#446 - Bowie Crocs, Knee Length Utility Socks and Courteeners of Comedy

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Hello everyone and welcome to the Ellis James and John Robbins Show.

The world of fashion has its newest hero.

After photos of my holiday to Costa Rica went viral, the reaction was overwhelmingly positive.

Comments ranged from pedal pushes in 2025 feel significant to don't listen to the haters, John, socks and crocs ate and left no crumbs.

to for a split second i could have sworn that was a photo of bradley walsh so it wasn't long before the great fashion houses of Europe came calling.

Gucci were first to make contact, looking for someone to spearhead a new line of swimwear designed to complement leather mobile phone belts.

The first examples available will be handcrafted to fit up to the minute flip phones such as the Motorola V300 and the iconic clamshell Nokia 6101.

Discussions to release models for the iPhone 4 and 4S are ongoing.

A three-year deal for £100,000,000 was signed digitally.

Next up was Versace, keen to explore the interaction of sock storage and ankles for those mindful of mosquito bites and sunburn.

The Versace Robbins knee-length utility sock will debut at Paris Fashion Week.

Sorry, the what?

The Versace Robbins knee-length

knee-length utility sock.

It will debut at the Paris Fashion Week.

Its DET-infused cotton protects from bites and stings, and it's UV-rated for unlimited exposure.

And for those worried about slippage from the knee, it's kept in place via an elastic storage system, similar to those found on the back of passenger seats in higher-end Ubers.

And its pockets will easily accommodate binoculars, keys, baby whites, printed boarding pass, and a spare set of boxes.

The contract, 30,000 grand.

Exclusive use until 2029.

But the biggest news is still breaking.

Details are sketchy, but an industry insider can confirm that a groundbreaking partnership between Burberry and Dior will be bringing a range of haute couture queen t-shirts to Milan before the end of the summer season.

Leaked designs feature artwork from seminal albums, News of the World, The Works, and Innuendo.

The mastermind behind it all, I can't say, but a heavy-duty e-cigarette was photographed amongst the initial sketches.

Go on.

What I liked about your Instagram was

the knowledge that

behind the smile,

there's an awful lot of organizing happening in your head.

And you'll think to yourself, oh, you know, that she's going to drop that, and we need to be there by then.

And I'm not sure if he's forgotten his keys, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Oh, that was all I was thinking of the entire time.

It's like it's...

Behind the pedal pushers and the crocs

lay a darker tale.

I've not heard the word pedal pusher in 25 years.

No, no.

No, so you really have brought that back.

Well, I have had those shorts for 25 years.

No way.

So why wouldn't I take them on holiday?

Because they're my shorts.

They're your guys, aren't they?

Pedal pushers.

Well, they're just shorts.

They're just really three-quarter-length shorts.

They're denim shorts that do drop below the knee.

They do.

Denim not ideal for real feel 40 degrees.

But then as well, if you're combining denim

below the knee-length shorts with knee-length socks,

there's actually no explore skin at all.

Well exactly, which is what you want in the jungle.

So we're staying in the jungle.

So

why didn't you wear trousers?

Too hot for trousers, though I did also wear trousers, which I tucked into my socks to avoid bites and stains.

I saw that.

Your cream trousers.

My cream trousers tucked into my cream socks.

I have your cream shoes and your cream t-shirts.

Whilst we're on sartorial holiday.

Well, Dave, I'm the expert now.

You are, and this is why I'm coming to you.

I saw the Crocs.

I own a Croc.

Yeah.

And as we've talked about, Ellis has never been a fan of Crocs.

I think they're great.

Talk me through.

Because the Crocs come in every single colour.

Yep.

Every colour you can get.

And you've gone...

You kind of went bright royal blue.

Bright blue, yeah.

What are the thoughts there?

Cheapest on Amazon.

They're all the same.

They're not the same.

You could have got a really nice kind of...

like muted like kind of nice light green or a cream the cream would have gone with the amazing probably 179 cheaper than the cream exactly so get they get a nice taste of cream.

Have you not met him?

They're all the same, Dave.

They're not, John, because some of them look will look a bit more tasteful and a little bit more stylish than others.

What's more stylish than getting the cheapest crocs on Amazon?

So there are fools out there wearing sort of like slate grey

so they've paid an extra fiver.

Oh, one seven.

So when they have to declare bankruptcy because of their lack of attention to fiscal conservatude,

I will be laughing in my bright blue crocs that clash with everything apart from the sky.

Good God.

Yeah.

They're there, aren't they?

Blue, blue, electric blue.

That's the colour of my shoes.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're the bowie crocs.

They are the bowie crocs.

Oh, it's, do you know what, though?

You're happy.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Yeah, and there is nothing cooler and more stylish than a man comfortable in what he's wearing.

Thank you, Dave.

Were you comfortable?

Not all the time.

Yeah.

As I said, denim not ideal for the tropics.

That's what my mother always used to say.

Do you know what I think is really cool?

Not caring what people think is cool.

I did buy a nice shirt just for the holiday, though.

Like a sort of cool linen shirt that cool people wear.

Great.

So there you go.

They are bright, these crocs.

Yeah, they are.

They're the perfect shoe for the beach.

But they would have been the perfect shoe in slate grey.

Well, I wore them surfing because we had a surf lesson.

Oh, did you?

yeah i was terrible at surfing it was a waste of time

complete waste of time hannah picked it up in half an hour well i wore my crocs and my goggles so we're getting the briefing on the beach

and i've sat there in my crocs and goggles and the instructor called called um slatan yeah said um

oh you could probably pop the goggles off We don't need to wear the goggles.

And I said, I don't know.

Did you have the goggles on for the briefing?

That's

just

and he said, and the crocs, you don't need to wear those.

And I said, I'd rather wear them.

Did you have a nose clip?

No, I didn't have a nose clip.

Cool guy.

But he was sort of convinced I would need to take off my crocs for the surfing lesson.

But I said, no, I've got an arthritic left big toe.

I don't want to aggravate it getting on and off the board.

He said, okay, I'll have to teach you a different way of getting on the board if you're going to wear crocs.

I've just never seen a surfer wearing shoes before.

No.

On the board.

So anyway, he did the surf lesson, which surfing, unless it's your full-time job, is the most pointless thing it's possible to get a lesson in.

Because

when the heck else am I going to go surfing?

Yeah, it'd be like going on holiday and having a sort of harp lesson for an hour and then never playing the harp again.

So, we get out in the sea, and what he does is you get on the board, the wave comes up behind you, he pushes you, and then he says, Get on, and you get on, you stand on the board.

So, he does this.

The wave comes up, he pushes me off, he says, Get on.

I get on, I stand up for the,

I don't fall off.

Yeah.

So you've surfed then?

So I ride all the way to the beach.

So I'm on it for about, I don't know, 20, 25 seconds.

A lot surfing as far as I'm concerned.

Oh, you did better than me.

Yeah, but I forget to jump off into the water because I'm so pleased that I've stayed on the surfboard.

So I get to the beach.

The surfboard grounds itself.

I remember what he said about jumping off.

So I just jump off with my arms around my head, flat into sound, wind myself, walk straight back to the shack and leave.

So I surfed perfectly from the lesson to the beach and then left.

It would have looked like a slate.

Yeah.

It would have looked like he'd said something.

He thought, I'm surfing away from this guy.

Yeah, he literally pushed me off for the first, and I never saw me again.

I'm sure that's how Kelly Slater started.

Is she a surfer?

He is.

He was the best surfer

for a lot of years, actually.

And the reason I know is because he was also in Baywatch for three or four years.

I I was very winded.

Yeah.

You are a one-off.

Yeah.

Did I earn you wrong?

$60 for 25 seconds.

Did you do skinny dipping, or am I imagining that?

Did I see a video of you running naked?

Or was that bad to see?

That was when me and Luke got our shorts pulled off and our bottoms spanked by the sea.

There was like my...

I can't describe to you how strong the currents were in these waves.

I went under and I came up and all of my pockets were full of rubble

because the sea is just full of

debris.

It's like a machine designed to skin potatoes.

Yes.

So I you decided to have a swim in.

My pockets were full of rocks and gravel.

Yeah.

And I said to Luke, I'm just going to have to take off all my clothes.

Well, my trunks and the rocks and my goggles.

I was wearing goggles.

And I had to empty them out and just be nudify myself.

Be at one.

But we were the only people on the beach beach because it was so dangerous.

Yeah.

Great.

I just.

I will never be able to second-guess one of John's perspectives.

Other than it would be the cheapest option.

Yeah, I'm a bit like, you know, when

left-wing and right-wing become extreme, they're sort of the same.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You never know which side of the fence I'm going to be on.

Yes.

Yeah, I just.

Goodness me.

I went to Belgium to watch Wales play

on Monday.

What a mad place Belgium is.

Is it?

Yes.

Isn't it quite dull?

Yeah, yeah.

It's dull if all of the beers are 12%

and the whole country is drinking pints of wine all day.

Are they?

It is mad.

Are they big boozers over there?

I arrived.

I arrived.

I was meeting up with friends.

I thought I'm just going to have some lunch first.

You know, they're like sort of nice, respectable-looking old women, people on their lunch break

from work.

Oh, there's my lunch break.

I'll just have a Devel, actually.

It's only 8.5%.

Yeah, that's true.

They lefe, which they only sell in Britain in half pints

on the rare occasions you can buy it.

Yeah.

Because it's 6.6%.

They sell that in Pratt.

Oh, nice.

That's the weak one.

That's the one you give kids in both.

So they're all Sam allardizing it.

They're Sam allodising it constantly.

It's, I don't know how they'd get anything done.

How they've got a reputation for being boring.

Well,

if you ask me, Ellis, all the bureaucracy in the EU, it's amazing that

maybe they're not getting anything.

Yeah,

that was good.

Maybe they're having their points.

I didn't really get to their meeting with all the paperwork and red text.

John was actually a big part of the Leave campaign.

Yeah, so it is strong.

There's a festival in Belgium called Rock Verchte.

Oh, yeah.

And it's so good because no one seems to really know about it, but it's got the best lineup of any festival every single year.

So it's great.

So you can see.

I went to watch Wales play Belgium in Brussels in 2013, a World Cup qualifier that ended one-all.

I remember arriving in Brussels on the Eurostar, and the next thing I know, I was on stage at the Salford Lowry.

It is an absolutely crazy place.

But

for the first time, I did something I've never done before.

A Wales fell had a very nasty fall, which I saw happen.

So I saw him fall.

So I went to get the ambulance.

Well, yes, actually, Ellis, you're hiding your light under a bushel here because you, according to the Welsh press,

are a hero.

Yeah, I'm really not.

A hero.

I went to get an ambulance and that was it.

Okay.

But he's fine.

He's absolutely fine.

I've talked to his friend.

Scott is fine.

And he's tweeted to say I'm all right.

Thank you.

But I run to get an ambulance because I thought he was very badly hurt.

Well, he was very badly hurt.

He's broken a small bone in his back, but he's fine.

He's at home and he's not in a wheelchair anymore and he's walking and aiding.

All that.

It's fine.

But I did nothing out of the ordinary.

I just went to Guess him Stewart's because I thought he needed an ambulance.

And I was running around and I was...

It was only me and a guy called Ryan, a guy called Charlie.

We were like, we're trying to get this ambulance.

Sorry, I said you were in the, I can't find the article anywhere.

Can you send me that link again?

He is, he is in it somewhere.

I'm looking at Ellis James News.

I didn't send

the Welshman who can't quite believe his luck.

That's Wales Online.

Let's not read that.

Ellis James's Welsh language stand-up show to air on S4C this Christmas.

Yeah, that is true.

That did happen.

Ellis James shares his three favourite sports books.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did I do that?

They've really buried the story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A marquee signing would not be sensible for Wrexham.

Ellis James.

Ellis, please.

This is horrible.

This is absolutely horrible.

Please stop doing this.

Anyway, as I was trying to get the ambulance for this guy who'd fallen, this blood came up to me.

He went, he just hadn't seen it.

He must have been in the toilet with me.

He runs up to me and he goes, Ellis, I slamp him signed.

You've got 60 seconds.

Come reconnect with me.

Go.

I was like, not now, please.

No.

Not now.

So I didn't connect with that man, I'm afraid, but Scott is fine, thankfully.

Interview with Ellis James, quote, I love improvising with John Robbins.

He's the funniest person I know.

Don't make him up, John.

Radio X show and podcast takes to the road.

Oh, here we go.

No, no, no, no, no.

Please don't read this out.

I don't want to look like I'm capitalising myself.

No, you know,

Wales fans suffered broken backbone in stadium fall as TV star rushed to help.

Come on.

You didn't have to rush to help.

Oh, I did.

I thought he'd really hurt himself.

Awesome.

Broke a bone in his back.

Very generous, referring to me as a TV star.

It's been a while.

A Welsh TV star.

You're propping up a dead language.

Oh, yeah, I have been on Italian Wales, haven't I?

Yeah.

And I'm still on iPlay.

The Welsh Language Stand-up Special's on iPlay.

You can still watch it.

And we were on Drunk Histories 10 years ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it got repeated, actually, the other day, so it's still up there.

And I thought we did very well on Drunk Histories.

And you'll be on Taskmaster eventually.

No, I won't.

Because they're filming more than new comedians are being made.

Do you want to be on Taskmaster?

Would you want to do it?

Yeah, yeah, of course, but I'm not going to.

It's not a come get me please.

No, no, no.

And I know a lot of the comedians that do make those.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So honestly, if

I just want to say well done to everyone involved.

Well done to everyone involved.

And they can happily continue with doing such a great job.

So I applaud them.

But I think you are a star.

Goodness me, don't I look young, Dave, in those radioactives?

I think you're better now.

You both look better.

I don't look better.

You do.

I think you both look better.

I look like I'm in Dark Crystal, the puppet film.

I just look stoned.

No, do what you look like.

You look like the

one in the boy band who's got a dodgy past.

Yeah.

I look drug thin, don't I?

You do look drug thin.

I think you both look

thin.

I do look quite cool, but I don't recognise myself in that picture.

But it feels like yesterday, in a way.

Good to know that the website uses cookies, though.

Yeah.

Good stuff.

Well, Ellis, I'm very proud of you.

Dave's very proud of you.

I am.

Wales is very proud of you.

Oh, I've always known that.

God, I did a lot of camera connecting on the Aristar.

Did you?

People love it.

Yes.

Well, let's see if that pride of Wales continues throughout the next segment because all has not been well.

No, no, no, no, I accept that.

Right.

Connecting with fellow Welsh people is meant to be what he does best.

It's meant to be what he was born to do.

Something is amiss.

Something isn't quite right.

Ellis James is in a rut.

It's time to find out if he can arrest the slide.

It's time to come reconnect.

It's another come reconnection.

Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection.

But his questions have one direction.

Where did you go to school?

Do you know Daffy Levins?

No.

Come on, mate.

You must do no.

We've never met

at all.

Yes, this is the part of the show where Ellis James has 60 seconds to find a connection with a fellow Welsh person.

Things started so well.

In the first few weeks, Ellis was connected with ease.

His questions were targeted.

His temperament was measured.

I would take issue with both of those things.

His focus was

laser sharp.

Again, question marks.

Kerry from Pembrokeshire, connected.

Phil from Porthcall, connected.

Lee from Tumble, connected.

But then, all of a sudden, something happened.

Ellis's radar became skewed.

Since receiving a controversial three-match ban after failing to connect with Georgie on the Sun Lounger, Ellis has made just seven connections in 21 attempts.

In his last 12 attempts, he's made just two connections.

That's a statistic I don't like.

I don't want to hear that again.

That's relegation form.

I don't want to hear that.

No one wants to become the main story for all the wrong reasons, but Ellis James has done just that.

His face is plastered on the tabloids and broadsheets alike.

Opinion pieces are being written.

Scathing podcasts are being recorded.

He has, in his own words, transcended transcended the sport.

And for all the wrong reasons.

Could be said that Ellis has lost his head.

So in order to help him regain that form that we know he has inside of him, we've enlisted the help of someone special.

What do elite athletes do to reach the next level?

Where do they turn in order to find the extra 1%?

They look to the hardest working part of the body, the brain.

So joining us.

So joining us on the line to help Ellis back from the depths is a man who has helped six people get to number one in the world in their fields.

In 2006, he was appointed as the first ever psychologist to work with the European Ryder Cup team.

He's worked with the likes of Lee Westwood, Darren Clark, Paul Casey, Sergio Garcia, and footballers from Manchester United, Manchester City, Liverpool and Chelsea.

He even worked with the 2009 England Ashes winning cricket team.

And today, he's turning his attention to Mr.

Ellis James.

Oh my god.

Can he help Ellis regain that world number one ranking

in the only sport that matters, the Cymru Connection?

On the line is performance psychologist Jamil Qureshi.

Hello, Jamil.

Hello, guys.

How are you doing?

Hello, Jamil.

When did you go to school?

It's a pleasure to meet you, Jamil.

Okay.

We're talking the elite athletes of the world that you've worked with.

You've taken them to the top and then some.

Could...

Transforming Ellis James's Cymru Connection form be your greatest challenge yet?

Yeah, I'm not that good actually, to be honest.

But we'll give it a go.

Why not?

I always think everyone can perform better.

And we perform better by creating new perspectives.

Create some new perspectives, you create some new possibilities and new opportunities.

Ellis is an open-minded man.

No.

He wants to perform well.

Yes.

He's got the desire, the ambition, and certainly got the talent.

Let's see what we can do.

So, Jamil, as something of an amateur sports psychologist,

am I right in thinking that what Ellis has done, and me and Dave are complicit in this, is he has placed a narrative on events which he is now following, whereas actually he's just as likely to win this week as any week, but because he's imposed a narrative of failure, he's more likely to fail, is that correct?

I don't know why I'm here.

You could be doing this.

Don't say that, Jamil.

Totally agree.

I think that, you know, that's probably the case, isn't it?

You know, we should always be motivated by what we're seeking to achieve and are not motivated by what we're seeking to avoid.

So on a golf tee, you never say to yourself, don't go in the water.

You say.

Don't miss this part.

They're killers.

I'll tell you for why.

And here's an interesting fact.

And Ellis,

you need to take this on board, mate.

That our subconscious mind never hears the words, not or don't.

So as a human being, you never ever hear the words not or don't.

It's the old one, you know, don't think of a white elephant, don't think of a dog.

We need to construct a thought to deconstruct it.

We need to think about it, to not think about it.

So, Ellis, if you are thinking that, look, I don't want to fail, you know, I don't want another, I don't want another loss, that, you know, I don't want to be today's loser,

then

all the things you may think on a daily basis.

But that, you know, this is all that's head, all you're doing is heading towards it.

So we need to be careful.

And so let's get motivated by what we're seeking to achieve and create.

Well, in order to motivate you, can I ask Jimil a few questions?

Well, wait, yes.

In order to motivate you, Ellis, and to stop you creating a narrative of failure, we're just going to play a quick montage of all your failures.

Ask him more questions.

Jesus, I know I've got all the information I need.

Right?

What blows my mind week in, week out, is he asks someone where they go to school and then fires 20 names at them.

Did you grow up in Hufford West?

Are we on the Sun Lounger or not?

No, this is an addendum.

No, there is no addendum.

I got put off by his Catholicism.

Okay,

listen, I've got a lot on my mind.

It's a brain failure.

Do you know Wayne Price?

Yeah.

A scorpricelli.

means something to me.

I mean, don't tell him anything.

Okay, that's your extra time.

That was absolutely appalling.

What a shocky display.

What a waste of everyone's time.

Sister Neris, who I did politics A-level with.

Did you write any questions today?

No, I didn't.

No, you didn't.

No.

You said, have you got a brother?

How old is he?

And then stopped pursuing that like.

Because 35.

But you don't know.

You didn't ask his name.

You didn't ask what he does.

Because 35 is a.

Oh, mad.

You're bad at quizzes.

He's not.

Dave, he is.

Someone price.

Yeah.

So, Jamil,

you've got a flavor of the tone, the atmosphere.

How do you change an atmosphere in a team or an individual's mind?

Yeah, I think, look, I mean, a couple of things.

It's always great to be purposeful.

It's always great to have a clear intention.

What are you looking to achieve and create?

That's important.

Now, the other thing is that consistency of mind gives you consistency of performance.

So whether you are a golfer or whether you're a, I don't know, salesperson, consistency of mind gives you consistency of performance.

So there are precursors, there are foundations to success.

So Ellis, if you can go back

and think about some of the, I don't know, the pre-match routines,

what you were doing

with some of your successes.

How were you feeling?

What were you thinking?

What were you saying to yourself, mate, that allowed you to be successful?

And maybe try and replicate some of those foundations or precursors to performance.

There was a time when I was writing a map of friendship and I was listing names

and I was actually writing them into a map of Wales to remind myself that my friend Tom comes from Abrust with.

So I think there's a failure of preparation.

Also, I don't know if you can answer me this, Jamil, but

I went to watch Wales play Liechtenstein last week at half-time on the concourse.

In terms of community connecting, it was like I was in the Harlem Club Trotters.

I was connecting with some people in three, sometimes four seconds.

It was incredible.

But I can't seem to bring that onto the pitch.

Yeah, but you're in a situation there where half of the connecting is done because they're interested in the same thing as you.

It's Wales Away fans.

Yes, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I wonder, Jamil.

Zoe on the train, John.

You weren't there, man.

Zoe on the train.

Jamil,

great golfers have the same process for a two-foot putt as they do for a 30-foot putt.

The same sort of visualization.

They do the same things.

They take the same number of practice strokes.

They move in the same way, even though they could just tap that in without thinking.

Yes.

Ellis's pre-game routine is different every week.

Yeah,

this could be the issue here, is that this consistency bit.

And I also think that, you know, in regard to making the connections, you need to be free to be expressive.

You need to be creative in your mind.

You know, you need to be more free-flowing in the way in which you think about things and make those connections.

But I think that if you can relax beforehand in some way, maybe some breathing techniques.

maybe a little rub from someone else at a round the table at um you know if you can if you can just relax into it a little bit more and take the pressure off.

But you're right in regard to,

let's say, putting, for example, you know, people will see there's a six foot putt, which, I don't know, breaks from left to right, slightly downhill into the grain.

And they'll think, and you know what?

This is for double bogey or this is for eagle.

And it's almost the emotional attachment, which then becomes the issue, then becomes the pressure.

Really, what you need to hold the putt is just the facts.

It's downhill, it's six feet, it's into the grain a little bit.

And um, so we need the facts.

So, let's stay away from what it means to be, you know, success and failure are merely outcomes, give us an equal opportunity of learning.

And um, stay away from what it means and sort of concentrate on the process.

Part of that process may be just to relax into it and, um, you know, and enjoy making those connections in your head and your ability to do so.

Jamil, I am, I think, the thing I'm most interested in in the world is golf psychology for the amateur golfer, the sort of 18 handicapper.

Because I'm convinced that most golfers of my level, so I play off about 13,

you could go from a 22 handicap to a 15 handicap without making any changes to your swing, just by changing the decisions you make on the course.

I think there's a lot, I am suggesting, with your expertise, you write a book for the bogey golfer.

Because so many of the books for golfers are sort of are using

the thinking of top pros yeah and i think amateur golfers are getting obsessed with distance and hitting the ball as hard as they can and strokes gained whereas actually taking a your your favorite club off the tee whatever club that is is going to save you more shots than trying to you know hit the ball 300 yards because it's going to it's plus four strokes gained or whatever yeah and do you know what i mean i've never worked with an amateur golfer at um but um but perspective is

key.

So and perspective is really important.

And I think that this plays into your theory on this one.

And, you know, that people try to learn from, I don't know, books or people who, you know, are not the same as them.

Here's a quick question for you.

Last year,

if you were in the top 10 in the world, at putting from six feet, so not a putting, but you're a specialist at six feet, you're in the top 10 in the world.

What percentage would you get in

if if you're top 10 in the world at six feet i'm gonna say i'm gonna say you're making 60

okay and uh most people will guess around 80 85 yeah

that's a good guess it's actually 48

they miss more they miss more than they hold oh yeah yeah do you know and do you know and but this is best in the world at six feet but do you know what happens with an amateur golfer and this backs up your point on this actually is that um an amateur golfer will hit the um hit the ball to six feet on the first green and then they'll miss it then they'll hit it to six feet feet on the second green, then they'll miss it.

And then what do they say?

So putter's cold today.

Or I need to hit it closer or my short game's crap.

That's what they say.

And so therefore they fit into a pattern way too early.

I worked with Thomas Bjorn for a couple of years.

And

Inside is a nice man trying to get out.

And hey,

I tell you 100 stories about Thomas.

But you know what?

But Thomas would have 15 bad holes

and then he'd finish like Birdie Eagle Birdie.

Another great round.

Amateur golfers will have 15 bad holes and say, do you know what?

Just want to get in the club else.

I want the round to end.

So perspective is key.

And look, let's go back to helping Alice out.

Maybe perspective is key.

But this is community connecting.

It means more.

Let's reduce the pressure.

Let's reduce the pressure.

Let's create a perspective

on your losses so far.

Let's think long term.

that um you know let's build a uh let's build a plan in your head to what success looks like at the end of a particular season or run and it is not dependent upon you know the individual uh the individual incidents and accidents that happen along the way now one of the things that sports people do brilliantly is they understand that failure is part payment towards success the price of success is always paid in full and in advance.

You don't get to number one in the world and start making mistakes, start losing tournaments.

It doesn't work like that.

So, maybe

you know, this failure that you've experienced so far

is part of the learning opportunity to gain more consistent results in the future.

Jamil, will you start working with Ronnie O'Sullivan, please?

Have you never worked with a snooker player?

I've never worked with a snooker player, actually.

That's an interesting one.

I probably would.

It's funny because

I'm a little bit picky about it, because you really want things to work.

work so you know you tend to not just work with anyone and everyone you work with people who you feel you can work with but um but I was just thinking as you said that you know and I think that yes potentially he looks down the road from me here actually you know that does he's around the corner oh go and say hello say I'm a sports psychologist

Jamil just for the benefit of this show and bearing in mind that he's had some rocky road will you now tell John that he's the best because it would really pep him up for the last sort of 40 minutes or so john you're the best thank you very much

Particularly in the next 40 minutes, after you're saying hello.

It's been a pleasure to talk to you.

There's a book called, you may have read it, but it's called,

it's by Ray Floyd, The Master's Art of Scoring.

It's a small book, and I think it's the best book an amateur golfer can read because it's all about decision-making, course management, nothing about technique.

I think there's time for an update.

I think you'd sell millions of copies.

All right.

Watch this space.

Okay.

Well, Jamil Qureshi, thank you so much for joining us.

Ellis, it's time to come reconnect.

We now have a caller on the line.

You have 60 seconds.

Remember what Jamil taught you.

Yeah.

Positive frame of mind.

Remember the successes.

I love come reconnecting.

I love Welsh people.

Don't impose a narrative on yourself.

There's no narrative.

Preparation.

I'm nothing.

Have you written any questions?

No, I haven't.

No, you haven't.

You're...

Caller, are you there?

I'm here.

Okay, time starts now.

Where do you go to school?

Cullion Comprehensive.

Okay, Steph Guerrero.

No, met him, but no.

Okay, my friend Jack, who doesn't like the Velvet Underground, that's too broad.

What's Jack's surname?

I don't, I can't remember.

What do you do for a living?

Product designer.

Okay, if you went to university, where did you go?

Manchester School of Art.

Okay, how old are you?

37.

Oh, right.

Where do you live?

Between Manchester and New South Wales.

That's incredibly vague.

Say Manchester.

Alright, Wiz, so Wiz, you went to secondary school in Cullian and you did art.

Do you know my friend Steve Black, the musician?

No.

Are you a musician?

No.

Okay.

What else are you into from Cullian?

What else do you do?

I do like football.

Okay, who do you sport?

Manchester United.

Okay.

And Newport County, a little bit.

And Newport County a little bit.

Do you know Eggie from Eggsy from Golden Cachain?

Met Met him but no.

Well,

it felt a bit more streamlined.

You asked if he knew a friend of yours and then didn't even give him the chance to answer.

So Jack who doesn't like the Velvet Underground?

You just said that out loud and then just didn't eat you.

Even if it's a 1% chance.

Do you know Jack who doesn't like the Velvet Underground?

No.

So there you go.

I do like the Velvet Underground.

Do you?

Helps.

I'm not sure it does help help at this stage.

No, I don't think it does.

Jamil's still on the line.

Jamil,

any thoughts on the line?

I've never seen Ellis live now.

Yeah, I think we need to try and find someone better than me, basically, don't we?

I mean, I think this is what we've concluded.

I think this is where we're at.

But no, look,

I think that if he's looking despondent to me, don't look despondent.

I mean, this is the thing.

It's just, you know, it's a, let's put it down as a learning.

Let's put it down as a learning experience.

And

that's what we'll do.

He's learning a lot at the moment

as an opportunity to be better that's what we'll do but jamil what do you say to like a golfer who's saying miss the cut 10 10 tournaments in a row

and you know they're saying to you look my form's gone i'm i'm not earning any money it's actually costing me to play now how do you convince them that the the best shot they've ever hit is just is could be the next shot yeah i've never worked with that golfer to be honest

do you just work with number one players in the world?

The key really is to work with very good people, isn't it?

I mean, I think this is what we're concluding today.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But actually, I mean,

to answer the question,

you know, I think that a couple of things.

You know, that I think one perspective, two, and I think that, you know, let's go, all great achievements are a result of many small achievements.

So, you know, even if people are missing the cut, what are they doing right?

And, you know, what's happened which was good?

And what can you celebrate?

And so, you know, I think that, you know, once we start to pick up on and celebrate some of the things which are smaller but meaningful,

then people may catch a feeling.

And momentum is where it's at.

That maybe this is it for Ellis.

That, you know, momentum is where it's at.

You know, it's like one or two, you know, one or two good questions, one or two good results, and he's away.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I think the problem is in this game is you can't really get a draw.

Sometimes you need to get a draw just to get your confidence up.

Yeah,

what we might have, we might have to do is just get get to the caller back on the line to see if you can find a connection, even though it's outside the time and doesn't affect or improve your appalling record.

Will this training of Ellis go on your website, Jamil?

Because what I've seen is, I mean, it's a who's who of success is there.

Is this going to make

the show real?

I'm just looking at my contract to see whether I can get this deleted.

Well, Jamil, thank you for joining us so much.

We really appreciate your insight.

And if we could bring back our Cymru connector,

do you know of any connections to Ellis?

Yes.

Okay, I think we're about to break a little boy's heart.

Okay.

Kalian.

Out of curiosity, before you tell me the connection, do you know the band The Bug Club?

Again, no of them, but I don't know any of them personally.

No, no, no, I just think they're really good.

Right then.

Where do you work?

You live between Wales and Manchester.

I think commutes between the two.

Oh, right, okay.

Yeah, I'm back in Wales at the moment, but I lived in Manchester for 18 years.

Right.

So, where do you live?

Newport.

You live in Newport.

Okay.

What's the connection you know of?

Well, it's actually not a Welsh connection, it's a football connection.

Oh, yeah.

A football weekly connection.

Oh.

Well, I'm going to...

He's just saying nothing now.

Well, Barry Glentenning.

Not far off.

Jonathan Wilson?

No.

Matt Nutson?

None of the regulars.

None of the regulars.

Who's that then?

Barcelona.

How on earth do you know Barcelona?

I would know.

When he lived in Manchester,

we would both go and watch a lot of non-league football, and he was a very avid supporter of the club near me.

So I know him through that.

He's forgotten that Barca Jim lives in Manchester.

I don't associate Barca Jim with Manchester.

And this is why the preparation is so...

I associate him with Barca Lona

Scotland and Glasgow.

So this is why on the whiteboard at home with your names, with your connections, with your mind maps, you need Barca Jim.

What do you know about him?

Manchester, Glasgow.

Do you know Norz as well?

No, I don't know Nas, no.

He doesn't know Norz.

I do know I know Tommy, who works for Mundial.

Oh, he was a producer on Tail Enders for a while.

Do you know Dan Sunderson, who works for Mundial or Seb?

I don't know Dan Sunderson.

Caldecott.

So, Jamil,

Jamil's still on the line.

What you're seeing is...

My sister lives in Caldecott.

What you're seeing is him perfect the shots in practice.

You know, he's got the ball on a string

in his own time if the ball tells him where it's going

but do you know what this is the thing is that you know you can fail it doesn't make you a failure guys it doesn't make you a mistake

let's detach the action from the person guys please yes ellis has value say that i'm enough again you are enough you have value

you have just as much chance of winning next week as you had this week yeah the old gumbler's fallacy gambler's fallacy yeah um right well

i hope that's helped.

It did help.

I felt a weight off my mind after speaking to Jamil.

Then pop the weight back off.

And

all ready for next week with back with your weight.

Yeah, fuck with loss of your weight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, thank you, Jamil.

I really appreciate you.

Thank you, very well.

You're very welcome.

Thank you so much, guys.

Keep up the good work

and good luck with that.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you to our Cum Reconnecting caller.

Thanks, guys.

Thank you.

No problem.

So I could give you the Welsh connections as well, but I'll leave them.

Please do.

So, I mean, everyone who was involved in live music promotion, small bands in Cardiff and Newport through the 2000s.

So, people like Steve Honeywell,

the guys who run LePerb,

because I was a regular Le Perb, used to work on

the door for punk gigs every now and again.

Did you just ring a cowbell with your leg?

I dropped my pen on the leg of the chair.

So yeah,

and even some like really good one-step away connections.

So like Mike Bubbins carpenter mate, Drew is my best friend's dad.

Oh yeah.

So there's plenty in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a lucky book.

Yeah, nice guy.

I take Mike Bubbins' carpenter mate, Drew is my best friend's dad.

I take

this stage.

Yeah, at this stage at this stage.

Yeah, I did work experience with Drew when I was at Conference of School in Kalearn with his daughter.

Gosh, there are more connections than there are non-connections, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, sleep well, Michael

superb.

Oh my god, do you know, do you know uh John Rostron out of curiosity?

I think I know the name, but no.

There's a couple of guys involved, like maybe some guys from Cardiff around Spillers Records as well, and some of those

diverse music in Newport.

And easy mum and your dad, and you're saying...

Oh, is it?

We shared a both bed, didn't we, for 10 years?

Yeah.

My sister lived next door to Adam Hussein from GLC for a couple of years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'd see Adam over the fence quite often, say hello.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

And you and I have swapped clothes for the last 10 years, haven't we?

Yeah.

I mean, I do like Novesta shoes and Memphiso shoes and...

Stone Island jackets.

So yeah, probably.

You should go for a drink.

Yeah, we should.

Yeah, yeah.

What's your name?

Sam.

Sam.

Thank you, Sam.

Thank you, Sam.

Yeah, take it easy, but I'm actually in Stockport right now.

Hey, what about Stockport?

I've got a new collection today, and I'm at work just by the.

I can see the viaduct out the window.

Oh, and what a viaduct.

They're building underneath that.

But another article popped up this week saying it's the new Berlin.

They're not letting that go.

So it's

Stockport.

Stockport.

Crucially, what era Berlin?

Yeah.

Modern-day Berlin.

Okay.

Yeah.

Right, I'll let you guys get on.

Thanks, Thank you so much to speak to you.

Bye-bye.

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Well, Dave, it's never good for made-up games when Ellis is in this

hand-in-on headspace.

Yes.

And I don't think Jamil

would recommend the head-in-hands.

Imagine if Jamil heard me try and play a word game.

He'd quit.

I've never employed him.

Yeah.

I think he needs to sit up straight.

Yeah.

You know, stomach in, chest out, honie marks, get set, go.

Oh, we're here for a good time, not for a long time.

Yeah.

I need to start doping.

How would you dope for the Cymru connection?

I don't know.

London Snooker players have got caught out for that.

Have they?

Yeah.

I think for Lilix Dopamine, yeah.

Right.

Can be somebody, Dave.

Well, it would, you might be able to get someone on the NHS for your mind disorder.

Imagine going to your local GP and saying, I'm struggling to connect.

Well, they would say that's ADHD problem.

Yeah.

So here's some dopamine, which is speed.

So then he wouldn't be doping.

He'd have to hand a ticket to the little doctor's note to the umpire.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd have to tell the IUC that actually I am asthmatic.

You You do have

a gluten tolerance.

Yeah, yeah.

Even though my mum and dad run a pizza restaurant.

Okay.

Shall we play a made-up game?

Yes.

Because this might cheer you up.

I'm not sure.

Sure, we played on holiday day, which I haven't played for 25 years.

Kiss Chase.

No.

Though there was skinny dipping in a lightning storm.

Oh, wow.

That was quite extraordinary.

I didn't take part, but I was filming the lightning.

Not the skinny dipping.

Before the skinny dipping happened and then I had to turn off my camera when the skinny dipping happened.

Because I was there filming the lightning first.

Yeah, that's what they all say.

Come on, John.

S head.

Oh, right.

And all of the rules kept flooding back to me.

It was crazy.

We used to play that all the time at sixth form.

I've forgotten how you play it now.

Well, I forgot.

And then Luke explained.

I'm like, oh my God, yeah.

And seven skips a term.

Where you are.

And nine, you have to go lower.

And seven clears the pack.

Where you would touch Felcrit's head and then you throw a ball and try and catch it.

No.

I thought it had something to do with foreheads.

Has it got something to do with foreheads, John?

There's three cards laid down, three cards face up, three cards in your hand.

Yeah.

And all the cards,

you have to just get rid of all the cards.

Yeah.

But there's each card has different.

So two can go on anything.

Ten clears the pack.

Four of anything clears the pack.

And then I remembered the addendum rules, which were Bristol rules back then, Dave, which I introduced.

Seven skips a turn, nine you have to go lower.

And I couldn't remember what fives were.

Anyway, let's play a made-up game.

Okay, so we've got a new jingle.

New jingle from Jake.

Hello there, my handsome buttered crumpets.

Back when the big reset happened, I sent in a made-up game jingle inspired by children by Robert Miles.

Oh, yeah, I remember it.

Oh,

really good.

Really good.

Very faithful, I remember.

So I've gotten around to creating another, this time inspired by, and I'm not going to say, because it's always fun to try and get.

Oh, great.

So I won't say who it's inspired by.

Yeah, let's see if we know.

So the Velcro game was butt head,

which Henry Packer was incredible at demonstrating.

And they sent, he worked for Humleys and they sent him to demonstrate it in other parts of Europe.

Wow.

Because he was so good at demonstrating buttons.

It would just then fly off the shelves.

They sent him to Paris.

He became a butt-tead demonstrator in Paris.

Wow.

All right, so here's Jake's rendition of something.

Let's see if we know what it is.

Oh, it's happy Mondays.

Stone Roses.

Black grape.

Come and play games.

Mock turtles.

No, it's just not.

Oh, um, there's another way, Bugler.

Yes.

One's for Welsh, the other's sny.

One love rules, the other plays free.

But only one can play victory.

It's Robins,

spreadsheets and flames.

It settles

with chaos in his bane.

Full rise who falls.

Who's the blame?

And show little love for Robinson James.

To be fair, his accent is leading me away from humbly.

It was very Sean Ryder.

Yeah, which is hence my great guesses.

Yeah.

Oh, and it's the same period.

Absolutely.

They tried to be a bikey band for about three months.

Yes.

Which is why they wrote that tune and bang and a lot of the stuff on leisure.

Obviously, they're from Cupses.

Thank you, Jake.

I enjoyed that.

Yeah, it's good.

I love it when they're really accurate and the little keyboard motif.

Very talented set of listeners.

Very talented.

Every week, of course, we play a game that's been made up by our listeners at home.

And every week it's a different game.

Scores on the doors.

John is 1-0 up in games in the second set.

And Love All.

Love All.

In the second game.

Yeah, so you've lost the game, I'm afraid, Al.

Because he was 40-15 up for his poetry.

Oh, of course.

That was so.

I listened back to that.

So good.

So good.

What a guest.

What a guest.

What poets by you two, though.

Poets by you two, two though.

Still annoyed that I got my poem.

There was the draft mistake.

Draft.

Of course you gave the Easter egg to the delivery driver.

Ah, yes.

Never mind.

It's fine.

It's gone.

It's gone.

So yeah, one and look.

This week's game comes in from Charlotte in North London.

Hello all.

Thank you to all the team for providing such wonderful content with your hashtag epic Vantacasting skills.

And then there's another hashtag, Bring Back Sacred Cow.

Which we've not, I don't think anyone's asked for for that to be bought back in a long time.

Which is a thing

I don't know any of the stands anymore.

I think it ran its course, I'm afraid.

Yeah.

I was supposed to lie in the end.

I had to say I didn't like Timber Bowie.

I left Timber Bowie.

But I'd drawn the short straw.

I was a liar.

Yeah.

I bring to your attention.

Oh, this is good.

We've not had a film-based game for a while.

I did watch a film last night, Dave.

First time I watched a film in a long time.

I'm sure you'll be fine then for this game.

What was the film?

Flow.

Flow.

An animated film about little pussycats

that gets caught in a sort of

civilization ending flood.

And it was nominated for an Oscar as an animation with no speech.

What a waste of time.

Do you know what?

I did fall asleep for the last 20 minutes.

So you don't even know where it ended.

I think they were probably all fine.

Yeah.

A heron was driving the boat, which seemed far-fetched.

Yeah, for God's sake.

And a lema was collecting glass, which felt odd.

I don't know

it wasn't as good as I was expecting it to be

right so Charlotte brings to us a film-based game can you tell the film by its cast members let's find out in casting doubts

producer Dave will reveal the name of 10 actors that make up the cast of a specific film He will reveal the names one by one.

When a player thinks they know the film, they can buzz in.

If they're correct, they gain points based on how many actors were revealed.

For instance, if we're still at the first actor, you get 10 massive points.

I'm not good at films.

You're not a film.

I'm not a film guy.

Well, we've taken that into account.

I think

we have a talk about East Germany.

Can we have a game about East Germany?

Right, send in a game.

Send in a game about the game.

Beyond the wall.

The picnic.

There are others.

There are others.

The turning season.

Okay.

If a player buzzes in and they're incorrect, they are frozen out for the naming of the next actor.

So you miss a quick round and then you're back in again if they are correct they get the chance to play for a bonus point if they choose to play for the points they have to name one more actor in the cast that has not yet been said yeah now it is up to them it's up to whoever won whoever won that round to play for the bonus point because you might not want to because if player one wins the round but fails to get the bonus point player two can steal by correctly naming a cast member who has not yet already been mentioned.

Are they stealing the bonus point or both points?

They're stealing all points.

The key,

you've got to choose whether you go for the bonus channel.

It's huge.

The game works.

Yeah.

The rules work.

I'm just not very good at filming.

The thing with the bonus point is, in your head, you're going to know straight away whether you know another actor or not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you're not guessing.

You're not guessing at that point.

But you have to take...

You have to go for it.

You don't have to.

You don't have to go for the bonus point.

I think that'd be a bit unfair given you've just won the initial seven points or whatever.

All information taken from imdb.com.

Ah, of course.

You don't believe it.

You don't believe it.

Well, you need to for this game.

Your names are your buzzers.

I think this is a crucial point.

If you both buzz in after an actor, it's the first person to buzz in quickest.

You'll get the points.

So here we go.

Fun game.

I will take my time as I read through the list of 10 actors.

Round one.

Alan Howard.

What?

That sounds like one of my dad's friends from the 80s.

Mabus.

Alan Howard.

What of all of the first things you've got you're going to make easy for these two guys who don't know films?

Alan Howard?

Come on, Dave.

Be real.

He's like from Birmingham Rep Theatre.

Oh, he's a

minor role in Dad's Army, didn't he?

Oh, yeah, Alan Howard.

Look at Clive Dunn.

I had to Google him.

And actually,

even even when you Google Alan Howard, you've got to put Alan Howard act to get Alan Howard because there's other Alan Howard.

Clive Davis.

Billy Boyd.

Ian Holm.

John.

Whoa, you're on three, John.

The Lord of the Rings.

Lord of the Rings is correct.

But I don't accept the Lord of the Rings as a premise.

It's too far-fetched.

So, God's sake.

Is that seven?

Eight, eight points.

So you've got eight points.

John, hey, listen.

Do you want to go for nine points?

Yeah, well, is it all of the three films?

Well, you really should name a film, actually.

I think.

Because this could scuppy you.

Maybe I should have.

Yeah, I mean, this is a cast from a film.

So if you've got...

Well, have I got the points or not?

I mean...

Well, there's one up.

There's...

I mean, there's one that was in all of them.

Yeah, I know, but I haven't named a specific film that that cast is from.

Okay so here we go.

I've already said that it's Lord of the Rings.

So you at the minute your points are safe, but I'm

you now need to go.

If you want to go for the bonus point, this does then have to be from the film that I've got in front of me.

Okay.

But I'm not going to tell you.

I'll go for the bonus point.

You're going for the bonus point, so do you want to tell us which film you're going to try and pick for first or do you want to name it?

The Fellowship of the Ring.

Okay.

Ian McKellen.

Ian McKellen is in.

It was the Fellowship of the Ring.

Well done, John.

So that's nine nine points.

So who did Alan Howard play?

Was he like a key grip or something?

Was he the best boy?

Let me show you a picture, because if you're a big fan of the boy, let me see if I can get it from the picture of the person I've never heard of.

That's Alan Howard.

Oh, he's...

Can I have a look at Alan Howard?

I'm not convinced I know who that was.

Oh, yeah, he's a Freemason in Fantris Sunday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He works for a conversation.

I could come to you.

The voice of Sauro.

Well, that's handy, isn't it?

Face doesn't even appear in it.

God's sake, grow up.

Good.

9-0, but Ellis, plenty of time.

Plenty of time to claw this back.

Round two, here we go.

Andy Garcia.

Casey Affleck

Carl Rayner or Reiner, I tell you

Elliot Gould

John, John's in on four

Ocean's 11.

Ocean's 11 is correct!

Oh my god, seven points for John.

So you're better at films than you say you are, actually.

I think you've got all I just know.

I just was thinking of all the Elliot Gould films, but there's lots.

But I would say that's one of his most recognisable.

Yeah, exactly.

But if I don't want to get frozen out, you're going to need to start.

I said Capricorn 1.

Well, you're going to need to start taking risks.

Because right now you're getting absolutely pulverised.

Oh, I don't mind.

I just want him to be happy.

Don't you know how to go for a bonus point?

Yes, I do.

Of course, you do.

It's an ensemble cast.

Yes.

It's a George Clooney.

Clooney's in.

Of course.

Oh, good espresso guy.

Eight points.

So it's 17-0.

Oh, it's a tough start for old Alice at this stage.

but still time.

Still time.

Five rounds.

Five rounds.

Okay.

Round three.

And here we go.

Amanda Plummer.

Frank Whaley.

Christopher Walken.

Tim Roth

Uma Thurman.

Ellis Ellis is in you needed to be at that point

Ellis

Pulp Fiction Pulp Fiction's correct

six points to Ellis is on the board bonus points

oh yes I'll take it in you'll take the bonus point who are you going for another actor for pulp fiction uh john travolta travolts is in

jt

so seven points all of a sudden

all of a sudden i was thinking reservoir dogs actually exactly this is it because he uses it reuses people, but I don't think any of the thermas in that or a manda plumber.

What's the score?

What are we on here?

17-7.

17-7.

Plenty of time here, Ali.

Got two rounds left.

Here we go for round four

of Casting Doubts.

Good name for a game, as well.

Yeah, it's great.

It's really good.

Greg.

Turn the tension on.

Absolutely not.

Leave it on, Zoff.

Don't listen to him.

This is part of the game.

But you do get this in a penalty shoot, though, do you?

Yeah, but you don't have someone on the...

If you get another crowd booing you, We can replace it with that if you want.

Yeah, actually.

Sorry, Chris Tarrant.

This Who Wants to be a Millionaire drone is putting me off.

Can we turn it off?

Never heard that.

I'd have that conversation via Toby.

I'd say, have a word with your dad.

I'd get him to have a word with Clark's.

I'd get him to have a word with Clark.

They must know each other.

At that level, they all do.

I'm doing it for charity, for God's sake.

Have a word with him.

I left my laptop charger at Toby's a couple of weeks ago.

Do you know how expensive a laptop charger is?

What's that like 70 quid?

90 quid?

Are you kidding me?

For the plug and the wire.

Don't go official, Dave.

You've got to go.

How do you get Toby to post it to you?

I should do at this point.

We keep meaning to meet up again.

Anyway,

well, good, I need to see him put the tension drawer and all that speed millionaire.

I don't actually have any links to Clarkson.

All right, round four.

Actor number one: Gregor Fisher,

Chris Marshall,

Liam Neeson

Oh my god um

Emma Thompson

Bill Nye

stop talking for eight minutes

well no because I need some reason

I know what uh Joanna Page

Martine McCutcheon

Notting Hill.

Not Notting Hill.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Don't say it!

Because you're frozen out, and you could give it to John.

Don't say it, don't say it.

You could still grab a point here if John doesn't.

Psychologist on the line now, because that was a slip of the tongue.

Well, you're frozen out for this one.

If he gets this, I will hit you.

You got it.

Don't hit me.

Hit the rule book.

I'm rubbish at these sorts sorts of films.

Yeah, I don't think this is in your wheelhouse, but Alan Rickman is the next one.

Zach.

John.

John.

Love Actually.

He's blummy.

Well, I've got it on Love Actually.

Don't hit the rule book.

Yes, yes.

I knew it was one of those ones that I don't see anymore.

I don't know if I've ever seen one of those films, I don't think.

Oh, Love Actually is a cracker.

I actually can't watch Love Actually.

I watched the first five minutes to turn it off.

It's quite dated these days.

There are a couple of slightly problematic storylines in Love Actually.

Anyway, three points.

Thank you.

Annoying.

I mean, I'm going to ask John,

do you want to go for a bonus here?

I guess there's a couple of big hitters.

I think there's the biggest of the big hitters.

Well, I don't care anymore.

My head's gone.

No,

I'm 50% confident I could name another actor, but I'm not going to risk it.

Okay, we're not going to risk it.

I would have said Hugh Grant.

Hugh Grant would have got you a bonus point.

It would have got you the Billy bonus.

What was that?

Three extra points, so it's 27 at the minute.

20 to John.

7.

Can Alice.

How many points do I lose with my coffee?

No, that's alright.

But let's play.

Let's play because we're having fun.

No.

No.

Ooh.

Who chose these films?

Some of them are slightly tricky.

They're not, John.

These are absolute nailed-on ensemble casts, I'd say.

We started with Alan Howard.

This one's maybe tricky.

but this,

but only because I'm not into the film.

But let's see.

Round five, here we go.

Tony Revelori.

What?

Come on, Nick.

Don't take the mix.

That's a meal.

That's a type of pasta.

Get it at Zizzy's.

Tom Wilkinson.

Yeah?

Okay, I know him.

Harvey Keitel.

Sergeia Ronan.

Jeff Goldblum

Jude Law

Big hitters in this film big hitters Ralph Fiennes

They're only getting bigger strap in Edward Norton

Tilda Swinton Crykeepo isn't it?

I'm trying to think what this film is

and then someone called Bill Murray

Wows is my trousers

they spent a lot of money on cast, yeah.

It's a big film.

It's a big film.

And also, I think, made by someone who you are a fan of, John.

Well, it's not Caddyshack.

Well, hang on then.

It's not Caddy Shack.

But he's not in that.

Okay, John.

John's in on the one-pointer.

Turn that sodding

control off.

Is it the life aquatic?

No, it's not.

But in the right world.

Oh, the life aquarium.

I know.

Yes, I know, I know.

Freeze me out and then freeze me back in.

Go on, freeze out, freeze in for the hell of it, John.

It's the grand exotic Budapest Hotel.

The Grand Budapest Hotel.

Yeah, yes.

It would have got you one point, but you were frozen out, so it won't get you the point.

Well, no, because I got frozen back in.

No, you didn't?

Why?

Yep, I let you play for the fun of the fair.

Oh, and we run out.

No, that was the 10th.

That was no, 10th.

That was the 10th.

I was actually seeing that film.

I wasn't going to get that.

No.

So it's 20

to 7.

20 to John.

7 to Ellis.

It was actually 1710.

Some of the reviews of Wes Anderson's new film are so funny.

What's his new film?

I couldn't even tell you what it's called.

Some people

feel he's now gone sort of beyond parody of himself.

Unless it's a podcast.

Let me see if I can find a quote.

That's what I'm hoping for.

The Phoenician scene.

Yeah.

The Phoenician scene.

Phoenician?

Phoenician scene?

P-H-O-E-N.

Okay.

Lovely.

Well done, John.

It's 15 love now in the second game.

Starting to pull away.

We need a game about Berlin.

I've done.

Yeah, yes, please.

East Germany.

What an amazing period of time.

The Ballinth the Berlin War.

Good grief.

And if you've got any good books about East Germany, 1949 to 1990, do tell me.

Because I need them.

Okay.

I need more.

Quote, the big problem is how little humanity there is in this film.

Well, like this podcast.

God, that's a searing indictment, isn't it?

I would never get over that in a review.

The critics said that about anything I'd done.

That's what they say about oppressive regimes.

About twee directors.

Oh, my God.

Much as if I wrote a stand-up show, and the reviewers said that there was a complete lack of humanity.

Yeah.

Devastating.

Oh, poor man.

Did you have a shame in the back locker pocket?

Of course, Dave.

I've always got a shame in my back pocket.

Let's do a quick shame to end the pod.

What was I thinking?

Why did I say he had nice ankles?

She was stood behind me the whole time.

I didn't know he's only got one hand.

I was signed in on her Gmail.

John Shamewell.

I've got to say that after 40 degrees Celsius real feel, it's a delight to be back in the cool, dank shame well.

Is it?

I was a slave to the aircon.

If it was 40 degrees real feel, what was it actually?

34, 36.

So very humid, presumably.

Yes, but instant sunburn somehow, because he's so close to the equator.

So like Luke McQueen, the handsomest man on earth, I mean, full frontal and back tall sunburn.

Full frontal.

Well, because Colin reads the instructions on the sun cream and has also researched what's the best sun cream.

So he's got the best sun cream.

We talked about Colin in another podcast.

Sorry.

To listeners who are just tuning in, Colin is how all of John's friends referred to John on holiday because John is so organized.

He's alter ego.

Yeah, sometimes helpful, sometimes frustrating.

Yeah.

Colin is more organized than John, somehow.

He's always waiting at the door.

Tipping his watch.

So Colin has got the best sun cream you can get.

It's all the same, surely.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no.

Can I say no again, Dave?

Yeah.

No.

All right, use the kids' stuff.

Not all sun cream is created equal.

Right?

Be very aware of that.

Talk us through the ins and outs of this, John.

Well, go on the Witch.

Go on.

Subscribe to Witch, Dave.

Change your life.

Do you subscribe to Witch?

I might do.

Of course he does.

Of course he does, because he wouldn't trust any other review I know.

So different sun creams have different effectivity, effectiveness.

Efficacy.

Efficacy.

And I've got the best one.

And also, not only is it the best, one of the best ones, it doesn't leave your hands feeling greasy because it's so delicate and light.

And good.

But you apply it half an hour before you leave.

Yes, I knew that.

Yeah, all over your body.

So it's soaked in.

Luke McQueen, the most handsome man on earth.

He's a playing on the beach.

He's on the beach thinking, I'm getting a bit sunburnt here.

I should probably put some scent cream.

I'll just plaster some quite cheap sun cream over my sweat and then get in the ocean.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, these are basics.

Basics, basics, fundamentals.

As long as you're doing the the half-hour stuff, any sun cream's fine, as long as you're being sensible with it before.

Not in this level.

You've got to have good sun cream.

Oh, yeah?

Now, I'm not saying you necessarily have to spend a lot to get good sun cream.

I believe one of the German supermarkets own brand scores quite highly.

Does it really?

But also, did you know sun cream has an expiration date?

Yes.

Annoyingly, it's not printed as a date.

It's written in months on a little tub.

diagram on the back, a little tub symbol.

So you have to write on your sun cream the date you bought it.

But Colin's done that.

Of course Colin's done that.

Colin.

Colin lives to dream, to love, to fly high, but safely.

So yeah, you write in Sharpie on the back of your suncream the date you bought it, and then perhaps circle and write the date

that it expires.

I love it when Colin makes mistakes though.

He does make the odd mistake, hence his sunburn on his back.

Yeah.

Colin's like a really boring version of Fight Club.

Because Edward Norton has like an alter ego, doesn't he?

That goes and fights in basements and stuff.

Whereas John's just applies sun cream properly.

Colin has such stepdad energy that when he oversteps a line, he does sometimes trigger other travellers into problematic relationships they had with their own stepdads.

So you have to take a bit of a timeout from Colin.

Reassure people that they're good, they have value, and they've not got anything wrong.

Yeah.

They have got a few things wrong.

Wow.

And just to settle the atmos.

i hope you're not whispering that last bit because that's not going to settle the atmos no and then sort of peace and love and and you know just let colin stay in his room for the night so that he stops thinking about efficiency yeah and just enjoy yourself get a bit of sand in your shoes for goodness sake but do take spare socks um because you don't like the feeling of sand in your shoes no one does no spring spare set of shoes which he did do that's where the crocs come in useful well and also a spare set of shoes

Sorry, what were we talking about?

Shame world.

That's it, yes.

Good afternoon, my little flowering orchids.

I have some stagdew-related shame that I need to tell the world.

I thought, where better to share my most embarrassing story than to let two world-renowned comedians tell it on my behalf?

I don't think I'm world-renowned.

No, I don't.

It's Britain.

Mainly England, and not enough in Ireland to justify working there.

But I do love the people and the place.

You're the Cortinas of comedy.

I'm the Cortinas of Comedy.

I'm the status quo.

Yeah.

I think you're quite renowned in Camarne.

Oh, huge in Wales.

My Stagdew 2022.

I live in Brighton on the south coast, but my brother, the best man, has chosen to take us all up for a weekend in Newcastle for the festivities.

Oh, upon Tyne or under Lyme?

Upon Tyne.

Great, great Stagdew City.

Great city.

I've been looking forward to this for a long time, and we all made the most of it by drinking heavily on the long, long train up to Newcastle.

I think that's an error.

Colin thinks that's a huge error.

That's just stagging.

But it's just stag, and you've just got to chill out.

That's just stagging.

Stag City.

The classic stag mistake of going too hard on the first night, and then so on the actual night, everyone's been tired.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Safe to say, things got pretty messy, and the drinking continued late into the night.

We'd been to four or five pubs before ending up at the Strip Club.

Colin's going home and making some excuses, I think.

I'm going with you.

By this point, the drinks had all become too much for me.

I could hardly walk, let alone talk, and had to go home.

Now, of course, nobody wanted to see the stag go home early on the first night of his stag do, but I was adamant this was me for the night.

After a bit of an argument, I sloped off and booked myself an Uber.

This is where it gets mad.

I got into the Uber and instantly passed out in what felt like the comfiest car seat on earth.

When I woke up, I knew something strange was afoot.

Did I just see a sign for Tottenham?

Totten.

Oh my.

Where are we?

I asked the driver.

Looks like you had a long night there, mate, he replied.

We're in London.

Not long now.

Oh my god.

I've never woken up so quickly.

What does he mean I'm in London?

Oh my god.

Two minutes ago I was making my way back to my hotel in Newcastle.

He's put in home.

Yeah.

I've booked the Uber home.

All the way back to Brighton.

I quickly made the driver aware of the situation and asked him to take me to the nearest train station.

It's 4am.

Thankfully, one of my friends from Northampton was working on the Friday, so hadn't made his way up to Newcastle yet.

I left him 17 missed calls and countless messages before he woke up, so made sure he didn't leave before I'd got to Northampton.

So two hour journeys to Northampton, followed by a four-hour drive to Newcastle later.

I'm back with my mates, and thankfully, the stag do was the best weekend of my life from then on.

I felt like such an idiot for this situation, and my friends have never let me live it down.

But in my drunken state, how was I to know?

Please put my mind at ease and rid me of this shame.

Many thanks.

That's

huge.

It's also understandable.

I would really like to know how much it costs.

That's the question I have.

I'm going to say, at that time of night, Newcastle to London in an Uber,

it's gonna be 400.

I reckon 350, 400.

I think.

Because what's that?

It's minimum five hours.

Oh, yeah.

Also, you've got to find a driver's willing to take that fare.

Yeah, but I think if you were if you were sort of doing Uber fares around Newcastle on a Saturday, Friday night, you'd be quite quite up for a trip to London.

Yeah.

Hmm.

On the plus side.

So from here it's two.

It's

from here it's five hours 38.

It might be more than 400.

So if he's left at

he's got there at 4 a.m.

Do you know what, though?

Shall I see how much it is in an Uber?

Yeah, God.

I think now would be a slightly inflated price, especially because we're in London.

But do you know what I would say?

You've done nothing wrong.

The Uber drivers earned an absolute fortune.

And that's one of the great stag stories.

No one's been hurt.

Yeah.

You haven't done anything dodgy.

You're back for the fun of the next day.

Wife's not going to be upset.

Prices are in.

Okay.

This is exciting, isn't it?

Of course, there are other taxi apps.

Bolt.

It would be a fortune in a black cup.

Can you imagine that?

You Google Bolt whilst John Googles

off of balance.

UberXXL.

Why are you going XXL?

Well, I'm just working down.

UberXXL, 632.79.

Uber XL, 539.23.

Okay.

Huge saving for Uber Comfort, $391.89.

What's that?

I don't know.

It doesn't matter.

And Uber, I think it's an UberX, but with hand wipes.

UberX, 37399.

Bang between us, Dave.

350 to 400.

Oh, dear.

Because...

Do you know what?

That's not...

If you're getting a train last minute.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's not that different.

All stagdos,

if you've got a big group of lad mates, all stagdos just start to merge into one.

I can't really remember one from another.

What's happened there has meant the most memorable stag

is now the stag that is remembered for the rest of time.

Yes.

And that's great because otherwise it does just become a

merry-go-round of stags over a five-year period.

And some stag, some stag's behaved really horribly.

Yeah.

He's done nothing wrong, but it's not.

Hasn't just bad.

He's just

cost himself 300 quid.

And what he did?

He injected probably a hell of a lot of energy into day two when everyone was feeling a bit...

Oh,

he's going to feel rope here.

He'll feel great.

He'll get well.

Yeah, he'll be released.

So So he'd be clapped into the pet.

Yes, he will.

Can you imagine?

Here he is.

Just give some chickens.

Absolutely.

It's made the second day.

I think it's class.

I love it.

I'm a big fan.

As long as you can afford it,

then, you know, obviously.

I'm going to get

Uberhome tonight.

But if you can afford it and it's not completely wiped out his current account.

Yeah, of course.

It's just funny.

We've got to record Bureau Deschrage of the Mind, Dave.

Yes, we do.

We do.

So, I mean, that's a solid app right there.

I'm happy with that.

Okay, thanks, everyone, for listening.

Send your Shane Wells and New Made Up Games to Ellis and John at bbc.co.uk.

Goodbye.

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