#422 - Jimmy Bond, £35.17 and Tudur Owen’s Dad’s Monkey
Palin, Chalmers, Livingstone… Robins(?!). Yes, gliding into the show today is one of Britain’s greatest travellers. An adventurer unequalled in the 21st century. Because John has been on his once per 9 months short haul trip. Naples has experienced Robins, and he it. With such pizza consumption and the undoubted oscillation between ‘hungry’ and ‘full’, Elis struggles to believe that he can actually have been a laugh there.
But filled with more pies than than all the ninja turtles combined, Robins has a pep in his step for what proves to be a Billy Belter of a show. The boys dig into the practicalities of 007 if he flew Ryanair and there’s a classic double whammy of a Shame.
Plus, there’s something new bursting through the pipes. No it’s not potable tap water or natural gas, but something far more important to John’s existence: wins.
Want to drop us a line? Well elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp are the media of choice.
Listen and follow along
Transcript
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Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.
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Winner, best score.
We the man to be seen.
Winner best book.
We the man to be quality.
It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.
Suffs, playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.
Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.
BBC Sounds, Music, Radio, Podcasts.
Hello everyone, and a quick warning.
I climbers beware.
What you're about to hear may cause you to say, wow, loads.
Yes, it's jet setter John back from his travels once again, as the BBC's most anarchic travel journalist described by the Radio Times as, quote, a red flag Ben Fogel, at home, I'm restless and hungry for the untrodden path.
Desperate to dive into the vibrant colour of a local market, explore distant shores, taking only memories, leaving only footprints and guffs.
As such, my travel itinerary is full on, sometimes taking in as much as one short-haul flight a year and one long-haul flight every three.
Knowing that I can't sit still in the UK for more than nine months,
comedian Luke McQueen got in touch.
He had a big birthday on the horizon, and the setting could not be more me.
Naples.
Oh, yes.
Looking at my diary, I was free.
So quick as a flash, I said, Luke, let me think about it for a month.
Like all the most intrepid explorers, I needed some weeks to worry about travel plans, dipping into Skyscanner using a VPN and private browsing every two to three hours to see if flights were getting cheaper or if any routes had been released which weren't an absolute pain in the ass.
Luckily, because London is the transport capital of the world, all it would take is 120 quid cab to Stansted because of planned engineering works on the Stansted Express, a return flight to Gatwick, and a 90 quid cab home because all the Gatwick Express trains were cancelled.
So easy.
Having spent three times as much on cabs as on flights, I felt the draw of the Italian coast,
yearning for the passion of the Napolese people and their who dares wins attitude to pedestrian safety.
And if the Vespas and Fiat 500s didn't kill me, it was a bucket list tickathon for this Dr.
Livingstone for Generation Monzo.
First on the Try Before You Die to-do list was to order two pizzas for myself, and in Naples' most renowned pizza restaurant, L'Antica Pizzaria de' Michela, for just 40 euros, I came face to face with God.
However, disaster struck 90% of the way through my deep pan doppio, as I'd eaten so much cheese that my face started to burn.
Yes, it was the occupational hazard that every monster of the margarita fears, dairy rash.
Time to expand the mind and immerse myself in the rich history of Pompeii.
After 90 minutes of marveling at the tortured expressions of three poor souls frozen in the sorrow of a primitive past, I turned off the socially distant sports bar and headed to the famed attraction.
That's
really
good.
Will you read that again?
Yeah, that's good.
After 90 minutes of marvelling marveling at the tortured expressions of three poor souls frozen in the sorrow of a primitive past, I turned off the socially distant sports bus
and headed into the famed attraction.
It was more ticks for the YOLO list.
Three amphitheatres, tick, tick, tick.
Two taverns, tick, tick.
Over 400 dwellings and villas.
Brackets 400 ticks.
A 2,000-year-old fresco.
Tick.
But the piesta resistance?
Five pussycats stroked tick tick tick tick boom
however
one gargantuan target remained following a 4.4 magnitude earthquake i climbing mount vesuvius would be my most daring challenge yet with no time left with the coach transfer to the volcano despite people trying to upsell our pompei tickets on literally 20 occasions there was no other option but to traverse Europe's most deadly volcano from a moving train.
Ignoring warnings from tour guides, safety experts, and officers from the Carabinieri, as we pulled away from the station, I began my traverse in earnest.
Scrambling up the foothills in record time, I made it halfway in under 10 seconds when I stopped to blink.
Crowds gathered around me on the carriage, aghast at what they were witnessing.
Heading on undeterred to the rim of the crater, my eyes bounced and gambled over rocks.
My eyes bounced and gambled over rocks and shale that would unsight even the most experienced Irishman of the Himalayas.
And in just 18 seconds, I had mastered Mount Vesuvius.
On return to Naples, the passionate townsfolk surged towards the station to welcome me home with a traditional Napolese offering of unlicensed Diego Maradona posters, Diego Maradona fridge magnets, and the rhinestone denim jacket with Diego Maradona on the back and sleeves.
Exhausted, I slipped into the nearest cafe to escape my adoring fans.
Was there anything left on the list, John?
Hmm.
Let me put it like this.
Have you ever eaten eight custard cakes in 52 hours?
Jeez.
Didn't think so.
And here he is.
Wow.
You were in Naples?
Oh, yes.
The Napolese, of course.
Yeah.
Yes.
Who are you with?
Luke McQueen, birthday boy, and Annie McGrath.
Oh, great trio from the show, Annie McGrath.
Meant to be Lou Sanders, but she unfortunately couldn't come.
Oh, her plans are for a change.
But yeah, I just, I feel like the Napolese
are somehow connected to me deep in my DNS.
Yes, I've always thought that.
Yeah, because every single rule, either rule of the road or common sense approach to the road, they just disagree with.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a vibe-based transport system.
For new listeners, it's a suggestion, isn't it?
It's a suggestion.
It's like a suggested serving.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're as likely to stop as anyone is to actually eat 60 gram of pasta.
Yes.
John climbs mountains with his eyes.
Which I know you made clear in that, but it's just important to stress that that's something you do as a person.
Do you think these people don't read the eye climbing press, Dave?
Do you think these people don't watch sponsored Red Bull posts with people going over big jumps on big bikes with fat tires, Dave?
Yeah.
Because they'll have seen me eye climbing yeah on a lot of red bull content you did it last year didn't you yes i i climbed uh the matterhorn and mont blanc yeah yeah quick question yes ellis love luke mcqueen yes great laugh uh-huh love annie mcgrash yeah big time great laugh
were you a laugh ah what is laughter well
We both know that.
I've seen some Instagram posts.
He looks like he is smiling in the full sun.
Are you laughing
when you watch someone eat two pizzas?
Yeah, you're laughing.
No, you're recoiling.
You're laughing.
The waitress is laughing.
The people on the tables next to you are laughing and pointing.
It's good humour.
Yeah.
So obviously it's Luke's birthday.
Big time.
And Annie's good fun.
And you upheld your side of the bargain?
Oh, big time.
You were good fun in Italy for a few days?
I was good fun in Italy apart from the times I was hungry or full
so all the time no just from four o'clock to eight o'clock and then from nine o'clock till bed yeah i was good in the mornings i made everyone i was in charge of hot drinks were you yes because i got up early didn't i of course dave
i'd uh i'd love to go to naples it's lovely i um rented a car
in naples did you dave because you just got the damage did you get any scratches on it dave it was most honestly so we we've we drove through the Amalfi Coast.
Yeah.
You know, those hills with the little roads on the side of them.
And you drive through the Amalfi Coast in a car that was too big.
Yeah.
The buses.
Oh, yeah.
It's like they're in the Grand Prix.
Yep.
And they just don't give an S.
No.
So you're kind of skirting next to a rock, and then you're skirting next to what's a steep drop into the ocean.
It's so stressful driving in Italy, let alone on the hills of the Amalfi Coast.
I would not drive in Naples for, I'm going to
put a realistic figure, £2,400.
Would you not?
No, no.
£2,400 would not do it.
Wouldn't go near it.
It is mad.
But I've never heard anyone with a positive thing to say about it.
What?
I've never heard anyone come back from a driving holiday entity and say, yeah, it was really good for you.
Oh, no, no, no.
I know it was quite exhilarating when I did it, but it got to the point of it being exhilarated.
It's not exhilarating.
The way they drive.
But the cobbled streets, the sort of Warren of Naples.
Oh, it looks beautiful.
Incredible.
Just Just don't just basically, if you're stood in the road, your life's in your own hands.
Swansea played Napoli
in Naples in the Europa League, but it was the last day of filming Crims and I couldn't go.
And that is a great regret of mine.
Also, your character in Crims couldn't drive.
He could, actually, because he was a getaway driver.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Straight after his test.
Straight after my test.
I was a getaway driver straight after my test, but an unwitting one.
Dave, do you want to question me on any of the the cultural highlights?
Yes, Dave.
I do actually.
Because there's a rugged charm to Naples, I found.
Big time.
I want to know about the pizzas.
Because I remember the one pizza that I had, we went to a very traditional,
the menu was all Italian.
It was very traditional, clearly a popular spot.
Yes.
And the pizzas were very, very thin, almost to a sloppy extent.
Is that what you were getting?
Yes, yes, very much so.
It's interesting, isn't it?
Because that's just not how we eat pizza over here.
You get dominoes, and it's like, you know, there's a thick, hard crust to the pizzas.
Whereas over there, it's paper thin.
It's paper thin.
And the first place we went where I had my two pizzas
only offered two pizzas on the menu.
So it's margarita or margarita without cheese.
You look at the menu and said, I'll have all of it.
Yeah, yeah.
I said, I'll have everything on the menu.
They were delicious.
And then I got my cheese rash.
So I had to have a cheese-free day.
And then we hit the pizzas again.
And that one, I was able to get some anchovies and capers and olives on that one.
And that was absolutely delicious.
How hot was it?
Spicy-wise.
No, temperature-wise in Naples.
Oh, yeah, pretty hot.
Oh, not the pizza.
No, still temperature.
Oh, pizza, still temperature-wise.
Same as here, like 15 degrees.
Oh, is it?
Okay, fine.
Yes.
And Pompeii's amazing.
Oh, my God.
It's mad.
It's a mad hot.
Have you been?
Yeah.
It's mad.
Yeah.
I thought it was going to be like a couple of rooms in someone's basement going, oh, we dug this up.
And if you look under this glass case, there's a bit bit of pottery.
It's the size of,
you know, half of High Wickham.
Dave.
Yeah, they all say it.
It's mad.
It's Low Wickham.
Have you seen it?
Only on Google.
Oh, my goodness me.
It's like they built a sort of a children's guide to Rome.
It's like got two theatres.
It's got a big gladiator bit.
It's got the market.
It's got the forum, the tavern.
When you went...
the brothel, Dave.
That's got a brothel, yeah.
Oh, I forgot about the brothel.
Yes, which isn't in the children's book, Dave.
Is it not?
Uh, when you were in the theatre, did you raise your voice and pretend you were doing a gig?
No, because two
French students were doing a play and their teacher was filming them.
It was one of the cutest things I've ever seen.
These two girls, they would have been like, I don't know, maybe 13, a little bit shy, but also quite into it,
reading scripts off their phones and everyone gave them a round of applause when they finished it was so nice and there were lots of pussycats there say cats say
and weird but here's a bit of a cultural difference between our our italian friends and i would say our european friends yeah and the british so pompeii they say depending on which route you take round it can get anything from two to six hours okay i'd love to go to pompei oh you would love being being in Pompeii.
No cafe.
Wow.
Nothing.
Nada.
Zilcho.
So you've got to take your own food and drink?
Well, no, it just, it seems that like British, I wonder if British people are just obsessed with always having access to a Tesco Express.
Whereas Europeans seem to be much less sort of fussed about the constant availability of food and hot drinks.
But it was mad because you're like, well, we'll just, we'll find one eventually.
And there was one pizzeria that had been, was like under construction.
And they will be raking it in.
But it wasn't, but it's just nothing.
And you like, you get there and they're trying to sell you all these tours.
They're trying to sell you guides.
They're trying to sell you maps.
They sell, sell, sell.
Because what you really want is a Ribena.
What I want is a Ribena, a bottle of ice-cold Diet Coke.
Yeah.
And a coffee.
Yeah.
And a sandwich and some crisps and a meal deal and then a pizza for dinner yeah and a cake because stonehenge has got a big coffee exactly and that's literally just you can look at stonehenge all at once yes you don't have to turn your head god i love stonehenge well imagine if stonehenge was the size of half of high wickham
yeah why high wickham well i was just that was the closest thing a half high wickham is the closest thing i could imagine to the size of this place yeah a double thornbury
it was maybe a single Thornbury.
A single Thornbury.
Because Thornbury isn't the same size as High Wickham.
No, I know, but I'm just, you know,
trying.
I don't know how big Bombay is.
I'm trying.
Yeah, that's true.
I'm just checking some sounds at you.
Yes, so
such a jet setter, aren't I?
I'm glad.
I looked at the photos on Instagram and you were smiling.
Yeah, yeah, I had a great time.
I'm in a good mood.
I'm a good person.
You are.
You are.
You are.
I've never been in doubt from our side.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I very much enjoyed it.
And
I think Naples is a bit of you.
It's stressful, Dave.
Rome is the one I really fancy.
That guy was a while ago and I went now.
I can't remember.
It's just constant vibe-based traffic.
Yeah.
Did you go to Washington City play?
No, I went with Hannah.
I tell you this, though.
They love Diego Maradona.
They do.
Of course.
Of course you would.
But it's like in a way that I have never been to a place that so associates itself with one person.
Have you seen the documentary Maradona?
No, I haven't.
Watch the doctor.
Is that the one that Mogwai did the soundtrack for?
No, that's the Zinedine Zidane one.
See me at Mogwai next weekend.
Are you?
Yeah, I can't wait.
Take head ear plugs.
Oh, really?
Yes.
I saw them at latitude and they were so loud I could feel it from an inside my body coming out.
And that's an outside body.
Pills for Tinnitus there, Dave.
Is there?
Yeah, I'm on Pills for Bloody Tinnitus because of Mogwai because you're sodding club night.
Watch the Maradona and repeated ear influence.
Watch the documentary
because it is fantastic.
I will do it.
But how long was he at Naples for?
Napoli.
Well, sorry.
The thing with Napoli,
they'd never won anything, basically.
They'd certainly never won the league.
And the year before he arrived, they'd only just escape relegation.
And he came because he was the world's best player.
They won the league, then they won the UEFA Cup, and then they won the league again.
Why did he go there?
Because he'd had a bad time at Barcelona.
And he had a slightly bad reputation.
And they just offered him...
There was a lot of money in Serie at the time.
So they brought him over.
But Napoli Napoli weren't a great team and they felt very disenfranchised and sort of ignored by the rest of Italy well this is the Naples mindset yes absolutely they have separate laws so you can't tip on your card oh really and we didn't have any cash so we just a series of all really awkward apologies in um
in restaurants but the the reason of course uh that the napoles feel very separate to the rest of italy um is because over over the course of European history, Naples has been a key target of any empire or invading force.
Yes.
So it's often been invaded and taken over.
So over the years, as they say, Ellis, Naples is like a lasagna.
Yes.
Because it's got so many layers.
Yes, slash half of Iwickham.
Slash half of Iwickham.
And as they say about Swansea, Swansea's the Naples of the North.
North what?
Northern Europe.
That is true.
Say what?
This is the shape of the page.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
The first minute of the Maradona documentary is him being driven through Naples on the way to his
signing sort of announcement.
And
when he gets to the ground, there's like 60,000 people there.
And people are already in tears because they can't believe this.
Whole streets just covered in images of Maradona.
Yeah, I used to live in, when I lived at Cardiff, I lived by an Italian restaurant, the guy who was from Naples.
And he was just obsessed with Maradona.
The only thing I could imagine being like it was were I ever to visit Ayrton Senna's hometown.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It would be a similar level, I guess.
But yeah,
but considering he's not actually from Naples or Italy.
I think the documentary is made by the same person who made the Senna documentary and the Amy Winehouse documentary.
It is so good.
Were there any posters of Scott McTominay?
No, there were a couple of other Napoli players, but they were really losing the battle for wall space.
Because I think Mctominay is becoming a bit of a legend at Napoli.
Not to Maradona extent, but.
I think he's doing all right.
Yeah, yeah, he is.
But, you know,
come on, Dick.
It's all relative, isn't it?
It is all relative.
How did you cope with the travel?
You've just...
got to lean into gratitude at being able to afford cabs at short notice.
But also,
you know,
you're going with two different people.
They were coming from London.
Okay.
But
when you were going back to Naples, when you were going to Naples airport, for instance, to fly back to the UK, were you all leaving the hotel at the same time and you were happy with the arrangements and all that kind of stuff?
Just trying to think of the stuff that bothers you and whether it was negated at all by you being such a blimming good laugh.
No, it was all very smooth.
Me and Luke got the same flight.
Annie left earlier.
and then as soon as we landed we were on different seats because I couldn't manage to I tried to get Luke to check in at the same time as me so one of us could buy the seat next to the seat the other one was randomly allocated thus halving the price of buying your own seat.
Unfortunately that was not possible.
Because Luke's good fun.
Because no, just because the way that they randomly allocate seats now to avoid you doing that.
Where you used to be able to do that, but you can't anymore.
Because now even after you've checked in, you still have to pay to choose where you're sitting.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind that, though.
You should go on passports, please.
You should be a guest on passports, please, Dave.
Yeah, more engaging than I was.
But
would you not fancy a bit of time alone, though?
What a lovely moment just to sit on.
Sit next to a dear friend or a random stranger who might have a cough, a cold, eat loudly, have loud children with them, be a guffer,
you know, any number of things, Dave.
Be a pain.
Okay.
You know, someone who just hogs the armrest.
Luckily, what happened was
all of the Napolese people at the back, as soon as the plane took off and the seatbelt light went out, kind of had this mad conference and worked out where, who knew everyone and did this major shuffle
like a Cymru reconnection.
Wow.
And just worked out getting everyone to sit next to their friends.
That's fantastic.
So I got two guys
sat next to me.
Shout out to Luigi.
Oh, yeah.
Who's a car dealer from
Naples?
And
his friend was going to London for the first time ever.
And so they were sort of looking at London underground maps and chat GPT answers about how to get from where to where.
So I just told them everything there was.
They told me that a friend had recommended one chain for breakfast.
I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I recommended another chain for breakfast.
They said they were staying in Park Royal.
I went, ah.
Not a lot to see around there, but I told them where the shopping was.
I told them how you get kids into the underground because you don't pay for kids.
I told them about tapping in, tapping out.
Told them the sights to see, where to walk.
And as they got off, do you know what they said to me, Dave?
John, you are a good man.
Did they?
You have value.
They just shook me by the hand and offered me some crisps, but I didn't take them because I had three pieces of nicotine gum in my mouth.
But then I checked the trains and they were all down and I was like there was there was nine of them
two couples five kids under under twelve and I was like you are gonna you're gonna struggle to suffer you are going to suffer I tried to suffer I tried to tell them just to get a massive minibus into to there London makes you suffer
you are suffering yeah Oh, no.
The faff of getting from Gatwick to London.
You'd think it would just be bang, bish, bash, bosh.
Well, Gatwick Express Express has actually never let me down.
Well, it wasn't even available to let anyone down.
Gatwick Express down, trains to Victoria down.
Oh, improvise in a foreign language with five kids under 12.
Anyway, what an enjoyable break.
Good.
You do feel.
It seems like you've got a pet of spring a step.
It really has, and
I love it.
Yeah.
I love it.
Send you back on the boot.
I'm going to be doing more of these.
So fingers crossed, next year, another short city break.
Great, great.
Yeah.
Where to next for our great Galavanta, Cardiff?
Cardiff or England.
Yeah.
Rochdale's lovely.
Oh, Rochdale, lovely at this time.
Great black puddings in Bury, isn't it?
Yes.
So I've often wanted to go on a black pudding pilgrimage to Bury.
Okay.
60 seconds, a podcast host from Wales, a random Welsh caller.
Can they connect?
It's time for the Cymru connection.
It's another Cymru connection.
Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection.
But his questions have one direction.
Where did you go to school?
Do you know Daffy Devons?
No.
Come on, mate.
You must do no.
We've never met at all.
My little sister
went out for a drink with all of the reception class mums, because her daughter's in reception.
In Wales?
In Wales.
So they're all Welsh speakers, because my niece goes to a Welsh medium school.
And it's the first time they'd all had a drink together.
So obviously, they were trying to find connections with each other.
Because that's what Welsh people do.
Their kids all go to the same school.
Yeah, yeah.
Done.
Other connections.
After After about 10 minutes, someone said, oh, this is like that feature Ellis James does on his radio show.
The Cymric connection.
Has anyone heard it?
And Neow my little sister said, yes, I've heard it because Ellis James is my brother.
And people lost their S.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Because nobody knew.
And they were Cymrich connecting in the wild, which is what we do, and obviously I've monetized it.
Was it Panda Mundium?
Yes, very good.
Thank you.
We've actually got a message in from Russell last week's connector.
Oh, well, last week week Ellis failed to connect with Caller Russell, despite Russell knowing someone that did A-level politics with Ellis.
It was a low point.
He had the first ever quad connect in the palm of his hand, but at the end of that 60 seconds, it dissipated before his very eyes and his connection rate stands at 52%.
Dave, what's the update from Russell?
Thanks, John.
Just a message in from Russell saying, hello there.
Just thought I'd let you know that I know Moenna from school.
I haven't been in touch with her since we left school.
We've been messaging lots over last week.
Of course, Moenna was the previous week's connector.
So we're bringing connectors together outside of the feature.
It's extracurricular connectors.
Moenna is a good question for him.
Hey?
Do you know any other connectors?
Would be a good question.
Oh, yes.
But I don't think you'd accept that.
No, I wouldn't accept that.
Moenna the Forgetter, Drumber, because I named three people who she's got them.
Yeah,
Moena was a little bit nervous.
She's a good person, but isn't that nice that Russell is now connecting with an old friend?
Oh, that's lovely to hear.
So, how will Ellis get on today?
We have a caller on the line from Wales.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Say no more.
Keep thine cards close to thine chest until you hear the voice of the UK's connector-in-chief, Mr.
Ellis James.
Could I have 60 seconds on the clock, please?
Your time starts now.
Where did you go to school?
Scholgovin Clangevny.
Sangevni, okay, how old are you?
I'm 47.
Tiderwin.
I know of him.
I don't know him.
Okay, where do you work?
I freelance illustrator.
Okay, do you know Bedward Williams, the artist?
Again, I know of him.
Okay, that's fine, that's fine.
If you went to university, where did you go?
Central St Martin's College of Art and Design, London.
Okay, do you know Carl Chappelle, the figurative painter?
Does left drawing?
Okay, that's fine.
Jarvis Cocker, I don't know him.
Nope.
Okay, do you
know
Sam Kevin?
Do you know
Dolan from Potelli?
Young De on Twitter.
Don't to Lo.
Okay, do you know Gary Pritchard from Bumares?
No.
Tommy Collins from Profnadog?
Nope.
Do you like football?
Do you know Camille Burke, the comedian from Prothnadog?
No.
He's fired out a lot of names, but not a lot of research.
Also, it's worth pointing out, the connection doesn't have to be Welsh.
No, this is my job.
No, but if the caller knew someone from London who you know,
but it's more likely.
The only person I know when St.
Martin's is Carl.
Okay.
Carl is a little bit older than our caller.
Yeah.
60 seconds is not long enough.
It is.
We are not.
Ellis, we are not interrogating the format again.
There is nothing wrong with the format.
I'm putting the format.
What is the format?
Would you like to enter the Sun Lounger?
How old are you again?
What is that?
They're all in their 40s.
Not a single one's in their 40s, Ellis.
That's not true.
Okay, I want Statman Ross.
Statman Ross, yeah.
There are a lot.
Yeah, Dave.
What about the elderly of Wales?
What about the teens of the world?
Well, the elderly is easy because my grandmother knew them all.
Well, great.
Let's prove that for once.
Do you want to enter the Sun Lounger?
Yes, I do want to enter.
Okay, we're entering the Sun Lounge.
David Rench, the music producer.
No.
Okay.
Have a conversation.
Get to know him.
Don't tell me how to do my job, Dick.
Do you know Griffries, Super Free Animals?
Not personally.
Not personally.
Okay, that's fine.
You're 40 cent.
Where do you live now?
I live in Clapton in Hackney.
Clapton in Hackney.
Tom Crane, the comedy writer.
No.
Okay, Josh Woodicum.
No.
Okay.
I've walked walked past him in the street, but no.
Okay.
Annie McGrath plays for Clapton Ladies.
No.
Okay, that's fine.
Where are you based?
Like, where's your office?
Do you have an office?
Clap.
Clapton, in Hackney.
I work from home.
You work from home, that's fine.
What are you?
Don't
just don't do that to me, Dave.
Can I
help you?
Yes, of course you can help.
You're on the Sunnonjet.
I'm a member of the London Welsh Male Voice Choir.
Ah, okay.
Well, they sang it before one of my gigs.
Oh, so you must know Mirain who works in the London Welsh Centre.
I've met her.
I've met her.
But I know other people at the centre.
Oh, okay.
Well, I mean, I know all the bar staff, because I've done gigs there.
But this is the best.
You know all the bar staff.
Yeah.
I did four nights there in November.
Knowing bar staff isn't quite the same.
What is your problem?
You've just come back from holiday.
Give me this.
Well, no, we would give you, I think you'd have to probably name one of the bar staff.
Okay, well, Mirain is the one.
Well, I mean, Mirain runs the bush.
What about the names of all the bar staff you know?
I think you have to know someone's name.
The name, yeah, the name's important.
Do you know Sean Ed William, who used to work for Regier 4, who is at the Linda Watch Centre lot?
More.
Okay, that's fine.
Are there any do you know Bryn Tervell?
More.
No, another debo.
Any connections you're aware of, Corla?
Dave, YouTube, where?
Where are we now on the Sun Lounger?
We're all in our trunks on the Sun Lounger.
My only connection that I can think of is at the London Marsh Centre.
So I know Rhiannon, who runs the bar and events, and Bado, who works in the bar, and Kerry, who's the CEO, I think, and who's Wales Away.
Yes, well, Rhiannon looked after my shows in November.
so I think we've got that one in the tank.
But I think it has to be more.
Do you know Kiri Pitcher McClain, the comedian?
No.
Do you know the mayor of Langevin?
No, I mean, Tidiron is so close, because I lived across the field from his dad's zoo.
Lived across the field from his dad's zoo.
You see,
on the Sun Lounger, I think that's acceptable because I know Tidir Tidder very well.
And he did, he lived across the field from his dad's zoos.
My parents knew his parents and one of his dad's animals escaped and landed on our roof.
This is good.
Landed on your roof?
Yeah, it was like a monkey.
It jumped on our roof and then my dad fed it apples and cheese.
Tiddir's dad came with a net to collect it.
Tiddir wrote an Edinburgh show about it.
Yes.
He wrote an Edinburgh show about that zoo because there was a zoo on Anglesey, which his father ran.
Well, how well do you know Tidir Owen?
Well, he's the our best comedian, basically.
But that doesn't mean you know him.
Billy Conlon is our best comedian, but I don't know him.
I'm explaining to you.
I've worked lots with Tidir.
Right.
You would go for lunch with Tidir.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I sort of think that Tidir Owen's dad's monkey landing on the roof of our
caller's parents' house is a connection.
Yes.
And I named Tiddir in the first 60 seconds.
Tiddir was when, as soon as he said Flank Everything, I went to the bottom.
You didn't interrogate the connection.
Well, because he said he didn't know him.
Yeah.
What are you expecting to be saying?
Do you know Tidder Owen?
Well, I know of him.
Did his monkey land a group?
Absolutely bonkers if I'd done that.
Well, I think that counts the connection, but I don't think it came within the 60 seconds.
But we can allow it on the Sun Lounger.
Well, it was in the 60s.
It wasn't.
It was in the 60s.
The connection wasn't made.
No, it wasn't.
It was said.
Do you know Tiderowin and he's
monkey landed on his roof?
His dad's monkey landed on his roof and his parents fed it.
Apples.
Well, that was a very entertaining call.
Wow.
What's your name, sorry?
Sean.
Sean Aptomas.
Sean Ap Thomas.
It must be like...
Must be bands like Anwal Edig and Topper and Banta that.
Do you know any of that lot?
They're all about your age.
No,
okay.
It's it's it has to be a connection with the monkey.
I think I think the monkey is what connects us.
Yeah,
good.
Well, thank you very much, Sean.
Thanks very much for coming on the show.
Very good.
Uh, thank you to Sean.
If you would like to be a Cymru connection and you're not in your 40s, email ellisandjohn at bbc.co.uk and you could be on the line with the great man himself.
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Occasionally people say to me, hey L, what's your job?
I see.
Is that why you're explaining the come reconnection to them?
And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get your hobby.
I get your niche interest.
What's your actual job?
Izzy doesn't listen to this show.
Does it say on your passport, come reconnect?
Connector.
Izzy doesn't listen to this show.
And when I told her, I was on the news today, she was like, why?
What have you done?
And I said, well,
the Wales Today covered the Cymry Connection.
What's that?
All right, try and find a connection with Welsh people in 60 seconds.
She was like, do you wanna?
And I said, on the show.
Oh, that sounds good.
I've been doing it since July.
Did she not honestly know about that?
Oh, she doesn't give an S about this show.
Because I think she'd really like it.
I think she'd like the mood.
Yeah, yeah.
She likes you and she admires John.
But
people say to me, hey, Ellis, what's your job?
And I say, well, I'm a podcaster.
I'm a sidekick.
But more importantly, more than bringing humour to the show, what I do with John is I try and keep
his mood up, his spirit up.
I try and give him a little pep.
And over the last few months, I've been doing this by pointing out John's many wins.
Because of all the people I know, I can't think of anyone with more wins
with a higher wins to losses ratio than our friend John Robbins.
And so, to put that theory to the test, this is a new feature.
John wins again.
John wins again.
John wins again.
John wins again.
John wins again.
Wins again.
Wins again.
I'd forgotten I'd recorded that.
That's good.
I'm going to listen to that when I get out of bed in the morning.
Can I have a recording of that?
He's going to put an awful lot of...
Imagine if that was your ringtone.
Can you put in lots of verses about all the different things I win?
And then I can play that when I wake up on my speakers, Dave.
That will give me a real good start to the day.
I actually don't mind that as an idea because there's audio payoff to that.
And you know, you get me on side when there's audio payoff.
Audio payoff, Dave.
And I think the way we do it is we do it for a few weeks and then we bring together a collection of the big wins.
Yeah, so if John wins again, he's done the thing that he won.
John wins again.
He's a
yeah.
And then I can play that in my house.
Yeah.
I'm having a shower and stuff.
And sing along.
That'd be great.
What a great life.
That would be great.
That would be great.
So you've been collating your many wins
all of a week.
Yes, it's win-win-win-win-win.
But I'm also keeping track of my losses.
Okay.
Whoa!
Which losses?
Well, there's no point winning if you haven't got losses to counteract.
Yes.
No, always playing sailing, is it, in a winner's life?
No.
You know, look at Manchester United.
Yeah.
yeah yeah yeah you've got to have a complete collapse for a period of eight years tiger woods tiger woods of course you can't win them all no no no um so what do you want me to do just list my wins then list my losses i i think we should have the wins first okay uh well we as you've known for some time ellis you can assess your credit score from different agencies clear score experien and there's another one it's another one oh the money money's money money saving expert okay
I was top money-saving expert.
Experion, I have issues with.
Right?
Yeah, it's a flawed system.
It's a flawed system.
Yeah.
However, clear score,
I was 999 out of 1,000.
Yeah, yeah.
I've got more of an issue with ClearScore.
My experion was 999 and I looked at ClearScore and I was like, you what?
Who do you think I am?
I know, I know.
Anyway, the only thing I could work out that I hadn't done in order to get the perfect...
Four different electoral roles?
No, all done.
That's all done.
Addresses everywhere.
They're all in place.
I've never had a CCJ.
Nope.
I've never missed a payment of a mobile phone bill, for example.
Thank you, thank you.
However...
You're always told to get a credit card.
Yes.
Yeah.
In order to get a good credit card.
So I did that.
I did that, right?
However,
because I got that in like 2006 or whatever, the credit.
Egg, goldfish?
No.
There was a free credit knocking around back then.
Well, the cards had like a curved corner.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What I didn't realize is my credits, the amount of credit I got by them was quite low.
And your credit score goes down if you use over half of your credit.
Oh, so you had a credit like grand and using 600 quid and then you had a quid, then you're in trouble, but you need to use some of it to show that you're sort of fluid or whatever.
Yeah.
So I called up my credit card.
This week?
Last week.
No, no, no.
This was weeks ago.
I called up my credit card to say,
can I increase my credit amount?
I got denied.
What?
I got denied.
Right?
Why?
Because, and because I'm not mentioning the brand, Dave can I can I express an opinion let's see how we get on because of
well some might call it outdated data sharing techniques right others well they ask you next door neighbor others might call it plain thickoism right
despite having updated my earnings on the credit cards website
the bank associated with the credit card is where they get your earnings information for
so i had to go go into a branch which don't exist anymore yeah in order to update my earnings from my 2005 earnings to present day earnings so based on my north to a million
so based on my 2005 earnings which were zero yeah um
i uh
i then i then could have got accepted but out of sheer spite I changed credit card providers, which also, call me Johnny Two Birds with One Stone, meant I was closing down successfully a credit account.
And that's good, isn't it?
And that's good.
And that, plus the increased credit limit, pushed me to a sweet 1,000 out of 1,000.
Are you?
Got there in the end, but that's a win.
That's a win.
Top 1% in my area.
Put that on your Tinder profile.
Put it on your Tinder profile.
That's not a bad idea.
I'm not on Tinder.
It's gone.
That's sexy.
It is sexy.
It is sexy.
It is sexy.
It's solvent.
You're trying to buy a house with someone.
What comes to my eyes and you're cracking credits?
Dave, what is not sexy about being solvent?
I don't know.
Do I know?
No, I do know.
Not much.
Not much.
Do you swipe right on someone with two CCJs, Dave, who can't rent a car abroad?
Abroad, Dave.
So, is that a win?
That's a win.
We should have a tick.
Take it off.
We should have a little.
Can we have a tick sound, please?
We will.
There it is.
My speaker wire is long enough by one centimetre to make the plug socket if I wire them as a stereo pair.
It's another W.
Pizza Express had no Tabasco, but I already had a bottle in my bag that I'd taken to another pizza restaurant that I knew didn't have Tabasco.
Pizza.
And here's the big one this week.
Yeah.
I went to the supermarket and every item on my list was on offer because I'd held off buying them when they weren't.
Yes!
These are the days you live for.
This is John Robbins.
This means more.
I could not believe it.
It was like getting all the numbers in the lottery.
Dishwasher tablets, I held off.
Olive oil, olive oil, Dave.
I held off.
Risky.
Fancy tuna.
I held off.
Look at Izzy's face.
Nine cans, please.
Staring into space.
Well, staring at greatness is what she's doing, and she knows it.
Vegemite.
Yeah.
They're never reducing
Vegemite.
Yes, they are today.
40p off.
Spread it all over my body.
Brown Bassmatty, Tilda Brand, 500 gram bag.
Welcome to heaven.
What's that blinding yellow light under the bon mamon?
Gon mamon, more like.
Someone's earning and today it's double bubble.
Dare I check the radishes?
You're on a hot streak, Johnny boy.
You're on a hot streak.
Don't risk it for the radishes, John.
Yes, yes, yes, 59p.
What?
Get him in, ma!
How would you have felt if radishes had not been on offer?
I'd have left everything in the trolley and just walked out.
That's a mentality issue.
I'm a mentality monster.
Yeah.
And every item, I even screen grabbed my savings days.
So cool.
Yeah.
Get that on your Tinder profile.
Yeah.
Well, do you know what?
Maybe it's worth setting one up.
Maybe.
So,
credit score rating: 1000.
savings at my local Tesco across the board.
Dave, £49.57 shop.
Okay.
How much is that going down to with savings?
£49.57.
So you're saying there were six items that had more than six items that had savings.
Yeah, also Brita filters.
Okay.
I reckon, what do you say?
What was the price that it should have been?
£49.57.
£44.50.
No, no, he's chopping off more than that.
Do Do you think?
I think savings are.
I think so.
I think you're getting down to 41.25.
35.17.
What?
Dave, that's over 30%
off.
What are you going to do with your money?
What?
What are you going to do with your money?
I'll just invest in more Brita filters when the time comes.
Because they run out in like a day.
And that little digital display that goes 100% 75.25, that's rubbish.
It's an absolute swizz and a a scandal.
I feel like I'm in the presence of something really special.
Yeah.
People will say to you, where were you when you heard the first ever John wins again?
They're huge.
However, the thorny issue
of John's losses.
Yes.
John hit me.
I left my travel cutlery in a chip shop.
You still haven't got a chip?
It's not very mean.
Are you having a mental health episode?
The chip shop I sometimes go to
has very poor forks.
Oh, wooden?
Yes.
Small and wooden.
Those little wooden ones that actually look a bit like a fish.
Yes.
You cannot eat fish and chips with them.
No.
You can eat chips with them.
You can eat chips with them.
Not long enough for the fish.
Not long enough.
So I take not only my own ketchup in sachets because their ketchup is...
20p?
No, it's more that their ketchup is like that luminous bright red.
It's literally sugar and red sugar.
Yeah, it's no good.
So I take my own sachets.
Take my own sachets of tartar sauce after they once had no tartar sauce.
They know you.
They know me.
Don't they?
So I've started taking my own
camping customer sauce.
It's a knife and fork.
Well, otherwise, literally, how are you going to eat it?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Because you see the little, it's in a cardboard box.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It can't be done.
You are right.
Yeah.
I'm just right on my own.
So I take my little camping cutlery set,
which was complimentary after doing a talk about mental health at a top digital marketing company in London.
Nothing you would do for backunders.
But because it's such an irregular thing I take with me outside of the house, so I don't camp.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not yet made it into my temporary
power fives.
The triple tap wallet keys phone.
Well, it's the power four is wallet keys phone vape.
And sometimes I can sub in a fifth as the power five.
So it'd be like wallet keys vape phone passports.
Yes, yes, yes.
And I'm okay with that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'd not yet got into the wallet keys vape phone camping cutlery set.
See,
exactly.
So I left them.
Luckily, they were free.
Free to me.
So it's, I guess, a draw, because I did get to use them to eat my fish and chips before I left them.
Yeah, but you're going to continue to live a fish and chip-based life, aren't you?
So you're going to need to do that again.
And I'll lose your house sometimes soon.
Because I'm just driving from my house.
I just could take a knife and fork from my house.
Or you could drive home.
Or I could drive home, but it's quite a way.
And my house would smell of vinegar.
And that's the only loss of the week.
No, there's more, I'm afraid.
Oh, no, no, it's going to outweigh the winds.
Because you are, it was such a positive start, John.
Let the man speak.
Okay.
Oh, John.
I hope there's not many.
I always get my foreign currency in advance.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because you're an old lady.
Because I'm an old lady who likes good deals.
Yeah.
I
got the cab to stop at my local supermarket's Bureau de Change,
which said on the website that they open at
9am.
And I want to pay airport prices.
9am and no one's in the blimmin' little booth.
9.07, I'm thinking if we don't leave at 9.30, I'm not going to be two hours early for my flight.
9.07,
in she rambles
with her papers and a bags and a meal deal.
I'm just chilled.
I'm chilled.
I'm Johnny Chilled because I got till half nine.
I got till half nine as long as traffic stays exactly as busy as it does now.
She says, I'll be with you in a couple of minutes, sir.
It's all fine.
I'll just stare at the sign that says you open at 9 a.m.
I'll just stare at that and focus all of my joy at that joy.
Yeah.
And she turns on the computer.
Trouble.
Trouble.
Trouble.
Trouble.
The computer is down.
She turns it off.
She turns it on.
She turns it off.
She turns it on.
It's 9.15.
She says, I'm sorry.
The computer's not logging me in.
So Johnny JR is staring down the barrel of spending 2.99% debit card charges per purchase Ellis.
Per transaction.
Luckily, Annie McGrath does have a Monzo card.
What's that mean?
So by using the Split Save app, Annie was able to do most of the transactions through Monzo
and we could transfer her the difference that Splitsab had worked out.
Unfortunately, just through politeness, you want to be tapping every so often to show goodwilling.
So I have probably spent 10 quid in foreign transaction charges.
10 less than what you saved at the supermarket.
Look at it like that.
Yes, yes.
So you're still up.
You're still in the black.
Interesting.
I'll bear that in mind.
Oh,
Gatwick and Stanford Express were both down as discussed, costing me about 220 quid in cabs.
Not your fault, though.
Had to buy a plastic bag at Tesco because I got so overwhelmed by the offers that I didn't have space in my rucksack.
And Joe Malone do do refills, but not for pomegranate noir.
Oh, the PN.
It's the big one.
It's the big one.
It's the big one.
And they know you want refills for that.
Of course you do.
They've got refills for figuramber.
They got refills for cedar wood and, I don't know, groin sweat.
Oh, god.
But do they have refills for pomegranate on?
No.
So I had to go elsewhere.
I am paying for
whack.
90 quid.
You're mad.
So are we up or are we?
Are we looking?
We're up.
Well, I don't know.
So that's a loss.
That's a loss.
That's a draw because the cutlery was free to me.
Stan said was a loss.
That is okay, a draw.
So it's three losses and one, two, three.
Actually, actually doing it.
And four big wins.
Four, three to John.
Excuse me.
John.
It's not versus John.
It's John versus the universe versus right and wrong.
Yeah.
Wow, Universe 3, John, 4.
And the way you win.
Take that, universe.
Yeah.
Good.
Well, that's week one.
Win-won.
It's like one of those great 90s ding-dongs, Liverpool, Newcastle.
Yeah.
It is 4-3.
Red Knapp from the edge of the box.
That kind of vibe.
That's so funny.
Okay, so good wins there.
Good, well done.
Look forward to more of them in the future.
I don't know if it'll be weekly.
I don't know if I think I get enough weeks for a weekly feature.
It's a decent feature to pop up when you've had a busy week.
Yes, yes.
Because there are weeks where, hey, there's weeks for all of us where not much happens.
Oh, goodness.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tell me about it.
Okay,
so
there's no made-up game this week, but if you do have a made-up game, send it to ellisandjohn at bbc.co.uk.
But luckily, we do have time for a shame well.
What was I thinking?
Why did I say he had nice ankles?
She was stood behind me the whole time.
I didn't know he's only got one hand.
I was signed in on her Gmail.
John's Shame Well.
Well, holly bobs at the theme of the day, Dave and Ellis.
Everyone's thinking about holes.
I am as well, actually.
Are you away?
I'm trying to chat to you two about the holidays at one point, what are you going away again?
Well, because I'm leaving my family for a month and a half, for some mad reason, towards the September-October time of the year.
I think there's some.
You know you're allowed to go home in between the shows, Dave.
It's still
expected to sleep at the time theatre newcomer.
It's still quite big.
There'll be space for you to sleep in London,
yeah.
And 800 of your mates.
So I have said to Hannah, as a treat after the tour,
I'll take him to Centre Parks.
Oh,
that's so nice, Dave.
Centre Parks in half term.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
It's going to cost you four and a half million quid.
It may as well.
It is prohibitively expensive.
Well, why not go to a centre park alternative, Dave?
Yeah, you've got it a real deal, haven't you?
The centre parks in
Germany are apparently cheaper and nicer.
And the flights will be 60 quid.
Hmm.
Go to Centrum Parken.
But Nottingham's just down the road.
Why?
Fly from Manchester.
It probably takes the same amount of time.
I say that.
You know, two and a half
hour flight to Naples.
It just always takes a day.
It just always takes a day.
It does.
Might make that.
Unless you're like George Clooney and you somehow just walk straight onto the plane with a briefcase and walk off again.
They never show that bit in the film, do they?
No, no.
Where someone's like
checking the app and the train's down, I think.
Yeah, yeah, and there's not quite enough.
It's like an Uber, and everyone's trying to get an Uber.
And there's not quite enough signal.
Yeah, no one wants to take you that far in an Uber, so they keep cancelling it.
James Bond's shower gel never bursts open in his wash bag.
No.
Well, it might do, you just don't see it.
No.
But if I was Cubby Broccoli, I'd have put that in one of the films.
Him opening his washbag and thinking, oh, for God's sake.
Well, maybe that'll be the new direction Amazon took it in.
Yeah.
A more relatable Bond.
A normal traveller, yeah.
Jimmy Bond.
Yeah.
Jimmy Bond.
He goes into the toilet at Gutwig.
He opens the door.
It's disgusting in there.
So he's like, all right, then I'll go in Prat.
But Prep won't give him the code until he buys something.
Yeah, yes, he's got to buy a chocolate croissant.
And they won't let him take that on the plane for some reason.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he has to squash it into his bag, which doesn't fit in the little briefcase.
He's got too many gadgets.
So now he's got crumbs on his laptop.
And he's had to spend 29 Euro on checking his bag, but now it's in the halt.
Yeah.
He's got a little yellow sticker on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he's worried that the baggage hundreds are going to mess his laptop up.
And he sat next to someone who blows their nose in a really, really weird way.
So he can't concentrate on his mission.
He can't concentrate on his mission, Dave.
And he said he can't do any snogging.
Can't do any snogging, Dave, because he's got a cold sore from the stress.
You try getting cold sore medication, Dave.
In a different country.
In a Spanish pharmacy, which happens to be closed on Wednesday afternoons, Thursday mornings and all Sunday.
And Bond, A needs to get on with his mission and B to do some snogging, but the girls don't like him because he's covered in stress cold cold sores.
And it's tingling, Dave.
Yeah, yeah.
He knew what he needs is a Virax, but he's, you know, he didn't because it was over 100 mil.
And the water pressure at his Airbnb is so low.
Yeah.
It is so.
So he's on the phone to Q.
He's on the phone to Q.
And also.
Shouldn't he penny but this?
He's
trying to message Giovanni directly through the app, but he's not checking his messages through the app because he gave him his WhatsApp.
I want to spend money.
I want to spend money at the casino, obviously, to fit in, but I've forgotten my Monza card.
I haven't got any cash, have I?
Yeah, who carries cash?
No one carries cash.
I didn't realise it was such a cash-orientated culture.
Well, because I was reading up on the mission.
And the first three restaurants that his mate recommended, who'd already been there, are closed.
And now he's got tummy troubles because he didn't agree with the cuisine.
Yeah.
And the one on the recommendation list that isn't closed has got a massive queue outside it because the other ones are closed.
And he can't assassinate the bloke and eats because he's got diarrhea
so you can't concentrate on firing off a good shot and he hates and you know he hates the heat
he hates it sweated through his why did he bring a lilac suit dave just big shorts and huge sweat patches under his arms
and flip-flops no in no one's snogging him with a cold sort big sweat patches under his arms he keeps going to the toilet every five minutes say lee evans because he had bad meatballs sweating through his suit like Lee Evans on stage.
Let's just go home.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he's on the phone to Miss Moneypenny.
He's like, I kind of have a British mission.
Because you're always sending me on these and I don't like the heat.
And mosquitoes love me.
Oh, God.
Mosquitoes never bite 006.
Send him.
Send me to Ipswich.
Yes.
And 006 to Spain.
And he got confused about the name of the little snorkeling company because one of them was called...
One of them was called King of the Ocean, and the other one's called Ocean King.
And it was meant to get King of the Ocean, which is a really good one with 4.9 stars on TripAdvisor.
But then King of the Ocean.
But the other one, the instructors are drunk.
The other instructors are drunk.
And he doesn't trust them.
They're just smoking loads of fags and chucking the butts overboard and telling him what the fish are like.
And he had a leaky snorkel.
You had a leaky snorkel Dave, and he's looking at the Ocean King over in the sunset with the music and everyone's drinking cocktails.
Smells a diesel, Dave.
Yeah, and he's and he's not allowed in the casino because he's forgotten his ID, so he just goes on the gamblers in a local news entry,
goes on a fruit machine.
An Amazon Studios production brain watches Jimmy Bondmares played by Jimmy Nail.
Yeah,
to resurrect his career, Dave.
Yeah.
But if it needs resurrecting, I don't know.
Oh, I'm sure he's got
he's got a very good career.
Sing Hawai before before he assassinates.
Asking Scarramanga, what's your problem, man?
Yeah.
I'd watch it.
I would watch it.
I would watch it.
There is a there's a funny comedy programming and all of that.
I think they made Barclay card adverts out of them in the 90s.
Oh, and also Rowan Atkinson kind of did it, didn't he?
In the Barclay card adverts in the Minister English.
Oh, really?
Oh, sorry.
I missed that.
So what, so Rowan Atkinson was in the Barclay card adverts?
I think that was sort of the inspiration for johnny english wasn't it yeah it was boff was his guy both i think so i used to love those outfits yes yes
uh anyway what were we talking about i think well we did start
a right old laugh the show's still happening yeah we're still on this it's still dripping away in the background so we're still down the well lovely stuff um
hello all i'd like to share a shame well of my first holiday with my then girlfriend It was May 2012, just a few months into the relationship in a lovely Turkish resort.
A time time for relaxation and, in my case, a series of mortifying incidents that will haunt me forever.
The first sign that I was not cut out for international travel came when we took a tour of the hotel spa.
The guide held up a small cup of liquid, golden, glistening, and warm.
He lifted it to my face, and in my infinite wisdom, I assumed this was some sort of welcome shot.
A delightful exotic booze to help guests unwind.
So without hesitation, I took it from him and necked it.
It was massage oil.
Thick, viscous, and as my stomach quickly informed me, absolutely not for human consumption.
The next few hours were spent in a state of distress I can only describe as self-inflicted food poisoning.
A few days later, strolling through reception, I spotted a large glass dispenser filled with what I assumed was refreshing lemon water.
In desperate need of hydration, I scooped up a cup and took a hearty gulp.
It was oil again.
But the humiliation didn't stop there.
Oh no.
In an attempt to impress my girlfriend, I agreed to be dragged across the ocean on a rubber ring pulled by a speedboat.
The speedboat won.
I hit the water at such velocity that I bounced before being sick into the sea.
The experience left me shaken, nauseous, and more convinced than ever that I was simply not built for adventure.
And then, on our final day, I reached into my suitcase and grabbed a fresh t-shirt, a bargain two-pound number from Primark, which I hadn't properly examined before purchased.
I confidently strolled down the bar to meet my girlfriend, only for her to gasp in horror, because emblazoned across my chest was a cartoon of a chick next to the chick was a cartoon of a magnet i had entirely unintentionally spent the last day of our romantic holiday proudly sporting a primark chick magnet t-shirt i was not a chick magnet i was a man who had twice drunk oil
thrown up in the sea and poisoned himself with a spot
And yet, somehow, despite all this, she stayed with me.
We're now happily married with two amazing kids.
But to this day, she never lets me forget that on her first holiday together i was a walking talking embarrassment many thanks i'm actually i actually cried with laughter during the show that's good double oil
it was oil again oh wow
because it's a bit like jumping the escape room out when you drunk when i drunk the potion drunk the potion in the escape room and we asked and we asked the lady who's running the running the place and i said uh has anyone ever drunk the potion before and she went no no no one's ever drunk the potion before before.
But this is worse.
It's something funny about people doing the wrong thing twice.
I hope someone saw him do it twice.
Like someone, any of the staff, if they just saw a guy just constantly downing oil.
It was oil again.
It was oil again.
I remember putting paraffin on a pizza thinking it was chilly.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, good stuff.
Thank you so much for sending that in.
Send your emails to ellisandjohn at bbc.co.uk
and uh we will love you and leave you yeah i've got to take the leaves off my t-shirt now.
Oh, yes.
That feels like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?
Yeah, because on last Friday's podcast, I was dressed to celebrate International Day of Forests.
So I've got leaves seller tape to my t-shirt.
Imagine if you forgot to take them off before an important business meeting.
Yeah, well, I'm about to take a bit of a transport, so obviously I don't want to.
I will look.
I'll look like I act like an attention seeker if I walk onto the train with leaves seller tape to my chest.
So I'm going to sort that out now.
Thun Bureau de Change of the Mind tomorrow on BBC Sounds.
Yes.
No, no, it's not.
No, sorry.
I've lost my mind.
No.
Last Saturday.
Wasn't the Bureau de Change of the Mind fun on Saturday, three days ago.
It's been a long day.
We've had tech problems.
We have had tech problems and we'll iron those out.
No one's fault.
Adrian couldn't get a straight answer on whether it's a long word.
That was a long time ago.
It's a long time ago.
We've all got things to do.
I'm going to the power of tech.
Oh, good.
I'm going to watch seven episodes of Yellowstone.
Are you?
Yeah.
That takes seven hours.
Yeah.
Now we'll watch seven.
But I'm looking forward to sitting on the couch watching Yellowstone.
So far.
What?
We're not in friends, Dave.
SETI.
Really?
Oh, this is next week's big debate, isn't it?
For the show.
Give it to Trollby.
Dave, he needs this.
Okay?
He can do a poll.
He can pop it on Instagram.
You've got to be generous.
Is it sofa?
Is it SETI?
Is Is it couch?
Is it sofa?
Is it SETI?
Is it couch?
Is it bonquette?
Anyway, we'll let him find out.
Thank you very much for listening.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
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Sups!
The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.
We the man to be hungry!
Winner, best score!
We the man to be seen!
Winner, best book!
We the man
It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.
Suffs!
Playing the Orpheum Theater October 22nd through November 9th.
Tickets at BroadwaySF.com