Summer Break Giggles

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Sup, gigglers, Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my grenadine gigglers?

Quick update.

Paige is currently on a plane from Italy to America.

She's not happy about it.

She's not in a good mood.

So I'm just doing the introduction.

We actually are not supposed to have an episode today.

Like court ordered.

We were told we have to take a week off.

But we were like, okay, well, we have to post an episode.

So I talked to Grace.

And we decided to put together all of our best moments from the last couple years.

But also, bonus at the end, we have a blooper video out on YouTube right now of all this footage from Hannah and Paige trying new things that I guess we didn't know where to put.

So I told her to pull the audio version and put it at the end.

You should watch it too.

It came out last night.

And then the final episode of our Radio City episode is out next week.

Look at all this housekeeping.

Like, honestly, the admin is exhausting me.

I need to take a nap after this intro.

So we love and enjoy this fun, light-hearted, best moment episode.

Look at me.

I'll do the intro for 30 minutes and it'll just be an episode, but I'll shut up now.

Enjoy.

I've never had a guy try to like really choke me.

Interesting.

Because I don't give off that energy.

And you talk a lot.

You would think they're like, I'm finally in here.

Shut the fuck up.

The only time I shut up is when butter falls asleep by my mouth.

They have an eye twitch, which means a man is about to die.

Oh no, it's that time of year.

I have to sacrifice a man.

No, truly, I've had this eye twitch for like four days because you also

everyone's like staring at it.

I don't even think that everyone's staring at it.

I'm just like, what?

Is it your bigger eye or your smaller eye?

It's your bigger eye.

Why did I even ask?

It's a real fucked up question.

I don't know.

Check your cornea.

No, it's just like I think stressed.

Back to me.

Guys who are like too good at sex kind of gives me an ick.

I'm like, what is this performance?

No.

Lay down, act like you're tired.

Make me make you want to do this.

Like I don't want you to be like, welcome to the show.

Right.

If you're like, oh my God, your mind's going to be blown.

Like gross.

If you find the clit too fast, one, someone cooked here.

Yeah.

Two, it took me 18 years to find my own clit.

Yeah, what have you been doing in your downtime when he like undoes the bra too fast, and you're like, oh, okay, you have chlamydia, yeah,

like you just know you're like two fingers, just two fingers, and you're like, no, like at least pretend you're even if he if he takes too long, then you start getting sad.

Oh man, because you're like, if you can't even unbutton this, you're not going to be fine.

You're like, we'll be great friends, we'll go shopping together.

Men try to get women to stop gossiping back in the day because it was sharing information so they would know what's going on.

Yeah.

So gossiping is how we take down the patriarchy.

No, I'll stand by gossiping until the day that I die.

As long as it's honest and pure.

And truthful.

And she is a fucking bitch.

That can be a fact.

It's also really good for our brain because we hear something, we have to remember it.

And then, you know, so really we're just, we're fighting dementia each day.

What else do you want?

When you live life, you're supposed to have something happen to you.

And then the fun of it is telling your friends.

Tell your friends and reflexion and be like, what just happened to me?

Am I insane?

No, we're storytellers.

Sorry for entertaining.

I feel like I can't go to a basketball game without spending at least one whole period of it being like, and then they make this into an ice skating ring.

You know, like every time it blows to my mind.

I'm like, and then they can do concerts here too.

Isn't that crazy?

I'll never get over it.

I'm like, but where is the ice?

Right now, where's the ice?

Right now, is it melted?

You know, like, I'm always asking these questions.

I don't want to know logistics, like, I don't want to know how the sausage is made.

I want it to be magical while it's like, is it underneath the board?

Where is it at this exact moment?

Where are you hiding the hockey players?

Where are they sleeping?

Where are the Rangers team?

Do they sleep here?

I realize that all southern men are named after labradoodles.

Yes.

Chester,

Watt,

literally, dog names.

At least like a conclusion.

Like Maverick and Jet.

Sawyer, Mason, Duke.

Those are names of

Brottweilers.

It's either like they sound like dogs or like really old presidents.

Yeah, or if you take two of them together and you put a plus in between, it becomes just like a farm-to-table restaurant.

Dalton Sawyer?

It's booked for a year.

You can't get in there.

You have to know the chef to get into Dalton Sawyer.

Duke and Carter, are you even allowed to go to school?

What's the worst thing that you hear in bed?

Or like, what would make you cringe?

Mine was very simple, and it's the word what.

Have you ever said something like during sex and they didn't hear you?

And then like they say what and you're like, you're like, am I going to say it again?

Or like, now is it weird?

How long is the sentence that he wants you to repeat?

Also, did you say like a whole bar?

of people?

Because sometimes, like, your heads are like different ways, so it is hard to hear.

He said what is that okay?

At least pretend you know, just go with it.

Just go with it.

Because whatever I said, I'm telling you, wasn't important.

Not important.

And if I said anything, I didn't even want to say it in the first place.

I was trying to shut up and go on voice rest for like two days.

No, you've sent me more voice notes than you ever have in your entire life.

Wait, was that true?

I thought you were just saying that as like a bit.

Were you legitimately trying to be on voice rest?

No, it's my new thing.

Just tell people you're on voice rest if you don't want to talk to them.

I legit, I was like, oh, she must have something like really intense.

I told four people I was on voice rest.

In context, this is how Hannah told me: hey, do you want to come to my house this weekend?

I promise I won't even talk to you.

You can literally sleep in another room.

I'm on voice rest anyway, so I won't even talk.

I'm like, that would last seven seconds.

Seven seconds.

If you don't want to talk to someone, just say I'm on voice rest.

Or if you want to really lean into the character, put it on your nose staff and just raise it.

When they ask for what, what's your response?

You're just like, not at this time.

Well, it's easier for me because they know I'm a Paforma.

Yeah, so like

I believed you anyone could go on voice rest.

Like

if you have meetings,

imagine you're in the middle and didn't like the newsletter one week and was like, sorry, I'm on voice rest.

I can't write his ass like voice rest.

No, singers get like really serious about it.

And, you know, I am.

Everyone lost the virginity half at first, right?

Yeah.

I think if you go full on the beginning, you're not okay.

You should call your mom.

Make sure she gets a virgin.

Make sure you call some more.

No, I feel like every girl is like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Maybe next weekend.

Like, I'm just like, I feel like it kind of hurts.

And, like, maybe next weekend.

I feel like I used to do that all the time.

I still do that.

I still do that.

Yeah.

Like, actually, no.

Did I ever tell you what my nickname was?

Like, high school into college?

No.

Quadzilla.

Which I'd quite literally

dig my own grave.

That's why I'm funny.

Literally, like, hot guys would be like, sup, Quadzilla.

I couldn't tell if, like, they thought my legs were, like, cute or not.

I don't.

Men look at me like a horse.

They, like, check my teeth.

They're like, why are men always trying to, like, treat you like they're breeding?

Yeah, and they're like, what's your vert?

What?

They're like, do you want to race?

Division one babies were like a topic.

Okay.

And then they'd see me.

Yeah.

And they'd just smell a Nike sponsorship for their child, like immediately.

Like, yeah, you could go with the sorority girl.

You can't fucking walk in a straight line.

Or I could fucking throw a football 100 yards.

Do you want your child to dunk?

Right.

With these calves.

No one's ever come up to me and said, like, hey, our kids might be athletic.

If anything, they're like, I think you'll have a gay son.

A gay son, who let's just say, could palm a basketball with your fingers.

I'm going to talk about my unborn gay son because he's fabulous.

When someone says, Paige, you have to look your best at this day, she has a routine.

All I did was get facials and massages in LA.

And I started to get kind of paranoid that I was

in a panic.

So I started to get a little bit more.

Oh, then Lenore got involved.

Lenore got involved, and Lenore was like, Whatever Paige is doing, do what Paige does.

So I'd go online and I'm clicking every lymphatic drainage place near me.

Find just a woman in an apartment.

Awesome.

And I was like, The price is right.

Safe.

She does face and body.

I said, We're doing it.

So I just went to a random apartment building somewhere in LA.

What is wrong with you?

You know that it's sketchy when the first thing they ask you when you walk in is, how'd you find me?

She literally was like, how did you?

How did this come across your desk?

And then she was like, your name's Vanessa, right?

And I was like, nope.

And I was like, it's okay.

It's fine.

It was amazing.

I don't think it was lymphatic, though.

I think she gave me a fallen abortion.

I don't know what.

Why are TVs so complicated?

No.

Why do you need need seven remotes

to turn on a TV?

You can't go to someone else's house and just turn the TV.

Is it not insane that if it's not your own TV, you don't know how to work it?

Have you ever been to a boy's house when there's also like a rogue Xbox controller?

And they're like, use this.

I'm like, why?

Or they're like, oh my God.

Okay.

I'm like, how do I use that?

If he uses an Xbox controller to turn on his TV, you will get chlamydia.

Yeah, 100%.

You will get chlamydia.

He's texting multiple other people.

And he won't go down on you.

If he says, here, just turn it on with the Xbox controller grab your things and get out what's your headphone of choice so i collect delta headphones so i have like hundreds no of delta headphones no no no no no like hundreds

when you get on a plane yes you put the delta headphones in your ears and you connect it to what the tv and if there's no tv we're sleeping no headphones in no there's technology now that like you never have to hear the sound of an airplane ever again like when i fall asleep i'm not listening to i need noise to quiet my own thoughts.

I don't want to be sitting in silence.

That's the scariest thing you've ever said to me.

So you get on a plane most of the time.

Raw dog.

Raw dog.

Wait for her or he to walk around and say, does anyone need headphones?

Does anyone need headphones?

And I always go, yep.

And then I say thank you.

Because regardless, I like free shit.

If it's, I'm going to take it.

I'm going to take it.

I will put the amount of Delta headphones I have in my bag is crazy.

This is a wild revelation.

And then I love a fresh new pair.

You pull it out.

Every time she walks by and says headphones, headphones, in my head, I always think, who the fuck is getting on the plane without headphones?

People are like, I love throwing dinner parties.

What is that life?

Like that you A, love to socialize.

You're like, you know what would make my life better if I had to cook, decorate, invite people over, and then clean after?

That's my nightmare.

Having people over to my own home to socialize.

It's dirty.

Get out.

It's get out.

Like, what if I hit a moment where I was like, mmm, and I want everyone to leave?

Do you remember right now?

I watch HGTV right now.

It's like a weird phase I'm going through, but I'm obsessed with it.

And they'll be like, what kind of house are you looking for?

And they're like, we love to entertain.

And I'm always like.

I was trying to explain to Allie, who's a lesbian, our relationship.

We left the house and she's like, she's your partner.

Yeah, no, we're partner.

Because she was like, no, we're more than friends.

Like, like, okay, like, if we were to be with another friend duo, I'd be like, cute.

That's adorable.

We would leave and be like, they think they're fun.

That's so sweet of you guys to like be friends.

But but like, we're life

partners.

Well, Allie was like, I love to hang out with you guys because I love being like a third wheel.

And I'm like, what do you mean?

She's like, I love hanging out with couples.

And I'm like, what do you mean?

And she's like, you guys will talk with your eyes all the time.

If you're going to gossip with one of us, you're gossiping with both of us, but it's a safe space.

Yes.

Like we share the same ideas.

She was like, you have a full partner.

And I was like, I know.

And I was like, I am the man one.

Do pregnant women shave their vaginas?

I'm talking like when they're about to give birth.

I think some of them, I think

I'm spitting like out of my

idea.

I think if you have like a midwife and stuff, they will like trim it for you.

I think nurses will trim it for you because it's uncomfortable.

I would feel like it's uncomfortable.

But also, you're not going in there being like, oh, I'm going to make sure she's shining.

I think it was just a thought that I was just like, I need to know this.

I think like you don't want a full bush just to keep it like cleaner.

i have no clue i just feel like a it would get in the way i hate sleeping in bed with men i don't know what it is because like i can fall asleep on the couch with them but once it comes to like getting in the bed and like falling asleep i'm like

No, I have to be alone.

Like I have to hang out with myself more.

It doesn't make sense.

Like we all have roommates, right?

And then you get to the point where you try to not have a roommate, but then when you meet a guy, now you're forced to have a roommate.

Right.

But this roommate literally takes up half the bed and is hot and is breathing in your fucking.

yeah i'm like and now i can't watch a tv show and like also have my phone on when it's like 3 a.m because you have to sleep so i understand intimacy sometimes i understand quality time yeah when you're both asleep like is that really intimacy i need my own bedroom sleeping in separate beds i honestly think is great i need my own bedroom and i'm so down to start the night with you and then like start the morning with you but what i do in the in-between is like none of your business you're starting a business you're running numbers.

You're looking up past exes, exes, exes, girlfriends.

You have stuff to do during the night.

I saw a TikTok that was like, I still stalk my ex's ex, even though we broke up, but she's part of my routine.

Wait, your comfort stock.

Your comfort stock.

Your comfort stock, where like when you watch them, it kind of makes your day.

Yeah.

I want a man who's more involved in like the cooking and the cleaning.

I do realize I just want a housekeeper.

I just realized I just want an assistant.

Some of these girls who have done it right, they marry chefs.

I just want someone who's like, I'll make school lunches.

I do have to say, I've dated guys in the past who have cooked and it's been so hot and so fun.

You have to trick them to be like, oh my God, I love that salmon you made.

Yeah.

And then they like get passionate about it and then it gets part of their ego and then they're like obsessed with it.

That's what it is.

Make it a part of their ego.

Yes.

Chris is smiling.

Right?

and the second you make it and i go oh my god baby i love my barbecue chicken

i go my ex used to make it disgusting disgusting and honestly he had a weak wrist make them feel like hunters you know someone said you know when you're a kid and you'd have to sharpen your pencil yeah so you'd get up to the garbage and you'd just like sharpen it and it feels kind of nice and you'd also get to like

that's a version of a cigarette break yeah as a kid i was the queen of taking a break the pencil sharpener wasn't enough for me i was like ooh, still too stimulating.

You guys are all here.

I was at the nurse's office.

The nurse knew me.

Okay.

I'd walk into the nurse's office and she'd say, what is it today, Paige?

I'd say, well, I don't know.

We walk into the nursery.

I have a slight tingle in my throat.

Better call my mommy.

You know, I feel like my past life with my children died of cholera is coming forward today.

No, I'd literally go to the nurse's office and the nurse would say, why don't we just call your mom, talk to her for a few minutes and see how you feel?

And I'd be like, that sounds nice.

I needed like a midday pep talk, okay?

It's hard out here.

So real.

So real.

Let kids call their mom during school.

What was the harm in it?

Would you be like a jail where they have a row of telephones where you go, you're getting a call from PS321 during the middle of the day?

Mom, I can't do it anymore in this place.

It's a prison.

I showed up with a tie.

And I think I went a little too business formal, like 80s businessman, like coffee's for closes.

But I do have to say.

See, I feel like you're giving news reporter like high school sports news reporters.

Like assistant phone

dynamite.

Like, you know?

Brandon is killing it today.

I wish I had a son.

I realize having a tie, I know how it feels like to be a man.

It's like assertiveness.

Well, it feels like I have a dick.

Yes.

Like, I feel like

I was putting on my coat and I'm like, oh, I've got to put my tie in.

And, like, I don't want to be flinging it around.

I have to keep it.

And sorry, I have things to report to.

I know how it feels like to wear a dick because suddenly everything I say.

You're like, you're all this overexplaining everything.

You're like, Paige, I don't know if you know the word finance, but let me tell you about it.

I'm just like an alpha man.

And I'm like, are you going to talk to me while I have my fucking tie on like that?

Do you not see my fucking tie?

I just like the tie.

And then you used to want to like flip it around, hit people with it.

You'd thank God I don't have a dick.

Top Top 15 most attractive hobbies for men to do.

I would love to see this list.

Because hobbies in general.

Get a second job.

Playing an instrument.

Is there any instrument the guy plays that you'd be like, that's kind of hot?

The recorder.

Actually, the fingers would be kind of hot.

I'm like, oh, he's fast.

No.

This I can agree with, cooking.

Yeah.

But I don't want them to talk about that they do it.

I just want them to do it.

Woodworking?

No.

No.

Let the Amish have one thing.

And if you are a woodworker, you're a Nepo baby.

If you give me a birdhouse, I'll throw it in the dirt.

Painting?

No.

No.

Painting is for me and my iPad.

Swimming, I like it because it tires them out.

Yeah, I'm not mad at that.

Archery?

Was this medieval times?

I'm actually not mad about it.

Old money?

It is giving a little money.

It's giving old money.

You have to have like a lawn.

It's giving like quail hunting.

Finally, traveling.

That's not a hobby.

That's not a hobby.

That's not a hobby.

Get jobs.

Get a job.

Figure it out.

It's summertime and we have a lot of big moments coming up.

Weddings, vacations, endless photos.

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This is the story of how I survived a six-hour airport delay.

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I was so deep into it, and right at the wait, what just happened moment, they finally called my flight.

So now, whether I'm delayed 10,000 feet in the air or stuck at the DMV, I'm never bored.

With a whole library in my pocket, free ebooks library, it's on Prime.

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I use Uber Eats for everything.

And of course, I'm ordering food all the time, but I don't just order food on Uber Eats.

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I order from the pharmacy.

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I'm 32 years old, but like I was home.

So, like, when I step into Albany and I step onto my parents' street, I'm 16.

100%.

I have to ask to leave the house.

Like I could never just leave my house.

Like that would be

insane.

Ask when they want you home.

So it's like Friday.

Sneak in a weed pen.

10 o'clock.

And I'm like, it burns a little.

And my mom can hear me.

And here's the other thing.

I'm in the bathroom in my room for like a while.

Yeah.

But my bathroom is above her bedroom.

So she knows when I'm in the bathroom.

She knows when you have a tummy ache.

I hear coming up the stairs.

What's going on?

Are you okay?

And like, I immediately turn 16.

I'm like,

I mean, I actually might have a UTI, but I promise I actually didn't even have sex.

And she just looks at me and she goes, okay.

She was like, well, you don't always have to have sex to get a UTI, you whore.

I was like, yeah,

I just was getting blow jobs.

I wasn't letting him go in.

I just sit on it.

I'm like racking my because I'm like, how did I get one without having sex?

You sat on an MSG chair with like mostly men in that stadium.

I don't know.

And then I was like, well, did I use a new soap?

Like, have I?

And I was like, you know what?

I think my immune system's just down.

Like, I'm coming up with like all these things.

I found myself on Amish TikTok.

I'm surprised the Amish don't do more Amish retreats.

Imagine that's the next brand trip.

Giggly times, Amish.

Grab your bonnets, ladies.

All the big influencers, like rolling out dough.

Hey, what's the coupon code for this dough?

But I think they...

You know, where'd you get the churn?

You know what we need.

The real

housewives of Amish.

Well, I'll go to Pennsylvania right now.

Where the fuck is it?

I want to know the gossip, too.

Like, you're like, did you, did you?

Did you try Becky's butter?

It was so bad.

Becky can't churn butter to save her fucking life.

No, her churning technique is so

embarrassing.

It's so choogy.

She's been making those same cookies every year.

Like, think of something else.

Also, like, she's been doing braids for, like, so long.

Like, we're done with the braids, Becky.

They're like, oh, my God, did you hear which hymn Becky picked out today?

Like, that's so last year.

Becky, like, says she believes in God.

She likes top 40.

She's so big.

I just tried eyeliner the other day.

So, like, I don't know.

No, literally.

But, like, are you.

How much people end formal education at the eighth grade?

I love it.

I'm going.

So did you.

Yeah.

Most successful people are unmarried women.

No, there's a legitimate statistic that when men and women get married,

the men's

quality of life goes significantly up and ours goes significantly down.

Like, and that's just science because, yeah, they are now moving into a home where like everything's clean, everything's aesthetic.

Like there's a refrigerator with like more than just ketchup.

And so like their minds are blown.

Where like we get in that situation and we're like,

towels don't go over the door.

I do have to say because I can't be fake maybe it's like my form of feminism I've decided that I'm gonna take on the male qualities of like I don't cook I put the towel on the door I take my clothes towel on the door I mean, it's lucky if it gets to the door.

It's on the floor.

I take my clothes off wherever I'm standing and I leave it.

I eat food and I leave it.

It's like this

empowering thing that I do where it's like, it's not my job.

No.

Because guess what?

Mama's working.

I feel like men after a breakup will just go with the next girl because they don't want to process the emotions and they need a girl to make them feel good.

Where when a girl's in a breakup, she's like,

I'm getting new hair.

Yep.

Whole new personality.

New gym.

New wardrobe.

Going to an Ivy League school to get a new degree.

Might even move.

And I really do believe you always level up after these traumas.

100%.

That's why I'm so pro-failing.

Like, failing makes you so much stronger.

Natalie, Nick Vial's wife.

Yes.

She said something and she was like, oh, yeah.

And then I flushed my tampon.

And the girls were like, what?

Wait.

Yeah, I'm flushing the tampon.

No one's ever told me.

No.

You've been exploding pipes nationwide.

I didn't know.

I thought the signs at different restaurants and places, like, don't use feminine products.

I was like, oh, they have bad plumbing.

Like, I just thought

they knew their plumbing was weaker.

No, see, my mom, like, terrified me where she was like, if you put this in the toilet, the whole house will implode.

No, I feel like no one ever told me.

No, my mom was like, everyone will die.

No, like, I'm not worried about it for a fucking second.

Literally, I've gone this long, nothing's happened.

I've never heard of a toilet blowing up.

I've never heard of them shutting down because feminine products, I think we're fine.

I think it's something that the men gaslit us about.

I think they're like, we don't want it near us.

You know what I think it is?

You know, when you have your period, you go through like a hundred rolls of toilet paper.

I think it's a toilet paper business who's like, roll up the toilet and put it in the garbage.

Why has the standard for a wife stayed the same, yet the standard for a husband has gone down?

She was like, my grandpa built my grandmother's house.

Like, okay.

Now, like, any man, he's like, cool, I'll call a task grabbing it.

My final thought is, like, men literally used to go to war.

Like, they would, like,

is it even a final thought if you don't adjust your glasses, you know?

Also, this whole time.

This whole time I can't see.

Like, I can't see.

I've been fighting for my life with these fake glasses because I like the aesthetic, but like, I feel blind.

I can't hear.

I can't talk.

I feel I have nothing nothing left.

Men used to go to war.

Men used to like have their arm blown off and still run and like do what they had to do.

Nowadays, a man's going down on you and sees you're spotting slightly on your period and he's like, I can't do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Men used to go to war and you can't go down on me when I'm on my period.

Grow up.

I miss Giggly Squad.

Like I feel like something will happen on a Thursday.

And I'm like, am I really going to wait till Monday?

And you just say Thursday or start itching?

I start itching.

And then I like want to tell you things and I'm like, hold it, hold it.

That's why Saturday I was like, we got to move the pot up because Sunday, I got shit to say.

How about I texted you at like 8 a.m.

on a Saturday morning this weekend?

I was like, and I just feel like

overwhelmed.

No, well, you get morning anxiety.

I get morning anxiety.

That disappears by 1 p.m.

So I'm out here all day.

I'm like, I'm calling Des.

I'm like, I don't, like, I think Paige is having a bad day.

Like, what should I tell her?

Radio silence from her.

I was like, call me whenever you need.

I'm here.

I go, she must be in an escape room right now.

She must be, have checked into a mental health rehab facility, and that's why she hasn't called me.

Text you around 8.30, just like, how y'all doing?

You go, oh my God, LOL.

I was so dramatic.

I go, I've been freaking out.

Oh, my God.

That was this morning.

Literally so dramatic.

I'm over it.

Non-conventionally hot men.

They're calling it rodent boyfriend summer.

I'm just kind of sick of like when men are ugly, them getting rebranded into a trend.

No, no, I can't.

why can't we do that for girls why can't be like long long torso

pinkle cuties

double chin divas

it's never greasy hair girl summer it's never like slightly depressed possibly anxiety sweaty dehydrated girl sexy summer never we grew up with like dad bods being cool, which is basically like, hey, all the lazy guys who drink too much beer are hot.

The PR on the men's side is so good, which is crazy because PR I thought was a woman-run business.

They're coming for hot girl summer.

Like, all of a sudden, it's a hot rodent boyfriend summer.

No, I was with them.

Summer was our thing.

But also, I think we're in on it.

We have internalized misogyny.

Like, last episode.

No, I literally did.

Last episode, we thought Dr.

Pepper was a man.

We assumed.

And we apologized.

I blamed my period instead of blaming my boyfriend this week.

But I think what the truth is, is that most women actually don't care what men look like.

We just want them to be nice.

Yeah.

You said the reason you decided to get a cat finally was because do you want to tell them

like filling out all these poking questionnaires that like Hannah's making me fill out?

And I free, I'm starting to freak out like when I'm about to press send for the email because I'm like, they're going to email back immediately and like give me a cat.

And then all of a sudden I'm locked into this fucking cat.

And I was like, I can't do it.

And then I had a thought and I was like, no, Hannah's literally my most incapable friend.

And she's had a cat for eight years.

Like, I'm like, I've been to Hannah's apartment.

I'm fine.

Calling me incapable is so on the nose.

I'm the kind of friend that, like, you're nervous for an event, you call me.

You're feeling down on yourself, you call me.

If you're going to the airport and you forgot your passport, you're not calling me.

You're not calling me.

In a bitch, you have to be somewhere in five minutes and like bring a document.

No.

I'll get the wrong thing.

I don't know how to drive, but it's so true.

That's a major thing.

You don't know how to drive.

That's huge.

Honestly, if someone's like, hide the body, I don't think you ask me.

I think I have too big of a mouth.

I also don't know how to hide a fucking body.

Honestly, the admin of hiding a body.

No, I would never ask you.

I'd be like, wait, where should we dig?

Like, I feel like.

I would, I'd voice note you.

Like, we have to cut it ew.

Whilst, because I'd be like, you're never understood.

You go, hey, can you help me hide the body?

I go, I'm a voice res.

My favorite is when the gigglers come up to me with two of them and one of them goes, She's my Hannah.

And then there's some girl comes up, like, Hey,

and I'm like, Me and you, girl.

She like walks out in the bathroom.

And it's always perfect.

I'm like, This is perfect.

Whoever has a slick back button, I'm like, Girl Paige.

And they're wearing bows.

Like, it's actually like, no, there you can spot them in a second.

In a second.

Did you also see the Travis Barker drumming during Courtney's birthing?

No.

He he's has two of his little sticks that he drums with and he's drumming to the baby's heartbeat.

And it's like, I mean, he's going.

He's going for like a full, I mean, I think he goes for like a full 10 minutes, 10, 15

beeps in the background, like beep.

Nope, it's just, you can just hear him like drumming and every comment was like, divorce, divorce.

My husband tried to talk to me when I was giving birth and I told him to get the fuck out.

I would be like, I feel like you're making this pregnancy about you right now.

I would.

That's like him picking up the guitar after having sex to a whole nother level.

I would be like, hey, do me a favor.

Take those sticks, bend over, and jam them right up your fucking ass.

Are you kidding?

The day I give birth?

Scram.

You know, I was about to say, literally.

It's like, what about orgasm?

Don't look at me.

Something weird is going to happen.

Why are you here?

What are you, what are you going to offer to the situation?

I think actually the women that want their husbands in the room when they give birth, that's we, I think you're weird.

Thing is, part of me wants to laugh.

Part of me wants him there to like make him feel bad, to be like, you fucking did this.

And I'm going to use this against you for the rest of our relationships.

I'll never endure this.

Yeah, like, so then like one day I'll be like, hey, can you hand me the remote?

And he'll be like, you're right there.

I'm going to be like, I fucking tore my pussy hole into my butthole and you saw it right.

Remember when they took my organs out and they put it on that silver plate?

I'm a big screenshot girly right now.

What's the percentage that you're ever going back and looking at the screenshots?

Zero.

Yeah.

What mental illness am I suffering from that I continually keep screenshotting things that I know I will never, never see again, but I feel good.

What do you screenshot?

You know what?

I'll show you my screenshots.

Okay.

I screenshot a vintage store that I want to go to in France one day.

I screenshotted Rome and Michelle's high school reunion because I've never watched it and I want to watch it once.

I screenshotted this girl's outfit, but a photographer was walking in front, so I missed the outfit.

Four ingredient banana bark that I'm never gonna make.

I never gonna make.

A tweet that says, What if if birds don't even need to spit food into each other's mouths?

They just like it.

No, my screen shared's a wild place.

Everyone knows football is gay.

After the game, what do they do together?

Shower.

I've heard multiple men football players are not saying it's team bonding.

I'm sorry.

I've never team bonded with a friend naked.

The closest me and you have been to being naked in the same room together is when I'm pooping and you happen to be trying to do your makeup in the same room.

Yeah, and it's against my will.

I know for a fact I was in there first.

I know for a fact.

And then you had a chimichanga.

Okay.

So let's not even act like it was just us bonding.

It was you having a serious problem.

It was also clear an emergency.

It's medical.

That's just medical.

I'm your emergency contact.

I was offered MDMA.

Yeah.

Do I feel cool about it?

Yeah.

Wait.

Hannah calls me after she goes to this party and she would not stop saying MDMA.

And after the fifth time, I was like, it's Molly.

Stop saying MDMA.

I'm going to have a freak out.

I go, since when is MDMA Molly, you woman in the world?

Like, since forever.

I wasn't going to say yes, but I pretended I was considering it.

Like I'm like, you know, I normally would.

Because like one day, but it's Saturday night and I can't.

It literally was like totally a time where you couldn't do it.

If there was ever a time, it was in that moment.

And then people were like, we're micro-dosing.

And I'm like, okay, like, regardless of what dose, I would ruin the party.

I would never work in this town again.

I actually feel like you wouldn't micro-dose because you're an all-or-nothing girl.

You know, so you're like, if I'm going to do it, let's become drug activists.

Well, that's why weed fucks me up because everyone's like, just take a little hit.

And I take a little hit, don't feel anything.

Take the biggest hit I've ever taken in my life, can't breathe for

an hour.

And then

you find yourself on the bathroom floor and you're like, I think I'm having a panic attack.

Exactly.

Just like staring at my fingernails for way too long.

Once you give birth and you are in the state that you are in, like this baby's just come out of you, your stomach's still huge.

I can imagine that in that moment, you know if you married the right person or not.

Mic drop.

But I wonder how many people had the thought before they got married of like, I don't know if this is the right guy.

And then right when they had a baby, it was like, this is definitely not the right guy.

It's literally post-baby clarity.

Yeah.

Because you get post-baby clarity.

You're at like your most vulnerable form of like, my body just went through trauma.

Yep.

I need someone to love me for me because I don't look the way I know myself to look.

Take care of me.

And no, well, that's why I think when people say, oh, we were struggling, so we want to have a baby to bond us closer.

It apparently like makes it worse.

But if your relationship's strong, it makes it stronger.

But babies will expose the fuck out of it.

So I found a photo of Paige dressed up.

Like.

when you picture a boy mom like picking her son up from practice.

And like her son's name is like Tanner, Tucker,

something crazy.

Xylophones.

You have like flannel on and you have your knee-high boots and like you have your Starbucks order that was so complicated and unnecessary.

And like the weather isn't conducive for a beanie, but she's wearing a beanie.

It's part of your look because it is falling.

It's part of her allure.

Yes.

And like she just gives that like her oldest, Trenton, she loves him the most and like, everyone knows she loves him the most.

And she, like, writes him notes in his lunchbox that, like,

nobody's gonna ever love you the way mommy loves you.

Like, his little girlfriend, she like refers to her as little girlfriend, you know?

And she also, like, wants to fuck him.

Speaking of bad habits, I hung out with a straight man accidentally.

Where?

Work stuff.

Okay.

They do this thing where, like, when they try to connect with you, they keep showing you YouTube videos.

And it made me feel like an outdoor cat who brings you a dead pigeon and you go, ooh, and then you go, oh, wait, that's their love language.

Oh, they're trying to get a bunch of things.

They're trying to get the thing.

That's them showing affection.

Because he showed me one video.

And you know, like, you get the point after, like, and it, like, I'm like, oh my god, that's so funny.

I was out there for like two minutes watching it.

And, like, oh, you watched the full.

Yeah, and then you're like, I was like, okay, that was a one-off.

He really is passionate about this video.

And like, 10 seconds later, he's like, oh, watch this.

And I was like, oh, this is.

This is a thing.

This is a thing in the community.

Chris, is this what you guys do?

Yeah, I call it YouTube waterboarding.

Wait.

YouTube waterboarding?

What are, like, men,

um,

that was the question.

What are, what are men?

What are men?

Do you guys waterboard each other?

Yeah.

You guys.

Do you ever say, bro, I don't want to watch this?

Yeah, that's why I started calling it waterboarding because

all men do is hang out and go, bro, watch this.

That'll be fun.

There's something also about when I'm watching, someone's watching me watch a video, I can't enjoy the video.

Me neither.

Camilla Cabello, go to her Instagram.

Okay.

Tell me, this is not an exact replica of if you and I had a baby.

Wait, it is.

Why did we birth Camilla Cabello?

And, like, obviously, she'd be a phenomenal singer.

She gets that from you.

You know,

she loves a mini skirt.

She gets that from me.

She loves wearing it with a tie.

She gets that from you.

Also petite, but big butt.

She's tiny, but she's quirky.

Pulls up a bang, but is also outgoing.

Yeah.

Is also outgoing.

Kind to strangers,

but also looks like she's an introvert-extrovert.

Yeah.

Wait, that's a good idea.

I just feel like she's our love child.

I see that.

I'm obsessed with Rocket Money because I sign up for so many like subscriptions and I forget about it.

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I use Uber Eats for everything, and of course I'm ordering food all the time, but I don't just order food on Uber Eats.

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I order from the pharmacy.

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I order alcohol.

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I got a lot of backlash on my Instagram last night because I said I want you to shave your head like I'm a stone.

Girls were not happy.

They said, first of all, I think you're sabotaging Paige's sorrow.

And I go, she does it to herself.

Second of all,

I'm a creative.

I come up with ideas.

I throw ideas at Paige.

I think there's an Audrey Hepburn bio pic that's circulating Hollywood.

That's what I heard.

And I think all the actresses are trying to get that role.

And so they're dressing like her, they're cutting their hair like her, and they're like, Do you know who I think is going to get it?

I'll say who I think should get it.

You say who you think should get it.

One, two, three, and Ariana Grande.

I don't like that.

I didn't come up.

I didn't cast her.

I've been trying to watch Wicked for

we're going on seven days now.

I've taken seven phenomenal naps right when it starts.

Wicked would be so good without the singing.

Wicked would be so fucking fire without the singing.

But do you see how you are, Glenda?

Yes, Ariana, from what I've what I saw,

15 minutes intermittently, she's crushed it.

She's amazing.

She's phenomenal.

She's the best singer of our entire generation.

I don't want her to be Audrey Hepburn.

Why?

She's Italian.

I just think Anne Hathaway has always looked the most like her or Lily Collins.

Or you.

Maybe I just called the drone.

I'm like, I've never acted.

Put me in, coach.

I've seen you on Summerhouse.

You're pretty good at it.

I actually almost choked one of my male friends to death this last week.

The tea was piping hot.

Yeah.

He was like, they were talking about you and I was standing there.

And I was like, oh my, please tell me you got a microphone.

You like turned down the air conditioner.

If that was the girl, she would have texted you in moment, being like, wait till I fucking tell you what's happening to me.

We were in a two-hour car ride and I was like, get the popcorn.

I'm ready to fucking go.

And he was like, yeah, they brought you up.

And I was like, yep, they did.

What did they say?

What did they say?

Start from the beginning, start from the beginning.

And he was like, yeah, they were like, it's, yeah.

And I was like, no, no, no, from the beginning, from the beginning,

I want every detail of like how it was looking.

Women should never be condemned for gossiping.

We literally gossip because we're smarter, because we can remember more things.

Guys just can't gossip because they can't remember shit.

I don't talk shit.

I tell a story.

I entertain people.

No, when I like FaceTime you with something to say, I don't just tell you what happened.

I'm giving you a play.

I must playwright.

I'm setting the scene.

I gossip so hard with my mom, so hard that we'll circle back and she'll be like, and now what was everyone wearing during that?

And I'm like, girl.

Something I'm annoyed at.

Yeah.

Ballet flats.

What in particular

are you annoyed by?

Something about me wearing a ballet flat just seems like a rhinoceros trying to like ice skate.

Like there's something aesthetically wrong with it.

I'm meant to wear big.

Okay, you're laughing too hard.

I'm meant to wear like big dad sneakers because it evens out.

Also flats in New York.

You step in one puddle, you're done.

And then the ballet flats, they're not for you.

That was so mean.

You're like, they maybe just don't fucking wear them.

They made me not for you.

You're like sorry, it's not for everyone.

Yeah, I love that.

Are you just like prancing like a little cunt?

I hope you step in a fucking puddle and I hope you get chlamydia from that puddle.

I literally have an audition in Juilliard out there.

We don't have sisters, but what I've heard about sisters is you would like punch them in the face and tell them you want them to literally like rot in hell.

And then the next morning be like, do you want to get breakfast?

There are definitely two types of people.

People that have brothers and then people that have sisters.

I feel like if you grow up with a brother, you're a little bit tougher exterior-wise.

Yeah.

Like it's harder to rattle.

The brothers are so like, they're not into the gossip and the drama where it's like you'll fight over like a Nintendo.

Right.

It's more like they're saying like mean things and then like moving on and then like punching you.

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

Where I feel like if you grow up with sisters, you're at a little bit more of an advantage emotionally.

Manipulative wise at a young age.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

I have a new dating like theory.

Shit, I can't credit the right person, but it was not for me.

It was someone on tick tock that men date from zero so when men meet you and start dating you you're a zero and you have to build up to like earn them wanting to date you where girls date from 100 we meet you and we go you are perfect and then you you we realize all the things that get you down

and I've never heard anything more fucking accurate We go in reverse order.

We go in reverse.

If I'm meeting you, I've already thought in my head what your personality is like,

what your family's like, what you dress like, what our life is going to be like together.

And then I meet you and you're none of those things because obviously that's insane.

I made them up in my head.

Where men, I guess, don't make stuff up in their head and immediately they're just like, how do they get through the day?

That's very so boring.

I would always go into dates with men being 100.

I'd be like, he's perfect.

And then immediately, and then sometimes he'll even do not perfect things.

And you'll be like, oh, I'll just duck two points.

I'll just duck one.

It's like, he's in jail.

That's girl math.

And that's literally our campaign strategy for the 2024 election.

You know, like when you're in college and you have like a hungover next day and everything's funny.

Yeah.

And you're just like,

I never want to leave this place.

Like, this is the best day of my life.

Like, we're all in our jammies, eating food.

And like, everything is fun.

No responsibility.

No one cares about you.

That is giggly squad.

It's like that hungover next morning where you're not sick.

You're just silly.

But you're a little sick in the head.

But we're thinking it's good.

And if you have a moment of of silence and you think back to everything you've ever done you're like ooh you two are so silly we are in the giggly squirt we make money from giggling

Okay, so if you're not caught up on Han and Page Try New Things on YouTube, catch up because the finale, the huge Radio City finale is coming a week from today, Monday, July 14th at 6 p.m.

Eastern.

Be there on time, watch it live with us.

In the meantime, we thought we'd share some stupid stuff that got left on the cutting room floor for the gigglers that want the deep cuts.

Cut that part for sure.

We're not cutting it.

Hobson, if you cut it, cut that.

This episode needs to be deleted.

This episode needs to be deleted.

Cut the cameras.

Cut the cameras.

In no particular order, here's Hannah and Paige try.

Deleted scenes.

She could call it bloopers.

Yeah, let's call it bloopers.

That's fun.

In no particular order, here's Hannah and Paige try bloopers.

I was a gay man in a past life.

It's different than a lesbian.

All presses go pressed.

Right.

All presses go press.

It was.

You should try Invisalime.

Are we gonna see water aliens today?

Bobble House.

We're not a rock band.

Sorry.

You don't really like soda.

No, I think the bubbles are violent.

I like the burn.

Because we are living in a matu.

Okay, there she is.

There she is.

There she is.

This is us.

Do we like crocodile or alligators more?

Like, I don't want to pit women against each other, but...

I like a crocodile.

Okay, well then I like alligators.

Should we become trad wives?

I need a husband first.

Your kids are gonna be monsters.

You think?

No, I feel like my kid's gonna come out of my womb, look at me, and be like, ew.

Well, let's be honest, your kid is Daphne, and when you leave, she's on your pillow.

Yeah, we're having a mound conversation.

She's kind of the problem.

No, and the coaches are saying really mean stuff to me.

And I'm like, I told you I didn't want to wear these tight pants.

I feel like the guy on the left is judging her outfit and like he doesn't understand.

It's a uniform, don't you get it?

Also, like, I've been training my whole life for this moment, and they're like pretending this is a joke to them.

It's not a joke.

This honestly smells so bad.

I am so sweaty.

I'm winded.

I'm hungry.

I'm great thinking.

I don't shower.

Wow, chat GPT has changed you.

And I don't think it's for the better.

Do you know what's chat?

GPT?

Chat B T for bitches?

Chi G P

T.

GBT.

GPT.

P, not B.

When you walk in, I hear anything.

GPT.

Yeah, Chat GPT.

For preschoolers.

No, it's it's it's not chat GBT.

Oh, okay.

GPT.

Yeah.

Oh, grandpa physical therapy.

Yep.

People ask how we prepare for a show and we try and stretch and we try and just get our blood flowing.

Didn't get my full morning poop.

I kind of need to poop, but I can't.

If I just start booking, I'd fly.

Am I embarrassing you?

You're screaming.

I love how cat eye is so intense.

I feel like I'm getting a boob job.

If the left one's a little big.

Oh my god, the Salem West trials during TikTok would have been crazy.

50-part series exposing this man.

I think I was an Amazonian woman and I think you were a flower in the Amazon.

Okay.

And I was like, I love that flower.

We were thinking of Grace too.

We're like, Grace was either our mom

or Grace was our daughter and we were in a lesbian relationship in the 19th.

Wait, Summerhouse, we never got to do interviews together because of the patriarchy.

That's so true.

We would have crushed.

This is the thing I always felt really connected with the gays and now I know why.

Dandy is a man who's very concerned with his appearance, grooming, and lifestyle.

You may also enjoy refined language and leisurely hobbies.

So I was basically a real housewife of England, but if I was a man.

Oh, just a fancy band.

I wore it to me!

I wore one of those little tie things.

Just a fancy bag.

And I probably saw you on the street with all your dying.

You're talking like an eube.

Gay men love you.

Yes.

Like when gay men see us, they go, I'm a pave.

Yeah, I'm very connected to the gay men inside.

And like, you do put my bags in the overhead luggage.

I'm literally your boyfriend.

Yeah.

But I do, I love fashion, but I am tired.

I think I had to put together a lot of outfits back in the day.

And you also like things that are like, pizza.

I like chic, minimalist, like, fashion-y outfits.

You like things that are like, oh, what if we like added a red feather?

So next time you're mean about my outfit, you're being homophobic.

So moral of the story, Hannah's gay and I am depressed.

We're We're both depressed and have mental problems.

Tell us something we don't know, psychic.

Yeah.

When you're over 30,

take Eyeball swipe up.

It's so good.

I just looked at her and I said, Daphne, stop.

Stop.

Stop.

You know how your mom feels now.

Yeah.

You were raised Catholic.

Yeah.

What did Jesus say?

Catholics don't believe in evil.

Reincarn.

No, they believe in evil.

But they believe...

that Jesus rose from the dead.

Yeah, he was like going through something.

Well, he's an influencer.

So we just have to be like...

I've already told a God.

He told God.

Yeah.

I love how God is dealing with three wars right now, but he's like, wait, Paige, Sorgo's going to Salem.

Kai got me a beta blocker.

So like he's in tune with what's going on with me.

Two types of girls.

They forgot my sausage lace.

She has a spoon in there.

Well, there were three girls in the front row that like were like my finger.

My hands tingle too when I have a panic attack and they like go numb and I felt very seen.

No, we were like who had a panic attack today and I swear the entire crowd was like, me.

If you're not having panic attacks at the club, like you're not on tour for the club lately.

Also I didn't know we could get closer.

Like I feel we're closer.

Me and you?

Yeah.

I mean I was like, at one point I was tapped, I was wearing this.

Did you like when I was rubbing with that?

I couldn't even.

She couldn't.

I feel like I've watched a couple softball games.

Okay, you're making that up just like that.

No, it's sometimes on ESPN.

You don't even have ESPN at your house.

We couldn't find ESPN that that one day at your house.

Stop.

I think one of the guys should walk up to Cardi BWAP.

There's some holes in this house.

There's some holes in this house.

That would be a good one.

So far, pre

seven days away.

Not to speak about my husband again.

But we almost got a divorce because I didn't have TSA Pre.

I was on his side for that.

No, you were.

And you were right.

You guys were actually right.

I won't even travel with someone who's on TSA Pre.

I feel

better than them.

Flying is an art form that Paige and I have not mastered yet.

Paige is a little annoyed with me because I liked her luggage.

So I bought the same luggage, which has made our lives more complicated.

If you went home and it was just all my like smelly clothes.

Like I got your luggage and you got mine.

You wouldn't know that you had my luggage for two months because you don't unpack.

That was so messed up.

Don't listen to a word she says.

So you know what we should have done for Halloween?

We should dress as each other.

And I dress as the in the mu new outfit.

And you dress

down too.

Okay, so this is how I do my wigs.

This is how you do your wigs.

This is the first time you've ever done a wig.

It's literally chaos.

So first, you just kind of

go like this with your hair.

Then you go like this.

You just go.

Put your hair in a low bun.

Oh.

Oh, that makes it so much easier.

Well, now I look like Thomas Jefferson.

You look like a peanut.

They do look like a peanut.

If we walked on stage in jeans and a baggy t-shirt and sneakers, people would be like...

How dare they?

You didn't get ready.

But like any male comedian could go out disheveled.

We're starting four hours before the show.

Male comedians are still jerking off in the bathroom.

Wait, I'm literally Mormon.

Now I need my eyelashes, which I don't have eyelash glue, but I don't think I'm going to need it.

Because I just want the main ingredient.

I just want them to see fake eyelashes.

This is the glue.

I think I kind of nailed it.

Do you look more like that woman in the documentary about the age?

Yes.

They're going to make me do the worm.

No, don't let them.

You need to protect me.

No, I mean,

you need to protect me.

I think that we weren't in high school together because I would have gotten you to do so many things.

Your peer pressure, like,

meter is zero.

You'll be like what are you calling you if and I'm like yes.

You're like no I really can't find and then you're like I'm doing it.

No I was so bad.

People would be like take ayahuasca and I'd be like

yeah.

And they asked me to take ayahuasca.

So I have this pimple right here and at first I was upset and then I realized I look like Cindy Crawford when I go like this.

That's heading spray.

I don't know if it does anything.

I think it's BS.

You probably need like a really good primer.

I think your fingers are too skinny and nothing's happening right now.

No, I faith I give great air.

They flap so much.

You didn't put it on your face.

Hold your breath.

Okay, that was a lot.

That's how much you have to do.

Oh, what am I on?

I'm suing this company.

I'm suing our company.

Put it on the company card.

Put it on the company card.

Because she just blinded me.

You're likely blind.

I look like a serial killer.

I look like.

Okay.

Why does every costume you put on look like the trio lady?

Why is every costume tonka?

Wait, I go watch a YouTube channel of you just doing Halloween costumes.

Isn't this cute?

The tuck.

Let me see.

I don't hate it.

I actually don't hate it.

That's the thing.

But that's the worst when you actually feel nothing about it.

Did you peek my outfit?

Yes, you look up and down.

She went.

I didn't do that look.

Second of all, I didn't say I hated it.

Did I say that?

Do you like it?

No.

Look, it's very you.

I like that you like those kind of dresses.

I personally don't like those kind of dresses on me.

Do you like it on me?

I also can't say that either.

Should I wear this?

No, it's too slutty.

I've realized through Paige, actually, she's inspired me that the more put together I look, the better things come of it.

It's just that sense of I look good, I feel good.

Yes.

You play good.

Yep.

Yes.

Oh, I would have loved to had to pick out tennis outfits.

We would have lost every match, but we would have won the best looking girls.

So I realized that this shirt, I'm gonna sweat through.

So, who needs Botox?

Can't tell.

Unless it falls out.

It is a little itchy too.

I need period pads.

Are they period pads in here?

Or are they sexist?

Not even a tampon.

Do you see what we have to deal with as women in the arts?

I use Uber Eats for everything and of course I'm ordering food all the time, but I don't just order food on Uber Eats.

I order everything.

I order from the pharmacy.

I order hair care items.

I order alcohol.

Whatever I need, I'm ordering it on Uber Eats.

Also whenever I go to a hotel I always seem to forget something from home.

So I'm ordering hairspray.

I'm ordering bobby pins.

I just can't live without Uber Eats.

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