#450 - Backing Framed Content, Backing the Compliance Form and Backing the Riff

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BBC Sounds, Music, Radio, Podcasts.

Hello, everyone.

Last week on this show, we reported that BBC Director General Tim Davey had spent the weekend indulging his passion for the annual man versus horse race in Powys.

Describing the conditions as gnarly four times, at the start line, Davy told an intern to, quote, hold my Calippo before attempting to outrun 60 horses over 21 miles of mountainous terrain.

Davy was unsuccessful in his attempt, and on his return to Broadcasting House, found himself in hot water.

He was required to appear in front of a cross-party committee to defend his use of BBC resources for the event, including a four-man security detail, chauffeur-driven Walls Edition Range Rover with freezer compartments in the central console and a boot converted to house a Mr.

Whippy machine.

However, under questioning, Davey doubled down.

After slurping from a Tango Ice Blast.

After slurping from a Tango Ice Blast, Davey is quoted by the Times as saying,

As a young boy, I watched a humble fly, which any modern intelligence test would conclude was an idiot, master the complexities of flight.

Ever since, I've wrestled with the question, man or beast, who is king?

How can I, born with all the advantages of my age, not bear the temperatures of the foolish snake, nor survive ocean depths which a child's play to the squid, a renowned thicko?

I will not rest until man is returned to his rightful place at the top of the pecking order.

When questioned by Bridget Phillipson as to what a licence fee payer might make of mobile phone footage showing Davy foraging for limited edition magnums placed along the route by a Radio 4 production intern, he remained resolute.

I think the British public want a BBC that stares into the eyes of any steed mare or cult and looks for a weakness that he can exploit.

I think the average viewer wants the BBC Director General to neither cower nor quake in the face of conditions that I've made abundantly clear were gnarly.

Despite receiving an official warning from the government, Davey has not removed future challenges from his calendar.

July alone will see him attempt to outdig a mole, headbutt a wasp, and beat a pigeon at chess.

The thing is, you see,

you make a very important point there, the average BBC viewer.

And I think the average BBC viewer wants their DG to be relatable.

Absolutely.

What's more relatable

than

racing against a horse to see who is fastest and to try to work out ultimately, man or beast who is king who is king who is king yeah because what good is it to you know invent ai yeah launch rockets to the moon if a humble moth can fly out of your reach exactly yeah yeah

brilliant we can we can send emails to the other side of the world

but i am slower over time than a daddy longlegs yeah rubbish

there you go.

Oh my god.

One of your odder intros, but I enjoyed this.

Yeah.

I'm just

I do wonder whether

do we keep prodding the bear at this point?

Prodding the bear?

That's what he's doing in August.

It'd be an amazing thing to get a sack for.

Can you imagine that?

Good stuff.

Good.

Favour's just ring the good rages bell there.

This has put a spring in my step.

Much needed.

What has?

This just the last couple of minutes.

Great banter with two friends.

Oh, that's nice.

Because it happened to me yesterday.

I fell down a manhole.

No, I'll take that, actually.

Walked into an overhanging branch and scratched your eyeball.

No, happened to my mum in 1986.

Very annoying.

I was fast asleep, but my son came in to the bedroom.

What time?

Well, he said, Dad, have you gone to school today?

I thought, God, you must be up early.

You've woken up before my alarm.

And I looked at my watch and it was 8.51 a.m.

Oh, yesterday.

Yeah, school day.

School day.

And school.

And obviously, John doesn't have kids and is not at school anymore.

Still starts at 9.

Some schools start at half eight.

Yeah.

Some schools start actually at half seven.

In the UK?

I think so.

I know American schools start at.

If you've got like a preschool club.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's different.

That's if you've got work and you drop them off early so they can be looked after, yeah.

But school starts at nine.

Okay.

And what happened was Izzy is filming a sitcom about basketball in Yorkshire for CBBC and she'd taken the plug-in charger leaving the one where you balance your phone on top of it and I'd put my phone on top of it and it hadn't started charging okay so my phone had run out of battery overnight so I'd set the alarm before going to bed the alarm was set for 20 past seven but obviously I'd slept right through that so both my kids had woken up what had they dressed themselves what had he managed to do without parental guidance?

This is interesting.

He'd gone down to watch some telly.

Betty was crocheting.

Oh, that's lovely.

Were either of them dressed?

No, so I run down.

It's now 8.52.

So are they teeth brushed?

No, no, no, no, no.

Betty was thinking, great, I've got the day of school because my dad's a loser.

I'm imagining a scene like Home Alone, where they're just sat with huge bowls of ice cream with like MMs and jelly tops on them.

Absolutely horrific.

But there's no way you're making nine.

Well, there is no way.

What I've got to make is 9.10.

I do not support it.

Because Betty goes swimming and they start their walk to the pool at 10 past nine.

So I run into the living room.

I said, have you brushed your teeth?

Have you had breakfast?

What are you dressed?

And she went, no, no, no, I'm crocheting.

I was like, right,

put your uniform now.

And she said, but I haven't had breakfast.

I always put my uniform on after breakfast.

And I replied, don't know why I said this.

I'd only been awake 60 seconds.

I said, a week is a long time in politics.

Good.

I quoted, oh, why?

Harold Wilson.

I said, a week is a long time in politics.

And she said, isn't that Brad Butler?

No,

no, but it is attributed to Harold Wilson.

But she said,

Why are you saying that?

Why do you say that?

I said, I'm mean circumstances.

I've slept in.

Stephanie just woke me up.

Also, you have to be conscious that you can't have a go at them.

No.

Not their fault.

No, it's their fault.

It's absolutely not their fault.

Not their fault that you are a to quote

Chris Tarrant.

Was it an ignoramus wimp whinger and a thicko,

which this story seems to bear out?

Is he still in weakling, or is that just my own imagination?

Not weakling, weak.

You are weak.

We did always say that

the glow-up sign behind your head, John, should get renewed about once every 18 months or so.

Well, I was always against that until now.

Until now, because I think we need a new slogan.

What would it be?

Ignoramus.

Weak wimp, ignoramus and thicker.

Thank hello.

The Ellis James story.

So you're quoting politicians at your daughter.

Yeah, in my pants.

Yeah.

Which is never a good look.

Which is not a good look, right?

So I realized, so we've got 10 minutes.

So

before going, teeth.

Izzy asked that.

On the Friday show, we read out an email from someone who said that every stride matters and every...

What was the other phrase the email he used?

It was Lawrence, wasn't it?

Every journey counts.

Every journey counts.

So I said, so one thing came into, I was lucky in one regard in that they had pea.

They had pea and it was cloudy, so I didn't need to do sun cream.

And pee is very easy to get dressed in because it's just shorts and t-shirts and so on.

Thanks, right?

In your house, you've got one of those Wallace and Grommet shoes that drops you into your trousers and makes toast.

I would love one of them.

So I said, Betty, go up and put your...

And she didn't need to brush her hair.

She was going swimming.

So I'm already making efficiency.

So I said, go up and get dressed.

And she she said, but I always get dressed after my breakfast in a week is a long time in politics again.

She put a uniform.

Steph, in fairness to him, got dressed himself.

Toast is down.

Right.

So toast down, I made the toast very quickly.

He said, I don't like jam on toast.

He just had bread, bread and milk, prison style.

Wow.

Or hedgehog style.

Don't feed him cat foods.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's actually the other way around.

Oh, is it?

Yeah, they like

they don't want bread.

Don't feed your hedgehogs bread.

Yeah, anyway, it's now like sort of 8:59.

Okay,

uh, they ate very, very quickly because in Fairness and the kids went into crisis mode.

Yeah, they see, I think they genuinely see the

authentic panic in a parent's eyes and go, Oh, god, okay, now they were so cooperative.

Yeah, as I was running up the stairs to get like toothbrushes and stuff, my watch, I got a notification on my watch.

It said, Wow, you don't usually do this much exercise first thing.

Well done, and keep it up.

So, um, I went to get toothbrushes, didn't need to do sun cream because it was so cloudy.

They're now dressed, they had eaten.

We drove up.

I got them there at 9.09 as her class were leaving.

So, she, she, she went swimming.

And I'd packed the swimming stuff the night before.

So, in that regard, it was fine.

The cortisol and adrenaline or whatever it was didn't leave my body until 2.30 p.m.

Wow.

Now, here's my thinking.

Oh, yeah, here we go.

Well, no, firstly.

Not my fault, though, I'd set my alarm.

Yeah.

It's not about fault.

I'm just thinking, why not just do that every day?

But at 7.20?

No.

Why not get back?

When they're back from school, you say, right, kids, right, Steph, right, Betty, did really well today.

That was a drill.

From now on.

That's the standard.

That wouldn't wash.

It wouldn't wash.

I know what you mean.

And yes, when they're not being super cooperative, in the back of your mind, you do think, but what about that time when dad was in crisis mode and courting Harold Wilson in his pants?

Yeah.

You did get dressed so quickly there.

The spanner in the works is uniform because it's shirt and tie, and it's just much trickier to get them dressed with shorts, t-shirt, wallet, bang, done.

But surely it gives you, you know, in future situations,

it gives you a little bit of an idea of just how fast they they can go,

just how efficient they can be.

Totally.

I looked an absolute shambles walking into school, though, because I hadn't shaved, I hadn't showered, I never leave the house without washing my hair.

Had a dressing gown on?

No, I was football shorts and counting football weekly live tour t-shirts 2023.

That's nice.

But

you got it done.

I did get it done.

But also, in a sense, your expertise is doing stuff late.

Yeah, I did think that on the way home.

I did think to myself, you're good.

That's you're good at that.

Yeah, that had to happen to anyone.

And if we hadn't had the 9:10 cutoff, it wouldn't have been quite as frantic.

Yeah, we're never late for school.

I don't agree with lateness for school, but that they were

extenuating circumstances.

I'll just provide you with a counter picture.

Oh, yeah.

So, I woke up this morning at 28 minutes past six.

Okay, I had to leave at quarter to nine.

So I'm in my bed, obviously, to start with Wordle and a cup of tea.

Then once the Wordle and the cup of tea was done,

I just started announcing the men's.

Every 15 mins, I'd say 95 mins until we've got to go.

80 mins.

95 minute lead-in time.

65 mins.

Did you miss any of the

50 minutes?

You never miss the men's.

I mean, sometimes I would do them after every job.

So

once I had unloaded the dishwasher, 58 men's.

Once I'd made the coffee, 40 mins.

And just constantly reprioritizing how much can I get done before we leave.

And

left early.

Metline was down.

Metline.

Not a problem.

Nominegusta.

Nomine gusta.

Nom nomine gusta.

It's a famous phrase.

But it didn't matter because I'd left 29 men

for a 20 20 mins journey to the station.

So I was there for the earlier train.

People in the main,

once you enter London, are thickos.

What makes you say that?

Every decision they make.

Well, how they make it.

Okay, so enter Baker Street station.

Okay.

Big announcement.

The Met line is cancelled both ways.

So please use the Circle and District line.

But bear in mind, the circle and district line is running a reduced service so trains might be very busy that's the headlines okay okay on the newspaper of baker street station those are the headlines okay you get down to the circle line platform so it's rammed presumably it's rammed in the middle oh right yeah

but yeah the entrance sides but the entrance to the platform is right on the left right where there's no one oh so people are actually walking further to to go to the bit that's rammed,

where the train is going to be rammed, where people aren't able to get on the reduced service that they've already been told about.

The woman on the platform then says, everybody, please listen, go down to the end of the platform.

Do not stand in the middle.

You will not get on this train.

People just stand there.

That is weird.

It's weird and mad and thick.

It's worth it than a lot of tourists, do you think?

Well,

the only way is that people are just who don't speak English.

But even then, you still have to walk further to get to the busier bit.

I think there's a natural thought.

You get onto the platform, you just want to walk.

As you wait.

Why?

I don't know.

I always squidge on the end.

Yes.

Because it disperses the further.

But you've already walked there.

Because if you walk to the platform and you stop at that first bit of the platform,

that's satisfying.

Why is that?

No, but that's where people bunch up.

So you always walk further on so that you've got more room.

Yeah.

I like to walk to the end.

I like exploring a platform.

What, in the middle?

Yeah.

And then you get bored of exploring.

You don't get on the train because it's too busy.

Everyone at the end of the platform gets a seat.

Yeah, I'm always looking for a seat.

Let's go to the end.

Dave, is English your second language?

No, I just like challenges.

Okay.

No, I'm not saying I always stay in the middle, but

if I entered a platform at one end, immediately my brain's going, well, just keep walking and go and find a spacious bit, forgetting that you're already in a, not understanding that you're already in the spacious bit, My brain will go, go on, go keep walking.

I do know what you mean.

You'll find it probably at the end.

If it's spacious where I've arrived, I will continue to walk.

This is what I mean.

This is what I mean.

Now, I'm not stupid enough to then stop in the busy bit.

I'll probably try and get to the very end to see if that's the bit that's more spacious.

The middle bit is where the party is, dear.

Yeah, you want to feel a part of something.

Yeah.

Well, I didn't want to feel a part of something.

I wanted to feel a seat on my body.

Yeah.

And I did feel that.

And I won a competition.

I went to a community fate on Saturday.

Did you?

I did, did, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I won a free personal training session because I did the battle ropes for longest after I'd sat in a fire engine.

What?

There you go.

Why were you in a fire engine?

Well, because it's a fate and that's what you do.

You sit in fire engines and you eat a hot dog.

And then there was a personal trainer, and she set up some battle ropes.

She was like, free session for whoever does it longest.

I said, what's the record?

She said, one minute, 30.

And I said, watch this.

With your thirst trap abs.

Yes.

And she's been texting me, When can I work with you?

Really?

Yeah, she's into heavy lifting, Dave.

Wow.

It really is a purple patch for Alice.

It's probably the best day of my life, actually.

It came before.

It came a few days before

school run gate, which was hard.

And it meant I was very tense last night to go to bed because I just didn't want it to happen again.

But essentially, that late school run experience is a bit like High Rocks.

Yeah.

Because you're going to various stations with a 400-metre run in between to get the kids going so like steph is a bit like the uh ski erg betty's like the rowing machine yeah run between the two make sure you hydrate take a camel pack yes uh shall we see if this purple patch extends oh we should we should yes because with the welsh women's football team about to kick off their bid for glory in the 2025 euros in switzerland on saturday can fellow welsh person ellis james give the team the boost they need ahead of the tournament yes

this is going to be

beamed into the dressing room as an inspiration for the Dragonettes.

The Dragons, there's a great

documentary in BBC Sounds Rise of the Women in Red three-parter about the story of the Welsh women's team, which is very, very, very, very, very good.

Can he bolster the pride of Wales by connecting with his country folk?

It's time to find out in the Cymru connection.

It's another Cymru connection.

Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection.

But his questions have one direction.

Where did you go to school?

Do you know Daffy Levins?

No.

Come on, mate.

You must do no.

We've never met

at all.

Yes, Ellis James will have 60 seconds to find a connection with a fellow Welsh person, but first an email.

Ellis, Ellis, people are bringing their own tactics.

Oh, okay.

You're a bit like

a football manager who goes to the local pub.

The form is so bad that people like

armchair commentators.

This is from Andy.

Afternoon boys, longtime listener, double retro one.

Like many listeners, I'm a big fan of the Cymru connection.

As a non-Welsh person, though, secretly, I'm always hoping that Ellis fails.

I feel it's the ultimate example of Schaudenfreuder.

However, I'm emailing in to try and offer Ellis some tactical advice in his connecting.

Having listened to all of the Cymru connections, I think one of the many issues is slow build-up play.

His question asking is akin to passing from goalkeeper to right back to centre-back to centre-back to goalkeeper and then left-back and eventually looking to move up the pitch.

Ellis has professed previously that a person's school and age is all the information he needs to connect, although his current form suggests he may need a little bit more info.

However, the issue lies in how long it takes him to get all the information he needs.

For example, in episode 446, Ellis opened with his trademark, where did you go to school?

His follow-up question was Steph Guerrero, followed by my friend Jack who doesn't like the Velvet Underground.

Yeah, that was vague.

And then if you went to university, where did you go?

Only then did he ask how old the caller was, a full 21 seconds into the allotted time.

Which really limits the time left to throw out random names.

I have a simple suggestion which should vastly improve Ellis' gameplay.

All he needs is to ask at the beginning, is where did you go to school and how old are you?

Yeah, okay, okay, thank you.

The portmantea connect.

And thus within a maximum second of five seconds, Ellis has all the information he needs to connect.

You could even go, Agent School?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

that's huge that's great advantage and school right like basball dave yeah

this should give him plenty of time to delve into the caller's biography and make the connection or more likely more time to say um before saying mike bubbins or eggsy hope this helps

i hope this helps and best of luck in all future connection that's from andy actually i do know an eggsy as well i know an eggy and an eggsy

So last week, Ellis managed to stop the rot and make a successful connection to caller Kerry from Newport via Steph Guerrero's sister.

That win brings Ellis' connection rate up to 46%.

Let's see if Ellis can continue this good form and put two wins together on the bounce.

Now, Dave, before we start,

I think we need to just have one eye on the Novelli protocol.

Ah, yes.

Well, we do have the Novelli protocol.

Should we be reminded of it?

Let's be reminded of it.

Okay.

The Novelli protocol states that a connection will be deemed successful if both Ellis and the Caller have met the person in question, casually or socially, even a low number of times.

However, if Ellis or the caller has met the person in a combination of the following situations purely professionally less than three times or for a less than a total of three hours of conversation the connection is void.

I Pianovelli, author of the Novelli Protocol, hereby affirm that this protocol is binding in Cameron Connecting Law in perpetuity.

There you go.

It's just it's that simple.

That's Pianovelli then.

He should be doing terms and conditions on radio and no because that's my speciality.

We didn't speed that up.

No, no.

Did you not?

Or would you need to for a professional day?

That's good.

Because we thought he'll send it in and we'll go, do you know what would be quite funny if we sped it up a bit?

Because that's quite funny.

And that's what we got.

I tried to recreate my skill of doing terms and conditions on the talk sport show once, and I accidentally said the S word and then the F word and the S word again because I forgot I was on radio because I was coming live from a travel lodge.

What show?

Do you remember?

Charlie Baker's show.

It was the last time I did Torquesport.

I feel sick.

I feel sick.

Could I have a drink of water to relax?

You've got water in front of you.

Yes, I'm asking if I can drink it.

Yes, you can.

Do you know what?

I can see the water, not blind.

I haven't drinked Thicko.

But I need a

whinging, Thicko and Ignoramus.

Not our words.

The words of Chris Tarrant.

The words of ITV's Chris Tarrant.

Who, if you just, you know, take his first name and initial, Christ.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I suppose.

We have a caller on the line from Wales.

Hello, caller.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

It's a crucial stage.

The Novelli protocol in operation.

Connections needed.

New tactics advised.

You have 60 seconds on the clock.

Go.

Agent School.

Abbasakan Comprehensive.

I'm 47.

Okay.

Abbasak.

Where's Abbasakan?

Just outside Pontypool.

Oh, right.

Okay.

What do you do for Livy?

I am an adult skills tutor, digital marketing.

Okay, where do you live?

I live in Flanharan.

Sanharan?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay, if you went to uni, where did you go?

I did not go to uni.

Okay, that's fine, Sanharan.

Do you know my friend Rodri Viney?

Yes, I do.

Oh, my God!

His tribe from behind the halfway line.

That is...

That was Beckham.

That was Beckham.

That's extraordinary.

He was nowhere.

He didn't even know two places in Wales.

No, he was absolutely out of the game.

And he's just seen the keeper off his line.

Rodri grew up in Bargoy.

Do Do you want to know what my tactic was?

I'd love to know.

I was edging towards Pontepool.

Because I find that if I name...

So, for instance,

if I had to name someone from Lenethli, I might start in the Gundrath Valley.

I'm edging towards Lenethli.

So I just wanted to get the ball in an area and

speculatively.

Well, Pontepool and Abu Sachhan in this scenario.

How do you know Rodri?

I used to put put on quite a few shows in Cardiff in the kind of early to mid-2010s.

So I put on Rodri when he was at Ratatosk and

right-hand, left hand with Bernie as well.

Oh, what a great band.

Yes.

They are so good.

They're one of the most successful popular Keeper Session sessions musicians we ever did when we were on Radio X.

There must be more connections.

So do you know people like John Rostran?

Yes, I know John.

Yes, I've just checked before we started actually.

We've got 18 mutual Facebook friends.

I was hoping this would be a doozy for you, to to be honest.

Interesting, very interesting.

Feels good.

I want this to begin.

Do you remember in the mid-2000s when Matty Taylor was playing for Portsmouth and he scored about three goals of the month

from like nowhere on the ball?

Yeah, Jeremy Goss is another one.

Tony Iboa's Tony Aboa had a great month and then no one heard from him again.

Yeah.

This is nice.

I feel so nice.

Yes.

I feel like I'm in the back.

So, do you can you name any more of the mutual connections?

Ones that would pass the Novelli Protocol.

Claire Robono, Liza Margate, who has been mentioned on this in the past, presumably to me.

No, not Craig.

Steve, I think you've mentioned in the past.

Steve Black.

Oh, of course.

Name some because we're now on the lounger.

Yeah.

So you can go hell for level if you want.

You'll be on the lounger.

You're getting off at the disco.

We got, do you know Craig Evans with the cameraman?

Oh, yes, yes.

Yes.

Craig goes to work with Craig.

Gareth, Gentlegood, Gareth Bernello.

Oh, yeah, what a guitarist he is.

He had

his album the month and the Guardian Query Sneak for a folk album, Gareth.

Gentlegood.

Very, very, very, very good record.

This is so nice.

Alice feels nice.

Do you know Mark and Bernie used to

run Music Box?

Yeah, I know Bernie more than Mark, yes.

But yeah, I used to go down to Music Box every now and again to

have we met?

We haven't, though.

Ah, interesting.

What would happen if there was actual direct connection?

We've talked about this.

I argued that that's the ultimate connection.

I think you said, John, that that isn't a connection.

That's not the gameplay.

Well, I don't know if a direct connection, if it was very brief, would pass the Novelli protocol.

Not if it was brief.

And also, if they were a childhood friend.

Yeah.

This is like the opposite of how I felt on the school run.

It's like my heart and lungs have been filled with hot honey.

Right, that would be awful.

It's nice at the moment.

It's like what they do to Egyptian corpses.

Fucking mummified, but in a nice way.

Sorry, Cola, what's your name again?

It's Ben.

Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.

Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.

Do you know?

Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.

Thank you so much for calling.

Who works at Club?

Chill, yeah.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And

Jimmy, James Chant, used to run Goody Who.

Oh, of course, yeah.

The Raman place.

This is good.

I feel this is the best week of my life, I think.

Yeah, it's the best week of Ellis's life.

Thank you for making that happen.

Thank you, Ben, Ben Ben.

No problem.

Thank you for having me.

And yeah, we will have another connection next week.

Let's hope this begins a wonderful run of form.

Oh, Ben Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.

Goodbye.

Thank you, Ben, Ben.

Bye-bye, Ben.

There we go.

Wow.

Ellis is in.

I mean, he's in heaven.

I didn't see it it coming.

I was preparing for a moment.

No, none of us saw that coming.

Your face.

I wonder if we picked up your face on camera because when he doesn't know the name of the school, you looked at me with a kind of

like a like a parent's looking to their partner during the school play thinking, oh, she's wet herself.

God, the nurse is going to have to clean it up.

The arm was already creeping around the shoulder.

Yeah, but I was edging towards Ponterpool.

You were, but even you looked surprised when it was a kind of

that was a real because it was nice for you to get back on the horse last week.

I think we all came away from it thinking that was a bit of a gimme, you know, Steph Guerrero's sister.

Yeah, tapping.

It felt a bit

safe.

Whereas today's our no one.

I've gone from Gunnindica to Tony Aboa.

Yeah, you have.

Right, another one of those next week.

And coming up on the Ellis James and John Robbins show, a made-up game.

Suffs!

The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home!

Winner, best score!

We demand to be seen!

Winner, best book!

We demand to be quality!

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

Well, before we play a made-up game,

we teased this in Friday's episode, and we're all oh, so excited.

Dave's been desperate to open his big box, but I've said no because I believe in content.

I believe in Britain.

Yes.

And I back the riff.

I always back the riff.

So Dave, get your big box and open it with your floor and scissors.

The thing is, we've been sent a big box, so we're doing an unboxing.

The thing is, this could be really boring.

It's it's addressed to me.

Dave, I back the riff.

I know you do, but are you?

Don't use scissors towards your hand away from you.

Have you ever been on a Raymears bushcraft course?

No, I didn't.

Not that we use scissors.

Right.

Doesn't feel very bushcrafty, opening a box in an office.

I went on a first aid course on Tuesday, got home, was being all kind of um

do you want to kiss a life on it?

Yeah, a bit performative, pretending I I knew everything, and then slashed my finger with a knife about five seconds as I was cutting a cucumber.

Oh, damn.

And Hannah says, you there's a little bit of me that thinks you deserve that.

Oh, uh, anyway, here we go.

It's about an A2-sized box.

Yeah, it's a big old box.

John's very good at guessing paper sizes.

We were having a meeting to discuss the tour, and he kept saying A2.

No, A3.

Yeah, yeah, A3, A3.

No, then he said A0, and then he said A0.

I don't even know why A0 is a thing.

Do you have an A minus then?

No, it's four-sheet.

The problem with this is, John, if this is just a branded item, we're going to struggle to even leave it in.

Dave, back the riff for once in your life.

He's entered the riff matrix, Dave.

So back here.

You're just cautious of a riff with the.

Oh, caution kills the riff, Dave.

How many times have I had to tell you?

Let's read it.

That's what he tells his audiences.

It says caution kills the riff.

Now let me speak.

Oh, I've got on my card.

Okay, I am speaking.

We're clear of hurdle one in that it's not just some PR guff Right, because there's a nice letter.

Dear producer Dave, time, lord of time stamps, keeper of chronology, master of linear and circular realms.

Oh, so it's from Santander.

Wishing me a happy birthday.

Inspired by the ongoing temporal tug of war between you and the two most delightfully disoriented broadcasters in British audio, we thought it only right to honour your tireless efforts to keep things vaguely on track.

Whether that track is circular, linear, or just a tangle of warped timelines and unexplained tangents.

This is from me, Dave.

It's well written.

Superb.

Super good.

We've struck gold, it seems.

And if at the bottom of that letter is a company name, we're not going to be able to give them their fair chance.

It's a shame, isn't it?

Because we backed the riff.

We backed the riff.

Yeah.

Okay.

Are you glad to be in the riff?

I'm enjoying myself.

There you go.

I'm enjoying myself.

This was born out of some cheeky bants on the Facebook group, but we hope it brings a smile to your handsome, stressed-out producer face.

Thanks for keeping the time stream and podcast intact, even when Ellis thinks it's Tuesday in 1997, and John's arguing that time is just a construct used to oppress broadcasters.

Did you know about this?

Is this you know, this isn't a setup, is it?

No, because this is just genuinely

a wasp of like a bees nest.

No, no, no, it's just with love, admiration, and mild confusion, all the PCDs.

Well, that's because they're a nice bunch.

So, this is just this is just some

that's been sent to me from the PCD.

What is it then?

So, I just assumed maybe this was a bit of a set piece and that you knew what this is all along.

No, no, I haven't organized this.

Oh, okay.

It's a framed picture.

Me lent next to the TARDIS.

Someone has backed the riff.

Someone is fucking leaning against the TAS.

Someone is riffed up to the eyeballs.

Time Lord Masterman, Master of the Linear and Circular Content Slash V.

Well, you can catch up with it.

Hi, player.

Because, Dave, if there's one thing you're always going on about it's playing

buddy who isn't it

you know I can't who's your favorite doctor who's assistant of all time doctor who's assistant Billy Piper good shout thank you mine would be Sophie Aldred

uh

thank you I yes no it is it is a thank you oh it's a massive thank you

because actually do you know what good frame for starters yeah and that's not don't you get any ideas about removing the picture and keeping the frame Dave because we back the riff so we back the framed content so it's very nice it's a photoshop picture it's my head on i i can't tell you which doctor who probably tenant yeah i'm not sure actually your head's too small thank you it's just like a sort of david burnesque suit it's like ai has hallucinated ellison john merch

fair play to you though i mean fair play to the listeners it's because you're mastering the linear linear the linear and circular circular content you've got a sonic screwdriver in your hand.

Is that what it is?

Yeah.

I mean, from what I know about Dr.

Heidi, it's going on the Impossibly Thin Shelves, Dave.

Yeah.

I mean, in terms of what this could have been, I'm not sure this could have been much better.

It could have been two reams of paper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or like loads of Frankfurter sausages.

Do you know what?

I'm really glad we've done it, John.

What?

Back the riff, yeah.

Yes, you always do.

You've got to back the riff.

Not in front of Astral Weeks.

It's going in place of Chesney.

Oh, that's a shame.

Or Or Gareth Bale.

No, no, no, Chesney.

No offense, Chesney.

No offense, Chesney.

Well, Chesney can go elsewhere.

Occasionally.

Occasionally, you back the riff and it goes wrong.

And you know what?

In how many episodes have we done now?

Oh, loads.

Loads and loads.

That's happened.

We've backed the riff, but not this time.

Not this time.

Thank you very much, everyone.

Do we have any more posts, Dave?

We'll save more posts for, because this is a Tuesday, Ab.

We don't usually do some post in Tuesday.

We don't usually do.

We don't usually do.

I am the Time Lord, John.

Also stick to my time.

And we might save the post for the Bureau de Change and the mind because that's going to have been wrapped up.

Yes.

If you listen to

us.

Okay.

I think it has.

Because if you listen to Saturday's

last Saturday's episode, John, in an incredible feat of creative writing, has wrapped up about 250 different storyline strands.

Bureau de Change, only on BBC Sounds.

Also,

when Ellis says wrapped up, I mean,

don't look too carefully because, you know, it's wrapped up like your child has wrapped your sort of Father's Day present.

Yeah, there's a few loose ends.

There's a few loose ends.

Government snot.

Yeah, and,

you know, your child's book editor has said, no, really, you've got to start knuckling down on this now and stop that other thing you're doing.

Even I don't understand it, and I work in publishing.

And it's not an excuse.

It's not an excuse.

You signed a contract.

This could be quite lucrative.

What you're doing is for free.

This is not lucrative.

And no one asks you to do it.

And you signed a contract.

And three hours per 10-minute script is a bad use of time.

Yeah.

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

Do you need some help?

Yeah.

Well, what was happened is John's back the riff.

I didn't ask.

Didn't aff.

I became the riff.

But that's the Bureau.

It's a wonderful episode that was released on Saturday.

It is worth a listen.

Do you find when you sit in these seats for too long, you get a very sweaty body and crotch?

Yeah.

Can we get vented seats?

Not for next week.

You know how backpacks have foam on the back and a little channel to allow air to go flow through.

That's what I would like on these seats.

They're very good

if you're a cyclist, those backpacks.

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

Shall we made up game it?

Yes, let's play a made-up game.

Lovely.

We have a new jingle.

I can't lose now.

You can.

Yeah.

You can't, but I know what you mean.

It doesn't feel like I could lose.

I mean, it's such a good time.

We bat the riff.

His lungs and hearts are full of hot honey.

Yeah.

It's like if City had won the Champions League and the week after they were in the League Cup.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They can't really lose because the biggies are in the bag.

That's safe.

Are you saying Cymru Connection is Champions League to Made Up Games is League Cup?

He isn't.

I regret it.

He isn't.

But I am.

Well, I tell you what, Cymru Connection has got a better chance of getting on tele.

Please make it on S4C.

Beepsy Wheels, yeah.

Yeah.

I think you'd need more to it than that, wouldn't we?

Well, you would have different people each week.

You'd have Ellis.

Okay.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Back in the riff again.

I tell you.

Ellis James.

Right?

Yes, he's there.

I'm just trying to think of other Welsh people.

Michael Sheen

Stiffens.

No, we need a woman, Ellis, crying out loud.

A couple of people.

Ruth James.

Ruth obsessed with all male lineups?

Ruth Jones

are in a studio.

Good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A member of the public is on a podium.

Shiny floor.

Yeah.

Well, as shiny as BBC Wales can afford.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Floor, right?

And you get each a question in turn.

Spotlight.

Spotlight.

Yeah.

Ruth Jones.

Yeah.

Where did you go to school?

Nice.

Ruth Jones gets one question like, do you know so-and-so?

Okay.

On to Michael Sheen.

Okay.

Have you ever played bridge locally?

Yeah.

Specifically Patalbutt.

Yep.

Do you know

Karis

Jones?

And the contestant is wearing like a unitard.

Yeah.

Ellis James.

I just say um.

And the host, Colin Jackson, says, that's not a question.

Yes.

You say, have you ever been involved with people who work at Clubby for Bach?

Yeah, yeah.

You say, do you know Henry Whitticomb?

Bipoo.

First round to LSJ.

You can win 100 grand.

For charity.

For charity, a proportion in which goes to charity.

That's a good, that's the Cymru connection.

That's a good show.

It's a good show.

That is a good show.

Is that a repeatable format?

Yes.

It's not Topica, is it?

Dave.

No, what I mean is, this works because it's in and amongst an award-winning magazine format.

No, because this is Welsh people watching a Welsh show where Welsh people do what Welsh people do best, which is to connect.

I can guarantee to you that there are 3.1 million people living in Wales, and that would be watched by 3.1 million people.

The only people not watching it are the people who are in it today.

Yes.

And even they're watching it back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the iPlayer stats, it's a 100% programme.

First ever.

First ever, 100%.

And

because

when that feature was on the news, this bloke came up to me at a football match and said, Are you sure you're doing the connection on the news?

And I said, Oh, yeah.

And he went, So, where are you doing that thing?

Community centers,

and he thought it was my full-time job.

It should be.

Love it.

It should be.

Pitch it.

Pitch it in, mate.

Oh,

you could do it at the Millennium Stadium.

Pretty much out.

And also, you could do a roadshow.

Yeah, you could do it on Barry Island Beach.

Do it at Barry Island Beach.

Do it on

Barrafundal.

Do it at at the Gower.

Oh, no, Barifundle's too nice.

It's too nice.

You don't want 50,000 Cunry Connection fans trips down to Barrafundle Beach.

It would be health and safety.

There'd be so many, they'd actually be in the sea.

And there's very steep steps down to Barrafundle Beach as well.

Well, you'd have to put in some infrastructure.

There'd be a companion pod.

Legally, what if BBC Wales now make that?

Surely this counts as copyright.

Yes,

this is an even better version of coming up with an idea and sending it to yourself by recorded post, which people I know used to do 20 years ago.

Like those people in their 50s that put up that thing on Instagram saying, you do not have my permission to use any of my pictures.

Yes, yes.

That's wow, we've riffed the first 100%.

Back the riff.

Do you know what this is?

This is Who Wants to Be a Millionaire in the Capitol Studios 25 years ago.

Oh my god.

When the producers and Chris Tarrant, your best mate, Alice.

Imagine if this made John a millionaire.

Do you know know where you could sell it?

Then you sell it to small countries.

The Irish would do it.

The Danish would do it.

The Scots would do it.

The Estonians would do it.

The Maltese would do it.

Yeah, absolutely.

The Maltese connection.

The US is too big.

The Copenhagen connection.

It's all got to be C.

The Cork connection.

It doesn't have to be C.

Well, it does for the C.

Copenhagen connection, the Cork connection.

Yeah.

The Iceland in common.

If you don't get it in Estonia, the Tallinn tragedy.

Why is is it a tragedy?

If you don't get a connection.

Oh, right.

You wouldn't watch.

It'd be a confusing thing to watch.

Oh, right.

Some of the format doesn't work.

What odd ideas, man, you are.

Yeah, some of them don't work.

Some of them don't even make sense.

Some of them aren't finished.

Yeah.

And some of them just don't work.

I thought you'd call it Tarlin together.

That's nice.

That's a bit corny, actually.

It's not your vision.

We're mid-mug.

It's another made-up game.

God,

We're mid-mug.

It's actually horrible being this good at ideas.

Jono, sorry, we've left you hanging here because we said there was a new jingle.

Yes, and then gone off on

a lucrative tangent.

Jono,

hey, Ellis, John, and PD, thanks for all the great shows.

Keep them coming.

Here's a little jingle I made to show my appreciation.

Jono, take it away.

My world collapsed when you you won Monopoly

And when you won at Catan, I threw the toys from the prime and chucked the whole game in the sea.

I need something new,

these are all the same.

My wordles curdled, and my cryptic is driving me insane.

I need to play a made-up game,

made-up game,

made-up game

Straight from the listeners games, made up game,

oh

they really are the business games made up games, made up games

with John Robbins and Ellis James

and produced Dave.

That's high level.

Very booblay, or is it Sam Smith?

There's all sorts in there.

It's a bit slow club, Self-Esteem's old band.

It's a little...

Is it a bit of Ben Folds 5e?

There's no piano.

No.

It's got to be piano for you.

I don't want to criticise such a high piece of art, but maybe should have rhymed games with brains.

Made up games from the listener's brains.

Seeming incredibly hard.

As opposed to made up games from the listener's games.

He sent it in for free, John.

He spent his own time.

And I'm just giving him more ideas to work with.

You can't turn ideas off when you're John Robbins.

No, but you can keep them to yourself.

No, someone's you can't.

That's the thing.

It is his gift and his tragedy.

Jono, I thought it was perfect.

Thank you, Jono.

That was brilliant.

I can imagine sort of one arm on the Steinway.

Yes.

Dicky bow untied, top button undone, lashed off your head, straight out of the bowl, just hammered, lying on the floor, being sick on yourself as that song plays.

Started now.

Well,

I can imagine Gideon Cole and Mark Rayleigh having John Wynn to do a session.

Yeah.

I think it's a bit more of a kind of thing trying to play.

The mind knows what it wants.

It does.

It does.

Thanks, Jono.

I say it everywhere, but what a talented bunch.

Oh, so talented.

The collection of made-up games jingles.

We should just do like an extra podwind.

Welcome on Spotify.

Hmm.

What paperwork have I got to do for that?

Is that more work for me?

Back the riff.

Back the riff.

No, but I need to back the compliance forms.

Put it on Spotify and give all the money to a BBC charity, Dave.

We'll do it for comic relief.

They'll get you, you know, 0.37p from Spotify, Dave.

Yes.

Okay.

Thank you, Jono.

Every week we play a game that's been made up by our listeners at home.

It's a different game every week, of course.

Scores on the doors.

John is 30 love up, 1-0 up in games in the second set.

And it's Wimbledon soon, isn't it, Dave?

And it is Wimbledon soon, which would make that bit make a bit more sense for a while.

So Ellis is pulling away.

Don't want to panic you.

I don't care.

You're bulletproof.

I get it.

I've got half what I've already won.

Yes, he's already won.

This week's game comes in from Fred and Cardiff.

Here's a made-up game for you taking inspiration from the great Ken Bruce.

At the end of every round of Bruce's Potmaster feature, the original mug.

Hmm.

Is Potmaster the original made-up game?

Well, all games are the original.

Like, Go is probably the original made-up game.

But also, you know, on the radio in the 60s, they were doing games.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tony Blackburn must have done a version of this.

The winning contestant was presented with the name of a pop star and had to give three top 40 hits by the artist in 10 seconds.

My wife and I play this all the time, often at dinner, where one of us will blurt out something like, three and ten, Lady Gaga, go.

Drawing inspiration, the game is a little bit different to that drawing inspiration i thought up a game using this premise but with the added fun of dice or die it's called dicing with danger a player will roll the dice revealing the amount of answers they need to give Dave will then reveal that rounds category before hastily starting the timer to avoid thinking time sorry Dave say all that again zoned out didn't you yeah I was thinking about puns to do with dice and I was just thinking of a better name than dicing with danger but I couldn't so So

fair play to whoever emailed in.

Yeah, but again, compliments to the listener for getting involved.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Well done.

Because Dicing with Danger is the best.

I've gone through all the possible positions.

The roller decks of his mind.

I'll start that bit again.

A player will roll the dice.

Rolling decks.

Yeah.

Because you're rolling dice and decks are songs.

Play music on decks.

Yeah, anyway.

Rolling decks.

A player will roll the dice.

I think I'd ask what that meant.

Hey, the new latest game from Waddington's Rolling Decks.

What's that?

The fun family game to be played at Christmas.

What is it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can I carry on?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A player will roll the dice, revealing the amount of answers they need to give.

Dave will then reveal that round's category before starting the timer to avoid thinking time.

If you name the correct amount of items for that category in the 10 seconds, you get the points.

You complete the round.

For example, Ellis rolls a two.

and then Dave reveals the category football grounds.

Ellis has to then name two football grounds in 10 seconds to get the points.

But what's this?

John's rolled a five,

meaning he has to name five football grounds in 10 seconds to get the point.

Now, I think that's quite tricky.

I think five in ten is tricky.

Hard on that sounds.

Okay, but we're doing it at the same time.

No, you'll have one each.

Let me finish the rules.

You will both have the bloody rules a bit shorter.

Might be playing the game by now.

You will both answer the same category.

When a player is not participating, they will enter, you guessed it, the soundproof booth

and listen to a song of their choice.

Well, it means I get to try out these headphones because I'm getting them on Amazon.

Oh, yeah, you're still waiting on the old discount.

So, as not to have any advantage of hearing the category, John.

Because

if you're sat there and you're going second, John, and you hear the category, you've got probably a good 60 seconds to be thinking of six items.

Yeah, and that's no good.

It's a piece of pea.

It's a piece of pea.

Each answer will be verified, of course.

If it's decided that you give an incorrect answer at the end, you do not get the point.

Three rounds to decide the winner.

Cheeky fourth if you're having fun with it.

Yeah, I think this feels like a cheeky fourth.

I might be a cheeky fourth.

As long as the game's not as long as the instructions, we'll fly through.

Right, round one.

Well, I'm not going to reveal the category until one of you's in the booth.

Here comes Michael with.

Can I go in the booth?

Is the noise cancelling on?

John is obsessed with these headphones.

Because I'm going to own these headphones when they hit my price sweet spot and not before.

Okay.

Right, you ain't.

That is mad.

Every time.

It is absolutely mad.

It's like they suck sound out of the air.

Yeah.

Nothing's playing at present, can I just say?

Choose a song.

Choose a song, John.

John, choose a song, mate.

I'll have Lotus by Sven Wunder.

Ooh.

Oh.

So good.

He's blissing out over there.

He's blissing out.

Right, Ellis.

Yeah.

One dice.

By the way, these are heavy-duty gold-plated dice.

I was going to say, they make an amazing noise.

There you go.

So Ellis has his dice.

He's going to roll

how many.

Yeah, we know the rules wrong.

Four.

Interesting.

So Ellis has rolled a four, which is challenging, I think, depending on the category.

You ready, Al?

Yeah.

The category for round one, which will be the same for John when he takes his headphones off, is

films that feature Brad Pitt go.

Fight Club.

Oh, for God's sake.

I can't think of a single club.

That's it, it's hard.

But that was pathetic.

That was...

That was...

It's a tricky game, though, it's me.

I can't think of a single talented Mr.

Iplez.

No, you're thinking of Benjamin Button.

Oh, God.

Benjamin Button.

Yeah, the curious case of Benjamin Button.

Oceans 11, oceans 12, oceans 13.

Oh, yeah, I'm not going to watch them, though, man.

Anyway.

John, take your headphones off.

I'm having such a good time.

Oh, you're great.

We've got your friend Alice here.

Check out Sven Wunder.

Okay.

Oh, my goodness me.

I won't reveal how Alice has done.

Are you back in the room?

Yeah, yeah.

Are you good?

You're not still thinking about Sven?

Yeah, I am thinking about Sven.

Okay.

There's your dice.

Okay.

You just need the one because it's a maximum of six.

Ellis, are you in the room?

Yeah, of course I am.

Yeah.

I'm just looking up the.

Don't reveal anything.

What's this?

He's a sexy man, though, not an actor.

Well, I now know it's in the realm of film.

He's an idiot.

He's a thicker, isn't he?

Six.

Oh, he's got a six.

Now,

this would be impressive.

This would be impressive.

I think this is hard.

Okay.

Okay.

Ready, John?

Here's the category.

Films that feature Brad Pitt and your time starts now.

Seven, World War Z, Oceans 11, Oceans 12, California and Inglorious Bastards.

Oh!

We'll crank him up.

What's California?

That's a film he was in with.

Oh, I

have had a massive crush on her.

She's in a band.

Zoe Deschenel.

No, this is a long time ago.

It's one of his first films.

Interview with a vampire.

He was in that, wasn't he?

It's too late for you, Alice.

I know, I'm just thinking, I just can't think of the name.

California with a K.

Michael's just fact-checking because that

is impressive.

That's great gameplay.

That's really great gameplay.

Juliette Lewis.

Juliette Lewis, of course, and the Licks.

Is that the band?

World War Z.

Seven, of of course.

I don't know what you can tell by Ellis' demeanor as to how well he did, but.

John's in!

Six!

Well done, John!

Ellis got four.

No, no, no, no, no.

Ellis got four to guess, and he got one.

I can only think of Flight Club.

Okay.

But it's

not.

I'm not someone who re-watches Brant Pitt films.

As good as he is, and I just think of him as a sex symbol.

And it's almost a shame that you only get one point for winning the round.

Did I get six points?

Well, no, because

it's not your choice as to how many you have to name.

Yeah, but surely that's you get more for doing more.

So if Ellis had got four and I'd got six, he'd get four and I'd get six.

Yeah, we talked this through.

It would have been one all, wouldn't it?

If I'd got four and he'd get six.

But we wonder why.

That doesn't feel right.

Well, it's just because

it's not on skill that you would...

Well, it is on skill that you'd get six.

Feels like it's on skill.

Yeah, but it's not.

It wasn't luck.

No, but it's not skill that you've rolled six.

No, but it's just more for getting more.

I mean, Ellis isn't going to be.

I mean, Alice doesn't care.

He's already won, but I've already won.

Do you want it to be cute?

Do you want to speak cute?

Okay, do it.

One, one is fine.

If that's what you've got planned,

I think one just

gives it a level playing field across games.

It does level things, actually.

Also, I did lip breed Alice saying fight club.

Did you?

Yeah.

Interesting.

Did you say fight club?

No.

Oh, well done.

But

did that give you the theme?

Yeah.

We did think about blindfolding you.

Should have done.

I was watching you and I thought, don't read Dave's lips.

You

piece of work.

Well, I was just looking and I saw you go fight club.

Well, that could have been Edward Norton films.

Could have been.

Unlikely, Dave.

Could have been films with the word club in the title.

The breakfast club.

Fight club.

You piece of work.

Right, round two.

Can't wait to do some great lip reading in this round.

He's played the game.

Well, he's not, but.

Sure, I'm actually going to to close my eyes.

Ellis can listen to the same song.

Well, he might want to listen to this.

He'll love this song.

Yeah, I'll

listen to this.

I'm going to close my eyes.

Don't need to shout, mate.

Oh, he's enjoying himself.

There's your dice, John.

Roll it, please.

Let's race.

Let's speed on through.

It's a three.

It's a three, and you can't cheat.

No.

That's nice.

Let's see how good you really are.

Okay.

Here we go.

Here comes the theme.

You need to get three of them.

David Bowie albums.

Your time starts now.

Low, low, low profile.

Diamond Dogs and

Is He

Best of David Bowie.

Oh,

is there a Best of David Bowie?

If there is not an album called Best of David Bowie, you're not getting Best of David Bowie, okay?

If there's another compilation album that happens to be the best tracks by Bowie,

but it's not called the Best of Bowie, you're not getting...

That's fair, that's very fair.

There's an album called Best of Bowie.

God damn it.

Damn it.

That's not the best of David Bowie.

These is.

I've got that album.

I think the best of Bowie is...

It's pretty close.

I think if we hadn't had the cheating,

we would have let that go.

We've got to let that go.

I think we do.

I think we have to just wash our hands of the previous scandal.

and understand that actually the best of Bowie, if we had heard that without the previous terrible gameplay,

or just making use of all the advantages I had.

Well, there was nothing in the rules to say don't look at your contestant.

Yeah.

Headphones off, Val.

I'm having a good time.

Yeah.

All right, Alice, roll your dice.

Three.

Interesting.

Interesting.

The theme is

with 10 seconds in play,

albums by David Bowie.

Go.

Ankidori lad insane.

Ziggy Sadas and Spiderson Mars.

She's given us four.

Have I?

Oh no, you're not Ziggy's Adas and the Spiders of Mars.

Same album.

Great stuff.

Great stuff.

I don't re-watch Blood Pit movies, but I do.

You don't need to re-watch them to

re-listen.

I haven't re-watched any of those films apart from Seven, which, to be fair, I've seen 30 or 40 times.

I have seen World War Z and have forgotten every single thing about it, apart from the fact that they do go through Cardiff at the end.

Yeah, the lab at the end is in rural Wayne.

They land in Cardiff, yeah.

And when they said Cardiff, I cheered.

Because it's just nice to see Willie.

And the book quite hard work.

You've read the book to World War Z.

Dave, I don't know you.

It's an interesting game.

When, Caden, did you read the book?

About

four years ago.

Okay.

Just on holiday.

It's the rise and fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders of Mars.

But we can let that go, can't we?

We are, actually.

Absolutely, John.

What do you think we should do, John?

I think we should let that go.

Do you think we should let that go?

Due to factors.

Factors, we both got a point.

So it's two ones to John.

Ellis, John also got three.

Oh, yeah.

And also named three albums.

Granted, the final album was the best of David Bowie.

Come on.

But there is a best of Bowie.

Yeah, there is.

Come on.

Come on.

I tried to say Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders of Mars, but because we've been chatting to Izzy so much, I said Izzy.

And then I got Izzy trapped in my name.

Trapped in my mind.

Low.

That's what I was one of mine.

It's low, John.

Thank you.

Round three.

Great head.

Headphones on.

And I'm going to turn around, Dave.

Yes, you are.

Fair play too.

Who?

John.

What, for turning around so he doesn't cheat again?

Yeah.

Oh, sorry, you're stealing my headphones.

He's got his ear pieces in.

Okay, John's turned around.

Round three.

Go on, Ellis.

Roll your dice.

He's up in four.

It's a four for Ellis.

Yeah.

And this is the kind of round that in the past, I'd say,

might trip you up due to the pressure of of

the number that you could get here.

That's good.

Let's see.

Prove me wrong.

Okay.

What is it?

Trilogy films.

Are we ready with the 10 seconds on the clock?

The theme is

countries beginning with C.

Canada, Chad, Chili Cumberland.

That was a very quick time,

but that wasn't even 10.

But you did get it.

But I've done it, haven't I?

Yeah, you got it in like three seconds.

Good, good, good, good.

John.

I think John will get this as well, I'm afraid, though, Ellis.

John!

Pop round.

There he is.

Hello, everyone.

Hi, John.

Whoever made those headphones should be knighted.

Yeah.

And please don't send me loads of DMs asking which ones they are, because I just don't have time.

No.

But damn good headphones.

Damn.

Good.

Roll the dice, John.

That's another six.

Good.

We needed this.

We needed this.

He'll get it, though.

I'm not sure.

You might, but let's see how we get on.

Okay, here we go.

10 seconds.

You've got a six.

It'll be a challenge to name

countries beginning with C.

Go.

Canada, Colombia, Costa Rica, China.

Chad.

Oh!

Five.

Chad was one of mine.

Yeah.

Chili.

Chili.

oh i should have been all over that yeah i should have because you had the over you had the headroom at the end to get that six and also what because of what you did in lockdown when you learnt all of the countries in the world all right all right comoros

yeah yeah

it's two all how many did ellisk need he needed four and he got four yeah yeah you

can did you name

no i could have had cameroon okay yeah that was one that had to be a six for you to not get that but it was and that's and that's how it that's literally how it rolls so it's two all.

Now, do you want a fourth round or do you want a tiebreak question?

How do you want to end the game?

Fourth round.

Of course, we do.

Of course, we do.

I've had two sixes.

Yeah, you've been unlucky, but that's the game.

That's the game.

So me first, final round.

So it's two all.

It's two all.

Ellis, headphones on.

Also, if we draw this one, Dave, it never ends.

No, there's a tiebreaker at that point.

We've run out of categories at that stage.

Okay.

Okay, John is rolling the dice in his palms of his hands.

Will he give it a blow?

He doesn't need it.

He's off.

He's got a one.

And he is

he needed that he needed

he needed that dave he needed that okay also these are very radio friendly dice on these they're so heavy

michael where'd you get your dice from uh they're from a back gamma set great

lovely um okay i mean 10 seconds to name

prime ministers of the uk go blair give me the full name please Tony Anthony.

Is it Anthony Wedgwood, Blair?

No, it's Wedgwood, Blen.

Tony Blair, Anthony Blair.

Blair.

It's not Tony Anthony Blair, is it?

No.

Ellis will get six on that, though.

That's easy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, no, no, I think six.

I think six is easy.

Six is easy.

Ellis, pop out.

That is great.

Yeah, isn't it?

That is so good.

Second musical recommendation from you in a week.

He finds, this is Sven Wunder, or Wonder.

He finds Eastern European music influences and turns them into sort of a rocky vibe.

Okay.

Recommend his work.

Okay.

What's that tomb called?

I like that.

Lotus.

Okay.

Okay.

I mean, there's two people around this table, Alice, that are confident you can be getting a point here, we think.

Okay.

So roll the dice.

He's got a one.

Yeah.

This is the beauty of the game.

It's now an easy game.

Is it, though?

Yeah, but it can be a very

tapping.

Get this in your sleep, mate.

You got 10 seconds to name Prime Ministers of the UK.

Go.

Tony Blair.

There we go.

What's his middle name?

Yeah, that's it.

We're in.

It's three all.

It's been a fantastic game.

It's been a lovely day.

And we're at tiebreak.

Tiebreak, of course, we've not played a tiebreak for a while.

Nearest to the pin.

So you do need to scribble your answers, of course, at this stage.

We used to do tiebreaks a lot on Five Live.

The funny thing with Prime Ministers, you've got such choice.

It's almost for a second, it's overwhelming.

The third Marquess of Salisbury.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Blue plaque I walked past yesterday.

Yeah.

And Sydney Bachets.

Scribble down your answer, please.

Dice play an important role in board games.

So I'm asking you, how much was the global board games industry valued at in 2024?

According to Fortune Business Insights, never say

Steve, but you're sacked.

The whole point is to go for something that you can't get bang on.

You need a broad, rough idea.

That's the fun of a tie break.

That's the fun of a tiebreak.

What the global board board game industry.

All around the world.

I need it in dollars, please.

Okay.

Great.

Ellis, we'll come to you first.

20 billion.

20 billion.

20 billion dollars, John.

I've gone 4.8 billion.

Great.

Ellis gets it.

It's 14.37 billion.

Incredible.

And that means you're back in the made-up games game, which is nice.

14.8 billion dollars.

14.37 billion.

Wow.

That's everyone on earth spending like £1.70 on the business.

That's what I thought.

Everyone on Earth has got a board game.

But they're not buying a board game every year.

No, but also there are some countries where board games are massive.

And I thought that's going to tip the balance.

And some board games cost more than that.

So I suppose if a board game is 50 quid.

Ellis wins, which means it's 30.15 to John.

1-0 up.

in games in the second set.

So Ellis is, yeah, he's back.

Best week of my life.

Yes, I think so.

And he cheated.

He did.

I think maybe it's

the right result has happened.

I think so.

But while I'm honest,

I would say you are very shrewd.

Yes, I would say that.

Lovely.

I mean,

I don't know whether we've got much time for anything else.

There's a very funny shame well.

Yeah, let's do the shimmer.

Great.

What was I thinking?

Why did I say he had nice ankles?

She was stood behind me the whole time.

I didn't know he's only got one hand.

I was signed in on her Gmail.

John Shamewell.

Yes, what a way to end the show with our decade-long crusade to rid the UK of shame.

Was it from the start of XFM?

Not from the start.

Our initial features were textual healing and sacred cow and winner plays on.

It was

close.

Certainly early on.

Yeah.

Are we radio pioneers, Dave?

No, because some of me used to do confessions and it's the same thing.

Alright.

Are we radio same againers?

Yes.

Okay,

good.

This same again.

This week.

More of the same againers, please.

This isn't a hot, burning, painful shame.

It's a low, tickling shame that works its way from your toes to your stomach every time I think about it.

The year was 2022, and being the super fun, cool, relaxed gal I am, I was going to watch England play cricket at Edgebaston.

Something me, my boyfriend, and his dad often do together.

What a day.

What a day.

God,

what a foundation stone for a relationship that is.

Yeah, that's lovely.

You may not know this, but being a girl in these situations sometimes makes one feel that small need to prove that you belong in this very male space.

So there we have some context for what follows.

Full of merriment for a day of beers and picnic, I bounce towards the entrance, scan my ticket, and pop my bag on the table to be searched.

The security guard has a little rummage in it, and then says, Can you lift the jumper up, please?

That's exactly what I did.

The world stopped for a moment as I stood there, pulling my jumper up to expose my stomach and a less than socially acceptable sexy bra, waiting for the security guard to nod his approval.

I'd thought this was a little fruitier than the usual security checks, but hey, who am I to question such authority?

The words that came next will forever tickle me with a hint of shame.

No, the jumper in your bag.

No!

I pulled my jumper back down over my breasts.

By this point, I think the security guard probably assumed I wasn't capable of putting the stadium at risk.

He avoided eye contact and waved me through.

I walked through and then to solidify my shame saw that my partner and his dad had been watching me the whole time and were giggling to themselves.

Hey, no one was hurt, but you'd be amazed how many times this interaction pops into my head to keep me humble.

Thanks for all the giggles you've provided over the years and wish me and my boyfriend no similar humiliation on our wedding day.

Oh!

Well congratulations to two anonymous

wedding havers.

Yeah.

Obviously you can't be anonymous on the day.

That would be fraud.

So do sign your full names on the relevant documentation

as advised in previous episodes on your breed up.

What I like though

that because obviously you know if you're going to a football match or something they have

female security guards to do searches on female fans.

I thought that was a bit out of order.

Absolutely.

And so he would have been so embarrassed in their security guard.

Oh my god, that's funny.

Who knows?

Maybe it's put a little fruity spring in his step.

I hope not.

It's a bit of fun.

Yes, it's

carry on, camp humour, Dave.

In some quarters, maybe.

I think

when put under pressure by authority in everyone's brain.

What do you think is putting anyone under an injury?

Pressure.

She's just panicked and misheard, miscommunicated.

But there's someone who has a role of authority there.

Probably wearing high viz.

Probably wearing high viz.

It's amazing how many times

you just make silly decisions because you're suddenly flustered for no apparent reason.

If you had high vis on and asked me to take my top off, off it comes.

Absolutely.

You make a joke at Homeland Security, the next thing you know, you're in a windowless room.

Yeah, for eight hours.

Right.

And you've missed your connecting flights.

Thank you for sending that in.

Keep your shame wells coming to ellisandjohn at bbc.co.uk.

We will wish you fair travels on your week, won't we, Dave?

We will wish people fair travels on their week.

And they could vote for stuff as well just in the week.

Ah, my blushes.

Yes.

British Podcast Awards, BPAs, Bravo, Papa, Alphas

do vote generously for us in the listener choice category so that justice can be done,

so that I can make an impassioned 10-minute speech about the future of the industry, so that I can inspire fellow content creators.

Yes, podcast means anything to you, and I'll only, I'm only going if we're gonna win, Dave.

So, you're gonna have to get someone to let you know

because I ain't going if we ain't winning.

Okay, so it's those sorts of ultimatums that I don't know whether we'll go down that well.

Because

Dave and I will go, yeah,

but but but john won't unless he wins no because we'll be happy to be a part of the industry yeah

well i'm happy to you know mingle with the brightest and best of podcasting well that's what i that's what i live for as well whether they've got shoes on or not i will get my free bespoke uh cushion that they always make so i've got one and i keep it on my sofa do you they make a little cushion for listeners uh who might not know this with the image of your podcast on it and then you can just pick it up and people often nick goers.

Yes.

I don't have any of mine.

Yeah, I've got a couple, and I sometimes use them to aid stretches.

And

when I'm doing my quad stretches in the morning to build up a bit of height.

Do you use an Ellison John cushion?

Yes, on the arm of my sofa.

Yeah, to just get that deep stretch in the quads.

I use a Shagged Mario Denoid cushion because they didn't turn up well yet.

Take that.

But please do vote for us in the Listener Choice Awards at the British Podcast Awards, which are open now.

Yeah, you'll find it on your search engine.

You'll find it on your search engine of choice.

There you go.

Anyway thank you very much for downloading.

I'm listening.

Thank you for your company as ever.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Sucks!

The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We the man to be hosted!

Winner, best score.

We the man to be seen!

Winner, best book!

We the man to be quality!

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.