SUPERFLY #45 - MORE AUTOGRAPHS!

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Speaker 1 You want to start right now and go for it? You want to get into it? I guess so.

Speaker 1 Mix it up. Look at my roadrunner.
I'm in a new location.

Speaker 1 Now, what is this now? This is my

Speaker 1 other place.

Speaker 1 Just don't worry about it. It's not.
I'll be in New York. You know, I go, I keep moving.
I have three homes.

Speaker 1 Don't be jealous. Do you leave anything in New York?

Speaker 1 Do I leave anything in New York? I leave everything there.

Speaker 1 You do?

Speaker 1 You keep it the whole time, Richie

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. No, no,

Speaker 1 I don't pay.

Speaker 1 Some other people are very generous.

Speaker 1 I took care of that for you, which is okay to ask, David. I took care of it.

Speaker 1 Trust me. They've got money.

Speaker 1 They can afford it. You know, I told him to do the right thing.
Do the right thing. Stop the bombing.

Speaker 1 Hey, handsome.

Speaker 1 Funnier than you. We're going to have to make memes out of our business.
I had Gervitz on a Zoom today, and he was bombing

Speaker 1 did all his fucking all his hits all his shtick and nothing cricket boy yeah fucking crit geez you've got a lot of zooms

Speaker 1 i do have i have a lot they're mostly with theo but god dang there's a lot of zooms

Speaker 1 the funniest one to zoom with but he walks around sometimes the laptop drives me crazy oh just sit i can't stand these zoomers hey man i know that's kind of a hip thing to do get carsic where are you going you got a zoom i know everyone's settled

Speaker 1 You know, it's funny when people say you're talking to the phone. He says, I'm going to take you into my car.
I've said this before, but it's funny. I'm taking you in the car with me.

Speaker 1 No, don't. I'm trying to order.
Trying to drive.

Speaker 1 I have to beat my kids.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. Let me get the effect for the driving and then the hitting of the kids again.
First, the driving effect.

Speaker 1 And now stop. Hey, hey, hey,

Speaker 1 hey crash. Is there a dog in the engine or something?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, that's the tires.

Speaker 1 Then they hit it off.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 what was in your hand? It didn't sound like a slap.

Speaker 1 No, just, it's an elbow.

Speaker 1 This really gives him a wakes him up. Well, I was a little tired yesterday.

Speaker 1 You know, so I just took a hot bath,

Speaker 1 put the thing in the so that the water wouldn't go down the drain.

Speaker 1 Then I towed off.

Speaker 1 As long as you say what it is, the sound effect can be. Then I got a cheese grater.

Speaker 1 Then I ate a cheeseburger.

Speaker 1 Dude, I have to tell you. You know what?

Speaker 1 Every time we do any riff on this, I imagine it's a YouTube short so i start i start and you go we need more we need more we got to get to a minute for patrick i start thinking what will we do with this and you know i know i feel uh youtube is ruined it because we have any any real conversation we go we got to zhuzh it up with a little yada dad

Speaker 1 that that's it that's going to be in some kind of instagram

Speaker 1 Don't be mad at my new haircut. Oh, yeah, it's pretty fluffy.

Speaker 1 Well, the shorter, the more the fluff. We've talked about this many times on this podcast.
I'm cutting the sides off this week, all gone, shaved. Mean, you're trying to look like me?

Speaker 1 No, you're not going to shave and then have a nose ring.

Speaker 1 Check your birth certificate, Quinky.

Speaker 1 Come on, Glico. Hey,

Speaker 1 Christ's sakes, there's a time and a place for that kind of accoutrement. All right.

Speaker 1 He turned into Scheherazade.

Speaker 1 Whoever that is. I know, but that sounded almost like an author or something.
The Egyptian author wrote The Bridgeway to the Nile in 1947.

Speaker 1 Now, listen, I'm going to back up to Thanksgiving because I know Thanksgiving was last week, but I will say the beginning of Thanksgiving always starts with me watching local news, and they always have some newscaster posted up at the airport.

Speaker 1 I love it. Oh, the car.
It is the record. It's always a a record.
Literally, there's never been a week or a year there wasn't a record. Record, 80 million drivers.
They're coming across.

Speaker 1 And then the airport, 80 million flyers. Always a record.
Who knows? Who checks? Who knows? Sounds better to say there's a record.

Speaker 1 And we're here at four in the morning and it is packed.

Speaker 1 And you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 We're expecting 149 million people to go to Disneyland this Friday. You You should always give it about seven hours ahead of time just to let them frisk your balls.

Speaker 1 Did I tell you, I did tell you when they frisk my wiener? Did I tell you this, Heather?

Speaker 1 The guy goes, they're always like, hey, Spade, hey, everyone's cool. He goes, and I'm like, beep, beep.
He's like, this is a random one.

Speaker 1 I think he's telling me to go away, but he goes, I say, oh, come here. It's a random one.
Meaning, I still do it. You know, it's me.

Speaker 1 And he gets in and he goes, something's in your groin area. I go, oh, you've heard about it.
He goes, no, something's in there. It's showing up on the thing.
And I go, maybe it's a zip. I don't know.

Speaker 1 And he goes, he gives you an interview first? Because that's it. And then he goes, well,

Speaker 1 I got to get in there.

Speaker 1 I go, get in there. And he goes,

Speaker 1 you sounded seduced for a second. I got to get in your groin area.
I know. Ready for a groin pat?

Speaker 1 He helps me nods. And I go,

Speaker 1 and he goes, all right.

Speaker 1 You want front or back of the hand? I go, just let's just do front.

Speaker 1 We're having fun.

Speaker 1 He literally goes, front or back of the hand. I go, no, I know.
I've never, I've never had like a nice, cheerful dialogue, but I want to hear this.

Speaker 1 I get frisked every single time I go through the mission to continue. Not a bit, not a joke.
And I know how they do it. They're talking to you and they come up the inner thigh with the hands.

Speaker 1 And then they sort of bounce up and make. Hey, you, the church lady? It looks like more like the church dude.

Speaker 1 Christ.

Speaker 1 They Then go up the pant like, rigger, rigger, rigger. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's even

Speaker 1 that's before I get to the airport. Okay, good night, people.
I've done it then.

Speaker 1 That's the sky cap? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Delta guy. So so you literally got frisk and he grabbed.

Speaker 1 He gives me a backhand hand job like this. I'm like, okay.
And he goes,

Speaker 1 You're good.

Speaker 1 But I get it every time. People are going, hey, did you do the church lady? Can I get a picture? And then, yeah, okay, up against the wall, spread where the bombs.
Let's go.

Speaker 1 Do you see all those fans back there? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We don't care about you and your fan base, which is shrinking according to this document.

Speaker 1 This document.

Speaker 1 And you said, yep, I do. And my favorite thing to do is when I work Phoenix Airport, because I get a chance to grope David Spade, even though the x-ray says he's clean as a whistle.

Speaker 1 This might be a glitch. It might be.
We are now into Senator John F. K.

Speaker 1 I have to grab your testicles, my words, not yours. Yeah, at least he's on us that way.

Speaker 1 Do you still have two testicles?

Speaker 1 Most people do. I do.
I know I do.

Speaker 1 Yours as big as Dallas. Do you name each individual? Sorry, where are we going with this?

Speaker 1 Where does this end? Do you think women still have payubic hair?

Speaker 1 Just a question.

Speaker 1 There's no writer around. I once dated a lady from Memphis, Tennessee, and she dyed her pubic hair in a kaleidoscope effect.

Speaker 1 Is that your experience? You could pull on them. They're seven inches each.

Speaker 1 They're just jammed down. Yeah.
And if you had some jam left over from your sandwich, it would make a sticky paste and you could spell letters.

Speaker 1 You could actually write a little note to her that she would find later in her kaleidoscope growing area. And there, ladies and gentlemen, is a Instagram clip.

Speaker 1 People like this.

Speaker 1 We didn't say they were good. We just says they're clips.
They're noisy.

Speaker 1 So I get to Thanksgiving dinner. I got Harper.
And we have this good idea, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Harper says let's get little

Speaker 1 canvases like this because my mom ran into a woman that teaches art or whatever.

Speaker 1 She does my mom will literally talk to anyone literally talk to anyone. They talk for a long time and then numbers exchange Facebook this this

Speaker 1 so she's dialed in immediately

Speaker 1 So we get in a circle the idea and then we all have a we paint the person on the opposite side of you So it's kind of fun get a little paint there Get the brushes.

Speaker 1 I'm just, I'll jump ahead. I'm easily the worst.
My brother Brian was better than I thought.

Speaker 1 It shows a lot of personality. Like people, he was more abstract, you know.

Speaker 1 Drawing eyes, to start with a portrait is a horrible idea. Unless you're Kevin Nealon or someone that's really good at this, you know,

Speaker 1 yeah. It's impossible.
And you look like a fucking asshole. And I think it should be a joke on a date where the guy is so bad that the girl loses interest in him because he's so bad.

Speaker 1 Like, you're just like, oh, you have no talent at all. There's nothing going on in your head because they were horrible.
Now, Harper's was pretty good. I actually have Harper's.
She had to draw me.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 do you have that?

Speaker 1 Can we? This is just watercolor. Watercolor.
Just stare. Harper.
Purple, brown, a little this. Harper's.
Draws it just, she's 16 within like five minutes. Let me see.
We're just going to pop it up.

Speaker 1 We'll clean this up later. Mm-hmm.
Okay, that's not bad, right?

Speaker 1 It's cute. That's pretty good.
Yeah, that is. Absolutely.
Is that good? Yeah, yeah. I like that.
And she signed it. And so that, listen, you got a little blue in the eyes.
You got a little

Speaker 1 generous with the hair. Yeah, yeah.
And cheeks, you know, she's discolorating things. You know,

Speaker 1 there's blending. There's a lot of literally the art teachers walking on going, oh, Harper, I like this.
I like the blood. I like the way you go with me.
She goes, Okay.

Speaker 1 And she keeps walking. She has nothing to say other than like,

Speaker 1 it's too much wrong to even get, there's nothing to even help. Just keep moving.
So anyway, we did that.

Speaker 1 And then my mom, though, my mom, I have to tell you, when I come in, I've told her maybe 1,000 times I'm leaving at the end of this art thing because I have to go to the airport.

Speaker 1 I don't want to fly on Sunday. It's going to be Saturday night.
Right. I've told her, honestly, 1,200 times.
I walk in. She goes, Brian just told me you're leaving today.
You're not. Are you? I go,

Speaker 1 I'm not leaving now.

Speaker 1 at the end of the two hours. No,

Speaker 1 oh my God. She goes, it's so classic, mom.
And I go, mom, do you step on a rusty nail? Are you okay? She goes, oh, you said you'd stay another showbiz lie.

Speaker 1 I go, no, mom, I have to lie. Not a show business lie.

Speaker 1 No, yes. You're so, where's the Davey? I used to know.
I go, I'm just leaving one day early because it's too hard to fly on a Sunday. She goes, oh, you have to get back to a freak off.

Speaker 1 I go, Well, I wish. No,

Speaker 1 Hollywood turned you into a freak off.

Speaker 1 We're supposed to ride, yeah, ride bikes with the neighbor kids, I promise. I want to hold you and rock you.
Yeah, she does. She's like,

Speaker 1 and her friends gave me a present. It's always odd.
I don't know what to do with presents anyway. I'm like, well, you just can't get someone

Speaker 1 present.

Speaker 1 They gave me a present. They go, this is for your birthday from July.
Anyway,

Speaker 1 anyway, my mom kept going, oh,

Speaker 1 and then I go, I got a half hour left. No, like she's, I go, mom, are you William Defoe at the end of Platoon? Like, nah,

Speaker 1 getting shot.

Speaker 1 Your mom turned into William Dafoe. I see it.
Yeah. Remember in Platoon, he gets shot from the back and goes, ah.

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Speaker 1 Oh, my mom also goes, go eat the cheese. No, she didn't say that.
She goes, did you take a bite of what's out back? I go, no. She goes, oh,

Speaker 1 Davey, I can't believe you're leaving. I just got it in the mail.
I go, sorry, I can't eat the food. You just got in the mail, whatever the fuck that means.
Oh, I just got it in the mail. It's ready.

Speaker 1 I go, what? Why are my food?

Speaker 1 Can we get her on this podcast? She goes, go eat it. I go out there.
There's crackers in a big circle of something of gunk. And I go, is it cheese? She goes, taste it.

Speaker 1 I go, just, what am I getting into? Should I, is it melted? Is it hot? Is it cold? I don't know. I go.

Speaker 1 So I go out there and it's honestly, I couldn't tell you. I dug in.
It kind of broke the cracker. And I'm like, and I faked.
And I went in and I go, not bad.

Speaker 1 Just a generic answer. She goes, right?

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 My mother-in-law was eating. It's kind of a paste, but it's made from pigs' feet.
And this is not a joke. Sick.
Not a joke. So I was trying to think of things that she would go, ooh.

Speaker 1 And I go, yeah, they cockroach feet. They take just the feet of a cockroach, and they grind them up and create kind of a jam or a peanut butter spread.
And she was like, oh, that sounds okay.

Speaker 1 And then they take the abdomen. of the cockroach.
Abdomum.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what do they do? I don't know. I just wanted to get a reaction like, hey, you know, but you know what? And she's like, oh,

Speaker 1 interesting.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, you know, I ran into

Speaker 1 in a car in a parking lot in LA,

Speaker 1 your doctor's nurse. And she got out and she goes, oh,

Speaker 1 you hit my quarter panel. I have to tell the doctor.

Speaker 1 I go, the doctor or the insurance?

Speaker 1 The doctor first.

Speaker 1 Oh, I called. I actually talked to her today about another thing.

Speaker 1 She said,

Speaker 1 she's so sweet. She goes, I was, the doctor prescribes me a thing where he has to talk to me twice a year.
Like, still good. You're all right.

Speaker 1 Nothing crazy. A common medication.

Speaker 1 So I noticed that he'd called me a couple of weeks ago and just left a voicemail. I missed the call.
So I told her today, I said, I missed the call from. from doctor, from the doctor.

Speaker 1 And she said, Lily, oh, but you were supposed to talk to the doctor. And I go, I know, but I missed the call.
So I said,

Speaker 1 Oh, so you didn't talk to the doctor.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have to make another appointment. When are you available? And I got this.

Speaker 1 It went on. It's a real conundrum.
She doesn't know what to do with those.

Speaker 1 She wants to do a good job. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And she doesn't want to get shit canned. Then I said, I'm doing a thing called Superfly with David Spade.
Oh, David Spade. I remember him from the movie

Speaker 1 Dickie Roberts.

Speaker 1 And I go in the grab bag. That sure was a funny movie.
And she goes, oh,

Speaker 1 it made me laugh so hard. Crickets for Dickie Roberts.
No, someone's trying to call me.

Speaker 1 I thought you had some kind of sound effects. Heather, come back and get Dane on here.
I can't find him.

Speaker 1 I just,

Speaker 1 yeah. This happened the other day.
What am I supposed to do?

Speaker 1 I'll go to that shit. Also, Heather's got something to show you.

Speaker 1 Send out to Greg, that thing. I'll show him what you made.

Speaker 1 Oh, my book. Oh, really? Yeah, you went to? I think it's interesting.
Heather has a book and no one told me. Oh, my mom had too many dogs at Thanksgiving dinner

Speaker 1 where she had her dogs and my brother had two dogs. And so they're all circling under the table like sharks, you know? And they're kind of nipping and biting.

Speaker 1 I don't realize my mom's feeding her whole turkey, whole dinner to them under the table. So once they get fed, they're like tangled up my legs.
I'm like, hey, beat it.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't want to sound mean. I love dogs, but give us eight minutes where the dogs aren't barking at each other and doing territorial games and screwing up.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Here's a mic drop on this one. So, so I'm metaphorical cigar.
So I'm in the White House having dinner, my wife and I, with George

Speaker 1 Sr., the president of the United States at the time, and his wife Barbara. And the dog Ranger kept coming around looking for food.
So I was kind of sneaking some food to the dog.

Speaker 1 And then at one point, the press just said, don't, don't feed the dog.

Speaker 1 And I literally said, yes, sir, I won't. But I didn't know.
Is the dog so cute? It's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, they like it. And then you leave and now they're, yeah.
And then they're not your friend.

Speaker 1 Also, before we get to this next subject, did you send it in?

Speaker 1 Okay. We have, we did, I don't know if you read, but Hunter Biden, your guy, Joe Biden, has a son named Hunter, and he got

Speaker 1 left left.

Speaker 1 Did he start jail yet or not? He hasn't started yet. No, he never, he's not going to jail.
He was part. But was he about to?

Speaker 1 Maybe it was a tr he had the trial, and then it takes the legal system takes so long. I mean, it, you know,

Speaker 1 but it was potential that he might. So as a as a good dad,

Speaker 1 pardons are here.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you know, Hunter was like, I didn't do one thing.
I don't know what they're talking about. This is so nuts.
Literally, I did not, nothing.

Speaker 1 I don't get, and he goes, I saw the 75 videos. Dad, that's so funny.
That's AI. That's AI.

Speaker 1 When I was doing stand-up

Speaker 1 here and there, there were no comedy clubs, not like when you started. In San Francisco, I would still do the Nixon.

Speaker 1 I would say Richard Nixon was seen in a shopping mall, elbowing people intentionally and then saying, pardon me.

Speaker 1 And that was the whole bit because he was famously. That's not bad.
Well, he pardoned a lot of people, right? Well, he got pardoned by Gerald Ford.

Speaker 1 Oh, he got pardoned. Oh, pardon me.

Speaker 1 They say people like Clinton, probably Trump, who knows, that they just, they just have a laundry list when they leave. That's like, but I think Jon Stewart had a good joke last night.

Speaker 1 Robert Smagel was telling me it was sort of like the pardon goes back for 10 years. So anything Hunter Biden has done since 2014 is expunged, if there's anything.

Speaker 1 And then he goes to his dad after the pardon.

Speaker 1 You know, I think maybe just do it through New Year's because he's planning on maybe having a big party or something.

Speaker 1 Dad, could you extend it forward like 10 days?

Speaker 1 But I think that 10 years covers Joe Biden, too.

Speaker 1 No, come on. Let me be serious.

Speaker 1 I'm not getting around here.

Speaker 1 And furthermore. And furthermore.

Speaker 1 Let me be clear

Speaker 1 what the people are saying. This isn't rocket science.
Let's get serious. I'm not kidding around here.
And by the way,

Speaker 1 guess what? Yeah, that's all I that's all. I have five catchphrases.
I repeat them every Saturday night.

Speaker 1 We'll see what I do tomorrow night.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, it is tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Finally, finally, we got it right. Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir. Who's the host? Go.

Speaker 1 Paul Mescal. Nope.

Speaker 1 Paul Mescal.

Speaker 1 Or it's Mescale.

Speaker 1 Paul Mescal. And Gracie Abrams is the musical guest who is JJ Abrams, the famous director, movie producer's daughter? No way.
Way.

Speaker 1 I didn't know. You said it was this guy's girlfriend around together.
Girlfriend?

Speaker 1 Mezcal. Oh, Mezcal.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's his girlfriend, dummy. You got to wake up.
You got to know what's going on. Oh, really? Is that the connection? Are you serious? Starting to get it.

Speaker 1 Well, well, well. We like ourselves, don't we? We made a fun one.
We feel just a little bit superior.

Speaker 1 Well, that's special. Who got who into the show?

Speaker 1 Did they get her? And she said, I want the dude to. But let's wind back this for a second.
So they're literally dating.

Speaker 1 He, so one got, and then, and then could my boyfriend be in or could my girlfriend be in? Yeah, that's what I'm asking you. Which one did well?

Speaker 1 Plot thickening.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna, I'm gonna do a deep dive on this and get back to you on the next super fly. Yeah,

Speaker 1 come up with some blabbing and yapping. I kind of, I think I'm kind of getting in a church lady mood.
I kind of feel like she's got to come back, you know. You could do it.
Well, well, well,

Speaker 1 Mr. P.
Diddy, we like, we like lotions and oils. Do they do any puff daddy stuff on there?

Speaker 1 Not that I maybe update jokes, but not a church lady grilling and spanking.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's show Heather made. This is what I was getting at.
Oh, she made over the last couple years, one year, this whole thing.

Speaker 1 This is miniature right yeah how high is it called a book nook it goes in between your books it's a book nook it goes in between your books wow and she has

Speaker 1 like a movie set yeah it's unreal I had to hand glue and cut out and glue every single thing you're looking at she had to hand glue she had to cut those little pieces of paper she had to glue them open them what was she following a guide how did she know how to make a little tiny chair look at inkwell

Speaker 1 It was so. Oh, yeah, it was a book with pictures, but it was foreign or something.
She couldn't understand it.

Speaker 1 Please tell me you did BTS.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, you get a piece of wood, yeah.

Speaker 1 What kind of mind thinks of this? You couldn't do it, Dana. Well, I would wonder when Heather finally said, huh,

Speaker 1 I'm going to make a little miniature bookshelf. Yeah, it would take me seven years, and I'll spend two

Speaker 1 hours. One year.
But it is a lot of work. All right, let's get to the news before we

Speaker 1 give me all your stuff.

Speaker 1 What's the first headline news?

Speaker 1 Here we go. What's going on?

Speaker 1 Yeah. What's the haps?

Speaker 1 And we just talk about it. Okay, there we go.
Oh, this is the kid that trashed Walmart.

Speaker 1 What would you okay? How about this situation? You're in Walmart. Someone's trashing it.
Here, play the video. What do you do?

Speaker 1 No, I don't see the parents. Oh,

Speaker 1 Do you say anything?

Speaker 1 Well, you just go and stop her immediately.

Speaker 1 First thing you do is grab her. Everyone's saying, don't stop her.

Speaker 1 Don't touch her. Don't do anything.

Speaker 1 Because the parents aren't there?

Speaker 1 I don't know where they are. Then she starts breaking jars.

Speaker 1 Now this woman's saying, don't even record her.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 1 You just have to kind of gently hold her.

Speaker 1 Are those her parents grabbing her? I don't know. I thought it was a girl.
Yeah, you just have to kind of stop her. It's called a tantrum, David.
You know, you know a thing or two about that.

Speaker 1 Your mom and I talked.

Speaker 1 Not through the worst fucking. I don't like my breakfast.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 when I grew up, I'd throw tantrums in my house and I can get away with it. If I did a store, it would be,

Speaker 1 I would get hit by not even anyone I knew. Someone would just hit me and everyone would applaud.
Because back then, I think you could discipline other people's kids. I think everyone's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 Because if you're going that crazy,

Speaker 1 well, you just have to. First thing you do is just got to stop them.
It's got to stop. It would make me crazy to watch that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It just, you just have to kind of gently stop her from doing it if you're not the parent, but you got to stop them. That's my opinion.

Speaker 1 I know it's a hot take. It's a hot take.
Would you do it if you were in Walmart?

Speaker 1 Throw things around like she knows would you do the one tackling?

Speaker 1 I wouldn't tackle, I don't think you'd have to tackle her. If you're saying gentle, and I'm like, so you tackle, okay.
Well, she looked like maybe a 50-pound little girl, kind of.

Speaker 1 I mean, it might be rough stuff for you, but you know, I work out a lot, so I could fight some of the weight 50 to 70. That's my weight class,

Speaker 1 50 to 70.

Speaker 1 I would gently have gotten down and

Speaker 1 I would have said, let's throw something together. And so I would throw like a roast turkey and then I would say to her, you know, you, I owe you an ice cream.
Let's go to a Woolworths.

Speaker 1 Woolworth. Remember Woolworth? Well, Bright Aid has some sometimes too.
There's random, like suddenly there's an ice cream store right next to the fire. Yeah, that's so weird.
I've seen that.

Speaker 1 And then the cashier has to walk over and they're like, hey, do you have cookies and cream? I'm like, I got to go.

Speaker 1 Well, can't they have a part-time employee over there like, okay, your line of 40 people. I'll see you in three minutes.
I'm going to do two double scoops over here for a second. Too convenient.

Speaker 1 No wonder they're going bankrupt. It's not the smashing grabs.
It's inefficiency. Good Lord.
Get with the program. Next one.
Get with the program.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. What is your take on this? So DiCaprio is staying at a hotel in Bali or something.

Speaker 1 He is checking out. The staff alerts everyone.
So they're all waiting for him in the lobby and he ISIS all of them

Speaker 1 oh mighty ISIS

Speaker 1 they're going

Speaker 1 I think that's maybe this girl so he fakes on the phone and a song how to

Speaker 1 oh is it a traditional reception they do I bet it's a tradition tradition for everybody who walks through there.

Speaker 1 They're like, he's gone and we're not even through the first verse.

Speaker 1 Maybe they all watched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. He was really good in that.

Speaker 1 Well, they all know him. They're probably just saying, like, hey, can you play along?

Speaker 1 What do you do, Dana? You goof around with those people.

Speaker 1 I'm a little codependent because I'm mostly a homebody. I'm not out at airports all the time, but I did get, I think I talked about this.

Speaker 1 I came off the last flight from New York at LAX and there was a big smiling gang of people with all the bobbleheads. And what they do is, and again, I just said,

Speaker 1 the thing is, okay, can I, is there a time I can do where I'm presenting well for the luck I've had in life? And there's a time when you feel like you're being used.

Speaker 1 Like in the olden days, you'd have like an eight-year-old come up and say,

Speaker 1 I loved Waynesworld. Could I have an autograph? You know, and this was you.

Speaker 1 I'm a bit older than you, and I remember signing the autograph for you.

Speaker 1 But now it's become commerce in a business. But in that case, with Leo being a global superstar,

Speaker 1 you either kind of settle in for a half hour if you're going to start doing pictures. 45 minutes, or you just walk by.
I'd like to hear from you, Mr. Spade.

Speaker 1 Well, I do understand. The people at the airport don't understand why I don't like them.
And it's because I like fans. They aren't fans.

Speaker 1 They're never happy if you stop signing. And

Speaker 1 basically, I say to them, listen, we're in a business together that I don't want to be in. You, I'm 50% of a business I don't want to be in.
You, you're like, I went and bought this.

Speaker 1 I drove, I secretly found out your flight number and your frequent flyer number. So I know where you are at all times.
So I show up here in your hotel, which is horrible, drives me nuts.

Speaker 1 And then I come on down here. So you owe me to sign it.
That's your part of the deal. And then I go sell it and make the money.
I go, I don't want my part.

Speaker 1 And they're, they're discombobulated. Well, that's why there's going to be a fight one day because these guys get, this guy was yelling, fuck you to me, because I didn't sign it up.

Speaker 1 And he goes, you're just standing there. I'm like, this isn't my job.
I don't care if you sell that or not. What are we doing here?

Speaker 1 So, but with DiCaprio, when I leave, I would be like, yeah, da, da, da. I would goof around with him a little bit.

Speaker 1 I, you know, you don't want to probably get stuck with a half hour pictures if you're going to your flight, but you wave and say thanks and say, yeah, hey, I'm taking off or something.

Speaker 1 I would think. Now, he's a big star.
He's sort of known for being quiet. I'm known for being loud.
We don't know what here.

Speaker 1 What we don't really know is the context of the video. Now, he may have stayed there, my words, not yours, for a week and a half and came doing some kind of movie or commercial.

Speaker 1 These big movie stars do overseas.

Speaker 1 So every time he went through, they played that music. And this was the 13th time.
Oh, yeah, possibly. And it just went like that.
But I will say, it's a numbers game. Like Taylor Swift would have.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, Taylor, pardon me, but there's 76,000 people outside that would like a picture with you. So that's an easy one.
You got to go underground or overground.

Speaker 1 I've seen apartments in New York where they line up on both sides, like Taylor, and they get from the car and she just walks straight in and they all scream.

Speaker 1 But, you know, how much does she owe them at that point? She's trying to get in. She's got to do that all day, getting in and out.
Well, you can't win.

Speaker 1 I mean, even in my little tiny world, if there's 20 people there, they'll just show me and they look. You can't.
They're beat up, hanging there for hours. They show me a panel.

Speaker 1 It's got eight little plastic squares. Oh, yeah, that's for fun.
And they tell me it's either a buck fifty or two fifty if I just go like that.

Speaker 1 And so that's ten dollars a panel. I might be able to feed my family.
So you just, you know, you know, they tell me, I do one, pick which one? And they go, okay, this

Speaker 1 bench from wears jersey. So I signed that and they go, and what about this? I came all the way here.
I go, I just said one. Pick that one then.
You should have picked that one.

Speaker 1 Then he goes, my daughter loves it, and she is your biggest fan. And she's holding a Funko like this.
And I go, all right. I go, what movies do you like, little girl?

Speaker 1 And she goes, Who the fuck are you?

Speaker 1 Okay, well,

Speaker 1 they don't know, they just grab someone and go, Tell this asshole you want to sign it. He's not going to ask me,

Speaker 1 I guess. Yeah, she's got her eyes messed up.
Yeah, poor thing, you know.

Speaker 1 I mean, uh, it's just sign this shit. This guy's gonna buy me a snow cone.
That's the thing. I just go, and then the first time I sign, it's a beautiful D-A-N-N-A.

Speaker 1 And by the hundredth one, it's like, it's just, but what I did, this is what I did. And it's going to get worse if I say this, but it's out there.

Speaker 1 Because I was, just got bored signing things. So they, I started doing a little quick drawing of Garth.

Speaker 1 So I do Garth, and then people started to bring drum, drum, a tom-tom, drum top. So, hey, can I get a picture of Garth? So I start drawing these abstract pictures of Garth.

Speaker 1 You can see the glasses, the hair. And so those are big.
And then once in a while,

Speaker 1 I'll see what your doppelanger is. I don't know if that's that's the right word.
I'll see something and they've got Mike. You know, it's like a Wayne's World Rolling Stone.

Speaker 1 And then, and then they have Garth now. So that's like a big thing.
It's worth more.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So you would get that with.
I get that with if they have

Speaker 1 almost a finished bench warmers with those guys, a grown-ups poster, Tommy Boy, a black sheep. That stuff.
If you get everybody. And I get baseballs too.
What are we doing with a baseball?

Speaker 1 Why is David Spade signing to baseball? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I get

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 caps that men wear in water polo. I get those.
And I go, what's the connection here, guys? I'm not an Olympic team. I just get jock straps.
I get

Speaker 1 just sign it so I can have dinner. Yeah.
No, at the beginning, I do a perfect D, perfect curse, and by the end, it's just a liquid fart. I go

Speaker 1 all over the thing.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Liquid fart. Stop my sloppy writing.
God damn, I hit this and yanked my thing in. Anyway, I'll just say it.
Next one.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Dana, great guy.

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Speaker 1 All right, here we go.

Speaker 1 This year-old girl decided to something a balloon.

Speaker 1 Release a balloon. Oh, this is an interesting story.
Okay. The true story.
This girl releases a balloon, puts her name, writes a note,

Speaker 1 like we all of us little girls do. Go ahead.

Speaker 3 Ten-year-old girl decided to release a balloon one day with her name and address on a note.

Speaker 1 Apparently, this is actually her grandpa daddy to help her find a pen pal.

Speaker 3 But although they figured that nothing would come out of it, what happened next just blew everyone's mind.

Speaker 3 You see, around a week after Laura Buxton released her balloon, she suddenly got a letter from Laura Buxton.

Speaker 3 As it turns out, after floating for more than 400 miles across England, her balloon had just landed in some random guy's backyard.

Speaker 3 But right as this guy was about to toss it out, he suddenly recognized the name.

Speaker 3 Somehow, he actually just so happened to have a neighbor named Laura Buxton, so he simply tried returning the balloon to her.

Speaker 3 But since she had never even seen this balloon before, she was really confused. And when this Laura Buxton finally wrote back to the address on the note, something absolutely crazy was discovered.

Speaker 3 You see, not only were these two girls both Laura Buxton, they had the exact same eye color, age, and build.

Speaker 1 They also owned the exact same pets: a gray rabbit, a guinea pig with a mark on its butt, and a three-year-old black lamb.

Speaker 3 And on top of that, when these two girls met for the first time, they somehow both wore jeans with pink sweaters and brought their gifts.

Speaker 1 They're twins six.

Speaker 3 And both Laura Buxton were even the exact same height of four foot seven, which was really tall for their age. They ended up becoming close friends and still are to this day.

Speaker 3 And Snopes actually verified that all these details really are true.

Speaker 1 They both hated Dana Carvey.

Speaker 1 I would say their twins separated at birth. Or

Speaker 1 that was too many, too many coincidences. It was too many.

Speaker 1 What's this snopes? What do we have to believe about that? Who the fuck believes that? I don't even know what that is.

Speaker 1 What is that shit? Yeah, who knows what's real or not real?

Speaker 1 I believe literally everything on TikTok for the same time. I go, oh, my God.
Next one, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 That's what they want. I'm a good customer.
Yeah. Well, I'm not saying you're gullible, but I'm saying you you might be a little impressionable or easy to convince.
I don't want to get into that.

Speaker 1 They have to get you in two seconds. So they go, this is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my whole entire life.

Speaker 1 And then you stay and they go, let me back up. I was born.
And then you go,

Speaker 1 then they want to keep you on for as long as you can stand it. I know.
See, we're not, we don't harbor in that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 Maybe because we went to state school on this podcast with like teaser bylines and controversies. And guess what David Spade says? Yeah.
We just kind of start yapping and hope for the numbers.

Speaker 1 I just put up a TikTok and it bombed. All right.
So, okay, we'll go to the next one. That was just sort of a human interest story.
I thought it was sweet, really.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is classic, dude. Man sent his family's $550,000 savings to a streamer so she would call him bro.
Now, talk about sounding fucking dumb and fake. And look at this bro.

Speaker 1 That's not the real guy. Bro.

Speaker 1 Well, what would she, would she call him bro for $100,000? How did he mean I would?

Speaker 1 How about $5,000 to call me and say, bro? Come meet me at the airport like they do and give me a little taste, you know, wet the beak. I'll say, bro.
I'll say, so she turned down $540,000.

Speaker 1 Get the fuck out of here. She said, I gave you the number.
It's $550,000. So anyway, how'd you like to

Speaker 1 be the family? Where's her 550? I just wanted to hear her call me bro. Yeah, something's wrong.
Financially ruined the family, and they're surviving on plain buns.

Speaker 1 What are the odds that the person or the entity that called him was not an AI? So he just gave over a half million to an AI. Oh, that would be worse.
At least he's really buttering up this girl.

Speaker 1 But some of these girls make so much money. I mean, mean, they fart in a jar.
I don't want a grocery shop, but there's just things they do. And it just makes money.

Speaker 1 And we're sitting here busting our humps. I've always said it.
Just watch the technology. The technology begats the behavior.

Speaker 1 I mean, the world's first telegraph, the first message was, did it, did it, did it? Kansas City, we need food. Did it, did it? The second message was, did it, did it? Kansas City, what's your name?

Speaker 1 Did it? What are you wearing? Did it, did it, did it? Touch yourself. That was it.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 touch yourself, Dana. That's a little risky.
That's a little touchy for me. No, I think it's a little frisky.
This is a longer bit.

Speaker 1 I'll just do the first part, but it was a flight of fancy in my head that

Speaker 1 what was the world's first phone sex? Because phones, when they came into the home, I was really like, operate, get me a line off all fall seven. You know, those little old-fashioned phones.

Speaker 1 The world's first phone sex would have been awkward because they wouldn't know. So it's like,

Speaker 1 hello, hello.

Speaker 1 Ma, Ma, it's Paul. Paul, what do you call me for? I got 10 kids.
I got to make dinner. What are you doing? Well, Ma, I was down at the Five and Diamond.

Speaker 1 I saw a lady mannequin wearing nothing but her underthings. And it got a fella thinking, Ma, what are you yapping about for? What do you mean?

Speaker 1 What you were thinking? Well, Ma, I wondered what kind of pantaloons you're wearing today. Pantaloons? Pantaloon? Well, if you must know, I'm wearing my Carter Spanky briefs.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was hoping you'd wear those catagold print pantaloons. I got you in Dodge City last year.
And that's part of the bit. I don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 I like it. Kept going.

Speaker 1 Dodge City. He went all the way to Dodge City, got her flannel pantaloons.
Yeah, and she gets on her high horse. And then she wasn't really going with it.
Paul, did you have a five-cent beer?

Speaker 1 Because you sound drunk. No, Ma, I had a two-cent beer.
I'm not drunk. I got an old school boner.

Speaker 1 And don't yell at me about it. So, anyway, that's that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 So, but long story short, today in the digital world, women and men, but especially women and with OnlyFans, are able to monetize how men are just sort of helpless,

Speaker 1 helpless fools. Men are the worst.
I mean, my God, who's worse? The one

Speaker 1 greasy, stupid

Speaker 1 fools, horny,

Speaker 1 greasy, stupid, and willing to depart with cash.

Speaker 1 No joke, dude. My God.
No joke. I'm not getting around here.

Speaker 1 Set me up.

Speaker 1 With my Joey. With my Joey.
Katie used to say no joke. That's right.
I still have to. I want to challenge you.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So, Carson, Johnny Carson's alive today, and he's going to do a monologue joke about Hunter Biden being pardoned. Okay.

Speaker 1 Go. Oh, we need one.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Did you read this today, Ed? I don't know if you read this.

Speaker 1 Hunter Biden, the one who was having sex with his

Speaker 1 brother's wife, he's gotten himself in a bit of a pickle.

Speaker 1 I heard, I heard a rumor. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, that ladies. Okay.
Someone got into his diary and found all sorts of unsavory things.

Speaker 1 So apparently, Hunter Biden

Speaker 1 got pardoned by his father, and it was quite controversial because apparently he was uh under the charges of being drunk and holding a gun on a saturday night and shooting it off in the neighborhood uh obviously it was just another night with ed oh

Speaker 1 done rickles over there and said shoot me and i'll eat a cookie

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah ed's in the corner you know ed the show started half hour ago give him a cookie

Speaker 1 pack him in ice and put him put him in a home i like pack him in ice pack him in ice oh the show

Speaker 1 Oh, Frank Sinatra. Baboom's you called.
No, I love Rickles, but Johnny, Johnny Kirschin.

Speaker 1 I can't think of a good one. I know, that's a hard one.
What's a news story? Heather?

Speaker 1 Greg?

Speaker 1 Nobody. Oh, no, any news story?

Speaker 1 Oh, she said alien stories are all over Instagram and TikTok, but they don't talk about the abductions as much as they used to. It's more just sightings, which is a valid point.

Speaker 1 And there's, you know, conspiracy reasons behind it. But I think they do have, when people disappear, I think a lot of it's.

Speaker 1 I think we have a deal with the aliens where we give them some and they give us some technology. There, I said it.

Speaker 1 The last time I saw something that really looked truly alien was Bill the Plumber fixing the

Speaker 1 faucet.

Speaker 1 And that crack was as long as an alien spaceship.

Speaker 1 Longer than San Andreas.

Speaker 1 I dated a woman named San Andreas a while back, and she said everything wasn't her fault. Yo.

Speaker 1 It's not bad. I actually came up with a joke.
God damn, we just stumbled into one.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do one more. Is there anything else? One more.
Wrap this up and then let's wrap up Dana lay down. This Lalapaloo stuff.
This is cute.

Speaker 1 This is the world's first horse mixed with something else. Let's see it.

Speaker 6 Do you think this is mortally ethical? There's a ranch in Casper, Wyoming. I almost said Laramie.
Sorry, Laramie. It's in

Speaker 6 Wyoming.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 they hybrided this animal between two different animal species. And I want to see if you can guess which two animal species you think it is.

Speaker 1 So the first one

Speaker 1 obvious is a horse.

Speaker 1 Alabaloosa.

Speaker 6 So its mother was a horse.

Speaker 6 They were surprised that it came out looking exactly like a horse, given who its father was. Now let's see if you can guess who the father.

Speaker 6 A giraffe. Yep.
They did breed it with the giraffe.

Speaker 6 And not much came out from the giraffe besides two things. One is the neck

Speaker 6 longer than the average horse. You can, you know, you can measure it right here.
It definitely is longer. But second, pretty obvious, the pattern, right?

Speaker 1 It's got a giraffe pattern.

Speaker 6 It's a little bit different,

Speaker 1 but it is beautiful.

Speaker 6 They're starting to sell them. They're very expensive.

Speaker 1 They're almost a million dollars a pop.

Speaker 6 But are we, are we messing around with nature too much, or am I just being too sensitive? Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 We're messing around too much.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a little weird. Yeah.
It's very weird. You You hear that, Ed? They, uh, what they did was they got a giraffe to uh make whoopee with a uh with a horse, and uh,

Speaker 1 and the only thing that came out was um, the uh horse could not reach the apple in the tree. He was frustrated that its neck wasn't longer.

Speaker 1 Sorry, it's been a long day. I drove three and a half hours.
I apologize to our audience. Did that horse's neck really look longer anyway? No, no, it didn't, and it wasn't bred with a giraffe.

Speaker 1 Oh, gross, yeah, it wasn't bred with a giraffe, and it wasn't. made up.
It wasn't.

Speaker 1 No, it's all made up. Oh, listen to Dana's.
It's taken up. It's made up.
It's made up. They have a news.
It's all made up

Speaker 1 and they're trending with fake news.

Speaker 1 I know. Some of it's fake.

Speaker 1 Most of our stories are made up on this. Is that a good enough one to end with? Let's do one more.
Sorry, in case we have one more. Yeah, let's do a closer.
This is called The Closer. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, this drives me nuts. This is at our goddang mall.
We go to Century City.

Speaker 1 What would you do, Heather?

Speaker 1 I was there during a smash and grab one. Oh, she was there for a smash and grab.
She did nothing.

Speaker 1 Oh, you weren't there. Okay.

Speaker 1 They were laughing and stealing everything. Now, these guys in their motorcycles,

Speaker 1 just picture. Wouldn't that scare you? They're like running, you know.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 When they go

Speaker 1 in numbers, it's sort of the

Speaker 1 threatening, threatening motif.

Speaker 1 I mean, look at the guy that writes. I think there's

Speaker 1 oh i didn't see that i don't like it i just don't like that i don't crime no that's like it's a little bit like clockwork orange for the three people who get the reference and it's too accepted they're like hey you know here's what you should do when you get robbed here's what you should do when they smash your store it's like how about we have them not do that how how why are why are the store owners the problem like you should pay to get more you should pay to get thicker glass but no how about arrest somebody instead of yeah because we went through this and we went through the lawless west where yeah 20 cowboys would come in shoot their guns

Speaker 1 and everyone would cower you know we'll be back tomorrow and i hope you have that bag of gold right but then they'd fix them Then we went through law and order and stop it, sir, freeze and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 And now we're right back to the wild, wild west, except there are motorcycles.

Speaker 1 I mean, God dang, it's just like everywhere you go, they're boarding up somewhere. Someone else lost their whole business.
You

Speaker 1 what would it sound like when they were boarding up?

Speaker 1 Hang on, what did you say? What?

Speaker 1 We're doing one more. Oh, we're gonna have to.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This,

Speaker 1 okay, we got it. Oh, she's she's gonna shoot hoops, try to hit this basketball.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 okay, that's the one. This is three-pointer.

Speaker 3 For shot number two, we're going back up.

Speaker 1 That was actually really perfect shot. Keep going.

Speaker 1 Back up. Okay, this is one shot.
Shot number two.

Speaker 1 Okay, Dana.

Speaker 1 All right, for shot number three, we're going back even further. Shot.

Speaker 1 I think it's real.

Speaker 1 It looks good if it's fake.

Speaker 1 That's a tough one. The triple

Speaker 1 triper.

Speaker 1 She didn't even act like it was a big deal. Chris Farley's sister.
You see that stance? And that's the triple. Well, if that's real, hats off, I'd say.

Speaker 1 That's

Speaker 1 a good one. A lot of practice.
She spends a lot of time doing how many thousands of takes in the thousands. What would it be?

Speaker 1 It took two years to get that video. For you to do it.
How many years?

Speaker 1 How long did it take Heather to do that? What would be the hardest one? It would be Heather in the dollhouse time. How long was the Dollhouse? A year.

Speaker 1 It seemed like the Frisbee would be the one, but because she banked it. Yeah, you could do it on an angle.

Speaker 1 But still, yeah, I would have to, you know, maybe it was an optical illusion, like the basket was like eight feet across or something. I bet I could do the football one first.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 Football, yeah.

Speaker 1 I look like Gerbits today. Yeah, it's Prada.
You like Prada?

Speaker 1 I have a shirt just like that, except mine's expensive.

Speaker 1 Hey, handsome.

Speaker 1 And this is your guide through this

Speaker 1 lexicon that is show business.

Speaker 1 I see all your money's not going back in the wardrobe. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, you hate money. That's okay.

Speaker 1 Some people like it. Dana likes it.
Rob Lowe likes it.

Speaker 1 I said I know Rob Lowe's every other billboard.

Speaker 1 Good for you.

Speaker 1 We're trying to wait on this kick that Heather's sending. We might have to start with it next week.

Speaker 1 I went to the doctor today, Dana, so I'm feeling a little goosey still.

Speaker 1 Are you feeling still, like, gave you a little med or something? That's still a little woosy. Well, they just checked.
They just, I don't think it's a bad deal. They injected me with dye or something.

Speaker 1 Heroin. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they said,

Speaker 1 But when they do it, you can't eat, which I don't like. I have low blood sugar, so I don't like to not eat.
So I go, I got to get right in there and just do it.

Speaker 1 But they have to put put the stickers on me, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they didn't make me take off my shirt, but of course she goes up to my neck under my shirt. She's like, okay, where are your pecs? I'm like,

Speaker 1 you're close. Just stick to the bag.
Did they shave your chest?

Speaker 1 They shaved my pubes for.

Speaker 1 Even though they didn't put any electronic control grass thing down. I didn't want to make any waves.
I just said, do what you got to do.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 they put the stickers on and they changed them. They weren't like perfect.
They look at the monitor and go, they changed maybe 45 times. I kept going,

Speaker 1 Have you guys done this before? What's going on? They're like, We just got to get a good connection. It's like a car battery.
They're like, Nah, nah, nah. I'm like,

Speaker 1 because they kept going. Then you go in there, and then we inject your veins with dye.
And I'm like, Yeah,

Speaker 1 then it feels very weird.

Speaker 1 It's a little warm,

Speaker 1 really warm. Really warm.
I didn't want to tell you. Pulsating headache.

Speaker 1 And a pup tent, they said was not related.

Speaker 1 So you got kind of turned. They injected you with

Speaker 1 sales. Yeah, I go, is there any Viagra? Let's go to a gas station, grab a boner pill by the gas.

Speaker 1 I like when they're right by the cashier.

Speaker 1 You know, when you go to.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 I didn't notice that. And they go, herbal Viagra, huh? Rod for the road? Maybe? Where are you going? Irvine? Maybe a boner for no reason? I'm like, yeah, throw one in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, why not?

Speaker 1 You're in a lot of quick-stop gas station places

Speaker 1 with all kinds of synthetic beef jerky. How do you like it?

Speaker 1 It's 4% actual beef, beef jerky. It's synthetic.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll tell you more about stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to know what the results of the test was. Oh, yeah, me too.
I'll read them live on the air like Maury.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait. David makes the shot clip.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, we don't have to. This is me making a shot kicking

Speaker 1 a Tito's bottle when I was on lights out. One try.
One try.

Speaker 1 My girl's going wild hat.

Speaker 1 Chris Rock and I did a gig. That's a good one.
But did it go somewhere?

Speaker 1 Oh, you just kicked it off. This is like for charity.
I did a thing where I could do a spin kick and kick off the top of a Tito's bottle.

Speaker 1 Did you need to have to ice down after that low stance and the physical? I'll show it again, actually. I'll show it again.

Speaker 1 Ready?

Speaker 1 Oh, God, it starts too fast. You can't even get your bearings.

Speaker 1 Dude, I have the exact same shoes on right now.

Speaker 1 That was me going,

Speaker 1 mustache is pretty meager. I mean,

Speaker 1 meager.

Speaker 3 It's wispy.

Speaker 1 Mustache is a little,

Speaker 1 yeah, a little light, but I pulled my hamstring, my quad,

Speaker 1 my thorax.

Speaker 1 Let's bring lights out back. That was a fun show.
It was fun. We might.

Speaker 1 But next time, don't call a show lights out.

Speaker 1 Good night, Mr. Spade.

Speaker 1 It's like calling a show canceled.

Speaker 1 I might have my new haircut next week. I'll tell you.
I'll let you know. Are you really, you're not serious about that? You're not cutting.

Speaker 1 I think I'm cutting the side from like here

Speaker 1 off.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, like

Speaker 1 so you'll have a little bit of like a crew cut, just stubble around your ear. I think.
I've seen that style, but not on anyone over 30 years.

Speaker 1 Well, you can do it if you're a pop star.

Speaker 1 No, Dana. I'll tell you, it's going to be great.
All right, I got to go. I got so many things going.

Speaker 1 All this dye in me.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
Hope you liked it.