SUPERFLY #50 - Prison S*X

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Speaker 1 We're starting.

Speaker 2 This is is big time.

Speaker 1 This is real.

Speaker 2 This is the first time on our podcast that David has

Speaker 2 broadcast from a remote location. Yeah.
Well, wait a minute. You did it for Paul McCartney.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, McCartney. We were scrambling in New York to do it in our little crummy hotel rooms.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Interview of my life and two hours of tech pressure.
God dang it. Darn it.

Speaker 2 Go.

Speaker 1 I've probably never been more nervous for an interview.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I see us as equals, me and Paul. So it's sort of calmed me down.

Speaker 2 I have so much regret about everything I do.

Speaker 2 The last sketch I did on SNL, Sambando, or the

Speaker 1 Bonjin.

Speaker 2 I didn't know what I was doing out there. And I just ran off and all I heard was crickets.
So that

Speaker 2 tortured me over the holiday. It's a sickness.

Speaker 2 And then with Paul McCartney, for the last two years, when I think about it, I regret not understanding the idea that I could bring up topics that he couldn't because he's a gentleman. Yes.

Speaker 2 And so that, that really, you know, do you ever have any kind of regrets about anything? I've never asked you this.

Speaker 1 Well, there's, I do all the time, of course, daily, but McCartney, you know, it's hard to ask about Lennon because Lennon died, spoiler, but I, I, it's hard to say, uh, hey, because it's so personal.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, every interview anyone asks me about anything personal they don't care at all

Speaker 2 right they want to ruffle feathers we just show respect for him he showed respect for his bandmates uh but if the host in this case you and i yeah brought up something like who did the bass line there and who wrote that middle eight and did you help george with this part or anything like that would be in liver puddlian terms be like well i don't want to be a showboater you know Yeah, I don't want to be a chest thumper.

Speaker 1 He's humble about it. He's a gentleman.

Speaker 2 He's a gentleman.

Speaker 1 He should have been, you know, fluffing his feathers a little bit, but I think he's been fluffy.

Speaker 2 I think he got over that podcast. Yeah, he's okay with it.

Speaker 1 One second after, he's like,

Speaker 1 Google those guys. Let me see what I was just doing.

Speaker 2 All I know is you're entertainers.

Speaker 2 You're entertainers.

Speaker 2 Anyway, so here we are.

Speaker 1 He thought he was on Good Morning America and it was going way long.

Speaker 2 He thought I was Matt Lauer. I didn't hear.
I never knew about the concrete.

Speaker 1 Katie Couric.

Speaker 2 He's got a great wig, whatever it is, on the top of his scully, skull, miss scully.

Speaker 1 By the way, Dana, I think for the first time, viewers, millions of our viewers, should know

Speaker 1 that I'm doing this, your trick in front of a window. I'm not in love with it already, but I always have these trusty shades next to me.
Like one time you wore shades.

Speaker 1 Remember, we were doing in the...

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, when I was I used to wear funny hats and shades.

Speaker 2 That was before the podcast got monetized. Yeah, and then people started taking it a little serious

Speaker 1 that's before it blew up but yeah uh now i'm looking uh out the window and i see why it's blinding but you you have good eyes so it's

Speaker 2 do i no one's ever said that to me except my wife

Speaker 1 you know who someone said to me the other day i walked in this store why am i leaning i walked in this store just a regular

Speaker 1 dip shit or whatever run the mill i see something in the window tricked me to go in

Speaker 1 and then the lady who's very eclectic, looked a little like Stevie Nicks. She just goes up, she goes, I like your look.
I like the whole thing. And I go, I never get that, dude.

Speaker 2 Do you think she knew who you were?

Speaker 1 I don't think that fast. She was,

Speaker 1 she was, because she didn't say anything. And I go, oh, yeah, I don't, I don't get that a lot.
She goes, yeah, just,

Speaker 2 no, I like it. Any itemization here? Is it the scruff? Is it the hair slick back? Is it the shade?

Speaker 1 It was what I was wearing.

Speaker 1 I was just nailing it. And

Speaker 1 like 10 out of 10. I mean, that's usually what I think, but no one's ever said, I mean, there's the Kate spade of the family, and then there's the D spade.
And I was never that one.

Speaker 1 Even Kate and Andy would be.

Speaker 2 Pop quiz for you. When you preem and primp and all that stuff before you're going to leave your house for whatever activity.
Do you what goes through your head? Like, uh,

Speaker 2 or do you ever think to yourself, I look pretty good today?

Speaker 1 yeah i've had i've thought that like right now on this camera i don't look too bad but for me that's for me i think it looks as good as uh your studio i mean yeah no i mean i'm just saying i comb my hair back and and i got my hair trimmed the other day so it's a little shorter on the sides you know but the uh idea of i look in the mirror maybe three times a day i was trying to think of it the other day i don't unless i comb my hair because i have to see myself I don't look before I go out at night.

Speaker 1 I don't do any of that stuff. And I should, but sometimes it's not what I'm I'm looking for when I see these.

Speaker 2 Well, there's your emotional brain and your logical brain.

Speaker 2 If you're in a restaurant with someone and you go use the restroom, and you look in the mirror, and you do a little readjusting of your hair, you know that no human being on earth would notice any difference except you.

Speaker 1 And you know what you look at that you think is rough. But so, anyway, I do find a way to get out of the house.
And this house, this sweater is totally Kanye. Can you see?

Speaker 1 I have so many holes in it because the moths fucking went at it and I grabbed the wrong one.

Speaker 2 You have moths and you're all holes. See that?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I walk in there and I go, what are you doing, moths? They're like,

Speaker 2 nothing.

Speaker 2 We didn't do anything.

Speaker 2 This is casual.

Speaker 2 Hey, you should go on SNL and dress up as a moth like Sarah does. Oh, and go do a fucking update and

Speaker 2 eat Colin to Quinn's suit. Colin Dequin.
And now Colin a hero from

Speaker 1 Spades moth that lives in his closet.

Speaker 2 And I come out, I'm fucking fucking stuffed. And you're all got little feathers.

Speaker 2 Yep. Didn't they have feathers? Well, I don't know what they got, but I'm just saying.
Someone's got booked for the 50th. I'm texting Lauren right now.

Speaker 1 I'd say, I know we're trying to make the show. We're trying to keep it to seven and a half hours.
Spade wants to do Moth Guy.

Speaker 1 You know, we can put a light and I go, there's a light.

Speaker 2 Gotta go.

Speaker 2 It's a clever thing that Bowen started, I think, or lit it up with his iceberg character, Titanic Titanic thing.

Speaker 2 And then Sarah's got her stuff. And then he did the drone.
And he's done other things. So I think you as a moth.
I'm just going to make a note to self.

Speaker 1 I have a question for you, Dana. Obviously, I'm going to jump around here.

Speaker 2 Obviously, that's what we do on a flight.

Speaker 1 You don't like people hacking and coughing.

Speaker 2 Obviously. I'm going to say yes.

Speaker 1 I was in a restaurant the other day.

Speaker 1 sitting in a six-top lingo. I have to know this because of the bus boys movie.
Six top.

Speaker 2 I know. You know, from being a bus boys.
I can consult on the movie.

Speaker 2 By the way, you can use this. We didn't call ourselves bus boys because we wanted to get girlfriends.
So, what do you do? I'm a table maintenance personnel manager.

Speaker 1 Jesus, administrator. That's good.

Speaker 2 Table maintenance personnel manager.

Speaker 1 Fred Wolf used to say,

Speaker 1 People, yeah, he says, I'm a dishwasher. So if girls say, Are you a dishwasher? They go, What do you do? And he goes, I'm the chairman of IBM.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's another way to go.

Speaker 1 That sounds better. It's another way to go.

Speaker 1 So I go in

Speaker 1 and there was a sick person the week before. Fine.
I go in and sit at the six top because it's early.

Speaker 1 And I always sit there. And then the waitress comes up.
She's like, oh, they're all very nice. Let's just start.
This is just for entertainment purposes.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like full deathbed.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, hey, she's like,

Speaker 1 I can't. You know what? I'm not going to take your order.
I'm probably just going to get out of here. And I go, great idea.

Speaker 2 You know, because

Speaker 1 nobody wants to get sick. I would love to say, you know what, I can't get sick.
I'm starting this movie. You don't have to, nobody wants to get sick.
So I shouldn't even have to say that.

Speaker 1 I just go, yeah, that's probably the best idea. And she goes,

Speaker 2 yeah, I feel like shit.

Speaker 1 Still air coming out. So I'm like, okay.
And then she goes,

Speaker 1 it's actually started last night. I was feeling so bad.
I'm like, there's, this is a wrap. We know I 100% believe you.

Speaker 1 And then she goes, I'm actually going to talk to the manager, see if I can just punch out. And I go, I'll call corporate.
Just

Speaker 1 go. We'll figure this out on the way home.
Just, because it's all, you know, there's dust from COVID in the air. I can feel it.

Speaker 1 You know, there's Omnicrons big enough you can almost see them with your eye. So she leaves.
She goes in the back.

Speaker 1 Another waiter comes up.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Another waiter. And he goes, I know, but.

Speaker 1 Hey, man, I go, hey,

Speaker 1 is she okay? She's feeling bad. He goes,

Speaker 1 actually left the other day. She was feeling bad.
I'm like, oh, she's back. Okay.
So I go, great. All right.
Let's

Speaker 2 order up. And he goes, to be honest, I'm not feeling a thousand percent.

Speaker 2 Jeez, a thousand percent either. I'm like,

Speaker 1 so I hustle through my order. Then I go talk to my buddy there.

Speaker 1 And then I, and then when I look back, they go, food's here. I look back.
And the waitress sat kitty corner for me at that table.

Speaker 1 So I go.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Is she dressed? I mean, she took off her apron.
I mean, she's

Speaker 2 now. She's joining you.

Speaker 1 She's probably looking for a ventilator. She's so sick

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 I want to just take a small propane flamethrower and just cover the table just to kill some of it, you know. But she sits, and then I go and I sit because I have to sit in front of my breakfast.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do to be rude. All of it's about not being an asshole.
And the biggest, crazy, the craziest part of me is that I sit there, aim straight ahead, and she's like,

Speaker 1 sweat hitting the table. I'm like,

Speaker 2 good effect.

Speaker 1 And so sickening. And just full on, like writing out her will.
And then she, after about four solid minutes of silence, she goes,

Speaker 1 you don't mind if I sit here, do you? I go, not at all.

Speaker 2 Why am I a psycho?

Speaker 1 I go, not at all.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm saying

Speaker 2 you have to. And just promise me me you will stop eating at Denny's.
This is clearly Denny's.

Speaker 2 No, I told the lady. I'm a little bit prime place.

Speaker 1 I told her, promise me you're not going to leave.

Speaker 2 I'm so overly nice. You're going to be able to lounge the Beverly.

Speaker 1 Dana, you're like this too. You're overly nice.
And you're like, no, there's nothing you're doing that bothers me. Please stay and get better.
Just stay here throughout your sickness and get better.

Speaker 2 Well, did she at least do six feet away? I mean, what are we talking here? Like a two-footer?

Speaker 1 She was probably

Speaker 1 three and a half feet. But then I'm like, I hear some noise.
I'm like, oh, I guess that's you're being choppered out of here. Get the fuck.

Speaker 2 I got cocky because I don't think I had a cold for a year. And then everyone at SNL's got a cold.
And I got cocky. I actually thought to myself, yeah, I just don't get colds.

Speaker 1 I don't know what's wrong. When you were doing SNL, just reasoning.

Speaker 2 I got, you know, everyone's calling. I just don't.
Invincible. It's not my thing.
It's not my brand. It's not who I am.
I don't get colds. Next morning, razor blade, ah,

Speaker 2 razor blade. Razorblade, every time you swallow, is not a good way to get a good slumber,

Speaker 2 spadel.

Speaker 1 When you catch yourself swallowing and then you swallow again and it hurts, you go, oh no, I can't stop swallowing. That's the grossest feeling.
Like,

Speaker 2 uh, well, you try to go, well, I was yelling last night at David Spade, you know, just tearing him a new one about the podcast. Maybe

Speaker 1 give me your notes for my Hunter Biden who are just like screams. You're like, great stuff.
We slammed the door here.

Speaker 2 What are you doing on the phone? You call yourself Hunter Biden.

Speaker 2 You ain't a hunter, and you're buying your time to start him. No, you crushed it.
Tom Hanks told me specifically

Speaker 2 isolated me. You know, he's very, said very nice things about your Hunter Biden, and he's probably the greatest actor in our generation.
So high praise from that dude.

Speaker 1 Also, when I left the restaurant that day, of course, I went around the corner and took a Silkwood shower.

Speaker 2 like meryl streep when she went through you're like a mirror power

Speaker 2 all your expressions and the sound effect you're like just a series of memes we got we got to get a cartoon caricature of you and make these memes and i'm in the shower

Speaker 2 you see david well do you remember silkwood this is aging our audience but of course share Meryl Streep.

Speaker 1 What happens to Meryl Streep? There's a leak of the radiation?

Speaker 2 They're trying to do the China syndrome. Didn't quite make it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Without fucking Janie Fondonda. Without the syndrome, without Janie Fonda with her sleeveless top.

Speaker 2 I don't know what that means.

Speaker 1 Showing her cleavage. No, there's a better word.

Speaker 2 So what are we doing with Meryl Street and Cherry? Do we have any connection?

Speaker 1 I was saying that when she got a rip or something in her outfit and they said she might have gotten radiation, they go, come here for a second.

Speaker 1 Two seconds, stripped down, and they put her in the shower and scrubbed her with steel wool or something. And she was screaming.
And that reminded me of me leaving the restaurant.

Speaker 2 Radiation is actually maybe not that bad for you. It was kind of exaggerated.
Oh,

Speaker 2 well, we get radiation all the time, you know.

Speaker 1 Because the next day I went in, I go, What was wrong with that lady? They go, Oh, she had bad radiation. I go,

Speaker 2 Oh, Dana said, That's fine. Again, you're like a meme staring at something you don't want to see.
Give me the look. No, that's more funny.
Serious.

Speaker 2 that's cool

Speaker 2 also

Speaker 1 dana we were talking about oh there's a big fire in la and we can't make light of it it's actually a thousand percent terrifying because to it's we're doing this the day before so we don't know where the fire is now but it's very bad and my big thing about it is heather can look this up

Speaker 1 Is there no water in the fire hydrants? Is that even possible?

Speaker 2 I know they can't fly over because the wind.

Speaker 1 They will be probably maybe by tonight or tomorrow, but there's no truck. It's like, how do you even try to stop it without dropping this?

Speaker 2 They went to fire hydrants, and some of them had no water. Why is that?

Speaker 1 I don't understand what's going on.

Speaker 2 I would need more information to have a strong opinion, but it seems like you know, kind of a uh trying to suppress water or something. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know. If a fire hydrant has no water, what is it?

Speaker 2 Former LA water commissioner says mismanagement led to low hydrant levels they ran out in the palisades they ran out in the palisades um so some human beings what's your job oh I work for the water department what is it to make sure all the fire hydrants are full in LA how you doing just got fired

Speaker 1 I just got fired because I haven't really even checked on them because there's not that many I knew they were pretty full but it was

Speaker 2 hired

Speaker 1 I heard that I just read Obviously everything I say is a lie, but I read that they had to cut budget last year and they did cut

Speaker 1 maybe 16 million, whatever that means in this grand scheme of things from the fire department. Now, if there has been horrible fires, I mean, they got to weigh it all out in fairness.

Speaker 1 Not a good look.

Speaker 2 We're the most

Speaker 2 fire

Speaker 2 in the world. My life.
The high winds and the sparking towers made in 1870. I mean, the idea of...

Speaker 2 It's called essential services, fire department, police department. I mean, there's more, but those are the big two.
Garbage. Yeah, but you would survive garbage sitting on your sidewalk.

Speaker 2 But fire department, police department. I'm just going to say, I'm going to call bullshit on that funding, if that's true.
And by the way, I'm running for LA County supervisor.

Speaker 2 Geez, Louise, Steve McQueen just walked into the podcast. David put on his superstar shades.

Speaker 1 I put on my Dana shades. It's too bright.
Now, Dana,

Speaker 1 let's move on from the fire because it's too tragic to even talk about. It's probably the worst fire ever.
I've I've been there and it's only been.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, no.

Speaker 2 It's horrible. That's all we're saying is that

Speaker 2 we're in show business, so we know a few of these people that are being affected.

Speaker 2 And it's also true in California, it is sometimes almost impossible to get home insurance because a lot of the companies left.

Speaker 2 And so that's a double whammy if your house is going up and you don't have insurance. So anyway.

Speaker 1 And I think Florida is having the same problem with hurricane insurance. Like any insurance where the insurance has to actually pay you, then they go, wait, woo.

Speaker 2 I know someone who lives there and his insurance, home insurance, tripled because two hurricanes hit it within two years. So, you know, what can I say?

Speaker 1 Okay, Dan, anything else before we get to the news?

Speaker 2 Well, I just wanted to observe a few funny things because I'm watching New Trump.

Speaker 1 New Trump. Oh, yeah, that was good last week.

Speaker 2 And some of his phrases are like this.

Speaker 2 Nobody's ever seen it. Nobody's ever seen anything like it before.
Nobody's ever seen it. No one's seen a case like that.
They never done it before.

Speaker 2 And all they do, and this is when he says talk, he makes a very specific mouth, which I'll do for our listeners and viewers.

Speaker 2 They've never seen it before. They've never seen anything like it.
They never have. It's never happened before, quite frankly.
All they do is talk.

Speaker 2 All they do is talk.

Speaker 2 All they do, I'm telling you, all they do is talk.

Speaker 2 They just talk.

Speaker 2 They just talk. It's that far.
They talk, they talk, they just talk. Then he goes back normal.
I don't know what doing what they're doing, but all they do is talk.

Speaker 2 They talk.

Speaker 1 It does go. It's kind of when he went.
China.

Speaker 2 That's right. They go, China.
They go, they've never seen it, and they're doing things you wouldn't believe. And all they do, by the way, all they do is talk.

Speaker 2 They're all talk and no action.

Speaker 1 He's used to saying that all the time.

Speaker 2 This is the only time he makes this specific lips like this. All talk, no action.
All talk, no action. I'm trying to give Patrick, our editor, different angles.

Speaker 2 It's funny.

Speaker 1 It's like that old song:

Speaker 1 All They Do to Me is Tuck, Talk.

Speaker 2 Tuck, Talk. Remember, Tuck, Talk.
All they do, and we're looking at things, and we're seeing things, and all they do is talk.

Speaker 1 He's trying to say

Speaker 2 to you,

Speaker 2 talk.

Speaker 2 They talk and they talk, and they never stop talking.

Speaker 2 When you see this mouth,

Speaker 2 I like the mouth. All right, now I have Trump.
The other funny thing is,

Speaker 2 we don't need anything else. That's unreal.
Trump is so entertaining, I have to say. If you're not panicked by him, he's just fucking funny.
I mean, he's coming out now. He wants Panama Canal.

Speaker 2 He wants Greenland. He's taking over.
Yeah, that's

Speaker 2 great. We're going to take over Greenland.
We're taking over Greenland.

Speaker 2 We're going to take it over. We're going to call it Even More America.
That's the new name of that place. Even more American.

Speaker 2 Even more America. We're taking over the Panama Canal.
We're going to take it because we built it. We built it.
And all they do is talk,

Speaker 2 old, talk.

Speaker 2 We're going to call it USA

Speaker 2 Super Canal. We're taking over Tahiti and Bora Bora.
Tahiti and Borobora. This is not talk.

Speaker 2 It's not talk. We're taking over Tahiti and Bora.
We're calling it the beautiful American Islands. And by the way, Canada is now, we're taking them over.
It's going to be called Amerida.

Speaker 2 We're calling an Amerida. It's Amerida.
Canada, America. Yeah,

Speaker 1 maybe Super America up there.

Speaker 2 It never made any sense. We've got Alaska up there, then we've got a shit ton of Canada.
Then we've got America.

Speaker 1 Too much Canada between here and Alaska, right?

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, it's like if Florida was another country, it's like a thumb hanging off America, but it's ours. It's totally ours.
You know, Ponce de Leon, Ponce de Leon. You remember him?

Speaker 2 A lot of people talk about Ponce de Leon. Look at that.
A lot of people do. The fountain of youth in Canada, but all they do is don't.

Speaker 2 That's my new toy today. That's all they do.
I like it.

Speaker 2 He did it. We don't even cut this.
He did a 20-minute rant on electric heaters versus gas heaters. You know what Biden wants? What they want, they want electric heaters.
You cut them.

Speaker 2 They don't work very well. You get itchy.
Quite frankly, you get itchy with electric. The gas is better.
It looks better. It heats you up like you wouldn't believe.
And they're canceling water.

Speaker 2 They're making dishwashers that don't have hardly any water. You put your stuff and then it comes out.
It's not clean. You got to run it 10 times and

Speaker 2 you end up using more water. By the way, to our audience, these are direct quotes.

Speaker 2 The dishwashers, the washers, they don't have a lot of water. They're worried about water, even though we have places it's coming down from heaven.
We have so much water.

Speaker 2 They want to stop the water in your washer. You wash your clothes.
They come out with their duty. You got to do it 10, 20 times.
You have to do more water. And all they do is talk.

Speaker 1 I will say, if California has to do electric cars by 2030, I'm not ready.

Speaker 1 I'm not throwing away my cars

Speaker 1 because just during this fire, a lot of electricity is out.

Speaker 2 So now worry. Well, we go electric and then gas and energy prices go down because we're not using any of it.
And then the CO2 goes up. There's a thousand metrics into this idea of the planet warming.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about it, people, rather than just do things emotionally. I like my high bread.
So they talk.

Speaker 2 They talk. That's all they do is talk.

Speaker 1 It's got to start them up again.

Speaker 2 And no one's ever seen it. No one's ever seen anything like this.
No one's ever seen it. No one's ever seen it.
And all they do is talk.

Speaker 2 It has to be.

Speaker 1 We all have a lot of dirty dishes.

Speaker 2 And I have one more thing I was going to do because I had so much fun.

Speaker 2 The last SNL,

Speaker 2 a lot of our our friends were there, Tina, and everybody.

Speaker 2 But I hadn't seen Jimmy Fallon in a while. So

Speaker 2 the minute I see him, he's like, so much fun. And it's such an upper.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, hey, this is crazy, Dana Kirby.
Oh, what's going on, Dana Kirby?

Speaker 2 Hey, so I start doing Johnny Carson getting pulled over for drunk driving. You know, sorry, officer, I didn't know I was swerving.
I had two slippery monkeys at the hook and crook.

Speaker 2 And Jimmy blew a gasket. Like his head.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 2 oh my God. Oh, that's so funny.
Johnny Carson, pull over. And he's talking to Tom Hanks.

Speaker 2 Johnny Carson gets pulled over and started driving. Hey, I had a tomato boom

Speaker 2 at the desperate sponge. Dana Kirby.
It's so funny.

Speaker 2 All they do is dope.

Speaker 2 Talk.

Speaker 2 Keep going.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I just had so much fun. So here's Jimmy Fallon getting,

Speaker 2 gets a, gets the check in a restaurant. Oh, I'll take the check.
Oh, my God. This is insane.
Look at this check. Oh, my God.
It's

Speaker 2 I can't believe it. It's insane.

Speaker 2 That's it. That's it.
It's a little wispy, but I like it. Well, I took it really far.
So

Speaker 2 all right. We have six minutes.

Speaker 1 Well, no, we have, we, I have to say that the pickup on last week's show, you know, every week they pick some artists.

Speaker 2 Because it's some crazy stuff you said. What did what got picked up?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, I didn't even read the article because I just thought it was about that we said,

Speaker 1 I can't believe people text Lauren because I couldn't.

Speaker 1 But it was nothing negative. I'm like, I wish I could have gotten to Lauren.
It was like, that ninth floor door is shut. You're not talking to them.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You have to get an appointment.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, I saw that and I thought about it later. And what we didn't have, to call Lauren, we'd have to go in her office, dial nine,

Speaker 2 get a landline number.

Speaker 2 See? It's fun.

Speaker 2 Oh, hello.

Speaker 2 Hi, Lauren. It's Dana.
I'm in my office at 8-6.

Speaker 1 Lauren's not here right now.

Speaker 2 Lauren's not here right now. Let me give you to Marcy.

Speaker 2 It's Marcy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I felt like it sounded like I was being negative that, oh, I was making fun of, I didn't see this part till today, that in that meeting between dress and air, that Lauren is talking and he told Sarah Sherman, I just love making fun of Sarah Sherman.

Speaker 1 And she goes, and he goes. Sarah, you have to face forward a little more just so the light hits you.
She goes, I'll try.

Speaker 2 I'll try. It was funny.
Sarah's uh the her is her child

Speaker 2 is that she just says what's on her mind and she's very open you know she's hilarious and she's hilarious and so i could see the way she would be casual with lauren would just sort of work like why would you cute yeah cut it okay well all right but i think that um

Speaker 2 we were in those early days

Speaker 2 maybe

Speaker 2 I don't know, we just weren't as familiar with Lauren. Lauren was our boss, the executive producer, the guy who started Saturday night.

Speaker 2 And so I think for a few, it took me a while to get comfortable with Lauren because

Speaker 2 the way I really got to know Lauren, maybe you could chime in on this, is when you go back and you host, and then you're kind of hanging out with Lauren a lot as a host.

Speaker 1 It's a different thing.

Speaker 2 And you're seeing how he's just casually always producing.

Speaker 2 It's just put over there. Maybe he put, let's move this.
I think the code opening is fine. All I'm saying is, and so you realize, and also when you see him on the floor, you know, the guy is,

Speaker 2 he,

Speaker 2 he cares about that show. First of all, he's so freaking happy when the show works or the cold opening works.

Speaker 2 And if it's starting to go sideways, this is why no one else does live comedy sketch because it's so fucking hard.

Speaker 2 So anyway, you get to know Lauren, but the idea that Sarah has it already and is sort of friendly with him. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, did you ever walk by Lauren and see him in the hallway and go, Hey, Lauren, I'm going to Huxley's. You want me to grab you a tuna milk? Actually, why don't you come with me?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Come with you? What? Lauren, we're going to the comedy strip. Come on, man.

Speaker 1 Marcy would tackle me.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 She could too.

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Speaker 1 Okay, all right, let's get back to to really important things. What are our dumb stories we're talking about?

Speaker 2 Let's get some headlines going.

Speaker 1 My forehead looks the same color as the wall behind me.

Speaker 2 I guess that's that's a funny observation and true. They mix together.

Speaker 1 Good or bad. Look at that, Heather.
Do you see my forehead looks the same color as the wall?

Speaker 2 Okay, people driving. Prison officer filmed having sex with inmate admits another incident on the same day.

Speaker 2 And this is a female prison officer?

Speaker 1 The officer is the guy or the girl? Let me see. That's what I'm trying to say.
OnlyFans model.

Speaker 2 Oh, so she's a prison officer and an OnlyFans model.

Speaker 1 Wait, she was jailed after.

Speaker 1 Oh, she's the officer.

Speaker 2 You can tell we don't look at these ahead of time, folks.

Speaker 1 No, that's good we don't.

Speaker 1 That's true. Okay, so she

Speaker 1 caught on her body cam. What are you...

Speaker 1 What? I'm not saying the word dipshit, but you, I mean, she knows she's doing it. Does she air that as part of her OnlyFans?

Speaker 2 I'm sure.

Speaker 1 I mean, why else?

Speaker 2 That, and you're gonna get caught. There's been a lot of prison movies.
I think

Speaker 2 Ben Stiller did one

Speaker 2 about female

Speaker 2 police officers having sex with inmates.

Speaker 2 So now it's a true story.

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm not, I'm fine with it. Hey, scroll down a little bit because I want to read that.
It says, it's a funny word. Prison officer filmed having sex sex with a burglar

Speaker 1 in his prison cell.

Speaker 2 Why are they so specific? Why?

Speaker 2 Who calls anyone a burglar anymore?

Speaker 2 Well, first of all, that's a pretty, I mean, it's awful if you're a burglar, but that means it's someone trying to get into a house without hurting anybody and just get the freak out.

Speaker 1 Is that what it means?

Speaker 2 I think a burglar is just sort of trying to sneak in and sneak out.

Speaker 1 It's not your house is burgled? Yeah,

Speaker 2 they would do it if, like, say you were not in your house right now and you're at an other location. It'd be a perfect time for someone to burglar.
Oh, forget. Sorry, I brought that up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've been burgled. That's a word.
That would be, you've been burgled. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, as we said, the hand burglar, I never saw him actually in jail. He was always out on parole.

Speaker 1 Well, my forehead is exactly the color now is the sheet.

Speaker 2 No, it was like Heather took, was painting the wall and just happened to slap your forehead.

Speaker 1 Make a little less

Speaker 1 so because Dana looks like he's got some color in his face.

Speaker 2 No, but look, I want to. I know, but now it's going to ruin the editing.
Well, I have different

Speaker 2 I'm facing a window. I have ring lights.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have to use

Speaker 2 ring lights that have color.

Speaker 2 We look pretty good.

Speaker 1 No one's going to notice this bullshit. We'll do a new story.

Speaker 2 Patrick says he can do it. Oh, good.
Okay. You look fantastic.

Speaker 1 Everyone's running fucking like a chicken with their head cut off because I moved the curtain two inches.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 Like like woody allen came out for a second

Speaker 2 please

Speaker 1 throw the earth off its axis

Speaker 2 okay uh what's next my forehead's the color of the uh the ramata in

Speaker 1 please rent an ad on my forehead for fly on the wall also super fly

Speaker 1 it's all available

Speaker 1 What is this? Oh, hang on. Oh, this is a different OnlyFans Girl saying how much the one we did a report on actually makes.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's see if it's shocking or not.

Speaker 5 Kofi Rain really making. I'm going to be giving you some insight

Speaker 5 from an OF girl myself. I know we've all seen

Speaker 5 the image of her making $43 million in a year, which is insane. But this is the gross number, and a lot of things are going to be coming out of this.

Speaker 5 For example, right off the top, OnlyFans is going to be taking 20%

Speaker 5 23 million drops to 34.4 million. Now, somebody of her caliber definitely has an agency to help with marketing and posting.
And this agency also takes a percentage.

Speaker 5 And agencies in general take a percentage of anywhere from 15% to all the way up to 60%.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to grab something right in the middle. Good fuck.

Speaker 5 35%.

Speaker 5 Now it drops her income down to 22.4 million.

Speaker 2 And then the government on this

Speaker 5 exemption

Speaker 5 Florida and you're making over a million dollars

Speaker 2 a year,

Speaker 5 your average tax percentage should be around 35%.

Speaker 5 We take 35% off of the 22 million, and now we are all the way down to $14.5 million

Speaker 5 take-home, which is still a huge amount of money.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no shit.

Speaker 2 All right. First of all, you want to be an agent in that story.
Up to 60%.

Speaker 1 They start with 60%. And then if people go,

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, what? Yeah.

Speaker 1 They go, no, I'm saying 50. And then they grind them down to, what, 15? Was it?

Speaker 2 Well, she's got 14 million net, net, net. That's pretty good.

Speaker 2 How embarrassing. I know, but 14 mil?

Speaker 1 That's like literally zero for an OnlyFans model. But did you hear, and we could probably look this up, another one of my lies, that I heard the average OnlyFan girl makes about a thousand a month.

Speaker 2 That makes sense.

Speaker 1 That makes more sense, right? Because not everyone has a huge audience. You could say, I'm take off my clothes.
Hey, everybody. You have to let your followers know.
And if you don't, then you're.

Speaker 2 Okay. Oh.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 We're getting a news flash that you get $150, $180 per month most

Speaker 1 only fans.

Speaker 1 Wow. $2,000 a year.

Speaker 1 That's the tough decision because you only hear these stories of how great it is.

Speaker 1 Now you're hyped for the future.

Speaker 2 If you're dancing in a G string and you're making $150 a month, then you got to check what's going on with your person. I mean, what is that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's still money, but it's just, you got to weigh it out, I guess.

Speaker 2 It is true. I remember Jay Leno telling me once, yeah, and that's why we get paid.
We get paid a lot of money because after they take everything, you still got a pretty good check. You know?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, there's some things you still don't get.

Speaker 1 At this point, if you go to Jimmy Fallon, what do you make? $780?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 it's the exposure. That's just union.

Speaker 1 That wasn't the question, sir, on the stand.

Speaker 2 Lady Gaga got $17 million for five minutes on Colbert's show. She just has that kind of clock.
Wait, why am I getting 780?

Speaker 2 I don't know. OnlyFans is a fascinating thing and

Speaker 2 we should for just because Superfly,

Speaker 2 this is for Sophie. Let's get.

Speaker 1 Let's. Wait, you want to get one of them on and ask her?

Speaker 2 Let's get

Speaker 2 an OnlyFans. Look at that Sophie ring on.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 that's doing well. And just really think of it as it grosses like six, eight billion a year.

Speaker 2 It's bigger than, you know, the NBA salaries all combined, right? It's bigger than U.S. steel.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know that movie. I'm too young.

Speaker 2 Godfather. And U.S.
Steel is a big controversy.

Speaker 2 A Japanese steel company wants to merge with U.S. Steel.
And some people say it's a great deal for both. It'll give us a steel industry.
And then some people say we should keep U.S.

Speaker 2 Steel separate from our friends. China.
China. Right now they're talking about it, they're talking a lot, but it's all talk.

Speaker 2 It's all talk. That's all it is.
Now, let me change one.

Speaker 1 I hate that talk is such an easy one to get back to.

Speaker 1 China, this merger is just talk right now.

Speaker 2 It's just talk.

Speaker 2 They're just talk. They've never seen it.
We've never seen it. He's talking about the lawsuits.
They've never seen it before. Talk about never seen it.

Speaker 1 Who's seen Greenland? Who's going up there for a vacation? It's a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 It's a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 By the way, it's got oil, natural gas, and rare minerals and it you can take a ship we have an airbase there so but the people there's only 57 000 people there and they mostly sell fish to denmark they don't you got to bring in the the big boys to for all the oil gas and minerals so that's why trumps for the rare minerals they're rare the reason they're rare is because you don't see them a lot that's a very underused word rare minerals you got to have them china has a lot of them but right now it's trump goes up there to sort of, you know,

Speaker 1 shake hands and say, hey, what's this, a largemouth lunker bass? What do you got here? He's trying to like blend in with the locals to pitch the situation.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. Trump Jr.
just went in and just hung out. He just hung out.
But the thing is, those people make an average news flash, $36,000 a year for the average.

Speaker 2 Greenland human being. So Trump will say, we'll give you a million a year each

Speaker 2 to make it. And also buy a cow for a nickel up there.
To make it, what did I call it? Even more America. Even more America is our latest acquisition.

Speaker 1 That would be the biggest state, probably Greenland, because it's three times as big as Texas.

Speaker 2 Is it? It's all, it's 80% covered in ice. The reason it's called Greenland is when the Vikings and the Danes went in there.
It was all green and lushed. So if it melts, we may see it.

Speaker 1 So is my wife.

Speaker 1 That's what you should say if if you're Henny Youngman. It's 80% covered in ice.

Speaker 2 So is my wife. There you go.
That's a good one. It was a hair late.
No, let's do it officially so Patrick can clip it. Okay, ready?

Speaker 2 Go. Greenland is covered 80% in ice.
Yeah, so is my wife.

Speaker 2 Well, that sounded too

Speaker 2 sincere. So is my wife.
You almost want to. I should have done.

Speaker 1 Use the other. So is my wife, Patrick.
Let's see what that looks like. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Next story.
Here we go. We're doing good.
We're doing good.

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Speaker 2 All right, here we are. Look at this.

Speaker 1 Oh, Teen finds out an anonymous internet bully who harassed her for a year is her own mom.

Speaker 2 Whoa,

Speaker 1 Mount Pleasant, Michigan. I'm from Michigan.

Speaker 1 This This is the one that has like the music behind it that goes

Speaker 2 scary music. I was doing a mission impossible sub-theme.

Speaker 1 Oh, you were sorry. I stepped on it.

Speaker 1 That's Mission Impossible.

Speaker 2 I lost it.

Speaker 2 I'm stone to the finish because I ate my spoon. Yeah, that's it.
All of it is all talked.

Speaker 2 Bing,

Speaker 2 My first bit, I've said it before. My first bit in 19 when

Speaker 1 you did Popeye.

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, Popeye getting kicked in the groin.

Speaker 1 I was not expecting that.

Speaker 2 I know. It's just if I get hairclaps from David Spade.
I like that one. That was a good one.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 1 Popeye.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Popeye.

Speaker 1 that goes

Speaker 1 public domain, more fishy fucking guesses on my part. Public domain, like Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh.
So they're going to make a horror movie about it.

Speaker 2 I think.

Speaker 1 But they can't use spinach. I heard that too.
This all sounds like a lie.

Speaker 2 Oh, a mash up Popeye in a horror movie. Yeah, like make Popeye.

Speaker 1 I'm going to, I ate olive oil.

Speaker 1 Dee stabs her. And he's like, oh, I'm not a great guy after all.

Speaker 2 And then what's his name? Wimpy comes in i'll gladly stab you tomorrow if i can stab you today for a hamburger today yeah

Speaker 2 wimpy's like on drugs he just he was adding nothing but i did always laugh when he'd say that i'm like like even in a comic strip i'll gladly pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today is brilliant tuesday that's like hear me now and believe me later listen to me now and believe me later

Speaker 1 i like how we don't even talk about the mom who's well i guess it's it's just sort of discipline, right?

Speaker 2 I assume she, it's parenting in her mind. Yes.

Speaker 1 Not in mine. That's rough.
It depends on how rough she got.

Speaker 1 I like they make the kid look like they're in squid game for some reason in this photo.

Speaker 2 Yeah. If your kid is dressed like that, which is this death mask in a pink jacket with a hood on, you maybe want to harass him online just to get him to take off the mask.

Speaker 2 Unless that's just to hide his identity. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 You were chopping, you're being choppy, but we got it. Patrick's got it.
Okay, let's go to one more. Oh, we got time.
What time is it?

Speaker 1 We always say one more. We got time.

Speaker 1 People are too riveted. They're on the edge of their seat during this.

Speaker 2 There's their

Speaker 2 watch this. What things are you seeing?

Speaker 1 Oh, this is funny. Okay, this is

Speaker 1 a woman from America seeing Big Ben.

Speaker 1 As you know, Big Ben is a big clock in London.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's in Piccadilly Square, but

Speaker 2 this woman sees it.

Speaker 1 This is the reaction I would figure also Dana having to. But then some kid

Speaker 1 gives a summary. So watch her and then watch the kids' summary.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 9 Stand up right now. Fucking stand up.
Why the hell is she crying over a clock? I've lived in the UK and in London for eight years. And I've seen this every single time.

Speaker 9 And if I was even in America, I would not start going on the floor going

Speaker 9 what's big ben done what's big ben done for you has he done has he cleaned your house is he a made at your house has he done has he oofed your floor no he's not he's a clock love

Speaker 9 he's a big massive clock that lives in the middle of london why are you crying over a

Speaker 2 cook

Speaker 2 so that's her mother

Speaker 2 no like just some chick on tick tock and oh it's just okay so that that kid seems like she's 37 years old. Not visually.
She looks eight, but it's like extremely mature.

Speaker 2 Why would you cry over clock, mother?

Speaker 1 Why are you falling on the ground?

Speaker 2 It's a fucking clock.

Speaker 2 If you saw a human being who was over six feet tall, would you sob? Look how tall they are. It's stupid.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Cry.
Cry over things that you can follow this lady around.

Speaker 1 See what she's crying over every day.

Speaker 2 Anything

Speaker 2 normal?

Speaker 2 She got a giant hamburger and sobbed for two hours

Speaker 2 larger than the regular hamburger.

Speaker 1 Don't let her near Randy's doughnuts.

Speaker 2 The doughnuts on the outside are so large. She broke down in tears and had to be taken away by an EMT squad.

Speaker 1 Dana's choppy.

Speaker 2 I'm choppy. You're blurry.

Speaker 2 Break the tie, Grandma. I'm blurry.
Well, Well,

Speaker 1 oh, it is. Don't you fucking dare blame me.
It's blurry and choppy.

Speaker 1 That should be our show. By the way, this hotel graciously said, we'll give you some dog shit internet that nobody.

Speaker 2 You know what I did for our friend Paul McCartney going full circle? I went to the four seasons way up in the mountains because the Wi-Fi was sketchy down in Chicago.

Speaker 2 I can hear and see you terrific. Thank you for traveling to a better hotel.
Well, at least you saved a couple of bucks on the hotel.

Speaker 1 I mean, I can tell it's a no, I'm at a nice hotel, but I

Speaker 1 we went and said, we don't want the regular internet. Where's the back door special?

Speaker 2 And so they're like, here we go. Ding.

Speaker 1 So this is a good idea.

Speaker 2 You thought you got good. Oh, okay.
Gotcha.

Speaker 1 Bass. Yeah, no, we vetted this whole thing because I knew if I'm on the road,

Speaker 1 I got to make sure we can do this and nail it and make it a thousand percent because all of our millions of views, they freak out.

Speaker 2 What's going to happen, Greg?

Speaker 1 Oh, here's another story. Okay, I just thought this was interesting.
Okay, this isn't great. This isn't hilarious.
I just think I could watch this for an hour. How is rubber made from rubber tree?

Speaker 1 How do you harvest rubber? I like that scrape noise.

Speaker 2 It's a specific thing. We never think of doing it like this.

Speaker 1 Very straight lines.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Freehand.

Speaker 1 What's that?

Speaker 1 I like this little instrument.

Speaker 1 That's me with my toenails at night.

Speaker 2 Is that the actual rubber that's coming off?

Speaker 1 I would never think this tree was a rubber tree. I would think it was some dumb shit tree.

Speaker 2 Run of the mill. Bucket.
Oh,

Speaker 2 look, everybody. Jose just made a little tap and then here comes it.
And then it kind of...

Speaker 1 Is that it? Wowie.

Speaker 1 That's what rubber looks like coming right out?

Speaker 2 That's what it sounds like?

Speaker 1 I don't like the water part.

Speaker 1 God, get a grip on it, dude. Relax.

Speaker 2 Rubber trees really were

Speaker 2 named properly.

Speaker 1 That's a lot of work.

Speaker 2 They don't do anything with it.

Speaker 1 Collecting rubber. You're not making a tire out of that.
Why are they black?

Speaker 2 They don't do anything with it. No, but that was a rubber tree.

Speaker 2 Go, if you're driving, go look at YouTube around 45 minutes, you'll see it. It's fascinating.

Speaker 1 That was kind of cool.

Speaker 2 It was cool. Very light tattoo.
Angle, scraping, and then a funnel. So some of it came out kind of watery and then it coalesced into a big.
I think it's like sap.

Speaker 2 Coalesced, he said. YouTube's gonna light up over that one.

Speaker 1 Like a

Speaker 1 keyla and the bee. Okay, what's the next thing?

Speaker 2 What's this? Human deaths caused by animals.

Speaker 1 Okay, Heather, pay attention. This is interesting.
This is going to tell us what animals. It's kind of like the running thing we did.
What animals and how many deaths do they cause

Speaker 1 per year in order? We're starting at the lowest. So, bats,

Speaker 1 bears. Okay,

Speaker 1 sharks, I get it.

Speaker 1 Mooses more than sharks.

Speaker 1 Spiders,

Speaker 2 wolves,

Speaker 1 cows, cows used to, yeah,

Speaker 1 horses, even more,

Speaker 1 lions and leopards make sense. Ants, Dana, bees,

Speaker 1 bees because allergic,

Speaker 2 jellyfish, okay, tiger, tiger that far ahead of sharks, deers ahead of tigers,

Speaker 2 hippopotamus way up there, elephants

Speaker 2 killing us, tape worms, tape crocodiles, never liked them, Scorpions. Scorpion.
Wow. And what's the Tsi fly? Tsetsi flies.

Speaker 2 And then assassin bug. Snails.
Snails. Snails kill us.
Dogs number way above everyone else. Snakes.
Wow. Humans killing other humans.
430. That's the big paradise.
Mosquitoes above humans.

Speaker 1 But Tetsi fly, where is that in Africa?

Speaker 2 I've heard of them. It's in Tsetsi, the land of Tetsi.

Speaker 2 You fly over it. I don't know.
It's Africa, I think. I think it's that or Southeast Asia.
You know, communicable disease carriers.

Speaker 1 What about, okay, shocking on that was cows. Dogs are so high.

Speaker 2 But why do cows, how do cows kill you? Because I'm around cows a lot and they don't want anything to do with me.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'd be scared.

Speaker 2 Oh, you know, if you add a bull, that's different. If you have female cows.

Speaker 2 But bulls will attack. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, because if you're flirting with a

Speaker 1 with one one of their

Speaker 1 uh, okay, and then toward the end, hippopotamus, there's not that many, are there

Speaker 1 20 to 25 deaths occur each year from cattle, uh-huh, involves the bulls.

Speaker 2 There it is, yeah. Oh, multiple,

Speaker 2 yeah, multiple cows are involved in most attacks, and it's it's bulls with horns and shit, and they want to fuck you up, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, well, I thought who else is on that list that was really odd?

Speaker 1 Owls didn't make it for the third year in a row.

Speaker 2 The one thing they left out was who kills more humans than anyone else. And they would say, David Spade, because you kill your audience as a stand-up.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 David Spade was a killer last night. Oh, you killed him.

Speaker 1 Hey, Heather, turn this light up a little bit more so it doesn't match.

Speaker 1 For the only reason so it won't match.

Speaker 2 So we have 30 seconds to go and now you're doing a lighting design.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 1 Now, turn that one. I'll close that one.

Speaker 1 We're doing a whole thing here.

Speaker 1 Listen, we're not fucking goop. Oh, it is a little darker.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ. Claude Rains just walked into the podcast.

Speaker 1 Go that side. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you can't do that side.

Speaker 1 All right. We're back to normal.
Wait, hold on. Stop, stop, stop.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Very microscope right there.

Speaker 2 Beautiful. That's fine.

Speaker 1 Nope. Nope, I got to put these on so it matches.

Speaker 2 Oh, where are the sunglasses? You got a continuity, bronzer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can't know. We got to match.

Speaker 1 Okay, what's next story?

Speaker 1 I like to bark out orders.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 1 Okay, hold on.

Speaker 2 Wait.

Speaker 1 I think it's a world record.

Speaker 1 Let's see what this is. I don't know if it's.

Speaker 2 Tell us how you are going to break. There's a guy sitting there.
He's going to talk. Break the world record for sleeping with the most men in one day.

Speaker 10 I'm trying to get 1,000 guys, 1,000 guys in 24 hours. My plan kind of is to, it needs to be a room with two doors is what we're trying to work out.

Speaker 10 Like the logistics of this is insane because one thing, it's hard enough getting a thousand guys together. It's another thing actually like making sure they all do it in the time limit.

Speaker 10 So honestly, I'm just hoping for like a conveyor bout of like. They need to kind of like walk in the room, one pump in, one pump out, and then leave.

Speaker 2 How much of current world record, though?

Speaker 10 It's 919.

Speaker 10 I want to get to a thousand because, like, 900 is a week. You may as well have got to a thousand.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 900 is when she's four hours, though.

Speaker 10 This is why I'm training. I mean, you know, I've done the whole time.

Speaker 2 That's just another Sunday.

Speaker 10 In like a few weeks,

Speaker 2 she's going to do 300 to warm up.

Speaker 10 But I think, as long as they're in, out, in, out, in, out, it's going to be pretty quick. I think I'll get sore towards the end, but I think I've got

Speaker 2 the right determination.

Speaker 2 Well, look,

Speaker 1 listen.

Speaker 2 The funny part is like,

Speaker 2 she sets the world record. She retires.
She wants to start a family. She's dating regular guys.
They're having a glass of wine. The guy says, well, let's just be honest.

Speaker 2 You know, I've had a little bit of sexual experience. Just tell me how many men have you been with? I mean, Bob, what's your body count? Five, six, ten.

Speaker 2 And then she has to say,

Speaker 2 17,000.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a tough name.

Speaker 2 Is that real, first of all? Is that real?

Speaker 1 Well, she just broke a record for, it's like a new kind of thing they're doing for clout where.

Speaker 2 But is there any evidence it's real?

Speaker 2 They interview the guys. Well, because how many guys, would you sign up for that? Would you be number 684?

Speaker 2 Do they pay them?

Speaker 1 Well, you know, my nickname in high school was I was a boxer and they called me the one-pump chump. I think that's why they call me that.

Speaker 2 So you might go through, get in line, and come through another time with sunglasses on the second time. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I have five.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I don't know how it works. They did a hundred, and she said she was

Speaker 1 at nightmares after. I'm like, I don't even know what's going on with the world.
It's really just an

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 1 record. And is Guinness book really coming out there with the nerdy guy?

Speaker 2 I don't. I mean, they did interview her parents, you know, very working class Brits, and they're very sweet about it.
Hello. We'll always be proud of our daughter.
She's a hard worker.

Speaker 2 She's worked her way up to a thousand men, and it took a lot of effort and timing and strategy. Oh, my daughter is the nicest person in the world.
She's got a heart of gold.

Speaker 2 She likes having sex with thousands of men, but she's not all talk.

Speaker 2 She's not.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 She's not talking. She's not saying I'm going to have sex with a thousand men.
It's not her talk.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, even if she gets 900, we still love her.

Speaker 2 And McCartney was,

Speaker 2 it's a lot of shaking, I'll be honest. Yeah, it's more than you can really comprehend.

Speaker 1 I'm sure McCartney put up some world record numbers back in the day.

Speaker 1 Who's the horniest beetle? We should have asked him.

Speaker 2 Who is the horny?

Speaker 2 Probably Ringo. Probably has to be the drummer.

Speaker 2 Peace and love. Peace and love.
Oh, yeah, that's a tell.

Speaker 1 I think Lennon had bed ends. That guy's horny.

Speaker 2 But what about George Harrison looked like that? He was kind of the marrying kind. They all got kind of

Speaker 2 married. A couple divorced and then married again.
I mean, the Beatles are actually pretty corny.

Speaker 1 I think what happens, that kind of fame, it's so overwhelming to even talk to someone that they

Speaker 1 probably no girl that's a fan could even comprehend they were even in the same room room with him. So it's just too weird.
They just got to find one person

Speaker 1 where it's normal and stay with them.

Speaker 2 Paul's first wife, Linda Eastman,

Speaker 2 she was a well-known photographer from a very renowned family, Eastman Kodak. And she had a child from a previous marriage.
And so she was very grown up

Speaker 2 and lovely. And so I think that's what attracted Paul to her.
To your point, David.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 okay, let's do one more, and then we'll talk about a horny other band members.

Speaker 1 That was a good question. We blew it with Paul.
Okay, let's see what this is. Wait, is this another?

Speaker 1 Oh, is this

Speaker 1 robots? They made robots to look like ants and they give them chores. I'm already scared.

Speaker 2 These robots are inspired by ants

Speaker 4 and were developed by South Korean scientists. Each micro-robot is 600 micrometers tall and interacts with others using magnetic fields.

Speaker 2 In this other application,

Speaker 2 how do you get them the F out of your body out of the chunk of the metal indium to

Speaker 2 come out the way they came in?

Speaker 4 This allowed it to turn a light.

Speaker 4 The micro robots were able to assemble into a group

Speaker 4 to coordinate their movements to walk over an obstacle.

Speaker 4 By leveraging their collective strength and synchronized actions, they successfully overcame barriers, demonstrating their ability to adapt and perform tasks

Speaker 1 Ford Broncos.

Speaker 4 The micro robots used centrifugal force for

Speaker 4 propelling themselves over obstacles.

Speaker 2 They're throwing gigantic form of 200 micro-robots. They're throwing each other

Speaker 4 metal into smaller pieces in just five seconds, despite its high surface tension. They then move the pieces, joined them back together, and shaped the metal out to

Speaker 4 the middle. This demonstrated their ability to handle complex tasks with precision and control.

Speaker 1 The microscope

Speaker 2 can make all that possible now. Cut to an actual ant coin.
Why do we even try?

Speaker 2 Just a noted fake ant person. Why do we even try? They're all tall.

Speaker 1 And then another ant goes,

Speaker 1 it's uh

Speaker 1 it's uh not much but it's an honest

Speaker 1 it's honest work

Speaker 2 i'll be honest with you you know i'm just an ant but i see that and i go you know it's all right you know what else you got is what i'm saying

Speaker 1 ants are leaning again in an alley going these ant robots are going to take over that's it that's it for us guys you see The question

Speaker 2 is, do they have a queen bee? Do they have a nest with a queen bee? They got no queen bee. The best part is they don't.

Speaker 1 They don't.

Speaker 2 they don't need it the ants like we never needed it we never needed the queen we can do this oh we just gotta go and by the way to go full circle you know what a queen bee does all day has sex with a thousand ants

Speaker 2 oh he does just based on i thought the queen bee was gonna be all talk

Speaker 2 all talk

Speaker 2 this is the all talk

Speaker 2 all talk all talk that's all it was and everybody seen it all talk all talk all talk face all talk all right i think we should end on that, Dana.

Speaker 1 Any final remarks?

Speaker 2 I'm going to continue for the next Superfly with my all talk motif. No, I'll have a new one for next week, folks.

Speaker 2 And we are looking forward to getting some people, some scientists and different people. Actually, I have an idea for a brilliant investor to teach people how to really invest in the stock market.

Speaker 2 David. Sweet.
Heather.

Speaker 1 Greg.

Speaker 1 Yeah, everybody. You're right.
And YouTube Shorts, we put up the new version of Trump, which is you going slower.

Speaker 2 Don't give it away.

Speaker 2 That was

Speaker 2 Trump speaking softly instead of screaming at the big rallies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because now he won. Now he's like, now he can just slow down.

Speaker 2 And what we're going to do, he talked for a half hour straight in the most abstract way. It was really entertaining.
I recommend it to anybody.

Speaker 2 We're looking at a lot of things.

Speaker 1 You don't want dirty dishes. You got to do them six times.

Speaker 2 Sir, will you attack Panama, the country of Panama.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to rule anything out. I'm not going to rule it out.
I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 He wants Panama. He wants the Gulf of America.
And he wants even more America, i.e., Greenland.

Speaker 1 He should take South America. They're halfway there.
They're already there.

Speaker 2 And what would the name be? Would he make South America? No, we'd rename it

Speaker 2 to America.

Speaker 1 Lower America.

Speaker 2 Lower America.

Speaker 2 Additional America after the skinny connected part.

Speaker 1 America Plus, then they can charge you.

Speaker 2 Oh, I know it would be South Central America. South Central America.

Speaker 2 Because we have Central America, South. All right.
All right. So we'll figure it out.
Thank you, Dana. Are you working tonight?

Speaker 1 Friday night? Yeah. Show tonight.

Speaker 2 Where is it? Is it sold out? Should we plug it?

Speaker 1 No, it's a corporate.

Speaker 2 Whoops.

Speaker 1 That's all right. It's going to be great.

Speaker 1 This is one where they don't want me to to be dirty. And then I just saw two employees downstairs and they go, you better be dirty tonight.
And I'm like,

Speaker 1 I can't.

Speaker 2 I get in trouble. You never listen to the employees.
You get the cube.

Speaker 1 They're like, sorry.

Speaker 2 I know, because the audience is not as prudish as the team that's scared of offending them. That's the irony.
Yeah. They laugh if you, but anyway.
All right.

Speaker 1 Well, my banana looks like a dolphin.

Speaker 2 Weirdly enough, right now, your lighting is the best it's been during the whole podcast.

Speaker 2 What was the impression?

Speaker 1 It's like a dolphin.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Flipper, flipper.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I miss you, Dana. I'll see you when I'm back.

Speaker 2 We'll talk just later.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Burman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.

Speaker 2 Hope you liked liked it.