S3 Ep. 34 - The Two BB Problem

Hi, folks. It's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

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Dungeons Dice is brought to you this week by Bombus. I've mispronounced Bombus in the past, and now I'm here to atone for it with another ad read.

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I'm wearing them right now. How do your feet feel, dude?

Right now, my feet feel incredible. You've been doing a lot of running.
I have.

I've been training for a marathon, and these little piggies want to go to market have you been using the bombus running socks with sweat whipping and and impact cushioning technology i have yes and they're so good

nice and ski socks too by the way so after you're done running up the hill they have ski socks they have ski socks shut the frick up okay Do you know how they have fingerless gloves for like cool hacker guys?

Do they have fingerless socks? Oh, you're talking about like the toes pop out?

Yeah, like I want to go into like a cyber cafe with my fingerless gloves on and then I got my Birkenstocks and I got some toeless socks to go with them. Do you know what I mean?

I think you're onto something, Will. Because my heels get cold, but my piggies want to wiggle.
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Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the description.

Welcome to Podsafe Zuzel. I'm John Papro.
I'm John Lovett. I'm Dan Pfeiffer.
I'm WVTOR. Hey, we've got all four bros on the pod today.
It's a real lassie Lone Ranger crossover.

I was going to say Lucy meets Superman, but you do you. Does that make me Superman in this metaphor? Dan, I always got more of a Mrs.
McGillicuddy vibe from you. Wow.

Don't know whether to be flattered or insulted by that. Lots to talk about today.
The anti-Zuzel resistance just can't stop taking L's.

We'll talk about the capture of the guttural screams, reactions to Monday's execution of Scrippy. Hey, remember that guy? He's the Mrs.
McGillicutty of the Guttural Screams, right?

Wait, does that make me the Scrippy of this pod? Ouch. Tough blow, Dan.
We'll also talk about Speaker Kelsey's erratic behavior at the execution ceremony.

Then we'll discuss how Dems should respond to a new Time Sienna poll that shows the party 10 points underwater with Gen Z, which is, of course, the nickname for the first generation of voters born under the reign of Lord Zunzel.

Yeah, it's not great, John. But first, today's presenting sponsor is Zip Recruiter.

Zip Recruiter is the number one heretic hunting service that Zuzelites use to turn dissidents into drooling devotees.

Use promo code PodSave to get a free sacrificial dagger with which you can call forth the minions of Zip and scour the mines of Apostates in your area today.

All right, when we come back, Borgoth the High Torturer comes by the pod to talk with Tommy about when and if we'll ever be released from this pod.

Yeah, I sat down and had a really insightful conversation with Borgoth. Good news, he's letting us out of the pod.
Bad news, he's moving us into a smaller pod that's infested with rats. No!

Learn up, come on, this sucks. This is very good.

Come on, Borgoth. Be aware of this.
We can't get wrapped around the axle here. There's got to be a better way to run around.

The pod is horrible.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. This is a Peachy podcast, season four, the Peachyville horror.
Peacey the four.

I'm really upset. Imagine a pizza place going to Peachville.
Did you guys talk about some people that were not? You guys didn't talk about this? No, I'm okay, both. Freddie Wong is sick today.

Freddy's out with a cold. So, you know,

thoughts and pressure, Freddy. Question here.
What did you do last episode that

wronged Will so deeply that he was trying to do it? I was just trying to be funny, guys. I was just trying to keep you on your toes.
I'm just what is the Peachyville podcast about?

It's about four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America. Hey, they say dress for the job that you want.
And Freddie and I kind of have a similar drip going on today.

So you want to be Freddy? I thought I wanted to be. You want to, in the last few episodes of this, be like, Freddie, you're DMing now.
I'm playing Blink.

I'd like to see you carry that heavy mantle. I just want to be Freddy.
I think he's so cool. I mean, we all have to.

Yeah, he's a good inspiration. Straight up, I wake up, I take a piss, I look at myself in the mirror, I'm like, nice.

I've told you that my daughter has asked my wife why she didn't marry uncle freddie before she really yeah

she's like why didn't you marry uncle freddie amazing

uncle freddy's the best uncle these girl look at that freddie um all right

he hangs the crown i cannot wear it you freddie was not okay with her saying that by the way let's be clear uh my name is freddie wong i play blake lively the liveliest plumber this side of the mississippi the mississippi what's happening wait wait we're back in in Peachyville, Matt.

We're back to Blake's normal accent. Is that what you're trying to argue? We'll start like this, and you have this accent.
This is insane. I'm straight up wondering, like, am I okay?

Like, are we okay? Like, am I. The left side of your face is drooping, but not

like, what's happening? Do you smell toast, Matt? Imagine if you worked in a toast factory, huh?

That'd be funny. Ah, yes, the toast factory.
God, everyone's in there being like, am I having the stroke? Every lunchtime. Everyone's like,

what if we pre-toasted it for you?

They don't call it fast. They call it fast.
Well, that must be what they're doing with eggos. Also, is there a toast? You do have to toast eggos.
Wait, right. I know, but they're making them before.

You just got to heat them up. You don't buy toast.

You buy bread. You thank you, Matthew.
You buy bread. And then you make the toast.
A waffle is made in a waffle maker, inherently a toasting kind of object.

And then you buy a box of eggos and put it in your freezer, and then you put it in the toaster, and then your eggos are or the microwave.

And if Freddie had mentioned the eggo smell, I would be on your side. I'm just just saying.
It's a fascinating insight into the breakfast habits of one Beth May.

Dude, if your face is drooping and you smell eggos, that's a problem. I think that would be a good way to go, actually.
You haven't had enough eggos, baby. Let's do a park.
I play Cyrus.

I'm playing Blake with it all making me feel high. I don't know what's happening.
I play Blake Lively, the plumber of the group.

The no-nonsense, straight talking, straight shooting, bad swimming plumber of the group. This week's Blake Fact, the moment we entered Peachyville airspace,

his little communicator watch went beep beep beep beep, which means that his underground bunker underneath his residence is still there. And I'm not gonna, that's it, Will.

His cool underground bunker is still there. Will, what are you gonna do about it, huh? This is why I should have just kept playing you.
I'm Freddie Wong, and that's not real.

Hey, everybody, my name is Matthew Arnold, and I play Kelsey Grammar. Peachyville's happiest and snappiest school mom.
And you know what she always says? What? Brothers are like books.

They're easy to read.

Wow. She can read her brother like a book.
A little fact about Kelsey is she has never done any drugs whatsoever. And she refuses to.
She will never do any drugs.

No coffee? Nice. No, I mean, she'll coffee, drink, and smoke, but like she will not do any drugs.

Drug is such a nebulous label. Yeah.
Is she doing any of those like little zippers they were doing in the 50s? No, absolutely. What about no tropic? Those weren't drugs.

Those are just to help a housewife get through her day, Matt. What's Kelsey's nootropic stack?

This is a nice whiskey and five packs of cigarettes. Okay.
But no drugs.

I only never heard someone reference nootropic stacks as much as you can. I know.
I really love it. It's like your cellar door.

I love it.

I could feel the fucking quake in the force when that guy had all those nootropics in the fucking episode of the rehearsal. I could feel it's bodies radiating out.

There should be a first-person shooter where you get all that. Like you get have your nootropic stacks.
I just want to remake Scarface, but it's about no tropic stacks. I'm Anthony Birch.
I play Mr.

Asvarsworth, the kid that's doing his best. And my Francis Fact, well, actually, I have a first, a sort of, it's not a Francis Fact, it's just Anthony Fact.

I think I mentioned this on the previous episode, but I started a new podcast called Gumshoes and Dragons.

And if you're listening to this now, that means the most recent episode that came out has Beth as our guest murderer. So if you want to hear Beth

as our guest murderer, you were on a different episode

in the one with us. Yes, and in the future, all the daddies will show up.

I remember I had the worst stomachache when recording that episode, and I was just trying to act like a normal person, but I was like, oh, my tummy. I mean, you were funny.

Yeah, you're probably still so funny, though. Yeah, it's funny.
Tummy, funny. Funny tummies.
That's Anthony's fact.

Francis' fact is that because he's now afraid of sinning, I realize I have to like do way less things with him because I think Francis thinks most things are sin. Oh, no.
He can't lie. He can't covet.

He can't beat off. He can't.
Oh, that's obvious. Like the second he saw the big dick in the ocean, he can't beat off.
Beating off is usually covered by not coveting. Oh.
What? What are you?

I mean, you're usually covered something while you're beating off. Yeah, or you're just, you know, jorking it to your wife.
Just think about your wife and you're jerking it.

Well, Francis is not jerking off to his wife. So we're going to not be doing that.
That's my fact. Yes.
Hi. My name is Beth May.

Babe.

Hi, Scrippy. Aren't you dead? Yes, but I've risen again.
Oh, I always believed you would.

My name's Beth May, and I play Trudy Trout, a homemaker robot and mother of one beautiful child. Fun fact about Trudy is that she was actually banned from the Peachyville hot dog eating contest.

The problem is she just takes mega bites.

That's good. Good one.
That's good. Saving the best for a last.
Holy shit. She came back.

I was sitting on that for like a week and a half and I was like, ooh, I finally got a good one. Yeah, two days ago, Beth was telling me, like, it's going to fuck you up.
That's what this one is.

She fucking set it up for me and it's still delivered. Hi, everyone.
I'm Freddie Wong. I run this podcast.

Freddie. I'm the boss of Rocket Jump.
I'm the boss of the podcast. I'm a cool guy.
I drive a van. I'm, you you know, like, I'm just the coolest dude.
I'm a joker. I'm a smoker.

Today I'm playing the part of Will Campos, who is the dungeon keeper of this game. Dungeon keeper.
You're so tired, guys. Why are you tired? You did this to yourself.
I'm tired. What's going on?

Eat some more drinks, Will. Sleep.
Will you sleep? Sam sleep. I'm so tired.
Your children here are awake and ready to play with you, daddy. Will.
Come on. Slam for Celsius energy.

I've been ripping black coffees all morning. I literally just.
Slam four Celsiuses at the neutral.

Look at this shit, Freddy. I literally

like one of those people that lights their cigarette with another cigarette. I'm trying.
Will trying my best. Will's poured the dredges of his Starbucks into his McCafe.
Dude, I'm on that McCafe.

Listen, you know you're in that dad life. I literally go to McDonald's and order a single black coffee.
Oh, my God. My creepy fact today is inspired by Eggos.

Did you guys know that in the 1950s, Eggos had a name so disturbing that to even invoke it now will render your brain in twain. So get ready.

Does this mean that you didn't have a scary fact ready until Beth said Eggos? That's what's so scary about this fact.

Was it just called waffles? They were called frothles.

Frozen.

I like that. I like that.
Bring it back. Bring back the fruffle.

I wonder if you could do that now because they didn't use the name. So could you just start a frozen waffle called fruffles? Maybe.
That's really good. That's fine.

Maybe I should have named it frothles instead of Zuzel. Oh, well.
Fruffles. Fruffles.
But they're not frozen when you eat them. That That was probably what the

Addison, Madison Avenue fucking ad genius who fucking shot their shit down told them. They're not frozen when you eat them, though.

It's like when uncrustables say you can't microwave them, but you absolutely can. Yeah.
Legally, we can't. We just play.

That's the opinion. Matt does.

The uncrustable opinions of Beth May are not. I'm a professional, so don't do this.
Don't do it. You're an uncrustable professional.
I'm a professional. Look, I know how much.

I pay Matt to eat uncrustables.

I know how much molten sugar my mouth can handle. It's 12 seconds max.
It depends on the microwave. So those are throwing numbers.
So those are throwing numbers out there, Beth. For my microwave.

For your microwave. Dude, this is a good thing.
So go up with your doctor to see if microwave and uncards are right for you.

That's not how microwaves work, but whenever they're like hit that pop-top for five seconds, I'm like, but it needs time to warm up.

Like, it needs to get the little magnets in there going to get spun up first. That's not faster than you.
You got to preheat your microwave, I thought. We have a job to do here.

Yeah.

when last we left our crew you were back in peachyville skulking about the town in an attempt to reach project heartland because you now have the three keys yeah you need to open the door that may have kelsey's brother john behind it who told kelsey in an alternate universe that he has a plan to save peachyville

and the world the third way third way the green ending a mass effect. Yeah, it's a real Andrew Yang, straight down the middle, third-party solution to our

solution. It's all UBI.
The horrible problem you and the country find themselves in. And it's definitely going to work.

We were skulking through town, sneaking around when you came across Shane Silva Jr. being dragged.
Small Shane Silva.

Dragged into a van and hauled off by a bison goon squad. And then in the van, you spotted one Milton.

And then went to go rescue him, had a crazy gunfight, killed everybody, opened the door, found Milton in there along with BB. But what's this?

You already saw BB earlier doing something else. And then she's on the radio talking to you.
And she's in the car. There's two BBs this week on Dungeons and Daddies.
To BB or not to BB.

Also, you all leveled up. Yeah.
Whoa, what?

I think that's the second time we've leveled up. It's been a while.
You know, you guys got to ask me about it. I'm sorry.
I did it. I remember.
So you just roll and you go higher.

You get to roll more. You have to roll D10 and add that many points.
Yeah. But it's to your.

I'm sure you guys have all been. I have.
I have. I have.
I put little marks. We got little check marks.
Does that mean that our hit points are back to full? No, you know, this isn't like that.

This isn't that kind of game. But that is my favorite.
Not to make this about video games, but every time I level up in an RPG, if I don't get all my health back, I'm mad.

Like every day, every time you level up, you get your health back. Dude, this is bullshit, dude.
I passed all of them and every single one. It was like one, two.
Still something?

Yeah, there you go.

Good thing i got more points in swimming i failed on quite a few of these i got three extra points though both in fighting brawl and in spot hidden but then some of the easier ones i should have gone i did not get like persuade i did not get any psychology i got one my spot hidden is now 47 matt my spot hidden is 53 baby oh you and me dude yeah

it's a d10 for every seal we've used no no no you roll a d100 and then if it's higher than the number that you currently have so like my library use is 70. I rolled 32, so I don't get anything.

If I rolled above a 70, then after that, you roll a D10, and then that number is what you get. Anybody got anything cool from their leveling up? I got a couple points here and there.

I got eight points into Fighting Brawl. Eight points in Fighting Brawl? When are you at? I'm at 78.

You're better at fighting Brawl

than I am. I got a lot of unchecked rage, apparently.
Dang, dude. I got nine points in firearms.
Wow.

Scrut. I did get 10 points in locksmithing.
Remember when I tried to open the car door? No. When we were at the library with Brian.
That's how long it's been since we've leveled up. Matt, don't worry.

I got plenty of locksmithing. So now I'm at 11 on locksmithing.
I got 10 points. I got 11.
I think you're only supposed to do it if you succeeded at the skill, but we'll give it to you. Oh, really?

Yeah, that's fine. I thought it was an attempt.

I got it wrong, but it's fine. Don't worry about it.
Trudy is a good one. This is house rules.
This is what

will play. I got two extra on first aid.
I failed in drive auto. I failed in fast talk, which is sad because I have five in fast talk and I rolled a a two.
Oh, no. I got a fast talk.

And then finally, swimming, I have a 20 and I rolled an 11.

That's the last one. These are these great rolls if we were actually doing stuff, man.
It's true. I got some points here and there.
Oh, wow.

I don't think we're going to swim again. Whenever I pass the 100 check and I do the 110, I've been getting like nines and 10s.
It's crazy. Awesome.

Oh, I've only run three times, but it's still, it's just crazy. I got two nines and a 10.
Awesome. We're more powerful.
You guys are slightly more powerful. A little more pep in the step.

You got a little more spring in your your step. So, yes, where we left off, Matt took out the last guy right as he was grabbing the radio and said, we need help.
We're under attack.

Blake was in the middle of curb stomping everybody outside when he heard the squawk of the radio and then was talking to one BB on the radio while the rest of you were in the back looking at another BB sitting next to Milton, who is, I believe, bound and gagged, going,

Hello, team. BB has some things to report.
Wait, what? Is she on the radio right now? Yes.

But there's a.

Put her on speaker. Put her her on louder radio turn the radio up i turn it up bb

okay i'm trying to think the speaker is in the front of the camera we'll say you guys can hear it and so i'm gonna have to share it

like the whole roll down the thing

okay listen

hello it's me condor one i'm here with i can't believe we said your code name was cool guy but i'm here with cool guy robot son we just left weird kids' house and there was no sign of weird kid where are you condor two weird kids here weird Kid's with you?

Is he okay? Melton, are you okay? There's Miriam Kiddie. And so is Condor 1.
What do you mean, so is Condor 1? Why is BB here?

We have BB at home.

Say something only the real BB would know. So you see your BB, not your BB, you see the BB in the car.

We'll send your BB. We'll send your BB.
This is our BB.

Well, considering the noise he's making now, I don't know if that's true.

Roshi's bounding gagged. Okay, okay.

Condoring each other. Condor one, hold, hold, call back in five minutes.
Click.

Team, we have a dilemma.

There appears to be two BBs. But how would we know which one is the real BB? I barely know that.
I have an idea. Yeah, go.
We'll say to this BB,

what is your code name? Well, she's. Okay, we're fine.

Oh, someone needs to get the tape. I take the gag off.
Code name, what are you talking about, Blake? What's going on? Tape back on. No, no, no, no, no.

When was the Switch made? Is the question? Listen, listen, here's what we know for sure. This BB does not know her code name.
Yes. Okay, BB, what is your greatest fear? Taboff?

Well, my greatest fear is communism. Tabon.
Tabon. Okay, ask the other one what's their greatest fear?

But we don't know the answer.

I know, I don't know what's just see it because we know BB well. Okay, okay, okay.
Condor one. Condor one.
Yes, this is Condor One. Is everything okay? Need to verify identity, Condor one, quickly.

What is your greatest fear? My greatest fear is the forces of America succumbing to the evils of communist Russia. Okay,

Condor 1, hold, hold. Okay, wait, I'm just waiting.
I hang up on Condor One. What if neither of them is the bad BB?

You're suggesting a like if you were to trap your parents by making them think that you're the... What are you talking about? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, right.

True, BB, do you have a twin we don't know about? Tape off. No.
Okay, I'm going to go.

I'm just saying. In the background, you see Shane Silva is like, hey, guys, I can't help but feel like, can we, should we go? Oh, yeah.
Should we go somewhere? Yes.

Yeah, like start driving while we're doing this conversation. Yeah, we'll figure this out at speed.
Yeah. Yes.
Very well. My personal communicator has indicated.

Did you lose a leg too, man? Yeah, same Z's. Oh, my God.

Unfortunately, the same side as you, though, so we can't do the cool three-legged race thing where we have like one big gap between our legs on either side. Oh, that's too bad.

Hey, you know, there's like, I meet up with some guys now that are like us, you know, that lost limbs and stuff, you know, like it's like a kind of a support group.

Everyone come, come like you're you're more than welcome i think i'm good you sure and he puts a hand on your shoulders you sure oh jesus this escalated i had an idea with bibi i don't want to think about these people

let's talk to bibi yes bibi

my personal communicator has indicated that we are within range of my armory

i will drive to my house drive towards your house that's good that's a good idea trudy what were you saying I'm just saying that, you know, Tucker made a lot of Trudies and the previous Trudy wasn't less Trudy than I am, Trudy and so I'm wondering if BB is either a robot or you know I've seen some pretty silly things.

What if she's a clone?

Team quick question. Are we stopping for stoplights now or are all the rules

very well? The fucking streets are basically updated.

I blow through a red. We own these streets.

Can we ask

you odds of getting in an actual remember there's a curfew. There's like no cars around

red lights. There's a curfew though dot dot dot in a town with very few people and also there is a curfew the odds of being involved in a fatal crime 2.76

all right if we roll uh three or lower you're gonna get t-boned by another car it feels like we get an advantage for that because you know it's quiet well no because that's the average statistic which would factor in all situations

fair enough fair enough oh an 11.

all right

close call literally close call team baby we should stop for red lights

only a three percent chance you can keep rolling that dice that's good We can take that forever. Nothing will ever happen.
So I have an idea with BB. Okay.
I pulled off BB's gag.

Francis, are you okay? Are you alright? Where are you?

Just put the gag back on BB. This is not BB.

She was nice to me.

I take the gag off. I'll go to the radio.
Watch. Watch.
Condor one.

Yeah, what? This is Francis. Okay.

How you doing? What do you what's going on, Francis?

Oh, that's a pretty good. That's pretty good.
Yeah.

You have discerned who the real BB is.

Okay, well, let's take it.

She is so hard to understand.

So she can talk. I suppose, but I think even if we are pretty sure which one is the good or the bad, I think there's a danger in removing one from.
Trudy, you need to fucking cool it with these.

She could be both. Both of them could be good.
I can barely comprehend that one is evil and one is good. And now you're telling me there are third options? That's fucking crazy, Trudy.

Maybe they're different dimensions. There's multiple options.
I'm sorry, Blake. I didn't mean to.
I have to apologize to him. He's going to send it to you.

It's like you're playing fucking tiny height laser eyes. Trudy, Trudy, his outburst had nothing to do with you, okay? Blake's having problems.
Okay.

Well, I will review it. There's another meeting out there.
Okay. Trudy, look, I'm sorry.
I'm just, it's been a really crazy day. I'm sorry.

I was a little happy to see Francis. I'm not proud of it.
And now that he's being a big jerk about it, I don't, I don't care. Uh-huh.
Let's just park and let her out on the corridor.

We don't have to like do stuff violent to her. Just fair.
I don't want her around. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

But you guys, you understand what you just walked into, right?

What do you know? No. What do you know?

Look, this is how they grabbed me. I was skulking around.
I was digging through the bushes. I was jumping in ditches.
I was hiding under cars. And I was looking around.

And I was like, And when were you before that? That's what I've been doing while you guys have been gone. I've been bounding the pavement.
I've been looking for clues.

I've been trying to figure out what the bisons are up to. And I think I did.
And were you around Timmy while you were doing that? You have Timmy? Timmy's here?

So this goes back further than we thought. This goes all the way to the top.
Look, don't you wonder what's going on with this van? Okay, tell us from your perspective.

As far as I can figure it, this is what I've learned. Red light!

Oh no, BB wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I know, she flew through the window.
The bison. I know she's got tentacles coming out of her nose.

The bisons are desperate to find a seed candidate so that they can raise Zuzel and fight whatever's going on out there. I'm going to say, we knew that and push her out of the car.

So their plan is: look, here's what I learned. The seed candidate has to have three qualities.
They have to have a great wound, carry a strange burden, and they have to win a mighty battle.

So they've been putting this list together. Remember, I got this list?

They put this list together of people that qualify for the first two categories, and they're dragging them all together, and they're going to throw them all into this horrible battle royale against each other.

And whoever the last one is left standing, last one left alive, that's going to be their candidate because they'll have just won this great victory. And it's going down tonight at Bison HQ.

So it's like a super fight. If we believe that this is the real BB, it is a superfight, yes.
But also, a way to solve that would be to stop the car and let all these people out. That's true.

Well, how would that solve anything? These are all they can't collect them and take the BBC. These are the seed candidates? This isn't all the seed candidates.
This is some of them. Yeah, okay, yeah.

There would be less seed candidates. Yeah, but we should.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Then nobody knows that this van has been taken, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, what do you mean? Well, the radio went off.
Somebody radioed for back. Yeah,

but they don't know what happened. Okay.

I'm sure they think it was something normal. Well, I don't know, but look, all I'm saying is

we have an opportunity here to sneak into whatever's going on and stop it. Okay.
Wait a minute. BB, you said less candidates.
Real BB would know the end. The word is fewer.
Fewer.

Throw her out of the car.

Nobody's throwing BB out of the car. We're not just throwing a child out of the car, okay? Even if this may be a bad, evil BB, or maybe a good one, or maybe a neutral one, like Drudy made.

Well, how do you know the other BB is out there?

What is the other?

What happened with the other BB? We don't know yet. Where did you meet this other BB? She showed up when we got here.
Where did you find her? Where did we find her? At Dr. Dogs?

What was she doing at Dr. Doggs? She was doing BB stuff too.
She was just scrounging around looking for stuffing the pavement. She had the key? And she gave it to us.

Which is not something the Bisons would do. Which is not something the Bisons would do.
How do you know that key is? Where's the key? How do you know it's real? I don't know where it is.

Yeah, we don't know if we have the thing. You just said you have it.
How do you know? Don't worry about it. I didn't have it.
I said she had it. We are not 100% certain about UBBs.

Very very exciting people. Look, all I'm saying is it seems pretty suspicious that this other BB was just there with, she could be leading you into a trap or something like that.

That's all I'm saying. I mean, she was doing the stuff that we asked her to do, and she showed up at Dr.
Doggs, which was a good place where the

suggestions for a future course of action, unlike you. Wait a minute.
Here's a question. She was with Timmy.
Team. Yes.
Question.

Why would the bisons tie and gag up a fake BB? For exactly the reason that we think. Yes, but they are not expecting to be beaten ass by us.

Are you sure? Do you think that they parked it for the express purposes of getting ass beat? I mean, maybe for express purposes of like luring us in. No, that's true.
This seems.

Although there would have been more people to ambush us if that were the case, so maybe not.

I'm just worried that if there is a nefarious BB out there, she's with my son. Timmy.
So when you say that, you hear the radio come on again.

It's Condor One. Hi, I know you said to just wait, but I'm just like a little freaked out.
What's going on?

Condor one. What the fuck? What happened to radio discipline? Condor one, put Timmy on, please.

Okay, cool kid, robot mom, wants to talk to you.

Hello? Hey, mom, what's up? Wait, I don't think we should be on here. Like, this is an open channel.
Well, then we will speak in code. Yes.

10101. 0001100011.
Mom, I'm non-binary. You don't know anything about me.

Fucking wow.

I just want to say thank you for trusting me with that information. Okay, well, what's going on?

And are you safe?

No, because we're running around and crazy stuff's going on, but I'm tough and I can fucking handle myself. So everybody's pretty much safe wherever I go.

Yes. I hate to tell you this, but if they can double BB, they can also double Timmy's voice.
And Timmy? What's the name of your dog? Why don't we pick up Timmy and BB? Yes.

That way, at least everybody's together. Oh, my God.
Yes, and we can put them on a jar and shake it up, and whoever comes out is the good one.

Also, it'd be good to discuss because BB Ender, taking you at face value, stopping this fight's good, but we may also have a third way. I think finding my brother, John.

She doesn't even know the details. Finding...
You found John? Did you say this? You found John? You found your brother?

No, I said finding, which would imply I haven't found, and he's always in my heart.

But it sounds like you found him. It sounds like he was in your heart.
But it's been so long since I've seen him that sometimes I can only remember.

Look, look, all I'm saying is we don't even know if there actually is is a fucking big roundup of people fighting each other. And so, that might be a good thing.

Condor two, stand by, we're coming to pick you up. Well, where are they? Condor one and Timmy.
Oh, sorry. I then forgot the

okay. Where are you? We're coming to get you.
We were just coming over to find you guys. Where are you? Where are you right now? We'll come and get you.
We're at McDonald's, okay? Okay. Not hungry.

No, that's. They're probably still making those burgers we ordered forever ago.
Yeah, they were just sitting out. They're got really cold.
All right, get three. No, hurry.

Get 14 happy meals and we'll be there. Okay.

Can you pay for it? Uh-huh. Yeah.
Wait, 14 happy meals? There's seven people here.

No, there's four. No.

Teen happy meals. Yeah,

every bag has a free hand.

You get a big pen and a hand job. Can't you imagine the dogs did that, dude? You get a fucking vap and a handy.

Doug has to make me comment also a hand job meal.

Today is a staying in kind of night. Oh, my God.
14. I'm loving it.
Okay, we'll be right there. There's 11 people in this vehicle.
They're all hungry. Wow, it sounds crowded in there.

Tell you what, gives me a BB. Let's just say, whatever you are going to order, order two.

Tell you what, gives a whole new meaning to the word grimace shake.

You.

You indeed.

So we just put the gag back on the BB.

We'll figure this out in a moment. Okay.
Blake, is that okay? Can we, on the way to your bunker or whatever, can we stop by McDonald's McDonald's to get Debian BB? I have McDonald's at home, but

what?

Does bunker have a McDonald's? Yes, underground. I have an entire McDonald's franchise, and I just kept built it, but I don't have the people to run it.
So we should stop at this McDonald's.

Okay, no one's running shit till you get to McDonald's. Nope, we're being quiet, but we run three red lights.

Roll them, baby. Roll them.
I think that's a fair number.

63. Nice.

Smooth sailing. 56.

Nobody's going through. We're getting closer.
We're getting closer to you. 56 twice.
Whoa.

You went through the same. You went in a circle.
I know.

89.

Smooth. Smooth sailing.
I don't know why we ever stopped for this. Yeah.

It's only 3% of the time.

I don't know if this is the lesson we should be taking from this situation. It's not a lesson.
It's just an observation.

I'm observing that it's super cool to run red lights all the time. All right.
You roll up to the McDonald's. The lights are off.
It's closed because of the town curfew.

Wait a minute. BB lied to us.
There's old raccoons eating through a big, old, stale bag of burgers. They don't have teen happy meals.
You're not getting hand jobs.

One of those raccoons might be.

What does a raccoon sound like when it's getting a hand job? Yeah, exactly like that. That's how it sounds.
I thought it was in a hand. You know what I sound like?

Condor one. And then you see like a little glint in the bushes, like someone's signaling you with a little cool signal mirror.
Put your hands up unless you're giving someone a handshake.

In which case, keep going.

Don't even think about it. Finish.
You see, four hands come up, and Timmy and BB emerge from the bushes. Okay, hop in.
Hop in? Yeah. Okay.
Where's the food? It's really crowded back here.

Should we let some of these people go? Do we need the rest of these people to go? No, we gotta keep everybody. It's dangerous.
All these other people.

Have you released it behind the gaps of everybody?

I turn everybody's like, sorry, I didn't mean to speak for you. If you would like to go, you're free to leave, except for you, Bibi.
And Miltonisha Pai, stay with us.

Everybody else, you're free to go. Or if you want to stay with us, you can stay with us.
Oh, I think that's hi. My name is.
I don't care who you are. You can just go or stay.

Yeah, you shut the fuck up. I'm Tom Fitzwallitz, and I think we should all stay.
Because if this little girl is a doppelganger, then maybe one of us is evil too. You never know.

They could have put it. But why should you stay? Because,

hey, I'm on your side. I don't cot into these.
bison fellas, and I think we should stop them. Oh, this guy's right.
Everybody, you're staying and you're gagged now.

This guy brought this idea up. You all could have left, but now you don't like it.
There's who to blame. That's too risky.
Tom's like,

and now everyone is glaring at Tom. We have towels and bars of soap in the back if you need to, you know, what? Full middle jacket him.

Oh, God.

Francis, those are socks, Francis. No, they're all everybody's gagged, except for now.
We ungag Gigi, Gigi.

We ungabe.

We ungablish.

Okay.

He's like, head to your bunker and then we'll solve this. Condor one BB enters.
Oh, no. I should have known you guys would have brought me fucking.
Why did I think this wasn't going to happen?

Condor one BB steps into the back of the van and goes like, all right, what's the big, what the hell? And right as she says that, tied up, BB, he's like, what the hell?

And they're like, hey, what are you, but you're me. But how? What are you doing? What are you, but you're me? And they just both glare at each other.

It's like, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, stop saying okay, stop saying okay, stop saying okay. Bibi.
And then Condor One Beebie's like,

let him cook.

We don't need to be involved in this. Can I speak to you all outside for a moment?

No, let's do it. You can speak to half of us.
I think anything you can say to that BB, you can say in front of the BB.

Anything you can say out loud, you could say to yourself. I will just say this to the group.
BB, you are the greatest detective this world has ever known. So, like, how did this happen?

Whoever figures it out survives.

Yeah, at the very least, we're getting the better detective. There's no reason to be coy about anything because of that.

Condor 1B is like, I have a way to prove that I, without a a doubt, am the real BB. You should do it then.
How do you feel about that? The other BB.

I'd like to see her try because I'm the real BB, so it's going to be impossible. Very strong, not real BB energy coming from this one.

Condor One BB is like, Look, in my many adventures, in my many ratings of many pulp comic books, I've prepared for such an eventuality as this, a doppelganger situation. Here's what I can offer you.

Such a regular BB thing to say. Kind of, yeah, honestly, yeah.
In my treehouse at home, I have

in a little cubby in a corner in a little knotted gnarl of a tree in a little secret spot, I have written down a 23-digit number that I have committed to memory. Jesus fucking Christ.

I know what that number is. So if you go retrieve that number, I can recite it from the top of my head and prove to you that I am the real BB because only the real BB would know that.

This could be a trap to get other trials.

Exactly. Hello.
This is obviously a trap, guys. Other BBC.
Where's not buying this? Are you? I'm pretty sure you're not really BB because you were nice to me. That's what I'm going to do.

other bb where is your 23 digit number don't have one because that's crazy what are you talking about if i was a fake bb and i knew that there's a chance there'd be a doppelganger situation like this i would plan something weird somewhere that i could say only i know this bb has parents right uh most people tend to yeah i mean like a live oh okay yeah they're alive yeah yeah oh no don't call my parents condor one bb says don't call my parents don't call my parents don't call my parents that's either real Twitter or so steamed if they know I'm out.

They told them that I was like, I have an elaborate setup in my room room to make them think I'm sleeping. Both of you say what you think something only your parents would know.

Again, we don't know anything about this parent. There's no control in these experiments.

No, I know, but if we call, unless they have a doppelganger parent, we'll call the mom or dad and ask them the question and see what they say. Okay.

And theoretically, only the real BB would know something from like when, give me something that happened when you're like six years old that only your parents would know.

Something that would happen when only I was six years old.

Okay, your parents should remember. Okay.
And whisper that to me, the keeper of secrets. Yes.
Whisper it to Blake. Whisper it to Blake.
Yes, so that the two BBs can't hear.

Both BBs are going to whisper one at a time into Freddy's ear. Yeah.
For that, I need the rest of you to leave the room. Oh, but I'm going to have Blake tell us what they said anyway.
Yeah, I know.

He's going to do some fucked up shit. Clearly.
Why do they come back and Freddy's dead?

Will killed Freddy. No, guys, leave the room.
Okay, all right. They want you to leave.
Leave. All right.
Matt, Matt, leave. You want the full leaving the room.

All right. I'm happy with that.
Will is. You want the full leave of the room.
Oh, oh. Will's already taking off his belt.
I can't even hear it. See, I can't even hear what you're saying.

I can't even hear what you're saying. Yeah, well, I'll come out and get you guys.

Okay, Freddie. Now we change clothes, and then when they come back, I'm sitting where you sit.

Okay, here's what happens. First, the BB that is standing up.
The BB from outside whispers into your ear. The BB that we sent on the mission.
Yes. And it's coming back.

The BB that you sent on the mission is coming back. She whispers in your ear.

She says, okay, Mike, I've never told this to anybody before, but I actually think there are a lot of things about communism that make sense, and that's what scares me the most about it.

And I asked my parents for my sixth birthday for the collected writings of Antonio Gramsci, who's the Italian Marxist philosopher.

He's just, he's got a lot of really great ideas, and I think they make sense over here. BB.
And then the other. Never tell anybody what you have told me.

The other BB whispers in your ear, and I'm going to need you. The interior BB.
Interior BB whispers in your ear. Interior BB and interior BB.
Exterior BB, interior BB.

Interior BB whispers in your ear, and I'm going to need you to make a POW roll.

I think I know which one's a Bingo Vinga one.

42, that's a super success. Super success.
What's yours POW score? 84. Okay, her POW is an 80.
I'm going to have her roll.

Okay.

So

you win the POW roll. Nice.
But I'm going to tell you what happens. Oh, no.

She whispers in your ear, you are under my command.

You will tell them that I said the exact same thing that the other BB just said to you. And now, BB, don't tell anybody what you just told me.

But I won the power roll, so what does that mean here? So that means you don't fall for it. Okay, I don't fall for it.
So, yes, normally you would be under her thrall and you would say that.

Okay, okay. But now you have not.
So now we're nodded and I said, BB, do not tell anybody what you told me. We can bring everybody back in.
All right, come back. Talk about Roman.

Yeah.

It's true. All right, we're back.
back. Okay, so you see two BBs whisper in Blake's ear.
Okay.

First, the outside BB, exterior BB, as we've been calling her, whispers in his ear, and then interior BB whispers in his ear.

That's what we were calling Condor One. Yeah, Condor One.
Condor One. We were just doing it.
There's a fun little little goof for the moment. Condor 1 and tied up.

Oh, okay. I just thought I was going to make it.
Condor 1 is the one from outside.

Yeah, yeah.

And then tied up BB. Tied up BB.
And tied up BB.

Let's do that. Because they're all inside.
I mean, that's, you guys, that's a funny thing you guys came up with. But it's confusing to three of us.
Condor one of the 10,000 people listening.

Condor one and tied up BB. Okay.
Okay, Blake, what'd they say? I have heard now from both BBs.

We heard you laugh really hard. Yeah.
Okay, you can just tell us what they said now.

Condor one said something unspeakable, and I will not be repeating. What? You have to tell us.
And I will not be repeating for her own sake. Thank you.

Do we think that Blake is like the worst person to get this? Yeah.

Yeah, Blake,

I don't know why we did that. But you just have to tell us what it is because we have to call the mom.
Or you call the mom? No, we're not going to let him just call the mom because it doesn't.

I don't call the mom. I'm happy to call the mom.
I'm already distrusting Blake now. So in a second, we're about to gag Blake.
And interior BB

attempted to mind control me.

Well, that saves us a call. Tied up BB did that.
Tight up BB.

You hear

me?

It's tight up BB.

You hear the stretching of flesh behind you. Oh, I guess we can hear

cracking and bones exploding. I still think it was Condor 1.

I'll teach the contrary. And when you look to whence was BB,

you see the face of Camon Juan, Francis' mother.

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She has a wild glean in her eyes. She seems like she's seen some shit since the last time you saw her.
Her eyes sort of have like a sort of mysterious purple glow to them.

She has this half-wild smile on her face as she looks at you, Francis. And instead of her regular clothes, she's wearing like this leather robe.

But as you look at it, you realize it's stitched together out of human skin.

No.

That's what this is. Center.
Yeah, like that snuggie. In his pocket.

And center hanging on the chest of this stitched together skin robe, you see the face of your father

stretched out in this sort of skin poncho that your mother is wearing. Moisturize me.
She looks at you guys and says, Well, it was worth a try, I guess. Exterior BB, I always believed in you.

She's tied up still. She's tied up still, A.
B, I was probably looking at her the whole time because I, from the get-go, thought that she was the bad one.

And so I'm going to, you know, obviously try to throw her out and get the dad's Kelsey will help. She's just like, I pick her up by both hands.

He's put a mama from the train. He's about to chuck her out the back of the vehicle.
Yeah. As you're looking at her as well, you hear more wriggling and shifting and stretching.

And you realize that all of the people in here, other than Milton, and I guess Shane, who you saw get on the bus, they're all part of her. Like they're all one monstrous thing

sitting in the bus.

Like this was all one big body morphing spell. Cool.
And so these all these people that have been tied up and stretched, like your good buddy Tom Fitzwallis, that wanted to stay in the van.

Wanted everybody to stay in the van. So he sort of like morphs back into like a sort of fucked up flesh tentacle.
And she's sitting there pretty firmly planted down on the ground.

So she is about to go down, but yes, Frances, because you were onto her from the jump, you have a one-round surprise action on her. Although, I think everybody should have to give me a sanity roll.

Oh, yeah, I like sanity. That makes sense.
I feel like we could also easily change our plan. I don't think we're throwing her out.
I think we're just jumping. Yeah, I think we should just jump out.

Oh, yeah, that's why I wanted to finish my description.

I passed my sanity roll. I failed my sanity roll.
I fail. Okay.

I haven't said what I've done yet. Yes.

Don't you care if I've been saying?

Don't you care? 97. Oh.
Wait, is that good or bad? That's very bad. That's very bad.
Exceedingly bad. Okay, everybody failed except for Freddy.
All right, we're going to click.

I've seen this sort of thing.

It makes sense because Blake's in the front. Everyone, throw me a 1d6 Santa T.

Santa T Santa T. Not me, though.
Santa manager. Not you, Santa.
Not you, Blakeford. Fucking dude.
Blake crushed it, dude. Here we go.
One. Yes.
Okay, good.

That means you don't transpose to another dimension, man. Nice.
Clutched it. Three.
Three. Okay.
Whoa, whoa. What'd you get?

Six.

What?

Trudy, give me an intelligence role.

You ought to fail this one.

61, and my intelligence is fuck 80. Why are you so smart? Smart.
All right, we will say that give Rome another 1d6. Okey-dokey.

A six.

Okay, for the next six rounds, you have no idea who is real or who is a doppelganger or who is part of this thing or not. So you are completely paranoid.
You do not trust anybody.

Do not trust your own son. You are absolutely terrified of what's going on with everybody in this situation and you probably want to high tail it out of here.
For six rounds,

long time. Long time.
Four episodes.

Francis, we'll start with your surprise round. I think I'm going to scurry out of the car as best I can and just basically get my distance from the car at all deliberate speed.

Just push bb out on the car i'm gonna do that too i mean that's what i'm gonna do

actually i mean i feel like it doesn't make sense for me to grab somebody start moving because i have to use both hands to push myself so i can't really get anybody else but you can just like tackle b because bb's like at the door right uh yeah i suppose so i could just shove myself back hard into bb and not care that she's there and be like we're going this way now okay you can make a fighting brawl roll on bb to kick her out of the car if you want but i will say if you decide to boot her out of the car that means you will be at the edge of the car this turn instead of getting full clear of it and just so we're on the same page geography wise my thought is like it's like a paddy wagon, right?

Yes. So, like, BB was at the back of the paddy wagon with Milton, who's sitting right next to them.

Milton's like in a real the thing situation right now where he's kind of you guys are not blocking the door.

Yeah, we untied Milton, yeah, but yeah, we did like they're not blocking the door like that.

But we've got all of the sort of morphing bodies of the other people next to them, which are turning into like grabby tackle things. Yes, where are all of us in relation to this?

Uh, well, you guys all clambered in there, so you're all in the middle. Yeah, we're all in the middle.

We'll say there's enough wiggle room for you guys to shove through each other during because I don't want to do like, well, technically, you're blocking whoever.

You guys are free to move through each other's space. Yes.
No clip is on. But yes, you're all stuffed in there, and you're all one move action to clear out of there.
Give me your fighting brawl roll.

Which is now 78. Nice.
Nice, dude. 28.
You body check BB out of the van and she lands in the ground with a stud. And I say, run!

It is now. We're at the top of the turn order, and Britannica Blue has an 80 dexterity, so she's going to go

festival kid. She says, the hell I will.
And she's going going to draw her slingshot and take deadly aim at Kimone Juan. My opinions on BB's intelligence have taken a pretty precipitous nosedive.

And she missed. And we're all inside the car.
Yeah, we're just trying to run out. Well, why don't we just get in the front seat and punch it?

Yeah, that's not we have to get out of the car and get into the front seat. But didn't I roll down the window? Didn't you hear me?

I forgot that you went ooh, ooh, ooh. Blake is in the front seat.
So, what I see is I see a big fleshy thing.

Yeah, you see Kimone Juan's head in a skin poncho made out of Francis' dad, sort of draped over a thing-like abomination that is spreading across the room.

And you heard coming out spreading across the room.

You guys are all out of it. And you saw Francis jump out of the car.
Okay, so we are wearing a junk BB of the car. I'm still in the car.

We're still in the back of the car, but when it's my turn, my plan is to jump out of the car. So, you don't think I should just accelerate? Sure, that could help us get out of the car.

She's sitting next to Milton, and then her body essentially extends around the sides of the car where the six people were. Like, she doesn't fused with that.

Every action movie where there's just people in a paddy wagon, all those people turned into one thing. So, it's just a big you of flesh, and we are standing there.
You're flesh you. Yeah.

I don't know how to make it any simpler.

Yeah, yeah. So if I accelerate.
Imagine this, Freddie.

You're at a Halloween party, and it's like at a normal house, and you're dressed like a cowboy, but I'm dressed like the person riding the dinosaur, and I've got the inflatable like dinosaur on me.

Yeah. So like you could probably go through a door frame, no problem, but like I might get caught up by that dinosaur.
Yeah,

exactly.

Army was hoping that would not come back to a metaphor about the game situation.

Here's the first move. Yeah.
I'm going to accelerate. There's a knocked-out guy in there.
Use him to hold the accelerator. We'll get there.
Because did you guys leave that guy in the car?

I mean, we didn't explicitly say take him out, so I think it's up to us to decide if we took him out or not. I mean, we knocked him out in the car.

Having him in the front allows me to use the carpool lane. Hold on.

While we're running red lights. Good joke.
Good joke. I'm going to give him a constitution role.
How likely are you going to do that? He definitely wakes up while this is happening.

Okay, all right. Great.
One more person to be upset that the car's going. Okay.
So I'm going to accelerate hard. Hard.

Do I need to do a roll for that? No, just to stop on the gas? No. Yeah, yeah.
So what the goal here is to try and tumble out any loose people, my pals. Yeah, we're jumping out.

I suppose since this is all happening in a split second, can I just like hold the rest of my turn to see what happens here?

Like, cause I feel like there's probably some rolls to see who stays in the car. All right, we'll do this.
We'll accelerate. The van lurches forward.
None of you are expecting this. Yeah.

So everybody give me a dexterity saving throw. You want to fail.
You want to fail this. Do we? No.
No, because if you want to be thrown out of the van, yes, you do. Oh, I see.
I see.

Oh, nice.

Oh, wow. If I failed, I might die.

And I get

thrown out of the van somewhere in your house. Critical fail.
Okay. Critical 70, so I barely failed.
Okay, you failed. You failed.
I pass with a six. You pass with a six.

So hang on tight. Yeah, well, you're so freaked out.
You have no idea what's going on. I think Trudy is actually kind of drawn to the flesh monster because she knows it's evil, right?

But she's like, she's not sure about everybody else. And she like, it's, it's the devil she knows, rather.
So she's got a lot of people. You got magnet feet.
And magnet feet. And magnet feet.

And magnet feet, yeah.

Ooh, you got hover boots, too. So you probably get out without even taking damage.
You got magnet feet and hover boots. That's like.
I've got it all. Yeah.
She's the woman who has everything. Yeah.

You go any trade. Oh, shit.
I forgot Timmy's here, too, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Did he fly out? There's a lot of people in one van. Yeah.
So we'll say Timmy had not climbed.

He was peering in to be like, what's going on? I was like, watch the capital.

We'll say BB clonked into Timmy. Nice.

Me cute. If Milton could see it, he'd be very upset.
Oh, Milton needs to make a dexterity roll. Milton got a 13,

which is definitely a success. Unless his deck score is terrible.
But no, his deck score is.

Yes, you and Milton in there. Everyone's favorite character is in one card.
This cannot go bad.

We'll say that Milton's the only person you you trust, right? Kelsey keeps leaning over to Milton and be like, Trudy's really pretty, right? Have you ever known how pretty Trudy is?

Hey, Trudy's looking pretty hot tonight. Please stop thinking about your aunt.

Everyone knows how nice Trudy is. Trudy's a good cookie, though.
You know, I bet you'd make you cookies.

Did you know that Trudy could do everything?

Milton passed his role, so he also is like grabs the sides of the wall and stays still. Shane is going to make his dexterity roll, and he biffs it as well.
So Shane goes flying out of the van.

He's going to also take 1d4 damage. So he's going to take three damage to the face as he turfs it into the fucking ground.
Francis, you're thrown from the van.

Give me a dexterity roll to see if you land well. I don't.
Give me a 1d4 as you face plant into the dirt. And then Matt, with your 100, you are thrown.
Kelsey win. Woo!

You just like.

I take three damage. You ever see that insane Russian stunt video where the guy's like lying straight into that bus bus crit and goes flying through the bus? Yeah.
Oh, God. It's like one of those.

You just like, you look like that shot of Dwayne The Rock Johnson is Black Adam, where he's like, I'll just

mass shot from the dumb black atom.

That's what I'm talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about.
I was thinking I was like the grape crushing lady who like falls over.

Grape crushing lady. Yes.
You're yeeted, full clear. So you're going to give me a disadvantage dexterity throw to stick this landing.
Oh, 39 is the first one. Wait, who did The Rock tweet?

Like, had just died? And And it's like, R.I.P., it's a shame they won't be able to see Black Eyes.

I got two 39s. Okay, and what's your dex? And my dex is 57.
Wow. So I passed.
Oh, so people understand it's like two 39s. It's not one in a 100 chance because you only re-roll the tens number.
Yeah.

So it's got three twice. You are hurdling straight towards something very painful.
We'll say

like a 1950s sculpture of Ronald McDonald. I don't know if Ronald was.
This is the first version of Ronald McDonald when he's holding a dagger. He was a lot pointier back then.
He was a little more.

No, it's like the original diamonds guy. It was really angular.

He's all angular.

He's holding a thing of French fries, and all the French fries are sticking out.

Yes, you're hurting straight for Ronald's fries, but then you manage to stick the landing and blade pose and you skid to a halt just in front of it.

We'll see because you guys are thrown so far, it'll take you two move actions to get back to the van. Francis, it's your turn.
So I guess I'm just outside of the car now.

I'm presumably next to who else fell out. Kelsey's a little ways off behind you.
Kelsey was like that Jed and Transformers, that like cool

starscrew, that Transformer, the Jed that flew over the kid's head. It's like that.

You know that Transformer that Transformed? It's like that. It's like that.
Man, I have a lot of people who are

the Transformer who gave everything. Yeah, you're next to BB and Timmy on the ground.
Great. Okay, so I'm going to look around for another car on the street.
Maybe something that is hot wireable.

It's curfew.

Everybody is.

Presumably hiding at home. Not in the house.
With their cars inside.

Yeah, this car's on the street. Holy dunk.
Well, you see two things. You see a old jalopi on the side of the road with some old parking tickets in it, like one of those classic situations.

And with old Mr. Jalopi.
As you are casting about, you also see a pickup truck around the corner that's chock full of bisons. And it is zooming towards you.

And you remember that over the open bison radio, you told BB and Timmy to meet you at McDonald's. So it seems like that might be what's happening right now.

And they will be here in, let's say, three turns. So I look around for something better than the jalopi, but then I just turn to BB and I say, the garbage will do.

And I say, do you know anything about hot wiring cars? We got to get out of here. In there.

Hold on. Let me check my character sheet.
And then I start inching my way over as best I can. Or, you know, I put up my arm.
Hopefully BB and or Milton will decide to like help me get up.

Just with me. Timmy.
Timmy. Sorry, Timmy.
Yes. Timmy and BB take you under their arms and you are now, we'll say you all move as one unit.
So I can track less NPCs. Good.

And on your next turn, you can make it to the car and try to hot wire it. Fantastic.
Kelsey, it's your turn. This pickup truck is driving down the road towards us.

Yes, and we'll say the pickup truck's going to reach you in two turns. Okay.
Where did I fall? Like on like a lawn or something? You stopped an inch in front of the jagged.

It's like Mission Impossible 2, but with a fucking French fray right in front of your eye of Ronald McDonald and you're like right out front of the McDonald's, like right at the driveway entrance.

Is there a hose? A hose? Like, you know, like a rolled hose. Like a hose.
A hose. Like if they got to clean the parking lot at McDonald's.
Give me a luck roll. Can I do a spot hidden roll?

This is more of a luck because it wouldn't be hidden. This is just a question of are you lucky enough that there's a hose right here.
You don't have any luck roll.

But what's if I don't want the hose there?

It sounds like you do want the hose there. That's the problem, Matt, is you told me you wanted a hose.
I failed. There's no hose.
Okay, there's no hose. Is there any sort of string or rope?

Yeah, you find some yarns.

Is there like maybe a rubber cylindrical rope that you could pass water through? I mean, like, is there a chain around like a dumpster? Is there a

McDonald's has, do you know, like, those little flat droopy pendant things? Yes, that you see? Yeah.

it's got one of those it's got basically got almost like garland like a long rope running along the rim of the roof okay uh that has those little flags dangling down from it it's just a little bit of festive decor yeah i always call them like rope lights with flags rope lights with flags instead of lights can i reach it I want you to tell me how many turns it would take and then I'll decide if this is worth doing.

Since this car is driving really fast and people are unsafely the back, it was a hose. I want to stretch this thing across the road.

I was going to use my turn to run because it's like you get 30 feet. I was going to run across the road and tie it to the other side or something.
Okay.

So that if they don't notice it, they will drive into it and preferably send four people without seatbelts flying off the truck.

Or if they do see it, they slow down and at least they have to stop and jump out early. Okay.
I like that. Let's go with that.
I think that's fun.

I don't think that would work with a droopy flag thing because that would just blow through it. Like that's not.
That's fine.

If you put it high and they're in the back of the truck, it'll cut their heads off. Yeah, I put that's the height.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, it's not about stopping the car. Yeah, it's about hitting them.

But it's still like... No, if it was over five.
If you hit a string of like flags at high speed with your neck, that would hurt.

Yeah, if it's tied to the roof and then tied to like a telephone pole on the other side, like the string that holds flags are like. Even if it gave, like it would hurt a lot.
Yeah, it would knock you.

I mean, you would get knocked out. Like, if they're strong enough to hold flags on a rooftop and survive weather, they're probably like nylon or something.
Like that shit. Okay, yes.

We'll say it's a nylon string. It's a tough nylon.
And they built everything better back in the 1950s. I'll give it to you.
Dude, this is what nylon was for. This is just important.

This is me as a friend is important to you. Don't run into any string.
It won't give.

If you're driving a car and a string hit you, you're gonna eat shit you'll flip out of the car at the very instead of it being a nine because i don't know why this i buy this more you'll like this man this works for you okay

this is just this is how we're gonna take this country back okay is that this fucking you get thrown you roll to a stop you cloned your head on something in a days kelsey like looks up and she sees two things she sees this fucking pickup truck full of masked men with fucking clubs and who knows what startling towards her and then she looks up even farther and she sees the stars and stripes because because she just bonked her head into a flagpole.

There you go. And there's a big old flag waving.
Fucking true American.

These colors don't run. And of course, you bet your ass, there's a fucking, there's a, they got a rope.

A flag rope. Yeah.

A classic flag rope. There you go.
Yeah. And also the McDonald's flag is flying.
Oh, the McDonald's flow. It's the American flag and then the McDonald's flag.
I salute the McDonald's flag.

These colors don't run.

I'm proud to be in McDonald's land where the ball

all are free. You know, they don't do this anymore? So I'm going to take, what do you call the little thing they tie around at the bottom? Yeah, it's like, I guess it's the hitch.
Yeah, the hitch.

I'm going to undo it, and then I'm going to start running across the street with one end of the rope. Okay, sick.
Where are you going? You're just trying to run it. Across the street.

Yeah, whatever's a telephone pole, a fence, something, whatever's the sturdiest thing I see.

Okay, so you make it there. We'll say on your next turn, you can tie it together and fast.
And they'll be there, and then we'll see.

And it will be taught, and you can give it one of those Bugs Bunny plucks you know what i mean when bugs bunny's like boom great hell yeah it is kimon wan's turn blake so you're you're still in the front seat right you mashed on the yeah accelerator so you're gunning it for a full turn kimon won is going to try to commandeer this vehicle from you freddie okay so a big old tentacle is going to wrap around through that little ooh ooh window that you failed to back up that was something you could have done on your turn and then you did not have time and she's actually you know what she's going to do she's not worried about you for a second she's going to reach past you and grab the steering wheel with this tentacle and whipsaw it around

to turn the van towards this pile of everybody in the street. Jesus.
So she does that.

The whole van sort of like swings in this wide arc. Trudy.
Yeah,

uh-oh. What thought? Don't worry, Trudy.
That's between us, Will. You'll find out when we want you to.
Trudy, give me another dexterity throw. 48, I fail.

So yes, you are also thrown clear from the van now. So now it's just Milton in there with this tentacle monster.
And Blake, as the thing lurches around, it's one more turn away.

So it's two turns away from you, Francis, and she's barreling towards you now. Oh, great.
You're going to get Eiffel Towered by trucks.

Oh, yeah, that's great. Yes, the two trucks are hurtling towards you guys.
And we timed this just right. We timed this just right.
Almost like two moving objects, and I put a line between them.

Nice.

Yeah, the Devil's Triangle is a drinking game. Jezball.

Real life? Yeah, just put that line down. They're going to bounce right off it.
It is now the poor dude who you knocked out's turn. He sees this tentacle wrapped around Blake steering this thing.

He's like, oh,

and he's just going to jump out of the car. It's Milton's turn.
Milton's pretty freaked out. He is going to run.

We're going to do a move action with a dexterity saving throw to get through the tangle of flesh and tentacles back here. And if he fails, he will fall down and eat shit in the van.

And if he succeeds, he will clear the van as well. Oh, wait, no, that's an 81.

Yes, uh, Milton turfs it in the van, basically tripping on this sort of like mass of kimonoan flesh that is now taking over the back of this fucking van, and he eats shit and is still in the van.

Okay, it is now Shane's turn. Uh, Shane is looking around at the fucking chaos and anxiety and horror going on around him.

I think he's probably having PTSD flashbacks to when a mysterious assailant blew his leg off, and then a big shape-shifting monster took over the boxing arena.

And he's like, oh no, not again, not again. He's just going to skulk off into the underbrush and he is now out of combat because I don't want to deal with him, frankly.
That's DMing.

Trudy, it's your turn. This is turn one.
No, turn two, because you had a turn already. Or did you have a turn? I didn't have a turn already.
This is turn one of your paranoia. Of my madness.

I think Trudy is going to, yeah, because the only person she trusts is Milton, because, like, well, who would want to make a double of him?

That's great.

And so I think she trusts and wants to save him. I think she's going to shoot the tires, aim for the tires and shoot them.
Oh, wow. Okay, great.
I love that. With which truck? Of the paddy wagon.

Okay, great. Give me a firearms roll.
And it's an aimed shot. So we'll say that you're going to need to pass a hard roll to shoot to hit it.
Okay. Because you're not just trying to shoot the vane.

You're trying to take a targeted shot. So that's like with disadvantage? Not with disadvantage.
You just need to get a super success. Okay.
I got a 24. Let me look here.
My firearms is 39.

So I don't think that's quite it. You could burn some luck on it if you wanted to.
God damn it. Trudy would burn some luck, but Beth, the player, knows this probably isn't going to be helpful.

I don't know about that. Wait, somebody do the math for me.
So you need 15 would be half. 24.

Fuck.

You are at 14 luck right now. I know.
This is a tough call. I am not going to burn my luck on this.
I'm going to fail. Okay.
So kablamo.

This big old fucking gun goes off, but the bullet sort of bounces harmlessly in the dirt as you fire it off. We are now back at the top of the turn order.
Blake, it's your turn.

Matt, you think what I'm thinking? Did you discord me? No. He was just relying on your psychic link.

I want to see if he was thinking what you guys are thinking. Say the same thing at the same time.

No, because we didn't want you to know. What? Because maybe it's a trick.
A trick. Maybe it's a ruse.
You play against me. All right, no, I'll leave the room when you guys think that.

No, no, it's fine. All right.
Not a room leaving in your Discord. Oh, that's not what I was thinking.
That's good. Oh, okay.
Well, I was just going to be like, ah, tentacle creature.

I will apply the break. Okay.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
All right, sure. Yeah.
All right. So you stop by.
You're super all you want. I will gently and firmly depress the brake pedal.

And that's all you're doing? Milton's still in here? Milton is in the back. So I can.

So I can get out. That's what I'd be worried that I was the only one.

Okay. So, yeah, I want to just brake and get out.
I want to leave. All right.
You will slow it down for a second and then you're going to jump out. Yes.

We'll say that you bought yourself an extra turn by slowing it down. The jalapi's parked on the street that Timmy and BB and Francis are trying to to rush into and hot wire.

That car is dead centered between these two cars, both of which are two turns away from crashing into. That's like a math problem, guys.
I know, I don't like this. I'm just a mathiness.

I like everything else. The two cars are driving towards each other.
Two cars are driving towards each other down the streets. In the middle, is the rope.

Is the rope and this car that Francis is trying to hotwire to make a speedy escape?

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Blake, jump out, give me a dexterity roll. No problem.

I've done this before. Huh.
Two. Super duper success.
Wallace. Okay, you stick the landing, and we'll call that your turn.
You know, as it's going, it's like it's slowed down.

I just slide out the side in the seated position, and it's just the right amount to like absorb all the impact. I just go,

oh, I don't quite understand what that means, but okay. Francis, it's your turn.
All right. I don't have stats that are going to allow me to hot wire anything with any degree of efficacy.

So I'm going to say, Beebe, Timmy, either of you, can you hot wire this car?

Or I guess while I say that, I could also be searching, like, you know, doing the fucking movie TV thing, like looking for the keys in the fucking thing. Lock, roll, lock, roll.

The keys could be in there. All right.
I have one luck, so no. Throw the bones.
Again, I have one luck, so I'm not going to pass.

I know, but let me give you a number and then you're going to see if you hit it. Oh, yeah.
76.

You said 53?

All right. No dice on the keys.
Here's what we are going to do, though. BB has a 10 in electrical repair, which is what I think this would be, which is not going to be great.

However, we are now going to roll for Timmy's hot wiring skill.

I swear to fucking God, Timmy. 87.
Okay, so he is a fucking whiz. Yeah, so Timmy, so he has basically

the two of you are panicked trying to like fiddle around with this thing, and then Timmy pushes you. He fucking hits it like Fonzie.
Well, he has to roll. He has an 87.
He still has to roll.

Or I guess he because he's not binaries, we decided, right? That's true. As the two of you are frantically trying to get this car started, we'll say it's unlocked.

Timmy pushes past both of you and they say, stand aside. My dad taught me a thing or two about messing around with electronics.
Timmy is going to roll

an 85.

So we're a second there. Timmy looks real fucking cool.
And then they are not doing a good job and start sweating bullets.

And then it is like a Fonzie whack situation where like that last little bonk on the hunk of junk rumbles it to life and you now are in possession of a jalapi.

um and we will say that is your collective turn all right kelsey your turn yes i'm gonna tie the rope sick check it wait do you give

a bugs bunny wily coyote pluck to make sure

i don't want to give them any reason to because then they might see me like reach out and do a thing i see

like it's dark i'm hoping they don't see they don't quite clock what you're doing yeah yeah i mean they just because it's very dark like they just see me run across yeah so like you know and i don't know what the headlight situation is or what like you know how quickly they'll notice that there's a rope you know i think that person should probably roll to see if they're paying attention to that and any number of things you know they're seeing another vehicle so you're basically reaching up with your tippy toes and tying the it off on the telephone so the last thing i'll say is just double check the people in the back are they standing up like hooligans like yeah they're standing up pounding the side they got their like yeah i don't even have to go on my tippy toes the average height of a pickup truck is like five feet seven inches okay so it's like i tie it to like six feet um i love that then my movement is i'm going to run back into the middle of the street and then run away as if i'm scared of them like so you're running towards the jalopy okay great you better drive faster if you're gonna catch this teach.

Can you turn the corner and you're just like a sexy lady?

Oh boy. It is Kimone Juan's turn again.
So she is now fully steering the car and zooming it towards you guys.

And she seeing that everyone's going towards this jalopy is going to like sort of steer her aim to crash it. So this will be at the end of the next turn.

She's going to be where the jalopi is, we'll say. And let's see, Milton's still in the back.
She knows that Milton's back there. Funnily enough, so do we.
She doesn't really care about Milton, though.

She doesn't really want to do anything. Funnily enough, so do we.

I guess she doesn't care. She's not really scared of him, so she's not going to do anything.
So yeah, she's basically gunning straight for this fucking car and she's going to keep zooming towards it.

Francis, you look in the rearview mirror and you see her. Actually, we'll say you're facing her.
Right. Okay.
And you feel her voice reach out to you in your head.

She says, Francis, come with me and your friends can live. Stay in the car and you're all going to die.
We'll do this one more time. Do I feel like this thing is my mom, actually?

It's not just taking on the physical.

It sounds like her. Is there anything I can roll to like feel? feel sure? Psychology.
Yeah, give me anything. My psychology is 90.
Nice. And I got a 45, so super success.
It's your mother for sure.

Okay. You can sense anger, but you sense love deep down in her voice as well.
She says, Francis, I don't want to do this. Please get out of the car, and your friends will be okay.

I will take you away. They don't have to die, but if you stay with them, I can't promise your safety.
And my special boy power is I can see through the eyes of anyone that loves me.

Mind exchange, a post-power role to trade minds with another person. Trade minds? Trade minds? Well, it also takes an hour to cast it.
Oh, well. Well, trade minds.

If it didn't take an hour, I would do something really cool. Dang, dude.
I mean, Francis is just like, no,

like to no one. He's just speaking to nobody.
He goes, like, I know what you want me for. You want me to get all prego for the end of the world and shit, and then everybody's going to die anyway.

It's a no. I can save them from that.
I can protect them from that.

That's what you sound like. Shut up.

All right. Try to hit the gas.
Well, I can't actually hit the gas. I have one leg and it's a clutch car.
So I'm like, baby, hit it. Okay.

It is the guy who woke up unconscious from the thing who just fell out of the car. He's just going to run away.
This is too much for him. He's out of the car.

Smart man. I'm not interested in him.

Milton is still in the back and nobody's paying attention to him. I mean, I don't know.
I put it that way. We're doing a lot of stuff.
I just mean that he's in the back and he's still in the car.

She's not focused on him. She's not focused on him.
Good position to be in. I'll take

him. He hears, he cannot see, but we'll say that similar to like, you hear her voice, but he hears her speaking in real life.
Milton's just gonna run for it one more time. He's gonna try to jump out.

Get out there, Milton. So he is going to just make a straight sprint for the back.
We're gonna once again give him a dexterity to see if he can make it out. Yes, he succeeds.
He's got an 18.

His dex is 30. All right, so he's able to run and sort of feel and stumble his way out of the back of this van.
Oh, good, Milton. You've made it.

He jumps, and we're going to give him another dexterity saving throw to see if he gets hurt.

And yes, he biffs it real hard. He's going to take one d4 of damage.

He takes one damage as he smashes into the pavement and clutches at the ground. He's like, Where are you? Where are you guys? What's going on? Run towards the sound of the jalapi engine.

He cocks his ear and pieces together the unmistakable sound of an old rust bucket rattling, an old rattler. And he's going to start.

Sorry, let me stop motorboating somebody so I can turn on my jalapeno. And he's going to stand up and start staggering towards it.
Okay, Trudy, it's your turn. Remember, protect Milton at all costs.

Yes. This is turn two.
And Milton's running towards the jalapi towards certain peril. I think I'm going to try to shoot the wheels out of the jalapi.

Excellent. Give me a firearms roll.
I succeed. Yes.

But this has got to be a hard success, right? Yes, it's a hard success. I also got a hard success.

All right. We will say that you have blown out one of the four tires of this car.
Got three left. So he got a metal door.
Huh?

Bat just said he got three left in the same way that he said in season two. Good luck.
It's a metal door. Good luck.
It's a metal door. All right.
So yes, one of the tires.

And then Trudy's like, Milton, get away from that car. You can't trust them.
No, there aren't. That's our friends.
Yes, but how many of our friends are there? How many of me are there?

I know there's one of you. There's always been one of you, but

I don't know who else we can trust.

Miss Truck, you're kind of freaking me out right now. I'm freaking myself out right now, too.
As you shoot the tire, Timmy looks at you from the window of the car. Horrible.

He's like, mom, what are you doing? Timmy, is it really you? Of course it's me. I can't tell.
Blake, it's your turn again. I exited the car.
The car spun around, drove away from me.

I'm just in front of a McDonald's. Yes, you're just in front of a McDonald's.
With a jalopy, and you see me running across the street, and you saw that the rope was tied.

These are all far away things. No, it's all the way.

We're all in the same. I'm very close to where I fell out because I fell in the middle.

It's the McDonald's flag that I use. So you're like right at the rope problem.
Yeah, you're a full sprint away from getting to the jalopi.

There is a truck and the paddy wagon are both fixed into at the end of the next turn. Heading towards each other.
Smash into this thing from either side. Yes, the rope.
No, bro.

So two cars are about to hit your weird rope. It's not a, I mean, it's just a rope.
Well, it's above the cars. It's going to take out the guys in the back.

Yeah, they're going, or it's going to go and then they're slowly

like ghost shit. What am I going to do? Didn't you get a spell too? Didn't we all get spells? Yeah, but it's not helpful.
This was his turn.

Oh, you know, actually, Freddie, you still look like the fucking guy. Brian Stokes Mitchell.
You do. Just for your information.
Man, BB just rolled with it. Nice.
Oh, you're right.

You're right. I've looked like Brian Stokes Mitchell this whole time.
Yeah. I see the people in the truck, they're coming up, they're saying, because they think I'm Brian Stokes Mitchell.

I'm going to point upwards frantically at the sky.

And jump a little bit to hop up. Look up there.
Look up there. So that all the guys are back, huh?

Put their necks right up. This is classic Val Kimmer.
Why'd you guys have the TV on strategy? Yeah, yeah. Why'd you have the TV on? Give me a persuade roll with advantage.

Per

Sue.

I don't even need it. Five.
Nice. Super success.
So all of the guys driving who were about to make out the telltale signal.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Kimi Jay, I want to see this happen.

They're all about to make out the rope in the road, and then they all see you. And they're like, What is what's all B Stokes doing up here? What's B.
Stokes doing out here?

And then they all look up to where you're pointing, like, huh? What do you mean? And there's one thing you know about B. Stokes: if he fucking points to the sky, you're gonna be worth looking at.

Look,

you look.

He can find those customers. He's such a reliable look person.
sick.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, yes, they're all distracted. I was going to give them a chance to do a spot hidden roll to see the rope, but they are not going to see that fucking thing.
Yes.

So much damage is going to happen. Sick.
Good job, Blake. Let's see.
The cars hit the rope. Cars hit the rope.
Cars hit the car. We all hold our turn until the cars hit the hit.

Let the cars hit the rope. Let the cars hit the rope.

Francis is. Cousin's like, like, this is going on live, Belief.

So I'm going to tell BB, because again, I can't drive. You need both feet to do that.
Just punch it and try to drive out of the path of that one. And I say, pointing at the car my mom is driving.

Use the sidewalk if you have to. We'll say that BB knows how to drive.
Why not? She's driven a little bit. Dude, she's a world legale.

That's Carol, Nebraska. Kids are driving tractors.

All right. He's like, you got it, boss.
And she punches it. Why did I call you boss? I don't know why you call me boss either.
I just wanted to like.

You don't want the boss.

I'm going to see it, but it feels like weird that that power I have. I don't want to have that power over you.
Okay, so she's partners. She stomps it.
The car lurches forward.

It's not moving as fast as it otherwise would. The sort of popped tire clips the curb as it lurches up onto the grass and starts driving.
Here's a part of the question.

Is the car lilting towards the center of the street or towards the curb? I think it would be towards the center. Yeah, because Trudy's on the other side of it.

So yes, it would lurch towards the center of the road. And she's trying to turn that way because she has to turn.
Otherwise, she's going to hit your mom.

Yeah, I said turn out of the the way of my mom. My mom is presumably in the center of the street, so she would be turning against the lilt of the car to try to go up onto the curb, essentially.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. BB is going to gun it onto the fucking grass so that she can go against the bad tire and bounce up onto the grass.

We are going to give her a drive roll to see if she does not, because she's now going kind of off-road to make sure that the vehicle does not get stuck once she launches onto the grass.

And her drive is pretty lousy.

Uh-oh.

So she has a 20.

She rolled a 27. She was her luck.
Does she have luck? I don't think NPCs have luck. I don't think if NPCs got to spend luck, you guys would be in trouble.
I'll put it that way.

I just don't think of her as an NPC because you bring her to life so well.

Holy shit. Oh, boy.
Be that as it may, man. Please consider her just part of the team.
Yeah, I am susceptible to flattery, but not in this case. Well, here's what we'll say.

You are now out of the path of the two vehicles that are about to crash, but the bad tire is dug into the dirt a little bit. And you'll spin it out.
Yeah.

But not necessarily an irrecoverable situation.

It is now.

Cars hit the rope. Let the cars hit the rope.

Cars hit the rope. Let the cars hit the rope.
One.

There's not a rope there. Two.
There's definitely not a rope there. Three.
Look up in the sky.

Three. Nothing on the road.

I think I forgot to put the other car, the turn order, so we're going to just have them go now. I have them in Kimon want to go now.
The bison driving this

revenge truck sees as

Steven Spielberg's duel.

War's revenge truck. Who do you think would win in a fight, War Horse or Steven Spielberg's duel? Wow.
Who would win? War Horse or Revenge Truck? A revenge truck.

Your jalopy, as it lurches out of the way, the guy driving the truck finally looks down from the sky and sees that he's hurtling towards this runaway paddy wagon. That he's in for a head-on collision.

So he is going to swerve. Here's how we're going to do this, Matthew.

We are going to give all four guys in the back a dexterity saving throw to see if they are able to hold on. Do they get some sort of disadvantage?

Everybody should get a disadvantage since Freddy made them look up. Otherwise, it would have just been the same, right? Okay, yeah, Matt.
But here's what I'm going to say.

You don't want them to fail this role because if they fall over,

they're not going to get decapitated. Yeah.
They'll still get hurt, but yes. They're going to make a dexterity roll.
If they succeed, their head's getting cut off. Yes.
I see. I want them to succeed.

Yes, you want them to succeed this role. Some manager numbers have nothing to do with probability.

You're going to want to not fail this. Yeah.
Okay. Can I give them

advantage? Give them advantage. Hold on, guys.
Hold on.

Guy number one

succeeds his role. Nice.
Whatever. Nice.
That's what we want. Oh, yes.

Now I was just doing phrase water. Guy number two.
Dead. Fails his role.
Boo. But he's got to roll how much he gets hurt when he falls out of the truck.

He's in a clothesline. He's got to live knowing that his friend got decapitated like that kid from heredity.
Guy number three.

Succeeds his role. Yes.

Sucks to be him. Guy number four

succeeds his role. Yes, man.

As this truck lurches to the side, the doofy one of them, Gus McDoof, goes, walloo, and he falls out. And all three of his friends go, God dang it, Gus, you're such a dude.

And then as that happens, Gus, from his vantage point, now on the ground, looks up and sees three bison heads pop like champagne corks as they fly straight into this fucking

tripwire. Just his whole opinion of himself just like a new fucking 180 as they just get sliced clean off, and then three severed heads with bison masks land on the ground and fucking

is that the single deadliest action any one of us have taken? No, because actually, this is the second episode in a row where three people have gotten killed in one move.

Oh my god, yeah, so that's the good news. That's the good news.
The bad news is that this truck is now hurtling towards Trudy. Okay, I've got a mechanic for this.

You and I run toward each other in Game of Chicken, and whoever

get out.

Trudy, on your turn, I'm going to let you do a dexterity roll. Okay.
And if you fail it, you're getting hit by this truck. Okay.
It is now Kimon Juan's turn.

So she now sees that Francis has stalled out on the curb. She is going to turn the van.
We're going to give her a drive roll to see if she gets stuck in the same dirt. So my mom is a woman and Asian.

So if she doesn't drive well, it's not going to look good for her. Careful.
Ooh, she clutched it. She got a fucking 15, dude.
That's right. So, fuck against those stereotypes.

Trudy, you're gonna get one chance to not get hit by a car.

Francis, your team is gonna get one turn to try to get out of this mud and accelerate to get out of the way of the rampaging paddy wagon that your mother is driving.

Would we also have the same amount of time to just like leave the car? Sure, yes, or do whatever. Uh, Milton is gonna use his turn to continue to clamber towards the sound of the jalapi.

He will be at you guys' next turn, Trudy. It is your turn.
Okay, let's see a dexterity roll. Before that,

I'm not doing anything cool.

I think that Trudy stares down at these headlights coming towards her, this electric pair of eyes matching her own electric pair of eyes, and is, you know, still really stressed and scared about not only her friends maybe being doppelgangers in disguise, but also herself and this like ancestry of her consciousness being transformed into these different bodies.

She doesn't know. which Trudy is the real Trudy and whether she can trust herself.

But I think at the last minute, she looks in these like headlights and she thinks, okay, no, it's whether or not I'm the only Trudy, it is up to me right now. Okay.

And so then I'm going to roll dexterity

and I fail. Oh.
Ow.

Okay. No.

This truck smashes into you. And this is the one come on, driving.
This is the one that the bisons are driving.

So as you stare down, you try to dive out of the way, but it's too late. And you meet metal to metal, bumper to body as this thing crashes into you with a sickening crash.
Trudy, roll 2d10.

First one is a 10. Okay, how much HP do you have? I have 14, so now I have four.

Okay, and then how much is instant death? Double, right? If a character suffers points of damage greater than or equal to their maximum hit points in a single blow, they die instantly.

Okay, so if you roll four, you die instantly. Yeah, yeah.

This is gonna be hard. All right,

six. I'm dead.

Damn. Damn.
Holy shit.

Trudy. Well, no.
Trudy, fair is fair. I gave Freddie this option.
If you would like to burn all of your luck and join the One Luck Club, I have something for this.

The One Luck Club. The One Luck Club.
The sequel to the Joy Luck Club. The Joy Luck Club.
Yes, I would like to burn all my luck. Okay.
We go into super slow motion.

You're throwing your body out of the way of this truck. And as it's hurtling towards you, the light's getting brighter and brighter, the chrome getting closer and closer.

You realize that you are not going to make it. But your head is.

Your body goes under the wheels as you hear a sickening, wrenching crash, and your head pops off of your body, and your robot body explodes in a fiery wreck as your head, with your still-conscious brain in it, rolls to the side of the road.

Mother, mother, fear me.

I am the broken sky.

All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary

in a world that lies twisted in my mind, and now I'm gone.

All that I can see is a hole in the stars.

Swallowing my dreams and making them scars.

Too far, too far away.

But I'll stay

today.

thanks so much for listening. And now it's time for a little peek behind the paywall.
Here's a little clip from the new Kingdom Dad monster, which just came out this week.

Oh, and then you should encourage me to... Don't tell Beth what to do.

Beth what to do, Matt. Beth, she's a cute person.
Beth's going to ask you for a favor.

Anything for you, Matt.

Can you? I think it'd be good for our team if you encourage Anthony's character.

I knew your question in there. I think it would be good.

Could you please do that for us? It's not a question, more of a comment, really

i'll take that into consideration

in addition to that clip there's a very funny segment that we had omar romolino along with a little help from chandler candela do a little animation for dungeons and dads on tick tock and instagram that's where you can see the animation i encourage you heartily to check it out we're able to commission animations like that thanks to our patreon where in exchange for five bucks a month you listener you there listener You'll receive hours of extra bonus content and shows.

That's patreon.com slash dungeonsandads. Hey, but for real though, this King the Dad Monster episode is pretty great.
Check it out on the Patreon. Dungeons and Dads is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammar.

Anthony Birch is Francis Farnsworth. Will Campos is RDM? Beth May is Trudy Trout.
Myself, Freddie Wong is Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller.

Anissa Omran is our content producer. Asha Nicolette is our community manager.
Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager.
Esther Els is our lead editor.

And Travis Reeves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandez provide additional editing.

Our show, as you know, is supported by our Patreon, and our Patreon consists of cool people like Zeke Bartlett, Matthew Reyes, King Herder, Will Potts, Chris Wilkes, Aaron Near, Austin DeMay, Grace Fender, Douglas McNanny, James Klingensmith, Annette DeSilva, I swear I'm not an elk, Christopher Chen, Alex Motos, Adam Nemo42, Cody Hasselbring, Gabriel Sulka, Ginger, Megan LeMay, and Gilbert Lee.

Support this show directly on Patreon at patreon.com/slash dungeonsandads. Merch and more at dungeonsandads.com.
Made a YouTube video this last week. Pretty wild feeling.

That's at youtube.com/slash rocket shop. And our next episode is coming at you October 7th.
We'll see you then.

All that I can see is a hole in the star,

swallowing my dreams and making them scars.

Too far, too far away

that I stay

today.

All that I can see is a hole in the stars.

Swallowing my dreams and making them scars.

Too far, too far away,

but I stay

today.

As you are we sure this is the real Kamon war