#434 - TwistMcGist, Spikey Mike and Oh You’re A Catholic

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK.

Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home!

Winner, best score!

We demand to be seen!

Winner, best book!

We demand to be quality!

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

BBC Sounds, Music, Radio, Podcasts.

Hello everyone, it's been a long and busy week here at Five Live as Director General Tim Davey hosted the annual BBC conference.

Attendance is mandatory for all BBC staff as we come together to discuss the world of public service broadcasting.

This year, the theme was looking ahead, and this was reflected in the conference's tagline, BBC from BC to AD.

How to future-proof the BBC and build a better-built BBC Better but Not Bitter, brought to you you by can't believe it's not butter and butcombe's best bitter

a rare commercial tie-in yeah

well they're that well this is the whole well that's how BBC America do it because it's the it's looking ahead it's the future of the BBC the week butcomes best bitter could be a big part of that yeah The week had gone swimmingly, despite getting off to a bad start when Adrian Chiles spilt piccolilly all over Tim Davies' new pair of sketches.

But spirits were high after a productive roundtable discussion about what to do in the event of the license fee being cancelled.

Rick Edwards confessed to having slept under his desk for six months now, and should wages need to be cut, then there was more than enough room for everyone, as shown by the designs he shared for Rick's mega fort.

Davy looked over the plans and seemed to like the idea of an interlinking maze of dens and slides made from cushions, cardboard and blankets, but joked that he he hoped the ninja robots would be left out of the final plans.

Stephen Nolan said that he couldn't name one TV program that couldn't be made using an iPhone and good old-fashioned gumption before premiering an entire series of antiques roadshows that he'd made in his bedroom using an AI Fiona Bruce.

Davies' interests was piqued when Nolan demonstrated a cost-saving of 98%,

but did insist that the final product would need to be family-friendly and set on Earth.

Then it was time for the keynote speech.

Silence fell across the room as over 2,000 BBC staff awaited the most anticipated moment of the entire week.

A 10-point plan to secure the future of the BBC from none other than Rory Stewart.

Rory's research had been six months in the making and involved a team of experts from over a dozen different disciplines.

Indeed, many saw this as his pitch for the role of the next Director General of the BBC when Davies' tenure came to an end.

The pressure was on.

Rory had to impress if he was to fulfill his dream and secure the top job.

The consensus was he would have had it in the bag if it wasn't for one thing.

Rory's friends from Fuse Energy.

Yes, Rory couldn't resist inviting them along for his big moment, a decision that massively backfired.

As soon as he turned turned on the overhead projector, he knew he was in trouble.

Gaz Thomas from Fuse's accounting department had replaced all of Rory's slides with photocopy bums.

It was mayhem.

Before Rory could apologise for the bums, Fuse's entire marketing team started running up and down the aisles, shouting Rory Pooh fart.

As Rory turned to admonish them, laughter rang out as Five Pint Phil, designer of the Fuse logo, had attached crocodile clips to the back of Rory's jumper.

Clive Myrie lost it and started laughing so hard he knocked over Stacey Dooley's pick and mix.

Rory tried to win the run back with an explainer on Lord Wreath, but it was too late.

As Paul Gillers Gil Hooley, the CEO of Fuse Energy, had filled Rory's pencil case with slime so he couldn't use his laser pointer.

Then the bloody lights went off.

Now in pitch blackness, Rory reluctantly turned to the only source of light available, a projection of Graham's bum.

As a result, his anecdote about visiting Tripoli with Noam Chomsky, two Harvard professors and a Brazilian ambassador fell on deaf ears.

His fate was sealed when Big Dougie Davis from Fuse HR let off a stink bomb.

People began to rush for the exits, and it could have been a nasty scene had Davey, in an unusually calm and authoritative voice, not directed people to the nearest exit in an orderly fashion.

The crowd all made it out safely into the foyer and excitedly relived the chaos.

But had anyone stayed behind to brave the stench and darkness, they would have witnessed a rather interesting scene.

As Rory gathered up his things, a mess of slime and crocodile clips, Davy found the lights and switched them back on.

Come to think of it, he'd been standing by the lights the whole time.

And as he lapped at his second twister of the day, an observant bystander might have noticed a grin beginning to form amongst the pineapple and strawberry ice.

Whoa.

Bad luck, Rory, old chum, he said.

I

don't know what got into them, said Stewart.

Probably too much sugar, Davey replied.

Someone left my private Calippo freezer unlocked.

They scoffed a lot.

Tim, Rory said nervously,

the culture secretary, Lisa Nandy.

I'd planned to meet her this afternoon.

She...

She wasn't here, was she?

Tim nibbled a chunk of his twister and stared into the distance.

Do you know, Rory, dear thing, now that you mention it, I rather think she was.

And with that, he was gone.

Oh,

why?

Wow.

God.

High drama.

Twist my gists.

Twists my gists.

No one's ever said that before, do they?

Nor will again.

What a curious turn of phrase.

That's a Google whack, but for all of language.

Yeah.

Do you know what?

The feeling I had when the Twist McGiffs came in there.

Yeah.

Look at that word again.

They said it wouldn't happen twice.

The realization that there was more at play.

I've not felt that since the end of Shutter Island.

Have you not?

No.

Yeah.

That was my Shutter Island.

It was.

I've not followed that since I watched Eyes Wide Shut.

So aroused.

Wow, worthy of Kubrick, John.

Fair please.

Yes, yes.

So Davey's in on him.

Well, you know, Rory was making a pretty obvious play for his job.

If someone came for your job, Dave, you wouldn't, you'd

slip a few Mars bars to the people from Nord VPN.

No, Dave would fill the studio with helium so everyone sounded daft.

Would you, Dave?

No, but there is a thing people say in high-power positions where they kind of say, listen, I want you to be coming for my job.

I want you to.

And they don't mean that.

I'd never say that.

If I was in a high-power position.

No, I would have been like, please don't.

I'd say I'm happy where I am.

Yeah, I need to feed my children my outgoings are based on me earning this yeah yeah i want all of you to underperform yeah yeah i want consistent underperformance across this department i would love to run a failing department

that's my dream yeah

a failing department that that no one is acknowledging and no one's no one's keeping their eye on no one's keeping tabs on my failing department it's like xfm towards the end

That's a little joke of.

I could do that, man.

Oh, you could do that.

But you can't run a failing department because you say yes to everything.

What?

So I'd succeed by mistake.

Yeah.

You'd take on too many failing projects.

And that would create a failing department.

Yeah, that's true, actually.

God, you'd be stressed.

Oh, yeah.

No,

you don't want to run a failing department.

You want to be in the background.

Do you heard that story on

Three Bean Salad where Henry Packer's talking about when he worked as an illustrator for a web company?

Yes.

And the boss changed and they sort of reorganized departments, but no one really knew what anyone was doing.

So he came up with this thing on his screen that had just two dots on it.

So anytime someone walked past, he'd just open this window that had two dots on it and make it look like he was doing design.

Yeah, yeah.

And that went on for about six months.

Yes.

I had a couple of temping jobs where no one was keeping tabs on me in the early 2000s.

Oh, yeah.

I used to go in there and read novels at my desk.

It's interesting because you are...

You know, part of you is an overworked man doing a thousand podcasts, but part of you will always wish you were in the cast of spaced.

Yes.

Sort of sitting in a quite messy lounge watching DVDs.

Absolutely, yeah.

But also just the idea of being the boss of a failing department.

Then you turn up at the dinners and

your tie hasn't been done up.

And people are like, who is that?

That's Ellis James.

He runs the department for not doing very much.

Is he good at it?

He's absolutely brilliant.

What's it like to work for him?

Easy.

Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds good.

By the way, if you are working in a failing department and no one's keeping tubs in you, do email in with your experiences to eradisonjohn at bbc.co.uk.

Oh, yes.

Griff, yeah,

the grifter feature.

Send us your sandbagging anecdotes.

Yes.

How long have you got away with doing nothing?

Grifter of the week.

Yeah, let's hear about that, Dave.

I mean, it's not far away from the feature that I wanted to launch at the beginning of this tenure called Sky V Live.

BBC Radio Sky V Live.

Yeah, but that was more like people winding down Friday afternoon to go to the bar.

We, this is like people who are going unnoticed, doing very little.

My grandmother, though, had an extreme Protestant work ethic.

And you sort of refer to her pension as her pay because

she didn't want anyone to think that she was sort of, you know, taking something for nothing well it is pay yeah exactly but sort of that's how she that's how she used to refer to it she once someone told her about a guy who working in a garden center was clocking in at nine in the morning and then going home and then going back at 5 p.m to clock out and she was absolutely disgusted by it well that we're not we don't want to hear about that no that's mad but like if you're clocking into the garden center and you've created a sort of minister in charge of shrubs

and you just move shrubs from one side of the garden centre to the other all day.

Yeah.

Which you could argue is as difficult as doing actual work.

Yeah.

You know, what's the advantage?

But I would love to hear about people who found little loopholes.

Especially off it, like my dad talks about working in offices in the 70s.

There were lots of people walking around with like sort of clipboards, not doing a huge amount of time.

Well, like there's a bit in the American office where they create a role of something like office facilitator.

Yeah.

and it entitles them to a certain amount of time just sort of doing nothing every week.

I like that, Dave.

Can we create a role like that on this podcast?

What do you want it to do?

I could be in charge of efficiency.

In fact, I would be amazing at that.

And you would be.

Well, that would just make us efficient.

You want to put me in charge of efficiency?

Yeah, Ellis is in charge of efficiency, Dave.

Do you want that job?

No, which is why I'd be so perfect at it.

Okay.

John will want to do it, even though it's your role, though.

Well, I'm afraid it's uh um division of labor, and it's my role, so he doesn't get to tell me what to do.

Cool, how can this affect my ability to sack Ellis?

I don't think you ever had that, I'm afraid.

Dave, you're coming very close to a sacking yourself.

What's your big anecdote, dear?

Uh, went to

a city farm, right?

The baby rabbits three days old, old.

Bunnies.

The bunnies.

So cute.

Cute, Dave.

The Jerbils.

Cute.

So cute.

The pigs.

Had so much sex.

That's okay.

Yes.

I've got a photo I can tell.

Show you, Dave.

Please do.

Yeah, it's.

Show Dave, but don't show me because it would make me feel sick.

Okay.

They, maybe it was the weather.

But they didn't stop.

I thought it was the bunnies.

No,

the bunnies were just sort of sitting there and being cute and the jerbils were sitting there and being cute.

The pigs, maybe it was a significant anniversary.

I don't know.

It's nature red in tooth and claw.

I didn't know pig.

I didn't I didn't know pigs were well known for it, but hey, it's nature, isn't it?

It was just also, it was very funny.

Have you ever heard the phrase making bacon, Dave?

It was also...

Yeah, that's what it is.

It's not a butcher's term.

Well, I suppose it is, if you said what you're doing, I'm making bacon.

It wasn't making bacon.

It was also very, very funny hearing sort of parents not really knowing how to discuss it with their children.

Little kids not really understanding what was going on.

The teenagers understanding perfectly what was going on.

Yeah.

Laugh.

Me just watching it in a trance.

Show Dave the picture.

Yeah, yeah, so I'm looking for it.

Yeah.

Let me just sort your magnet, John.

Why?

Because it looks messy.

It doesn't matter.

But now it's now it's going to look mad because it's a continuity error.

Well, it'll be on Ellis's blunders then.

That's a good point.

Oh my lord.

Betty looks absolutely disgusting.

Can we put it on the carousel?

It's fine.

We can't because I don't want to put pictures on my door.

It's sick everywhere.

Yeah, I mean,

I watched it to completion.

He's fallen asleep on a back.

He's fallen asleep on a back.

That is one of the things some of the nice parents were saying.

It's a piggyback.

He's a piggyback.

That was getting mentioned.

There were lots of different explanations floating around.

He's a piggyback.

He's doing a piggyback.

That's where the term comes from.

He's fallen asleep on his wife.

Bobbin that.

Have we got any more wholesome anecdotes?

What did your kids learn at the farm apart from that?

They really loved it.

I think my kids would like to live on a farm, actually.

I was able to explain to them

it's different to this.

It's prohibitively expensive in South London.

Yes, and also it's hard work.

Imagine if you built a farm in South London.

Yeah.

you'd have to buy about £10 million worth of property.

I'd need millions of pounds.

And

it would look so odd.

As you're getting the train in from Crystal Parks, suddenly there's like a working farm.

That would be insane.

And I would be so tired.

And skint.

And skint.

Yeah.

Because it's really hard to make a living as a farmer.

And can you imagine how tired I'd be?

And

this show, I would be phoning it in.

I can guarantee you that.

I don't think you'd make it in.

Not if it's Milk and King Day, second half.

I probably wouldn't make the Friday episode, but certainly Tuesday episode,

I'd be there for the made-up game.

Yeah, okay.

But yeah, why?

What did you get up to, John?

Not a lot, actually.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Well, I've got stuff, but I'd need, I'm waiting on...

Dave to bloody sort his get his ass in gear before I can talk about it.

Well, because you can't mention it because of the unique way the BBC is funded.

Because of the unique way the BBC is funded and the unique way the BBC operates Ellis, which, as you'll know, is a mixed bag.

Because John's starting a Bouncy Castle business.

I actually know someone who runs a Bouncy Castle.

Yes.

East May Goldfield.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And

he's written a 24-part series about the Oval Office on Amazon Prime.

But I can mention it, but John can't.

John Craig Charles to talk about it.

Well, because I've got very poor knowledge of American political

sort of

machinations.

Yeah, it's called the guest swing.

Just imagine what it might be like in America.

Yeah.

Lots of people talking about the DA's office.

Oh, yeah.

Not sure that's to do with politics.

Yeah, yeah, but it's really good stuff.

What have you been doing, Dave?

Twins' fifth birthday party on Saturday.

Well, it was my birthday, of course.

Oh, but it hasn't happened yet.

The machine's the unique way that this podcast is recorded.

Yeah.

But I went on holiday.

So for two days.

How did you?

I don't know yet.

Where did you go?

I went to Margate.

And you didn't know how it went.

I don't know how it went because I haven't been there yet, but I've been there.

But what a lovely place.

Is it?

Are you going to go to the tit?

I hoped so.

There's a Tate Modern art gallery there.

Yes, there is.

There is.

Or was, or still is.

And there's an amusement arcade that's massive.

I don't know if that is open.

Oh, okay.

That may just be for sort of hipster events.

Nice beach.

Or a polluted one.

Okay.

There's a beach.

There is a beach.

There's a beach.

I haven't been yet, so I can't confirm that.

You've never been to Margate.

No, I have ages ago.

Right, okay.

But in terms of this weekend, it's past.

I have been, but I haven't been yet.

Yeah, but I think we're pretty certain it'll still be by the coast.

Yes, Margate is not shifting at that much.

It's probably two millimeters a year.

Yeah.

So I think that's safe.

You can say that you went to the coast.

I think the way this podcast is recorded works.

Yeah, me too.

I think it works.

I don't think this is unique to this podcast.

Most podcasts record a week in lieu.

Yeah, roughly there or thereabouts.

The Cardi Football Weekly was like this.

And then Arsenal played Monday Night did, and we're assuming it happened, but we're not sure yet.

Anyway, well done.

So we're both teams.

Yeah.

Yeah, it doesn't work for a reactive football podcast.

News podcasts record in the future.

The news agents.

It's 100 days into Trump's presidency.

We're reflecting on the first 105 days.

It does work.

John Supple.

God, imagine that.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah.

The majority of the time, it makes a lot of blumming sense, actually.

It does, doesn't it, Dave?

It's just difficult when you've got a big event that falls between the two,

you know, linear releases

when you're recording in a

delinear way.

Absolutely.

Anyway, twins' fifth birthday.

Yes,

Friday, on Saturday.

What's their birthday?

April 10th.

So it wasn't bang on.

That was 20 days ago, Dave.

Yeah, but I had a club night.

What on earth is going on?

There were things in my life which meant the.

Oh, no, no.

In fact, I'm not guilty for this.

It has nothing to do with me.

The twins' birthday is amalgamated.

He dropped his pen.

The twins' birthday party is amalgamated with three other people from their class.

So it has to land in the middle of a lot of people's birthdays.

What?

So we combine the...

Otherwise, you've got 30 blummin' town hall birthday parties every year.

So even though it's a why are they having their birthday at the town hall?

Not the town hall.

That's you know what I mean?

Their church hall.

Are they an exhibition pledge?

What on earth is going on?

Do they is that what they got for their birthday?

Big chains.

Is there a pledge that the mayor of Cheadle Hume made and regrets?

But he'll bless every Cheadlehume child on their birthday from the town hall with fitting regalias.

No, I mean like a hall.

What do I mean?

A community hall.

Yeah, community centre.

Yeah.

Church hall.

Church hall at the side of Methodist church.

And we filled it with balloons.

Beck didn't want to go as a pirate, even though it was a pirates and princesses theme.

What did he want to go as?

He wants to go as a dinosaur.

Well, of course, we'll let him go.

The oldest pirates known to man.

Well, we found...

What is a velociraptor if not the, you know, a lizard pirate?

Yeah.

Yes.

We found a middle ground.

We found a loophole.

So

he kind of thought he was going as a dinosaur.

We actually kind of sent him in as an alligator, as a crocodile.

Oh, with a clock in it, TikTok.

Got a bloody clock in it, John.

That's very clever.

So it linked without him realising because he really was against the pirate theme.

What does it matter if he wants to go as a dinosaur?

It doesn't matter at all.

It doesn't matter.

He had a lovely time.

I had a prosie.

Spiky Mike.

You what?

For a second.

Dave, you don't call it.

That's what Dave calls it.

But again, it's like...

What was the thing you said?

It's like Twisty McGistie or whatever it was you said five minutes ago.

He's inventing new language.

But are you drunk?

We've always called it that.

No, we haven't.

No one has.

They do.

It's they, the north.

No, no, no, no.

I forget.

Dave and Hannah refer to the Prosecco and Pizza nights on a Friday night as the what?

What was it again?

Praise and Pizza.

The correct term is a seco worker.

Kiss me.

That's good.

It's all good, Dave.

It just comes out of him.

It does.

So we were, yeah, so we had a lovely afternoon.

Spikey Mike was there.

What?

What?

The comedy promoter from Dante.

Dave, am I dreaming?

What's happening, Dave?

Spikey Mike.

Spikey Mike runs gigs across the

South East Midlands.

Wow, I think it's a different Spiky Mike.

And he is in high demand.

Spiky Mike is in huge demand.

Who is it?

He,

it's a triple threat, mate.

Yeah.

He's DJing.

Okay.

He's making balloon animals.

Okay.

And he's also

having sex.

He's also doing magic here and there and everywhere.

That's not really a triple threat.

That's just

a double threat who also does balloon animals.

Well, because there's because there's Disco Dave who's on the scene.

And Disco Dave.

Hang on.

You're just...

No, I'm just Dave.

Yeah, you're Dave.

You're a dad.

Your son is an alligator.

Yes.

Disco Dave is on the scene.

And often at these parties, he's playing the music, he's getting them dancing, he's giving out some presents at the front.

And that's you.

No, I'm no disco.

I am not Disco Dave.

Okay.

There's another Dave in Stockport, unbelievably, who calls himself Disco Dave.

He brings his sound system down.

He's got his lights.

He stands in the corner.

And he's good.

Don't get me wrong.

And if you're listening, Dave, fair play.

The gig you put on at Centre Point Disco a couple of months ago was fantastic.

But if you want a living, learn to make balloon animals.

Look at what Spikey Mike's doing.

And my God, you've got to get there quick, mate.

What?

We're running out of previews in June and July.

Spiky Mike is clearing up.

Because he's integrating magic into it.

Dave, are you basically letting Disco Dave know via this podcast that his livelihood is gone?

No, I'm just saying.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with him knowing there's a bit of healthy competition out there.

Oh, my God.

I would be absolutely mortified if I was Disco Dave.

Disco Dave is great.

Disco Dave is great.

I went to a kids' party in a community hall in South London a few few months ago, like a sixth birthday party, and there was someone very similar there.

I can't remember his name, but the whole shebang sort of DJ balloon animals, kids' games.

His energy levels were just insane.

Imagine how Spiky Mike's going to feel if Fudgy

Bill.

Who's Fudgy Bill?

Fudgy Bill, well, just you wait.

He does a disco, makes magic, balloon animals, and he's got his own paddling pool, Dave.

So now everyone's after Fudgy Bill.

No, no one wants wants fudgy bill no one wants a paddling pool in a sports I was in the I was in the kitchen full of balls Dave it's a ball pool

I was in the kitchen sorting out like sandwiches and squash just doing some general helping

and the kids were eating so like he was between sets

and uh he came into the little kitchen and then there's the community center just burst into tears

like mopping his brow like he'd been in a ring yeah and I went wow mate your energy levels was like, yeah, I love it.

Yeah.

But it takes it out of you physically.

You've got to love it.

I could not go near one of these events.

No, you hated you.

Absolutely.

I can't even deal with that when it's just my party.

There you are.

30 kids and a blooming disco magician.

They are loud.

They are, but the kids are loving it.

But do you know what though?

And then those ear defenders they have for kids at festivals.

I'd be wearing those.

Yeah.

Do you know what though?

By the time the kids get to above seven or eight, they tend to have more specialist parties for far fewer guests?

Yes, absolutely.

Just with classical music and like candles and a bit of incense.

But you might

very early on, like when it's a reception,

you're sort of obliged to invite the entire class.

And then by the time you get to sort of seven or eight, it's a slightly more specialist group.

You're choosing your besties.

Yeah, it's true.

And then

15, 16, you're back into it again.

Mayhem.

Snogging.

Big lash.

Yeah.

So things getting spilt and broken.

Yes.

Yes.

When does it end?

Yeah.

You could do a kids' party, I think.

Remember, kids, it all ends soon.

Don't tell you what, kids would like John's problematic walk-in playlist because it's angular, funky music.

They're not bothered about knowing the words.

They just want to dance.

They want to move.

No, they like Justin Timberlake.

Yeah.

Do they?

Yeah.

Is he still around?

What's that big tune from the.

He must be 50 now.

I don't think kids are.

I don't think five-year-olds are into Justin Timberlake.

Is he nodding?

Five-year-olds are into Justin Timberlake.

What's his biggest song from Trolls?

What's that big tune from the Trolls song?

Can't stop the feeling.

Dance, dance.

Dance, dance.

That one.

That will always get played.

I don't mind it.

I don't mind it.

I mind it.

It's so catchy, though.

It's so insanely catchy.

Yeah.

Can't stop the feeling.

Yeah.

He's always had catchy tracks.

Yeah.

Wasn't he around when we were teenagers?

Yeah, big time.

What's his name?

Yeah, but he was like nine.

He came out of Disney, so out of the kind of Britney Spears Disney Club.

He's younger than us.

Which Ryan Gosling was in and Christine Aguilera.

They were all in the Disney team, whatever it's called.

And then they all kind of got into early acting or early music.

And then they just, yeah, when he was massive in NSYNC, he was like 20.

Oh, my God.

He's 44.

I knew he was older than us.

Oh, I thought he was about 26.

No, you didn't.

I did.

Dick.

Mr.

Timberlake.

He's 44.

He was bringing the beat back 22 years ago.

Yeah, but I thought he was like seven when he was doing that.

Yeah, he was in the

Disney Channel's all-new Mickey Mouse Club.

That's it.

And they were like big people in that.

It's like I say, Britney Spears, Ryan Gosling, Christine Aguilera.

Christine Aguilera?

Christine Aguilera.

That's insane, isn't it?

Anyway, trip down memory lane.

God, I would have been rubbish in the Mickey Mouse club.

I don't know.

I think you'd have to.

But Mickey Mouse.

No.

I don't mind him as a mouse.

That's my skull.

You know, I'd question why he's always wearing gloves.

But you've got to give him a bit more than that to the Mickey Mouse club.

But you do that in the first minute of Ep1.

Yeah.

And then I'm out really.

Maybe he's got bad ecstasy.

Maybe he's got, maybe he's got, yeah, maybe he's got eczema psoriasis or something.

I don't know.

Yeah.

But you would think with all of Disney's money, they could maybe sort it.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Or just draw his skin better.

Yeah.

It's up to Walt.

Yeah.

Great stuff.

Should we do a Cymru?

We didn't.

We missed the Cymry connection last week.

We did.

Because we were busy with Josh Wardle, the Wordle King.

The Wordle King.

Who I very much enjoyed chatting to.

Yes.

Let's see if Ellis can connect with someone from Wales.

No,

come on, mate.

You must do no, we've never met

Yes, this is the feature where Mr.

Ellis James is given a maximum of 60 seconds to try and find a connection with a fellow Welsh person.

There's been a few downs lately.

There's no escaping it.

Last time out, Ellis failed to connect with Chicago-based Lowry, and this makes five failures of his past six.

That feels significant.

I mean, it's...

It's suckable, isn't it?

It's a sackable affair.

No, no, no, Pep still.

No, as a manager, Pep's still got it.

Yeah, but Pep's leg.

I don't have Pep's legacy, do I?

No.

His connection rate ticks down to 47% with 18 successes out of 38.

This is troubling.

He's either getting worse with experience or he's reverting to the 30% long-run mean we know deep down to be true.

We have a caller on the line from Wales.

Hello, caller.

Hello, can you hear me?

Yes, I can hear you.

There is pressure.

There is pressure in the room.

There is pressure in the atmosphere.

Pressure is a privilege, however.

So we are lucky to feel this pressure.

Ellis is actually very blessed to be this bad at his favourite game.

He's like...

Can we think of any kind of

similar figure in the history of sport who loves the game at the highest level?

But is bad at it.

Yeah, but he's quite poor.

That's a very interesting question, actually.

Do you know what I'm like?

I'm like a sort of an old tennis player who's carried on despite horrendous injuries and is now getting knocked out in the sort of qualifying rounds.

Are you Jimmy White in all of this?

I mean, I love Jimmy.

I love Jimmy.

I don't know.

And he was very good.

He was six world finals?

Yes.

Anyway,

we do hope that this is a turnaround in Ellis's form.

We have 60 seconds on the clock.

The next voice you hear, caller, will be that of Cymrica Nectar Ellis Jones.

Your time starts now.

Where did you go to school?

Tasca Millwood.

Oh my god, how old are you?

31.

Okay.

Tasker Millwood still existed then.

Do you know Alex White or Guy White or Emily White?

No.

Okay, 31.

Do you know David Adams works for the FAW?

No.

That's not true.

Do you know Nathan Schoen?

No.

Eggie.

Eggie's from Half the West.

No, I don't know Eggie.

Okay, Eggie's siblings.

No.

Okay.

What primary school do you go to?

Mary Immaculate.

Oh, you're a Catholic.

Sorry, what do you do for a living?

I'm a management consultant.

Where?

Derby.

Oh, do you know Spiky Mike?

Spiky Mike, no.

Okay.

Do you know anyone who knows Izzy Sutti?

Do you know her friend Caroline Bostock?

No.

Who do you management consult for?

A tiny company.

What blows my mind

week in, week out, is he asks someone where they go to school and then fires 20 names at them.

It doesn't ask them anything else.

The rush of blood's the head.

No, because they are all people who went to that school or a school.

Yeah, but you could

hone in.

Ask more questions.

31.

What?

So, did you grow up in Huffford West?

Are we on the Sun Lounge or not?

No, this is an addendum.

No, there is no addendum.

I got put off by his Catholicism.

Okay.

He did.

I lost 10 seconds there.

I know.

I played football against Mary Mackenzie and I just got a free kick, direct free kick, and a tap in.

Probably my best ever performance.

Alice, would you like to go to the Sun Lounger?

Go on.

Can I just ask addendum questions?

No, that is the sun.

That is what it is.

All right, then.

Yeah, go.

Let's go to the Sun Lounger.

Two minutes.

Did you grow up in Half for the West itself?

I grew up in Rosemarket, but I'd consider Halfford West to be my hometown.

Okay.

Okay.

Do you know the Cottrells who are

linked to Halfford West County Football Club?

I think Andrew is one of them.

Yes?

Yes.

Well, vaguely an Andrew.

I think I'd have played Hadford West County back in the day.

Oh, I played for Half-Drust County a long, long, long, long, long time ago.

John Feehon, the coach?

No, no.

Okay, that's fine.

That's fine.

That's fine.

That's in the back.

Did Jazz Richards used to play for Half for West County Because I have.

Jazz Richards, the name rings a bell.

I think I'd be a bit older than me, I think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I played for Camrose after.

Did you?

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Okay, this is good.

We've played on the same pitches, but obviously years apart.

Fitz, if you went to university, where did you go?

Loughborough.

Okay.

Do you know anyone involved in...

Is it Escotreland, the Welsh medium school in Aftwest?

No.

That's fine.

No, Escot Glanclethai, isn't it?

It's Escotlanclethai.

Still no.

Okay, that's fine.

Do you.

Haverford West?

This is big.

So you must know people who work at Withy Bush Hospital.

Maybe one or two, but not many.

Okay, remember, you can help me, Nathan.

Yeah, you can.

Caller, you can help me.

I can help you.

Offer.

Can I give names?

Yeah, absolutely.

I was wondering if you knew Sam Blacksland is a historian.

Done work with the BBC.

No, I don't know.

No.

Not the Blackslands.

Maddie Reese and Cardiff?

No.

Is Maddie Reese a historian?

No, no, no.

She thinks she works for Wash Labour.

Okay, no, I don't know Maddie Reese.

You must know people who studied at Pembridge College?

Probably, yeah,

my mate went there older than you.

This is a huge.

Okay.

Do you know anyone who worked for the dairy factories near Merlin's Bridge?

No.

It used to smell in the summer, but then they changed the filters.

That was the year.

It still smells.

It does still smell.

Okay.

Does smelling the same factory count?

I'll take it.

Do you have any connections that you know of, Cooler?

Well, no, the ones I was throwing out were the possible ones.

I don't know if you'd known Stag Jones, the headmaster at Tuscas.

No,

I wouldn't have gone to Tuscas anyway because it was the English school rather than the Welsh school, so I'd have gone to.

Hmm.

God,

God's sake.

He's trying, isn't he?

You can see there's effort here.

Yeah, but I think unfortunately they're being called back

by their partners.

Do you know anyone from the Pembroke dock area?

Maybe a couple of footballers, but no, not really.

Have you ever walked on Bosherton Lily Ponds?

I was there last week.

I was there in the summer.

They've played on the same pitches, they've walked on the same ponds, they've smelt the same dairy.

Have you ever done the Pembrokeshire Coastal Path?

I've done a fair bit of it.

Oh, you must have someone who's worked for Oakwood.

My friend Kate did Oakwood Nights, but

20 years ago.

I'd worked for

the previous owner of Oakwood as well.

I did some work experience for Paddy McNamara.

Oh, okay.

Have you ever been in the Western Telegraph?

My name'd have been in when I was scrolling Gospels.

My name too, yeah, yeah, for reading out in church.

it's just so close but yet so far

the same dairy yeah dave marin who played for camera's policeman who dave marin

no i don't what was what was stacy's father called he's played for rugby uh after us rugby club

he uncle-tapped me in a skull fate

There will be people all over Haverford West and the Pembrokeshire area.

Yeah.

Making connections left, right, and centre.

So many names flying around.

So many

so many aromas of dairy through the air.

Daniel Owen, whose mother was a French teacher.

Matthew Red of the Barry Horns.

No.

What?

No.

What does Matthew Redd of the Barry Horns mean?

Matthew Redd is his name.

Yeah.

And he's in the Welsh...

um sort of football fan band, the Barry Horns, who plays play horns at Barry games.

Yeah, but no, no, no, Wales games.

But it's horns Yeah.

Because it's trumpets and things.

But it's a pun on Barry Horn, who was captain of Wales in the 1990s, used to play for Everton.

Yeah.

Famously scored against Wimbledon.

Yeah.

Karina Evans.

She played Marimba in the Welsh Orchestra.

No.

It's now getting quite cold on the beach.

The sun's gone down.

Yeah.

The guy who's come to do karaoke is actually packing up his PA.

Yeah.

So, and the bar has shut.

We smelled the same day.

We've smelled the same day.

Connection of senses, sure.

But that's yeah that's not that's not the name of the game so unfortunately caller what's your name uh tom tom llewellyn tom lewelyn um lovely to chat to you lovely to hear your backstory dramadilewellyn the rally driver because he was from hverford west no no relation

drivers yeah no relation that's fine that's fine uh

have

we gonna have to let you go now i think that's it jimmy the postman jimmy the postman no okay who's who's the key?

You and the Zenrose Market.

It's very kind of you to call.

We loved sharing this time with you.

But all good things have got to come to an end.

Ellis, unfortunately, that is his sixth failure in seven companies.

So sorry, Ellis.

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

I like you.

You have value.

Yeah, it's good.

I like you.

You have value.

I was writing for you.

Okay, bye-bye now.

Thanks, Tom.

Thank you.

It's going to take a little bit of time.

Just take a little bit of time here.

We'll get our bearings.

Work out how we're going to edit that down for

the live broadcast.

Let's just take a moment.

The American family who used to celebrate Halloween in the 80s.

There was always one.

Yeah.

Anyway, folks, we've got a made-up game coming very, very soon, and we can't wait to play it with you.

Bye-bye.

Sucks!

The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home!

Winner, best score!

We demand to be seen!

Winner, best book!

We demand to be quality!

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

Now then everyone, it's time for a brand new Masterman initiative.

This is a digital Dave project, isn't it, Dave?

You've been squirreling away, coming up with what you believe is going to win us billion awards.

Well, no, and I'm sure.

Also, don't put yourself down.

I mean, it came from a very natural, as often these features do, it came from a very natural conversation that you two are having about what would make the UNESCO of Accents.

It was from Alison, who was a Cymry Connection.

A successful Cymru connection.

Back in the days when Alice made Cymru connections, yeah.

She was from Schnechli, is from Schnehli, and she had what I would term a classic Schneidli accent.

Yeah, you would put her accent in a display case.

Yeah, you're thinking with the word Glennkel to it.

Scott Quinnell.

Yeah.

All of the Quinnells, in fact.

Her accent would be loaned to the British Museum by the Guggenheim.

Kiss me again.

You've done it again.

He keeps doing it.

That's literally what I would do with that accent.

I'd have it loaned to the British Museum.

And I said that for me is a UNESCO World Heritage accent.

At which point Davis is pricked up because he's thinking to himself, there's a feature in this.

There's something in this.

Yes, Ellis and I love accents, but which ones are UNESCO?

That's what we're here to decide in the UNESCO Accent World Cup.

But it's not a World Cup with a final or semifinals or quarterfinals.

It's just

16.

All last 16.

It's just an endless sort of round robin with commendation.

Yeah.

Highly commended and access to the UNESCO cabinet.

Today it is Boston versus Mississippi and from Mississippi on the line we have Lisa.

Hello Lisa.

Good morning.

Good morning to you.

How are you doing?

I'm doing very well.

I have to say I'm a little nervous.

Oh, don't be nice.

I've got lots of advice.

Oh, don't be nervous because you're already doing a cracking job

by having such a wonderful accent.

And also on the line, we have Rich from Boston.

Hello, Rich.

Hi, how are you, guys?

Oh, my God.

Ellis is in heaven.

I've got a way to start.

I'm so happy.

It's one of those Rare World Cup games where I want football to be the winner.

I want everyone to win this.

So before we get to Lisa and Rich, we're going to throw this in the mix because we had a message from Lula.

And Lula says, I'm a young lass from Boston.

And while I unfortunately don't don't have an accent any more specific to the area,

I have attached a voicemail of my wonderful great-grandmother Lillian that she left me when I was in university several years ago.

Please enjoy the general affection and passive aggression.

Please enjoy the general affection and passive aggression.

She passed away almost a year ago today at the age of 106.

Wow.

She was the tiniest, oldest Jewish woman you've ever seen, and she was the best.

So let's hear that.

Hi, Lula, darling.

I guess it's helped again.

Anyhow, I called to wish you a very, very, very happy day.

Your graduation.

Very proud of you.

I just feel badly that I can't be there.

However, my best thoughts and love go

to you.

So, good luck, darling.

Have a wonderful day and whatever.

I love you.

Bye-bye.

Oh, my.

A 106-year-old Bostonian accent, Dave.

Lovely.

Rich, how did that make you feel?

Oh, you know, it made my eyes water.

Yeah.

It really did.

Yeah.

Keep talking, Rich.

Keep talking, Rich.

This is great.

So,

I'm going to ask Lisa a question.

What are some of your favorite American accents, Lisa?

Some of my favorite American accents.

Yes.

I love a like Savannah, Georgia,

Charleston, South Carolina accent,

which is different.

A lot of people think all southern accents are kind of the same, but they're not.

They drop their R's a lot.

So Charleston,

Georgia.

And I just think that's beautiful.

So in the UK,

we have some accents that are sort of people in the broad strokes may not particularly like and you don't hear a lot of in the media.

So an example would be Birmingham is an accent you don't hear

unfairly maligned accent.

What are some of the accents?

It's a question to both of you in America that are perhaps not heard that much because people don't have a high opinion of them.

That's an interesting one.

Yeah, because a lot of people don't have accents.

You know, they, you know, there's a standard English that, you know, you hear on TV and, you know, you hear on the radio.

Which one is maligned the most?

Yeah, I mean, you know, here in New England, you know, we make fun of the people from Maine.

And where is there anyone near you, Lisa, where the accent's a bit of a figure of fun?

I I don't know.

I think it's it so a Cajun accent, uh

like in Lafayette, Louisiana, or Brobridge, the the uh, you know, the the French Cajun type accent.

I mean, it's hard to imitate.

So

I guess

that gets made fun of.

Midwestern accents, I think people have a lot of fun with those.

I don't know, have you ever seen the movie Fargo?

Yes.

That kind of Minnesota Midwestern accent.

But I don't think anybody looks down.

on them.

I think it's more an affection, at least in my mind.

Out of curiosity, in the UK, accents are changing.

They change quite rapidly, actually.

So often if you're from the same place as your grandparents and you've grown up in the same area, you might sound quite different to your grandparents.

Is that something that's happening

where you live as well?

That's a question to you both.

I will say that

my mother was, when I went to college, which of course I went to college in Mississippi, but the school that I went to,

there there were people from all over the country.

And apparently, I had started losing my southern accent, which caused my mother

a not insignificant amount of consternation.

So every time I would come home,

she would fuss at me for sound.

I hope nobody takes offense to this, but she would fuss at me for sounding like a Yankee.

Which,

Rich, and I love Boston.

Please don't take offense to that.

No, really, Lisa, I had a very similar experience.

I worked for a bunch of engineering companies and I traveled all over the world.

And I spent a lot of time with people from Texas and Louisiana because I worked in the energy industry.

And I had to lose my Massachusetts accent because I got tired of, so Yankee boy, when y'all going home,

Dave, I could listen to this all day.

It's just Dave, it's two years ago.

I don't know how to do it.

We've somehow created the best radio ever.

Well, the problem is.

We're not even doing anything, we're just letting them speak.

I now worry about the format of this feature because the idea here is not thought this through, have you, Dave?

Well, no, I have thought it through, but I didn't really think we'd have two such lovely people with such beautiful accents.

It's important to say, it's not Lisa versus Rich.

No, it's Mississippi versus Boston in the accent wars.

And Lisa and Rich are both representing their accents with a plom.

Lisa and Rich, thank you so much for joining us.

I think we're going to thrash it out here in the studio as to who wins.

But you have both batted for your accents with superb

adouatness.

Is that a word?

Good try.

I just want to say thank you very much.

Well, thank you, both.

I'm here.

And

John, just wanted to tell you, I'm not as good as you I only have one copy of Queen in Cornwall oh

yes

one of the rarest queen books on earth is it yes queen in Cornwall nice by Rupert Weitz and mine is not autographed so I think both of mine are autographed

but I think that makes your copy even rarer

so nice to hear from you guys do take care yes thanks everybody thank you thank you Bueno

Okay, that was great hearing two giants of the accent world battle it out.

The question is, Ellis, which one is UNESCO?

I think as well are only two American

accents.

No, because I actually have nominated Winnipeg.

The accent that he was talking about.

Fargo accent.

Winnipeg's in the bag.

So that might get drawn out at some point, of course.

So the aim here is to pick which one we think is...

Is it UNESCO?

Is it UNESCO?

And we have to pick one.

They were both lovely and both wonderful people, but we have to pick an accent to go into UNESCO.

Now, Ellis, you nominated Boston.

I nominated Boston.

I nominated Mississippi.

Rich, his first sentence

got an audible gasp from me because that is exactly what I wanted.

It's the adrenaline of the crowd.

He just sounded so Bostonian in the first sentence.

I thought, here we go.

And I must admit, I wouldn't have considered putting Mississippi in.

then when I heard Lisa speak I was like this is UNESCO this is UNESCO this is a UNESCO accent well I haven't changed my opinion that Mississippi is UNESCO and I think Lisa is UNESCO and I think Lisa plus Mississippi equals UNESCO Dave, what are your thoughts?

It's Mississippi for me.

It's Mississippi for Dave, so it's already 2-1.

I could listen to Lisa all, and Rich was lovely, and what a nice man, but I could listen to Lisa all day long.

Ellis have we haven't Lisa has Mississippi changed your mind?

Yes she has.

I want to hear more from Rich.

I actually want Rich to be a part of my life.

Yeah.

I don't know if he's up for that.

You want to meet him in a bar that doesn't look like a bar from the outside.

Yes.

And I want to talk about American sport.

I want to talk about the draft.

And then I want to talk about Bostonian things that I don't understand.

Yeah.

And I'm going to say that that Lisa is UNESCO.

The I's have it.

The S's have it.

The P's have it.

It's Mississippi.

It's UNESCO.

Great.

Good.

We've got to pick next week's accents, John.

Oh,

next week's accents.

And you've got a velvet bag, Dave.

I've got two velvet bags.

There's an Alice bag and a John bag, of course.

Which whose bag is this?

I think this is yours, John.

Okay, what are we going?

You can't look at them, Dave.

I'm going to shuffle.

I'm just checking whose bag it is.

I'm going to shuffle.

I'm going to shuffle.

Don't you worry.

Oh, no, it's Ellis's bag.

It's fine.

The game has integrity, John.

I'm shuffling the bag, John.

Dave has integrity.

Okay.

I've drawn out Ellis's ball for next week.

Yeah.

The accent in the running for next week's UNESCO accent game is

Glasgow.

Ooh,

I would love to get Lemmy on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then John.

Okay.

It's got to take a lot to beat Glasgow.

It's got to take a lot to beat Glasgow.

Oh, it is.

How do you pronounce it again, John?

Noel.

Noel West.

No West.

Anyone.

If anyone can beat Glasgow, it's Noel West.

Oh, man.

Okay.

So Glasgow versus Nor West.

Is there a very particular sound to Nor West?

Yes, there is.

Really, maybe laugh.

Yes, there is.

Oh, it just reminds me of doing gigs in Bristol, seeing that sign.

Yeah.

Is it like when a lower, like a slightly

lower-placed team in a league suddenly has a very good season and ends up in the Champions League?

Nor West being

having Nor West in this time.

Because we've gone from Boston to Mississippi to Glasgow and then Nor West's in there.

Nor West is just a way of guaranteeing the specific Bristol accent.

Tricky is from Nor West.

We'll get tricky on then.

There's a slight campness to the Nor West accent.

Okay.

He had an amazing voice.

Well, he still does have an amazing voice, Tricky.

That would be.

I mean, can we get Tricky on?

We can always get Tricky versus Lemmy.

Yeah.

What a mashup that would be.

His album, his 2008 album was called Null West Boy.

Was it?

Yeah.

Great.

In tribute to the area's influence on him and his music.

Ellis Gens, the rugby players from Nor West.

Okay, so next week, Nor West or Glasgow will be joining Mississippi.

Crap.

One of them.

So if you do know anyone from those areas that you think have the best nailed on accent from those areas, then do email.

I do.

Do you?

Ellisonjohn at bbc.co.uk or WhatsAppers.

What's the WhatsApp number, John?

07974-293-022.

Clip that up.

Release it as a single.

Earn some money.

Do some good.

Right, everyone.

We've luckily got time to play a made-up game.

We do, and it's a classic jingle.

Sid's had a good run.

We gave Sid a good three or four.

I've written his name 50 times.

Yes, you have.

So

we're going back further in the collection of jingles, and we're going for Luke and Sean's Made-Up Games Jingle.

Oh, this is awesome.

We made up a game, we gave it a name.

It's made up games.

We made up a game, we gave it to Dave.

It's made up games.

playing out across the nation.

The made-up games of your creation.

Can't believe there was hesitation from all the major TV stations.

Today's the day, get ready to play a made-up game.

Yes, that's right.

And it's one, it's 15 love to Ellis in the first second set, isn't it?

It is 15 Love in set number two after John won the first set.

And this week's game is from Georgia.

Hello, you lovely lot.

May I present to you a made-up game that combines my two teaching specialisms, history and human geography.

Hello.

Human geography.

Yeah.

So like where your nipples are.

No, I think it's like the movement of people.

Oh, I see, right.

Not the geography of the human body.

No, your bum goes there.

No, it's not that.

It's not that.

It's called a time and a place.

The premise of the game is straightforward.

You are given an event from any time time in history, and it is your job to think of a British.

Can you see me?

I'm making my pecs dance again.

Do you know what, John?

In that t-shirt, or because you've worked out since we last tried this a few weeks ago, it is a lot more visible.

Thank you.

You are the author.

The only Bonnie Prince Billy fan who can make his pecs dance on Earth.

And that's what I need to put on the dating profile.

Yes, because that's it.

That's it.

That's the offer.

That doesn't tally

with the general demography of Bonnie Prince Philly.

Bronny Prince Philly.

I can't even say it.

Bronny Prince Philly.

Prince Billy fans.

They don't lift, do they?

Not as a rule.

No, no, no.

But

they like sort of being a woodsman.

They might have natural effects from felling.

Yeah.

The game.

You are given an event from any time in history.

It is your job to think of a British town or city whose population is equivalent to the impact that event/slash scenario had.

What on earth are you talking about?

I like the sound of this.

Yeah, I think you might have to be able to get it.

I'm like the sound of Georgia.

History and human geography, yeah.

They are my interests.

So, for example, if your scenario is the number of people that fought in the Battle of Hastings, you may guess Buxton.

Population, 20,170.

In this case, you'll be about 10,000 hours.

The approximate estimate for those who took part is 10,000.

So, basically,

the event that we hit you with, there will be a certain amount of people that took part in some way.

So, the person with the most after five rounds wins.

You cannot use the same location.

The person with the most.

The person with the most wins after five rounds.

Okay, so it's not a cumulative or anything.

Okay, cool.

Figures for events will be made on genuinely respected approximations.

I've told Dave to double-check my research.

So, town, city, village populations will be based off the list of office for national statistics built-up areas in England.

So, we have a link here.

Okay.

If you answer with places in other parts of the UK, then we'll do a separate Google search.

Okay.

So I think that's it.

Good luck.

See you in Reading in September.

See you there.

See you there.

Don't know what for.

Don't know.

God knows what that's all about.

So, some of them will be historical.

Yeah.

Some of them might be a bit more contemporary.

Suspect arguments.

I'm going to see it as spiritual practice for myself.

I'm not going to argue with anything that happens during this game.

Because I'm going to practice radical acceptance because John

has hit his sugar crush.

I can see in his eyes.

he's got watery eyes like a cat and i've got to go to margate which i've already been to and he's got to go to margate which he's already been to and he doesn't like the premise i on the other hand like no i don't mind the premise i don't mind the premise it'll become clear so round one feels like we've driven past the services we should have stopped at the worst feeling

and

Very soon, one of the four people in the car is going to need

an extra 13 miles.

Toilet or something to eat.

And we've missed our perfect window.

Okay.

Shall we play, see what happens?

Yeah.

Georgia, I like it.

Round one.

The event is the number of British and French troops evacuated from Dunkirk in 1940.

So try and think of what roughly that number might be.

And then what you're trying to do now is equate a population of a town or city to that number.

So there's two skill sets here.

There's history and then there's geography.

The number of British and French troops evacuated from Dunkirk in 1940.

Okay.

So what we need from you is a location at this stage.

You don't need to tell me a number.

We need a location.

I've got one.

Ellis is straight in.

Yeah, I've got one.

Ellis, we'll come to you first.

Barry and South Cramorgan.

Barry.

John.

I'm going to be Milton Keynes.

Milton Keynes.

I'm tense.

My heart starts to race.

Are you?

Okay.

I'd love to know how many people were evacuated.

Well, this is the thing.

So we should.

How many people do you think were evacuated?

It's a double guess.

Yeah.

In my head, I'm thinking 100,000.

Okay.

I'm thinking about 50,000.

Okay.

But that doesn't mean that either of us are anywhere, guys.

The answer

is 338,226.

Oh my god.

Absolutely.

So that's way out with Barry.

So Barry, 56,

789.

John, you're not actually in the grand scheme of things, not far off in 197,340.

I wanted to go taunt him.

How big did you think Milton Keynes was out of it?

I thought it was about 100,000.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

330.

I knew it was the biggest evacuation.

I just didn't know it was that big.

That's insane.

Okay.

Round two.

That's absolutely extraordinary.

Tickets sold for 2024's Glastonbury Festival.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yes.

Hmm.

Yes, I've got one.

You got one.

So again, the double challenge here.

I think there is, you know, it's fairly well documented roughly what that number is.

Yes, I think I know what the number is.

Do you?

Okay.

Tickets sold for 2024's Glastonbury.

In fact, there's probably those news headlines that go, List money people.

The size of well, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter, does it, Dave?

Well, it does if you remember those headlines, of course.

John, what's your location, please?

Have you got a location, Alice?

Yeah, okay.

I'm going for

Swindon.

Swindon, huge.

Alice.

Newport.

The results filtering in?

I was in Newport Gwent.

Because there's about 10 different Newports.

Okay.

Now, I have been playing the Newport Swansea conundrum in my mind for a while.

Because

I think I know what the ticket number is for Glastonbury.

I think I've been caught between a rock and a hard place, Dave.

You could have gone outside of Wales.

No, because I'm less sure of the numbers.

Yeah, you've got to play it safe.

Okay, so the answer is 210,000.

Oh, I thought it was 250,000.

I thought it was 250, and I thought.

So

we'll go through the answers.

Hurry up, Dave.

Ellis, Newport is 159,600.

John.

That's very close.

Swindon, 183,680.

Back of the net.

That's huge.

Back of the net indeed.

And Swindon is enormous.

Well, yeah.

No, it's splendid.

No, but in terms of comparing it to the site of Glastonbury.

Well, it f f I always you always see in the paper for the sort of for three days it's a sit it's bigger than Bath.

Yes.

The Glastonbury Festival.

It's all the staff as well.

Yeah.

I yes, and I put that on record.

It's nice.

Lovely and big.

Round three.

Please.

Members of the National Union of Women's Suffrage Society.

The main

suffragist party in 1914.

That hasn't existed for 100 years.

This is when membership was at its peak.

Okay.

So the main suffragist party in 1914.

Oh my god.

So you've got to have a stab at the number of members.

Let me know when you've got a location.

Ellis has a location.

John, have you?

Yes, I do.

Hmm.

Okay.

Ellis, for you first, please.

Reading.

Reading.

John.

John.

I am going, Taunton.

I've just got a feeling that membership of a political party or a movement like that would not, would have been quite restricted

to a sort of a sort of a

what's the right word?

Not an elite, but I don't think this is like going to be a lot of people around the country.

And I don't know.

And also, you might have you could agree with it without being a member of that society.

Interesting.

Great.

So members of the National Union union of women's suffrage society 1914

uh the answer i would have said like 60 to 90 000 what were you thinking i'd just like to know tell me okay so the answer is 54 000.

oh dear dear uh reading 203 000 too big too big john he's nailed it 61 665 you're great at guessing

sizes from the past and comparing them to bomb cam populations.

Yeah.

Is there nothing you can't do?

I might have to say kiss me again.

The hat-trick of kisses.

That's unbelievable.

Well, he's a thousand doubt.

You say you're great at guessing.

I think, I mean, I hate to blow his own trumpet here, Ellis, but he's just, I think he's good with the knowledge of what these size is.

It's not guessing, is it?

It's knowing stuff.

It's knowing what size that membership is.

My workings were similar.

It's just, it was such an enormous movement.

And also, it's studied.

I think you could be forgiven for thinking it was bigger than it was.

And also, there would have been loads of women who were like, yes, I agree with that, who hadn't signed up.

Filled in the form.

Of course.

Let's play a couple of quick rounds.

John's, it's 3-0 at the minute.

We have got five here.

The audience at Live Aid in London.

As in live, not

global audience.

At the event.

At the event, please.

Okay, yeah, I've got one.

Let's think of Freddy singing his little hearts out.

How many people were there?

John knows the answer to the

thousand, I imagine.

uh ellis what's your location bridge end bridge end

which is bigger than you think

i i think i'm going bournemouth can i give a second but i think that's to i think i know the um number

hmm

what were you gonna say ellis um i i just need to know the answer

sorry just just let's end the faff i'm really excited

it's fun it's not faff no you're playing with me

it's 110,000.

I thought it was a bit Wembley held about 100,000 for football matches, but obviously the part of the stands were empty.

But the pitch is full.

But the pitch is full, so I can't.

I can't imagine playing football if there were 100,000 people on the yeah.

But the stands weren't as full as they would be for a football match because everyone's trying to get

1985.

1985.

Come on, Dave.

I'm sorry to know that.

I'm just having a look.

I'm just having a look.

Yes, good.

It's fine.

It's fine.

The answer is 72,000.

Oh.

A lot lower than I'd have thought.

But I've just had a quick Google, and that is the answer.

John, Bournemouth, 196,000.

455.

Ellis, Bridge End, 51,

785.

Okay.

You got a quick point.

So it's 3-1.

Quick final round.

The number of houses destroyed by the Great Fire of London.

Okay.

So have a think.

That's tricky.

Big old fire.

Big.

statistically, very few deaths.

But that figure has been questioned because

obviously they didn't keep records of all

people who were living in poverty.

But I think official figures, something like three people died in the Great Fire in London.

So what's located?

Houses, dwellings.

Yes.

Okay.

Alright, then I've got an answer.

Okay, so Ellis has got an answer.

John, have you got a location?

Yes, I do.

Okay, John, please.

Thornbury.

Ah, very similar workings.

Alice.

Come on, then.

Okay.

I need to know the answer, Dave.

How many dwellings?

He's needed to know.

If you don't know this off the top of your head, I'm going to be so angry, Dave.

Give me the dwellings.

I'd just like to see the answers coming through from our computer

before we then get to the point of revealing.

Who is this guy?

So just give me a second, man.

Oh, it's very close.

Yeah.

Thornbury, come on.

There might be a recount here, Alice.

What run cod?

We just need to verify this

by the individual person.

Give me the number of dwellings.

Okay, I'll give you the number of dwellings.

3,200.

Sorry, 13,200.

13,000.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

What worries me is that you got that wrong by 10,000 Dave initially.

Well, it's just I left the one.

Are you a steady pair?

Have you got a steady hand on this till?

I just left the one off the number.

It's 13,200.

I think we're both very close.

Oh, wowsers.

Thornbury, 14,485.

Good fellows.

Carmarthen, 14,636.

Oh, my goodness.

No, because the number was lower than both.

John Nix it.

John Nixon.

We were both exceptional in that.

That was good.

Nice.

4-1 to John, but closer than the game.

I love it.

And I loved the game.

Ellis wants to carry on playing.

Yeah, it was good.

No, the game's not ending.

I'm doing it on my own.

Yeah, you could do it better.

Do it on the bike.

Yeah.

Oh, no,

I won't be able to Google my answers.

A time and a place was sent in by Georgia.

Thank you, Georgia.

Thank you, Georgia.

I love that.

Even though I lost, it's my kind of game.

It's your kind of game.

15 all in the second set.

Yeah.

Send any made-up games.

Send any made-up games to ellisandjohn at bbc.co.uk.

Send us all your WhatsApps.

Send us your accents.

Send us your shame wells.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'm going to send myself to Margot that I have been to and haven't been to yet.

Yes, we'll be back with you on Friday.

Thank you very much for downloading.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

What if Juliet got a second chance at life after Romeo?

And Juliet, the new hit Broadway musical and the most fun you'll have in a theater.

I got the I am the time!

Created by the Emmy-winning writer from Schitt's Creek and pop music's number one hitmaker.

And Juliet is exactly what we need right now.

Playing October 7th through 12th at the San Jose Center for the Performing Arts.

Tickets now on sale at BroadwaySanjose.com.

A happy place comes in many colors.

Whatever your color, bring happiness home with CertaPro Painters.

Get started today at Certapro.com.

Each Certipro Painters business is independently owned and operated.

Contractor license and registration information is available at certipro.com.