#489 - Robins’ Nest, Introducing Doubt and The Zeitgeest

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Speaker 2 Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Ellis James and John Robbins Show or as a lot of people at the BBC are calling it, the Zeitgeistauer.

Speaker 2 Did you name that Dave? No. A lot of people are calling it that.

Speaker 2 Name three people. Stephen

Speaker 2 Redgrave. Redgrave.
Yeah. Yeah.
Terence Trent Darby. Yeah.
And Amanda. And Stephen Seed.
And Amanda Holden. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Amanda Holden's on commercial radio. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 But she walks into the BBC, says Ellis and John is the Zeitgeistau, and then walks out.

Speaker 2 But as she's walking out, she says, We're copying them.

Speaker 2 Do with that as you will. Yeah, interesting.
But she has to say it in the foyer because she doesn't have a pass. So she can't get into the live news area.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but the revolving doors sometimes leave a bit of air, so you can kind of shout through. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big time.

Speaker 2 They'll hear it in the back of the 10 o'clock news. Oh, yeah, yeah.
The bowels of influence know that we are the zeitgeistauer, Div. Why? What? Why?

Speaker 2 Because we're very modern, we set trends, we inspire people, and we're on board with the latest tech. Are you on TikTok? What? Are you on TikTok? I would be if I wasn't part of the Zeitgeist.

Speaker 2 I got you. Because

Speaker 2 I'm living beyond TikTok. Are you? I got told yesterday by a young person that...

Speaker 2 Instagram is what was hot on TikTok three months ago.

Speaker 2 Oh, interesting. Yeah.
And I am on Instagram. I'm not on TikTok, so I'm up to the latest trends of July on TikTok.

Speaker 2 Well, I watched a very interesting discussion.

Speaker 2 I watched a very interesting discussion between Richard Osman and Marina Hyde about who will be the next presenters of Strictly Come Down to. Yeah, who is that going to be?

Speaker 2 Well, it's you and me, isn't it? Oh, of course, yeah, yeah. Because we've proved ourselves in a live setting.
Yes, true. I've got, I think, 80,000 followers on Instagram, which is huge.

Speaker 2 I'd be 74 or 75-ish. So that's probably more.
Cumulatively. Yeah, that's pretty good.
And they talked about someone who they thought was a good shout because

Speaker 2 he had a big TikTok following. And I'd not heard of him.

Speaker 2 That's how involved I am in the zeitgeist. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So who is in with the...

Speaker 2 I think his name's George Clarke. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Clarky. But not the George Clarke I know who makes amazing homes.
George Clark's a lovely lad, actually. Is he? Yeah, he's been a guest on a couple of Audio Always's podcasts in the past.

Speaker 2 Has he really? Yeah. So who else is in the mix? You and me.
You and me. George Clarke.

Speaker 2 Adrian. Okay.

Speaker 2 Angela Ripon. Of course.
Yeah, yeah. And Gloria Honeyford.

Speaker 2 George Clark is on this current series. Of.

Speaker 2 Strictly Come Dancing. Yes.
But presumably a lot of Strictly Come Dancing. Bradley and Barney Walsh are in with a a shout from Gladiators.
Yes. Wolf.

Speaker 2 Wolf from Gladiators, who mustn't be in his 70s now. Rogue choice Edmonds.

Speaker 2 Yes. Right.
Who would actually do a job?

Speaker 2 He's the elephant in the room of the zeitgeist. Is it time to bring Liz Truss back? Truss and Kwateng.

Speaker 2 Could this be the thing? Dave, what would you do if Ellis and I got poached for Strictly?

Speaker 2 Poached? That's interesting. But it's it's a big time commitment, so we wouldn't be able to do this.
No, you wouldn't. Yeah, you would.
No, I wouldn't.

Speaker 2 Because I would be on a million billion squirrel pounds a year. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 If you got poached for strictly,

Speaker 2 it is a flight of fancy, isn't it? It's tricky to kind of

Speaker 2 care. Thanks, Steve.
Oh, come on. Can you see him saying, keep dancing every Saturday night for nine weeks? When Bruce was presenting it, he would dance.
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's what we need to get out of John. John could,

Speaker 2 we could put John on a treadmill because obviously he's a runner. So he could present and run at the same time because he's preparing for the Marshall.
Keep running. Keep running.

Speaker 2 I'd say well done, John. Thank you.
Well done for finally getting that big break that I know you've been desperate for for so long.

Speaker 2 We'll get ready to say well done if and when it or when it happens. I can say no more Dave.
Okay. I can say no more.

Speaker 2 Ask you no questions, you tell me no lie. Let's just say the silence from the BBC is very interesting.
You could, instead of it being the claudatorium, it could be like the Robins Symposium. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the Claudatorium? We're seeing interviews, the dancers. Oh, okay.
Oh, nice. Yeah.
See Alice is on it. It could be Robins' nest.
Robins' nest. And it's in a big nest.

Speaker 2 Yes, okay, that's made of wicker. Yeah, that would be cool.
And they fly up there with wires attached to their back. And the eggs are questions that I want to ask, which hatch during the interview.

Speaker 2 And what's my role in all of this?

Speaker 2 Well, you know, I'm doing that, and you're, I don't know, what does Tess Daly do? Well, Tess Daily's in and around. And Tess Daly is not in and around.

Speaker 2 No, they have two very separate jobs. That's what they were talking about on the rest is entertainment.
Do they? Yeah, they're very rarely actually together. That's

Speaker 2 true.

Speaker 2 Yes. I'm trying to think, because my kids loves Trickley, but she's often with them when they've just done the dance.
Yeah. Very true.

Speaker 2 So I would be that, I would be arm around the shoulder of joe marla saying well done mate yeah and then obviously we're going to the judges for the uh ones at the top in the balcony ones at the bottom on the floor yeah exactly

Speaker 2 but very different jobs in terms of live tv yeah which is one of the hardest skills in entertainment which ellis and i are born to do i cannot think of anything worse than dancing in front of the nation

Speaker 2 If that's not a come get me plea. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 I do not know what is. You'll be the Anne Whitticomb of the next series.
Yeah. Although Josh loved every single second of it.
Did he dress as a penguin? He did the tour, I think. Did he?

Speaker 2 And he, he, it's like the best, it's like the best thing he's ever done in his career.

Speaker 2 He absolutely loved it.

Speaker 2 But Josh was probably saying, you know, six to 12 months ahead of doing that, you would never catch me on a dancing program. And then he's done it.
He says he's loved it. I believe him.

Speaker 2 So I think you two could do it because that's the whole point. It's getting people to do it that weren't keen or didn't know how to or hated dancing in the first place, and then they get the bug.

Speaker 2 And then, of course, the strictly cursed John. Maybe you could get involved in the strictly curse.
What's that? Come on, come on, mate. The strictly curse.
Strictly curse.

Speaker 2 It's got you written all over it. Break your ankles.
No.

Speaker 2 It's when you end up getting off with one of the dancers and you cheat on your wife for us, but it's

Speaker 2 it happens all the time. Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's the strictly cursed John. Oh, yes.

Speaker 2 It's why I'm not allowed to go on it because Izzy thinks I'm too sexy.

Speaker 2 But there are are also, am I right in thinking there are people who have fallen under the strictly curse and it's not actually public knowledge? Oh, probably. Of course, that was.

Speaker 2 I imagine there's a few that have.

Speaker 2 But I think your bodies are rubbing up against each other for eight hours a day, five days a week. Yeah, and Anna brings this up every single time we watch it.
She goes, well, it's no surprise.

Speaker 2 Look at them all rubbing against each other. There's so much rubbing on it.

Speaker 2 And the wives and the crowd are going, well, she's like, well done. I love it.
I'm so proud of you. Nice one.
You get yourself. Nice one, please.

Speaker 2 I'm guessing a lot of changing costumes on the fly, all of the corners of rooms. Absolutely.
But I'm like, Dave, look away, Dave. Yeah, don't look at my bum, Dave.

Speaker 2 But I've specifically angled the mirror so when you turn around,

Speaker 2 you get a glimpse of the fly.

Speaker 2 But I think if you, I mean...

Speaker 2 I reckon you could be the nation's sweetheart if you were on

Speaker 2 if you're in a long-term relationship and suddenly you're with someone in very intense intense circumstances for eight weeks. Intimate rubbing.
It's inevitable that the question raises its head.

Speaker 2 So, what I would do,

Speaker 2 day one, I arrive, all the dancers, I gather them in the room, and I just say, look, let's get off with each other now, all of us, with an intimacy coordinator. Yeah, good.

Speaker 2 To make sure it's loving and tender, respectful, and then just concentrate on bloody dances. Yeah, and then we'll all go for a cook breakfast.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And then we'll concentrate on

Speaker 2 Put that water on the boil, get the bacon on. We'll cook the breakfast while we're getting off with each other so that we've got something to look forward to.
We know there's an end point.

Speaker 2 And once we're full, we won't want to get off with each other anymore. Yeah.
We'll snog for the amount of time it takes to fry an egg. Yes.

Speaker 2 Or boil an egg. So four minutes for runny, six minutes for semi-firm, eight minutes for hard.

Speaker 2 And then we'll get the eggs on. And it's

Speaker 2 Yeah. How much reckon you're getting for Strictly?

Speaker 2 Me,

Speaker 2 I'm not the world's best negotiator. No,

Speaker 2 whatever the first offer is. Okay.

Speaker 2 Do you want to do Strictly? Yeah. Great.

Speaker 2 Look, good. How much is it? We'll cover your expenses.
Yeah, well, 100 quid. All right, yeah, fine.
Good. I can't wait to do Strictly, actually.
God, I'm busy.

Speaker 2 Think we could get with 100 quid. Yeah, 150 quid.
I mean, loads of stuff. I'm not sure I could cope with the extreme fame of being the presenter of BBC One's flagship entertainment show.

Speaker 2 I would be such a wild call.

Speaker 2 I don't think I'm in the top thousand.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. No list.
No, no, no, no. I mean, that's absolutely fine, by the way.
I'm not upset at that. There would be members of the public ahead of us.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there'd be some lollipop lady who's won a Pride of Britain award.

Speaker 2 She is ahead of me on the list. But she's enthusiastic.

Speaker 2 She loves dancing. She's willing to dress up on the show.

Speaker 2 The amount of stuff I wouldn't be, I'd refuse to do. No, you wouldn't, though.
You'd do it all. It'd be great.

Speaker 2 I think you could probably...

Speaker 2 I think you could both be on it.

Speaker 2 I think we need to put to bed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we need to put to bed the thought of you hosting it. But you could both, I think, do

Speaker 2 Shoot for the Moon dip. Because you can be rubbish on it.
That's the thing. You're able to

Speaker 2 cry because I found it so difficult. I would hate myself so so much.
I'd feel so embarrassed. I worry that you get injured early doors, but try and push through.

Speaker 2 I've not been injured once in my running journey. That's fantastic.
Well done. I've never been injured at CrossFit.
That's good.

Speaker 2 You've got to give the old body its due. It only fails when I pay a private surgeon to interact with it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Specifically, your anus.

Speaker 2 But in terms of leaving it to yourself. He didn't say operate and not interact.

Speaker 2 It did. It was interacting.
It wasn't interacting.

Speaker 2 It was the most personal interaction of my entire life. I know, but interacting.
Like had 20 girlfriends.

Speaker 2 Goodness. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That was a year ago. Touchword.
Was it? Oh, God.

Speaker 2 That was Halloween. Do you remember? It was called Suki Bumped.
Sukibum procedure. She's now

Speaker 2 fine. Good.
So it's worth it.

Speaker 2 I'll stick a pin in that.

Speaker 2 Please don't stick a pin in that.

Speaker 2 Probably would have done a better job.

Speaker 2 No, the job is finished, complete. We are here with our great bums.
On Zeitgeist. Yes, Dave.
And not to.

Speaker 2 Oh, I feel this ship has sailed. And not to come across as too old and out of touch.

Speaker 2 It's more of a question for Ellis, but John, do feel free to chip in. A question about the Zeitgeist directed at Ellis.
Yeah. Okay, interesting take.
Youth Zeitgeist.

Speaker 2 If I said to you,

Speaker 2 the two numbers. 6-7.

Speaker 2 What the heck is 6-7?

Speaker 2 I had to go and pick my kids up from a school disco last night. 6'7, Dave.
They will have 6'7 drawn on their faces. 6'7.

Speaker 2 200 kids in the hallroom were just shouting 6'7. My daughter heard my son say that.
She went, Who taught you that? That's a year six thing, not year two.

Speaker 2 You're in year two. You're not allowed to say it.
Really? So there's a club. Okay, so obviously I know what you're talking about, but I think it's time to bring in the listeners.
Yeah, well.

Speaker 2 So why don't you tell them then? Because I'd like to hear different takes, because I'm tired of my own take on 6-7. You're always thinking good about it, aren't you?

Speaker 2 Well, I've seen a Limmy video of it. Really?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Thing is, if you ask any kid what 6-7 means, none of them know. But also, they get very angry that you've asked.

Speaker 2 Yeah. They get really wound up and they're like, it's not for adults.
You can't say it.

Speaker 2 But I'm trying to think about what the comparison was when we were kids, because when phrases came up, WhatsApp, for instance. I mean, I was in my 20s then, Div.
No, so that was.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Were you? Well, that's halfway through.
No, that wasn't 20s.

Speaker 2 I'm a bit older than you, obviously. I think it wasn't 20s.
It was college thousands. No.
Okay, because that was referenced in The Office, and The Office came out in 2001 and it was dated then.

Speaker 2 So immediately, you know that WhatsApp is WhatsApp. Yeah, but that was on tele, on mainstream tele.
Yeah, without the internet and without streaming. 1999 to 2002, it was.
So I was in my twenties.

Speaker 2 The first spot here doing Monday Night Football on 20th of December 1999. So it probably wasn't.
So 15 million people might have seen that. Well, Monday Night Football

Speaker 2 is an American programme. It's the NFL.
So it'll be more than that. But I don't know when it came on British telly.
But yeah. But you would have been in secondary school.

Speaker 2 I was in

Speaker 2 university. But this seems to have no meaning, and yet it's everywhere.
Isn't it to do with the height of a basketball player who's six foot seven? I don't think.

Speaker 2 It was actually a piece about this in one of the broadsheets, and I sort of skimmed it because I've heard my kids say it.

Speaker 2 But it wasn't actually possible when we were young to have

Speaker 2 some form of like secret from adults that came to you via

Speaker 2 tele, really.

Speaker 2 They were all in on it. You could concoct them in the playground, and I'm sure there were like hundreds of those.
Yeah. But they were all kind of little

Speaker 2 traps you would set to your friends, like jokes, according to Wikipedia, it has no fixed meaning.

Speaker 2 The phrase originated from the song Doot Doot 67 by Skriller, which became popular in video edits featuring professional basketball players, especially Lamello Ball, who is six foot seven.

Speaker 2 But the kids say it, and I don't even know what they're getting out of it. I just hear it being said.

Speaker 2 They seem to be enjoying themselves. It will go as well in about two weeks' time.
No one will say it ever again. No.
And then it'll be a BuzzFeed article in 2045. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, BuzzFeed for the Zargota reference.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Whatever has replaced BuzzFeed in the future.

Speaker 2 Yep, the Zeitgeist is here.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Is BuzzFeed still going? It'll still be going, but you don't see it pop, ironically, you don't see it popping up on your feed anymore.

Speaker 2 because there is no buzz for it yeah it's still there though um ellis on to our correspondence yeah um a message from roland pronounced roland

Speaker 2 it's just the silent e makes you assume it's roland well i'm still going to refer to him as roland okay but i'm going to call him roland pronounced roland dear ellis i just wanted to reach out and say i'm sorry i'll admit it my last week's email was cutting sharper than intended a verbal beat down when a gentle hand on the shoulder would have sufficed.

Speaker 2 I was a little harsh, Ellis, and I didn't mean to wound you in the way that I so evidently did. They actually sent me a DM on Instagram to apologise.
And I replied with a graphic meme.

Speaker 2 Now, far from being your enemy, I'm a fan. I'm a fan of yours and a fan of the show.

Speaker 2 I admire you, as indeed I admire John, because whilst you keep trying, and that in itself is admirable, John, well, John wins.

Speaker 2 He's a born winner. He strategises, he plans, he executes.
I'm coming round to Roland, pronounced Roland. He doesn't just play the game, he rewrites the rule book.

Speaker 2 He laminates it and files it alphabetically under success. John is a man who wins not through luck or bluster, but through sheer mental agility.
What is this? He wins with his mind.

Speaker 2 John, I don't like this. John's written this.
And that's the best way to win, Ellis. Because anyone can win 40% of the time by naming random Welshmen, but winning with intellect, that's rarefied air.

Speaker 2 That's awesome. But Ellis, please don't read this as patronising.

Speaker 2 Hold on, let me start by apologising to Ellis because it doesn't sound like much of an apology. You have value.

Speaker 2 Real, tangible, measurable value. You may not be the finest Cymru connector this great nation has ever produced.
Far from it. He is.
But you are, by most statistical measures, probably slightly above.

Speaker 2 average. I take that.
And that's something to be very proud of at your age. Most people, Ellis, are average, but you, you stand a touch above them.

Speaker 2 A proud daffodil in a field of slightly shorter daffodils. So please, don't let my previous email haunt you.
Don't let it nibble at your confidence like a rat at a bag of hula hoops.

Speaker 2 Take it instead as a mark of respect that I care enough to critique and that I see enough potential to prod. With sincere regards, Roland pronounced Roland.

Speaker 2 It's very well written. It's a very good email, actually, I thought.
Do you know what he's done there? What? He's done exactly the same thing as the first email.

Speaker 2 He's absolutely stupid. stewarding.

Speaker 2 And the ref hasn't seen it. The ref hasn't seen it.

Speaker 2 He's done it off the ball. The PAR haven't even spotted it.
They've not even called it back. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's a small section of the crowd in one stand are going absolutely crazy. Who are in line with the officers?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, no. That's a shame.
Roland should be in jail

Speaker 2 for crimes.

Speaker 2 cruelty crimes. Subtle crimes.
Subtle cruel

Speaker 2 crimes in favour of cruelty. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, well, this is from Anna.

Speaker 2 Dear all, I was going to respond to your initial analysis of my email, specifically talking down several of John's incorrect statements, smiley face.

Speaker 2 However, I'm glad I listened to the next podcast to hear the mathematicians emailing in to, as Dave says, essentially back me up. This is to do with Anna's email about my company connecting stats.

Speaker 2 Despite the fact John seemed to accept many of their assumptions without turning into them as he did to mine, even though one of them was the 600 figure that Ahmed also used.

Speaker 2 611, actually. Dave was spot on.
I wanted to try and write something where the maths could be followed rather than sending you a small thesis, but I love that other people did this.

Speaker 2 You see, Anna, and I said this at the time, is a maths teacher with a drama teacher's vibe. Yeah.
She wants to include everyone. Everyone gets a role in the cast if they want.

Speaker 2 Yeah, regardless of whether they want to be actors or can act.

Speaker 2 This is not about the play being good or correct. If you.
No, it is about the play being good, John. No, no, no, but she's including everyone.

Speaker 2 If you want to be in the background of Willie Russell's Our Day Out, you can do it.

Speaker 2 The best thing about plays. It's a play that my school, it's a quite famous Willie Russell play.
Okay.

Speaker 2 My school did a production of it when I was young. Everyone got a role.
Zeitgeist. What? He's quite a famous.
He's quite a famous playwright, Willie Russell. Alice is cultured.
I'm not doubting that.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. So there we go.
You're Shirley Valentine. Pauline Collins.
O-R-I-P. Pauling Collins died this week, I think.
It's my mother's favourite reference. I've never heard about it yesterday.

Speaker 2 I mean, the guy. Sorry,

Speaker 2 I'm not.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying it's not a famous playwright. Yeah.
So there you go. That's fine.
I'm sure there'll be lots of schools doing productions of it.

Speaker 2 It's about a load of disadvantaged kids from Liverpool having a day out.

Speaker 2 Stop smirking at me while I'm smirking. I just think.

Speaker 2 You know, we're really on the cultural nub. Well, do you know what? From 6'7 to Willie Russell.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Via West Side Story.

Speaker 2 Everyone gets a role.

Speaker 2 He's smoking again.

Speaker 2 You need to back yourself and understand that on this occasion, you know something that John doesn't. And it's fine.

Speaker 2 Hope you get some even longer maths to read through. And FYI, the Poisson distribution, was named after a French mathematician, Simon Poisson.
Love the podcast. God, John doesn't hate me.

Speaker 2 His responses made me spit water up with laughter in a public place. Smiley face.
Keep up the great work, Anna. I was always Team Anna.
I was always team Anna. She's magnanimous there.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't like that. Sure, if she is the drama teacher, her play is open to interpretation.
No, she's not a drama teacher. No, I know.
She's a maths teacher with a drama teacher's vice.

Speaker 2 She's got a scarf on, dude.

Speaker 2 God's sake.

Speaker 2 Okay, good. Thank you, Anna.

Speaker 2 We will have another Cum Reconnection in Tuesday's episode, of course. We've had a nice email about new music from Johnny Jayr, another Johnny Jayr, Johnny Jayr Rudkin.
And Johnny says, Hi, all.

Speaker 2 I wanted to say to you that I'm really impressed you're keeping up with new music because we're in the Zeitgeist, or should we say the Zeitgeist?

Speaker 2 When I signed up to a music streaming service in 2016, about the year after I first tasted Your Vibe, I found a feature that used my algorithm at the time, a strange new concept, to find music I might like.

Speaker 2 I made an effort to listen to it every week without fail and put my favourites onto a playlist.

Speaker 2 Kind of like Elton John having the top 40 delivered to his house every week, but easier to fit around a full-time job, family, and modest house. Elton John does do that.
Yeah, yeah. There's what?

Speaker 2 He has the top 40 delivered to his house every week on vinyl.

Speaker 2 Or if it's available on vinyl. I wonder if he still does that.
Yeah, he does.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. Does he? Yeah.
I mean, I'm aware that he's got a superb reputation on keeping up with new music. I think

Speaker 2 he's a huge Sam Fender apologist and was one of the first. He is.
There he is. Is he? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I accept this has possibly narrowed my horizons in terms of genre, and I tried to keep them on board with other things.

Speaker 2 But the point is, I absolutely love loads of bands, mostly new and current, that in years gone by would have completely missed me.

Speaker 2 I've been introduced to and fallen in love with the following artists among hundreds more using this method.

Speaker 2 Social Contract, Sydney Gish, Peach Pit, The Amazons, Night Sweats, Youth Killed It, The Mysterines, Blondeshell, who's on Partisan Records, which is Geese's record lately.

Speaker 2 Deaf Heaven,

Speaker 2 Geordie Greep. I mean, I know all of these bands because I'm young.

Speaker 2 Wonder Horse, Courtney Barnett, Turnstile,

Speaker 2 Lucy Dacas, and Fontaine's Delta Charlie. Oh, Fontaine's Delta Charlie are a good band.
Seen them a couple of times.

Speaker 2 I tried my hardest to go and see as many of these as possible, but some were only briefly active, and I would never have them in my life without going out of my way to seek new music

Speaker 2 even as I approach my 40s.

Speaker 2 It has led to me setting up a music club and making friends, forming a band and playing a concert to my three adoring kids and basically no one else, who now all want to learn to play instruments themselves.

Speaker 2 You shouldn't be embarrassed about seeking new music.

Speaker 2 It's easy to let our passions fall away as we get older and take on responsibilities, but I'm really pleased you love geese and are seeking out younger bands. I'm sure they appreciate your support.

Speaker 2 I don't know whether they've noticed it, but my algorithm has finally caught up. And I would say I get four new geese live videos every day.
Oh, that's nice.

Speaker 2 I've long campaigned for you two, three, even four, if Vin can somehow come back

Speaker 2 to bring back the Keep It Session sessions. I always found a lot of great music through your recommendations, too.
Thanks, Dioch to Wall, Johnny J.R. Rudkin.
Thanks, Johnny J.R.

Speaker 2 That made me feel young and relevant.

Speaker 2 I love Courtney Barnett. She's absolutely brilliant.
I'd like to have a pint with Courtney Barnett, actually. Courtney Barnett's fantastic.

Speaker 2 There was another one in there that I really like. Turnstile.
Turnstile are great.

Speaker 2 Bond Shell's fantastic. Really? Yeah, I think you get a lot out of that.

Speaker 2 This made me extremely happy.

Speaker 2 My courageous cosmonauts of content who slipped the surly bonds of five to touch the face of pod.

Speaker 2 Oh, lovely. We've slipped the surly bonds of five.
We're still very much a part of five.

Speaker 2 Big time. We've slipped their bonds, Dave, massively.
What does that mean? I can say s.

Speaker 2 And that. Well, you can't because you know what will have just happened to that.

Speaker 2 I heard you say it. Yeah, I know.
No one else heard you say it. If I'd have said that on the radio.
If a John swears in the studio, does he swear at all? Because it'll just get bleeped.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's still there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I suppose so. Go on.
Alice, sorry, carry on. Listening to John and Dave measuring Ellis's proportions this morning.
Oh, yeah, we have slipped this.

Speaker 2 An image came into my mind I had to dispel by drawing it. I'm a cartoonist these days, mostly for the Guardian and the Morning Star, previously all over the shop.

Speaker 2 This is an occupational hazard for cartoonists, which is probably familiar to comedians.

Speaker 2 The joke or drawing, you don't make at the time, which festers inside you until it starts to obsess and then drive you mad.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I immediately thought of Leonardo's Vitruvian Man, his famous image of the perfect proportions of the human body, and had to get my riff on to get it out of my mind's eye and onto a piece of of paper before it seriously endangered my mental health.

Speaker 2 It's not great radio, I concede, but I thought you'd like to see it. I've attached the Leonardo original for reference.
Thanks for three doses, a week of fantastic comment.

Speaker 2 Very best wishes and keep at it.

Speaker 2 Martin Rosen, I once met Izzy very briefly in the kitchen in the Millennium Hall during the Lan weekend, which is a literary festival a couple of years ago, when Robin Ince, her co-star for the gate, was eating the props I was going to use in my set,

Speaker 2 where I depicted the last nine British prime ministers live on stage in different types of food. So busy.

Speaker 2 And he's drawn me. Oh my god.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've got it here. It's fantastic.
We're going to have to put that on the colour, Dave. Yeah, the Vitruvian Ellis.

Speaker 2 The Vitruvian Ellis makes about three-fifths of the way up the circle. I've got to say, a couple of very classy touches there.
Firstly, referring to Leonardo da Vinci as Leonardo. Very classy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because da Vinci, Dave, means of Vinci.

Speaker 2 Which is not not his certainty. No, that's.
Is it not? No, he was Leonardo Davis.

Speaker 2 And Ellis, and he knew the same people that ran that petrol station in the 80s that Ellis knows.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's Leonardo of Vinci. I never knew.
Calling him Da Vinci is like... Dave of Stockport.
It's like, well, it's like calling you of Stockport. Dave of Stockport.
I mean, I wouldn't mind it.

Speaker 2 I love it. Also, last nine British Prime Ministers as food.
What are we talking?

Speaker 2 Well, it's a couple of years ago, so it wouldn't be Kiostamus, it would have been Rishi Sunak, presumably. Yeah,

Speaker 2 what are you depicting him as food wise? Watery soup, watery soup, which

Speaker 2 can be good if you're ill, can be good and bad, and everything in the middle. Absolutely, it can be good if you're ill.

Speaker 2 Uh, Liz Truss, obviously, the lettuce, lettuce, obviously, yes, okay, that's better. Boris Johnson, a big splattered cake on the floor, yes, which is good and bad, and in the middle, Yes,

Speaker 2 Theresa May,

Speaker 2 Victoria Sponge, yes, actually,

Speaker 2 David Cameron, beef. Yeah, really, I thought beefy.
Why do you think beef is surely ham? Yeah, well, yeah, do you know what? Yes, that's what I was thinking, right?

Speaker 2 But he did used to discuss the budget with George Osborne over a country supper, and I'm assuming they used to eat roast dinners. But yeah, a

Speaker 2 ham.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Gordon Brown, Tunnock's tea cake. I think enormous bowl of porridge with salt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Salty, salty porridge, glass of iron brew.

Speaker 2 Blair. A multi-vitamin.

Speaker 2 No, it would be,

Speaker 2 it would be a fry-up served on a spade. What? Because it was like sort of nouveau-niche and sort of like London's changing

Speaker 2 all that kind of

Speaker 2 stuff. Smashed avocaposh stuff that started appearing in the 90s.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't associate that with the 90s. I think that's more of a like.
Well, it was a very London thing in the 90s. And that was the thing.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Major.
Major Bovril used to drink Bovril at Chelsea.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wasn't he something to do with Spitting Image have him something to do with peas? Yeah,

Speaker 2 the Spitting Image cartoon was him and Norma eating peas and being grey. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I wonder if history will judge Major as a slightly more refined meal than he was thought of at the time. So maybe peas, but maybe like a pea foam

Speaker 2 next to a really well-cooked bit of halibut. Okay.

Speaker 2 Peas and male bread. But for some reason was sent back to the chef.
Okay.

Speaker 2 John Major, it's as simple as that. Peas and halibut.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Thatcher.

Speaker 2 How many have we done now?

Speaker 2 We've probably done enough. No, Dave.
we do nine. We go to Thatcher.
Okay. Thatcher.

Speaker 2 We could.

Speaker 2 Is it Marmite?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. And I don't mind that.

Speaker 2 Okay. I think so.
No, I think they're all Marmite, actually, aren't they? Yes. Because you could either love or hate all of them.
And that would make a good show for Martin, wouldn't it?

Speaker 2 If he just brought up

Speaker 2 nine jars of Marmite. So there you go.
British Prime Ministers. Nice and balanced.
Yeah. Well done, Martin.
Well, thank you, Martin, for your drawing. What's your penis? Just out of interest.

Speaker 2 It's a microphone. It's a microphone.
If you zoom in really, really far. But it's a very good one.
Oh, it's a good one. It's an old-fashioned microphone.
Yeah. Which is how I refer to it.
I mean,

Speaker 2 he's done you a slight disservice with the face. I can't lie.

Speaker 2 Which is a compliment to you. What's the thing, because if you're a prime minister, you are sketched by cartoonists.

Speaker 2 So if you had any,

Speaker 2 if you were in any way vague over what your sort of main features were, you'd have absolutely...

Speaker 2 Well, here's my plan to become Prime Minister.

Speaker 2 I would always wear a mask. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. At Hustings when I run a police.
Are you a dream mask like at Halloween? No, it couldn't be a troubling mask.

Speaker 2 It would maybe just be like a bear or a hawk or something. Okay.
Hawk. A hawk mask.
And then I would be

Speaker 2 prime minister and they wouldn't be able to take the Mickey out of my face. So you're discussing

Speaker 2 immigration with Manuel Macron. Yes.
And you've got a hawk's mask on. Well, not in private.
Okay. As long as Macron's not a secret sketch artist.
So you're like the daft punk of Prime Minister.

Speaker 2 I'd be like Banksy. Okay.

Speaker 2 But a Prime Minister.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. We'll have to put that on the car, Martin.
I really enjoyed that. Yes.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Lovely, lovely stuff. Oh, sorry, I've really got to say this.
Shamai Boyce.

Speaker 2 I'm a proud Westwalian, Gannatri Damanshirgar, which is Commander Check,

Speaker 2 very cross where John Cale grew up, that has moved east and now lives in Newport.

Speaker 2 I was appalled to hear the onslaught of a boost that Ellis received in episode 485 when discussing the Welsh version of baseball.

Speaker 2 This summer, I had the pleasure of watching a fierce baseball local derby between Newport and Cardiff. It was one of the Welshest things I've ever witnessed.

Speaker 2 Players were eating crisps, smoking and vaping whilst on the bench, preparing to bat, and some even whilst fielding, including the umpire.

Speaker 2 The vocabulary of heckling was second to none, mostly from the children of Newport's Bettus Estate. At one point, the ball was hit into a large bramble bush.

Speaker 2 As there was no spare, both teams and a jack russell worked together to find the ball.

Speaker 2 The teams clearly used their local football team's attire, with players kitted out in full kits, including knee-high socks.

Speaker 2 The best part of the match, however, was that it was being played in a local park with no boundaries.

Speaker 2 Spectators were sat on benches and camping chairs in the middle of the field to play, while the game was being played around them.

Speaker 2 I'm disappointed that you all doubted Ellis' encyclopedic knowledge of Welsh sport, and I believed that he is owed an apology. Diorg Alled.
I didn't doubt. No, I I don't think we did.

Speaker 2 I think there was a couple of people down the line,

Speaker 2 Chiles, Murray, who actually, I actually thought you made a pretty decent argument for the fact that it clearly existed and they kept kind of deriding you for it. I remember reading

Speaker 2 a journal article in a Welsh history journal about the importance of Welsh baseball as the worst thing.

Speaker 2 I think it took people by surprise because Adrian asked you if there'd ever been a Welsh baseball player and you sort of said nothing and then when it came back to it, it was suddenly like, oh, by the way, baseball's massive in a very specific part of the world.

Speaker 2 Well, because I couldn't think of anyone from the major leagues who was Welsh, right?

Speaker 2 But I thought, I'm on Welsh baseball because I used to play because my primary school teacher was from Cardiff, so he met we used to play Welsh baseball when we were kids.

Speaker 2 Have you done a distant part episode about it? Yeah, yeah. Mark Ring was a great rugby player in the 80s as well.
You're like the world expert on Welsh baseball.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't say the world expert. Well, who is?

Speaker 2 A couple of historians have studied it. Really? Yeah.
Huh? Because it used to get very big crowds.

Speaker 2 Speaking of Welsh exports,

Speaker 2 thank you to

Speaker 2 Ben, who pointed out that you can get Welsh rare bit in northern France. I was surprised at that.

Speaker 2 Apparently, Welsh food is big in northern France.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we found out Welsh food is extremely popular on the northeast of France and was potentially brought over by Welsh troops in the 15th century, or more likely, likely Welsh miners moving to northeastern France in the 18th century looking for work.

Speaker 2 I'd never heard that. They get everywhere.

Speaker 2 I'd never heard that.

Speaker 2 Well looking forward to a nice bit of Welsh rabbit next time I'm in Lille. Well let's speak to Adrian.
Speaking of Adrian,

Speaker 2 let's really have a go at him for doubting Ellis.

Speaker 2 I want tears. No, not on his own show.
You've got to respect the man on his own show. He might win an award if we make him cry on his his own show?

Speaker 2 Let's see. Let's see who can make Adrian cry first.
I'm going to do it by reading him a love poem. Are you? Yeah.
That's nice. I'm going to do it by reading him his text console.

Speaker 2 Here's Adrian.

Speaker 2 Let's catch up with Ellis and John. How are you two, my friends? Very good, thanks.
How are you, Adrian? Yes, very good.

Speaker 2 Tell me something interesting. Ask me a searching question.
Well, Adrian. I don't want me to ask you a searching question.
You just fire away.

Speaker 2 When we were talking about chatting to you, John said he was going to make you cry by reading your love poem because he thinks that you might win an award then for crying on the radio.

Speaker 2 He thinks he can engender tears big time.

Speaker 2 Have you ever been brought to tears on air, Adrian?

Speaker 2 That's a good question.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I must have been. I can't.
I mean, not full bawling, but

Speaker 2 the odd little catch at the back of the throat, I think. Just rolling down the cheek in a sort of sexy way.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, it's sort of. Yeah, it's a good question.
That's a good question. Actually, there's a clip I wanted to play you.

Speaker 2 You must have seen this on social media. It's a fan of the New York Jets NFL team.
And I just thought this lad just speaks for

Speaker 2 sports fans, particularly football fan. Have you seen this? It's It's another one.
Where he talks about how he hates it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is another one when John just shakes his head in sort of uninterested despair, I think. But I just, so it's only 10 seconds.
Well, listen. I hate this team.

Speaker 2 I was born into this, and I'm not going to ever. I'm always a Jets fan, but like,

Speaker 2 I just, I hate this team.

Speaker 2 I mean, we've all been there, haven't we? I took my son to watch the Swans play Charlton away last week. And a few friends of mine who were Londoners have said, what are you doing, Alice?

Speaker 2 He's got Arsenal, he's got Chelsea.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but that's Alice 2.

Speaker 2 He didn't walk away saying he hated it, did he? No, but he doesn't know any different yet.

Speaker 2 He hasn't seen any, any every football match I've taken him to, the team we've wanted to win has either lost or drawn. He hasn't seen a win yet.
I've definitely been in that

Speaker 2 kid's position with Ronnie O'Sullivan.

Speaker 2 I've been in situations where I've like when he conceded against Henry, you know, in that era when he was, you know, I don't think particularly

Speaker 2 well, but also doing stuff which as a fan, when we was perhaps less

Speaker 2 had less access to his interior world, the documentary about him is fantastic in that respect, but thinking,

Speaker 2 I've seen you make a 147 in five minutes, 20 seconds. Why have

Speaker 2 you so you felt let down. Well, I felt frustrated and confused and annoyed at myself for it mattering enough.
Whereas I think now. England cricket in the 90s.
Yes, England, but they were always bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It wasn't like they were winning a series 5-0 and then

Speaker 2 throwing it away.

Speaker 2 They'd had a good 80s in England.

Speaker 2 They'd had a good 80s, but that was also in the period where,

Speaker 2 like in football as well, modernization was happening

Speaker 2 and Australia were ahead of us.

Speaker 2 Whereas I think with Ronnie, I have now appreciated, and this has just deepened my love for him as a snooker player, is that it's all part of the same package.

Speaker 2 You can't have one without the other. You can't be that talented at something and a robot, even though...
His longevity speaks to the fact that perhaps that approach did play a role in his greatness.

Speaker 2 Interesting. So,

Speaker 2 this was hate as the opposite of love, but I'll leave you with this thought. My favourite priest once said to me, The opposite of love isn't hate, the opposite of love is fear.
I couldn't agree more.

Speaker 2 I'll leave that one with you, and we'll pick it up. There are only two reactions in life, Adrian: love and fear.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 beautiful. It's a lovely, it's not a consoling thought exactly, but it's profound.

Speaker 2 I feel we've shattered, we've shattered Ellis into

Speaker 2 silence here.

Speaker 2 But anyway, we'll come back to this theme next week.

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Speaker 2 Well, from one of Britain's great dads to Britain's mad dads, let's see what your crazy captains have been up to.

Speaker 2 My dad, when he brought his first non-stick frying pan, kept the instructions and stuck them on the wall next to it. Actual real wooden clogs

Speaker 2 and set about eating what must have been north of 24 egg canopes.

Speaker 2 He then proceeded to empty 40 litres or so of short onto the timber and strike a match. That's a mad! That's a mad dad! Oh, mad.

Speaker 2 I've got an absolutely incredible mad dad here. Go for it.

Speaker 2 I can't believe what I'm about to read.

Speaker 2 I'm absolutely stunned. Hello, my little legs of lamb.
I've got a mad granddad story that our family still talks about to this day. My grandfather, Roy, was a cantankerous man.

Speaker 2 He didn't really like people, and if he was alive during the Brexit referendum, he would certainly have backed Britain and Britain alone.

Speaker 2 On the other hand, he was very, very, very clever, and his practical skills and abilities have become family legend.

Speaker 2 About 25 years ago, well into his old age, the natural uprooting of some of his teeth began.

Speaker 2 He would take himself for dental check-ups to keep on top of things, but much to his displeasure, he was absolutely heading towards the dentures route. I have big fears of that.
What's uprooting?

Speaker 2 Sorry. The dentures getting dentures.
I mean, I mean to our falsies. Oh, I see what you mean.
Right, okay.

Speaker 2 One day, however, he was delighted to tell the tale of his latest trip to the dentist. As the dentist was inspecting his teeth, she queried one of his molars.

Speaker 2 Something is quite right here, she said to my grandfather. The dentist was spot on.

Speaker 2 In the previous few days, none of the tooth had come away from Roy's ancient gums and had gone missing.

Speaker 2 Ever the Whittler, he decided to fashion a makeshift molar from a lamb's leg bone that was ready for a Sunday roast. He then stuck it into the gum line between his natural human teeth.

Speaker 2 After the puzzlement of the dentist, my grandfather, no doubt pleasingly, showed off his workmanship and removed his out-of-place tooth.

Speaker 2 He told us the dentist went white in the face and that it took her a while to regain her composure and carry on with her duties.

Speaker 2 Every time he told us the story, he would have an absurd ball, crying with laughter.

Speaker 2 There are a few stories we could tell of Roy that would fit a mad granddad tale, but this one I believe could be the most mad of all. Thank you for all the enjoyable hashtag content, Joe from Bristol.

Speaker 2 The guy was making his own teeth out of lamb bones. It's extraordinary.
Wow. But in a weird way, it's not a million miles from what they would do.

Speaker 2 But you're not chewing. You're not able to surely

Speaker 2 eat anything with a tooth that he's just shoved into a gown. You would think it would be sore.
Well, sore.

Speaker 2 And it would come out and

Speaker 2 what's he using as a mission? Well, you probably wedge it between them.

Speaker 2 Like, so it would be a very tight fit, which the whittling

Speaker 2 could you could take it out and it's a little bit

Speaker 2 like 0.1 of a mil every time, but that's going to be. Also, you would have the old tooth as like a to copy.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 I mean, there is a strange mad dad sense to it. Oh, there's a strange mad dad sense to it.
It's just we've gone past that as a society, you would hope. Well, not that far past.
No.

Speaker 2 But my concern would be there'd be some sort of bacteria in the bone. Oh, you've probably boiled it.
I've got got many concerns.

Speaker 2 I wonder what you use to whittle bone. It's the sort of thing, you know, people would do in sort of prisoner of war camps.

Speaker 2 You make things out of ivory and bone, in which they did do. Yeah,

Speaker 2 works of art. I mean, this is 25 years ago.

Speaker 2 It's the age of the millennium, Dorm.

Speaker 2 We've got this from an anonymous emailer. Hello, my three musketeers.
My mad dad's story regards my father-in-law who liked to bodge a DIY job and still does to this day.

Speaker 2 When I met my now full-time girlfriend I was invited around for dinner at the family house, so far so normal, until I washed my hands in the kitchen sink that is.

Speaker 2 I felt a strange tingling in my fingers that was rather unpleasant and borderline painful. I thought it was odd but didn't question it.

Speaker 2 Later, when I used the sink again to help wash up, it happened again.

Speaker 2 I asked my wife and her parents about it, and they replied nonchally that I was receiving and this blew my mind a constant electric shock as the water came out of the tap.

Speaker 2 The water is actually connected to the mains they said.

Speaker 2 My wife's dad had bodged the sink and waste disposal installation so badly that he connected it to a live wire that gave the water a constant electrical charge.

Speaker 2 I looked at them in disbelief, but they all thought it was incredibly normal. This wasn't a recent thing, but it had happened years before.

Speaker 2 My father-in-law couldn't be bothered to rectify the problem, and no one else in the family seemed concerned.

Speaker 2 Anyway, it never got fixed as he divorced my mother-in-law and left her with an electric tap in the house that she had to sort before trying to sell it. Thanks anon.

Speaker 2 The first time she did the washing up and didn't get an electric shop, it must shock. It must have been absolute bliss.

Speaker 2 I just can't understand.

Speaker 2 That is something you sought out on the day. Extremely dangerous.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Water and electricity famously does not mix. Ne'er the Twain.

Speaker 2 Ne'er the Twain shall meet. Even little kids know that.
But the idea that you wouldn't just, you know, to call out an electrician

Speaker 2 to say, even to say, is this dangerous? What, 20 odd years ago, is going to cost you, I don't know, £40 or £50

Speaker 2 to potentially save your life.

Speaker 2 Or your kids' life, like absolutely mad.

Speaker 2 do you know what though

Speaker 2 i got the train back from whales yesterday

Speaker 2 and i saw a real case of male ego playing out in front of me where it was quite a big bloke

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 he was i don't know he was probably six foot two or something he was quite a big guy and then a guy who was a bit smaller got on with his laptop And they were both arguing over the armrest.

Speaker 2 So the armrest had come down. and the guy, the big guy who was on the train first,

Speaker 2 he said, you're on the armrest, that's to separate us. Oh, that is to divide us.

Speaker 2 So now you're in me basically said, now you're in my territory. Okay.
And the guy was like, I'm just using the armrest, mate. I'm just working on my laptop.

Speaker 2 And he went, yes, but you are encroaching into me. So then they had a bit of a barney, a bit of a ding-dong.

Speaker 2 And then they both just sort of sat there very uncomfortably and he worked. And I actually went and sat sat somewhere else but neither of them moved because to move would be an admission of defeat

Speaker 2 and I just watched it play out and I thought come on boys let's come here can we all calm down a little bit it's very tricky that kind of public transport territory game central armrest is interesting

Speaker 2 because immediately if you're not on it and they're thin as well you feel they're thin and there can only be one elbow on the armrest yeah absolutely and immediately you're first always be mind-digged.

Speaker 2 Well, this is it. So immediately you feel like, yeah, I'm tucked in here.
Why don't I have the armrest? But you think, what am I going to do? Nudge him off the armrest.

Speaker 2 And then he's tucked in and I've got the armrest, but you've just got to, I don't know, what's the answer? What's the thing about what you want the armrest? I wonder.

Speaker 2 It's a big deal on a flight, on a long haul flight. And in the cinema? Yeah.
Because it's like a shared fence.

Speaker 2 Whose fence is it?

Speaker 2 But there are no deeds. Well, there are no deeds.

Speaker 2 And usually it's the fence of the person who's just can't be asked to argue and will pay for the fence to be fixed hello that's my experience is that's who it belongs to is the person

Speaker 2 nose to nose talking about armrest territory on the sort of 556 from schnetley to paddington in the britain that i know and love do you know what happens to that armrest without a word being mentioned across the journey it just kind of gets shared.

Speaker 2 So at one point, your arm's off it and he's going to go. That's okay.
Because in about 10 minutes, he's probably going to go to the soil. I'll nick it for a bit.

Speaker 2 He knows that I've got it for a bit.

Speaker 2 It's like bunk beds for twins.

Speaker 2 It ends up sort of working itself out. Yes, it does actually.
Or in the Britain I know and love, Dave, or certainly believe can exist. You get driven around by your tour manager.
No.

Speaker 2 Because people transport. Because people make you nervous.
They are.

Speaker 2 The armorest. That's the Britain you know and love.
Yeah, but there's child

Speaker 2 the gig inside. Some of John he knows and loves.
But in the Britain I think can exist, the armrest actually gets

Speaker 2 put up and you hold hands.

Speaker 2 But it's strange. Now I was on a train the other day and

Speaker 2 couldn't avoid sitting opposite, directly opposite someone. Because everyone rushes for those foras.

Speaker 2 I think the foras aren't the best. I want a foras.
They're absolutely not the best. No, they're no good, Dave.
You want to work? You need a fora. You want a tour next to a window?

Speaker 2 Because if there's no window, then you can feel a bit unwell. No, you want the tour next to the toilet because that's the last one people want to sit on.
Smells. So what?

Speaker 2 Smell my own. Smell in my own space vaping under my coat.

Speaker 2 But I was sat opposite

Speaker 2 a very

Speaker 2 elderly gentleman

Speaker 2 who

Speaker 2 was slouching to the extent that he took up all of the foot space? Ah, so he was sitting like Ellis does on trains. Yeah, yeah.
So, like with his bum on the edge of the seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Back halfway down. And ruinous my back.

Speaker 2 And it can't.

Speaker 2 I'm aware I'm criticising an elderly person's sitting technically. Yeah, he might not be able to.
I mean, he was elderly, so.

Speaker 2 Well, he sat up halfway through the journey, thus giving me enough legroom. Oh, it's a nice feeling.
You thought he's capable of it. I thought he's capable of it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But he might not be capable of it for very long. That's the issue.
Yes. And you didn't give an inch after that, did you?

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 and I didn't do anything or say anything, or because I'm just kind. Oh, yes.
I was all in the eyes.

Speaker 2 But he also had his stick. I should point out he also had a stick.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 we were in the disabled seats.

Speaker 2 He also had his stick

Speaker 2 rested rested across the foot shared foot zone. Oh, what a bugger.
Where it could have been placed in a different. I'm sort of realising that I probably shouldn't have had an issue with this.

Speaker 2 Where would you have put the stick? Was there somewhere reasonable for him to stick it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know where John would have put his stick.

Speaker 2 I'd have held his stick if it had freed up a bit of foot. Yeah, but he.

Speaker 2 He can't expect that, can he? No, he's not going to sit in the trainer and think, I'll just get this strange mum who's glaring at me to hold my stick for 12.

Speaker 2 And actually, now I think about it and re-remember it, and I'm glad that he had the space he needed for whatever he was dealing with. But I did have to sit.
I had to.

Speaker 2 There was no way of me avoiding sitting diagonally with my feet in the aisle.

Speaker 2 Okay, because obviously you realized that he was on the way to a Remembrance Sunday event and he'd actually fought in the war. He was a member of our greatest generation.

Speaker 2 He was actually 106. Well, I wondered whether it was his medals that were causing him to sort of slouch down.

Speaker 2 His Victoria Cross. Or was it his huge charity check that he'd raised over the course of the upcoming month? How long was the journey?

Speaker 2 40 mins. Yeah.
Okay. He was weighed down by all the gifts he was going to give to an orphanage, wasn't he?

Speaker 2 He to ties our ass.

Speaker 2 He was probably tired from his marathon. He'd just run.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I retract that. There are far better examples of

Speaker 2 behaviour that has annoyed me on public transport one guy

Speaker 2 oh my god everyone seems to have a cold at the minute it was like he was trying to cope with a blocked nose through every conceivable

Speaker 2 like oh dear sort of self

Speaker 2 orifice than like just blowing it yeah go to the business absolutely rancid i was so close to going mate are you what is your problem

Speaker 2 i'm pretty chilled on public transport he'd have said I've got a cold mate yeah and I would have said blow your nose yeah that's what people do

Speaker 2 but it was the noises coming out of this guy crikey Moses but then I don't know that's why I have I once worked with a guy who found sniffing very annoying I once had a cold, but there was nothing more to blow.

Speaker 2 And you know, when you have a cold... Yeah, it's blocked, but there's nothing up there.
There's nothing up there. You can't blow it, but you've got to sniff.
It's actually an involuntary response.

Speaker 2 You're just going to sniff. And he'd be like, oh, for God's sake.

Speaker 2 Every time I sniff, I thought, what do you want, me?

Speaker 2 I'm not well enough. I'm well enough to be at work,

Speaker 2 but I'm going to sniff from time to time. So you've got to roll with a punches.
There are, I have discovered recently, quite extraordinary sprays for just clearing a blocked nose. This was 2003.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm not having to go out past Ellis. Yeah, thank you.
I mean, I would have had if I'd been there. But

Speaker 2 there are real decent stuff that you think this can't be legal. Yeah, this is a counter.
This is four quid, and it's just completely cleared my blocked nose for an entire night.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man,

Speaker 2 I love public transport. All human life is there.

Speaker 2 That's the worst thing about it. I find it fascinating.
Dave, just edit out all that stuff. I said, no, poor old.
Leave it.

Speaker 2 It's all staying in.

Speaker 2 The real John.

Speaker 2 The real john well where do you stand on people sitting on a tour with their bag and coat on the other seat uh if the train is largely empty fine yes and then as soon as the train starts to fill up you've got to move it well the i think the elite level is you don't do that but you sit on the outer chair yeah so the chair closest to the aisle yeah Because what you're in that situation where someone gets on, you just want to give them a small element of doubt after they go into another seat.

Speaker 2 It's

Speaker 2 absolutely glimming exactly. It's a British psyche.
It will just keep going. But you don't want to, because sometimes if you put your coat and

Speaker 2 bag, there are people who will go to you because they want to make a point about saying, can you move that mate? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So you introduce doubt at all levels.

Speaker 2 Relationships, public transport. You've got to introduce

Speaker 2 doubt. You've got to have a signs of doubt.
Or when the train doors open at a station and people come on, start screaming.

Speaker 2 You scream,

Speaker 2 scream and fart, scream and fart, scream and fart. And then as soon as everyone sat down, you stop.
It was a trick. They know that.

Speaker 2 They're not now going to move next to the guy who was screaming and farting when they got on. But at the next station, you go again.

Speaker 2 Out to one, but you look like you're doing something very important on a laptop is a good one.

Speaker 2 I think once it starts to fill up, you've got to be looking around.

Speaker 2 You're thinking, I might have to move my bag because if but sitting on the aisle seat is never it's not you've done nothing wrong no especially if that's your reserved seat that's your receipt you've introduced doubt you've introduced doubt i used to be a bit of a softy and even if i had a blooming reserve ticket what where they'd walk on you go come over here boggalogs yeah

Speaker 2 no but if i got to my seat on a busy train

Speaker 2 And there's someone in, because I hate conflict. I'm looking at my ticket.

Speaker 2 I can see there's someone sat in my seat that I have every right to say because it's not been an unreserved, they've not unreserved the train, which they do sometimes do, they declassify it.

Speaker 2 They've not done that.

Speaker 2 So I'll get to them. And it might happen.
This is old Dave, by the way.

Speaker 2 This is previous Dave. I'd get to it and go, there'll be another seat somewhere.
And I'll keep walking in my head. But now I'm very comfortable going, excuse me, sorry, you're in my seat.

Speaker 2 I'm like you. The buggers out.
Where do you stand when there has been an issue with a train? This is Zeitgeistie. People get trains.
I know what you're going to say.

Speaker 2 So there's two train loads on one train. No.
Okay, carry on.

Speaker 2 There's been an issue at the station, and so they haven't put up the reserved seats. It's been declassified.
It's been declassified. So you can prove that

Speaker 2 H37 is your seat.

Speaker 2 You've presented two different scenarios there, though. You've said there's an issue with the...

Speaker 2 You said it's been declassified. No, I got a train to Swansea the day and I had a reserved seat on it.
Yeah. But it was late coming into Paddington.

Speaker 2 and so they didn't have time to put up the reserved things and so it was declassified so there were no reserved seats on the train. Yeah, in that case there's no reserved seats on the train.
Yes. But

Speaker 2 you have reserved seats.

Speaker 2 Because if that if you then get your way, the person who has their reserve ticket has to go to their seat and say to the say, Matt, you'd have to get like 500 people swapping seats. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think, yeah, it is. All bets are off.
Okay, that's the all bets are off train.

Speaker 2 I'm not the only bets are off train because I'm fast.

Speaker 2 So I'll run down the platform. The golden words of

Speaker 2 the full train has been declassified, even first class. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the dream. And if you're close to first class, it's getting there, but it does happen.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've been in that situation, though, Dave. Being in the first.
You're the firstie. No, when I've got into firstie, when it's been declassified and everyone else has piled in.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So none of us deserve to be in first class. Well, you don't deserve to be in first class.
But I am starting to look around thinking,

Speaker 2 I don't think these other people's behavior really befits first class in the way that mine does.

Speaker 2 And I take on the attitude of someone who has paid for first class even when I haven't. Oh, yeah.
Right. And I'm going to be.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't think it's really done to bring your own stellar onto first class.

Speaker 2 It's a sort of different mindset. Great train camp.

Speaker 2 I belong here. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Even though I haven't paid for my tickets. So you're like rolling your eyes at other firsties as if to say, who are these guys? No, other normies like me who've just bundled into first class.

Speaker 2 So none of us have bought a first class ticket, but in my head, I sort of have.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Very busy train, and you sit in the vestibule, sit in the first class vestibule because then you've got access to a better toilet

Speaker 2 because the first class toilet's slightly nicer is it really it's just a bit bigger is it really what do you want to do in there just star jumps yeah stretch my legs yeah kiss transport chat god it's like life hacks it's like radio hands

Speaker 2 life hacks this is zeitgeisty people get trains dave oh yeah and then some get trains and then some

Speaker 2 great

Speaker 2 okay

Speaker 2 well um that's all We started on the Zeitgeist. We end on the Zeitgeist via Adrian, who is also the Zeitgeist.
Yeah, he dictates the Zeitgeist. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So we'll see you again very soon. Thanks for being with us.
Bye-bye.

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