#463 - The Trifecta of Value, Celya AB and A Bin Bag of Marmite

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Hello everyone and welcome to the Ellis James and John Robbins show and we are three chaps in white teas.

Yes, I've only just noticed that.

Yes, we are the James Dean of the RSS generation.

Yeah.

Well white t-shirts are having a moment, aren't they, John?

Are they?

Yeah, big time.

I've been in the white t-shirt scene since 2017.

Have you?

Yes.

Early adopter of the white tee.

Until then, it was just me, James Dean, and various hot models.

Yeah, Marlon Brundu in the 50s.

Yes.

We may as well just start singing, Hey There, Delilah, mightn't we?

What's that?

Am I right?

Am I right?

What's that?

Oh, come on.

Thanks, Michael.

Hey there, Delilah.

What's it like in New York City?

Is a song by the plain white teas.

Oh, good.

I love the way that Dave looked across at the younger members of the crew then.

Can you dismantle a good radio there?

You two should be aware of that.

That was a huge hit on Radio X, but don't mess with the bell, John, because you know it won't be fixed properly.

You can dismantle the good radio bell.

When was it a big hit?

I don't remember that song.

I'd say late XFM era.

Plain white teas.

So when we were on it then?

No, it might have actually been before.

Is that what geologists use?

So they have like the Jurassic and the Mesozoic and the XFM era.

Yeah.

When dinosaurs started listening to Stereophonics.

It's good stuff.

It's good stuff.

I was exposed to music that I wouldn't otherwise have heard on XFM.

I messed a bit.

Go on.

Lovely the Band.

Lovely the Band.

Gautier.

Oh, that's a tune.

Yeah.

That is a tune.

I don't know what they're doing now, but that is a tune.

He essentially retired.

Did he?

Because that tune was so good.

He basically, I think he, that...

Oh,

this isn't 100% accurate, but I'm pretty sure it was along the lines of I'm never going to top that, the music industry's too much pressure, I'm calling it.

And now just writes for other people.

So he's still in the game, but he didn't want to follow up.

But also, that song is an absolute banger, and it's

the melody from

Barbara Black Sheep.

Yes, it is.

I wonder if he has to pay, like, I don't know, some old nursery rhyme creator

royalties.

I've always thought that's the dream actually you you you remove yourself from the pressure obviously you don't get the buzz of live performance yeah but still you're still involved in music you can walk down the street anonymously so no one hassles you it's it's the sort of john robbins dream really well this is why i've started writing for jimmy carr

and let me tell you i am not afraid to tell it like it is yeah

well you're pivoting jimmy carr away from his previous on-stage persona anti-maturist no i'm leaning into it.

Oh, were you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even more hateful.

Okay.

We're going to get him cancelled for a sixth time.

Because every time he gets cancelled, it's more money.

Not quite sure he understands what cancellation is.

No, no.

But yeah, I'm going in heavy on a lot of sacred cows.

All of the things you're too scared to say on this show.

Yeah, and the way I research them is going to local council meetings and finding out what's really grinding people's gears.

Good, good.

Yeah, going to surgeries for like, like, you know, buckbench MPs and things.

Yeah, and just listening to what's, you know, getting my finger on the pulse of the UK.

Yeah.

You actually can't say outside of a council meeting.

Yeah.

Because you get where you get shut down by the woke brigade.

A lot of squeaky gate stuff.

Sometimes I do go to woke brigade meetings as well, but undercover.

Yeah, yeah.

You need both sides of the coin, do you?

You do, you do.

And I'm the centre of the coin.

Yeah, Gautier

hasn't ruled out a return, but

at the the minute the door's left open.

He has stepped back after the huge success of Somebody that I used to know.

Which is a chip-oon.

It's a problematic tune.

Is it?

Yeah.

Oh.

In a similar way to, well, lyrically, in a similar way to, what's the one by Pink and Nate thingy that I really like?

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

What's that called?

Come on's off.

Just give me a reason.

Yeah, that's a problematic tune.

It's a sort of gaslight anthem.

Ah.

Which would be a good name for a compilation album.

Now that's what I call gaslighting.

But isn't there a lot of things?

Well there was a band called the Gaslight Anthem.

They were great.

Such a shame we're not doing a music party.

We should still be on X.

We should.

The Gaslight Anthem, we're on X, don't I?

Yes, all the time.

Like Bruce Sprinkstein.

I wonder if they regret that name.

The Gaslight Anthony.

Yeah, because gaslighting wasn't really

a huge term when they came.

God.

Yeah.

Everyone thinks we're bad.

But yeah, in somebody that I used to know, he's like, I've broken broken up with you, but you didn't have to remove me from your life.

It's like, come on, mate.

You can't break up with someone.

And then that's set the terms of how they engage with you.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah, I didn't have to cut me off.

Well, you cut me off, mate.

But how do you know?

Do you know that he broke up?

The B side?

Yeah.

You cut me off, mate.

I'm pretty sure that's.

Yeah, get the lyrics to somebody that I used to know.

That would be quite a good way of

like a balanced single.

The A side is well I broke up with you and the B side is the right to reply.

That's a good idea.

It's quite a good idea for you know to you know for songwriters if there are any songwriters out there struggling for inspiration.

Though you'd have to make it a double A side.

Oh yeah to give them equal of course.

Equal Billy.

What have we got Dave?

Hmm.

It feels like it's mutual, I'd say.

Maybe.

I'm not sure.

I mean, it might be entirely made up, of course.

It might be a character piece like Damon Oluban or Ray Davis used to write.

Yeah, exactly.

So let's not read too much into it.

John's now

flicking through the list.

So they've sort of come to a mutual decision,

but then the other party has cut them off.

I think that's all right, is it not?

Isn't that what happens in relationship breakups?

Well, in a dream world, you come to a mutual decision and say, you shake hands.

Yeah.

And you say, best of crash.

Shake hands.

Well done.

high 10 high ten low ten good performance see you around but let's stay let's remain amicable in the relationship performance review uh congrats and then you want to you want to stay you don't want it to become sour do you no no of course not of course not of course not absolutely easier said than done though yeah you didn't have to stoop so low have your friends collect your records and then change your number i i think he's

i don't know i think it's all right to have your friends come around and collect your records they're very heavy yeah

It's a three-man job,

yeah.

He's talking about CDs probably in the early.

But still, if there's enough of them, that's heavy.

You need someone's car.

You might not have a car.

The thing is, he says, you said that you could let it go, and I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody, hung up on somebody that used to know.

What is that?

What's it's like a guy who's not telling you that he's cheated.

This is good because you're critiquing the lyrics, which means we're probably on safe ground here now.

Yeah, well, yeah, that is a critique.

It's a critique, Dave.

Yeah.

Anyway, good song.

Good song.

How's everyone's weeks been?

Good.

Went to Yorkshire.

Yes, you went to Hebden Bridge.

I went to Hebden Bridge.

I believe in West Yorkshire.

I loved it.

I love Hebden Bridge.

I love Halifax.

So many buildings from the industrial age.

So many relics.

Did you go to Peace Hall?

No, I kept walking past Trades Hall in

Hebden Bridge where loads of famous people have performed, which was very exciting.

Tell you what there is in Yorkshire.

An enormous standing in a field and waving at a steam train scene.

Oh yes, like sort of at the start, middle and end of the railway children.

Went to see the railway children live.

Did you?

Yes, I did.

Are you living in my mum's heaven?

No, but I've got young kids.

Right.

Although it was too long.

We were all 17?

Although it was too long for my son, so I actually actually didn't see the second half.

Oh, no.

But at the end of the first half, oh, is this a spoiler?

Yeah, they actually drive a train into the theatre, a steam train, which is very, very exciting.

Like the first ever film.

Yes.

When everyone all jumped under the seats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So

that was very good.

I had an afternoon tea.

I went on a canal boat, did a barge trip, got given the history of Hebden Bridge.

It is basically a mum's heaven for three and a half days.

So it was, but

I believe in Halifax.

I believe in West Yorkshire.

I actually think it's England's jewel in the crown.

Wow.

And that's

a turnaround.

You've got everything.

The brand West Yorkshire.

You've got everything in Yorkshire.

Small towns, cute villages, big cities, Sheffield, Leeds.

No wonder they're always going on about how great it is.

Yorkshire is great.

I believe in Yorkshire.

So I did that and then I came back and then we did a gig of woking.

That's true.

And do you believe in woking?

I would say that I was more impressed by Woking than I expected to be.

Agreed, agreed.

Very well done.

It's got a ZZ.

It has got a ZZ and a major Prats.

And it's got an Itsu.

Yeah, it's got one of the major Prat stations.

It's got two theatres right next door to each other for some reason.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I was in Woking.

I was like, I didn't know what to expect in Woking.

I thought probably just a commuter town.

Paul Weller's from here.

But I walked down the town and I thought to myself, oh, hello.

It's got a coat.

Yeah.

So it's not quite as varied as West Yorkshire.

It's more chain restaurants.

Yeah, exactly.

But you know, we were there, we just would just sound checking at one.

Yeah.

So, I mean, we didn't really get a chance to look around walking, did we?

But can I say it's got excellent access to Waterloo?

Yes.

It does.

It does, actually.

I mean, we're every 15 minutes.

I mean, the place has got a lot to offer, if you ask me.

But that's been my week, really.

A blue plaque by the Pizza Express to say Prince Andrew didn't sweat here.

Has it?

No.

All right.

That would be insane.

Imagine British Heritage approving that.

Was that the Walking one?

Yes, the Working One Pizza Express.

We didn't put two and two.

We didn't mention that on stage, unfortunately.

I suppose every other comic who's ever played Walking has mentioned that.

You would imagine.

That's what sets us apart, though.

We don't care about cultural references from...

No, we do, actually.

That's what sets us apart.

We don't care about topicality.

Yes.

Yes, yes.

I got signed by my first agent in Walking.

Oh, good.

He took me to watch Walking play Barrow in Furnace.

How weird, but yet also appropriate.

Yeah, exactly.

It was absolutely perfect.

And I said, Yes, this is this suits me.

And then he bought me a hot dog and we shook hands.

Nice.

Good stuff.

We've got a busy show.

And I think we should see if you agree, John, how much you've won this week.

Yes, Dave.

Let's see how much I've won this week.

John wins again.

Oh, John wins again.

I should be singing more on the tour.

You should.

What a voice.

Yeah.

I do say so myself.

I think you should join a West Yorkshire choir.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

Dave, when we eventually move to Primetime Saturday Night TV,

I think I should win a grand for every win and lose £500 for every loss.

As the host of the show?

Yes.

It's a new take.

It is.

Because even when there's money up for grabs on, say, Celebrity Weakest Link.

They're going to charity.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So are yours?

A portion of it would go to charity.

As is always the case.

Yes, you say this a lot.

A portion of this will go to charity.

Always.

So you will always be up then?

Well, as long as my losses aren't three times as many as my wins.

Yeah, but in which case I probably wouldn't have turned up for the recording.

And also, you know, you do write this.

Yes, that's true.

I'm beginning to see maybe a conflict of interest.

Don't you want money to go to charity, Ellis?

A proportion of it.

Yeah, don't you want that?

Oh, how sad.

I actually believe we should give back to our communities, Dave, and help those in need.

Proportionally.

Proportionally, yes.

Proportional to the outcome of the quiz.

Right, let me get a pen.

You can start, John, though.

Get a pen, Dave, because you've got a lot to chalk up this week, mate.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

We are staring down the bum bag of a 10k PB.

Oh!

Dave, you got the things up there, you loon.

Oh, no, I want some paper.

We'll use the back of Ellis' sheet.

God, God, dear, oh, oh dear, oh dear.

10k PB, please.

Oh, well done.

What is it?

Um,

let me check.

Okay, you just edit this with sounds of me being looking handsome.

Um,

now bear in mind, as ever, Ellis, we are dealing with elevation here.

Of course, of course.

Please.

Um

58 minutes, 9 seconds.

Oh, well.

Yes.

I

saw an Instagram video which has changed my life.

Give me the time again.

I'll put it on the sheet for the camera so everyone knows.

5809.

Oh, wow.

With brackets with elevation, a lot of elevation.

Running for an hour.

Yes.

I can do that fair play to you.

There is

an Instagram video about a hack.

A supermarket hack.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

now I watch all the hack videos but I know them e.g.

five things not to put in your dishwasher right spiders spiders what else oil oil

dynamite dynamite gravel and broken glass yeah yeah yeah um how bibles bibles i knew unless you need to clean your bible

um

i

didn't know this hack Okay, so if you go into Tesco and they did it for all the supermarkets, but Tesco is slightly different

and there's an item on offer with a yellow label.

Yeah.

There is a code on that label which is the date the offer ends backwards.

I don't understand.

Okay.

So you go into...

He's going to say it again.

You go into Tesco, right?

I know he's going to say it.

They've got your favourite granola on offer.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

You've got half a bag of that granola left.

So previously

I had a decision to make.

Do I want this much granola?

Do I pre-load now, or do I wait until I've run out of granola in this space in the cupboard?

Well, now I see the code.

You eat granola in the bath, I did.

The code backwards is the date it ends.

So now I'm in there thinking, I got till the 9th of September to get my granola out.

And where's this?

Tesco.

Tesco.

Now the other supermarkets do different things.

Right.

Off the top of the old brain box,

Sainsbury's NASDAQ only do the start date, which is useless information to me.

Because it's just going to make me feel bad to think I've missed out on three weeks of reduced granola.

Yeah, yeah.

Like a complete chump.

So that was big, Dave.

So what's that?

The offer ending code hack.

Look at the light in his eyes.

I'm so excited.

That energizes John, like saving money.

Well, just you wait.

That energized him so much more than his 10k PB in an hour.

Look at him.

He's near tears.

There's only one way, though.

He's down, of course.

Okay, Dave.

Here he comes.

My local area.

Okay.

Big Tesco.

He looked very sad.

Look at that.

Big Tesco, small waitrose, small MS.

That's what you're dealing with.

Okay.

So high-end stuff?

Pretty high-end.

It's pretty decent.

Yes.

Got little or an Aldi?

Oh,

Aldi under construction, Lidl under consultation.

Okay.

This

changes

everything.

Right.

Everything.

Okay.

I'm going to be able to create the trifecta of value.

What's that in your drone says, Jack?

The trifecta of value is going to be...

I go to Tesco to just...

Well, first to soak up the Atmos.

To gather

I didn't think I could say this on I went to a big Tesco in Halifax to buy some pants because I'd forgotten my pants I believe in Tesco Dave oh I think you can say that okay

but but then I also believe in Asda and Sains Research I don't think they're like inventions of the state yeah yeah I don't mind undue prominence around hebden bridge both have got to be careful around other things

um sorry john carrying so i'm gonna go to the reconnaissance mission starts in tesco's When the Aldi is constructed...

How's dating going, John?

I find that in dating, too early on, I get into the trauma zone.

This will keep you out of the trauma zone.

It's like the friend zone, but too intense.

So I start in Tesco.

It's information gathering.

We're not committing at this stage.

Also, now we've got the knowledge of when the deals end.

Yes.

I then cross the road to the aldi fingers crossed from september 2025 but looking at the groundworks it's going to be next spring yeah okay if little gets permission from the right opposite yeah yeah yeah yeah wow tesco must be living i know i would love to be a fly-on-wall at head office but if it's a big tesco they'll be selling stuff that you can't get in aldi well this is the case what's gonna be in the aldi just is it gonna be brands is it gonna be

i don't know aldi i don't know it is aldi your lone brand i don't know?

I don't know.

I never shopped at an Aldi before.

But then it's only a 25 minute walk up a very steep hill to the little.

Well that's good for your marathon.

Yes!

You know, it's hell work.

Incidental exercise.

I'm going to be the only person training for the London Marathon via the trifecta of value.

You're the only person training for the London Marathon by doing incidental exercise and saving money at the same time.

Because we know from previous episodes, he does run with his backpack on.

I do, I can do.

I will do.

He will.

So, yeah, it's going to be.

And then, once I come out of the little, I'll know what I need from the Tesco and the Aldi.

Yeah, yeah.

And then at the days, then it's time for bed.

So, what am I writing about?

So,

am I writing the trifecta of value?

Yes, trifecta of value, please.

Dave, trifecta.

Is that T-R-I-F-E-C-T-A?

Yeah, great.

Okay.

Any losses, John?

Well, Dave, we've got more wins.

Okay.

Bedroom painted.

Sheds, painted.

Every day I've gone on my meditation walk, I've seen the same family of deer, and it is too cute.

How can you tell?

Because they got jumpers on.

Because there's a parent, I'm guessing a mum or a stay-at-home dad

with

two youngsters, and they frolic together.

Right, okay.

I went to Margate to see see Lily.

We had a girly weekend.

We set the world to rights.

Oh, that's nice.

I tried to stop her suing various bodies,

various councils, companies, the IOC.

She's going through a suing phase at the moment.

Great, great.

FIFA.

FIFA.

But we had a lovely time and it was Margate Pride.

Okay.

Which a bit noisy for me.

But I do support it.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

So many lesbians in Hebden Bridge, you'd have loved it.

Really?

Yeah, big time.

How did you know?

Do they wear special jumpers?

No, I googled Hepton Bridge.

And it's basically one of the first hits.

You didn't Google Hepton Bridge, did you?

What do you think I googled?

Hepton Bridge lesbians.

Just in case.

Yeah, I googled Hepton Bridge lesbians just in case.

And

it's absolutely loaded.

Sandra is.

It's off as nothing there you go google it dave i don't need to work computer i don't need to it's fine um

so you've got to give you a credit card these days uh

i so but here's here is a loss there was a fire on the train track the day after pride

so no trains were leaving margate I cannot tell you how many people were trying to get out of Margate Sunday morning at like 11 a.m.

Pretty hungover.

Yeah.

And they're building up at the station.

So what do I do?

So that goes in the lost column day.

Fire on the track.

Fire on the track.

Fire on the track.

Who's the one person who's going to be able to drive you from Margate to Ramsgate in an astonishingly quick time with very little eye on highway code?

James Stewart.

Not James Stewart.

Lulie Sanders.

Oh.

She came up Trump's.

I didn't even need to say, I need to drive you.

I need you to drive a little bit fast and irresponsibly.

It's just in her nature.

Great.

So she got me there with three minutes to spare.

Is that a win or a loss?

It's a huge win.

Okay.

Went to cricket with Ellis.

Went to the oval with Ellis on my thousandth sober day.

That feels like a win.

Was it?

I didn't know that.

I knew you were approaching a thousand.

Do you not understand why they all everyone got up and

clapped at the lunch interval and I was on the big screen?

So that's why they were all raising their bats.

Yeah, I've made it into the top 50 of the all-time sober cricketers.

Great.

Headed, of course, by Gary Sobers.

Nice.

That's nice.

Come on.

You've got the battle.

Thank God you didn't dismantle it.

I don't know if this is a new thing,

but twice this week I have come across pickled onion discos.

Oh.

I don't think that's new.

Well, it's.

I've not seen them for years, though.

Oh, sure.

I mean, I've not seen them for since the 90s.

Well, they've come into my orbit, they've come into my purview, and I like it.

I love it.

Oh, my God, come spring 2026, you might be able to buy them in Tesco and in Aldi and then possibly in Libya.

I know, pickled onion.

Okay,

purple, Dave.

Dave, we go again.

We go again.

My ISA interest has been reduced by base rate and they are on it like a shot.

Biggest spider I've ever seen in the UK

in my bath two days ago.

Okay.

So how did you deal with that?

Did you get your next door neighbour to do it?

I mean, she's in her 80s.

No, I am more chilled out about spiders since my tarantula meeting.

Right.

So

I'm not going to mince my way.

Just paying rent.

Yeah.

It's in the spare room.

And we we have got off with each other, but we're not gonna go out full time because it just makes it awkward.

Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.

I hit it with a shoe.

Shig shooker.

Is that okay?

Is that okay?

Why would that be unokay?

Well, Hannah.

Why do you think the RSPCA are going to get in touch?

Hannah would be livid.

Why?

I'd drop it in a pint glass.

I'd trap it in a pint glass.

Spiders and pint glasses all the time.

This was the biggest spider in the UK.

It would not have fit in a pint glass.

A pint glass

would have crippled it, and that's worse.

Drop in some Tupperware.

I don't want to do that.

Why not?

Because I didn't want to leave the room while it was in there in case it escaped

or built a hut.

You love to kill.

I love to, and I love killing.

Oh, my God.

You sickle.

Dave, there's more.

Because we do have other.

How much more do you think?

You don't want me to win, Dave?

No, but you.

Well, look at it.

I have Room of the Winds.

Okay, new albums from three of my favorite artists this fortnight cass mccoons nico case big thief shine a okay great shine a light shine a light okay new albums

i've run out of room john let's just take it as

there we go it's been a huge week of wins yeah uh so what's the final score please is that it yeah are there not any more losses i lost a wordle on the final day to fill that

any of the

any other gameplay losses this week what do you you mean?

I've seen something.

I've seen a couple of things on social media that suggest you might have.

Did you play Scrabble at the weekend?

How dare you?

How dare you?

Well, no, I just.

Do you think

you're unsackable, Darryl?

Don't prod the bird dear.

Look at him.

Alice, we need to be fair and accurate.

I'm just.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

Someone's cottoned on to the fact that you lost Scrabble to the tune of about 100 points.

No dear.

That's not true.

Do you know what?

Depending...

I lost by one point.

No, no, because you said no, because you had to take your cue off.

You are a liar and a thief.

I did have to take my cue off.

I did wonder if it would come up and I thought I'd just be in the wings.

I was just thinking just to see what sort of side of himself he showed on the the tripo.

It's very bad for his brand.

It's his carefully cultivated brand and persona.

Me, a big old, me, a big old fico.

I did say to Lou where in the moment I said

mention this on the radio and I will end content.

No, I said this is going to go on my wins and losses.

I have forgotten it.

Yeah.

And I've forgotten it from VM.

I will see you.

I will see you.

So, Lou and I are playing Scrabble.

I'm aware she's in her suing phase.

Yeah.

I start with the word Slither using all my seven letters for I think 74 points.

Of course, I'm thinking this is going to be an absolute railroading.

Yeah, yeah.

Johnny JR's come to play and he's just bingoed off the bee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's

and that's up.

And that's before the Scrabble.

Yeah.

Lou

then plays

not just all her letters, an eight-letter word using one of the tiles to write cottoned

for 94 points.

Wow, Lou.

Over a double-double.

Okay.

So you double it, then what you're doing?

You're doubling it again.

Double squared.

And yeah, it's weird that you didn't mention that on your losses, isn't it?

Well, she was a bit heavy at the time.

He's so forgetful.

That's how I always think of John.

Mr.

Forgetful.

Beg question

what what other losses has he covered in the past yeah dave you know i am more than willing to embrace the losses of life however at this point this is a win because i'm i'm up against one of the all-time greats

or

some kind of spell has been cast or mistake has happened turns out Lou's one of the great word game players of her generation.

People just don't give her credit for it.

Not on Cat's Test Countdown because the pressure's too much.

Yeah.

But also on the losses, John, what about the wet sweet stuff?

Yes, Lou hadn't stocked up on provisions for my stay.

Yeah.

So there was like one and a half slices of frozen bread for breakfast.

No, there was not, there was more bread.

Come on, I made you a berry bowl.

Shut your mouth.

But

I made me a berry bowl.

No, the real low point was getting out some fizzy sweets that were wet through.

Yeah, they'd been in the cupboard so long they'd started to sort of melt.

Oh, like coagulate.

And Lou had found an old bag of popcorn, but it was just the dust at the bottom that had sort of stuck together into one hard, like popcorn rock.

So we both just took bites out of this popcorn, which is actually quite tasty.

So anyway, I then closed off the board, which was my huge error.

So we then had a very bitty game where it's hard to get all your tiles out.

But I hold my hands up.

120 in the lead, and that's your karma for killing spiders.

um

so that's it i'm i'm off now but i just wanted to just pop in with a chainsaw going in the background just to say that um

you know i take no pleasure in letting the nation know that i'm the winner of scrabble okay no it's good you know lose in the background of every recording just waiting for us to be missed it's great

um all right have a lovely time

bye

Wow

well I can't take anything he says seriously.

He's hanging quite crushed.

Let me paint a fuller picture.

Well, now she's off the line and she can't respond.

He just doesn't have integrity like he used to.

Something's changed.

Something's changed.

I have love and light in my soul.

You're not.

If you...

Don't you dare say I'm not going to.

I knew that how.

No, no, no, no, no.

God, no.

I did know.

No, I didn't want to win.

I did want to win, but I didn't do that.

I allowed,

in error, a rule whereby we could look up words.

I would never usually allow that.

I thought this is fun.

This is spiritual practice for me to stop being such a

stiffy about it.

So we did get to a stage in the final third of the game

where

just

infinite combinations of letters were being looked up by one of the parties involved, and one of the goes took 10 minutes.

I won by two points.

However, I knew all along I was going to lose because I had the Q in my BP.

Okay.

Back pocket.

Q in the back pocket, which is 10 off me and 10 to Lou.

So 10 came off mine.

10 went on her.

She won by 18 points, I think.

Okay.

And I, you know, it was a shake of the hand.

There was no tantrums.

Was there not?

No, no, no, no, no.

I mean, I was by that point, the game had been going for about three hours.

So I was...

I was keen to get to bed.

Yeah, yeah.

But no, she was very impressive and played some really good plays.

Good.

Lovely.

What a lovely surprise having Lou on.

Lovely, always lovely to hear Lou.

Always nice, always nice.

And we go from one

comedy guest to another, don't we?

Yes, we do, of course, because we've got so many pals, because we're well liked.

Since being associated with Ellis, I have become well-liked.

He has reinvigorated my brand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's a good guy to have around.

It's taking a little bit of brand management.

Yeah.

Yeah, because we're yin and yang.

Yes.

I tell you what, no one wants to hang out with.

Yang.

No, it's the yin.

You've got to have yin and you've got to have.

The ideal is both.

Yes.

Too much yin.

No thanks.

Moonface Buddha, sunface Buddha.

That's what we are, David.

Ellis and John.

Ellis and John.

That's why it works.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway,

we have a special guest on the line.

Well, yes, everyone's been saying, John, are you going out to Edinburgh this year?

John, is Edinburgh worth going to without you?

John.

The whole festival.

Why am I in Edinburgh without the scent of talent on my nostrils?

Yeah, oasis don't count.

Oasis don't count.

And I say, you've got to be in Edinburgh, even if I'm not there.

And, you know, Edinburgh tourism are going, John, please, this year we'll pay you 100 million billion pounds.

We've lost the American market because you're big in California.

I say Edinburgh matters.

I back Edinburgh.

I believe in Edinburgh.

I support live comedy and creativity.

And that's why every week we're dipping in to the smorgasbord of superb humour.

Have you made this about you?

Look at things about me, because I'm me.

Introduction to the comic.

Creating humour.

Edinburgh, this is you.

We're not the comic we're about to interview.

So

no one else is doing it.

one of the kind grain that's not oh norton does it

nickel parkinson yeah yeah and where are they where are they where well parkinson's at the cricket yeah is he well he's died oh and he died yeah but he was at the cricket before he was at the cricket which is what i want for me yes

um

but someone who i definitely don't want to die at the cricket is celia a b hi selia Hello.

Hello, how are you doodling?

I'm okay, I think.

Your room looks very neat.

Very tidy.

Hey, hey, hey, now.

It's all about self-care at the fringe.

I make my bed every morning, and then I down five pints in the evening.

And I know for a fact you take that framed Rothko with you everywhere, don't you?

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

Very hard to get it in on the Lumo.

Very hard at first.

Had to send an email.

How's the festival without John, Selia?

Is everyone okay?

Every time I walk around, everywhere I look around, people are in tears.

People People are in tears.

They're saying it's just not right.

It's just not right.

They retired my room like they retire shirts for footballers.

So that room is just dark for an hour.

Empty.

Yeah.

Actually, no one candle burns, but they have to keep a sound tech there just for health and safety.

But they reflect.

Yeah, only got five stars on children.

So Celia, what are you you doing up there

i'm doing a work in progress

oh lovely it's wonderful i didn't realize just how stressed out i was about reviews and all of that until i completely eliminated them yes

yeah it's just like it's a nice festival when you're not scared of being scrutinized i guess

i would say one thing though that's worse is when you haven't eliminated reviews but the reviewers don't come

so what happened to me one year as a non-comedian

as a non-comedian What do you mean by so do reviewers not turn up for work in progress shows?

Is that a general rule?

Is that what you mean?

I did get a reviewer who asked if he could come and I replied with why.

Oh nice.

Yes.

Why?

But it's like they would go if it was like Seinfeld doing,

I think.

But they tend to give people the freedom to sort of mess around.

This sounds much nicer doing work in progress at Edinburgh than a Finnish show.

Much, much, much nicer.

It made me realize just how much I was playing for the pen and notepad in the room normally.

And I feel like I can relax into it a bit more.

It makes me widely unlikable across comedians who are doing finished shows.

So what are some of the key talking points?

What are some, what's some of the goss, please?

Was the goss?

Okay, well, first of all, I got here on Sunday, so I saw the fringe from afar.

And there's something quite biblical about this year's fringe.

There was a storm.

Arthur's seat is on fire.

Yeah.

Have you heard about this?

Jordan Brooks's show is just done with a thousand locusts.

I don't think I've had any gossip that I can broadcast.

Can you text me the gossip, please?

I will text you.

I will text you the gossip.

But

there seems to be...

quite a nice vibe quite a nice vibe i will say but also you're seeing it from my perspective which is I'm doing a work in progress.

Of course,

I have no pressure whatsoever.

And it's the first time that I feel joy here.

And that's that's such a good, that's such a good adverb for the friends.

You feel joy there once every 10 years.

Are you working the show up for a tour, Celia?

Yes.

So

the show

is due to be finished in

late August 2026.

So I tell people when they come to do the work in progress that this banana is very green.

Well,

so you're on a 125 in Hive 1 at Monkey Barrel, which is a great time for a work in progress.

A great venue as well.

So what are you doing in the afternoons and evenings?

Are you seeing things?

Are you going outside of Edinburgh?

Are you going and swimming in the sea?

So far what I've been doing, and I'm very smug about this, I've been waking up and doing a little workout in my room.

Again, very unlikeable across comedians.

Very, very unrealistic.

I also have made the mad decision of quitting coffee about a week before coming up.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, and it's a firm no from me.

Yes.

It's um

how has that affected the old mind?

Well, here's the thing.

It's kind of like a devil's choice because coffee makes you anxious, but stopping coffee makes you depressed.

Yeah.

Actually, I didn't drink coffee in 2011, 2012 because I had a terrible reveal from the Daily Mirror after drinking too much coffee and Redbull before the show and making irrational decisions on stage.

Really?

Yeah.

You didn't drink coffee for two years.

Not at the fringe

because

I was very tired.

I'd been out, so I thought I'll just have loads of coffee in Red Bull and I'll do the gig and I'll be fine.

And then the mirror were in.

I was bad.

The review was damning.

I thought it was coffee's fault.

Yes.

So you're finding the old brain fires a bit quicker on stage without caffeine.

No, it's slower.

it's

it's slower.

Um, I mean, I keep stumbling on my words.

Yeah, I don't think I think that like I'm having a nice time in the show because I feel like what I've realized is I had to find the child that was so stressed out about always doing something that's perfect or trying to attempt perfection.

And um, I speak to her before every show and I tell her, like, just go out there and play, just play.

Oh, I love that for you.

I must admit, I wrote a new show last last autumn and I did lots and lots of work in progress gigs.

I far prefer work in progress gigs to doing the finished product.

I find doing the finished product quite boring.

It's far more exciting knowing that things are going to change based on what you say on stage than thinking I'm happy with this and it's going to be the same every night.

That's why I've got the Found the Circuit quite boring.

Wow, weird.

Well, I did.

I always thought you were very happy and content in the line of work you've chosen.

I would just say if I if I could choose to do one thing, I would choose work in progress gigs of doing the finished product.

I'm with you, Alice.

I'm with you.

I'm with you.

I think, I mean, this is self-promotion now.

You could see

a finished film every day if you wanted to.

Yes.

But finished or finished.

Finished.

Finished.

I'm not sure I'd watch a finished film every day.

No, no.

But

Seeing someone's mind in a way that's vulnerable and there's failures and I think it adds contrast to actually when it goes well.

Um, and you can see that contrast at 125 at the high one every day.

That is a far more articulate way of expressing what I was trying to say.

Yeah, so yes, I agree with Selia.

Well done.

I do have one bit of gossip that I can share.

It's about it's about me, actually.

One thing that happens when you stop drinking coffee is that you end up having to get to Jenny Brafring and you have to order a kilo of prunes off Amazon.

And that does make you quicker on stage.

It does.

It's my flatmates

are all in on it.

There's a countdown.

We're all very excited.

Yeah, it's express delivery.

It didn't feel good.

It's never happened to me before.

And yes, I think it's.

The trouble with prunes is

the packet

doesn't want to admit why you're buying them.

So there's no dosage instructions.

I've never actually eaten the prunes because I'm so scared.

Well, because they're very tasty.

Yeah.

You can quite easily get through a whole one, but there's no going back.

So they're tasty and moorish.

It's like taking too big a drag on a doobie.

Yeah.

It's like once it's in your system.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, you're throwing a whitey.

Yeah, yeah.

And then you found your truth.

Yeah.

Well, Celia, we've got a problem for you to solve.

This is Call a Comedian, of course, and that's why we're calling you a comedian.

Yeah, um, I'll read out today's um, today's problem, the jingle first because we've already had it, haven't we, Dave?

I don't think we have, no, Ellis said he should be a singer.

That was that was another jingle that I sing on.

Wow, his talent knows no bounds.

Well, I'm just good at singing on jingles, so yeah.

Let's hear the jingle

Who'd you call if your boyfriend's lazy?

Hella, boyfriend.

Who'd you call if your bum goes crazy?

My bum going crazy now.

Don't call a scound leader.

No, no, don't call a dog breeder.

No, dog now.

Call a comedian.

Call a curian.

Yes, and here we go.

Dear comedian of Ellis and and John's choosing.

Last year, I attended a pop concert in England's fashionable Leeds.

Throughout the...

Oh, another fan of the North.

There we go, I believe in West Yorkshire.

Throughout the show, I'd been both seeking eye contact and successfully making eye contact with a very pretty and very tall lady.

Being something of a heightsman myself, I'm not put off by a six-foot sex pot, like some shorter men who are mentally weak.

Hello.

As Fontaine's DC walked off stage, I attempted to bump into her and ask what she thought about the show.

Not only was she pretty and tall, but she was French, or should I say, Ellester je ligrande de française?

Hold my hands up.

I had to Google that as I speak no French at all.

We chatted about the show for 20 minutes or so, and after sharing a drink at a nearby bar, we kissed on the lips or embarrass ceiles l'Évres.

Sally's got a head and hands.

Enjoy, Dave.

That's That's how the French display joy.

Yeah, no, no, he's fine.

I've said this to John before: that his French has like chunks in it.

Chunks in it.

Alas, she was returning to France the next day, so we weren't able to take the evening any further.

And touche les clochards or comp

or compare les organes geniteaux.

I don't want to help this guy.

I wouldn't.

But many months of messaging, Spotify playlist swapping and voice note leaving followed.

And I even downloaded Jira Lingo and then didn't open it for six months.

Almost a year since our post-Fontaine's DC snog, and she's asked me if I would like to visit her hometown of Mourmonde Le Gonde

near Rhemes.

So how can I, a man who backs Britain to the hilt, come across a suave and sophisticated in Mormonde de Le Grande?

Will they have Coleman's mustard there?

Do they wear knotted hankies on their heads at the seaside?

And is there an equivalent of the neighborhood watch scheme I could volunteer for to integrate into the local community?

Yours, Jack, aka Jacques.

So we've picked that for you, Celia, as a French expert, a FREC expert.

What about, you know, how does the Englishman impress in France?

I don't think he deserves her.

I think he's too he's too keen I think that the he's um he's too keen I think the um so he's going to see her in France

okay I've never been to Rhème but it's um

okay

so the problem essentially is that he's trying to fit in in France right yes yes okay so don't attempt to speak French because I don't think it's working well for him but to be fair it was acted by John so maybe it's better.

Maybe it's better.

So you think, is it better to speak in English than bad French?

I think that, like,

here's my take.

I think if you're

an alien in a place, as opposed, instead of trying to fit in, you should play up your differences.

So I think you should actually go hyper English, Mr.

Darcy.

Like you should really just like go full-on English.

a bit of the exoticism.

Don't try and fit in because if you're trying to be as French as possible in France, you're comparing yourself to actual French people who will always be more French than you, who will always be more French than you.

And

I think that the

yeah, just like go hyper English, hyper-English, or like American, try something else, yeah, yeah, yeah, because Ian Moore, the comedian, dresses, he's he's the ultimate sort of mod in the way he dresses.

And he moved to the Rois Valley and they used to call it, I think they used to call him the mad Englishman because he'd turn up to watch his son play sort of under tens football and he'd be wearing like a cape.

Would there be a good present for Jack to get that would go down while in France?

What a lovely young man you are, Dave.

Dave, you're

in the dating scene.

Okay.

Again, I think that like seeing as they've met in England in Leeds,

I would pick, I would ask her if there's any snacks that she misses from the UK that she particularly likes.

Great snacks.

Which is always, can we say brands here?

Oh, yeah.

Which is always Maryland cookies.

Okay.

Really?

Can you not get them in France?

No, you can't.

You can't.

We have better options.

I got some free in my hotel and I left them there because I don't like them and do like them because of balance.

Because I'm balanced about them.

And sometimes you feel neutral about them.

Yeah, but they are the cheapest cookies it's possible to make, I think.

I mean, when I first moved to the UK, I couldn't believe Poundland.

I was a

Poundland not a thing in France.

They have Euro Disney.

Oh, yes.

Come on.

You've moved the bell too far away, John.

Thank you.

There we go.

Oh, I wish I had a bell.

Bing.

Bing, bing.

Yeah, I think that, like, that's always my, the thing that I do.

If I ever...

Like, I was in Australia and I'll ask people, are there any snacks from Australia that you miss?

Are there any?

Like, I think that's such a thoughtful thing to do.

Um,

and uh, maybe

okay, they've met at a live gig.

Maybe see if there's any live music around Len.

Great.

Oh, great.

Well, this is good stuff.

I got learning lessons here.

Yeah, yes.

I'm gonna, I think, like, the

it's kind of it's kind of the perfect gift because it's not too emotional, but it's thoughtful.

And you're playing to your strengths because you can take that with you from England.

You You can take it from the airport.

You can, you hope that her favourite is Toblerone.

Yeah, or bin bag full of mama in the hold luggage.

Yeah.

Open it up, there you go.

Have you got 10 Tupperware boxes for me to pour this into?

Because this costs a grand.

How is your French going, Alice?

Oh, c'est mon combas.

C'est ten combas.

Yeah, that was really good.

It is my struggle, is it?

Oh, right, yes, now.

Good job, you weren't saying that in German.

Yes.

But you've been busy, haven't you?

I have been busy.

I find it absolutely fascinating as a language.

But I find the vocab much easier to learn than the grammar and the sentence structure, curiously.

But yeah,

I'm sticking at it.

Jefferie de Montmieux.

I think you're doing great, Alice.

You are.

You're doing great, but

you're whispering in French.

Is that a choice?

Yes, it's because I'm embarrassed.

I always whisper when I'm embarrassed, which can sound creepy.

You've got to lean into it.

Yeah.

Le camemonberre.

Because that's how some of them talk.

What is it?

Do you know what I find amazing is there's so many friends in my life who like

just speak to me like I'm a regular person.

Yeah.

But then once in a while, I can see that they'll do what John is doing.

And

it's like a countdown.

Whenever I meet someone,

at one point in our friendship, they will

have to say, bonjour.

I mean, I'm living with Amy and Nish, and Nish was with Madame LaFrance.

Everywhere we are.

Madame LaFrance.

Well, Celia, thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you for solving a problem.

Thank you for giving us the goss.

And thank you

for,

you know, keeping live comedy going.

Yes.

You're welcome.

And you can watch Celia Keeping Live Comedy Going in Edinburgh at 1.25pm at Hive One at the Monkey Bar.

I hope everyone's doing all right up there in Edinburgh without John Sean.

I hope everyone's okay.

Yeah, I'm just about to go to the hourly meeting that we do where we just scroll through his Instagram and we

thank you so much for having me, boys.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Thanks, Sarah.

That was great.

That was brilliant.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Ellis, great trainers.

Yeah, I was thinking that.

Look at you they're new.

I don't often wear them because I usually cycle in and I don't get them dirty.

And you've got your like, you've got your slutty little shorts.

Oh, my God.

They're actually a French brand.

You're Paul Mescaling.

You're Mescaling.

They're a cycling brand.

Well, you all look great, boys.

It's a pleasure to speak to you.

Thank you.

Yeah, and best of luck with the shows.

thank you very much bye bye bye

right everyone let's read some of your correspondence and you can send that to ellison john at babes

dot

oh because it doesn't work it does work if you just say it normally

i was trying to do it in french yeah i know élisse jean a babes bebeset d'Atque that you care.

And first.

Very Peter Sellers.

Yes.

Do you know what it is?

It's the pompe de frou-frou from Black Adder Ghost.

Black Adder III.

It's like my German,

my German impression is straight from a lower low.

And I've never actually met a German person who sounds like that.

Thank you from Alicia from Bordeaux, Dave.

Oh, sticking with France.

Who sent in a picture of a vigilante wildflower spreader embroidery badge made in my honour, Dave?

Wow.

Because I am a vigilante wildflower spreader once.

And I might do it again next year.

Might you?

Well, if you strike again.

If the poppies are in bloom, Dave.

Yeah.

But yes, Alicia says, I was looking for fun slogans to make into badges for my new pair of dungarees.

I, too, happen to love poppies and have tried sewing some on the side of the road where I get the bus.

So hearing John's phrase, vigilante wildflower spreader in episode 458 was a godsend.

Thank you for sending those in, Alicia.

It's absolutely gorgeous.

This is, however, a more damning bit of correspondence from Robbie.

Hello, my scrummy little pumpkins.

Following on from Dan in Norwich, Dan's a fantastic man, observation last week that Ellis guessed that a credit card measured 0.2 centimeters wider than a pint glass is tall, I thought it useful to explore just how wide of the mark Ellis was in his original estimation.

Great.

While this is not an exhaustive list,

it is hopefully helpful in its comparison to other everyday options.

Ellis thought a credit card was half the width of a standard toaster.

Yes.

The length of a regular hot dog.

Yes.

The width of an average man's hand from thumb to pinky when outstretched.

As wide as half a loaf of bread.

Yes.

Half the height of a two-litre bottle.

Over three-quarters the length of a standard house brick.

As long as a six-inch sub-style sandwich from a high street sandwich broadcast.

Well, I haven't got one, have I?

Well, you know, I've got a lot of people.

I haven't got a credit card, so I had no idea.

Yes, you do.

I've got a debit card, but I thought they might be different.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pondering even further, I wondered whether there was more to be made of Ellis's dimensional drawbacks.

I have heard on more than one occasion various TV and radio programmes relating the sizes of land masses to an area quote the size of whales.

Yes.

With that in mind, I thought we'd apply Ellis's credit card faux pas to more everyday usage, e.g., when there is ample space for an oncoming car to pass you on the road, you could shout, you could fit an Ellis James credit card through that.

Or when watching the cricket and a team refers to a DRS shot that clearly missed the bat, the commentators could say, he missed that by an absolute Ellis James credit card.

When fishing, and you catch a fish slightly smaller than expected, and release it back into the river, you could then boast to your friends with arms outstretched that it was a whopper, a real Ellis James credit card.

If we get this right, we could collectively contribute to the national lexicon and make a difference.

Not since seen the advent of Are You on email?

All my love, Robbie.

Thanks, Robbie.

Do you know what?

As long as I am

contributing to the national conversation and making things clearer and longer and longer, but But as long as things become transparent

by using a metric of measurement that I didn't want to become part of the national conversation, but seemingly has done, then I've won, actually.

I've succeeded.

I've done my bit.

You've expanded knowledge and learning.

Absolutely.

I've made things clearer and bigger.

And bigger.

And wider.

And much

and less accurate.

Yeah.

Right then.

Is that all?

Have you got another email on your Torito list?

Yes, a couple actually.

Um, dear Sultans of Sounds, in a recent episode I listened with joy and a tinge of envy at Ellis's exploits at his school's dad race, and it reminded me of a dad's race I was in.

I watched with delight as my son competed in the various races served up at his Primary School Sports Day, but my mind was also on the big one, which would close the curtain on the event for another year, the dad's race.

When the time came, I duly stepped forward into lane three, wanting to do my son proud.

Unaware of this exact event, I asked a couple of dads how long the race is.

Two, yes, two dads replied that it was one lap of the track.

I naively took my place in the start line and awaited the gun.

I wasn't unduly worried by the competition as none of the dads looked that fit and I'd done plenty of 5ks, 10ks and half marathons to manage a brisk jog around the track.

I started off slowly sticking to my strategy of going easy for 200 meters and then the big kick finish.

They'd lied.

They'd all lied.

In a flash it was over.

It was 60 meters.

They'd gotten into my head.

I was languishing fifth or sixth, and it was over.

I'd let my son down, who was soon to leave primary school, and there'd be no other year for redemption.

Anyway, please be aware of the competitive nature of the dancer is.

Thanks so much for all the laughs.

It really gets you through.

Paul from the Isle of Lewis.

He'd have looked so mad when that gun went.

Yeah.

Just sort of taking a gentle 10 meters and absolutely loving it.

But also quick thinking on the other dad's parts.

You got to give it to him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

They'd have looked at him, seen that he was in fairly good shape, and thought, right, we need to scupper his chances.

He's the one to beat.

This is a WhatsApp.

Hello, my bedtime buddies.

It's not meant to be creepy.

It's just you keep me company every night when I put my four-year-old son to bed.

Now, I'm not here to tell you off, but I was very disappointed in your last episode on the 8th when you mentioned how Taylor Swift is not nostalgic.

I'm the one who said that.

It's not quite what I meant, which is why I'm going to read this email.

I'm not an Oasis fan.

Perhaps it's because of my incredibly youthful 36 years of being alive.

However, I can understand and accept that their music is nostalgic.

Taylor for me is this.

I'm a heartbroken single mum who, despite a 13-year failed marriage, absolutely loves love.

I want to forever remember that I'm a boy who played Love Story in his room and his guitar for me at the wholesome age of 18.

She's been with me through the highs and lows.

I just wanted to gently correct you on this.

Otherwise, I may never sleep tonight.

And not just because of Foydo loves to sleep horizontally across the bed.

All the best, a Swiftly called Chanel.

Hang on.

Taylor Swift's been making music for 18 years.

She's been around for longer than I'd realized.

I will admit that.

Love

Love Story was released in 2008.

That's surprising to me.

Ah,

that's that's that's an issue for me.

That's horrible, actually.

That's absolutely disgusting.

2008, Dave.

So half her life ago, she listened to Taylor Swift.

36.

Oh, my God.

Coal because Taylor Swift credit cards were massive in 2008.

She's in her mid-30s, Ike.

Yeah, 35.

So hang on, hang on.

How old was she when Love Story came out?

She'd have been 18.

17 years ago, isn't it?

Yeah.

She was just a young pop singer with a good career that's continued and all the best to her.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Ah.

So.

As far as I am concerned, Taylor Swift is new.

This is true.

It It is true.

She is new.

She's a new pop star.

The Arctic Monkeys are new.

With a lot to offer.

With a lot to offer.

My favourite Taylor Swift song, that.

Yeah.

Is it?

Yeah.

It's great.

The new one.

Yeah, the brand new one.

Yeah.

It's on the A-lists of all the radio stations.

The Kaiser Chiefs are new.

How long?

The Killers are new.

How long ago did Justin Bieber release his first single, Dave?

Well, he's 58.

I think Beeves must have been at a similar time.

Justin Bieber debuted.

He was very unnosie when he started.

We're going to have to wrap soon because Libsy's waiting.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

2009.

So Swift outdates Beeves.

He's my reference point for new pop music days.

No, he's a veteran.

Strike it from the records.

He's only 31, Beebs.

Yeah, Beebs did start young.

Beebs.

Good old Beebs.

Yeah.

According to Wikipedia, his mother is called Patty Millette.

Good.

Okay, well thank you everyone for listening.

We feel sad now.

Yeah.

No, no, I feel educated.

yeah.

Uh, and vote for us in the listener's choice awards, of course.

Yes, vote for us in the listeners' choice awards for the British Podcast Awards, of course.

We're in the top 20, we know that much.

We need to go higher.

Vote for us if you have any sense of justice.

Bye-bye.