
SUPERFLY #52 - Trump Dumps
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Dana's a little under the weather today, but he's going to push through. Yes, I have something that you don't want to have.
Trust me. You should not have this.
But you did. You did go out on stage once.
I went on stage. We were telling Kevin Nealon today on the other podcast that I went went out with a hoarse throat, like laryngitis, which is very tough to go out with because you don't really know what you're getting.
It sort of kicked in and out, but I definitely gave it everything on my head.
I thought it's better an hour before the show to just do it and try it.
And worst case, I'd come back or something.
But I don't want to send everyone home with their babysitters and they don't even know really what's wrong. Are you really sick? Why would you cancel? Because I did that once when there was a real problem.
And I said, say these apologies, say this, because people are already there. And I was told I can't go on.
So I said, Oh, I'm so sorry. Anyway, all they did was send an email to everyone on a ticket and said, show's canceled.
We'll reschedule. And that was it.
And I'm like, who wants to hear that after all that? You know, that's a little rough. It happens.
I mean, I do a lot of voices. So I can't come out there and go, well, isn't that special? You know? Well, isn't that? Who could it have been? Say.
So I'm kind of in here and here. Not fun, but we don't want to bring down our audience other than looking at it and saying, I don't have that.
No, I'll bring down my audience because you don't think you have problems. You think, wait, you think you have problems.
Listen to these. I slept and I had the air conditioner worked on.
And this is a bombshell and I don't mean to clip this out and I don't mean to shake it. We can use this or not.
If you're hearing it, we cut it out.
If it's too shocking for people driving, pull over.
I don't sleep with the AC on or the heat because, oh, Danny, you weren't ready for that? Oh my God, it caused an earthquake. Sometimes I, is it you have create tremors? I am, go ahead.
What it is, is. We're not going to air this.
This is going to be edited out. So just go ahead.
Be on.
Yeah. This is like a practice.
So we, it blows on me and I don't like it on my face. So even on the road, no matter how hot or cold I put the, like here, I put the heat on until I go to bed off and I dive in and then I don't want to blowing on my face.
You get all clogged up. So it's suddenly a guy worked on filters because it's so thick with smoke and sickening here.
Yeah. And bacterium and particulates.
So I changed it so it would be 1% better. And something happened.
And then it was blowing cold air 24 hours a day on me in the winter. And it was so cold.
I've never been colder in the house last two nights. So that's really the whole story.
There's no real beginning, middle or end of that story, but I'll make an observation. I, I know I'm like you, I think most people, I never want to have air conditioning directly on me.
Yeah. If it's, if it's in the room, the room but cold ice cold air i'd hate it in a gym when i just you're just you're trying to stay warm and i'm doing the lat pole and there's just cold ice cold air coming down on me these are first world problems but i'm telling you there's still problems this is a problem when you're on the Stairmaster and I start slow and I crank it up.
They don't sound anything like that. That one needs some work.
That's a made up sound effect. People at home are like, maybe, I don't know.
I used to beat the hell out of that. I got married to a Stairmaster.
I mean, I used to, in New York, because I didn't have the time to go run in the park
in the middle of winter, I'd jump on a Stairmaster.
Oh, yeah.
They should be one of our sponsors, still around.
45 minutes at the top, drenched in sweat.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Dennis Miller, who's on Fly on the Wall right now,
was saying he would talk to you
and you were on the Stairmaster for an hour
and you wouldn't even be heavy breathing. I like it.
I got addicted to it in high school and junior college. Anaerobic pain.
Actually, your body's screaming at you to stop and you just keep going anyway. You push through it.
And then the high that you get from that is pretty amazing. Yeah.
I need some sort of highs in my life. Okay.
So I'm going to give you a couple updates, Dana, before we get into the nitty gritty. I'm going to try to keep it at under 50 coughs.
Yeah. I don't care.
As long as I'm sitting next to you on a plane, the reward money for the arson I did, you know, we threw that out there. Right.
And people bet on that hook a little too hard because as I said on last week's show, people are just, A, just straight up asking for money. Two, I sort of saw this coming.
Two, hey, here's a video from Instagram of a fire. So here's my banking information.
It's Chase Bank. Here's the account.
And I'm like, well, you're just sending me a video of a fire that doesn't count so i said in there to make it a little less of a scam for people and easy i said let's do you have to you know have the cops come get someone arrested you know i'm sure they'll never stay in jail or in california yeah but at least arrested and then they let him out five seconds later but it Goes in the record maybe. Right.
And it's more to keep people's awareness up, eyes peeled. Like, hey, do something out there.
These little fires can go big. And at press time right now, there's a huge one again.
Where? Up on the five in Castaic. 5,000 acres like that right away.
I'm shooting up there, bus boys tomorrow, and I'm freaking out right now going, oh my God, we have a stunt. We have all this stuff.
And I'm like, first problem is it's a horrible situation for everyone in California. Another fire.
Secondly, minorly, what do I do? Can we move the day? Can we, I don't know. Anyway.
Oh, wait a minute. It's the grapevine, right? What we call the grapevine in LA.
What does it have to the 15? By Magic Mountain. It goes up to five.
It goes up to five. But is it kind of close to Magic Mountain or up toward the top of the- It's a little above it.
A little above Magic Mountain. Got it.
Okay. They're going to shut the five down or something they said.
Damn. We need a fucking rain.
I mean, could we just get people-
Dude, some sprinkles.
Let's just get OnlyFans, all the squirters.
Let's get them all.
Do something for the fire.
Come on.
That'll get some press.
We get all the top 10 squirters.
You're just saying.
We know it.
We're just desperate.
We're just-
Yeah.
We're grabbing it, whatever you want to call it.
But we're just trying to think of something because we really- You're you're laying around. How can I help? Here's what you can do.
Literally two weeks, a week of hard rain. There's no more fire threat.
So, I mean, they said there might be rain Friday, Saturday, and please God, even if it's a sprinkle, just do something. Anything.
It's crazy. So anyway, I will say, um, you know, thank you out there to all the brave squirters okay so that joke i sort of milked it till it was over you have some of the kitty over here did you have that in your back pocket look at all these i'm getting the greatest hits here i think because i'm under the weather you're entertaining me your job unleashed.
Your job is to make me laugh, even though I can't laugh because I'll cough. I love it.
But that was great. I got the greatest hits.
I got the cat. You got the cat.
The licking in the cat, licking its paws, and then a little wink. Milk, milk, milk.
Give some to the kitty. You aim it over.
That's a noise. And then the kitty gets in the eye.
Funny. And then he goes, and then he goes,
and then he takes his little paw.
Yeah.
Licks it.
Licks the milk off.
When did you first do that?
Exactly.
That one I have done before.
It probably.
No,
I've seen it.
I've seen it many times on this pot,
but I've just realized now in the rotation enough.
I will say that it's a great little piece.
It's a great little set piece.
It's got noises. It's got, it's quick great little piece it's a great little set piece it's got noises it's got it's quick yeah uh so back to sadness the sadness is the fire now the other thing was the arson and it's a little silver lining that a lot of people were like hey i saw a guy in my neighborhood like i never would have said anything but i'm gonna let you know and then i call the police and then I went out and said something to him and I filmed him just to get the word out.
Like, Hey, come on, man, let's do this.
Cause these are a little garbage can fire can do anything.
It can go to the side of a building.
So there was a lot of, I don't want to say the word winners.
I want to say there's a lot of people that got involved.
A lot of people sent me stuff and it's hard because they're over on Tik TOK.
Like, how do they get ahold of me?
They're just DMing and this and that. So the ones I've and heather i sent them to heather when they seem very real and uh we we did give money to someone yesterday five thousand so there's one gentleman i mean it's good in the way that just it's a way of giving back but also just give it physically to someone that did something so he did something arrest report.
He sent it in. We said, great.
There's a cop on the set of busboys. So we said, hey, is this real? He's like, yeah, all good.
And there's, I think, two more that are looking like it might happen. Yeah, we're waiting for a police report.
Well, just before you go, what did this person see? This person, Heather, he saw someone lighting a fire. Oh, literally lighting a fire.
Oh, he's lighting like egg. He's doing a lot, lighting a bunch of different ones.
So I guess the guy called the police, followed him. Oh, so it was bald face, obvious.
Yeah, and then when they found him, oh, he smelled and he had gasoline on him. So he smelled of gas, had gas, and had previous warrants for arson.
So that's his thing. Well, glad they got him.
We don't need any arsonists right now. Wait till it rains and then you can try to light shit on fire his nickname was johnny arson his uh his native american friend was called me like me like fire johnny arson and ed mcflames so anyway uh so we got that guy and then there was some more and then there's a guy that stopped someone on a hike and he was just saying saying, the guy was literally lighting stuff.
He's like, hey, man, you can't light stuff. And some people I saw were lighting those candles in a paper bag.
What are they? You know, they float over. It's some sort of.
You release them into the sky. You release them into like hot air balloons in a way.
Thinking of the word, but they do it at a wedding and they do the place. And people are behind them going, hey, guys, bad time.
You know, don't do this. This is not the time to do that.
And they're like, no, it's just for this. No, it's just for a ceremony, the word.
Oh, I'm going to float these up. Then they land in the mountains and everything catches on fire.
So there's two more possibilities. We sort of did a cutoff because there's hundreds coming in.
So anyway,
that's sort of a positive note.
That's great.
I won't say the guy's name.
I don't think he cares,
but I just thought,
whatever, he got it.
It's real.
We have another update,
which is Stephen Greer.
So Dr. Stephen Greer was on our show
that kind of blew up on YouTube. A ufologist, former trauma doctor.
Says, you know, in the next three weeks to a month, and it's been exactly a month. So, they did have a reveal the other day, and I think this might be what he's talking about.
So, this is, they say, the problem with this and everything in the last two years, is it real? You can't freak people out unless you see it in the sky and it's shooting lasers or landing and people walking out. No one's really believing it or if they believe it, they don't care.
So this is a helicopter. This guy is a whistleblower.
He runs a helicopter, I think, that takes the UFO 20 feet long, shaped like an egg, and dropping it somewhere.
News Nation has independently obtained previously unseen video obtained from a secret UAP craft retrieval program.
Which is also a UFO.
This extraordinary footage clearly shows an egg-shaped object
egg-shaped, that's to tell.
Sling below the belly of a helicopter.
The belly.
It looks green.
Well, it's not, and it looks like a face,
but that's a helicopter with a cable wrapped around.
Why is it all green?
Let's slow this down to take a closer look.
It's night vision. That's an egg-shaped UAP suspended from a cable.
Well, why is it all green? Let's slow this down to take a closer look. It's night vision.
That's an egg-shaped UAP suspended from a 150-foot long line. We're told the craft is about 20 feet long.
The egg scrambled. Look how the heck the pilot is as they bring their precious cargo into land.
Let's freeze frame here to look at one of the clearest images of a uap those are the wraps around it to pick it up it's not really clear blurry light in a distant sky where where's the uap right it's a blurry it's where is it laying where did the guy say retrieval look at how he's a full whistleblower. I think since this, I found out there's a little hieroglyphics on it.
It's almost graceful as it lands over easy. It's just a little too dramatic.
If it really was an alien craft, you don't have to go and look at the alien craft. Yeah, you don't have to hype it up.
It will be scary enough. A little too silly for me.
Doesn't mean it's not true, but it felt a little. I don't mind hearing words like obtained and extraordinary.
Well, I can say that British sports announcers
are extraordinarily better than American sports announcers.
I'm sorry, but they are incredible.
Here they go.
The race is surely afoot.
Steve P. Fontaine, a sort of athletic beetle,
of the chunky American is completely bankrupt.
I mean, the language they use is extraordinary.
Formula One.
Jackie Stewart is coming out.
He slingshots around Max Van Steppen. And now he's got to go.
He's got to go now or never. This is his last chance.
Jackie Stewart. Nope.
Nope. Yes, he's going for it.
He's going for it now on the inside, the outside zone. You know, so.
Quite remarkable. Quite remarkable.
And now, Jackie Stewart, how did you feel about the race? Well, that was it. All extraordinary.
Well, I will say this UAP might have been a whistleblower, but it's a start. And I think if they open the egg hatch, walked out, hello, my baby, I would need something like that.
That's what people are wanting. Well, if you've ever seen, you're a little younger than I am.
The day the earth stood still a saucer lands on the house white house lawn and a big giant robot comes out and starts talking starts fucking shit up or no no but maybe threatening to and then there was a an alien what are you looking at aren't you are you i am zornor i am a god you now will get a good gander of my balls from down there we are from the planet we're from the planet ball sack sauce yeah and we are here to come in peace so bad that's all i have not i'll come in my jeans excuse me excuse me this is already a Hey, man, I want to have this guy on our podcast about the universe, this astrophysicist.
And- excuse me excuse me this is already hey man i want to have this guy on our podcast that about the universe this astrophysicist and aliens you know we don't know do you know that if you hold up a foot long ruler up above the ground it's 12 inches and then you put it down on the ground it shrinks a half inch no it's literally not 12 inches because of sort of mass versus space and space versus time and that might have to be a two-parter in my what i would use in my real life is if i climbed a ladder would my wiener look bigger just so i know if i should buy a ladder for my well you'd want to have um around the ground a tiny house and a tiny ladder like everything around you has to look minuscule.
The good thing is you get a ruler that's this long.
Then you go, okay, so this is 12.
Oh, even 12.
Okay.
Not bad. Not too shabby.
Take that robot
on the White House lawn.
That for you also denotes
kind of, what's the thing with the tongue on either side inside the mouth? Is that what I do? Yeah. Yeah, okay.
Oh, you want to fight? I don't even know I do that. That's funny.
I just saw it. I was on the road with Catherine and Bobby and Catherine let me know that, A, I used my hands the whole time, almost like that Gavin Newsom video we showed, which I didn't know.
And she said, also, you touch your face maybe 1,000 times. I'm like, no idea.
No idea. This is you doing stand-up.
When I do stand-up. I didn't think, really.
I mean, sometimes you do this or you do this. That's funny.
I don't know. But I don't know.
A thousand times? Well, maybe. What did you say
about Bobby?
On Lights Out, I go like this.
But it's always just stuff to...
When you're delivering a joke, you want to make it look as casual
and thrown away as possible. So you're just doing
your whatever. Oh, Johnny Carson.
Was it this? Johnny, is that weird?
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And the Busboys update, which you've been clamoring for is.
Busboys, Theo Vaughn and David Spade.
Theo Vaughn.
Of course, Theo.
Hey, man, I got to go to that non-geralsh.
So he went out there.
I stayed.
Actually, he wasn't working that day, Sunday, but he stayed because we had so much to shoot. And it's good to have him there to add jokes and whatever.
So we shot some hospital stuff. We shot, I don't want to give it all away.
Jeez, I can't wait to see this movie. A hospital? You're like, what could that be? They're in a hospital now? What is this, a $20 million budget? I will tell you that is uh younger in the movie he's like uh 15 when i meet him and he and they cast it cast it everyone said it's cast but i'll say casted uh a kid you know we cast a kid there and he's he looks sort of like kelly from the old bad news bears you know that that kid on the motorcycle.
Yeah. Super cool kid.
Very nice kid. Gavin.
And he's super good looking. And I go, Theo.
Because I go, I'll let you pick the kid. You know, I'll stay out of that process.
Right. I said, there's no way he picked this male model to play you.
It looks nothing like you. He goes, no, man, a little bit.
You can tell. I go, this is the most hysterical thing because you should have picked some dirty little mud goat roper with your little hair.
And it just kind of looks like you, a mini version. No chance.
No chance. This guy's like, deez, deez, deez.
But the kid was good. I like that.
And I got to work with the kid
and then Theo waited around
to sort of help with that
and then he scrammed out
on a red eye
and then of course
he's hanging with the guy
they're sort of in a spillover room
it's all Jake Paul
or Tyson
all the cool guys
all that
film
100% of the time
themselves squad
so he
was with those guys
but he's in like
Thank you. all that film 100% of the time themselves squad.
So he was with those guys, but he's in like metal chairs and then he fell down and that was one thing. But I don't know if that was a setup or not.
I don't even know if he knows, but it's just something goofy that happens. And the Inog, well, this can just, that's really the update on that.
It's just been hard and I'm, I'll pitch about it 24 hours a day, but it's super fun. The movie and also the Inog.
Any thoughts of the Inog? The Inog was a barn burner. Trump went full Trump 3.0.
God, the guys on both batteries are charged. That dude can, it did five hours a night, and then he's talking about all the stuff he's going to do.
And then he's just in the Oval Office signing order after order with inviting the press in. So he's doing a press conference while he's signing.
I'm like, dude, you got four years. You don't have to do it all the first day.
Then he had some woman who was kind of asking, you're really going to deport all these people. We got to do it.
We don't have a choice. We don't have a country.
And then he just keeps signing. And then he holds them up.
I think he should read it. Does he read them first? You get a contract.
You say you should check it out. I think they did all that ahead of time, I'm guessing, because he's like, what's this one? Guatemala? Oh, yeah, Guatemala.
Now called Trumpamala. The border, deregulation, we're going to drill, baby, drill.
I'd never seen a human being like that. Now I'm just observing him as a human being.
He's 78. I guess he slept four hours, had a 20- i mean he was doing that he did all day long then he goes to three galas three balls yeah dances talks is like what i'm nervous if i have five lines in the movie the next day this guy is going to be present next day doesn't matter if he sleeps or not wakes up going full blast all day eating McDonald's drinking Diet Cokes and he's got the Diet Coke button is back he has a button just for Diet Coke so he doesn't have to say it all day long he just pushed something what I just want he's got but also he is slower now and he's not running anymore so now he's like Here's what's going on on.
He slowed it down and you were right. Right.
He, well, he definitely, during the inaugural address, for him, he was very mellow and tame. He's turned sideways a little bit sometimes.
He looks, I think he's reading those clear glass prompters, which I don't know if everyone knows. He's got speeches written, but you can't see them.
Yeah. It's very weird.
Very interesting.
Everybody uses some teleprompters that are invisible kind of to the audience.
They're unreal.
They're kind of invisible.
And he's like, just kind of leaning over there.
And anything funny?
Oh, I saw a photo that was funny about Melania's hat.
Yeah.
That's funny, right?
God, look at her. She looks really sturdy and stiff and like well ready to go very pretty i kind of like this look there was a lot of good looks there i just give her a lot of credit because that she's making a statement that's a very potent look and then she's very serious but then all of a sudden she'll smile and her face completely changes.
And she's super charming.
And Trump was saying, when she's mad at me, she calls me sir.
And then he goes, I got to tell people that I'm kidding or they'll just be going crazy on it.
And then she smiled about that.
And then she put on a gown.
It is show business.
I mean, Donald Trump was, you know, the real estate developer.
And then he had the show for eight years. Yeah, and so he's a television guy.
You know, look here, go there. And I think he made a choice, which is kind of smart.
You don't go gray, you don't go gray. I keep it blondish, you know.
And then all of them have teeth that are incredible. Like you got to have the white teeth.
You got to be tan.
You can't be pale.
You got to have an orange glow.
And he's kept it.
And somehow I thought like he would, his genetics say yellow broken teeth, super pale skin, and just a little wisp of gray hair.
He'd be like Bernie Sanders.
Except so he's showing older Bernie Bernie's on fire it shows
you all age different yeah Bernie Sanders I could do him now because I'm with my cold but yeah he's uh he speaks very well with a lot of I have a personal question about Donald Trump which you may answer i will answer and i five seconds. Okay.
Do you think with that diet and that pressure, does he dump never once a week or six times a day? This is a real question. This is what the press should be asking.
When does he have time to take a dump? He's on a full blast all day. All he knows that if you asked him, I'm regular, I'm regular, like you wouldn't believe.
It's not a problem down there. It's not a problem.
Nobody has a bowel movement. You know that's what his answer would be.
He would never say, well. You know when they show what your turd should look like? I look like the best one.
Mine are the best turds. I let them loose and I get them out.
And I get them out. I get them out early.
I get them out early and I get them out. They float when they're supposed to float or they sink, whatever the better one is.
That's what they do. He's, I know somebody who knows Rudolph Giuliani.
This is years ago. And I asked him about Trump and Rudolph Giuliani said, he's unclassifiable.
He's like a rare insect. Like Trump doesn't make sense.
That kind of energy, eating Kentucky Fried Chicken,
burgers, shakes, fries, filet-o-fish,
and Diet Coke all day long,
probably weighs 275 pounds.
So yeah, he's a one-off.
What the hell?
I will say it was a little shocking.
I know everyone pardons everyone on the way out, but some of those pardons were a little, that last night in the middle of the night, crazy, huh? Which ones were they? You mean? Well, Fauci was really jumped out. Oh yeah, Biden got, yeah, the Biden crime family, they call it, like he did all of them.
I didn't even know there was that many in the family. You know, I thought maybe James.
Oh, the whole family tree shows up.
I know it was like an ad for Ancestry.com.
If you believe Fox News, they all got checks.
Well, something happened because everyone is, they can do whatever. Can you rob a bank now or it doesn't matter?
It's just a certain crime.
I think a pardon is a pardon from a president.
But Fauci must be relieved. he's fucking clicking his heels i don't know what they yeah i mean he was shaking his boots a little bit there especially because if it's the next day he could be in trouble uh man he kind of said it was sort of semantics when he was up up Congress.
Senator, I have never, we have never, the NIH has never funded gain of function in the Wuhan thing. And he meant later there's different kinds of gain of function because there's emails him talking about that.
So I'll give him a pass because I kind of like the guy. He's a pistol, that guy.
Who, Fauci? Yeah, anybody who's the highest paid government employee. And we know from just show business, just anyone who's the head of a corporation for 40 years has sharp elbows.
It's a Game of Thrones there. He's still the head guy in his 80s.
I mean, that means, you know, it's like Nancy Pelosi. She's never going.
She broke her hip and she's already walking. They don't want to let go of that power.
I get it. Does Fauci still have any job? What does he do? Does he do anything over there anymore? No, he ironically got long COVID and he's just nowhere.
No, I don't know. I don't know.
I think he got short COVID. I think he's retired.
Well, he's going to write a book. That's what they all do.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, Obama leaned over to George Bush and said, how do we stop this thing? Something like that.
That's what a lip reader said. You can pull it up.
We're on the, you know.
I did see that in a paper this morning.
Lip reading is not a perfect science, but it's fun to watch.
It's pretty close, according to the movie 2001 A Space Odyssey.
I saw an ad for that today, and I'm like.
That was the AI reading.
The girl that reads the lips is partially deaf, you said? She must be. Okay.
Oh, here's the bit. Okay.
This is on TikTok. Okay.
There we go. Good to see you.
Yep. Thank you.
How can we stop what's happening? How can we stop what's happening? I think that might be right. It's hard because it was a side angle.
Yeah. She does side lips too.
But whatever George W. Bush, like Michelle loved him.
He'd give her mints and stuff. And when they go to funerals, they'd meet up.
They like the Bushes. Yeah.
And, you know, they like both of them, but they like him because he's funny. He's got that frat boy, fun energy.
Hey, Dylan. Hey, Barack.
You know? So. By the way, that was shown on TikTok.
I don't know if the TikTok, TikTok-alips, TikTok-alips got your way. Not bad.
TikTok-alips. Oh.
Did you hear about it? Didn't Trump reinstate it for for now it shut down for about not even 24 hours maybe 12 and everyone had a fucking shit fit everyone went bazooties everyone's like i get it i get it we talked about last week but it's back i don't know how long but it's back for at least, what, 90 days. So get your TikToks in.
Yeah. I mean, for me, I just, I kind of feel like I need a break.
It's winter. I want to go south.
So there's an island off of Cuba. I can't remember a name, but it's in the Gulf of America.
Yeah. And I'm going down.
I'm going to fly down to the Gulf of America and go to this island. Are you going to go to the, where do you cross over there? Not the Suez Canal.
What's it called? Panama Canal? Panama. Is it called the America Canal? Let's have a presidential scholar as well on our podcast.
Oh, yeah. I want to know about executive orders and the power of them for Democrats and Republicans.
It seems like there's no congress it will better do this it's really like 5 000 the president says so you know i mean so i'd love to know where that's going and what does it mean but yeah i remember that when they i didn't know much about executive orders they just kept saying oh biden can close to close the border with one executive order but they're doing it. They want to vote on it.
They want to do a whole rigmarole about it. Is that true? There's a lot of different regulations that Trump put on the border, and Biden rescinded them sincerely.
Now Trump wants to put back, remain in Mexico. So you come to the border, they array you, yada, yada, yada, yada.
But you got to go back and wait in Mexico as opposed to wait in the U.S. And so I guess that's back.
I don't know. But where do you wait in the U.S.? Do you wait over the border and somewhere holding or is it like? No, you just you'll have an arraignment and then we'll see you later.
I don't think they have follow you or anything. And then it's the honor system.
Yeah. Okay.
Okay. Let's start looking at stories.
Let's see what's going on in the news. Oh, I thought this was good.
This was after the big college title game, championship game. And this is the quarterback and the coach being let out, I think to the trophy ceremony after the game.
Okay.
Ryan J, you deserve it, brother.
Thank you.
Thank you.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Broken axle.
Oh, yeah.
She can't look at it.
It's pretty bad, actually.
Wow.
I used to think it would bounce off.
I thought it was easy. She wasn't going that fast.
Hysterical. So that's like the guy who just won the game, and there's the coaches and some players in there.
They're like, you got to walk from here. And it was da-da-da-da.
And then it runs. Yeah.
And it runs right into a wall. Love it.
Why did someone yell, yell you fucking deserved it I think they meant you deserve the win before they hit it F word yeah people are throwing that F word around I don't like it go ahead what's the next one I could play that one hmm Heather made me put a fucking straw in here, and I'm like, I don't need it. She goes, actually, you do.
And I'm like this. You see me digging that goddamn straw.
You have a great diet. Heather keeps you, you know, gets you a little green.
Now, this is a sponsor. Dana, she doesn't need that.
I't need that i'm observing something i i'd like to make an observation great dikes i can't eat because she buried the straw on the bottom uh it's in quicksand okay so this is a house dana could you stay in a house for an hour for five million dollars what is that a haunted house or something's showing the video i would say you can handle it yeah okay that's it that's interesting you said five million net to earn $5 million? What is that? A haunted house or something? I mean, the video. I would say yes.
You think you can handle it? Yeah. Okay, that's interesting.
$5 million net or gross? To earn $5 million in an hour, you just have to stay in this room for an hour to easily take home $5 million. This room, located in Seattle, USA, was built by Microsoft at a cost of $10 million and is known as the quietest place on Earth.
Just for this contest or why? Two layers of solid steel plates sealed with 30- thick concrete which is enough to block out the point sounds sounds like a razor commercial with unique fiberglass mirrors that can absorb sound waves the sound level inside the room reaches 20 decibels sitting inside you can hear your heartbeat lungs expanding and even your joints moving when the lights go out your senses feel as if they have been taken away, making you feel as if you are in the universe.
Since the lab opened for challenges,
no one has ever successfully completed it.
Those who attempted the challenge
averaged less than a minute.
The longest record is 58 minutes and 57 seconds.
And even then the challenger almost went insane.
He said that in the room,
you feel an unprecedented sense of loneliness
pressing down on you so hard that you can barely breathe. In face of such a huge reward what would you do oh well those people are of course you stay in the room and all you do is exactly it's so easy well because that are are you allowed you're you're there's no rules you can yell? So you distract the silence by making noise.
You just go for an hour. Would you do that for $5 million? Let me see you do it.
I go like this. Yeah, you turn yourself into a baby.
I would sing or something. I would get in the fetal position like a baby and just rock myself.
I wonder if you talk if it's super loud. I would just mumble then.
By the way, why did they build it? What do they need it for? Yeah, what is the point? Yeah, just have a contest in. Who built it, Mr.
Beast? It reminds me of the Twilight Zone where this is Gentleman's Club and this one guy just talks,
talks, talks, talks. And then
somebody says, I bet you couldn't
talk for one year. I'll give you like a million
dollars, like $18 million. One year?
One year. Something like that.
And so they put him in this room and he couldn't
speak. I'm thinking, remembering
it was a year. Didn't speak for
a year. And he came
out and the guy gave him the money and said how how did you do it and you saw that he had his uh slow his throat slit so he couldn't talk didn't kill him but he had a turtleneck on so oh yeah it's called a twist ending dave i know um i think they paid someone to talk for a year. Whitney Cummings, you know her? Anyway.
She's got a lot of words per minute. A lot of WPMs.
Yeah. No, that just sounded funny, though.
I'd have to research that. Quiet room built by Microsoft.
I will. Why are they building this stupid place? The guy 90 seconds ago and couldn't suck it up for a million? They said most people can't do one minute.
It's such an eerie feeling. Interesting.
I guess a lot of people, you know what? They don't like money. Yeah.
They don't like money. It makes everything simple when you figure out that you literally don't like money.
Yeah, Gervis would tell them, you want to go in there? If you like money, go in. Yeah.
But what if you love money to a point where it's almost psychotic? Like you love money just to have money. I can hold it.
Look at it. And sometimes eat it in a salad.
I like to rub it on my body. By the way, Gerwitz, because he's such a workaholic, he goes, I drive into work every day.
I still go to the office. See, some people work.
And he's way out in Malibu by Joffrey. So he's like, it takes me two hours, 20 minutes, but I do it.
Two hours and 40 minutes, last I heard. Well, believe me, I accidentally waged it and it was about an hour and 16.
But, you know, I'll let him puff it up. I'll let him fudge the numbers.
But I'll let him have his day. I'll let you have your big overwhelming number.
You say, 240. Everyone's like, what? What? By the way, my set tomorrow is an hour 30.
I'm like, oh, each way. Well, what's your set tomorrow for an hour 30?
What do you mean?
Way the heck out.
Because in the movie, we live near the border.
Oh, your set, I thought it was stand-up.
You're going to drive 90 minutes to the set.
No, I'm going to do a set tonight just to practice
because I haven't gone on in a while.
And it's good to just bop on.
And it's good to give the gift of my act. Yeah, yeah.
All right, next story. Someone I know just got engaged in it.
Oh, boy. It's a big one.
It's a big one. It's the next step in a relationship.
And that's why they have, you know, a thing called an engagement ring. What was the Beyonce song? You should have put a ring on it.
Oh yeah. Pay attention to that.
And we know how you can get a nice ring, right? You go to Blue Nile. Blue Nile, your engagement ring shopping spot.
You got the shape. They got the size, setting, cut, color.
It's all very confusing, but you need someone to help walk you through it that's the place to go uh there's one way it is confusing but they make it simple is what i'm gonna yeah you go there and they clear it up because i don't know what i'm doing like most guys don't understand so that's why going to blue and i'll.com starts your engagement ring journey uh they'll create a bigger more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine at a price you'll never find at a traditional jeweler. Since 1999, Blue Nile has been the original online jeweler and they've always been committed to ensuring the highest ethical standards.
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Roll baller Lonzo ball for buzz balls. Ready to go cocktails.
Take 12. Buzz balls just dropped their biggest blue balls.
Script says biggies blue balls, Lonzo. Take 13.
Blue balls just dropped their biggest buzz balls. Let's try a vocal exercise.
Buzz balls, biggies, blue balls, buzz balls,
biggies, blue balls. Big balls
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with Buzz Balls.
Please be responsible for Buzz Balls available on Spirit Wine and Malt.
15% alcohol by volume. Buzz Balls LLC,
Carrollton, Texas.
Early screening of Mission Impossible.
The final wrecking reportedly almost caused a heart attack
for an audience member. Now I know what this is.
I'll tell you what this is right now. Just hearing that.
Okay. Hype.
Okay. They have to hype it because I see in the Daily Mail, they must have some deal with Netflix because it goes, this new movie is so scary.
Two people threw up in the theater and everyone's like, oh, I got to see that.
I saw the movie and it didn't scare me at all.
I thought it was fun and great, but.
Right.
And people go, oh, this movie, people were walking out, which sounds bad because they were so scared.
And people are like, oh, I bet I can handle it.
And so you get people.
So these kind of early things you hear about a movie, the trailer teases intense action, including submarine and aerial stunts. Well, I mean, listen, we know it's Tom Cruise.
I don't want to sound like a hater because I do like these movies. I'll probably go see it.
But they're all sort of blurring into the same movie. Like, he runs here really fast.
I think this is number eight. Yeah.
I mean, listen, Fast and Furious, I kind of, haven't they run out of gas yet? Well, I had to write a new theme for myself because I saw one of these. Then I saw the next one and it was like, not as good.
Not as good. That's like a good Hollywood minute joke.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Not as good.
Not the same.
All the same.
Seen it before.
You've seen it once.
You'll see it again.
We know.
They learn from Fast and the Furious.
Not as good.
Seen it before.
Isn't great.
That is great.
He's a bit older. Not much older.
I tell you what, I would love to have Tom Cruise on this podcast. I don't do it because it's easy.
I do it because it's hard. Because I want to understand how he is sprinting like that.
Is it sped up effects? Because that's, I know he swims underwater, hangs off planes,
but sprinting at 60 or whatever, 62,
like they show him sprinting, is pretty extraordinary.
In hard shoes.
How about he sneaks some Skechers on under there,
you know, when they do the close-ups?
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. We're Skechers.
We're Skechers. Dun, dun, dun, dun.
I wear Skechers. They look like hard shoes.
I wear them. They spray paint them black.
But go falsetto for a second for me. Beedlew.
No, but with something. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
No reason for another Mission Impossible movie. Dun, dun, dun.
There's a new hot chick in everyone that comes out. You will like her.
28. 28.
I'm 68. She's 22.
She's 22 and you're 75. Too much of an age gap.
Too much of an age gap. That's not even a rhythm.
Too much. No one mentions she's too young.
It's great, but every woman that I know that has power is going way younger too so it's not hey two-way street you get out there hey bill belichick bill belichick is great and i i did a podcast and it's such a nice sweet guy i can see why she's brilliant. Now get in there.
Between sex, let's huddle up.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Give it an admission of pause.
73,
21, heart attack.
Too much.
Check with your cardiologist.
See if you can take the meeting.
Used to be pros.
Now it's college.
Because he coaches college now.
Why is that so funny?
Because it's just information.
It doesn't really even fit that line.
It's not a put down.
It's like, used to be a pro.
Now it's college.
Kind of a has-been, sort of a has been used to be pro but college is not a step down there's college players because of nih and all these rules that they stay in college as long as they can name image like grandpa no it's my gymnast from LSU very pretty young lady makes 4 million makes 4 million for going to college he does TikTok if I tell him I see him on TikTok he's like hey or whatever i'm like oh boy oh boy i'm sorry i'm starting to like the trump dance just i like trump yeah he comes out just he puts about as much into it as me in like a fight scene i'm like this i can do this i don't need a stunt man they're like oh it's the funniest like who would i don't even know what obama's dance is or jimmy carter's was or any of these presidents all the girls want obama that's for sure um rumors of trouble in paradise i don't repeat rumors but he came solo what is the deal separation trial separation
time of part
C What is the deal?
Separation.
Trial separation.
Time apart.
See if it's better for both of them.
Trial separation.
Is Heather laughing or we're just punchy?
She's kind of quietly laughing. Can you hand her a mic?
Yeah, Heather, yell one. What theme? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Thank you for bringing back TikTok. It's a joke going around.
Oh, he says... They're thinking Obama fixed TikTok.
No, it's like a joke. It's like a diss to Trump.
Oh. No, I'm actually thinking President Obama.
They skip right over Obama. Oh, they try to say that Obama fixed TikTok because did you? It's good.
It was a good swing and you don't have a microphone. So you had a lot going against it.
But I understand. What was the thing where who's the speaker? Mike somebody, Mike Johnson.
Have you seen when he talks about meeting with Biden and goes, sir, why did you do this? He goes, I didn't do that. And he goes, yes, you did.
He goes, I said, we'll look into it. He goes, no, you did do.
You did sign that bill. And he goes, who's there? Jeez, he's gone downhill even since I did him on SNL.
I know. When he's at the inauguration, he's just staring in his face with his wife, Jill, and he's like this.
I like this guy. And she's like, no, you don't.
It's Trump. He goes, no, I don't.
I'll tell you one thing. Because that was indoors, and they placed Biden and Mrs.
Biden, Joe Biden, right next to each other, right over Trump's shoulder. And he's just giving him the biggest beatdown.
It's been a total disaster. And Biden is looking down, itching his face like, what is he talking about? Who's he talking about? That guy sounds like a real jerk.
We're going to take our country back. We're going to take it back.
We all know how to take it back. Everybody sees it.
Everybody's talking about it. And we're taking it back.
Duck. And Biden and Joe, they took a beat down, man.
It was for the ages. All right, next story.
We beat out the Mission Impossible. I guess I'm going to retire the Mission Impossible thing.
Yeah, unless it comes up again. Unless it comes up again.
We can always bring it.
It'll never ever go totally away.
All right.
Good morning.
Good morning.
This is a U.S. Naval Recruiting Office in Alhambra.
That's right around here. Okay, play it.
All right. They are Asian.
You wouldn't think so.
Okay, so every recruiter here is Chinese as well as all the people coming to a list.
Unless the working language is Chinese.
This was filmed by a Chinese YouTuber.
So there, you can turn it off.
It's too loud.
Thank you. Chinese.
This was filmed by a YouTuber, a Chinese YouTuber. So there, you can turn it off.
It's too loud. And I don't know Chinese as well as I thought I did.
Is that Mandarin, Dana? Does that just mean Chinese? I guess it's a dialect in China. Yeah, i went with my wife because my feet are kind of gnarly i know you're a bath guy you're a bubble bath i used yeah i still do you're a bubble bath guy so you can reach and you wash your feet intentionally but i don't take baths so i'm in a shower and i don't have nowhere to put my foot so So my feet are gnarly.
So I went to a. Nowhere to put my foot.
Well, I'm trying to clean my feet and stuff. You're going to lift up.
Oh, you don't have a step or something. Not really.
And then I can't, I'm not wearing readers in the shower. So I'm Mr.
Magoo in there. You don't know where your feet are.
Long story short. I go to a place.
They call it a mani-pedi. You know all this because you're a metrosexual.
Mani-pedi, manicure, pedicure. Pedicure is the hands.
I don't do that, but they're doing my feet and they're incredibly charming people from somewhere in Asia. Set it up.
So I said, how do you say thank you in Mandarin? and she said, ah, we are Vietnamese, you know?
And I go, fuck me.
And they go, no, that means hello in Vietnamese. Fuck me.
No, I asked her, what is thank you in Vietnamese? She said, come on, come on, come on, come on. Let's come and get some.
No, she's like, come on, come on. You got to do the accent.
Come on. you're doing it right.
A lot of people come in and say, come on. You're like, American accent.
You're best. I say, you know, you say thank you, you go, rack them.
That is my mani-pedi story. That is my mani-pedi story.
Not really interesting. Well, the Navy is going to have some Chinese people, so that's good or bad.
I don't know if they're allowed to get other countries. The American Navy is going to have foreign nationals and their military? No.
It seems like it. Really? From that video, it just seemed like it.
I don't know. Can't we all get along? I'm an old hippie.
We're going to get along. I don't want a war.
Me neither. I hate them.
What is this, a guy with pants on or a towel or what? Let's play it. This is a $900 towel skirt.
Imagined by Balenciaga, it manipulates a belt and button closure to bring shower and tires. He has to rub his wiener on the way down.
This is a $900. So this guy's clothes on.
You get out of a shower and you put that on so it won't fall down. It's a towel with a button.
No, you wear it out. It's clothing.
It's like a skirt. It's like a skirt and you put it on outside and walk around.
I like when Dana's like, what the fuck is going on in the world? Yes, and it's expensive. $900 towel comes with a button.
That's great. $900 to put a button on a towel.
Call it a skirt. Okay.
I'm in the wrong biz. That's a good business plan.
Christ's sake, you know, Kat and I are doing that. Yeah.
How much was it? $900? Balenciaga. I like that Balenciaga got in trouble for some sketchy stuff.
And they're back full swing.
Nobody gives a fat buck anymore.
Yeah.
There's no more cancel culture kind of, right?
I mean.
Unless it's Harvey Weinstein or something.
That's a good one.
He's literally grandfathered in.
Okay. What's another one? Do we have any other any other ones oh how would you like to be skiing and this happens this is a really worst case scenario you're skiing on the left this can be a great day go ahead a freezing geyser of water and you can't move look at the guys guy's kicking his leg.
What do you do, Dana? Freezing. It's freezing water on your snow.
So it's freezing as it hits you. Literally freezing.
I would have to jump off. I'd have to find some way out.
I couldn't take it. Well, first of all, for the people driving.
So you're just going down a ski lift. Apparently the ski lift stops and then there's a broken main or something.
And ice, ice, ice cold water is spraying up on you and freezing on your body. And they're just hanging there.
What happened? Did they jump or? I don't know. TikTok didn't tell me the rest.
Hmm. Would you jump? Would it be safe to jump? I saw one where the ski lift went on five times as fast and people were whipping around at the bottom and it just throws them off and everyone's jumping back going, what are you doing? And people are coming there going, jump off.
And then it goes, you know, they're on that hairpin and it just flips them backwards, upside down and people are flying. That one's gnarly.
We'll play that next week. Danglers are kind of funny.
I'm not really into danglers. You know, I always get a little nervous when I'm dangling, you know, like you just, if you're on some amusement park ride that's going up and you just have this little thing.
But I would say, have you ever been on a tram and it's like 2000 feet down? And even though, you know, the odds are in your favor, you're like, I'll be glad when we get to the base camp sure yeah i'll tell you this when you see these people like let's say this and they say it was like that for 11 minutes or they were dangling upside on a roller coaster and they got saved after 40 minutes in your head you think i could probably take 40 minutes that but when you're there there's no time limit you don't know that yet so in your head you're spinning out going this could be three days can i live but when you hear later they were saved in the time frame you know it's maybe i could do that long but you don't know i've told you this before i think but maybe only once i a corporate date, and then I was going to christen a roller coaster. But it was gigantic.
It was like Magic Mountain on acid. And I'm watching it upside down and turning and going like a pretzel in the sky, like a five-mile loop.
And then I'm going, okay, I'll do it. I'm like, all right, fine.
And then they go, the temperature just dropped too much you can't go so of course to be a hero i said are you fucking kidding me i want on that thing now but anyway i didn't have to do this silly thing you were never good because if it goes up and then if it freezes upside down then they've got to get the hook and ladder and just it ruins your day not a chance in the world i would do. I'm such a magnanimous puss dandelion.
I could not be upside down. Well, I'm trying to calm down most of my life.
I'm not looking for thrill rides at this point in my existence. I'd rather be on a seaside chateau with a cocktail looking at the seals play on the beach.
My mandula oblongata getting slapped around my head, my C5. You get enough adrenaline rush from just walking out on a stage and stand up all the time.
I get adrenaline from seeing that the fires are contained. They're not even fully contained, the regular ones.
Now we got this new mother effer out there. All right, we can wrap up, Dan.
Let me see. So hopefully the next Fly on the Wall or podcast, I will not have this disease.
You were fine, Dana. No one has any complaints.
It's just when you cough a lot over a period of days. It's kind of sore.
I'm not complaining. A lot of people have it worse in the world, but it's a little bit uncomfortable.
When we get off the air, I'll ask you if you have any extra coating cough syrup, and then I'll drive up there three hours just to get it. It's the one thing I'm allergic to.
No, we get it anyway. I've got some stuff I can take.
A little stocking stuffer. Yeah, I have stuff I'm taking.
It just hasn't kicked in yet just hasn't kicked in yet. You know? Yeah.
That's all.
Anyway, don't hide, divide.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't be tight.
Splurge on the urge to emerge.
You know what I learned in school?
How to share.
Okay.
All right.
So, Dana, good luck to you. I learned watching cartoons.
What's up, Doc? Yeah, what's up what's up back so we've learned a lot okay thanks everybody thanks for listening and watching and we're gonna have some guests coming up pretty soon we're gonna explore ai and bitcoin we have a lot of questions for these people so stay tuned this has been a presentation presentation of Odyssey. Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
Hope you liked it.