.

You got it.

Bullshit.

I'm really happy there was no E, and it had something to do with, let's say, the other soup restaurant you guys were talking about.

We do have a tiebreaker, which we don't need, but

I'll read it anyway.

Fuck you, I girl.

Do you want to put all the beans on it?

I'll do it.

I'm a gambler.

Oh, no.

Winter takes all.

Oh, wow.

Fun-sized candy bars became popular in the U.S.

during which

they're named after Mitch's dick.

Weiger's like, that is correct.

The time periods in question, which period did these become popular during?

1910s, 1930s, 1950s, or 1970s?

The fun size.

Yeah.

Stav.

60s.

Not the 60s.

Also, 60s, not an option.

Okay.

I'm trying to lose the game the most anyone's ever lost it.

Bust an answer.

Not even an answer, brother.

Mid 70s?

No, and this one, this actually makes sense if you think about it.

1930s, the Depression era.

Yeah,

they're rebranding a less product as fun size.

That does make sense.

Yeah, that does make Yeah.

Mitch wins.

Hey, just like a restaurant variable feedback on some of the feedback.

Today's email is from Matt B, aka Cheese Bergowski on the Doscord.

Matt writes, I'm from Rochester, New York, home of such luminaries as Philip Seymour Hoffman and Mike Hanford.

Their local soup and sandwich spot offers a seasonal strawberry soup, which is exactly as disgusting as it sounds.

Oh, my God.

Hot strawberry ice cream with salt instead of sugar.

Do you think there are any desserts or that sounds that sounds nasty?

Do you think there are any sugars when I'm listening?

Yeah, exactly.

Any desserts or sweet treats that could translate to a soup, or conversely, any soups you would like to see get the salt and straw treatment?

XOXO, the guy Gabris called the Alpha of the Loser Table at the DC live show.

I remember that.

Oh, I remember that guy.

You were there.

Yeah, I was there.

Yeah.

That this is also, Rochester has the garbage plate.

That's right, which is way more.

Which I've never had.

Oh, yeah.

So I've ever had a garbage plate?

No, I mean, it doesn't look that appealing to me.

It's a slop.

It is a little bit slow.

It's a little slop.

They're not bad.

You know, they're not a little bit of a bad

little slop.

What is it?

It's like

hash browns and fucking like...

I don't even remember exactly.

It's half, it's either hash browns or French fries and max salad and then two cheeseburger patties on top of it and then chili on top of that, I think is what it is.

That's pretty good.

That's too much for me.

Yeah.

I tap out there.

I don't know why.

I like a fucked up fry-based dish, but it's the

MAC salad, you're losing me.

I don't want that at all.

And then, yeah, I mean, I guess just give me chili cheese fries.

Take the burger patties out.

Yeah.

That's a little too much for me, honestly.

Sure, okay, yeah.

That's fair.

I mean,

it's all, you know, Rochester doesn't have a lot besides Phillips G.

Morhoffen and Hanford.

They kind of, they're, they're hanging on to anything they can.

So, uh, but uh, I think some sort of churro soup would be fun.

What do you think of that?

That's interesting.

I mean, I guess in this exercise, are we making it savory or just like it, like it's because I mean, a churro-y sort of in a slurry texture, I could see that being like a fun sort of like- I think chunks of bread and then kind of like a cinnamon.

Oh, okay.

You know, like I was thinking of,

there's like the butter, what is it called?

Butterscotch Bodino at

what's what's the what's the uh I don't know what you're asking.

The pizza place.

The pizza place.

You know the pizza, the famous pizza.

Moza.

Moza.

Okay, yeah.

Moza has a butterscotch bodino, and I'm like thinking of like something like, because that's close to soup, sure.

Moza Badino.

It's almost like a pudding, kind of oh and so but it's sweet though right sweet yeah see but this motherfucker is talking about putting salt because strawberry soup doesn't sound bad to me until he says it's salt it's salt yeah the salt is the fucked up part so it has to be it has to be a hot soup or something hot and savory i feel like is the spirit of the question

because otherwise just warming up ice cream i'll eat that

i'll do any fucking warmed up ice cream you serve me the thing that like christian bale does to gain weight that sounds pretty good i'll do that for a little snacks this isn't i mean I know this is an oversimplification of what mole is, which is, you know, a Oaxaca sauce with a whole bunch of different ingredients.

But now your head is in the right place.

We're talking like chocolate and peanuts that are like savory.

I was going to say peanut, something peanut buttery, because I feel like Pad Thai uses peanut in a savory way.

I feel like you could figure out a peanut-based soup that's savory.

That's pretty good.

How about a hot Snicker?

That sounds like it's

a hot Snicker.

If you had like a soup that was like chocolate.

That sounds pretty good.

Chocolate-based soup and there's peanuts in there.

And then I don't know what what else.

I don't know.

What's the flavor profile, though?

That's that, I don't know.

I like that too.

But again, I just like the, I like the sweet version of it.

Yeah, I'd rather.

When you're talking about making it savory, I'm having a hard time.

But yes, I think a dark chocolate and a peanut is maybe the way to go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've had like some, you know, and I like vanilla, not vanilla as a flavor.

It's not plain, but I've had like, I've had like a vanilla risotto before.

It's like, oh, this kind of works.

This adds like, you know, it's a little bit of a different context for it.

Well, in some way, we were talking about the cream of crab soup.

It kind of, if you take the crab out, it's kind of like a cream and sherry.

It's kind of, it actually weirdly is sort of, has a desserty, kind of rich flavor profile.

So, um, so maybe that's the flip side.

Cream of crab ice cream.

If you take the crab out and it's like a cream sherry,

I'm kind of listening to that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That fits.

That fits to me.

I'm wondering if there's any one-to-one that you could do with a dessert to make it.

well i i think like if you like i think you could have a a yummy if it was like a good quality produce i think you'd have like a yummy like tomato sorbet or tomato ice cream and you'd be kind of if you figured out how to sweeten that just right i think that could be interesting

interesting i don't know how often i'd want it but that is

but i mean like again if we're thinking of like the weird like salt and straw flavors or whatever if they had like a gaspacho ice cream and you know

i could see that yeah i could i could see that maybe working is there like a tart fruit like a berry that could become a soup?

Oh, you know what I mean?

Like, is there something, or maybe like grapefruit?

You know, it's kind of sour, raspberry, maybe, yeah, maybe a raspberry, yeah.

Or, like, I know red bean soup is a thing, but red beans also used in a lot of desserts.

Oh, yeah, Korean buns will have like, yeah, I bet you a bean, a bean ice cream could work, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what?

Question was too hard.

That's what I was gonna say.

My note is too hard.

This guy,

you went, and by the way, you went from Rochester to see the Doughboys in DC, you fucking loser.

How about that?

That's a fucking long trip.

What the fuck is wrong?

And he's the alpha of our guy.

He's the alpha of God.

You know what?

We're stripping you of alpha categorization.

You traveled too far for a live podcast.

You shouldn't go see the Doughboys in D.C.

from Northern Virginia.

If you live in the city, that's fine.

Our alphas, the version of 28 years later of our alphas,

I just can't picture.

I'm saying the hogs on our game.

He's got Harvey Weinstein's dick.

A zombie that has to inject himself.

If you have a question or comment about the world, he's got an injector, by the way.

I fucking restaurants.

I'm going to open up the fucking open up Harvey.

Oh, he's alive.

Yeah, yeah.

No,

I've always dreamed of the Reebok pump on one of your nuts to make your dick hard.

Where you're just like,

your dick gets hard.

Because I heard about an old, before dick pills, people really did used to do that.

They did, yeah.

You get a physical pump implanted.

And there was like a German guy in Greece who was like just some dirtbag German tourist.

And he would just like, I, one of my, like my uncle was friends with him, and he would just, he told the story about how this guy would just get his dick hard by pumping his nuts.

Oh my God.

And I honestly sounds pretty cool.

I remember.

No, it's very cyberpunk.

I remember watching this.

I remember watching.

The girl almost just deflates, does the deflate button.

There was a,

I remember watching like some, like, like a, you know, a TLC or Discovery Channel or something.

It was like one of those medical things.

And it was like an old guy with his wife.

And they were going in because he had to get like his penis pump, his like thing that inflated his dick so his dick could get hard, like replaced or updated or something like that.

And part of what they showed in it in this documentary was him like holding hands with his wife and the surgeon saying a prayer before his surgery so that he could have his implant to fuck his wife.

By the way,

Nick was watching this as a child on Halloween night.

That's what he was doing instead of going out.

I got next year's costume sorted.

Email us at feedback at birdfuck.com.

Leave us a voicemail at 830 go.

That's 830-463-6844.

Our producers, Emma Erdbrink, our associate producers, Amelia Marino.

Our video editor is Mike Dorfman.

Thank you, Emma and Mike, so much for coming out.

Thank you to Eldis for helping us out all the year.

And pour one out for Casey Donahue.

Doughboys Apparel and merchandise available in partnership with kinship goods, kinshipgoods.com slash Doughboys, and the Doughboys double our weekly bonus episode over at patreon.com slash Doughboys.

Stavros Halkias, thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you so much for hosting us.

That's a rule, bro.

That's such a generous act.

I'm trying to become the Doughboys rookie of the year.

You know, what was the time?

When did I first do it?

It was like this summer or whatever.

So in a calendar year, I would like to establish from when I did it to that, I'm just trying to become the rookie of the year.

And I would like a plaque for that.

Don't pay me for that.

You talked about paying me, don't pay me for this.

I would just like to rig the Doughboys rookie of the year voting and win that award.

I love this idea.

This is great.

And then you can do it going forward.

Yeah, you can be like, I love it.

I think you're beating right now like Susser is

Kuala.

It's not tough competition.

Certainly not.

Certainly not.

But yeah, guys, this was so fun.

I love the show.

If

you guys like this, come see me.

I'm doing a big stand-up tour.

Eldis is also my tour manager.

You could watch him.

You could see him drink an afternoon or live.

We're going all over the place.

Go to stavi.biz.

I'm going to be in Boston in December.

We have, I think, Memphis.

We're still, that's still.

And then we're about to announce a fuck ton of dates, including like, I'm coming to Florida, Vermont, Buffalo, actually,

Ohio, Kentucky.

I mean, I'm coming all over, you know, a bunch of Ohio dates, Atlanta.

You can do that 9-11 tavern in Buffalo for wings.

Yeah, I'm excited to get some wings.

You're going to be in Boston at the Wilbur.

I'm going to be in Boston at the Wilbur.

We got a big New York show coming.

We have a lot of really, you know, really, really cool stuff coming up.

So, stavi.biz, please check it out and come see me, guys.

Wow, there you go.

And see Begonia.

I mean, they don't need me, fucking Emma Stone and Jesse Pleming.

It feels stupid when I plug it.

Like eight fucking losers are coming because of me.

They're like, whoa, that's the guy from the podcast.

The person that makes everyone else in the theater nervous will be there because of me.

But check out Begonia.

It's a really great movie.

Can't wait to see it.

Congrats, buddy.

And yeah, thanks, guys.

And yeah, Stavi's World.

If you like this episode, you'll be familiar with the background.

Yeah, we didn't talk about how we have our Doughboys signage up here.

Yeah.

Can you hold on to this if we come back?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

We may check it to LA.

We may bring it back.

Who knows where we're going to record at some point?

That'll do it for this episode of Doughboys.

And until next time, for the Spoon by Mike Mitchell, I'm Techer Wagger.

Happy eating.

See ya.

Also, I'm going to go use the UCLA method in your bathroom window.

Bye.

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That was a Hitgum podcast.