Patton Oswalt

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Speaker 1 Dana, Patton Oswald is on the show today.

Speaker 2 Patton Oswald, he is, I'm just going to say, he's a dandy. This guy

Speaker 2 has been in our, I love the figure speech, in our living rooms for decades. Great stand-up.

Speaker 2 Has a new game show we talk about. What was really fun for me is he is a movie buff.

Speaker 2 And I

Speaker 2 watched The Killers, the Stanley Kubrick film 1958. So

Speaker 2 he was so excited to talk about that. And of course,

Speaker 2 Planet of the Apes fanatic. So all that is really a fun part of this.
And then also,

Speaker 2 he

Speaker 2 came through the whole San Francisco comedy club scene.

Speaker 2 I had left a little bit before he arrived, but he talks about how he became Patton Oswald, you know, how he, how he became a great stand-up from all of his travails in that arena.

Speaker 1 Super easygoing guy, easy easy to laugh. Had a nice time chatting with him.

Speaker 1 And yeah, we got in all that stuff. Even I jumped in on some of those movies that I knew.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 yeah. And we did break down the idea that sometimes Wikipedia pages are inaccurate.

Speaker 2 That's true. We do go into that for a while.

Speaker 1 I usually try to find someone on Wikipedia, something on Wikipedia that they don't think is there. And I'm like, this can't be real.
And then it usually is not real.

Speaker 1 And they're like, where did you get that? I'm like, it says it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. There's some, I've had some funny stuff on my Wikipedia page.
We talk about that. And so he was just a really fun,

Speaker 2 easy person to hang out with for an hour. All right, here he is.
Patton Oswald.

Speaker 2 Also, are there any other Pattons, really? I mean, there was a famous actor named Patton, right? Not you, but someone.

Speaker 12 Well, there's a Paula Patton, and then there's a

Speaker 2 last name, though.

Speaker 12 Yeah, And then who's that other great, great actor, Will Patton?

Speaker 12 But there's no, there's no first name Pattons.

Speaker 2 And you're named after General Patton, which is pretty cool.

Speaker 12 Dad was a Marine, had high hopes.

Speaker 1 And I thought you were named after Paula Patton.

Speaker 12 He was also a, he is weird. He actually predicted her becoming a star.
uh three years before she yeah he was like i feel like there's going to be this actress

Speaker 1 paula's great i did did a movie with Paula. She played my love interest shocker of the century.

Speaker 2 God, you're always the boyfriend. Wow.

Speaker 1 And guess what?

Speaker 1 She was a bit resistant to that. I think she was

Speaker 1 maybe

Speaker 1 just cast first or maybe she just cast, but I'm sure she's reading the script. And it was a Sandler movie.

Speaker 2 And I'm sure Paula was like, oh, I guess I could.

Speaker 1 Make out with Sandler. And then there's a little bit of a mix-up.
Because when you read, actually, this is true. When you read the script,

Speaker 1 I'm the lead and Adam is, Adam's the second lead. So I read it thinking I was the second part.
Adam goes, no, you're the other part. And I go, that's the lead.

Speaker 1 And so Paul is probably reading it going,

Speaker 1 I just thought of that. Oh, my God, it's horrible.

Speaker 2 Was that where Sandler's a military assassin, badass, and you're kind of the nerd? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. The Zot is good.
Yeah. That dancing.

Speaker 2 No, not Zohan. He was one of the Netflix ones.

Speaker 12 It's all right.

Speaker 12 Wasn't he also like an elite assassin?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's always an elite something.

Speaker 12 Elite something. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Have you ever gotten to play a badass in a movie?

Speaker 12 Oh, no, no. I'm always the guy.

Speaker 2 Me neither. So

Speaker 12 I'm in a lot of badass movies, but I'm the guy either building the equipment or telling the badass, like, hey, be careful with this.

Speaker 2 Building the equipment.

Speaker 12 Yeah, I'm handing equipment over to people.

Speaker 12 Like I'm giving Ryan Reynolds or Wesley Snipes a piece of vampire killing equipment or something like that.

Speaker 2 I just sharpened the stake, sir.

Speaker 3 It's ready to go.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Have you ever thrown a punch in a movie?

Speaker 2 No, I listen

Speaker 12 to the sound effect.

Speaker 12 I've never thrown a punch, but I was on Conan a few years ago and they put together a real

Speaker 12 I apparently get my ass kicked a lot in movies and TV shows. So there's a whole thing from Magnolia and Justified and Burn Note where I'm just getting either killed or horribly beaten up or tortured.

Speaker 2 So you were in Magnolia? Yes.

Speaker 2 Because that's kind of a work of art as a movie. I mean, it's

Speaker 2 brilliant, right?

Speaker 12 It's brilliant, but anyone who works with Paul Timers-Handerson will tell you, you don't, they don't give you the whole script. They send you your pages.

Speaker 2 Oh, so ballsy.

Speaker 12 So ballsy. So all I had was.
I'm beaten up in a casino and then I'm suddenly, I'm in a green wetsuit and I'm hanging in this tree in the valley.

Speaker 12 And they're dumping arrowhead waters over my head to keep me from passing out because it was so hot. And I said, Paul, what the fuck is going on? What is this? And he just said,

Speaker 12 I'll just put it this way. You're the first frog that falls out of the sky and it'll make sense to you when you see the movie.

Speaker 2 No, it won't.

Speaker 2 You'll be even more confused when it happens. I go watch me.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Tom Cruise got the sides and it just said, respect the cock. And he didn't even know the context of that.

Speaker 12 I think he did. Well, I feel like maybe Tom Cruise's people were able to go, can we see the whole script?

Speaker 1 A few extra pages.

Speaker 12 Yeah, but when you're at Pat and Oswald, what level of the like, here's your page. We'll see you in Reno in two weeks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess. With David, just get stage directions.
You just get stage directions on that. You don't even get dialogue.

Speaker 1 Grown-ups just said, you have shorts on. I said, all right, well, I'll do it.

Speaker 12 Hang on, I can use shorts.

Speaker 2 Perfect. I mean, exactly.

Speaker 1 That's great.

Speaker 1 Can they be pleated? Let me talk to Adam. We'll get back to you.

Speaker 2 Oh, you mean those little miniature script pages that people have in their pocket? Mini sides. Mini sides.
Mini sides. Hell yeah.
Woo, bringing out the mini side.

Speaker 12 Sometimes I'll look in movies. I'll look in the pant legs and see if I can spot either mini sides or

Speaker 12 cell phones. You always look for the little mini sides folded up.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. You look at Game of Thrones and you see a 7-Eleven cup and some mini sides and you're like, oh, wait, when was this shot?

Speaker 2 I thought it was 1440.

Speaker 1 They had Blackberries then.

Speaker 12 Didn't they literally have to go in and do like CJ to get rid of a Starbucks cup in an episode of Game of Thrones near the end?

Speaker 12 It was apparently so chaotic at the end that they just couldn't, you know,

Speaker 2 shit.

Speaker 1 I heard some guy, Kit.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was the car from Knight Rider, but someone's named Kit was saying that

Speaker 1 it was so hard at Game of Thrones. They go, people didn't like the ending, but you know what? We just wanted to get out of there.
It was too much, like freezing and

Speaker 1 all the things.

Speaker 2 You don't even think about, you're wearing 48 pounds of armor every scene and a pelt of a goddamn walrus.

Speaker 1 You're like, guys.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Well, it's always interesting when you talk to crew members about what are good movies and they're like, like, yeah, oh my God, you did crew on There Will Be Blood.

Speaker 2 They're like, that sucked.

Speaker 12 It was just like dust and wind. And then you're like, oh, yeah, you also did Alvin and the Chipmunks 2.

Speaker 2 That was a a great movie.

Speaker 12 We were on a cruise ship.

Speaker 2 There was a buffet.

Speaker 12 Like, their perspective on filmmaking is so different than ours.

Speaker 12 We're going for art. And they're like, no, I will happily do.
Are you kidding? Grown ups for you? Greatest movie ever made. It was so much fun.

Speaker 1 Shit. Yeah, the crew has a good time too, because they sit in truck.
Most crews sit in trucks. I mean,

Speaker 1 it's, you have to have someone for everything if you're listening. So if you say Adam goes, we need a bow and arrow.

Speaker 1 Where's call props? Then props runs up and goes, we have a bow and arrow. And he's like, ah, let me check the truck, which means no.
Yeah. And then they have to send someone to go get one.

Speaker 1 But, you know, it's just you, you don't want to waste time. So everything's there in case of whatever.

Speaker 12 Yeah. They go through the script and they try to imagine every possible thing that might get riffed on the day.
Oh, he might want this. Let's have it.

Speaker 1 Well, comedies are horrible. Like I'm sure on PTA's movies, it's very precise.
But with movies that are comedies, you know you're ad-libbing.

Speaker 1 And there's some things where they go, hey, you come out of here. Like I came out of a closet in one of the grown-ups movies from a hangover.

Speaker 1 And they go, oh, what if you had one of the sweaters on from one of the women? Cause you're just drunk. Okay.
Then that did turn into, what if you have a bow and arrow? What if you have a hat on?

Speaker 1 What if you have a catcher's mask on? And then they just went into props and go, what's the funniest shit that would be in a closet that I could, we wearing all of it?

Speaker 1 And then we came up with like eight things. And the last one was I take the coat off and I've got one of those breast pump things on that the wife had earlier.
So I'm like, there we go, finally.

Speaker 2 Did it jump the shark at any point or was it just funnier?

Speaker 1 It actually got funny because

Speaker 1 we took half a day to go through each one and go, which one is the funny one? Which one's the last one?

Speaker 1 And then the dog came out after me. And I was like, oh, there you go.

Speaker 1 And they said something like, always with a blonde because the dog was like a golden retriever. I just

Speaker 1 can't make it funnier, Patton.

Speaker 12 I just imagine the props people walking in the truck going, the comedians are riffing again.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 It's riffing on movies. Here we go.
Oh, God.

Speaker 12 David Spellum has some ideas.

Speaker 12 Make some coffee. We're going to be here late.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's brainstorming.

Speaker 2 Triple

Speaker 2 time.

Speaker 1 He's not one on the call sheet. We don't need to hear his ideas.

Speaker 12 What was that story that Michael Keaton told when his little son was in like kindergarten and they did like career day? Like, what do your parents do?

Speaker 12 And Michael Keaton was kind of pumped up like because his son had visited him on sets thinking oh he's gonna my dad's movie star and then when they got to his son his son went my dad lives in a trailer he just

Speaker 12 that's what he thought his dad did for a living he went and sat in the trailer all true he never saw him actually on the app

Speaker 1 nine minutes a day yeah he visited him in a trailer I mean, Batman, those movies are like, they say they shoot a quarter page a day. So

Speaker 1 it's mostly stunts and then you got to be on some wires and a green screen.

Speaker 1 And I imagine

Speaker 1 them.

Speaker 12 I imagine you're bolted into that costume. Like they're apparently in on the

Speaker 12 Christian Bale ones, he has to like lean against the wall.

Speaker 12 Like, you know, like when you do a period thing and the dresses between shots, they have the women like lean because they don't want to, you can't sit down. They don't want you to mess with the dress.

Speaker 12 That's how it is with a bat. He kind of leans on this plank against the wall to keep the costume okay.

Speaker 2 Do the agents managers come and visit him? Does his team come and visit him?

Speaker 12 Well, you're like, it's their way of going. You're literally a prop.
Like, we are leaning you against the wall in between these shots.

Speaker 1 I know, it's always just your eyes and those things. You're like, hey, that's Ben Affleck.
No, it's George Corner.

Speaker 2 Well, either way, get stuffed in this thing and then jump around.

Speaker 12 How great is, by the way, how happy is Robert Downey Jr.? He's got Iron Man and now Dr. Doom.
They're going to have close-ups of his face that he'll shoot in some studio.

Speaker 12 And the rest is a stuntman in a suit. Like, it's the best job ever.

Speaker 1 And isn't he

Speaker 2 62 million or no for the two movies? It's insane.

Speaker 1 It's something that he doesn't need.

Speaker 1 It's also what was

Speaker 1 Deadpool has that costume on, which it took me three movies to go, wait, when is it him?

Speaker 1 When is a guy gesticulating in scenes in a two-shot? And the Ryan just,

Speaker 1 you know, voiceovers the whole scene.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Well, it's very smart on his part.
He has a business empire. I mean, he's doing so many things.
He only does two days on Deadpool. The rest is is the side of 300.

Speaker 12 And then counts this mulah.

Speaker 2 There you go.

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Speaker 3 Hey, everybody. It's me, Bill Maher.
If you're not watching or at least listening to Club Random, you're really missing something good and something unique.

Speaker 3 Because I don't think we look or sound like any other podcast. And that's by design.

Speaker 3 My life's quest has been to do some kind of show that captured the level of intimacy and the lack of artifice you would see if you saw me off camera talking to a friend.

Speaker 3 No one else in the room, plenty of pot and booze, and nothing planned. This is a show where I get high talking to someone I'm interested in to get to know and to laugh with.

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Speaker 3 So please follow Club Random with Bill Maher and see new episodes every Monday on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 2 So, Pat, one thing I find interesting about you and comedians in general, stand-ups,

Speaker 2 you're on the road, and what is there to do? So, you try to see a movie. Yes.
So,

Speaker 2 and your thing, you wrote a book about it. You're like downtown, but I saw a lot, a lot of movies because that's how you feel that day.

Speaker 12 Yes.

Speaker 2 And I did see a list. I don't know if it was legit, but it was you were online going top worst sci-fi movies and top best.

Speaker 12 Yes.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 I'm sure it was just off the top of your head. There's some missing here.

Speaker 12 Yeah, well, it was also that thing.

Speaker 12 Because I've been in enough movies now to know that even the quote-unquote worst movies, people broke their back making those things. Like they really worked hard.

Speaker 12 So to me, a bad science fiction movie is one that has a great premise and they don't run with it. Like they just kind of,

Speaker 12 you know, or they don't have any fun with it.

Speaker 2 So, right.

Speaker 12 Weirdly enough, like a movie like Deep Blue Sea is on my top five worst thing, even though I say

Speaker 12 it is the most insanely entertaining, bad science fiction movie. Like the whole premise is nuts, where they're trying to cure Alzheimer's and they need to operate on these sharks.

Speaker 12 But the side effect is the sharks become super intelligent. So you're like, wait a minute.

Speaker 12 So to help grandma, so stop grandma pooping in her pants, the sea is now filled with genius level, unstoppable killing machines.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 2 That's kind of brilliant. Feels like a Michael Bay man pitch sold in about eight seconds in Hollywood.

Speaker 12 Exactly. Yeah.
So I love that kind of, that kind of thinking.

Speaker 1 Also, they could have gone so far where the sharks have to do the operations because they're the smartest ones now.

Speaker 12 That, oh my God, that would have been brilliant if the sharks become so intelligent

Speaker 12 that they start experimenting on us. see that that would have been a genuinely brilliant bonkers twist because you don't see it coming.

Speaker 2 You're like, oh my god, sharks like scalpel and his little fancy deep blue sea again. Yeah, it's not too late.
Do it again. Good cast.

Speaker 1 I'm looking it up. Saffron Burroughs, love Sam Jackson comes with Emny Project.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 1 Thomas Jane, LO Cool J, Stellen Skarsgaard, Stellan Skarsgaard, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I want to buy an S. I just want a bet.

Speaker 12 Sam Jackson has a scene. It has one of the best scenes in a movie.
I don't know. Have you guys seen Deep Blue Sea?

Speaker 2 No. Okay.

Speaker 2 David.

Speaker 12 David knows what I'm doing. I don't want to spoil the surprise for you, Dana.
I will say when the thing happens,

Speaker 12 I saw it

Speaker 12 at the Cinerama Dome. and the audience gave it a standing applause.
They were so happy. It was a genuine, I did not see this coming.

Speaker 2 Yes, thank you.

Speaker 12 This is fantastic.

Speaker 1 Should you tell Dana? I don't know. Maybe.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 I don't think it would

Speaker 1 pause it for a second if you don't want to hear this.

Speaker 2 I kind of have a sense of what the speech might be.

Speaker 12 Well, in the middle of the movie, Sam, they're like, the situation is dire. They've got to get themselves off this lab.
And Sam Jackson's, and this is right after pulp fiction.

Speaker 12 And he starts one of his Sam Jackson speeches where he's talking about, if you think water is bad,

Speaker 12 try ice. I was trapped on a map.
And it is this building. And then a shark comes out of the water and just bites him in half, like in the middle of Sam Jackson.

Speaker 2 It is.

Speaker 12 It is so goddamn perfect. And you know that when Sam Jackson read that, when they gave him the strip, he was laughing his ass off and went, there's no way I'm not doing this.

Speaker 12 This is going to be fantastic.

Speaker 1 No one saw coming.

Speaker 2 Kills. Once in a while, it occurs to me that I think Samuel Jackson may be the American movie star in the last 30 years.

Speaker 2 Only because of all the different quadrants he occupies. Go ahead.

Speaker 12 Well, also because he's just one of those guys that when he's on screen, what do you do with everyone else? He's just, it's just the, you're completely drawn to him. It's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 Just get out of the way. Except Travolta was pretty good with a weird haircut in pulp fiction as far as holding his own.
You know, yes. Yeah, they call it, what do they call it, Big Mac in Paris?

Speaker 2 What was that one? Was it Lig Mac? Royale with G.

Speaker 12 Well, Travolta was also smart enough to go, this guy is on fire. I'm just going to lean back and just comment on his stuff rather than try to overdo him.

Speaker 12 If I just kind of hang back and go, uh-huh, like that will give me that kind of focus.

Speaker 2 Travolta had that gear, you know, when he's dancing with Uma Thurman,

Speaker 2 the minimalism he's doing with it is so charismatic. Versus Versus the smallest dance ever.
He's barely moving, but it's just like electric.

Speaker 1 He probably did Grease. I did Saturday Night Fever, where I was just huge dancing.
And I can't do it again. I'm going to go small.
Plus, he was, that was a comeback movie, right?

Speaker 1 So he's probably saying, I don't want to steal focus. I don't want to.

Speaker 1 I mean, a lot going on for Travolta in that movie.

Speaker 12 Here's the weird thing about when they call pulp fiction a comeback movie for Travolta. It was a comeback, I guess, in terms of getting to do really good movies.

Speaker 12 But people forget when he did Saturday Night Fever, he took a cut of

Speaker 12 the soundtrack. When he did Grease, he took a cut of the soundtrack.
That guy was not in any need of a comeback fight. He was fine.

Speaker 12 So it was just like, oh, I mean, this movie being, apparently, Tarantino had seen.

Speaker 12 Blowout, which when Travolta made it, he had really bad insomnia, which is when you watch it, he's kind of like haunted and foggy and weird.

Speaker 12 And that's where Tarantino was like, that's the performance I want. I want that character.

Speaker 2 And you did Lucas who's talking, you know, Tarantino. Yeah.
So he was still out there. But the thing was, is Tarantino has this knack for

Speaker 2 the casting that's amazing. And he was going around town with Tavolta, and he said it was like being with Elvis of the Beatles.
This was, Pete already wanted him. That wave was so big.

Speaker 2 that a three, four year gap, or maybe he wasn't out there as much. He actually came to visit Saturday Night Live just to see what it was like to be a host.
He was just hung out for a week.

Speaker 2 And he talked about, you know, you get your mansion, forgive the impression, you get your mansion in Maine where it's not so expensive. You fly your plane in there.
He was so set to your point.

Speaker 2 Complete businessman. To get a piece of Greece, the publishing rights are.

Speaker 12 Ridiculous. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Two of the biggest soundtracks in history.

Speaker 1 And you can't ever be that level of fame. You can't.
Two in a row. And then he was always famous, but he probably wanted to get another big movie.

Speaker 2 could I play a game with Patton? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Two best science fiction movies of the 60s. I'll pick two.
Two best science fiction movies of the 70s. No,

Speaker 2 David picks the winner.

Speaker 1 I'm too young for this game, but go ahead.

Speaker 2 I'll play along. Two, I'll pick the winner.

Speaker 12 David is a Dewey Andrew. Why are we making him do our O-ran cinema game?

Speaker 1 I will just tell you which ones I've heard of.

Speaker 2 No, I'll be curious. I have a sleeper one that

Speaker 2 you may not think of. Okay.

Speaker 12 So from the 60s?

Speaker 2 The 60s. Two best from the 60s versus Two Best from the 70s.
I just made this up, by the way.

Speaker 12 No, that's Two Best from the 60s. I'll go with Planet of the Apes.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 12 yeah, and which really has aged well and is kind of brilliant. And

Speaker 12 this is so, it's such an easy pick, but it's such a good movie. 2001, A Space Odyssey is so friggin' brilliant.

Speaker 2 This is something you might appreciate. When they reissued it at the Arclight,

Speaker 2 it's gone now. I saw it five times over a period of six weeks.
And the final time, it was only one guy down below in the dome and me. It was like a private showing.
I got possessed by it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 12 And that's where it literally, it's the center, the screen like bented a little bit.

Speaker 2 It was so wide screen. It was crazy.
It's ridiculous. It's a meditation.
It's so brilliant.

Speaker 2 I don't even know how Kubrick does it.

Speaker 2 I want to ask you a quick question because I just love movies. Why is it that I'll see the modern, you know, Planet of the Ape sequels versus King Kong, whatever, with CGI, and they're perfectly okay.

Speaker 2 What is it about the magic of Planet of the Apes? Why, even though it was prosthetic makeup,

Speaker 2 I mean, I have my own ideas. Why does it hold up so brilliantly?

Speaker 12 I mean, and I have my ideas, but I think think you would have to say because of what you just said you know the limitations they had in terms of technology and makeup and they still pulled it off and still was very real some of the yeah and some of the shots that shot of charlton heston running and then they he almost hits the camera and then they zip over and rack focus to the gorilla on the um horse

Speaker 12 yeah the bigger deal and it's like you're just stunned because it's not it doesn't pop out he's just standing in the field like doing this thing which makes it even more freaky when you see it happen.

Speaker 12 You know, there's just, and, and also, uh, not to drop a name, uh, whenever I talk to Quentin about that movie, what Quentin loves about that movie is Dr. Zayas is completely right.

Speaker 12 The villain of the movie is Tralton Heston. Zayas is trying to stop him, and he succeeds in the end.
He's like, walk down that beach. I'll tell you what's, I'll tell you who you are.
And he does.

Speaker 12 He's like, oh, we're the reason.

Speaker 2 You know, it's like.

Speaker 1 It's the craziest ending, by the way. That gave me the chills.

Speaker 12 It's still chilling to this day. And when they do, like, okay, when they show when you, when you see the statue of liberty, no music, just the sound of the waves, and he's just there, and we're gone.

Speaker 12 Like, it's so

Speaker 12 final.

Speaker 2 It's so final. Heston and the mature Heston, post Ben Hur, Heston, the Soylent Green Heston, the Omega Man, Heston.
Um, It is so magic.

Speaker 2 One thing also,

Speaker 2 you know, I was taking my son to see one of the new Planet of the Apes years ago.

Speaker 2 And the very first shot is the ape face comes down on the screen. And it was the first reissue.
And I remember that 20 minutes of Rod Serling, I guess, dialogue in the desert. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All this anticipation, as opposed to they get off the ship, they get to the shore, and then they see the monkey on the horse. So

Speaker 2 that, you know, I'm a a grumpy old man, but it was so magic just having them philosophize walking through this planet.

Speaker 1 You know, what about Charlton Heston saying another crazy

Speaker 1 big part of a movie, Soil and Green, is people. It fucking gave you the chills.
You're like, what?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 12 And

Speaker 12 they really leave it hanging that

Speaker 12 they almost almost establish like, he's screaming it and you almost think, I bet if they told all these starving masses that, well, you're eating recycled people,

Speaker 12 a chunk of them would go, all right, as long as I don't die.

Speaker 2 Like, it's been

Speaker 12 terrifying. Yeah, Paul was so terrifying about it.

Speaker 2 He was the screaming old one. No, but Edward G.
Robertson in that movie.

Speaker 2 Oh, I mean, that's the thing about great science fiction when it hits you that emotionally and you're not even really ready for it. But yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way, I'm sure

Speaker 12 you guys know movies, but I'm not telling you anything you don't know. You know, HAL 9000 in 2001.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 12 You know the joke in that, right?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 12 H-A-L. Go to the next letter of the alphabet for each of those letters.

Speaker 2 H-I-I-B-M.

Speaker 1 A-B.

Speaker 12 It's IBM.

Speaker 2 IBM. Okay.
Just a little side. A little like

Speaker 2 Easter egg. A little Easter egg.

Speaker 12 A little Easter egg.

Speaker 2 Dana loves that movie.

Speaker 1 Isn't that one of your top movies ever, Dana?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would say, well, what's what's a better topic for a film than how did we get here and this plausible thing of that we were seated by uh aliens yeah

Speaker 12 and it's what is a better moment than throwing the bone in the air turns the spaceship i'm sorry maybe it's cliche at this point no no but but at the time that must have also been stunning and it's also there's something really There's another little hidden jab at humanity where at the beginning, the aliens come down, they seed us with intelligence, and they help us fight over a fucking water hole.

Speaker 12 And we win this hole.

Speaker 2 We win the hole.

Speaker 12 And then that bone becomes a satellite going around the moon. And what are we doing on the moon? We're fighting with the Russians over a hole that we've dug in the moon with another thing in it.

Speaker 12 Like we're just,

Speaker 12 nothing's actually changed. The technology is different, but we're all the same, same fights are going on, same bullshit.

Speaker 12 So I just love that that there's that little, oh, we're just fighting over holes in the ground.

Speaker 2 And what Kubrick did cinematically is he kind of blurred out a little bit the the apes um he made it surreal in a way yes um there's a yeah diffuseness to it you know it's not that detail and then when they yeah go ahead i could talk about that forever no no no and a lot of it is we'll have you back yeah go ahead but a lot of it is shot in in long or wide shots, almost like you're watching a nature documentary.

Speaker 12 They don't bother getting in close because the personalities don't matter. You're just watching the...

Speaker 2 oh fuck, I didn't think about that. And then the

Speaker 2 effect on the uh, when the ape opens his mouth after winning the battle, the electronic effect on his on his growl, like those choices by Kubrick, you just sort of like, we, I watched the killing

Speaker 2 a couple days ago.

Speaker 12 Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 12 It's so good.

Speaker 2 Because I'd seen Paths of Glory also in the last year, which blew my mind.

Speaker 2 Another Kubrick film from the 1950s. But the killing is just, I mean,

Speaker 2 it's heartbreaking. It was one of the first times I'd seen in a movie, who was the actor who played the Sterling Hayden.
Well, no, not Elijah, Elijah Cook Jr. Poor Elijah Cook.

Speaker 2 He plays the cuckold to the woman who doesn't love him at all and uses him. And he's so heartbreaking.
But anyway,

Speaker 2 what do you guys think of

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 the time machine?

Speaker 12 Sorry, really quick.

Speaker 12 I just love that when Sterling Hayden goes to buy the brief, the big suitcase to put his money in, he walks out of the pawn shop and there's a poster for a strip club next to him performing that night.

Speaker 12 Lenny Bruce,

Speaker 12 which was just, they were on the street, and there was, oh, Lenny Bruce is over there.

Speaker 2 Okay, great. And the little dog and the money flies everywhere.
You know, it's just,

Speaker 2 it's so great. Time machine, not saying it's a perfect movie, but I saw that as a kid.
And the first part of it with Rod Taylor with the time machine and you see the clothes changing, pretty magic.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 12 And the friggin Morlocks are really disturbing, just pulling those Eloy down into the ground. Yeah.

Speaker 12 That stuff is still creepy as hell.

Speaker 2 I know. So anyway, you guys want to talk about movies or standing on the movie? I want to hear about six-pack.

Speaker 1 Stanley, we'll get off of it.

Speaker 2 I figured that that's so bad, it's good, right?

Speaker 12 That is one of those things back in the early days of IMDb, you could write anything you wanted. And someone added that to my IMDb.
And I've just never changed. I just love that it's just there.

Speaker 12 There's also some stuff in my Wikipedia that is so blatantly untrue, but I'm like, I don't want to change it. I love that like his comedy deals with cuneiform

Speaker 12 calligraphy. I'm like, leave it there.

Speaker 2 Great.

Speaker 12 Have it be there. Good.

Speaker 1 I put one in mine about like,

Speaker 1 I used to house like baby weasels or something and something dumb that stayed in there forever. And the same thing it asked about, but I just looked up Six Pack.

Speaker 1 Gorgeous Diane Lane.

Speaker 1 Kenny Rogers as Brewster Baker.

Speaker 2 It just looks like a movie that would have killed me. It sounds fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the poster is exactly that fun, cartoony,

Speaker 1 smoky in the band, whatever, that style from the old days. Everyone's like a cartoon animated drawing.
Yep. Looks great.
Looks fun.

Speaker 12 Really quick. I mean, I got to shoot Kenny Rogers on an episode of Reno 911.

Speaker 12 So I got to hang out for a day with him. and he could not have been a cooler guy.
He was just the most chill, fun.

Speaker 12 So I feel like Diane Lane and everyone in that film was like, yeah, we hung out with Kenny Rogers and did a race car movie. It was great.

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 2 So did you ritually assassinate him or did you just shot him casually? Were you?

Speaker 12 He's doing a book signing and the Reno. The share department is doing all the security around it.
They're doing so much security that no one knows where the book signing is.

Speaker 2 So no one is going up.

Speaker 12 And then I'm this crazed guy.

Speaker 12 They dress me up like Mark david chapman and i go um what condition is your condition in kenneth what can like i'm kind of bobbing up and down there to totally ignore me and then i sounds fun and i go i love you gambler and i shoot him in the stomach and run away

Speaker 2 What a funny funny part.

Speaker 2 You're giving him respect.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 12 I love you, gambler. And then the police, all the Reno guys around him, and he goes, go get the mall security.
I need protection. Like, he doesn't want them helping.

Speaker 12 I'm like, go find mall security, please.

Speaker 1 Here's an impression of a Kenny Rogers concert. He walks out to applause.
He starts to sing, and someone goes, Do Gambler.

Speaker 1 Yeah. His whole life.
Do it. He goes, I already did it at the beginning.
Do it again.

Speaker 12 Do gambler.

Speaker 2 Do gambler.

Speaker 1 Do gambler.

Speaker 1 Gambler.

Speaker 2 Do you find the middle of every song? Interesting as far as Wikipedia pages, because

Speaker 2 when people, they put something on mine too. It's on my Wikipedia page.
I was previously married to a woman named Leah.

Speaker 2 And then people just assumed it was true. And I go, no, it's not true.
And then they always go, but you must have known someone named Leah. No.

Speaker 2 It's

Speaker 2 completely made up. Well, you might have dated someone or someone.
No, no, no, no. So she's totally out of time.
Completely now.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you've experienced that. People, well, you must have.
No, no, no.

Speaker 12 So it was, it was an acrimonious divorce because you kept her off your Wikipedia page then, right?

Speaker 2 Then they go to that. The more

Speaker 2 you protein hero, it sounds like you're hiding something. You have an an NDA there's there's no way to ever escape it

Speaker 12 it's always guilty and then cut you like five years later so you were married to a woman named Leah yeah yeah I was yeah

Speaker 2 ever guilty of getting back with Leah

Speaker 2 I got Leah off camera right now

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Speaker 1 Oh, what about Down Periscope? Listen.

Speaker 2 Oh, I... Now,

Speaker 2 okay, let's get into some. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What year was that? Because listen, I, Down Periscope, it's funny. You know, stupid Dana and I have the same manager.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's like, got a movie for you. Down Periscope.
They want to see you. All you got to do is show up, go have a meeting.
And I'm like, okay. And he goes, let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 They just told me you're the only guy that came into a movie with the part and left without it.

Speaker 2 I go, why? What happened? He goes, a nice manager.

Speaker 1 He goes, you talked him out of you.

Speaker 1 I go,

Speaker 1 because whatever the part was, I didn't think it was right for me. And so I kind of expressed, just talked to him about it and left thinking, I don't know what I'll do when I get this offer.

Speaker 2 And he goes, oh, there's no offer.

Speaker 1 You, he, they said you walked in and told me you didn't want to do it. And I go, no, no, no.
I just said.

Speaker 1 And then I was like, I kind of did. I don't know.
That was the weirdest meeting I've ever had because that's what happened. But down Periscope, I go, it was sort of up my alley.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was, I was playing the exact same thing I just played or something stupid. I don't know.

Speaker 2 What year was that, by the way? Yeah,

Speaker 12 95.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you were already, you were famous at that point, David.

Speaker 12 No, no, no. I had done one.

Speaker 2 But not you, Pat. You were not.
But David was.

Speaker 12 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 David was. Yo, he was.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Well, what did you do in that? Let's see.
I'm trying to figure out this movie. Kelsey Grammar was the lead.

Speaker 12 I literally have one line. It's what got me my

Speaker 12 SAG card.

Speaker 2 Oh, funny.

Speaker 1 A year before. I'm running down IMDb cast.
I'm running out of batteries. Exactly.

Speaker 2 Keep going.

Speaker 12 Plug your laptop in.

Speaker 2 David's never done this on the podcast. This is very cool that you're looking up stuff.

Speaker 1 I'm looking up stuff because I looked up the killing and I looked up.

Speaker 2 I know. Well, I already, it's one of my favorite podcasts ever been on.

Speaker 1 I love movies to older people like.

Speaker 2 I can do it literally all day.

Speaker 2 I'll talk about up Periscope or Down Periscope in the sequel, Up Periscope, all day long. Yeah.

Speaker 12 It was one of those movies where I was just in the background, but I was established in the background. So I was there like almost every day and got to hang out with Toby Huss and Rob Schneider and

Speaker 12 just like talking to, and we're just like hanging out. It was really, really fun.
And just listening to people's stories, you know, and because I had never been in a movie.

Speaker 12 I was like, I don't know what this is. And everyone just put you.
And then at one point, I, because then I got a writing job on Mad TV

Speaker 12 and they went, you have to start next week. And I'm like, oh, God.
And I went to the director and said, look, I have to start this writing job.

Speaker 1 We have to shut down production for a while.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're going to need it.

Speaker 12 Can we mothball this submarine set?

Speaker 2 I'll tell Kelsey.

Speaker 12 Yeah, I'll break it to him. No, but the director was, oh, hey, no, he was so chilly.
He was like, yeah, in this next scene,

Speaker 12 when they succeed, like they do this whole war game thing, just get up and walk down the hall like you walk off. So I physically just walk off of a submarine, I guess, in the middle of this movie.

Speaker 2 I'm just going.

Speaker 2 it's so weird. All right, bye.

Speaker 12 I got to go start another job.

Speaker 2 Can you know, and as far as when you did this, because it overlaps with a you're younger than I am, but you spent three years in San Francisco in the San Francisco comedy scene, so there's a familiarity with people I know and you know, or Larry Bubbles Brown or Mark Prashon, or I don't know, Mark Pitta, Mark Pitta, whatever.

Speaker 2 Larry Bubbles Brown, I

Speaker 2 talk to him all the time. He's one of the sweetest guys, Alex Bennett.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Alex Bennett.
I love you.

Speaker 12 I love Larry Bubbles Brown so much. I remember one night I was standing outside the Holy City Zoo and Larry Bubbles Brown was like headlining.

Speaker 12 And I'm standing out there with Kevin Kataoka and some other comedians.

Speaker 12 And this couple walks by and they're like, Larry Bubbles Brown. I keep hearing that name.
He's a comedian. What does he do? And as you're saying that, the door to the Holy City Zoo opens.

Speaker 12 Like someone went outside and gets you just hear, suck it, whore.

Speaker 2 And then the door closes.

Speaker 2 He's so perfect.

Speaker 2 What does he, oh, that's what he does. Okay, good.

Speaker 2 He's the one that when we were doing Secret Life of Pets 2 press, you brought up where he and I are possessed by John Wayne because we're such cowards

Speaker 2 that he's... We love that John Wayne isn't only never afraid in his movies, but he's literally furious at the idea that anyone else could be afraid.
Yes. He's just so

Speaker 12 in the searchers. He's like yelling at people for being upset that other people have been killed.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He's in a submarine with Walter Brennan.
It's like, well, take her down, Pappy.

Speaker 2 We can't take her down. The whole submarine's going to explode.
I said, take her down. You'll take her down, all right? Don't make me do what I did last time.

Speaker 2 But he never says what he did. But anyway, we riffed on that for five hours in a car.
Yes. And it was.

Speaker 12 You had him as the Pope at one point, and it was so friggin' funny, him trying to do like the Catholic Mass, but it has that John Wayne

Speaker 2 outrage attitude to it that made it even better.

Speaker 2 I'm not sure I believe, Duke. I'm losing my faith.
You'll believe what I tell you to believe, Kathy. I'm the Pope for crying out loud.
But we use it all the time just to bolster ourselves. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Would you ever work with Bobcat? Was he he around?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 12 One of the first, right,

Speaker 12 when I was starting becoming a comedian, I got to see him at the Warner Theater in D.C. And then he let me come backstage and talk to him for a bit.
And we've since become friends.

Speaker 2 I'm actually

Speaker 12 attending his wedding reception this Sunday.

Speaker 2 Wait, it's Bob or doesn't Tasha?

Speaker 12 Bob Cat and, oh, what is his new bride's name? I'm blanking on her name.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was thinking he has a daughter named Tasha or myself.

Speaker 12 Oh, his daughter's name, Tasha. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 12 And she's, she's like, I think she's a costumer now. She's his wardrobe.

Speaker 2 Oh, how fun. I haven't seen her.
Isn't he baby? Isn't he from Indiana or is he living there now or no?

Speaker 12 He lives in India.

Speaker 2 He

Speaker 12 lives in Indiana and he owns these two ducks and he traveled cross country with these ducks. He has these pet ducks and was sneaking them into hotels.

Speaker 12 And at his wedding, the ducks were the two, like they went down the aisle with their little bow ties to him.

Speaker 12 Like he's just, I know he's originally from Boston, and he, he directed my third to last special, and his daughter did all the wardrobe for me. Yeah.
So he was just, he's such a brilliant director.

Speaker 12 He was such a, I mean, we're such good friends.

Speaker 2 I'm, I'm so, well, you and he would match up nicely. He is incredibly interesting to talk to.

Speaker 1 Danny, he got me, you know, when I did a police academy movie, I think some people knew that he was in it. So I was doing stand-up.
I was new, but he

Speaker 1 helped me out. I opened for him for a while.
You know, he told me he was a good piece of advice, Patton. What?

Speaker 1 I was on the road with them and he was doing like fucking 2,000, 3,000 seeders, you know?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he throw, and it's really different to be a newer comic and do a club and then do a big theater. And so

Speaker 1 he said, the reason you're getting heckled so much,

Speaker 1 it's another way for saying bombing, was

Speaker 1 he said, quit asking the audience questions. He said, every bit started.
with, have you guys seen this new Michael Jackson video?

Speaker 1 And they all go, no.

Speaker 2 And then I

Speaker 1 have you seen this John Wayne movie? And they're like, for some reason, he goes, quit starting with that. Just say, I saw this new Michael Jackson video and don't give him a chance to jump in.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, that's such a great observation because it was. I was leaving myself open every premise and I'd get interrupted and then I was spinning out.
So that really helped a lot of it.

Speaker 1 That shows you my act. Have you seen 7-Eleven?

Speaker 2 Everyone's like, yeah,

Speaker 2 this exercising thing?

Speaker 2 Have you heard of it?

Speaker 1 I'm waiting for an answer. These are rhetorical, by the way.

Speaker 2 How many years were you in when you had that revelation? That was like two years.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 A little too late.

Speaker 12 I used to love going to watching like open mics, even when I was an open micer.

Speaker 12 And you would see people that they understood the rhythm of comedy, but they didn't understand how you used it in context. So they knew all that.
So I remember seeing a guy, I've never forgotten this.

Speaker 12 He was on stage. He's like, yeah, the

Speaker 12 black on black crime is really getting out of hand. Right, ladies?

Speaker 2 She's like, wait, no, that's not like he went.

Speaker 2 He goes, bring the ladies into it. You're like, no, guy, that's not how you, oh, that doesn't, it's, it is something not working there.
Abort the mission. Abort the mission.

Speaker 1 Am I right, fellas?

Speaker 12 Yeah, fellas. Give me, back me up.
I just, I love stuff like that.

Speaker 12 That, that whole, when you have to, sometimes you learn the rhythm before the content and that can make for some really, really funny moments.

Speaker 2 What was your go-to club in San Francisco then? Did you ever play

Speaker 2 Rooster T Feathers down in the peninsula? Hilarious.

Speaker 2 In Sunnyvale? Did you play that?

Speaker 12 Well, okay, I played Rooster T Feathers once, and then he never asked me back because his mom didn't like me.

Speaker 2 Oh, and she was at the door collecting the dog.

Speaker 2 Oh, really?

Speaker 12 I just think he's mean and he seems upset. And I just, he, I just, I'm uncomfortable when I come on stage.
And then I said to the guy, I go, well, is your mom buying a room full of drinks?

Speaker 12 He's like, that doesn't matter. And then that's what sealed my fate.
Like, I shouldn't have mounted off, but I couldn't. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'd headline and I'd say, I have a couple guests. And it would be a kerfuffle.
She'd be like, well, what can't they pay? Or what?

Speaker 2 Well, I'm the headliner.

Speaker 1 I mean, I fucking was. Well, I was opening.
You were the headliner, but I went down there and stayed at some dog shit hotel. I walked a mile the next day because I didn't bring any money.

Speaker 1 Well, I didn't have any, I just said I didn't bring any, but I didn't have any to bring.

Speaker 1 So I walked down after one show and I said, Hey, can I get a draw? And I think it was her.

Speaker 1 And she said, A draw of what? I go, I just need some money.

Speaker 2 This is a secret. They give you an ice cold beer and push you out.

Speaker 1 A comedy secret is,

Speaker 1 you know, you want to get borrow some money for the week that you're going to make that week. So eight, eight shows.
I'm probably making $400.

Speaker 2 But a draw somewhere.

Speaker 1 She goes, How much? I go, I don't know, maybe $100 just for food for the week. And she goes, you've only worked off about 77.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, she goes, I can give you that. I go, am I going to make a break for it now? I mean, the show's in four hours.
I'm coming back just in case. Here's your 71, 72.

Speaker 2 And I was like, Jesus.

Speaker 12 I love the Deadwood mentality of like, now you

Speaker 12 panned this much gold, so

Speaker 12 we can give you $2 or a clean woman. Which one do you want?

Speaker 2 I'll take one chicken.

Speaker 2 I'll have a whole chicken

Speaker 2 and a 25-cent beer, a bag of seed.

Speaker 2 I'll work for Pete Moss. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I didn't go give me a couple of grand. And I will, she goes, hey, you're only making 400.

Speaker 2 I'll worry about that. She's like, oh, that's what I should have.

Speaker 1 Go high. And then I go, I'll settle for 400.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Did you play the other cafe? I'm just curious.

Speaker 2 Was that still around?

Speaker 12 It was around.

Speaker 12 Wait a minute. It was around, but it had moved.
It wasn't in the

Speaker 2 Carl and Cole.

Speaker 12 No, it was over in like Emeryville. And it was, I played it once, and then it closed.
It was that and foo bars. And like when I moved there, because I left.
the East Coast in 92.

Speaker 12 I started in 88 right as the boom was ending. So like as I started, I saw clubs starting to close.
So then I went from DC to San Francisco.

Speaker 12 And when I arrived in San Francisco, there was the zoo, the punchline, the other cafe, Fu Cars, three Tommy Tees Cobbs, which I finally, which I passed out after like six months, I got to become the house MC, which was like, oh, oh, God, I made it.

Speaker 12 But then as I got there, all the clubs started to close.

Speaker 12 And I heard the stories about when the other cafe was in the hate, like legendary stories about shows where like Bob Rubin would, in the middle of his set, would like just leave and get on a bus and people would like look to see the bus just pull away.

Speaker 2 And they're like, that was our, what the heck?

Speaker 12 Like, just these insane things that would go on that guy.

Speaker 2 Window and people on the street. So I was headlining one night, and there was a club, a lesbian club called Mods

Speaker 2 down the block. And these teenagers or eighth graders or whatever, just for fun, went over and harassed them.
So there was melee in the intersection. Everyone, everyone in the club could see it.

Speaker 2 To a left, a right, to the body, throwing body. I mean, mean, just a huge, huge riot.
You're up there going, dogs are funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And your back is to like this fight.

Speaker 2 Did you ever notice?

Speaker 1 Has anyone ever been to a post office?

Speaker 2 I just sat down and pointed. That was my set.

Speaker 12 Did you guys, you guys did Cobs back in the day then, right?

Speaker 2 Incarnations. There was one down in the marina.
Yes. And then he went to a nicer one.
And then he finally got to the one that exists today. Right.
Over on Broadway, wherever he is.

Speaker 12 Which I did last week.

Speaker 12 It was really fun. It's a good one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way, did you see David Tell's special, which he shot there? Yes.

Speaker 2 That's 36 minutes long. Go ahead.
I'll let you talk about it.

Speaker 12 No, no, that's what I was about to say that. It is this.
It's like the Ramon's first album.

Speaker 12 in the middle of right right now there's a lot of comedy specials that i think are getting a little too big and grandiose it's like right now we're in the Emerson, Lake, and Palmer era of comedy specials, and he just put out Rocket to Russia.

Speaker 12 He's like, no, strip down, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.

Speaker 12 This is what it is. It was, I love that special so much.

Speaker 2 I thought it was the special of the year or whatever.

Speaker 12 I was

Speaker 2 blown away by how tight it was.

Speaker 2 And I was just curious whether they sort of made Cobbs a little more intimate or I wasn't sure what they did, but compared to that whole, because the managers and the agents want you in front of 3,000 people, so you'll get booked in front of 3,000.

Speaker 2 You work out your set in 200, 100 seaters, and then you go to the cavern. You know, it's like,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 Hello, hello, hello.

Speaker 1 They are tougher. The ceilings are so high, and

Speaker 1 you can still do well, but there's nothing like.

Speaker 2 Well, if you're doing act outs, like Patton does a lot of acting with your material and little looks and things and just, you know, small clubs must be really nice for you.

Speaker 12 I want to do that.

Speaker 12 300 400 seaters the the new adam sandler special looks amazing small intimate raw i my next special i'm either going to shoot it i just did a club i'd never done a comedy on maine in um madison wisconsin and um oh my god it was one of the best weekends i've ever had like i i it's so small it's so intimate and i'm like why am i doing these massive theaters where i'm having to do this and you're just completely wired into the crowd?

Speaker 12 It was amazing.

Speaker 2 Just like another cafe, it was 70, the one in Carl and Cole, 70. Silly.

Speaker 2 Low ceilings and no hard alcohol and no blender. That's where everything came for me.
And Paula Pounced.

Speaker 2 Well, you're three feet from the bar. I'm there working the church lay.
Who's that?

Speaker 1 Dude, I did a theater. I won't say what city, but it was a new theater.
And in the back was,

Speaker 1 there's a balcony, there's a lower, but in the way back, you see light. And I realize it's a full bar.
Yep. But people are back there mingling, and it's a little distracting for me.

Speaker 1 That's directly in my eye line. And they have your back towards you, some of them, and they're laughing because they're like, hey, we can serve drinks the whole time.

Speaker 1 And if they want to just walk out there for 15 minutes and drink, it's fine if there's a door, like a swing, you know, they get out of there. But

Speaker 1 they're just fucking blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I'm watching them the whole shit.
And they're just, and then I hear a laugh and they go like this, huh? Is that guy still on?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the guy you paid to come see is still on.

Speaker 2 When did comedy clubs become steakhouses? Like, steakhouse. I was playing one of the improvs, Irvine, and there, it's a full giant, you know, they're coming out with giant snow and sea bone.

Speaker 2 And I'm trying to work.

Speaker 2 What's up? You know, and they're just digging in.

Speaker 2 I love it. Who got a quarterhouse? Yeah, I mean, I, you're right.

Speaker 12 You're right. It's like full meals.
So at the end of the, look, the check drop is always difficult.

Speaker 2 They're like,

Speaker 12 well, yeah, but they're like, at least in the comedy club, the check drop is, well, we got three beers and and we got mozzarella steaks.

Speaker 12 But now they're like, well, now hang on, because you didn't say the sides with the steak were extra. I thought, because I chose like there's a whole

Speaker 2 grant and potatoes came with the entree.

Speaker 2 I had no, I didn't see it on sides. Show me where it's on sides.
You're closing with some bit about a whole jalapeno in alley jalapeno.

Speaker 2 Yeah, get Dennis in here. Yeah.

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Speaker 2 Do you remember that specific compliment I gave you when we ran into each other 10 years ago? I don't.

Speaker 2 There was some bit that you did, and I've heard something about it was someone masturbating in a tunnel or something. You told the whole bit from their point of view and your point of view.

Speaker 2 And I just thought it was such... first level writing, you know?

Speaker 12 Thanks, man. It was, yeah, that was when I, the three months that I lived in New York, I was, I was doing this play and I stupidly brought my dog with me.

Speaker 12 And it was just you're like, New York, if you're not used to it, it is a real assault, you know, and like the only way I could deal with it was, okay, put yourself in the head of the person that's driving you insane.

Speaker 12 A lot of the nutty people in the street and think of how they're looking at it. And maybe that'll make some more sense to you.

Speaker 12 But yeah, I was trying to, I don't want to go to the whole bit because the bit is so grim and awful. I don't know how

Speaker 2 extra. Memorable, though.

Speaker 12 It's memorable, but it's really grim. I mean, you guys lived in New York for years.

Speaker 2 You must have seen so much stuff where you're like i i have to disassociate myself from this this is too much you're not ready for it until you get used to it then people come visit and they go you see this every day and you're like i guess i do it took took me a second but now i'm i was driving in a cab once and across the way a guy just picked up his girlfriend and just body slammed her put her over her head it's like geez god when people ran over to help

Speaker 2 um well i wasn't that guy in the story slow down fellas

Speaker 2 you don't Don't make point of view of the girl. She was okay.
I don't want people to be bummed out. She was actually got up and was mad.

Speaker 12 There was a story, David, you told. It was either on Letterman or Conan where you had a, because you're from Arizona, right? Yeah.

Speaker 12 So you had a friend from Arizona come visit you in New York and they were doing the classic friend from out of town where you're like, well, we'll go do this.

Speaker 12 You're like, I can do that in Arizona, but like,

Speaker 12 I want the darkest, most fucked up stuff. And you have to go, even us New Yorkers don't go searching for that.

Speaker 12 I think you think that I have the key to some portal of madness, but I actually, that's not what I, and he's like, I can do that.

Speaker 12 And there, like, that landed so hard for me because I've had friends and they come visit, like, show me the weird shit.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I don't do the weird shit.

Speaker 1 Or I go, it's Saturday Night Live and on Sunday wake up. Like, what are you doing? I go, I got to do laundry in the basement.
I can do laundry in Arizona. Let's go to the Golden Gate Bridge.

Speaker 1 I go, well, that's not here.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 it's a longer walk than you think.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's go to.

Speaker 1 and then they have all these things they want to do. I'm like, oh, we're really going to go to the Statue of Liberty today.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What a production. By the way, Pat, we got to, let's talk about your game show right before we go out of here.
We've milked you long enough.

Speaker 2 But I actually,

Speaker 2 honestly, without no ass kissing, I put it on and I think it's really good. Thank you.
I mean, in other words, your asides were great. I don't know if it was the first episode, but

Speaker 2 it's a very tight, interesting game. I mean, I'm just saying that it is.
Within like one minute, you're like, okay, this is interesting. Well, it's not my takeaway.

Speaker 12 No, it's a British game show where they ask questions that have nothing to do with the amount of schooling you've had or knowledge. It's all, can you follow logic and put it together?

Speaker 12 So what's kind of fun about the show is, and you work your way toward the, the first question is the 90% question, which 90% of people that they poll get rights. It's very easy.

Speaker 12 And then it ends with the 1% question that only 1% of people.

Speaker 12 But what's weird is because everyone's brain is wired differently and you'll watch the show and there's a 60% question that you'll go out on, but then you keep watching and go, I know the 5%, I know that like it, and you'll see like people with PhDs and nanotechnology getting smoked by someone who's working as a barista and doesn't know what they want to do with their life, but their logic centers are so much stronger that they put it together.

Speaker 1 It's so hard to find a game show. They're all trying to do it because if you crack that code, you get people just sort of interested.
Yeah. That's it.
That's it. That takes a long run.

Speaker 1 And it's hard to get. And right away, that sounds just sort of interesting.
Like when you watch and you go, and you're about to walk away, then you go, Let me just hear this answer.

Speaker 2 And then you go, oh, that's the one. I knew that.
Oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, let me hear the next one. Yeah.
And that's what happens. People sit around with their family and they go, oh, I got that one.
Did you get this one? You know, that's fun for people.

Speaker 2 And it's syndicated, right, from Britain. So Ricky Gervais gets a check, I assume.

Speaker 2 Everything's syndicated for whatever. Ricky Gervais.

Speaker 12 it was a british show that um

Speaker 12 um

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 12 oh god i'm blanked on his name but there was a british host and there was an australian version um and then a venezuelan version and i'm the american version and it's really and um david spade you are a fellow game show host are you not snake oil

Speaker 2 welcome to snake oil

Speaker 1 snake oil snake oil we're in a hiatus but yeah snake oil was You know, all these things are interesting.

Speaker 1 Sometimes they're a little harder than it seems because you know they go we're going to do one it'll take us about three days i'm like wait what's going on yeah and then you get you get it down but there's a lot of stopping and starting and there's a lot of maybe this isn't with you but so much focus on the rules because it's so legal they have to get everyone to understand boy yes they do and they have to make sure

Speaker 12 i don't know about your show do they have like lawyers in the wings that are in cases like they have to make sure

Speaker 12 i i'm sorry but this and they have to go there and talk to them.

Speaker 1 We had a woman that was a little older, uh, and she was going to the final round.

Speaker 1 And I said, if you want to bet three, four, five of whatever, I go, five, you win the most, but it's the hardest, blah, blah. And she goes, all my money on five.

Speaker 1 And she goes, yay, the crowd is yelling. And then we stopped and we go.

Speaker 1 And so someone from the audience goes, she doesn't get it.

Speaker 1 And so I said, as a host, I go, do you understand what it is when you bet all five? That's all your money. And she goes, I don't.
And I go, okay, let's take a five. And so we stopped.

Speaker 1 And then the producers literally came out and they explained it to her and the celebrity. And then she goes, I got it now.
And then we went on.

Speaker 1 But I was like, oh, my God, that's how fast it can happen. They get caught up in the crowd and everything.
Yep. She didn't, and she was embarrassed.
But then she figured it out. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Because it is kind of complicated. All these game shows, until you start to know them, that's why they hammer the rules over and over.
Every commercial, you come back.

Speaker 1 Here, instead of your three funny jokes, will you explain the rules again?

Speaker 2 No, this one's, I think the 1% has it down. At least what I saw, that it's boom, boom, boom, boom.
All the information stacked. The way you explained it, I got it.

Speaker 12 And we zip along. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 12 And also, I mean, this is probably the same with you. It's a lot of, it's crowd work.
You got to talk to people, get their story, you know, make it like a human thing going on.

Speaker 12 And if we got to, you know, make it fun that way. Keep it light, little ad-libs and things, keep it light, and you have to, like, when someone loses, you gotta send them home gently.

Speaker 12 I'm so, you know, you don't want to be like, oh, I got you want to be a warm host and kind of move it along.

Speaker 2 I let it's on Amazon Prime, right? Oh, yeah, Amazon Prime.

Speaker 12 Well, it's on, no, it's okay. It's on Fox on Monday nights, and the next day it streams on Amazon.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you can get it either way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, either way. Easy, easy, easy.

Speaker 2 Fantastic. Thank you.

Speaker 1 You were saying, I was just saying that I, I would, someone lost, and I go, okay, we're going to walk out.

Speaker 1 It's after that door, it's about a mile and a half, and you're in lot C, and the buses aren't running today, and uh, but it's not bad.

Speaker 1 And then they were like, Yeah, obviously, that's all cut out, but but good try. Yeah, and I'm like, Is there anything I said left in?

Speaker 1 They're like, Well, not much because we got the game, we got, and I'm like, Okay, got it, got it.

Speaker 2 It's kind of a funny observation because isn't it interesting when you're in a set that's all glowing, like a game show set, and you're in there all day, and all the lights, and then you bash open the doors, and it's all bright and asphalt.

Speaker 2 And it's just Exactly.

Speaker 12 But you also realize, oh, the brightness of the set wasn't real brightness.

Speaker 2 This is the sun.

Speaker 12 Okay, wait a minute.

Speaker 12 I'm a creature of showbiz coming out in the daylight.

Speaker 2 I don't belong out here. It's got a hard out.
House. Where's that from?

Speaker 12 Oh, that is, of course, planet of the apes.

Speaker 2 The man.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Thanks, buddy.
I learned a lot. You're hilarious to talk to.
Thanks for watching.

Speaker 2 That was so, so much fun to talk about the killing and to talk about Planet of the Apes and stand up.

Speaker 12 Look, really, I'll leave you on this on the killing. There's a scene where that the big bald chess guy starts a fight in the bar.

Speaker 12 And according to legend, I don't think it's him, but there's a guy in the background who looks so much like a young Rodney Dangerfield.

Speaker 12 And a lot of people think that Rodney Dangerfield is an extra in that scene, but I don't think it's him. But go give it a look and see what you think.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, I was an ugly baby, Johnny. I was an ugly baby.
When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.

Speaker 2 I tell you, I was ugly.

Speaker 2 It's all these YouTube shorts that if you click on Rodney once, you just want to laugh, you just go, This guy does acid humor and it's these jokes. It's

Speaker 12 when I'm on the road, I'll go down YouTube rabbit holes till four in the morning watching him. Like, just when he painted

Speaker 12 Carson, it was incredible.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 something about it.

Speaker 12 I told my dentist my teeth are turning yellow.

Speaker 2 He told me to wear a brown tie.

Speaker 2 And it's just, and it's the relentless. I don't, I mean, I was told that he has his act recorded and he listens to it all day, or he used to.
Sorry. Wow.

Speaker 2 He would listen to it all day because it was so many one-liners. Too many.
I believe it.

Speaker 2 I believe it.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 Okay, bud. Take care.
All right. Have a good day.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much.

Speaker 12 See you guys.

Speaker 2 That was fun hanging out.

Speaker 1 See you, bud.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all the stuff.
Smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 Fly on the Wall is executive and produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.