Bunny, Breakup, and Kanye's List

You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout, and suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me? I know.
Yeah, me too.

I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David.
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Your future self will thank you. Yes.
Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

You know, some mornings feel impossible, Dana, like today.

Freezing cold, holiday to-dos piling up.

And you just want something from your wardrobe. You just want it to make your life easy and just perform.
Yeah, you want your, yeah, something to perform. You want a wardrobe to perform.

Yeah, you want a wardrobe to bring something to the table. That's why I'm turning to Quints.

Their Mongolian cashmere sweaters, Dana. Mongolian cashmere sweaters.
Awesome.

insanely soft 50 bucks for a cashmere sweater and looks way more expensive than they are italian wool coats structured polished perfect fit for these chilly months honestly the down jacket i got to get that from quince because that's a go-to it keeps you warm looks sharp

holds up through the whole season Yes, Quince really nails the essentials. They got denim and chinos that actually fit, David.

Outerwear that lasts from leather jackets to wool topcoats, all made from premium materials by trusted factories. And

because they cut out the middleman, you get luxury quality without the crazy price tag. You were in a high school band called Denim and Chinos, if I recall.

Yes, and BBQ was the lead singer, actually.

Students starting grabbing a few gifts for home, bath and kitchen.

I don't stop stop at home. I go bath, kitchen.
Nice.

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Now available in Canada, too. What is it, Dana? That's q-u-i-n-ce-e.com/slash fly.

Free shipping and 365-day returns.

slash fly. Just got back from Hershey, Pennsylvania.
Oh, that must have been sweet.

Locked and loaded. Hey, what are we going to talk about today? Because we got to let anyone who just punched play or whatever you just clicked on the little arrow.
What's coming up?

We're going to weigh in on the Nicole Kidman. Yeah, we're going to weigh in on

the weigh in on stories a week late.

Keith Urban. What people don't realize is like

the Jimmy Kimmel thing we talked about the day after, and then it doesn't air sometimes.

It gets stuck because I'm on the road, you're on the road, and so yeah, they're like, Now you're finally chirping in,

and then they go, By the way, we hate whatever you'll say about it, but you must talk about it. I'm like, Okay,

okay, get I want to start commenting. I got to search the web tonight, just you motherfuckers with a shitty face.

They almost explode some of these people.

Most are not. But we love them.
I mean, you know, I'll do the Whitney Cummins thing. I mean, what good news is bad news? Bad news is good news.

If people are engaged and getting angry, maybe it's a good thing or happy.

They go off on tangents and fight each other in the comments, which I'm all for.

Yeah.

I just got back from the road. Boring.
Please don't explain it. What do you mean?

You're a road warrior officially. That's your new nickname.
I mean, you go out there.

I give you credit, man i have to say when i was doing stand-up and doing like just shoot me or rules of engagement i never even no one did really tours am i correct no one did like let's go on a tour

um

well you know there's certain comics there's comedy clubs which i was born and bred on for years and then you're there you know five nights sometimes six nights in the comedian condo and now there's one nighters in theaters whoops someone made the leap

No, now they go, you're in theaters. When are you going to do arenas? I go, no, no, no, no.

So on this one, arenas. I'm doing, I just jumped on with Adam because he has a couple.
Fabatoo.

Yeah, he's doing a fit. He's halfway through a 50 city tour, I think.
Dude, the guy, I talked to him six months ago. He goes, hey, you want to go down to the improv?

I have to start writing an act.

And he grinds it out. Even between shows at dinner, he's like, What about this? Talking to the other guys.
And that one guy plays keyboard, Dan Bula, who's a great writer.

And he's like, What if I switch this out for this? And then they're just constantly tweaking. And I'm over there like this.

Got any scallop potatoes?

Because I'm more worried about dinner.

It altered your voice. You were so worried.
Well, look, you have, you have, you, you write verbal bits with a lot of jokes, throwaways.

And Adam, which I do a little bit of that too,

it's a, it's, it's like a it's a big entertaining performance. He's got

Chirons and he's got them in guitar, and he's shredding, he's playing bass, he's singing, he's doing patter.

Um, so it's it goes into the crowd, it's great, got a spotlight anyway. Everyone loves it, and he's got two, literally two semi-trucks.
It's like a whole concert, like

there's monitors backstage, there's four TVs. Um,

we went first, I went out there and met him at Mohegan's Son, Connecticut.

The fun part about that was one night Letterman came. Sometimes people pop in to watch.
Was Letterman just in the neighborhood? I mean, I don't see this. Letterman came, and

he did a quick interview with us after, but he was mostly, I think, doing something with Adam for his

new J. Kelly movie coming out.
So David Letterman has a new J. Kelly movie coming out? No, Sandler does with George Clooney.
And then I think his press. And I think

they're going to do an interview with Letterman and

maybe his Netflix show for something like that. For consideration.
Yeah, that's possibly it. And I want to just say hello ahead of time.
Really fun to see Letterman.

And I shouldn't even say this because it's kind of pat on the back productions, but guess what he brought up? He came to my dressing room. Guess what he brought up?

Fly on the wall. Something about the 50th.
Oh, yeah, the thing about your, I got the general gist or whatever. Yeah.

That's very much in in his vernacular. That's very much.
He came in and he goes, there's been no better use for a cast member

than to have you do a throwaway line from the audience. And he said, just tell me how it all came about.
And then he also, when we were with Adam,

he really loved the Sandler song, which everyone did. That's like an Emmy-winning performance.

Right. Of

cast members that are here or gone. Yeah.

Nicholson in the front row.

And Jack. Yeah, that's, it's, it's, it's great.
Yeah. Dana back in LA at Bennigan's or something, not caring at all.
Yeah, I was stooling in my juices.

Stewing in my juices. No, I saw it with my friends Bo Derrick and John Corbett.
You did? Yeah, come on. I can name drop.
Fuck yeah.

My neighbors and friends. And so we watched it and we did it.
We did. I knew at the moment when you did the line.
I go, because that comedians know how hard it is to do like a throwaway line.

You're not yelling. You're not a moaning.
You're not actually just, it just was so heartfelt because it is exhausting being there. Yeah.
You're just like, I'm over it.

Sorely missed was Dana, even at this thing.

Cause, you know, obviously Adam says, you're welcome on any of these shows. If you're not going to be able to do that.

I've been texting. I just told him it's very far and it's just Dana's very brittle.

But I said,

I'm a dandelion. I'm so fragile.
I'm more fragile than you. You're out there running and doing stuff, but I like to hike mountains, I'll be honest.
Oh, okay. So

the same night, Taylor Swift's dad of all people. Isn't that funny? He came to watch.

Taylor Swift's dad. Taylor Swift's dad.
Okay, that's one removed from the. It's one removed.

Golden ring, but yeah. But we took it and we.
Was he cool? Did you come back? Super cool. Went backstage.
gave me a handful of Taylor Swift guitar picks. Isn't that nice? Could I have one?

I will give you one. Nice to see you.
Heather, I'm giving you one and I'll tell you why after.

Wow. Yeah.
I don't know why they keep comparing, you know, there's guys online and it's YouTube shows.

They're great, but they're like Taylor Swift versus the Beatles, you know, and it's like, why put Taylor through that? She's amazing for 2025, but there's only one Beatles.

She would agree, I'm sure, but it's like Taylor Swift.

She has so many stats that have never been achieved before. But this is, you know, the globalization of social media.

you know,

when you look at a band or even like they go, SNL, when you're on there, you guys are horrible. And then 10 years later, they go, oh, you guys are great.

It just takes a long time to look back at something, even movies, even things that they say. It just takes a long time to see if someone holds up for a long time.
Taylor Scripture sure will hold up.

The Beatles held up probably more than anyone ever. Well, I look at it like this.
When the Beatles left in 69, and it was just seven years of them, and then like nine albums. Done.

And And it was too much to process, even for the Beatles.

Too much. And then over time, it's like a wave hit and it's cresting.

And it's still cresting. Who sold the second most albums from 2000 to 2010?

Beatles. Not the Beatles.
Beatles. 40 years later.

Eminem was number one by a hair. I think they still sell a million albums a year.
So they're a singularity.

I'm not a grumpy old man. They're the best because it was was during my time.
You know, nope.

The evidence is there. But Taylor Swift is amazing.
So what do I, you know, if she'd come on this podcast, I don't, I want to apologize to Travis Kelsey.

You know what they call her, her fans now, Swiffers.

Swiffers, that's like a dust mop. Why would I want to apologize to Travis?

Are you going to apologize to Travis? Yeah, because for a long time I just referred to it as Taylor Swift and the football player.

That's not fair. That's like a movie of the week on Hallmark.
He does fine. It is a movie of the week on Hallmark.

You know what they're all doing? And I don't mean them or it's just branding.

They create a clothing line and then they intersect and they brand. I mean, the amount of money that entertainers are making wasn't

in our time.

You know, you weren't supposed to be a businessman. A businessman is an asshole.
And now it's like, I don't know, this money stuff. Ryan Reynolds is on TV.

I watched TV

for an hour and he wasn't on it. And I actually called Comcast and they go, I haven't seen Ryan Reynolds.
What's wrong? Yeah, don't they have a Mint commercial or something?

They do have a Ryan Reynolds block you can put on if you have. But good on good on him.
I'm not jealous.

Next day, this boring story is keeping going. Next day,

Washington, D.C., the Capitol. And we went to next morning, Adam and I went to a coffee shop.

And it was funny because here's my big joke.

It's like a long weaving line in there in a small coffee shop. Yeah.
And I go, oh, excuse me. Where's the front of the line?

Like we were going to, instead of the back of the line, we were going to cut. That's a good one.
Yeah. You get to cut fucking crickets.

How do you, how does David Spade and Adam Sandler wait in a coffee line without people going, hey, could I get a picture?

I will say, walking there, Adam had nothing, no sunglasses on or anything.

And it was a bit of a unicorn sighting because people just walk by and they go, so, you know, listen, I'm an international presence. I'm not taking anything away from me.

Adam is such a gigantic star that the people that, when I went for a walk first, that stopped me,

it could have been the same person. They don't see me.
When they see Adam, they just go, oh. And then they yell from cars, hey, you guys.
Or they go, can we take this picture from the car?

Or they go to Adam and don't even know I'm there. They're just so lasered in.
Like,

are you in our town? And then when they leave, they go, oh, hey, this fucking guy. So

it was fun to see that. You know, it was great just to go for a little

one-on-one because we're always with everybody, with everybody. And it was fun to just go laughing bullshit.
Then we're in the back of the coffee shop.

I'm sitting next to this lawyer, Dominique, and her friend, and they are giving us the lay of the land.

Adam's next to a five, three-year-old kid, and he's, he finishes popsicle, and then he just starts poking Adam with it. And Adam's going, whoa,

and it took the kid a minute, and then he started laughing hysterically. This funny old man is like,

yeah, Adam went with it, and the kid kept stabbing him. And that was the highlight of that kid's life.
He doesn't know it yet. And sweet.
Then I, I don't drink coffee, but I, we got that.

No super highlights there. Next day, or that same day, we went to Hershey and we got a huge Kit Kat bar.
They gave us all these huge candy. I can't really eat candy, but I can't eat sugar.

Thank you for actually. You can't eat candy.
You can't have coffee or candy. That's no, I can have coffee.
I don't like it. My third grade teacher had coffee and cigarette breath, and I swore off it.

That's a real story. And scrambled eggs, but I, it was such a sickening combo.

Yeah. She's like, are we doing fractions thing?

So I always remember that, and it's, it hurt me down deep. So now I go, no coffee.
I don't want to, girls don't like me enough.

I don't want to add something like, hey, I have this three-tiered sickening breath. So I did cave on the scrambled eggs, did not cave on the coffee or six.

But I don't mind either now, like if a female or someone has copied your cigarette, but that doesn't throw me as much as my fragility would tell you.

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You know, this last year, Dana, after

my big dinner,

slipped into the old food company.

Oh, my goodness. No one says that.
I basically fused in with the couch.

I'm talking stuffing, pie, all the fix.

That cedar bread house I tore into.

I don't remember eating it. Sorry with the roof.
I said just the roof.

Oh, one of those. Oh, yeah, I did a lot of pumpkins.

Anyway, now I come to

now. Cachava is my holiday reset.
I keep a couple coverings in my carry-on, stash some at home. My friends and family show up.
The snacking gets a little too nutty.

Cachava has a new limited edition chocolate mint flavor. Right? That's basically the holiday in the glass.
Yeah. Rich chocolate, cool mint, none of the sugar crash.

Might be my new favorite. So I still rotate in their chai and coconut acai.
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Off.

Look, I smoked in fourth grade for about a year. I'd steal Kent's cigarettes from my mom's purse.
Candy cigarettes or real ones? No, real ones. She had Kent, Kent, K-E-N-T.
Yes, she did. Oh, yeah.

Menthol. And then my brothers and I would go smoke and then we would eat ice plant to get it out of our breath.
But here's my point. If cigarette smoking was not harmful,

I'd be smoking a cigarette right now.

Because nothing's a better emphasis than that. Well, Spade, I mean, tell me more about the trip.
You know, I mean, nothing's cooler than the business of a cigarette.

Also, the business, you're always looking for business, which is a term when you're acting, do something with your hands, move things. It looks better if you're doing real life.

So, if you're like this, you're like, listen, you guys, are we going to wind up going to that show tonight or not? It just looks like you're doing a real life activity. Oh, yeah.

That's like Philip Seymour Hoffman. He's doing this while it's nothing to do with it.
Nothing.

He was so great. I want to ask you a question.
Greatest movie. No, wait.
Let me go quickly. Okay, here's a good smoking thing.
When you talk or you go like this, you go, my brother does this to me.

He goes, okay.

We're going to the movies, right? And I agree. And he goes,

What do we see together?

You talk on the holding the in.

Yes. Okay.
Here's my cigarette one.

The cigarette smoker seems to only realize that the smoke is annoying when they put it out. So they're like, so anyway, you know,

I feel really good.

A 30-second stream of smoke coming out. When they put it out, then they close their eyes and shake their head.
Best on-screen television or movie smoker.

I know who it is, and it's a mutual friend of ours. Best.
Shit. Best ever.

God, go ahead. I mean, it's not Humphrey Bogart, whatever.
Nope, not Sean Penn, but good guess. It is Mr.
John Hamm in a little show I like.

He was, he made that thing so cool. It's like,

I don't even know you. We should fucking get him on just to take us away.
No, he was fantastic in that. Oh, I love cigarettes.
I'm so, it is cool, and I hate to say it.

I don't recommend it, but I hate it.

I can't do it. It'll kill you, but it's just so cool.

Wait, what's, I got to look at my list. I got shit to tell you about.
Well, super. Oh, here's the last thing that's riveting.
Okay.

When I try, this is a good trick for people. If you're on the road like me, this is not a commercial.

Everything else is.

Interesting.

I'm all I said, I got a fly from DC. This is how much of a fucking hard ass I am.
Fly to, I wake up at D.C., coffee. I went out once, walked, and then I went with Adam, walked twice.

That wasn't what I was planning. Busted my quads, hamstrings, came back.
We take off, fly to near Hershey, drive half hour to Hershey, stay at this hotel.

Nice enough, looked like a dirty dancing hotel. I think I played there.

This is the one where they're like, you know, this hotel is a hundred years old would you believe it i go minimum minimum ghosts floating everywhere so

that one then i we only have two hours there fortune is on the show there robin fortune so we leave an hour later we take a little schnooze go to the gig

then we hightail i take a car to Philadelphia two hours. And then I stay where? Because I have an early flight home in LA.

marriott airport it's a it's genius i've done this in detroit you stay at the airport yeah and you walk out and you're in the airport yep they have one of those attached in denver and i did that last time i was there you just walk right from from baggage claim you're you go across the gangway and then you're in the hotel and the same thing you're starting to you're starting to get the road this is the first time i went this you're starting to get it you're starting to get it yeah i'm not saying you've got it, but you're starting to get it.

You seem to get it, but you don't have it. But now when you said that Denver thing, I said, oh, he saved an hour drive.
Yeah. He's getting, he's starting to get it.

When you start touring like this, this is maybe a couple of years ago. I remember this in a quick impression of you two years ago about travel.
What do I do? Where do I go? How do I get to the gig?

And I go, David, calm down. You will figure it out.
Should I stay at the airport? Should I stay at the airport? I go, David,

probably.

Should I stay super far from the airport? You go, no, stay closer to it.

Yeah, okay.

I used to say that. Where do you light or dark out?

I do that to John Lovitz, and he'd actually get kind of mad. John, quick impression of you.
What's going on? How do I do a sketch? Where do I go?

He goes, excuse me. I was, I mean, nominated.

That's not how I do it.

And I don't talk like May West.

Yeah, so I stay. So here's the big fucking fat story that I've been sitting on.
Okay, come on. Give it.

I have

the next day. Is this my story? Oh, I have to order breakfast.
You just don't have early onset dementia right now.

I go, I need breakfast. And they go, there's a QR coat.

So in my

haze of the morning, I go, can you just take my shitty order? It's very basic. Wish we could.
There's absolutely no way, Paul. So I give you a QR, camera phone,

eggs. What do you mean by eggs? And then what language do you want? I'm going down, add, subtract, this dog shit, and then it won't let it go through.
And I go, why not, Dana? What's your email?

Oh, they want your email and home address, cell phone number.

You don't get my goddamn precious email. You could offer me a 500.
I wouldn't, because now you're going to spam me. I already got an email from them.

Hey, David, great news. We have a new sausage pancake at the Marriott at the fucking airport.
I know. I hate all that information.
I just give him a fake number, but I can talk to you.

I was at a place in Vegas.

So they give us this two-bedroom suite. My wife's with me.
It's, you know, wall of windows and everything. First of all, we're looking at a construction site.
They're building the stadium.

Secondarily, there is a sewage smell throughout the suite. Both bad.
So the guy comes in. I spray, I don't know, I spray for you.
I'm sorry,

you said you had sewage smell. You know, yeah, so that was

that was not fun. Different stinky in here.

It's still going to smell like sewage. I'll be honest with you.
We can't get rid of it totally, but we're going to damp it down. We're going to damp it down.
You'll have sewage, put perfume together.

You're happy in the sweet. And that was Paula.
That was Paula. Yeah, Yeah, your wife saying that.
Yeah, she just got a funny thing.

We sprayed it. Did you put perfume? No, we use raid Anthony Roach.
It just smells different.

But you know, it's,

it's one of those things like you'd go to, I always say, just give me a regular room. You know, sometimes sweets, I hit my elbow.

I know. Sometimes they go, here you are.
And it's like the sweet from the hangover. And you're like, I don't need nine rooms.
Yeah, I know. And now

don't leave a comment. First world problems, we understand.

It's first world. I don't know any other world.
Sewage smell is all

anyone can relate to that.

Yeah, I remember stink.

Okay, I think that's all. Oh, when Swartzen went on, because, you know, Sandler, we all, it's just every night.
He has different people. Nick Swartzen, that doofus.

And he was on, and we were, we always crack up full-time. But when I follow him, I always go, oh, Nick Swartzen, everyone.
And then I go, oh, why are all the five-year-olds piling out of the stadium?

Oh, they just wanted to see Nick.

only there's only one nick didn't he have an album called who farted or did he yeah

and then he did and then he

his follow-up album was guess what i farted i was the guy that farted the whole time and and then he had a third one it's a farter ram at my house

no he is one world war fart funniest guys yeah i went on the group chat you should not jump on this group chat unless you're ready because if you bomb you know my trick on the group chat by the way i have to say swartzon is pretty funny on it i hate those things when i get on i write my joke and then guess what i do dana you press send

yeah i do that but then

i give it about two seconds then i put a ha ha on it on my own oh oh party going

so someone just looks down and goes oh someone laughed at this one it must be good

i sent a text to someone the other day it was a heartfelt kind of thing and then i was and they replied back. And I was going to do a heart on the reply, but I put a heart on my statement.

That's the best thing. That's it.
That's what I'm saying. Some love.
You do it. You put a ha-ha.
So everyone goes, oh, that's a funny joke.

And you're like, they don't really take some second to go, wait, Spade, did you laugh at your own joke? I go, fuck yes, I did. Hey, anyone can try this.
I was having a quasi just pod,

you know, chat back and forth. with perfunctory information.
Yeah, we went there, we went there. And I just started putting ha-ha on everything they said.

That's good. And it's just like, yeah, we took a car to the airport.
Ha ha.

And then the plane was a little bit delayed. Ha ha.
And finally, they're like, why are you doing that? I'm scared. Well, people do put LOL when they're nervous and they just go, Okay, I'm on my way.

LOL. Yep, I'll be there soon.
LOL. And you go, or when you go, ha ha, ha, ha, ha.
And how many, when do you stop? Yeah. You know, you do like 10 of them.
Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha.

Okay. So anything else on your end before we get into the hot, hot, hot stories that will be old? Are we talking about the Taylor Swift thing or no?

Nicole Kidman.

No, Nicole Kidman. Sorry, get him confused.
Oh, Nicole Kidman got a divorce. I guess it was a couple days ago, even though it just happened.
I know.

Yeah,

Keith Urban from Australia. Which one's Nicole Kidman?

No, he's...

She's great on the right and she's great on the left.

No, that guy is

from Australia. Oh, I don't like you making all those out of those movies with them fellas.
Or boogs me.

Take off your knickers in front of the fellas.

Yeah. Is that offensive?

No, that's Australia. They were together.
They had a long run, so we got to applaud that. That's Hollywood.

Average two years, no joke in Hollywood. Two years, one kid in Hollywood.
Sad, but true.

Oh, let's look at these comments. Check out first comment.
I mean, okay, there.

There's fucking baby doll. There's

baby girl, I think it's called. So this is Nicole is not the only one, but she's she's probably the queen of middle-aged women, I'll say, that are in really good shape making highly sexualized movies.

And I just wonder if that bugged her husband. I'm just, I can't help but be curious.
Oh,

she's an angle. Yeah.
You know, she's, yeah, that's an SM thing when she's on all fours drinking milk.

And does she give any guy you've seen more things than i have of her which i do like uh because she's great actress any bjs in the shower yes scenes yes really yeah

and so i have to say if oh i'm kate abbin and i'm like what's on the docket today at wek she's like Just your basic. We got a couple of car scenes.

We got a couple overhead shots with a drone and the day with a goblin goo in the shower. Come on.
That is hard. Even though you're faking it.
I think it's very hard to do.

I was in Big Little Lies where the husband, it was there in Monterey, and, you know, I think

Rhys Witherspoon was

a really cool series, but she had a husband who was violent with her, and then she would try to tame him down. So she was doing that activity in a shower.
And I don't like to be,

as long as you don't do a BJ scene from behind in the shower, oh, I can take it. Every script they sneak goes in because bless her heart for being a good actress.
She's sort of

absolutely great.

And it's kind of a

well,

if you were in a marriage that

was possibly iffy, it's not cheating. It's the closest thing you can do.
It's like when you get, you take a movie where it's just like high

fest.

Sexual.

The thing is, I guess their net worth is 300 million. So you don't have to do

to pay bills. So it is voluntary.
He had said that, oh, I don't mind watching have sex on a screen with a guy. Yeah, I just, I know it's her art form.
I look at it as a piece of art, not her.

And

apparently that was the idea. Nick Swartzon's fourth special is called Fart Form.
Maybe that's what he was going for. Art form.

Nick Swartzen, I think he and Sandler signed a deal. It's a sci-fi movie called Star Fart.

And he's an astronaut with a gas problem.

He's an astronaut with a gas problem. Oh, there you go.

Also, by the way, don't worry. He could see a movie.
Star Fart.

He burns me on those group chats. And the group chats are funny because you get like Conan or someone that used to be on the tour or they've been on a couple days here and there.

And now everyone starts chirping in like a month later going, Why am I hearing about where the car pickup is? Go fuck yourself, you guys. And then we're like, hey, look who it is.
So

Tim Meadows couldn't get off either. And he's like, guys, get me off this goddamn thing.
We're like, no chance, dude. You can't.
You're going to hear every breakfast call, every stupid question.

Yeah, it just like everyone's thinking. It becomes like a comedy competition.
They're thinking.

And you're typing really fast to get yours in there. And then you look at it like a minute later.
There's already 10 more jokes. And you go, my jokes sucked.
And you start feeling bad.

So I got out of it. Humiliation.
humiliation,

but what a blast. I don't go back out for a little while, but I'm gonna try it again.
Uh, okay, send some more stories our way. Let me see,

bad

bunny. Oh, this will be old, but he is announced as the Super Bowl halftime show,

which

oh, he was a happy yo more.

Um, I know his name. I'm not familiar with his music.
Can somebody, uh,

Greg or Heather, or you, tell me his real music? What is bad rabbit?

Very, very talented. Oh, listen, what is that? Is it very is it hip-hop? Is it rap? Is it country? Is it pop? I think

it's uh,

yeah, what is it?

Rap? What would you describe? I don't think it's rap. Is it like Mark Anthony?

Look at Greg, just writes Latin music. What if I

kind of

hip-hop? It's everything. Yeah.

Now, look, I did read this. I thought it was funny because a lot of people, you want to have, you know, Eminem or you want to have these names, Eminem from 25 years ago, these funny names, Shibuzi,

Bad Bunny was good, but I did read an article about names he was really seriously considering before he settled on Bad Bunny. One was Cruel Rat, but it had no pop to it.
You know,

I heard one was

misbehaving Aardvark.

Yeah.

There was another one. Well, Good Bunny was there for six months.
He was Good Bunny.

And he didn't sell anything. You know, first he was just a rabbit, rabbit man.
Yeah.

Tempted rabbit. Then sort of shoulder shrugger rabbit.
He didn't know which way to go. Yeah.

And then he went bad.

He did say Day and though he was mad about

the ICE situation.

And he said, I'm not doing my tour in America at all this year. I will avoid America.
Except for the Super Bowl? No. And then he got offered the Super Bowl a week later.

And so that was the only controversy is that he accepted that. I don't know his status, but Trump.
He is a big Trump is out there. He might wait till he's in his second song.
Wait. Okay, go get him.

You know, on the Super Bowl stage.

300 million we'll see him take it away yeah just go get the get get the backup dancers uh yeah so does he come in here with a green card or where's it where's he from i think he lives here i think he lives in miami he did happy gilmore he played his caddy and uh so his buddies are i hear he's a nice guy you know sandman sandman bad man bad bunny actually is a good name it comes off the you remember it you know

david spade it's kind of like what by the way way i'll tell you these these nfl games because i play fantasy and stuff i don't love the i know that all businesses want to be bigger

but now there's so many nfl games forget that they're going to every other channel than the ones i paid for now they're going to

every channel is their own game and you got to join that yeah that already infuriates me but i don't like international games because maybe not everything has to be worldwide.

I mean, a small thing is you go buy a a razor and you go, this place has a good razor. And then you go, oh, that's great.
Someone's calling me. And you go, oh, this is great.

And then the next time you see the place, they sell everything under the sun. You're like, just do the one thing you do right.
But every company has to grow.

So football, Berlin, Brazil, Ireland, and they're like at 6 a.m. in the morning.
And I don't know when they're on. And you're like, oh, how can I do that?

I wonder if the coach, when he gives a pep talk, all right, good game, gentlemen. Next week, we're in dublin and we got to kick some ass in dublin i mean

it doesn't yeah so we leave america

they're not they go and they hand out like steelers terrible towels and all these people like what team they don't know what's going half of them don't know you don't have your fans there it's not like a home game so there's not like that it's just people that they want just fill up the stadium so it looks full.

And these guys got jet lag and they're like, I mean, no, it wipes them out. And then I hear eventually they've run out of cities with stadiums.

And you guys, all right, next week we're going to play south of France. We're going to play Provence.
We're going to be out in the Woodsy Field. Let's go.
Team.

They go on Bill Gates's boat, which does have a football field, luckily. Right.

Yeah, I got a football field, guys. You can get on my boat if you want to.
It's longer than Jeff Pezos's boat.

That would be big. They all have fucking yachts, these billionaires, but I'm not mad.

All right, next. This one might get mad, whatever it is.
Let's see. Hopefully it's a mad one.

Kanye West adds

President.

Kanye West adds President Trump, his ex-wife Kim, and others to his betrayal list, as he reveals.

He is in. Oh, people who...
No.

Oh, his own kid is in there. No person can fix LeBron James.
Oh, these are the people that no person can fix. Oh, my God.
Am I on this? Hold on. I'm fixing this.

Harriet Tubman.

Harriet Tubman. She's been in the stars for Curious George.
Now that's right.

You made this up. This is it.
Is this AI? And it says just Adolph at the end. I think I know who he means.

Who's James Murray? I'd like to be like a regular dude they got on here. His doorman,

Kid Cuddy. King Vaughan.

Pusha. Is that Pusha T, T, Heather? I don't know who.
Northwest is his daughter, right? Yeah. Ty dollar sign.
Why isn't my name David...

If my name Spade had a dollar sign instead of an S, I swear to God, I think it would help things. Adolf.
We definitely need nicknames. Adolf is what? Adolph, just Adolf.

Yeah, Adolph's just Adolph. We know.
He goes like this, Adolph.

You know what to do. Uh-oh, it's not Jason Strayson again.

No, that's Eric the Midget on Stern. He was trying to put a hit out on someone once and he goes, they go, what are you talking about?

This guy backed out of a deal and he goes, they record him going, take care of it. And he goes, take care of what? And he goes, you know what to do.
And everyone goes, are you trying to kill someone?

Jesus.

Look at my hair. It's glowing from behind again, Dana.
Did you see that shit? I know. What is that?

We got high marks on it last time. This is Heather's concoct.
They like this little feather thing back there because it looks like you have a little like your

wing orbs floating around and we're fixing the lighting here i don't know i like the black background though

oh it's black all right oh

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Okay, next story. Yeah, they're rushing us right along.
Gaming giant EA Sports sold to Saudi-based investment group. 55 billion.

What is it, made of leather?

The guy wanted to buy it and then he had started hanging out with

Kushner. Oh, Kushner.
Jared Kushner's involved. Yeah.
They kind of put this together.

I will say Saudi Arabia is sort of running the table lately. They've got Storm Brady out of retirement.

They're just normalizing Saudi Arabia. He's playing flag football.
They pay him up the fucking ass. All the comics went over there.
And it's hard to even get.

mad or go, oh, I have opinion about it because then there's another one two days later.

Then there's the boxing match I went to i guess i'm guilty and it's the same guy involved in all those i don't know about this one but saudi arabia's public they have unlimited money i mean that's the way yeah that's thing you can always

yeah just no one can compete with them yeah no one gives a they're like money money money

yeah luckily i hate money gervitz wants you to love money dana likes money i guess you don't like money you don't like work I guess Saudi Arabia don't want to work. You don't want to work there?

Because I guess you don't like money. These guys like money.
Why would it take you to go to Saudi Arabia to do stand-up? You have five seconds.

If Tom Brady says, I'll run a few patterns with you before I just go there for free. They got tom Brady's going to play flag football.
Is that it? Is that what they got him to do?

I think it's tied in with fanatics and stuff, but

I think they don't say, but I'm sure whatever you say, he'll go higher more than you.

Since we are global, I'm just going to make a quick, you know, hey, Saudi Arabia, Dana Carvey from Saturday night live and stuff will you go i would love to go there with david's bay we co-headline in the desert i'm sure we could do 60 000 and um

anyway just call me saudi arabia the one i was going to do was a 4 500 seater i think they had that's where they put a lot of people that come over there but i don't think mine my thing was as a part of the festival because it was about two months ago

just to get you to do a one-nighter in saudi arabia yeah just to go to a gig. That's a haul, unless they pay you.
I think they're very normal. It was more than I get it for sure.

But I think it's more like

they want to just normalize everyone going there and everyone doing business there. So they're doing more and more and more stuff.
And people will just

get numbed to it, of course. I mean, if you have a problem with them or not, it just sort of all washes away.

Yeah, you get your fighter, you might get 10 million in America, and there you get 100 million. And I don't know if they pay the tax.
I think he gave Canelo 100 million.

I did get a call, and it wasn't for me, it was for you. And what I heard on the phone, it was weird.
It was like, Can you get David Speed for me? We'd like to put him in small theater.

And I go, I don't know how much money would it cost for David Speed to come to Saudi Arabia and do the funny thing he does. I go, I don't, not sure.

It's a lot of

not sure what jokes would work over there. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know if you just don't know.

And also, they do for sure give you a list because someone posted the list, the comic Scott, at least, of what not to talk about.

And the argument is a little bit like when you go somewhere, you should talk about where you are, make fun of everything, make fun of whatever.

You can't make fun of a lot of things over there. And you can't drink.
You know, some basics. I wonder if there's any women in the audience.
Is that a real question?

Would that be a real question or not?

Yeah, I don't know the culture of that country. I don't know country to country in terms of what women are able to do.
I think they can kind of drive maybe during the day or something now.

I saw one where they have one eye. You know, they have, maybe it's called a burqa, but they have eyes, but they had one eye because they were punishing them saying.

I like the, you had two eyes for a while and they go, you had it too good. So they're like,

I mean, what is it down to? I mean, I don't know where, where, if it's everywhere there. I don't know enough.
I'm just saying, wherever that is, that's a drag.

The only upside, and I'm for freedom for women. And so the only upside is you have a uniform, you just wear it.
You got the habeib and the beam, but whatever it's called, you know, and that's it.

So fashion. It looks like a folded umbrella.
You know, like when they go like that.

Yeah, it's a sort of slightly beekeeper motif, but yeah,

that's what you like. That's what you like.
It's not for me. I don't like it.
I like these light shirts. Yeah,

I got this.

Your jean jacket. And black t-shirts.

Okay, let's do another one. We're doing all right.
Let's let's see where we're going here.

Chinese-made bone glue fixes fractures in just three minutes with one injection. Ooh.

Hmm.

Oh, I can throw away my Viagra.

I figured there'd be some kind of sexual joke with bone glue. Well, bone glue is what I call Viagra.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, if they can do this, like, let's say you go break your hand, like they show there, and you go in and they just go, and then it kind of like gorilla glues it. That's great.

I don't know. I cracked my ankle once doing an Adam Sandler movie, actually.
Yeah.

Where's your bone glue?

I had to wear a boot for a little bit. Oh, yeah.
Which one was it? Was it Ridiculous Six?

Oh, no, no. It was before that.
I think it was.

I think it was probably

Little Nikki. Yeah.
I think so. Hey.

I'm from the South. The deep South.

I did something on the Dana Carvey show that he liked, and he asked me, can we use that? And I played a ref who had a high-pitched voice. Come on, you guys.
Get it in here, guys. You know, that guy.

It was funny. It is funny.
Look it up, kids. Oh, here's another story.
It might not be in there. I was just looking.
Maybe you can look it up.

They have an AI actor now, an actress, who has Killy Norwood.

And they're trying to get her an agent, her.

And I know all of us.

Actors, you included. No, you're not.
I'm included.

You have to be adding our

not disgust, but just saying, hey, if an agency signs an AI actress, it's pretty much over. Would Gervitz ever say to an AI actress, I guess you just don't like work?

You know what I like about you? You like money and you like to work. You don't complain about flights because you're on a computer.
Yeah, exactly.

Meet Tilly Norwood, the AI actress. There she is, drawing back.
She is cute. I bet she's nice.

By the way, she looks like a lot of actresses. Like, just get an actress that's a real person.
I don't want to see a movie that's AI. I don't care.
I don't want to see it. It's not real.

You won't know it. You won't know it.
It'll just, you'll hear me. I know, but no, I will.

How would you, you couldn't spot it? Because I know everything. Yeah.
Yeah. It's getting too good.
It's really, you know,

the main thing is they're not going to replace comedians anytime soon. I don't think.
That's the toughest one. Not with jokes like Hershey.
That sounds pretty sweet. That was started the podcast.

Yeah. that was one of my finest moments.
You could sell that on the open comedy market. I might have long COVID now if my energy seems a little low.
I'm totally past it, but I'm a little spacey.

How do you know when you have long COVID? You sound fine and you seem like you're acting fine. No, just the energy.
I was a little beat up last week after my

flight back from Chicago.

Such a roadhog lately. I can't stand it.
Well,

you can't get enough. Don't stop till you get enough.
I do just so I can break even. That's the funniest part.
It's like

you got to do a lot of dates. Yeah.
I'm blowing money on it, so dumb, but whatever. You can't fix me.
I'm not fixable.

All right, let's do one more and then we'll get it. One more.

One more.

This is it.

Oh, in more movie news. John Malkovich movie was made in 2015, but they won't show it until 2115.
A hundred years? We got to wait for this stupid shit. Written by Malkovich.

Oh, it's Robert Rodriguez, who's a real filmmaker.

Is it a waste of time, Dana? Go.

No, I think it's a clever PR thing because now everyone's going to try to see it. We should really record a special podcast, just you and me, and say it won't be released until the year 29, 10.
Yeah.

And see if people go, what?

Like you bury it in a tree like we did. What was that called? Time capsule.
I did that in fifth grade.

Yeah. I was in Cassagrande, Arizona, and I put it.

My addition to it was

yo-yo or something. Something where if you dug it up today, this far later, everyone would be like, worthless.
Silly putty. Duncan and uninteresting.
Yeah.

They're like, remember we used to have pencils?

Hey, man, I watched last night All the President's Men.

You did?

It's great. I mean, I watched it.
That's such a cool one. What do you like better, that or Butch and Sundance for Redford Go?

I think he was awfully freaking good in

all the president's men. I mean, he must have loved it.

On the big screen, they had him just full close-up and all these papers. And I really got into how at this time, how much they had to play act Dustin Hoffman's, you know,

Woodward and Bernstein to get people to talk. So they'd say

between each other.

Yeah, because people were so scared to talk about the uh the scandal with nixon so they'd go uh what is p and they go i can't say and then the reference character says okay you say what is p and i and i say hey we know that's peterson or whatever yeah we already know that oh so then that goes okay so you know that yeah yeah yeah and no word processors just old-fashioned typewriters it was very cool which catching sunscreen was mostly paul newman's movie in a way whatever

it was good

Never was a super fan of it. I saw

I haven't revisited it. Have you? Whoa.
Well, it was a little fanciful.

Can you hum the theme?

Oh, don't whistle. People get mad.
Do it over here.

No, you're doing it into the mic.

People get mad.

Yeah.

Go in the other room.

Piano.

Something like that.

Okay, so, oh, I did see a movie. This is the last thing I'll say.
I saw a movie on the flight home, Black Bag. Did you see it? It was pretty good.
Never heard of it. Kind of a suspense-y,

not even thriller, just sort of mystery, intriguing spy thing.

Kate Blanchette, my celebrity crush, was in it.

She's awfully good. Unreal.
Weapons. We already talked about that.

No, but they were backstage. Everyone liked it.

I saw it a second time. I had little different issues with it, but it still is a

great movie. Yeah.

I don't want the jump scares, but I want to see it so I can talk to you about it.

See it.

See it and shut up.

Shut up. Okay, well, I think this was one of the best ever.

Top 100 for sure.

We've done probably 200 of these. I don't want to.

You know what? We'll read a few of your comments next week, but not only the mean ones. We read the good ones.
Yeah, we're going to have what they call fan engagement.

So, we love to people have thoughtful things to say about it. So, sometimes that's nice.

All right, Dana, I'm going to let you go. Just if you could just wait while I leave and get on the freeway.

Keep your laptop open so it uploads properly.

That's what we really do.

Okay, thanks, guys. See you next week.
Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye, fly.

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