S2 Ep. 53 - Urination (Friends Forever)

The secret to steady business growth?

Fast funding with AmeriFactors.

If you're a business owner in need of capital for payroll, inventory, or expansion, you need AmeriFactors.

Get the help you need, even with less than perfect credit, including bankruptcies.

AmeriFactors provides ready cash flow through accounts receivable management.

Get tailored solutions.

Call today for a free, no obligation, no impact to your credit score quote at 800-884-FUND.

That's 800-884-3863.

Or visit AmeriFactors.com.

Dungeons and Dabbies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups.

Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

This long muscular tube runs from the epidemis into the pelvic cavity.

So, in conclusion, if you'll pardon the pun, there is a vast difference between cum and pee-pee, even though they both come out of your pee-pee.

Jessica, I have repeatedly asked you not to call it come.

But yeah, let's all give a hand for Jessica's great presentation.

Thank you.

Normal's group here.

They haven't been at school for like six months, so I guess I have no choice but to mark them all down for a zero.

Oh!

Total calibrated.

We're here.

We're here.

We're here.

We're here.

We only got a couple of seconds.

We're fighting Willie at the zero.

We gotta go.

Okay, all right.

We're ready.

Oh, I brought you an Apple Teach.

Where did you come from?

It's a long story, but we're here for our presentation.

And we only got a couple minutes.

We're taking a break break from killing God and having to give our presentation.

Normal, take it away.

What are we doing?

What are the things that we're talking about?

Here are some facts about Piss, starting with Lincoln.

Oh, I would just like you to know that the P that comes out of everybody is the same no matter what it looks like down there.

P is just another way that we're all the same despite our differences.

P,

the universal liquid in all of our bodies.

Thank you so much, Lincoln.

Does anybody else have anything to add?

Yeah, we're not done.

That was just the first one, teacher.

We got four great facts for you.

Oh, God.

And each one after that is going to be even better.

Taylor, your turn.

I have found through rigorous internal testing that my mind control over my kegel muscles have allowed me to hold and extract urine at will at any point.

I've been saving it up for about 30 straight days, only letting out a little bit as new stuff comes on top.

You haven't peed in 30 days?

No, I have.

L the new piss comes in and then the old bit of old piss comes out.

So I've been holding my bladder in a state of fullness, proving that it is possible to have mind over piss

control.

Thank you.

With that in mind, it's fascist to make us ask for permission to go to the bathroom.

We should be able to get up and go whenever we want, even if we don't want, because sometimes I pee when I don't want to.

I'm like

busy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

speaking of mind over matter, I have learned that many things can affect your ability to retain your end.

For example, did you know that when you see your mom die, you pee a little bit?

That's all our time.

We got to go.

I'm going to go.

We got to go by.

Go, Willie!

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast.

Instead, a Dungeons and Dragons podcast.

About four teens from our world sent back to our world to fix the mystery.

To kill the man who killed Normal's mom.

And to kill God himself.

Who is Willie Standler?

My name is Freddie Wong.

I play Taylor Swift.

The.

Oh, my.

It's like the last episode.

The Tiefling Road.

I changed it.

I want to make sure I got it right for this.

You changed it like half a year ago.

I only remembered Tiefling, which is the least important part of it.

That's the most important part of it.

Hey, don't let a Tiefling hear you say that.

Oh.

Gotcha, got you.

Whoa, cut that out of a podcast.

Shit, hey, Esther, please, please, please, please.

That's That's the uncut too.

Please, please, please, please, please.

Please have a family, please.

I don't want to be the main character of Teethlink Twitter.

This week's Taylor Teen Fact, I should have been calling those from the beginning, as Taylor takes to the skies, right?

pulling Immelman's inverse loops and getting an aerial recon of the battleground, you may be wondering, well, like, hold on.

He's got pork pie hat.

How's that pork pie hat staying on?

He staples it to his head like Indiana Jones.

Wow.

Wait, how does Indiana Jones staple it to his head?

Harrison Ford famously stapled the Indiana Jones hat to his head.

I mean, like, for real, he put a

staple to his head.

He's a hardcore motherfucker.

But I stapled the hat to his head.

Why did he just use, like, did he not ask him to do that?

I don't know.

That's the most bad thing I've ever heard.

It's like, women have been wearing hats for thousands of years.

And there's many ways to attach them to your hair and your head.

He's like, how do you do this?

Like, shut up.

He just stapled it.

Bring me my Stanley.

Get the grip guy to bring me a Stanley staple.

I thought he was an idea unliking him as a person.

He stapled a hat on his head and then refused to do a fight scene and shot the guy with the sword and then he crashed his blade into a mountain.

He's Harrison Ford.

Okay, now here's the thing.

It's just a woman walking out like, here's some Bobby pin.

Oh.

Oh.

All right, I'm ready.

I got it.

Okay, but here's the thing.

Freddie Wong wants to step in really quick and say, I doubt that story.

I do too.

There's literally video evidence of him doing it.

Oh, really?

Is there?

Yeah.

But like, here's the thing.

AI generated.

I think Freddy doesn't believe it.

No, no, no.

Hear me out.

Hear me out.

Hear me out.

Because I think when we hear that, we think the staples puncture his scalp and wrap around the thing.

I think it just wrapped around his hair at the roots.

I don't think it actually punctured his scalp.

Because there would be blood.

Because there would be blood.

Political blood.

Not from a head wound.

Yeah, but a fedora's made of felt, dude.

The fedora would soak up the blood.

You have a bloody fedora.

Take a bandage.

I don't buy it.

You don't buy it.

But Taylor does do it.

But Taylor does do it and he goes.

Is Taylor going to crash away, baby is taylor going to crash rogue immediately the way harrison ford crashes every airplane he ever flew

no get off my dog i'm gonna move on we really do not need to know whether or not this story

is true or not hey everybody my name is matthew arnold i play lincoln lee wilson the schooled at home soccer kid who became the protective paladin of this group I guess he didn't protect them too well because somebody just died on there and had him trying to kill him.

He could become the protective paladin of anyone's parents.

Yeah, isn't that anything?

Little fact, maybe last fact.

Protect the paladin of your parents.

Paladin your parents.

So as we all know, this is kind of multi.

This is a lot of facts you're going to get all at once.

Wow.

That's just dumping his reserve because this might be the last episode.

No, it was really just one fact.

You've just been gurgling this whole time.

No, no.

Now it's time to release.

So obviously Lincoln's favorite book is The Garfield Fat Pack number three.

It's the best of the Garfield.

Oh my God.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Let me see.

I mean, that'd be issues.

That'd be, you know, trades, as they're called now, four or five.

I mean, seven, eight, nine.

For those of you following along, home, this is the one where Fat Cat three pack?

Garfield three This is the one where he is hugging the pillow at the foot.

So then, okay, which is his

three books.

Garfield sits around the house, Garfield tips the scales, and Garfield loses his feet, which is his favorite.

Wait, Garfield loses his feet.

Does he have diabetes?

No, he just can't see his feet because of his big old tongue.

Oh,

that gets so

dark.

His feet get cut off because he has diabetes, Frank.

We can't worry about this.

This isn't the fact yet.

That's just lead up to the fact.

All right, exactly then.

His least favorite thing, in order to try to like...

You can't say Garfield Fat Cat three pack and not expect us to rip on that.

Then Grant wanted to, like, you know, was trying to like bond with Link and be like, oh, kids like on the internet and looking at some memes.

And he found Garfield without Garfield, which for those of you

Garfield minus Garfield, which is just Garfield constantly.

They removed Garfield, and then John just looks like a sad, insane person.

And Link started reading that, and it made him really sad.

And that's actually the reason he decided to finally ask his dads to get out of homeschool.

He was just watching John walk around.

He saw Grant and Marco both occasionally just walking around alone.

And he was like, I'm the Garfield.

What is this liar?

What is life without Garfield?

Garfield's out there somewhere.

I gotta go.

So he's like, I gotta do it.

Did you find his Garfield on this adventure?

I say he found three Garfields on this adventure.

That's right.

I'm not counting Hermie.

Fuck you all.

It's three Garfields.

Hey, everyone.

I'm Will Campos.

I play Normally, Lee, Oak, Swallows, Garcia, Malo.

Malo, I keep saying Malo.

Marlowe's in there.

Marlow, Swift, Lee, the Unworthy.

Real simple normal fact this week.

Normal's going to kill a Willie Stamper this this episode.

Oh, that's cool.

Oh, wow.

It's going to happen.

Babe Ruth calling his shit.

Sorry.

I can see Beth's face was like, she just transported to another place for

that.

Whenever Lynn Manuel Miranda's voice gets stuck in my head, that's what happens.

I just get a little silly.

So I'm Beth May and I'm

Scary Marlow.

Gothman Seeker of Darkness.

not like the other warlocks.

Fun fact about Scary this episode.

Because she's in this life or death battle, unfortunately, she's going to miss her creative writing final.

So she sent a quick email to her teacher, Mr.

Stacy, that says as follows.

It's in verse, by the way, because she was specializing in poetry for her final.

You can choose prose or poetry, and she chose poetry.

Dear Mr.

Stacey, I cannot come to class today.

I had the grim choice to save the world or save poetry.

If you even care, I chose a world that never chose me.

Go teens.

Whoa, that's great.

Sincerely,

Scary Marlowe.

Does every poem have to end with sincerely and then the name of the poem?

Yeah, because that's going to be the theme of her chat book is sincerely.

Sincerely, Scary of Marlowe.

Sincerely, Scary of Marlowe.

I thought you meant all poems.

No, actually,

if you don't work the period and the date into the poem, you get an F, though, unfortunately.

You didn't write your name at the top.

That's not been relevant ever.

Do you know what I mean?

Because every legal document I've signed, they'd be like, you don't write it at the top.

That's true, Freddie.

Yeah.

You got them again at the bottom.

The one that killed me was like only blue or black ink.

It's like, people don't care if you write in red ink.

It's fucking fucking doesn't matter.

That used to be for copying, I think.

Wow.

The whole, you have to use the color ink thing used to be like, because you'd Xerox something.

Oh, that's interesting.

To have a colorblind man say he doesn't care if we use red ink.

Not everybody's as strong as me.

That's brave.

I'm Anthony Birch.

I'm your dad.

Hi dad.

Hi dad.

My dad fact for this week is that maybe this won't be the last episode.

Oh, I'm just going to zag on you and say maybe we have one more after this one.

Okay, but we're on like the one or two.

Definitely one or two.

It definitely feels like we're rounding third.

I think this will probably be the last one.

I think it literally's edging the spot.

We're doing it, baby.

Also, like, Linux could be a surprise when it ends.

Like, if we knew it was the end, then we'd be building up to it.

But, like, now that we don't.

It's like the Walking Dead.

That's a fucking master right there.

That's a magician.

The whole show is just gonna cut off mid-sentence like the sopranos oh that'd be good

so when we last left you the final battle was upon us willie stampler had collected all of your parents and angry that you had managed to send dude back to their home realm said that he is going to spend the rest of eternity torturing your parents.

And if you try to stop him, he's going to start killing your parents.

And to prove that he was serious, he killed Rebecca Swallows Oak Garcia.

And your plan, such as it was, was to fill the teeny the teen head with water and piss.

Okay, wait, wait, just to make us look a little better, it's mostly just water.

One member of the party added a little dribble of this.

Yeah, it's like the team did not decide to fill it.

We've had the saying of like a plate of spaghetti with a little piece of shit on it and a plate type of shit.

By the way, I hate to break it to you, Matt.

Piss is, in fact, mostly water.

You know what I mean?

What you described, a container full of water and a little piss, that's also the same as a container full of piss.

It was Taylor's wife.

If you've ever been in the Atlantic Ocean, you've been in a container of water with a little piss in it.

That's right.

Taylor's.

I remember I saw one episode of the, it ended up being very bad, Masters of Air.

You know, like he actually.

I gotta quit coming for Masters of Air.

Yeah.

You just gotta quit cutting.

Austin Butler was about to do an episode of the podcast, and now he's out.

Austin Butler couldn't come because he's still in the air.

He can't get out of the air.

And he's still doing Elvis Voice up there.

Elvis' voice in the air.

Oh, no, his plate still hasn't landed.

He hasn't seen all the tweets yet.

Wow.

He hasn't seen their views.

Wow.

I was just saying they wrote little messages on Bobs being like, hello to Hitler.

Yes.

I'm just saying that women have been more effective.

Oh, did we write something on the sign of the teeny, the teen head?

I'm saying Taylor wrote something with the fucking liquid coming out of his penis.

Okay.

Well, I guess we'll never know what that was.

This machine pees on fascists.

So yeah, your plan was to get the teeny the teen head, which is sort of one-way enclosed like a sparkletz water jug, onto his head and then take the throne of God.

You just saw him kill Rebecca.

He snapped her into nothingness by using a disintegrate spell.

Now, what are you going to do?

Normal's going to attack.

Okay.

Normal's going in.

No.

Normal's rolling an echo.

From up top, you hear like, this is Javelin One coming at you from the...

Wait, Normal, what are you doing?

Yeah, Normal is is enraged, and Normal is going to kill Willie Stampler.

Okay, Normal, wait, we got to stick to the plan.

Normal says nothing, he just screams in rage and charges.

Okay, I'll give you a stealth round on it.

That's cool.

It's got a natural 20, by the way.

Okay, great.

Are we rolling initiative, Anthony?

Let's say, yeah, why not?

Okay, we'll brought enough initiative for the whole class.

All right, rolling initiative.

Anthony, 16 plus four.

Javelin one is rocking 20 initiative.

That's 2-0 initiative coming from the sky.

Whoa, I got 22.

Jesus.

I got 19.

That's as well.

Yeah.

I believe that his name should be Rogue One if we're going to do a Rogue One.

Yeah, I like it.

I like it.

Rogue One.

Rogue One from the Sky.

They're going on.

Matt's like, that Star Wars movie is not my favorite.

I would prefer not to reference it on this podcast.

No, I was trying to think of a way of making fun of Taylor saying he's the worst member of the team, and Rogue One's the worst movie of Star Wars, but I couldn't quite get something funny.

But now you all know I don't like the movie and I don't like Freddy.

Oh, and just so everybody remembers, Willie has one HP?

Oh,

fucking Willie has one legendary resistance.

So whenever he wants to, he can just say, no, that didn't happen.

And we don't know how he killed Rebecca.

I'll say that you could tell that he used disintegrate.

Okay.

So that's a snapped his fingers.

A big green laser came out of his fingers, just like the way that he killed Doug back in season one.

Okay, there was.

Well, we weren't there, but yeah, okay.

And then that's a spell.

So that was every action theoretically he could disintegrate.

Now, just for me not being a DND pro,

despite the fact that I'm a DD pro,

Disintegrate like instant kill or is it like an HP thing?

It's an HP thing, but it still may instantly kill one of us.

It could kill one of you.

The main thing about Disintegrate is that if it reduces your hit points to zero, you don't go into death saves, your body gets disintegrated.

So

ask how much damage Disintegrate does.

You can.

I don't think I should tell you.

Okay.

Oh, and because he's God, I'm giving him a lot more spell slots.

Okay.

So it makes us a little bit more even.

I figure God doesn't have spell slots.

Yeah.

Though that would explain why he's a little lacking on miracles lately.

God ran out of spell slots.

Just give him a rest.

Wow.

Wow.

That's what Sunday's for.

That's his short rest to recover.

Okay.

So normal, you run straight at how many rounds to like get to Willie.

I'm going to say if you dash, you'll get to him in one round.

Okay.

If you run normally, you will be normally,

you will not be within

striking distance.

He is on the throne of God, surrounded by 10 angels that are floating around him.

If you sprint past the angels, you will take opportunity attacks from at least three of them.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Can I ask something?

Yeah,

I don't know how this works mechanic-wise, but I feel like seeing Rebecca die and now having seen multiple parents die or get injured in some way, I feel like he sense normal.

Like, he's definitely not going to try to stop normal.

I think he knows that normal is just going to go.

As a reaction or like a bonus before that, can I just like put my hand on normal as he runs away from me so I can protect him from good and evil?

No, I think normal's emotions have gotten the best of him, and he's probably not going to wait for you to do that.

Well, he won't wait for me.

I was thinking, can I say like I react to him?

I saw like a new player.

Can I roll something to be like, did I roll dexterity to see if he can do i saw his fist clench and i knew he was about to sprint away okay give me your dexterity roll see if you can slap him quick enough 16.

16 means okay yeah i say go forth my brother i touch him so protection from good and evil i cast on normal as he's running so all this means is that certain types of creatures these are aberrations celestials elementals fae friends undead i mean the idea is that i feel like willie stamper would definitely be like a fiend or a undead yeah let's go with fiend yeah he's an angel angelic whatever

the main thing is that disadvantage attacks against the target and the target also can't be charmed frightened, or possessed by them.

All right, I'm going to cast blindness-deafness.

Okay.

How many angels are surrounding him?

10.

10.

Okay, well, I can't blind all of them.

So I'm going to just target Willie.

Okay.

So it's a constitution saving throw of 16.

He gets a 13.

So he is blinded and deafened?

He is either blinded or deafened.

Does he get to choose or do you choose?

I choose.

Did he look at Rebecca before he killed her?

Yes.

Let me check to make absolutely sure of that.

Holy shit, are we cross-referencing the Tomes dog?

Consult the tomes.

Just once in my life, I want to consult a tome on something.

Okay, so I always get this wrong.

Visual is V.

It's not verbal, right?

Or it is verbal.

V is verbal.

Okay, in that case, he doesn't have to look at her to do it.

He doesn't have to look at her.

Yeah, according to the components here.

I'm still going to blind him.

All right, cool.

Sorry, really quick, just to clarify.

Disintegrate definitely.

Yes, the components are verbal, but it says a target you can see within range.

Okay, there we go.

Thanks, Gary.

He automatically fails any ability check that requires sight.

Okay.

And attack attack rolls against him have advantage, and his attack rolls have disadvantage.

How long does that last?

For one minute, but he can do a saving throw.

Immediately, his eyes go completely blank white.

Oh, just like Madam Webb at the end of Madam Webb.

He goes full on Madam Webb.

Spoilers for Madam Webb, guys.

Oh, no, he can see the future now.

Well, let's be considerate of everybody who will see Madam Webb who hasn't seen Madam Webb yet.

So he goes, fuck, and immediately points in Normal's direction, goes, kill him, kill him first.

And now it is Scary's turn.

Fuck, I i got rid of that mass suggestion spell that worked so well before

what creature is the closest to normal there are three angels flanking normal right now okay one's in front of him and above him one's to the left of him one's to the right of him beth you ask that like a riddle giver no sweet chat i know i just

be flanking mine friend

the answer is man it's the most normal that's the closest to normal because that's what we perceive like humans are the most normal to to us.

Yeah, good point.

Dang.

I am going to cast charm person on the angel that's above normal.

And I say,

this guy just took a long rest just like Jesus.

And so he has to roll, I'm presuming, some sort of wisdom saving throw?

Yeah, it's wisdom 15.

Natural one.

So one of the angels is now charmed to you.

It will not harm you nor normal.

Is that your turn?

Are you going to move closer to Willie?

I'm going to move closer to norm.

So you are now right up against Norm's butt.

There is an angel on either side of you.

Okay.

It is now Taylor's turn.

Okay, let's see.

I'm up in the air.

I'm riding Rogue One.

I have this jar of piss along with me.

Good boy.

Good boy.

How distracted is Willie right now?

I would say he's medium distracted.

He can't see shit, but he knows that you all are coming for him.

His attention is certainly focused on normal and scary.

If I did like a low swoop and tried to like dunk the piss thing on his head.

You could probably get away with that.

Now, would I get any advantages on that?

I would say that he's probably thrashing around, freak it out.

So I'll give you a plus three to the roll.

And that would be what?

Acrobatics, athletics?

What would the role be, you think?

Acrobatics.

Okay, cool.

Because it's taking dexterity to toss that shit onto his head, probably.

Okay, so in that case, I'm going to go, Rogue.

I clench my thighs really hard around Rogue, so I'm holding in place.

Like, invert, maneuver.

And then Rogue does a I say, Rogue, roll over, boy.

Oh, yeah, there you go.

Oh, yeah, that too.

And Rogue, 180.

So now I'm hanging upside down.

My powerful thighs are holding me in place.

And we're dive bombing towards Willie.

I'm going to try and slam the head.

Wow, we're going right in.

The pissed off.

We're going right in.

Onto Willie's head.

Give me a roll.

Nine plus 1221.

Okay,

24.

Jesus Christ.

Okay, so with a,

the head goes easily onto Willie Stampler's head.

Drink piss, motherfucker!

And suddenly he is now submerged in piss, and so he's going to have disadvantage on literally everything he does because he is in his least favorite position in the world, which is being underwater.

He is still on the throne of God.

He has not moved yet, but he is in a really bad spot.

Oh, shit.

It is now Willie's turn.

Willie is going to try to hurriedly take off the helmet as quickly as he can.

Now, is there anything that we did to kind of make sure that there was a good suction seal on it?

We used a lot of glue gun on it.

Yeah.

We used a lot of glue.

The glue gun.

A lot of hot glue.

So he is going to try to wrench it off of his head.

He gets an eight, which is not going to be enough.

So it is still on his head.

He is now going to cast wall of fire around himself.

I don't think we need to play jazz ball for this because I've already proven I'm fucking amazing.

Wall of fire.

Yeah, stuff like that.

You know what?

Actually,

it says it needs a verbal component to this.

And he is underwater.

You can talk underwater.

You're not.

Shut the fuck up.

I'm just saying.

You know what?

Matt convince me.

Matt convince me.

Damn it.

Wall of fire.

Jeff just did it.

So he surrounds himself with a wall up to 60 feet long, 20 feet high, and one foot thick.

Surrounding.

Sorry.

I'm not afraid of the enemy.

Surrounding enemy.

Surrounding the throne of God.

It is surrounding the throne of God, and he is now completely encircled by flames.

And he is now going to make a saving throw for his blindness.

Yeah, but he

passes.

Yeah, but ain't nothing to see in there.

Oh, dude.

Now he can see the piss.

But what is the psychological damage of being like, I have cured my blindness with a spell?

And then he opens his eyes, and it's still dark, right?

Because there's no light coming in.

Well, no, I guess.

There's a light from the teen, the teen eyes.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's all like weird and blurry, dude.

Sure.

I mean,

he's not in a great space, if that's what you want to know.

Like, he's not feeling amazing.

Link, it is your turn.

Okay, so just to clarify where we're all at, there are angels around Willie.

Willie now has this thing on his head.

And we're just trying to kill Willie at this point, right?

Yeah.

We're trying to take the throne of God.

What's the status of the parents?

Are they being tortured still or now?

They are still being tortured.

They are racked with pain, unable to do anything other than convulse on the ground and scream and torment okay link is going to see all of his friends in danger willie there and he's going to use his fourth level conjuration and cast guardian of faith and a giant large spectral guardian appears that hovers for the duration in an unoccupied space of your choice that you can see within range so i'm essentially casting this massive creature that is glimmering you can't quite understand and see what it is but it has a sword and a shield and any creature hostile to that moves within 10 feet of it for the first time on its turn must do a dexterity saving throw or they take 20 damage the guardian vanishes when it has dealt a total of 60 damage what if it's like the spectral figure of like the real teeny the teen that's what i was thinking was that it was a big teen

in order to support well so yes that is what you see you see this glimmering teeny the teen you see this glimmering shadow with holding a sword and a shield and as it slowly comes into focus its big head starts appears and you realize it is like a 30 foot tall teeny the teen and you were plopping this where approximately between Willie and the parents.

So between Willie and the parents is also between Willie and Normal and Scary and sort of the rest of you.

So imagine like it's you, then normal and scary and two angels, then eight more angels, one of which is charmed, and then your guardian to teeny the teen, then a wall of fire, and on the inside of the wall of fire is Willie and the throne of God.

Great.

And then I'm going to use my movement to just sprint over to Grant and Marco.

And I guess I can't do anything else action-wise by just running.

You just got free action.

We want to say something.

Is there free action to like check like Arcana or anything like that?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, so I'm going to run over to them, like, dad, dad, dads, are you okay?

And they're just too busy.

They're gritting their teeth.

They're clenching their teeth.

Yeah, I want to roll Orcana if I can get a sense of like if there's anything like that.

Natural 20.

Natural 20.

Like, you know, are they attached to any magic?

All the good roles coming out.

I'm totally laying.

So you can tell that he is modified using his godlike powers a harm spell that is constantly tormenting them.

So harm is a spell that can never take you below one HP, can never actually kill you, but it racks your body with intense, intense pain.

And so all the parents are currently undergoing an ongoing concentration harm spell.

Is he concentrating on it?

Yeah, but he's God.

Okay, so he can concentrate on it.

He can concentrate on more than one thing.

So I guess I'm going to multitask.

To ask with my natural 20, the real question I want is like, is there any way to stop the spell other than kill Willie?

It doesn't seem like it.

Okay, there we go.

That's all I needed to know.

Now it is the angel's turn.

Dude, his calves flex.

Yeah.

Dude, there's nine angels that are actually active.

So I'm going to roll my dice nine times and then tell you what happens.

A lot of angels.

So seven of the angels managed to make what I would presume to be successful attacks.

Three of them are going to go for normal.

Three of them are going to go for scary.

So just to be one is going to go for, yeah.

So any attack on normal has disadvantage because he has protection from good and evil.

Okay, normal with your AC?

It says 12.

I don't know if that's what they're doing.

I'm 12 too.

Yeah, if you're magic caster, you're going to have low AC.

So unfortunately, they rolled really well, even with their disadvantage.

So three of them are going to grab norm with their eyelashes.

One of them is going to start pulling normal into its eye.

And I'm going to going to say with the other two.

It just happens.

So you are pulled into the eye.

Give me a Constitution saving throw.

Constitution saving throw.

Okay.

That's a natural one.

All right.

So you're going to take 5d10 damage.

Oh, Mama Mia.

Okay.

Don't worry.

There's a chance it could just be five damage.

So you feel the nothingness inside the eye of the angel begin to decay you and erode you from whatever.

It's 24 damage.

Not too bad.

Okay.

Am I trapped in the eyeball now?

Apparently, you're in the eyeball.

Yeah.

If you want to do anything, you'd have to get it out of the eyeball.

Okay.

We rested before this battle, right?

Yes, we're a four.

Yeah, we twizzed.

We twizzed, dog.

We twizzled.

Now, three of them are going to do the same thing to Scary.

So, Scary, go ahead and give me a Constitution Saving Throw.

Six.

All right.

So you're going to take 5d10 damage as well.

Don't worry, Beth.

It could just be five damage.

35.

And the last remaining angel is going to attack Link, and it gets a natural 20.

So you get slurped up into its eyeball pretty much instantly.

And go ahead and again, give me a Constitution Saving Throw with disadvantage.

It's a crit because it's based around constitution saving throw rather than like doing direct damage.

I'm going to say okay well let's wait for my second roll.

My first roll is a three.

I didn't do worse than a three so I got three.

Okay.

So take 5d10 damage.

And Taylor goes, fleet does the flying, mobile infantry does the dying.

Am I right?

He says that to himself.

Yeah, to himself.

The one who's flying?

You don't think the pilots and starship troopers are like, hey, got a good deal.

I'll blow up.

Like,

you look down, there's bugs everywhere.

Taylor's seeing the same thing.

Which is usually that's something that I think the grunts on the ground are griping, not the guys in the flying.

They're not saying that smuggling people.

No, they say it differently.

You know, those helicopter pilots in the name, they'd always look at it like, yeah, fucking idiots.

Hell yeah.

We up here.

You and me, Rogue.

We're doing the flying.

So here's the clarify.

I'm sucked up into an angel.

Am I sucked up into an angel?

Yes, all three of you.

All three of us sucked up into an angel.

All three?

That's three of you.

They rolled really well.

Did my guardian swing at any nine of them?

Did any of the angels?

They're going to end their turn and then they will get swung at.

Nice.

What's your damage you took?

Oh, I took 26.

26 damage.

Okay.

Taylor, checking in.

Full health still.

Right.

So it is a checking in.

Is it a dexterity saving throw, you said?

Dexterity saving throw.

Okay.

So one of them is going to pass.

Pass is just half damage.

So they either get 20 damage or a 10.

10 damage.

Okay.

And it's radiant damage if that matters.

It does not.

Are they bloodied?

Again, that is not a thing in DD 5e.

Do they look hurt?

Yeah, they do.

Yeah.

Do they they like maybe have blood on him as a result of being hurt?

Teeny's fucking him up.

Yeah.

Teeny's swinging around its sword, but it's like, it's really hard.

Yeah, he's got a sword and a shield.

It's a spectral guardian.

He's got a sword and a shield.

And the shield probably has like teen high.

Actually, the shield has a coat of arms that, you know, how a lot of coat of arms have like those four sections.

For each of us, and we're all like putting our fists into the center.

What's your symbol on the coat of arms?

I mean, it's just Link

is holding a soccer ball.

It's you.

Yeah.

You know, most of the time, coat of arms don't.

Yeah, but it's my coat of arms.

arms.

So it's you.

And then normal is also with Teeny the Teen head.

So it's like Teen the Teen's holding arms.

It was a recursion because it's normal with the shield.

Yeah.

And then like on that shield, it just hits.

And if you look at it for too long, you take psychic damage because it just keeps.

It's going scary.

It looks all cool and moody.

And she has got a poetry book that she's writing in, but the poetry book has a soccer sticker on it.

Oh, wow.

Taylor looks like a fucking anime star with his sword and he's doing the backwards, like he's looking back at it.

Oh, dude.

On either side of him are silhouettes of just two of the hottest looking

anime.

What's that one?

Go on, Matt.

Oh, I was going to say a babe and a dude.

Like two, just a hot babe to the left and a hot dude to the right.

What do you think I was going to say?

I don't know.

I thought you were going to say something like, just the hottest anime girls ever with titties out piggies on because that's what I was going to say.

The number of times Matt just said titties on this podcast.

What's that one silhouette like soccer brand where it's just like two ladies?

What?

Am I hallucinating something?

I'll get back to you.

Hold on.

Keep going, everyone.

Actually, no, Taylor is just asleep in a bed holding a body pillow.

Kappa!

Taylor's crest is just darkness.

It's just darkness.

Kappa, the logo of Kappa.

So Mercedes is going to see three children get

slurped up by these eyes.

And Mercedes is going to run forward and try to grab Normal and pull him out.

So she's going to reach inside with her arm and try to root around and see if she can grab Normal's arm.

A rebirthing of sorts.

Wow.

Of sorts.

So she gets a six.

I mean, she's not Normal's mom.

I know.

She got a six?

She got a six.

Okay.

So she's going to root around in there and find nothing, unfortunately.

Pulls another kid out.

Oh, I forgot.

We also have Chugs macrame.

Oh, my God.

That's right.

He was right about Chugs.

Yeah, but he's just crunching the numbers.

He's like, well, that's zero kids on the battlefield.

Yeah.

Chugs is actually giving everyone their damage points.

They're like, yes, you've taken 32 damage.

I have not even known what that means until just now.

Yeah, Chugs has a big old scoreboard like I do and is just writing down how much damage everybody's taken.

Going, I believe in you guys.

You still have a lot of action economy over this dude.

Hermie is going to look around and go, oh, God, oh, geez, Louise, what do I do?

Hermie, get it together, man.

Okay, what do I do?

What do you want me to do?

Oh, does he still look like Willie Stampler?

He does.

You should start ordering those angels around.

Try to confuse those angels.

Yeah, yeah.

He can try, but he's not on the throne of God.

So we'll see how well he does.

That one angel I cast charmed person on should be more amenable to being yelled at by

so he'll target your charmed angel and he'll go, hey, dickless.

Hey, you piece of shit.

Hey, you motherfucker.

Dang, really going after the angels is like one source.

No time to be a source.

The only mother I have is faith.

You drag Willie Stapler out of that fucking fire, motherfucker.

Wait, no, shit.

He says that.

Hey, we got this in the cat just because you say it wrong.

He's like, wait, you're Willie Stapler.

You're, but okay.

And the angel comes and grabs Hermie by the arms.

He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And starts dragging him towards the fire.

He's like, I guess you want to be on the other side of of this fire huh and uh starts dragging hermie toward the fire wait but that means hermy can get on the throne certainly yeah

we could use this to our advantage poor hermie can't go 10 seconds without getting burned by the sulfur

it really should be more two-phase let's joker yeah so it's chugged macromace turn and he's just going uh you can count on me

andy roll four please roll something

He rolled a natural one.

What do you want him to have failed to do?

Oh, dude, he's not fucking deducting for taxes.

He's not depreciating our damage for amortization over the next seven years.

With a natural one, he looks at us accounting and he writes.

Or a letter, not a number.

Oh, no.

He's like, I was like counting Revzi didn't carry a one somewhere.

And he's like, 10 pages.

And he goes, oh, no.

Better call in the forensic accountant, Ben Affleck, from the movie The Accountant.

You ever see that one?

I saw that.

Man, that was a wild movie.

Is he really an accountant?

Is that like going to be a game?

No, he's a forensic accountant who can look at numbers and know where it's wrong.

And he could shoot a gun.

It's like that.

I don't know, guys.

All right.

We are back up to the top of initial order.

So it's Normal's turn.

All right.

Normal wants to do something a little silly.

I want to see him.

Normal's currently within the cozy confines of an angel's eye.

Ooh, fake demonic thoughts.

Here's what I'm thinking.

Normal's parents are out of the house now, so he's going to be a little silly.

I have a spell called Magic Circle.

Okay.

You create a 10-foot radius, 20-foot-tall cylinder of magical energy.

Glowing runes intersect with the flora of their surface.

Choose one of the more of the following types of creatures.

Celestials, elementals, fae fiends, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

The creature can't willingly enter the circle by non-magical means.

If the creature tries to use teleportation or interplay or chat, blah, blah, blah.

So here's my thing.

It's basically like an angel banisher, right?

If I'm inside an angel when I cast magic circle, what happens to the angel?

I think it stays where it is because it can't enter or exit, which would mean it defaults to just like not moving.

So I think that's a good thing.

Here we go.

Wouldn't it like?

He's not going to boil, he's not going to like yeet you out of his body.

Is that what you're hoping?

No, what I was hoping is that like it's a barrier, right?

So it's like, I was hoping for like an Ant-Man goes up Thanos' button gets big scenario, like that the circle expands from me.

And now basically it has swallowed a 10-foot wide circle, which is bigger than it.

And then it can't go in that circle, so it explodes.

That was what I was hoping to do.

That sounds cool.

So I say yes.

Okay, well, then that's what I do.

So

I cast a magic circle on the inside of the celestial.

Okay.

It does a saving throw.

Wait, actually, I guess a saving throw is 16 but it's i it's just a thing i do well it didn't get a 16 either way with the saving throw okay all right i'm gonna go ahead and cast that right so the magic circle expands and expands and expands and you can see or i guess only mercedes can see this angel swelling around its midsection until it pops and purple juice goes everywhere and suddenly normal is just standing there covered in angel goo okay so i land and i can still move right yeah you got to move how far am i from willie you are a full move from willie okay he's got fire around him and he does have fire surrounding him also normal's Normal's like super like wet with Angel Goo.

So like that's true.

We got to get this boy wet.

No, my point is like, yeah, you can like run the, does that help?

Oh, it has a fire retardant possibilities.

Ori says angel goo's high flammable.

I'm the most flammable.

So it's 9d8

when you enter, and then if you end your turn within there, it's another 9d8.

If I'm stuck in the wall or past the wall.

If you're stuck in the wall.

Okay.

So 20 feet through the wall.

Oh, wait.

Okay.

Sorry.

Let me read this a lot.

One side of the wall deals 5d8 fire damage to each creature that ends its turn within 10 feet of that side or inside the wall.

I'm going to say that the inside wall is the attacky wall.

One of these walls is going to actually do active damage to you if you're 10 feet near it.

And that's the wall on the inside that is nearer Willie's standpoint.

Willie's in the middle of it and not within 10 feet of any of those sides.

But basically, you're going to have to take two moves to get through the fire or a dash on it, you know.

But I can't dash right now.

Which you can't dash.

So I could get up to the edge of the fire this turn.

Yes.

Okay, I'm going to do that.

Okay.

I'm going to go up as close as I can without getting burnt.

Okay, great.

And is angel juice like water where it stops fire or is it flammable?

There's only one way to find out, I guess.

Okay.

We can roll.

Yeah, we can roll.

We'll roll when you enter the fire and we'll see what happens.

You can touch your finger to the fire to see how it goes.

Just flick a little angel goo at it.

Yeah.

I feel like you could do that as a free action.

You want to do that as a little trend?

I flick a little angel goo at it.

All right.

One through 10, it is.

The most flammable substance known to man.

It is gasoline.

11 through 20, it is not flammable.

11.

So you are covered in gasoline, right?

No, you're not covered in gasoline.

You're safe.

You're good.

It is just like jello.

It's just wet and sticky, and it's not a big deal.

Is it going to help me absorb damage when I jump through?

No.

Oh, you only got an 11.

If you've gotten like a 19 or a 20 or nothing, fair enough, fair enough, fair enough, fair enough.

It's not very big.

All right, it is Scary's turn.

Scary, you are also within the eye of an angel.

I'm going to cast.

Okay, I'm going to cast Vampiric Touch.

I'm going to roll for this bad boy.

So I got a 20.

So the touch of your shadow-wreathed hand can siphon life force from others to heal your wounds.

Make a melee spell attack against a creature within your reach.

On a hit, the target takes 3d6 necrotic damage, and you regain hit points equal to half the amount of necrotic damage dealt.

This damage increases by 1d6 for each slot level above the third.

So on my sheet, it says 5d6.

Okay.

So I'm going to roll that.

Do it.

16.

Okay.

So I get eight health points back.

Hit points.

Kill me.

Kill me gently.

With his words?

Yes.

What does that do to the angel I am inside?

So the angel you are inside shrivels up like a grape left in the sun.

What happens to a dream deferred, you know?

Bro.

My Hughes homies.

He

at the bottom, too.

Sincerely.

You see the aperture of its pupil beginning to close as it shrivels up and dies.

And so you have a move to try to dive out of there before it shields up entirely with you inside of it.

Okay, so what should I roll to dive?

Acrobatics.

I'm gonna do that.

Fuck 10.

Okay, so with the 10, you're half in, half out like Winnie the Pooh.

Oh no,

which side, which side is outside?

Push she jump butt first.

Yeah, I would assume it's scary like her.

I'm just checking.

I would assume it's Scary's head and arms and stuff.

So the rebirthing of sorts.

Remainbirthing.

Stop saying that.

Hey, I'm reborn, so that's kind of like a long rest, right?

So the angel is body deflates around your lower half and it falls to the ground.

Oh, you say it was so floating, she'd look like Lakitu up there.

Upside down Lakitu.

It falls to the ground and you are stuck within its angelic muck.

I hate that.

Taylor, it is your turn.

All right.

Taylor playing a different video game entirely.

All right.

So Taylor flying over the battlefields, making an assessment.

How many angels left?

There are all of them.

No, no, just yours.

Yeah, because I exploited one, so there's nine, nine, right?

Who is in the middle of the one?

There's just seven.

There's seven that are actively trying to harm you, and there's one that is charmed.

Ah, yes.

And pulling Hermie towards the fire.

But then a normal killed one.

Normal killed one and scary just killed one.

The only person who's like completely still inside of an angel is Link, I guess.

And real quick, and who are we trying to get on the throne?

I don't think you care.

Anybody?

Anybody can get on on the throne.

All right.

Yeah.

Wait, what was the plan, actually?

Was it Hermie?

It was scary.

We were saying get scary on the throne.

I mean, yeah, the plan was like put thing on Willie's head, question mark, question mark, question mark, profit.

Like, was good.

Yeah.

So

we've achieved most of the the time.

Somebody needs to be on the throne.

We're doing so well.

Yeah, we think somebody needs to be on the throne to probably kill God.

So, I think I'm gonna say a pretty wild string of words here.

So, just hear me out.

Okay.

I would like Rogue to unload a pouch of piss,

you know, like those firefighting airplanes?

Yes.

Like that onto the wall of flame.

Oh, I love that.

Scary says, Rogue, go outside.

All right.

Let's roll to see how good his bladder is right now.

Well, but see, here's the thing, right?

Like, is it about control or is it about volume?

Well, it's like, how full are his bladder?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's my thinking.

I think it's pretty full because we take care of our dogs.

I'm going to roll from one to 20.

And just depending on what number we get, that's how full his bladder is.

Okay.

11.

So pretty good.

Halfway full.

Halfway full.

So.

The piss comes down and we'll have him targeted as well.

And he got another 11.

Can Taylor help aim?

Oh, no.

it's like in the show Masters of Air where someone has to go under the belly of the plane.

You know what I'm saying?

I was like, it was like in Call of Duty when you switch from the big gun to the mini gun in the C-130 and you gotta like fucking run that line.

Taylor's sitting there like looking at the thing and there's like the bomb computer, you know?

Okay, so you managed to grab the member and spray it down.

Can I do something that's not on my turn?

That's not a spell or anything like that.

Which is cool.

Okay.

Scary holds out her hand, but it's like closed, so it looks like maybe there's a treat inside and Rogue might start salivating because of it.

So you're saying Rogue is pissing and salivating

on top of the thing.

I don't know why I said salivating like a scientist.

Can I roll animal handling to help aim?

Sure.

Wait, can we get

a little bit of a message?

Can we get Chuggs McGee or what's his name?

Oh, Freddie's macrame doing it.

Can Chugs Macrame calculate the fucking aim Coriolis effect?

That's why you don't keep selling what he gave it to you, Freddie.

What did you roll?

I rolled a natural one.

So you just get pissed all over you.

All the piss just hits you square in the fucking face.

Does he have to roll the hold onto Rogue?

Yeah, roll the hole on the road.

He had a good bladder.

Whatever.

I don't even care.

We really missed the opportunity to have someone hold up two flares like in the rock to target the piss.

Let me just check one thing.

What's my proficiency?

So I'm going to guess that you were falling from a

considerable height.

No, I haven't done anything yet.

Soaked in hot.

There's a thing that says reliable talent.

Whenever you make an ability check, it allows me to add myself.

This is not an ability check.

This is a saving throw.

Ah, saving throw.

Very well.

Very well.

Dexterity saving throw coming at you hot.

Seven plus two.

Nine.

The piss

is just so, it's so wet.

It's so moist.

Your fingers slip from the wet fur underneath Rogue and you plummet downward.

Gandalf style.

Yeah, like it cuts.

Dude, you fools.

Dude, it cuts and it's like so, such a wide shot.

And the whole theater's like quiet.

Like, wow, that's a wide shot.

That's the widest shot I've ever seen.

But they said Gandalf falling with a ballrock is just Gandalf, and he just dropped off and is covered in piss.

That's just him dropping.

All right, let me look up falling damage.

We can see how much damage you're going to take.

I'm in heaven, dog.

Well, yeah, he's got to take, we've got some time to try to like save him.

And I've done like 12 blade poses in the entire show.

So, like, come on.

How far do you fall in?

Remember, the turn is six seconds.

So, how far is six seconds?

How far do you fall?

A fall?

Yeah.

That's a good question.

How far can you fall in six seconds?

From a zero round, you fall a rate of 500 feet per round.

So that's enough to fall down pretty badly.

500 feet.

You fell down pretty badly.

All right.

So you take the max damage.

You're going to take 20 D6 of damage.

Let me ask, let me ask.

Let me ask, let me ask, let me ask.

As I'm falling, as I'm falling, is there any world where I can try and like karam off of an angel?

It's not like the airspace is clear, Anthony.

It's like there's stuff in the air.

Give me a straight D20 roll and we'll see if something happens.

You roll the batch roll.

Straight D20 roll.

Let's just see if I can mitigate a little bit.

14.

Okay, so the 14, nothing happens.

If you had said 15 or higher, 15 or higher, you would have bounced off of one of the angels and at least done some damage to it.

But no, you just piss scream all the way down.

Now, where does he land in the battlefield?

So you were trying to piss on the fire.

Oh, God.

Can I try to help him a tiny bit?

Can I just give one suggestion, please?

One.

Please, delete.

Please delete.

May I play a little bit of teeny.

May I play some video?

Maybe Big Guardian teeny the teen.

Like, try to do something?

No, like late sees a threat coming in and attacking no, he sees now he's dumb.

He looks at the shit goes, oh, and he sees the guy in the body pillow and he looks up and he sees the same guy falling.

He goes, hmm.

And he's like, that must be my friend.

I believe your guardian is powerful enough as it is without the ability to pluck people out of the air like the Iron Giant.

Father said I couldn't play TMD.

All right, so how much damage do I take?

You take 20d6.

20d6?

Did you just be 20 hitch points?

Did he land in the fire?

Yes.

20d6?

Yeah, you're going to take 20d6 from falling, and then you're going to take an additional.

Oh, my God.

Anthony, come on.

Have a heart, my man.

Additional what?

Additional what?

I'm looking it up, my dude.

20d6?

10d8.

10d8 for fire.

How much HP do you have?

I have 107.

All right, so I've loaded it up.

I've loaded it up.

I have 10d8 and 20d6 to everyone.

I'm now clicking roll on this fucking website.

DDB I can suck.

Oh my god, my computer's chugging from the amount of dice that just showed up on the screen 118 damage oh no

so you hit the ground

I'm gonna go ahead and say no I mean you didn't put out the fire

does the being covered in piss mitigate any of the fire damage no

I don't think it does piss is like gas

I think if he were capable of just running through at speed yes but I think because he's falling directly into it

and then landing in it I'm gonna say no so that's all his health so he's in death saves So you are now in death saves within the fire and in fire.

Dungeons and Dies is brought to you this week by Pretty Litter.

Wait, guys, I got one for you.

Okay.

Pretty litter.

My cat's got a P3 litter

and it's not smelly.

Pretty litter.

It's soft on their paws.

Stays fresher for long.

Roy Orberson uses Pretty Litter.

And Roy Orberson.

If it's good enough, It's good enough for me.

And pretty litter helps monitor Roy's cat's health by testing acid.

I didn't say Roy Orbison's cats use it.

I said Roy used it.

Pretty litter helps manage Roy Orbison, the name of my second cat, health by testing acidity and the alkalinity levels in the visible presence of blood in your cat's urine.

I don't know if I need pre-litter to help with that.

But I'll tell you what, them crystals, they're safe for cats and people alike.

They ship to your door free.

So you gotta carry it.

How much would you charge someone?

How would you charge yourself to carry it from your car?

How much would I charge myself?

Think about it.

Think about it i am thinking about it and it doesn't make sense the ultra absorbent formula uses less material than clay litter reduces waste saves money ideal for you know apartments busy lifestyles or multi-cat households oh yeah right now you can save 20 on your first order and get a free cat toy at pretty litter.com slash dungeons technically you get two free cat toys because you also get the box of the pretty litter yeah you think they're playing around with that

pawn around it's like that's a toy right there pretty litter.com slash dungeons to save 20 on your first order and get a free cat toy.

Pretty litter.com slash dungeons.

Up new disclaimer.

Ooh.

Pretty litter cannot detect every feline health issue or prevent or diagnose diseases.

A diagnosis can only come from a licensed veterinarian.

Terms and conditions apply.

CSAF for details.

It's easy to be a superhero.

You don't need a cape or x-ray vision.

You just need to sign up for PowerSaver Rewards.

That way, when you save energy during a flex alert, you get a credit back on your energy bill.

Visit powersaverrewards.org and become a super power saver.

Let's say, just really quick, it's a good learning moment here, which is we do sometimes forget that as we keep asking Anthony for more things, we roll dice that we can roll badly.

And sometimes we know when to roll them and know when to fold them.

Sometimes when we get a medium.

It's important to remember.

Sometimes when we get a mediocre result, we just go with it.

Yeah, it's important to remember that not all things that happen are good things.

Yes.

You have to know when to hold them.

Oh, no.

So you just know when to hold them.

If he does die, by the way.

What a way to go.

Why can't you be the chosen one?

And just getting covered in piss and falling to your death in fire, having done literally nothing.

Let me live in the hell thing.

I got my one objective, my primary objective.

What did you do?

You little fucker.

You little fucker.

Now,

how close am I to Willie, though?

So, you are now basically a single move away from Willie if you could get conscious.

If you could move, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

Were every bone in your body not broken, you would probably be fine.

Thankfully, Willie's vision is based on movement.

Why did I just roll something?

I didn't mean to do that.

You were rolling to see how funny that joke was, and you got a natural one.

Will be brutal.

Will be brutal.

Willie!

We're on the same team.

Look at my eyes.

Beth looks hurt.

Beth was hurting.

How could you?

How could you say that?

Wow.

You know, we all.

I just also shook.

You know what?

No, Beth, it's fair.

No, don't interrupt me.

We all take shots on this podcast,

you know, and sometimes you got to know when to fold them and know when to hold them.

And that maybe was a little miss for me, but that doesn't mean that I am not a human being.

Damn, dog.

Damn.

Beth, I just want to say, I'm sorry.

I respect you.

Oh, no, Obama will's out.

I think you're very funny.

I think you're a good member of the podcast.

Whatever, let's move on.

God damn it.

The next thing there is going to be another YouTube apology.

All right.

It's Willie's turn.

Willie is going to try to wrench the head off of his head.

He gets a 16.

A lot of people wrenching the head off their head, though.

Who up wrenching the head off their head?

So he manages to goon his head off, and he's going to throw it onto the fucking ground and go,

and he's like kind of crying through the shock of what just happened to him.

Trying to wrench the head off of him was his turn and he's not going to move.

So he's going to just go,

kill, kill them, kill him, fuck, fuck.

Oh, kill them.

Is it baby want us to kill them?

Is that what happened?

I'm talking to you.

Talking to the angels.

Link, it is your turn.

Okay, so I'm inside this angel.

Uh-huh.

Because I had the benefit of being third, so I was listening to all the cool ways that you guys got out of your angels.

Unfortunately, I don't have any of those cool ways.

You get them feet, do kick, huh?

You fucking punch them.

Their eye is open right now, so you can like try to make a dexterity-saving throw to get out or strength check to wrench the eye open more.

Okay, I'm gonna try to wrench the eye open.

Oh, you go through the iris.

You go through the pupil.

Ooh, okay.

Yeah, I'm just gonna try to wrench it open then.

Okay, give me a strength check.

You know, if you fly through a zone of darkness, the pupil would dilate and you'd probably fall right out.

13.

13.

Okay, so with a 13, you manage to rip open the iris and the cornea a little bit.

The tears form along the edges of the pupil, even as the pupil, which is really sharp, begins to cut into your hands and blood starts going down your palms.

Oh, my God.

Can I do that?

I was trying to kick through since I'm like a soccer boy and then I'm like the opposite of scary.

So like I'm Winnie Boo the other way.

Sure.

So you're like,

you're like,

you're like, my feet are dangling out.

I did like a power kick down through the trying to just kick through the iris.

So now I'm like,

you're halfway out and your feet are dangling and kicking in the air.

Like Like stepbrothers.

I'm like power kicking, you know, like when you're swinging, like you do a swing, you know, you swing forward and then you kick your butt.

That's how I tell Dorothy, you know, swing forward, kick your butt, swing forward, kick your butt.

Get out of swing.

I'm kicking my butt as hard as I can.

So I'm kicking the

swinging.

Like a swing set.

Anyways, I'm just kicking.

I'm just frantically kicking the eyeball.

Okay.

You're gyroscopically throwing off.

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say.

Center of gravity by constantly.

I'll say, I'll be generous because one of you just died.

Not dead yet.

Not dead yet.

Not dead yet.

We'll say that you kicking down was your action and that you still have a move if you want to try to fully squeeze yourself out of step.

Oh, with my legs out, I'm going to press my ankles like up against my, but I'm going to try to kick while on the inside, I'm like grabbing, I'm like trying to, you know, stretch open, trying to stretch that eyeball open.

Give me a dexterity saving throw.

That's a 19.

Wow.

Okay.

So you right out of the iris of the

not high up enough to do a tremendous amount of damage.

You're going to take 2d8 damage from the fall.

Okay.

But you are now free of the angels' interference.

I'm what they they would call in an older edition bloodied.

Yes.

Now it is the angels' turn.

So the angels, it's going to be their turn.

The angel that is dragging Hermie towards the fire is going to continue dragging Hermie towards the fire, and Hermie is going to try to resist and he's going to fail.

Is that dragging him attack or not?

I would say, let's say, yes.

Okay, then I'm going to, as a reaction, cast protection when I see a creature attacking another target other than me within five feet.

I don't know where I am in relation to everybody else.

Let's say you're within five feet.

Then yeah, then it's just a disadvantage on the dragging roll.

Okay.

So it still managed to drag him, unfortunately.

So it's going to drag him towards the fire.

Uh-oh.

And Hermie is going to start taking damage on his turn.

Oh, no.

He could save me, though.

He could.

He could, yeah, if he doesn't die in the process.

Let this new Hermie remember what tight fucking bonds of friendship he once had.

Yeah, he's got all the memories of the real Hermie.

Sure.

Nice.

Now there's seven other angels that are going to do some stuff.

Oh, no.

Three are going to...

Beth, I'm so sorry.

I was mean to you.

I'm still, I'm stupid in anxiety over here.

It's so out of pocket.

I feel bad.

I feel like Freddie could have have gotten away with that joke.

I feel like, I just, I can't do roasts.

I'm not good at roasts.

I was like, oh, this is going to be funny.

And now I'm like, oh, man, like a fucking, like, I just feel weird.

I feel bad.

No, Will.

It's fine.

No, I don't want to make my emotions your problem.

You know, I'm just going to fucking stare at the wall for a while.

You're also going to get attacked by three angels.

Your AC is 12, you said?

Me?

Yes.

Me for it's clearly lower than that.

My AC is 12.

Okay.

My emotional AC when I feel bad is way lower than that, though.

So two of the angels are going to grab you.

One's going to grab you by the arm.

One's going to grab you by the leg, and they're just going to start pulling in opposite directions.

Oh, no, like the T-Rexes in Lost World.

Yeah.

Yo, their vision is based on the move.

So go ahead and take another 5d10 of damage.

5d10 for normal.

29 damage.

Normal is also fourth edition blood.

Another three are going to aim for scary because scary is collapsed.

They're going to get advantage on their attack rolls.

They're just going to try to slash at scary with their eyelashes.

That's three hits.

So you're going to take three d10 damage and then you're going to add 15 to that.

So they do 1d10 plus 5 for their slashy slashies.

Plus 15 is 35.

So they slash you and a big scar opens up right along your cheek.

Just splits your cheek right open.

Oh, damn.

Metal.

Yeah, that's going to be cool as hell for the second album cover.

And the final one's going to go after Link.

What's your AC?

13.

Okay, rolled an 18.

So it is going to try to grab you and try to shove you right back into its eyeball.

How did you have such low AC?

I think you have armor?

14 is not the lowest in the world.

13.

I might.

Oh, 13 is less.

There's probably a world where I probably should have armor and stuff equipped, but, you know.

Hey, what are you going to do?

So it's grabbed you.

It's managed to grab you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

I played here.

Give me a second.

Is there anything I could do?

I don't know.

Is there?

Is there.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, I have scale mail.

I just didn't have it equipped.

My AC is supposed to be 16.

Is it really?

Yeah.

Oh, well.

That's insane.

Oh, shit.

I got...

Whoa.

Whoa.

I got super armor and I just am equipped.

It says I can kill anybody I want to at any time.

How weird.

So it attacked, it grabbed you around one leg and it's going to try to shove you into its mouth.

When it was three of them, it just happened automatically.

But this guy, he's going to have to try because he's alone.

So go ahead and give me an opposed athletics role, Link.

Link, Link, having just gone through a rebirth of sorts, has no interest.

Jumping back into the womb.

Link was a natural 20.

Right.

No problem.

And defies the idea of a creator and says, no womb for me.

And he punches the, I got natural 20s.

I'm going to do what I want, Anthony.

So I'm punching the angel straight in his iris.

And I say, see you later.

And we're so glad you narrated that.

You're welcome.

The angel is going to take a d10 of damage from your punch and your pun.

That's fair.

Takes one damage, unfortunately.

That's fair.

One damage.

Yeah, I rolled a one on a d10.

God damn.

Now it is Mercedes' turn.

What would you like Mercedes to do?

I won't decide for you.

There are many things she could potentially be doing right now.

Probably saving Taylor.

Saving Taylor, you know,

if, yeah, that's probably priority one.

Is this

fell into the flames?

Or healing anybody.

Like, yeah, I can jump and save Taylor, but like.

What manner of character is Mercedes?

I think I have it right here.

What Joe crystals does she have?

So, Mercedes Ogarcia is a bard, which means she has access to healing word.

So, she's going to run over, she's going to grab Taylor out of the fire.

In the process, she's going to take some damage.

A bard?

A bard.

Of course, Mercedes has a big acoustic guitar.

Okay, so she takes a fair amount of damage from grabbing Taylor, but she's going to yank him out of the fire and cast healing word on him as a bonus action.

Sing some Joan Baez, probably.

There you go.

So, you are going to get

26 hp back for b

and you are no longer in the fire hell yeah dog that was her ninth level spell slot by the way so oh wow don't expect a sexy heel like that again just a slightly less sexy one that was 9b4 plus four she's a ninth level how what level is she 20.

mamma mia turns out those j-o crystals you know what i'm saying oh hermia manages to successfully wrench his arm away from the angel that is trying to fuck with him and he's not getting dragged towards the fire anymore and he goes once again what do I do?

So the piss did not do anything to the fire.

I missed.

It missed with your natural one.

Do you want Hermie to piss on the fire?

No.

We're going for more piss-based.

What class is Hermie?

What can Hermie do other than act?

Other than act, Will?

Yeah, dog.

You know, actors can do other things.

That's what I'm asking.

What can they do?

You lie about his special skills on this headshot.

I did not give Hermie a proper character sheath.

Okay, so he's just like a

familiar, like an NPC.

Normal turns to Hermie and says, Hermie, Hermie too, Willie, whatever your name is, get out of here.

This isn't your fight.

This is our fight.

You've done enough.

And then Taylor kind of gets like, no, Hermes, stay here.

We need help, Hermie.

We do need your help.

Like, don't listen.

We need as much help as possible.

You leave that boy alone.

Go live your life.

Go right now.

He's not a boy.

He's a build-up bear.

Remember, like, he's here to help us.

Could Hermie command the charmed angel to pick one of us up and drop us into the center of the thing?

I don't see why not.

Okay.

But Willie's still on it, right?

Willie's still in there and he doesn't have the mask around his head anymore.

I do.

I have a spell that it would be really good to get off on Willie real quick.

You want to get off on him?

You want to get off on Willie?

Yes.

What did I say?

So Hermie's going to go, you get my boyfriend and you put him right in that fire.

Not in the fire.

Sorry, in the middle of the fire, but like on the other side of the fire.

Put him where Willie is.

And so the angel

goes over to you, grabs you by the leg with its lash.

Chugs macrame and just sits there and counts his little beans and is a happy little accountant boy.

Chugs got an abacus.

Chugs has an abacus.

Wow.

Link's just seeing, you know, Chugs crunching numbers, which is what Marco has to do with all the bills and knows is a tough job.

Turns around and says, Chugs, you're a central member of the team.

And he gives him a thumbs up.

Chugs starts crying.

It is now normal's turn again.

So normal, you get not only your normal move, you are going to get an additional airborne move from the angel that has you within its grasp.

So you get two moves and an action.

I get two moves and an action.

Okay, so I'm going to move with the angel over the flames.

Okay.

And then my second move is going to be to safely land on the other side.

Okay.

And then my action is going to be that I'm going to cast a spell called Hallow.

Okay.

You touch a point and infuse an area around it with holy or unholy power.

The area can have a radius up to 60 feet.

First, celestials, elementals, fae, fiends, and undead creatures can't enter the area, nor can such creatures, charm, frighten, or possessed creatures within it.

So I basically want to cast this right at Willie's feet so that his angels can't come to his aid.

Okay.

Second, I get to add an extra effect to the area of the spell.

Some of of these effects apply to creatures in the area.

You can designate whether the effect applies to all creatures, creatures that follow a specific deity or leader, creatures of a specific sort.

Now, could I say, I don't know if this is too cheeky.

You seem like you're in smooth Anthony mode over here, so like I feel a little scared.

Are you smooth Anthony?

No, Harry Anthony is the scare one.

Smooth Anthony is good.

Smooth Anthony, the good one or the bad one.

Smooth Anthony is the good one.

One of them tells the truth, one of them only tells lies.

Okay, well, I have to go naked to find out.

Now, it only affects people that follow a specific deity.

Would one say that Willie worships himself?

Ooh.

i would say so i'd say that's fair okay then this is going to affect everyone including willie that worships willie stampler and the effect i'm going to choose is silence so no sound can emanate from within the area and no sound can reach it oh actually that applies to everybody i think some of these you can target specifically so yeah i'm going to cast silence basically because i know that to kill people with disintegrate has a verbal component so i tried to disintegrate finally verbal matters yes yay when a creature that would be affected uh enters the spells area for the first time or starts a turn there, it can make a charisma saving throw.

If it succeeds, it can ignore the extra effect.

So I guess he does have a chance to save on this.

Okay, I'll have him roll.

It's a charisma saving throw of 16.

Four.

Woo!

Willie's got no charisma.

Willie's quiet.

He's got no Riz.

He's Rizless and quiet.

Scary, it was your turn.

So I'm still halfway in the deceased angel, right?

Mm-hmm.

You're wearing it.

That's the next poetry book.

Yeah, definitely.

So I'm going to use my movement, maybe, to kick out of the corpse of the angel.

Sure, kip up out of it?

It's going to be a kick up, you know?

Because it's going to be half kip up, but mostly just kicking.

Yeah, yeah.

You see how I've cleverly meshed the words together.

You were trying for a kip up a while ago, weren't you?

Yeah, it was like my New Year's resolution, like three years ago, and I'm like too old to do it.

You're never too old to kip up.

I was too old, like, when I was not even 30 yet.

That was disastrous.

One day you do your last kip up and you don't even realize it.

Well, so you know, you spend your 20s doing kip-ups, you spend your 30s trying to keep up.

Damn.

Damn.

Well, um.

We'll rolled a natural one on that joke.

Stop recording.

Oh, my God.

So good.

Okay.

Okay.

This is why you guys are the best in the biz.

I'll tell you that right now.

What am I going to roll?

I would say athletics.

Okay.

That's what you did for me.

And 18.

You get out easily.

You slide through.

Nice.

Quick little slide tackle.

And now where am I in position to our players here?

So there are three angels near you.

So you'll take some opportunity attacks if you want to run past them.

And then there is a big wall of fire.

And on the other end of that wall of fire are Willie and Normal.

And then next to to you, kind of close to you within running range, is Link.

Well, I just long rested, so I've got fiendish resistance to fire.

Oh, cool.

So, I'm going to run towards that fire, and therefore, Willie and Hermie.

Okay, so you're going to get three opportunity attacks from the battles.

What's your AC?

I'm going to do mage armor on myself.

I'm going to do that.

Okay, what does that turn your AC into?

Target's base AC becomes 13 pluses dexterity modifier.

My dexterity is

plus two, so 15.

15.

Okay.

So only two of them hit you then.

So you're going to take 2d10 plus 10.

Okey-dokey.

So 22 damage.

22 damage.

But you are now right next to the wall of fire and also Hermie.

Actually, and Mercedes and Taylor, Normal, and Willie.

Well, Normal's inside.

Yes.

Yeah.

But you're close to the.

Who's inside?

Who's outside?

Just Normal?

Normal and Willie are the only ones inside.

I told you guys, Normal's going to kill Willie this episode.

Damn, dog.

dog called his shot taylor it's your turn rogue my steed rogue swoops down wait we all want to jump on rogue don't take rogue away don't jump on the train and leave us all behind rogue we must pick up all of us

okay and so i think like that's my whole action move feels like it's gonna be gathering everyone that much

you're you fell off of rogue yeah

and now i'm back baby rogue flew down So I'm going to say within six seconds, Rogue can fly down.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

But I don't think within that same six seconds, you can pick everybody up.

Well, let me ask you this.

Who's right around me, right?

Certainly Mercedes.

Mercedes is right next to you.

And then I'll use my turn to run.

And now Scary is right next to you.

Now, I will remind you all that while this silence thing is up around Willie, he cannot cast any spells, but no spells can be cast that have verbal components within that area.

I don't need a spell to hit him.

That's true.

Or kick him.

Here's what I'm wanting to do, folks.

I want to use a rogue to

one, we could drop people off inside.

Or here's the thing.

If we get up high enough, I could then jump out and then just aim for the throne.

Because here's my thinking.

Yes, it'll hurt.

It'll kill if you fall.

But in that moment, you'll be on the throne of God, right?

So you could just like negate your damage because you're a God when you're on it, right?

Like, so that's a little.

Like a face plan against the throne of God is hard.

Face plant where God's been fucking depositing his farts.

And then in that moment,

you become God.

You're a king rogue, and I can jump onto rogue on my turn and fly us over there.

And, you know, we don't have to be a hundred feet in the air to drop you on the throne of God.

No, but there's a timing thing.

It's a timing because there's a Willie there.

Yeah,

the timing is it's my turn.

Like, you can do it on your turn.

If I'm in the air, here's what I'm saying.

If I'm in the air, I can modulate based on how much airspace I, you know, I can either go like, Freddie, I can drop you on the throne.

You don't have to, is there, give me what here?

Give me one reason you need to be 600 feet above the throne.

As most of five feet above the throne.

No, because if someone's on the throne, I can like time.

You know, like when Tom Cruise, it's like, I gotta fall faster, and he goes straight.

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

Just saying, like, yes, Matt, if you were falling onto the toilet and someone was on the toilet, and you were like, wait, I want that guy to get off the toilet before I land, you would go, like, ooh, and like, stick your body out.

Will, Will,

Will perceives my tactics perfectly.

Are you saying like a perfect?

How tall are the ceilings in your bathrooms, though?

There is no ceiling.

We're in heaven.

So you're saying when you're trying to time

miniature golf and there's a little thing, like a little windmill, you're like, oh, the farther away from this, the easier it is to time.

You just get right,

just get right next to it and then wait and then leap.

You can leap at any moment you want if you're not.

What you're proposing is that Rogue patrols overhead on Overwatch and then Taylor just jumps over.

I take Rogue.

I fly right over the throne, which is where you want to go.

And then from a safe distance, you can jump.

The timing becomes when you jump because you know exactly when you'll land on the chair, Freddy.

But then you're right next to fucking

Willie.

You can get fucked up.

Your plan worked perfectly the last time, too.

I'll do whatever you want.

No, man, because then you're right next to Willie.

No, but Willie can't do anything.

Willie's doing nothing.

But if he's there, he's non-verbal.

You know what?

It's your turn.

You do as you wish.

I'll do as I wish on my turn.

I'm trying to help you.

I'm trying to help you.

I'm using my whole turn to help you.

I'm just trying to help you.

Link and Taylor have a psychic match as we debate this out.

Like,

we're going to fight in our brains.

We don't have to fight in real life.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Straight up.

Okay.

How do you want to do it?

Okay, let's roll initiative, bitch.

Let's go.

You already are in.

I would say, like, just roll a straight D20 and see if it's higher or do rock, paper, scissors.

I'll rock, paper, scissors.

Okay.

You fucking idiot.

You go Taylor or Bolton.

Look, if you win, I will drop you from 600 feet if you want.

Wait a second.

You guys have to do a rock, paper, scissors in your mind.

Yeah.

So just write down on a piece of paper whether you're rock or scissors, and then you can show them to each other.

Yeah, that's how it works, too, in the game.

You can also just play rock, paper, scissors.

It's pretty.

Fine.

No, I like that we write it.

Sure.

Sure.

No, let them play it in their mind and tell each other what they got after one of them says it.

Oh, I lost.

I got rock.

Oh, I got paper.

Yeah, actually, if you're playing in your mind, you have to guess whether.

You have to get out of here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

How's how we're going to do this?

Here's how we're going to do this.

I already got my.

You guys are going to fight in your mind.

You have to guess what the other person is gonna put.

And I cannot tell you.

I cannot tell you just how much this is absolutely nothing.

This is the least something that has ever been done on this podcast.

You got it?

What is the

on three?

Three, two, one.

Paper.

Matt just turned around a picture of a pair of scissors on Amazon.

And he bought it.

What makes this shoe?

No, I

screamed.

Buy the scissors, Matt.

These are $42 scissors.

Too bad.

You're buying them.

Buy the scissors.

My wife's going to wonder why there's a lot of $42 scissors.

Matt, buy the scissors or something.

Forgive me, Matt.

Buy the scissors, you fucking loser.

Buy the scissors.

And I'm also typing a reimbursement invoice

to touch your daddies right now.

So now that we know that Matt's going to be the one to get what he wants,

what are you doing on your turn, Taylor?

I'm collecting everyone.

Matt and I have a duel in our minds, and now we're all on rogue it's me and Mercedes okay and then on my turn I'm gonna jump on rogue and fly rogue close to the throne as opposed to 600 feet up above okay and I'm gonna tell Mercedes like listen lady just because my homie good boy here is picking me up doesn't mean we still don't have beef

she just saved your life yeah I literally just brought you back from the dead I guess we're even and I hold out for our predator high five She sighs and does it.

You fuck yeah, dude.

All right.

It's Willie's turn.

You got a grip, old lady.

He is going to drop concentration, causing the big wall of fire to dissipate.

Oh, shit.

He's going to spend a full move moving away from normal and out of the sphere of silence.

So, normal, that means you get an opportunity attack on him.

Great.

Did we ever determine who has the big sword that has advantage on authority figures?

I do.

You do.

Okay.

Well, that would have been.

All right.

I'm coming in hot, dude.

Here, Freddie, we'll throw it to you.

But first, we've got to get 600 feet up in the air.

So we're getting

land right when he needs it to land.

All right, I am going to attack him with ages ago.

It was like, oh, normal probably has like a cheer baton or something.

So that's my mace that I'm hitting him with.

I got a 21.

Okay.

And I do four damage to him.

Is he bloodied?

Did he die?

Four damage.

118 remaining.

Fuck.

Shit.

Thanks for telling us.

Just so you know, I'm not cheating.

So he's going to take that opportunity to attack.

You're going to hit him with a baton.

He's going to go out, but it's dead silent.

It's dead silence.

You don't hear it.

He just, you see him wince a little bit.

He's gonna move outside of the

wince.

If you move outside the sphere of silence, what's his move speed?

It's the same as everybody else's of 30 or whatever.

Yeah, I believe it's 30.

Yes, he can just clear it unless he dashes.

I put it at his feet, so the radius of the circle will be 30 feet.

He's gonna be able to move and do an action, is what you're telling me?

Yes, okay.

So he's gonna move.

He's going to look at if he forces a raid against him, and he's going to decide that he doesn't care who he kills.

He's going to roll a die.

Oh, wait, what?

He's killing him.

God damn it.

Wait.

He vaporizes Hermie.

Oh, no, he killed a stuffed animal.

Oh, no.

My builder, baby.

Okay.

You're telling me normals watched his mom and Hermie die again within like fucking 10 seconds of each other?

Yep, he's not Hermes.

It's not real Hermie.

He's just real to me.

I feel bad for laughing, but come on.

Let's be honest.

Of all the people that could have died.

That was the least impactful.

That's the funniest one.

Yeah.

I mean,

Chugs McGee would.

Chugs has been through so much.

Yeah, what is Chug saying to this?

It's Chug just minus one.

Link, it is your turn.

Link.

Also realizing that his AC has been down because he hasn't been equipping his shield and stuff, is going to pick up one of the severed wings of the angel that exploded, that normal explode, and he holds it up like a shield.

So now he's got an angel-winged shield.

And he's going to leap onto Rogue, and then he's going to stare at having seen Hermie explode.

I just know.

Having seen Hermie explode.

He's disintegrated his face.

He's going to say better.

Okay.

He's going to leap onto Rogue.

He goes, Go, Rogue.

And he looks at Taylor.

He's like, it's time to get on your throne, my king.

And he's going to, and he's charging Rogue at the throne of God.

Oh, Willie's off the throne.

Yeah, Willie's off the throne.

Willie's off the throne now.

Is that a full move?

I mean, how close are we to the throne?

I feel like it's a full move.

Okay, so then you go before Willie, though, right, Freddie?

Yeah, I do.

Hell yeah.

Sure does.

I was saying for my action, though, i'm gonna cast protection from evil and good on taylor okay protection from evil and good it's just i mean all angels roll disadvantage on you

and i think it would count as god himself willie as well but does god fall into this binary it is a concentration so that does mean you would be dropping it on me yes i think that is okay for right now he's about to go on the throne i'm spreading my love around

When a guy breaks concentration, cast it on someone else.

It's called spreading your love for me.

I rolled over and I'm concentrating on Taylor.

Okay.

Sorry, that's wrong.

So the plan is in action.

You are in motion.

Rogue is speeding towards the throne of God.

It is now the angels' turn.

The angels are going to see this big, adorable, good boy speeding towards the throne of God.

They're going to immediately drop what they're doing and they're going to all try to attack Rogue.

Oh my God.

All but one of them hits.

So that's six angels, one of whom crits against Rogue.

So they are going to roll one, two, three, four, five, six, seven D10s plus 60.

Taylor looks at normal and says, this is why you get 600 feet up into the air, you fucking idiot.

Okay.

Taylor laughs.

Looks down at his new $42 pair of scissors.

Okay, so

angels slash out with their eyelashes and six of these things just.

And for a second, you think it's fine.

And then

all of a sudden, you begin to see blood seep out of a bunch of different cuts on Rogue.

And Rogue makes a heartbreaking noise as it collapses down to the ground.

Its momentum still carrying it forward next to the throne of God.

Rogue is now out of commission.

Oh, no.

Is Rogue dead or is Rogue just like beat up?

You'll have to check Rogue to find out.

Oh, God.

So it's Mercedes' turn.

What do you want Mercedes to do?

Make sure Rogue's okay.

Okay.

No, no.

Ice cold.

Let's be practical.

Damn, dude.

This adventure really changed me.

We got to kill him.

That's like, make sure Hermie is dead again.

Just make sure.

What's your Mercedes do?

At this point, we're right at the throne.

So anything that just stops Willie from fucking doing more spells.

Like, that's what it should be.

So

keep it.

Does she have any shut up spells?

She does.

There we go.

Boom.

She's going to cast Otto's Irresistible Dance.

Yeah, my moves.

So he was within 30 feet, so he's just within range.

Choose one creature you can see within range.

The target begins a comic dance in place, shuffling, tapping its feet, and capering for the duration.

Creatures can't be charmed or immune to this spell.

Throw the grand.

Tick, talk, talk, dance.

That's tick-tock-dance.

Dancing creature must use all of its movement to dance without leaving its space and has disadvantage on dexterity, saving her attack rolls.

While the target is affected by the spell, other creatures have advantage on attack rolls against it.

Hell yeah.

It's attack/slash/save is wisdom 18.

So he only rolled a four, but he's going to use his last legendary resistance to stop dancing.

She's going to go, dance for me, bitch.

And he's going to go, no.

He will use his last legendary resistance to resist a gwiddy.

For all my TikTok heads out there.

Yeah, I'm on the app.

So that's Mercedes' turn.

Hermie doesn't have a turn because he's dead.

No!

Chugs Macrame does a quick prayer for Hermie because he doesn't know that that kid is not.

Chugs, what spells you got?

Wow, a mathematician and a man of God.

Chugs, what are the odds of bringing back?

Zero.

Or undefined.

Okay, now it's normal turning in how much of hermie is left no he disintegrated he's ducks

that's a wolf i'm a real hermie he's gone he's still a person i mean

how's everyone doing hp wise 26 48 31.

my ideal

i give chugs another thumbs up

chugs it's so great that we're able to accurately to the digit track our health he's doing the like sherlock like mind palace thing where he's just like moving his hands and stuff and numbers are floating all around him and you can see the HP that everybody has remaining including we could have used Chug so many times on this adventure.

I can't do shit in here magic wise because all my spells are verbal.

I believe Normal's first words this episode were I want to kill Willie.

That's true.

That's true.

I'm going to kill Willie.

I'm going to

true to my word.

All right.

Normal will throw caution into the wind.

I'm going to charge after Willie Stampler to get out of the hollow.

Yeah, you have no difficulty doing that.

There's nobody near you.

so no opportunity attacks.

And then I am going to cast Conjure Celestial.

No, I should heal up.

No, but he's mad.

Real journey happened.

No, but I am the fucking cleric.

Oh, normal's so torn up whether he should heal his friends or just try to fucking hurt this guy.

You guys will be fine.

I'm gonna cast

Conjure Celestial.

You summon a Celestial challenge rating four or lower, which appears in an unoccupied space that you can see within range.

And it's friendly for the duration.

Okay, so I'm gonna summon a Coatal C-O-U-A-T-L.

This is a medium celestial.

It's basically like a big-ass snake dragon with big feathery wings.

It appears right in front of Willie.

Should I roll initiative for him?

Yeah.

Roll initiative for the celestial.

Okay.

His initiative is 10.

Kiev?

Normal is speechless, just glowers at Willie with rage and hate and fury in his eyes as he summons this massive worm dragon thing to fucking bite his head off.

Cool.

Dope.

Scary, it is your turn.

Am I within range to cast something at Willie?

Yeah.

Okay.

For my action, I'm going to cast Finger of Death.

You send negative energy coursing through a creature that you can see within range, causing it searing pain.

The target must take a constitution saving throw.

15.

Fuck.

I'm probably going to take half damage or something, right?

To take 7d8 plus 30 necrotic damage on a failed save or half as much damage on a successful one.

And

I am going to use my special action, hurl through hell.

When you hit a creature with an attack, you can use this feature to instantly transport the target through the lower planes.

Whoa, wait, what?

What?

At the end of your next turn, the target returns to the space it previously occupied or the nearest unoccupied space.

I can use this once for long rest.

Oh, shh.

If the target is not a fiend, unfortunately, Willie, I think, is, it takes 10 d10 psychic damage.

Jesus.

Okay.

It's a strong ass spell.

So first, I'm going to resolve the 78 damage.

Divided by two, right?

right?

Divided by two.

So he got 34 damage divided by two is 17.

And then he's going to take an additional 30 on top of that.

So that's 47 damage to Willie Stampler.

And then he gets kicked down to hell.

David Levinson there ready to fuck him up.

Those are the B-word players.

And you know the first thing he says when he gets there.

Son of a bitch.

And he gets sucked down even deeper into the big throne of skulls in which you fought the 12 soccer players.

Well, well, well.

They're all down there and they say that.

Yeah, they're all down there.

They all, well, well, well, who's this?

And you don't see what happens down there.

Oh, God.

Willie's going to be like, you boys want to join.

So that was my action.

I'm going to use my movement to go towards the throne.

Okay.

You are within range of the throne.

Next turn, you can sit down on it.

Okay.

Taylor, your turn.

No, but scary, I wanted to sit on the throne.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, what if we all sat on the throne of God together?

As a married quadruple.

Well, I was saying that I think if one of us sits on the throne, we're all sitting on the throne because we're legally one soul but we're all right here right now right so that we all just sit down i mean yeah no you guys are all in this fear right now you can't talk to each other because the silence is still yeah okay love suppresses normal language we're glancing at each other normal can't hear anything that you're saying he just saw willie disappear in front of him and now he's like fucking clawing at the ground trying to figure out where this guy is so he can kill him how far away is normal from us like one walking yeah and you go before willie yes so if we all hold our turn we could all go next turn before willie right?

If I gesture to Normal, a come hither, and then pointed at the chair and then put the four fingers up being like, all four of us in the chair, does Normal understand what he is saying?

Do we all want to go on the chair together or does Taylor want to go by himself?

I feel like Taylor has at least the sense to, you know, go in with the whole thing.

Okay, yeah.

All right.

Because that's scary, dog.

Normal's going to make an intelligence role.

I got an 18, so I do understand what you say.

You know, the opposite of that would be there was a concert where I think it was like Usher was singing and he had like a sign language interpreter and just completely misread this person as a fan on stage just like gesturing so he kept going be like get off the stage looking to his security be like why isn't anybody getting this guy on the stage and meanwhile the sign language guy is just like still signing and be like I'm just doing my job just doing what you made me to do.

It's one of the most supremely awkward videos.

Maybe Crocko and Normal singing too is like I also point at the throne and then point at you and do like a like you're gonna get biggest draws and then kill Willie when he comes.

Normal goes to sit on the throne as as well.

Okay.

Okay.

So I think we all hold our turns to go sit on the throne together.

On Normal's turn.

On Normal's turn.

Okay.

Wait.

Is there a term for this married quadruple like that has its own single initiative, like Zordos?

Wait,

a marriage megazord?

A marriage Zord, yeah.

Yeah.

So your marriage Zord will have normal.

Please, excuse my dear aunt Zord.

Your marriage lord will have the same initiative as normal.

So the quadril goes and is like, uh

normal shrugs to the quaddle, like

I guess he could fight the angels, right?

There's more angels, he could, yeah.

He's gonna be also the big teen, by the way.

I didn't say last time, but I feel like the angels are within the big teen of the teen.

Yes, they are.

That's just it's just like you know, and King Kong's on top of the Empire State player.

They got the little side planes.

You can attack it, it only has 60 HP.

So, like, does it attack them?

Yeah, every turn is if they end next to it, yeah.

Okay, yeah, this is currently Taylor's turn, technically.

I think I'm gonna hold turn.

Yeah, I'm gonna hold, I'm gonna hold my turn.

Okay, yeah, dog.

So it is now Willie's turn.

He's down in hell with the 12 soccer players.

Wow, well, well,

wow.

He's going to use Dominate Monster.

You attempt to beguile a creature that you can see within range.

It must succeed on a wisdom saving throw, be charmed by you for the duration.

Ooh, they got a natural one on their saving throw.

So

12 bullying soccer players go, well, well, well,

and are going to switch to his side.

They are charmed.

They have a telepathic link, and he can issue commands on them whenever he wants to.

All right, it's Link's turn now.

Oh, i'm gonna hold my turn until normal's turn i guess you control the quaddle what does the quaddle do the quaddle is going to attack these angels okay do you have like a stat block for the quaddo a whole thing okay so it is gonna take a bite at one of them okay and he goes it's not a tuma it's not a tuma oh like quato from total recall pretty good right yeah thanks shit it got a 10.

so with the 10 it is going to sink its teeth into the angel but it's not going to sink them hard enough or deep enough to breach the carapace the angelic carapace of the angel but it's it's got him toothed at the very least toothed So the angels are going to go.

They're going to spend their turn trying to get close to the throne of God, only to be repelled by your sphere of nope takes these vaccies, basically.

And they are going to boil off of it and waste their turn trying to do that.

It's Mercedes' turn.

What would you like Mercedes to do?

Mercedes should see if Rogue is okay.

Yeah.

Mercedes checks on Rogue.

Rogue is breathing shallowly, but is still alive.

I can communicate telepathically with Rogue according to this fine familiar spell.

So I am just like, Rogue, hang in there, man.

We're going to get you some help.

Oh, God.

Can she cure?

Does she have cure wounds or anything like that?

Yeah, she has another healing world spell she can do on her.

Oh, she can't because it's silent in here.

Fuck.

So she's going to try to deadlift Rogue.

Yeah, yank her as much as she can.

And fireman carry him out of the zone.

Yep, pretty much.

She gets a 16.

So I feel like she manages to just halt.

Like, she does the thing where you, like, dive and then, like, use the momentum of your dive to like get them up on your shoulders.

Oh, yeah, dude.

I'm just so remembering.

What is that?

Have you not seen this?

No.

Oh, my God.

She's going to fireman carry Rogue out of the sphere of silence, and then she's going to cast healing word on him.

And you watch as the cuts all begin to seal back up, and Rogue sort of toddles up onto his feet.

So Rogue is fine.

All right, now it is the marriage lord's turn.

Yes, marriage lord.

I think we got link hands.

We all link hands.

We got clasp.

Everyone runs to jump onto the chair at the same time.

Are we all just trying to get like one button?

It's a big chair.

It's like you're all sitting down on the bench.

I feel like

God's got a dump truck.

You don't think God's got a dump truck?

You think the fucking throne is like big enough where it's just like a God got a BBL with no recovery time.

Yeah.

I feel like God's like probably like at least 20 feet tall.

God be at least double a human.

God's like a Mrs.

Incredible is what you're saying.

I just think God's big.

Please, Elastigirl, don't define it by her husband.

Yeah.

Man, I'm just taking L's left.

G-O-D got the J and the T, baby.

Yeah, I think we all sit down, like, you know, at the same time.

Wait, hold on, we all got to look at each other real quick.

Like, what are we going to do once we get on to this?

This is unimaginable power.

We're all going to be able to do it.

Kill Willie.

But also, there's a lot of other things that we could do.

Like Ace our finals.

I mean, kill Willie.

Yeah.

Oh, that's good.

Actually, yeah, we should.

Let's all agree, though, that we'll all ace our finals.

We're not going to tell on each other for it is cheating, right?

Scary.

Yeah, but who cares?

But like, yeah, I feel like we didn't have time to study because we've been saving the world.

It's fair.

Yeah.

So I'll also one more thing.

I don't want to pay taxes anymore.

Link wishes to be a sovereign citizen.

Link.

Link, you're like 17, man.

You've been paying taxes.

This is the one thing, since I don't do dishes, that's the one thing I do for my dad.

You have to pay your dad's taxes?

It's not that big.

I mean, I don't pay them.

I just fill them out.

It's not big.

It's pretty easy.

You dad's taxes?

Yeah.

Chugs.

Chugs.

Chugs.

Is that okay for a kid to do their parents' taxes for them?

Chugs is crying with joy at the idea that somebody has a similar opportunity to him.

We can't ask Chugs.

Hold on.

That's beautiful.

That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

All right, fucking forget about it.

Okay, hold on.

Jesus.

All right, so we all sit on the throne.

Okay, so the throne cracks under your weight.

You can feel it.

You can feel it beginning to disintegrate under your weight.

A, you get all your spell slots back.

B, you can feel that you have control over the angels and you can say one word to them to make them do something.

And C,

you can feel that the throne is collapsing underneath you from the weight of all the marriage and love that you have for one another, but you can do one thing as gods before it cracks entirely.

Hey, I'm Tricia Hirschberger, gamer, streamer, and Amazon Live host.

I stream about tech, gaming, and the stuff I actually buy right here with my community.

And Amazon Live makes it easy.

Streaming gameplay, scouting new gear, chatting, and shopping all at the same time, that's my kind of multitasking.

And it all happens on Amazon Live.

Shop on Amazon Live by searching Amazon Live in the Amazon shopping app and follow your favorite creators today.

Oh, what can we do?

Okay, but that's one thing.

Okay.

Yeah, that's one thing we can do.

Wait, but hold on, real quick.

Killing him is not enough.

Could we have the...

I mean, could we bring my mom back?

Remember, not killing him is the mistake that our parents made.

But Nora does.

Can we assume that for the sake of argument we're in a sort of Evangelian-esque white zone of Vanus to have this?

You're in the ultimate teen huddle.

Yeah.

Well, oh, this is just like the end of the it, right?

Yes.

The it?

The it.

My favorite Stephen King novel, The It.

She gave me the it.

She dressed as the clown.

Taylor's gonna do.

Taylor's gonna see this.

Normal lost his mom.

True.

Take a look.

Take a look at what?

Just the overall shit that we're in.

You'll recall earlier in our adventure, we're just talking about remerging the worlds again.

As you know, everything's kind of shit ass out of fucking whack.

We're not on Earth.

Earth is not here.

There's a whole bunch of displaced people.

There's that.

We'll put that to the side for a second.

On the other hand, we have a litany of deaths in our group.

True.

And the end.

And the other thing we want to kill Willie, but maybe we can kill him and torture him and then kill him.

You know what I mean?

Or do we become the thing that we've always tried?

What are you talking about?

I'm just thinking.

Normal's freaking out.

Normal has no idea what to do.

Because it's like Terry died and my mom died and so many people died and we could just undo all that.

We could just go back to before any of this happened, but then like maybe it would just happen again and we'd be caught in some sort of horrible loop or something like that.

Now it's yeah, because I was thinking like what if Willie was never born?

But like maybe then we wouldn't be yeah like because then if he wasn't born then like none of us would that would change way too much.

That would change everything.

That really makes you think.

Guys,

I don't think we can undo like what's happened has happened.

We have to to live with what's happening.

We have to worry about

it.

Too many consequences, though.

Yeah, I don't know.

I feel like this is the only shot.

Norm, I wouldn't say no to you if that's what you want.

I mean, there's four of us, but I feel like we have to save everybody else.

We have to worry about what's left.

And I wonder if this is the only chance we have to kill Willie.

I think so.

We have the power of a God.

Or, like, make a new world.

Or make a new world.

Though it does feel pretty wild if, like, we were chosen to be God and then the first thing we did as God was kill somebody, even if they're, like, pretty bad.

I mean, this is.

The first and last thing you did?

first thing the only thing but i don't know man like i don't know if anyone's supposed to have this much power i don't know if anyone's supposed to be able to do this much you know but willie has the power now

yeah no i get stopping willie seems like the most clear-cut thing to do but like man it's my mom and she just died in front of me

what if like we wish that like willie was just a kid like powerless like us we just took away his power but would we kill a kid no we don't have to kill him no we yeah we could just make him

like start him over i guess or like lose then i guess that's killing him in a different way yeah

i feel like the dog that's caught the car yeah now that i have the power of god and infinite time to contemplate my decisions this is tough work

What if we use it to create God?

A new God.

A new God, right?

What happened to God?

What happened to the old God?

And we bestowed him.

They said he left for some reason.

Well, how do we know that the same situation won't happen again?

And then we just say all over again.

The God's gone.

But God's not dead.

And I text all my friends.

It's like, man, you know, I just, I spent so long hating my parents for all the choices they made.

And now it's like, okay, what choice are you going to make?

And I'm like, I don't know.

You don't know.

You just have to make a choice.

Then you have to see what happens as a result of it, I guess.

You know.

As Sondheim says, the choice may have been mistaking, but choosing was not.

So does that mean we should just do whatever we do?

What would Steven's onheem do?

Wait, wait,

I might have a solution.

I may have a solution.

I may have a salt.

Okay, Willie's going to be back in just a second, right?

Yeah.

Bring your mom back in the same space that Willie is.

Telephrag Willie with your mom.

Wait, but then how do we know that we're going to telephrag my mom with Willie?

Well, because she's showing up after.

The moment we see Willie, the moment Willie shows up, we bring your mom back into the same space.

But then we see that again.

No footage that just creates a horrible Willie-mom fusion.

Yeah, mom will die too.

Yeah, that doesn't.

I don't want to just use my mom as a missile to blow up somebody.

That was my solve.

All right, that's what I got.

Tell them somebody builds a bigger mom.

Tell someone.

Yeah, that's true.

If your mom is like spatially in all dimensions, like, you know, larger than Willie, then she wins.

Maybe I was being selfish because, like, maybe it's not fair because, like, we've all been losing people.

And, you know, I think we should just save.

save I don't know

let's just save your no, let's bring your mom back.

Can we bring back everyone he killed like how many like does that count just out of character?

Like yes, you can.

What if we just bring them all back in the same space that he's in?

You're right

if one person can telephrag him imagine an entire crowd of people.

We could bring them all back, but then we got to kill him ourselves.

Yeah.

That's what I vote we do.

It mitigates the most harm from what he's done, but then it puts it on us, you know?

100%.

Yeah, if we can bring more

people, that means my mom, that means, well, I guess he didn't kill him.

All the Willie one,

not Hermie one, Hermie two, but not Hermie one because the FBI killed Hermie.

But all the Willie Stamplers that he killed.

All the Willie Stamplers, those guys had nothing to do with that.

So then one of them can be in the same space that he is.

They're already dead, right?

So, like, I'm just saying.

Killer, if you think it's so cool, you just want to go stand over here.

I think we could kill this son of a bitch and put him in the ground, which means to me, I think we should use this moment to undo the harm that that he's done.

Now, what if we phrased it in that vague way?

Think about this for a second.

If we just said to undo all the harm that Willie Stampler has done, I feel like we want to be pretty specific with our wishes.

Like, that's all I need to say.

It feels like

who determines what harm is, though, right?

Like, that's open-ended.

That technically goes sideways on us.

I mean, learn like the world, like, you can't get rid of all harm.

I'm not saying that the harm was good, but it made people who they are, like, it's part of us.

Like, you can't just undo everything like Willie did.

Like, I was just thinking that, too.

I I get that.

I return to my telephrack.

I worry that if everybody was back, then I wouldn't feel the way I feel now.

I mean, I know that's selfish, but I'm not saying we undo the things that he did.

I'm not saying that we changed the course of events.

I'm saying we use a new event to bring all the people that died by his hand back to life.

Okay.

Like Buffy, season five, and she was really happy after that, right?

I didn't watch the rest of it.

This is season six.

Season six.

She's coming back in season six, but she dies in season five.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

I mean, like, I've seen what heaven is like.

This isn't great up here.

But if it is, oh, no.

We have seemed so simple, but now you're getting into it.

Because if it's not great up here, then it's like, if you eventually we're going to die and it's going to be horrible, then like, what are we...

Lynn,

okay.

So just clarify, it's not like we're undoing that he killed them.

We're bringing them back from the dead.

Yes.

Okay.

This seems like such a fucking

that's Normal's vote.

Okay.

Normal raises his hand and says, that's what I want to do.

I'll second that with the caveat that what

telephragging.

Why not?

Taylor, if you really want to telephrag, the moment we're done, we can ask Mercedes, who has a turn before Willie, to put like a rock there or something and see if that works.

If it was that easy to kill him, I'm sure there's plenty of things we can put in there.

Fine.

She'll hold a rock at head height

where he was.

Okay?

Is that good enough for me?

That's fine.

Okay.

I'm like,

what do you think, Scary?

You also lost

your parent.

Also, I think they might drop the charges vis-a-vis Tony Pepperoni if Tony comes back, you know?

Well, I mean, I killed Tony, so Willie didn't have to.

Oh, he did.

He stabbed him, dude.

Oh, yeah.

Well, it feels like I did.

Well,

to be clear, this will not absolve you of that guilt.

This is just bringing the people back.

Okay, let's

do that.

I'm with all you.

Mercedes, please go grab a rock and hold it at approximately head height where he was.

Thank you.

Mercedes goes, no problem.

I bring rocks with me.

She got those crystals.

Oh, put at the base JO crystal you got.

She grabs the biggest, horniest JO crystal that she has.

She walks approximately to where Willie was, holds her fist out at roughly his head height, estimating.

Just then, the magical energies of heaven swirl around you as your godly power begins to take actual physical form.

And Rebecca Swallows Oak Garcia appears in front of you.

Confused, looking around and going, Norm, Norm,

what's going on?

And then you see Tony Pepperoni appear and go, Uh, I was, I was in, I was like five feet, I was five floors away, and now I'm here.

What did you would you teleport me here for?

Uh-oh.

And then

Terry, who previously was in hell from being dead, Willie got him, started torturing him here.

So he basically loses the whole being dead thing.

Like if he had the vibe,

he had the vibe of being dead.

He just takes his Facebook profile.

I'm alive now.

In a relationship with life.

Yeah.

Terry feels something changed within him as well.

And now that you're on the throne, Willie's harm spell that he was enacting on all of your parents stops as well.

And they look up and they see

their children sitting on the throne of God, using all the power in the world to make a decision out of love, not out of hate or fear.

And you feel an immense sense of pride normal from Lark and Sparrow.

And Sparrow can't help it.

He turns into a love wolf.

For the first time in 20, 30 years, Sparrow just goes, Oh,

and Lark says, I'm so, so, so proud of you.

And the wolf nods.

Normal tearfully nods back to the wolf.

The wolf

nods back and knowing that a hug is not coming.

We're like far away from each other.

Oh, okay.

You're kind of far away, but I don't know.

No, no, no, no, no.

Normal nods.

Normal nods.

You still got complicated feelings here.

You think you got that easy?

Marco and Grant look at you, Link, and a tear goes down Grant's eye as he says,

you did better than I could have, kid.

I run straight to Marco and Grant, and I hug Marco, and then I turn to Grant, and I look at him.

Nods and says, boss kicks.

And I kind of open my arms out for like a hug, and I say, I need you as my dad again.

I know you're broken, but I'm broken now, and it's your job.

It's, that's your job.

That's what it means to be a dad.

So I just don't hug me if you're not going to, if you're not going to try.

I need you.

He pulls you into the tightest, closest hug.

I hug him.

He just cries and cries and cries.

Taylor, your mom and Nick amble over to you and Nick looks at you and he goes, I uh I guess I was wrong.

I guess you are always a loser and will always be a loser.

No, I meant about your friends.

Like your friends came through for you.

That's what I was.

Sounds like a loser talking, mom.

Yes, honey.

Mom, get bring you here.

Get me a hide.

Oh, my perfect son.

Love you so much.

Over the course of this adventure, I've learned a lot.

And I think I may even have a little lesson for you.

And that's this.

We are perfect.

Nothing we did is wrong.

At no point should we ever change.

You are flawless in the middle of the day.

You're flawless, mom.

You're the best.

You're the best.

You always will be the best.

I love you.

This adventure has proved that the Swifts, the Taylor Swift, and the Cassandra Swifts of the world are unstoppable, flawless beings.

Nick's like, yeah, we're good.

Nope, not this one.

This guy is a lurker bucket.

What a loser.

Cassandra's like, stay out of this.

Mom, cool people say, what?

What?

Yeah.

Scary pets rogue.

Your mom, Veronica, and your biological dad come up to you.

And your biological dad says,

while you're on the thing, could you maybe...

No.

shut up.

I want to talk to my mom.

Okay, and he and my dad,

and Terry turns, and he's already tears are already running down his cheeks when he hears you say the word dad in his direction.

And he walks up and uh just pulls you into a hug.

Veronica says,

Scary, I can't believe you did it.

You saved us, mom.

If you want to, you could call me Terry sometimes,

just for a little bit, okay, if you want, okay, Terry.

Not felt wrong.

Scary frame.

And because you wished everybody back into existence who Willie killed, that means that Glenn Close also comes back as a mortal version of himself.

Wait, like

a non-demon version?

Yeah, I guess he's just like alive.

Like a creature.

Yeah, because he'd be Power Ward Kill Season 1 Glenn Close.

So like old, still like a Silver Fox, though.

Silver Fox.

Yes.

Oh, he has like a little streak of silver in his hair now.

I don't know what that means, but he goes, whoa, what's this streak of silver in my hair?

That's what he's focused on?

That's the first thing you notice is.

Whoa.

How?

What is hair?

Who are all of these?

He didn't lose his memory.

He knows all the people are.

He's dangling over his fucking eye.

Cool as fuck, bat.

Okay.

He goes, whoa.

Look at all these people.

I don't know anybody because I'm coming back.

Like, canonically, right?

He's coming back before.

He didn't like lose his memory.

He's just alive again.

He's just alive again, is the idea.

He's fine.

He's back.

He's fine.

Oh, I'm going to go.

He's lost his demon power.

I don't have a demon power anymore.

Ah, well, now that I'm back in corporeal form, there's a chili cheese dog I've been meaning to eat.

I'll be seeing you later.

Your son and your grandson are like, okay.

You guys want to come?

I love you.

Oh, Gail, you want to go?

Actually, yeah, it would be nice to come.

Hey, son, let's get chili cheese dogs together.

I don't know my grandson.

Well, would you like to?

Let's find out over chili cheese dogs.

God, what a piece of shit.

And then Taylor goes,

You guys, you guys all suck shit.

You guys suck shit.

And I don't care.

And I'm killing my mom.

You guys go eat your junk food, your sonic foods, and I will be here with my mom.

Mom hugs.

Hugs.

Hugs.

Hugs.

Okay.

You see Hero Oak Garcia Swallows approach and go, I escaped from the jail that the angels put me in.

I was going to see if you guys needed help, but apparently you've got everything solved.

I guess you were the chosen one after all.

You kind of did most of the work.

I mean, we'll call it 50-50.

You know,

good job, sis.

I didn't do anything.

Hermie, the unworthy, walks up to Normal and he says, when I was back in being dead in Goofrealm, I asked my dad for something and I found it.

And he unfurls a piece of paper that says prophecy at the top.

And it says, the child of Sparrow and Lark will be the chosen one.

The first child of Sparrow or Lark will be the chosen one.

Sparrow or lark.

Yeah, sparrow or lark.

Hey, that or is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that prophecy?

It looks really official and looks really ancient.

And Sparrow goes, Yeah, how did you, how did you find that?

And he goes, Sparrow and Lark.

Who says Sparrow and Lark?

You say Lark and Sparrow.

Sparrow, Lark, S-L.

S L.

This prophecy was made by Scamp my dad.

Wait, you're saying it was just BS the whole time?

I think he just thought it would be funny.

Oh, well, okay.

I mean, that's kind of, you know, my whole, all right, okay.

That's kind of just, it feels like that's causing a lot of problems problems for our family.

Hey, it's like good vibes now, though.

Yeah, it's good vibes now.

Look, like, it was like mean to you, but, like, it's a pretty good scam, all things considered, right?

Normal, maybe give him a thumbs up for that one.

Hermes, like, come on, let's see a smile.

Normal snatches the paper and lights it on fire.

Fair enough.

And lets it go into the wind.

Hero playfully knocks you on the shoulder and says, how do you fuck prophecies?

Peace out.

Fuck prophecies.

Peace out.

Yeah.

Well, are you going to, are you going?

No, I just thought it would be, I didn't want to say fuck prophecies and have our conversation end there that way.

Okay, well, I'm sticking around.

Okay.

What are you doing later?

I just, I guess I'll go home.

I don't know what we're doing for dinner.

You know what?

I'll cook.

Wow.

Can we.

I just, I don't remember the last time you cooked.

What are you going to cook?

Tapas.

Tapas.

That's an entire category of like small plate appetizers.

I don't.

That's what I do.

That's much better.

It takes a really long time.

It's really hard.

That's why I don't cook very often.

That's why it's a big deal that I'm doing it.

I'm making tapas all the now.

Hey, guys, heroes making tapas.

I'm not making tapas for everybody.

I'm making it for our small family.

I mean, we're all family now.

Yeah, genetically, hero.

Hero, you kind of have to make it for the rest of my family if we're going to make tapas.

Fine.

It's all small plates, though.

So you guys probably won't get that many.

Okay.

And Hermie says, I know I'm not your Hermie, but I feel all the stuff that he felt.

And

in the end, he really did care about you a lot.

Well, I really cared about him a lot.

And since you're like kind of you i you know you helped us out a lot and you know i don't you're just your own you're your own guy i don't want you to you know i don't want you to feel like you have to be him or anything you're you're your own hermie so you know i don't want to i don't want to like you know uh i just i guess i would just say you know if you're ever then that would you know if you're like then that would be cool i couldn't put it better myself

hermie knocks you playfully on the shoulder just like your sister did and uh walks away

and did you want to go out sometime He turns and he goes, I'll think about it.

And he smiles back to himself as he turns away.

Wow.

As he keeps walking.

Well, I'll take it.

And you know that it's only a few seconds until Willie Stampler comes back.

We're just staring at the fish.

Normal quickly casts mass healing word on the entire group.

Everyone gets 23 health points back.

Great.

Leak, remembering his hours of Monster Hunter, he's just dragging TNT boxes and just like putting them all around.

And in that moment as the families are reunited as prophecies have been revealed as bullshit we do command all the angels to circle around the spot in case our telefrag doesn't work

that makes sense got a lot of money right our signal unleashed hell mercedes nods at you with uh quiet approval and get a good grip on it lady she brings in mark and sparrow for hugs and kisses each of them on the head and maybe get their hands to help hold that in place

sparrow starts crying saying i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry after mark says the same thing

She says it's okay.

And then, yeah, they do the thing that you asked.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Every single person present holds their turn.

Willie

back into existence with 12 soccer players that go, well, well, well, well, well, there are a lot of you.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Maybe fuck this.

And the soccer players like put up their hands and sort of try to back away from Willie.

And then Link goes, well, well, well.

Look who's.

I'm not going to bully you guys.

Anyways, just

shoes on the other foot now.

Wait, but what happens?

What happened to Willie?

I'm not scared of you.

So Willie looks around and sees all

his head on the rock, Anthony?

We were holding the J-O for a.

All right, we're going to roll.

We're going to roll.

Yeah, yeah, because nothing.

See, if you're talking about Anthony, first second, I'm just saying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

First, does Willie's head explode?

All right.

One through 10, he's fine.

11 through 20, his head explodes.

We agreed on that?

Yeah.

I mean, you're the DM, you decided to say that.

Yeah, but that seems like a coin flip.

Seems like, I don't know, just a JO.

Here's all I'm saying.

Here's where I argue.

Here's why I argue.

The power of the JO crystal, which has been absorbing JO energy this entire time, right?

Mercedes has just been jerking off the entire data.

Over years and years and years, it's probably picking up latent J-O energy anywhere it is.

You know, the Percy J to kill the BDE cheese.

I'm like, JO energy is like a fucking

Wi-Fi scanner.

It's just like going going around, picking up.

It's vibrating with the Kellogg knife that hasn't been used to masturbate in like months and months and months.

The two of them

and magnetized together.

Yeah, so here's what I'm saying.

It's not about how strong the crystal is.

It's just about where it is.

Yeah, yeah, I know, but I'm saying like, maybe, right?

Maybe there's like a little bit of, just a little bit of a plus one.

Because it's not just a rock.

It's not just a rock.

If it was a rock, I'd get it.

You're a rock.

It's a crystal that people jacked off around, Will.

I literally think it should be like, if it's one out of 20.

That's kind of what I was thinking about.

Like, we should be like...

I'll give you a two out of 20 then.

Okay.

If it's one or two, it's only a 10% chance of Willie's head explodes.

Yes.

Okay.

Okay, let's do it.

Let's do it.

Fuck it.

One or a two.

Willie's head explodes at a natural point.

Wait, we're rolling real dice.

Roll real dice.

Fuck you.

Real real dice.

I want to see it because this could be the most consequential world ever.

Originally, did Anthony give us a 50% chance?

And then you talked your way into a two?

No, I was thinking it was a plus two.

Yeah, but now it's a one and a two is what we got.

No, I agree with Beth.

I think this is more.

I think this is a better one.

Because there's a three-dimensional space that it could be in, right?

10.

So unfortunately, Mercedes' hand with the J-O Crystal is displaced from where it was.

Her hand just moves to the side very suddenly, and Willie finds himself standing there.

Hit him with a rock lace.

Right with her!

Throw the J-O Crystal at him!

Everybody's spells go off at once.

He is racked.

Like Sonny Corleone and the Godfather.

He is fucking obliterated by fireballs, bullets, concussions to the head, slashes from the lashes of the angels.

J-O-Crystal's being thrown at him.

Yeah, J-O Crystal just jammed him in the back of his skull over and over and over again.

And he falls down to the ground.

So much more violent.

Extremely

fucking end of lady vengeance here.

Yeah, pretty much.

And he looks up at all of you.

It's like the killbill shot, like down on the ground, everybody's standing over you staring at you.

As blood is beginning to gurgle up as he begins to drown in his own blood, he looks up at you and he says,

Let's just piss in his open mouth.

That's better.

I've been saving this one up for a while.

Yeah, I will waterboard you with my own tailor.

Let's win with some dignity.

No, no, that's what the dating is.

That's for you.

The Swiss

bit about dignity.

And then, like, and then, like, Glenn comes in.

He's like, this kid's the fucking coolest kid.

Yeah, now that Willie's dead, the cells are open.

All the dads from season one can come back.

Just piss him.

We're all just pissing on his corpse.

He drowned it.

He drowned.

Taylor can piss on the corpse if you want.

Into his open mouth, drowning his open mouth with my piss.

Yes, he has no final words.

He gets no benediction whatsoever.

I'm just drowning.

Taylor's really pushing.

Yeah.

Let me just give him a little taste of his own.

My taste of mine.

His own medicine.

He never peed on anybody.

He did a lot of things, but he never peed on anybody.

Oh.

And like, Link leans over as you're still peeing in his mouth.

I'm like, Taylor, you're going to stop.

He's, he's overfield bulls.

I think he's dead.

You can stop.

Nope.

He's stopping.

Link.

Have you ever topping midstream?

It takes

far strong.

Oh, well, I don't have that kind of strength, my man.

I can only do what I think is right at any given time, which in this case is

unloading my entire.

I've been holding this all day.

Holy shit.

Woo!

I mean, you pee.

Never mind.

Never mind.

What?

You peed a little into the, you know, the helmet.

But you already peed.

You peed a little bit.

As Taylor pisses on

the corpse of Willie Stampler, a man who's

saving to you.

Yeah, get your last licks in here because

his mouth is full, but you know, his ears are still working.

He locks eyes with you, Scary.

Okay.

As he's drowning in the piss.

You'll die right away when someone pisses in your mouth, Wink.

Anyone knows that?

I stare at him with a blank expression.

His eyes roll back into his head as he begins to convulse from his lungs filling with piss and blood.

What a way to go.

I look up at Grant.

I'm like, yeah, see, this is one of the things I'm going to need help processing.

Grant tries to cover your eyes with his hand, and then he tries to cover his own eyes with his hand, and Marco covers both your eyes with their hands.

And yeah, with that, Willie Stampler is finally dead.

And when you came into this, you may have thought that there was no way you were going to win, that there was no way that you could defeat God, that you were going to fail like you have so often failed in your lives.

And there are a lot of days where you will fail.

There are a lot of days where things won't go your way.

There are a lot of days when you won't be enough.

But not today.

The sun sets over Teen High as the students file out.

And the lights stay on because tonight is reunion night.

It's been 20 years since you graduated from Teen High.

Thank God we graduated.

Yeah, yeah, that's a tough one.

It was touching God.

Somebody is at the front with all the name tags waiting for you all to come in.

Who comes in first?

Yeah, well, sorry.

It's the person at the front holding all the name tags is Lincoln Lee Wilson, the coach, the soccer coach of Teen High.

Just being like, all right, all right.

Hey, kids.

Yeah.

All right.

Wow, voice hasn't changed one thing.

Clean up.

All right.

Good job.

Hey, hey.

You do that.

You ain't going to, you ain't not going to be the forward.

Come on.

Come on, Jerry.

All right.

Hey, who's up?

Who's coming in?

Give me a second.

I'm just trying to figure out.

I see you, Norm.

Normal Oak, who's now, how old are we now?

34?

Yeah,

oh, my God.

What a I'm not even 34.

Normal, who's just kind of been like nervous to come back.

He's been kind of like lurking kind of behind a telephone pole, like pretending to check his phone.

And he just kind of winces and he walks up and he says, Hey, Link.

How's it going, man?

It's good to see you.

Yeah.

How's it going, dude?

Oh, you know,

it's been going okay.

It's been going okay, but I'm back, baby.

Well, yeah, I mean, it's a reunion, so yeah, you said okay, like you're like, you're like, it's going okay, okay, like you said a few times, like makes me feel like more like okay, is like the medium, but it feels like a little bit lower on the medium end.

It's like, what's going on, my dude?

I don't know.

I just got a lot, I've got a lot of emotions coming back here, I think.

You know, like this, uh, this place was such a big, you know, like the whole, it's just such a big part of my life.

And um,

wow, it's just all hitting me.

It's been 20 years.

I missed you, man.

Oh, I missed you.

Anyway, let's go in.

Let's get some punch.

What are you wearing?

What do I do?

What do I do?

Hey, if you, I don't mean to put you to work right away, but like, and I kind of glance over and you see like this like dweeby kid is like struggling to put on his teeny suit.

I'm like, oh, I'm like, you're the best there ever was.

But so, like, I don't mean to put you to work right away, but if you want to, like, go talk to Jerry over there.

I was just giving him a hard time.

He's also a forward, but like, I don't know.

He's, yeah, I'll go talk to him.

All right.

Because it won't fit on my stupid head.

This thing is so

poor.

Here's the the trick, kid.

You got to let your hair get nice and greasy.

That's the only way it's.

Oh, my God.

What's your name?

Jerry.

Hey, Jerry.

How long have you been the mascot, man?

Just this year, after the previous mascot died.

The previous mascot died?

Oh, just

kind of like rubs his eyebrows.

Like, yeah, that's real fun.

Dude, it's just like, you see newspapers, but it's like, scandal at TEI.

Well, I'll tell you what, man, like, you know, it's a feeling like nothing else running out on the field and hearing everybody cheer, but just remember, dude.

And I put a hand on his shoulder, it's just a costume.

And I pat him on the shoulder and I walk inside.

Inside, you see somebody getting down on the dance floor, just absolutely laying it all on the line.

She's going to be real sore the next day, but right now it's tonight.

And she turns around and she's like, fuck, I forgot my name tag.

Hey, Link.

Here you go, honey.

I told you to give me my name tag before I went in.

Babe, everybody knows who you are.

You don't need a name tag.

You don't need to drop.

You do your signature on the dance floor.

You don't need a name tag.

Oh, I love you.

I love you.

Camera pans over, and there's the 12 soccer players all gathered around.

Oh, yeah, they're agents, they're demons.

Well, no, but they're also, they're also the 12 12.

They're also graduates of school.

Oh, yeah, I guess so.

Anyway,

after I dropped out of college,

anyway, after I dropped out of college, Harvard, I got this Apple Vision Pro, and my startup's been killing it.

And Taylor is in a full suit and wearing the Apple Vision Pro.

Hey, Taylor, when did you get out, man?

Well, that was a year ago, but parole officer told me I could make an exception for this, but you know, and he pulls his leg up and he has three ankle mounted on him.

You know, can't go too far from the radius.

It's a lot like a dog collar.

Well, what they don't know won't hurt them, unlike some people.

Hold on, I'm getting a text message.

And Taylor stares off in the space, pinching his hands.

Okay.

Anyway, that's just my startup.

Have you heard about this thing?

NFTs.

And at the DJ booth, you see somebody that looks very much like Joaquin Phoenix as the Joker on the ones and twos, looking out on the dance floor at all of kind of his.

Let me get a picture of you.

I'm just rolling a video right now.

What do you want to say?

Retro costume.

I was going to say this next song is by an alumni of the school, Scary Marlow.

And he puts on a song from Bud Holbicochet.

I think it's Worst Thing in the World is Hope.

Okay, so Worst Thing in the World is Hope is playing the TS Doe mix, obviously.

The DJ Do

the Fitbull version, dude.

Hell yes.

The worst thing in the Mr.

Worldwide is hope.

Jerry, take over.

I throw Jerry to the front where I do the tickets.

Jerry's like rolling.

And I run out of the dance floor.

I start dancing.

I put my arm around Link and I say, our son's pretty great, huh?

The best.

Let's embarrass the shit out of him.

And I start dancing crazy.

Jerry is your...

Okay,

I see what you're saying.

Jerry's like, mom, dad, this is embarrassing enough with me in this thing.

You're doing great, honey.

I know.

I've got some good advice.

Keep dancing.

I'm recording this in spatial 3D video, so I'll send you later.

I'll send you the link, but I'm just going to move around and just stare at you.

No more screen time.

I throw the vision.

Let me see your eyes and let's dance.

Well, no, you see, that scans my face.

So this is our mind.

Seriously!

Let me pull you into the dance.

And then as Taylor gets pulled in, he like stumbles a little bit, which then goes into a perfect pop lock sequence.

And he's like, yo, I learned this in prison.

And he's like finger-tutting shit.

And then, meanwhile, somewhere, somewhere out there in the universe, Glenn's like, kiddo has had it in him.

Normal is kind of lingering over by the punch bowl.

He looks up at there's a little in memoriam thing for Tony Pepperoni, the dean who has since passed on.

And he likes to

get fired for being a racist.

He got canceled to death.

Normal takes a sip of his punch and kind of like, you know, does a little sort of cheers to Tony and sets it down.

And he looks at his friends dancing.

And it's like a really,

it's a hard emotion for him, like seeing them happy because it's hard for him to be happy right now.

But he chugs the rest of the drink and slams down and he walks onto the floor and for the first time in a while, just lets himself go.

Hey, the chosen ones here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So as you dance the night away, remembering the good and the bad, the heroic and the not-so-heroic, you, for a split second, see a non-binary purple person who just waves at you, and dude waves goodbye one last time,

and then the season ends.

Wait, hold on, dude, get over here, dude.

Dude, I'm not supposed to do this, but okay, all right.

And I lasso them over.

Oh, dude, comes in and starts dancing as well.

Okay, all right, you guys, dude.

I never thought we'd get out of high school alive,

But here we are.

What if somebody sees

me for

who I really am?

What if nobody

wants to join my punk rock band?

What if I

grow up

and have no family?

What if my

friends love

me more than I hate me?

All our days wasted away.

Or is there something more to say?

You know that no one knows us better than ourselves.

Used to tell myself that we alright.

Pretty lies like a sleep at night.

I know that no one will see better than myself.

And I know we'll get this right.

It's just a matter of time till we make it out alive.

We gotta pick ourselves up and say,

Not today, no, not today.

We live for tomorrow, make Steve and Barrow, break where we can't change.

We gotta pick ourselves up and say,

Not today, no, not today.

I don't need your sorrow, come back tomorrow.

I'll be on my way,

I'll be on my way.

My name is Matthew Arnold, and I played Wincomley Wilson.

I'm Anthony Birch, and I was the Daddy Master.

I'm Will Campos, and I played Normal Oak.

I'm Beth Mae, and I played Scary Marlowe.

My name is Freddie Wong, and I played Taylor Swift.

My name's Maxton Waller, and I wrote the theme song On My Way.

I'm Brian Fernandes.

I'm the content producer.

I'm Ashley Nicolette, and i'm the community manager i'm courtney terry and i'm the community coordinator i'm cindy denton and i'm the merch manager i'm esther ellis and i'm the lead editor i'm travis reeves and i'm the assistant editor i'm robin and i do the episode transcripts thank you so much for listening to season two of dungeons and daddies as we gear up for a brand new season we're going to be giving you a sneak peek behind the curtain of our patreon in the upcoming weeks just like for season one we'll be making public our season wrap-up episode of teen talk our behind-the-scenes after show where we answer listener questions and talk about each episode as we release them.

You'll get keen cutting insight into our creative process and what goes through our twisted minds each episode, so look forward to that.

After that, we're going to give you a look at our debut episode of Kingdom Dad Monster, an ongoing Patreon-exclusive miniseries where we play Matt's very expensive copy of the cult classic board game Kingdom Death Monster.

This miniseries has been a total surprise hit amongst the Patreon crowd, and we're very excited to share with you the bizarre permadeath universe of Kingdom Death Monster.

And then after that, we'll be kicking off a new season.

so make sure you stick around stay tuned and if you are so inclined support the show directly on our patreon that's going to be at patreon.com slash dungeonsandads become a champion of independent creators such as ourselves and join people like james cook colin wrestler justin kelly david f hannah anderson lgdx chris powers nathaniel miske kianelli jamie frazier tyler barhorse zeb joey swanson ethan koutz green ghoul guy Melina Zavalos, Anton Krace, Deanna, Serena Echo87, Carl Stephenson, and Perishable Fruit.

Stay tuned to what's coming up at dungeonsandadies.com, and you'll find all of our social links and our merch shop there as well.

Thank you again for supporting us and listening to season two.

We hope you've enjoyed yourself as much as we have and we will see you April 9th for more Dungeons and Daddies.

feel them in my bones.

You know, I wish we didn't feel so alone.

And I know when it

is right,

it's just a matter of time to make

it

out alive.

We gotta pick ourselves up and say,

Not today, no, not today.

We live for tomorrow, best feeling borrowed.

Great boy, we can't change.

We gotta pick ourselves up and say:

Not today, no, not today.

We don't need to sorrow, come back tomorrow.

I'll be on my way.

I'll be on my way.

I'll be on my way.

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today

Before tomorrow, let's feel the bottom rate where we can't change

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

Not today, no, not today

I don't need to sorrow, come back tomorrow I'll be on my way

I'll be on my way

I'll be on my way

I just like I just like it was just just it was j it was just it was too much piss