SUPERFLY #64 - Space Chicks & Coachella

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I think we're starting, Uncle Albert.

We're so starting.

Go, what a

rough bad joke to start with.

Yeah.

Well, buddy,

so bad it's kind of hip.

I'm going to go with that.

Yeah.

I'm dark again because I'm wearing black, but that's okay.

You have a little bit of blue.

Otherwise, yeah, you'd be.

If you painted that wall black and wore that, you'd be a floating head.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

I will paint it different color.

I look fucking awesome.

It was my own brightness is down.

People like to see this BTS.

Yeah, the whole light thing is interesting.

Sometimes too much light ain't good.

Yeah, yours looks really good, but you like, you have the window right there, and it's too bright for me to stare into a window.

I think, just so the people at home know all my ailments.

News Flash.

Finally got curtains.

Whoa.

So the curtains are now.

I I know this is a multi-million dollar.

Well, actually, we're the comedy podcast of the year.

But technically, we're just sort of DIY.

But I have a curtain that it's darker in here than normal.

Holy shit.

I didn't get CC'd on this.

So you bought curtains in the last week.

No, my wife had to order them from France.

They took six months.

I don't know what it is.

So when I would take a nap, I'd have bright sun right on my face.

I'm trying to snooze.

Now it's fantastic.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I have, I went farther than that, but I do have drapes.

Different word for curtains.

Drapes are good.

Okay, here's a little insert on drapes.

Yeah.

One of the first regular comedians I ever saw, Mark Miller.

I'm just going to little comedy clubs.

I didn't know unknown comics.

I didn't know anything about anything.

His killer line was, sometimes I wonder where the custom of urinating on drapes came from, something like that.

I thought, God, that's brilliant.

Check out sabotia.

It's funny, I did Comedy and Magic Club last night to bless you, to

prep for Boston and some, what is it in New Jersey, Heather, the name Evanston, maybe?

Oh, she doesn't know.

Let's promote those gifts.

Yeah, I've got those in my next one.

I want them to go clean.

I got clean.

I got Omaha.

Des Moines is almost full.

Low ticket warning.

Get him while you can't.

You are hot.

I'm just going to say it after landing the, for sure, we have confirmation, the most popular single moment of 50 years of Saturn Live the special.

Confirmation from three or four different guests that say, so at this point, it's a known fact that for the 50th year, it wasn't Lauren's show.

It wasn't, you know, John Mulaney, all the superstars, Steve Martin.

It was David, our own David Spade from the Bleachers, spontaneously sane.

Yeah, I got a feel for it.

It's kind of an honor in a way.

I mean, we already got comedy podcasts a year from iHeart, and now we've got the number one line spoken.

Oh, yeah.

No, I'd like to hear that from the guests.

That always feels good because when you go all the way out there and you want to hang out there you just want anything a line anything so i'm excited by the way for those of you who missed those episodes we don't bring it up

i certainly wouldn't out of envy and jealousy i would never bring it up we never bring it up the guest brings it up and then we talk about it for a half hour but we've never brought it up except today because someone yesterday brought it up

oh well i appreciate it and i'm uh i will tell you i'm going heather says i'm going to berger new jersey bergen

bergen geez we can't even get it right at all.

I thought it was called Evans Center.

Are you going off market?

I mean, are you going to

town?

Now, you used to play Pittsburgh, Chicago, Miami, and now you're in Bergen, New Jersey.

No.

You know what I haven't done in a while?

Pittsburgh and Toronto, and those two are going to be on the list to get to because when I announce tour dates, all people do is say, why aren't you coming to this city, blah, blah, blah.

But I've hit a lot of them.

You know, I just did Theo's

podcast the other day.

It's not on till May 6th because that's when the Amazon special is.

So it's going to coordinate with that.

But

we laugh.

God, what was I going to say about that podcast?

We laughed a lot.

He gives you high praise, of course, always.

Dana gets it from all sides.

He is a really good person.

You can say that from personal experience.

Yeah.

And he's running around LA now.

So we're editing that.

My week, I did one Corpy.

And

Dana and and I, if you don't know, we voice text each other every day a bunch of dumb stuff.

We actually try to put work into this podcast.

It does not seem like it, but we do.

It's possible because I never erase anything that we would eventually release all of

our walkie-talkie chats.

Because

when people in the room, like my wife and stuff or my son, they hear them, they just think they're so funny because we're just really being real.

Right, because we don't care at all.

We don't care at all.

We're just trashing humanity.

Humanity.

Humanity is in the crosshairs.

Yeah.

The funny thing on my corporate was I think it was for the, of course, I didn't understand it, these big companies.

Heather, was it the bank, the bank branding?

Oh, God, she doesn't know one thing.

The branding banks of America, whatever.

Something with banks, 2,000 people in Las Vegas, a lot of fun.

You know, those things where the CEO wants to say hi, all this stuff.

All those things that if they're not in your deal, you just do them.

And it's, people at home should know, there's a lot of performers that are real sticklers about that.

Like, hey, the CEO has his kid here.

He wants to say hi.

No, that wasn't part of it.

You don't want to just walk in and let the boss who's paying you be nice to him for a second while you eat some cantaloupe, cantaloupe squares from your green room.

Some rider.

Yeah.

So,

anyway, by the way, that guy was cool.

His kid was nice.

And we had, you know, I had a good show.

Supposed to do an hour.

Hours a bit heavy for these things, but

they pay you.

They want their

people.

I say they don't know sometimes, you know.

Like you'd be able to tell if it's been a long conference.

Oh, I always say, when did they get up?

Well, they got up at 6 a.m.

How long have they been in meetings?

Nine hours.

When was the, is there an open bar?

Yes.

When did the open bar start?

At five.

When do I go on?

10.

I think you're going to want a 35 at that point.

Yeah.

It's fun to see me.

Then after a while, they go, fuck this dude.

Let's get back.

They want to go party in Vegas or something.

Or sometimes you're a surprise, which is even funnier because they all start to get up from their meeting and they go, hold on.

They go, oh, what?

We've got a guess.

They're like, oh, come on.

We just finished.

But anyway, did it.

A lot of fun.

At four o'clock in the afternoon.

That's a rare one.

I love that.

What I hate is 10.

I'm doing a private party where I found out that I followed

a heavy metal rock band for an hour, and then I go up and they want me to do 50.

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed Skullfuck.

Now, here is Dan Garnett.

They're going to have the flashing light.

Yeah.

Please put the fireworks out.

Thank you for enjoying Twisted Pussy.

Here we go.

We've got one more quick performer.

He's going to do an hour 10.

Yeah.

You know,

fuck you.

They're ordering drinks, doing blow, and then I come out, well, isn't that special?

And I got a stand heal on just that one.

Who was a green car?

You know what's funny?

I'll tell you this last night at Comedy Magic because there's a lot of people who crowd work.

Is there magic?

No magic last night.

And it's funny because they always usually have a magician.

I think because I had Bobby and Jeff Cesareo.

All right.

So no magic.

No magic.

You know, Jeff.

The crowds are in a bad mood already.

The crowds,

if you do crowd work, one funny trick that comics do, have you ever seen this maneuver?

Like they go, hey, how many kids you have?

And they go, two.

They say some normal answer.

And then the guy goes, oh, and he has no joke.

So he goes, the other night, this lady said she had nine.

And I was like, wow, and he says a joke.

And I'm like, Are you referring to another night when you said an ad-lib that was funny in that scenario and repeating it?

And they're like, yeah.

It's called the pivot.

It's a good pivot, right?

I had two weeks where I had a better ad lib.

Off the top of your head, how many kids you got?

Two.

What would be the most reasonable ad-lib that would you get a laugh on?

Just that.

It's not a great setup.

Well,

I think I would.

If you're a good crowd workout, you go, what is the most common answer?

And I'll think of a joke ahead of time.

Well, I have a,

oh, go ahead.

Yeah, I'm here.

How How many kids you got?

Two.

Two.

So, your husband enjoyed his

vasectomy?

Fuck, I both.

So

you got your tubes tied.

Yeah.

So you got one from each nut.

I guess you're done.

I didn't get my tubes tied.

All right.

Fire three.

So.

Okay, what if I have four kids?

Four kids.

Okay, you're one shy of a basketball team.

So I say, get frisky.

You've got a full game of pickleball.

I have, we have seven kids.

Doubles.

We have seven kids.

David Spade.

Oh, what team in the NBA are you on?

We have seven kids.

What are you fucking nuts?

Yeah.

Dude, this guy is jizzing, folks, and it's landing.

This guy is bullseye.

This guy is the Arnold Schwarzenegger sperm.

Yeah, I find my way to the egg.

It's not a problem for me.

Here we go, swimming through the water.

This guy got seven Iahtzis.

The good one is you go with a couple and they're not married.

They're just dating.

The first and it's awkward laughs.

Awkward laughs.

And what do you do for a living?

I'm a student.

Oh, so you're unemployed.

Oh, so you're broke.

There's, you know.

But the best.

Or you say, go ahead.

No,

we said this before, but it is illustrative.

We're on this topic.

The most popular put-down in the 80s versus the most popular put-down of the last five years.

Most popular put-down in the 80s, someone heckles you.

Hey, man, I don't come to jack of the box when you're working.

Huge laugh.

Today,

I don't come to your job and slap the dick out of your mouth.

That's the difference in the culture.

Yeah.

Yeah, it used to be.

I don't come to McDonald's and knock the broom out of your hand.

I had never heard that.

You never heard that?

That was what I used to hear.

I don't come to McDonald's and slack a milkshake out of your mouth.

I don't pull you away from the milkshake machine.

Well, do you ever have a bid on how many hamburgers they sold?

Because there were a lot of people doing that.

Oh, it was 1 billion for a while.

They used to announce it on the

out front.

I think they went, you know, 100 million to they got to a billion.

And then I think eventually they just go billions and billions.

No, and then they said, we've sold a shitload.

Believe us.

Believe me.

Trust me.

The golden arches are actually made of diamonds.

Yeah.

Well, I know we're going to talk about topics, but

I don't think the topic of the movie news about the rumor of the bodyguard, I don't think we're going to talk about that, but I heard that.

And I was going to ask you, is the movie The Bodyguard?

You've heard of it.

I know a lot about movie.

Whitney Houston.

I worked, the director who directed the bodyguard,

Mick Jackson.

So I know a lot about the bodyguard okay so what would you say if you heard it was going to be taylor swift in a remote for the removal bad pick yeah

super famous

i got a feeling my blink on on that is that she would actually be a really good actress and she'd be good in it because whitney wasn't an actress was she no but you know costner

is extremely talented and really smart.

And I think that he made her so he was, you know, the de facto co-director.

He's Costner.

You know, he directed Dances with Wolves.

And I think he made her good.

I mean, if you're on a movie where the director shits on you or there's 3,000 takes, but if you're with Costner and goes, no, just do this, do this.

I mean, she was great in that movie.

Or he's trying to make himself look good and you look bad.

A lot of, you know, there's people out there starring and directing.

You never know what you're getting.

Yeah, if I was, if we were in a movie together, I'd be your, you know, I'd be your Costner and you'd be be the Whitney Houston.

I'd be like, David, I'll just be, look, I talk like this, just natural.

You don't have to push, you know, and it would be great.

Then you'd carry me out of every scene.

I accepted.

I go, yeah.

Thank you.

It's more fun to go with it.

Yeah.

Sneaky condescension.

Yeah.

You'd be like, David, the reason I have all the jokes in the scene, you know, it's just too hard to explain.

Let's just

fantasize for a second.

What would be the two best leads for Remake of the Bodyguard, man and woman?

Okay, so if it's Taylor Swift, which I heard the rumor, and the rumor was the director was the director of her Aeras tour, which I don't know if that's a smart idea, but there's probably better directors for a story.

Maybe Michael B.

Jordan.

He's cool.

Maybe Ryan Gosling.

Chris Pratt and Katy Perry.

Done.

Wait.

Oh, you're switching it.

Okay.

Katy Perry, but she's still shaking from her space trip.

I'm going to do a, I'm going to talk about the spaceship with the printer.

Okay, we're almost there.

I worked on it for seven hours.

It's so fucking great.

It's so fantastic.

Okay, we'll hurry up through the bodyguard so we can talk about it.

I heard, should we finish the, have we finished the bodyguard?

Yeah, we got it.

We just cast it.

It's done.

Yeah.

Ryan Gosling is not a bad choice.

That guy's great.

Okay, so go ahead.

So this has been trending a little long.

We're just going to put it to rest here.

We're at the tail end of it.

I heard a rumor.

It's gotten so big, you know, the idea that a lot of it was faked.

A lot of people fear it wasn't quite real.

Who was really in the spaceship?

So I heard a rumor that they're going to have a Senate committee investigate it.

Now.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

You,

Miss Gail King, now, you and some folks

supposedly went on a spaceship.

Is that correct?

Yes.

Yes, we did.

And you were afraid of going on that spaceship, weren't you, Miss King?

Sure, a little bit.

Now,

now,

your best friend is Oprah Winfrey.

Is that correct?

She's my yes friend.

In quotes, yeah.

She tweeted, and by the way, I have no bee in my bonnet over this.

I don't have an apple up my tush.

I'm just trying to get to the essence here.

Now, your best friend

tweeted a week ago Tuesday that my friend Gail King is going into space, wink, wink.

What are you supposed to meant by that?

Her words, not mine.

Wink, wink.

You didn't go into space, did you?

Order, order.

You never were in that spaceship, were you?

Did you say order?

Order, order.

Order, order.

You never went up there.

It was all fake.

People are yelling.

Come on.

Let's committee.

My time's coming.

Let's commit a sir, sir, Mr.

Kennedy.

Sorry, my time's up.

I didn't mean to disturb you.

Okay, and scene.

Patrick can jump cut that.

That's good.

Maybe the wink is more like, she's your girlfriend.

Right.

But you're like.

Well, why would she say she's going up to space and wink, wink, she's my girlfriend?

Why did she really say that?

I don't know.

I made everything up.

Oh, I like it.

But there was a fake hand.

And, you know, you know, I will say that that whole idea sounded like everyone was, you know, not coked up, but it sounds like an idea that you would do in college and you're wasted and you go, hey, do we still, hey, Jeff, do we still have that old spaceship in the backyard?

And he's like, yeah, why?

Well, we should brush the cobwebs off.

Could it get a couple hundred feet in the air?

I'm sure it could.

Let's make a national story out of it.

Well, here's how it happened, David.

Okay, let me know.

I don't know how it happened.

Now, sleight of hand, they're getting ready.

They're going.

They got their jumpsuits on, this and that.

Now, one by one, looks like they're going on, but they're actually ducking around.

There's a trapdoor.

They go safely underground, and they're like 100 yards away in the tunnel.

They have the dummies that are put up.

They're popped up by remote.

They have a little anti-gravity thing in their little thing that they get in, but they never go up into outer space.

That's the

other shot.

There's a little TV studio.

Maybe they filmed it first.

They filmed their anti-gravity.

That's better too.

Yeah.

But there's no way.

And

they went in outer space.

Oh, wow.

But they weren't.

Were they not supposed to go?

They're not going to the Van Allen belt,

the one I couldn't remember the other day.

Wink, Wink.

I know it now, motherfucker.

Here's the thing.

Now, the first people that went on that rocket, I'm doing Kennedy again,

probably were a little more serious because when they do rockets, the first 10 usually blow up.

Then they've had five

successful ones.

Let's put a dude in it or a woman.

So by the time they went up, it was kind of like party time.

And then everyone shit on them, but it was just gals having fun.

I do have to say, I have two things to say.

I want to hear both very important.

One is,

I know it's girl power, and they say women went up, but at a certain point, if we're all supposed to be equal, just say five people went up.

We always separate people and it should be just like, hey, they're good.

They're smart.

They can get up there.

Like, that's fun.

I don't think they should consider it such a victory.

Like, we did what the boys did because there are female astronauts.

Absolutely.

And also when Elon saved those people, no one cared about that.

And even the female astronaut that was up there for nine months got about two seconds of airtime.

No one gave a fat fuck about her because she wasn't a model, but she did do a lot and she did go through a lot.

That's a that's a really interesting story.

The hell out of you.

And she was up there banging around that tin can.

So she's a very interesting woman that should get some award for something.

But listen, these women went up had fun i don't even know how it started or why it started but it was a really really big story um if not only on tick tock

it it it it visited it visited us on the podcast because yeah carol leafer was doing a show okay so it's three women and it's it's and then all of a sudden they go ladies comedy night out or whatever the name of

But if you, me, and Theo go out and do a stand-up, they go, boys, night out.

Here they go.

Yeah, right.

But more than half the population is women.

So we want to change it.

People want to.

Yeah, they're doing a lot.

And the jokes were so pretty funny.

That's why we're at the tail end of it.

But some of the stuff I heard on just reading and Instagram.

Everyone was clowning on it.

And then they're getting clowned on for clowning on it.

Yeah.

It's all hysterical.

It's all

it was just, it was mild amusement for the culture in the tumultuous times we will perennially live in.

So, anyway.

It was nothing serious.

It happened.

You know me, on the go.

You are on the go.

And

how do you keep going?

I mean, that's the

glow.

Energy up, positive all the time.

Looking great, positive, good vibes.

Yeah, how do you do it?

I'm serious.

Cachava.

Oh, that's right.

Cachava.

Yeah, I get it.

Listen, this is interesting because

I like this kind of stuff.

And this has got, this is great.

They've got different flavors.

They've got different things.

I just, right now,

I start with the chocolate.

All right.

But good idea.

I also add to it.

I put a little,

what did I put in there?

Almond butter, maybe?

And a little bit of ice.

Banana.

and a little bit of banana, not a lot.

I don't want it too sweet.

Yeah, yeah, just a little.

And a little almond milk, and a little almond milk, and it's great.

And some blueberries, yeah, yeah.

Grind it to a pulp.

Hey,

you've tried the new strawberry flavor, I hope.

No, that's what I want to try.

I'm getting into that.

Like, they have strawberries supercharged, and

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Listen, let me pull you a sigh.

I'm going to tell you something.

Pull you a sigh.

Well, oh,

oh my goodness, David.

Oh,

it's too funny.

I got you.

I got you there.

You got me.

I'm trying to talk about cachava and I got

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All right dana you know i'm always dragging around and uh i always got a five hour energy on me

i know that about you yeah they're either in my sock in the car they're somewhere you keep them everywhere i give them a little slurp i don't really shoot the whole thing like some people do on an empty stomach i think i eat a little bit a couple sips just like coffee just keep just keep something going there because you chug it

I don't.

I'm actually,

I don't want that much energy at once.

It's five hours, so I kind of, you know, that's what most people do, but I sip it overall.

There's a lot of different flavors.

Yeah, there's one called Confetti Craze that tastes like a good birthday cake, which they're all pretty good, but this tastes like a raw and buttery flavor here to let you be unapologetically extra and unstoppably energized, actually.

Big birthday energy, wherever you go.

The shots are reasonable.

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You know, randomly sometimes people ask for your driver's license.

And so I'd like to see ID, please.

Either they have to scan it or something, whatever.

And then I, I'm a senior and I'm, I'm trying to find my license.

And I feel like such a fucking early onset demented idiot.

I'm going, I, it was in here, you know, and it's like

it's between two credit cards.

And I put all the cards out.

It's like, it's like the amazing Crescent, like, where the fuck is my driver?

And they're looking at me like, you fucking

you're like that magician Ronnie J or somebody, you know, where they get they, so it's it's like a card trick.

They go, you're like, it is in my wallet.

And then you pull out a bunch of cards.

It's going to be one of these and you lay them out.

Then you start flipping them over.

Is that my wallet?

No, that's not.

That's my Montgomery Wards credit card.

Yeah, exactly.

And they really want the license.

Here's my Discover card.

What else?

Here's my gym membership from Nautilus.

Do you have a, do you have a shtick?

This is what I do every time I hand a credit card to someone.

Oh, yeah.

I just found it in the parking lot and I really hope it goes through and then I I kiss it.

Oh, no.

I have worse.

They laugh so hard.

Do you have something?

I have when the check comes and you go like this.

Okay, great.

Who ordered the couch?

That's when it's high.

Got nothing from Heather on that one.

That's funny, though.

That's a good one.

I like that.

Yeah.

And then I go like this.

Oh,

hmm.

Do you have financial aid?

And then I go like this.

Do you guys have a layaway?

Okay.

Can I do a layaway on this crab cake?

Oh, I did hear this, Dent.

What's your name?

Dana?

That at Coachella,

that they,

you know, it's getting so expensive in the whole world that this is something they're doing.

Obviously, it's an expensive world.

I don't know if it's a great idea to do, not layaway, but payments for concerts now.

So it's that.

So you can spend like $49 to get a great pass to Coachella, but you have to pay it off.

Oh, here comes Heather.

Oh, no.

Fire Festival 2 is postponed.

Who would ever see that coming?

Let me just make a note.

I'm going to have to.

Yeah.

When are you going to tell Paula?

I'm going to call Warren Grant after this.

Call our business manager and say, hey,

I bought the million-dollar pup tent for that one um

can you just tell them to send it back to me out in venmo

i think sometimes human beings like things being expensive because it seems like it's got to be better like yeah it's a 200 steak oh it's got to be good and guess what it's not so good

yeah i've had some ratty shit yeah rat infested

fatty gristle is one of the worst words in the english language sickening sickening

what about when you get i don't like wagu when they go, it's the fatty meat.

Don't want to say the word fatty.

Is that your sales pitch?

Where you go, tuna toro?

It's the more fattier one.

Sick, get lost.

I know, as if it's more flavorful.

Sick.

Who wants fat?

No, I don't want fat.

My dad would always make us eat steak.

He would buy the cheapest steak you could ever get and put it in a freezer in the garage.

And then you'd get it.

And it was just gristle

with a tiny bit of meat on it.

Oh, Jesus Christ, get the gristle.

Same thing with the carol syrup.

We couldn't afford maple syrups.

We got this white see-through syrup, caro, and the ants loved it.

It was so sweet

all over it and inside of it.

And he goes, I go, God, there's ants in this.

He goes, oh, Jesus Christ, it's protein.

These are quotes.

Yeah, I believe it for sure.

Yeah, I also, ants get too high on it.

They're like, what the fuck?

They're not ready for it.

Yeah, even the ants are just.

But he would, my dad would do this.

He'd get up Sunday morning.

He'd pull, put so much oil in this big pan, consider himself this great chef.

He'd have a pancake batter.

He'd make the pancakes and they'd just be bubbling with oil.

On the oil?

Yeah, on the oil.

So the first three or four batches, he would call crispies because the oil would just harden and bubble over.

And he got me a huge stack.

I'm like six years old.

He goes, oh, Jesus Christ, Dane loves the Krispies, which I didn't.

So I ate the Krispies and then I threw up.

Trying to make dad happy.

So horrible.

So sad.

Let's go back to Coachella because Coachella was a big deal.

It's also this weekend.

Is that the idea of having a good deal?

How many outhouses would there be?

I heard it was outhouse light because I saw a city council meeting yesterday.

What am I watching?

Where the guy was like, and it was some old woman going like this, you really did us dirty.

And he's like, he's from like, what's it called?

Golden Voice, whatever does all these live nation.

He's like, hey, man, a couple of fucking blips.

And they're like, yeah, it was 12 hours of traffic they were stuck in.

People ran out of gas.

Yeah, we got some bugs, some hiccups.

They always reduce it to nothing.

There's no bat.

She goes, there's no facilities.

And he's like, I know.

Is this a local woman?

Yeah, she's in Palm Springs and she's saying she's 21 years old.

She's ruined our town.

No, she's about 300.

And she's like going, oh, why you ruin our city with this shit?

We have an infestation of hippies on our property.

Do you know the tattoo camp?

They're defecating

in the backyard.

They pooped on our barrel cactus.

Yeah, there's people that the best move is to go to the Madison Club, that really killer Mike Meldman.

you know, place down there that has all the juicy houses.

It's like a housing development.

They have them all over the country and they're just so kick-ass.

And you're close to Coachella so you can hear it.

And what I'm hearing, Dana, and do not fucking repeat this.

Somewhere I'm recording this.

Is that these girls go down there and of course they have the tra-la-la life.

They get whatever.

So some rich guy has the house.

They go down.

They stay at the house.

Sometimes they don't even go to the concert.

They just hear it.

And then just do their molly and all their drugs at the house and get wasted and take a million pictures of themselves.

I love everything.

The life.

I'm out there grinding.

Well, do people want to go there because it's hard to get in and it's really expensive and it's where the cool people are?

Does anyone really have a good time at Coachella?

Unless you have special passes, I think they have special seats, helicopters.

And by the way, I just got to say,

I've watched Benson Boone.

Is that his name?

Benson, the TV show?

No, Benson.

Heather would know.

Yeah.

Grant Wheeler.

With the jumper.

Yeah.

So he's been.

He looks like he's from the 70s.

He looks like Burt Lancaster in the movie Trapeze.

He's wearing like a Trapeze onesie.

Yeah, I saw him.

And he did a flip off the piano.

Well, no, and he's doing, he's covering

Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody.

And then singing the song and then doing triple flips off the piano over and over again and running and sprinting.

So I had to say, I was entertained.

I'm like, you're taking a circus performer, giving him a really good...

So he's tumbling, doing, and he did a magic trick at the end.

He had to pick a card, any card as he finished.

Nothing really matters.

And he flipped a card and it's like,

no, he did not, did he?

Because first of all, let's start with he's good looking.

I was just kidding.

Once you're good looking,

everything's easier after that.

He can sing.

No, he can sing.

Neither is he?

Yeah.

He can sing.

Picking Bohemian Rhapsody, the best part was bringing the real Brian May to play guitar, and no one gave a fat fuck.

That was sad.

Smattering of applause.

People are like, who's this old guy?

I was able, I was on a Zoom with Brian Mann a couple of years ago, and I said that Bohemian Rhapsody was a full-blown masterpiece of pop rock.

And he's very humble about it.

Oh, geez, thank you.

But he had had a little stroke.

He's recovered.

He comes out.

giant mop white hair and he just nails it and it reminds you how brilliant his solo is on that song is amazing the song's amazing but benson boone has pipes i guess he's good looking i don't get it but no i'm kidding

that's what you are brian may

the comments were like who is that guy he needs conditioner in his hair and i was like well that's sort of being superficial for a superstar guitarist.

It's probably voted one of the top 10 of all time.

I think he might be underrated on those lists, but he's definitely known by everybody else as one of the greats.

You know, everyone's forgotten, David.

I know.

Every year that goes by.

What percentage of Coachella would know who Johnny Carson was?

Zero, one, two, zero to one percent, yeah.

So that's all right, but they do know Queen because

Queen has, we are the champions.

You know, Dana, you're

no one one asked me this, but I did do a

video on YouTube for Funny O'Die clowning on Coachella about 10 years ago.

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

You were at the end.

Yeah, Charlotte McKinney comes in, and

we make fun of her for attending Coachella.

I would post it, but you can't repost

Funnier Die.

Is Funnier Die still around?

I don't know.

Let's look at a clip.

Is it around, Heather?

I thought we posted it.

And Funnier Die is is on TikTok and they posted it.

Oh, they're on TikTok.

Okay, they are because they posted clips of it, like

one-minute clips of the whole thing.

It's probably

four or five minutes.

Yeah.

Okay, what's next story?

Or are we doing stories?

Yeah, what's next?

The panel of five judges was ready to hear his case when he asked to play a video to make his case.

May it please the court.

I come here today, a humble proceeding for a panel of five distinguished justices.

Is this, hold on, is that counsel for case?

What it turned into was possibly the shortest career ever in a courtroom, in part because what's on the bottom right of your screen isn't a real lawyer or even a real person, but an avatar created by artificial intelligence.

The judge, learning of this, was not pleased.

I don't appreciate

being miserable.

Sounds like the palms pretty much.

How do we know she's not an AI judges?

That's true, Dana.

When you ask the place, this whole thing is out of war.

How do we know this isn't April Fool's Joe.

So, an AI lawyer looked like a clean-cut guy in a sweater.

Look like Dave Coulier on Full House.

Dave Coulier looked a lot.

And that's our future.

That's our future.

I hate it.

If we're not rat fucked between AI and April Fools, we can't win.

You know what we're going to do?

And I'll announce it now because it'll take time to get it together.

We're going to have digital copies of ourselves do super

us.

And the weird thing, it might be the best episode.

Oh, what if they're way funnier?

What if they don't stare in the camera at their hair like I do?

Okay, that was good, though, Dana.

I like that one.

There's other ones.

I could see saying, you know what I thought that was going to be?

That the court was AI

so they could decide if you're guilty or not just by facts with nothing else.

You know what I mean?

No personal opinion.

Just this happened, This happened.

Here you go.

Or did the law is this?

Boom.

That might happen.

Yes, I think so.

Okay.

Who is this?

The guy from the office?

No.

Okay.

Speaking of which,

this guy tattooed K-R-U-D

because you win $250,000 on a radio station.

So he did it.

On his forehead, and it's huge.

Yeah.

Now play it.

I tattooed the word K-R-U-D on his forehead, hoping to win a

In 2021, a popular radio station named KRUD ran a contest claiming that they would reward $250,000 to the first listener who tattooed the word K-R-U-D on their forehead.

Mr.

Bell, hoping to support his financially struggling parents, jumped at the chance and got the tattoo, only to discover that it was all a hoax.

So, surprisingly, the radio station had confirmed that the challenge was real when Mr.

Bell phoned them just before getting the tattoo.

This is the problem.

Then he cools ahead.

Mr.

Bell sued the radio station for $510,000.

K-R-U-D, however, claimed that it was entirely Mr.

Bell's fault for not recognizing the obvious prank and that the competition's terms and conditions clearly stated it was an April Fool's prank.

Despite their arguments, the judge ruled in favor of Mr.

Bell and he was awarded the $510,000 compensation for the prank.

I agree.

I know, but you know, if you watch it, he takes out just a wet rag and just wipes it off.

Oh, and he does it back.

Do a temporary tat.

Jeez.

Get 510 grand.

510 grand.

Must be nice.

Must be nice.

Do we have someone with the bully, Greg?

Oh, yeah, the bully's good.

There's, oh, yeah.

This one has a surprise ending.

All right.

This is everyone's nightmare in school.

This is Spade getting bullied.

Yeah.

No, actually, I do hate bullies, but go ahead.

I'll just say that.

Yeah, this is self-volume.

Sorry, but it's

that guy.

So I guess he's pulling his

teacher.

I think he's a dad.

It's like Jason Kelsey.

The way that guy walks.

What's our world coming to?

Dude, no offense, I would beat the shit out of every kid at that school.

You think that was a dad, a lumbering dad?

I think it was a dad that his kid got bullied and he went in to stick up for his kid.

Oh, okay.

You want to do that?

Oh, it's kind of chilly.

Now I make you feel bad.

Now I make you feel bad for me.

Yeah.

And then the bravery and the shenanigans of pantsing, hulking, angry adult.

But they sprint.

But they know he can't beat him up.

And

he can't move.

I mean, the way he walked is he waddled.

He's a little stiff.

He played a couple years in.

Yeah.

JV football.

But

a lot of.

Anyway, I didn't.

I don't know if I love seeing his nuts.

No, that was the humiliating part.

Maybe we can cut it out.

That was like a scene in me and grown-ups when they made me walk up the stairs uh okay so no it's funny if if they'll let us it's fun it's the funny part look at this it's just a lot of stuff happening that you don't see david you know you know what dana you look but you don't see you hear but you don't listen you live in david world quick impression you i'm going to koi i'm going to have fun i'm playing this city and all the while this life is going on outside your little spade bubble you know what's funny about koi is on theos he's like remember i go remember we ran into jellyfish or whatever that guy's name is jelly bean

and he goes uh jelly bean and he goes yeah we rickoi and i'm like of course we were at koi how funny we were at koi we go other places every story comes into koi you and i don't go to koi enough and i'm sad uh it's got it yeah it's good

we have fun there yes because i like it it's it's nice and cool the music's very benign it's dark and it feels very you can sit on back now.

It's even quieter.

Yeah.

All right.

Next story.

All right.

KTLA, which I listen to sometimes.

They accidentally

post the N-word.

I'm not laughing.

On X.

Technical error.

Twitter.

Come on.

What?

Who's Venner?

On God's Green Earth.

They said, here's what they said.

I think, because this is a story from LA.

Okay.

They just put that word and

tweeted it out.

But I think they said, oh, we were trying to put the words to block.

You know, Heather, you had to block stuff on my Instagram once.

Oh.

That's in settings.

Posted's in posting.

Oh, yeah.

This is posting, not settings.

Yeah.

So it's a little flimsy we're hearing from the audience.

Anything can happen.

But yeah, either way, run from this.

Just please hope the world keeps moving because

we see something taught.

Or that was.

Well, it's hard.

You get it.

They just put a tweet out that just said that word, and they were like, you know, like, hey, everybody.

And everyone's like, huh?

Huh?

A news station.

And they're like, ha, b, b, b, b, b, b, bad.

I was

pushed wrong keys.

Yeah.

Sent mistake, please.

Yeah, they had one guy, and he has had a private room.

His only thing was to vet the articles.

Yeah.

Well, I missed it, you know, was that, you know, thought, you know, I just had a big lunch.

You know, pepperonis were,

you know, make me temporarily blind when I pressed the send.

Temporary insanity.

No, no, it's perfectly right.

I should have, but I don't.

She's a beautiful dog.

Okay, that's a story.

Next one.

Okay.

You went into Owen Wilson.

Well, I was going to do on Wilson shaming the guy.

You got to be better with that, man.

You can't do that.

You got to tell him not to put out words like that.

All right, baseball fans, here with Dana.

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Did you know we talked about Jack Black, who's on the show, who's not on

the show

2026.

No, 2025.

He'll be on in like a week, but yeah, he'll be on in a week.

He can't wait.

But we were joking about how people go crazy when the chicken jockey comes out.

And I told you this is real.

This is a real one, Heather.

When the chicken jockey comes out, they used to throw popcorn.

Okay, when the chicken jockey comes out.

Look what they're doing, Heather.

What

they're lighting fireworks.

Fireworks in the theater.

In the theater.

Wow.

And they're raining down on them?

Yeah.

People are panicked and running, screaming.

There's some part of the movie where it makes everyone go crazy and now it's a joke.

They all do it.

Like Rocky Horror.

But they're taking it too far.

Oh, you're saying this is Minecraft.

Yeah.

Oh, and at a certain part, everyone...

comes in and lights on fireworks.

No, at a certain part, everyone would throw popcorn.

They would do that, but then this is...

And then a week later, it's escalated to someone brought a live chicken in, and then people on each other's shoulders.

Then they started throwing fireworks.

When they see the chicken, they thought.

Yeah, just like, here's our time to go nuts.

And the police came in.

We talked to Jack.

It had just started at a place where, hey, guys, don't go throw stuff.

And now, oh, Heather only heard the word chicken.

Oh, the word chicken got out of the coop and had fun.

Chicken got out of the coop.

Yeah, it was a lot to unpack.

I will say this, is that the movie's a smash, but when we talked with Jack, he was just hoping it would get to 700 million i think it's getting very close to that already it's only been out two weekends so i told him it'll do a billion

and um

if it does i'll i'll try to find him get up in his grill a little bit

under a may 7th he'll be on our show i think the um

i think the

No, what I think, what I think was I thought.

Are we all right?

No, I forgot my train of thought.

You said May 7th.

You said many strokes are not conducive to

talk show fada.

Oh, I was saying this sort of controversy helps a movie a lot because every dopey kid goes, oh, we got to go see this and see what people will do.

Actually, I'm going to bring a handful of rocks.

And then it escalates.

So they can get on video and film it and post it and be like, I was at that one.

Well, the only thing as follows.

Fireworks fly around and fireworks can land in someone's eye, and fireworks could blind someone in the theater, and then the chain has a billion-dollar lawsuit.

I know, so the movie makes a lot, the theater's bum out.

They might sue the movie, too.

Yeah, right.

I'm sure he doesn't want this much chaos.

I'm a grumpy old man, and I don't like fireworks and a movie.

Pistol Pete, I'm trying to watch John Wayne.

My day, we used to put silly putty on a cartoons.

In my day, we didn't have movie theaters.

We make a sock puppet and make our sister laugh while it rained outside.

I like that on fire.

Yeah, that's a feature film.

Did you ever go to a double feature?

You go in at noon, you come out at six o'clock.

Oh, or a drive-in?

Not a drive-in, two matinees in the afternoon.

I did double feature in a drive-in, motherfucker.

That's for

I did all-night creature features.

Oh, I did not do that.

All night in the drive-in, watching Edgar Alvin Pole, Vincent Price, old-fashioned horror films till dawn, bitch.

My brother, they know I'm the scared one of the family, hence dandelion.

And they go, hey, come with us to see the blood farmers at midnight.

And I was like, that's not a scary one.

They're like, no.

You think from the title, I might have deduced that it was was scary.

It was so sickening.

I had to walk out and walk home

at 12, Dana.

My friends and I.

This is why I'm fucked up.

Which I probably said before.

We go, oh, what's that?

We're trying to see a movie, high school, but you know, 16.

What's that?

Ex or who, sisty what?

We go in, we're in the third row.

I have no idea.

The original exorcist.

Never.

Had no idea.

And it really just disturbed me.

And I was, you know, just, I was flipped out for a long time after that.

I still haven't seen it.

Yeah, it's too much.

I swear I haven't seen it.

It's, yeah, it's, it's a brilliant film.

And they bring in the devil.

You know what, Coachelle, I have to say, and this sounds like a little bit of a pulp.

Lady Gaga, who is great, I don't think they need this extra part where they're all adding this devil worshiping satanic rituals in their act.

It's not just a quick thing.

They do a whole thing.

I just think it's,

I would walk out.

I hate to say it.

Maybe I'm alone.

I can't.

I don't know why they do it.

I don't know why it's cool.

And I don't know why.

If worst case scenario, it's just corny at this point.

Sam Smith, it's just so like heavy and weird and dark.

Why, why, why?

Now, listen, we had ACDC and they had like a picture of a devil.

Obviously in the background, this is, we know it's out there.

We just don't need it on the jumbotron, you know what I mean?

Of life.

Like it's in the background every time.

We're trying to.

get through life every day.

Why that offends me?

We don't know.

I mean, I pitched you and it was a terrible idea.

We did this gig recently that you were going to be in a really realistic devil costume, like big long hands and nails.

And then I was going to be dressed as the church lady, and we were going to have like a battle royale.

No, right, right, right.

And you, you got in the costumes, and you were like,

I think you want us out.

Heather unzipped it.

You came out like I said, why am I on the bad team and you're on the good team?

Yeah.

But yeah, they want a trend.

They're not superstars because they're dumb.

They know that that's going to go somewhere.

Devil worship.

What's next, though?

Hardcore porn?

Right.

Sacrifice.

I mean, it is a slippery slope.

I think so personally.

I sound like a bit of a prude, but

legit concern for the world.

I want to make good music when I go to a music show.

Yeah, sorry.

Sorry.

I paid my $3,800 to sit in the 50th row.

I want a good show.

Well, I've got my green wristband.

I get to go to the

Nacho Stand in the Tater Junction hut.

Let's do something.

You know, let's get

a band that just does all the monkeys songs from the 60s

and call it Coachella Le Le La.

And it's like 40 miles away.

It costs like $2 to get in.

Just make a mini Coachella.

Yeah, we could do a different.

But Coachella is hard to compete with.

It's a second weekend.

They're going to do it and it's going to kill.

Okay, what's the next story?

Buskers.

What's a Busker mean again?

Busker, is he selling stuff?

Oh, just a street musician?

Street performer?

Yeah, trying to make money.

All right, let's see how good this guy is.

All right.

I'm from Norwich.

He's from Norwich.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, you do drums.

Yeah.

Is that him?

What's him doing?

You know, they're kind of invisible.

It's just done by a computer.

No, he's doing his mouth.

I I call it

invisible drum kit.

Invisible drums.

Here we go,

that's pretty good, right?

The high map to my left,

the snare in the middle,

the bongo on the top, like this.

The floor toms.

He's doing a beat box.

That's good.

Geez, Michael Winslow.

Five different noises in this drum beat to begin warming up the voice.

Yeah.

Hey.

Motherfucker, I say, huh?

I'd like to know what he's got coming through that amp or is helping out.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Adding this sound.

I can do that.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

He's having a seizure.

A little bit faster this time.

I'll make it a drum on bass beat.

Everyone's just walking by.

No one gives a shit.

The song's not very catchy.

All right.

All right.

I'm going to have to do this guy.

Yeah, let's see if Danny can.

Shit.

It's a bus golf.

Yeah.

How about the hi-hat?

I like when they grab it.

Yeah, you do sound effects.

Okay, you do that.

I can't do that.

Just do the

corny.

Why does everyone get an answer?

I'm sorry.

Proper.

Hey, Danny, you want to be bored?

This is what I, when people ask me how I slept, it's why some people just do it to be nice.

Hey, good morning.

Hey, did you sleep good?

Do not even stumble into that with me.

I'll go into a whole soliloquy.

I'm like, oh my God.

At first, I was so tired.

First of all, they're like, oh, are you giving a real answer?

I'm like, mm-hmm.

So then I'm laying there, then I'm tired, but then I realize I'm not even sleeping.

And then I step to my side.

I try to sleep in my back.

And then I heard a noise.

Everyone's like, this,

please end this.

I go on forever.

It's horrible.

Do you wear a mask?

Are you one of those people?

You wear a mask.

I have a C-PAC on my wiener, yeah.

And that helps you sleep or

just makes a noise.

It just feels good.

I just look at Heather.

You know, Heather, about a half hour ago, you were just staring, and then you look at this,

and I was like, was that for us or for something you're reading?

reading?

I think Heather was snoring.

I think

I think she read something and then she.

It was funny, though.

All right.

Well, thanks, everybody.

And

thanks for listening.

We always appreciate it.

And watch.

Talk to you later.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly.

It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.

Hope you liked it.