#478 - Zones, Curry Pyjamas and Pre-Time Speeches

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Hello, everyone.

It's the morning after the night before in Long Island, New York, despite actually being about a week and a half after that, but bear in mind this show is pre-recorded.

And Team Europe's heads will be sore after celebrations following their historic Ryder Cup victory.

Just 12 hours earlier there were jubilant scenes amongst the visiting supporters as European players gathered on the 18th green and in interviews there were special words of thanks aimed at two unlikely Ryder Cup heroes.

After holding a five-foot putt to retain the cup, Shane Lowry spoke to Skye.

This means so much, not just for me personally, but for all the players.

Wiping tears from his eyes and with a tremble in his voice, he gathered himself.

And not just the 12 players here, but two huge figures that couldn't be here due to their undying commitment to content.

Ellis and John, this is for you.

As Shane broke down, Nikolai Hogard grabbed the microphone and shouted, Ellis and John, we couldn't have done this without you, before rolling up his sleeve to reveal and I won't listen this rubbish tattoo.

The crowd cheered and Nikolai himself was lost in jubilant sobs.

When Tyrrell Hatton secured the crucial half to win the cup outright, he turned to the baying New Yorkers and screamed, this feels significant, before removing his polo shirt to reveal a vest emblazoned with the phrase, a million different miles, a million different journeys.

Only one tomorrow, Kiss.

Later on in a press conference, Tommy Fleetwood expanded on the enormous difference Ellis and John had made to the mood in Team Europe.

In 2021 at Whistling Straits we were listening to a lot of the wrong sort of podcasts where thick white men do no research before talking about world politics and trans issues.

It sort of led us down the wrong path mentally and a lot of the guys got upset stomachs from drinking too much athletic greens.

Then Rome, 2023, and Victor Hovland got the giggles listening to this guy trying to find a connection with a software developer from Ponty Clean.

On the practice round everyone had Ellis and John in their AirPods, and you could see the difference it made.

It brought us together as a team and as individuals.

After just a few episodes, Matt Fitzpatrick had gone into half man, half biscuit, and John Rahm had opened an icer.

And, well, to have John speak to us in the build-up gave us the extra inspiration when we had to dig deep.

Yes, despite being unable to attend and become best friends with all the players even though he was asked to, John found the time to speak to them via Zoom earlier in the week.

Though he got off to a shaky start, his words touched something deep.

Be bold.

Be bold for Britain.

Bold brothers bonded, backing Britain better for brilliance abroad.

Rory McElroy shuffled uncomfortably.

Luke Donald messaged John in the Zoom chat.

John, it's Europe, remember, not just Britain.

But all of my inspirational speeches are alliterations with B's, John replied.

Well, improvise.

Okay.

John Rahm, some of the best prawns I've ever tasted were from Portugal, and that's near Spain.

That means something.

It means something more.

John Rahm wept.

Rory, I once drove past your home club in Belfast after visiting a large Tesco with my friend Andrew, in which I secured a £2 saving for him on dishwasher tablets by using my club card.

That means something.

That means more.

Rory broke down in tears.

Victor, I once did gigs in Norway, and despite finding the beer very expensive, I noticed the lack of litter and high air quality.

That means something.

That means more.

Victor buried his head in his shirt, and John approached his crescendo.

Whatever you mean, means something more.

And when the time comes...

Write your best in black on the page of Beth page black.

All twelve players rose to give John a a standing ovation.

John humbly refused a request to have his name engraved on the trophy, but he and Ellis have since accepted an invitation to go quad biking with Ludwig Aberg and the use of Justin Rose's beach house in Minehead, as long as it's outside of August and they cover the cost of cleaning.

Why do you waste your talent?

On what?

Why are you not constantly giving inspirational speeches to the sports teams who mean a lot to you?

You clearly can do it.

Yeah, I think were I not to be a comedian and podcastrist, I could make a living writing speeches for Keir Starmer, or Tories,

or the Greens, or the Greens, or the SNP, or Reform, or Reform, or Plaid Cymru, or Plaid Cymru, or the DUP.

My Plaid Cymru and DUP speeches would have to be fact-checked.

Yes, I could give inspirational half-time speeches, inspirational pre-time speeches.

And I like to think...

They tend to be called pre-game speeches, I think.

Ah, yeah, that's an old way of thinking.

Sorry.

I've embraced a new way of thinking.

That's on me.

To bring success.

Yes.

Because success, Ellis, is a mindset.

Yes.

That's what you singularly fail to understand.

You think it's a good Kagul.

Yeah.

It's not, it's a mindset.

Yes.

It's actually a mental Kagul.

Yes.

So if I were to work with you and your team, I would buy you each a new mental Kagul,

which would protect you from the reign of defeatism,

but also give you the fashion of victory.

But he's doing it just off the top of his bonds.

That's good stuff, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't...

A lot of that I was on board with.

Yeah.

You would want your name on the trophy, though, knowing you.

That's the only analogy.

He'd want to keep it in his house on his awards shelf.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He'd want to keep it.

In the right place for the braider cup to end up.

Dave.

Mentality doesn't have a name, it has a price, it doesn't have a name, right?

I'm just a shadow in the background, but I am best friends with them more like when Alistair Campbell went on the British Lions tour, yeah.

A bit like that, but they don't steal my phone.

No, did you hear about the MC?

Yeah, yeah, the MC on the first T, so the person with the microphone saying, Welcome to the 24th Ryder Cup matches on the T, Rory McElroy, she led the crowd in a chant

which had the F word in it.

What's so weird, right?

Is that if you're asked...

So the abuse becomes institutionalised.

Absolutely.

But also it just let it slide.

If you're a matchday announcer at any sporting event, you play it safe.

Well, but also...

And you've done it before.

It's not that she wouldn't have done it for the first time at the Ryder Cup because it's too big a gig.

I think she was a comedian that they drafted in to do it.

Right.

Because in like, when you, I've been to European tour matches and you have the guy who goes on the tee, John Rahm, and everyone's quite polite applause.

This is another world.

I mean, Rory, fair play to him.

It must have been horrible.

You don't want your experience of playing sport at the highest level to be horrible.

What I thought about Rory was because the one clip I did see was when he said, shut the F up.

And I bet as soon as he did that, I thought, oh, I've really got to make sure I nail this now.

And he did nail it.

And he did nail it.

And it was brilliant.

But someone someone made a very good point that

it doesn't just harm the American team in terms of the fact it g's the Europeans up.

It harms them in the sense that all they have to ride is a wave of negativity and hate.

There's no positivity knocking around.

It's just people like abusing players and their families.

So it's quite hard

as a mentality for a team to like feed off that.

Yeah.

to go, yeah, we're going to really enjoy this horrible atmosphere where everyone's being awful.

Sorry, I was was quite down of it.

It did get me down, actually, even though it was scintillating drama.

Yeah.

I mean, I also

probably twice a week, because I listen to quite a lot of politics podcasts, imagine that me and John are in a room writing speeches for big politicians.

And I always just let you do it.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Even though it's a daydream and I am in control.

And maybe I could come up with a couple of good lines.

Maybe you could come up with some good lines for reform.

But I applied.

But I always just sit back and watch him do it these days.

So I'll be pottery in the kitchen and I'll have a political podcast on on my phone.

And

I've got the kettle on or whatever.

I would get them doing mental exercises

whenever they hear abuse, just visualise it corroding the American players will and determination.

Oh, I like that.

Imagine them rusting.

You'd be quite a good sports psychologist.

Thank you.

I would like to work exclusively with the European Ryder Cup team and Ronnie O'Sullivan.

Who would you most like to be friends with from the Ryder Cup team?

Dave, that's the best question in the history of questions.

Because they just all genuinely, and I'm not a big golf follower, they seem like a blumming great set of lads.

Do you know what?

I'm going to go for Robert McIntyre.

Okay.

He's a fellow left-handed golfer, so we could talk about left-handed issues.

I've heard he's a really nice guy.

Matt Fitzpatrick would be...

I wouldn't go for one of the

mega personalities.

I wouldn't go Rahm or McElroy.

You're not right-handed.

You're not left-handed, though.

I am at golf.

Why is that?

Because I am at cricket.

Why is that?

Because I continue to confound Minays experts

and armchair experts and actual experts.

I will be when I'm dead, they will study my body for a billion years.

Yeah.

But most

more left-handed golfers are naturally right-handed I I could not play cricket left-handed I don't know what I do what am I doing John because I'm left-handed

you're holding that's right-handed I hold it right-handed yeah if I was to play that's good to know god you do confound I do confound IMAs they had to tear up the rule book apart from the fact that the rule book also says most Most left-handed golfers are right-handed.

It also says that in the rule book as well.

That's good.

So there you go.

How have you guys been?

I'm ill, so you've got to be kind to me.

And also there's a stain on my t-shirt.

I saw the stain.

Oh, let's have a look.

I accidentally, in a rush to leave the house, picked up a t-shirt I wear in bed that is clean.

Okay.

But does have and you eat Brunston pickle in bed, do you, John?

No, I think it might be curry.

In bed.

Well, that's why it became a bed t-shirt.

Because it got curry on it.

But not in bed.

Not in bed, Dave.

So it got curry on it it was then washed yeah because i wasn't able to get on on onto the um

turmeric quickly enough and as we all know turmeric game over with turmeric you go to you go to bed in a curry stained t-shirt no it's like stain this it is i'm looking at it or do you go to bed in a tuxedo

no just a cumber bun

so i've obviously done a big wash of white t-shirts yeah grabbed one i've not known it's a bedtime t-shirt yeah with minor curry staining

but it's just yeah it's clean of course it's clean it's clean as a whiswasp

clean as a whistle i just think it's fine and it is fine no one would say otherwise i think the optics are bad well at what point

You've just had to say the phrase, I go to bed in a curry stained t-shirt.

I go to bed.

It's a historic staining.

I think a lot of people would say that for their bedtime t-shirts.

Yeah.

You know, there's lots of kooky girls from New York who wear big baggy t-shirts in bed.

They're so

little bit of Jal Frazi on them.

Yeah.

Or a bit of makeup on them or whatever it is.

Dave's actually all right.

I think Dave likes it.

I think makeup

makes me feel differently to curry.

But it's not, it's not like I've got a big chunk of pepper on it.

No.

But curry is John's makeup.

Yeah,

yes.

No, yeah, you haven't got prawns on your collar.

No, no, no.

It's just, it's a funny sentence.

Someone told me the other day, fairy liquid, if you want to get stains out of stuff.

Wow, really?

Yeah.

Is that a quite quiet detergent to get stains out?

Yeah, but.

Where did you get these hacks from, Dave?

Yeah, but that's funny.

I've been using dirt and soil and silt.

And silts, Dave.

I've been taking my t-shirts down to the Thames at low tide.

Yeah.

And I just bug them in.

I've made a mistake.

Sometimes I put horse mess on my t-shirts.

And I'm like, it's one of the stupidest things you've ever done in your life.

You clean the dishes with it.

Yeah.

You clean dishes with it.

It's not for clothes.

I'm struggling to get my head around it, Dave.

How they made that leap of logic from dishes dishes to t-shirts.

Because, I mean, what are you washing off dishes?

Well, that's horse mess as well.

That's what I'm there all the time.

But you wouldn't put cloth detergent in your dishwasher to wash your dishes.

No, I think

there is a difference in the population.

I'm with Dave to an extent.

I would go into the big name stain removal brands over fairy liquid.

Well, apparently it's better.

It's better.

That would have probably been the more sensible way of wording it.

Apparently, it's better than doing it with

the big stain removal brands.

Right.

The big stain.

Because there's one.

I have that, John.

Oh, thanks.

There's one, isn't there?

And it's the market leader.

Oh, it is.

It is cornered.

I've said markets.

Yeah, yeah.

It's the armatured shanks of stained removers.

It's the Guinness of stain removers because I can name very few of the stouts.

Murphys.

Yeah, other than Murphys and Mackisons.

I mean, I could probably name six stouts, but I don't want to.

Those bad local ones they serve.

Yeah.

They're trying to make a point.

Yes.

Yes.

That taste like dirt and bibles.

Very good.

Well,

what's happening here?

Well, Dave is hungover.

Ellis is tired and I'm ill because we've been on tour.

Dave's hit the bottle.

Ellis can't sleep.

And I'm getting off with every stage tech that we meet.

Yes.

As a matter of course, I say, hi, I'm John.

I'm here for the show.

Can we get off with each other?

We then get off with each other, and as a result, one in ten times you're going to pick up a cold, yeah, and it disrupts the sound check, yeah, because they fall in love with me.

Yeah, yeah, you and Alan, yeah, and I'm the only person getting lit, and the snugging lasts ages.

Oh, that's why some of the shows are run a bit late.

I'm wearing my headset mic throughout,

and then Joe's our tour manager holds up the roving mic to John's mouth, so we get we get dubbed, get it in stereo, yeah, it's a nightmare.

It's awful, actually.

John's a loud kisser, he's another really loud kisser.

Oh, yeah, I get it.

Like proper grown-up kissing, Dave.

Yeah.

And you put your hand on the side of their face, which is...

It's making them feel special.

Yeah, it's tender.

It is tender, actually, Dave.

Yes.

But it's always fine because John's has emailed ahead and he said, John will be kissing you.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

It's on the rider.

4.45pm.

It's on the rider.

Water for me, water for Dave, kissing for John.

And diet coke and ice.

So we have filed a report from Newcastle and edinburgh because ellis wanted to meet 10 different people who'd used the phrase i remember when they used to build ships on the tine yeah and we got close didn't we ellis are giving it away we got eight we got eight we got eight people who said to ellis i remember when they used to build ships on the tyne yeah and ellis every single

one

made up loved it and then i got off with them yeah and izzy was fine with it she'd written a letter to say you snug who you like as long as they remember building ships on the time, kiss away with impunity, Ellis.

Why has she written you a letter?

Why didn't she just tell you before you left?

Because they need to know.

They need to know.

I've had it framed and I'm carrying it around with me in my

neck on a big chain.

Yeah, yeah, a sandwich board.

Yeah.

So here's Ellis and John's Road to Nowhere.

Well, you join us in the sad van, and I've got to say, I am tired of keeping the mood positive.

For miles and miles I've been doing skits, I've been doing jokes, I've been hosting quizzes.

I spy.

And you two are glum as a thumb that's been trapped in a door.

That's what I have to say.

Whereas look at the past, I'm a Peter Possum.

Ellis is a thumb that's been up a bum.

Dave is a thumb that's hitching a ride.

I'm fine.

Oh fine are you Dave?

Yeah.

Came out of the hotel.

Eyes like piss holes in the snow.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I think the More Money Than Sense boys have got something right in that they stay in hotels that serve breakfast.

Our hotel last night did not serve breakfast when I asked the man on reception as we checked in, what time's breakfast, mate?

He looked at me as if I'd said, so is the time machine next to the bed?

He

was confused.

He said, there's a Macie Days like, but there's an ice cream shop that opens at 11 a.m.

and a pub.

And a car wash.

And a car wash.

Have you considered walking to Wazda on the big road?

Yes.

Well, no.

I mean, what are you talking about?

You can buy a breakfast box online.

Yeah, that was...

That was odd.

That was a stretch.

I'm not being a diva.

I'm not turning into Mariah Keary.

But I do think on this one...

James A.

Custer, Nish Kumar, Ed Gamble, Josh Whitticombe, they've got something right.

They must do.

They've eaten breakfast every morning since November the 3rd of 1980.

They don't know the pure refreshment of showering in a car wash, then heading to an Asda Express petrol station, which is literally

brunch selection.

You sent a text to the Tor WhatsApp group saying, I'm walking to Asda.

Does anyone want anything?

That's kind.

That feels kind.

It felt so kind.

It felt unnecessary and kind so i've had my granola pot i have had my pack of mango and i have had my cheese twist for carbs because dave and i and weather permitting ellis are going to run up arthur's seat in edinburgh and i'm so excited i

i've in all my time in edinburgh And I've spent months of my life in Edinburgh.

I have never been up Arthur's seat.

That's mad.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm here in my full running gear because I like to inhabit the body, life, soul, and mind of an elite athlete.

Ellison Davor in jumpers.

Jumper boys.

There's quite a curious juxtaposition with someone who is geared up to the max.

John is wearing the right trainers, the right socks.

He's got a running belt on.

His top looks fantastic.

He's wearing a running cap, but he's vaping.

It is what a hell of a contrast, isn't it?

You You don't see Mo Farah.

Well, do you know what?

Okay, don't try this kiptane we don't try this at

on the old blueberry sick.

And this is not backed up by science.

Oh, yeah, here we go.

But I am finding that vaping is helping.

It opens up the lungs.

It opens up the airways.

When I play football in South London, Five Aside on a Monday night, there isn't.

I don't know if this happens when you play Five Aside in Manchester, Dave.

There's an awful lot of weed being smoked.

It's almost like resistance training.

Well I talked to one guy, I said, I can't believe players are playing football and smoking weed and he went, no, no, no, no, it opens up the lungs.

I said, no, that is what the dealers are seeing.

It can't be true.

It's not a performance enhancing drug.

Well, because I smoked from like 13 to 29, vaped 29 to 43, my system is used to operating on very low levels of oxygen.

So you're like someone who's been born at altitudes.

I'm like Killian Journay.

Yeah.

But I just vape in

I vape in train vestibules as opposed to sort of running at 4,000 feet.

Yeah yeah.

I don't expect you to because look

I think it's if that if that's your vice that you're still with absolutely fine because you've been doing fantastically over the years let's let's be honest.

But if you were maybe from New Year's to the marathon to knock out the vaping, the increase, the improvement you would see from what we're already seeing...

Or would it be a decrease, Dave?

No way.

No, that is mad.

That is true.

That is mad.

That is true, that is mad.

Sometimes I will walk past a woman smoking a cigarette in the street, and I always think John could fall in love with her.

And statistically has.

And so lack of breakfast, I'm going to admit it's not ideal.

Do you know why?

It wasn't my call.

Do you know why I feel so?

Well, I would say the pricing strategy is your call.

Yeah, but had the person who books our hotels said, oh by the way, this one doesn't have breakfast, I would have said,

put an extra 15 quid on each room, on me

for a cooked breakfast.

I feel so.

By the way, they didn't, they didn't, it's not that we didn't pay for breakfast.

Breakfast wasn't there.

It wasn't

possible.

Unless you buy a food box online for the QR code.

It's that simple.

And it was too late for me to understand.

Because we didn't get there till, I don't know, half a 11.

He was like, you should have bought a breakfast box with a QR code online.

I was like, can I do that now?

No.

It's like Taskmaster trying to get a breakfast at that hotel.

So I'm ready to rock Apartheid's seat.

The thing I find astonishing,

and I love it, and I'm so proud of him,

is that I've been a fairly regular exerciser for a long time and I have gone running in the rain.

Yeah.

And I've cycled in the rain, and I've cycled in cold weather.

And until about six months ago, John thought I was thick and stupid and silly and daft.

And now...

I still hold that view for summer.

Yeah, of course, yeah.

What's the what?

There's a storm at the moment, and I can't remember the name of the storm, but it's affecting Storm Amy, it's affecting Scotland.

Oh, sorry, I've got a different name for that storm.

Oh, yeah.

It's called Storm Try and Stop Me.

Yeah, Storm Cowardice.

Yeah.

Storm Ellis' Cowardice.

So even though I would like to run up off off the seat, I'd like to give it a go.

I'm not sure I'd get to the top because I'm not running very much at the moment, but I'd give it a go.

Yeah.

I'm not going to do it in a storm.

And yet, John, he's fully kitted out.

He can't wait.

He's got his gels.

I've got my new gel, which I've not tried yet.

I've got my new protein powder recovery drink, which I've not tried yet.

What are you going to have after the run?

After the run, because you've got to have protein after you run.

Do you?

Yes, Dave.

And I've got my little flask to put in my running belt, which is on.

And yes, all good to go.

And I've got the root on my phone.

It's just straight up isn't it?

And I've got an out-of-date aero, which was kindly donated by Time Theatre.

Yes.

Because they were selling them cheap.

Because they went off in April.

They went off in April.

Ellis refused them, saying it would give him a bad tummy.

Liar!

I ate mine.

Tummy's fine.

Why is John in a better mood having stayed in a bad hotel that doesn't have breakfast than if he'd stayed in a good hotel?

Because it invigorates me.

But why?

What's real?

What's your pain?

It's real life.

What's your tragedy?

I love it.

Why are you so damaged?

I mean, what's not?

There's nothing not to be happy about right now.

We've just left Newcastle.

We're travelling to Edinburgh.

I think we've just psyched.

I think we've just driven.

I've had a decent night's sleep.

I mean, great nights.

We're in the afterglow.

It's the morning after the night before of being labelled the funniest podcast in the country.

Oh, yes.

Thank you to the British Podcast Awards for recognising the hard work of all the team.

Yes, do you know who didn't get recognised in the video that you two did last night?

Me.

Yeah, sorry did you.

You said thank you to everyone apart from the person that made the effing entry.

Oh yes, sorry did.

Wow.

So

you have fun.

I understand where I am in the old pecking order.

The northeast is nice, isn't it?

We're driving through the northeast and all the way to Edinburgh.

Northeast of England I should say.

The last time I went to Newcastle I slept in my car in a car park.

Why?

Because I had a holiday romance, John.

Cuff me.

In your car?

No.

That doesn't sound like a holiday romance.

I had a holiday romance with someone from Newcastle back in 2003 when I went to Zirkynthos.

What are you talking about?

This is what happens to House of people, John.

So I had a holiday romance in Zanti.

So you drove up to Newcastle from Manchester to rekindle.

So I thought, you know what?

We've been in the pub, but one of my mates wasn't drinking.

He was driving.

I was like, we should go to Newcastle and I can surprise this girl that was fairly warm to me on this holiday from Manchester.

What?

This is great.

She's handed over this.

No, but it's 2003.

And she doesn't listen.

No, well, she does, but she'll be fine with this one.

So anyway, so we start to drive up and I think this will be fine because...

From Manchester to Newcastle.

Yeah.

After you've been in the pub.

yeah right but you make I was 18 years old John yeah yeah

I've done far stupid things in this

this is about three weeks after the holiday it had been a fairly warm exchange after the holiday so I thought we were still pretty close okay and then since the way we refer it to it warm exchange yeah it's very transactional

so we set off and I text her saying I'm on the way.

Here we go.

She must have thought you were a psycho as well.

Well, she didn't text back and I thought, she'll text back soon.

We'll just keep heading there.

We'll just keep.

Because what's the there'll be a text eventually, and this is this will be a happily ever after story.

What's your mate saying at this point?

They just love the adventure.

Okay, you're at that age.

Your mate's sound good.

You've just started driving.

It's actually fun to drive to Newcastle.

Yeah, that's it.

I remember we just drove to London once to see what it was like.

Yeah.

It is because you like driving, yeah.

So then eventually we get there, and I'm probably five texts in by now just checking that she's seeing these old text messages.

Oh dear.

And lo and behold, no response and we get there and I say, lads, it's not gone quite to plan.

It's not gone quite to plan.

I thought we might have had a response by now.

We should be in a big super club at this point.

Stockport to Newcastle is two hours 54 minutes.

That's the one.

And it's 129 miles.

No response.

So what we had to do is just sleep in a car park in Newcastle.

David.

We set off at 6, 7 a.m.

the following morning.

David.

Came home.

And that was the end of that relationship.

Did she ever reply?

I think the odd message exchanged back and forth.

Especially did she not say, what was her response to your five...

I can't remember, John.

I don't even know whether I could look back at it.

At what point?

Was it when you were in the Yorkshire Deals that you started to panic?

Great city, though.

And if you're listening and you recognise that story

and you didn't reply to Dave's five texts, get in touch.

Ellisonjohn at bbc.co.uk.

Absolutely not.

Right, Dave, next update from the mountain.

Yeah, we're two and a half kilometres into climbing, well, hill running after seat.

Ellis took one look outside of the van.

and said not for me all well and good for Mark Hughes training in the 70s in tight shorts but you won't find Ellis James being more than 200 yards walk from a single origin pour over

which is what he was googling on his phone.

But me and Dave, look at us Dave, how are you feeling?

I'm feeling great.

We're kind of running around the base of Arthur's seat, almost like I suppose the M25 of Arthur's seat.

Well so far we've seen swans, we've seen herons, we've seen three tourists daring to do Arthur's seat in Crocs.

Yes, which I advise them against twice.

Yeah.

People are silly.

My suspicions are aroused when he said, What's the quickest way up?

They just wanted to get it done, didn't they?

And

that's not the intentions of Arthur's seats.

It's not the intention of any seat, Dave.

No.

But you know, he obviously just wanted his Instagram pic or his TikTok video or whatever.

He's going to end up paying for that with a tip and fib.

Yeah.

well here we are we're back in the van it's steaming up very quickly me and Dev is soaked yeah it was raining it was windy it was treacherous Dave

yeah one of us one of us really didn't have the right footwear and it was this guy and actually it got to a point where I was quite fearful actually John because there were some very steep parts of the side of the the hill face where

these uh these dry weather running trains were

causing quite a few problems, but we made it.

But it's good fun.

It was great fun.

I feel invigorated.

I tell you what, it's good practice for me to stop getting too stressed about my phone and navigation and my app and all that because it's not about the pace today.

It wasn't.

It's a mixture of running, scrambling,

technical climbing.

Companionship.

Companionship,

advice to other travellers, whether it was asked for or not.

And you get to have a sit down on the top of a hill and take in the view and not worry that you're technically losing pace because your average is going up.

But that's fine.

And I think it's good for our hips, it's good for our knees, it's good for our ankles, calves and thighs.

Ellis, however, not even in the support van.

He's gone to look for the best coffee in Europe apparently at a place in Edinburgh.

And

what are your thoughts of me as a running figure Dave?

Because you're obviously an elite runner.

What do you think of my gait?

What do you think of my pronation and internation?

You've got

a slight

outward facing, I don't know what the technical term, your feet face outwards more than mine.

Like a clown.

I was going to say a duck, but yeah, like a clown.

Yeah, yeah, I do.

I do have feet that point out like a clown.

But that's fine.

The main thing that I found the most attractive, John, was just the blummin' determination.

John ran ahead of me a lot of the time, which I was absolutely fine with,

and he just wanted to keep on keeping on.

And that is what will stand you in good stead for the marathon.

I hope so.

My knees do hurt a little bit at the minute.

Yeah, but that's the up and down, the up and down.

So, yes, I feel good.

I'm looking forward to a shower and a lovely coffee.

See you later.

Hello, listeners.

It's Ellis here

doing something I've never done before.

I am on the Caledonian sleeper coming back from Edinburgh to London.

We've just done a show in Edinburgh, the Queen's Hall, that was actually my favorite to the entire run.

It was a lot of fun.

The reason I'm on the sleeper is that

it's my daughter's birthday.

She's having a big sleepover tomorrow, so obviously I need to be there to help facilitate that.

It is a funny old experience

being in the sleeper train.

So

you've got a little sink, not drinking water,

a bar of lovely after-the-rain, lime, rose, and sandalwood soap, a pencil.

I don't know why I'd need a pencil.

Sort of towels in a net.

And then a kind of fold-down toilet and shower room and a bunk bed.

Now, the reason it's just me doing this and not me and John is because like a psychopath John is able to fall asleep instantly after doing a gig.

Whereas when I do gigs I am awake for hours because of the adrenaline.

John on the other hand

he's there.

He's in a different carriage.

He said night Elle and about eleven o'clock and he will be fast asleep which is something I find absolutely incomprehensible.

But anyway

if this goes well and I sleep properly, maybe I'll start taking the sleeper train all the time.

It'll be the thing I do

when I inevitably, if television still exists in 20 years' time, become a kind of travel journalist and like sort of Michael Palin in the 80s.

That's what comedians tend to do now.

Anyway, where do I go?

Top bunk or bottom bunk?

Who knows?

Well, it's Euston station

7.24 a.m.

and

who's the last little lamb out of the pen?

It's Ellis James coming on down the

platform.

I can't say I'm in the best of health.

Ellis,

good to see you.

Josh Whitticomb described the Edinburgh Sleeper as the worst night's sleep you'll ever pay for.

What are your thoughts?

I didn't sleep at all.

oh no

every single bump on the on the track and i haven't had a shower but i have washed my hands

oh i got seven hours

with three interruptions literally nothing nothing oh mate i'm so sorry it's my daughter's birthday we've got a sleepover with eight girls coming to the house it's a sleepover with eight girls coming to the house

He's had no sleep.

I've got us.

I'll say this.

So we're in the cabins on the

bunk cabins on the sleeper train.

Everywhere you turn, you're two inches from comfort.

Whether it's width, height, depth or length.

If they just made everything

two inches bigger, it would be really pleasant.

I am the length of the bed.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm the length of the bed.

I'm the width of the bed.

Yeah, yeah.

I can't sit up.

I stayed on the top bunk.

It wouldn't odd.

You can't actually, you can't actually get out of the bed once you're in it.

It couldn't be tighter if you were seller taped in.

Yeah.

It's an incredible experience.

Would you do it again?

Yeah, I would do it again.

I found it quite

exciting.

Yeah, Izzy loves it.

But I have only been up for 12 minutes.

Yeah, yeah, well.

But you've been up for 24 hours?

I've been dressed for 12 minutes.

Okay.

Well, Ellis has got to go and host a sleepover for eight girls on zero sleep.

I've got to get on the bloody train and go home and have a bath and a nap and lunch and then probably another nap and light a fire and go to bed, of course.

Bye-bye, everyone.

Hello, it's Ray Winstone.

I'm here to tell you about about my podcast on BBC Radio 4, History's Toughest Heroes.

I've got stories about the pioneers, the rebels, the outcasts who define tough.

And that was the first time that anybody ever ran a car up that fast with no tires on.

It almost feels like your eyeballs are going to come out of your head.

Tough enough for you.

Subscribe to History's Toughest Heroes wherever you get your podcast.

There you go.

Some words of wisdom, I think you'll agree.

A great banter

from the road to nowhere.

But now it's time to play a made-up game.

Yes, and we have a new jingle.

It's from Matt.

Hi, Matt.

Hello, my salacious silly sausages.

I often listen either when out for a longish run or when having a deep bath and find your great podcast works in both settings.

Big fan of the listeners' contributions too, and being interested in music, I love hearing the listeners' jingles.

So I thought I would try one.

Thank you, Matt.

If anyone wants to try a Made Up Games jingle, it's ellisandjohn at bbc.co.uk.

I'd originally intended to redo Driven by You by the great May.

Brian May.

Sir Brian May.

Yeah, Sir Brian May.

He's a sir.

But it doesn't sound much like it.

The chorus sounds a bit like ABBA, maybe.

See what you think.

So here we go.

Here is Matt's Made Up Games Jingle.

Just to have some fun consumes.

John's eyes are closed, or a list

has lost his mind with a train.

One day

One day

Are you ready to play?

Are you ready to play

another made up game?

Are you ready to play?

Are you ready to play?

Another made up game.

Made up, made up, made up, made up, made up game

Blimey.

Wow, a lot going on there.

It's got that 8-bit

which I don't think May would have allowed.

It doesn't sound like driven by you.

Because that's quite a famous guitar riff, isn't it?

Yeah.

So

it sounds to me like a...

But the key changes sound very driven by you.

A theme tune to a 90s

TV show, like a sort of game show, like Krypton Factor or something.

There's a sort of 8-bitty.

That's how they thought the future was going to be about 30 years ago feel to it.

And I thought it was very charming.

I thought it was great.

It sounded a bit like the Wombats, actually oh yeah um but it's good it's good stuff thank you matt a lot of effort gone into that i i really yeah i thought it was great our listeners for the amount of effort they put in

i actually applaud them every every tuesday since we started at 8 p.m

bang my pots and pans yeah and it's annoying oh yeah but it's necessary yes how else are they going to know how much i appreciate them that's very true it's very true scores on the doors after last week's whitewash ellis has an advantage advantage after deuce.

Oh, yeah.

We've been locked in deuce for a long time.

We have.

Two weeks.

Yeah, it's not actually that long.

It just feels long because it's

every week.

We do this.

Well, I mean, that's longer than any tennis player ever.

But if you win today, Ellis, you nick the game.

John is currently leading two love in games, one love in sets.

Good for you to get back

with this one Ellis.

This week's game is from Victoria.

In your recent episode, episode 469, you boys did a top draw riff on In Our Time

and speculated whether John could take over from the great Malvin Bragg.

Still waiting for the call.

Still waiting for the call.

You've got to be on the list.

I doubt I'm on the list.

You're on the list.

No, you're on the line.

Academics and newsreaders and that kind of vibe.

Well, you could modernize it.

I could do.

You know, this week on In Innovine, Our we're talking about Monster Munch.

Get Gen Z involved.

Well, it's it's quite an old crisp, no?

Monster Munch?

You've known since the 70s.

I don't know what you're getting from that.

It's just been a crisp, hasn't it?

Well, the flavours have changed.

Yeah.

I think they withdrew salt and vinegar.

They brought old flavours back.

Yeah.

Is flaming flaming hot too sugary?

Is it hot enough?

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

Yeah, I reckon.

Are we sure?

We might struggle to get an hour out of it.

I think we're done, aren't we?

Yeah, and the bonus content for the podcast is just us eating most of the time.

Yeah, speculating over whether John could take over from the great Malvin Bragg.

This prompted me to send you a made-up game that I had meant to send in ages ago.

It's called In Whose Time and works as follows.

Dave will pick an episode of the Great BBC Radio 4 staple in our time.

For those who don't know the show, author, broadcaster, and all-around clever clogs, Malvin Bragg, chairs a discussion about a certain topic with academics.

Dave will play you the introduction of an episode with the pertinent information bleeped out.

All you have to do is guess the topic Malvin is introducing.

Okay.

Good game I don't listen to in our time and John does.

I don't think you need to.

Okay.

But I think this is a really good idea for a game.

It's a great idea.

I have no idea how I'll do.

To focus it a little bit, because it's very broad in terms of the types of things, the types of themes and subjects Malvin talks about in our time cover.

We're going to stick with

people or objects in terms of what he's introducing.

Objects.

Yeah, things.

Touring Shroud, for instance, I suppose.

Yeah, okay.

Which is a bit of both.

Which is a bit of both.

It's a personal and an object.

To make the scoring exciting, the earlier you buzz in, the more points you win.

Now, this is a new format that we've never played before, which I'm excited about.

We've divided each introduction into three zones.

If you answer correctly in the first zone, you win three points.

Two in the second zone and one in the final zone.

Okay.

We've got zones.

We've never seen it.

Are we getting frozen out and naming and buzzers?

Well, this is another format tweak, John.

So, well, to signify the start of a zone, you'll hear this noise.

That's how you know you're moving through the zones.

Okay.

And rather than having you frozen out, because the freezing out obviously means you are selective.

Yeah.

Because that's where the jeopardy is.

For today, you have a maximum of three attempts at answering the question across the intro.

So you do have to be

three per topic.

Three per topic.

So nice.

You've got to be quite economic with how you guess.

You can't just be firing out.

Okay.

Guess after guest after guest.

John, John, John.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But do we have to use our name as our buzzers?

Can we not just use our voice as our answer?

I would like to use your names, please, John.

Okay.

Because it just gives us a second to stop the intro and then we'll get your answer.

First name.

James.

First name, please.

Five rounds in total.

Cool.

Most points at the end of the game wins.

Okay.

All right, then.

Michael, are you ready?

Because there's a bit of jiggery pokery from the audio perspective.

Think about your zones.

Think about your answers.

Round one.

Here we go.

Hello, in 1905,

then a technical expert at a Swiss patent office published four papers that would have changed the world of physics.

John!

John has buzzed in, and I would say that was just ahead of the next zone, so you're in zone three.

Albert Einstein.

Albert Einstein.

Hello, in 1905, Albert Einstein, then a technical expert at the Swiss patent office, published four papers.

That was good gameplay.

Good gameplay.

I could have...

I would have guessed that, but I was worried I was going to get frozen.

Not frozen out.

Well, you've used one of your three.

Yeah.

I wasn't brave enough.

John was brave oh you enjoying the zones i mean i'm just enjoying hearing melvin bragg say hello and welcome to another time yeah because it reminds me of driving back from gigs because i always listen to it on the way back from gigs oh do you yeah okay i probably listened to close on 500 hours of him saying stuff about albert einstein etc yeah nice that sounds nice I've listened to a lot of um podcasts on Isambard, Kingdom Brunel over the past

couple of weeks, yeah.

Are you do you join me?

Yeah, he's a fascinating man.

Absolutely.

John, you're 3-0 up.

Okay, because the zones work.

I was impressed with John's gameplay.

I can't be angry at that.

You can't be angry at that.

So I thought physicists

had three or four I would choose, and he got in there quick.

Right, okay.

I need to be better, dear.

No, hey, listen, listen.

We're all enjoying ourselves because the zones are working.

All right, here's introduction.

Number two.

Hello, the

is a book whose origins are uncertain, but which may have been composed as early as 2,000 years ago.

Written originally in Sanskrit, it's one of the most important works of India's golden age of literature.

It's a handbook to pleasure covering Ellis.

Ellis is in.

We're in zone two, I believe.

We are in zone two.

Can you believe it?

Ellis.

The Karma Sutra.

Let's see.

Hello, the Karma Sutra is a book.

Very good.

It sounds like he's swearing.

I think he was saying really bad words.

Two points to Ellis.

Great book.

Finished it.

Complete it, mate.

Completed it.

Skipped the introduction, though, didn't you?

Right.

Round

three and off we go.

Hello,

1804 to 1881 was a major figure in Victorian British politics, both as Prime Minister, twice, and for long periods as leader.

Ellis is innovative are we in zone three as well?

That's that's huge.

Zone three, Ellis Gladstone,

incorrect.

We continue.

I'm annoyed.

Ellis is back.

Disraeli.

Disraeli.

Let's see.

Hello, Benjamin Disraeli, 1804.

Yes.

Zone two.

I wasn't actually sure when I could.

I think I've sacrificed myself a point there by not quite understanding the zones, but yes, I'm in.

What do you understand about the zones?

I'm so used to being frozen out on a professional and personal level.

I was worried I was frozen out and then remembered that I wasn't.

You got three guesses.

Yes.

There's no freezing.

There's no freezing.

You've got to be selective with your guesses because you could run out of guesses, of course.

I've cost myself a point.

So is it 4-2?

4-3.

4-3 to Alice.

As we go into round 4, we reset the zones and off we go.

Hello,

was born in 1755 in Vienna, the 15th child of the Empress Maria Theresa and the Holy Roman Emperor, one of the most powerful rulers in Europe.

She was 13 when her mother married her off to the future King of France in the hope of making an ally of an old enemy.

She died on the guillotine in Paris in 1793 at the age of 37.

John's in, and we're in zone two.

John, Marie Antoinette.

What is the answer?

Hello, Marie Antoinette was born in 1755 in Vienna.

gameplay.

So, we go to the final round with John a point up.

This is Hughes.

Was he in zone two then?

He was in zone two because the zones work.

Are we ready for five?

He might be hearing quite a bit of the zones in future formats.

Okay.

Round five, it's all to play for.

Ellis, I think we need you to be a little bit daring here, I think, to be trying to nick this.

You need to be entering in zone three or two at the very least.

Hello,

wrote

at the height of the Second World War.

He struggled to find a publisher.

Stalin's Russia, our great ally at the time, was crucial in the battle against Hitler, and his attack on Stalinism was thought part of.

Ellis is in him.

We're in zone three.

We're in zone three.

Ellis.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn.

Incorrect.

We continue.

John.

John's in and we're still in zone three.

George Orwell.

What about it?

George Orwell's the lion and the unicorn.

Incorrect.

What?

We're back.

John.

Why?

John's back, and he's only on his second guess.

And what did we, what zone did we just add to Michael?

We're in zone two.

We're in zone two.

1984.

Incorrect.

You've only got one guess left.

We're in zone two, don't forget.

Publishers asked: Was Stalin presented as a pig?

And John.

John.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't know.

I think it was George.

I think it might have.

I think it might have been by a split.

Okay.

We can listen back.

Do you know what, Dave?

Yeah.

In the spirit of sportsmanship,

the hand that reaches across the pond, I'm going to offer Ellis the half.

Are you?

Yeah.

That's very, very kind.

Are you on ecstasy?

I'm Jack Nicholas.

Telling Tony Jacqueline you can have your pup.

What zone are we in, too?

We're in zone two.

George Orwell's Animal Farm.

Hello, George Orwell wrote Animal Farm at the height of the Second World War.

He struggled to find...

Do you understand what offering the half means?

No.

Means we get a point each and I win.

Oh, okay.

That's...

Okay, you're not on ecstasy.

I thought you were offering.

It's one of the greatest moments in the history of sport.

Yes.

Oh, so nothing changes.

Yeah.

No, nothing changes, but Ellis doesn't.

I don't win.

You don't, but you also don't lose.

But I don't lose.

But you do lose.

But i do lose

have i lost yes

but we got a point each in the final

point each and we both lost and both when and i mainly lost

i do i think when we listen back and we shall we shall i think john is a split i love that game though Yeah, it's a good game.

Can you do slow motion like VAR with sound?

Absolutely.

Slow motion audio.

How do you do it?

Well, I'll just

go to the audio.

Oh, really?

And we'll just stretch it out.

I would love to hear.

Can we drop that in now?

The VAR?

Yes, we can.

Oh, my God.

We've got...

Voice assistant referee.

Voice assistant referee.

Gone to VAR.

Gone to VAR.

And I must admit, I've got a problem with the VAR in football, but if this works in my favour, I love it in radio.

It's monstrous in football.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's drop it in.

Yes, thank you very much.

Welcome to Stockley Park.

VAR is in play, the voice assistant referee.

The infringement we're looking at here is between Ellis James and John Robbins, so if we could just get the audio up, please.

Publishers asked, was Stalin presented as a pig?

Justice!

Oh, I don't know!

Great stuff now if we could play the audio in real time.

Chalice!

Oh, I don't know!

Okay, great.

Now rewind that just so that we can get a closer ear on it.

Great, now forward.

Justice!

Okay, let's get a bit closer to this.

Can we rewind that, please?

And play in slow motion.

Okay, this is going to be a close call.

Let's add some lines.

Okay, it's a close call.

Okay, so we're now starting to see a slight difference.

Can we just rewind?

Sash!

And play.

Chice!

And rewind.

Serge.

And play in slow motion.

Okay, thank you.

Okay, we're ready to come to a decision.

Okay, after reviewing the audio, we can confirm that the name of John Robbins was said 87 milliseconds ahead of Ellis James.

That's 87 milliseconds, meaning John wins the round.

Back to you in the studio.

Lovely.

And that's a made-up game.

That was a good game, and I'd play it every week.

Well, is this

Matt?

No.

It was Victoria.

Well done, Victoria.

Well done, Victoria.

Matt was the jingle.

Matt was the jingle one.

And also, Victoria is one of my favourite Kinks songs.

Yes, yes, yes.

And we're back at juice.

Good.

We have a laugh, don't we?

Oh, we do.

Don't we ever?

Great made-up game.

Great made-up game.

Well, folks, as I catch my breath, Ellis is about to feel his heart rate go to zone one, Dave.

Yes, is zone one?

Zone one's high.

I think so.

I think it's the other way around.

Okay, zone five,

unless he doesn't care.

It's time to once again test the theory that Ellis James can connect to his fellow country people.

It's time to play the Cymru connection.

And then often he will just list a name or three.

Ignoring John's imploring think like us to

us to listeners all are hoping if he can elevate his strategy to nifty

he'll achieve the magic 50

Ellis broken

yes Ellis is on a roll.

Last week a connection to Caller Chris in Boston via the comedian Matthew Crosby meant Ellis secured his fourth hat-trick of the season.

After a recent poor run of form, it seems that he's back to his best and now only two connections stand in the way of the elusive 5-4, something that's never been done before in Cymru connecting history.

His stats are looking brighter too and he's edging closer to the elusive 50%.

He's found a connection to 27 of our 58 callers, putting his rate at 47%.

He has three in a row.

Let's see if he can make it four.

We have a caller on the line from Wales.

Hello.

Hello.

You have 60 seconds on the clock.

The next voice you hear will be that of Ellis James.

Let's play the Cymru Connection now.

Age and school?

Ah,

I'm 48.

Which school did you go to?

Go Silent College, Swansea.

Okay, which part of Swansea did you grow up in?

Treboth.

Treboth?

48.

Kelly Harris and Tracy Harris?

No.

Come.

Everyone knows them.

Treboth.

Okay,

Alan Curtis, the footballer.

No.

His son Ian.

No.

John, who sells Welsh cakes in Swansea Market.

No.

Okay, um.

What which secondary school did you go to?

Menupoh, Compromise.

Do you know.

Um.

Could I be.

Uh, oh, what's his name who works at the Swansea Grant?

Did you ever do youth theatre?

Yeah.

Okay, do you know Nadia Kamalo, Lloyd Langford?

No, I don't know.

Which university did you go to if you went?

Rada.

Rada?

Oh, it's time.

Treboth.

I'm finding that difficult to believe.

I fear a little bit of Rada crept into the Cymru connection.

I find the not knowing Kelly and Tracy very difficult to believe if she's from

Treboth.

I wonder if we might head to the

Sun Lounger with without our acting training

okay so you went to rada yeah

good grease so are you still acting yeah

i think there's a little um

a little change would be not very much voiceover work

do a bit of voiceover every now and then a bit of voiceover every now and then

okay

an act so an actress in Swansea who's 47 went to Rada.

I'm 48.

48, sorry, 48, 48, 48.

Well, I'm I can only think of actors from Swansea.

Well, there's Stefan Rodri, who was in Cavanese, but he's older, and he's not from Tripoli.

I know, I'm a lot younger than Stefan.

But do you know?

He's a lot older than me.

But do you know Stefan?

I'm trying to think of Swansea.

I've spent some time with stefan yes also that that counts yeah yeah yeah that's it because i i i went to i i've i bumped into him in the street on saturday and i went to watch the swans play uh qpr well i saw him at the swans qpr game last season um how do you know stefan kohler

well uh i've known him in my time in uh in wales Right,

been quite intimate with him sometimes.

Right.

Well, I've done it.

You've done it.

And it's a Sun Lounger connection, so it doesn't count.

It doesn't count on the stats, I'm afraid.

Well, Swansea actors or actresses would be in their 40s and 50s.

I mean, I'm assuming that if this was your real voice, Rada would have tried to knock it out of you.

Knowing what I know about

English drama schools.

Rada did try to knock it out of you.

I can't say that this is not my real voice.

Right.

It's been a lot of my training.

Would you like my real voice?

Yes, please.

Oh, hello.

This is my real voice.

Oh,

is that Joanna Page?

Yes, it is.

Yay!

Very good.

What a roller coaster.

Yeah.

That was sex.

Wow.

Was I supposed to do my real voice or disguise it?

I thought it would be too easy with my real voice.

Well, I think

I would have recognised your real voice instantly,

which then would have made it a very easy connection because obviously I know Ruth and I know Rob and I know Rob's brother very well, so I would have been able to get there quite quickly.

I'm absolutely astonished you don't know Kelly and Tracy.

No, I don't, I don't know them at all.

I was, I grew up in Traborth and I lived there till I was 14.

Then I moved down the Mumblers to my auntie Iris's house.

Ah, now then, interesting.

Do you know Catherine Zeta Jones's dad?

Die Holly?

Oh, yes, I don't personally know him, but he knows my dad.

Yes, yes, yeah.

I had him pointed out to me in a cafe.

I was in Hazel Johnson's dance school though with Catherine Zeta Jones.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That's incredible.

Because

so do you have any?

Because so Ellis didn't plow the youth theatre furrow.

Do you have any connections?

When you said youth theatre, I was thinking because I was in West Glam Youth Theatre.

Yes, so was Lloyd and so was Nadia and so was Michael Sheen.

But Michael's obviously.

Oh yeah, Michael Sheen was a lot before me.

And yeah, I don't know the other ones.

I can't remember what I went to Rada in 1995.

So I was in Youth Theatre up until 1995.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I know quite a few people who did it.

There's um

he now writes sitcoms, but he was in a sketch group called uh

cowards with Tim Key

called uh Lloyd Wolfe was his stage name, but Lloyd Thomas is his real name.

He did West Clan New Theatre as well.

He's he's very successful sitcom right now.

Do you know Shoan Morris?

Yes, I do know Shuan Morris.

I was there at exactly the same time as Shoan.

Oh, were you?

Yes, yeah.

Tom Thomas.

This is good stuff, and I've done it.

I'm amazed you don't know Kelly, and I'm amazed you don't know Janice as well.

She cakes in Swansea Market because she's a great anecdotalist.

Well, thank you for coming on the show, Joanna.

Oh, my God, it's a pleasure.

I'm really quite nervous then.

Yeah, I felt like it's spy or something.

It does make people nervous, this feature.

I'd be told that.

It's very tense.

Well, indeed, I'm sure, Ellis, you would find an awful lot of Cymru connections in Joanna's new memoir, Lush, My Story from Swansea to Stacey, and everything in between.

How many connections do you think Ellis might find along that journey?

Oh my God, absolutely loads.

Like you theatre, Traborth, obviously, he's got connections there.

Down the members, I mean, you know, then as soon as you get into like, yeah, West Blam and everything, and then as soon as you hit Gavin and Stacey, I mean, my God, he's got the lot.

Didn't Rob Bryden's parents tell you off for swearing?

Yes, they did.

Why not?

That is probably my lowest moment in comedy.

Oh, no.

They are

such nice people, which makes it worse,

which made it so much worse.

And they reminded me of my grandparents, really.

Yeah.

Because they're just really polite, nice Welsh parents.

Just classic Welsh parents.

And I did a gig in Aberdeer at the Colosseum Theatre.

And Joanna, Cars on the Table, I had quite a blue opening.

And backstage.

I think it was, his mother came up to me and said, we enjoyed the set Ellis, but that's I'd made a joke about Carmarthen

that had a blue punchline.

And she said, We love the set, Ellis, well done, but that's not the Carmarthen I know.

And I went, oh my God.

And I initially thought she was joking and laughed.

Yeah.

And then realized that she wishes I, because Rob doesn't swear at all in his act.

Yeah.

Yes.

And I think looking back,

I was very new when I spoke to Rob.

I should really

have done a bit of a gear change and taken that into account, but I was too naive.

So it was a learning lesson it was a learning lesson yes at least you learned something that's

since seen his mum and dad and they've actually apologized to me have they shouldn't have showed how nice they are they're such nice people um so when does when does the book come out oh my book's out now and it's all about yeah um it's out now and it's all about my gosh growing up in swansea and then you know all of my life with my parents and west glam going all the way through then to rada coming out being an actress working in the early 2000s yeah and the ups and the downs, and all sorts.

And then, you know, getting into Gavin and Stacey and my life has taken me on after that.

Of course, yeah.

Well, that will be a must-read for any Cymru Connection super fan.

And I'm guessing, I'm guessing also Gavin and Stacy fans.

There's two really meaty chapters in there about Gavin.

Oh, lovely.

Yeah.

Oh, well, thank you so much for joining us, Joanna.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

Lovely stuff.

Thank you, Joanna.

Joanna Page, there, whose memoir, Lush, My Story from Swansea to Stacey and Everything in Between, is out now.

Well, there we go.

How's that affecting the stats?

Because these celebrity Cymru connections are always tricky, Dave.

I think they should be like Christmas specials.

The tricky thing is, because I guess that she was putting on a voice.

So then it's quite disorientating because you don't know which

know which avenues to chase.

I think Ellis should still be on his run.

I think so.

But it doesn't, so it doesn't.

I think maybe it goes down.

How would this work?

And that's the thing.

Statisticians.

It goes down as a loss, but he's still on streak for getting four in a row next week.

Or maybe it's just a...

It's like a friendly.

Yeah, it's a exhibition match.

It's a pre-season friendly.

You've gone to America on a short tour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In the summer.

Yeah, yeah.

Man City have played AC Milan in the Rose Bowl.

And it's 100-degree hit.

I think we keep you run.

I think that's a nice, that's a fair thing to do.

As much as it was lovely, how did you know?

How am I being fair today, Dave?

Yeah, weird, isn't it?

Well, kind of.

Because I'm ill.

But you also did still win the made-up game.

But I offered him the half, Dave.

Knowing you would still win the made-up game.

Yeah, but

I sent you so many videos about the Ryder Cup.

Fun.

There we go.

And what a wonderful show.

What a wonderful thing.

What a wonderful team.

And well, may I say, Adrian, I think you've been a real brave little trooper as well.

Oh, he is.

That is kind.

Because you aren't well.

I'm not well.

I've got my yearly cold.

Yeah.

But somehow I manage.

You do, actually.

Yeah.

He's a tough guy.

He's a trooper, isn't he?

He's a curry-stained t-shirt.

That he wears in bed, which is going to look great on the socials.

I look like I've just come off of sort of my porch in America.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Eating hot dogs.

Shooting cans with a rifle.

Lucky.

You know what you need to get on that?

What?

A little bit of fairy liquid.

Oh, that's a good point, actually, because I've always used that for showering.

Bye-bye.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

The Traitors is back, and this time with celebrities.

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