Kimmel + Free Speech Perspectives & A Shared Love Of Airports

Listen, Dana, if you're like me, you're like me a little bit. I think so.
Yeah. Adulthood did hit me hard.
And you can't run four hours of sleep in cheeseburgers forever. Nope.

That's why there's Terra Origin because, you know, people want to feel good every single day, not just get by.

Right. Terra Origin makes premium science-backed supplements that actually deliver.
Their healthy gut keeps your digestion in check. So don't feel like you swallowed a bowling ball.

Their collagen protein keeps my joints from sounding like bubble wrap. Hydration Plus is electrolytes without the sugar crash.

And their healthy greens, it tastes so good, you'll forget it's packed with over 30 super foods.

No trends, no gimmicks, just clean, transparent formulas that upgrade your routine from survive to thrive.

Terra Origin helps you show up stronger at the gym, at work, and at home. Visit terraorigin.com and use code podcast for 30% off your first order and free shipping.

That's T-E-R-R-A-O-R-I-G-I-N dot com. Terra Origin.
Feel better from the inside out.

You know this last year, Dana,

after

my big dinner,

slipped into the old food company. Oh my goodness.
No one says that. I basically fused in with the couch.

I'm talking stuffing, pie, all the fix.

I tore into.

I don't remember eating it.

I said just the roof.

Oh, one of those. Oh, yeah, I did a lot of pumpkin pie.
Yeah. Anyway, now I come.

What do you do now? Cachava is my holiday reset. I keep a couple of cavings in my carry-on, stash some at home.
My friends and family show up. The snacking gets a little too nutty.

Cachava has a new limited edition chocolate mint flavor. Right? That's basically the holiday in the glass.

Rich chocolate, cool mint, none of the sugar crush.

Might be my new favorite.

I still rotate in their chai and coconut acai. I blend mine with nut milk and frozen fruit or iced coffee.
A little extra. No, for

sure. Richie coming back.
Steady energy, easier digestion, muscles that actually recover, metabolism support

and a little help for my mind and immune system. Plus, it's delicious 25 grams of plant-based protein.
No artificial flavors, no soy, no gluten, none of the junk, just real all-in-one nutrition.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Food coma recovery made easy.
Go to cachava.com and use CoFly for 15% off your next order. That's

cachava. K-A-C-H-A-V-A dot com.

KoFly for 15%

off.

Welcome to the show.

Obviously, we didn't get to talk about Jimmy Kimmel last week. We'll talk about him this week in a minute.

In a few minutes, we're going to weigh in on that entire situation. And I don't want to brag, but probably our point of view will be the wisest, maybe.
Or just most important. Most important.

So anyway, to more important news, hey, how is your weekend, co-host?

So when I did this show this week, and it was for farm,

Farm to Veterans. So, you know,

it's a charity show in Chicago. This guy, Tom Tran,

was on the show with me. He went first.
And

it's funny because he had to kind of host the whole thing. And he showed us these glasses he had on.
I go, that was a mouthful. There he goes, oh, yeah.

Just put these glasses on and the teleprompters in them. Have you known, have you seen those? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Very, I have not seen those. Is that what Mark Zuckerberg's working on? Something like that? Oh, the meta glasses are a miracle, really, for people who are blind.
They just make you...

My mother-in-law is 94 and has trouble seeing, so she'll she'll hold up a can of something

and say, Meta, what's in there? And it'll read the ingredients. Oh, I thought it was just like, Meta, what's on Facebook? And it would show it right there.

I think it's all that too. I think you just walk around with the glasses, you put down your iPhone and just walk around with them.
You just go, Meta, you know, show me CNN.com right now.

And it will show up and you'll hear it. Yeah.
So I was also reading up on Jimmy and Kimmel and a million other things on yahoo news oh that's my mom

and the funny thing is there was some dopey story so i went to their comments i've already made one move i went to the comments they they love that okay what are people saying about this and it could be something you know about the poop cruise or it doesn't have to be anything important i'm just like mindlessly drifting through and I'd love thousands of comments about different things about the poop cruise or whatever.

Millions. And then I go, oh, i have a funny joke i'm going to put in

and i click on it and it says would you like to join our crazy community of people that comment on yahoo news i go no thank you i mean they're making another thing i got to do i'm going to really so then i go i know listen i do have a lot of free time i either have too much of free time or none But when I have too much, I don't still have the time to click it and log in and they give a password and give them my fucking email.

Immediately, you got to give them your email for anything. Oh, yeah.
So they can fucking carpet bomb you. Land and grab.
My thing is like, uh, sometimes one of the things I subscribe to anyway.

Hey, would you like to weigh in, Dana? It's just sort of like, whoa, hold on. Hey, Dana, you've got some stupid shit to say.
Dana, what do you have to say?

And I'm a celebrity with a small C, but what is it? Is it like, hey, Brad Pitt, want to make a comment? I don't know. Hey, Bradley.

Yeah.

And going all that way to make a comment about something dumb that no one cares about, it's, I go, but man, thousands of people are doing it. Yeah, millions.
I'm going to go out on a limb.

Yeah, I sound condescending, but it's like, I like when people say the word wrong. I'm condescending.

I'm just,

I want to get orientated.

Wait, orientated is a word, I think. Wait.
Yeah, orientated. Orientated, but there's another one people say that I don't know.
Reorientated.

I would just say this about all this stuff, and I know it's not a news flash. Check yourself.
If going online and being angry and posting and doing all this stuff makes you happy,

go for it.

If it makes you sad or furious, you might want to tamp it down a little bit because these algorithms, these machines, first they got us all hooked in like 2010, 11, 12, and it was just sort of to buy things and go here and there.

And now it's to incur rage. And the algorithms know now that rage is the emotion that makes them the most money.
So we are all five emotions on the board. Rage, number one.
Number one.

So we're in a science fiction movie where these robots are making us really, really mad.

I know this isn't new, but check yourself, man. I see people who are so in a state of hysteria about politics or anything or climate change or whatever.

But, you know, once in a while, give your brain a rest. That's my hot take.
It's a fucking boiling take.

All right. Should we talk about Jimmy Kimmel? Why not? Jimmy, who is a friend of both of ours,

that's why it's hard to talk about these things because, you know, he's a buddy.

I have a picture of me and Jimmy in my house. Do I have one of me and you?

Yeah, buried, turned like this. I don't really go out much.
There's not many of me photos of me. I'm underground, man.
I'm just kind of an underground. I have a picture of me and you in here.

Don't you worry. When people say to me, oh my God, it's Dana Carvey.
I go, calm down. I'm pathetically normal.
That's the phrase that gets, really? Yeah, I'm pathetically normal.

There's nothing here for you.

Jimmy Kimmel, though, you know, I think also it's good to take a knee sometimes, not comment right away. Because now we're commenting after his monologue last night, which I thought was tremendous.

You know, I really

thought it was perfect and

it was emotional. I mean, I'm reading it here.
And this is really about his thinking. Yeah, read some of it because I didn't see it.
Yeah,

about his statement. Because when there's a shooter, each side wants it to be, you know, from the other side.
You know, that's the competition. Oh, and that's politics.

That means you're all the shooter.

All you guys are bad. Yeah, that's the game going on.
That's the quick thing.

So he made a statement. He said,

that was really the opposite of the point I I was trying to make. So he said, but to some, that felt ill-timed or unclear, or maybe both.

And for those who think I did point a finger, I get why you're upset. If the situation was reversed, there's a good chance I would have felt the same way.
So that's a, you know, you know what?

What's the word apology? I don't know. That's a kind of a pointed, you know, hat in hand.
But that's, that's definitely, he's, he's, it's clear thinking, I think. Yeah.

You know, and it's, it's both sides itis, which is great. And

you know, and before I go into the the whole FCC part of it, I was really moved. I saw the Charlotte Kirk's widow, and you know, I'm familiar with, you know, tragedies and things like that.

So she really moved me, and she did Jimmy Kimmel.

Um,

I did hear you said that, yeah. Yeah, so she's if you believe in the teachings of Jesus as I do, there it is.
That's it, a selfless act of grace, forgiving, forgiveness from a grieving widow.

And it touched me deeply. That's Jimmy.

If there's anything we should take from this tragedy to carry forward, I hope it can be that and not this.

So I thought it was just, and he was emotional about that because that thing, you know, in the end of the day, we're all Americans.

Somebody got assassinated, you know, and ideally we just come from it. Rather than political points, we just, we just sort of take a grace.
It's sad and move on. Yeah, sure.

And everyone has their own thoughts about it. But yeah, I agree.
I mean, and the freedom of speech thing is so murky and muddy and is,

you know,

well, it's not a hot take for us to say we're all for freedom of speech. Sure.
You know,

the Ku Kukuk Klan could walk down the streets and say whatever they wanted. It was for when I was a little kid, it was like, oh, you.

You have to allow speech you really don't like for freedom of speech.

I don't think they do that anymore. I think there's hate speech and then who decides what's hate speech? Is it someone that you disagree with? That's hate to me.
It's not hate to you.

Yeah. And also people, I mean, when you're on SNL, Charles Rockett got fired for saying fuck.
And fuck. You always, like you say, there's layers to it.

Like when I go on talk shows, I don't say whatever I want. I say, I'm going to talk about these things.
They said, well, I'd rather you not. Why don't you talk about this?

Why don't you talk about this? I wouldn't say that. And it's just so woven into your everyday of what is free speech.
There's no,

I mean,

if some boss above you, you know, people get fired and things like that. I thought I was glad Jimmy didn't get fired.
He got sort of a slap on the wrist. And

it's FCC, then it's affiliates, then it's advertisers. You're answering to so many people.
And if they don't agree with you, then I think.

you everyone has a boss and they say i don't like what you're saying so

and he's very strong in his opinions. So he says them, but they took a pause and then I guess they fixed it.
But

I didn't say anything because I thought I don't think he's going to be fired for that. I think they're going to say, hey, come on, let's stop.
No, it's basically

basically one line. It is a, there's

different layers to this. You know, just the first one, the chairman of the FCC, which is...
Maybe it's archaic or whatever. It's public broadcasting.
It's ABC, CBS, NBC. It's not cable.

It's not John Oliver. It's not

HBO. Oh, it's just the.
It's just those for the public good.

But when the guy came out, and I would say it to his face, I say, when you say, regards Jimmy Kimmel's, whatever that's going to happen to him, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.

It's like... That's weird.

When do those guys talk anyway? This guy's like on podcasts. I'm like,

why am I seeing this guy talk? You don't see him a lot. Am I crazy? Right.
No, just be the FCC chairman. And he kind of steps in shit when he talks.

It's like, oh, now we get to analyze everything you said.

Right. And so that, that pushed buttons for both sides, really.
Ted Cruz came out. No, no, no, take it easy.
Let's slow down.

And, you know, I was when I did the Dana Carvey show, I like to bring things back to me, but this is 97

and we're after home improvement. And we did some Clinton with Teats and something that crushed the ratings and offended a lot of people.
So we immediately started losing advertisers.

We immediately started losing affiliates. And so we lasted eight episodes.
Affiliates. I know.
I don't know what affiliates. I say affiliates all the time.
I don't even know what they are.

Stations, you know. Stations in cities, chat.
Yeah, stations and cities. WKRP.

And so a lot of those stations, I don't know, some in Portland and Seattle didn't do it, but I thought in conservative states, they might be more prone to that.

But I wish the FCC chairman hadn't said that, you know.

But I think that

Jimmy's talk last night, I think, kind of put it in a completely different tilt, a different conversation. Yeah, I would say not as much of an apology.
So he didn't really have to say his apology.

I think it's more of just a level-headed discussion.

He was probably heated the first day when he was doing his monologue. Of course,

we all do that.

Yeah, I mean, here's, I looked up this a little bit and it kind of started like I did because there's two kinds of, I looked it up, took five seconds, but like we do parse our words because I never want to be up there like, hey, I'm on TV and my opinion really matters.

That's just me personally. So I'm very,

very careful about teaching the audience. I'm always going for the laugh.
I'm not saying this in a self-congratulatory way because sometimes you go, I want to weigh in on that.

And we do in our own way. But it kind of started

in the early knots. Jon Stewart, who's brilliant at the Daily Show, really started going after Cheney and Debia and all that.
And that was a very political show,

very funny. And then

it continued. And it's for us from the Carson era, you know, we were just looking for laughs and this and that.

And Greg Gutfeld does the right, you know, so this is a whole different era we're in. But I try to think the last time the country was completely united, I'm going to give you a chance to guess.

I would go back to 9-11. I don't know.
That's it. Oh, no.
That's it.

Politics went out the window. And you kind of have to remember that when we don't have buildings falling down, you know,

we're Americans first. And we argue and we, you know, we go crazy at each other.
But if someone attacks us, that's when we go, okay, hold on. Hey, what?

But

I would go out on a limb and say it's still a great country overall. I'd rather be here than other countries.

But that's controversial. So

now I'm thinking if you say America is a great country,

that'll light up Twitter and stuff. No, fuck you, man.
I'm meaning it in the context I'm saying it. I like your even explaining it.
It's so funny. It's true, though.
People get so mad about it.

Okay, listen.

So

for

Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving.
Yeah.

i'm going to uh

add into the mix some omaha steaks because

it's like i want to you know have them around because they have steaks they have hamburgers they have yeah they're fun they're fun to have around yeah and then you take that and then um i'm going to tell people that's a good gift idea for christmas

you know send them out take the uh pain out of going and shopping suddenly you got all this at your fingertips Yeah,

they come gift-wrapped. USDA certified tender.
I like that steaks, juicy burgers, cozy and convenient comfort meals, and a lot more than that, David.

Oh, yeah, there's way more than that, Dana.

During their Sizzle All the Way sale, they tied that into Christmas. See, that sizzle all the way.
Yeah. You can get 50% off site-wide at omahasteaks.com.

Plus, our precious listeners get an extra $35 off with promo code FLY. FLY.

I'm going to say that's a good thing.

You've had some Omaha steaks, haven't you? Yeah, you're going to see me

in the kitchen. Maybe I'll take them out on the BBQ, depending on weather permitting.
Yeah. And watch me.
Hey,

you know, I'm over there like, how do you like them? You know, yelling. I once dated a woman named BBQ, but good night.

Oh, yeah, I actually met her with you.

Omaha steaks, actually, David, you may not believe this, but they're unrivaled in quality and variety. And everybody's backed by their 100% guarantee.
Yeah, it doesn't shock me.

Right now is the perfect time to save on delicious gifts and holiday hosting favorites. Every steak is perfectly aged to maximize tenderness and hand cut by master butchers.
Master butchers.

In America's heartland. Omaha Steaks has been America's original butcher since 1917, if I had to guess.
Yes.

And they also carry mouthwatering burgers chicken pork seafood and actually delectable desserts well save on big gourmet gifts and more holiday favorites with omaha steaks save on big gourmet gifts and more holiday favorites with omaha steaks visit omahasteaks.com for 50 off site-wide during their sizzle all the way sale and for an extra 35 off use promo code fly at checkout terms apply see site for details that's omahasteaks.com Code Fly.

This time of year, Cozy feels like the ultimate luxury. And Bombas is making it easy to get there.
From socks to slippers to tease, every piece is designed to make you feel instantly at home.

I got to say, there's something almost magical about the fresh Bombas socks. And it doesn't stop there.
Their slippers have the perfect sink and cushioning. Their tees feel substantial and comforting.

And all of it keeps that cozy feeling going day after day. I got the socks right here, actually.
Gift giving, David, has never been been simpler.

Either running socks for the marathon or soft and snug baby socks for the tiniest toes, slippers or tees for literally anyone on your list, even your mom's new ski lodge friend.

Bombus has something for every foot, every style, every occasion. And here's the part I love most.
For every item you buy, Bombas donates one to someone facing homelessness.

So when you treat yourself or someone else to cozy, you're spreading that warmth far beyond your own home. Head over to bombas.com/slash flywall and use code flywall for 20% off your first purchase.

That's bombas.com slash flywall. Code flywall at checkout.

Back to

I have a tragically stupid bit I could do for you. Oh, it's too much of a change up from this.
And

I have a bit that I thought of that I'm going to give to you because you're the guy. Okay, good.
Give me that first and then that'll bomb and then I'll be

well I was laughing you know at the your Jason's state straight. Oh, yeah, the clip we had.

Oh, it's funny that he just says the title of the movie, and that's kind of basically, I'm the beekeeper, or you know, I'm the working man. So I thought, what if he had an unwieldy thing?

I'm the baker, and then you did it after me, I'm the baker down the street who specializes in apple pie.

It's very unwieldy, but he has to say it menacingly: I'm the baker down the street who specializes in apple pie.

I'm the

you mess with the wrong baker because I walk down the street at the cobbler store and it's kind of kiddy corner from where you well

well then it's

but say especially I specialize in apple pie like like you I'm gonna kill you no I can't remember the whole bit though but I'm the baker down

I don't think so I go chooja I go I go Michael Caine immediately I'm the baker down the street and I specialize in Apple Pie.

Okay, that's like it's a threat. Yeah, that was a beekeepers good because, like you said, keep it fucking simple.
We did some pickups on Bus Boys this weekend because

there's some questions when you see it, like

questions we try to answer: like,

why did you do this movie? What is this movie? I don't understand this movie. Oh, clarity, clarity, clarity.

Yeah, so we did some clarity, clarity, and it was kind of fun to be back in the wig,

snug it on a a little WD Foreign hit.

WD Form doesn't go like

it's got that little straw.

Does it?

It's got the straw.

It's got a straw, but it doesn't go.

No, no, no.

But the squeaky wig.

Then what happened? Then what happened? Don't be so unenthused. Then what happened? I did some pickups, more clarifying, not reshoots, just like, oh, this.
Now listen, is it fucking Casablanca?

I don't don't know. What's a good movie? Is it Inception? We got to answer all the questions.

Christ's sakes, what are we doing? Budley, what are you making? Dumb and unbelievably dumber? What is this? Return of the Pink Panther Part 17. What are you going for?

Anything with Dennis. We can't go a goddamn show without Dennis.

I know. Well, this is, yeah.
This is Dennis. All right, here's, I'm going to do an act out for you.
Ready?

This is, I watch those locked up up abroad shows where you go through customs and everyone's trying to smuggle shit and they never learn. You know, you smuggle stuff in through the TSA.

Okay, that's the setup, right? Okay, that's the setup. Got it.
So the guy brings the suitcase full of like, we see on the, I get alerted in my earpiece. I'm the customs guy, right?

This is going to fucking bomb. I'm the customs guy.
I love it. And then I get alerted.
This guy's got in the x-ray machine 20 pounds of cocaine.

So they walk walk up to me and I go, hey, how you doing today?

Friendly.

And they're nervous. What are we doing here? Let me check out that passport.
Okay. Oh, Brazil.
Fun.

A lot of cute girls there.

I wish I was in Brazil right now. It's a fun time.
So what do we got going here? A little business trip? A little pleasure? I already know already.

And he's like, oh, it's business. Okay.

All right. Well, you mind if we take a little look-see in here?

Just typical. We pull random people out.
Just unzip it, check it. You don't mind if I take it.
I'm sure everything's fine. Oh, boy.
Oh, my shoulder's so sore. You got to get a purple one.

You know, my friend has a purple suitcase.

Open it up. That seems fine here.
Let me just dig through it a little bit. That's all.
I know in my head he's got 20 pounds.

Okay. Anything you want to tell me? Anything? It's all good.
This is all good. Should I keep digging? It doesn't matter.
Oh. Oh, you got a teddy bear here.
Oh, any reason it weighs 80 pounds?

Take him away.

But I build up trust. I'm friendly the whole time.
That's what they do. No, that's a funny observation.
They do that.

What's going on here? You see a guy lighting a bong. The guy's like sweating.
Hey, guys, having a little party.

I assume they're trained at some place in that pattern. Probably their first attempt in class might be terrible.
Hey,

what are you doing? No, no, no, I got to come in soft. Yeah.

What they want to say is, this guy looks guilty from my racial profiling. Can you come come over here? So they can't say that.
So they go, hey, we're randomly pulling people that are drenched in sweat

out of the line. I'm going to my favorite place today.
I'm going to the airport. You are not.
Yeah.

No, Dana. I love it.
All shoes, keys, everything comes out. Laptops.

Laptops, watches, belts, and bye, bye.

Dude, Heather made the mistake this week. She brought water.
What a criminal. Didn't you bring your water through? That's okay.
I was going to refill it.

She was going to refill it, but the guy is like, like he caught the big fucking mob boss. And she's like, right, my water.
What do you want me to do? Can I just fucking go?

And he's like, oh, I wish it was that simple. Don't you remember 9-11?

Not much.

She's like, I don't remember them throwing water on anyone. So then she has to go back, dump it.

Okay, so you know it's a secret. Because I saw it in Denver.
My mother-in-law, we were going to the Denver airport. My mother-in-law walks fine, but it's like seven miles to get to the gateway.

Oh, Denver's

ridiculous. You know, I have, you know, so anyway, so my wife and I are behind her, and we have a guide with her, and we're just blowing through doors.
We're just going everywhere. We have a guide.

A guy taking us past this, waving at me. Everybody's happy.
Go, go, go. That's the way to go through it.
Otherwise, it's like,

how are you guys doing today you know what the worst part is the guy goes like if you get a greeter and they go they get like eight bags they go okay beep beep the guy goes hey i got us a little cart because it's about a mile and i go no i want to walk we got an hour he's like huh

and i'm like you can ride if you want

No, I'm going to walk with these guys. Then I tip the lady because she pulled her cart up that I didn't ask for.

Anyway, then we walk and the guy's like, all he's thinking is, why does this prick want to walk?

And I'm like, because I just, I'm going to sit for six hours, dude. Well, and also you, you going through and you're David Spade.
You look like Miss America or something. They're all walking.
Hello.

I'm on CV.

Yeah. Beep.
They're always like, man, get the fuck out of the way. We got whoever this is.
Yeah. It's the guy from that thing that you saw on that thing.

You better, you know him. You know him.
Come on, man. Oh, Heather, like this one.

We did our reshoots the other day day or whatever we called them and we're at this little beach bungalow i don't want to give the whole movie away

already

heather knows the guy that

the guy that rents you the place this is all our favorite term inside baseball meanwhile it's never about baseball

so he goes um

he's a guy nice looking guy with big hot dog bags under his eyes right this is other people's words so perfectly well he's he's an older gentleman and he owns the four little shacks on the beach.

We were looking for sort of an inexpensive little

apartment. He bought it in 1958.
Go ahead. Honestly, he's had it for 40 years.
40 years. So he paid 30.
So actually,

it was like a good color blue. It looks like some such an artiste.
Anyway, it just looks cool. And it's the kind I used to dream of staying in, a little tiny crash pad, go to the beach every day.

Good. So he's there and he goes.
And of course, they rent it, so there's supposed to be nowhere near the premises, right?

There's supposed to be nowhere near. Anyway, he's right in front, yeah.
And he's right in front, he's supposed to get lost, pal. We're paying for which one of you people's famous.

That's what he says. And I go, uh, and we're all just looking around.
I go, Well, we all are. We're all just trying to make a movie.
No one's really that famous.

And then Heather goes, Oh, he was on Scient Live. And he goes, Oh, zero's in on me.
Okay.

Really squinting and trying to soak me all in. Nothing's registering.

Like, not enough. But okay, maybe I'll take your picture with me.
I go, oh, what's that accent?

I don't know.

That's what he sounded like. No, he's, I don't know.
I was somebody say, hey, did you know that Dana Garney guy, that Church Lady guy? That guy was a kick in the pants. You know what?

No, and you are a kick in the pants, but it is not. It's, he's just an older landlord.
And then he goes, right.

I'd take your picture with you. I go.

Take my picture with me. Yeah.
Okay.

So we take a picture. Then he's like, and I know he's, now he's starting to send it around.
Like, who the fuck is this guy? And then he goes, what's your name? And I tell him.

He's got, he's getting his accent's getting more medical. Reggie, I don't know who he is.
It's a little all over the place. Oh, I like it.
And then he goes, huh? Spell it?

It's getting more humiliating. I'm like, well, we got to shoot in a second.
But yeah, here it is.

Then I leave. And then he's got Heather.
And now he's grilling Heather on. Why am I famous? What have I done? Am I really famous? What'd that guy do? That guy doesn't seem funny to you.

Oh, spell my name three times.

And then still, when I leave, he's like,

you know, and I'm like, why do you need the spelling? You're going to fucking tag me on TikTok? And dude, you just don't worry about it. You got the picture.
Show it to someone.

At some point, someone will go, yeah, okay, I know who that guy is.

Would you guess that that guy is retired or working full-time?

He's retired. He's renting all those out.

And

he's happy as a clam. And then

each little beach bungalow has like two beat-up chairs from tangs made of wicker for the last 40 years. And one of the crew guys is sitting on one.
And I see him, it's way down the end.

He's like, This,

I know he's like,

I don't like it, but I'm not going to say anything. He's like the beekeeper.
I'm the beach keeper. I'm the beachkeeper.
I attack celebrities with stupid questions. The beachkeeper is great.

I'm the beach keeper. And I annoy that beachkeeper.

and he's and i'm like can someone give this guy his 24 for the half-day rental so we can just wrap it up with him i i think here's an observation he says yeah he's retired when my dad retired the minutia of he and my mom what they would talk about

it'd be in a grocery store oh jesus christ why do they have the water over here

what's that about or driving down the street oh oh they oh the parking lot they put in why'd they why'd they put in a parking lot? So everything was just like, what? Spots are so skinny. Yeah.

Oh, look, a tree. You know, what about it? It's a tree.
That's all. And then she has an opinion, too.
I like trees here.

This store's our favorite, but they moved where the water was.

Why?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Why do they have to change things?

And then he goes, oh, I'm sorry. Are we boring you, LA boy? And you're like, sort of.
He said to me once, and I kind of agree with him. He goes, oh, music was simply better in the 50s.

Frankie Avalon. Well, I don't know.
I like the Beatles, but

that guy, it sounds like he ran into a retired guy with a capital R living off France. And so to you, you were like a shiny object.
Like, oh my God,

something new.

They have cameras. And this guy was on television.
I don't have a fucking clue who he was until Heather told me, who's Heather? His friend said he's on TV, but I go, he doesn't look like he's on TV.

She promised he's famous. She promised.
And really famous. I want to get Adam Sandler.
I get David Spoodley. Yeah, the last guy he rented that place to is Red Skelton.

Also, Charlotte McKinney's in it, and she had a scene in that place. And I wanted to say it was Margot Robbie because she's blonde.
And I couldn't do it because she would have killed her.

But then later she said, I said, did you ever talk to a guy? She goes, the owner? I go, yeah. She goes, yeah.
I go, do you have a lot of questions? She goes, yes.

Jesus Christ.

Because he's just zeroing in. And then the directory he found, what else have you done?

What do you do? Just punt camera?

Everything was quite not enough to impress him. The last guy I found out on was Buddy Hackett, circa 1967.
Okay.

Here, I'll tell you a good one. I just like the red skeleton reference.
I already told you. This is another punchline.
They were on Family Feud in the old days,

and they had the grandma, you know, at the end. And they go, name someone known for spooky movies.
And this is, by the way, in the 80s. So someone says, Bella Lugosi, and it was a ding.

And then they go, come on, grandma. And she's like, and she's got the last X.
And she goes, Red Skeleton?

Skeleton. And everyone goes.

And they're like, okay, hopefully. And he goes,

Shan.

He didn't even get to show me Red Skeleton because his name is Red Skelton. Red Skelton.
Now, for those people who don't know, he was this comedian from the 40s and movies. And then he had a show.

And he had these two characters.

And he'd say, good night and God bless. So he was like, I played the golden nugget in Rena.
Red Skelton was

a headliner. No, he was just there a lot.
So I'm in the

suite they gave me in the bed, and there's just a gigantic black and white photo of Red Skeleton, right? I'm tortured. Oh, sleep.
And he's like lording over me.

And then I go backstage and they used to torture an elephant. They had a trained elephant that would jump around.

And the only thing that was left was this big metal thing attached to the cement and the chain that I guess Clarence was attached to, and they didn't remove it.

Right before I go on, I got to see an animal torture device. Okay.
Fuck, those. That's that's a good idea.
Don't get me going on animal torture. Don't like it.

I'd rather have them torch a red skeleton. All right.
So let's get to some videos of news and then we'll wrap up. Get the airport

and we'll get you out of here.

All right. I'm good.
A single night. I'm going to read this.

A single night of poor sleep can make you 60%

more reactive to negative emotions the next day. day.
I would say it would make you more negative, just straight up the next day. Well, maybe the reason

this person's having poor sleep is because they're just redundantly thinking negative thoughts.

Or he's doing what I do on every road gig where the fucking sun goes in your eyes right when you wake up at six in the morning and he didn't close them all the way. And look at the sun goes.

His neck is bent up.

He's got bright light in his face and he's just going, why didn't I sleep well oh that guy i thought it was zach efron but i think that's just an ai tired guy is that we have to put in chat gbd give me a tired guy uh somebody that's definitely ai man fucking ai get out that's ai that's fucking ai bro it's ai man say i

man bro no chill i want to be that guy i want to be that guy you know oh it's cool it's cool bro chill man you know

i got you i got your back bro you know whatever you want man i get for you you know hey it's chill you know i appreciate you bro i appreciate you so much whenever i'm fast talking con guy in a movie

well you know i do i've always been generous because i i lived off tips but when i tip now people are more appreciative because of inflation and the world's so expensive and i sometimes i i get 20s stacked in my jacket and i'm just like hitting people sometimes going in going out he goes yo bro i gotta thank you man you know times are tough you know and i know you've given given me 420s today, but could,

you know, could I get another one? Make it an even five. Why am I making a stingy five? Could you make it a C note? And I go, I don't have anything on me.
Well, then fuck you, bro. You know what?

Yeah. Hoard it all.
Take it with you.

You know, I will say you're not going to get written up in the Daily Mail

by tipping under 100%.

And you won't even get written up then. You need to leave

five grand or something. You know, that's a good trick to be like, hey, publicist just left five grand tip at fucking Bennigan's.
You know what to do. I think you know what to do.

It's right and just if you have a few, what do you call it, beans in your jeans? Yeah. Spread them around.
Spread them around. So at this hotel I stay at in LA a lot, this this grandmother

does room service, which I used to do, bringing the tray. And it's like, you know, and she's a grandmother.
It seems to, you know, so I do help her out.

Grandma is working her ass out. You know what? I read an article about that.
It said, Dana Carvey shadows grandmother for a whole shift.

You can't win for a whole shift to study for a new movie called. Garth Won't Let Grandmother Alone.

By the way, Heather, I just dropped the lid to those papayas and I tried to put it on this thing three times. And that's why I said, fuck you, fucking lid.
I was so mad.

It fell three times while Dana's telling this.

oh my god what's falling because i i adjust i put on a hat halfway through i'm trying to get superman and the fly on the wall i got the plan i'm adjusting yeah i can't read fly on the wall in that box back there but heather can you believe i did that three times right there i that thing weighs three inches

that's what i was trying not to do oh here's my papayas here's a lid that slips and you can't ever get it down

instagram no and then and then it and then i put it on the table which is is three inches, and this is four. And so it just kept falling.
And then I put it in falling. And you're telling that story.

And I'm like, God damn, Dana, I'm going to lose him in this story about his parents talking about

tofoods. Yeah.
Bro, I feel you, bro, man. That's

what you're saying, man, because like sometimes you go for a piece of fruit and it's like not good inside, right? And you're like, you don't want to get mad at the fruit.

You peel it and you go, I don't think it's going to work for me, bro. But sometimes I'll just eat it anyway, you know, because everything that deserves it to come to fruition, no pun intended.

fruition it's my new character called bro guy it's a little bit of garth

i appreciate i appreciate you bro

hey bro i like the guy that constantly keeps shaking your hand before they leave hey man come on bring it in dude you're the best dude hey man good to see you hey best luck to you hey come on remember those khaki pants i had that you wanted to get a hold of from the gal i did get them i did get them dude they existed they weren't changed no they did they go only one person has ever bought these in history

the guy came in and and goes, oh, I mean, room service guy comes in and goes, man, bro, where'd you get those pants? I go, really? They're $10 at the gap. I told you, I like them too.
I know.

You know what you're doing, dude. You look cool.

Hey, David, when it comes to gifting, you know, I've learned there are two types of presents. Okay.

The ones that get returned and the ones that instantly become a favorite. Do you agree? Yeah.
That's Jenny Bird jewelry definitely falls in the second category.

These designs, as you know, are very modern. They're timeless.
Always feel special. Oh, well, isn't that special?

That makes them my secret weapon when I want to give a gift that really, you know, lands. That's why Jenny Bird makes it easy.
The packaging is beautiful.

It's very thoughtful. The pieces are comfy enough to wear every day.
Yep. And they ship fast.
That's perfect if you're a last-minute shopper like me. That's right.

I mean, I just want to do this when I I hear that. Way to go.
Way to go. And because the styles are so versatile, they always make an outfit feel pulled together, David.

Without trying too hard, David, not talking about you.

Some of my wife's go-tos are the best-selling Florence earrings, which I always get compliments, and the Remy Bengal, lightweight, water-resistant, and just as good stacked as it is on its own.

These are the gifts you'll actually want to keep. And you can get 20% off your first order with Jenny Bird by visiting jenny-bird.com and using code F-O-T-W at checkout.

You know, some mornings feel impossible, Dana, like today.

Freezing cold, holiday to-dos piling up.

And you just want something from your wardrobe. You just want it to make your life easy and just perform.
Yeah, you want your, yeah, something to perform. You want a wardrobe to perform.

Yeah, you want a wardrobe to bring something to the table. That's why I'm turning to Quince,

their Their Mongolian cashmere sweaters, Dana, Mongolian cashmere sweaters, awesome, insanely soft. 50 bucks for a cashmere sweater and looks way more expensive than they are.

Italian wool coats, structured, polished, perfect fit for these chilly months. Honestly, the down jacket, I got to get that from Quince because that's a go-to.
It keeps you warm, looks sharp,

holds up through the whole season. Yes, Quince really nails the essentials.
They got denim and Chinos that actually fit, David.

Outerwear that lasts from leather jackets to wool topcoats, all made from premium materials by trusted factories. And

because they cut out the middleman, you get luxury quality without the crazy price tag.

You were in a high school band called Denim and Chinos, if I recall.

Yes, and BBQ was the lead singer, actually.

Students starting grabbing a few gifts for home, bath and kitchen.

I don't stop at home. I go bath, kitchen.
Nice. They make perfect presents that make it feel thoughtful, but don't break the bank, get your wardrobe sorted, and your gift list handled with Quince.

Don't wait. Go to quince.com/slash fly for free shipping on your order and a 365-day return.
That's all year. Now available in Canada, too.
What is it, Dana? That's q-u-i-n-ce-e.com/slash slash fly.

Free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash fly.
Ready to level up? Chumba Casino is your playbook to fun. It's free to play with no purchase necessary.

Enjoy hundreds of online social games like Blackjack, Slots, and Solitaire anytime, anywhere, with fresh releases every week.

Whether you're at home or on the go, let Chumba Casino bring the excitement to you. Plus, get free daily login bonuses and a free welcome bonus.

Join now for your chance to redeem redeem some serious prizes. Play Chumba Casino today.
No purchase necessary. VGW group.
Voidwar prohibited by law 21 plus. TNCs apply.

All right, one more story, even though we've only done two. Mm-hmm.

Here we go. Oh, this one.
Tell me if you're into this. Okay.

Should we read that first? No, it's okay.

Bad news, but Sweden has officially done it. While everyone was distracted, this is what they're saying.
Do you like this or you don't like this?

Literally into your country as we speak. And this is why everything is happening by design.
So, you put a chip in your hand.

When Elias goes to work, and that's the biometric. And he doesn't need money.
In fact, much of what he needs to get through the

side below the surface in his hand.

Yeah.

Oh, weird. Yeah, it's like a great chip.
Okay, like a piece of rice.

He is a real piece of rice.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's all on chips.

I can't get over the guy in the beginning. Turn it off.
We get it. So he buys everything, does everything all day.
It's like a credit card. Do you want it or do you not? Is it good or is it bad?

I know it's coming. I know it's the future.

You're getting one later today, so let me know.

We have to get one for the podcast. I got a little distracted for baby boomers because the guy in the beginning looked like the grandson of Dr.
Smith from Lawson Space.

Can we put that picture up again? Just the guy from the beginning of that thing with the first guy, the slits for eyes. Can we put that up? The stoner dude trying to tell the story.
Please stand by.

We'll get it out. Stand by.

Because I never got past that, but I do think

chips.

But then you can't get it. You can't take it out.
Well,

I mean, they know where you are. I guess that's the problem.

It's like having that guy. Hey, man.

Hey.

What? Yeah. Fuck, I woke up and found this store.
Do you think it's fucking nuts? Look at his mustache. He's a full McDonald's, Heather.
The microchips are not that exciting, but they're all freaking.

You're a full M from McDonald's. Oh, bro, I'll be honest, man.
I don't know if that's a real nose or real eyes or a real mustache, man. But just cool look.

Okay, one more, and then we got to get Dana. I got to let you go.
Oh, we are now boarding, please. We can push back if everyone takes a seat.
We're holding for for Dana Carvey to get here.

For the Churchley, okay, let's see what this is. Simon talks about mysterious automatic photos on iPhones.
I've had that

crazy Friday night findings. We just discovered, which we already knew, that your phone, an iPhone specifically, takes an infrared picture of you with your face ID every five-ish seconds.

And we ever heard of this, Heather? Did we talk about this? And it's pretty wild. Let's show you.

Okay, have your home screen? It's on the home screen. Not touching anything.
Nothing.

Okay. Infrared lens on the the camera.
Boom. There is one.

Two. That's so wild.

Why would it do that? Okay.

Oh, there is another one. Okay.
Nothing. Oh, it blocks it.
Oh, it's trying. It's taking pictures of your finger.
Okay, move your finger. Ready? What does it want? I'm not sure what I'm looking at.

Well, the phone takes snapshots of you every five seconds when you face yourself. Why?

And it doesn't stop? I mean, how long? I mean. I think it does it when it

when you flip the camera around, possibly. Is that sometimes they do ID on my iPhone, and the little green thing shows up and

face ID, right? Face ID, and then you're so hungover, it doesn't. It goes, who are you? And you go, this is just a distorted version of me.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. All right.
Should we leave on that clunker? Do you want any one more? No, let's do one more.

Let's let's go out with the banger.

Impossible. Let's try it

would this be the oh this will gross you out okay go ahead play don't even jump ahead

of this huge hair clump that was blocking a drainage pipe this is heather's drain by her husband's house in madison wisconsin so dave porceler has 10 daughters uh 10 wife they have three sets of twins amongst their daughters which is just incredible

and he says the drugs always get clogged bus boy

We work in sewage and bus boys. This should be a scene.
He knows some tricks and tests. Oh my God.
Yeah.

DVD extras.

It's just, he hasn't been able to do it. But I believe it should be able to.

Hired a plumber. That thing should speak.
Huge hair. Okay, turn it on.
That's how evolved it is. So 10 daughters.

And he keeps getting. He goes, I portaled Draino in there.
You think Draino is going to kill that monster? Well, when did it clog when it was like just 10 feet long?

I mean, when does it just, it's still, there's still more hair going in? Where's

the pop stacking up?

I don't know. Let me see these freak kids with the hair.
Do they have any left on their head?

They're all bald.

I feel like it just, it, it, it gained sentience, which is like almost became human. And I think it was like, me like hair clog meat getting stronger.

Need more daughters with multiple shampoos per day where hairs hairs fall out. Why are you being so specific, hair monster? I don't know.
I'm

not having a great day because I'm trending and I like to be secret in the sua. Yeah, they found me out.
That one tastes like sels and blue. I don't like it.
Selson blue, good one. You know,

I like suave.

Shockingly, I like pro.

If I can get a mouthful of prel and hair, I'm a happy sua monster. Prell.

No one even knows what prell is. I like that you ran with that.
Well, Prell's from the 60s, right? So funny. Christ's sink.

I just took the top off again, Heather. I'm doing it again.
So I'm going to eat this. All right.
Anyway,

we will tell you on the next show how it went when I took the top off for the fourth time.

Right.

Right. We're open to any ideas.
We're going to. We have some exciting news next week.
Yes. We'll tell you next week.
So get it.

All right. Thanks for watching.
Bye-bye, everybody. Goodbye.

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app.

Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe.
We're on video now.

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and the executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewall flyonthewall at odyssey.com.
That's A-U-D-A-C-Y.com.