SUPERFLY #44 - Dudes on Dudes w/ Gronk and Edelman

Speaker 1 All right, cold mornings,

Speaker 1 holiday plans, endless to-do lists.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's start Superfly. Here we go, Dave.

Speaker 1 All right, I've been working on a theme.

Speaker 1 Oh, you have?

Speaker 1 Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Superfly.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's funny. I've done that horror before.
You have.

Speaker 1 You have done it.

Speaker 1 That's F-Troop from 1972, a Western.

Speaker 1 It's just a funny thing. It probably came from vaudeville where the trumpet fades down.
You know what?

Speaker 1 The trumpet is funny because pac-man does it too i can't do the impression but when you get killed it goes it goes voggo voggle voggle voggle vocabulary

Speaker 1 you know you get killed it goes down

Speaker 5 yeah that's funny

Speaker 1 half troop we shouldn't talk too much about because no one remember but i do remember it

Speaker 1 well all you're saying is substitute whatever age you are this is a comedy western I don't know if there's a comedy western out there in the world right now, a half-hour comedy western. It'd be funny.

Speaker 1 Pure comedy and very silly. You know, it was different.
It was during the Cold War. To a comedic Yellowstone.
Let's do it.

Speaker 6 I like the alpha.

Speaker 1 I'm enjoying

Speaker 1 Landman

Speaker 1 currently.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Billy Bob Thornton.

Speaker 1 And John Hamm and others. And John.
John Hamm and Billy Bob Thornton are hysterical. And Billy Bob Thornton's character is so fun and so badass.

Speaker 1 He's down in Texas and he's just kind of a shoot by the hip kind of guy. Now, you can either suck my dick or you can squash my balls, but you got to pick something.
You know, it's like your partner.

Speaker 1 Partner. Yeah, it just, it's a really fun show.
It's called Landman, Landman on Paramount Plus. See if I think it's download that thing.

Speaker 1 Is the guy's named Taylor Sheridan that does less than 35 spin-offs?

Speaker 1 He apparently went out to lunch with someone and then on the right, he had a word processor to his right, and he's ordering lunch and eating, and he finished a Yellowstone sequel script. No,

Speaker 1 the guy is

Speaker 1 next sequel is just a contest winner. Gets to be the lead because he's running out of people.
But

Speaker 1 what was I going to tell you about that? You said you saw Billy Bob. Yeah, because we should have him on.
Love Billy Bob. Love to have Billy Bob on and love to have John Hamm back.
Ham is a stud.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And that's a good one to talk about because I tried to get Paramount Plus the other day.
Of course, I couldn't compute it how to get it on my TV. I wrestled with the algorithm for about

Speaker 1 two and a half hours and then watched a 40-minute show. So it was still a pretty good ratio between that was my password.
Try again. Really? I don't have another one.
Okay, put in your real name.

Speaker 1 Here's the scam that drives me bananas. You want your, here's your password and you write it in.
You can't see it. So of course I got it wrong.
Then he goes, so you want to keep this?

Speaker 1 This, do you want this to be a new password? And I go, yeah. And he goes, it doesn't fucking work.

Speaker 1 And it doesn't work anyway. So I'm like, why are you asking me that? You're just embarrassing me now.
Everyone, so I have a password.

Speaker 1 I have one secret one that I made intentionally difficult, but sometimes I have like Bob or something. And then the algorithm gets really mad.
This is

Speaker 1 the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah. That's they now, because of AI, they swear at you.
What the fuck are you doing? I'm going, I'm just trying to watch Landman.

Speaker 1 I don't need a lecture from a robot, bitch.

Speaker 1 They go,

Speaker 1 your password to Netflix is actually just Netflix. And I go, Yeah.
And they're like, No, no, no. See, now you're, are you joking with us? Because we don't like that at the password.

Speaker 1 Well, you sound like an AI then. Maybe, maybe AI will be kind of jerks.
So what I say is the AI goes, okay, hold on a second. You need one emoji.
You need a

Speaker 1 big letter, capital, whatever they call them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You need a comma, a capital something,

Speaker 1 a letter, a word, and you need a kind of an emoji of some sort of antelope that would be common in North America

Speaker 1 200 years ago. I give them the ball of yarn because no one uses that.
Very underused emoji.

Speaker 1 I'm not paid to say this, but the one thing that works for me in my relationship with my computer is fucking Amazon delivery. They are ruthlessly,

Speaker 1 they just leave it, they take a picture, they throw it over the gate. Fuck around.
You can trace it. It's not sophisticated.
It's just really efficient.

Speaker 1 And then other algorithms, you try to watch the show and they're wrestling with you. You're really in a

Speaker 1 emotional fist fight for an hour. Listen, I'm not paid by emojis, but

Speaker 1 I spend for how old I am, which is late 30s, I spend most of my day looking for funny emojis.

Speaker 1 Too much time. That's great.
Too much time. I don't have a setting where I start to type it in and it shows up.
So I have to fucking old school raw dog it and go look for whatever.

Speaker 1 Well, we talk about nothing too much. I will tell you.
Well, nothing is good because here's the nothing.

Speaker 1 So you're, you're kind of busy in life because I don't want to make this show business. You're busy and you're getting requests for something on your emails.

Speaker 1 And you kind of, you punt on them, meaning later, later, later. And then you land, it's Thanksgiving vacation.
So now you have to disappoint people.

Speaker 1 You know, no, I can't make it. I would like, I won't be available.
I cannot.

Speaker 1 But my therapist said to me, always say to yourself, it's good for them, the people asking, but is it good for you?

Speaker 1 Then she goes, can you do this charity for my kid?

Speaker 5 And you're like, really?

Speaker 1 And I say, it's good for you, but is it good for me? And she goes, you got an A plus. You're half off today.
So that'll be $700.

Speaker 1 What about, we're doing a gig in Fantasy Springs? You know that? We're doing a gig. I know.
It's funny. This is our first big public gig since

Speaker 1 we started the podcast. We've done some live podcasts, but just Spade, Carvey, Fantasy Springs, Palm Springs.
What's it called? Fantasyland? Fantasy Springs. I think I played there.

Speaker 1 It's like 7,000 seats. We better pull up our socks.

Speaker 1 Pull up our socks and give them the good stuff. We don't know who should.
I don't want to follow this dandy who's

Speaker 1 this dandy is in top fit shape and I'm just working on it. I just did Reno, dude.
I did my last two gigs of the year.

Speaker 1 We might do a show at the comedy store next week. Me and you, we might do a podcast.
But

Speaker 1 that'll be announced. That'd be fun.
Yeah, let's do that. We got...
So this show,

Speaker 1 this coat, which pops, and obviously everyone's buzzing about it, and the chat rooms are buzzing right now.

Speaker 1 But I only wore it because all I had was my boring gray v-neck and a white t-shirt. And I didn't want to go in my Gervitz Halloween costume.

Speaker 1 That's what he wears to every lunch.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. Is this Prada? I'm sorry.
Is this cashmere? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I have a shirt just like yours, except mine's expensive.

Speaker 1 This is the world's greatest leather jacket, never to be made again. I just brought it out because I don't want the heat on because I worry about the climate.
So it's cold in this house.

Speaker 1 You're always worried. You see, it doesn't have belt buckles or fanciness.
It's very thin. It's just people can see it.
You won't be able to find it anywhere. I'm sure you've had that experience.

Speaker 1 You get a really cool jacket, a great shirt, and then it gets lost or something. Never again.
They never make it. They literally go, everyone hated this coat.
We're not making anymore.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, oh, it's my favorite coat, but okay, got it. Right.
Let's get a heavy leather coat with belt buckles on it.

Speaker 1 Before we get to a couple of stories, and also, we have surprise guests, Rob Grunkowski and Julian Edelman.

Speaker 1 From

Speaker 1 football fame for our

Speaker 1 football.

Speaker 1 Go sports. All-pro superstar football players.
That should be the name. Super Bowl winners.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 A good podcast name would be Go Sports because that's what people say when they don't know anything about the sports they're at. They're like, Go Sports.

Speaker 1 They don't say for the team or anything. Yeah, they don't get it.

Speaker 5 They don't know.

Speaker 1 The kids would play,

Speaker 1 you know, CYO basketball, like three-foot-tall people

Speaker 1 doing basketball. You know, it's just, it's so funny that age group of kids trying to do basketball, and they're double-dribbling and running around.

Speaker 1 And this one dad, all he would do was yell, get the ball, just get the ball, get the ball. He's screaming the whole game.

Speaker 1 This one guy had a kid who was six feet tall in fifth grade, and that kid had like 60 rebounds. I go, Your son's got 60 rebounds.
Boy, he's tall. He goes, It's got nothing to do with his height.

Speaker 1 He just wants the ball. He just wants.
Oh, yeah, nothing.

Speaker 1 Nothing. No, it's a hard worker.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He could be 3-3

Speaker 1 and still get the ball. Okay, go ahead.
How about this, Dana? I was in Sacramento doing a show. Sack of Tomatoes.

Speaker 1 I was in SAC, and then I had to drive to Reno. Simple enough on paper.
Yeah. You know, you could do Elvis and Alex Murray.
My guys that booked my road gigs are like fucking Colonel Tom Parker.

Speaker 1 They're like, Elvis, you can do another one. So I just like, I'm just getting like fair.
You don't want to let down your family, do you?

Speaker 1 That's what he would do to Elvis. Yeah, you don't like money.
Elvis would be like, I think I'd like to take a break, Colonel Tom. Maybe just a week off.
You want to hurt your daddy? No, sir.

Speaker 1 Where do I go? Poor guy. He already got a new belt.
What does he need? I have millions of dollars. That wasn't a belt.
It was a dinner plate with a leather strap around it. That was largely belt.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine Elvis' response when the Colonel Tom said, all right, Elvis, we got your outfit for Vegas. Let's unveil it.

Speaker 1 They unveiled the curtain, and it's like the white jumpsuit with the bell bottoms.

Speaker 1 Hey, why do I got to have a dinner plate for a belt buckle and bell bottoms and a big old collar the size of some kind of Macy's former?

Speaker 1 Why do I got to wear what Whitney Cummings wears in her podcast? Or did he like it? I liked Elvis.

Speaker 1 Whitney Cummings. Let's have her back on.

Speaker 1 She's a pistol. Did you have a good Thanksgiving?

Speaker 1 Is it already over? That's right.

Speaker 1 I love everyone knows. We don't even know when these age.
Yeah. Did you?

Speaker 1 Look, it's Thanksgiving time. This is the Thanksgiving.
Did you have a good Thanksgiving week? People don't know that we're filming this in June or something from last year.

Speaker 7 We

Speaker 1 stack them in August and then spread them out throughout the year. Go ahead.
Dana, would you rather, I'm going to tell you about Thanksgiving in a second.

Speaker 1 Would you rather, if it's snowing and raining, drive from Sacramento to Reno

Speaker 1 with chains, mandatory chains, takes roughly five hours.

Speaker 1 Through Donner Pass. Over.

Speaker 1 Over

Speaker 1 Donner Pass. And then drop down because you're trying to get to Reno.
Yeah. Oh, you're trying to get to Reno.
Well, you would just get on the 80 and just

Speaker 1 go over the 8,000-foot thing where it's going to be a wide-out. You're going to have to get chains on or not chain.
Mandatory chains. People don't understand.
You're getting paid to transport.

Speaker 1 You're not playing Sacramento. You're not playing Reno.
You're getting paid to get David Spade to Sacramento and then get David Spade to Reno in Russia in a blizzard. In a blizzard.

Speaker 1 Let's just call it blizzard. And they're saying, and then all the locals are like, I don't know.
I go, it's probably like a no-brainer. It's easy.
I don't need to fly.

Speaker 1 And they're like, well, I mean, Donner Pass, where they eat everybody. You know about that story.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Make sure before you get to Donner Pass, you've had a good meal at a diner or something because something about the ghost of Donner Pass, you start eating your wife's leg before you think about it.

Speaker 1 For people that don't know, they would remind me, Oh, I go, What happened there? They go, Oh, I think only 80 people got stuck there, and they ate 40 of them.

Speaker 1 It's the real story. There's a documentary on it.
Yeah, the real story. We shouldn't go into it on a

Speaker 1 fine podcast.

Speaker 1 I'm the mayor of Tahoe City, and I say, Eat before you get in that general vicinity of donor buttons. But then if you eat a lot, then you're going to be the first one E10, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they would pick straws. Some did very well, you know, some, but basically they were found by people in Sacramento.
They were discovered, but they couldn't get them all over the pass.

Speaker 1 So then more eating, they thought, you ate people? Yeah, but we're not going to do any more. We just got rescued.
And then they did more? But then they left and they weren't back in time.

Speaker 1 So guess what, Wilbur? You're from dinner. Hey, Wilbur.
Then Then they got home and they just did it by habit. They ate their friend.
Hey,

Speaker 1 hey, hey, Steve. Hey, fucking, I just ate Wilbur.
You see the barbecue there?

Speaker 1 Did you lay on it?

Speaker 1 Put two and two together.

Speaker 1 Hard to get a funny, light cannibal joke. But anyway, you made it to Reno.
Did you crush?

Speaker 1 Reno was super fun.

Speaker 1 Reno's a great crowd. My new specials, Precious Cargo, should be coming out in April.
Is it Precious Cargo? Uh-oh, closer to you. Heather's fixing the camera.

Speaker 1 Oh, the laptop.

Speaker 1 I don't want to ruin the illusion. People think I'm just sitting here, but there is a laptop involved.

Speaker 1 Let's do a couple things and we'll get to those guys.

Speaker 1 Okay. Let's show.
Let's do a couple of stories. Anything.
We'll just do a quick, quick version of this. Okay.
This is a quick top version because we're getting to. Okay, here we go.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Crypto investor pays. Oh, this story.

Speaker 1 I was going to save this, but it's too fucking juicy. Crypto investor pays $6.2 million for a duct tape banana on a wall.

Speaker 5 Now,

Speaker 1 I heard about this story because I really have my ear to the tracks in the art world. My brother's very involved.

Speaker 1 So this is the kind of weirdo stuff my brother would love.

Speaker 1 Andy once did an art exhibit in a space in New York where he had all cactuses lined on the bottom of the floor in a small place and all helium balloons on the ceiling.

Speaker 1 And they would just eventually come down and pop. So it's just about eventually

Speaker 1 we're all going to die. It was pretty heavy.
And everyone was like, This heavy man, heaviocity.

Speaker 1 So it was cool, though, I thought. Anyway, this guy, someone artist in quotes, taped a banana to a wall with duct tape and said, This is art.
Yeah. And then they took it to, I think, Art Basil.

Speaker 1 And they call it comedian.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 it happened five years ago and then i think

Speaker 1 after a while someone saw it ripped it off and ate it and said that's my art

Speaker 1 performance art i'm eating your art do you ever go to art museums and walk around and see the french impress impressionists well you mean they're i mean

Speaker 1 look well bernie bernie burlstein our former manager god rest his soul used to go yeah we you guys should make fun of fake art

Speaker 1 fake art because it's it's fake. Can I tell you the most outrageous fake art that I've heard of? Because my brother was living in New York and he's an artist, too.
Worse than the tape banana.

Speaker 1 Ooh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, this artist, what he did was

Speaker 1 he made a faux floor.

Speaker 1 So you'd walk in, you go up a step. So you're going to the art museum and you're up on a floor.

Speaker 1 And then you see a thing and it says that the artist is naked underneath the floor. I'm not making this up, crawling around and pleasuring himself.
And that was the art exhibit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean.

Speaker 1 It sounds okay.

Speaker 1 No, I'm saying I get it because I've seen a great piece of art. Performance.

Speaker 1 You have naked people close together like this in an art space, and the crowd has to walk through them and kind of bump through. And that's it.

Speaker 1 I mean, there's a woman that just sits and stares at you.

Speaker 1 Are we in the wrong business? I mean, if you're. Are we in the wrong business?

Speaker 1 Crypto was a scam. I mean, my God, I'm in the wrong biz.

Speaker 1 I'm traveling over Donner Pass, spraying my body with raids so no one eats me. You're like Everest.
You got ice picks out and boots and sweaters. Get up here, don't propel.

Speaker 1 The show's at 8.30. Carrot Tops opening.

Speaker 1 Not a chili's in sight. Nowhere to eat.
They go, ready for dinner? And I go, is there a chilies? And they go, you're at that dinner.

Speaker 1 So Donner Pass is all the way to Rain.

Speaker 1 It's all the way. I don't know what.
I don't know. I just read this one.
First World Problem.

Speaker 1 You order, you've time your dinner for room service because you want to just get energy but not be stuffed to go to do the show. And you're like, oh, it's a little late.
Or I can't.

Speaker 1 And you call back, oh, so sorry, man. We forgot to put it in.
Yeah. And the stove broke.
Do you want some potato chips? Yeah, there's a vending machine on your floor.

Speaker 1 Road, road work. I think that's the book all right life on the road yeah

Speaker 1 everything but the show that's what the book's called yeah show is fun

Speaker 1 uh okay so i guess we're over the banana and the banana and the tail well i mean it's crypto is that real money and does did the guy who bought it is is it it's speculative i like the fake crypto guy bought the fake art i just think it's all money laundering in my own humble opinion but you're just buying something that say costs a lot and then you can sell it to someone else.

Speaker 1 He spends a lot. I don't know.
Well,

Speaker 1 there is a hypnotic thing if you put a number like a comedian demands $100,000 for a corporate date. And they go, well, that guy's $100,000 comedian.
That's a good idea. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that pain right there, I don't know if I like it. That's a $10 million pain.
I'm starting to like it. So what I do like is like baseballs, signed Michael Jordan.

Speaker 1 I mean, there's some stuff I think are cool that are like one-of-a-kind thing that feel like there's a tangible asset that's

Speaker 1 scarcity to that there's only so many michael

Speaker 1 um michael douglas or michael michael johnson all the michael michael jordan there's a it's scarcity and so that creates memorabilia like that like i have the beatles capital record signed by all four and that's worth a pretty good amount yeah give me maybe that for my birthday okay here's the next one cheating on your spouse is no longer a crime in new york was it a crime what what what was it a crime that's first the question.

Speaker 1 Is it

Speaker 1 adultery is no longer a crime in New York after Governor Kathy, is it Hochell?

Speaker 5 Hoko

Speaker 1 repealed a 117-year-old law that classified it as a misdemeanor.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Misdemeanor for 90 days in jail. I mean, how many times have they convicted people?

Speaker 1 I think they just

Speaker 1 the punishment is you get divorced. Well, what they do, if it's a guy cheating, they give him female jailers and see if he'll cheat again.

Speaker 1 If it's a woman cheating, they give him male jailers, see if she'll cheat again. That's the little game they used to play.
And Chaplin would set up little weird 1910 cameras.

Speaker 1 And anyway, dude, that show Cheaters was rough, but I used to watch it. So rough.

Speaker 1 A girl would go, I think my dude's cheating. And then they'd follow him with the camera crew to their car while they're making out or hooking up.

Speaker 1 She'd pound on the window and you got a whole crew of like eight union guys filming you. They come on half naked.
What are you doing here? I'm just, I'm a

Speaker 1 work friend. There's so much content.
I'm just going to say,

Speaker 1 you're in the wrong business again. You could be on, you could be on the crew of cheaters.
Let's just make reality shows. What are we doing? God dang.

Speaker 1 Here's my new reality show. You want to hear it? This is a real idea.
Okay.

Speaker 1 It's called I'm Around. And it's basically me and my loser friends because every time we go to lunch, we walk back to the car and he's like, all right, let me know what's going on.
I'm around.

Speaker 1 I go, okay, well,

Speaker 1 I got a gig Saturday, but I'm around. And then I go, okay, I got to go do this, but then I'm around.

Speaker 1 Someone's around. I think it's shy men to be afraid of showing their feelings.
I'm around rather than, hey, man, I'll call you. Let's go.
I definitely want to hang out and go to a movie.

Speaker 1 It's a very catchy. If you want to go,

Speaker 1 I'm around. I've distilled life to this.
Could I just put this out here? Yeah. Life is just about most of life for almost everyone is just,

Speaker 1 you want to go over there? Yeah, okay. Hey, maybe tomorrow we'll go over there.
Yeah, I think I'm going to go over there again, too. That's true.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sometimes life is just hanging out and going places.

Speaker 1 Jerry used to say,

Speaker 1 you want to go out

Speaker 1 and then you want to go back. So you'd be, yeah, let's go out.

Speaker 5 Everybody go out. We're out.
We're out.

Speaker 1 I think I'm going to go in. Let's go in.
Yeah. Hey,

Speaker 1 what'd you do today?

Speaker 1 Oh, we

Speaker 1 went to a park, and then we went to this

Speaker 1 little restaurant that's a good day how many more days do you think you have on planet earth about okay sometimes it's 600 000 days of you want to go over here tragic it's too you want to go over there

Speaker 1 bleak

Speaker 1 bleak oh my dad used to go yeah

Speaker 1 i stayed in this little fleabag hotel and uh bleak

Speaker 1 it's quite bleak

Speaker 1 bleak is a funny word okay well let's get to these guys are we doing one more story what do we do up to you

Speaker 1 one more story okay oh oh

Speaker 1 talk about wealth and access the kardashians got a private now this is not shocking to anyone private showing of wicked before

Speaker 1 okay you didn't have to play the sound you know if it's too loud but uh

Speaker 8 what it's like to be rich because yesterday the kardashians revealed that ariana grande and cynthia rivo threw them and their families a private screening of the wicked movie take a look Kim Kardashian posted this on her story.

Speaker 1 Those balloons alone are over my budget. So they have all these pop-ups.
They have a green wicked carpet. They have one trillion flowers.
Streamers are the cheapest thing in the book.

Speaker 1 So this is in their house, somewhere in their halls. One of their wings of the house, screens, and then like a full toy store of wicked stuff from Ariana.
Well, it's a normal childhood for the kids.

Speaker 1 Don't get spoiled. This is a one.
This is before everybody else

Speaker 1 oh this is before everyone got to see it so this is even even more special way way more exclusive and they say kids we only do this once a week so let's not get used to it it's not it's not an everyday thing if i was from boston and heard this i would say that's wicked that's wicked smart that's wicked that's wicked awesome that's wicked awesome that's wicked smart uh i love that the kardashians have monetized hey look at all the stuff we have and the our planes and what we can do and they're still likable somehow it just sort of works for them.

Speaker 1 What's the part? They from Geared Wicked and Ariana, and the other lady came and watched it with all the kids. No, I said they were there.

Speaker 1 The two stars were there, they were there, and they were like giving them everything and signing everything, and just being like, Here's a funko of myself, and all right, rolling, and then they play it and they all sing along.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, God dang. Here's my guess, and I don't know, but um,

Speaker 1 do you think that

Speaker 1 the two actresses that went to the event got uh paid oh they might have gotten paid

Speaker 1 there's secret paydays going on all over the place dude

Speaker 1 i'm not uh privy to them because oh sorry i won't be available on that date excuse me um what just i have a gig a million dollars you know let me check my calendar you know let me i maybe i can push some things around yeah i'm gonna

Speaker 1 i'll get back to you yeah must be rough Productions, all right. Let's bring on our guests.
I'm gonna go change my outfit so we can interview these guys. Me too.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna put on a black hooded sweatshirt because I wanted to get ready to roll.

Speaker 1 Oh, hoodie, because it's tougher. It's like football, yeah,

Speaker 1 like a Belichick hoodie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so here we go. We got uh, we got Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman, and we're gonna talk about a bunch of stupid shit.

Speaker 1 Super dollar, superstar football players.

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Speaker 5 dude what y'all dude

Speaker 7 how you doing road

Speaker 1 is that one of them that's that's that's a dude

Speaker 1 he's got his fucking shirt on

Speaker 1 how are you julian hey man good are you bugs well we can't start now can we i guess we can

Speaker 7 I think Rob will be here in two minutes.

Speaker 1 Are you in the same room with him? Probably not, huh? Geez, geez.

Speaker 1 Anybody like themselves? Look at that wall. Patriots, Patriots, me, me, me, me, me.

Speaker 5 Wow.

Speaker 1 And it's a little messy. It reminds me of you.

Speaker 1 Where are your Emmys? Whoops. Somebody likes themselves.

Speaker 5 I love people who have one Emmy. Whoops.
Some people. Does he have an Emmy? No, I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about my awards. He's got every Pop Warner.
This is Julian Edelman behind his chair. He's gone to get headphones.
He's got a lot of awards.

Speaker 1 This guy Pip Squeak award in third grade for guy that tried the hardest in football. He started, yeah, he started out.

Speaker 5 How tall is he?

Speaker 1 4'11?

Speaker 5 He went.

Speaker 1 He started high school. Let's tell him he's the Kevin Hart of football and he'll beat the shit up.

Speaker 5 No, he's not. He grew.
But

Speaker 1 no,

Speaker 1 he's short for that world, which is like 6'3 or something.

Speaker 1 I like how he goes, oh, I'll go to Radio Shack. Where did he go?

Speaker 1 They just want to say, this is like when people go, hey, I'm here. I'm a half hour late.
And then they go, I got to go to the bathroom. So they touch bass.
Like, I'm at the restaurant.

Speaker 1 I got to leave again. Don't count this as my time.
I'm late.

Speaker 5 I'm here.

Speaker 1 So he pops in.

Speaker 1 Gronk doesn't even know there's one today. He's just still trying to turn his fucking laptop on.

Speaker 1 He's in front of an Xbox right now.

Speaker 5 Oh, ha ha, he is here. Dude,

Speaker 5 he's literally phoning it in.

Speaker 5 Hey, bud, yeah.

Speaker 9 I gotta, I gotta unleash the snake. I gotta go piss.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 I gotta go lay down a King Kong finger.

Speaker 5 Poop.

Speaker 5 He's vertical.

Speaker 1 He's vertical. God, that's because he's phoning it in on his phone.

Speaker 5 He's literally phoning it in. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Look at that. We've got red lights.

Speaker 5 Can Can you hear me?

Speaker 7 Do I need headphones? I don't know if we're going to have headphones.

Speaker 5 Oh,

Speaker 9 I'm back. Actually, that was the first time I wasn't taking a number two.
That was a number one. So I'm good to go.

Speaker 1 I like this ghetto Ramshack podcast operation, a kitchen shit. You guys have a great set for dudes, dudes on dudes.
I mean, this set. Is this the dude set? It's pretty.

Speaker 5 This is the dude show right now, right?

Speaker 1 We're on your maiden episode. No, you've done a few episodes.

Speaker 9 This is dudes on dudes on steroids because we're doubling up with you two so thank you guys

Speaker 5 yeah dudes

Speaker 5 dudes dude what up dudes

Speaker 5 dudes

Speaker 5 remember that old you guys wouldn't remember this old sandler album where dudes it was dude hey buddy hey dude buddy dude that was from the old old days

Speaker 1 That was on one of those old albums. It was his first album.

Speaker 1 And it was called 90s.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And we all played.
We just talked like that, dude, buddy, buddy, dude. And then homie, Chris Rock was homie.

Speaker 1 I don't know why.

Speaker 1 Anyway, guys, thanks for coming.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, one of us, two of us were late. Look at Rob left again.

Speaker 5 There we go.

Speaker 9 I just wanted to turn off.

Speaker 5 It was annoying.

Speaker 1 Better.

Speaker 1 Dana, I will tell you quickly to briefly let you know who these guys are.

Speaker 5 I know all about them.

Speaker 1 They broke my heart many times. I was

Speaker 1 But I became a Patriots fan.

Speaker 1 At some point, you had to just have to.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You were like the Chiefs of the day.

Speaker 9 Can you explain how we broke your heart, Dana? Like, who's your team then?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Didn't you just, did you take apart my Niners at some point? It was a 49ers.

Speaker 9 Oh, I mean, we didn't really play the 49ers. We played them like two times in our career.
We never played them in the playoffs or anything. So you can't be too disappointed.

Speaker 1 Who did you beat in your Super Bowls? You have four, three who'd you beat who'd you whip ass on come on dudes

Speaker 7 falcons destroyers

Speaker 1 fucking pussies go ahead seahawks and

Speaker 5 we lost ravens

Speaker 7 we lost in indy against the giants

Speaker 5 sore sub yeah that was bad growing sorry oh yeah

Speaker 7 super bowl we've lost two super bowls in cold weather cities Minnesota and Indianapolis.

Speaker 1 Is it a real thing when they say they're playing outside like the dolphins are playing in the snow? They're not going to do well because they're not used to it.

Speaker 9 Yeah, that's a real thing. 100%.

Speaker 9 I mean, you're kind of just used to that warm weather. And right when you hit that warm weather, you're kind of like warmed up and you're loose and all that good stuff.

Speaker 9 When you come up to the cold, man, it's a whole different feel, especially in the hitting game.

Speaker 9 I mean, yeah, you can run around and run routes and not get touched, but as soon as you have contact and it's freezing cold out, it's a whole different type of mentality that you got to have.

Speaker 9 And you got to kind of establish that throughout time. So yes, it's a big advantage if you're up in New England.

Speaker 7 But it's also an advantage for the hot weather team when we go there.

Speaker 7 Like we lost, we always used to lose to Miami in, you know, December when, you know, it's freaking 30 degrees, 20 degrees in Boston. You go down and it's 92 with 80% humidity in Florida.

Speaker 7 Like that's tough for us.

Speaker 7 You always have the whole field advantage of where you're at, which is going to be really cool to see in this new college football playoff with know these sec teams having to go up to the big 10 go up to ohio or michigan or or vice versa to see the you know the big 10 schools go down to the sec and play in the heat that's that's part of home field advantage are you mad that you don't get paid to play college that would have been nice right i can't even imagine i

Speaker 7 you look at the damn player lot of georgia there's like seven lamborghinis i i played that fo for 12 years i've never seen that many lamborghinis they can't leave college it's a a pay cut, right?

Speaker 1 And I mean, you guys, they're making $4 million. The gymnast, who's very attractive.
When you watch a game, it's like this.

Speaker 1 The quarterback, who's a transfer from Georgia, just threw it to the halfback, who's a transfer from ASU.

Speaker 1 It's just like, Jesus, it's hard to keep track of who's on what, but I know everyone's making way more money than me.

Speaker 9 It is hard to keep track, and there eventually has to be a rule in place to kind of, you know, manage it a lot, you know, better than what it is right now.

Speaker 9 I mean, like five transfers you can possibly have is kind of ridiculous. They need to limit down the amount of transfers you can have throughout your college career.

Speaker 9 And then also, eventually, I feel like there might need to be like a salary cap for each team. Yeah, no, it's like so unfair.

Speaker 9 Like Georgia, Alabama, I mean, they got boosters that are billionaires and they can just boom right any type of check.

Speaker 9 And then you go like to the match schools and like those guys, like there's no boosters or anything that are writing big checks like that. So unfair, but like it needs to be managed.

Speaker 9 And like there has to be some type of because it's so new, right?

Speaker 1 I agree. I think Michigan just snaked snaked the guy.

Speaker 7 It's the wall, wall, west, still. I mean, yeah, to be a free agent every year for the player, that's got to, I mean, that would be insane.

Speaker 7 You don't even get that in pro football.

Speaker 7 I mean, you could literally go play a really good year in Alabama and make like six million bucks and then say, Yeah, I'm gonna hit the transfer portal and go make 10 million at like Georgia,

Speaker 7 which that's crazy. So if you're a free agent every year, what would you ask for?

Speaker 1 Wait, if I was in college, Yeah, what would you be your bottom line?

Speaker 5 Yeah. Two million, three? And a Lambo?

Speaker 7 Gee, I don't know. I was so happy.

Speaker 1 It would be fun to figure out what your worth was, like who's coming to you with what. You'd be like, that paltry bullshit? I'm not going for that.

Speaker 1 Because you look at other guys, you go, am I bet on that guy? My bet on that guy, right? That's how you do it. Where does, I'm sorry, I just need to, I'm not an expert on this.

Speaker 1 Where does name, image, and likeness integrate with this transferring and getting more money? Is it just a separate lane or is it?

Speaker 9 Well, well? First off, Dana, it's not really name, image, likeness. That's just an

Speaker 9 life right now is name, image, likeness. I'm an ambassador for a couple companies.
Same with Julian.

Speaker 9 I actually have to go out there and go to these companies, business meetings, and meet everyone and mingle and go on air and talk about the business. These guys, oh, here you go.

Speaker 9 Here's a check for your name, image, likeness. And then you go out and play football.
So they're technically not getting paid for that. They're technically just getting paid to go play football.

Speaker 1 But some of them are influencers and have like 20 million Instagram followers and stuff. And that's

Speaker 9 yes, those are the guys taking advantage of their situation right now in college so then they can have a long-term program.

Speaker 9 So those influencers and TikTokers or bloggers or whatever they are, they're building a fan base now.

Speaker 9 So then say when football is done with, or they go to the NFL, then when the NFL is done with, they're billing their fan base up.

Speaker 9 So then when they're done playing sports, they can go out there and still have an audience and still make some big money, I guess.

Speaker 7 Whatever happened to keeping the main thing, the main thing, like football.

Speaker 1 I know, I know. I was about to say, remember Juju Smith with his TikToks and people didn't love it?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you come in going, look at how many followers I have. I'm a regular Dixie D'Amalio.
And they're like, well, how about just play football?

Speaker 1 Put your phone in your locker and then let's see what happens at the end of the year. Too old school.
I mean, you know,

Speaker 1 look at the Tyson fight. I I mean, you know, fame equals money.
I mean,

Speaker 1 would you guys fight each other for 20 million each or would you fight Ian? No, Real would fight Tyson for 5 million.

Speaker 9 I would, I would definitely, I think I would fight anyone out there in the world in the boxing ring. Not UFC.
UFC is too much.

Speaker 9 I mean, that's brutal, but I would box anyone in the world right now for an eight-figure payday, hands down. I would quit everything and train for five million.
Eight?

Speaker 1 What happened to

Speaker 1 figures?

Speaker 5 That means under 10.

Speaker 1 Is nine figures 10 enough?

Speaker 9 You do it for I need eight figures, Dana. If I'm my head knocked in, I need some, I need some.

Speaker 1 No, well, let's just break it down. You as a boxer, so you're you're basically six, five, six, six, two,

Speaker 1 60, or what are you?

Speaker 9 Let's break it down for you right now.

Speaker 5 Me and my, yeah, break it down. Okay,

Speaker 9 this is for you.

Speaker 5 Okay, well, we

Speaker 5 okay,

Speaker 1 was the front for us or the back?

Speaker 9 I gave it a side because I'm your friend.

Speaker 1 I wanted to know what you're like. I saw that sundial.
Do you take a lot of punishment? Do you delve out punishment? Do you hold a lot?

Speaker 1 Do you have a jab? Do you have a hook? Do you, I mean, what kind of boxer is? Don't be a clincher. Let's ask this friend, Julian, what kind of boxer is this guy?

Speaker 5 We know what he is.

Speaker 9 Let's give it a hunter.

Speaker 7 He's a haymaker. He's going to try to get you with the haymaker early on.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 7 He's got long reach. If we can work his jab, because he could be really nasty with the jab because he's got like an eight-foot reach, probably.
He's going to be taller.

Speaker 5 Eight-foot reach is pretty good. Yeah.

Speaker 7 I think if we can get his jab going,

Speaker 7 all he's got to do is connect once and the guy's done.

Speaker 1 I feel like Jake Paul is a very tough guy, but I think Rob could get in there and mix it up a little bit.

Speaker 9 I would fight Jake Paul. I would 100%.
Like I said, I would fight anyone in the ring if the payday is right. I quit everything right on the spot and train.
I would actually love to do that, man.

Speaker 9 I would have a purpose of just being able to quit everything because everyone would understand and then have a purpose of just becoming a freaking absolute animal out there again.

Speaker 1 Unit, and then it's a mystery fight, and then at the end, you find out it's Belichick.

Speaker 5 Oh,

Speaker 5 now what? I mean,

Speaker 9 if it was Belichick, it would be like the fight that we just saw, the main event.

Speaker 5 I would just throw a couple of jabs and then I would back off.

Speaker 9 Coach, I love you too much.

Speaker 1 Just whispering to each other and nudging us.

Speaker 5 You'd hold him tight. You'd hold him tight.

Speaker 9 I'll let him throw a couple punches, let him feel good, but But that's all.

Speaker 1 Dude, I like that Jake football fight when, like, third round, he's like whispering, don't hit me so hard, Tyson. You know the deal.
You initialed it. You docu signed it.
I'm like, okay, okay, guys.

Speaker 7 Did he say that?

Speaker 1 It seemed like it, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, it was kind of like every time Tyson had a shot, he'd pull back. I go, All the rumors are true.

Speaker 5 This isn't, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. Are you saying

Speaker 1 that sporting event might have been fixed?

Speaker 5 Are you going on record?

Speaker 1 it wasn't even called like a boxing match it was like this is an entertainment thing i think it was actually categorized as a real

Speaker 5 a sanctuary it goes on their record it was a sanction

Speaker 1 for boxing that's that they accounting that jeezel piezo

Speaker 1 all right let's get to the hard question let's uh let's ask some questions of these real nice guys come on you like it hard Let's hear it.

Speaker 9 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Hey, man,

Speaker 1 that's why you guys came up with Nuthouse. So you guys are businessmen now.
You're starting an empire, basically. Nuthouse Productions.
I looked at it, right? Right?

Speaker 5 Right. Right.
So far, we're right. Correct.
Correct.

Speaker 1 And the show, the new podcast is called Dudes. Dudes on Dudes.
Dudes on Dudes.

Speaker 5 Dudes on Dudes. That's right.

Speaker 7 Dudes on dudes.

Speaker 1 But you guys, because you were superstars in your other profession,

Speaker 1 probably it translate like it did with Michael Jordan and others, like competitive, right? Like you want to build this and just be monsters, right? Because that makes life interesting.

Speaker 1 That means you're going to build this thing out as a giant production. It's less painful, less hurt on it.

Speaker 9 You're relentless, like Julian always says, and we're not going to stop until we get there, baby.

Speaker 9 Yeah, we might have a couple bloopers, a couple messed ups, but knowing Julian has a teammate out on the field, he always gets back up when he gets knocked down.

Speaker 9 And same with myself: you knock us down, we're going to keep fighting, and we're going to keep fighting until we win that championship, baby.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's a good story. Have you ever, after someone tackled you during a game, game just stood up and said you do that again i'll kill you

Speaker 1 have you ever said that to an opposing did you not see rob do a

Speaker 7 did you not see him in buffalo when he gave the people's elbow to a fucking he dropped his elbow on a guy because he got mad at him yeah i got mad at him he kept holding me i did tell him hey if you hold me again i'm on a people's elbow but he just

Speaker 7 he literally

Speaker 1 went down and did a people i like it's called a people's elbow that's how far away i am from the nfl the people's elbow

Speaker 9 is Dwayne Johnson, the rock in the WWE. And I promise you.

Speaker 5 Oh, you drop it on him.

Speaker 9 Right.

Speaker 1 Right. You want all your weight on him.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 7 No, but I think with

Speaker 7 NutHouse,

Speaker 7 we enjoy doing it.

Speaker 7 We're competitive, yeah.

Speaker 7 But we're not looking at where we want to bring it right now. We're still just diving into.

Speaker 7 the operation and trying to make the product as best as possible, worrying about what we can with the show and trying to make our chemistry kind of like yours. It's very boring.

Speaker 1 We're 150 in, you asshole, and we don't know what we're doing. By the way, Jules, are you at that goddamn mansion I drive by

Speaker 1 that I've driven by before? I won't say where.

Speaker 7 No, I moved.

Speaker 5 God damn.

Speaker 1 Fucking the rich get richer. All right.
Now, on the roast, we're friends with Nikki Glaze. Well, we're friends with all those guys.
I have a few questions, just quickly. You did this roast with Tom.

Speaker 1 Did,

Speaker 1 okay, first of all, like when we did the roast i did the rob low one we didn't know each other's jokes ahead of time do you guys did you guys know each other's jokes no we're not okay no but we we would have to tell our jokes to the room

Speaker 7 and then they didn't tell us if someone had a joke that they would say like uh you can't use that one oh it bumps with somebody yeah yeah and to what room writer's room writer's room yes

Speaker 1 oh you had to get up and say them

Speaker 7 yeah i i went to the comedy store and performed my jokes oh i should have gone down there. I was

Speaker 7 terrified. Thank God there was 15 like frat kids there that loved football.
So I could say anything and they were going to laugh.

Speaker 7 But I was up there and I was reading my jokes off of paper and I did like 50, I did 12 minutes. I wanted to like test jokes.

Speaker 5 That's a lot. Yeah.

Speaker 7 And it was, it was, I was so terrified. It was, it was really stepping outside of my comfort.

Speaker 1 Oh, that makes you sick. That's so scary to go up in front of people and read those.
Yeah, that's

Speaker 5 normal.

Speaker 1 For real. Who wrote?

Speaker 5 Did you have someone write with you?

Speaker 1 Did you have someone help write

Speaker 5 in your store?

Speaker 1 They have roast writers, I think.

Speaker 7 I have my own team, and then we worked with their team, and we kind of formulated and drew a bunch of shit at the wall.

Speaker 7 And then I went to the store and set them all and kind of said, all right, this one's a good one. They didn't like this one.

Speaker 1 And it's very hard to say, hey, guys.

Speaker 1 We're roasting Tom Brady. It's not the same exact scenario because they're ready for regular.

Speaker 1 Now, when you go to the roast, everyone's lasered in. This is about this, blah, blah, blah.
So I've seen like Nikki go in, okay, guys, here's what I'm doing. I'm hosting the MTV Awards.

Speaker 1 Picture green day here. It's just not the same.
You don't get the exact same reaction, but you get a feel. Like this one might work.
So that's good. And Rob, you did the same thing.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Did you say that?

Speaker 9 Yeah, mine was similar. I actually had like three different phone calls with the writers.

Speaker 9 I just wanted to understand the feel of, you know, of the type of material that I had for Tom and the other people that were going to be there. And then they kind of wrote some jokes for me.

Speaker 9 I actually have a friend who's an absolute maniac who, when he's on fire, he's on fire. He can come up with anything.
So he wrote four of my jokes.

Speaker 9 And then I actually wrote four of my jokes as well. And then all the other jokes were from the writers.
So,

Speaker 9 you know, it was just a team effort. But at the end, once you have your whole script, you tell the writers what you're going to say.

Speaker 9 And then they figure it out, hey, you can't say that because someone else is already saying. So it wasn't repeated.

Speaker 1 How much fear

Speaker 1 compared to when you're starting football

Speaker 1 doing public speaking, going to a podium, you got all these comedians. It's a global event.
I mean,

Speaker 1 it was an amazing gross. And you guys are coming out there and you're following people.
I mean, what was your nerve level? I'm sure you couldn't compare it to athletics, but it's intense.

Speaker 1 It took me years to get used to doing it. Took me three years without being just terrified to do stand-up.

Speaker 7 Dude, I was, I mean, it was,

Speaker 7 it was really scary because we we're football players we're not comics and then you're you're following

Speaker 7 pros yeah these sharp shooters huge event i i'm so thankful i had that rep before

Speaker 7 uh at the store because it gave me like a rep of it but i was i was definitely terrified just because

Speaker 7 that's not that's not what we do I know.

Speaker 1 That's what I was just asking. When the size of the crowd is bigger than normal stand-up, it's crazy.

Speaker 7 Yeah, there was 10,000. What was it? The forum? There's like, but the cool thing about it was you only saw the people.
You didn't see the crowd. You saw like the,

Speaker 7 they had

Speaker 5 a bunch of

Speaker 7 tables for people that were going to be made fun of or associated with people. So you saw a lot of your friends in the crowd.
I didn't, you know, so that that was kind of cool.

Speaker 1 And also everyone knows you're not a professional stand-up. So there is usually goodwill.
You know, because they understand it's not what you do for a living right now.

Speaker 1 But how is your nerve level, Rob? You weren't.

Speaker 9 Yeah, well we're we're crazy psychos man that's why we won so many championships together is that julian wants to be the best even though that's not his profession i wanted to be the best up there even though that's not my profession i mean bill wants to be the best you know when you sign up for something you know we want to be the best and we're super competitive and that's why i feel like that whole group right there we won so many championships and why we went to the playoffs every single year because of that competitive nature but my nerves were my nerves were cooking a little bit that's why between julian you know, myself and Kevin Hart, we were all three in a row.

Speaker 9 And we literally finished a bottle of tequila before we even went up there.

Speaker 9 And that definitely helped out because when I got up there, that tequila just went, it went, it went zoop, and it was just game on, baby.

Speaker 1 And also, wait a minute, so before you went out, you had at least five shots, six shots

Speaker 1 on stage, probably.

Speaker 9 We were drinking.

Speaker 1 By the time he got to the podium, how many shots of tequila?

Speaker 9 I don't know, but Jules, probably six to seven.

Speaker 1 Seven? Okay.

Speaker 9 Yeah, six to seven.

Speaker 7 I had a prerequisite of my cocktail before. So I tried my cocktail of what I was going to do before at the store so I could dial in my

Speaker 1 I have to say that the nerves erase a lot of your buzz sometimes so you're really drunker than you think because You're so fucking giddy with all the energy and the adrenaline that you go, I don't even know if I'm drunk.

Speaker 1 I'm just

Speaker 1 you don't feel it as much if you're adrenaline.

Speaker 9 That's what happened to me. And also, it kind of sucked waiting your turn because once your turn was over, you know you killed it.
It felt so good just to watch the rest of the show. Like it was like

Speaker 1 or you get something stepped on. That's what I was scared because Nikki, I thought, was first.

Speaker 1 And when someone goes before and they do jokes, I'm like, oh my God, I'd be going, fuck, that steps on this joke. Oh, do I got to take that one out? And who do you tell? It's live.

Speaker 1 You're like, do I text someone? Like, get rid of that joke. It bumps exactly with Kevin Hart's joke.
It's the same thing. That's the hard part.

Speaker 1 That's where the writers have to make sure, unless you're ad-libbing or something, but I'm sure ad-libs come out because it's live and just in the moment you want to add a tagline.

Speaker 7 I was watching, so I was really amazed with the professionalism of all like the comics that went up there.

Speaker 7 And with Kevin Hart and watching him, how he was off the teleprompter, like how he would hit a couple things on the prompter, then ad-lib and then go back to the prompter. Scary.

Speaker 7 I was watching who was reading their jokes and who wasn't. And Rob went up there

Speaker 7 and I'm sitting there looking at his prompter. And then I'm looking, and he went completely rogue.
He just started going on his own rant. It was crazy.

Speaker 7 It was like fun to see who was using their prompter and who wasn't. And Rob went full rogue on the prompter and just started going rob on him.

Speaker 1 And then you don't know where you're coming back to because they're like, the prompter goes down. Then they go, are we, is this this part?

Speaker 1 And then you're like, because, you know, live, a lot of those rogues, like the one I did, they can, they trim it from three hours down to like an an hour and a half.

Speaker 1 So they were cutting all the fat out, all the mistakes. It's more fun to see the mistakes and see what's really happening.

Speaker 5 Definitely, I think so.

Speaker 1 Yeah, did anything shock you? Did you hear jokes that like you were like, oh shit, we're doing this?

Speaker 1 Were your feelings hurt? Or did you ever observe anyone else who you felt like their feelings were hurt? Because that's the live wire reality show aspect of roasts.

Speaker 1 You're laughing, but then I've seen roasts where, whoa, that person's really wounded right now. You know, I guess that's part of it.
But did you witness or yourselves?

Speaker 1 Did everyone, you know, did you get your feelings hurt at all?

Speaker 9 No, I don't think anyone got their feelings hurt. And that's what made that roast that much more special.
And it also kind of makes you stronger as a person as well.

Speaker 9 If you can just take those beatings and lashings in front of millions of people and in front of the crowd of 20 plus thousand people in front of all your good friends as well, I mean, it makes you strong mentally.

Speaker 9 And that's why I loved it. I mean, I can go around anywhere now, whatever people say about me.
It And actually, that roast literally kind of freaked me off. I don't care what people say.

Speaker 9 Call me an idiot. Call me dumb.

Speaker 5 Like, whatever.

Speaker 9 I was in front of millions of people and that happened. Like, so it's no big deal.

Speaker 9 And I think that's what made the show so special too, is everyone took the beating and no one was actually truly hurt about it.

Speaker 7 That's what the really, that's what the locker room is. I mean, no one's safe in the locker room.
Everyone's getting made fun of. It was just public.

Speaker 1 Well, when I did the roast, they go, like, it's hard to see someone walk up and go, go, you know, everyone says Spade has huge ears.

Speaker 5 And I'm like, wait, what's going on?

Speaker 1 Wait, what does everyone say? Because you're never hearing everything people are saying. So whenever, when they start a joke with, I think we're all in agreement.

Speaker 1 And then it's like some horrible thing about you. And you go, and you're trying to brace like, oh, okay, that was too much.
I'm going to mark that down. I got to talk to them after.

Speaker 1 I got to mark that one down. Because there's so many coming at you.
You just go, holy shit. That's why I never did it for so long because I'm too much of a pussy to take it.

Speaker 7 It's just so out of left field i think it's crazy to hear how you analyze

Speaker 7 the the show like we don't think about that you're sitting you guys are pros so you're sitting there like oh he hit that so i'm gonna fucking bring this to him oh yeah yeah i want to go up early like that was renough that's a deal breaker they go i go put me up early because by the time like

Speaker 1 Andrew Schultz got on, he has great jokes, but it's hard to just get the effect when you've heard you're numb by this point.

Speaker 1 Nikki had the best spot. I think she was third or fourth yeah kevin hart warmed him up when warmed people were very good

Speaker 1 and then there's a wave that she caught and she was incredibly prepared i mean she worked like for six weeks or something night after night taping recording but yeah later on it's just like you know do you guys uh do professional athletes still uh snap the towel because i haven't been in a locker room since i was did they ever did dana when he was in high school they were snapping his towel

Speaker 1 but i actually i was was like the size, I guess, Julian, you were 100 pounds when you went into high school. I was 92.
You could have beat the shit out of me even then.

Speaker 1 But football guys would just pick me up like probably my just throw me against the locker

Speaker 5 in high school. Uh-oh, Rob, don't come back.

Speaker 1 I think we offended Rob. Yeah,

Speaker 9 no, I was uh, I was 169 pounds in high school, so

Speaker 9 as a freshman, no, as uh, as a sixth grader,

Speaker 9 and I was so smart and intelligent oh good for you uh my academics were high school

Speaker 1 that's

Speaker 1 right you were a math math whiz literally right in high school i'm gonna fact check this jules

Speaker 5 jules come on now

Speaker 5 we were popping i don't know where we are but it doesn't matter

Speaker 5 it doesn't matter

Speaker 1 No, I shockingly got cut from football. Actually, the coach,

Speaker 1 I was supposed to do a 10-yard button hook. I did about a 12-yard, so I took it right in the fucking grill.

Speaker 1 And the coach walked me aside like I was Lucas, like that old movie. He's like,

Speaker 1 hey, kid, let's go get you a snow cone. And then walked me off the field and then

Speaker 1 off the campus just to say

Speaker 1 football is for you. Yeah.
Who would want a snow cone if they could have an actual ice cream bar or something? Snow cone is what I was saying. Unless it's 110 degrees.

Speaker 1 But I was a star.

Speaker 5 We lost them.

Speaker 1 I was a star in flag football.

Speaker 1 Many touchdowns per game, stuff like that. But then when it came to tackle football, a guy ran me over and I just said, I'm leaving.

Speaker 7 They were playing flag football back then?

Speaker 1 This is in the 60s. John Brody, you guys don't go that far back.
He was a

Speaker 5 49

Speaker 1 was quarterback, gave me my certificate, MVP. Flag football was way more civilized.
It was, you know. Flag.

Speaker 1 You weren't really getting tackled.

Speaker 5 They would just take your flag.

Speaker 1 Are you guys going to play flag in the Olympics, which I don't think should be a sport?

Speaker 7 I wish I, if I was in my prime, I would. I can't run anymore.

Speaker 5 For real? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was going to ask you guys that, but it's maybe it's 100%.

Speaker 7 If you could go to the Olympics.

Speaker 7 Like, I don't even that that sports completely different, but I'd be able to yeah, it's not what like you guys did.

Speaker 1 You have to juke. Rob, can you run?

Speaker 9 I would be just the red zone threat, you know, put all these little guys in that can run right now. I can still run decently, but not like how I used to be able to.

Speaker 9 But I can still go up there and make a play over the guy that's 5'8, you know, in the red zone and score. Because that's what I do.
I'm a scorer, baby. I only score.

Speaker 1 That's what we see when we think of you. I want to ask you guys this question.
What's braver in the pocket as a quarterback, knowing people are coming from your blind side to kill you, basically?

Speaker 1 Or being a receiver, going up for the ball and knowing the hit's coming, you're not completely protected. Are they equal?

Speaker 1 But they seem like the toughest mental positions to put yourself in that situation as quarterback or receiver?

Speaker 9 No, no, they're not equal because

Speaker 9 the receiver, you have momentum as well when you're going up for the ball. You're running full speed and that defensive back or safety or linebacker is running full speed the other way.

Speaker 9 So it's like a. It's like a head-on collision with two guys going full speed.
And the pocket, you're just still. And the guy that's coming for you, he's already already getting pushed around.

Speaker 9 It's not like he's teeing off, running full speed. Like, he might just grab you with the arm and just throw you down.

Speaker 9 So, it's definitely more vicious to get drilled going up the middle and not see the guy come than the quarterback sitting in the pocket.

Speaker 1 So, for our trend, you had a much tougher job than Brady did throughout your time with the Patriots.

Speaker 9 Yes, that is correct.

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Speaker 5 Rules and restrictions apply.

Speaker 1 You can't even hit the quarterback anymore, but back then you could hit him a little bit.

Speaker 7 But I mean, Tom played so long he was getting hit early in his career.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 It's physics. So, like Rob was explaining, I mean, if you're going 16 miles an hour this way, this guy's

Speaker 5 15 miles an hour this way.

Speaker 7 There's a bigger force. You know, I would say I played quarterback.

Speaker 5 You could,

Speaker 7 you could feel it's different because like the quarterback is throwing you somewhere when you're across the middle.

Speaker 7 You can kind of feel it in the pocket. Sometimes you don't, obviously, but I think it's just the brute speed going across the middle.

Speaker 1 You guys were mostly car crashes, but it's better to just do a straight, deep route just so because you're just running, basically.

Speaker 7 Well, it's also you're, it's an easier catch, too. Because all going away and

Speaker 1 yeah, and the guy with you is running with you, not right at you.

Speaker 1 Where's the injury quotient at this point? I mean, how many at the high-niners have been destroyed? McCaffrey, Brock Purdy, Nick Bosa,

Speaker 9 Kittle.

Speaker 1 I mean, is it just, it's always been this kind of level? It seems like the team that stays healthy, all things being equal, of course, is going to win the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Every team is one or two players away. They're out, and the whole trajectory changes.

Speaker 5 Dana, I just think that

Speaker 9 using the injury bug is just an excuse for your 49ers. I just think they can't get the job done anymore this year, buddy.

Speaker 9 Yeah, they got some injuries, but so do a lot of other teams, and they got so many good

Speaker 9 players that can step up as well, and it's just not happening. So you're just like everyone else in the Bay Area, just making excuses.

Speaker 1 So you're just saying that a Devo Samuels and a Christian McCaffrey, you can get the D-League out there. You're going to get the same production.

Speaker 9 Exactly. I mean, we had Julian Elleman and and Rob Gronkowski out there at one point.
Guys, a seventh-round pick, and I was a second-round nobody coming out with a backup.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you became superstars. Yeah, you became superstars.

Speaker 9 They should be able to get it done. And they got kittle.
Don't forget about him. He only missed one game, so that's technically not.
Right.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 1 You got to love Kitty. But why does Brock Purdy doesn't make any money? And I feel bad for him.
He lives in like a one-bedroom apartment. He drives an Uber at night.

Speaker 1 I'm like, dude, everyone else is bitching because they don't get $40 million a year. This guy's a starting quarterback on Dana's best team.

Speaker 5 There's rules.

Speaker 1 It has to make a three season.

Speaker 7 He's making less than the Georgia and Alabama quarterbacks that are in the game.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no shit. Go back to college, dude.

Speaker 5 I know.

Speaker 5 He drives a Hyundai XL.

Speaker 7 Getting back to injuries.

Speaker 5 Yes, please. Idiot.

Speaker 7 There were some of our best years we didn't win the Super Bowl because we got hurt. You know what I mean? I think in 15, we started 9-0.

Speaker 7 You know, we lose Nate Soldier to a Peck, Deion Lewis. I broke a foot.
You know, there's years where Gronk got hurt, we didn't win. Like, that's part of the game.

Speaker 7 And that goes into the offseason of the program on how they get their athletes going on their performance side, how they keep all their physical and

Speaker 7 their cardiovascular health. All that stuff is like part of it.
You know, so like the whole injure bug thing, everyone deals with it.

Speaker 7 you know if you if you're sitting there saying we're one guy away it's never that that's never the case look at the jets and most people are injured anyway, yeah.

Speaker 1 When they call it kind of banged up a little bit, the team's a little banged up, they're either hurt or you're injured.

Speaker 5 Everyone's hurt,

Speaker 5 everyone's hurting.

Speaker 1 So, did you, would you, do you guys feel like you got out at the right time based on if you play too long with too many injuries?

Speaker 1 I mean, I worked with Dick Butkus on a TV show, and he walked real funny and he was about 45 at the time, and you know, they didn't know how to deal with injuries. They were Willie Mays and a sitcom.

Speaker 9 I feel like I got out right at the right time.

Speaker 9 Like, you know, I was kind of still playing well, but I mean, I wasn't producing like how I could produce when I was 24, 25 years old, but I was still going out there and making plays.

Speaker 9 But I got out like right before

Speaker 9 I was going to be absolute terrible.

Speaker 9 And I feel like that's the best time to go out because you're still on top and you didn't really show that you truly dropped off like out of nowhere like the super bowl in tampa yeah yeah well i played one more year after that yeah

Speaker 1 i forgot about the following year i just think of you as he won he also went to florida and won one without belichek who they all we all love

Speaker 1 when you ruined the super bowl trophy did they make you pay anything

Speaker 9 No, no, it's actually hanging up in the Patriots Hall of Fame. Actually, we made that, they should pay us because we made that trophy more expensive, Julian and I.
He threw the pitch.

Speaker 9 He threw a knuckleball. I freaking bunned it and put the dent in it.
So, Julian, I'm waiting for our check because people go to the Patriots Hall of Fame, more people do to go

Speaker 5 to go see it.

Speaker 9 Exactly. So, hey,

Speaker 5 it's like our you want some story behind it.

Speaker 9 I want date money for that, Jules.

Speaker 7 Without a doubt, I have the ball that we threw it with.

Speaker 1 Still, it's in the see, that's worth something too.

Speaker 1 Super Bowl MVP,

Speaker 1 pretty, pretty amazing. That was by the way, you know,

Speaker 5 David interrupts my guideline of his. Well, who's the Super Bowl MVP?

Speaker 1 Julian was.

Speaker 5 Yeah. You were?

Speaker 5 He's Mr.

Speaker 1 Super Bowl.

Speaker 5 He also led the receivers.

Speaker 1 And yeah, he's had some great Super Bowls. Super Bowl MVP.
That's fucking crazy, dude.

Speaker 7 Man, it was nuts. It's cooler now.
Like, you didn't really care when it happened. You just, you were happy that it won.
But, like...

Speaker 7 Now that it's over and it's like five years ago, you still get to live off of it.

Speaker 1 Fucking five years ago. I was dying out on that forever.

Speaker 1 I tell people I said live from New York at Saturday night. That's what I tell people.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Even though I don't even know if I did.

Speaker 5 Who cares?

Speaker 5 Dana said it 200 times. Which one?

Speaker 5 Live from New York. Nice.
I'm Dana.

Speaker 1 I'm adding to my total. I'm adding to my total, right?

Speaker 5 Hey, Dana.

Speaker 9 I meet somebody and they're like, hey, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm a football player. I'm going to use that for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 5 I say that sometimes.

Speaker 1 That's right. You guys are gladiators.
You're like

Speaker 1 rock stars. You know, everyone, I mean,

Speaker 1 I was talking to Belichick about this because I'm on the podcast with him. By the way, I did every joke and every impression I can do.
I got him helpless. I got that guy laughing his ass off.

Speaker 1 It was really easy.

Speaker 5 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Great sense of humor.

Speaker 1 But when you get him into football, just even at one question, as you guys would know, it's 20 minutes of intense metrics that it's pretty amazing to watch his brain go like that.

Speaker 1 He's just, he'll be back. But

Speaker 1 yeah, you guys are, you know, the Super Bowl and football, the ratings and the money is so huge globally. It's, it is the sport, you know, Oscars, Emmys, other televised events.
It is football is it.

Speaker 1 And it attracts everybody. And I just wondered about the

Speaker 1 money.

Speaker 1 The billions that's going in there. Is it matriculating to the players?

Speaker 1 I mean, I think the teams average 400 million each i mean you're getting a piece of the television you're getting the gate is it growing growing growing or how do you feel about it as a sport i mean it is the i think the playoffs are

Speaker 5 like i was gonna say that

Speaker 7 season yeah yeah it's crazy uh when you play in the playoffs in the super bowl you're actually taking a pay cut because what they do is you get your salary you divide it into 17 you get paid every two weeks so you can imagine what that check looks like when you go to the playoffs you're getting the, you know, you get 20 grand for the first game, you get 30 grand for the second game.

Speaker 7 When you're looking at like

Speaker 7 the league making in the playoff games with all their, you know, all the viewership and stuff.

Speaker 7 So we actually get the short end of the stick when it comes to playoff money, but that's also negotiated in our collective bargaining agreement.

Speaker 7 We get a certain percentage of what the TV contracts and what the league makes. But it, you know, it never comes down.
Like when you're playing in the playoffs, that's for like the love of the game.

Speaker 7 Now, 20 grand is a lot of money, but you look at your regular game day check

Speaker 7 from the regular season, you're putting in more work than what you're doing in the regular season. You're getting paid less.
So

Speaker 7 even you think about it, playoffs and winning the Super Bowl, I think you get like a couple hundred grand, three grand all together. It's still not even a

Speaker 7 toenail clipping of what the league's making during the I didn't even know at all that you make less.

Speaker 1 But it's an overall, Rob, are you?

Speaker 7 basically

Speaker 7 a bonus?

Speaker 1 Right. So, you know, you make a salary.

Speaker 7 And then once the season, regular season's over, you get rewarded. Right.

Speaker 1 You know, and the ratings are higher, though. So

Speaker 1 someone's making more. Yeah.
And Rob, is it true that you just saved your salary and just lived off endorsements and all the rest?

Speaker 9 Yeah, yeah, I have, man. It's been great.
I can tell you that. It's been great living.

Speaker 9 And I just, you know, I definitely lived by that model for especially like my first five, six years in the NFL, because you don't know how long you're going to play for, man.

Speaker 9 NFL stands for not for long. You can average about three years.
So I was like, hey, I want to make sure I'm taken care of if I only play like four, five years in the NFL.

Speaker 9 So I was living like that just so, you know, I didn't have to worry if I had a short career. So it just stayed with that model from there on out ever since because, you know, it was just working.

Speaker 1 And how did you, where did you put the money? Was it a cash or did you, I'm just curious about it.

Speaker 9 No, investments and everything, all that good stuff. So it's making money as well.

Speaker 1 I'm living off my beer pong winnings right now.

Speaker 1 You guys, first of all, I think we should thank these guys. We've taken enough of their time.

Speaker 1 Two dudes, we think you're great. Dan, do you have any final questions?

Speaker 5 Well, I just want to

Speaker 1 dudes on dudes. Dudes on dudes.
With Gronk and Jules.

Speaker 7 These two guys.

Speaker 7 So the concept of our show is we basically talk about three different dudes and we categorize what kind of dude they are.

Speaker 7 You know, you're a dog, which is someone who's mentally, physically, emotionally tough. You could be a freak, a one-on-one.

Speaker 7 You could be a dude's dude, which is like a glue guy in the locker room.

Speaker 7 You could be a stud, someone who has pedigree on everything.

Speaker 7 And then you could be a whiz, which is someone who's innovative.

Speaker 7 And

Speaker 7 I think you guys would be whizzes and glue guys.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. So it can apply to comedians too, not just athletes.

Speaker 7 Well, it can apply to anything. Could

Speaker 7 not just a guy. A dude is a figure of speech.

Speaker 1 Could we be like beasts?

Speaker 1 Spade's a beast.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I've... No, there's five categories.

Speaker 9 Beast is not one of them. There's actually,

Speaker 9 you can either be a freak.

Speaker 9 It's kind of

Speaker 7 stud. A stud, a wizard,

Speaker 5 dog.

Speaker 5 Or a dude's dude. Lots of dudes.
A dude's dude. Or a dog.

Speaker 1 I like wrong saying, Dana, I don't think you understood the rules.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 1 Beast was not one of the choices. Steph Curry, go.
Which one is he? Steph Curry.

Speaker 7 Whiz.

Speaker 1 Wiz.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 1 Changed the game.

Speaker 7 He's literally, he's changed NBA basketball.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 5 Ooh.

Speaker 9 Why are we going back in the heyday in 2010? I would say Aaron Rodgers back in the heyday, man. Just an absolute stud, just the way that he can just

Speaker 9 bullet those passes with a flick of a wrist. I mean, you got to be a stud muffin in order to do that.

Speaker 1 Are you

Speaker 1 Aaron coming back next year? What do you think he should do?

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 9 I thought the show was over. I thought you were letting us off, David.

Speaker 1 How is his name pronounced?

Speaker 1 Zavon Barkley, the guy who just ran for $255.

Speaker 5 Saquon Scopper.

Speaker 1 Barkley. Say what, Barkley? What is he?

Speaker 7 He's a freak.

Speaker 1 He's a monster. I agree.
He's a freak. Yeah, he runs.

Speaker 7 Legs, they chafe because they're so big.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I have a Google alert whenever this is.

Speaker 7 He did a 360 jump over someone.

Speaker 5 Literally.

Speaker 1 Oh, I saw that.

Speaker 5 I saw that.

Speaker 7 That's a fucking freak.

Speaker 9 This guy's taking it to another level every single week, which is just freaking incredible. And he is freaky.
I mean, a freak is basically someone that you just look at and they look like a specimen.

Speaker 9 And Saquon Barkley, you look at his quads, and and those are just a specimen quads and just how much he can lift.

Speaker 9 So that's how we kind of categorize guys as well: is how they perform off the field sometimes, what they look like, and just how they play the game.

Speaker 5 So, Herschel Walker.

Speaker 7 Ooh, now you're trying to get us going the

Speaker 1 90s. No, okay, let's see.

Speaker 5 Herschel Walker, he's a dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 He's self-motivated. I mean, he didn't win any, they didn't win any Super Bowl.
He's played with the Oilers and who else?

Speaker 1 Herschel. I remember Houston.

Speaker 5 Houston.

Speaker 7 Yeah. I mean, I would say he's a dog.
That dude was so powerful. And there were so many times where you thought he was down and he'd put his shoulder down and run a guy over, take three guys.

Speaker 1 Okay, Rob, what's Julian?

Speaker 9 Oh, actually, we haven't.

Speaker 5 And Julian, what's Rob?

Speaker 1 Well, that comes. That's the microphone.
Oh, yeah, okay.

Speaker 5 Don't give it away.

Speaker 1 That's the season ender.

Speaker 5 I would say, if I'm looking at.

Speaker 9 You can't give that away. Come on now.

Speaker 1 No, don't give it away. I'd say Rob's a freak and a stud, and I'd say I'm freakishly gifted.
And

Speaker 1 Julian is a dog and a wizard and a glue.

Speaker 5 I like that.

Speaker 1 You can be a combo. Those are just my blinks.
I don't know.

Speaker 9 That's fine. All right.
You guys are allowed to combo us. I like it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, okay, we'll let you go, Rob.
We promised.

Speaker 7 We love being comboed.

Speaker 1 You guys.

Speaker 5 Good luck with your podcast. This is really fun.
You see say always fun. We're having it.

Speaker 9 Dana and Spade, every Thursday, a new episode drops. Check this out, baby.

Speaker 7 Hey, Spade, are you going to be at Craig's anytime soon?

Speaker 1 I saw these guys. I forgot.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
Hope you liked it.