S2 Ep. 46 - Lincoln in the No Holds Bardo

Transcript

Speaker 1 Race the rudders!

Speaker 2 Raise the sails! Raise the sales!

Speaker 3 Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over.

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Speaker 6 Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

Speaker 1 This Sunday on Slayper View.

Speaker 2 It's the thunder in the underworld, the competition in perdition, the melee in Heley. Undefeated, Normal Oakley swallows Garcia, Marlowe Swift the Unworthy.
Takes on undefeated.

Speaker 2 Taylor Oak, Lee Swallows, Garcia, Marlowe Swift the Unworthy.

Speaker 11 We're only undefeated because we've never done this before.

Speaker 2 In an all-out hell in the cell, in a cell in hell, death match to the death. Normal Oak, considered by many the pound-for-pound third best four-square player in his gym class.

Speaker 2 Taylor Swift, Maul Karate Greenbelt, student of the blade, master of the blade pose.

Speaker 15 Hey, but like for real, can we just like rock, paper, scissors or something?

Speaker 2 Two children will enter. One child will die.
The other will become the American government's puppet overlord of hell.

Speaker 17 Please, I want to do this a lot about

Speaker 2 see the fight that has the CIA saying, We can neither confirm nor deny that our agency has any records regarding your requests.

Speaker 2 The CIA proudly presents the confrontation and damnation coronation bout. Order it now on ATT Direct TV, the only cable service in hell.

Speaker 3 Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast.

Speaker 21 Instead,

Speaker 23 no,

Speaker 24 excuse me,

Speaker 3 no, Matt.

Speaker 11 What? No.

Speaker 25 If you didn't say my name, nobody would have known who it was.

Speaker 24 Yeah, I don't know about that, but I don't.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 3 This is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast. This season, about four teens from our world sent to save the original.

Speaker 28 Why did Matt do that? Why not?

Speaker 21 Because it was there, Will.

Speaker 30 Yeah. Because it was there.

Speaker 3 Four teens from our world sent to save our world to fix the mess that their grandparents caused and make an Eldritch friend in the process. My name is Freddie Wong.

Speaker 3 I play Taylor Swift, the once Ranger, now Tiefling Rogue.

Speaker 32 Now I'm like, it would be so much worse if Matt had done it after you had said your name or after one of us had said our name.

Speaker 33 I did it at the only right time.

Speaker 3 This week's Taylor fact, we got a lot of the close usy in in the last episode. So, you know,

Speaker 33 the clissy, as they say.

Speaker 36 So, the glissy clissy.

Speaker 3 The glissy clissy. Uh, you may think that Cassandra, Taylor's mom, is, you know, a blameless angel in all of this, right?

Speaker 1 Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Speaker 4 Here's one of the animes she was in, Blameless Angel.

Speaker 38 Yeah, yeah. Here's what happened.

Speaker 3 This scene was not seen, but immediately after Taylor throws away his green belt years ago, the scene that happens immediately is that Cassandra goes, Oh, honey, you look, you look down.

Speaker 4 Is everything okay?

Speaker 3 And then Taylor looks up and sees right across the street from the mall karate place, mall ninja shit. And Taylor goes in, and then she buys him four katanas.
That's a good mom, five mom.

Speaker 4 Cassandra Swift did nothing wrong.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 6 She's got to redirect her energy somewhere because otherwise it's going to turn into something dark.

Speaker 21 A taser. Yep.

Speaker 9 She's like decorating a taser.

Speaker 24 There is nothing.

Speaker 38 This woman has done nothing wrong.

Speaker 45 And a grappling hook.

Speaker 4 She's doing her best. She's a single mom, Freddie.

Speaker 24 Not spending like a single mom.

Speaker 24 Take that out.

Speaker 33 Take that out.

Speaker 46 She's making anime money now.

Speaker 9 Absolutely not.

Speaker 24 Stick it in, Matt.

Speaker 24 So good.

Speaker 9 Keep it. Keep it.

Speaker 14 Keep it right down.

Speaker 14 Sorry, Matt.

Speaker 24 You get your hood.

Speaker 23 You get your hood at the beginning. You get your bad joke.

Speaker 18 Yep.

Speaker 47 Hi, everybody.

Speaker 32 Anyone who is a single mom or was raised by a single mom, you know who to go after.

Speaker 9 Oh, the nut boy.

Speaker 27 Oh.

Speaker 27 Hi, everybody.

Speaker 26 My name is Matthew Arnold.

Speaker 24 I play.

Speaker 47 See how weird it is, Matt.

Speaker 49 That wasn't weird at all, Will.

Speaker 26 I'm going to say that.

Speaker 26 I'm just going to say my back meeting direct eye contact with you from now on. Hi, my name is Matthew Arnold.

Speaker 26 And I play Lincoln Lee Wilson, the school dad at home soccer kid.

Speaker 18 I hate this error so much.

Speaker 38 School Dad Home soccer.

Speaker 27 I can't even remember now.

Speaker 26 Will's making me blush. The school dad at home soccer kid who is the protective paladin of his group.

Speaker 42 Little known fact about Lincoln.

Speaker 26 So as we know, his parents are very protective, and Lincoln often wanted to, you know, climb over those walls and play on the playgrounds with the other kids.

Speaker 26 And the only way he was allowed to go outside and play with anybody else is he had to sign an NDA first.

Speaker 32 What? And what does NDA stand for?

Speaker 26 That's right. A near-dad agreement.

Speaker 49 You always have to be near dad.

Speaker 51 No matter what.

Speaker 9 So he goes outside.

Speaker 26 He's agreed.

Speaker 50 He always has to be near your dad.

Speaker 3 Can I ask, as we all know in legal parlance, a contract is only good as your enforcement mechanism. What was the way that...
Two and a half feet.

Speaker 1 No, but how did they enforce that?

Speaker 36 What do you mean?

Speaker 39 What is the punishment?

Speaker 3 Like, what if he goes beyond two and a half feet?

Speaker 27 He's in breach of contract.

Speaker 9 Yeah, then Lincoln's going to be a good one. Well, then what happens?

Speaker 40 Sue him.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 30 I don't know.

Speaker 26 No FIFA that night.

Speaker 3 You're telling me he never got in trouble.

Speaker 26 No, Lincoln always obeys the rules.

Speaker 35 Wow.

Speaker 9 Yeah. Sorry.

Speaker 34 Lincoln. Lincoln's cooler.

Speaker 29 Okay.

Speaker 4 At what age did the contract. Because obviously he's.

Speaker 26 They got rid of it specifically when he went to school because school obviously he could

Speaker 9 entire life.

Speaker 52 He was never more than two and a half.

Speaker 26 Oh, if they went outside, if they went outside when he was in his yard, it's like he could do whatever he want.

Speaker 30 But if he was going to go outside and play with him, he found something that's even stranger than the little monkey backpack with the leash tail on it.

Speaker 24 Yes.

Speaker 16 Hi, everyone.

Speaker 4 I'm Will Campos.

Speaker 8 I play Normal Oak.

Speaker 38 He's a Matt's. Looking at me.

Speaker 4 He's a Berkey Peppy Chipper Chiri School Spirit mascot kid.

Speaker 4 Given that Normal may be about to inherit the mantle of hell, I thought I'd talk about the other time Normal ran a country, which was when he ran Ecuador and the school's Model UN and accidentally started World War III.

Speaker 33 How did Ecuador accidentally started War III?

Speaker 9 So funny story.

Speaker 4 So Normal the previous night at the big football game ruined the game and caused the team to lose after a really botched like front-hand spring move distracted the team during a clutch field goal.

Speaker 4 Everyone was super mad at him. Model UN's the next morning and the rest of the world declared war on him.

Speaker 33 sounds like you were just bullied. Yeah, yeah, that's fair.

Speaker 24 That's really what a world war is.

Speaker 9 I was gonna say, you didn't start World War III, they did.

Speaker 26 That's not on you, poor normal.

Speaker 32 Hi, I'm Beth May.

Speaker 24 Oh,

Speaker 37 who did that? Who did that?

Speaker 13 Sorry.

Speaker 32 So inappropriate.

Speaker 33 Oh, my God.

Speaker 10 Look at you three.

Speaker 24 I thought we were all gonna do it.

Speaker 33 Oh, my gosh. I can't believe it.

Speaker 32 I played Scary Marlow.

Speaker 32 Gothung Secret of Darkness is not like the other warlocks, doesn't want to care anymore. Fun fact about Scary is that Tina High,

Speaker 32 she actually headed a petition to make emo music into black metal because black metal sounds cooler, but she doesn't actually like listening to it.

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 32 So if you could imagine like the soundtrack to Twilight New Moon being called black metal, like that would that's like what

Speaker 32 yeah, that's kind of like what scary was going forward.

Speaker 45 Who is she going to submit the petition to?

Speaker 4 Like, what governing body would be able to decide this?

Speaker 39 Ecuador.

Speaker 18 Ecuador, yes.

Speaker 3 Ishcor's guide to electronic music will, obviously.

Speaker 32 The Spotify Nation, as exists in this iteration of reality. Spotify Nation.

Speaker 6 Hi, I'm Anthony Birch.

Speaker 16 I'm your dad.

Speaker 6 You sounded sad at the end.

Speaker 14 That's too bad.

Speaker 36 It is.

Speaker 35 It's Anthony.

Speaker 37 What is that name?

Speaker 24 What the?

Speaker 35 Matt says it's over.

Speaker 11 Matt started today.

Speaker 6 Like, before the recording, like, can we take a few minutes?

Speaker 3 My blood sugar feels a little low.

Speaker 6 I'm going to have a graham cracker and like a soda pop.

Speaker 3 And like, folks, that was not the right decision because Matt's coming in.

Speaker 45 Matt's wearing like a Matt's got like a shirt on.

Speaker 4 I've never seen him wear before.

Speaker 32 I think it's such a cute shirt. Like as soon as Matt opened the door, I was like, hello.
Look at that cute shirt.

Speaker 45 It's kind of like Bahama Dad.

Speaker 24 Matt's coming in with a straight camera.

Speaker 53 Matt came in straight from Margaritaville.

Speaker 9 Yeah. I wish.

Speaker 7 What am I? And your dad.

Speaker 6 Your dad fact or teen fact for today is that some people are asking questions about Jodi and Scam Likely. Like, how did that come about? Why are they together?

Speaker 6 And it's because Scam Likely thought it would be funny.

Speaker 6 That's pretty much just it. I think he saw the most straight-laced dude he could possibly see and decided to corrupt him and give him a child.
And so he scammed Jodi into falling in love with him.

Speaker 6 And it worked.

Speaker 9 Scammy. Because that's a thing you can do.

Speaker 32 I love a marriage for the day.

Speaker 6 Last episode, you managed to get the second and third out of four injections of daddy magic.

Speaker 41 That juice.

Speaker 6 That juice into your jar.

Speaker 6 Just as you were about to leave hell to go find the final piece of daddy magic, which would be with Henry Oak, the CIA invaded hell with the might of the American army behind them and basically said they are taking over.

Speaker 6 And as part of their takeover, as is wanted to do for the CIA, they need to install a new dictator.

Speaker 32 Am I crazy?

Speaker 3 Anthony has come to flatten the FBI and the CIA.

Speaker 9 They're one thing now.

Speaker 40 I think that's beautiful.

Speaker 6 They're all TLAs.

Speaker 21 The FB CIA better.

Speaker 26 All FBIs are CIA, but not all CIAs are FBI.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 6 The feds appear and basically say that somebody else needs to take care of hell, and it might as well be one of you. And both Taylor and Normal volunteered to be the king of hell.

Speaker 6 So they summoned a big lava cage from the ground and said only one of you could leave. And that was where we left off last episode.

Speaker 54 Do we level up?

Speaker 6 Yes, you leveled up twice because each time you managed to get a big important daddy magic memory, you got another level. So you guys are now two levels higher than you were previously.
Level 13.

Speaker 43 13 and scary. I'm 14.

Speaker 30 Let's just say that I, Will Campo's power gamer, may have chosen a feet that will help normal.

Speaker 40 Of course you would choose feet.

Speaker 12 You perf.

Speaker 32 No, I'm just kidding. There's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 I feel like that deserved a better laugh than it did.

Speaker 32 No, it's because it's offensive to people who like feet. And I acknowledge that.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 We kind of also made a bunch of jokes about the word feet sounding like feet before the podcast started.

Speaker 9 started it's just kind of just wasting gold just pouring that pasta water right down the drain okay go ahead will oh okay you got it may i start may i finish let's see the feet all right let's see them let's see them

Speaker 9 i picked a fun thing that'll help me in my fight with taylor that's what this is is it to stop the fight and just be friends so really quick answer i should have picked that one andy can you describe the octagon that we find ourselves in really quick the canvas upon which paint so you know the thunderdome from mad max beyond thunderdome

Speaker 6 half of a sphere made with a bunch of you know individual bars of metal that sort of give the sphere its structure, but those individual bars are made of lava.

Speaker 6 You can feel the heat radiating from the walls of the dome. And there are obviously big openings between these rods of lava where everybody can see you fighting.

Speaker 26 Are they big enough for us to like climb through?

Speaker 36 No.

Speaker 6 You can try. You'd have to contort yourself pretty well, but you can give it a shot.

Speaker 3 Okay. Do you have to like dip your butt?

Speaker 6 Yeah, you have to do like a weird butt first, like compress your entrapment thing.

Speaker 14 Entrapment.

Speaker 31 Entrapment.

Speaker 14 Yes, you have to entrap yourself.

Speaker 44 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 You have to Catherine Zeta Jones it.

Speaker 35 Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 Those two poses, the blade pose and the Catherine Zita Jones entrapment pose, are like the two physical poses I think about maybe more than any other for different reasons.

Speaker 22 They are the two genders.

Speaker 24 They are the two genders.

Speaker 33 We don't want to. Time out.

Speaker 4 Time out, time out, time out, time out, Mr. Smith.

Speaker 27 Where's my cut man?

Speaker 27 Right here.

Speaker 26 Right here, Taylor. Whatever you need.

Speaker 11 And I'll give you your cut. No, I'll give you your cut.

Speaker 32 No, I'll be Norm's cutman.

Speaker 53 Okay, okay.

Speaker 12 Hopefully

Speaker 4 we're not going to get cut, though. We need our cut men in the ring with us.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 6 Schmengan says, that's not how cut men work.

Speaker 14 They wait outside the ring.

Speaker 4 But they're going to get burned if they try to cut us from the ring because the ring's so hot.

Speaker 9 They can reach their arms through.

Speaker 32 I think that we should have some sort of like maybe magical enchantment that we can wear around our bodies so that we won't get cut by the fire. I mean, burnt by the fire.

Speaker 36 That'd be a good idea. I don't have one of those.

Speaker 24 Mr. Schmegan?

Speaker 43 Yeah.

Speaker 28 Mr. Schmegan? Yeah, Mr.
Schmidt.

Speaker 54 Agent Schmegan.

Speaker 4 Agent, Mr. Schmegan.
Can I just give the hell thing to Taylor? Is that an option?

Speaker 6 I'm pretty sure the throne of hell has to be earned by blood. So

Speaker 6 one of you's got to kill the other, surely.

Speaker 26 Could you just have it?

Speaker 6 I don't really like to get involved in politics. I'm sort of more of a neutral third party in all this.

Speaker 11 I was there on January 6th.

Speaker 4 I'd like to roll to Grima Wormtongue Schmegan for a second.

Speaker 6 So persuasion?

Speaker 4 A persuasion roll, if you will.

Speaker 7 A wormtongue roll.

Speaker 30 I got a 21.

Speaker 9 Jesus Christ. All right.

Speaker 1 We're level 13 now.

Speaker 36 I think it's over.

Speaker 49 Schmegan.

Speaker 22 You yearn for power.

Speaker 4 The man behind the throne is the one who carries the most power. It's just like when I wanted to be head cheerleader and they were like, you can be the manager of the cheerleader.

Speaker 27 And I was like, yes, I shall be able to do it.

Speaker 24 Okay,

Speaker 33 you just convinced me to be the man behind the throne.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, wait, what?

Speaker 21 You just said the man behind the throne has the right kind of merit.

Speaker 35 No, but that's right.

Speaker 4 He wants to be the puppet government, and we would be the ones, and he'd be behind us.

Speaker 24 That's

Speaker 9 the only thing that's not the one. He's now even more sure of what he wants to do.

Speaker 26 Schmegan, the man behind the throne, is nothing.

Speaker 6 Well, you didn't roll a 21 when you said that, so he definitely believes what

Speaker 24 they just both be the leader.

Speaker 56 That's cool.

Speaker 3 Okay, so really quick, I want to check using my insightful manipulator special ability. What's Schmaghan's int and whiz versus my int and whiz?

Speaker 6 He's got a 17 int and an 18 whiz.

Speaker 33 Wow. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 9 He's a smart boy.

Speaker 21 CNA doesn't skimp.

Speaker 1 Damn it.

Speaker 3 That's like way more than, okay, this person.

Speaker 15 CNA doesn't skimp on the nootropics they give their agents.

Speaker 24 Nice.

Speaker 57 Their stacks are out of this world.

Speaker 4 We're super going to fight, but we need to discuss terms first, right?

Speaker 38 Taylor? Yes.

Speaker 6 I go up to Taylor and I whisper real low.

Speaker 20 Hey, Taylor, okay.

Speaker 30 Yeah. Here's what I'm thinking.

Speaker 4 You like, you pretend to kill me, and then I'll take a dive. Then, once they lower the gate, we get out of here, guys.

Speaker 32 We need to find like a third person to be like the actual king because there's no way they're going to let you out of here if they think that you're the king.

Speaker 26 Can I roll insight on Schmegan? Sure. I want to see if I can get a sense of like who he would want.
Oh, the perfect world to be the leader.

Speaker 30 Ronald Reagan. He's got to be down here somewhere.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 32 He trickled down.

Speaker 34 Wow.

Speaker 24 Wow, wow, wow.

Speaker 14 You get an advantage.

Speaker 32 That's nice. It was kind of the obvious choice, but I mean, you got to it first, doesn't matter.

Speaker 7 Sweeter than the low one.

Speaker 6 So the 14, you can tell that he kind of doesn't give a shit, but if he had to lean towards anybody, he would lean towards Taylor because his family lineage has the experience of managing hell.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 49 I don't know where that was going to go.

Speaker 9 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 32 Hey, spectators, is there anybody here who secretly or not secretly kind of wants to be the leader of hell?

Speaker 6 Let me roll for the assembled masses of the might of the United States military. So a nine.

Speaker 35 It's me, Marine Corporal Sergeant,

Speaker 39 David Hellman.

Speaker 21 David loves Satan.

Speaker 52 David loves Satan here reporting for duty, guys.

Speaker 56 I'd like to be promoted to the role of leader of hell.

Speaker 9 Great.

Speaker 32 Is there anybody who wants to kill David?

Speaker 31 We can kill him.

Speaker 11 I'll kill David. No, what?

Speaker 35 He looks really big. What are you doing?

Speaker 29 All right.

Speaker 22 Sounds good, says David.

Speaker 8 We need a hell of a bad thing.

Speaker 11 The cage barely opens enough for him to walk through.

Speaker 24 That's huge.

Speaker 9 What are you doing? You have David Sanderson.

Speaker 27 I roll in.

Speaker 18 Okay, go out.

Speaker 14 Both of you roll dexterity.

Speaker 6 To try and not hit each other.

Speaker 24 A natural one.

Speaker 55 That's why, because I literally got a natural 20.

Speaker 55 Do they cancel each other out?

Speaker 9 You caulk into each other and you both bounce backward and stay exactly where you were.

Speaker 18 Oh, my God. Oh, no.

Speaker 27 Normal.

Speaker 9 How are you out there?

Speaker 12 No, you're still in here.

Speaker 29 Oh, I didn't get in.

Speaker 4 I thought I did a really good time. I've been working on my front handspring.
I thought I got really good. I guess not.
I guess I got to practice more.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you just front handspring. I'm into him.

Speaker 26 It's a Marines in there, right? Yes.

Speaker 6 David Satan lover is in there. He's ripped off his shirt.

Speaker 9 He's got tattoos.

Speaker 12 Is that really necessary?

Speaker 6 He shows off his goat head tattoos.

Speaker 50 I know who he'll listen to.

Speaker 26 And Mr. Schmecken.
I look, I say, I'll be right back.

Speaker 50 Bitches.

Speaker 26 And I want to grab Abraham Lincoln, who if I remember correctly, was down in hell.

Speaker 26 saying bitch, along with Link from Legend of Zelda.

Speaker 9 Yep.

Speaker 41 Mr. Lincoln.

Speaker 13 Yes.

Speaker 26 This country, hell, needs your leadership. So if you could just like come with me.

Speaker 32 I was busy. You can't tell a lie, Abe.
Yeah.

Speaker 27 You're not busy.

Speaker 45 You haven't done anything.

Speaker 6 No, I was just rewriting my memoirs.

Speaker 41 Dude, you don't even write memars at all.

Speaker 6 There would be old history if I turned turned around and caught the bullet.

Speaker 6 All right, I'll come down with you.

Speaker 1 Hey, scary.

Speaker 6 Wow, there's more than four score and seven people down here.

Speaker 41 Wait one second, Abe.

Speaker 1 Scary. What's up?

Speaker 26 Schmegan says there needs to be bloodshed, right?

Speaker 28 Yeah.

Speaker 26 So, like, if we find, like, hey, Abe.

Speaker 29 Yes.

Speaker 26 You want to take a shot back at Mr. Booth?

Speaker 25 That's all I've been thinking about the entire time I'm down here.

Speaker 44 I've been looking for him, but he's been ducking me like a pussy.

Speaker 1 Deceive him.

Speaker 11 Deceive him that

Speaker 30 David Satan lover.

Speaker 26 Maybe Shmegan will let Abraham Lincoln become the president of hell if he kills Mr.

Speaker 41 Booth.

Speaker 26 And Mr. Booth would totally want to become president of hell.

Speaker 12 And Mr.

Speaker 32 Booth changed his name, right? To what was it? David something?

Speaker 29 Oh, it's Carrie.

Speaker 24 Holy shit.

Speaker 27 Yeah, Mr.

Speaker 9 Norman fucking Taylor getting pile dragons

Speaker 33 around by David.

Speaker 11 He's got one of you in each hand.

Speaker 6 He's just smashing you at each other like dolls.

Speaker 12 Hey, time out.

Speaker 56 Time out. Mr.
Michael Magan, I think there's somebody you're going to want to see here before before you let this fight continue. You too, Mr.

Speaker 14 Marine. The Marine turns around and goes, Mr.

Speaker 22 President.

Speaker 9 Mr.

Speaker 22 President, it's an honor.

Speaker 6 Abe Linker goes, that doesn't sound like John Wilkes Booth at all.

Speaker 43 He's sneaky out.

Speaker 32 He just said something to you before.

Speaker 12 Did he?

Speaker 40 World deception.

Speaker 6 Yeah, he just said it's an honor.

Speaker 12 No, I mean, did John Wilkes just say anything to Abe?

Speaker 44 He's at six separate Tyrannosaurus.

Speaker 38 Oh, he says that.

Speaker 11 Okay. Has he been beating our ass for the last minute?

Speaker 6 I feel like that's pretty safe to say.

Speaker 43 Okay, okay, listen to me.

Speaker 15 Listen to me. me, listen to me, listen to me.

Speaker 17 All right, okay.

Speaker 3 Using my master of intrigue and my insightful manipulator, that minute, observing his beating my ass, I feel like gives me the ability to like mimic his voice.

Speaker 6 Will you grant me such a dumbest thing I've ever heard?

Speaker 6 If you were gonna say I can fight like him now, I would have bought that more than you saying I can mimic his voice.

Speaker 36 That's why he's so good at voices, Anthony.

Speaker 14 No, that doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 26 Oh, Scary's gonna roll deception to convince Abraham Lincoln that this is John Williams Booth.

Speaker 32 I rolled an 11 plus seven. Wow.

Speaker 6 Okay, so an 18. So he goes, that John Williams Booth always was a master.

Speaker 1 He's an actor.

Speaker 6 He was a master of disguise. He was the greatest actor who ever lived.

Speaker 14 And Hermie goes, oh, come on.

Speaker 46 So Abe goes, let me in there.

Speaker 6 Adrian Schmegan goes, yes, at once, Mr.

Speaker 21 President.

Speaker 22 We're tagging him.

Speaker 4 We're tagging him in.

Speaker 20 We're tagging him in.

Speaker 4 Tagging man. Tagging man.
We're out.

Speaker 6 Roll dexterity to see if you can get in before the door closes behind Abe.

Speaker 26 Can I lean into Mr. Schmegan? Sure.
Hey, there's nothing against the rules. Like, you could arm Mr.
Lincoln, right? The president? Like, I think he needs your sidearm.

Speaker 6 I don't think think he needs anything.

Speaker 21 You're about to see a real fight by Randall Oak.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 6 So, what did you guys roll trying to get out of the cage?

Speaker 3 I rolled 22.

Speaker 30 I rolled a three.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 14 Taylor rolls out effortlessly into

Speaker 6 somehow a combination of blade and entrapment pose.

Speaker 39 And Normal manages to remain inside while...

Speaker 6 What is that?

Speaker 24 Like this? Yeah,

Speaker 9 it's exactly what I got.

Speaker 3 Straight up. Yeah, yeah.
Ass up.

Speaker 6 Face down, ass up. That's the way we like to roll play.

Speaker 6 Okay, so yes, now inside the Thunderdome are David david loves satan abraham lincoln and normal oaks things just are going from bad to worse over here i feel like i turn around i'm like two minutes ago i was gonna fight taylor now i'm gonna fight this huge guy and abraham lincoln

Speaker 6 taylor turns around expecting normal to be right behind him he's like we got out of that scrape pretty wait wait wait hey hey normal what are you doing in there normal pray for me shmegan goes all right it's uh triple threat rules so whoever gets the first kill gets to be president of hell just hide normal just don't get involved in the fight yeah just just like you know I'll be the Ecuador of this situation.

Speaker 4 So just kind of lay low.

Speaker 6 Immediately, David loves Satan, looks at you because you're obviously the easier person to kill thank you.

Speaker 46 He doesn't want to kill Abraham Lincoln.

Speaker 3 And Abraham Lincoln, by the way, Abraham Lincoln was like a cage fighter.

Speaker 14 He was super strong.

Speaker 9 Super strong.

Speaker 6 He rips off his chest and you see he has like not a goat tattoo, but like a tattoo that says a house divided itself cannot stand.

Speaker 3 It's kind of wild because it's a house divided itself cannot stand and it's like an arrow pointing down to his dick.

Speaker 39 It's like, I think he's got two dicks down there.

Speaker 58 Normal role initiative with me.

Speaker 3 Deep within Taylor, there's an impulse to be like, can I bet on this fight?

Speaker 26 I want to help Abraham Lincoln like concentrate on fighting David, but Lincoln wouldn't know anything about the Civil War.

Speaker 49 So

Speaker 6 I got a 12. Okay, so you get to go first.

Speaker 4 So first thing I do is I turn back to my friends. I say, guys.
Go find Jodi. Go find Morgan.
There's still a whole other hell thing going on here. I'll keep everybody distracted.

Speaker 4 I'll try to keep the attention here at the show. That's what I do.
I'm a mascot. And I know how to fucking keep people's eyes on me.
So I'll keep everyone distracted. You guys go liberate hell.

Speaker 26 But like, I want to see if you die or not.

Speaker 24 Yeah,

Speaker 57 I'm kind of invested in you.

Speaker 24 You got it, my man. We're out of here.

Speaker 4 Then Normal's going to turn around and crack his knuckles and crack his neck like he's in Yakuza. And he's going to like put the fucking teeny, the teen outfit back on.

Speaker 4 He says, just give me one sec, boys, to suit up into my fighting outfit. Okay.
And that's what I'm doing this turn.

Speaker 9 That's your whole turn. Okay, cool.

Speaker 6 David Love Satan is going to come and deck you as hard as he possibly can.

Speaker 24 Oh, no.

Speaker 37 Oh, no.

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Speaker 6 All right, so he got a 19. That is going to hit my AC.
Okay, so you're going to take 2d8.

Speaker 1 Where is the box?

Speaker 6 Well, never mind. It's 2d10 now because I can't find any d8.
No!

Speaker 24 Oh, no.

Speaker 6 Oh, that's not so bad. Eight damage.

Speaker 7 Eight damage. Okay.

Speaker 36 Where's your health at now? So I have 94 health.

Speaker 40 Wow. And he just got dumb.

Speaker 6 So when I said eight, I meant 32 damage.

Speaker 4 What? You take 32 damage.

Speaker 9 Wait, why?

Speaker 15 Because he punched you really hard.

Speaker 14 He's a marine.

Speaker 1 That's like all they do with.

Speaker 33 Yeah. That's

Speaker 42 two things they do. Punching and amphibious operations.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 26 Yeah, but he's in charge.

Speaker 21 In hell, all damage is quad.

Speaker 9 Yeah, dude, it's quad.

Speaker 12 Why don't you do that? Yeah.

Speaker 6 It's consistent now. Quad damage.
It's like in Doom. Everybody has quad damage permanently.

Speaker 14 Fuck, yeah, dude.

Speaker 6 So Abe Lincoln, he's going to deck you as hard as he can. He does 37 damage.

Speaker 4 Is Anastabe coming after me, too?

Speaker 24 No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 25 Hannah Zae would never watch a man beat a child.

Speaker 6 Anastabe is not going to let that stand. No, Anastabe is going to try to tackle.

Speaker 9 He still thinks it's John Wilkins booth.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 6 He thinks it's John Wilkins booth, so he's going to tackle him around the stomach.

Speaker 46 He has a natural 20.

Speaker 24 Oh, yeah!

Speaker 6 So, Abe Lincoln does a fucking running spear on him like Roman Reigns.

Speaker 6 He gets him down onto the fucking ground and then pins his arm behind his back and then takes out his like finger guns and puts him to the back of his head. He goes, How do you like it?

Speaker 23 Oh my god.

Speaker 6 And then he rabbit punches him as hard as he can. So he's gonna do

Speaker 14 the head punch of the back of the head.

Speaker 9 It's a legal empire. Very, very, very ill.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it's very illegal.

Speaker 2 You could go to jail, Beth.

Speaker 9 That's how illegal it is.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 58 17 times four.

Speaker 53 This fight's gonna be over very soon.

Speaker 6 So he does 68 damage to David, loves Satan.

Speaker 11 And David goes, it's an honor.

Speaker 8 And like,

Speaker 6 fucking his teeth, like, just eject from his fucking mouth.

Speaker 31 But he goes, but I want to be Satan so bad. I'm still willing to do this.

Speaker 6 All right. It's Normal's turn now.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 6 What a guy that loves Satan, but also really loves Abe Lincoln.

Speaker 12 Real complicated guy.

Speaker 45 Normal is going to.

Speaker 4 Because this is tricky because Normal doesn't want to be king of hell.

Speaker 27 Yeah, no, he's going to run.

Speaker 26 Let Abe Lincoln linken finish this guy off all right yeah i'm like yeah you go ahead you got him and then i'm gonna cast um sing the national anthem oh he wouldn't know that sing a song a patriotic song to inspire a link i'd know the national anthem who do you think sings the national anthem at the beginning of every no but i don't think no they had the national anthem but abe lincoln was around

Speaker 24 wouldn't it be the same thing war of 1812 is when they had no national anthem anthem it was just a shitty song

Speaker 33 that we like a shitty poem that no i am going to cast

Speaker 24 it's just a shitty song it was a a great song. Wait,

Speaker 3 what was the national anthem then? Hold on.

Speaker 24 I'm took a look at it.

Speaker 3 It officially became it in 1931.

Speaker 7 Okay. Wow, that took a while.

Speaker 36 Other hymns.

Speaker 3 So Hail Columbia was for most official functions My Country Tis of D, which is God Save the King.

Speaker 26 Yeah, my Country Tiz of David.

Speaker 4 Whose melody's identical to God Save the King, the United Kingdom's national anthem?

Speaker 9 That's the thing. That's so fucking hard.

Speaker 33 That's really chippy, dude.

Speaker 26 No, that's hard. We've beaten them.

Speaker 28 We're like, no, it's like you guys broke up.

Speaker 4 You're like, you're not broke up with your ex, but then you're like fucking checking their Instagram all the time.

Speaker 25 It's like you broke up with their ex, but then you buy buy their house.

Speaker 17 Be better, America.

Speaker 12 Normal casts, hold person on David Love Satan.

Speaker 30 Yeah. And then I'm also going to sing the Battle Hymn of the Republic to pump up Abe Lincoln.
Okay.

Speaker 35 John Brown's body lies molding in the grave.

Speaker 6 So what is hold person? Is it just like a wisdom saving girl or whatever?

Speaker 4 Yes, wisdom 16.

Speaker 14 Wisdom 16.

Speaker 6 Ew, he got a 19. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 30 John Brown's body lies molding in the grave.

Speaker 9 So he's run away.

Speaker 24 He shoots this watch again. You got to save this.

Speaker 6 So as you run away from him, he gets to make an opportunity attack.

Speaker 6 A 16?

Speaker 4 Yeah, that hits my AC of 12.

Speaker 53 Okay.

Speaker 14 18 times 4.

Speaker 6 72 damage.

Speaker 4 Normal's in death skills.

Speaker 25 Can I plunge my hand?

Speaker 26 You said you can fit through it, but I could probably fit my hand through the camera.

Speaker 49 Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 26 I want to do lay-on hands on normal.

Speaker 6 Go ahead and roll initiative to see where you go in the order.

Speaker 26 19. Ooh, okay.

Speaker 6 You get to go next. Yes.

Speaker 14 All right. So you lay on hands, normal.

Speaker 4 So I feel like normal does like a fucking, like in Creed when he gets uppercut.

Speaker 9 I think he's like, he slow-mo falls into the thing and like his bells rung.

Speaker 4 He's looking back at his whole life. Just fucking, just him getting dunked on 24-7 by everybody.

Speaker 16 Normal, no.

Speaker 26 And I reached my hands like, and when I said I want to be Taylor's cutman, I thought like the cutman was the person who cuts them.

Speaker 26 As in, like, I didn't want to to cut you because, like, you're my bro, you know. So, like,

Speaker 18 bro, here.

Speaker 26 And I'm going to do the lay on hands. I'm just going to do the whole lay on hands.

Speaker 27 I'm filling out that whole.

Speaker 50 I'm just, I'm just using it at all.

Speaker 27 All right, whatever. I can do 65.

Speaker 1 Whoa, wait, whoa, wait. What?

Speaker 26 As an action, you can touch a creature to restore any number of HP remaining in the pool. My pool is 65.

Speaker 7 Per long rest. Wow.

Speaker 58 Paladins are fucking buff.

Speaker 6 Okay, yeah. So you give him 65 health points back.

Speaker 16 That's brisk, baby.

Speaker 37 Fucking normal comes off.

Speaker 24 Slams are brisk tasty.

Speaker 9 Oh,

Speaker 24 ding, ding.

Speaker 4 I'm back, baby.

Speaker 27 Oh, you know what?

Speaker 26 No, it uses, instead of smelling the salts, he uses the perfume that you use.

Speaker 24 Essential oils. Oh, my God.

Speaker 33 That's eucalyptus, baby.

Speaker 11 That's eucalyptus and B.O., baby.

Speaker 32 Alarm. Get out of there.

Speaker 12 Yeah, now run.

Speaker 37 Oh, oh, yeah, right.

Speaker 6 All right. Abe's going to take another swat at David Love Satan.

Speaker 31 Same as David Lovesat. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Natural one from Abe.

Speaker 35 No.

Speaker 6 So he somehow ironically throws a punch so hard, he hits himself in the back of his own head and he goes, not again.

Speaker 24 And he falls over.

Speaker 14 It is now normal's turn once more.

Speaker 35 What happened to Honest Ape?

Speaker 4 Is he alive? Is he dead?

Speaker 32 Don't worry about that, Norm.

Speaker 39 He knocked himself prone.

Speaker 36 What class is Abraham Lincoln?

Speaker 6 Abraham Lincoln is a fighter.

Speaker 45 He's a fighter.

Speaker 53 Nice.

Speaker 9 What level is he?

Speaker 7 He's level 20. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 4 This is a derail, but do you remember that movie, The Fighter?

Speaker 9 I just think he had multiple actions.

Speaker 52 Do you remember the trailer for the movie The Fighter?

Speaker 32 Yeah, where it made it seem like the movie was not about what it was actually about.

Speaker 4 So So, very specifically, there's this one thing I constantly think of. This is in the movie, like, his hand gets broken.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 And then in the trailer, they added this ADR where, like, a cop goes, He's a fighter.

Speaker 14 Break his hand.

Speaker 20 Yeah,

Speaker 32 holy shit. I totally forgot about that.

Speaker 4 Anyway, I guess it's one of these things like Normal does like a little squat, and then I'm going to try to do like a perfect pirouette dive through the bars of this thing and then just get wedged halfway through.

Speaker 39 Which is burning you. Oh, wow.

Speaker 13 Because they are

Speaker 13 made out of lava.

Speaker 32 Scary kicks him back into the cave.

Speaker 6 So normally you only take 2d8 for that.

Speaker 32 I'm going to roll initiative if that's okay.

Speaker 3 Yeah, go for it. And me too.
Both of you. I got 17.

Speaker 38 I got three.

Speaker 30 Is my dad or my uncle, are they anywhere?

Speaker 4 What's going on with the crown-ups just watching normal get tag deemed by Abraham Lincoln and fucking a huge wrestler guy?

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 6 So as you look around, you see that Lark and Sparrow have been surreptitiously moving behind Agent Agent Schmegan and one of the Marines, and they have their hands on their guns.

Speaker 6 It looks like they are about to try to put a gun to Schmegan's head and basically try to use him as a hostage to call this off, unless you want to stop them from doing that.

Speaker 4 No, a normal in a daze. He sees in this blurry moment his dad and his uncle.
He was like about to tap out and he's like, I gotta keep fighting.

Speaker 22 I gotta distract the fuck Smegan.

Speaker 55 Kill him.

Speaker 4 And I'm gonna get back up. And then is it my turn?

Speaker 6 Whose turn is it? Right now it is Scary's turn.

Speaker 32 I will probably have to roll for this because my idea is to cast wall of fire between

Speaker 32 Norm and like basically section off the ball.

Speaker 43 Are you supposed to drive a jezball situation, Beth?

Speaker 26 To protect Norm.

Speaker 32 To protect Norm.

Speaker 9 Yeah, go ahead and give me a roll.

Speaker 9 Hold on. All right.

Speaker 55 Excuse me.

Speaker 32 Never play Jezball.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 24 Neither is Scary, Beth.

Speaker 32 God damn it.

Speaker 9 Welcome to the party, pal.

Speaker 32 What do I have to go?

Speaker 33 Just Jezball.

Speaker 18 Go to the Jezball.

Speaker 6 It's the first thing.

Speaker 32 Oh, Jez.

Speaker 32 That was a little joke about jizz.

Speaker 6 This is an easy one, so I think you just have to complete the first level.

Speaker 32 Okay, how do you do it?

Speaker 14 I'm not going to explain it.

Speaker 18 Okay.

Speaker 35 He's a feminist.

Speaker 9 Just don't hit the ball.

Speaker 32 To create a line, the line is split into red and blue halves. Oh, my God.
Okay, wait. Okay.
Sorry. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 32 Didn't know I had to.

Speaker 3 Just remember, this is my life in your hands.

Speaker 32 Okay. Okay.
If a line hits the boundary, that half becomes a boundary. What the fuck? This is so poorly explained, in my opinion.
Okay, I'm just going to raw dog it.

Speaker 32 Continue. classic oh i start with 10 lives

Speaker 32 do arcade do arcade well okay each level has one more life than there are balls

Speaker 53 what okay

Speaker 32 okay

Speaker 32 what do i do

Speaker 29 i'm trying you click with the mouse okay he's want to split i'm i'm removed

Speaker 32 okay i'm trying to like okay

Speaker 40 It's not going well.

Speaker 32 Okay, they're separate. They're separate.
Why does it keep going?

Speaker 27 Because you gotta get more.

Speaker 9 You gotta complete complete the level, Beth.

Speaker 6 You have to cut off more of the level.

Speaker 53 Okay, and it's vertical?

Speaker 10 There should be a way to

Speaker 23 get a convolve.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 57 That fucking sucked.

Speaker 6 So after getting kicked through the cage by scary

Speaker 47 spell and hurdles me into a wall of fire.

Speaker 39 Yes.

Speaker 6 So take, what is the damage for a wall of fire?

Speaker 7 Oh, no.

Speaker 3 At level 14, by the way, Beth. Level 14, I believe you catched it.

Speaker 35 Yeah.

Speaker 32 So that's 6d8.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 24 So we're going to roll that and then multiply it by 24.

Speaker 9 25.

Speaker 40 We truly are.

Speaker 32 It's 22 times 4.

Speaker 24 Okay, so that's

Speaker 30 88 damage.

Speaker 4 So I'm once again.

Speaker 14 Are you doubled? You're not dead.

Speaker 6 You're not doubled yet. If you get to whatever your health is negative, then you're dead permanently, but you're not there yet.

Speaker 26 Shit, I should have just used like 10.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 4 All right, so I'm in death saves again.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 33 You basically just see me fly through this wall of flames, and then just this like chicken tender just slides up between oh my god and fucking david hell satan norm i tried it's just i'm not i'm not much of a gamer you know

Speaker 4 normal flashes back through his whole life again in another slow motion knockout montage it's just a repeat of all the same bummer moments of like his fucking dad like not supporting him and his friends kind of all just not like he kind of gets the vibe that they don't like him that much he's just reliving it all back to his birth again although he does remember he does remember link doing lay on hands So I can't do it again.

Speaker 39 I'm sorry.

Speaker 6 It's now Taylor's turn.

Speaker 3 Taylor's going to roll one of his mall ninja smoke bombs underneath. I'm going to cast darkness.

Speaker 36 Okay.

Speaker 3 Darkness creates a, from the point I choose, 15-foot radius sphere. Creature with dark vision can't see it.
Non-magical light can't illuminate through it. So it's basically a big old orb of darkness.

Speaker 3 We've seen this in the past. I'm throwing it into the middle of the ring and causing the ring to be blacked out so that nobody in there can see anything.
And no one outside can see it either.

Speaker 49 Okay.

Speaker 3 Causing hopefully a distraction on Schmaken.

Speaker 7 You have done that.

Speaker 4 No one can see the boy who you need to heal now.

Speaker 30 Well, then they can't see you either, dude.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 22 But he's the one he's in death saves.

Speaker 6 He needs somebody to heal him.

Speaker 6 They're just going to whisper underneath, hey, man, just like keep breathing.

Speaker 6 All right. So the entire cage is dark now.
And now it is normal's turn. Normal give me a death save.

Speaker 15 Okay. What do I do for that?

Speaker 6 You roll a d20 and you want to get above a 10. That's a 15.
Okay. So that's one successful death save.
You need three to get up. And if you get three fails, you die.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 6 It's David loves Satan's turn. He's going to try to hit Abraham Lincoln now because Abraham Lincoln is on his feet, but he's going to do so with disadvantage because it's dark.

Speaker 3 Oh, and also, there should be a chance that he runs into this wall of fire, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 6 I'll roll to see if he runs on the wall of fire.

Speaker 58 15.

Speaker 6 He manages to barely evade the wall of fire, but he whiffs on Abe Lincoln. Abe Lincoln is going to counter-attack against him.

Speaker 3 Give me a cool Abe Lincoln like one-liner.

Speaker 6 I cannot tell a lie.

Speaker 58 This is going to hurt.

Speaker 9 Sounds like American Dad a little bit. I can't tell a lie.

Speaker 15 he rolls a natural one so he once again he once again punches himself in the back of the head

Speaker 27 and knocks it out

Speaker 6 so he takes 14

Speaker 26 natural one when he chose andrew johnson as his running mate am i right everybody

Speaker 19 am i right

Speaker 6 a little history for you all he takes 56 damage and he is almost dead

Speaker 4 oh no need to do some reconstruction on that face wow

Speaker 4 all right now it is link's turn what is grant doing grant is was about to sniper shot one of them and then all the lights went out.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 18 The worst dark movie.

Speaker 6 Pretty much. He's got a sniper rifle, and he's just like, what?

Speaker 14 And he just shrugs.

Speaker 6 He just goes, well, he just throws up his hands.

Speaker 13 Can I hold my turn and be like, Taylor, you need to turn the lights back on.

Speaker 36 Well, hold on, Link.

Speaker 42 I was just

Speaker 30 like, look at what our dads are doing.

Speaker 3 They're about to take out Schmegan. And I don't know what's taking them so fucking.

Speaker 32 Well, yeah, be quiet about it, will you?

Speaker 39 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 30 Frischer turn out lights and they were talking about what our dads are going to do.

Speaker 27 What are you doing?

Speaker 46 Did you want them to do it or not?

Speaker 30 I do want them to do it.

Speaker 6 You wanted them to get Agent Schmegan?

Speaker 56 Yeah, because I want Schmegan to be like, hey, what the hell?

Speaker 38 I want to see what's going on in there.

Speaker 26 They're about to kill Schmegan.

Speaker 6 Lark's about to put his gun to Schmegan's head, and Sparrow looks like he's about to steal one of the guns from one of the Marines, and they're going to try to hold Schmegan hostage to get you out of there.

Speaker 26 That's what it looks like. I'm going to run over to Schmegan and put myself between the guns and Schmegan.

Speaker 14 The guns that Lark and Sparrow are holding?

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 34 What?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 50 And we'd be like, stop.

Speaker 26 Stop. You just can't keep killing.

Speaker 56 Schmegan, look at me. Turn around.

Speaker 6 Schmegan looks at you.

Speaker 26 Yeah. So there are guns behind you.
Like, I just saved your life, dude.

Speaker 9 What?

Speaker 44 So Schmegan turns and goes, what the fuck?

Speaker 21 And sees that.

Speaker 6 Lark has his hand on his gun and he goes, shoot that motherfucker and points at Lark.

Speaker 30 Oh, sweet baby boy Link.

Speaker 27 Wait, I still got to do my action, though.

Speaker 26 Yeah, okay. Okay.
The moment I can tell that Schmegan is not listening, I'm going to hit him on the head.

Speaker 49 I want to stop him from talking.

Speaker 26 I'm going to fucking punch.

Speaker 14 I'm going to kick you.

Speaker 31 You want to bop him on the snoot?

Speaker 9 Okay, go for it.

Speaker 31 Boop him on the snoot.

Speaker 32 Freddy, can you imagine like an after-fight interview with a boxer where he's just like, yeah,

Speaker 32 in the third round, he just really booped me on the snoot.

Speaker 20 Snoot, snoot.

Speaker 3 I'm back to Ripothuli Shell.

Speaker 36 Gave me a love tap on my nozzle.

Speaker 30 Manny Pacquiao moving in for the mlem.

Speaker 32 Uh-oh, that's a cha out. Somebody is eepy.

Speaker 27 A natural 20.

Speaker 34 27.

Speaker 34 So what are you trying to do?

Speaker 26 I'm like, Schmegan, look, I saved your life. And then he's the moment I see that he's narc.

Speaker 26 Link, a true narc, knows when somebody's about to nark like the moment he sees that shmegan is about to instead of listening is gonna tell him to shoot him i want to snap shmegan's neck yeah i want to do like the black widow i want to like jump on him and

Speaker 26 run him and bring him down and then like hold his like mouth shut okay cool and i want to whisper into his ears now that he has to listen to me okay what do you say i turn his head to look at the darkness

Speaker 26 i'm like well you can't see what's in there but it's a child being attacked by our greatest president and a Marine.

Speaker 41 Look what you've done. What do you even stand for at this point, Schmidt?

Speaker 27 What do you even stand for?

Speaker 35 Also, it wasn't.

Speaker 24 Entirely your idea.

Speaker 12 That's right, man. Look into the darkness.

Speaker 56 Hey, look what you're doing.

Speaker 4 What are you doing? Just let us out. Gaze upon this stunning vision.

Speaker 22 Yeah, if you want help so much, you can run help.

Speaker 15 And then Taylor turns off darkness in that moment.

Speaker 3 What do we see?

Speaker 6 You see Abe punching himself in the back of the head.

Speaker 41 Look at our president. Look what you're trying to do.

Speaker 27 Our greatest president.

Speaker 26 I tighten my grip a little tighter.

Speaker 14 And you go.

Speaker 26 And if you don't, if you remember what I said when you interviewed me, I said, if you ever mess with my family, I would kill you and yours.

Speaker 26 Unfortunately, I guess, lucky for you, half your family is already dead, but you're still here.

Speaker 9 Oh,

Speaker 6 and I start tightening my grip more.

Speaker 9 Oh my god.

Speaker 6 He's gonna take psychic damage from that.

Speaker 6 And that's quadrupled.

Speaker 6 So he takes 48 damage.

Speaker 45 This is the move we should have been doing all along.

Speaker 18 That was just no attacks.

Speaker 4 It's just everything hits four times as hard.

Speaker 16 It's way easier.

Speaker 1 Dark Souls comedy.

Speaker 26 Yeah, fights just take like one round.

Speaker 6 I shouldn't tell you bloodied stuff because it's 5e, but he's bloodied. Like, just you saying that has bloodied him.

Speaker 31 He is down to less than his god's health.

Speaker 3 He just got nosebleed from it.

Speaker 6 Yeah, blood shoots out his fucking nose onto the hot ground of hell over skulls and shit. Now it is Scary's turn.

Speaker 6 And you can also control your dads and stuff.

Speaker 32 I think Ron's just like, yeah, whoever wins, I just want everybody to have fun.

Speaker 32 And Scary's going to cast Spider Climb on Norm. Norm, just like hide up at the top, man.
Like, just like,

Speaker 22 he's in death saves.

Speaker 9 So you see spider hairs grow all over his arms and legs as he's writhing on the ground.

Speaker 4 The paramedic comes in to drag Normal out, but he's stuck to the ground.

Speaker 12 No, I didn't know.

Speaker 32 I mean, I knew, but I just didn't know.

Speaker 27 Only thing you notices, Normal's passed out.

Speaker 4 And when you cast spider climb on him, his legs just kind of curl in like a dead spider.

Speaker 34 I can't do anything, Brian.

Speaker 6 All right, Taylor, it's your turn.

Speaker 3 Wow, I've kind of done everything I meant to do.

Speaker 37 You turn the shit on and off!

Speaker 19 You piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Okay, I got it.

Speaker 3 I got it. I got it.
You ready for this? Do you have any healing? No, I don't. I don't.

Speaker 35 He did when he was a ranger.

Speaker 24 Oh, my fucking God.

Speaker 3 I'm going to cast thaumaturgy.

Speaker 14 You just do it.

Speaker 9 My voice booms up to three times as loud as normal for one minute.

Speaker 9 And it's going to do nothing.

Speaker 24 He got rid of the classic Helip, and now you're just going to yell.

Speaker 9 All right, what do you yell, Taylor? I yell.

Speaker 7 I yell.

Speaker 24 Normal!

Speaker 37 Get up!

Speaker 37 Normal!

Speaker 37 Get up! Get up!

Speaker 9 Can we do like, if I roll a natural 20, this works?

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 3 Like deep in your, you're swimming in your subconscious, you know, and you hear this voice, this angelic voice calling to you.

Speaker 15 That's an 11.

Speaker 1 Okay, so it doesn't work.

Speaker 15 It does nothing.

Speaker 6 You just, as you're drifting in and out of consciousness, you hear your name get shouted. It is now your turn, normal.
Give me another death save.

Speaker 9 Well, I'm out of that.

Speaker 26 Lee's just like holding Schmeggy.

Speaker 50 He's like, yes, right.

Speaker 41 See my team. See how strong we are.

Speaker 40 He never defeated me.

Speaker 22 I got a 14.

Speaker 6 Okay, so that's another save.

Speaker 3 And Taylor looks around. He's like, I'll take credit for that one.

Speaker 4 Normal's just sort of floating in an inky black void, and he's starting to see like a dim light come back into his field of vision.

Speaker 32 Oh my gosh, guys, we should do the movements from OA.

Speaker 4 He's like, this is just like on the OA.

Speaker 6 It is David Lovesaton's turn, and he sees that our beloved president Lincoln has knocked himself out a second time.

Speaker 6 So he's going to try to pounce on him and just keep hitting him in the back of the head.

Speaker 6 So he does.

Speaker 46 And

Speaker 6 he's burying his teeth.

Speaker 27 Marine can't attack.

Speaker 24 The commander indeed.

Speaker 35 He's the role that gets his training.

Speaker 9 He's supposed to take a bullet for him. He's supposed to take a bullet for him.

Speaker 6 I'll have him do a whiz save to see if he does it. His love for wanting to be the king of hell outstrips his demands of being a marine to protect us from all threats.

Speaker 6 Yeah, foreign certain domestic. Okay, so he succeeds at the wisdom saving throw, which means that he manages to triumph over his marine conditioning.

Speaker 6 And he hits Abe Lincoln in the head so hard his head explodes.

Speaker 16 Like a ripe watermelon.

Speaker 9 This is the first death that's mattered.

Speaker 9 Wait, no.

Speaker 24 Oh, God.

Speaker 26 That wasn't the real Abe Lincoln.

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Speaker 6 God, it's like over in Martell.

Speaker 1 It's bad.

Speaker 6 Agent Schmanger goes,

Speaker 1 it's over.

Speaker 29 It's over.

Speaker 20 It's fine.

Speaker 32 Does Lincoln take damage for his namesake dying in front of him?

Speaker 6 Yeah, Lincoln, why don't you take a D6 of of psychic damage?

Speaker 36 Yeah,

Speaker 33 times four.

Speaker 9 Times four. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Worst case, it's 24 damage.

Speaker 26 Yeah, no, I took 12.

Speaker 35 Yeah, that's not so bad.

Speaker 6 So the cage dissolves around you, and David loves Satan, covered in the blood and brains of Abraham Lincoln.

Speaker 4 I did not see this going this way.

Speaker 38 Looks at his hands and goes, Yes, yes, yes, yes, me, me, new Satan, new Satan.

Speaker 6 And Schmeggin goes, I, uh, Hebrew, I honor you as the new king of Satan.

Speaker 26 Lincoln's gonna let go of Schmegan's throat and run straight to normal to check on normal.

Speaker 6 If you roll in medicine check, you'll be able to stabilize him.

Speaker 27 Ooh, can I do that?

Speaker 26 Before you see whatever fucking that traitor says. Well, I got 15, I'm sure, plus.
Yep.

Speaker 6 That stabilizes Norma. It counts as another save, so Norm is not dying anymore.
He has one HP, basically.

Speaker 4 Normal comes to and sees Link.

Speaker 22 Did I win?

Speaker 29 Did I get him?

Speaker 22 Even better than that, buddy.

Speaker 32 You're a spider boy.

Speaker 9 I'm a spider boy.

Speaker 26 Hey, I gotta tell you, I want to tell you something before you see it yourself.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 26 You've lost your mustache.

Speaker 9 What?

Speaker 36 Because it's singed to the fire.

Speaker 9 It's going to grow back then, Devorfield.

Speaker 24 It's okay.

Speaker 54 Normal breaks down into Link's arms.

Speaker 26 Well, what does Schmegan do now? He's looking at the corpse.

Speaker 6 Yeah, so Schmagan's looking at the corpse of Abraham Lincoln and the man who saved the union. The man who saved the union.
He stands and he sort of hell because he said bitch.

Speaker 40 The $10

Speaker 40 founding father without a father.

Speaker 4 Got a lot farther by being being a lot smarter and working a lot harder, Anthony.

Speaker 6 He asks David Love Satan to kneel and then he takes the sword from Glenn's hands.

Speaker 31 Hey, hey, hey, hey, that's my sword.

Speaker 6 You hear the of many guns around you pointed at you, ready to blow you away. So are you going to let go of the sword or not?

Speaker 9 Whatever.

Speaker 6 So he takes your flaming sword and he

Speaker 6 on either shoulder of David Love Satan.

Speaker 11 He goes, ow, ow, thank you.

Speaker 6 And he becomes the new king of hell.

Speaker 26 Can I look at Grant?

Speaker 50 Because Grant, you said, had a sniper rifle.

Speaker 36 Yes, he does.

Speaker 31 Prime narrator.

Speaker 21 Grant has the possibility to do the funniest possible thing.

Speaker 26 Who is Grant pointing at?

Speaker 6 Grant is pointing it at Schmegan.

Speaker 56 What would the dad's point?

Speaker 6 And there's a bunch of guns on him now, too, because they can see that he's pointing the gun at Schmegan.

Speaker 50 Oh, how do they see him?

Speaker 26 Grant's such a bad sniper.

Speaker 1 He just not up in the light.

Speaker 24 He's hanging out.

Speaker 36 Like crazy.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I'll give him stealth roll.

Speaker 6 We'll see if he can hide.

Speaker 3 Well, see if he escaped from the original.

Speaker 6 I'm going to say that the darkness turning on and off gave him advantage on his stealth check because everybody was so distracted by that darkness that he went into stealth mode.

Speaker 6 And yeah, he is successfully hiding under a pillar of skulls.

Speaker 4 Hell yeah, he's got it's just a little sniper rifle barrel coming out of one of the eyes.

Speaker 27 He's got like a scroll over his head, so you can see if you want, he can have the

Speaker 6 and you see the like the laser sight, the red dot on Shmegan's head.

Speaker 26 Do we want him to kill Shmegan? What do we want? Obviously, we want to save Norm and we want to go to Oakam just need to get out of here.

Speaker 41 What do we care? Yeah, so we don't really care.

Speaker 4 Normal peels himself up off the ground. His clothes have completely singed off, so he just kind of walks over feeling pretty Zorched up to uh Schmegan.
He's like, but shmegan

Speaker 29 look

Speaker 4 look and i point to dude who is like that's the doodler man like the sky's blue up there now we don't need hell why why are you guys taking over hell shmaghin goes that's the doodler yeah i mean get him

Speaker 6 immediately into his wrist he shouts get him and a bunch of the soldiers gonna try to leap onto dude army pota link

Speaker 24 oh it's harder than it looks guys i was thinking some pretty uncharitable things about you while i was unconscious but it's hard to make the right choice.

Speaker 32 Say tell Grant to do it.

Speaker 45 A bunch of Marines jump on the dude.

Speaker 6 I rolled for like five of them and all but one of them managed to tackle them to the ground.

Speaker 26 I not at Grant.

Speaker 6 So you hear the clap of a sniper rifle and Agent Schmegan's head suddenly has a third hole in it.

Speaker 6 And he crumples to the ground.

Speaker 6 Immediately, the Marines, panicking.

Speaker 15 Not the Marines would do that necessarily.

Speaker 6 If you're a Marine and you're listening to this, I apologize.

Speaker 32 Marines are not listening to this, I don't think.

Speaker 53 Probably not.

Speaker 7 Marines.

Speaker 12 We're going to find out now.

Speaker 26 Marines panic, as they do when they hear gunfire.

Speaker 20 Here's what you do. Here's the thing.
Here's what you do.

Speaker 3 Hey, listen, Freddie Wong here. Don't worry, Marine.
The training level's gone way down in the future. You're the best one.

Speaker 22 Yeah,

Speaker 22 you're Marines.

Speaker 20 Marines

Speaker 36 went downhill after you left.

Speaker 32 You're the few, the proud, but in the future, there are many.

Speaker 24 And last but not many.

Speaker 26 Schmegan slowly fades away and he watches these Marines panic and he goes, This is what happens to the military when you have 20 years under Democrats.

Speaker 6 So the Marines start panicking and gunfire just starts going off. There's a shot and then there's another shot and it becomes a complete cacophony of gunfire.

Speaker 9 Everybody rolled to hit the ground.

Speaker 3 What would that be?

Speaker 6 That'd be dexterity or acrobatics.

Speaker 36 Yeah, funny, man. I like that.

Speaker 24 I think he's a good joke.

Speaker 3 Taylor, 9 plus 3, 12.

Speaker 32 4 plus 7, 11.

Speaker 4 7 plus 2, 9. That was a 7.

Speaker 6 Okay, so everybody that less than a 10 is going to take.

Speaker 36 Less than?

Speaker 14 Yes, less than. Yeah.

Speaker 48 I got 10. Oh, norm.

Speaker 6 Okay, so just normal is going to get hit, a winged by a bullet.

Speaker 4 Well, normal has one HP.

Speaker 9 That's what he just says.

Speaker 12 So

Speaker 6 he's going to take one d6 times four.

Speaker 35 Oh, it's still quad damage?

Speaker 24 That was a different one. You're a talent!

Speaker 25 Any damage is going to gain you to death saves.

Speaker 11 But it's only one d6.

Speaker 6 All right, so you only take six damage. You are back in death saves, but it rolls over and does a medical roll.

Speaker 37 Slomo flies through the air and sees his whole life flying.

Speaker 24 I have the exact same

Speaker 32 Scary tries to lock eyes with dude. Dude, it might be time to, you know, be a bad girl.

Speaker 6 Dude's pupils dilate, and upon hearing it's time to be a bad girl, dude is going to

Speaker 7 natural 20.

Speaker 24 What did I do there?

Speaker 18 Oh, no.

Speaker 6 The marines around them begin to shiver and shake, and suddenly purple tentacles jut through their bodies, violently ripping out their internal organs, organs, slashing around them, and cutting them into more pieces than a person should be in, which is, I guess, more than one.

Speaker 3 It's just a rain. It's just a slurry.

Speaker 6 It's a slurry that just fucking goes into the air and just starts raining down on all of you.

Speaker 6 Dude stands up and like a hundred tentacles are just coming out of them, whipping back and forth, just decapitating and killing and being the baddest girl possible.

Speaker 32 Okay, okay, okay, that's yeah, that's that's enough. That's it, that's good, that's good, that's good.
You are the best bad girl, yes.

Speaker 15 Go ahead and roll persuasion to see if you can convince them to stop the spree.

Speaker 18 Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 32 I got a 16 plus seven. Wow.

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 1 Cool. The dude whisperer.

Speaker 6 So dude sucks all the tentacles back in, and now all the guns are trained on dude.

Speaker 6 As Schmegan hits the ground, out of his pocket falls one of the portal guns that you saw the CIA use when they were chasing him into the school.

Speaker 36 Nice.

Speaker 26 Link will grab it from the blood of Schmegan, and he's looking at the open, gaping wound.

Speaker 3 Hey, Link, I can turn the lights off.

Speaker 23 To cover our escape.

Speaker 1 Hey, Taylor, you've done quite a bit.

Speaker 9 Yeah, you've taken away the pain. Turning the lights off for this.

Speaker 4 Normal is trying to say, is there actually a good idea this time?

Speaker 9 What happened?

Speaker 55 But you can't hear that because Normal can't talk.

Speaker 26 Yeah, well, Link wants to grab the portal gun, and then I guess my plan is to run to normal.

Speaker 26 And I want to signal everybody to essentially, like, I want to shoot a portal like underneath Normal's body.

Speaker 36 And all of us, like, jump in.

Speaker 3 And I want to cover darkness that.

Speaker 22 Okay, cool. That's great.

Speaker 32 But wait, Taylor, if there's darkness, we might not be able to see that we're all making it to the next portal yeah we don't need it to be dark

Speaker 28 i'm just looking at my spells and i noticed there's nothing there

Speaker 6 is no trick pony a saying

Speaker 26 all right oh oh wait wait actually leak goes no that's good just aim the darkness at the marines like not where we're running to cover all the Marines who could shoot at us in darkness.

Speaker 36 Okay.

Speaker 32 Wait, because some of our dads are over there, right?

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 32 Can we check to see if, like, Ron and Terry are okay?

Speaker 33 Like, they didn't get hit by the bad.

Speaker 6 Ron and Terry hit the deck, and they're fine. Okay.
As did all the rest of your dads.

Speaker 30 Grant is still hidden.

Speaker 6 Lark and Sparrow hit the deck and they are now pulling up their guns and they are going to start shooting at the Marines as well.

Speaker 26 Our dads can take care of themselves. We got to go.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 14 You hear Grant bellow from the Tower of Skulls.

Speaker 9 Go! Go!

Speaker 6 Lark and Sparrow are going to run and grab Normal and just start sprinting it with him toward the portal if you've shot the portal already.

Speaker 32 Yeah. Dude, Hermie, come on.

Speaker 6 The gunfire continues as dude starts to run and bullets just start passing through them. Dude flinches from every bullet hit, so you get the feeling it's doing something, but not a whole lot.

Speaker 6 And Hermie barely limps in after you.

Speaker 32 Scary links eyes with Terry and Ron and says, am I going to see you again?

Speaker 6 Terry nods sagely at you.

Speaker 60 He says, go.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 51 Okay.

Speaker 24 Bye.

Speaker 10 I.

Speaker 40 Yeah. Bye.
Come on, Scary.

Speaker 56 Let's go, Hermie.

Speaker 22 Get in.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 3 And then right before Taylor gets in, Taylor goes, like, try and follow us, idiots and cast darkness.

Speaker 6 And Nick and Glenn look at you, and Nick says, we can take care of him. Yeah, that's what I figured.
Okay, bye.

Speaker 14 He goes, that's my son.

Speaker 16 You join and go, darkness, darkness.

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 9 Infernal darkness.

Speaker 14 At his feet.

Speaker 6 Your stomachs lurch as you jump into the portal. Where did you set the destination to? I assume Sandimas, because that's where Henry is.

Speaker 9 Whoops.

Speaker 9 Wherever it would.

Speaker 26 I mean, we're going to be serious about just wherever. I don't know how this thing works.

Speaker 55 Last location. Last known location.

Speaker 14 Okay, last known location.

Speaker 31 Star 69.

Speaker 35 Star 69.

Speaker 6 So you star 69 and you find yourself in an adult entertainment store.

Speaker 44 He's asexual.

Speaker 3 Isn't that wild that like star 69 is not a hilarious number when we knew it, but now it is?

Speaker 24 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 34 Yeah, we've grown.

Speaker 46 We've grown.

Speaker 4 C-A-L-L-A-T-T is going to be the sex number of the future, dude.

Speaker 6 So you feel your stomach switch as you head through the portal.

Speaker 24 I didn't eat last night.

Speaker 9 Wow, I haven't thought about the 10 times in a while.

Speaker 6 You fall through the portal and you all land hard on the ground. So you land inside FBI headquarters, which is

Speaker 30 a familiar place to link.

Speaker 24 Oh, man.

Speaker 6 But you're on what seems to be a floor full of just office workers and stuff who regard you with curious eyes and confusion. And as you look around, Temp Agency.

Speaker 3 Temp Agency, sad ass.

Speaker 14 Mr.

Speaker 41 Schmegan's just, shh, you you guys know the drill.

Speaker 7 Go ahead and roll persuasion. Or deception, rather.

Speaker 3 Taylor gets an 8 plus 11.19.

Speaker 10 Oh, yeah, can we use that roll? I like that. What did you get?

Speaker 50 There you go. 16.

Speaker 6 Okay, so both of you succeed.

Speaker 15 So they're used to seeing some stupid shit.

Speaker 9 So it's a living.

Speaker 6 And they go back to typing at their computers. And everything seems fine.
And then you hear...

Speaker 6 And when you turn, you see the form of Hermie the Unworthy collapsing against a wall, a sucking wound in his chest, and he's beginning to bleed out.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 26 I mean, the link runs to like, how why is he hurt?

Speaker 6 He got shot

Speaker 6 in the crossfire, and he goes, normal,

Speaker 6 normal.

Speaker 27 I do a medical check on normal so he can be alive for this.

Speaker 50 Yeah, you're in death saves.

Speaker 4 I am in death saves.

Speaker 15 Hermione Hermes is NPC and does not get that luxury.

Speaker 33 Oh, woo!

Speaker 22 So,

Speaker 26 what do you want to say, Hermie?

Speaker 41 Normal help.

Speaker 42 I look out to the officer who's like, do something.

Speaker 9 It's a living. Go get it.

Speaker 32 I'm going to look around for a stapler so I can staple up the word.

Speaker 43 Get in the office, right?

Speaker 12 Yeah, there's got to be a lot of stuff.

Speaker 6 You can find a stapler, but you see that the wound is basically over his heart. And Hermie is coughing up blood, and his eyes are glazing over, and he's trying to say something.

Speaker 6 And he's going to, for the final time, roll performance.

Speaker 6 And he says, Normal,

Speaker 13 I like you too.

Speaker 46 And then he slumps over.

Speaker 40 Hermie.

Speaker 24 All

Speaker 23 Used to tell myself it'll be alright. Pretty lies, let me sleep at night.

Speaker 37 I know that no one knows me better than myself.

Speaker 60 And I know I'll get this right.

Speaker 19 It's just a matter of time till we make it out alright.

Speaker 37 We gotta pick ourselves up and say,

Speaker 37 Not today, no, not today.

Speaker 37 We live for tomorrow, make steel and borrow, break where we can't change.

Speaker 37 We gotta pick ourselves up and say,

Speaker 37 Not today, no, not today.

Speaker 37 I don't need your sorrow, come back tomorrow, I'll be on my way.

Speaker 37 I'll be on my way.

Speaker 3 Treasures and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Lincoln Lee Wilson. Anthony Birch is our DM.
Will Campos is Normal Oak, Beth May as Scary Marlowe and myself. Freddie Wong as Taylor Swift.

Speaker 3 Theme Song is On My Way by Max and Waller. Brian Fernandez is our content producer.
Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator.

Speaker 3 Esther Els is our lead editor. Travis Reeves provides additional editing.
And Robin Raff is our transcriber.

Speaker 3 This podcast is directly supported by our Patreon, who has people with names like Shadow Spaghetti, Slimy Awen, Rick of E420, Jillian Lewis, Joey Hoffaker, John Croft, Brian Linscott, Joey Vincent, Alex Hill, Danielle Caprigliolni, Ryan Goldsmith, Cooper Ferguson, Tim Rosies, Aiden, Feast of Fiction, wait a minute, David Sand, Fresh Prince of Ben Hair, Scumback, Camburger and Fries, and Mitterbork.

Speaker 3 It's that time of year again. It's cyber Monday, Black Friday, sales, the purchasing things online time, and we're doing it too.
Head on over to store.dungeonsandads.com to see what we got.

Speaker 3 First off, 20% off everything in the store. And there's a lot of reorders that happened.

Speaker 3 The two things that haven't quite hit yet, by the way, Deck of Daddy things, season one dice, those are a little more complicated to manufacture. Those are on the way.

Speaker 3 We expect those to hit in December. And like, honestly, real roll of the dice if it's going to get there in time for Christmas, but we're working on it.
We're doing our best.

Speaker 3 Just hard times all around for decks of things, eh? Those are coming very soon, but a bunch of other restocks hit, including the Odyssey Satan hat, which is a perennial favorite.

Speaker 3 We also have the last of our Doer Dice tour merch and once it's gone it's gone follow our social dungeons and dads on twitter to know what's happening we can also follow our patreon we're really excited about uh we're doing a little digital download pack we're calling now that's what i call daddies volume one which is just a little sampler of some patreon stuff to just give you an idea of what goes on we've had some requests from people to be like oh what's it like want some of the higher tiers if you're already a patron and some of the people who are outside of patreon who are you know wanting to dip their toes into it without committing.

Speaker 3 Well, here's your chance. That's going to be all at store.dungeonsandads.com.

Speaker 3 If you wish to support the podcast directly you can do that too that's patreon.com slash dungeonsandads hours and hours of bonus content and by the way good news for those of you who are supporters of the patreon and who listen to the audio on spotify we've created official easy to use playlists of all of our audio content all divided up you can find all the uncuts the audio and bics obviously the video ones won't play in uh spotify our mini series our bonuses talking dad teen talk all of it in an easy to navigate playlist go dungeonsandy.com click on patreon at the top and then there's a little faq link to some some Spotify playlists that you can add to your account.

Speaker 3 That website, once again, dungeonsandy.com, merch store.dungeonsandias.com. Thanks for listening.
Our next episode is coming at you December 5th. We will see you then.

Speaker 3 way.

Speaker 4 I just rolled Sense Motive and I got a natural one.

Speaker 6 So normal's gonna.

Speaker 25 I don't know what normal does with that.

Speaker 6 Yeah, you'll never know if he was telling the truth or not.