Dennis Miller pt 2

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Speaker 1 So Dana, we're excited to have our first repeat guest on Fly on the Wall, Dennis Miller,

Speaker 1 who we both love, grew up with, and

Speaker 1 you were,

Speaker 1 you knew him before I did, and you guys are great friends, and we're all we go back to the very beginning.

Speaker 2 I remember playing a comedy club with Dennis Miller in 1981, the Comedy Magic Club. My first got to know him.
He goes, he says, I got no gigs, Carfie. Got no gigs.

Speaker 1 No gigs. By the way, he's probably the second most person you do on the show.
Who's number one? Is it Trump or Biden or what?

Speaker 2 I would say Lauren, because, you know, but Dennis is a close second. And it's fun to try to process the way his mind thinks when you think of a thing.
It'd be like.

Speaker 2 Carvey and Spundley doing the classic intro, a little long on the keep cop, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But his mind, well, anyway, you'll enjoy this because a couple of years have gone by, so there's just a lot of stuff to talk about. And his mind is razor sharp and really fun to listen to.

Speaker 1 Sharp, we cover a lot of bases and we mostly just crack up. Yeah, we mostly just so you're just laughing.

Speaker 1 You'll just watch me and Dana basically just listen to Dennis crack up.

Speaker 2 And I will say, the one and only, I mean, he has a singular voice and stand-up, which is amazing. The one and only, Dennis Miller.

Speaker 3 Hey, Davey, what's that?

Speaker 3 Enter the dragon skateboard?

Speaker 2 Yeah, my Bruce Lee.

Speaker 3 He's 60 years old now?

Speaker 2 Dennis, I'm a skater at heart.

Speaker 3 Let me get a hat on. I look like a master.
No way.

Speaker 1 We're not even showing this part, boss. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 No. You look good, though.

Speaker 3 What do you mean? My hair looks all fucked up.

Speaker 2 It's up to you, but yeah, this is just audio.

Speaker 3 So, Spedley,

Speaker 3 I'll start you off by putting you on comfortable home ground. As the great Jim Kelly said, ghettos are the same all over the world.

Speaker 3 And then he flipped an ollie.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's

Speaker 2 Jim Kelly, the quarterback? I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 Who is that? I know, there was a guy in Enter the Dragon Smade.

Speaker 3 And at the beginning, he's riding a junk and he looks around and he goes, ghettos are the same all over the world.

Speaker 1 That's fantastic. And then an ollie is a skateboard trick, Dana.
Wake up.

Speaker 2 I know. I am waking up.
Are you kidding?

Speaker 3 All right, boys. Let's rock this.

Speaker 2 Who played the bad guy?

Speaker 2 What actor played the bad guy and entered the dragon?

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Speaker 3 No, that was it.

Speaker 2 No, it was John somebody. He had a kind of a comb over a good actor anyway.

Speaker 3 It was, I remember Joseph Weissman played Dr. No, who was the,

Speaker 3 and he was in Detective Story with Kirk Douglas, And I think they patterned Hung after him. Anyway, let's let's go on with the air.

Speaker 2 No, this is what we're doing. This is great.

Speaker 2 This is

Speaker 2 the beef of, yeah,

Speaker 2 this is A-plus podcasting so far.

Speaker 1 I auditioned for Dr. Yes, and my whole part got cut up.

Speaker 3 Spade, your hair looks good, man. What are you doing?

Speaker 2 My hair looks good today.

Speaker 1 Why are we on fucking camera? Jesus, I know.

Speaker 2 He's got volume. He's got lift.
He's got, he's got

Speaker 2 something.

Speaker 3 Oh, Jesus. I'm sitting over.
I look like.

Speaker 2 Okay, here it goes. let's go get mine

Speaker 3 everybody else looks good i was the first one in on plugs and they're not working for me

Speaker 1 okay we're gonna we're gonna we'll do you know we just had joel mikale on yeah and uh his hair looks great and he fully admits he's got more plugs in the last two minutes of cars yeah jesus it's your joke

Speaker 2 that's a tennis joke a class how many times

Speaker 3 are we on the air by the way?

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah.
So I was on the tonight show one night after I got my plugs.

Speaker 3 I was talking to Jay and we had a fallow moment, as it were, because they had nothing to plug. So

Speaker 3 ironically, I said, hey, Jay, I just got hair plugs. He's night and hair looks great.
And I said, no, Jay, I'm telling you, I got hair plugs and I'm healed up now and I want to show them off.

Speaker 3 So I went up to the camera, the number one camera, and, you know, put my head down. I said, I've got around around 5,200 plugs here.
And

Speaker 3 came back and Jay said, you're not kidding. I said, no, no.

Speaker 3 And the next day, I got calls from some of the most famous craniums in the world asking me where, you know, I won't betray their trust, even though some of them have passed on now, but saying, where did you get your plugs?

Speaker 3 And I, I, uh,

Speaker 3 they said, do they have a back door? I said, yeah, but I use a back door. You just go get hair plugs if you need hair plugs.

Speaker 3 And the guy, my doctor, eventually called called me when I needed some more and he said, you're comped. Don't pull coin in my time.
I've gotten so many, you know, recommendation heads off you.

Speaker 2 You reorientated the skulls of several hundred men in Southern California.

Speaker 2 And that is a, if you have your legacy as one of the all-time great comedians, but this legacy we've heard about today, helping people with their appearance, their self-esteem.

Speaker 2 I'm calling myself happy, And I'm glad this was, this is

Speaker 1 like any, anything like plastic surgery or something, you notice the bad ones, but there's so many people that have different things they've done that you just would never know.

Speaker 1 And I just go, that guy looks pretty good.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Ellen Burston always looked great. I consider myself now in retirement.
I consider myself a,

Speaker 3 not a life coach, but rather a life assistant coach where I

Speaker 3 don't have anything. I don't speak to the press on a daily basis.
I have nothing to to do with the overall organization, but I consider myself the strength coach

Speaker 3 for

Speaker 1 I hired a life assistant coach, a little cheaper. I just stole your joke, switched it, and it's in my hack now.

Speaker 3 Remember, we used to call that bit surfing where somebody jumped on a bit. I had that song on my shower.

Speaker 3 Two tags on every

Speaker 2 bit.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, they're waxing up a premise and taking them on down to the beach bit surfing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That happens. If comedians are together, I think the

Speaker 1 rule is the unwritten rule. Like, if you start a bit, just you're talking and people kind of tag it just in conversation.

Speaker 1 I think if you tag someone, if I tag someone, they're talking and they say, Oh, I might use that. I say, go ahead.
You started the premise.

Speaker 1 I'll throw you whatever I can shovel on this fire and take it.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, Jimmy Valali was like the red of dead, but he wouldn't dare drop in on any main premise and start tagging it like

Speaker 3 Floyd Mayweather working the speedback.

Speaker 2 Did Red Adair help cap

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 oil rigs that were on fire in like Iran or something?

Speaker 3 Well, he would do that thing that Duke Wayne did in the Hellfire or Hellfighters movie, where if you knock the feed of the air out for just a millisecond, the whole thing stops.

Speaker 3 So you have to get up close, dynamite it, stand behind something, and have the dynamite suck the air out for a second. And then that puts the fire out in an oddly ironic way.

Speaker 3 And you have to remember: the dynamite was invented by Alfred Nobel of the Nobel Peace Prize because his original invention had croaked so many people that he karmically worried whether he would ever get into heaven.

Speaker 3 So he came up, he made him a modicum of a donation in perpetuity to have a peace prize. The only reason he did it is because he invented dynamite.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 That

Speaker 2 I'm speechless. I did not know that.

Speaker 3 Well, Carby, you remember when we were on the road, we used to do San Jose and you'd go to the Winchester Mystery House? Certainly you did, right?

Speaker 3 It was this house that had, it was like an Escher print. It had stairwells and chutes and ladders.
And the reason the woman, she was of the Winchester.

Speaker 3 She married a Winchester. So many people had been killed with the guns.
She was afraid that the spirits were going to come back and get her.

Speaker 3 So she built a house that was one big baffle chamber so the ghosts would run into dead ends.

Speaker 3 Because, you know, that's how you figure out how to stay alive after you're dead, is that you can't figure a fucking hallway out.

Speaker 2 So, anyway.

Speaker 2 But do you remember the catchphrase of the local TV, which was in the San Francisco Bay Area, about the Winchester Mystery House? It was always Winchester Mystery House

Speaker 2 10 miles south of San Jose, open. And then she would say, Keep building,

Speaker 2 keep building. And that would crush.
Did you have local Pittsburgh bits that would only work in Pittsburgh?

Speaker 3 Well, to some degree, but I remember most from New York because that cat out on the island was always pushing, Carbell was always pushing cookie puss.

Speaker 3 And, you know, you had crazy Eddie selling the stereo equipment. So that's when I was first indoctrinated into local catchphrases.

Speaker 3 And I remember SNL knocked off the most famous one, which was a thing of about, we played the Beetle music on broadway and it was called beetle mania and uh and then jim downey i think who one doesn't a trace back all roads lead to downey comedically he wrote that great bit called beetle mania mania

Speaker 3 it's not the beatles but the next best thing and then he changed it to it's not beetle mania but it's the next best thing it looked like a copy of a copy you know at a kinko's or something where the guys were even a little more washed out and loosely connected to the actual Beatlemania guys.

Speaker 3 So very funny.

Speaker 2 What's your, so let me try you, Spade, first. You're playing Chicago.
What's your local reference up front for a laugh? My local reference up front is about Arizona.

Speaker 1 And then I realized quickly it doesn't travel. Like that was the big wake-up call.
I had never done S, when I did SNL, I'd only been in New York once in my life. So all

Speaker 1 my jokes weren't working. And I didn't really have any clubs to go in.
Once you're at SNL, you're locked in that dungeon.

Speaker 1 So I didn't do much stand-up, except for maybe on the college gigs and the weekends now and then. But man, I would do literally, I would say, streets in Arizona.

Speaker 2 I would say, hey, I was on a camelback, you know, over with the hookers on Van Buren. Yeah, there you go.
This one is sure fire.

Speaker 1 But that's in Arizona. And then I get out there and I go, I'm not funny.
I just know my area. It's just different.

Speaker 2 I had a go-to adaptation that's politically incorrect, but I take the name of the city, extrapolate it to sound like an Indian name.

Speaker 2 You know, Fresno from the old Indian name Fresanaka, which means drop your shorts. We don't have much time.

Speaker 2 Crushed beyond,

Speaker 2 beyond the beyond. I couldn't follow myself.

Speaker 2 I just say, thank you, and good night.

Speaker 1 You couldn't follow your own joke?

Speaker 2 Jimmy Stewart blowing himself next, and then I'd just leave the stage. I could not follow myself.

Speaker 3 I remember one night,

Speaker 3 Randy Quaid, and I were coming out of

Speaker 3 the comedy store and we went past that train car up there that sells burgers. You remember that time?

Speaker 3 What was it called, Spudley?

Speaker 1 Carney's, I think. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Carney's, yeah. And

Speaker 3 we're walking past Carney's. And when you were talking about Jimmy Stewart, the original guy who did that, his name was Ron Jeremy.
And he was a porn star who auto-filtered himself.

Speaker 3 That's what he was known for. He comes up and he's a big fan.
He's talking to Randy about

Speaker 3 the last detail. And, you know, Randy was so great in that.
And then he's

Speaker 3 telling me some of my jokes. And, you know, we're both like looking at him.
Oh, thank you, sir. That's nice.
And

Speaker 3 as soon as he takes two steps away from us, Randy and I simultaneously look at each other and go, that's the guy who blows himself up.

Speaker 3 He wasn't even out of earshot. We couldn't wait to tell each other.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 I saw him at the rainbow all the time. Literally everyone from 1990 to 98 that's doing well is at the rainbow, obviously me included.

Speaker 2 I was like, why was I there? Oh.

Speaker 1 But I saw like, you know, Brett Michaels and those guys, they just, and they, you know, there's something about old people, not old people, but people that dress the way they were when they're their most famous.

Speaker 1 So like they'll have the same hat or the same look or the same hair, the same exact outfit.

Speaker 3 so you go oh that's that guy you know what i mean was the rainbow the joint um

Speaker 3 like below there was a private club called on the rocks wasn't that no that's a roxy yeah

Speaker 1 i got it very close though that's all that same little run there where they're going to mow it down soon and make a club monaco

Speaker 3 well they better not do the whiskey because that's where the lizard king made his name so you've got to leave the whiskey up it should be whiskey lizard King, sorry.

Speaker 2 Who's the Lizard King?

Speaker 3 Wait a sec. What are you doing?

Speaker 2 You're teasing you with Jim Morrison?

Speaker 3 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 Oh, Jim Morrison is the lizard. I didn't know.
Oh, because of the leather outfit?

Speaker 3 You know, I didn't, I never got Jim's curriculum bitty to see exactly why he named himself. But yeah,

Speaker 3 I think there was some story about him out on a highway and he ran into an Arapaho who crossed over and head-on did

Speaker 3 a telephone pole or something and died. And they saw the guy's spirit came into him and he saw a lizard under

Speaker 3 something like that.

Speaker 2 Just another thing.

Speaker 2 That was the plot of Wayne's World 2, I believe.

Speaker 2 I thought he had a big Q.

Speaker 2 We had a guy playing Jim Morrison in the desert. But

Speaker 2 okay, fun fact. Bill T.
Craigie was.

Speaker 2 disproportionately wrinkled for his age. And that's where the phrase Craigie came from.
Because Craigie is a great... How's he aging? He's looking a bit craggy.

Speaker 1 Craggy.

Speaker 2 Craigie, you mean?

Speaker 3 Craigie's craggy. Craigie's not a word.
Craggy's a word.

Speaker 1 He's saying it with an E, it's with an A, right?

Speaker 2 I just made that up to get.

Speaker 3 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Jesus. Well, come on.

Speaker 3 Have them loosely based in reality, for God's sake.

Speaker 3 You know, Mr. Craigie.
I'm thinking,

Speaker 3 Craigie is a

Speaker 2 Bill G. Craigie is in fact Craigie.
That's the joke.

Speaker 2 Isn't it ironic?

Speaker 3 I'm glad we're just on audio today because my hair, I'm looking at it. Now, you guys both carve.

Speaker 3 Yours looks like a beautiful, like showering, you know, like one of those geysers goes off and runs down the side of your head. And I look at the brain.
I have three products.

Speaker 3 And he looks like David Jansen,

Speaker 3 the lion,

Speaker 2 if you blew it straight up.

Speaker 3 Look at Spudley's hair.

Speaker 2 Beautiful. I know.
Looks great.

Speaker 1 Spudley's hair today. I did.
They combed it yesterday, but

Speaker 1 I have to start something Friday. I still don't know if I'm wearing a wig or not.

Speaker 3 What do you mean, start something Friday? You're doing a film?

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't like to talk about it.

Speaker 2 What's going on?

Speaker 2 Bus Boys with Theo Vaughn. It'll be in a theater near you.
Busboys with Theo Vaughn.

Speaker 3 Jade introduced me to that cat, and I find

Speaker 2 it so funny.

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 2 we had a fucking blast.

Speaker 3 He is a smart guy.

Speaker 3 Remember, we sat down and

Speaker 3 we watched UFC one night, and you were with him. And

Speaker 3 I thought it was like the reincarnation of Phil's caveman lawyer thing.

Speaker 3 You know, he looked a little rough, but then the more I listened to him during the night, I said, Jesus, this cat is hysterical, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you get into that frequency, he says the funniest shit. And I was in between.
So

Speaker 1 it was the fight was right in front of us. So we just.
And obviously, if you get Dennis right next to you, just whispering jokes about every round. And we were just all telling jokes to each other.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it was the the funnest night in the world yeah we did i sit next to dennis a lot there

Speaker 3 i haven't been in a while

Speaker 3 uh are you gonna go well we'll talk off i'd like to go in and see that's quality talk

Speaker 3 well dane is the dane is the best host isn't he he's a good

Speaker 3 he's a good guy and he always treats you like a king and uh you know you'll be sitting down front and

Speaker 3 you'll think god out of all the people in the world and i see miles teller there a lot too he's a good guy And one night I saw Mel Gibson and Lady Mary from Downton Avenue. You remember that night?

Speaker 1 Oh, I didn't see. I saw Mel, I've seen him there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, she was

Speaker 3 doing a film with him, so they were just fun facts.

Speaker 2 Dana White, I am Dana White's godfather. He was named after me.
I've never revealed that before, but Dana Craggy. I love that guy.

Speaker 3 Craig.

Speaker 1 By the way, to pull it all in, Bill G.

Speaker 2 Craigie is in fact Craigie.

Speaker 2 Can they gave me Processive chin has a weak chin. These are just, these are all a farmer's almanac.

Speaker 3 You know, it's funny is when it's like, it's like whenever I'm with you guys, I know it's going to be such a stream of consciousness that it reminds me of those times you had to do pre-interviews when you were starting out and like the Letterman pre-interview was more in depth than you trying to became a citizen of the country, for God's sake.

Speaker 3 They sit there with somebody and go over jokes phonetically. And, you know, all of a sudden you're in an office with some people.
We all remember the people.

Speaker 3 I don't want to denigrate them, but some of the people that you're pitching jokes to, you're thinking, my God, if I was writing to their level, I wouldn't be on the Letterman show.

Speaker 3 You know, you'd have to say a joke and they'd look at you and go, not that one.

Speaker 3 What are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You do a 45-minute pre-interview. This is what people at home don't know.
Before you do a seven-minute spot on, you know, letterm or something. So you're like pitching and the guy's like,

Speaker 1 what's your Obama thing? You do the whole thing and sweating at the end. He's like,

Speaker 1 what else? Maybe we'll push that to the end.

Speaker 2 That's the worst.

Speaker 1 There's time.

Speaker 2 Dennis, by the way, did you have a tonight show, first tonight show doing stand-up? I don't even know that story. No, I don't think so.
I skipped that. I think you came out as a guest after us.

Speaker 3 I remember there was a cat who screened people for the tonight show and he had like a

Speaker 3 six and a half foot long Hobie cat that he would go out to Pasadena on the weekend and pitch himself as a yachtsman, you know?

Speaker 3 And then you eventually see a picture of the boat that it's you know your grandson's in the bathtub with it it's so small and that guy was omnipotent about who i'm recovering from hoby cat i'm still recovering from just the

Speaker 2 do you remember that guy baby

Speaker 3 macaulay oh yeah macaulay right right it was so funny you pitch jokes to him and you think oh my god you're kidding me but i never ended up doing stand-up i'm kind of well i don't know i almost seemed like i was a different person back then when i think back on it.

Speaker 3 As I got older, I started to hedge more bets because I feel like when you're starting out, you just get in the room and you figure, I've got to get into the center of this room, so I'll take some risks.

Speaker 3 And then later, as you go along, you're in the center of the room to some degree. I'm not saying, you know, Tom Cruise is the center of the room, but you're at least in the room.

Speaker 3 And you think, I'm going to hedge a few bets here because I don't want to end up getting kicked out. But at the beginning, you're fearless.
I look back and I think, I can't believe I had those cajons.

Speaker 3 But I did panel the first time and johnny was johnny was like henry higgins you know showing you off at ascotic or something he's so good at it it was an easy gig

Speaker 2 why can't a regular piece of be more like a comedian i'm trying to do the my fair lady thing there but

Speaker 2 why can't dennis be more

Speaker 2 but uh yeah this is the first time i saw the power of our former manager brad gray jim macaulay me going there and my time was cut or something.

Speaker 2 So, Brad's just sitting in his chair in the green room, and he had that raspy kind of voice. And he just gestures with his finger to Macaulay.
So, Macaulay comes over and has to bend down to Brad.

Speaker 2 And I heard Brad go, We're not happy.

Speaker 1 We're not happy right now.

Speaker 2 It was the most powerful move I'd ever seen. He really completely levelled the guy.

Speaker 3 You could be having lunch with Brad at the grill, and all of a sudden, it turned in. Him and the waiter is like him and Moe Green, or Michael and and Moe Green in Vegas.

Speaker 3 I don't want you to ever touch my brother. And he was banging content.
I don't care. You do not touch my, you know, it got really uh, Brad what big heaven you was feeling,

Speaker 2 yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 3 Spikely, was he your guy too, or was it Gurvey all the time?

Speaker 1 Always Gervitz, always Gervey. Brad would just jump in on stuff, but it was all, you know.
But Gervey's been straight through since day one and had different agents. But yeah, the

Speaker 1 Gervitz is always funny. We make fun of him on this show all the time.

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Speaker 4 What's up? It's Draymond Green.

Speaker 5 I'm back for my 14th NBA season and my podcast, The Draymond Green Show, is back too.

Speaker 5 This season, I'm breaking down games, reacting to the biggest NBA stories, and sitting down with teammates, rivals, and culture shapers.

Speaker 4 And trust me, I'm not holding back on the court or on the mic. Two new episodes every week.

Speaker 5 New segments, big conversations, real basketball talk for the real hoop heads. Listen to and follow the Draymond Green Show wherever you get your podcast.

Speaker 4 We're back. We're better.

Speaker 6 Let's get it.

Speaker 3 Well, you know, the great Brad story is, geez, I don't know if I should tell this.

Speaker 2 We can always edit.

Speaker 3 Well, Carvey, you've heard this.

Speaker 2 We can always say we'll get it.

Speaker 2 Where they're in

Speaker 3 Bernie's office, Sandy, who Sandy Wernick ends up managing Adam to

Speaker 3 ultimate success. I mean, who's had a career and Adam's Adam, you know, I mean, he's so great at it, but those two dovetailed perfectly.
And so it's Sandy and Brad and Bernie.

Speaker 3 Bernie Bruce. Yeah, Bernie Bruce, the vuncular head.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And

Speaker 3 Brad says,

Speaker 3 he says to the receptionist, we don't want to be interrupted. This is important.
I don't know what it was about.

Speaker 3 And then around 10 minutes in, the receptionist calls and says, Brad, and he's like, I said, I didn't want to be interrupted. And he said, it's your father.

Speaker 3 Now, Brad, at that point, you remember they were, he and his father were exchanged, estranged for a while. And, you know, Brad looks,

Speaker 3 he goes,

Speaker 3 Jesus, I haven't talked to him in years anyway. And Bernie says, well, he's either sick or he needs money.
And Sandy says, let's hope he's sick.

Speaker 2 Good line. Good line, Sandy Warning.

Speaker 3 Actually, Hollywood, so brutal.

Speaker 2 So cool. But the good thing, Gervitz,

Speaker 1 Bernie, they loved comedy. That's why they have so many people that are comedians.
They have all the SNL guys, all the great ones, all the way back to Belushi Yakrud. And so they still have them.

Speaker 1 And that's why it's fun to go in and talk to Bernie when I was a newer comic. And he goes, come in here.
And he goes, tell me what's going on. And then he just wanted to fucking laugh.

Speaker 2 So fun.

Speaker 1 He was funny.

Speaker 2 He gave me confidence. Brad brought him to see me at a club and he goes, We're not going to give you the Saturday Night Live.
You're bigger than Saturday Night Live.

Speaker 2 My previous managers thought I was a hack.

Speaker 3 It was, you're bigger than them.

Speaker 3 He'd always start his compliments off with how's about, how's about you're a fucking genius. How's about

Speaker 1 he told me, how's about you play Rooster T Feathers again?

Speaker 2 I go, what about Saturday Live?

Speaker 1 Come on, you got to stay in the bullpen a little bit.

Speaker 3 You were there that week that I was at two bars with Destiny and Tree.

Speaker 2 Tree, great stand-up, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, he was a good stand-up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, remember those

Speaker 3 destiny, and then there was the cat earlier.

Speaker 2 He put on some weight and he went as tree trunk. You remember that?

Speaker 3 What do you mean? He evolved into tree trunk or something.

Speaker 2 He put on weight and then he named himself Tree Trunk. That's another craggy joke.
I need an assist

Speaker 2 talking to the best joke writer

Speaker 2 probably ever. Yeah.
So he needs clarity.

Speaker 3 So what's happening on the pod, boys? I see as I looked at the thing today that it was called something else. And is it no longer focused on SNL? Is it just sort of a free-forming?

Speaker 2 That's been a problem from the get-go that the confusion over that.

Speaker 2 We started a second podcast that's just us. talking about videos and goofing around on YouTube, on video.
That's called Superfly, totally separate separate from fly off the wall.

Speaker 2 And a lot of people don't.

Speaker 2 A lot of moving parts there, boys. We took a

Speaker 1 confusion course at the Learning Annex.

Speaker 2 This is what we came up with. And the podcast harbored themselves.
They diseased themselves.

Speaker 3 Don't start a Dr. Laura's thing where you called the fly is down, you know, where you talk to depressed people because you're going to dilute the brand even further.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, it's

Speaker 2 We're up for the best podcast award again.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, we are for best podcast on iHeart. Beautiful guys.
Not exactly the Nobel Peace Brian.

Speaker 3 Why don't you send

Speaker 3 you

Speaker 3 Littlefeather from down the

Speaker 2 Brando sent? Is she still picking up awards for people?

Speaker 3 You might look her up somewhere. Maybe she can go

Speaker 3 good publicity if you guys send Sashina.

Speaker 1 I don't know if they have a literal award show. I think it's an online poll of nine people.

Speaker 2 But I'll tell you. There are over 200 podcasts, we just found out.
We've done over 200 between the two.

Speaker 3 Beautiful, boys. McCarvey, where are you at there?

Speaker 3 Are you up this way?

Speaker 2 Yep. Beautiful.
On a farm

Speaker 2 in the Central Valley.

Speaker 3 Well, you look like it agrees with you. You look healthy as hell, but you've always had the best health regimen.
There's great hikes up that way. Are you going up in the mountains at all?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Keeping that VO2 vote going send me another picture of your quads i remember carvey used i think i went to the workout with him once when we were on saturday night live and he uh he set the uh stair master machine on the highest setting and he was talking to me throughout yeah he like did an hour on it you know i'm over there doing some girls push-ups and he talked a whole hour he wasn't even gassed and you know at the end like sherpas were tapping on next to him you were in the the best fit

Speaker 3 anaerobic guy I've ever seen. And then you had the

Speaker 3 pump blew out or something.

Speaker 2 That pump blew out in your heart.

Speaker 2 That was later on.

Speaker 2 It didn't blow out. I had hypotostheremia.
But it kind of was like a sports car with a fuel injection problem. But the engine was great.
The engine was perfect.

Speaker 2 Listen. It's still a pink car.
Sorry, Dennis.

Speaker 2 It's still nothing. Some things never change.

Speaker 3 change no i i watched ford and ferrari and carl shelby originally wanted to power his car with your heart that's how strong

Speaker 2 dude i went

Speaker 1 the whole thing did you ever they did a whole thing i mean they go go in just for laughs get the whole scan and so i got a whole scan and i think i did good i think i sent it to dana because i didn't understand it okay both of you all these years

Speaker 3 zero All these years when you've sort of floated on the periphery of social scenes, and I know you like a nice social scene, but you're always working the uh,

Speaker 3 what did they call it on old paintings? They called there be whales at the corner of the painting. It would point outside.

Speaker 3 Every time I've ever been at a social setting or a banquet with you, you're always floating around the outside, and then you split because your neck hurts.

Speaker 3 And I always wondered, was that just a defense mechanism to get out of a scene, or did your neck actually hurt?

Speaker 1 It's neck hurts combined with some boredom, but usually,

Speaker 1 but everything, I feel like more more, the people are less boring.

Speaker 1 But if you're at one of these, I was at a Netflix party the other night and you know, you go around, I see people, it's fun, and I see famous people you don't see for a while. So we have a few laughs.

Speaker 1 But when you're walking around with like, now you got a plate full of crab cakes and you're just, now it's the fourth time you're running in a miles teller, you just go, I think I'm going to get out of here because it turns into a head nod and then you ignore them on the fifth one, and then you just go, I think I've done my job here tonight.

Speaker 1 But I last about an hour. I was really down to about an hour now with you.
Even if it's a a great party. I'm like, I don't know, I can't just fucking rot.

Speaker 3 Well, I have to tell you one, I have to tell you one day that where Spade stayed longer, and this will talk about what a mental Spade is.

Speaker 3 He's always sort of ethereal and pisses on stuff, but he's the guy who's sending the bread to buy the bulletproof vest for the cops and Phoenix and that.

Speaker 3 And my son is graduating, and it's when Tommy Boy is out, it's the biggest thing in the world. And I asked Spade,

Speaker 3 just I thought if he came to this grad party they had. Now, imagine this.
We pitched a grad party and we're going to show Tommy Boy on a screen at this party. And it's all soft drinks and that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's not like we're at Pauly Shore's house up above, but it's just a really sweet party. We're going to watch the film.
And we deliberately have the projector break or it won't function.

Speaker 3 And then I said, oh, the kids are all like bummed up. I kind of, you know, they've all seen the film 10 times themselves.
And I go, what are we going to do to fill time?

Speaker 3 Well, one of the stars is there and Spudley walked out from behind the screen. It was the biggest hue and cry.
People went crazy, these kids.

Speaker 3 And then Spudley stayed for a couple of hours. He couldn't have been nicer.

Speaker 3 And he didn't turn into a sniff, you know, where it was all, you youngsters, you're going to, you know, he was just cool, Spade, but framed properly. And they all felt like they met the real guy.

Speaker 3 And they still talk about, you know, obviously my son still once in a while say, remember when Spade came?

Speaker 2 And I always think, what a cool mood, baby.

Speaker 1 Yeah, thank you. Uh, Spudley fucking wrote it out.
That's a fun time, though. That's that scenario is perfect because you're not overwhelmed.
It's not too much. You know, some things are too much.

Speaker 3 Uh, and are you still with that girl you left?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, what's going on?

Speaker 2 Alert, alert,

Speaker 1 Dennis, you're cutting out.

Speaker 2 Hey, Dennis was our guest.

Speaker 1 I like the story he ended with about the uh Tommy Boy stuff.

Speaker 2 This ain't no horses cock.

Speaker 2 Sorry. I'm going right back to the last detail.

Speaker 2 I wanted to wear that for the last 40 minutes.

Speaker 1 Guess who was brought up for Buzz Boys? Randy Quaid.

Speaker 1 Is that crazy?

Speaker 2 He was with him. Get him in there.

Speaker 1 We were brought up, we were talking about casting and we were talking, well, I think it was for Theo's dad. And Theo said, what about Randy Quaid? And we're all like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 We can dust off Randy Quaid.

Speaker 3 He's the nicest guy. And you remember some of his work in Midnight Express.

Speaker 3 I mean, he's a great actor.

Speaker 1 Jeez. Really? Most people know him from vacation, but he's done all this other stuff.
But he can just ride on vacation forever because he was so good in that.

Speaker 3 I don't even know what Bus Boys is. Tell me, what is Bus Boys?

Speaker 1 Oh, just a movie me and Theo wrote. And

Speaker 1 it's about two losers that want to be waiters. They're busboys that try to be waiters.
They can't work. They think if they're waiters, it'll straighten out their lives.

Speaker 1 But because my girlfriend ran off with a waiter, so we're like, fuck, dude, waiters got it made, dude. That's if we just get that, it'll all come together for us.

Speaker 1 So I don't want to give it all away, Dennis. No, come on.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good, but you're busboys and then shenanigans. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Happen. Obviously happened.
Dennis was there in the first round of fucking Joe Dirt. And then

Speaker 1 I remember we were doing it. And remember, we didn't have a ton of time.

Speaker 2 So that's right.

Speaker 1 I mean, I had my my mini sides on my legs in the radio station, Freddie Wolf behind me,

Speaker 1 playing the guy.

Speaker 2 Oh, I remember that.

Speaker 1 Tech guy and then the zoo crew guy. And then Dennis was the one.

Speaker 1 Of course, we try to write jokes for Dennis and then they're somewhat in the vicinity. And then he just keeps adding laughs.
And so it made it that every time we cut back to the radio station,

Speaker 1 it's funnier because Dennis is doing all this great stuff. Jane Fonda from Clute.

Speaker 1 That was not in the script, I guarantee you and uh and then i had my sides my likes i had so many lines it was too hard i'd look down then i'd say them then i'd look down and say them but we got through it spreadly um out of all the things i've done uh

Speaker 3 i can't tell you how many people still come up to me And I always wondered, why, why was that? I know you did a two, but it seemed like it would have been ripe for a two

Speaker 3 even quicker than that, right? It's such a people love it.

Speaker 2 it that's it was sony

Speaker 1 yeah yeah we might do an animated version which would be easier because then i won't have to get

Speaker 1 look like the old joe dirt so there was a sequel a few years ago right yeah yeah but i'm saying that one had to go to crackle

Speaker 1 some offense to crackle i was gonna say no sony bought crackle yeah sony bought crackle and they go we're gonna make this netflix which was wasn't a bad idea so they said the only way we'll let you do another joe dirt is if you go do it on Crackle.

Speaker 1 Now, we didn't know there'd be commercials in it and not a paywall, but you'd have to sign up for Crackle. So all these people that want to watch it have to fill out a form and make it harder.

Speaker 1 And they said, if we can get a million downloads out of this,

Speaker 1 we'll be successful. And that'll help build our library and get the word out.
Because, you know, I could do press at NASCAR and I could go on talk to. So we do it.
They give us a shitty budget.

Speaker 1 We do it.

Speaker 1 Actually, they cut the budget during the shoot, which was bad sign not great

Speaker 1 uh and then we do it i still like it i go out there and try to i didn't get paid a lot we go do it they get a million downloads within two days wow and then within a in a week they got two million and then they got three million and then around three and a half i just stopped asking and then i because

Speaker 1 there was just They

Speaker 3 don't understand with all the stuff.

Speaker 1 They bailed on Crackle, then it folded.

Speaker 3 So they, Crackle's still out there, but they decided they don't want to put money in it to make it into netflix so i don't know what its purpose is anymore but we had a good jumpstart very obscure well spade that's why i'm saying with all the uh adherence to the you know intellectual property there everything needs some sort of past uh you know iteration before people will bet money on it joe dirt number one was such a proof of concept i'm surprised somebody didn't you know to think that somebody said let you do a joe dirt two if you'll do it on crackle For God's sakes, why not just do it on Citizen Band Radio?

Speaker 3 They should have come in and said, let's do a sequel and push chips in like Mike did with Wayne's World 2. I bet you it would have went that high.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know. That was the tough part.
We couldn't get it going. And so that was our thing was

Speaker 1 to put it there on the Witness Protection Program. And it's shocking, it did well over there.
And they got all these people signed up to fucking dog shit Crackle.

Speaker 1 But then they pulled the money to make it big, like a Netflix, and so the head of Crackle left.

Speaker 3 And uh, well, let's face it,

Speaker 3 once once you do the mosey-through show business, Spudly, you're still in the middle of it, Dana and I, a little further down the line. You're surprised you get anything off the ground.

Speaker 3 Honest to God, the great mystery to me, and I don't know, maybe Carve had something to do with it, but the biggest thing in America was Church Lady.

Speaker 3 I see some of the things they make movies of from Saturday Night Live. I'm telling you, Carve, you remember when Church Lady was at its peak? It was just

Speaker 3 special? It was everywhere. And that movie theatrically, this is way before COVID, all that stuff, but I always thought that would come off.
What's the backstory on that? Or do you just not?

Speaker 2 Well, SNL Studios, Lorne Michaels didn't get an official studio. SNL Studios started after I left somewhere.
And that's where they did Stuart Smalley movie, It's Pat movie.

Speaker 2 I had an idea once that she's at a Bible retreat in Santa Barbara, and then she's driving her car in a rainstorm and it breaks down in Malibu, and then she goes and knocks on the door, and so it's a Malibu beach party full of celebrities and Sodom and Gomorrah.

Speaker 2 Wow, wow,

Speaker 2 Frankenstein. We're not wearing any pants, are we? You know, so it just goes around.

Speaker 2 I'm an aged church lady is, if anyone's listening, we can do that for three and a half million and just give you some backhand.

Speaker 3 I told you you should have done Church Biden on one of those SNLs. You turned

Speaker 3 a complete mashup of your Biden and you're in the church.

Speaker 2 I know that was your idea. Sure Biden.

Speaker 2 Well, excellent. Well, it's not special.
Oh, no, more special than me.

Speaker 3 You would have figured it out. You would have figured it out, no doubt.

Speaker 1 No, he gets in as one of his things and he comes into the podium with a wig on

Speaker 1 and he thinks he's

Speaker 2 well, look, I mean, I don't know if this is rumor, but I hear that with what what they're planning with Biden's retirement is to build a replica of the Oval Office in the house and bring him in there every day.

Speaker 2 And then once in a while, the fear is that, you know, Hunter might pretend to be a foreign person.

Speaker 2 Who we have next? We have the ambassador to Spain here. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, Hola, Hola.

Speaker 2 My name's Sebastian. I'm from Spain.
Yeah, what can I do for the country of Spain? I've always loved Spain.

Speaker 2 We could use like $100 billion.

Speaker 2 All right, let's do it.

Speaker 2 Get him a check. Oslo Luego, Oslo Vista, whatever your dad, I mean, me, goodbye.
So that's probably good.

Speaker 3 Like Rupert Pupkin, the Nero and King of Comedy,

Speaker 3 doing the talk show down in the basement in front of the placards.

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Speaker 2 But I went to 10 Saturday Night Live parties and stayed there till 5 a.m. every night.

Speaker 1 Can you believe this, Dennis? This motherfucker went to the house.

Speaker 2 Was it after this?

Speaker 3 They must have been all coming up to kiss the ring, right? I mean, geez, you have a emeritus status there now.

Speaker 2 Once you're around long enough,

Speaker 2 you do get a lot more

Speaker 2 positive feedback, you know.

Speaker 3 I remember when you and I would go to those SNO parties after, and we were in such an unwind thing, and neither one of us were serious partiers, but that's such a pressure cooker that you would probably throw five or six beers, and I'd have a couple of vodkas on the rocks, and then we'd share a car to the Upper West Side because we lived across the street from each other.

Speaker 3 And neither one of us are great drinkers. I mean, you could handle your beer, but

Speaker 3 I have never left as hard in my life as when we would go up,

Speaker 3 you know, the West Side Highway and just howl from some of those parties that were way down.

Speaker 2 Well, we're just so silly. Like, you know, flying, you and I flying together and sort of flaunting our neurosis in a funny way.

Speaker 2 But Dennis was the seat behind me, and I'm in the seat ahead, and we're just flying across the country.

Speaker 2 And Dennis over and over again would lean in and say, Carvey, if you see anything out of the ordinary, anything,

Speaker 2 I want to be the first to know. And if he said that one time, he said it like 40, 50, every single time.

Speaker 3 We were so frightened flying. Carvey and I were, but I actually grew to be good flyers.
I had a good insight from

Speaker 3 Penn Gillette once of Penn and Teller. We were on a flight and it was getting bouncy.

Speaker 3 And he was reading the newspaper. He didn't even look over at me.
I was getting pissed off.

Speaker 3 It's one of those things where you get pissed off, and somebody is not afraid of flying when it's really bumpy. And I look over and I go, You're fucking kidding me.
This doesn't scare you.

Speaker 3 He goes, What? I get this. And he finally looks up, and now he's cognizant that we're in really bad turbulence.
And I looked at me, he said, Oh, shut up.

Speaker 3 Alexander the Great would have given everything he ever done for two and a half minutes up here,

Speaker 3 which in some weird way gave me clarity about the pragmatic nature of flying. And, but when Carvey and I were on the road together, we were both so flipped out that we'd get plastic.

Speaker 3 You remember that night we were over the Rocky Mountains in that electrical store? We both called Bernie Brosty and our manager

Speaker 3 and told him we were leaving the company. We were

Speaker 3 fucking Malibu on our architectural digest, you son of a bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dennis used to say, got a little light shop and a little dirty air. That's how they tone it down.
You're like, I'm bouncing off the ceiling. We got a little light chop.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just want to say two words about this chop. Structural integrity.

Speaker 1 They always go, you know, the wings of the plane can touch at the top. I'm like, I don't know if we need to get that far and test this out.

Speaker 3 Carve, did you get better at it? I haven't flown with you in a while.

Speaker 2 I've gotten better at it. Yeah, I think so.
I think you just get worn down by it. But I still do get thirsty on an airplane, even with the little bit of packed in there, claustrophobia.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm just bouncing around. It's the third hour in and I'm kind of bored.
And then it's like someone comes up very nicely and says, would you like something to drink? And I go, okay.

Speaker 3 You're not trying to pretend with me you're still on commercial air, are you?

Speaker 2 Because, I mean, come on,

Speaker 2 are you kidding me?

Speaker 2 Well, the gross in the net gets disturbed when you do a gig.

Speaker 3 and you get very disturbed it gets it gets altered yeah it you know they were cheaper now it's when it's a push it's bad yeah you remember when that spudly that was one of the best days of my life we had a gig in a place called thackerville oklahoma or something

Speaker 3 and we wanted to get in and out and norm was with us the three of us were the headliners and uh we rented a plane and we flew from vanuys

Speaker 3 or burbank i think to thackerville There was, you know, you didn't even have to land in Dallas and do the drive north because there was a strip somewhere up near Thackerville, which was a nice gig.

Speaker 2 I don't want to just like a city Thackerville.

Speaker 3 You're right.

Speaker 3 And we knocked the gig out and then we split right after. So between all of the stuff, we were there, you know, together for like.

Speaker 3 10 or 12 hours that day. I have never left so hard.
Normally, that was killing me.

Speaker 1 That was my last Norm hangout. I mean, I think because it was before COVID, one funny thing Dennis did is he goes, hey, Spudley,

Speaker 1 well, I think we each had to do 30. And he's like,

Speaker 1 you want to, I think I might want to go first and run, run back to the room and take care of some stuff. And I'm like, oh, then, okay.
And then Norm goes, then I should go on after that.

Speaker 1 And I go, yeah, go ahead, you fucking assholes. I have to follow these two great comedians.
Oh, fine.

Speaker 3 Now, did you know, Spudly, that did you know that Norm was?

Speaker 3 I did not know Norm was that

Speaker 2 time.

Speaker 3 You know, he was

Speaker 1 kind of mad about it because we kept setting up a dinner and then he kept going, I go, so what? So it's six o'clock. So you're heading over and you're like, what?

Speaker 2 It's COVID.

Speaker 1 I go, Norm, we've gone over this. It's nine months into COVID.
You drive to my house. We sit 10 feet apart at my table.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 1 I go, we keep this, you agree to it. And then you can't.

Speaker 2 Is it actually hard of hearing? Or is that just a stall tactic?

Speaker 1 I didn't like it when he would text what?

Speaker 2 I go, Norm, you can't text what?

Speaker 1 You hear me on text.

Speaker 3 Isn't it ironic that Norm's true genius? And I don't know, from the first time I met him, I told you that first joke.

Speaker 3 I heard there was a new kid in LA from Canada. Eddie Feldman, my writer said, there's a guy here.
It's great. I saw him.
His name's Norm McDonald. And I said, well, where did you see him?

Speaker 3 He said, I saw him at the improv. And he did that great joke where he said,

Speaker 3 I feel sorry for the homeless guy, but I really feel sorry for the homeless guy's dog because you know the dog's thinking, this is the longest walk I've ever been on. Do we eventually go in somewhere?

Speaker 3 Because I could do this on my own. And I heard that joke.
I said, That is so funny. So I get on the horn with Norm and I say, Hey, I know you're just here.

Speaker 3 And I'm just saying, if you want to stop gap writing job, I've got this talk show.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 3 I said, I'd hire you right now, but just the protocols dictate you send in some sort of

Speaker 3 a batch of jokes or something. And Norm said, I don't do batches, but I'll send in one joke and you guys can make your determination.

Speaker 3 He was already hired, but I was trying not to usurp the head writer and producer's,

Speaker 3 you know, their office. And I didn't want to overstep.
So I go, okay, send a joke. And the joke is he reads the AP Wire story of Jeffrey Dahmer's trowel.

Speaker 3 And it's so grotesque and detailed, you know, the actual transcript about disembowelment and eating tancream.

Speaker 3 And he reads the whole thing and then he says, at the end, Dahmer defended himself by saying he started it.

Speaker 3 It's like the greatest joke ever. So we hired him.
And I always thought he was a genius from that point on, but

Speaker 3 he always sort of was on the fringe. And now it's so unfortunate.
It's like, to me, he's like Van Gogh. You know, when you hear about Van Gogh

Speaker 3 during his lifetime, having to, you know, take handouts from Teo and that, Norm was not taking handouts, but I'm just saying, every day I look now on the reels that I get, it's Norm.

Speaker 3 I'm reminded of another great joke.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 100%, because I get these Norm McDonald pages and people send them to me. And I'm like, I don't remember this joke.
Like, there's a couple that I never saw.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you guys had this experience, but I was just, I had a long drive. And some reason I ended up talking with Norm.

Speaker 2 And for an hour and a half, we talked about our career issues. And he was just completely not one joke and just sort of talking about this sitcom didn't go.
And they didn't know what to do with me.

Speaker 2 And it was very interesting to be around him. The only other time I heard him like that was when his attache, assistant, best friend, Lori Joe, had some heart issues and they were consulting with me.

Speaker 2 She's fine for people who are listening. I love Joe.
And I could tell that Norm was really worried. And so he had that other side, of course.
But

Speaker 2 as far as obtuse one-liners, I would praise him as high as putting him on Dennis's footing. I would put those two guys.

Speaker 2 Go on, be totally real. I mean, look, this is an example of a thing that I always quote about you.
And

Speaker 2 it just kills me. I don't know why, but you were up there, you're opening for me, or I'm opening for you.
And you go, Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care.

Speaker 2 what the kind of hell attitude is that you know i mean like who does that

Speaker 1 who would do a joke like that i had to go out with this guy and i did uh what either black or white special i think schneider opened for one and i opened for one and uh you have to go up before dennis's crowd but they're nice and then dennis does a killer hour So great.

Speaker 1 Each joke. And we double your cards.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 3 You know, when we, when I, when I actually saw recently, sometime in the last year, I mean by recently, our young comedian specialist, Budley.

Speaker 3 That was quite a murderer's row of comedians when I look back on it. Freddie Stolen was good.
Jan was good.

Speaker 3 I think you're friends with Jan Karim, right? Or you know her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She was in it. Drake, that cat Warren Thomas, who's no longer with us, but was a killer.
And you and Schneider.

Speaker 3 I mean, when you look back, man,

Speaker 3 we hit the ball that night.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck yeah. Dennis is hosting it.
Brad Ben Gervitz produced it. And what a great one.
That got me, at least, in the vicinity of SNL. And then you helped on that one, too.

Speaker 1 I remember writing fucking update jokes for Dennis. It's so hard.
God dang. It's so hard to write a bunch of jokes.
It's just update jokes are a different world too.

Speaker 1 People get there as comics and think you're going to write a sketch very easily. It's such a different muscle.
It's so hard to figure out that formula.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 3 I see reels of the current guys who do it. And I don't, I'll be honest, I don't watch the show.

Speaker 3 And there's no grievance there. I just, it's not my,

Speaker 3 I'm not up at 11.30 on Saturday. But I do see these clips of them together.
And when they do that back and forth thing where they write jokes for each other, they kill, man. It is so funny.
And

Speaker 3 I don't remember seeing reels of them years ago, so I don't know if they've grown into into it or not. But I think his name's Yost and Jay are very funny together.

Speaker 2 Colin and Michael. Yeah, they started doing that maybe just a couple, three years ago, I think.
But they've evolved with this chemistry to become one of the all-time duos up there.

Speaker 2 And when I was there, the last show, Michael. wrote some jokes called jokes for Colin to read live on air.

Speaker 2 And they were extremely inappropriate, racist, and they were a lot of stuff about his wife, Scarlett Johansson. And they would cut to her in the hallway looking at it on a monitor.

Speaker 2 And that crushed because Colin lost it for real on live TV, laughing so hard and barely getting through it. That crushed as hard as anything I'd seen in that studio in a long time.

Speaker 3 Well, I always wanted to talk to somebody who's inside there, Carf, because I've heard that too. And sometimes these stories are almost apocryphal about things.

Speaker 3 Because I remember, you know, let's face facts, when you'd go out with Robin, everybody'd say he's just making it it up as he went along, and he often made things up, but he also had a core he worked off.

Speaker 3 Nobody's going out there with absolutely nothing. So you hear these tales and you wonder, are they actually seeing each other's jokes, you believe, for the first time?

Speaker 2 They are when they do that. Yeah, when they do that,

Speaker 2 they don't do them because they're not that no one's that great an actor. I mean, they that

Speaker 2 they're they're really shocked by i'm happy to hear that.

Speaker 3 Well, you remember the first time I heard that was uh Mulaney, who I think is a genius, used to write jokes for that character that

Speaker 2 with the hands over his mouth. Yeah, Stefan or something.

Speaker 3 The single funniest joke I think I've ever heard on we cannot be

Speaker 3 is Hayter would always, the template was, this place has everything.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 then he did the quintessential New Yorker Yorker joke. And only people who've lived in New York and co-ops or condominiums will know what this means.
But he's like, this place has everything.

Speaker 3 Doormen who high five children of divorce.

Speaker 3 And you remember the doorman in your building was always like,

Speaker 3 you know, like part of the family after a couple of years. And everything in your building was known by everybody else.

Speaker 3 And if there was a, you know, a disturbance in the force, the guy would go out of his way to make the young'ins feel good.

Speaker 2 But children can, you know, that, yeah, Mulaney is an incredible joke writer.

Speaker 2 That

Speaker 2 the, you know, being on that show again, a lot of magic stuff happens at the dress show.

Speaker 2 I just anecdotally, it seemed to me the dress show just had more energy and just

Speaker 2 so the fact that Colin did not, they don't do those jokes at the dress show. They're just doing them live on the live show.
But there's something about like I would go do Biden, yeah,

Speaker 2 and I come out of the dress show when I first started landing it. People like clapping and wow, way to go.

Speaker 2 And then I would do the air show, try to do equivalent, and then you come out of 8H and everyone's just like,

Speaker 2 you know. So there is something I just want, I mean, the show works the way it works.
It's 50 years, should never change it.

Speaker 2 But I wondered if Carol Burnett, if they essentially shot the dress show, and that allowed for a lot more spontaneity, you know, because it's the first time your cover's take is good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think they did.

Speaker 3 I think they did shoot both of them. But I think they leaned heavily towards the one on air.
But yeah, if you're going to run a dress, why not shoot it, right? I mean,

Speaker 2 well, they shoot it and the air sometimes goes higher, but it just when it got cold out there, the audience, it's a tractor pull to get into that studio waiting and late. And,

Speaker 1 you know, you know, one of my early ones was Michael J. Fox Impression, and he came on the child actors.
We were going to rob a bank together or something.

Speaker 1 And that was, I think, a smile bit, super hilarious. And so I was playing Michael J.
Fox. He was playing Danny Bonaducci.

Speaker 1 And when I was doing a speech right to him, he started cracking up and dressed. And it was a fucking monster.
And then on air, he didn't laugh because he'd heard it. And I'm like, where was this?

Speaker 1 Please, God.

Speaker 2 It it just so

Speaker 2 there was a bit where someone was spraying water at calling for the dress show and it was the first time and then it just had this magic to it

Speaker 2 and then the air show was fine perfectly great but there is something about the first time you can't like talk that's the crew knows it's coming half the crew i mean the cast sees it wants so it's not a hundred but it's a it's a thing that don't peak at dress it's a thing do not peek at dress carve was the uh was the schedule still the same and what part did they ask you to participate in did you still have that monday thing where everybody sat around lauren's office because i i came in just to do biden contractually i was sort of i was placed with maya rudolph and gaffigan and uh andy sandberg and so They, the first show, they asked Gaffigan and I to come into the read-through, which is now an 8H and it's like a giant.

Speaker 2 There's piano.

Speaker 2 It's a shape.

Speaker 2 Did you know that?

Speaker 2 I didn't know that. You got place cards and tablecloths and snacks, and there's a piano.
And they do symphony orchestra. They bring in classical music.

Speaker 1 So they have those massage chairs like at the airport where you sit and kneel on them.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 3 We were doing a circle jerk in a broom closet on 17.

Speaker 2 It's harder to kill there. A lot of the writers kind of miss that.
up on 17, the tightness of the room. It's just dissipating over Rixley's leftovers.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, sometimes

Speaker 3 that meeting room on 17 really was Thunderdome, wasn't it, man?

Speaker 2 I used to fucking sweatbox.

Speaker 3 We often struck killer shots there, but there was a couple of times where people overreached.

Speaker 3 I don't even want to name names because I'm old and conciliatory now, but a couple of times you can remember people really going for something and it just hanging there.

Speaker 3 And you know, Lauren would say, all right, moving on.

Speaker 2 Oh, the B.O.

Speaker 1 was breaking records. It was

Speaker 1 so nervous. It was sickening.
And then someone would get up or Lauren would crack the window a quarter and she'd be freezing within two seconds.

Speaker 2 And it's like,

Speaker 2 the worst is when they do show and tell, like you put on a little hat or you have a little instrument or something or a vest sweater and you're going to stand up and act it out.

Speaker 2 And then it's dead silence. You know,

Speaker 2 moving on.

Speaker 1 No, I'm a Yankee Doodle.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 sad little sailor, a circle.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 3 think about how lucky it was. I mean, geez, I,

Speaker 3 you know, I look back and I was never a cool kid. And I think Spudley and you seem a little, I don't know of your youth as much, but I think we're all a little bit nerdly.

Speaker 3 And all of a sudden, you're in the crosshairs of it, man. And when I look back, I just always think, wow, how lucky that was to be in that room with all its

Speaker 3 sort of Damocles hanging over your head. And if you fucked up three weeks in a row, you were probably gone.
But I look back and it was

Speaker 3 the juice, wasn't it, man? Or the spice, as they say in Doom. You really got the spice in that room.

Speaker 2 I feel for the, you know, the young cast and a lot of the people, you know, there's 18 or 20, I don't know how many cast members.

Speaker 2 And I was talking to one of them once and he goes, look, it's hard to be relaxed out there because you know if you go out there and you don't quite land it, then you're not going to be written for it.

Speaker 2 You're not going to be in the show for a few weeks. So it's hard to get loose.
And when we came in dennis we had such a small cast

Speaker 2 that everybody got their reps in which it look if i had not got on that show i don't i think i'm i'm playing yuck yucks in uh

Speaker 2 merced tonight you know so i that was my ticket you know i was 31 when i got on there i'd had my 10 years in the clubs and i bombed every every pilot they put me in and the burton kirk film and it was a disaster

Speaker 2 damage good to your point the luck of getting on there. And then, of course, you were like made out of a factory to be the update guy because you could land jokes and you're such a reader.

Speaker 2 I mean, it really matters to be able to read really well is a big advantage. See a card,

Speaker 1 you know, nail it.

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Speaker 2 Yes. Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Larry King said to me one night, I had him on my HBO show, and he said, God, you know how to read a prompter. And

Speaker 3 some people would take that as a you're a prompter chimp joke. I looked at him and said, Larry, that's the nicest thing anybody could say.

Speaker 1 That is nice. It's hard to do.

Speaker 2 But it was make sure that break. Let me ask you a question.
This is technical for the people listening still. Like

Speaker 2 cue cards versus prompter.

Speaker 2 What about

Speaker 2 cue cards? Me too.

Speaker 3 Because it kept you.

Speaker 3 Listen, that can go awry.

Speaker 3 There is something you were talking about first show, second shot. I don't want to sound too like we don't sit there and do Oppenheimer things on blackboards about how the show goes, but half

Speaker 3 the thing is the frison.

Speaker 3 of it fear, you know, like the surface tension when you overpour a glass that tremble. That's That's where the whole money shot is on that show.

Speaker 3 And I always thought the cards sometimes they wouldn't come out at the same pace, and you felt less robotic about it, it could go awry.

Speaker 3 Plus, my card girl was Tom Laughlin's daughter, Billy Jack's daughter, which I always dug that because I love Billy Jack so much.

Speaker 3 So, whenever I was in trouble with the crowd, I'd think of saying, When I see what you've done to this little audience, I'd just go pivot kick berserk, like in the ice cream parlor. But

Speaker 3 the fact that it could go wrong a little, I always dug that feeling because then when you conquered it, and it didn't always go right, there were times, and boy, you were hang dog the next day if you blew, you see, you screwed the pooch, as they say at NASA.

Speaker 3 But for the most part, you're not going to screw the pooch there because you get you do it with some degree of alacrity.

Speaker 3 And I used to like that, man, that feeling Carvey remember when you'd come up and do something at the desk, and we would just be howling at

Speaker 3 how maxed out it was. And Spudley used to kill with the,

Speaker 3 you know, the guy.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was just David.

Speaker 2 Well, we, we know the power of home base and right to camera because when I was, I was doing Church Lady and David was out doing Hunter Biden.

Speaker 2 And it was getting used to that idea of look, don't look at the cards. There's the wide shot.
There's the money shot. Also kind of glance over at your guest, but don't go too profile.

Speaker 2 It's just getting used to all that. But money, you know, when I was doing Biden, normally it was just straight ahead.
It's much easier.

Speaker 2 It gives me chills thinking about it.

Speaker 1 When you're on that show and

Speaker 1 you're in a good sketch and you do your lines and you kind of miss them, you lay down a broken bat single and you walk back off camera and everyone kind of darts their eyes.

Speaker 1 You're like, fuck, I had two lines to get it right. I just kind of missed it or you fluff it and you're like, if I just had one more take, it would be better.

Speaker 2 But you do that too many like you said in a robe you it's so under rehearsed and the director liz who's a lovely person i really got myself in her shoes of like you're doing hunter i'm doing my thing how long do you hold right after the laugh or do you cut after the line and then of course bumbling a line is so painful

Speaker 2 or not getting a laugh and realizing later the camera wasn't on you yeah the cutting because she doesn't have that much time or we had davey wilson it's it's such a five five-by-night thing, so but when it works, it's magic, put it that way for sure.

Speaker 3 Well, Carver, you had a nice uh return there, man. You hit the ball really hard every day.

Speaker 3 I'd go, I'm golfing a lot now, and the guys at my golf course will always say, Oh, Carvey killed it over the weekend. So, nice to know you were still putting good wood on the ball, brother.

Speaker 3 How'd your chops feel? Did it come back to you right away, or it never went?

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 well, I, you know, I'd done some Biden, just slowly but surely, I was gathering a Biden up, you know, because I noticed no one was really doing him, you know?

Speaker 2 And so when I went there and read through, I didn't, I was just coalescing in my head, but Lauren was sitting next to me and no one had really kind of figured out Biden, how to make it funny or sense it or whatever.

Speaker 2 So I just had, I had this thing of, and guess what? And by the way, just that. And then I saw Lauren's shoulders go up like that and he was happy.

Speaker 2 So I knew I had a hook and I think that I was discovering it with the audience live in real time. But yeah, it came back to me for sure.
It felt like I was home again doing rhythms.

Speaker 2 And I'd had a warm-up with him on

Speaker 2 this podcast, and I had some clips out with him with the Biden I was doing.

Speaker 1 So I had a lot of good honing, though, because he got to make mistakes here.

Speaker 3 Boy, when they're cutting back and forth between the shots here, Spade looks like he's in some

Speaker 3 swing, you know, private booth somewhere in a VIP booth. And then

Speaker 3 you got to trick that place out a little, that room you're in.

Speaker 3 You got that table over here? It looks like

Speaker 3 the Pixar opening credits with that lamp or something.

Speaker 2 You got to get

Speaker 3 some flowers in there or something.

Speaker 2 Get some flowers.

Speaker 3 Leave this over on the left. It's like the honeymooners.
It's like Crabden's place with the Pixar light on top of it. Spudley, what's your book over your shoulder? What are you selling there?

Speaker 3 What's that?

Speaker 1 Oh, that was a John Lennon book because I bought the glasses, John Lennon's glasses, and that's collects beetles in that book.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 this, this, Dana White gave me this, your boy, gave me that Bruce Lee skateboard.

Speaker 1 Dennis, you can react whenever you're ready.

Speaker 3 I thought, well, I just thought,

Speaker 3 we would give him an edit point there in case we're wrapped up because I got a split soon.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, let's go.

Speaker 2 Dennis,

Speaker 1 Dennis, um been hilarious we love you and you're one of the uh

Speaker 3 i don't know if you should retire you're still better than 99 to 100 of the comics i'm liking being retired man you know what i just uh

Speaker 3 the i just want to explore what it's like not doing it you know i did it so long that i thought i don't even know what i'm like as a one that i started writing jokes and staying in that uh that guys that

Speaker 3 maybe 30 71 now and i just thought man, you know, why don't I analyze?

Speaker 3 Hopefully I get another 10 or 20. I'm going to just try to see what it's like being,

Speaker 3 what am I, what am I like without all the trappings of that.

Speaker 2 Well, do you find, did you find this? Because I feel like if I go before I ever did stand up

Speaker 2 and then I start to do it just as a nobody in San Francisco, just this little bit of tension or wait, it would come and go, but it was just there. I should be writing more material.

Speaker 2 I should be doing that at a club. And then SNL, I should do that.
And that movie bombed. I got to do this.

Speaker 2 And so there's still like this sort of weightiness when you're connected to it and the excitement of that and making money and all that.

Speaker 2 But I just wonder when you psychologically take that away, does your relaxation quotient go way up?

Speaker 3 Well, I've been reading, and I saw Seinfeld was reading this too, which is intriguing to me because

Speaker 3 I've been reading a lot of the Stoics, Marcus Aurelius and Seneca.

Speaker 2 And Jerry,

Speaker 3 he's into that. And I just try to see what's on the other side of that apprehension about not doing it.
I think there's something important there. I don't want to sound too ethereal.

Speaker 3 Maybe I'll find out that I just missed doing it. Maybe you'll see me, you know, back in a walker doing jokes or something.

Speaker 3 But right now, I'm thinking, okay, I always diffused that sort of anxiety or fear of the unknown by telling a joke or getting up on stage or smiling and gladhanding. And I thought, what's beyond that?

Speaker 3 So I'm just trying to sit in it for a moment. And I'm finding on the other side of it, I'm kind of enjoying that lack of apprehension.

Speaker 3 Because let's face facts, I don't care how much you feel safe going out on stage, and you do get safer over the years. I still get getting there,

Speaker 3 going across country and getting there and going to the place and right before you go on.

Speaker 3 And then it can go wrong at any moment. I mean,

Speaker 3 the moment you start thinking this can't go wrong, it's like Robin's old bit that he did in his first special about Step Inside the Comedian's Mind where you hear that submarine claxing going

Speaker 2 dive, dive.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so I don't miss, I don't miss that part of it. But when a joke pops into my head, I often think,

Speaker 3 well, listen, I'll call Carvey with Church Biden, but then not get smacked back in your face like the chemistry.

Speaker 2 I just want one quick question. Just how does stoicism relate to what you just said?

Speaker 3 just letting go or being in the moment or not making problems that don't exist is kind of part of it right well i'm trying to find out i used to control things with my showbiz career in a way because you can manage that you're really managing an efficient organization to some degree when you're in the middle of it and then i realized that you're not managing anything and if the you know i don't know when this airs but if that the palisades doesn't remind you that

Speaker 3 yeah i was just trying to get my head around the fact that really you don't,

Speaker 3 you have to balance not controlling anything except your thought processes and still leading a happy, non-morbid life. You don't have to be forlorn about it.

Speaker 3 I'm just trying to find that delicate set where the Benn diagram taps where you realize that you don't have any control over it.

Speaker 3 And in an odd way, that should free you up to not worry about it as much. So

Speaker 2 things that happen.

Speaker 2 That makes a lot of sense. Yeah.

Speaker 3 All right, boys. Well, you know, I love you both, and I love you with all of you.

Speaker 2 It's been a blast hanging out with you. And then we also recorded it and we'll get paid.

Speaker 1 So check in now and then and give us some new stuff. We've got jokes to burn.

Speaker 3 Well, listen, you got to get rid of.

Speaker 3 I've been staring at Bruce Lee's nipple for an hour here now.

Speaker 3 It appears he only has one in that photo. And who else had one nipple in famous lore, Carvey? i'll quiz you there

Speaker 2 bonnie anderson paul harvey which one

Speaker 2 scaramunga the man with the golden gun played by the great oh that's oh yeah that guy that guy oh no he had a third nipple

Speaker 3 because he got through sleeves other one i just remember there was some

Speaker 3 areola discrepancy with scaramunga the areola the discrepancy

Speaker 2 all right dennis love you brother Love you, buddy.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all the stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 Fly in the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.