Iliza Shlesinger

54m
Comedy grind, nap time rage, and a fumbled Comedy Store introduction with Iliza Shlesinger.

To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Press play and read along

Runtime: 54m

Transcript

Speaker 1 All right, cold mornings, holiday plans, endless to-do lists. I just want my wardrobe to be simple, Dana.
I just want pieces that look sharp, feel amazing. Makes sense, and I'll use every day.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? That's Quince. That's it.
The best part.

Speaker 1 Their pieces

Speaker 1 make effortless gifts. Also,

Speaker 1 this season, Quince nails it. $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like a treat every day.

Speaker 1 Wool coats that are both stylish and built to last. Their denim fits perfectly.
It's nutty comfortable, all without the high-end price tag.

Speaker 1 By working directly with ethical factories and top artisans, Quince delivers premium quality while cutting out the middlemen. So you get luxury without the luxury markup.

Speaker 1 I've been living in their cashmere sweaters lately. They hold up beautifully even through holiday chaos.
And Quince isn't just clothes. They've got amazing options for home, bath, kitchen, and travel.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I picked up a few for myself and a few to gift.
And it's all stuff people actually love. Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince.

Speaker 1 Go to quince.com slash fly for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
That's q-u-i-n-ce-e.com slash fly. Free shipping, 365-day returns.
Quince.com slash fly.

Speaker 1 Listen, Dana, if you're like me, you're like me a a little bit i i think so yeah adulthood did hit me hard and you can't run four hours of sleep in cheeseburgers forever nope that's why uh there's terra origin because

Speaker 1 you know people want to feel good every single day not just get by

Speaker 1 right terra origin makes premium science-backed supplements that actually deliver their healthy gut keeps your digestion in check so don't feel like you swallowed a bowling ball their collagen protein keeps my joints from sounding like bubble wrap hydration Plus plus is electrolytes without the sugar crash.

Speaker 1 And their healthy greens, it tastes so good, you'll forget it's packed with over 30 superfoods.

Speaker 1 No trends, no gimmicks, just clean, transparent formulas that upgrade your routine from survive to thrive.

Speaker 1 Terra Origin helps you show up stronger at the gym, at work, and at home. Visit terraorigin.com and use code podcast for 30% off your first order and free shipping.
That's t-e-r-r-a-o-r-i-g-i-n.com.

Speaker 1 Tara Origin. Feel better from the inside out.

Speaker 1 Dana. Yeah.
What do you got? Well, we have Eliza Schlesinger today, who

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 a comedian. I actually see a lot down at the old clubs and colleges I play.

Speaker 1 I have, yeah, she goes to the comedy store. She's, she works, man.
She's a woman.

Speaker 1 She grinds it out. Like Nikki, there are these.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say these women.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just really these comics just grind it out and she's good i think i always see her kill i i follow her a lot she comes in because she does like three a night and because she's got a special coming out you know this the uh

Speaker 1 the amazon prime special oh the one called a different animal that's right march 11th i think amazon prime and that's gonna be a good one because i've seen some of the stuff she's doing on it uh yeah she talks uh well you know she she talks, she's got so much great stuff.

Speaker 1 And she's had so many specials. She's been out there, books, specials, podcasts.
She does it all. And it's all working.
And we get to talk to her just about her process. And I love that word.

Speaker 1 Her process.

Speaker 1 But she's someone who went to her first open mic and then was a headliner in clubs within three years.

Speaker 1 which

Speaker 1 is not easy to do.

Speaker 2 It's very hard.

Speaker 1 It took me a lot longer than that. It took me three years to learn how to hold the mic three years i had about

Speaker 1 you know 14 minutes i mean honestly you think you have an hour you don't no so she had a killer hour and 36 months of stand-up she has a cool name we talk about how people just you know like i was always instead of dana carvey it was dana garney horrible introductions early on in your career yours was oh i gave her i gave her a bad introduction too i didn't even mess up the slesenger part there's a big controversy about

Speaker 1 there was a big thing that happened between Eliza and David, and we talk about that, and we talk about what she wears on stage, her marriage. It's a fun episode.
I really enjoyed talking with Eliza.

Speaker 1 Without further ado, here she is.

Speaker 1 He was like a John Belushi thing. Yeah, you got it going.
Man, he hated women.

Speaker 3 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 John Belushi hated women. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like famous for quoting. That's a good start.

Speaker 1 I like pizza. I like movies and I hate women.

Speaker 3 He's famous for saying women aren't funny. And I only think about that because journalists always bring it up.
And I'm like, he's dead. So I guess I went.

Speaker 1 Oh, quotes follow forever.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been like, you read something and Eliza said this, and it's completely made up? Obviously, you have.

Speaker 3 Or just like a half quote. And you're like, I'm sorry that I said that like half awake on a podcast in 2010.
Like, do I still still need to

Speaker 3 remember my firm stance on dogs versus cats on a sandwich being a PETA?

Speaker 1 Going out on a limb.

Speaker 1 Literally.

Speaker 1 PETA had a good run.

Speaker 3 I mean, that PETA bread, that was a good bit for well, like stoner podcast people have to be like, oh no, is a is a tender McNugget? Is a PETA a sandwich? And you're like, the world's on fire. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't know. It's literally on fire.

Speaker 3 Literally.

Speaker 1 I was going to say it was too soon, but when I said last night to someone, well, this is rude. We'll take it out.
Uh-oh. But

Speaker 1 I said, oh, where do you live? And they said, Encino. And I said, oh, did you have any problems with what happened in the Palisades? They said, no.

Speaker 1 And I said, oh, even the fire doesn't want to go to the valley.

Speaker 1 And they just stared at me and I go, no, but actually, so it was horrible. So everything, okay.
I had to skim over it. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I'm going to defend Encino right here, the first house I ever did. How are you going to?

Speaker 1 And I would go over the Mohollen Hill into the hella Hollywood, Hollywood party, who loves you, go back to the country. I'm defending.
I'm going on record defending. I like Encino.

Speaker 3 Do you?

Speaker 3 The first TV show I ever shot, we shot it in Encino in like a mansion. It was like a reality show.

Speaker 3 And I had no real reference for it, but as I get older, you're like, oh, that's where all the money in the valley goes.

Speaker 3 Like, if you want to live like a millionaire in Kansas City, buy your house in Encino and you can live like a person.

Speaker 1 south isn't it the nice version is it like closer to the mountain is better

Speaker 1 but it's on the flats but you want to be south of ventura you don't want to be in the crime ridden areas although they have their advantages and fun too

Speaker 1 um was this show called the bachelor

Speaker 3 No, it was called, you would only know this if you had trouble sleeping and or a Coke addiction because it aired so late.

Speaker 1 Well, what was the subject of it? Let us see if we can guess the title. What was the idea of the show?

Speaker 3 It was called Excused, and it was like a dating show. People, and I was the host, and people would date.
Oh, yeah. I did.
We did 230 episodes.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 3 I have eaten. The bigger issue is that no one knows the show, but I have eaten at every single restaurant in Encino.

Speaker 1 And Rosetta out there. I love it.

Speaker 3 Rosetta and Encino. If there was a lunch special, if there was a sushi bar, I ate there.

Speaker 1 Who does what network was that on? How did I miss a 200

Speaker 1 episode?

Speaker 1 It's like side films.

Speaker 3 It's like, I mean, it's like friends minus the money. It was syndicated.
It was CBS Studios.

Speaker 3 So it was picked up in all these crazy markets. So every once in a while, I'll get some like dude in skinny jeans.
That's like, I used to watch you when I was getting ready for my shift.

Speaker 1 Skinny jeans. I used to watch you.
Yeah. Before I used to watch Ruckers.
Did you like it? It wasn't really for me. You ever get a backhand compliment?

Speaker 1 I heard you're pretty funny, but it's not for me, man. I saw some of your stuff.

Speaker 3 I stopped watching when you got married. I stopped watching.

Speaker 1 Why do they say that?

Speaker 1 Oh, it's okay.

Speaker 3 You can take the good with the bad. You get all kinds of weird compliments that I'm like, look, you would still love to have sex with me.

Speaker 3 We both know it, but thank you so much for buying this ticket and enjoy the impression. Enjoy the show.

Speaker 1 I want to walk around with that attitude.

Speaker 1 You want to have sex with me. We both know it.

Speaker 3 We both want it.

Speaker 3 You could.

Speaker 1 We both want it, but I am married and so it's tough. But

Speaker 1 do women comedians who are photogenic, let's put it this way, attract the creep element more than the stud dudes that the men?

Speaker 3 I guess I can't comment on more than,

Speaker 3 because I, but I think it's not even about being attractive. I think you just, as a woman, you just like leave the house.
You're like, here I am.

Speaker 3 And then the universe is like, well, here's the list of weirdos that are going to make it tough for you. No matter what you look like.
So I don't even know if being attractive matters.

Speaker 1 Guys are just like, hey, let's do this. They'll figure it out later if you're attractive.
They just need some, they just need to get something going.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's definitely, I've definitely talked to male comics, big male comics, lesser known ones that have, I mean, I think stalkers come in. I think mental illness knows no gender.

Speaker 1 And that's your next

Speaker 1 special.

Speaker 1 Good hookie title.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because it includes everyone.

Speaker 1 Allie Wong always slams when she gets on stage. She goes,

Speaker 1 like, Polly Shore brains up. She goes, Polly, there's so many girls that would fuck this guy's the grossest guy out there.
All male comics are gross, and all these girls will fuck them.

Speaker 1 We're all in the back one now. Hear, here.

Speaker 3 I am now hear here. Let this meeting go to order.

Speaker 1 Now, see here.

Speaker 3 Oh, I thought you meant here, here, like, I, I, like, I agree with that.

Speaker 1 Like, no, I do. Like, I'll say, here, here.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I say, uh, I think most male comics would proclaim themselves degenerate scumbags.
And I think they wear it proudly. And

Speaker 3 you become a comic because you're like, look,

Speaker 3 we can all agree I'm physically repulsive, right? But if you can make a woman laugh, I mean, it's disreputable.

Speaker 1 We've all heard that rumor. Yeah.
And I always say music, I mean, comedy is like music where how, what kind of comedy are you doing? Like, it's like saying, I like music. It's too general.
So

Speaker 1 you can make a girl laugh that's on their wavelength. Like what kind? Do you like dry, humor? Do you like goofy? Do you like? So sometimes you do sync up with someone because of that.

Speaker 1 Of course, I mean, if that's your only,

Speaker 1 listen, I wasn't famous in high school. There's nothing going on.
It's just all trying to be funny. That's all.
And you're on a platform. Go ahead.

Speaker 3 Well, I was going to say what's weird just for a moment. If I could, I want to just pull back the current.

Speaker 3 Well, you said you weren't famous in high school, but like, and I don't, I watched you guys in high school, and that's what's crazy for me.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And like, just shoot me, chopping broccoli, the church lady. Like, I, I mean, I know all of your resumes.
And

Speaker 3 David, sometimes, some parts of the year, you and I share a similar haircut, but and we were on many lineups together. And Dana, I've never met you, but it is very weird to finally talk to people.

Speaker 3 And I felt this way when I met you, David, where you're like, oh my God, like you were my reference for so many funny things for all the sketches I wrote in high school. And oh, I mean,

Speaker 1 is that that's nice, right?

Speaker 3 I I mean, David, I probably never got to talk to you about this because we always see each other in passing.

Speaker 3 But, like, I don't think there was any, one of the most impactful sketches was like the Gap Girl sketch. And Dana, like, my mom bought me the Wayne's World on VHS as a surprise for a sleepover.

Speaker 3 I memorized the whole movie. Like, you guys are massive bricks in like a comedy fortress that I've like built in my mind.
And so

Speaker 1 I like that. This is crazy.
I totally get that. You know, the things that I saw, like if I had met John Cleese at a certain date, I still, oh, good.
I want to wait for you. I still can't.

Speaker 1 But I get it. If you're in your formative year, I say 6 to 12 or 13, 14, that time frame, shows you watch, comedians you see.
So we get it. But of course, you know now that we're just people.
who

Speaker 1 went to a club on a bet and then ended up on television. We get it.
You don't, can you kind of emotionally or mentally touch your fame and how much accolades and money you're making doing this?

Speaker 1 Or is it still a little bit surreal? You're pretty young.

Speaker 3 I don't know. There's, I, it is, it's grounding and surreal at the same time.

Speaker 3 Like sometimes you look around, you're like, oh my God, like every stitch of everything in this really nice house is because I thought to make a joke about something.

Speaker 3 And then I look at

Speaker 3 all the things I don't have, and I'm like, and you could be making more jokes and have nicer things if you got out of bed quicker.

Speaker 1 I think we all are the weird.

Speaker 1 You always look to someone that's sort of well-known and that you grew up with, and you forget that they're sitting there going, I could do more. I could do better.

Speaker 1 That's all you're thinking all the time:

Speaker 1 work on my act, work on this, try to get this going.

Speaker 1 Where are you at on the disciplines?

Speaker 1 You know, because we've met different people on this podcast who really do workshop, like Nick, Nikki Glazer, you know, Jim Gaffigan.

Speaker 1 It's an amazing thing.

Speaker 1 How effortless was or how hard was it for you to get a position on Stand Up Mountain?

Speaker 1 Did it come quickly or was it a grind? Or I don't know your.

Speaker 3 It came relatively quickly. I think I got my position relatively quickly because I became like a solid touring headliner in 2008.

Speaker 1 And when did you start? Jesus.

Speaker 3 I started when I was 21.

Speaker 1 In 2001, what?

Speaker 1 Well, 2000.

Speaker 3 Wait, I graduated college. I started when I was a, so I graduated college in like 2004, 2005.
And so I did it for about three years. Okay.
Became a touring professional.

Speaker 1 That's fantastic.

Speaker 3 And this was, you know, it's, it was when it was. And so I was able to sort of become a headliner and bypass a lot of sexual harassment

Speaker 3 very early on.

Speaker 1 Shocking. But I don't know.

Speaker 3 David could tell you. I mean, he sees me me out.
I'm out when I'm not on tour. I'm out every, almost every night of the week.

Speaker 1 I mean, you're jumping club to club, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah. And it's something that you think would like

Speaker 3 kind of like lighten up over time, but I'm about to turn 42. And if I'm not on the road, I'll knock back like two or three sets a night just to, just for the love of it, you know? And

Speaker 1 do you record always or do you just go and do it?

Speaker 1 Do you remember it? It's hard to remember for me.

Speaker 3 I tend to, if I do record, I have trouble listening back.

Speaker 1 So I tend to

Speaker 1 listen.

Speaker 3 I'm like, who wants to hear this?

Speaker 1 This is awful.

Speaker 3 I tend to listen back if it's a brand new joke. Like my new special is out on Amazon March 11th.

Speaker 1 And so I've already started. Different animal.

Speaker 3 A different animal.

Speaker 1 Amazon Prime.

Speaker 3 Amazon Prime.

Speaker 1 Not regular.

Speaker 3 You can get your...

Speaker 3 While you're watching me, you can shop for air filters, toilet paper, Chinese socks.

Speaker 1 You know, this is kind of, this is inside baseball. I love that phrase, but

Speaker 1 sometimes

Speaker 1 when you're trying to bit, your setup just happens to be perfect.

Speaker 1 Maybe sometimes because it's a new bit. And then if you don't record it or you don't remember, you're like, oh, fuck, it's not working as well.
What did it say?

Speaker 1 What's that setup that you enter the joke perfectly? You know,

Speaker 1 frustrating.

Speaker 3 It's frustrating what I have done. And I've done this.
I don't rely on this, but I have a pretty close relationship. Like, if you follow me, you're a pretty decent fan.

Speaker 3 I will put on my own Instagram stories. Hey, if you were at the eight o'clock at the theater tonight, what was that thing I said about pigeons?

Speaker 3 And people, or I'll say it, I'll say, Joe, I'll be like, could somebody text that to me? And someone always remembers it.

Speaker 1 That's smart. That's smart.
I crowdsource my own memories. And phrasing, I'll tell you, Liza, I'm the same way.

Speaker 1 First of all, I saw, we were on the same show probably three nights ago, but I have to say, when I do it, I don't know what it is. I like to do new bits.
I record them,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 it's almost worse to listen to them. It's awesome.
Because it's so sickening that I have to make myself go,

Speaker 1 I recorded, I did it the right way. I just have to hear it or write it down so I memorize like just the phrasing because it worked.

Speaker 1 And then it's so lazy, but it's something sickening about repels me to, and I have to, like, I do another show and I wait all day. And then I go, I got to just hear it and go, that is how to do it.

Speaker 1 Okay. But it's so hard to make yourself do that.

Speaker 3 It's hard to, I mean, I recently, you know, I got all the promo cuts for my Amazon special. And

Speaker 3 I have to watch myself back and I have to take like a deep cleansing breath.

Speaker 1 Gross.

Speaker 3 And it's weird. It's like, so this is something I wish on other people, but I can't watch myself.

Speaker 3 Like there's something very, very removed about all of it. Like you have the ego to get up there, but actually digesting yourself for yourself is a weird existential kind of torture.

Speaker 1 And how long did you do your special tape it? And then how, so you taped it and you said you're already working on,

Speaker 1 do you want a full new hour or do you want mostly new before you go out? Or what do you want?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, the timeline to, to the, to the average civilian, the timeline is seems different than it is because, and you guys know this, by the time people see your hour, you've already been on the road and working because it's like a four-month time period between when you record it and when it's actually released

Speaker 3 but even yeah and even prior to recording it you had jokes that didn't make it or jokes you were taking out that you still want to work on so it's you're just constantly the other night i actually got up and i seldom do this with just a list of jokes that i that i've written that i've written down that i haven't gotten to and i just read them and then we'll just start with those little just see what what pops out.

Speaker 1 You're right.

Speaker 1 It's a bit of a joke.

Speaker 1 Yeah, give us one. Sure.
Okay. Sure.
Sure.

Speaker 3 I basically, I want to explore

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 3 absolute rage that I feel.

Speaker 3 I have to preface it by saying, my husband is awesome. We have a lovely relationship.
He wakes up at like 5 a.m. He gets our daughter ready.
He makes all of us breakfast. He does everything.

Speaker 3 He's elegant. He supports women like he's the best the absolute abject rage i feel toward him when he takes a when he takes a nap

Speaker 3 like he needs it for his so he won't collapse so he'll live there's just something too gentle i'm like why don't you take your nap you little gentle toddler why don't you take that little baby nap and rest your eyes like

Speaker 1 this he's been up for 18 hours like he has to take a nap so he doesn't i didn't see this napping on your resume i don't think we would have had a first date if i knew you napped all day and you're like, he's like, I get five minutes a day.

Speaker 3 Just relax. It's a one-hour nap.
And I'm like, but what if I need to talk to you? Like, it's

Speaker 3 so it's less that it's more about making fun of the unjustified anger. It's never an anger, an actual anger toward him.

Speaker 1 That is funny. That you're just enraged.
You're not kind of bothered or a little bugged. You're just furious is funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Someone will be like, hey, can you ask Noah a question? I'll be like, don't know, because he's in the land of Nod. So I guess we'll just put our lives on hold while he naps.
Meanwhile, it's one hour.

Speaker 1 Everything's fine. Is he on a couch publicly or is he in a bedroom with the door public?

Speaker 3 No, he retreats to the bedroom.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. And no one can go in there.
Oh, I told you. By the way, well, now

Speaker 1 he's trying to. He's trying to, yeah, I'm getting mad too.
He's getting fucking hissed at this guy. If I was at your house talking to you guys and he

Speaker 1 was quietly going in the other room like, where are you going? Where are you going? Probably say.

Speaker 3 Where are you creeping off to? I need you.

Speaker 1 Do you have time? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I got to talk to you about a conversation I had with a female friend. Can you get back here?

Speaker 1 A female friend. Here's a female friend.
Here's what you tell your husband to say, which will make it slightly funny and less annoying. Oh, Eliza, I'm going to take to my bed.

Speaker 3 That sounds like he's ill, like take to the waters.

Speaker 1 Or it's very regal. It's a king.
No, it couldn't be worse. It's worse.
Take to my bed.

Speaker 3 That does sound like you're sick.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because I also remember you were in the road to Wellville. So I wonder if that's...

Speaker 1 Oh, you saw that. I did see that.
It was Dana.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he played like a

Speaker 1 kind of a

Speaker 1 street weirdo guy excuse me who was uh anthony hopkins was my dad and i got i said unhoused i said unhoused yes it was an unhoused hobo i got to hang out with sir anthony hopkins or uh tony um

Speaker 1 but the last day there i i just had see a hoppy but anyway we're close that was we're close that was uh a thrill being with him you know just couldn't have couldn't imagine anything more you've played an unhoused bum, an unhoused bum, like when you combine the good and the bad, creeping around this mansion in upstate New York and terrorizing Bridget Fonda.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I actually have been to that.

Speaker 1 It's called the Mohunk Lodge. Yes, and it is haunted, right?

Speaker 3 I mean, anything old is going to be haunted. I mean,

Speaker 3 but we used to go there. My dad used to take us there.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 3 When we were kids. Yeah.
It's so random.

Speaker 1 It's in. Wait, Eliza, is it called Mohunk? Yeah.
M-O-H-H-O. And didn't we do an SNL retreat there?

Speaker 1 We did a retreat in New York in Mohunk.

Speaker 3 It's in not Pelv,

Speaker 3 Plattsburgh. Platts, something.
It's up there by Hudson. It's like

Speaker 1 way, way up

Speaker 1 Hudson. It's a ship.
David, do you remember that? We all went, Eliza. All the casts were

Speaker 1 went up. I was there.

Speaker 3 I was on the SNL. What do you mean? I was in the cast.

Speaker 1 I was on SNL. You were there?

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 I didn't do a lot that year.

Speaker 1 You would have been there for three seasons as 10-year-old feature player. He just never got on the battlefield.
Yeah, you could have played the

Speaker 1 junior high girl with the ponytail. What's up?

Speaker 1 So, hey, football fans, register with BetMGM and keep the good times rolling all season long.

Speaker 1 This is pro football season. New customers can download the BetMGM app and sign up to receive up to $1,500 in bonus bets with code FLY Fly

Speaker 1 if they don't win their first bet. Get access to Bet BetMGM's second chance promo, where you'll get your stake back in cash if your first touchdown score scores second instead.

Speaker 1 You also get access to odds boost tokens, same-game parlays, BetMGM original bets, special boosts, and tokens. New features are here like dark mode and live same-game parlays.

Speaker 1 From kickoff to the winning field goal, there are more ways than ever to supercharge your excitement. Enjoy hard-hitting football thrills all season at BetMGM.
You won't want to miss it.

Speaker 1 Follow and tag BetMGM across all socials at BetMGM. Betmgm.com.
BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. See BetMGM.com for full terms.
21 plus only.

Speaker 1 This specific promotional offer is not available in Michigan, Mississippi, New Jersey, New York, Nevada, Ontario, Pennsylvania, Puerto Rico, or West Virginia. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.

Speaker 1 Available in the U.S. For New York, 877-8-HOPE-NY.
Or text HOPENY. that's 467-369.
For Arizona, 1-800-NEXT Step. For Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050.
For Iowa, 1-800-BETS Off.

Speaker 1 For Puerto Rico, 1-800-981-0023. First bet offer for new customers only, subject to eligibility requirements.

Speaker 1 Rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

Speaker 4 What's up? It's Draymond Green. I'm back for my 14th NBA season, and my podcast, The Draymond Green Show, is back too.

Speaker 4 This season, I'm breaking down games, reacting to the biggest NBA stories, and sitting down with teammates, rivals, and culture shapers. And trust me, I'm not holding back on the court or on the mic.

Speaker 4 Two new episodes every week, new segments, big conversations, real basketball talk for the real hoop heads. Listen to and follow the Draymond Green Show wherever you get your podcast.
We're back.

Speaker 4 We're better. Let's get it.

Speaker 5 Here for the Lowe's early Black Friday deals?

Speaker 6 You're right on time for some of our biggest savings. We're talking up to 50% off select major appliances, plus up to an extra 25% off when you bundle select major appliances.

Speaker 6 Holiday lights going up soon? Select ladders are up to 50% off right now.

Speaker 5 Get Black Friday prices without the Black Friday crowds. Lowe's, we help.

Speaker 6 You save. Valent through 1119.
Selection varies by location. Select locations only.
While supplies last. See Lowe's.com for more details.

Speaker 3 i will tell you i showed i my daughter's just turned three and so it's on me to show her what's funny so i showed her a bunch of in living color and then i was like you need to see this sketch it's called matt foley whatever he whatever he was and it was the one with you and christina applegate oh yeah when he falls on the table

Speaker 3 and i was trying to explain to her why that's funny when someone falls onto furniture and that took the funny right out of it did she react to it i mean she's three that's nope but she will.

Speaker 3 She will ask for it. In like six months, she'll be like, I want to see the furniture guy.
And then you'll be like, I will pull it back up.

Speaker 1 Furniture guy. Yeah.
Does she watch Miss Rachel? No.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 3 Just never thought about it.

Speaker 1 I thought that was the big hook.

Speaker 3 No, but we watch a lot of Michael Jackson thriller on repeat, the whole video.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. Wow.
I mean, because that's a little scary, right? It's monsters coming at you and stuff.

Speaker 3 I was like, you need to know what good music is. Halloween was there.
I was like, you have to know this.

Speaker 3 And now, I mean, if you're a parent, you will just live to see all of your favorite things repeated to you ad nauseum until you hate them. We listen to Thriller every morning

Speaker 1 multiple times. If you had to guess next Halloween, what would your child go as you think? Would it be

Speaker 1 Spider-Man? I don't know what.

Speaker 3 Oh, she's going as Elsa. I already asked her.
It's either Elsa or Michael Jackson. Oh.
It's whatever.

Speaker 1 It's funny. Next year, it's in nine months.
She already knows.

Speaker 1 Three, four, five Halloween rocks. I mean, Halloween is for that

Speaker 1 age pocket. The cute kids, twick a tweet, you know.
And then the 15-year-old high school dude, could I get some candy?

Speaker 3 You know, not funny. So, my block does the Halloween for our entire area.

Speaker 1 So, it's like a thousand people.

Speaker 3 Not only that, the kids are so rude. They don't know to say trick or treat.
And I,

Speaker 3 my like joy in life is putting on a witch face and I heckle these kids.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love it.

Speaker 3 I try to be, and they kind of crave it. And when a kid comes back for candy and I'm like, I recognize you.
Get out of here, you little fat brat. And I turn him away.
I don't call him fat.

Speaker 3 I love to scare them because you have to say please and you have to say trick or treat. And they don't.

Speaker 1 No, they don't know.

Speaker 1 They know.

Speaker 1 I was telling Dana that the Super Bowl has a Roman numeral like 48. I'm like, let me tell you something.
No fucking kids know what goddamn Roman numerals. Can we drop it with the Roman numerals?

Speaker 1 They don't even know what numerals means. They know the word number barely.

Speaker 3 They can't read cursive. They're not reading ancient numbering systems.

Speaker 1 The AI is going to teach your. That's so true.
They're so stupid.

Speaker 3 They know I'm not.

Speaker 1 Excellent.

Speaker 1 Eliza, you are,

Speaker 1 I'm not reading this. Eliza, you from Dallas, but

Speaker 1 do you remember when you were there? You're too young, but my favorite club was the Dallas Improv on

Speaker 1 Central and Walnut.

Speaker 3 Oh, it moved because now it's in Addison.

Speaker 1 Addison is one like next to a freeway.

Speaker 3 The whole city's next to a freeway.

Speaker 1 It's Dallas, Texas.

Speaker 3 The whole city was built off a toll road.

Speaker 1 That's so funny. The Addison Improv, I used to call that.
Okay. I played the Addison Improv, but there was a Dallas one, and the manager used to take us to the Million Dollar Saloon.

Speaker 1 Dane, it wasn't a real, regular, like, old West soul.

Speaker 1 Spellbinders in Houston. Anybody?

Speaker 3 I'll tell you what. I think Dallas has, at least it used to have like more strip clubs per capita.
And then I think Portland and probably Atlanta joined the chat.

Speaker 1 Join the chat.

Speaker 3 Join the strip chat. But Dallas has a lot of them kind of down there in that area.

Speaker 1 In that whole area.

Speaker 1 The manager would take all the comics down there and he'd give them free passes and they'd be like, oh, this is good. Oh, wait, it's good.
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday?

Speaker 3 Was that when you were playing there?

Speaker 1 No, Eliza. That's just they were only allowed to go.
I'll tell you what.

Speaker 3 I could just see like any female comic working, like being like, oh, cool. Thanks for these strip club passes.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I'm so glad.

Speaker 1 I'm so glad I got it. Yeah, we had a good thing going.

Speaker 1 I remember, you won't know this because you're too young, young, but when I worked there at the Addison Improv, this cute waitress said she dated the drummer for NXS. Now, this is going way back.

Speaker 1 That's an old band.

Speaker 1 And we're like, you don't even know who NXS is. There's not a chance because no one anywhere but LA sees anyone famous.
It just never happens. Right.
God,

Speaker 1 lo and behold, the god dang drummer for NXS comes in the club when I'm there. I'm like,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 And he said, this ties into you.

Speaker 1 You got, oh, the comedians, if you want, stay a day and on the night off, we'll all go to see Michael Jackson. And I'll lose tickets.
And he took us to Michael Jackson.

Speaker 3 Where did you, that's amazing.

Speaker 1 Somewhere in Dallas at some big dome. I was like, oh, my God, this is, it sounds like a lie.
It might be a lie. Actually, I'm going to back off it a little bit.

Speaker 3 What do you mean it might be a lie? Did you go or did you not?

Speaker 1 No, because you reacted too big. So I was like, wait, am I lying? Oh.

Speaker 1 I think it's true. No, I think it's true.
I saw him lie, but I met him when he was 13. Oh, yeah.
You met him when you were a business.

Speaker 1 Busboy waiter at the Holiday Inn, bringing Michael Jackson and all the Jackson family dinner and Fruit Loops.

Speaker 3 Yeah. At a Holiday Inn?

Speaker 1 Holiday Inn, which was near a regional theater called the Circle Star Theater, 3000 in the Round. The Jackson 5 was playing there in 75.
I was a busboy waiter.

Speaker 1 you know, room service guy. And so I got to know him a little bit.
You know, I always brought him raw carrots.

Speaker 3 Is that you getting to know him?

Speaker 1 You know, in the story. He's at the zoo.
It just makes the story better. I'd rather I gave him carrots and left.
Also, Little Richard, I waited on him. He answered the door naked.

Speaker 3 That's true. What city is this?

Speaker 1 This is San Carlos, California.

Speaker 3 I feel unqualified to be on this because

Speaker 3 I don't have these storied other than,

Speaker 3 you know, like I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm not Dane Cook at the back of the business.

Speaker 3 Nobody wants to hear that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The person you'd most want to meet right now, Like a

Speaker 1 most famous person.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 Taylor Swift, you met her. I'm just throwing it out.
Okay. Most famous person.

Speaker 3 I've never met her. I guess it's like, I don't know.
I don't think it's about like, oh, I want to meet them. It's more about like, oh, I'd love to work with them.
I see.

Speaker 3 But I mean, I met Billy Crystal once and I cried. And he was so nice because there is a comic.
You know, it's not about rock stars. I mean, I think

Speaker 3 if I met Nikki Minaj, I'd be like, we have to talk. I have so many things I've always wanted to say to you.
And she would tolerate me and she'd be like, whose mom is this?

Speaker 3 But as a comedian, there are so many people. If you are, if you're lucky enough in your career, your idols become your colleagues.
You know,

Speaker 1 very unique and kind of weird.

Speaker 3 Kind of sad. It's sad for the idol.

Speaker 3 But it's, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think, I don't know.

Speaker 3 Anybody from, I mean, if I ever met Jim Carrey, of course, obviously I could never meet Chris Farley, but that would be impactful.

Speaker 3 Will Farrell, I'm sure I will take a meeting with at some point and will embarrass myself.

Speaker 3 Big fan of Elizabeth Banks. I've only met her executive.

Speaker 3 I barely, I think I've chatted with her, but you know, you see like women that were on SNL, like you see these people and then you remember that, you know, they're just like you.

Speaker 3 These are just normal people. But Billy Crystal, I did cry because that was incredibly meaningful.

Speaker 1 And what was big when you exposure to Billy Crystal for me?

Speaker 1 Was it him on SNL or him?

Speaker 3 No, because that was, again, I think this podcast should be called You're Too Young to Remember This.

Speaker 1 You're so young and you're going to blow away because I'm just wondering where you and I'm going to be. I'm so a fan.
Thank you, David.

Speaker 3 He, because he was on SNL, obviously, yeah, at the very beginning, he did a movie. I mean, obviously there were city slickers, but he did a movie called Mr.

Speaker 3 Saturday Night, which sometimes gets overlooked by stand-up comics as this like seminal piece of work in terms of like movies about stand-up comedy. Right.
But we watched it a lot growing up.

Speaker 3 And now that I look back at it, you realize how much of it was true in a way that you couldn't process it as a kid.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 And with no context.

Speaker 1 He did that character in a special. I think he did a special where he played all these characters at a house somewhere or something.
And I remember it standing out.

Speaker 1 He's like really in the pocket with that character. And then he did the movie.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 1 so, yeah.

Speaker 1 What did he sound like? Was he like this this or something?

Speaker 3 No, it's just a New York Jew. Just like a New York, like shticky.

Speaker 1 What do you want? Yeah. What do you want from me?

Speaker 3 King of the jungle. How about queen?

Speaker 3 It was a Davey Crockett joke.

Speaker 1 It wasn't.

Speaker 1 It wasn't the jungle. It was King of the Wild.
It's like it sounds like a joke.

Speaker 1 How about

Speaker 1 bump?

Speaker 3 And so, I don't know, but I will say, I mean, anytime you work with anyone bigger than you, you're just kind of like, oh, wow, this is, I feel bad for this person, but this is really cool that I'm here.

Speaker 1 where did you see him

Speaker 3 he was doing a town hall like for the new york comedy festival and i had a show why or something no it was at town hall like it was called

Speaker 1 in new york oh yeah yeah and i

Speaker 3 snuck back there and i went like under the stage like fan of the opera style and i like i was like i bet he'll be here and he was no security because it's you know john hankley style more like i did it yeah and so you see him and you go up and you're not and he's nice to you that's great somehow i always always let people know, like, I'm a comedian.

Speaker 3 Just so you know, like, I'm not a weirdo. Like, I'm like, I do what you do.
We're the exact same.

Speaker 1 Can I get a picture?

Speaker 1 I'm a weirdo.

Speaker 3 I'm a weirdo.

Speaker 1 Who took a picture? Equals, I'm a weirdo.

Speaker 3 Well, there's also that thing with comics. Someone is a comic and you're like, are you? Or is this something you like think about doing?

Speaker 3 But I do think it is a nice thing, like to level the playing field. When a comic comes up to me, they're like, hey, I do comedy too.
It's a nice way of being like, hey, like, I mean you no harm.

Speaker 1 Yet

Speaker 1 it kind kind of like you're all in the same club. Like anytime you go to a backstage comedy store, you walk in a club on the road or you do a guest spot and you see comics, it's all like equal.

Speaker 1 Everyone's like, hey, hey, hey, what's up? Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Like, you could at least introduce yourself or say hi.
I mean, but there is, I always feel bad when like a comic is like, I couldn't get in. I'm like, if you're a comic, you can come in.

Speaker 3 You can always come in for free. I don't want people to think that and then you just say it.

Speaker 3 You're allowed into these spaces to just hang out.

Speaker 1 It's very interesting when you get an out-of-the-blue compliment because if you're just slumping around on a sunday afternoon or something and i think you totally forget that you're on tv kind of at least intellectually and then all of a sudden some guy goes i love you man and then walks away like oh thanks

Speaker 3 oh and they don't want anything too and that's kind of nice they don't want anything oh the most humbling is when i'm like did you because sometimes i'll say it because i know someone will be nervous because i'll pick up on the energy i'll be like did you want a picture and then they say no and i'm like i'll just go fuck fuck myself then.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to give you,

Speaker 1 I feel so bad. I'm like, I don't want to go, I don't want to go that far.
I'm not really into, I mean, you're fine, but

Speaker 3 they'll wait in your VIP. This may not be relatable to a lot of people listening.
They'll wait in your VIP line with people who paid a lot of money to meet you and have a photo.

Speaker 3 And then they'll say, I don't want a photo. I just wanted to say hi or thank you.
And I'm like, okay, but you spent a hundred. This is still $100.
You sure you don't want a quick Snapchat?

Speaker 3 Quick something.

Speaker 3 Nope. You just want it.
Okay. I I respect it.

Speaker 1 What about the people?

Speaker 1 Let's take a photo. Let's take a

Speaker 1 photo backstage.

Speaker 1 Let's take it.

Speaker 1 That is good. But Dana, she's saying, what if you say no? What do they say? I've never had anyone say no.
I don't relate to that. I've had people say, I only get 100,000 photos of this.

Speaker 1 No, it's people. I just want to say hello, bro.

Speaker 1 But I get. Backstage.
Let's say, Eliza, you're doing a corporate or regular backstage meet and greet. And they have a professional photographer, right? Yeah.
So they go, this moves, boom, boom.

Speaker 1 And then you do it, and then everyone slowly pulls out their phone. After they get the real picture, he goes, Let's just do one on Monday.
Okay, selfie. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Everything. And they're like, how do I flip my phone? I'm so nervous.
What's my code again?

Speaker 3 Okay, so that's what do you do? That's your tour manager's job. We have a policy.
One picture per group. You guys all came together.
You have each other's numbers.

Speaker 3 You give the phone to the tour manager and we bang them out. There's no, I don't want to see you fiddle with your LG chocolate razor.

Speaker 1 No fiddling. No fiddling.
Not with your sidekick.

Speaker 3 I don't want to see it. Just have it ready.

Speaker 1 Suzuki sidekick.

Speaker 3 With your Kawasaki jet ski. I don't want to see you.

Speaker 1 Why did they stop making that sidekick phone? Whatever. I remember Kid Rock had one.
I thought he was so goddamn cool. He'd go,

Speaker 1 and it kind of spins out.

Speaker 3 One of those. It was so cool.
I never had one, but they looked really cool.

Speaker 1 I never had one either. They were too cool.

Speaker 1 I have a question about phones, and no one's ever answered this to me. Yes, sir.

Speaker 1 Like they make these giant, you know, library book-size phones and, you know, all that could i get a second phone that just so everyone knows tiny that i could just talk on that has the same just so everyone at home knows dana carvey's holding up an iphone 6 and i don't know how he still has it

Speaker 1 is that a six no no it's a normal phone it's a normal phone he's holding up an ipod shuffle

Speaker 1 shuffles they were a great people have

Speaker 3 people have phones that just perform a phone call duty it doesn't have the internet like people are going back to that now since we're all going to.

Speaker 1 It's like a lot of drug dealers.

Speaker 1 Nice if you're just around town, you could have like this really light phone with the same number and still have this when you want to go show people videos.

Speaker 1 Come on, Tim. Come on, Tim Cook.

Speaker 3 Get your ass. Is that how badly you want to show people videos? Like Dana Carter just walked around.
Like, look at this cooking video. Look at this hibachi video.
What it is.

Speaker 1 This is being recorded. I go, look at this.
This is me with Eliza. This is me with David Spade.

Speaker 1 Wait, actually, I've seen women and they at dinner and they put down the two phones like stacked on each other, I'm like, hook, hook, hooker.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's what you, oh, I thought you meant like you got me hook, line, and sinker.

Speaker 1 You meant that they were sex workers. That's what they think, I mean.
And then I go, nope, we got a hook alert. When I first met David, he had he had a burner phone.
I go, what's that for? Never mind.

Speaker 3 Yeah, what is that, David?

Speaker 1 What's that about?

Speaker 1 He's lying, but

Speaker 1 it's a funny fictitious scenario.

Speaker 3 So I'm going to tell you the truth that nobody's going to cop to. Oftentimes when you see someone with two phones,

Speaker 3 if they're not a drug dealer and there are, I can think of a Kevin Gates song about having two phones. It's called Two Phones.

Speaker 3 It's oftentimes just a performative flex.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 3 they're like, sorry, I just get so many. I can't.
I'm like, this is, sorry. This is a microcomputer with the entire power of the world in it.

Speaker 3 And you're telling me you're so disor you have so much going on that the internet can't hold all of your information

Speaker 3 your phone book is so full that you need two different

Speaker 3 and i think if you're a mega celebrity like most people just won't have your number i'm not even that famous and most of my calls go to an assistant so the two phone thing unless you have one for work that you throw in a drawer at the end of the day is really and people like hold them up to be like oh sorry i just have two of these like okay we get it that is a good flex like it's a flex three performative flex is another possible special for you Yeah, with three X's.

Speaker 1 So six specials

Speaker 1 in a pretty short, well, I guess they would spread them out, but

Speaker 1 it's a lot of specials. It was in one year.

Speaker 3 It was in one year. We did two every two a month.

Speaker 1 Do you know when you show up what you're going to wear? Because I never know till like 10 minutes before. I guess I'll wear this shirt.
Oh, on your special, you mean? On your special. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Plan it out.

Speaker 3 To be fair, Dana, right now you look like you're in a sleeping bag.

Speaker 1 To be fair, you didn't think anything before this.

Speaker 1 It's an Adam Sandler puffy jacket.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's a Codo Paxi original. Oh, no, we can tell.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 3 No, no.

Speaker 1 You're right. That is a very funny observation.
Women know more about guys' clothes when they walk up and they size it all up, and the guys don't even know they're being analyzed.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I've been about a pretty good outfit, and they're like later going, Did you see the shoes? Yeah, this with that. Yeah, they just know everything.

Speaker 3 It's not. I mean, I used to, in one of my old specials, I have a bit about how we scan.
Like, we scan everything.

Speaker 3 And it's not about, because I'm not a gold digger, it's not about, like, ooh, is that a nice watch?

Speaker 3 It was like, oh, are you, are your shoes weirdly outdated to where it's like you had to make a choice between like these shoes or your electricity being on?

Speaker 3 Are you wearing like a Kenneth Cole reaction shoe? Like, that shows that no one's dressed you in a long time. Are you wearing workout gear, but you're obviously you haven't done cardio?

Speaker 3 Are you wearing a tech vest? Are you wearing a Kodo Paxi jacket? And they all inform us about your, are you wearing an Arctic's flannel? Like, do you have a cocaine addiction?

Speaker 3 Like there's all these things for better or for worse. But to answer your question, of course.

Speaker 3 Not, I mean, we plan the outfit. I think I work my material.
I think the outfit is second to how precious the material is and then the lighting and everything else. But the outfit gets planned well.

Speaker 1 I saw a clip of you. Well, you were wearing, it was kind of black.
And then there was sort of you were hip flexors were exposed. Exposure.
Hip flexing. Yeah, and it was

Speaker 1 kind of a cool look, you know.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's very cool.

Speaker 1 I don't, I just buy

Speaker 1 trying to be invisible. You know, I have like

Speaker 1 50 black t-shirts.

Speaker 3 You know, look, I'm not going to pretend like as a woman, what you wear doesn't matter. And I, there's certain silhouettes I enjoy.

Speaker 3 And for this special, we, I just wanted to do something sexy, but powerful, but fun. I found the pants prior to having my last baby.
So I held on to those pants for like a full year.

Speaker 3 And I was like, I'm going to get into these pants, come hell or high water.

Speaker 3 And I just stared at them every day. Do you

Speaker 1 feel like when I was trying on shit for my stupid special, like, oh, I might wear it's guys, it's like

Speaker 1 90% of the time, a t-shirt and a coat. And it's usually those those jackets with no collar whatever

Speaker 1 so i was trying something on but i don't usually wear coats on stage i don't do much movements but i don't want to have any resistance anywhere like yeah it's too tight or you're trying to look good and you're like i can't really do what i do and i'll think about it i'd rather just be loose so that's why my excuses i don't look that great on them uh also i have one coming out in the future oh that's so i didn't know i was gonna wear

Speaker 1 what is the title of it david what'd you call it stupid special that's what you just said you were like in my stupid special. My stupid special, this garbage.
I think it's called this garbage.

Speaker 1 And I didn't decide what I was wearing because I brought two things to the special and we were backstage and I was doing them both and I go, this, or this.

Speaker 1 We wound up doing a combo platter because they said you have five minutes before you go on. So this is what I'm worried about before I go on and the crowd is there.

Speaker 1 And they're like, guys, which, what is he walking out? And so we just know for whatever reason. They want to know a month ahead.

Speaker 3 They got to steam it.

Speaker 1 They got to steam no matter what you're doing.

Speaker 3 As long as you don't have wrinkles, look, here's the deal. In terms of men's comedy, there's Eddie Murphy Raw, and then there's whatever else the rest of you guys wear.

Speaker 3 Like, it either has to be impactful and iconic, or literally no one cares.

Speaker 1 I'm going with literally no one cares.

Speaker 1 I'm going with people go, what did he wear in this special? And they're like, oh, did he have any clothes on? We don't even remember.

Speaker 3 That's how good the material was.

Speaker 1 Laughed at the jokes or we don't, but we go, that means literally nothing.

Speaker 3 why guys that's why i go i don't really care just what do i wear all the time people have already decided they like me or they don't let's just well i don't think i don't think people i don't i think it's all about what you give to your audience and i don't think people watch you for a sartorial experience and i think when you're a woman people have to like it is about what you're wearing you know it does it are you does it hug your body can they see your body are they not seeing your body is that deliberate i think women get judged on these things in a good and a bad way but for guys it's just not the way that we think about you.

Speaker 3 Like if someone sees you, it's like, oh my God, it's David Spade. Not, oh, did you, I mean, maybe on a Saturday night, like, did you see those leather pants?

Speaker 3 You know, it's just not your, it's just not part of your brand.

Speaker 1 And some females are like, are you a hoodie comic or do you dress up? I almost, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Well, that's because for the longest time, you know, the audience, it took them a while to wrap their minds around the fact that a woman was speaking.

Speaker 3 But now I think, you know, I see a lot of younger girls just going up and just everything's out and they don't think about it. And the answer is you're welcome.

Speaker 3 It's because of women like me and our generation putting in that work in those American apparel hoodies so you could wear a belly shirt.

Speaker 7 Tito's handmade vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason.

Speaker 7 From the first legal distillery in Texas, Tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten-free, making it a high-quality spirit that mixes with just about anything.

Speaker 7 From the smoothest martinis to the best Bloody Marys, Tito's is known for giving back, teaming up with nonprofits to serve its communities and do good for dogs.

Speaker 7 Make your next cocktail with Tito's, distilled and bottled by Fifth Generation Inc., Austin, Texas, 40% alcohol by volume, savor responsibly.

Speaker 8 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game?

Speaker 8 Well, with the name Your Price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at progressive.com.

Speaker 8 Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law.
Not available in all states.

Speaker 2 At blinds.com, it's not just about window treatments. It's about you, your style, your space, your way.

Speaker 2 Whether you DIY or want the pros to handle it all, you'll have the confidence of knowing it's done right.

Speaker 2 From free expert design help to our 100% satisfaction guarantee, everything we do is made to fit your life and your windows.

Speaker 2 Because at Blinds.com, the only thing we treat better than windows is you black friday deals are going on all month long save up to 45 off site-wide plus an additional 10 off every order right now at blinds.com rules and restrictions apply

Speaker 3 hoodie comic hoodie comic i was one of them my picture is on the improv wall next to yours actually and i'm in that hoodie very low risk

Speaker 1 yeah you're right next to mine it's right when you walk in eliza do you remember when i brought you up wrong

Speaker 3 not only yes do you want to tell it because it was a very sweet story.

Speaker 1 You tell it.

Speaker 3 I feel like I remember half of it.

Speaker 1 It was in the original room

Speaker 1 at the comedy store. So I

Speaker 1 think I brought you up and I said your name wrong, right?

Speaker 3 Definitely.

Speaker 1 I said your name wrong. It's a tricky name.

Speaker 3 To be fair, it is awful.

Speaker 1 I think I got the first name wrong.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 So what? Oh, yeah. So I felt so bad because it was very unprofessional.
Even though intros are always screwy, like Bobby Lee's coming in this idiot, blah, blah, blah. He's my dad.

Speaker 1 You know, it's always screwy. Forget, mess up the credits.
But I said her name wrong. I didn't know her enough to do her name wrong.
And then I, oh, Adam Egett was working there.

Speaker 1 So I said, can I get Eliza's email maybe?

Speaker 1 Just to apologize for doing that.

Speaker 3 It was a, you got it. And

Speaker 3 I got it. So for people listening, Adam Eget was the manager, general manager of the comedy store.
And now I think he manages Mothership in Austin.

Speaker 3 And he texted me and he was like, Spade's going to message you. And I, because I think I may have said something to you

Speaker 3 or I didn't. But the way he said, Spade's going to talk to you, the vibe was like, hey, you did something wrong.

Speaker 3 And now comedy royalty is about to not only blacklist you, but you should never have gotten upset that he mispronounced. like it was like Spade's gonna, he didn't say reach out.

Speaker 3 Reach out is a good thing. It's like Spade's

Speaker 3 bring down the hammer. And I was like, okay.
And you reached out and I was never gonna say anything ever again because I knew it wasn't personal.

Speaker 3 And you went out of your way to say that it was a mistake and you were sorry.

Speaker 3 And I couldn't believe that someone of your stature, that someone, that David Spade was reaching down to little old me to be like, hey, sorry about that.

Speaker 3 In an industry where people are like aggressively awful to each other for fun and I always remember that about you. And unfortunately for you, I was like, oh, cool.
Now we're friends.

Speaker 3 Now I can always talk to him.

Speaker 1 Yes. And then I said, no, I got to get it right now all the time.
All the time. Yeah.
Because I can't mess it. I can't keep messing it up.

Speaker 1 One time, Dane, I went on in the original room and Bill Burr was next, but he was in the hallway bullshitting, just like a typical night. And I got the hiccups like.
I'm sure to bill like a girl.

Speaker 1 And I've never done this.

Speaker 1 And I hiccuped every joke and I started laughing but it was too much because it was like the same thing over and over and they're stopping laughing and after about three minutes i go hey is bill out there and i and i go and i hear what and i go can you come up now i have to get off and he's like you got the hiccups and then i was like oh this is the worst guy to go after me yeah because now his first five minutes was like this pussy so that was funny but that was another or story similar he didn't apologize ever No, but just know that if you're watching a show and comics give each other shit like that, it's because they're friends.

Speaker 3 I don't think I've ever really seen a comic like fuck up and then the next comic gets mad about it. Like it's never, I've brought up comics I don't even like and I've never given them a bad intro.

Speaker 3 I've never been like, this next guy tried to sexually harass me over the phone and now I'm famous and he's not. Please welcome.
Like I would never do that.

Speaker 1 I think all you did, now I'm thinking about it, when I walked up and said your name wrong, you took the mic and you go, it's Eliza. And then you just went on and did, but you weren't scolding me.

Speaker 1 You just said it right for the audience to know.

Speaker 1 And then I was like shot leaving the stage like platoon. I was like, oh.

Speaker 3 And because I deigned to softly correct it and then Adam's like, Spade's going to talk to you. I was like, oh my God.
Oh, my God. He's going to get mad that I knew my own name.
And you were so nice.

Speaker 1 There's a rumor you softly corrected someone. And you're like,

Speaker 1 I think I did. He's like, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 You owe David Spade an apology. Your name is now Eliza.

Speaker 1 Shell, Shell, Ms. Schellsinger.

Speaker 1 That is. Shellsinger.
There you go.

Speaker 1 Miss Eliza. Shell singing.
What's the most common mispronunciation or is there one?

Speaker 3 What Dana just did deliberately or not? I can't tell if it's a bit. No,

Speaker 1 I was kidding. Okay.
Thank God.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. Schellsinger, Schlesinger.
But I don't even correct people because it ultimately doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 Because the more painful part is having to then hear them try to correct it, and then it becomes like a linguistics lesson.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 3 And you're like, I'm just trying to promote this show on this.

Speaker 1 I just got this special. I was introduced to Dana Garney a lot.
Dana Garney. This next comedian is kind of funny.
Some people.

Speaker 3 Dana Garney?

Speaker 1 It's just reading off a piece of paper. Dana, D-A-N-A.
And then they just,

Speaker 1 the V becomes an N or something. Dana Garney, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 3 Greg Fitzsimmons told me that he one time, and he's in my phone as this, got grapefruit Simmons.

Speaker 1 I don't mind that.

Speaker 3 People are just uneducated, not checked in, just out to lunch, just making up words, not reading.

Speaker 1 But Eliza, how nerve-wracking is it when they go, there's no MC, and you're up there and they go, and you go, who's next? And they're like, Bill Squankmeyer. And you're like, this next guy is so good.

Speaker 1 You don't even know who they are. You've never even heard of them.
Do you remember what? What did he say?

Speaker 3 Oh, I mean, the art of stand-up is 99% making up a bullshit credit for the next comic who you have no real reference for. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It used to be. That's a good way to put it.
Right.

Speaker 3 It used to just be clubs and colleges. But now that's, I mean, if you're playing colleges as your main thing, like maybe you're not doing great.
And so.

Speaker 3 And so, and used to be Comedy Central, which it really isn't anymore. So now, I mean, I brought up a comic the other night and I was like, you know him from the internet.
Please welcome.

Speaker 3 It was Morgan Jay and who is known from the internet. It's not like you met him on star search.
And so I thought,

Speaker 3 I just usually like this next comic is hilarious. One of my good friends.

Speaker 1 Please welcome. I do that.

Speaker 3 Anyone is next.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Incredible.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's plug.
Let's plug Eliza's thing one more time before we let her go. And I will say, before I let you go, Eliza,

Speaker 1 I just talked to today someone I said you were coming on, and they said, Tell her, good on paper movie is great and that is a Netflix movie

Speaker 1 that you wrote.

Speaker 3 I wrote it.

Speaker 3 It's based on a true story and

Speaker 3 I starred in it and it's available for streaming 24 hours a day.

Speaker 1 And it is a good on paper. It's very hard to write a movie.

Speaker 1 And you were in it.

Speaker 3 It's even harder to make one. Turns out.
Turns out it takes a long time.

Speaker 1 It's so hard to make a movie. Yes.
So vouch for that. And the special, Dana, say the name of the special.
I'll let you know. A different animal, Amazon Prime, March 11th.

Speaker 3 We shot it in

Speaker 3 Salt Lake City, which I knew.

Speaker 1 It's a great place. Right?

Speaker 3 It's secretly an incredible comedy town.

Speaker 1 Yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 3 You wouldn't think that. And they're the best.
And I have to be honest with you guys, you are my first podcast I've done to promote it.

Speaker 3 So you're the first person, I guess it was Dana, that I've heard say the special out loud because the title's been a secret.

Speaker 1 That's cool. How big was the theater?

Speaker 1 What did you do this time?

Speaker 3 Size?

Speaker 3 It was

Speaker 1 the Eccles.

Speaker 3 So that's, I want to say 2,300. I also want to say 1,800.
It's all such a blur, but we filled, we did two tapings at the Eccles, and it was gorgeous. And the outfit was hot fire.

Speaker 3 So I'm excited for one to see it.

Speaker 1 I would do one in Salt Lake. They're good.
Good crowd. The outfit was cool.
If it's the one, I think. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I hope it is. I hope they sent you the materials.

Speaker 3 Salt Lake City is basically people, not everyone there is Mormon, but what you get is a city of like almost no crime, people who don't really drink alcohol, jacked up on sugar from soda shops, and just really looking for a good time before church.

Speaker 3 That's who's there.

Speaker 1 That's right. I got to play that.
And they're good.

Speaker 3 You got to get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Thanks, Eliza.
We'll talk soon. I'll see you at the store.
I'll see you tonight. All right.
Thanks for joining.

Speaker 1 Bye, you guys.

Speaker 1 Bye. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all the stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 Fly on the Wall is executive and produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.