Larry David

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Speaker 1 Okay, we got Larry David, one of our favorites that we've been trying to get for a little while, but of course we know he doesn't like to do anything.

Speaker 1 But he made it. He came to the house, actually insisting on that.

Speaker 3 He drove in, and we're very flattered. It's one of our

Speaker 3 guests we wanted to always get.

Speaker 3 possibly the most influential comedian or best comedian of the last many years. But yeah, he had a great sense of humor.
I do go off on a few bits. I apologize for that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think the crowd will be just as happy as he was. He was laughing so hard.
He's a great crowd.

Speaker 1 We touch on a lot of topics.

Speaker 3 Seinfeld, Curb, all the usual things.

Speaker 1 The usual suspects and some other stuff. We sort of jumped around, talked about the 50th, talked about the 40th.

Speaker 1 And now.

Speaker 3 And talked about the 30th.

Speaker 1 And we talked about, oh, I did curb and I walked you through the process.

Speaker 1 And overall, I think we ended on a real high note. He was laughing pretty hard.
So that was a real victory.

Speaker 1 Enjoy it. Come on.
Holiday fun. Yeah, you'll see what happens.

Speaker 3 Always say no. Always say no.

Speaker 2 It's the best, best advice you could give anyone.

Speaker 2 Never. I was just talking to somebody the other day.
They go,

Speaker 2 why did I say yes to this? Why did I say yes?

Speaker 2 Everybody goes through that every day. Yeah.
People cannot say no. It's so impossible.

Speaker 3 Well, if you're turning down a lot, it's a rhythm thing. No.
No, no.

Speaker 1 But at least you're known as someone.

Speaker 3 How many podcasts do you turn down in a year?

Speaker 2 300. I don't want to.
Over a thousand? Over a thousand. I don't want to sound immodest.

Speaker 2 2,000?

Speaker 2 There is.

Speaker 1 Listen, Nancy Reagan had it right. Just say no.
And no one listened.

Speaker 2 Yeah, completely.

Speaker 2 She was right on. She was talking about drugs.
Well,

Speaker 2 can I do my Reagan?

Speaker 3 He got his Reagan in it, by the way.

Speaker 2 Early. I'll sit here for an hour and just listen to you.

Speaker 3 Well, I like this rhythm.

Speaker 2 I'll see if you like this rhythm.

Speaker 3 It's Reagan dealing with modern enemies, right?

Speaker 2 Who are they? What?

Speaker 3 Tellahu, Benny what?

Speaker 2 What they do, to who,

Speaker 2 where,

Speaker 2 when,

Speaker 2 how,

Speaker 3 why, well, then we have no choice. Fire away with everything we got and then call them and see if they're still there.

Speaker 2 There. That was it.

Speaker 3 I made Larry David laugh.

Speaker 2 I've got one for you that if you can do, I would just

Speaker 2 ask you to do it every time I saw you. Okay.

Speaker 2 A younger Biden, not the old Biden,

Speaker 2 a younger Biden with that, with that

Speaker 2 Baltimore accent.

Speaker 3 I know, I know. Well, that's very specific.

Speaker 2 You know that accent I'm talking about? They did it in that series. What was it called? With Kate Winslet.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 This something

Speaker 2 mayor, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, I know, it's very sad. That accent, he's got some of that, right?

Speaker 3 This never doesn't get a laugh in stand-up, and I'll do it over and over again to the audience.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I'm being serious,

Speaker 2 and I say to the audience, I will keep doing it until you don't laugh. I'm getting around here, yeah.
I'm being serious.

Speaker 2 See, you're so lucky that you can do that stuff because I don't have jokes. Well, I mean, if something you do isn't working, then you just make them laugh again.

Speaker 2 You always have a laugh at your disposal.

Speaker 2 Most stand-ups don't have that laugh at their disposal.

Speaker 1 It's terrifying to go up, and if you don't have a go-to something,

Speaker 1 Dana's got great stuff. And also, you can put a 10% joke in an impression, and it's worth 100%.

Speaker 3 And just ride the rhythm. I put on my notes.
Stay, stay here.

Speaker 2 Don't be in a hurry. Stay here.

Speaker 3 If it says Ross Perot, you're going to do him for Torres.

Speaker 2 Or Anthony Faucher.

Speaker 1 For president, since Calvin Coolidge doesn't, the crowd's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, they freak out.

Speaker 3 But a young Biden, that's a challenge. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You do FDR?

Speaker 2 We are. No, no, I'm doing JFK.

Speaker 3 We don't do it. My bit on JFK now is that he needs an AI.
Bobby needs an AI, that his voice will then go to JFK's voice.

Speaker 2 Oh, Bobby's?

Speaker 3 Yeah, because we all sound like Bobby. If we smoke pot in high school, be like,

Speaker 2 I can't believe what the pharmaceutical companies are doing.

Speaker 3 You know, introducing JFK AI. We understand that the pharmaceutical companies are doing i'm just gonna do this all afternoon come on i'm i'm you know i'm starting the entertainment

Speaker 3 to listen to this go ahead see if you can say we don't do it because it's easy we do it because it's hard

Speaker 3 we're the right age group yeah crickets up here

Speaker 3 um yes so so you're settled in you said yes you're here do you need anything

Speaker 2 i'll open some water here yeah

Speaker 1 we got you some of the high fancy water from your rider.

Speaker 2 Has any human possible

Speaker 2 they want like grape jelly or something?

Speaker 3 Have you ever seen your writer? I don't know if you do a lot of stand-up. Have you ever seen your writer?

Speaker 1 What are you demanding?

Speaker 2 Me neither.

Speaker 1 I feel like yours is a little below J-Lo, but above Chris Katan.

Speaker 2 Let's see.

Speaker 3 I've had people in tears coming at me. I'm coming backstage with a gig.

Speaker 2 We only have three towels. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why do we couldn't find Triscuits?

Speaker 3 I don't see my writer. I don't, anyway.

Speaker 2 I don't like to eat anything at all before

Speaker 2 I'm going on somewhere.

Speaker 3 Not even a little bit of chocolate.

Speaker 2 No, a bite of chocolate. No, nothing.

Speaker 1 You still, do you stand up?

Speaker 2 Do you go out and do like an hour? No, last year I did,

Speaker 2 you know, I was interviewed

Speaker 2 on stage. On stage.
stage, chiching.

Speaker 1 One of like these bullshit things?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, something like this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That was the best, though, because it's not really.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not stand-up. It's not that hard.
Right. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. I heard before the pandemic, Julie Louise Dreyfus.
Remember her? You know her.

Speaker 3 She was doing interviews.

Speaker 1 Check out the call sheet. You'll remember her.

Speaker 3 She was doing interviews for corporate events. I thought, oh, man, that's so nice.
20 minutes with the CEO.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she takes it in.

Speaker 3 What's the question that makes you the happiest? And what's the question that is annoying for you? I think I have an idea.

Speaker 2 I think now the most annoying question is: are you going to do another season?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 3 well, now that we're here.

Speaker 1 Did you just say yes at the end, meaning you are?

Speaker 2 You're not, are you?

Speaker 1 I didn't know that your special was named Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Speaker 2 Is that true?

Speaker 1 Your stand-up special?

Speaker 2 And then you borrowed that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You took that in. And was it 2000? Has it been around that long?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 God dang.

Speaker 1 2000. And you've you've had people on Curb that

Speaker 1 went on to be bigger stars. You actually got them early.

Speaker 2 Yeah, who?

Speaker 2 I'm asking you.

Speaker 2 Me?

Speaker 2 That's exciting.

Speaker 1 No, I do have a Curb story for you. Yeah.
You might have heard it because you were part of it.

Speaker 1 Dana, I did this young man's show. It was one of the great fun things of life is to be on a show that's a fucking hit show everyone loves.
Write up, you know, everyone's sensibility.

Speaker 1 Everyone in the future goes oh i want to do a show like curb that's the most common thing i hear it's 10 times more complicated than they can probably think it seems very easy looks easy uh i think the fun part when i did it was the idea was you i don't know if you remember this you did so many but you wanted tickets to laker game and you used to work at nbc so you asked the president of nbc and they have two sets this is i think true anyway so They say, yes, give Larry two tickets.

Speaker 1 So you go with Jeff and you're in the rafters.

Speaker 1 And then you get the binoculars to see, oh, they have two sets of tickets. And then you go, who's on the floor where we wanted to be? And he's sitting with me.

Speaker 1 And so you're like, that motherfucker, why is Spade down there? And why are we up here? I fucking, I was on side.

Speaker 1 So anyway, we run into you guys leaving. And the part that I thought was interesting, I didn't even tell Dana this, but

Speaker 1 it's like.

Speaker 1 The way I got, the way I remember it was someone comes up to me and you, and you're, I think we have the forum or wherever it is and I think that's what production is you have that you have extras we did some at a real game I think we use those uh endeavor seats or whatever William Morris and then so we were at the real game and then uh afterwards we get a bunch of extras to stay and so we were leaving so me and the president of NBC are leaving and and Larry's coming out with Jeff and they come up to me and they go you're going to run into him so uh

Speaker 1 be apologetic something like that it was just an idea no lines. And then they, I go, and what's Larry doing? They go, you'll find out.
So then you guys decide what you want to do.

Speaker 1 Obviously, you decide. And so we come in and we have like a five-minute talk where I'm like, ah, sorry.
Cause you're like, why would he be there?

Speaker 1 I'm like, I don't, I don't want to be a part of this, whatever, whatever. Then they go cut.
And then they come back and I go, this one, defend yourself.

Speaker 1 And it's so funny because you have five seconds. So I'm like, well, whatever happens.
And I don't know what you're going to do. And then you're like, why would he be there?

Speaker 1 I'm like, well, we both were on big shows.

Speaker 2 And you're like, well, I was on Seinfeld.

Speaker 1 I go, well, listen, we're both top 10 10 shows. We're both, it's kind of a push.
And you're like, a push?

Speaker 2 Just shoot me was the same as.

Speaker 1 So anyway, it just makes for a fun, real fake argument, whatever, whatever. And then they did like one or two more of different things.
It was a blast, David.

Speaker 1 It's very interesting, honestly, for people to know that because the hard part for Larry is to go in there and.

Speaker 1 decide which is the funniest version, what line. That's just so complicated.

Speaker 3 The greatest part I love is when I can tell that you or the great Richard Lewis or Jeff Garland you're not sure you're doing a take

Speaker 2 because you're just talking and you might use it you might not I mean it's the absolute opposite of a traditional you know it's you know Larry Sanders was the first that I had an experience like that I first of all I would I never would have done a show if I had to memorize lines smart it's too hard it's it's I don't I don't like it and I'm not really an actor

Speaker 2 and you have to be

Speaker 2 you have to be an actor to memorize lines. I suppose I could do it, but it wouldn't be fun.
Here, I'm kind of making it up as we're going along. And

Speaker 2 I don't know, it's just,

Speaker 2 I just laugh my way through 12 seasons. I know.

Speaker 3 It's infectious to watch. You know, the last 20 years, I don't think I've ever gone to any kind of meeting about any kind of show.

Speaker 3 Where, you know, it's going to be like curb or we're thinking like a curb type show. Has anyone even landed close to the sensibility? And what is the secret? You don't have to tell us here.

Speaker 3 We could cut this part out.

Speaker 1 If there is like one secret, tell us who's done it poorly first.

Speaker 2 Who's doing it? I don't even know who's doing it.

Speaker 3 The only thing I can think of is Larry Sanders in the 90s had a sense of three cameras going at all times, 16 millimeters, and Gary would say, you do this, kind of, or say something like this.

Speaker 2 Oh, did they improvise a lot?

Speaker 3 At least when I was there.

Speaker 3 But I don't think it was quite like yours, where like you're so improvised. Whatever you have, it's working.
Don't even.

Speaker 3 Hey, are you going to do another season?

Speaker 1 Is there anybody you asked to do curb that didn't do it? Like some star that you wanted?

Speaker 2 I think there were some people who were

Speaker 2 just weren't down with the idea of improvising. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Some would like to do the lines.

Speaker 2 They'd be more comfortable. Yeah, more comfortable.

Speaker 1 It's hard to make lines your own. That's hard when you're doing shows and movies.

Speaker 1 That's why they sometimes feel stiff because if you can just play off what's happening at that second and the attitude, that's way more fun. It is hard to do, though.

Speaker 2 I mean, the worst thing that actors did on the show is if they would try to be funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Or they come and going on.

Speaker 2 Trying to come up with like funny lines.

Speaker 1 The hardest part I've seen even on like for Adam and Sandler in those movies is a lot of people that come on that have never worked with them, first of all, proclaim their funniness, which is always a red flag.

Speaker 1 And then they come up and say, I had some ideas for the scene. And it's for you to be the creator and they and you can't blame anyone else, and you have to say no.

Speaker 1 So when they come to you and go, Larry, I thought I'd play it more. I got a guy that talks like this.
And you got to go, oh, fuck. Can you just don't do that? It's a hard position to be in.

Speaker 2 No, it's very easy. Okay.

Speaker 2 I was trying to help you a little bit.

Speaker 2 It's not hard at all. No, that's not good.
Don't do that. Okay.

Speaker 2 I've got two. I was killed.
And they would slink away and go, fuck.

Speaker 2 Sometimes in auditions, actors would try and cry.

Speaker 2 I go, oh, God, no, stop, no, no.

Speaker 3 Oh, man. The two metrics now.
Never have a line that's written that someone has to say. And don't anybody ever be caught trying to be funny unless the character is trying to be funny.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Exactly.

Speaker 3 That's different. But none of that winking.
It's a real Rubicon. You can really feel it in sitcoms when it just pushed.

Speaker 2 I like it. It is good.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying, I'm a fan of it.

Speaker 1 The stuff that's played like in a wide shot is always good. Sometimes you get on a movie and they go, Dana and I talk about this.

Speaker 1 You get too locked into two-shot, one-shot, pushing, pushing, and you're losing all the momentum and all the fun of it. And it looks too stiff back, forth.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it's nice, those old Woody Allen or whatever, even Tarantino in a wide shot, just two people talking, looks real.

Speaker 1 You've got to figure out where to look instead of going, look here, look there, we got it, we got it. We've seen it.

Speaker 2 The Woody Allen thing is a little scary because i did i did oh you did a couple what was the name of that movie it's called a couple day yeah

Speaker 2 whatever whatever

Speaker 2 yeah yeah anyway i did one once upon yeah he doesn't remember

Speaker 2 and you know because he does these take you got to get it all in one

Speaker 2 and the whole take i'm going I got four more lines to go

Speaker 2 I'm not comfortable at all because I have you can't make a mistake there's no cutting yeah um after my first take

Speaker 2 the first day of filming, after the first take, he comes up to me and he goes, not terrible.

Speaker 2 And now I use that every time somebody asks me,

Speaker 2 yeah, how you doing? I go, not terrible.

Speaker 1 That's a good medium place to be.

Speaker 3 Robert Mitchum told me that the guy who played Tarzan,

Speaker 3 because Robert Mitchum was a guest host, he was the host at SNL. I go, hey, how you doing today? He goes, worse.

Speaker 2 I go, worse. Why do you say worse?

Speaker 3 Because I think it was Lex Barr, some guy who played Tarzan. He came out of his trailer and said, I feel great, and then did a header, you know? So ever since then, he just says, worse.

Speaker 2 I love that.

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Speaker 1 Oh, you did tough guys? Is that the one?

Speaker 3 I did so much shit. I was so bad.
I have a Hall of Fame. So bad.
I can't say lines 175 times between all the takes and all the close-ups.

Speaker 3 And by four in the afternoon, you first said the lines at 7 a.m. And by 5 o'clock, o'clock, it's not even English.

Speaker 1 Going in tight on Dana.

Speaker 2 You guys got some

Speaker 2 heads of hair on you, the two of you, you know?

Speaker 3 Best hair money ever.

Speaker 2 When did you know, did you ever think like, oh, I'm going to have all of my hair for the rest of my life? Did that thought occur to you at some point?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 I had a pretty good head of hair. First of all, it went way up in these corners that are covered right now when I was in my 20s.
So I went to a barber who goes, it's, you're going to be gone by 30.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 3 Really? Yeah, barber guy. He saw it going back.

Speaker 3 But it went back and then it stopped.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 Very rare. And then

Speaker 3 I do take a little finesteride.

Speaker 2 What's that? I'm sorry?

Speaker 1 It's stuff that keeps your hair. From aldehyde, what does that do?

Speaker 3 Keeps your hair in your head. Really? Yeah.
Matthew McConnelly does it.

Speaker 2 All rat, a rat, rat, rat.

Speaker 1 Dude, I grew up, I put motor oil, everything I could find, I threw my hair, just trying every trick in the book. It's so hard.

Speaker 3 But let me just explain that because

Speaker 3 we'll get letters, old-fashioned parlance.

Speaker 3 Dosage matters with any med you take.

Speaker 3 This woman, she was trying to do super vegan and she was amazing. She was 87.
I go, you could have some salmon. Oh, no, I can't.
Well, I tried a statin and I had terrible side effects.

Speaker 3 Would you ever think of taking a lower dose?

Speaker 3 Ask your doctor. So she lowered the dose, took her cholesterol, no side effects.
So the same thing with finesteride. People were popping it like candy.
Then they had sexual side effects, depression.

Speaker 2 you just need a little bit to keep the hair in your head and it will grow hate it you had to give her that advice what the doctor couldn't tell her that she can read the back of the bottle

Speaker 3 doctors are not really most of them are just high school seniors that have a lab coat on they don't know anything most of them they're terrible

Speaker 2 i mean right i mean do you what doctors yeah i still have great faith in them

Speaker 2 yeah dana interesting yeah

Speaker 2 i look at you all they're doctors dana doctors You know, I used to bow down.

Speaker 3 We were talking about to a contractor or a landscape architect. We'll put a big tree right in the middle of the grass.
Why? Well, you need it. No, you don't.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, you can never have a doctor as a friend because you'll lose all confidence. You see, they're so human.
How could you,

Speaker 2 you know, you're kind of stupid, actually, in life.

Speaker 3 Well, you can read the same stuff they're reading. You can read NIH.
You can read Harvard, whatever. You can read everything the doctors tell you.

Speaker 2 Man, boy, are you reading that?

Speaker 3 I do. I do.

Speaker 2 You do?

Speaker 3 A lot.

Speaker 2 If I have an issue with something yeah I'll look it up I ask Daniel don't you ever research stuff I don't want to read anything medical it'll just scare me

Speaker 2 I never I never look at anything medical when you do you get this

Speaker 1 they talk about everything jokey except for what's wrong with you like they come in how's going what's been going on you've been on the road I'm like I'm sitting here for 49 minutes waiting and I know I've got a six minute window with you like let's get to the stuff and then uh they go yeah in the last second all right bend over me stick a finger in your ass okay okay so i almost forgot that part

Speaker 3 did you ever do a prostate exam joke no yes i didn't think you would i thought you're talking to me oh yo

Speaker 3 the cheesiest one that always gets i don't do i've never done one i've never written one but what the one that made me laugh the most was look ma no hands

Speaker 1 yeah i mean that that's a stock joke it wasn't mine yeah no the the the joke that you try to bury into real life is when i was playing the mirage i go david copperfield was in the steam room.

Speaker 1 I milked out so long, and they go, He was in the Steam Room.

Speaker 2 And I go, Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's sitting next to me,

Speaker 1 but his towel slid off. He was just sitting there weird.
And he goes, Hey, he goes, I go, Can you do magic now that you have nothing here?

Speaker 1 And he goes, Yeah. And I go, It's not real.
And he goes, All right, quickly. He goes, Get up.
He gets behind me.

Speaker 1 And he goes, All right. Do you feel my thumb in your ass? And I go, Yeah.
And he goes, Ta-da.

Speaker 2 Reaches around me.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 it was sort of magic.

Speaker 2 That's funny.

Speaker 3 Did you ever

Speaker 3 do a Hitler joke? You do a lot of Hitler jokes. I'm not talking about the editorial, but just.
Because everyone has a Hitler joke. What's your best Hitler joke?

Speaker 2 I used to do one in Stand Up.

Speaker 2 It had to do with about Hitler going to a magic show.

Speaker 2 That's horrible. Sorry, friend.

Speaker 2 Anything Hitler does. And he goes backstage after,

Speaker 2 and he's very insistent on

Speaker 2 finding out where the rabbit is. And, you know,

Speaker 2 magicians have a code.

Speaker 2 They can't tell how the tricks are done. Right.
And it is going, where's the rabbit? I'm very curious. Where's the rabbit? And he goes, well, Meinfuro, you know, we're not really allowed to.

Speaker 2 It's a code amongst me.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, yes, but where is the rabbit?

Speaker 2 It was something like that.

Speaker 2 I forgot the rest of it. Where was it?

Speaker 3 Did you do that in the 99 special? I did. Yes.
I remembered it.

Speaker 2 Do you have a Hitler joke?

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 I don't think I have one because, oh, you know, I did have a book when I did my first book. Oh, a couple people remember? Thank you.

Speaker 1 Is it was, I used a picture of me when I was five years old. My mom had me in a little blue suit with white hair down to here.
And it was a weird shot down on me in front of my old apartments.

Speaker 1 And I'm just standing so stiffly that I said, what if we called the book, Mr. Hitler? We'll see you now.
Because I was like a five-year-old kid looked like a little Aryan. And

Speaker 1 it got universally no. So, and I'm kind of glad because I sort of skim over stuff.
I'm from Arizona. We were never into religion.
We were never into many things that. could be very offensive.

Speaker 1 And so we joked about everything, racism, all this. So sometimes I would stumble in my act and say things too far.
And someone would pull me aside and say, I wouldn't say that anymore.

Speaker 1 And I wouldn't know how deep these things went or hit. And I'd be like, okay.
So it took me a while. Even on that one, it was a little late in the game, but to even say I should do that.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 1 Hitler gets thrown around and it just, it offends too many people. I'm not Jewish.

Speaker 3 I did a Hitler bit. I was doing a benefit for Cedars Heinai Cardiology Department and I did a Hitler bit.

Speaker 3 A guy would actually put a stent in my chest, go, do you know where you are? You know, and I, do you want to hear it? Yeah, go. It's not a bit.

Speaker 3 It's an observation because I thought, I don't have any original observation about Hitler. And then I thought of one, and I want you to tell me you've never heard it before.

Speaker 2 Hopefully, or you've heard it before.

Speaker 3 All we do is see Hitler throughout

Speaker 3 history screaming,

Speaker 2 we never see him talking normal.

Speaker 2 We do this for a living. He must be exhausted backstage, just wiped out, almost effeminate.

Speaker 3 Oh, Himmler.

Speaker 3 Confumite, Deltoid, whoever said to do this shit.

Speaker 1 He gets off stage and goes to the heads of the green room and he's like, they were good.

Speaker 3 They were pretty good.

Speaker 1 But you just ignored.

Speaker 3 He was exhausted, Hitler Langerous, good.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's great. Don't fat shame yourself.
I have a cookie. I eat it.
I put the plate down. You have a good cookie.
Your brain throws apart. You have 100 cookies.

Speaker 3 So he breaks down, you know, addiction to carbon hydrogen.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Hitler's green room. What's on his rider?

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 I look at my notes. There's literally no notes to ask anything.
It's too.

Speaker 2 Go ahead, Dana. Whatever you got.

Speaker 3 Well, I know this will make you happy.

Speaker 3 Jalen Bronson. Brunson.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 New York Knicks. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Right in the throat. Stephen A.
Smith and LeBron. Who would win if they went? Because

Speaker 3 we think we know, but Stephen A. Smith isn't tiny.
I mean, I would get snapped in half by LeBron.

Speaker 2 Hey, Stephen A. Smith would get snapped in half.

Speaker 1 LeBron is a beast, man.

Speaker 2 It's unbelievable. What is he doing? I don't know.
He's 40 years old. It's just incredible

Speaker 2 what he's doing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If I had that money, I think, and he's already like such a perfect specimen athlete. I don't know what I would do.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I would obviously pour it back into trying to stay alive, top of the 100.

Speaker 1 I look at Brad Pitt and I go, I don't know what's going on, but if something, no one's going to get to regular Brad Pitt, he looks even better now. I'm like, fuck that.

Speaker 1 That's like cheating because he could have been fine skating along. And if he did something, I don't say he did because mostly just jealousy and anger, but

Speaker 1 if he did something, I'm flying to that guy and just saying, do whatever you got to do. Because someone told me on my comments, looks like I slept on my face.
And those sting, Larry.

Speaker 1 You're supposed to let him go.

Speaker 3 And well, you look kind of the same. Yeah, you look the same.
It's like 45 years. Because when did your hair, but when did it go white?

Speaker 2 How old?

Speaker 2 It probably started in my

Speaker 2 probably in my late 30s. Wow.

Speaker 2 That was a joke.

Speaker 3 No, but Steve Martin, the same thing.

Speaker 3 He looks kind of the same.

Speaker 1 You know, he was like 12.

Speaker 3 I'm working on this baby face with bangs.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be 70 in a month.

Speaker 1 Keep the hair messy.

Speaker 2 Really? You're going to be 70 in a month?

Speaker 3 Yes. Thank you, Larry.
Wow. For being surprised.

Speaker 1 I'm sure you need to comment you.

Speaker 2 Isn't that a great compliment when people are surprised and you tell them your age?

Speaker 3 Yes. Yeah.
It is. But when you tell them eventually you say I'm going to be 70 a month, they go, oh,

Speaker 2 you're like, really?

Speaker 3 I just don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Can I get up? Really?

Speaker 2 Andy Sandberg said, you're going to be 70? I go, thank you, Andy. Yeah, that's a great compliment.

Speaker 3 Okay, I have something you may not have heard before.

Speaker 2 Tell me if you have.

Speaker 3 Carol Leefer was on our show.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 And she talked about you and Jerry, the dynamic. And she said, you're John Lennon and

Speaker 3 Jerry is Paul McCartney. Have you heard that before?

Speaker 3 You probably have heard it.

Speaker 2 I've heard it. It's quite ridiculous, but I've heard it.

Speaker 3 But then it makes you unpack it a little bit in your brain. Like, well, wait a minute.
How am I Strawberry Fields? And he's Penny Lane.

Speaker 2 I'd rather be out of those. Both geniuses.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I don't.

Speaker 2 I think I have a feeling our dynamic was

Speaker 2 maybe

Speaker 2 not fraught with the friction that theirs was.

Speaker 2 Well, I asked Paul McCartney about it.

Speaker 3 And he said, well, the difference was, you know, they were doing comedy and we were doing strumming and getting singing. So it's a different thing.
The analogy doesn't quite fit.

Speaker 3 Larry David looks the same for the last 40 years.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, I totally agree, Paul.

Speaker 1 Were you on a CBS Radford lot?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's right. I think we were there the same time, honestly.
I think just shoot me Will and Grace.

Speaker 2 And from there up until

Speaker 2 98.

Speaker 1 What was the call sheet? What was the order of the cast?

Speaker 2 I have no idea, Larry. Never looked at it.

Speaker 1 Tell me.

Speaker 2 You mean the Seinfeld call sheet?

Speaker 1 Jerry.

Speaker 2 Honest to God.

Speaker 2 I never looked at it once.

Speaker 1 What do you think it was, Dana? I'd assume it would have to be Jerry. And then we'll keep going.
I mean, it's a good question.

Speaker 2 I never looked at it. That's four in a row.
I never looked at it.

Speaker 3 Julie Louise Streyfus, number two.

Speaker 1 She was probably a bigger name, right?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 2 Julie wasn't in the pilot. Jason was in the pilot.

Speaker 1 Oh, he might have inched ahead and leaned at the tape and got to number two.

Speaker 3 I was not an early adopter. I was being wined and dined by NBC to do the Letterman slot, Warren Littlefield, and having lunch with him.

Speaker 2 Being a talk show host? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're going to be a host on television.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I know. It seems amazing.

Speaker 2 It wouldn't work at all.

Speaker 3 This is my first.

Speaker 2 Well, maybe if you had David as the co-host, it might have worked for me. We wouldn't have my Andy Richter.

Speaker 3 No, but basically they said, you know, we have this new show. I think only four had been made or something.
It's called Seinfeld. We think it might be, it's going to be really big.

Speaker 3 And they told me about it and who was in it. And I just thought to myself, oh boy, that's not going to happen.

Speaker 3 That doesn't sound like a winner.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I agree with that. Well,

Speaker 2 whatever I'm involved in, I never thought would work.

Speaker 2 So, no, I thought it would be gone very quickly.

Speaker 2 I was just doing it for the pilot. I would do a pilot, get paid for the pilot,

Speaker 2 and then that would be it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the chances of pilots going are so slim.

Speaker 1 And you're coming off SNL then? Was that SNL to that?

Speaker 2 SNL was 84, 85.

Speaker 2 How'd that go? Oh, swimmingly.

Speaker 2 Well, you made up for it.

Speaker 1 It just shows how you just don't know. You need the right situation or whatever, because for you not to do great on the show, and then you go off and do, some people do that.

Speaker 1 They have trouble there and they go off and do great

Speaker 2 um i didn't really

Speaker 2 it didn't really bother me that much

Speaker 2 i got one sketch on

Speaker 2 for the not great season for the season yeah

Speaker 2 i got one sketch on

Speaker 2 it's like and it reminded me a bit of a stand-up in a way when i would i'd be waiting to go on and then i don't know somebody famous would come in and i'd get bumped and bumped again and and i was actually glad I got bumped because I didn't want to go on anyway.

Speaker 2 I was happy. I was happy not to go on.

Speaker 2 And so

Speaker 2 I don't know, writers make such a big deal about

Speaker 2 if their sketch was going to be on. I didn't really care that much.

Speaker 2 It didn't really bother me.

Speaker 1 Well, when I was at writing, all I cared about was getting picked up again for the next year because there's just no money. So I just don't want to look like an asshole.

Speaker 1 And they'd call Gervitz and Brad Gray and go, Lauren would go, I don't know,

Speaker 1 we may bring them back.

Speaker 1 So I'd have to to get rid of my apartment. And every year I did that.
And then I drag, there wasn't DoorDash, ladies. It was drag your apartment, you know, your mattress down the stairs.

Speaker 1 And then you got to re-put your apart. My apartment was literally a bed, a desk, anything I could just literally carry.

Speaker 2 And then two months later, we won't bring them back.

Speaker 1 And then I'm like, so I got to go move back, find an apartment. It's so dumb, but they like to keep you on the edge of your seat there.

Speaker 3 So you didn't have Lauren. Lauren was not.

Speaker 2 Oh, you didn't have Lauren.

Speaker 1 No, I didn't have Lauren. Oh, I was just doing a impression it was a 10 out of 10.
Unfortunately, you didn't know.

Speaker 2 No, no, he's hosting 20. I knew you were doing Lorne.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was a very subtle, you know.

Speaker 2 No, Dick Ebersoll.

Speaker 3 It was too real. It's kind of a sporting event, someone said about SNL.
It's rock and roll. It's loud.
I mean, there are subtle. Jack Handy used to do his deep thoughts, and there are subtle sketches.

Speaker 1 It's funny.

Speaker 3 But I think I heard that you and Jerry just said, for sure, at this point, we're just going to do the show for ourselves.

Speaker 3 We're not going to try to project what the network or even the the audience will like.

Speaker 2 That's what I felt that Steinfeld, you know, yeah, that's why, yeah, that's what we did. Yeah.
So, yeah.

Speaker 3 But you were just.

Speaker 2 I remember when we went out to dinner very early on

Speaker 2 and I and I said, I just can't let how are they letting us do this? I was shocked.

Speaker 1 Were the audiences biting on it, though? It was in front of an audience, right? Yeah. They were biting.

Speaker 2 So you thought, well, something's working here.

Speaker 1 It seemed like it. Because when we were doing ours, I like to keep comparing like they're the exact same.

Speaker 2 When we were doing

Speaker 1 ours or any, any sitcom, they would do it, and then it would get a medium laugh. And then we liked it all week.

Speaker 1 The people that we thought were funny to each other, and then they go, listen, the, you know, the youth prisoners that they bust in for the show aren't biting on this one.

Speaker 1 So let's dumb it down a little bit. And then I go, well, let's not wind up with the one that these guys liked because we believed in these jokes and then they're scrambling and trying stuff.

Speaker 1 I'm like, then I don't even know what winds up on the show, but you go, you can't do that.

Speaker 1 Like, it's better to have something where you just pick it and say, This is our style, this is our vibe, like it.

Speaker 3 Well, it was, it was new, and we've gone through Cheers, Mary Tyler Moore, MASH, all these brilliant sitcoms, half-hour shows, and all of a sudden, there's a show with a puffy jacket or a soup Nazi.

Speaker 3 It just was instantly a different sensibility when I saw it.

Speaker 3 And I saw at least 13 of them.

Speaker 3 I don't know how many I've seen, but

Speaker 2 we didn't even know how to write a sitcom.

Speaker 2 We'd never done it before.

Speaker 1 You didn't have that one. That's good.

Speaker 3 You didn't know how to do that bad one.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 there was no writer's room.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Yeah, we didn't have a writer's room.

Speaker 1 Who wrote?

Speaker 1 Well, we knew some SNL people that wrote on there, but was it, I heard the idea was people would walk into a cold, like freezer room, and then it was you sitting there in a chair in the dark, and they would pitch.

Speaker 2 I was always very nice.

Speaker 1 If you didn't like it, you would hear shame

Speaker 2 and they'd walk out.

Speaker 1 But they said it was, they make it more than it is. They probably, because they go, we'd have to wait, and then we go in and pitch, and then Larry would just shake us.

Speaker 3 And they, you, you're, you have a big laugh, and so they loved it if they could make laughs. Oh, if you could, if they could make Larry laugh in the pitch, I, I,

Speaker 2 I was always very nice to everyone who came in. I could imagine.
You're a good crowd right now.

Speaker 1 You're just, you're very open. When I see you out in the world, I don't see that much.
But you always seem very loose and friendly, and there's no people.

Speaker 1 I think people think of this curmudgeon thing that's like a little because it's from the show.

Speaker 2 That's me.

Speaker 2 This is the act.

Speaker 1 Do more people talk to you? What do they talk to you about in order?

Speaker 1 Is it Seinfeld or is it curb or is it something else?

Speaker 2 Now? Yeah. Well, now it's curb.

Speaker 1 It's just curb all the time. Curb, curb, curb, seinfeld, curb, curb, seinfeld.

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Speaker 3 Was Jerry ever like Jerry, good question, being sort of a stoic? You know, he doesn't like people being neurotic and creating problems. Because I've gotten to know him a little bit.

Speaker 3 I did comedians and cars and stuff.

Speaker 3 And so then I realized when he is abrupt about that, he's really slightly annoyed that someone would create a problem, you know, out of nothing. So he would just, I'd say, I don't know about my act.

Speaker 2 I don't, how do do you write new jokes just write them you know he's like

Speaker 2 you know

Speaker 2 and at first i was like is this guy aggressive

Speaker 2 no this is the way he doesn't like neurotic comedians going i don't want to play that club don't play it

Speaker 3 I mean, is he like that with you? I mean, once I understood where he was coming from, we had him in here. And it was, I totally got it.
He does not like problems that don't need to exist.

Speaker 2 And he just, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I liked his stance when I said,

Speaker 1 he doesn't do that many specials. And I said, all the comics now, they do a special for an hour and then they have to throw away the material.

Speaker 2 And he goes, why do they have to throw it away?

Speaker 1 I go, I don't want to throw it. I go, I have stuff.
It takes so long to sharpen it and get it to fucking work. And when I go on the road, they want to see a show that works.

Speaker 1 I don't want to start from scratch. And he goes, listen, he talks to me like I'm a child.
He goes, listen, don't throw it away. He goes, do the jokes that work.

Speaker 1 He goes, people think they have too many jokes that work. He said, when you boil it down, every great comic probably has an hour 15 in their whole career that's just killers.

Speaker 1 And I think Leno is like that too. They just boil down to like, get what works and do it.
And if some of them are great jokes, it's like songs. I like that.

Speaker 1 I like when someone does something I like, especially a comic. I go, this is my favorite one.

Speaker 2 I'm glad they're doing it.

Speaker 1 I don't want to see, because specials get watered down over time. And I'm like, ah, another one? What the fuck? What do you got left in that?

Speaker 3 There's two jokes of Jerry that still stick with me that are one was the moose gets lifted out of Alaska and it's up in the sky and it wakes up. And what does the moose think? I guess I can fly now.

Speaker 3 I just thought that was a great one.

Speaker 2 And then the eulogy one.

Speaker 3 You know the eulogy.

Speaker 2 What's that one?

Speaker 3 The number one fear of all human beings is public speaking. So at any funeral, the person giving the eulogy would rather be in the casket.

Speaker 2 It's a great joke. That's good.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So you had a great partner.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 2 we had a great time. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But you'll be remembered for Curb. My point is this.
No, I don't.

Speaker 2 Kirb's 2020.

Speaker 1 Do an impression.

Speaker 3 Do an impression.

Speaker 3 You did Bernie Sanders. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay. What's your memory of that? I just did Biden.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 2 So there was a debate in 2000,

Speaker 2 the election was 2016.

Speaker 3 And bernie was running hillary was running yeah so there was a debate

Speaker 2 and then i think it was probably

Speaker 2 i think the debate was 2015.

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 and i never

Speaker 2 and so i'm

Speaker 2 when bernie sanders started to talk

Speaker 2 Everything he was saying, I would repeat. I don't know if you ever do that sometimes.
All of a sudden, because he sounded so familiar to me, because we're both from Brooklyn,

Speaker 2 that I was able, in a way, to just tap into

Speaker 2 the way he talked.

Speaker 2 And he would say something, and I would repeat it.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 then

Speaker 2 my agent

Speaker 2 called me when the debate was over just to talk about it. Ari Emmanuel, he said, Did you see that? I said, And I said, Of course, I saw it.
What do you think? What do you think?

Speaker 2 And he goes,

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm calling Lauren Michaels.

Speaker 2 Perfect.

Speaker 2 Five minutes later, Lauren is on the phone with Ari

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 that was on a Tuesday and on Saturday I'm doing the show. Oh, fun.

Speaker 3 So you have the 84 experience, then all of a sudden 2015, you come on, you do Bernie, and it is a smash. I mean, it's like, oh my God, of course, Larry David.
And you killed. Must have been fun.

Speaker 2 It was fun. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because everything you said, you got a laugh.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you go to the 50th? You went to the 40th. You did a lot in the 40th, I thought.

Speaker 2 I did. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I went to the 40th and I was in the audience and I did some bit in the audience.

Speaker 2 And the 50th, I went, but I didn't do anything. But I got sick at both of them.

Speaker 1 Okay, good.

Speaker 3 The 40th. Given the COVID in 2015, what would you do?

Speaker 2 In 2015, I got sick at the 40th. Yeah.
And I was doing a play at the time.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I was, I had to do the play with like 102 temperature, 102 temperature, you know? Ouch.

Speaker 1 Because you got got to go on. It's so gross to be like, I got to go on.

Speaker 2 And then I got sick again at the 50th.

Speaker 1 Got the flu, I think. You know, something must be there.
When I hosted last time, I got sick during dress, the worst fucking anxiety-riddled time. In the middle of a sketch, they go, come on, come on.

Speaker 1 And I stood up. I was in like a UPS outfit.
And I go, and then I sat back down on the set and they go, come on.

Speaker 2 The band's like, bah, ba, bah.

Speaker 1 You got 90 seconds. And I go,

Speaker 1 I don't feel good. And then I laid down on the the floor.

Speaker 2 And everyone's like, what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 1 So they walked me to the dressing room, put me in the bathroom. I lay on the floor.
And the audience is still there.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 1 So they, it was the last sketch. They just rapped and they let everyone out.

Speaker 1 And then they're pounding on the door going, and I hear him going, if he doesn't come out, we have, we're going to have to put a rerun on. We got to tell NBC.
And I'm laying on the floor sweating.

Speaker 1 I got, I don't know if I was food poisoning. Then I started barfing.

Speaker 1 And then I just sat there in my little UPS uniform going, there could be more stress. Already you're sick.
And everyone, including Lauren, is behind the door going, are we doing this?

Speaker 1 It's fine if we're not. We just have to.

Speaker 1 And so I finally get the door and I go, I mean, I can try. And then they go,

Speaker 2 all right, let's pull the rerun.

Speaker 1 Let's just try it. And

Speaker 2 I started to feel a little better.

Speaker 1 And I got some food in me. And I was like, I don't know what happened.
I got the whammy. And then I did a good, solid 70% I gave.

Speaker 1 And the guy in the UPS sketch, the writer, I could see him in the back going, yeah, you're a real fucking hero. Because obviously that sketch got cut because I don't think I even finished it.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? The thing about it, when I was doing it and I was sick,

Speaker 2 and I remember thinking during the middle of it, I don't feel sick.

Speaker 2 I don't something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're adrenaline. Yeah, you're something now.

Speaker 3 That's remarkable. I felt like Fraser in the 15th round last time I hosted.

Speaker 2 Like, really?

Speaker 3 Now? Can I do this? And then the same thing.

Speaker 2 Just passing it out.

Speaker 3 Once you get out there, the applause, the laughs. I mean, your hosting was good experiences, or was it not really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was okay. It was okay.

Speaker 3 Did Lauren give you a thumbs up? What did Lauren say to you?

Speaker 2 Well, they invited me to do it again, so I guess it wasn't a total bum. But I had, you know,

Speaker 2 the hardest part was having to prepare a monologue. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I hadn't been on in a long time. I didn't expect the world from you.
So I had to write a monologue and then do it in different clubs.

Speaker 1 Oh, you had to go out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was

Speaker 2 a lot of fun.

Speaker 3 Just do QA with

Speaker 2 the cast.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's the cheese.

Speaker 3 That's fake out trick. You singing would have been funny.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So in a club, they go, we have a guest here, Larry David. And you walk up and say, dogs are funny.
And everyone's like, what's he doing?

Speaker 2 And then a half hour before the show at 11 o'clock, I was called up to Lauren's office and the sensor was there. Oh.
And the sensor said

Speaker 2 that I couldn't do this. I couldn't do this bit.

Speaker 2 Oh, at 11? Yeah, at 11 o'clock. Fuck off.
And there are two bits they didn't want me to do. Oh, come on.
Oh, please. And then

Speaker 2 I went on. Well, the other one, whatever.
You know, I'm not going to, I'm not going to, I got it. I'm going to do it.
You're not going to do it.

Speaker 3 Well, you said you're going to do it.

Speaker 2 So I said, no, I'm going to. Oh, you said you're going to do it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I said, I can't. I have to do it.

Speaker 1 We have nothing.

Speaker 2 And I go, why is it offensive? I don't get it. Who's going to be offended by this?

Speaker 2 Lauren,

Speaker 2 after five minutes of this, said,

Speaker 2 I can't do him. But

Speaker 2 he said, like,

Speaker 2 he said to the censor, I don't think you're going to win this one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, he said to the censor.

Speaker 2 He said that to the censor. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't think you're going to win this one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's exactly it. Let's get Larry to me.

Speaker 3 Like, you know, you can only take so much from a Larry david we've wasted larry's time enough let him go down check his celebrity net worth and you'll see that he truly is

Speaker 1 you know when i when i hosted a great story about me we can cut this out we can we already did um no i had when i hosted i had uh it was sandler was in my trick monologue i'm only telling this because it's kind of similar where uh he's the audience member but he's playing a goofy guy that he used to do.

Speaker 1 So he was there that weekend. He goes, I'll come and we'll do that.
That'll be your monologue. So I can worry about the 13 sketches that are about to bomb.

Speaker 1 And so that morning, Saturday, they say, Adam goes, I got a water boy open that weekend big and he had to fly back to LA. And he goes, I can't do it, pal.
I was like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 So I couldn't cover it because it was his character. And I'm like, well, what's my monologue? And then we're like, okay, rehearsal.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, and going, guys, I got to get a monologue at one of the breaks. And they go, and everyone does just do stand-up.
But I hadn't done it for a while.

Speaker 1 And I definitely hadn't done a club or anything. So there's no practice, which you need a little.

Speaker 1 Even when we were at the 50th, I just did a set with Chris Rock and Nate Bergatzi just for fun because we were out having dinner.

Speaker 1 And they go, oh, Mulaney and Steve Martin and Martin Short were just here doing stand-up. They all came in, everyone did a set, just like everyone bumped.
Super fun night. But I don't get to do that.

Speaker 1 So I just go, oh, I have this one in my act about a polar bear and about this other one. And then they go, just do that.

Speaker 1 So the only time I rehearsed it was at dress or right before dress, you know, to try it. But I couldn't really remember it all.
And then I had to sit in my dressing room and go, how does that one go?

Speaker 1 So scary. And went all right, but I know the monologue, it's all how come you didn't get them on cards.
I got it, oh, because I had to tell cards what to put, and I just said, just forget it.

Speaker 1 Just put monkey, joke, polar bear,

Speaker 1 and go to a commercial when I started fucking crying.

Speaker 3 I don't like stand-up either. I mean, honestly, if any time a show was canceled, I was happy.

Speaker 2 You're happy, right?

Speaker 3 But if I go up and I'm killing, I go, well, this is kind of fun, but I never want to go.

Speaker 2 And I don't like, I'm exactly the same way.

Speaker 3 I never want to be in a de de facto comedy competition go to the comedy store there's 10 comics i'm gonna try new stuff they're doing their a stuff lean into it you know and i just don't like the people you you were one of the best tonight i mean what do i need that for i'm just like you do you do corporates do they call you to come in uh uh

Speaker 2 oh they're fun somebody's got enough money no i i i i don't get asked oh yeah I would it'd be funny. Really?

Speaker 3 I'm going to talk to my people. Have you ever been in a headlock by another adult male as an adult? Because

Speaker 3 the CEO was drunk and had me at a corporate event.

Speaker 2 It's funny you should ask me that because

Speaker 2 at the 50th,

Speaker 2 I was introduced to Paul McCartney

Speaker 2 and I said to him, Has anyone ever, no, I said to him, has anyone ever punched you in the mouth?

Speaker 2 Instead of hello, we love all your albums. Let me ask you a question.
Have you ever been hit in the face with a, with a fist? Has anybody ever punched you? That's fucking great.

Speaker 3 And he must have loved it. Oh, wait.
We were at dinner.

Speaker 2 What did he say? Yeah, the dinner. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You were sitting right next to Paul.
Yeah. You were hilarious.

Speaker 1 He was a good laugher, too. Yeah.
He was into it. I think he likes having it.

Speaker 3 He's a charmer. I mean, but what did he say after you said that? He just started laughing.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 there was an incident in his youth when he was like 13 or 14, and somebody head-butted him, he told me.

Speaker 3 He's so charming. There's something on YouTube.
You can look it up, but McCarney's going into a nightclub with people. This is like with five years in LA.

Speaker 3 The doorman doesn't recognize him. And they know you can't go.
And then you hear Paul say, we've got to write more songs.

Speaker 3 We better go back to drawing, but we're not big enough.

Speaker 1 We're not famous enough. So anyway, that was a night.

Speaker 2 I'm going to ask him.

Speaker 1 I was sitting next to Chris Rock and I came late and I felt embarrassed, but I was 100% not invited.

Speaker 1 Chris, I was meeting for dinner and he goes, just come here. And then I realized I was crashing a dinner.
He was invited to, or something, whatever. So anyway, I went in.

Speaker 1 Paul was very nice, whoever threw that thing, just like 10 people. But the funny part was I was sitting just where I could see kind of between you guys are on the same side as me.

Speaker 1 So I'm trying to crank my head between Chris and you and C. Paul.
And here you go. And Larry's killing.

Speaker 1 And then every time Paul gets to a story where he says something like, I told you, where he's like,

Speaker 1 you know, yesterday, the way I came up with it was one night when I was dreaming, the guy goes, who had potato skins?

Speaker 2 And then he leaves and I go,

Speaker 1 and then he's putting this shit down. He goes, top off your water, top off.
And I'm like, I'm trying to.

Speaker 3 And then he goes, I go, it's a quarter inch.

Speaker 1 We're topped off.

Speaker 2 And he's like, I got a little more.

Speaker 1 And then he comes out and I go, and he goes, and that's how I came with yesterday. And I go, uh-huh.
And then he goes, the last thing John ever said to me, hey, coconut shrimp, hot play, hot play.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, God damn, dude, I'm missing every.

Speaker 1 This thing I couldn't pay enough to hear, Paul McCartney.

Speaker 3 The dichotomy between how humble and liverpuddling he is and the genius of

Speaker 3 Liverpuddling. We sat down here for a plonk, you know, John and I, like looking in the mirror.
And that's how we came up with Abby Road. You know, we just plonked.
You know, it's like, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 And what about what about Lennon? What would he say? What would he say?

Speaker 2 Well, here we see.

Speaker 3 John Lennon, yeah.

Speaker 3 John would be even more nasal, you know. Paul was always one of those.
Ringo's more like peace and love.

Speaker 2 They were my brothers.

Speaker 3 They're my brothers, my brothers. They're me brothers, peace and love.
Can you say anything else? No, me brothers, me love.

Speaker 3 And then Paul's like this. And George is sort of languarious, sort of laid back.
You know, they were the primary songwriters for me. They were my brothers, you know.

Speaker 3 So anyway, I'm obsessed with this.

Speaker 2 I'm just trying to make you laugh because you came, you drove 300 miles to the microphone. No, that was easy.

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Speaker 2 Rules and restrictions apply.

Speaker 1 Do that Kim Kardashian one. What is that? Kim Kardashian one?

Speaker 3 Oh, that's why I do John Lennon talking to Paul John from Heaven because I want to hear them talk, you know? And,

Speaker 3 you know, what happened to the big orange man, you know? Well, he's president again, but he was beat by another man, you know, named Joe Biden, you know. And he goes, wasn't he, what about, but didn't

Speaker 3 Kanye West, what happened to him? Well, he went, flew away. We don't know what happened to him.
You know, wasn't he with a woman named Kim Kardashian?

Speaker 3 Wow, she's doing

Speaker 1 the short version. John knows a couple little things.

Speaker 2 They talk regularly. Pop references.

Speaker 3 Well, you know, she's a nice gal.

Speaker 3 Well, how does she make a living? Well, she takes pictures of her bottom. What's so special about her bottom?

Speaker 2 It's not a normal bottom.

Speaker 2 It's a bottom two point zero.

Speaker 3 It's like God made a family and attached a person as an afterthought. The whole family has big bottoms.
All of them are doing it. And if they fall on their backs, they're sort of like turtles.

Speaker 3 They can't get up again. They have to have turtle wranglers lift them up.

Speaker 3 The whole family's doing it. One gentleman got so frustrated, he became a woman.
So that's

Speaker 3 a a truncated version of it.

Speaker 3 You have a great sense of humor. Can you come back tomorrow?

Speaker 2 Well, I love impressions.

Speaker 3 Me too. If I see someone,

Speaker 2 yeah, Bill Hayter was on my show, and he was. Oh, he's so

Speaker 2 oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 Yeah, did he do one of my bits, I think

Speaker 2 Burton Kirk, or

Speaker 2 he did Jimmy Stewart. No, he gave you credit.
He did Burton Kirk. Yeah, he gave you full credit.
I know, I know.

Speaker 3 It was flattering how much he loves it because I think he's absolutely brilliant, you know. But yeah, he loves that Burton Kirk thing.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 I want you.

Speaker 3 I want you now.

Speaker 2 Now take it easy, son.

Speaker 3 We're just two men having fun. Don't keep bucking around like that.
I only got so much play down there. You keep bucking around like that.

Speaker 2 That's so great.

Speaker 2 I want you.

Speaker 3 What are you going to do, cowboy?

Speaker 3 Come on, I'll take you. So I do this for 20 minutes.
I once had John Lovitz throw up in a parking garage because I'll do it for 20 minutes.

Speaker 2 Because he was laughing so hard.

Speaker 3 Because it goes on and on and on and on.

Speaker 2 Shit. So I keep doing bits.

Speaker 1 No, we're doing good. I think we wasted enough of his time.
I mean,

Speaker 3 this is my current favorite. Do you want me to do it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do one more.

Speaker 3 This is Jimmy Stewart, which I think Conan did.

Speaker 3 Trying to come up with a new Jimmy Stewart thing is that someone's going to perform oral sex on him, and he does it as Jimmy Stewart. Okay, so it's not X radio.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I know this one too. Yeah.
All right.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, don't, don't touch it.

Speaker 3 No, just

Speaker 3 slow down.

Speaker 3 Now, I want you to slowly turn your head and look away. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Just look away. Now, I want you to forget about it.
Pretend you never saw it.

Speaker 2 Now slowly, but ever slowly turn your head back around and discover it again.

Speaker 3 That's it. That's the look I want.
Just discover it.

Speaker 2 Just consider it.

Speaker 3 Now, slowly, you know, so that's that's my latest.

Speaker 2 That's just celebrity. I've never done this many bits on this.
That's so funny.

Speaker 1 Discover it and consider it.

Speaker 3 Well, I have one where he leaves the house. Now, I'm going to go around the corner and get a soda pop, and I want you to forget all about it.
You never saw it.

Speaker 3 Then I'm going to come back and I want you to slowly turn

Speaker 2 and discover it again, like it's brand new.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, no, don't, don't, don't, don't touch it.

Speaker 2 Just think about it.

Speaker 2 I'll back the head up again. I know I'm going to back up and go out in the hallway.

Speaker 3 So I'll see, I'll just go for 20 minutes.

Speaker 3 But you're the greatest audience wish.

Speaker 2 I love that's a good closer. I do too.

Speaker 1 It should be your closer.

Speaker 2 That's a fucking great one.

Speaker 3 I'm going to edit these things together and release it as a special.

Speaker 2 So funny.

Speaker 1 Holy cow. Anything you need from us, Larry, you're all right.

Speaker 3 right oh no i'm good thank you very much uh for coming here you're i i'm you're just an amazing uh guest and well i don't know what to say other than um i did the best i could you did great um we all didn't want to do this and we all did it and i think you're proud of us all did you want to go yes

Speaker 2 that's all i do it jerry how many how many podcasts are there over three million like over three million now

Speaker 3 no honestly no no no.

Speaker 2 I think there's 3 million.

Speaker 2 Does that seem too low? Sounds like a joke. There's 3 million podcasts here in North America.

Speaker 2 How does everyone do it?

Speaker 1 We Googled it, and that was over 3 million. That was about a year ago.

Speaker 3 Most don't get past 30 episodes, so they come in and out, you know, but I don't know how. Greg, here's our producer.
How do they?

Speaker 1 It seems easy. It's kind of hard to do.

Speaker 3 Digital space is unlimited. We can all just, you know.

Speaker 1 It feels like the easiest thing in the world. So if you're an actor or if you're doing anything in show biz and things are slow, you feel like you want to do something, you know, like, well,

Speaker 1 and then it's like when people used to watch the Kardashians, they wanted a reality show. They go, hey, I argue.

Speaker 1 I hate my family too. I yell at them in the kitchen.
I could do this show. So that's what they think.
And then they go to a podcast.

Speaker 1 And it's a little trickier and tougher and a lot fizzle, but some stick around.

Speaker 2 It's, it's, it's a little bit to it.

Speaker 3 It's a new tech. So it's sort of like, you know, you do the talk show and you do the pre-interview and you have two minutes and they're cutting.
So this is just like us hanging out.

Speaker 3 So this new art form of like shooting the rehearsal, doing half-baked stuff. We don't have a script.
I had a few questions.

Speaker 1 Right. It's good to have a day now.

Speaker 3 So it is fun.

Speaker 3 It can be fun, you know, just because of the freedom of it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and it's great that you're doing it together. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think, yeah, we get along really well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's easier. And then if someone else, whoever we got here, one of us knows something about something.

Speaker 1 But we let them talk sometimes. We let you talk a little bit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, said, I said a couple of things.

Speaker 2 Feel free to cut me out of the whole thing.

Speaker 1 We don't need too much of me.

Speaker 3 Well, I'd say I watched you on Conan and I noticed this morning, just and I was like, oh God, Larry loves to laugh. You know, you know, like you, you're like maybe the funniest guy, whatever.

Speaker 3 Let's just say he's arguably the funniest person in the last,

Speaker 3 this generation, arguably, last 300. You're in the conversation as the funniest person.
So to make that guy laugh is just a pleasure.

Speaker 2 You heard the Conan what podcast? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And you guys are having such a good time. And I noticed, because I haven't hung out with you a lot.
I just said, Larry loves to laugh. Yeah.
You know?

Speaker 3 And so that's why I just thought I do a few things.

Speaker 2 You know, all right. Thanks, guys.

Speaker 1 And by the way, when he did, when I did curb, and this is the last thing I'll say, you had to cut some stuff out and you called me because very, it's very tough to call someone telling me how to cut something.

Speaker 1 So he told me. And the funniest part was, I said, okay, well, I had a great time and thanks for putting me on there.
And it was, and then you felt guilty. And you go, now I feel bad.

Speaker 2 And I go, well,

Speaker 1 well, I understand it. And they go, are you being sarcastic? I go, no,

Speaker 1 I know that these shows go long and we ad live forever. And you've got to take some stuff out.
And you go, all right, I'll try to put it back in.

Speaker 2 And I go, no, it's fine.

Speaker 1 And it turned into another episode because it was just funny to hear you feel bad that you had to call me. But it's hard to tell someone that.
And a lot of people say, they never even told me.

Speaker 1 I'm like, it's hard to tell people. It is what it is.
If it gets cut, I get cut.

Speaker 2 But that was.

Speaker 3 The people who would design Seinfeld and Kerb would have all that that kind of emotions. Because it's coming from all this human.

Speaker 1 You're on both sides.

Speaker 3 So if that makes sense, that you would suddenly feel bad.

Speaker 2 Because if you're a sensitive instrument, Seinfeld, this guy I knew paid a lot of money to be an extra

Speaker 2 for charity.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I inadvertently cut him out of the show. And he had a party.
He was going to have people over his park and people over his house. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Aye, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Brad, fuck him.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 Okay. Thanks.

Speaker 3 Thanks, bud.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all the stuff.
Smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 Fly in the Wall is executive and produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.