SUPERFLY #39 - Sickening Banana

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Speaker 2 Heavy meals, too much takeout. And suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me?

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah, me too.
I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David.
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Speaker 2 is this thing even on?

Speaker 1 Right?

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Speaker 1 Yes. Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 3 And who's Whacking Phoenix? Who the hell is he?

Speaker 2 This whacking Phoenix and his lady Goo-goo.

Speaker 3 Whacking Phoenix would have got a big laugh. Yeah.
What happened? What's this guy with whacking Phoenix? No, I'm not joking around here. So anyway, that was a fun little Biden-y thing.

Speaker 3 That's his name. Folks, that's his name.
That's his name. First name, Whacking.
Second name, Phoenix. Come on.

Speaker 3 I mean, seriously.

Speaker 2 We're already going. I think this is it.

Speaker 3 Well, this is, this is, we're just here to lighten the load, you know, yeah, for people in these troubled times and with all the contentiousness over the election

Speaker 3 and all that stuff. We're just trying to lighten the load a little bit.

Speaker 2 Dude, the election in the air is palpable.

Speaker 3 It's palpable. How do you spell that? You were a spelling champion.
That's right. It's a tough one.
Palpable. David Spade for the win.

Speaker 2 My Vietnamese buddy, Shin, was his name. He and I, when we were in

Speaker 2 fourth grade, we walked down to sixth grade for reading and math. I don't like to talk about it.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 he was in the spelling bee, too. And we all got smoked.

Speaker 2 My word, if it's palpable, I'd be like, okay, Heather. I'd like, here's my word, palpable.
That's what you say, Danny. You have to say palpable about this.
When you're in the bigs.

Speaker 3 Oh, I had my day in this one. It rushed me.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay, ready? I walk up there in my OP shorts, my OP shirt from Miller's Outpost.

Speaker 2 My budget for the year was $100. I know that my mom gives you $100 to get your school closed for the year.

Speaker 2 Could you do that, Kim K?

Speaker 2 So, huh?

Speaker 3 Palpable.

Speaker 3 P-A-P-L-L-P-L. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 It's P-A-L.

Speaker 3 I knew that.

Speaker 2 Just test it. Okay.

Speaker 2 Good. It's P-A-L-P-A-B-L-A palpable.
Probably pretty easy, right?

Speaker 3 I'm not sure it's correct, but here's the thing I want to ask you.

Speaker 3 Yes. It was,

Speaker 3 I'm doing what drove Jerry crazy. I want to ask you a question.

Speaker 2 I want to ask you. Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 3 Before I ask you the question.

Speaker 3 The big word when I was in fourth grade, if you could spell this, you were badass. And it was from a Mary Poppins movie.
You're a little younger than me, but it was super calibrated.

Speaker 3 Tragic, tragic, espialidocious.

Speaker 2 expialidocious yeah super calorie even though it's hard to say

Speaker 2 yeah what's the next line

Speaker 3 um i know the song yeah i don't i don't know

Speaker 2 cut to youtube shuts us down you were singing merry poppins our robots print

Speaker 3 picked it up

Speaker 3 shut down takeaway money you've got a robot with tourettes or some kind of speech event i couldn't think of what i was trying to say

Speaker 3 can't

Speaker 2 you picked up a song pattern algorithm. You are shut down until further notice.

Speaker 3 If you try to monetize Dick Van Dyke, he's 102. We will come to your house and beat the hell out of you with our AI arms.

Speaker 2 A spoonful of sugar, don't finish that sentence.

Speaker 3 The worst cockney accent in the history of film. I mean, I love Dick Van Dyke, but it was...
Josh Josh Boone phone should go with

Speaker 3 the ball.

Speaker 3 He couldn't go to England.

Speaker 3 He couldn't go to London. He'd be mobbed.

Speaker 2 Well, And they're like, oh, is they go, oh my God, is that guy really American?

Speaker 3 Because I saw the movies. Yeah, look at it.
Arkantu.

Speaker 3 I won't do my British accents yet, but I would like to be British. If I could be any British, it wouldn't be complete.
It'd be just someone who subtly talks like an intellectual.

Speaker 3 You know, the property owners always shut down on the non-property owners in the 17th century. Blow it out your ass, motherfucker.

Speaker 2 Look, I got a haircut. I don't want to over talk about it, but check this shit out.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 2 All we do is obsess about hair, people say on the comments, but I don't give a care.

Speaker 2 Also, they said,

Speaker 3 well,

Speaker 3 I don't read the comments.

Speaker 2 No, I do. Boy, they don't like you, dude.

Speaker 3 Anyway, all I can say is I don't want to know because I'm too self-critical. And I would curl up into a ball if someone said kind of anything that wasn't perfect and I would start crying.

Speaker 2 If they said your performance was a nine out of 10, you could start crying.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I go, what, what do I gotta do? What went wrong? Yeah, what do I gotta do to get to 10?

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 2 thumbnails.

Speaker 3 I happened to get the best review of my life. You can look it up.
And I just thought it was funny. It was in the New York Times.
You've heard of them, haven't you?

Speaker 2 Metaphor Commirag. Yep.

Speaker 3 So, about my Biden. So that was, you kids can check it out online.
It was the best. Usually, I'm just annihilated, as most comedians are.

Speaker 3 Hack

Speaker 3 over, you know, mugging, pushing.

Speaker 2 Why did they give you a break?

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Because Biden, we were getting a lot of flack for for the last year.

Speaker 3 They talked about the breakdown of the impression, and it put me in the context of the nine other cast members, you know, because Jason Sudeikis was at the party. And

Speaker 3 with his sweet little daughter, and Tissy's me. And so I leaned down.
I'm dressed as Biden. I go, you can touch it.
You can feel it. She's very adorable, kind of touch it.

Speaker 3 And I go, Your daddy used to use you.

Speaker 3 Good night.

Speaker 3 Jason, if you're listening,

Speaker 3 this is a bit you're not. You're dressed as Biden at the cast party, you crazy person.
But the word daddy is intense

Speaker 3 because

Speaker 3 boys don't call their dads. I know our dads were a little extra, a little special, but don't boys don't call their dads daddy too much, do they? At five after seven.

Speaker 3 No, I think when they're a little bit, I think girls mostly say daddy. So I said, your daddy used to play this character, President Joe Biden.

Speaker 3 He was vice president 10 years ago, but he played him as kind of a. She goes, huh? She goes, my daddy was in motion pictures.

Speaker 3 Well, why do you have a southern accent? No, she goes, she was.

Speaker 2 She goes, my daddy was in a soccer show. What have you done? And you go, okay, relax.
I know. That was a big hit.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 She was six years years old and she said you ever heard of a show called ted lasho yeah well if you have starting to get it yeah are you starting to get it starting to get it

Speaker 3 this is nothing like jason sudeika's daughter i just want to do an exclaimer it's funny but it was fun to see him i ran into my buddy mikey uh mikey uh keaton who was on our podcast.

Speaker 2 Miguel Keaton, yes.

Speaker 3 Mickey Keaton. He's always a fun time.
Yeah. yeah i ran into my buddy uh alec baldwin who's been on the show twice who was playing brett bear

Speaker 3 and uh he is a funny character he just leans into your dressing room out of the blue and goes you know who had the best hair in hollywood

Speaker 3 long wait hugh o'brien and then he just walks away

Speaker 3 this is ale alec is a movie

Speaker 3 he was funny on the podcast yeah yeah yeah he gets going with bill hayter apparently and they get down into the some Scorsese film and some guy with brown shoes in the corner of the frame. And

Speaker 3 I'm telling you, that overhead shot was magnificent. I'm doing Alec Baldwin.
He's cremated as a British lord, but he's a great guy, conversationalist. He can just go.

Speaker 2 I'm going to interject your SNL party strike because I want to hear more about SNL, especially at the top of the show.

Speaker 2 That I was at

Speaker 3 tease. That's a good tease.

Speaker 2 I was out.

Speaker 2 Heather can chime in. There's a guy waiting for the hostess at a restaurant.

Speaker 2 He's with wife, two kids. The son,

Speaker 2 I remember he had glasses on, sun and glasses. He's behind the sun.
They're waiting for the hostess to give him some more information. So they're just bored.
He's behind the sun. The son is five,

Speaker 2 seven.

Speaker 2 So he could be 13. If he's my size, he's probably 13.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 he's got got both arms around him like this.

Speaker 2 And he's kissing his cheek like this.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, so his dad is facing forward. The five foot seven kicks behind him.

Speaker 2 Right in front of the dad. No, in front of the dad.

Speaker 3 And so the dad is grabbing the kid and kissing.

Speaker 2 Like it's a date. I'm like, oh, that's not his wife.
And I thought, is it peculiar?

Speaker 3 Is it palpable? Is it any of these? 2024, my friend. Yep.

Speaker 2 Welcome. That's it.
I just explained it.

Speaker 3 My darn dads never gave us a hug. And so we're going to make up.
So I'm going to hug every kid I see. If I'm a daddy, I'm going to make up for all that pain.

Speaker 3 And then the pendulum, you've heard of those. If you can spell it, I'll give you a dollar.
E.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 3 Swings back. And

Speaker 3 it's very, maybe it's more Italian and really it's overdadding because I said

Speaker 2 I felt it was my duty to walk up and interrupt interrupt this and just put like this between you.

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Speaker 4 Hey, everybody, it's me, Bill Maher. If you're not watching...

Speaker 4 or at least listening to Club Random, you're really missing something good and something unique because I I don't think we look or sound like any other podcast, and that's by design.

Speaker 4 My life's quest has been to do some kind of show that captured the level of intimacy and the lack of artifice you would see if you saw me off camera talking to a friend.

Speaker 4 No one else in the room, plenty of pot and booze, and nothing planned. This is a show where I get high talking to someone I'm interested in to get to know and to laugh with.
It's not an interview.

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Speaker 4 So please follow Club Random with Bill Maher and see new episodes every Monday on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 3 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 5 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 3 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

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Terms apply.

Speaker 2 Well, well, well, Dana.

Speaker 3 Well, you're back.

Speaker 2 I like that the audience stuck with us to that roller coaster of emotions.

Speaker 3 It's nice that they do through the technical things. Someone reaches.
If two people are driving, let's go to Smartless. Another person grabs their arm and says, Wait a minute, give them a chance.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And that was Will Arnett is the guy in the car. Oh, he wanted to hear us?

Speaker 3 Thanks, Will.

Speaker 2 No, we have technical difficulties, but you know what? Stars, they're just like us.

Speaker 2 Are we stars? Well,

Speaker 3 he's giving me a little close-up for you, audio-only listeners.

Speaker 3 But I have cards made based on on that um it's it's just that excuse me you're over dadding and so when i see over daddy i just hand the guy the card excuse me you're over dadding to the guy that was leaning on the kid and like frenching him basically

Speaker 3 i have a restaurant bathroom story that's kind of interesting you know when you're driving on the five please

Speaker 3 you go to a bathroom And it's only one bathroom. You're like, okay, hopefully this is just a 30-seconder.
It's 20 minutes with multiple, multiple flushes.

Speaker 3 And you're thinking, what kind of creature is going to walk out of this place? I'm talking flush.

Speaker 3 Oh, you mean when you are going to be waiting at a gas station for the bathroom and it's multiple flush again,

Speaker 3 again, the sink runs back to flushing.

Speaker 3 What kind of human being or creature is going to emerge? Because

Speaker 3 I have no options.

Speaker 2 You know, when people go in there, like when you're in the airplane and you hear a flush, that's the sign. Like when I flush, which might be one of the three loudest majors in America.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The flush.

Speaker 2 It's so loud. I go.

Speaker 3 Well, you just, you feel you could lose a hand.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you don't want to go. I think in Joder

Speaker 2 two, my nuts got sucked down.

Speaker 2 I don't want to give the whole movie away, but I think that happened. But that's it's so loud.

Speaker 2 And then I go, I have X amount of time to get out of here because everyone's like waiting. Like, okay, well, what are you doing now?

Speaker 2 I'm like, now I'm just like, now it's the weird time where you did flush.

Speaker 2 What are you doing?

Speaker 3 Get out. Well,

Speaker 3 another flush is scary.

Speaker 3 Are you then pivoting to the mirror going, do I really look this fucking bad? You're putting water on your face.

Speaker 3 You're trying to act like you're sobered up and you freshen up and then you come out like, what's up, gang?

Speaker 3 how's it going

Speaker 2 yeah i come out and i go like i always go like this that's an old farley bit you walk out

Speaker 3 okay

Speaker 3 airplench

Speaker 3 did your hair

Speaker 3 well i do i do a full shaving cream shave in there when i go in there

Speaker 3 and i come out with half of it on me like some cool hand luke movie or something how could you look at yourself in that gross mirror for that long no i i everything i do compared to other people is fast i walk fast i use the bathroom fast everything is expedient expedient and fast.

Speaker 3 You're a lollygagger, I heard. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 When I go in there, if I take too long, I'm usually in there stretching. I just stretch out.

Speaker 2 I look at my phone. Sometimes I don't even pee.
I just want to get up, you know. And if you stand there by the door, they go, uh-uh, not by the door.

Speaker 2 Someone told me that once, step away from the door.

Speaker 3 I go, You don't even work here. No, there's someone coming out of that door.

Speaker 2 You think I'm the guy that's going to take us all down? He was like this, sir, sir.

Speaker 3 Sir, I love it when they put the beverage cart across the way so the pilot can use the restroom and they have like a 40-pound flight attendant or like just this bumming on it and it's making this little cross arm thing like it's uh bursting bears mom like don't even try it they're like don't

Speaker 2 yeah because sometimes the pilots take too long and they're taking a deuce and then the people get a little sleepy on the cart and then they make a vodka tonic

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 the pilot comes out.

Speaker 2 I'm like, dude, did you fall asleep?

Speaker 3 Are you okay?

Speaker 3 Sorry, you reminded me of the previous week's episode where John Lovitz was hanging out. And during the practice show, he's right next to the camera with making little fists to me like, go, go, go.

Speaker 3 And he gave me a line that I just tried for the crew, which is Biden saying, come on, I just dropped a deuce. This was during the,

Speaker 3 it didn't play too well. So God cut it.
I thought it was funny. Anyway, deuce.

Speaker 2 They take out all the funny ones.

Speaker 3 You know why they don't like it?

Speaker 3 Because it's funny. Funny.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, so finish SNL. Let's hear more.

Speaker 3 I realize, well, one is they have a pre-tape thing across town. They have a giant, you've got 8H studio.
Over on 66th Street is like a 10-floor pre-tape for, you know. No.

Speaker 3 All the different video films they're doing. Please don't destroy, guys.
Your mouth. Everything.
So I go over there, go, will you come over as Biden and be in this thing?

Speaker 3 Then I find out everybody's in it and it's a TikTok thing.

Speaker 3 And I'm just bouncing around as Biden. Now, that morning, I didn't think I'd be going in.
So I did the stairs at my hotel, 420 stairs all out. You heard me.
Because I like to feel that.

Speaker 3 And then, so they put me on this vibrating platform, and I didn't have to act. My legs were shaky.

Speaker 2 Oh, your legs get shaky.

Speaker 3 As Biden, I'm dressed as Biden. So I'm shaky.

Speaker 2 I saw that. I like that.
They just have a note on the refrigerator in the break room going, Biden is tech available for all sketches.

Speaker 3 You just throw them in there. Tana just walks around.

Speaker 2 I go, can you be in ours? You just go, yep.

Speaker 3 What do you want me to do? Well, I kind of want to do a show where he, I stay in the, I stay in the get up and then he just appears in the background in sketches or just walks across at the very end.

Speaker 3 Like, where's Waldo? That Biden is somewhere in every other sketch, but maybe.

Speaker 2 He's in the sketch for the first half. And then someone says, hey, you're not in this sketch.
Everyone's waiting for you to talk because you're in it for some reason.

Speaker 2 And then you go, Oh, you just get up and walk out.

Speaker 3 But I might do this on the live show:

Speaker 3 sneak up behind Colin Jost and Michael Che, like, literally on like a combat mission, and then just come up into the frame, look at them like that, and then just kind of go back down.

Speaker 3 And they don't even know it. They get a big laugh, they don't know it.
And then I crawl back, and then you go, Hey, Chevy,

Speaker 2 that was then you just go back down.

Speaker 3 Who's the guy? Was that Biden?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Hey, hey, come on, guys.
Hey, Chevy. Hey, Eddie Murphy.

Speaker 3 Then you leave.

Speaker 3 Okay, I got you. It's Chevy Chase and Eddie Murphy.
Know him better.

Speaker 2 Give him applause.

Speaker 3 Give him applause.

Speaker 3 So, so that Billie Eilish

Speaker 3 is

Speaker 3 amazing. I just want to live in her vibe.
That first song she did, it's just so whispery and so her.

Speaker 3 I was coming in

Speaker 3 mirrors or something. There was some.
Yeah, they were looking at they're floating this guy, her and Phineas, looking down in the mirror, and they just get into these mellow grooves.

Speaker 3 And her singing is so intimate and it's catchy, it's cool. So I'm a fan.
What can I say? I mean, she's been around a long time, and when she turns 19, I think that she's going to.

Speaker 3 When you come out hot and heavy in the world at 14 or 13,

Speaker 3 it seems like she's been here forever. She's 22, but I think she's Dieber.

Speaker 3 He's, you know, 26 right now you're like he's been in this business 200 years i i know i got in i got on snl at 51 my ladies and gentlemen

Speaker 3 so here's an example of things you

Speaker 3 so i do the little biden piece as part of the brett bear

Speaker 3 interrogating um

Speaker 3 maya uh kamala And I had, he's kind of confused. He starts talking about the Joker movie, but they don't know it.
And so,

Speaker 3 so I thought of later, I went, and who's who's the lady, gag, gag, you know, whatever. I did that.
Didn't land. I thought later I should have said, and who's whacking Phoenix? Who the hell is he?

Speaker 2 Who's whacking Phoenix? And who's the lady goo-goo?

Speaker 3 Whacking Phoenix would have got a big laugh. Yeah.
What happened? What's this guy with whacking Phoenix? No, I'm not joking around here. So anyway, that was a fun little Biden-y thing.

Speaker 3 You know, that's his name, folks. That's his name.
That's his name. First name, Whacking.
Second name, Phoenix. Come on.

Speaker 3 I mean, seriously.

Speaker 3 You could have put corn pop in there. I could have popped.
No, his name is popcorn. No.

Speaker 2 Corn pop is popcorn?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I reversed it. He said, Really, the popcorn.

Speaker 2 He goes, you could have put popcorn in there and still would have ate it. You didn't need to pay that much money.

Speaker 3 My current catchphrases are, guess what? And by the way, the fact of the matter is, let me be real here. I'm being serious, not kidding around.
This isn't rocket science, folks. Get real.

Speaker 3 That's a good one. That's a good run.
I want to put a run in like that.

Speaker 2 I really want to. That's all you need.
Just come in. They ask a question.
You say that, and that's your answer.

Speaker 3 Yes. But a lot of Biden is like when he stops talking and he goes, I'm being serious.
I, you know, it needs a beat before the audience knows that he stopped.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, he has something to say, never says it.

Speaker 3 And then he just stares.

Speaker 3 Stops with big eyes.

Speaker 3 So Billie Eilish was amazing.

Speaker 3 Michael Keaton was always, you know, Michael Keaton has a lot of just personal energy. He's like, after the dress show, he's like, I don't know.
I don't do this this often.

Speaker 3 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing out there, you know? And I said, nobody does. This is really hard.
So all you got to do is say, what the fuck? And have fun.

Speaker 3 And then he nails it on air, hysterical. So there you go.
He's a pro.

Speaker 2 What was his monologue? Oh, is it Beetlejuice?

Speaker 3 Beetlejuice, which Mikey Day's favorite film is Betelgeuse. He's been obsessed with doing Beetlejuice on the show.
Never had a chance. So that was his idea of the monologue.

Speaker 3 And it was a dream come true because I guess he was like eight or something when Betelgeuse came out. He got possessed by it.
And now you know the rest of the story. I'm Paul Harvey.

Speaker 3 That goes back to the 60s.

Speaker 2 Well, he's like waiting his whole life. Then here waltzes in Michael Keaton right into 8H.

Speaker 2 You get your Betelgeuse bits.

Speaker 3 I know. Yeah.
If someone was...

Speaker 2 Does he not want to do Betelgeuse or do you say, does some, you know, know, some hosts, as we know, when they come in, they go, I don't want to do anything about this. How about this?

Speaker 3 And you're like, oh, well.

Speaker 3 No, I think that he kind of,

Speaker 3 I mean, when you do a movie, it hasn't happened to me, but you do this, the 80s,

Speaker 3 and then you go all the way to 2024. And

Speaker 3 it's a big hit movie. You know, hundreds of millions worldwide that you just got to feel good about that.
And he didn't, he hasn't lost his step. He was Betelgeuse.

Speaker 3 It wasn't like, here comes old guy Betelgeuse. He's just like on fire.

Speaker 3 And Alec Baldwin, funny story from him, you know, well, I walked in the studio and saw three of his little boys that were so cute. You know, I don't know, four, six, and eight.
Hey, daddy. Hey, dad.

Speaker 3 It was adorable. And then he said that he, he showed them Betelgeuse.

Speaker 3 And he showed them, it was a picture. He showed him, because Alec Baldwin was in Betelgeuse in the 80s.
Oh, that's right. And he says, that's daddy.
And they said, that's not daddy.

Speaker 3 Because he was. He looks the exact same, pretty much.
Well, he's got the hair is crazy. Yeah, he looks the same.
But you know how little kids are. That's not daddy.

Speaker 3 Then they pointed to Betelgeuse and said, that's daddy. I don't know.
Maybe they're kidding with him. Funny, buddy.
Funny stuff.

Speaker 2 Funny shit. Yeah, I forgot how Alec was in Beetlejuice.

Speaker 3 Was he in the second?

Speaker 3 I don't think so. He was in it as sort of the straight man.

Speaker 2 Well, that's not why he came to the show, was it? He was doing bread.

Speaker 3 No, it was right after when I first saw him. I think it was after one of those submarine movies or something.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. When he came to SNL to host the first time, that was my third show or second show.

Speaker 3 And he goes, I go, what do you want to do with Brett?

Speaker 3 And he goes, I want to do this. I want to do.

Speaker 2 I want to do Broadway.

Speaker 3 I want to do comedy. You think I'm going to be stuck on a submarine 14 hours a day going, aye, aye, sir.
He said that.

Speaker 2 So it was a hit, huge hit movie.

Speaker 3 Oh, it was a franchise.

Speaker 2 He could He dropped out of it to do

Speaker 2 Broadway. Streetcar named Desire.
That's it.

Speaker 3 And wanted to be a New York and loved SNL. I couldn't believe it.
He was a great sketch player. I mean, he nailed it as Brett Baer.

Speaker 2 You know, I take my pills on there.

Speaker 3 I don't care.

Speaker 3 Okay. I'll take a vitamin C.

Speaker 3 Both who? Alan Baldwin and Gina Davis.

Speaker 2 Oh, Gina Davis. Yeah, they played a couple in Beetlejuice.
Both not in the second one. They both are not in the second one, Dana.
Just, you know.

Speaker 3 Oh, should I tell?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you quickly about the banana. I was on the road, but

Speaker 3 if we can get it, we've never

Speaker 2 because I always have to eat

Speaker 2 because I get like dizzy. So I'm like, anyway, what can you really carry on the road? Protein bars, isn't it?

Speaker 2 So sometimes out of the hotel, I bring a banana because I'm like, that's the quickest thing if you're in a pinch.

Speaker 2 Carry it, whatever, like a football.

Speaker 3 Good potassium fiber. Go ahead.
Right.

Speaker 2 so i threw i have an old snl bag my my bag says signant live really 25 on it so that was a merch

Speaker 2 gift from the last reunion we did 2000 did you know

Speaker 2 you didn't know where i got that yeah so it's all faded so it doesn't look like i'm trying to like ask me about snl no one knows i was ever on snl anyway so I got that, but it's a cool leather bag.

Speaker 2 It looks like a doctor bag. So anyway,

Speaker 2 I carry, of course, way too much when i'm on the road but i throw bananas in there for the road anyway so i finished the road and i picked up my s and l bag it's leather two weeks

Speaker 2 it was two weeks later yeah when i'm done on the road so it's obviously i'm

Speaker 2 oh it burned a hole through right something burned a hole through my and i picked it up it was sticking to the table so i'm looking at the wood going what did i spill here

Speaker 2 we find out

Speaker 2 it's the banana. There was a banana in there, and it'd been there for at least two weeks.
And they get black, and then other things happen.

Speaker 3 Well, wait a minute.

Speaker 3 How do they get corrosive? I mean, what is the banana? I don't know.

Speaker 2 It ate through the bottom of my SL bag.

Speaker 3 That ain't no banana.

Speaker 2 Just play that video, right?

Speaker 2 Let's just see what it is.

Speaker 3 There's Heather.

Speaker 2 Are we seeing what's happening? It's fuzzy. What is this? Fuzzy.
Fuzzy. What is this?

Speaker 3 What is this? What is that? What is that? What is that? What is that? Oh, my God. Oh, my god.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's the banana.

Speaker 3 Whoa.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 So it correct.

Speaker 3 Are you fucking kidding me? I need a race. I need a race.

Speaker 2 That's green and white.

Speaker 2 All right, too much house in that. Okay, there you go.
See, there's the photo.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 2 that is a banana, and it's going like this.

Speaker 3 Hey!

Speaker 3 So it corroded itself, but did it actually get through the leather bag? Did it go through the leather or it just became

Speaker 2 where it stuck to the wood?

Speaker 2 And then I couldn't. And I go, I say,

Speaker 2 so I look at the wood, then I look at the bag.

Speaker 3 I go, oh my God, it's from the bag.

Speaker 2 What got on the bottom?

Speaker 3 Nope.

Speaker 2 Somehow threw. Sickening.

Speaker 3 I was famous for throwing banana peels over my shoulder when I would drive my Viltswing and Bug, and people would laugh. I just do it.

Speaker 3 I would throw everything over my shoulder that you could find anything

Speaker 3 into the back seat. I'd throw clothes, coins, extra cash, bananas, fruit, shoes, everything.
So, when anyone was in my car and needed something, I go, it's probably back there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 When the banana peels are in the car. People come in the car and say, Why do you have so much shit in your car? That's what people do to me.

Speaker 2 And I go, You don't, you don't need to worry about what's in my car.

Speaker 3 I, this is,

Speaker 2 I didn't know I was having company. And if anyone comes to get a ride, forget it, because my passenger seat is my garage, basically.

Speaker 3 So I'm like,

Speaker 3 I know. You've given me a ride, and it takes about five minutes to clear the front seat.
I go, geez, bro. I'm just, I'm not that far away, but it's like all this stuff's on there.
Transit.

Speaker 3 This is a ride home from Koi.

Speaker 2 I'm like, it's here. Why do you have a machete? Don't worry about it.
This goes here.

Speaker 2 Why is there blood? I had a hitchhiker. Don't worry about it.
I picked it up.

Speaker 3 I had a flak jack, really?

Speaker 2 Cracker jacks, also?

Speaker 3 Mm-hmm. Cracker Jackson and a flakjack.
Yeah, come on.

Speaker 3 By the way, let's show some stories. Let's show some stories, Lord.
What's going on?

Speaker 2 People can be entertained.

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Cold mornings, holiday plans, endless to-do lists.

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Speaker 3 Number one,

Speaker 3 Washernaut shows how to eat ketchup at zero gravity.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 2 This is sort of

Speaker 3 this is how you eat ketchup. You're shaking a bottle of ketchup.
We're going to eat ketchup at zero cheese. Okay, this is risky.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, it works.

Speaker 3 Look at how sick it is.

Speaker 3 Gross.

Speaker 3 What are you doing?

Speaker 3 It might be sicker that he eats ketchup. I don't care what you are.
To self-cancel space station trip. Thank you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, the first thing we do, we get into space.

Speaker 2 By the way, that doesn't remind me they should do a porn in space. It doesn't remind me for no reason.
There's nothing that would remind me of that.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 That wouldn't mean anything. But isn't Tom Cruise going to do a movie in the space station and it's going to be a hard R? I mean, a hard R?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Dana.
But he is going to do one in the space station.

Speaker 3 Would you go do

Speaker 3 Buzz Boys in the space station?

Speaker 2 If that, if I was in, if Buzz Boys sequel is in the space station and that the

Speaker 2 trailer was just me squirting Theo with catch up like that, that would be just, that's the only trailer. We don't know anything else.
I'd just, I'd go.

Speaker 3 Bus Boys in space and just that in slow motion. And then just you thought they didn't know what they were doing on Earth.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's not bad.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 2 Dude, I got some bus boy updates for you next show. Next show.

Speaker 3 Okay. I want to hear it.

Speaker 2 It's real hush-hush right now.

Speaker 3 Everything's really,

Speaker 2 everything's really.

Speaker 3 That's always a good sign.

Speaker 2 You know what the good sign is? Is when your agent, manager, publicist all call you together. You're like, they go, we have Jimmy, Stevie, little Bob, and Gervitz on the phone for you.

Speaker 2 And you're like, okay.

Speaker 3 Gervitz, like, let me set the table.

Speaker 2 Let me set the table.

Speaker 3 Spade, I don't know if you'll say yes to this because I know you don't like money. Dana likes money.

Speaker 3 Not like you like money. I'm the worst, I'm the worst client ever.
I mean, they used to call Kevin Klein Kevin D. Klein.

Speaker 3 That's funny.

Speaker 3 Kevin D. Klein.
No, no, no. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, yeah,

Speaker 3 I tend to want to stay at home and watch movies.

Speaker 2 Dana,

Speaker 2 you want to do a casino gig on a Wednesday in Sheboygan? It's three flights and a two-hour time difference.

Speaker 3 It's not a lot of fun. You got to leave two days in the middle.
It's in the fourth circle. You could see a polar bear.
Run up there.

Speaker 2 You don't like fun or money.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm sure I can find some client likes it. Somebody likes money on my roster.

Speaker 2 Faith's circling the airport right now, ready to go.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I know. Well, we would be like around the world

Speaker 3 like a flight that never, you know, we refuel in space. Yeah, if you didn't turn it down,

Speaker 2 the shit they go, every time you turn around, how about this? I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 3 Why don't I just pitch a tent near the airport or something so I can just be ready to get airborne? Did you get into this?

Speaker 3 Because when I was watching comedians on TV in the 1960s, I didn't think, well, I'd like to do this. I'll probably be flying.

Speaker 3 I'll be airborne for most of my life and then playing corporate parties to a board ballroom that's drunk and tired as the CEO gets me in a headlock and go, What's up, church lady?

Speaker 2 Yeah, no shit. I thought I'd be at a one of our PVPs is going to come up and kick you in the nuts.
Is that cool? Or should we call your agent? I got now. You can do it.

Speaker 3 Disclaimer, usually they're very nice. With what we're paying you, come on.
Come on.

Speaker 3 But yeah,

Speaker 3 you could live on. We're lucky enough, first world problem, to live on the road.

Speaker 3 If you take all the casinos in North America, comedy clubs, small theaters, big theaters, whatever, we could live in the sky, plop it down, do our shtick, and get back in the sky.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we have never-ending jet lag. We don't know where we are.

Speaker 2 I'm born in Michigan, so I'm still feeling that two-hour time difference. It's never gone away.
So now when I fly, that's all.

Speaker 3 Okay, that's a good joke. I process that.

Speaker 2 Never quite got adjusted.

Speaker 3 It's just a thing. It's a biological thing.
I also have a heartbeat.

Speaker 2 It's 2 p.m. for me right now.
It's 2 p.m. for me.

Speaker 3 Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 3 I'm in New York half the times. I don't know what time.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way, you're living in New York. It's crazy.

Speaker 2 I am. All right.
Next story.

Speaker 2 We don't want to get into Dane and get him into a spin.

Speaker 3 Into a spin. Okay.

Speaker 2 This is.

Speaker 2 I thought this this is interesting. Read a bylaw.
I'll read out loud for the people at home.

Speaker 3 A little listening, driving.

Speaker 2 A photo of cellmates. There's two guys in jail playing NBA 2K on a flat screen.
It's like a 70-inch flat screen, which is four inches from their face. It's going viral.

Speaker 3 And wearing brand new convert or Nikes or something. What is that? Tonux shoe.

Speaker 3 Maybe that's. Isn't there a swoosh above it? Yeah.
The Nikes. Nikes.

Speaker 3 Oh, maybe that's socks. Okay.
Well, what this says is that

Speaker 3 this particular group of gentlemen that are in a prison or a jail of some kind are having a very good time in jail.

Speaker 2 Right. I remember when I was younger, jail was no fun.
That's what I was told. I don't know for sure, but they're like, you shouldn't go to jail.
It's no fun.

Speaker 2 But you get three hots and a cot.

Speaker 2 Remember that term? Mm-hmm. Three hots.
Three hot meals.

Speaker 3 Three hot meals and a cot. And now you get three hots, a cot, and an 80-inch flat screen where you can play NBA

Speaker 3 video games. Maybe they're just in there.
Maybe it's one of those smash and grab things where they're just in there for like 45 minutes until they get a red.

Speaker 2 Bruce's getting a TV. Who gets a TV that big in your cell? I mean, I guess it's...

Speaker 2 I didn't picture a cell with TVs, but I figured like in the yard or they have like a cafeteria with a TV and then they all fight over the channel.

Speaker 2 But that's how it is in movies. But this is, this, this isn't great.
They're too tall. I would have no problem sitting on that bottom bunk, sitting up straight and watching Dr.

Speaker 3 Oh, you could stand on that bottom bunk. Dana, Dana, no.

Speaker 3 I could too.

Speaker 3 We're in the same, we're in the same tribe.

Speaker 2 But anyway, okay, next one. But that was interesting that

Speaker 2 jails come a long way.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Okay.
What's up?

Speaker 2 Next one.

Speaker 3 This is when you don't want to get a get out of jail card.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 3 There you go. There's the mic drop.

Speaker 2 Okay. This is.
Okay. Don't play it yet.
Don't play it. Don't blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 This is a

Speaker 2 prank show, which I fucking hate. By the way, if anyone I see a prank on Instagram and I don't like it, I block them.
Sorry. That's how tough I am.
I'm fucking tough. I run a tight Instagram.

Speaker 2 No, no, I'm here to have fun.

Speaker 3 You're there. I want to see you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. You be mean to me.
Gone. That's not why I'm here.
I'm not here to.

Speaker 3 No, I don't like practical jokes. I don't like surprising.

Speaker 2 Practical jokes when they look good, like they're in a bush and they scare people and people wipe out into a pole and hit their head. And you're like,

Speaker 2 he's dressed like a bush. I go, all it does is help the practical joker and get him views.
And he's totally relaxed, having fun. The other person looks like a fucking asshole and it ruins their day.

Speaker 3 In the end of the day, it's scary,

Speaker 3 humiliating, or frightening people. It's a terrific thing.

Speaker 2 But this one's funny.

Speaker 3 This one's funny. All that says,

Speaker 2 can you start it over?

Speaker 3 No, let's get ready to rumble.

Speaker 2 It's a Japanese one. I laugh it up.
Okay. Okay, so volume, let's go.
Let's see.

Speaker 3 So she sits

Speaker 2 a little loud. Maybe a little less loud.

Speaker 3 So she falls.

Speaker 2 A little less loud.

Speaker 3 Then, when the poor victim is given some water to recover,

Speaker 3 she falls again.

Speaker 3 It's loud.

Speaker 3 Whoa. And so they dug up.
It's a trap. It's up.
The grass is a pit covered by a fake.

Speaker 2 By the way, you're for sure getting hurt.

Speaker 3 Victim finally gets to go home.

Speaker 3 One, final trap awaits them.

Speaker 3 Everyone loves it so much. They're like, wow.

Speaker 3 I mean, the sound of it and everything. It's violent.
It's violent. Dude, you get hurt.

Speaker 2 You're falling backwards. You're hitting your head on the, who knows if that's perfectly breakaway.

Speaker 2 You know, I've hit people with boards in like movies and stuff, and they score it so it breaks, but you're still like, sometimes it doesn't break.

Speaker 3 It's something about

Speaker 3 culture. Like, would we, you and I go in, we pitch it, and we make an Americanized version called Tridor.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's so funny, but God dang, everyone would sue because America, everyone sues over anything. But also,

Speaker 3 it would be, you could hurt your neck. You're falling backwards through the floor three times.
I know. Unbeknownst to her, she thinks she's free and good.
And then bada bing, bada boom.

Speaker 2 Very clever. They put it in a van and they put it in.

Speaker 3 And then one more there and one more there.

Speaker 2 One more.

Speaker 3 We should do a show called America's Got Lawyers, where it's just about Franks. And then you'd like to meet my attorney.

Speaker 2 That's good. America's Got Lawyers.
I like that. All right.
Show something else.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm preening.

Speaker 2 Young woman details how much she spends for one night out at Miami. Out in Miami at Live.
This is a nightclub. So she's just reading her bill.
I thought this is interesting.

Speaker 2 We got a bill reader here.

Speaker 6 I spent a one night out in Miami at Live. So starting off showing, we got four bottles of Aces Bades Rose for $11,000.

Speaker 2 She's in a Rolls-Royce, I think.

Speaker 6 And then we got one big-ass bottle of Ace, like a huge bottle. Like that bitch came out on a boat.

Speaker 6 That was $13,000.

Speaker 6 Three bottles of Dom for $3,600.

Speaker 6 Two bottles of Claza Azul Repo for $3,600 as well. Two bottles of Siroc for $1,100.

Speaker 6 One bottle of McKellen Rare. I don't know what that is.
$1,450.

Speaker 6 We got five packs of water for $257.45.

Speaker 6 We got three packs of Red Bull for

Speaker 2 $44.

Speaker 6 Tax was $3,645.56.

Speaker 6 We tipped $8,244.35.

Speaker 2 $35 on a tip.

Speaker 6 And I bought our total to $46,241.36 for one night out in Miami.

Speaker 2 How much is she drinking? She weighs 88 pounds.

Speaker 3 I'm kind of processing what I'm seeing. So

Speaker 3 how many, I love when Dana sees this. How many people go to this place? And were they surprised when the bill came to $360,000? Was it like, whoa, or like, you know, not bad.
And how do you think?

Speaker 2 I think people puff up when they're really rich. I've seen it in clubs where, God, it's been a while, but they bring out like sparklers and it shows because there's rich and there's famous.

Speaker 2 And there's, you definitely want people to know you're rich if you're in there. These guys that are so rich, but no one knows who they are.
So they get a booth. Obviously, that costs a lot.

Speaker 2 Then they get the sparklers and all the pretty girls come over and they give them a big bottle of Dom or Ace of Spades, huge. They have like abnormally big ones.
And then

Speaker 2 it's a big show. And everyone sees the guy and he goes, like, come on, not this again.

Speaker 2 And then the fanfare goes down. So he orders another.
They'll order a case of Dom.

Speaker 2 I don't even know if they drink it or if they just resell it or what. But, and then girls come over and sit, chug, bail, chug, bail, sit, sit, chug, bail.
And that order, mix it up. And then

Speaker 2 I don't know. It's just the way it is.
So these nightclubs, there's a handful that have it made where they're just raking it in. And then they go, Here's the bill, here's the tip.

Speaker 2 If you want an extra tip, and then if you're super cool, ball, here's a third tip you can tip me. And then you can also just hand me some cash.

Speaker 3 Well, by the way, 8,000 on what was it, 360,000 is a low-ball tip. At least 10% would have been 36,000.
Number one, they didn't really

Speaker 3 know.

Speaker 2 Well, I thought it was going to be about, I think it was less than that. I think it was under 100.

Speaker 3 Well, it's fake alcohol, but it's for virtual signaling. If I may pivot to fake art.

Speaker 3 You know, I once saw, I was in a museum, there was just a giant white, it was 50 feet across, just blank canvas, and one red dot in the middle. And that was it.

Speaker 3 $6 million.

Speaker 3 Two red dots, $12 million. Oh, I don't know.
It is.

Speaker 2 Don't even go to three red dots. I could never.

Speaker 3 It happens to us in corporate dates. If you name your price a certain price,

Speaker 3 let's just blow it out.

Speaker 3 Like it's not us, but well that guy that guy's a million dollar comedian you want that guy you gotta have a million oh just because it sounds like a huge amount well then you're a million dollar comedian but that paintings a million dollar painting then you're and you can brag yeah and also people that want to be able to hire people that are rich or buy something like a painting or go to that nightclub get to say dude we blew 300 grand or i was with this guy he spent 300 grand and the guy's like it's literally pennies it's literally nothing it's nothing to me man it's gum on my shoe Well, by the way, you got gum on your shoe.

Speaker 3 So it's virtual signaling, letting people know you're wealthy.

Speaker 3 But you kind of wish, like, if you, if I gave you 365,000 and you had Saturday, you had to spend it on a Saturday in, say, Southern California, what would you buy? You have 10 seconds.

Speaker 2 Turns into Brewster's Millions. Remember that movie?

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 3 We can make it 3.5 million and you have one day to spend it.

Speaker 3 It's almost five seconds. Go.

Speaker 2 I'd buy half a house in Newport.

Speaker 3 Half a hundred. And then

Speaker 3 it's too expensive.

Speaker 3 You'd buy it.

Speaker 2 No, I'd probably get a, I'd probably get a cool car. I like cars.
I don't know which one.

Speaker 3 What can you get for three and a half million?

Speaker 2 Oh, three and a half million. I think it's.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I just upped it. You have three seconds.

Speaker 3 Huh? How much is the Tesla bus?

Speaker 2 The Tesla bus? Was that a new one?

Speaker 3 Yeah, they've got their Tesla bus. Looks like the Disney model.

Speaker 2 I think they'll be sort of sequestered to like airport runs. To the sea lot.

Speaker 3 Have you heard that they came out with this new perfume? The same kind of thing with perfumes. Oh, that's a, and it's a million-dollar perfume.
You know what the name of it is? Elon Musk.

Speaker 2 Don't ever go like that.

Speaker 3 I'm pointing a lot now.

Speaker 3 You have three seconds. My giant hands.
My giant hands say you got three seconds. I could.

Speaker 2 No, there was a movie called Brewster's Millions. Was it Richard Pryor?

Speaker 3 Yes, it was Dick Pryor. He's a friend of mine.

Speaker 2 He has 30 days to spend 30 million, or he doesn't get any of his inheritance. And he can't, everything buys something.
He buys a shitty team, but then it's worth more. And then he does this.

Speaker 2 He can't spend his money fast enough.

Speaker 3 How about you do a remake? Spades. Oh, that's a good idea.
Spades Millions. You have 10 seconds to answer.

Speaker 2 More like Carvey's.

Speaker 3 Apparently, you don't like money. All right.

Speaker 3 Apparently.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 3 Now

Speaker 3 we have to do Senator John Kennedy at some point.

Speaker 3 Hang on.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 Oh, this is a girl.

Speaker 2 Okay. You're not going to like this.

Speaker 2 I like the comment. Is this rock bottom for this is an influencer, Dana.
And the tough life of an influencer is you just need to get

Speaker 2 seen and get clicks. What is she going to do? She's going to pet some cows.
She's going to feed them.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Let's see.

Speaker 2 Puts glasses on.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 That's the whole thing. That's all she needed.
38,000 likes. She squeezed the cow's teeth, T-E-A-T,

Speaker 3 and pointed it at her face, but she had like goggles or glasses on. So she got splattered in the face.
Very

Speaker 3 mother's milk baby, intended for a baby cow, not a woman with blonde hair and a jumpsuit.

Speaker 2 I should answer and put Sandler on this FaceTime.

Speaker 3 I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 2 I can't do that to that guy.

Speaker 2 Why is he FaceTiming?

Speaker 2 Wait, is he off?

Speaker 3 Is Dana gone?

Speaker 2 I can't see Dana anymore.

Speaker 3 You can't see me? Great.

Speaker 3 Come over here.

Speaker 3 No, we'll keep going. I can see you.
I didn't click anything.

Speaker 2 I know, but I just got a FaceTime and I hung up on it.

Speaker 3 Oh.

Speaker 2 Hey, oh, here we are. We're back.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 2 God, we have a real roller coaster of things happening today.

Speaker 2 You can't predict this show.

Speaker 3 A lot going on. Okay.

Speaker 2 What is this? Let me see. Okay, this is,

Speaker 2 let's just play this. I don't even know what it is.

Speaker 2 Random Instagram. Car.

Speaker 3 Guys out nighttime on the street. Pick up truck.

Speaker 3 Oh, this is one of those.

Speaker 2 Guys stole a whole cigarette thing at 7-Eleven. This is when they go and

Speaker 2 LA is like a fun thing for

Speaker 2 a bunch of kids. I think.

Speaker 3 So So we got into the 7-Eleven and grabbed a whole tri

Speaker 3 like

Speaker 3 package of cigarettes.

Speaker 2 They take over 7-Eleven and rob everything in it.

Speaker 3 Look at this. Oh,

Speaker 3 they're ransacking 7-Eleven.

Speaker 2 I think they get on a chat and say, let's go here and

Speaker 2 just.

Speaker 2 But not a cop in sight. I think there's too many.
They don't want to.

Speaker 2 Start trouble.

Speaker 3 Right, because then with that many, it could get ugly. So they just...

Speaker 2 Someone gets shot, someone gets this, and then everyone goes, oh my God, they're just kids. What are you doing? But it looks like probably high school, college age.

Speaker 3 I just feel sorry for the owner. It has to call the insurance company.
You know, I, this is Dave over at 7-Eleven over in this neighborhood. I'm getting ransacked a lot.

Speaker 3 You know, I've got to get full coverage.

Speaker 3 Getting nailed again. Yeah.
How much do they take? They take every single item. It's about $2 million.
All the soldiers. Every single item is clean.

Speaker 2 I think that's the thing.

Speaker 3 They clean me out, and I need insurance. Uh, sorry, sir.
We can't help you at this time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 2 give them a freebie, but you can't keep hitting the goddamn 7-Eleven and keep stealing it. It's just like crazy.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 What am I doing?

Speaker 3 Oh, there you go. Trying to

Speaker 3 open it for seven minutes in the morning and 11 minutes at night. That might take by the way.

Speaker 2 If they start closing all the 7-Elevens, like they're closing Walgreens and all CVS, like if there's too many of these, then they close it down.

Speaker 2 That means the insurance excuse of like, oh, they got insurance. They can find

Speaker 2 that. They close because insurance doesn't cover you.
They don't even cover a house.

Speaker 3 They can't cover that.

Speaker 2 They don't want it to be like fires and everything.

Speaker 3 No, you can't give insurance for a home in California.

Speaker 2 You really can't.

Speaker 3 You really can't. Certainly not fire insurance.
Certainly not. Good luck with that.

Speaker 2 10 out of the 12 I tried to get for this dump

Speaker 2 said no. Not even.
We won't even charge you too much. Just not.
We're not even trying. We're not in the game anymore.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they said they'd give me fire insurance, but it was more than the cost of the house.

Speaker 2 That was the insurance. That's not a good deal.

Speaker 2 Yeah, don't close my 7-Elevens, is the point. I don't want this to happen enough to where they close them down.
I'm like, now we don't have 7-Elevens.

Speaker 3 Okay, quick impression of

Speaker 3 a Japanese-American in an earthquake after just hearing this information.

Speaker 3 I think it's getting worse.

Speaker 3 Excuse me a headache.

Speaker 2 By the way, that one you didn't go as crazy. You didn't yell.

Speaker 3 I like after.

Speaker 3 What's wrong? He's happy. You got a buzz? He's happy.
Happy because it's a little, little quick, baby quick. No!

Speaker 3 Oh, that was a big one. I gave you one.

Speaker 3 It's what I want.

Speaker 3 Give the fans. By the way, just, we're not political on this show, but Kamala's out there doing her thing.
And Trump, they put him at a window in

Speaker 3 McDonald's. So people are just driving.
Let's go get a burger. And he did seem incredibly happy handing out those burgers.
Do some Trumps.

Speaker 2 Let's hear it.

Speaker 3 You got a beautiful family. Here you go, Dollface.
Listen, darling. We put an extra cheeseburger.
Now you like the ketchup. We'll put the ketchup.
Beautiful baby boy, beautiful family.

Speaker 3 Next, you're tremendous. I mean, look at the thousands.
He's always noticing the people, the thousands of people here. I could do this job.
He said, I could do the job. I could do the job.
I do it.

Speaker 3 Why are you growling so much, Mr. Ex-President? Because I like to growl and I can growl a lot.
And I growl every time I do it.

Speaker 2 Because he's up 22 hours a day.

Speaker 3 I don't know how he does it.

Speaker 2 It's just, they do say he's old and senile now. I'm like, I don't know because he can stand and talk for two hours.
I can't. My act, I do an hour.
I'm like, hello, darkness, my old friend.

Speaker 2 Like, it's too much. And then he runs to McDonald's and he campaigns.

Speaker 2 I mean, when you're on the campaign trail, that's got to be a beating.

Speaker 3 They don't include jet lag. You're not even factoring that in.

Speaker 3 I guess, like, when I'm driving on a long-distance trip, that's the one time I do go to McDonald's. I get a cheeseburger, small fries, and like, I got a small or medium Coke.

Speaker 3 And that carb sugar salt boost

Speaker 3 really helps me focus the steering wheel. So, I guess Trump has the metabolism that he can perennially chase energy.
Just give me a cheeseburger when we get to Toledo. Okay, we're in Florida.

Speaker 3 I want two fileo fish before I go on and a large Coke. And so, us, we get low blood sugar, but he can keep chasing it with fast food.
I want a fileo fish underneath the podium. I want extra fries,

Speaker 3 dude.

Speaker 2 They gave me me a double. Everyone is sickened by the fact they get a filet fish, but I love them.
And they gave me a double one accidentally. It was too much of a good thing.
I was like,

Speaker 3 I go, is this a double?

Speaker 2 Sick. It's something about a sick.
Plus, there's a couple bones.

Speaker 3 It's the tartar sauce. I saw how they catch them off Alaska, and there's millions of these little fish, really happy.
Is it a real fish? Yeah, the real fish.

Speaker 3 And then they sweep them up onto the deck of the thing and they flash freeze them. Like this kid,

Speaker 3 this fish was just in the water looking happy, all of a sudden, like,

Speaker 3 and then it's in your mouth with tartar sauce on it.

Speaker 3 An hour later, an hour later.

Speaker 2 Smash all these minnows into little squares.

Speaker 3 Smashing together. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Freeze. There's a guy with a big tartar sauce.

Speaker 3 Sounds like Donald Duck. Give it a shot.
That's just spinning the window.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I love it.

Speaker 2 Can't be happier.

Speaker 3 I've never had seen you do the

Speaker 3 effect

Speaker 3 to noting and join it, but I do think Trump

Speaker 3 chase that carb high. That's his secret energy.
He can keep loading it.

Speaker 2 I'm packing on the pounds. Yeah,

Speaker 2 he somehow can eat still to this day McDonald's, which everyone says you got to give it up at some point.

Speaker 3 No, KFC, McDonald's, all that stuff. Yeah, three milkshakes, four filet fishes, and then I'm going to have my dinner.
That's an appetizer.

Speaker 2 I had a sort of heavy-ish driver the other day at one of the gigs, and we walked down.

Speaker 2 You know, some of these small towns, it's like one strip of like 18 fast food places, you know, on the way out of town.

Speaker 2 And I go, dude, because I know he's he's he's sort of portly-ish and fat, you know.

Speaker 2 So, uh,

Speaker 2 I go, okay,

Speaker 2 what would you rather have? I don't even know if he's listening to me. Sometimes I think I'm on the phone.
I go, would you rather have Wendy's,

Speaker 2 Carl's Jr., or Burger King

Speaker 2 and then he doesn't answer so I forget and we get to the next light and he goes he's been thinking like McDonald's

Speaker 2 I go are we still talking oh yeah one and a half minutes later of dead silence he's like this

Speaker 2 he really gave it some thought and then he goes I'm gonna go off the board, Alex.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna take McDonald's. It wasn't even a choice.

Speaker 3 How about this? What would you pick? We're driving. Hey, David.

Speaker 3 Dairy Queen, A ⁇ W,

Speaker 2 or

Speaker 3 Jack in the Box.

Speaker 2 Jack in the Box would be third. I hate to say it.

Speaker 3 I'm such a dirt. No, we don't.
We don't want to lose our sponsors.

Speaker 3 I don't think. Do we have any? Dairy Queen A ⁇ W or Foster Freeze.
Dairy Queen, A ⁇ W or Foster Freeze. Both.

Speaker 2 I think Dairy Queen, because I used to like a deli bar.

Speaker 2 and I like when they take the cone and go like this bloop into chocolate and it crunches up. Oh,

Speaker 3 my wife and I are in Montana, and uh, this sandwich store was closed, Subway Sandwich. So, we went into a dairy queen and we looked up and they go, There's the hamburger and the fries and the thing.

Speaker 3 And then now they go, Oh, it's 3,200 calories. Oh, they put that

Speaker 3 next to it: 9,500 calories for this dandy burger Fries, onion, cheesecake factory, same thing.

Speaker 2 I'm on page 88 toward the end, and I'm like, hmm, well, this is healthy. Salmon, they're like, that's only 22,000 calories.
I go,

Speaker 2 how? Yeah. The things you don't think are a lot sometimes.

Speaker 2 How much is a

Speaker 2 tartar sauce burger?

Speaker 3 Well, let me do a little John Kennedy interrogating somebody who go, now,

Speaker 3 when you walked in to the Dairy Queen restaurant, were you expecting a low calorie meal? Your words, not mine. You tried to do it.

Speaker 2 I didn't want to think about it.

Speaker 3 When you got a McBride Whirl,

Speaker 3 three double cheeseburgers, were you expecting not too many calories? Is that your point? Is that what you want to do? I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm looking at this. Now, this is, I'm just reading this out loud.
There's nothing. Now, just hold on.
Let me talk. There's a,

Speaker 2 you ordered a Mc heart attack. What did you think was in that?

Speaker 3 You got a Sunday stroke and then proceeded. Your words, not mine.

Speaker 3 Anyway, I just want to do a little John Kennedy.

Speaker 2 I know. I miss it.
I can't even think of anything to do with him because he's so fucking funny.

Speaker 3 He's so fucking great, but it is all about the.

Speaker 3 We would like to read some tweets you tweeted

Speaker 3 on August. It's funny

Speaker 2 you deny that because let's pull up a chart of your tweets.

Speaker 2 They always give them a chance to lie. I'm going to give you a chance here.

Speaker 3 Your words, not mine. That's his catchphrase.
Your words, not mine.

Speaker 3 I,

Speaker 2 oh, he goes, this is, it's right there, big is Dallas.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 he has a lot of that stuff. Did I look like I fell off a crawdad truck that was full of crawdads going to a tomato festival? Is that what I used to be?

Speaker 2 A turn-up truck, but then they sold it, but now they pack it with crawdads. But then I fell off.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Did I, do I look like a swamp creature to you? Do I look like someone that came out of a swamp? Just answer the question, please.

Speaker 2 Answer the meeting. Did you see the movie Swamp Thing? Did you think that was me?

Speaker 2 That I wouldn't know anything. I'd just be carrying a pretty girl.

Speaker 3 And have you ever been for risk? That was your word.

Speaker 3 Your word, not mine.

Speaker 2 Yeah. All right.
Should we end on that one?

Speaker 3 We did good. Yeah.
58. What else? What did you not get to? Magic.

Speaker 2 Oh, here's some bloopers from Tommy Boy.

Speaker 3 Oh, I like, okay, let's see.

Speaker 2 People keep sending me this. I like this one because

Speaker 2 actually, I think this was the take we used in the movie.

Speaker 2 But it's funny to hear Chris laugh. This is just one of them.

Speaker 3 Tommy Boy bloopers. Dang.

Speaker 2 This is the guy trying to buy the company, not to mention put you out in the street, and all you can say is, hmm,

Speaker 3 money nine nine.

Speaker 3 Richard, what's company you are?

Speaker 3 The coat doesn't rip. Kim, that's way too tight.

Speaker 2 They put little lines on the back, they scored it, and it's just that

Speaker 3 this was so big.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 You're wrong.

Speaker 2 Dad was the best at telling people what they wanted to hear.

Speaker 3 Telling people what they needed to hear.

Speaker 2 He was good at a lot of this.

Speaker 3 Sorry, the door's a jar, please.

Speaker 3 How could a door be ajar?

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 3 Ma'am, I'm thinking about blowing up the

Speaker 3 building.

Speaker 3 Hello, I'm going to go, guys.

Speaker 3 All the extras laugh.

Speaker 3 The only thing I can figure out is whether to get Chicago style or thin crust.

Speaker 3 The salesman has left the building. See you at the bottom.

Speaker 3 Oh!

Speaker 3 The crew put that out there.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 What are you saying? Okay,

Speaker 3 the bull scared him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the crew just put it up there for

Speaker 2 just to ruin a take, basically.

Speaker 3 Damn, it looks like a blast. And that was not even digital then.
You had to really be precious about, you know, the film.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, the take.

Speaker 3 Stuff. And you,

Speaker 3 you seemed, I guess, like 21 or something. I know you aren't.
Damn, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's funny because that first one where I go, he seemed like a nice guy. I don't know why.
Maybe I just said it like that on that one. And when he laughs at the end, he goes, what a dick.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's so funny.

Speaker 2 But he has the best laugh also.

Speaker 3 Well, that really captured his bursting laugh. You can't describe it to someone.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's just like insane.

Speaker 3 And if you make him laugh, it's so fun. It's so fucking funny.
It's nice when you can make another comedian laugh.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. We laugh so hard on that movie.
And sometimes people go, because I did an interview the other day and they go, so you and Farley had a fight over a sandwich on the movie.

Speaker 2 I go, don't even start, don't put it as negative. There's so many fun.
things. Of course, when you're doing movies and a TV show together at the same time, you argue about stuff.

Speaker 2 But that was more like it, that those bloopers, because we were just loopy and laughing. And the movie still came out funny, but those things are so such a crackup.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, in Wayne's World 1,

Speaker 3 I guess the first time I said, yeah, she's a babe. If she was a president, she'd be Abraham Lincoln.
I think that's the line I said, but it was the middle of the night, and Mike got the giggle.

Speaker 3 So he was laughing so hard. And then we just were able to keep it in the the movie.

Speaker 2 Like he was. Oh, is that when you're laying on a, on the laying on the AMC pacer?

Speaker 3 There's something I said.

Speaker 3 Oh, no, I know I said to him.

Speaker 3 When you receive Bugs Bunny Dress as a Girl,

Speaker 3 do you like that? Or something around Bugs Bunny dressing? But he lost.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 did you not say that before? You guys are just making up shit and just trying to.

Speaker 3 Something triggered it, and it was him basically breaking. He's not in the movie anymore, but we put it in as Wayne laughing, and it comes off great.
Oh, that's funny.

Speaker 3 The magic of editing, David.

Speaker 2 That's the fun, though.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 Well, that was a good one to end on. Okay.
Thanks, Dana. It was nice meeting you.

Speaker 3 I have a quick idea. Just to put this in our listeners.
We take over Quentin Tarantino's indie film, and

Speaker 3 we show

Speaker 3 Wayne's World and Tommy Boy back to back, and we have a little chat about the movies.

Speaker 2 Oh, we talk about it while we play it or something?

Speaker 3 Or show them and then do a Q ⁇ A.

Speaker 3 Maybe just do Tommy Boy. Oh, out in the real world?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, we go somewhere? Well, we'll take this podcast on the road and basically we'll show movies and we'll do QA.

Speaker 3 We'll show a movie and then we'll do Q ⁇ A. Thanks for the ideas.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 2 Tell us what you want on the YouTube. Thanks, guys.

Speaker 2 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.