Giggling about hamptons sleepovers, adoption, and adrenaline

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Sup, gigglers.

Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my

great Gatsby gigglers?

We had one weekend in Long Island that wasn't filmed for television and we're new people now.

I'm laughing because we just recorded the intro and then I and then I realized I wasn't in fact recording, which is the main part of doing a podcast.

And prior to that, I forgot my microphone, which is also another main point of doing a podcast.

But you know what?

At least we're here and we're trying.

We're thriving.

We're trying our best.

The one thing I know you guys know we love a theme.

This last weekend, Paige comes to visit.

And by the way, her and you and Dez haven't like spent multiple days back to back together.

No, no, we've never vacationed together.

The Scorpios were

Scorpioing.

My favorite part of the night was we weren't sure what to do, and Des goes, Could we just sit and talk maybe?

And Paige goes, Actually,

I would love that.

Actually, that's exactly what I want to do.

That was actually

so sweet when he said that because it was like, can't we just like get to know each other?

You know, like, can't we just.

My line of the weekend was actually said by Hannah Lucy Berner.

I'd be like, you know what I'm going to say.

And it was,

Paige's thirst for knowledge cannot be quenched.

So the point thing is, is we're hanging out all day.

You know, we're, you think you're going to run out of material.

Something about Paige is she doesn't care who you're talking about.

If there is a story to be said, she is.

I'm seated.

I'm seated.

She'll be like, well, why did his cousin say that to her?

Well, if my friend is telling me a part of their life and I'm not

directly correlated or into it, that has nothing, that has no bearing on my listening skills.

Some would argue drama is more fun when you're not involved because you have no skin in the game.

And that's what I love.

And but it's funny because Des would talk about something random and you'd be like, wait, we're going to need to backtrack.

And why would she do that to him?

And your thirst for knowledge is unquenchable.

And I feel like there were times where I was like, let's deep dive into her parents.

Let's take a moment and see why she acts the way she acts.

And maybe it's not her fault.

I also would like bring up different topics throughout the day.

Whenever I'd say something, you'd be like, oh, yes, we're going to have to dive in.

I'm like, there's not one thing that you don't find a way to talk about.

And maybe that's why we have a podcast.

And wait, here's another thing.

We recycled the same stories over the past seven years of our friendship.

So if you thought we were just doing new information, it was...

The classics.

We obviously brought up the classics.

You got to play the classics.

Also, we were in a new, like, we were in a new backdrop.

Environment.

A new backdrop.

So, like, we have to see how the story holds up.

And nature over nurture, sometimes you're in the wild, something in front of you reminds you of something, and you're like, and I forgot to tell you.

Also, sometimes when you're in a different environment, you might have a different perspective on the same story, and it might just bring a new

perspective in life.

And that's, and we're open to all different ways of approaching a story.

Because we're journalists, because we're journalists.

There was one time I don't even know what we were talking about and des goes paige doesn't want to know that and you look at him and you go actually she does her thirst for knowledge is unquenchable

oh but then also i felt like you had a deal this is so married couple of me and des like i forget but like

every time i tell a story He interrupts being like no, that's not what happened.

But then if I tell him to tell the story, he says, no, you tell the story.

Yeah.

and that's and that's marriage.

There is a lot of cat mouse with you guys, no pun intended.

So, what's your opinion of our marriage after being with us for 48 hours?

I have to say, we keep each other on each other's toes.

It's like, are they flirting?

Are they fighting?

Are they flirting?

Are they fighting?

Are they flirting?

Also, this is what marriage is, and I nailed it this weekend.

It's asking the other person where they put the scissors.

Yes,

no one fucking knows.

No one knows.

You want to know what's funny about you and and Des is you don't want to step on each other's toes, but you want the other one to have like the,

no, you tell the story or like, like you guys, you guys need to communicate more.

You don't know who's getting the drinks, who's getting the forks, who's telling the story.

There's a lot of admin that you guys haven't figured out.

Well, you know why?

We do not have traditional gender roles in this household.

No, you don't.

And that's what it is.

It's chaos.

It is chaos in these streets.

We We don't know who's doing laundry.

We don't know who's speaking first.

We don't know who's sitting at the head of the table.

But that's what keeps it spicy.

Sometimes people say this as like

when their relationship is like, oh, we've turned into roommates.

I want to take back that saying, okay?

Because in the best way possible, you and Des are roommates in terms of like,

sometimes you're doing the dishes.

Sometimes he's taking out the trash.

But at any given moment, you could be lugging that trash and he could be washing the dishes.

Like, you guys really do live together as like two individual

people.

I think it's because when we got together, we both were such individual people that we just were like, but we mesh well.

Yeah.

And I think that's what it is.

There's no structure.

No, you guys.

No.

You guys need a chart with stickers.

You need to know what about a chore chart.

I've thought about it, but this is why we're not divorced yet is because if one of us happens to get upset about something like, hey, why is are your socks like all over the bathroom floor?

Then he'll just be like, well, why is your makeup all in the sink?

And then I said, and that, and we're moving on.

We're even.

And you can't.

We're keeping score.

We're not keeping score.

We're talking.

Yeah, you can't attack for something when you're doing the same thing.

Exactly.

Exactly.

It is so funny when you come into someone's home

and see the functions.

But I also feel like when someone visits your house,

let's be honest, you're playing life.

Like it's a virtual reality.

Everyone's an actor.

We're all paid actors.

What

should I be doing when people are at my house around this house?

You should have seen me picking out a travel outfit.

I'm like, what does someone wear who's like not going to the Hamptons for like the showiness?

Just going to like hang with a friend.

No, I literally when people come to my house, I'm like, what do you do around this time of day?

Trying to pretend

that soldier.

Like multiple times I'm like, this is when I typically would go in a tic-tac hole, but I'm trying to pretend that I'm like

there was a moment where Des looked at us and goes, I'm going to go for a nap now.

We were like, that's why he's my king.

We were like, you know what?

Yeah, you deserve it.

And we yapped for another three hours.

Des disappeared for a good two hours and, like, more power to him.

He deserved that time off, though.

He deserved it.

But I do want to say kudos to you.

You are such a good guest.

Paige came, first of all, with a new Daphne tea, the Hannah tea.

Because my other one got stained up, so she gave me a navy one, and I was like, that's why you're my best friend.

She designed it for me.

She designed a shirt literally for her best friend.

No, I literally did.

I was like, Hannah needs more t-shirts.

So that was great.

Then you made a pasta salad that really came in handy all weekend.

No, I was so proud of that pasta salad.

And here's what I did.

You know, it's hard to do is think of something to bring to someone's home, especially when it's like,

like you don't need anything.

Like, you know, like, and it, we see each other all the time.

So it's not like, oh my God, I haven't seen her in so long.

I have to get her like a really nice candle or you're like, whatever.

So I was like, what am I bringing to Hannah's?

But, like, it's not like super intense.

So, I know you love green.

So, I got this really pretty green bowl.

And I was like, you know what?

I'm just going to make a pasta salad, put it in the bowl, and that's the gift.

Like, she keeps the bowl.

We eat the pasta salad.

See ya.

And this is what I love about Italians.

Only Italians could figure out a way to make salad unhealthy.

They're like, you know what, we go with

a lot of vegetables from there.

Let's put pasta in.

They go, go vegetables, a little cheese, and pasta.

Now it's good.

Now it's a good salad.

I do need to talk about one person that really didn't have the best time this weekend and

was very taken aback, didn't know what was going on.

And her name is Daphne.

And Daphne is, look, at a young age, Daphne has been a travel kitty.

She's seen so much.

She's seen so much in her life.

She's seen so much.

She's done so much.

She's always mentally stimulated.

You know, like she's

fine.

Wherever you, wherever you take her, she's good.

Except for Hannah's house.

Okay.

I feel bad.

Get there.

I take Daphne out.

Daphne's like, fine.

She's sniffing around.

Then I show her like where we're sleeping, where her water bowl is, where her food is, and where her

litter box is.

She fully turned into like the real housewives when they're picking rooms.

And she's like, the fish room?

Literally the fish room?

Are you fucking kidding?

She literally looked at me and she gave me a look only a daughter can give a mother.

And it's, when are we leaving?

When are we going home?

And so

the way Hannah's house is like set up, like where we're like hanging out, you can't like see to go downstairs, but like you can kind of see if you're sitting at a certain angle, like through a window, you can see like the top of the stairs okay

every 15 minutes I would look over to my cat sitting on the top of the stairs staring at us judging for three minutes and then she would run off she would then proceed to come back judge again give a snarl and run off she also was like Help me.

I was like, hello, I'm in danger.

I don't feel safe.

I've seen what I need to see and I want to go home.

She has never been more uncomfortable in her life.

I tossed her in the kitty room,

which I'm housing three kittens that were found at the side of the road.

So Daphne's immediately unimpressed and disgusted.

Yeah.

So she's like, where are your parents?

You don't have parents.

What does your dad do?

What is your where do you go to private school?

You didn't go to private school.

Okay.

Do you have a last name?

Are you even micro-chipped?

Oh, my mom?

They're not micro-chipped.

She goes, no one's cut your nails in a very long time.

Get a manicure.

Like once.

Let me tell you, she slept

all

day on Sunday.

She was exhausted.

She was emotionally.

She was exhausted.

And mentally empty.

Wow.

She had given all she could give.

And then Butter, of course,

was in my room.

Butter was like, Oh, you're having people over.

Cool, I'll see you Monday.

But I had this fear that if I opened the door, that like her and Daphne would have an interaction.

And for everyone who's like, Oh my god, if Buddy and Butter and Daphne met, Butter's a street fighter and butter fights dirty.

Yeah, and Daphne, as beautiful as she is, she can't

defend herself against it.

I'm a working model, Butter.

A working model,

not the money face.

And

butter has half an ear.

Like, butter has nothing to lose.

Yeah.

So that's not a fair fight.

And I just wanted to make sure Daphne was okay.

Butter was okay.

We survived the weekend.

You know what I never, never crossed my mind, though?

What if we have kids and they, like, don't get along?

Oh my God, if my kid doesn't get along with your kids.

Like, what if we have, I feel like if we have, if I have one and you have one, that that's like impossible.

They have to get along.

But I feel like, what if there's a world where like you have two boys and I have like a boy and a girl and like the boys don't get along, but like the girl dates one of the other boys?

You know, like, what if there's drama between them?

Honestly, I just described the summer I turned pretty.

And I really apologize for that.

I feel like I've been in deep with my Hulu.

Okay, I've thought about this actually.

I've thought this fully through.

Basically, the way they're going to be introduced is like, this is not your friend.

Like, this is your cousin.

This is your family.

Like, I know she's weird.

Yeah.

She's part of the family.

But also, I don't think people realize your kids are going to be a bad influence on my kids.

Okay.

Like, your kids are going to be, like, cool.

And, like,

I don't know.

They're just, I just feel like my kids are going to be a little more straight edge.

But, but if I may raise my kids in the lower east side of manhattan they will be doing acid by 11 and then

your kids if they're raised in the burbs

should stay away from my kids right but sometimes suburban kids are weird they like sniff stuff because they have to get more creative i was just gonna say sometimes suburban kids start a drug habit super early And suburban kids love doing crazy things in cars, which city kids are like, I'm high as fuck, but I'm lying in the park.

Yeah.

Which is unsafe as well.

It's something that we're gonna have to figure out.

But I did have that thought.

It was like, oh my god, I didn't even think, like,

because in my head, I'm like, we both are having girls and they're gonna be best friends.

You're like, what if we have kids and then like aliens come down and like think, oh, that's the plot of War of the Worlds.

One thing that we did talk about is,

and we said that people don't talk about it enough, is that there was a Disney Channel movie

about twins and they were basketball players, and the name of that movie was double-teamed.

And that's why we are the way we are.

And don't ask us the origin of this story.

I don't know how it started, but there was just a moment where we like made that realization and we talked about it.

And it's so unsettling when you think about it.

It's crazy how many people that had to go through of approval before it came to our desk.

Like that went through many meetings, and it was like, this is for kids.

They go, I understand it's double-teamed, but how can we make it less sexual?

Let's make it twins.

That'll be better.

I mean, double.

Here's one thing.

If it was double team,

that almost makes it less sexual, I think.

Yeah.

Then double teamed with that.

Double teamed is.

Double teamed, like that, like teamed.

That's what happened to one of my roommates in college.

Double teamed.

Yeah,

and that's the only other, that's the only meaning of it.

There's no other meaning of double double-teamed other than having sex with getting.

That's what happens when you answer a Snapchat with a guy on the football team.

Double teamed.

Correct.

And I just think that's so crazy, and it makes me so uncomfortable.

Well, it's funny if you watch a lot of comedies now, you see how they make a lot of jokes for the adults.

But double teamed, that's creepy.

It's giving Nickelodeon.

No, it's so freaking creepy.

It's giving Nickelodeon seems to be.

I don't know how

we got here.

But I think it was because because we were doing like all these different sports things.

And we were saying, and I actually was saying all of the different sports that I think I would have been good at.

And Hannah said if she didn't have played tennis, she would have played basketball.

And then that brought me to, have you ever seen double teams?

But I said I couldn't play basketball because my hands are hooves and I can't hold the ball.

But the funniest thing was Paige comes in.

We learned about each other this weekend.

She's wearing like a gorgeous bikini, like stunning.

Everything's working.

And then she stands up and she goes, do you want to race?

And I was like, what do you mean?

She's like, do you want to play mermaids?

Do you want to race?

Marco Polo, like all the games.

And I was like, let's fucking go.

And then to get into the pool, she doesn't go towards the

little,

not towards the stairs, she goes towards the deep end.

I said, where are you going, babe?

Did you get lost?

And she goes, I'm jumping in.

And I said, I didn't see that for you.

Yeah.

You are a fucking freak.

This, she literally is like, hair.

Well, she hasn't washed her hair in like many days.

That's a whole other thing that we haven't talked about.

But, like, so put together and goes, I'm about to belly flop.

And I was like, I thought for sure you would be that girl who daintily walks in three stairs in and then goes, you guys, it's kind of cold.

Are you sure?

And then we're like, come on, Paige.

And you're like, okay.

And then like 10 minutes later, you're in.

And then you're like, actually, it's kind of warm.

We're like, we told you, Paige.

No, this bitch

fucking, and not even like a graceful dive.

She fucking kodoks.

Cannonballs.

Cannonballs.

Cannonballs.

And

that's so you because people can't put you in a box.

No, they really can't.

And I, dare I say, I thought you were going to be like me.

No, I'm dainty when it comes to the pool.

Yeah, like it took you 10 minutes to get in.

And you like you were going slow, slow, slow.

You're torturing yourself.

I don't want to brag.

I do have very high muscle, low body fat, as of at least 10 years ago last time I checked.

So I get really cold really easily because I am tiny in the ankles.

So when it hits the ankles first, it shoots up my body.

Also, I'm

like scared of water in general, kind of.

When I was little, I almost got swept away by a current.

We're in a pool.

Your pool.

It was 85 degrees.

We were in a heated pool in the middle of summer.

So, you know when you jump and like it gets like in your ear or up your nose and then your day's ruined for three days?

Like it's just not

worth it.

I just think like going in going in by the stairs, I obviously used to do that, but I grew up, honestly, not to sound so cultured, but I feel like I'm like always jumping off boats.

And so like when you jump off a boat, you have to jump in.

You can't like walk in from a boat.

I have to stop you right there.

That's where you've lost the entire audience.

No one can relate to that.

She's like, you know when you're by the cliffs and then, but your boat's taking you to the cliff?

No, really.

I feel like I, I, that's why I jump in because you have to jump off a boat.

And she goes, and these yachts are high.

You know that you're about to get like dumois that you're a yacht girl after that comment.

Honestly, I hate that.

I hope you're making money on these yachts.

From from my family vacation.

Like, that is,

I jump in off a boat, but um,

no, jumping in, you it's three seconds of cold compared to like literally

two solid minutes of torturing yourself walking into the cold,

and then you're just fine.

Des is like, you never felt worse after jumping in cold water, and I go, Yeah, but I felt better before it.

Well, Des and I are water signs, and so we really connect with the water.

Like, I

love the ocean.

Like, I, I really feel like when I go in the ocean, I feel differently than other people because I genuinely feel like it heals my soul.

This is my thing.

Nothing feels better than peeing in water.

Do you pee in the shower?

I can't help but pee in the shower.

The second warm water hits me, I'm peeing.

I feel like there's like a whole discourse like low-key on like people being like, like, it's gross to pee in the shower because like of the drain.

Like it's going down the drain.

But again, none of my business.

What's going on in the drain?

The drain?

I have so many things to worry about.

I'm not worrying about what's growing in my drain.

I don't even know what's growing in my Stanley right now.

Okay?

There's the drain.

No, absolutely not.

No, and like I'm not sitting in the bathroom being like, oh, okay, well, yeah, obviously the sink and the shower drain would be different than the sewage system.

But like.

Again.

again, but then there's an argument that, like, pee, you could pee on someone getting surgery, and it's like, you're fine.

This is my problem.

My pee, I think my pee is perfect.

Same.

But, like, if someone else were to pee, I'm like, okay, let's have some respect.

Okay, well, I'm hydrated.

And so that's basically water with a little bit of like UTI

powder.

Yeah, like, leave me alone.

Dez is just like water and Advil and his.

So, like, we're a happy home.

This is a really niche reference, but do you remember the movie Jimmy Neutron?

I don't remember the movie, but I remember the TV show.

Like, did they make a movie?

They made a movie, and at one point, like, all the adults disappeared, and they were showing all the things kids were doing because the adults were gone.

And one kid was like, I'm peeing in the shower.

And then I was like, oh, you're not supposed to be in the shower.

Wait, you know what's funny?

Is you, because you had a younger sibling, you watched more younger shows.

Like, once I hit the age where where it was over for me, I then never saw anything like younger because no one was turning it on.

Because I didn't have an older sibling.

The first time I saw MTV, I was like 11 and it was at a tennis camp with all like the cool older girls and I saw Jaw roll with his shirt off and life was never the same.

I'm trying to my

first experience with MTV was actually

so surreal because it was the real world San Diego and it was Cameron from Southern Charm and that was the first reality show I ever watched.

Oh my gosh.

And I loved her.

I thought she was like the prettiest person to ever be on the planet and then to think like, oh

I'm gonna go on reality TV scary.

She's adorable.

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I do want to say I'm proud of you.

This is the first time you went to the Hamptons since.

And I hope that I helped you create new memories.

You did help me create new memories.

You also brought stromboli.

Of course.

And you also brought pignoli cookies.

Of course.

And rainbow cookies.

And sprinkle cookies.

Yes.

Well, you can't bring a pignoli.

You can't bring a pignoli and not a sprinkle cookie.

That's just like brute.

Imagine I did that for the rest of the pot.

And chocolate vanilla cookies.

And she brought her own pillows.

And then she brought Christmas gifts for everyone for this coming Christmas.

And then she brought.

So that was really good.

And we hung out with Gary.

Oh, and then my brother and his girlfriend were in town, like were around in the vicinity and stopped over.

And we played some tennis.

We had some dinner.

I ate a lobster roll.

I do have to say, you did play tennis and you did the most page thing ever.

I hit her a backhand and she just said, no, thank you.

And I said, what's wrong?

And she goes, I'm not hitting backhands.

And I'm like, did you just refuse to hit a backhand?

I'm not doing backhands today.

She was like, no, thank you.

And I was like, I love that you're polite, but that's not how sports work.

And she goes, what game is this?

I said, this is tennis.

This is my whole life.

This is what I put my whole entire life into.

And you could have some damn fucking respect on, okay.

Okay.

And you were like, okay, I'm done.

I literally am that like annoying little girl that was like, okay, but what if we did ballet on the tennis court?

And everyone's like, we're playing a game.

You also, you don't like to do things for too long.

No, I don't.

I get.

Activities.

I mean, chatting

all day.

I could go all day and all night snacking for at least four hours.

Dez was very impressed by our chatting

cardio.

Like marriage.

What does he mean?

As in, like, he's like, you got all you do is talk to each other and then you're like seeing each other he's like you know when you guys get into your whole giggly thing and i said it's it's a religion babe respect okay religion i would argue that every friend duo is like this like you know what's crazy is i always think about and i've said this since i was like a child

When you're married for like 30, 40 years, what are you guys talking about?

Like, how are you still finding things to talk about?

Because it's...

You have to talk about other people.

Yeah, like you know everything about each other.

you have to I mean the world would not survive if you didn't talk about other people

but with you I'm never like oh no what I mean I'm gonna talk about today like

we're gonna find things it's gonna come up you know what it is it's like love it just takes two people who have the same goal and like we give us nothing and we both are going to try to make it work and that's what friendship is two people trying to make a gossip work

and let's be honest I'll start a gossip and you might not be into it but you're going to support me in it.

And you're going to say, okay, well, why did she do that?

Why do you think she did that?

Let's see it from different angles.

And that's what friendship is.

And you know what?

I think maybe Des is desensitized to?

That so much gossip happens in our world right in front of our faces.

And we need to bring it back behind closed doors.

Like we need to bring it back to its original intended form.

And that's at your friend's kitchen table where like they're not going to see it.

No one's going to like it.

Reply to it, comment on it, let me say what I need to say in peace.

I want to start it with, can I say something kind of mean?

Or this, I normally would never say, you know, I'm not like this, you know, I would never be this mean.

But am I alone in this?

And that's, wait, am I alone in this?

It makes it sound profound.

It makes it sound like we went to college, we we went, we furthered our education when we say, and am I alone in this?

Am I alone?

This sounds like, yeah, I'm trying to change the world.

Which we do.

We do every day through conversation.

Also,

I did make,

I did have a little Italian snafu.

Gary brought prosciut, prosgito, however, or proscuti, whatever you would call it in Idaho.

Wait.

Wait.

I know that you're going to tell this story, but first let me preface that I get there on Friday night and Hannah immediately, she's like, and tomorrow we're going to have prosido with Melon.

And I'm like, amazing.

I love prosciutto with melon.

And she said it like three times.

Like, and that will be like our cute little snack.

And that was her party trick.

Proceed with your story.

Also,

you're me and does.

So

Gary brings the prosciutto.

So she didn't even have one of the main ingredients.

Okay, one of the main ingredients for said dish was not even in the home.

I knew there there was going to be Italian people around, so I was going to have prosciutto.

No, that's actually so

true.

Someone had it in their car.

If there was like a high percent chance one of you guys had prosciutto,

which,

oh my God.

So, but then this is where the issue came.

I don't know about melons.

Yeah.

I don't realize that the inside of melons are not all created equal.

I didn't realize that I didn't have melon.

I had a cantaloupe.

I thought a cantaloupe was a melon.

No, you had a honeydew.

Oh,

you had a literal.

So she cuts up this melon.

First of all, no, she goes to cut up the melon.

She goes to cut up the melon, and my brother stands up swiftly and goes, ah, maybe I should cut it.

Can I say, no one believes in me.

Like, no one believes in me, and the way you learn is by making mistakes.

I come down with a battle axe and a melon, because that's how you cut melons.

Yeah.

Immediately, right before I'm about to cut it, I realize, hmm, I feel like there should be some strategy.

Not the right knife.

It was, I don't know what kind of, I don't know my knives.

Yeah.

Wasn't the right knife.

Gary.

Wait, hold on.

Also,

I just need to like set the scene for you.

We're in Hannah's backyard.

She's walking around this massive knife all day, too, because we were cutting up different things.

And like, she kept making the same joke, but every time she said it, it literally hit.

She would always say, she kept saying, thanks, Des, for getting me the small knife like i kept being like it's good i was i wanted the small knife and it kept getting laughs so keep doing it came yeah it was the bit well because also you can't pick up that knife and like not say something like it was an insane knife to have near human beings like it looks like what you use to cut up a body it was insane so Naturally, I was like, maybe this is the knife that'll be good for this cantaloupe, melon, honeydew, whatever the fuck it was.

I didn't know.

Could you tell before cutting into it what it would be?

No, I didn't.

But you want to know what?

I wasn't really thinking like, oh, this isn't a melon.

Because if someone says, hey, I have a melon for you,

just I thought, I think, oh, she went to the melon section.

She picked it up.

Like, there's obviously a honeydew section.

Also, you know, you think if I like was bragging about making this for you guys, I'd have any of the ingredients.

And maybe anything.

Like, we're over two, and there's only two ingredients.

We were this close to having salami and apples, Okay, this freaking close.

But it's so funny because Gary sees me with a knife, which, by the way, I've been handling all day.

Yeah.

And he's like, I've seen what I need to see.

Yeah.

Comes up to me, takes the knife,

and starts cutting it, which then I realized, like, I am kind of good at getting other people to do my dirty work.

You just kind of have to look confused and dangerous with a weapon.

And they're like, no, thank you.

So he's like, you have to look like you're about to make everyone else's day 10 times more annoying like because she just looked like oh i just chopped my thumb off like and that would have been so annoying no that would have been super inconvenient for the weekend we had planned and selfish

so gary starts cutting it up and i don't know who

it might have been you that was like

that's honeydew yeah and i was like okay like That's socially constructed.

Like, like, it identifies as a melon.

Wait, here's the other thing.

You didn't even give us full pieces of projute.

The way you, the way you were trying to do it, like an almond mom wrapping it around the honeydew, like you actually had created a new snack.

So first of all, I did not wrap it.

That would have been way fucking cuter if I wrapped it.

And I should have had toothpicks.

That wasn't insane not to have toothpicks.

Third of all, Gary cut it in a way that wasn't like on my plan of how I was going to do it.

So then I just like put it in strips and put it.

It didn't, it was not good.

It was not good.

There's nothing more humbling as a host than when you show up to the group sitting by the pool with honeydew and prosciutto, and you go, Does anyone want any?

And I'm telling you, if someone doesn't early on put their hand up, it's a group mentality thing and everyone's like, oh, it's okay.

And next thing you know, you have a pound of prosciutto wasted on honeydew melon that's gonna get hot and

have flies on it.

So you guys are all like doing whatever you're doing.

And I'm looking at my failure of a work of art.

Oh, man.

It was a good thing.

And then do you know what?

No, do you know what was even worse?

So no one eats it.

It's just sitting there.

A couple hours go by.

I notice it.

And I take a little taste.

Of course, Gary doesn't let that go.

And he's like, did you just fucking eat the audience?

And I go, someone has to.

He goes, that's been sitting in the sun for two hours, Hannah.

And I go, look, I'm not about waste because you guys are wasteful.

And you're not about waste.

No.

Not about waste.

So that was fun.

Anyway, guys,

oh my God, I've been enjoying chugging my Dunkin' refresher.

I'm obsessed.

Oh, I pulled off, but I get it with the green tea.

So do I.

You do too?

It's so good.

It's so good.

You know, I actually had a thought and the Dunkin' refreshers have pushed me to it.

I used to be a girly girly that didn't drink coffee in the morning and I would drink green tea and then one day I just like forgot about green tea and since I've been having green tea in my refreshers, I'm back to like green tea mornings.

Thank you Duncan for keeping us refreshed all weekend long and go to gigglysummer.com to submit stories for a chance to win the giggly Duncan merch if you've seen it online.

It's pretty amazing.

We played with three kitties.

It was the here's the thing too.

Okay, Des was like, you guys can play with the kittens, but don't take the kitten out of the kitten room and play with it in the living room.

And we're like, okay, like, we're not even going to.

So we're taking rules to be broken.

Yeah.

So obviously we get the kitty and we take her out into the living room.

And right as Des predicted, we lost the kitty.

Kitty is gone.

We said she couldn't have gotten far.

I literally felt in that moment, Hannah, when we were looking for that cat,

I actually felt like I was 11 years old and I was there for a sleepover des was our dad and we had just done something that he specifically told us not to do and that's our that's our role play we do at night and we're panicking because we're getting to the point where we have to be like can you help us no good i was looking in the fridge i was like is the cat in the fridge i started like looking under pillows At one point, I like looked in my own pocket.

I'm like, where is the kitten?

Mind you, of course, she's just like right there under the couch she comes out

and i have a special announcement

and if you're on the youtube she's been here this whole time that's

sorry the way i picked her up she just goes limp that was oh my god wait that was okay wait show her again

oh she's so cute this is boots who's attached to me at the hip.

Okay, wait.

I walk in.

Cat's name is Cupid.

Cat's name is Cupid.

Then immediately, Cat's name was Socks.

Then it was Socks.

Socks then turned into boots.

Mm-hmm.

Because, you know, she's growing, she's learning.

Naming cats is very fun, but if it...

It has to work.

And the thing is, we called her boots because the white goes all the way up to like right above the knee.

She's wearing boots.

It's like an above-the-knee boot.

And fall is around the corner.

It just seems appropriate.

Also, like, you know, cowboy Carter, like, country's back in, so boots.

You can say it like boots.

Yep.

So I'm in love with this cat.

Like, this cat is a very special cat.

Off the side of the road.

It just has an amazing temperament.

Paige, you love this cat.

I love this cat.

And as you know, I've been fostering cats, also known as trafficking cats, to all my friends.

So this cat, I'm not letting, I'm gatekeeping.

Like, I'm not letting the general public adopt her.

Like, I'm like, this needs to stay in the family.

Right.

Poor Grace just wanted to have a nice job.

She just wants wants to make some money.

She wanted to go to work, receive a paycheck, go home for life.

We said, wait a minute.

This is a lifelong commitment.

This is a cult.

So poor Grace.

Are you in or are you out?

Poor Grace not only, so she drove me out to the Hamptons to meet this cat because I forced her.

And then

I drove her around in the car.

I think she disassociated because I was like, are you okay?

And she was like, where am I?

Definitely HR violations.

One of the worst HR violations we've had.

Like, I can see the Giggly Squad documentary starting with her sitting down and being like, at first it was fun.

Like, we did this tour.

And then we got it.

Next thing you know, Hannah was not checking her blind spot.

And then there was a lot of cats against everywhere.

There was so much litter, just litter everywhere.

And then they were forcing beta blockers down my throat.

And I had to listen to hours and hours and hours of having a weird laugh.

She has really low blood pressure now.

Also, I broke my jaw.

Oh my God.

Do you remember in Grace Brooker?

Grace broke her jaw.

We were not involved.

We were not involved in that.

Yeah, we were not involved in that.

So

the way I like to do this cat thing is it can take time.

You can't force it.

But Boots loves me.

And I wanted to see if Boots naturally gravitated to Grace.

And let's be honest, Grace has incredible energy especially for cats because cats don't like frenetic stress high energy people that with sudden movements stresses them out grace is calm as a fucking cucumber

this cat is like gravitating to her and I'm like okay this could be it because also I don't want Grace to take the cat if the cat's not gonna be happy right so let's just say I did a lot of

A lot of work.

You did a lot of

reverse, what is that, reversing psychology.

Well, she called me at one point and she said, look, I don't,

I love her, but I don't know if I want to have a cat.

And I said, does anyone know if they want anything?

I said, did I know?

I was just going to say, I'd be like, that's exactly what you said when I was like, I don't know if I want to get married.

I go, no one knows.

Just said, no one knows.

I said, if you knew, we wouldn't be humans in this life.

Like, I'm getting crazy philosophical with her.

Like,

she's so confused by the end of the call.

And she's like, I just don't know.

By the end of the call, she's like, am I a cat?

She goes, do you want to adopt me?

So she literally was calling me to be like, I think because I'm not 100% sure, I shouldn't do it.

And I go, no one's ever 100% sure.

I said, I wasn't 100% sure about my marriage.

And look where we are.

Look where we are arguing about who should tell the story at a dinner table.

Okay.

And then, but I said, but you know what?

I totally get it.

I said, I totally get it.

There's actually.

Wait, let's also, I think it's important to note that Grace started working for us and

terrified of cats.

She had a phobia of cats.

Yeah, it wasn't just that she didn't like cats or wasn't like, you know, privy to them.

It was like she genuinely was scared of them.

And one thing about me is I love a challenge.

Yeah.

So I was like, okay, she'll be hard work, but that's the kind of work I want to put.

I don't want someone who's like, I want a cat.

I said, no, no.

Yeah.

I want someone who doesn't want it and to flip them like you.

And yeah, I was just going to say, and she's, you're going, we're going on two of two now.

I'm two for two.

People should hire you.

Should I be a cat matchmaker?

I mean,

it's kind of crazy how you have gotten into the minds of many young girls.

So Grace then calls me again and she's like, I've been doing my research.

I've been talking to everyone and she's like, I 100% want this cat.

So this was just accidental reverse psychology, but I had to bring the cats back this morning to get spayed, which means they have to cut their little bellies to spay them.

It's so sad.

But I get a call from Des.

He goes, we have a problem with boots.

And I'm like, what's going on?

He goes, she's too skinny.

She has to be two and a half pounds before they cut her open.

So we have to take her back.

So I call Grace.

I'm like, Grace, I'm so sorry.

You can't adopt this cat tomorrow.

I need to fatten her up for another week.

And Grace is like, are you kidding me?

Like, I want the cat now.

And I said, look how the turntables have turned.

She's like, no, I need this cat right now.

And I go.

And that's what ultimately happens.

Once you've made up your mind, you need this cat.

You're like, well, why isn't there a cat in my lap?

No, she literally is like, if I don't have a cat right in my lap in three minutes, I'm going to lose my mind.

Yeah.

But Grace, everyone tells Grace, congratulations on her pregnancy.

She's having a baby.

And her name is Boots.

Wait, is she keeping that name?

She loves the name Boots.

Wayna,

I'm obsessed.

She loves she, because I said, you call her whatever you want.

She's your child.

Like, you birthed her.

And so, yeah, in about a week, Grace will take her home.

She's already like done a whole Amazon list.

We'll add it to the newsletter of all the stuff for the cat.

Wait, I actually just bought a cat thing on Amazon this week because I realized I'm traveling all these places and I'm putting Daphne's food in like a little plastic bag like a

trash and so I got her like this little case to travel with her food

I was like oh my god Daphne I'm so sorry what kind of water does she drink

purified Evian

just from the tap

The cat's like lukewarm.

She likes it lukewarm.

It's funny how cats are so specific too.

One last thing about cats.

I'm sorry if anyone's like, I don't like cats.

Well, I have one last thing to say, which one I said to Grace.

Life is good, but it's just better with a cat.

Totally.

So it's like, if you're happy in life, that's great.

Imagine being happier.

No.

There's nothing really else you can say.

Like, that is so spot on.

Like, it's so much better.

Like, you might have had a good day and you're like excited to go home and get on the couch.

Imagine if there's just like a floof waiting for you to also get on the couch and she's not annoying she's not annoying and she lives her own life she lives her own life and her name is booth and she's right here

i'm so excited for grace so we're really excited for grace who's my next victim i have to like search maybe chris does chris have a cat no honestly i feel like you're like running out of people you've infiltrated so much i only have so many friends it takes me a little bit of time to introduce something into my routine, but something that I got the hang of really quickly was Symbiotica liposomal vitamin C.

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Also, kind of nostalgic, I just want to bring awareness to, people don't talk enough about

the Powerpuff Girls.

What specifically?

Did you watch it?

I didn't.

Can I tell you something?

Cartoon Network?

Not for me.

I'm going to say Cartoon Network is so Hannah-coated.

Yeah, it's not page-coded.

Ed, Ed, and Eddie, you would never watch

it.

Love that silly shit.

But Powerbuff Girls...

Oh, like Dexter.

Do you remember Dexter?

Can I tell you something that's so me-coded?

Yeah.

Any TV shows where they're like yelling?

I've seen what I needed to see.

I would be like, stop.

Like, I really didn't like that.

Like, I liked,

again, as I am as an adult where I like to watch pretty people on the TV.

I like them to be so fucking hot.

As a younger child, I like to watch things that were aesthetically pleasing to me.

So, like,

it's like, I can't believe I'm your favorite person.

I liked Mary Kate and Ashley because they have matching outfits.

I love Disney Channel.

I love

Disney Channel.

So, like, anytime someone would offer up the Cartoon Network, I immediately knew what kind of kid you were and I was disinterested.

I would be like, no.

This is the thing though with Powerpuff Girls, aesthetically, because one of them had black hair, one of them was blonde, one was redhead, and they all had different colors.

It was like so cute and they all were just like badass.

And like, I think it formed who I am as a woman, the Powerpuff Girls.

See, again, I didn't like action.

You go, why are they moving so much?

I go, take a nap.

Why don't you guys chill?

Like, you're getting out of your house and you're, like, running away from your parents and this is what you're going and doing?

Like, go to the mall.

Wait, that's Cartoon Network 2, the commercials were like, uh, you want this

boy!

Yogurt!

It's always a yogurt.

Like, why was there so much yogurt?

in those fucking squeeze tubes when we were little like Jesus Christ.

Like, it's just like

easy squeeze.

Wait, that is also something so

to note.

The commercials were even too much.

Like, I couldn't, I was like, no, get this station off.

Like, I liked, then I'd have to switch to like PBS and like watch like the wishbone or something.

I was like, that's so overstimulating.

I did like wishbone.

I loved wishbone.

I'm surprised it didn't make you smarter as a kid.

She goes, I just like the patterns of the game.

I just

watched it on the show.

You know, who I really feel like I grew up to be was DW from Arthur, is who I grew up to be.

Oh my god, I loved Arthur.

I loved Arthur.

Arthur was my favorite.

DW just like called it how she saw it.

She was assertive.

She was blunt.

She was to the point.

And she was a little bit mean.

Okay.

But people deserved it.

People deserved it.

Like, get out of DW's house.

Did you like Kim Possible?

I feel like I was a little bit too old for Kim Possible, but

I definitely watched it.

Like, Kim Possible and the Proud family were like the same time, and I was like, I feel like I was leaving, but I still watched it.

But I wasn't as involved as I could have been.

Yeah, like I thought Kim Possible was so cool with her cargo pants.

You kind of grew up to be Kim Possible.

It's the nicest thing you've ever seen.

You have red hair.

And I like little animals near me.

Yeah, like a naked mole rat.

Oh my god.

Oh my love it.

It's so cute.

I feel like the summer is like

to bring it full circle.

Are you talking to death right now?

I'm okay.

I feel like the summer

is always kind of like dead with like celebrity gossip because I genuinely feel like all of like the entertainment industry is like just like they're on vacation in the summer.

Yeah, like they're not, they're like, you can't find them, whatever.

So I feel like like the gossip is pretty chill.

One thing that people aren't talking about enough, I don't think, is the fact that Victoria Becca, my religion,

and her son are having like a huge feud.

Like, and I feel like we're not really diving into what's going on, but like they're not speaking.

And the younger sons keep posting these like cryptic things on Instagram.

Like people are picking up on it.

So it's like the brothers now aren't talking to him.

So like I need to know.

I need someone in there just to let me know what it overall is about.

Because now we're going on like two years of just fighting.

But what was the original fight is what I need to know.

Well, there was supposed to be a big fight with the wedding, but then they kind of like went past it.

But I feel like when people fight over like a wedding, then once the wedding is over, it's like, okay, there's got to be like a new fight because how are you even continuing it?

We got married reasons.

We're not going to be able to do it.

Also, if you didn't fight during a wedding, did you even have a wedding?

Like, that's just part of having a wedding.

This is why this makes me upset.

In this day and age, for your family to be your biggest ops

is so unsettling.

Like, that person in your home is the one that the press is about, and they're coming for you.

Like, it's not okay.

Also, that's not okay.

If I birthed you out of my pussy and ripped my butthole,

you're not talking bad about me in the press.

No.

You're not talking to people in the magazine about.

You're grounded.

You're grounded.

No.

Like, check your blind spot.

Go home.

Leave me alone.

I don't like the whole, like, oh, the wife and the daughter-in-laws having beat.

Like, I don't know.

Yeah.

That is so true.

Like, they're making it so about Victoria and Nicola.

Yeah.

And, but I really think it's more, it's deep.

It's that's your son.

Like, who cares about the new wife?

Like, why fight with her?

What is going on?

What are they fighting with the son about?

Is what I need to know.

To the point where the son is like, you know what?

I'm living my life with my wife, like by ourselves.

She also comes from like a really big family and like her siblings aren't going on the internet and being like, you know, saying like cryptic things.

No, it's kind of like when Megan Markle became famous and her dad was like talking shit.

Like it's crazy.

What do you think about people saying that Megan Markle stole Pamela Anderson's cooking show idea?

What was Pamela Anderson's cooking show idea?

You know how she has like Pamela Anderson has that like Hulu show where it's like

you like watch her garden.

Wait, how did I not know this?

And he put it on immediately.

Wait,

I feel like you have watched an episode before.

Maybe.

I love Pamela Anderson and everything she does.

Wait, why were people messaging me that Liam Neeson said he's a giggler?

Because he said, no, he just used the word giggle.

Okay, the gigglers are losing their minds.

Because I'm like, can someone send me a video?

Because I feel like that's not.

I think he said me and Pam love to giggle.

And they were like, clearly, clearly.

But

is that a code?

Is that a code?

It could be.

I mean, not us being best friends with Bobby Flee now.

We have to be careful what we manifest.

And we will be at Pam and Liam's Thanksgiving this year.

Look,

if you're on the food network or your name is Pamela Anderson, I want to be friends with you.

Here's another thing I will say.

I just feel like people always do whatever they can to pull like Megan Markle into it.

I'm like, why can't Megan have her own show and Pam have her own show?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure like

they're both ripping off Martha Stewart.

Totally.

Who just came out with a skincare line at the ripe age of like 84.

So

women just stay working.

Women stay working.

They stay winning.

Yeah, I'm like obsessed with Martha.

If you haven't watched her documentary, you have to watch it.

But also back to the Beckhams.

They had an amazing documentary.

Amazing.

Part of me with all this drama just makes it seem like easily if they had a reality TV show, it could be the next Kardashians, but I don't think that's what they want for

their life.

Even though at this point it is a reality TV show.

Here's the thing, though.

I feel like reality TV in general is kind of like switching into a different direction because, like,

it's not as raw and real as it used to be because there was no social media.

Now, there's social media.

I almost feel like reality TV should revert back to like being

not revert back because it never was, but reality TV moving forward, I want it to be boring.

Like, I want to watch,

I want to watch Liam and Pam just in the kitchen making Sunday morning pancakes.

I only need a 20-minute app.

You're so right.

You don't want it overproduced.

No, I don't want it.

And I don't want it overstimulating.

I want, like, I want vlogs on the TV.

I want to be able to go to Hulu and be like Pamela Anderson's vlogs and it be like different things she does throughout the day.

Put a TV in her, put a live camera in her living room, Big Brother at Pamela Anderson reading a magazine.

Imagine inviting people over to your home and you're setting the ambiance with Pamela Anderson reading a magazine.

I love it.

And not out loud.

Just I think that's a million-dollar idea.

I think that's great.

I think we're on to something.

This is how you know we're in our 30s.

We're like, let's have some calm stuff on the TV.

Like, literally, I was in the car the other day and I turned the radio down and I go, it's freaking loud.

I was like, oh my God, I'm going to blow my eardrums out.

Hello?

How could one even concentrate with such loud music?

This is why I love having an old husband.

Like the other day, I was like tapping my knee too much and he was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

And I'm like, I respect that.

We need peace and calmness.

And my anxious knee is ruining the mood.

You just reminded me of something.

I got a vibration plate.

So things are going well.

So

this is my thing.

Here's the thing.

I'm a marketer's dream.

Okay, look, if you're trying to sell to a demographic, sell it to me.

Cause I'm going to buy it.

Okay.

I'm going to test it out.

I'm going to try it.

This is my problem.

I don't know how to properly test anything out and I don't do anything like consistent enough or like

even with like my diet.

If someone's like, oh, do you want to see if you're allergic to dairy?

Just like cut out dairy.

No.

Like I'm not a science experiment.

I'm a human.

And I make mistakes.

And I don't know what a fucking carb is.

And I'm not Googling it.

And I don't know.

Our new tagline.

I'm not a science experiment.

I'm a human.

I'm a human.

Okay.

I'm a human with a thirst for knowledge that is unquenchable.

I'm not going to lie.

I've seen that vibration plate.

It looks like it feels good.

Like it looks like it would free me from like past traumas.

Okay, I'm going to be honest.

The first day I went on it, they said like do it like 10 minutes to the day.

First day I went on it, I uh I didn't stop shitting

for like two hours.

I mean that that thing loosened something up.

That's what happened to me with the trampoline.

I jumped twice.

I was like, gotta go there.

I was like, okay,

gotta, like, gotta get the hell out of here.

It's literally like when you play with a baby and like you feel like you shake them up too much and then they just puke and you're like, oh shit, sorry, I just shook a Diet Coke.

Wait, okay so it's a laxative

it's a laxative i don't know what it's just supposed to be good for like overall health i don't know i have all the gadgets here my favorite thing that we talked about this weekend was about adrenaline and how we talked about how if you really want to feel adrenaline

go through your man's phone There's no, I don't care if you're jumping out of a fucking plane, go through a man's phone and you will have diarrhea.

I told Hannah the story that I went through an ex-boyfriend's phone but every time I would go through his phone I'd have to do it in the bathroom on the toilet because I would shit myself because I would be so nervous

I was gonna get caught or that like also he had some shit on his phone no pun intended so like I needed time to sift through

It was Jerry.

Look, you were going to do it in the bathroom anyway, but it was convenient that it was there because your heart rate came up and your body thought you were getting chased by a lion and shed itself.

And, like, it took one time for me to not be near a bathroom to know that the next time I have to run to the bathroom.

Your body's like, I'm about to lose everything that's inside me right now because we need to run for our life.

I'm so nervous.

And also,

I'm never against going through a man's phone.

Like, I think that all women should legally be allowed to go through their man's phone.

But make sure you're near a bathroom because things get crazy.

Thank you, Duncan, for sponsoring this up.

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