SUPERFLY #43 - Cash & Speed

Dana, it's award season, which means we're due for some classic red carpet combos, like strapless dresses and statement necklaces, or acclaimed directors and long acceptance speeches. But you know what look always pairs perfectly together? Discover and Cashback.
You see, Discover automatically matches all the cashback you've earned at the end of the first year. Which is a look that will always serve.
It pays to slay. It pays to discover.
See terms at discover.com slash credit card. This is a message from a sponsor, Intuit TurboTax.
Taxes was dealing with piles of paperwork and frustrating forms and then waiting and wondering and worrying if you were going to get any money back. Now, Taxes has easily uploaded your forms to a TurboTax expert who's matched to your unique tax situation.
An expert who's backed by the latest technology with CrossCheck's millions of data points for 100% accuracy. While they work in your taxes, you get real-time updates on their progress and you get the most money back, guaranteed., all while you go about your day.
No stressing, no worrying, no waiting. Now, this is taxes.
Intuit TurboTax. Get an expert now on TurboTax.com.
Only available with TurboTax Live full service. Real-time updates only in iOS mobile app.
See guaranteed details at TurboTax.com slash guarantees. All let's do it three two one go Dana superfly this is probably it's right up there with the most discombobulated I've been starting the most superfly tired and beat up discombobulated because I've not not not a complaint just observations from doing the friday night uh last friday the run through for uh the cold opening on snl it goes to like 1 a.m so forth and so on and then the show yeah they do things late and they go all night a lot they're young they do a lot of i mean yeah we didn't go after like 11 i don't think no we went yeah dennis was well anyway had a broadway show at seven but um because he had he was update but um just rehearsals i mean andy sandberg did a video and it was an 18 hour day the day before but that was his primary thing it was really funny god dang so then you want to stay it's lauren's 80th there's a birthday cake a crazy party um so you sort of turn out the light at four or five and you get up maybe five hours later then you find your way to the airport and then it's a six hour six and a half hour we uh we have to announce some headwinds and then it might be longer it could be longer so here i am now but i'm i'm very vulnerable i could say anything i might say something crazy because i'm so yeah so burnt out but you know anyway uh i'm full of joy and life and happiness and bounce on the other hand you see uh you are literally fresh as a daisy person literally look at this so i have a sweater on and what i was thinking of telling you just to give you premium content and our listeners i it's cold in la in the morning so i put a sweater on and then it quietly gets hot and now i'm getting mad i i don't want to take the sweater off so i refuse so today i'm going as long as i can without taking it off and heather's taking off her sweater as we say that i had a cool hoodie i called an audible right before i saw you on the zoom i had a cool hoodie I looked amazing but i was starting to heat up and i love a t-shirt like the collar is like this the day you buy it and then it's fucking you know oh it's getting loose little flash dance over the shoulder i hate that so much dana when you go to hotel now rich man's problems of course is we call them what do you call them first world we call them first first world so i go hey this is my old skateboarder magazine t-shirt my favorite in the world fits tight it's all good they go great just wash it delicately fold it sure they give back to you they pull it over a a hanger and now it's a scoop neck this big from shoulder to shoulder.
Yeah. And they go, oh, that'll pop back.
I'm like,

no. they pull it over a hanger and now it's a scoop neck this big from shoulder to shoulder that yeah and they go oh that'll pop back i'm like not a chance never will it's hasn't for 30 years you just stretched it out so now i'm rat fucked i know but other than that i i the sweater is still on i'm fighting it but i don't want the heat to win i'm like i don't care it's hot i'm like oh as long as you don't get sweaty but basically yeah if they bring back if you put a t-shirt into laundry and they bring them back in the hanger you i just throw them right in the garbage you're done yeah it's fucking garbage because i look like i'm wearing sort of a low-cut halter top that yeah and then it hangs low like a skirt you just belt it wear mini shorts under it yeah i'm in i'm just you you sweater you sweater you sweat that's what i'm doing today that's my whole that's an old who song remember that here's an insert on this i had a two thousand.
This is in the 90s. I had to have one good suit.

I don't know what it was, Armani or something.

The Russian housekeeper just happened to be Russian.

I wash good for you.

She put it in a regular wash and dryer. It came out that Hervé Villaché would have fit it perfectly.

It was just like doll clothes.

I have a good name for a bar ready it's german bar they serve liverwurst and all that stuff to make sure it's called the worst with the wu right and then you go let's go that place is the worst trademark hello sharks I'll give you 5%

for a million dollars. Let's go to our worst.
And 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. I love the accents I hear in the elevator in New York.

And I say, excuse me, could you talk in a regular language?

That's kind of scaring me.

I said a lot of people have accents.

They sound like John Rocker all of a sudden.

Okay, also, we talked about my sweater.

We got that out of the way.

That was good. Yeah.
You butt-dialed someone here at the show, at the party, and that made me laugh when I heard that because… Yeah, if you pick up a cell phone, then you can dial anyone in the world. I once had Putin on the other line.
I mean, I don't even know. I touched my cell phone.
You just touched the it goes that's why you got to edge as i hate it it's like don't touch the front something's happening yeah i didn't even tell kevin neal on this but he was doing a movie once apparently and he butt dialed me and i listened for 37 minutes and it was just like let's do another take let's do another take no i didn't listen that long but uh yeah i did butt dial and i don't know if they heard much but it was just like, let's do another take. Let's do another take.
No, I didn't listen that long. But yeah, I did butt dial.
And I don't know if they heard much, but it was just at a loud party, man. All they heard was like, oh, Dana's coming out to sing happy birthday to Lorne in Marilyn Monroe's dress.
Yeah, does he have the dress? No, he has a stretched out kind of silver T-shirt. So it looks like dress i could barely hear you saying lorne do we get paid here at the party or how do i get the money for the show what do i do he goes after that cake i'll be honest he's not shy about cake oh really oh no he's not a heavy gentleman but uh he's you but I actually had a sliver,

and then I had a cholesterol test yesterday, and I just got the results.

Okay, you want to read them live in the air like Maury Bovich?

No, it just said too much cake at the top.

I don't know how they know that.

They used to have a cake cutter.

Fucking Shark Tank, again.

They used to have a cake cutter that just cuts it in slivers because everybody doesn't want a full piece just give me a little sliver yeah well they they have a thing called a knife and it pretty much does that so no no no i can't i can't your knife come back with uh okay you have 10 seconds try to think of something you could monetize in your life i'm saying a cake

sliver cutter it's just a sharp knife you call it a sliver cutter okay i am well i don't have many good ideas that's it uh that's all right um i've got the pie scooper so you're able to put ice cream on top of the cherry pie and then you can scoop it up and my scoopers design it away it keeps the ice cream in it and the that's oh oh by the way in other news uh busboys is happening now dana you're kidding busboys is a goproj yeah wow can you tell me what it is about what do you mean busboys it's a movie i think it's a movie the bus boys are it's a movie right here yes uh spade and theo von are two losers of course it's kind of like you know dumb and dumb or something we're just two guys that are bus boys and think that becoming a waiter is the ultimate goal and will really straighten out our loser lives i won't say why are you bus boys well uh my girlfriend leaves me and uh we have nothing or no one in our town likes us we're we're driving to see my girl i find out she's cheating and i said dude let's just go to mexico all good things happen in mexico and he goes i've heard that and then we kick it to mexico and then we see a sign that says because she left me for a waiter so i want to be a waiter so basically you're you're uh senior bus boys because normally you think of bus boys late teens well we're all you're the oldest bus boys in america yeah yeah and then you everything goes awry and you just head to mexico for an adventure a bad idea yeah and does mayhem ensue not right away but yeah but i think uh theo's really funny he's got that really quirky way of talking and then juxtapose with you count me in i'm sure pluto.com is gonna love premiere i'll be it's the penny saver magazine is doing a new streaming service so it's a first for them okay so yeah i thought brought to you by newman's own uh italian dressing no italian dressing has a streaming service now yeah yeah you know it's

we'll just put on their website hmm yeah uh Theo's interesting dude and uh I'm I think I'm the smarter of the two dumbasses it sounds like you've got kind of a southerner uh not quite as big Chris Farley on your hands.

A loose cannon.

Well, I think if you have, I'm always

sort of grounded a little bit in reality in movies um just because my disposition and demeanor i guess but i would i've never the crazy over the top so if i do a movie with jim carrey i would let him handle that part even though it is fun to do that stuff but even wrong missy i was the ben stiller and you know something about mary or meet the parents where everything's crazy and you're just trying to hold it together but i mean there has to be a movie where you're not the straight man you're funny no this isn't really the straight man this is two guys are funny and so it's really us you know i you know i heard that was a funny joke on weekend update i think you were there um about mike tyson fight which was uh it wound up being mike tyson and jake paul against the audience defeat the world or something yeah those two yeah yeah because it was such a and listen we love ted and uh netflix did a great job i mean that's they got what they want a big showy thing that everyone would watch we got that part it's the most watched boxing match in the history of the world go ahead i didn't know that is that really 60 million yeah oh yeah but is that more than like the rumble in the jungle or thriller manila i think so yeah the tangle in the weeds that was fraser and norton the fucking skirmish in the burmish but i like this busboy movie i want this to be the beginning of the uh people having awareness you know i would say it's a trilogy but it's actually 15 so whatever could we just for a second i'm going to work on the trailer spade vaughn one of us boys i'll get your uh server for you hey buddy let's go then it goes coming soon that's all they get that's all they get and then cut to you with senioritas you got some bro yeah cut yeah cut to us dressed as something crazy going did i ever tell i've told you on this podcast about lovett's and i's billionaire bus boys billionaire bus boys yeah lovett's about that sometimes yeah you know that's my idea I go well I think it was both of our ideas but billionaire busboys that have to be employed as busboys um to keep their their inheritance I guess Lovitz and I were brothers is it like Brewster's millions or something well it's kind of like then they would be just super obnoxious to people they would sit they guys sit in eating they would just sit down eat their food they're trying to get fired because then they get 24 hours of fun before they so they're just the most obnoxious bus boys in the world and then we add a theme song do you guys have a song boom boom boom no i'm trying to connect with oh yeah who are you gonna call bus boys when you need more water who are you gonna call so when might this film be completed and edited january we start okay so so you'll be uh early 26 or you're going to get it out by next summer if you edit next year 2025 i guess it will be in 2025 2025 you can't let comedy rot i don't like when it sits i don't like a special sitting i don't like any joke sitting someone else doesn't like it uh especially if you you and john rush billionaire bus boys and green light it you might that might come out first we couldn't even get it on as a sketch the bus boys ride off into the sunset great okay we are it's going to be called the oldest bus boys in the world that's just the first idea idea. But anyway, it came out pretty funny.
We wrote it together, and he's a very funny dude. But we can move on to more topical.
As a small biz owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early. This is very true.
Your business is on your mind 24-7. So when you're hiring, you need a partner that grinds it out just as hard as you do.
That hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in.
LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free, share it with your network, and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place. Yeah, I think when you're trying to hire someone, there's a lot of different things you're looking for, but you want them to kind of have your aesthetic, your sensibility, if you were.
You could look up those words, David. Sure, I would.
And that's hard to have a chemistry and match. So LinkedIn is going to try to shorten that process for you and make sure you find someone who works.
Everyone's heard of LinkedIn. I mean, that's why, because it's been around forever.
People really like it. New feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job right in front of the right people with deep candidate insights.
Either post your job for free. you can pay to bump it up and promote it.
Promoted jobs get three times more qualified applicants. At the end of the day, the most important thing to your small business is the quality of candidates.
With LinkedIn, you can feel confident that you're getting the best, David. Based on LinkedIn data, 72% of SMBs using LinkedIn say that LinkedIn helps them find the high quality candidates.
Share it with your network. Let your network know you're hiring.
You can even add a hashtag hiring frame to your profile. Get two times more qualified candidates.
You didn't know that trick. Post your job for free at linkedin.com slash candidates.
That's linkedin.com slash candidates to post your job for free. Terms and conditions do apply.
Some people follow the rules, but where's the fun in that? I'm Soraya and this is Rule Breakers, the podcast where we celebrate the rebels, the misfits and the ones who make their own way. Every week, I sit down with the biggest rule breakers in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about the wildest moments, toughest lessons, and why breaking the rules might just be the key to success.
Follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Soraya, an Odyssey podcast available now for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts. Someone I know just got engaged in and it's a big one.
It's a big one. It's the next step in a relationship.
And that's why they have, you know, a thing called an engagement ring. What was the Beyonce song? You should have put a ring on it.
Oh yeah. Pay attention to that.
And we know how you can get a nice ring, right? You go to Blue Nile. your engagement ring shopping spot you got the shape they got the size setting cut color it's all very confusing but you need someone to help walk you through it that's the place to go uh there's one way it is confusing but they make it simple is what i'm gonna yeah you go there and they clear it up because i don't know what I'm doing.
Like most guys don't understand.

So that's why going to BlueNile.com starts your engagement ring journey. They'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine at a price.
You'll never find it at a traditional jeweler. Since 1999, Blue Nile has been the original online jeweler.
And they've always been committed to ensuring the highest ethical standards. That's right.
Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases, they'll meet, wait for it, or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. David? Your gift will stay safe because most people don't want that coming to their house where it gives it away.
So the Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give that away. In most cases, it's delivered overnight.
Listen, because love can last forever, you get free service and repair for life. This is great.
Right now, get $50 off your purchase of $500 or more with code FLY at BlueNile.com. That's $50 off with code FLY at BlueNile.com.
BlueNile.com. That's $50 off with Codefly at BlueNile.com.
BlueNile.com. I will say, lastly, the last thing, and I better not hear one more word about the Jake Paul fight, is the Jake Paul fight, when all the dust settles, I feel like they did it, and the way out of being a good fight was, this wasn't, it was for entertainment purposes, like a exhibition entertainment match.
But the problem is, there was no entertainment. So now, I'm suing over that.
Let's take some thoughts. It was.
That's a big statement, what i just made someone said that logan paul who uh probably is a very normal sweet guy but he knows how to stir the pot you start with that every time a normal greatest guy in the world yeah i love this guy but he learned that he could play the bad guy and then his clicks and views and money and fights and you know is really good for him and so it was a show um well did you know this part what i'm just to interrupt your thought i think you said jay i think you said jake or logan but oh which one is the big at the beginning of at the beginning of the fight jake was one fighting i think you meant but logan is not twin but looking the same brother was behind him spraying him and i guess that was his deodorant line it's just all he knocked his hat off i think he did that on purpose heather so i got that wrong so jake paul i would have been fucking pissed if i was jake right at my moment and he sprays that shit and plus that gets in your eyes and he knocks his hat off to get more attention back there yeah that's just like can you can you stop promoting you could have he could punch in the face you hold up anti-swelling spray you know available

now but i got his name wrong i thought it was logan paul so it was jake paul and it was eddie eddie tyson i thought it was mike tyson but it was eddie tyson right you got it right yeah okay and jake paul has a you know i'm sure they have their own bio freeze that you rub on where you got punched and deodorants and things like that it's all like hey buy our shit and act dumber than you did that you bought the fight it would be even dumber if you bought this stuff too uh other than that i thought the fight was free because if you have netflix if the fight was free i'll give it that yeah i'll give it that i'll give it that that's netflix when you hear that that's why it does better in the other fights it's free you don't have to pay 100 bucks yeah 280 million subscribers yeah they got billions listen if i have to get a crowbar on my wallet it's a different story yes i'm excited you tilt this up the next one i'm so excited who's he who's he fighting hey come on let's fight come on i'll fight yeah biden should get in there and fight biden should twitter him and say hey fuck face come on you want some of this shit i'm not kidding around i'm being serious here here's the deal come on and by the way and guess what the fact of the matter is you don't want to know what i did to corn pop yeah i popped him in the corn i know how to pop corn i had a thing where i was going to go bed bath and beyond but then there was a rewrite and they kind of did something else they fucked you it was kind of what about a picture i saw I saw of Biden in the Amazon rainforest? What is he doing? What's going on? The G20, I mean, 20 countries got together and said, hey, you want to be part of the G20? Sure, count me in. Let's do it.
Where can we meet? Let's meet in the rainforest of Argentina or something. So Biden was down there.
That's where he should be wandering around? That's not a great idea. Well, he he was at the podium then they thought he wandered off in the jungle he just said that's the way people do it all the time and he walked out of frame into the into the jungle it's like i like walked out of frame in the showbiz he walked out of frame he had a really nice single on him he had a pa with him going i think uh number one on the call sheet is going 10 200 that means 200 oh i said number one is walking or whatever yeah when they say that's steve martin yeah number one on the call sheet they go number one is walking the other thing they say is uh we're gonna go 10 100 which sounds like a nice way of saying go pee but if you hear 10 200 everyone goes like this steve martin has to go drop a king kong finger that's like a cartel meme of like how much joy can you derive oh yeah i know what they mean by that.
He means poop. Yeah, I'm going to laugh a little more.
That's entertainment. All right, anything else before we get to some stories and headlines? Try to keep the balls in the air for that.
Yeah. You're tired from the party.
You flew back from SN from SNL I'm down a short I don't want to use the word tired that's kind of negative I have a stretched out t-shirt there we have seven hair dryers between my wife and I my wife has my wife she story just got better seven hair dryers and her hair is so thick that she goes I'm gonna go dry my hair it's wet hair i go i'll see you tomorrow i'll see you tomorrow no it's literally an hour so because we're moving in so many metrics la san francisco up in the undisclosed farm new york all the hair dryers got in different locations so i washed my hair disaster and it was like so i said looks good yeah yeah right like that's gonna win an emmy so anyway i had no hair dryer so i put the hat on and that is the end of the girls i don't know they got the hair dryer got three speeds then they got a upside down it throws out your clavicle one time this is embarrassing michael keaton show on snl i went down to nine where they're rehearsing on eight i went up to nine and i took a shower in some sketchy wherever and i brought my trusty blow dryer down why did i need to blow down my hair i don't know you were in but i wasn't with a blow dryer i walked around i think herb sergeant was in there naked i just walked right past him anyway i take a shower i get out i go upside down like sometimes you see in movies where they blow dry of the hair and flip my hair up and i passed out on the ground i hadn't eaten i love luxury i was like yeah vertigo and just went and also my neck was so tight so i was stressed that this holding this thing was tightening it it was like i couldn't even turn to the side but i obviously you got to push through to get the fluff and bounce and the hair how long were you out you think what a fucking disaster i'm like am i in that cold opening is that where i am and everyone's like no you're not in the show i have a hair dryer story and don't be alarmed but it tops yours so you know no way sometimes hair dryers do things. Sometimes they wear out.
Sometimes whatever.

There's coils in there and there's heat.

Coils.

I'm drying my hair.

Guess what comes out?

Warm, hot air.

And then flames.

No.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

I had to throw it down.

Coil related?

Yeah.

Coil related.

Shorted or something. Flames came out.
And I i thought i don't want a fucking blowtorch i want a hair dryer with cool warm air and yet i had a blow torch for a minute lauren walked in it was the same shower you ready for their sketch he got he got singed it's a long story there was a police and then elon musky pull back. He's sitting there going, this is a good idea.
I'll make a flamethrower. Hey, Ryan, I got my hat.
I'm Doc Mega. Doc Mega.
Doc Mega. I can't do Elon Musk very well, but I can do something that sounds not like anything.
He has an incredible accent. Where is his accent from? africa via canada oh south africa it's almost like uh it's a little bit of um australian in there a little bit of my buddy from rules engagement was south african south african a dear and uh charlize does not sound charlize no let's just admit she took the beautiful cutaway award at the god dang tyson fight you see that heather you see her oh my god stunner charlize yeah she's she's very tall oh i mentioned her in my special too sully charlize you're just i.
I saw her and Chris Rock at a party standing next to each other, and I just looked up, and I just started singing, Ebony and Ivory. Because she's such a tall blonde.
Yeah, I don't know which was which, but I like that song. Yeah, she's great.
Oh, my oh you said you steve i we were talking the do not destroy guys who are going to be on fly on the wall soon and uh they had you had charlie x kx x x cc what do the x's stand for and what are the what's going i don't know but she was game for anything and i i loved her i didn't really know please don't destroy i really don't know i didn't know much about her because i you know i listened to frank sinatra and stuff but she's really cool she and she came out and she goes i i'll be honest with you she's practicing her monologue i smoke i drink and i can't sing without auto-tune i thought This is the coolest you know because everything's about authenticity and i think yeah it was great i smoke i drink and i can't sing without auto-tune so that she has is it turned into brat fall or are we into brat winter yet because it was that was your big song you're a brat brat am i a brat well you know what it is what is it oh kiss charlie kiss oh it sounds catchy it's definitely hard to say i don't know how catchy i didn't need to repeat that you didn't repeat that well oh she's right yeah because kiss is an x but she really just picked it because it sounds cool but i'm saying it doesn't sound that catchy it's hard to say charlie x c x charlie x c x i don't know if that's catchy she's what it working so i'm not gonna say that um i'm gonna be dana l7 llc dash five no it's like a i'm a automated robot or something Oh boy. Well, let's throw up some headlines.
Let's see what's going on. I think so.
Rescue the podcast. You know, David, each day is a chance to move forward.
Think of that. Whether you're navigating your commute, challenging personal best, or leading with purpose.
You know what? You need apparel that works as hard as you do, David. It makes me think of Roan, which is a new sponsor here.
At Roan, they design clothing to match your ambition with technical fabrics that breathe, stretch, and adapt, and elevated styles to keep you sharp.

Our gear is built to support your pursuit of progress. When your clothing performs, every step forward feels like a win.
Versatility as well at its best. You know, from a hectic workday to jam-packed weekends, every Roan item is designed to not only adapt, but enhance a life in motion.

Yeah, they've got advanced fabrics.

Fabrics do more than make you look good.

They work. They're engineered with performance properties like odor resistance, which you need.

Cooling technology, you'll feel fresh and focused throughout the day.

Love it.

These collections are built for the man who demands more from his gear and even more from himself, David, with cutting edge features like wrinkle release technology.

That's cool.

I don't like that.

Yeah, I like that one.

Stretch that lasts through the wash so it doesn't come out like a wrinkled mess.

A tailored fit.

Every piece adapts to your needs.

Yeah, you know, wrinkle release is good because I travel.

And I'm also obviously perfectly fit like a human specimen.

I'm going to talk to you about the next episode. it every piece adapts to your needs yeah you know wrinkle release is good because i travel so and i'm also obviously perfectly fit like a human specimen you're coiffed i think of you i think as someone who's coiffed yeah listen it's versatile it's refined ready for anything the collection is built for men who seek excellence in everything they do at its core is the original commuter fabric it's a lightweight fine italian material celebrated for its always stretch, breathability, and unmatched versatility.
The foundation of a collection that performs as hard as you do. The Commuter Pro builds on the trusted foundation with thoughtful enhancements.
Get this, like a slightly heavier fabric for added confidence and tailored upgrades, including an expanded waistband, silicone gripper to keep you sharp and polished. These guys have thought of everything.
Yeah, it's like an elevated wardrobe piece, but it's, you know, workout gear. So it's perfect.
Oh, resistant, lasting stretch. Listen, you're prepared.
It's no limits, just progress. Your day doesn't slow down and neither should your wardrobe built by and for those who demand more.

The commuter collection is performance apparel fit for your every ambition.

You get 20% off at roan.com slash fly with code fly.

That's R H O N E.com slash fly with code fly at checkout. David, I don't know if you know this about me, but I've always been a fan of exploring new places.
Not like you kind of, you know, no offense. And one of my best trips, listen up, is when I stayed at an Airbnb.
It felt like I was living like a local with all the space, comfort of home. You know, hotels can be a hassle room service.
And then the housekeeper, it's a hassle. So then you go to Airbnb and you can get whatever you want, a little cottage, this and that.
It's fantastic. You have your own separate space.
So it's a great product for people who travel. David? yes i have friends doing one of these right now if you have a home you can airbnb it it's fantastic i mean um to to monetize your home when you're not there seems like a good idea i mean look i'm on the road a lot i could probably do it it's it's something that people can do when they travel.
They have extra space. Or you're at a place not full-time.
You come in the winter. You leave in the summer.
That's something you should think about. It's a way to get some extra money.
And it's a cool experience. Your home might be worth more than you'd think.
Yep. Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host.
Hi, this is Debbie, your Blinds.com design consultant. Oh, wow, a real person.
Yep, I am here to help you with everything, from selecting the perfect window treatments to... Well, I've got a complicated project.
Oh, not a problem. I can even schedule a professional measure and install.
We can also send you samples, and free. I just might have to do more.

So the first room we're looking at is for guests.

Shop Blinds.com now and get up to 40% off with minimum purchase.

Blinds.com. Rules and restrictions may apply.

This is footage from the Jake Paul fight. Let's see a couple of shots.

Okay.

I like the music.

Why is it so funny because the cats are happy and acting like cats are funny and they're barely touching and they're squishy and they didn't hit each other that hard so fucking funny to me yeah i'm gonna throw you a curveball dana because i just read this in the way in maybe you can can pull this up. I don't know, Greg, this wasn't the plan.
But the voice of Milhouse on The Simpsons is quitting. And it's an interesting, I'm wondering why, because they've done Milhouse for 25 years.
And it is a female, I think. I think that's what I read.
Apparently, I get all these stories wrong. Everyone wrong everyone on youtube like you didn't even fucking know what you're talking about it's all right but uh if we can pull it up here we're gonna go down again heather oh this isn't bad right here this is what heather deals with all day i just go up down i think there's oh yeah simpson's voice actor pamela Hayden retiring.
So she's retiring from maybe the easiest job in the history of the world. I don't know.
Those people who got on Simpsons. Wow.
You could do this, Dana. You should audition for this.
This is a great job. Yeah, Bill House.
How does he sound? I don't know how it sounds. Bill House.
She does Jimbo Jones, too. Go ahead.
Sorry. Jeez.
There was a while where Harry Shearer was thinking of not continuing, and they reached out to me. I go, I can't do Harry Shearer's stuff.
Or could I? Whoops. Hey there.
Hey there. I'm Mr.
Simpson. I am Milhouse.
I'm. Yeah, you just do a voice and have it i'm any any character hello my my name is millhouse i like chocolate oh no i go like this i'm millhouse i'm i'm grown up now how are you i'm jimbo jones oh yeah jimbo jones sounds like a funny character i like your eyes i'm jimbo jones how are you today i'm your new neighbor i just say i'm available for some kind of 35 year animation gig where i come in once a month and and go to a window and collect actual cash shit we need another hotel transylvania that's if

anybody has any deets on that hit me i need a secret life of pets three yeah welcome to the hotel transylvania is such a gift that keeps giving and they're funny i have to say they are they're fun great for the fam yeah okay next story oh married man fakes his own death to meet woman across the seas. I read about this.
You know what's funny about this that I thought, if this is right, his name is Hogwarts? No, it's Bogwart. He was missing after a kayak trip.
I think what he did was like flip the kayak upside down that's a good touch wow you know maybe i drown left clothes or some kind of what just nearby there's keys and then he called he called her and left a uh okay oh so what happened is he's asking for advice somewhere and someone goes hey that's the guy so he gets on a tiktok like almost accidentally and they go that's the guy that disappeared and that's how they find him that's why it's interesting really oh my god right now even She's excited. So he shows up in this thing.

In what town?

I think it's San Diego. He didn't go that far then.
But he fakes his death and then he goes. He said, should I go to Uzbekistan to meet with a woman despite being married? And they're like, oh, that's the guy.
And so they go, did he go there and get married to someone someone else so that's how they crack the case god that's uh that's what they think oh maybe it's just think so that guy's been arrested what is the crime for faking your own death it's not as bad as killing someone no i think it's more it's you get you get uh accused of being a coward for not divorcing so in the public square people shun you and say coward shame shame shame liar you can fake your own death but can anyone fake their own birth that's so good a clip i don't know it just sounded funny i don't know it makes no logical sense we talked about butt babies last week we didn't put that clip did we but babies yeah yeah i don't i sent it to you i'm like i don't know if this is a real clip i'm not that real next one okay don't say anything yet hold on she has this brilliant talent okay this girl does

i don't think it's that groundbreaking but the length of it is funny she does

will will quickly comment as she goes okay she has impressions of animals

okay good easy robin american robin of all things pretty good too fast too fast anyone could do it anyone easy easy making her tongue weird is the key oh that's nothing I'll give her that they're too fast stupid two out of ten eight out of ten i like that i like her face depending on what part of the country who is this person they've pulled the camera back who the fuck knows what a Kluca Berra sounds like every child can do that in school wow that's pretty cool grandma's a lesbian with the little whisper i mean she might be the fastest i'll tell you what and i'll just i hope lauren saw that the the book sapiens if you think about the bio evolutionary advantage to have someone who can do these sounds an ancient man on the prairie or hiding out in rocks trying to sleep they can scare off or you know so there is a reason i just figured out why certain she's gifted with sounds talk like other people talk like so if we go across the plains in a in a uh covered wagon she might be the one to bring with us you're the sound effect guy the coyote walks up in the middle of the desert and i go oh there's a sprinkler Chip chip chip chip chip chip chip chipoo here's a caca bird caca caca i mean after about three of them i don't know what I did get a headache.

Okay. caca caca i mean after about three of them i don't know what i did get a headache okay here it is ready morning birds evening birds bird flying away that's the best one old-fashioned rodeo rotary phone how do we get into this operator get me lion or five four seven five three two

i like when it's a short one

you just do the one no one knows the joy of that heather's too young okay uh next one let's see we're really boot scooting along columbia bans marriage after 70 17 year campaign oh they banned child marriage you have to be 18 now to get married let's go columbia good job how young could you be in columbia and still in iraq it's nine nine i think they just said it's nine i said everything i say i think i think i just saw that that it was nine and everyone was like i think that still feels low so 17 years it took them to get it to be like 18 years old so that's good progress yeah progress thank you you know i mean in caveman times when you you're an old man by 30 you get married at 12 you know we do have to adjust it a little bit yeah yeah you got to speed up life a little bit

when i think when when people are like at a party and i'm like how old's that guy they're like 85 i

go jesus so people are hanging in there no ancient tribe you see a guy with gray shaggy hair and jowls he's like i am chief of this tribe i live for 28 summers yes they used to go and people quickly calculate and go so he's 28 yeah why did they not just have make a mark on a tree i like it i live 31 winters the oldest guy's like oh okay next one really these are worldwide stories we're breaking it's great it's international okay this is a basketball player hansel manuel and he has one arm and he's a is this college yeah? Oh, here's Highland.

So he's really good.

Look at that.

Stealing.

Wow.

That's Purdy.

That is extraordinary. That's crazy.
Superstar basketball player. I can't do that well with two.
Well, a lot of, you know, when you look at Steph Curry and stuff, he's kind of balancing. I mean, it depends.
You must have pretty big hands. But you need to kind of, you know, the way i shoot everybody when you're doing those pickup games when i'm doing fadeaways i uh this this hand does help left hand helps me no no i mean obviously two hands is better but you know yeah but but that means that guy harder with he's got guts he's got tenacity he's he's adaptive and And he's actually actually good he's stealing he's really good he's blocking shots blocking it's just one arm he probably has a good vertical he's stunking the ball so you know he's stunking it's fantastic good for him good job manual that that was our feel good story just going to say that.
Go ahead, read this one. This store in China uses real people instead of mannequins to sell clothes.
Okay. Oh, and there are little treadmills.
Ah, va-ke-ka, va-ke-ka. It looks like they're doing TikToks.
So they're just talking. They're walking on a treadmill in a store window so people can see what it would look like not on a still mannequin but on a moving human right i like the idea how long you think your job's hard how long could you walk in that treadmill without drenching and sweat well the way i saw it because it was a really short treadmill there wasn't scarier not a lot of room for error so i think they last until they fall off you know god dang you got to go hey time out like because you have to let them know before you jump off you can't get too tired and get swept back like uh george jetson or whatever yeah treadmills can be scary if you're really going fast you fly off yeah they really make they really make it to like the the instagram fail videos there's a lot of treadmills in america's funniest home videos yeah i don't know if it's you i just do this but at the airport where there's a really long people mover moving along and people get on that i like to go not on the people mover but go so fast that i go way past all of them but you go on the regular side i go on the regular stuff i don't have nothing helping me but i want to beat them yeah sometimes i do that just out of sheer uh i'm so cramped up for the six hours i want to walk i want to move yeah yeah i know i've sat more in the last four days than i have in the last 40 and i'm sitting now yeah it's embarrassing all right one more let's see now we do a couple more oh i just thought this is a crazy photo this is a miami strip club look at the floor uh after the weekend what wet cement and mud or something mud that's money is it oh money oh wow and that's just almost drowning in money it's like ankle deep you know i think they kick everybody out they flip the lights on they go okay gals grab what you can but who on god's green is spending that much that's one of those things i never got into if i had a couple beans in my jeans i don't throw my money i don't try to waste it this fast and this hard i I have been to strip clubs in the old days, but it's such a clown show where they just, you know, they don't like you as much as you think, Dana.
I'm just going to- I was in one once because Gary Breckheimer and Don Simpson, the late great- Oh my God, Don Simpson. Just were in a car in Vegas, me and Levinson, and then they took us to a strip club, only time and i realized that every person up there is doing and dancing and stuff and i thought if they turn the lights up and said all strippers tonight will get paid triple and you can all go home now would they be happy or no i want to flirt in my g i like these guys people.
But... Yeah, I know Lovitz is...
I'd like to see Lovitz going, Hello, I'm John Lovitz, and this is a $1 bill. Would you like it? Jealous? And now, I'll place it in your G-string and i want you to earn it he says it like it's a magic trick i started talking to a woman standing right in front of me dancing and i just started talking she once goes to school and where she grew up i just don't find it uh appealing but you know men have this this um whatever you want to call it this visual overdrive thing but women is it seems like is it bigger with women now because all the movies magic mike that women go see the aussie the thunder from down under on the thunder from down under they're all someone knows that title pretty well i don't ask heather are women oriented as women? Heather was the last time you went to a strip club for men.
Never. Never.
Are you clamoring to? Yeah. Would it be fun with a bunch of girls or no? They'd rather see girls.
A lot of girls do. They'd rather see girls.
Yeah. It's more fun to go to a girls' strip club and see girls.
By the way, if you have a girl's strip club, they are the number one girl that the girls go up to.

They love it.

Pretty girl walks in there.

They get so excited.

Interesting. That's just facts.

That's just facts.

Yeah, I'm just not going to.

I'm going to let that.

You're just going to listen.

Let that wave over us that men and women want to see women strippers.

Yeah.

Facts. Okay okay next one oh this this really got my goat it almost burned my onion a little bit uh if i could think of any so when you go to vegas and take out 20 bucks you have to pay 11.99 fee at the atm Well, hello hello it's vegas police and i'm going to take 20 out of the atm machine in las vegas 20 and the fee now here at mgm properties so i'm hoping to make more than 12 from this video i mean watch Come on.
And we will see whether or not we can get any views.

Okay.

But $12 to take out.

My God.

Farley would have hated that.

Yeah.

Well, Farley's take out $20 a day.

And then, uh,

you know what strippers like

is when you give them a 20

and then you go,

can I get 18 back?

They go, I'm sorry, what? They don't like to give change. 18 back.
I'm just thinking of the Goombas, you know, these guys, these Vegas guys upstairs, you know. All right, we're going to have the ATM meeting.
All right, opening. What do you think? What's the most we can charge? What's too much? A dollar? People tell us to go fuck ourselves.
What can we do? Five dollars. five dollars i got five dollars here could go higher and still have them use the atm bus i'm down i'm telling you any money bad i think we would go 8 50 8 50 okay we got 8 50 you got anybody 10 you have 10 10 dollars so that they can pull their own fucking money out of the only fucking machine you know boss i've been thinking i had a dream last time we go 11.99 11.99 once 11.92 twice 11.99 folks do you understand so to get when i i heard if you told me because i don't use an atm anymore because i don't like getting shot stabbed it's really the most vulnerable you're like it's behind like i only do it in a grocery store i don't do it out in the street not in l i only do it my doctor's office yeah so you get the money to pay him cash who's your doctor doctor bingo by the way i haven't i haven't been to a doctor that uses insurance in about 10 years no one they're always like actually we don't use insurance you pay us and then or they go you pay us then you figure it out with your insurance oh yeah yeah and you figure it out and then insurance never sends anything yeah and they go you could pay us right now and then after that you can go fuck yourself i don't care at all what you do go fuck yourself is always the best way to end any conversation okay so that one i will say if you told me what's too high at an atm i would say 199 is about as high as they could ever go i think there was an atm in the hotel and i think it was 450 fuck that's on that's sickening that's such and but in the moment you're like you're like a monkey with a little must have money i'll pay anything just yeah yeah yeah you're just rip up ripping up hundred dollar bills at that point when you're in vegas or you're at a strip club you're just like at you you know exactly that's what they want they want all right let's do one more and and then Dana, I got to get you to bed.
I know.

I will go right to sleep as soon as this happens.

Oh, we're going to end on this one.

This one might be too long.

I just thought.

It's all right.

We did something like this.

Oh, I like this.

How far is a kilometer?

Is that like a mile?

A kilometer is like two and a half laps around the track.

Okay, we'll just turn it on.

So basically, you can have no sound.

It doesn't matter.

Yeah.

So basically, what's the fastest animal on earth?

Now, obviously, cheetah gets to 500.

For 100 kilometers, cheetah.

Yeah.

So here's one and a half kilometers.

The horse starts beating the lion.

The horse starts to beat.

Yeah.

And the cheetah.

Here comes a fucking ostrich, guys.

Who had money on the ostrich?

So now it's just down to the horse and the ostrich. Wow miles three miles five miles the ostrich beats the horse and they destroy everyone else okay the camel comes in that's three miles in the a camel and then the camel's catching up to the horse and the ostrich is hanging in with all three it's catching up to the ostrich around 12 miles and We're looking at 12 miles.
Lions back. Look at these babies.
Coyotes back. Oh, here's a human.

That's. ostrich is hanging in with all three it's catching up to the ostrich around 12 miles and we're looking at 12 miles and look at these babies coyotes back oh here's the human that's the human we go far enough the human will win i do know that okay you wish you know that i guess you haven't seen 20 you know 13 miles oh if where is it gonna end we're at 22 miles we're ending at 100 i guess that seems a little 100 miles no one's running 100 well no they have 100 mile runs yeah okay so the human is gaining kilometers is it close to a mile well 100 kilometers would be 60 miles okay the human is passing the camel folks it's just in and the horse the human is in the horse too at 100 km at one camel second wait horse third ostrich beat the fucking horse at last second oh at the last second the ostrich came in photo finish 60 miles humans dominate yeehaw take that is that how much it is 60 uh 10 uh 100 kilometers should be 62 miles 100 liters is a car 10 kilometers is 6.2 miles an ounce so 100 miles can you count 6.2 times 10 52 dumbo 62 and guess who got in last the elephant fourth year in a row so if you try to run away from an ostrich just try to get away within the first 100 meters because yeah it will hunt you claw at you and kill you by the ostrich is like why am i running 100 meters what are we doing why did i do this 60 miles without water or food yeah get far i could tell by the little m the animation that the guy had he had a a power aid and a dana guy in his pocket the running i pictured you i was like okay dana running dana's a good runner oh i was back in the day well i tell you we didn't run we hopped we were running from a lion.
I'll tell you a fun fact that I was coming. When you leave the good nights at SNL, sometimes you do it with the host.
You go into this sort of under the bleachers and you come out. So I think it was John Mulaney.
He just went right before me. And I think he was going and then he started skipping and i started skipping too and skipping feels really good compared to walking or even running it does different muscles so now if you ever see me on sl i'm going back in december you see me come off the stage just remember within seconds i will be skipping for quite a while okay that's kind of inside baseball well we learned something new about day yeah well dana it's been a great time with you uh thank you next week for having me david oh next week we have two guests oh we do oh should we i'll tell you i'll tell you later oh interesting okay you're you're full of surprises stick around talk to us on youtube smash the Beat the fuck out Oh, interesting.
Okay. You're full of surprises.
Stick around.

Talk to us on YouTube.

Smash the button.

Beat the fuck out of the button.

Yeah.

Our contract's coming up pretty soon.

So just fucking annihilate the button.

Like it.

Repeat your comment.

I don't know what helps.

Pretend to be other people and hit it again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

Thanks, Dana.

All right.

We'll catch you on the fly.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly.

It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade,

Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.

Hope you liked it.