Giggling about Fallon, nail biters, and local gossip

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Sup, gigglers.

Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my going late night gigglers?

We're out in these streets.

What are you texting?

I'm getting my notes.

Oh, sorry.

Well, you don't know why I did that so meanly.

You said you had an anecdote.

An anecdote?

I have a small little anecdote to tell the gigglers.

This morning, I was in a bagel mood.

A couple years ago, I heard Michael B.

Jordan on a podcast or like in an interview, and they were like, what's your bagel order?

And I never forgot it.

And I get it all the the time and your life changed forever my life changed forever i get well i don't know what kind of bagel he got i think he actually did cinnamon raisin but whatever i do plain i do plain bagel with cream cheese and jelly and bacon oh wow it's so good you're a little freak it's like sweet and savory

well i love jelly yeah anything with jelly i love it do you like jam

Yeah

are you sure?

It's like the same thing.

I don't know.

I feel like Jam's European.

I feel like you're going to be like a 13-year-old boy and be like, what's the difference between Jelly and Jam?

Let's fight about it for the next 30 minutes.

You guys, we did Fallon.

No,

what a week.

Well, the week hasn't even started.

Our book is out in two days, and we have to wake up early tomorrow for Good Morning, America.

Sorry, I have such a phobia of waking up early.

It's like my biggest nightmare.

It's like

we're really not waking up early.

We're taking a nap and then waking up.

100% is how I look at it.

And then going back to sleep right after.

But I want to walk the gigglers through literally every moment of Fallon.

Because it was so giggly squad-coated.

There were so many things that happened that I was like, this is so ombreon.

This is so giggly.

So, first of all, I found an outfit.

You found an outfit.

Yep.

Of course.

We looked like we matched.

We matched.

We get there.

Wait, before we even get there, can I tell you that I had an email come across my desk that said, hey, Paige, would you like to have your car pick you up earlier?

And would you like to get to set earlier so that you can watch Hannah's worm rehearsal?

You know, and like in a from a corporate NBC email with the phrase like worm rehearsal, I was like, absolutely, please change my car.

I would love to be there to watch her worm rehearsal.

Wait, so we have to backtrack actually because it starts with a pre-interview.

Yeah.

When an important predictor gets on.

Which we've had a lot of pre-interviews because we've done a lot of like live morning shows.

This particular pre-interview.

I was nervous.

You were nervous.

I could tell you were nervous and you are never nervous.

So when I pick up that you're nervous, I get

because they're like, first of all, do you guys have any fun stories?

When I say you're overthinking, we have a problem.

We have a serious problem.

And I'm like, okay, calm down.

So when I did stand-up for Fallon, you send like the five minutes in a video or written form.

They give you edits.

You then have to practice it.

Like it's a very detailed process.

It takes like weeks.

So she was on the phone.

She was just like, what story do you guys want to tell?

And I was like, it has to be the best story ever.

Yeah.

And then she was like, I was like, what if we do our psychic story?

And she's like, what is it?

And I started saying it and I start like fucking it up because I was like nervous.

Yeah, we were like doing it full out.

Yeah, I was like, it's you gotta be there.

Like, it's funny.

It's funny.

And then she sent like what she recommended we talk about.

And then I was texting you the night before.

I was like, are we sure this is what?

Yeah, you were like, I feel like, what if we switch it to this?

Or like, I'm overthinking.

And I was like, do you like this?

Do we do we talk about our cat?

And you were like, calm the fuck down.

We're going to be fine.

And I was like, oh, yeah.

I literally was so fine leading up to it.

And honestly, it's because I had no stress about my outfit.

No, you were so calm.

Clearly calm.

Granted, we did take enough beta blockers that we could knock our head against the wall.

I did, I took two.

You took two.

Yeah, I took two, which are 10 each.

So I was

in the green room, and your stylist knocks on the door and just quietly hands me a blue pill.

Like, pink, sorry.

We're not taking Viagra.

We're doing Valentine.

I mean, come on.

I'm kinky, but I'm not that crazy.

One episode, we just both take Viagra, see what happens.

Wait, it is funny funny that, like, in different situations, I've just handed random people a pill and been like, can you give this to Hannah?

With no thought of like

anything, I could be giving you anything.

Let's show me.

Let's show me.

I'm like, hey, can you knock on Hannah's dressing room?

Tell her to pop one of these.

You fully turned your stylus into a drug mule in NBC.

Well, because I know the timing of when we need to take them.

You know, I actually brought mine.

But I felt like it was better if we'd be more connected if I I had yours.

So I knock on Paige's door and I go, do you want to practice?

And she's like, whatever, like, I'm good.

And I was like, okay, well, I need to practice.

I want to make sure we're on the same page with our answers.

And we were really nervous, but then we get an email also saying, do you guys want to play charades with Patrick Schwarzenegger?

Yeah.

And John Hamm.

Now, John Hamm knows who you are.

Okay.

Let's

backtrack.

Let's backtrack.

I kept seeing like all these messages and like comments being like, I wonder if Paige and John Hamm talked about Bravo.

John Hamm and I are old friends.

Go way back.

We go so way back.

We go way back to Mad Men.

We go way back to the Madman.

Damn an assistant at Madman.

I would have crushed that role.

You would have.

No, we saw him at Vanity Fair.

We met him at Vanity Fair.

And so we got our Bravo gossip out then.

so then seeing him at jimmy fallon it was more like oh my god how are you how are you how have you been how are the kids

how are the kids how have you been john um i actually did watch his new show that he was there promoting it was so good that's very exciting it was really it was interesting he was talking about how he hasn't he's doing snl this weekend yeah or he did yeah he did it he did it and he said how he hadn't done snl for 15 years oh wow and like it's interesting just the career maybe there was a reason but like wait that doesn't seem.

It's just the career of actors.

Like, you have to get like a certain role that you're promoting in a certain way to like have that kind of press tour.

Oh, I need to watch him on SNL because he is funny naturally.

He's a goofball.

He's a performer.

And then Patrick comes up to us.

Now, let me just say, I think I was chill around him.

Yeah.

Because I didn't see White Lotus.

Okay.

So I was, he reminded me of my brother, like same age.

Yeah.

So cute.

And I was like, hi.

Yeah, he was such a like boy.

You were like, like I loved your work.

Yeah, I was like obsessed with you and white lotus you're phenomenal

This outfit is giving it's giving trendy.

Yes, it's giving nuances.

Yes, and we were like is this your first time?

And he was like yeah and I was like us too.

We're so similar and then we were like we're playing charades.

Yeah.

And we looked at him we're like I don't know about you, but we're not fucking around tonight.

And he kind of looked at us like, okay, calm down.

And we're like, look.

We were like, we're really competitive.

Ha ha.

Not to be like Eminem, but we got one shot, did not miss your chance to to blow this opportunity comes once in a lifetime and then john said to us john ham

johnny boy john said um just to let you know jimmy fallon is very competitive like he loves he loves the games

he loves the games

and so then in my head i was like oh yeah we have to win i'm not going on national television playing shirts oh this is what my dad said to me after he goes paid it was just like it was so good because you want to know what you're a gamer

i was like am i we're a baller you're aristotle you grew up gaming okay every year at thanksgiving we play family feud in the backyard you're a gamer you might not know that but you grew up a gamer so you competed us we got less nervous because it it stopped being like oh my god we're on jimmy fallon we were just like we have to win this game i literally felt like i was on game night with my friends but then they were like okay how you and paige count as one person and i'm like okay so women count as half as people cool I didn't get that joke.

You didn't get that joke.

No, you laughed.

No, I didn't.

In this political climate, women don't count as one person.

Okay, okay, here's another thing.

I'm not a whole person.

When you're filming the show, everyone's mics are on.

Everyone's mics are open.

So when you said that joke and I laughed, he was, I talked over him a little.

Got it.

So it kind of like a fuzz on me and it's like ruining my whole day.

Wait, I hate when that happens.

Okay, keep going.

Did you get it?

I think so.

Because I'm going to be stressed.

No, so he was like introducing the show, and then I tried to sneak in my little one-liner.

Didn't hit, but it's fine because

later on, I complimented Patrick's bell bottoms.

So I got like my little line in.

But the funniest part is I realized I'm very competitive and I was going to win, but then I realized I actually don't know how to play charades.

No, that was the best part.

We're literally going to.

I was like, let's fucking go.

What's the rules?

You were like, we were about to walk out.

You're like, I don't really actually know charades.

I'm like, you'll catch on.

No,

I didn't have a childhood.

And then the woman started explaining it.

I swear to God.

I swear to God, it was like one of those memes, like where everything's so moving.

And you were nodding.

And I was like, okay, at least she knows what's going on.

Because she was like, and the first one, and then the second one.

And I lost it.

And I can't look at that important producer and be like, can you start over?

You're like, sorry, what's the rules again?

You won it for both bye-bye bye and kung fu panda.

You've never once seen kung fu panda.

I've never seen kung fu panda in my life.

Yeah.

Something came over me and it was like our moment.

The words just came out of my mouth.

I got like summoned by something.

And then the lasso thing, when I first saw Ted Lasso, I said, oh no, because I was like, this is a hard one.

What are we going to do?

And then obviously at the exact same time, me and you start doing a like sexy lasso.

We're just like, we've been cowgirls.

And then when in the time.

We're adaptable.

In anything.

We're adaptable.

We're malleable.

We deal with adversity.

In any situation.

Because I was like a little too calm around Patrick.

Yeah.

We, when we finally win the game, I go over to him and he goes up for a high five and I go, get in here.

And I give him like a bear hug.

And it's very obvious he started with a high five and I was like, no, no, no.

And I could have picked him up in that.

We're a family.

Then he's commenting on my Instagram being like, let's play charades in LA.

And I was like, we were

weirdly good.

We were all very in tune with each other.

It was a magical chemistry.

We're forever connected.

Yeah.

I think he is also low-key very funny too.

Like his bit on the show, like making the protein shake, like that was funny.

Well, him saying that I didn't know that with White Lotus, it was like a reality TV show where you can't tell people what happened.

Yeah.

Like Mike White is like, you cannot tell anyone who died.

Did you watch his interview where his fiancé was like, who did you, did you make out with anyone?

Yeah.

And he was like, I can't tell you.

And she's like, are you sure who died?

And he's like, I can't tell you anything.

And she's like, you can't tell me who you hooked up with.

And he's like, no.

And then it aired.

And she's like, your brother?

I didn't see it yet.

This must be so funny.

I didn't see it yet, but watch it.

But this is his first breakout role.

Yeah.

No, we're very proud of him.

We're very proud of our little patty boy.

We're big fans of him.

And John's sick of us, seen us everywhere.

Yep, keeps running into us.

And Jimmy Fallon, I'm obsessed with him.

Okay.

So Jimmy will typically like come back and say hi to everyone for like a second before the show,

but he knew that you guys went to the same college and he was like extra excited to talk to us.

Yeah.

He's like a perfect example of when people are like, oh, don't meet your heroes.

He's a perfect example of like he was exactly what you would expect and what you like want him to be and

better.

I have to say there's nothing like riffing with a comedic comedic celebrity you look up to.

Yeah.

It's actually my like everything.

Yeah.

Like I asked him and he's like, oh, I was born in Brooklyn.

Yeah.

And he was like, oh, yeah.

And I go, but pizza.

And he starts going, you know.

You guys are for five minutes.

And we start just riffing about acting like we're Italians.

The amount of unsolicited dancing that goes on on that show

that I wanted no part.

I mean, I couldn't have stood there more.

H-coded.

I was like, oh my God.

I looked at you.

I said, bitch, don't embarrass me.

Pretend you're excited to dance right now.

I'm like, I can't dance.

I'll leave you.

Jimmy loves music, loves dancing.

Not to defend myself, because I haven't been looking at any comments, but the worm video has been going around.

Your worm was phenomenal.

Do you think that that was your

like the worm is now officially retired?

So I just want to say they brought it up to me.

They said, Hannah, do you want to do the worm?

Yeah.

And I said, I thought you guys would never ask.

Obviously, I want to do the worm.

They were like, do you want to retire the worm?

And I was like, honestly, maybe.

Like, my knees are hurting, my lower back hurts.

And then I got off a call and I was like, that's my baby.

I can't say it's over and then like lie to the people.

Right.

Because I know it takes one girl.

It's not over.

It takes one girl in the crowd going, Hannah, do the worm.

And I'm a people pleaser.

And I said, you know what?

Mm-hmm.

I'm doing it.

So I know the worm is not retired.

I mean, maybe it'll evolve.

But I think, am I like a warm comedian now?

I just think, like, if you were to retire it, what a place to retire

at.

But then we, um,

we, when I was walking on the stage, you have to, like, step up.

And Jimmy, like, put his hand out.

Yeah.

And at first, I went to like shake his hand, but then I realized, like, oh, maybe he's, like, lifting me up.

And we had this very awkward

hand moment.

And I thought he wasn't going to bring it up, but then he immediately was like, what the fuck was that?

Am I okay?

And I was like, No, I'm not.

And we just like rolled with it.

My question is: Do you think our psych gig from Salem saw that episode?

I think that she

we love her, love, we're obsessed with her, and I think she realizes that we've been able to monetize

her work, and that's what she wanted for us.

And one thing she did say about us is that our careers will flourish, but we are very mentally ill.

Yeah,

I'm drinking a fruit punch right now.

Things have gone awry.

We haven't even started our press week for the book, and we're exhausted.

No, I'm exhausted.

I was also in California for two days, which is not recommended.

No, friends.

Not even for Coachella.

No.

Well,

I would never.

Never.

Have you been looking at Coachella content?

Anyone who has FOMO, like who isn't at Coachella, who's having FOMO, I don't relate to you in any capacity whatsoever.

Mind you, the people there, I don't relate to them either.

But like, I feel like in an even bigger capacity.

But there's nothing about Coachella.

There's not one single thing that I would be like,

that seems nice.

You also see like A-list celebrities jammed like sardines trying to watch something.

And I'm like, if they're having that experience, imagine what a regular human's going through right now.

No.

No.

And I just, like, I think Lady Gaga gave a great performance.

Like, I was looking at.

videos from that and it looked cool but like i'll catch her when she's

catching the flip side yeah i'll catch her when she's at a venue.

There's something about being in a place where I can't find the bathroom, don't know where water is, don't know where food is, don't know where my friends are, don't know where my phone is, that that's my worst nightmare.

Here's the other thing, but these festivals, like,

if I can't leave, like, if I can't be like, okay, I'm calling an Uber and it'd be there in like a reasonable amount of minutes and I get the fuck out of there, I'm not going.

And then people are like, it's fine, you're on drugs.

And I go, an even bigger reason why I need to be able to call an Uber.

And then I wasn't, I didn't know that people like legit camp.

Oh, I didn't know that.

So I'm on TikTok where it's like, it's like not influencers.

It's like real people going to Coachella to like enjoy what the actual festival is and they're camping.

And I'm so like,

but how are you doing?

How are you locking it?

Like, how are you leaving?

What are you leaving in there?

And like, you're trusting all these people.

It's just, I can't.

It's, this is like actually what healthy people do.

I feel like it's a sense of community.

I don't want it that we don't understand.

I mean, we have a giggling squad, we don't need anything else.

We have the gigglers.

Why would we need to go dehydrated and black out on an island?

And the outfits, I'm just like, I don't

know.

I don't know what to bring.

So everyone's just wearing a really thick belt or two.

Plenty of stuff.

Everyone's wearing 8,000 belts, calling it a skirt, putting cowboy boots on, and then like,

yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm like, cool.

Yeah, if you like it, I love it.

Like, but it's not, they're not outfits.

It's like.

And then some people I can tell are fucking sweating.

Like they're committing to like a fur or something and

not worth it.

If I'd need my stamp, I'd need so many things to even make it to like 2 p.m.

Like I'd need my Stanley.

I need, you know, like anything else.

I make fun of you for not like being that into music, but let's be honest, we're similar.

Me and you like rap and hip-hop

and top 40.

Yeah, we love the top 40.

I looked at the Coachella lineup.

I know three people.

Oh, we love the top jams.

And I'm not going to Coachella to see Lady Gaga for 30 minutes.

You know what I mean?

No.

Like, and yeah, it's nice to see women in the arts and support.

But like, again, you're like,

I don't know.

Also, strangers.

And I feel like Gen Z like just learned about Lady Gaga.

Like, I don't.

Oh, yeah.

They're excited.

It's a new thing for them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Alex Earl was talking about how she was dancing and some girl woman behind her was like, there's other people here.

Like people were getting into altercations.

I'll go on the subway if I want that to happen to me.

And I think I'm past the age where like I'm sharing.

I was just going to say I'm past the age where I'm sharing a house with people.

But truly, like I'm past the age.

I'm past the age.

I can't do it.

I keep getting TikToks of like girls getting ready together in the morning and I'm just like, you just met them though.

They're going to steal your shit.

I'm literally watching Coachella tick tock as a mom i'm like are you locking any of that off where's my charlotte till i wash i'm like do you have a buddy because

no i can't do it

i am starting to be like are you guys hydrating though yeah yeah make sure you're drinking water this segment is sponsored by banana republic and a cast creative we are so excited to revamp our spring wardrobe Nothing I love more than like doing my spring wardrobe.

But Banana Republic is like that girl right now.

Very cool, very fun, very chic, but it's classy.

It's classy.

We both wore Banana Republic today, but we definitely did not talk to each other about the vibe.

We're not

going to

the same event right now.

What are you wearing from Banana Republic?

Okay, this is, I love like an off-white, like ivory little summer dress.

So this is adorable and it has like ruching and it's just like cute for so many different events.

I like buying things that I immediately in my head, I'm like, okay, I could wear this three different places.

And you could dress it up or down.

And what are you wearing, Hannah?

I always need a nice, crisp, white button-up.

You wear a lot of white button-ups.

But I have these gorgeous blue jeans, and I love the cut.

You know, I'm very picky with my jeans.

I know.

And also, because I have a big butt, it's hard to find a jean that fits, but not to

brag.

No, they look amazing on you.

Oh my god, wait, no, those are really like look so good on you.

Okay,

It's so high quality, the fabric.

The jeans are so soft.

It's April.

So obviously I'm thinking about my summertime Italy trip with my with my family.

Yes.

And I start my outfits.

Let's be honest.

You've been talking about since the fall.

Since I was on the plane home last year, I was like, what are my outfits for next summer?

I could see you wearing this.

And I've already started like mentally preparing, mentally prepping.

And like this dress, she's daytime shopping, but maybe she's nighttime dinnering.

So you need things that are flexible that you could pick up and wear multiple times.

And I am going to be in the Hamptons this summer.

So, the linen collection is so chic.

It's Johanna.

You know what else?

Banana Republic is really good at.

If you have a special occasion, like, okay, I have to go to something for my high school and I have to go to a luncheon.

I need like a nice dress, like something that says I'm proper, but also fashionable.

Would you ever wear that to a bridal shower?

No, it's white.

So, I'm just stirring some dressing.

I hated her.

You'd be like, it's eggshell.

It's not white.

It's off-white.

Sorry, you don't understand Hughes.

The evening edit they have.

And first of all, let me just say, I love an edit because I want websites to tell me what I want.

Yeah.

You know, like, I know the event.

You tell me.

Don't make me scroll through hundreds of pages.

So the evening edit is so good because I am invited to a wedding or two this summer and I want to look at what's good for nighttime events.

Yeah.

And I love scrolling through an edit.

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Okay, I came across this Instagram of a very famous person who I like love, and I don't know why I've just like never looked at her Instagram page in the way that I should have.

Camilla Cabello.

Oh.

Have you ever ever looked at her Instagram?

Just like the aesthetic that she gives.

Wait, this is the singer.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

She goes off.

Like, she's in the aesthetic.

Do me a favor.

Go on your phone right now.

Go on Instagram.

Well, is she still blonde?

I feel like once she went, oh, never mind.

Go to her Instagram right now.

Okay.

I love when you tell me what to do.

Tell me, this is not

an exact

like

replica of if you and I had a baby.

Oh my god.

Like, is that not our child?

Wait, it is.

Why did we birth Camilla Cabello?

And, like, obviously, she'd be a phenomenal singer.

She gets that from you.

You know,

she loves a mini skirt.

She gets that from me.

She loves wearing it with a tie.

She gets that from you.

Also, petite, but big butt.

She's tiny, but she's quirky.

Pulls up a bang, but is also outgoing.

Yeah.

Is also outgoing.

Kind to strangers,

but also looks like she's an introvert-extrovert.

Yeah.

Wait, that's really good.

It is really she's our love child.

I see that.

I see that.

Right?

I love that.

Yeah.

Our daughter.

I just thought I needed to tell you that.

Wait, one other thing about Fallon, when you got home that night, did you watch it like on TV?

It was funny because I got home and I laid down and I ordered Chinese food and I was just eating Chinese food in silence.

And Des was looking at me and he's like, back in my day when I used to do like a big performance, we used to have been out partying.

I would have been with the celebs on the show.

We would have been at a club right now.

Look at you.

Look at you.

And I said, I'm a tired married woman.

No, after my dad was like, Come on, let's go out to dinner.

I was like, Come on, do we have

Paige is probably with her family, but I was like, I'm lying down.

My thing is, like, I put

110% into my art.

No, that's the thing.

Okay, the next day, I was so exhausted, but I was like, Why am I so tired?

Because Because we put the adrenaline and like being that like peppy and on

is actually so mentally draining.

It's mentally draining to know, like, we knew so many eyes were gonna watch it.

Yeah, and honestly, like the day before, I started to like lose my appetite a little.

That's when I know I'm nervous.

Yeah, I never lose my appetite.

I never do, but yeah, I just laid down after, and

that's my life.

Like, yeah, I enjoy the highs, and then I want to enjoy the lows.

I also realize why you love your Stanley so so much.

Why?

Because it makes you feel tiny because it's so big.

It does make me feel strong.

Here's another thing I just want to say.

We're on morning TV all week.

Late night was perfect for us.

Late night was perfect for us.

Those were our throats.

Like, I actually get more nervous for morning TV because I'm like, okay.

I can't form a sentence.

I can't say

a bad word.

I can't fully.

I'm not fully awake till 5 p.m.

And then I'll eat a big meal and then get sleepy again.

And then I'm like fully awake at nine.

No, I actually loved the work day in which Jimmy Fallon was.

It was like you got there at like three.

No, what time we got there?

We got there at like four.

Little rehearsal, whatever.

We're on at like five.

You're done by six.

See you at two.

See you.

Peace out.

See you.

And we did a podcast with Chelsea Handler earlier.

Oh yeah, we did earlier in the day.

So we're working women.

Chelsea Handler is like my, I'm like obsessed with her in a creepy way.

Did it come off?

Did I come off creepy?

No.

Okay, good.

It did come off, though, that you really admire her.

I was like,

this is

very simple.

You know who you want to give people their flowers, but then you give them their flowers too much and they don't see you.

They see you as like I am.

Yeah, you're like, I'm not trying to be inauthentic.

I truly do think like X, Y, and Z about.

But I think that, and she's also like really nice to me.

Yeah, she's really nice.

She's really nice.

But like, as in, she's now at the point of our relationship where she's shitting on me, which is like that was my goal yeah like for chelsea handle

to roast me not that i'm surprised she's as nice as she is but i am surprised for like how big how famous she is how big she is how like truly normal she is yeah like when we were talking to her like it really was just like she's they're just really welcoming like her generation they're very like this is fun what are the kids up to what are the kid i hope you guys make it you know like i'm gonna leave but you guys got it chelsea's books were like the only books I read.

Yeah.

So that's why when they asked us to write a book, I was like, I want to make it like me giggling, reading Chelsea Handler.

That's what I want the giggles to feel.

I remember when that show came on E.

Oh my gosh.

When Chelsea lately was on, like, first premiered on E, it was like...

No one was.

Religion.

Yeah.

And then when she would just like shit on the guests, it was so funny.

It was so good.

And we got her to give a quote in the back of our book saying, I think I met them once, Chelsea Handler.

So you guys, live your, chase your dreams.

Live your life.

Live your life.

Chase your dreams.

Live your truth.

Live your truth.

And live in your truth.

No, we've had a great week.

Mental health moment.

Okay.

Have you heard of the burnt toast theory?

The burnt toast theory.

The burnt toast theory.

It's on TikTok.

Ooh, I like how you're trying to figure it out.

I feel like I have heard of it, but I don't know what it is.

It's not the let them theory.

The burnt toast theory is like when something inconvenient happens in your life, like you burn your toast and you're like fuck and then you have to like

throw it out yeah and you're so annoyed by it or little things like yeah you break something you drop something or you forget something yeah the burnt toast theory is that that happened to you for a reason because the universe needed you to like not move forward in that moment like this is like a little aggressive but like maybe it's protecting you from like getting hit by a car got it That's like an extreme example, but like there's other examples, but basically how the overall message is like when little bad annoying things happen to you, trust that like the universe is actually guiding you.

Actually don't let them

let the toast get burnt.

Like when you're in a rush and like your dress gets caught on like the door handle and you're like today of all days.

Yes.

And how it's like, no, maybe that's, this is your timing.

Okay, I like that.

I like that.

Just, and I also learned that my cortisol levels are really high.

Are you on cortisol TikTok?

Yeah.

Okay, same.

So apparently I'm supposed to slow down with everything I do.

Good luck.

And I'm very quick.

Like when I'm trying to like make cereal, you'd think I was like at a bar at closing time trying to like rush and get everyone's order out.

Here's how I know we work a lot.

And it's

like when I say around other adults, more adultier adults than me, like, okay, and in May, I'm going to really take some time off.

And they laugh and say, like, yeah, sure, you are.

Yeah.

It actually makes me feel like an adult.

I'm like, oh, they think I'm a workaholic in my my lifetimes and I think this would be my persona.

You went from people being like, Paige never works to like, Paige has a problem.

Paige has a problem.

We have to have an intervention.

My parents are like, but are you stopping and enjoying?

I'm like, who has the time to stop and enjoy?

Stop and enjoy.

This is a fucking vacation.

I fucking wish I could stop and enjoy.

Let me ask you guys something.

Are you stopping and enjoying?

Good.

Hope you are, because I'm certainly not.

The problem is whenever I stop to try to process something, I get upset.

No.

Last time I tried to stop, take January off, I got eviscerated.

My mom was like, get your ass back in the house, you literal whore.

I was like, okay.

Okay, sorry, I tried to have a nice time.

They were like, no, that's for men.

Stopping and enjoying is for men.

Get back to work, bitch.

Jesus.

No, but you have been...

This is the thing.

You like glam, and that's why I think you're kind of thriving right now.

Here's the thing.

I'm obsessed with glam.

So,

no, actually, I had like a sad thought the other day because, like,

this is

emotional roller coaster.

I had a sad thought the other day because I was like looking around at my glam team and I was like, oh my God, like, these are my best friends.

Like, truly, these have become like my best friends.

And then I had a thought where I was like, well, I pay them to be here.

Like, do they feel bad about me?

Like, like, okay, I was thinking about it.

Like, obviously, if I get married and have a bachelorette party, like, Taylor's coming to my bachelorette party, not as my makeup artist, but like as my friend.

But if she happens to do your makeup,

but if she brings her makeup, I'm not going to say no to it.

But I'm like, oh, but also, like, I pay her, but, like, I think she really does like me.

We did have a point where a couple weeks ago, someone was gifted our book to, like, do a review, and they were, like, telling us all these compliments and they were like, we love the book.

And for a second, I was like, wait, this is huge.

Because no one besides our family or people we we pay have read the book and told us what they really think.

So it was like a beautiful moment.

Absolutely.

But this is the thing.

You've been getting glam like literally every day.

And you're really, you love it.

I love that.

There's an emotional toll to glam.

Yeah.

Cause like it's not like when I was playing sports, you just show up and try to perform.

Yeah.

Glam means you need to hope that your swollen face looks good or like everyone's disappointed.

More often than not, I'm in glam longer than whatever I'm getting ready for.

There are rare cases where I've gone to the actual thing

and it's taken

glam.

You take photos or you do like a quick TikTok.

Actually, someone came in, I was doing glam and someone was like, oh, you don't play music during glam.

And I was like, oh my God.

No, I never play music during glam because we're gossiping.

Also, during glam, it's like my one time to have silence.

Yeah.

When we're not chatting.

Like, I don't need...

The parties will start.

Yeah.

But glam is like.

I've heard there are some celebs that meditate during glam.

I heard there's some celebs that like fully sleep during glam.

Taylor could never.

No.

We could literally never.

No.

I also like hearing them gossip.

Yeah.

Like, because I like feeling, I like local gossip that I'm not involved in.

Local gossip?

Local gossip.

That you're adjacent to.

I'm adjacent, so like I know the names, but like they know you know the player but like yeah

and makeup artists here's the other wait the best here's the other thing about working so much when there is local gossip that you're adjacent to people are more apt to tell you because like i've had so many people be like don't tell anyone and then be like who are you gonna tell and i have become that friend where it's like who is paige even gonna tell paige is locked up working talk to anyone she's not gonna tell anyone let's spill our guts to it oh my god i have a crazy story

Speaking of local gossip.

So I had to, next day out of Jimmy Fallon, I had to get on a, wake up at 5 a.m., fly to San Francisco,

do a casino show.

Okay.

Next morning, jump on a flight at like 8 a.m.

Here are we callings.

I get on the flight and my seat, there's a woman and then there's my seat.

And in my seat is like her bag and her hat.

And I was like, must be like some confusion.

I was like, hey, sorry, like, that's where I'm sitting.

She looks looks up and I can immediately tell like her eyes are kind of off.

Yeah.

And she goes, I know who you are.

And starts pointing at me.

And I go, what's happening?

You're like, you're drunk.

And I'm telling you, this is 8 a.m.

So she's blackout.

Blackout.

And like pointing at me.

Like, how old?

Like 47, she told me.

Okay.

So I'm immediately like,

This is the worst day of my life.

Like, this is actually my nightmare.

This happens to you a lot more.

You get sat next to a crazy a lot more than the average person.

So I sit down and she's having like the time of her life.

Like she's putting her hat on me.

She's asking me for like summer house tea.

She's like punching me like joking.

And at first I was like, I was like, is she going to get kicked off the flight?

Like, this is bad.

She's like, I'm holding her drink because she keeps almost knocking over.

And I'm like, I can't have her knock her drink on my, I

But then

she starts talking about like her ex-husband who she quotes.

Yeah.

And I was at first annoyed, and then I was like, why do you hate him?

This is why

I feel bad for you and then I don't.

If we're going to be here for an hour and a half, I'm going to make the most of it.

I said, what did he do to you?

You're like, look, I need to know everything there is to know about you.

What did he do to you?

When I tell you 20 minutes in yeah she's crying i'm holding her hand i'm saying you're so fucking strong i said fuck that dude i fucking hate him he doesn't fucking deserve you people are looking over me and her are the two drunk ones

she's then she does the showing me everything in her camera roll every voting so she's showing me her kids and then her kids kids your kids kids then she was renovating her kitchen and i was thinking of renovating my kitchen

i was like how did you choose that tile

i said how did you choose that tile?

And she's getting into it.

But then she recently got married.

You're like, I was laminated.

But then she keeps forgetting that she's telling a story.

So we went through a couple stories.

One of the most aggravating thing when dealing with a drunk person is that they already told you that information.

She's like, kind of show you my kids.

And I was like, babe, you just did.

But then she also was scared of flying.

Like, she never flies.

Yeah.

And she was like, you must be used to this stuff because you guys guys fly all the time.

I can't wait for you to play a drunk person in a movie because it's gonna be so fucking funny because you're so good at it.

She goes, You fly all the time, I never fly.

So, like, you know what you're doing, but I don't.

And then I could see her like breathing really heavy, and suddenly I'm like fully committed.

I was like, breathe in, breathe out.

Like, we're doing meditate, we're meditating.

No, we should have just given her a beta.

I should have.

Um, she's putting her hat on me, it got crazy, and then she's like, Can I have your number?

You know, I was like, Yeah, you're not gonna remember that.

Did you get it?

No, I've been in, okay, wait, I've been in so many situations where I'm like, I can't get out of this.

And they're asking for my number and you just give it.

Do you know that Paris Hilton, like, she said, when she did that documentary, what was it?

I like, I forgot.

Oh, yeah.

But one of the things she said was that she has two phones for that exact reason because she's so nice.

She never wanted to be like mean to someone and be like, oh, no, this is like the wrong number.

So she has a phone where she sends all those people that number.

We're in the middle of the flight.

So I guess you're giving people your number.

I give her my number.

And then she goes, okay, for all my best friends, I put an emoji next to their name.

And she goes, I love you.

And I said, I love you too.

And she goes, no, you're a good person.

And I said, I know.

And she's like, I'm going to put an emoji for you.

And she picked a dolphin and then a green emoji.

And I was like, okay, interesting.

And she's like, this is you.

She texts me, but it doesn't go through.

And I'm like, we're in the air.

Like, it doesn't go through.

And then I'm like, where are you at this point?

Like, you got to be over Chicago at this.

Well, no, we were going just from

Sacramento to LA.

Oh, like 45 minutes.

Like, New York too.

Yeah.

And then she's like, Hannah, I want to go to your show tonight.

And I was like, you're not going to make it to the show, babe.

Like, and she's like, No, I want to.

And then

it almost says that this baby.

And then she, we like, she doesn't fly a lot.

So we're in, we park the plane and she's like, What do we do?

And I was like, Wait for the person in front, go, go, go.

And then they're like, Hurry up, get this body device underneath your sink,

jump,

run to the back of the plane to ask if they have any parachutes.

So you're saying aliens.

But she was like, honestly, so fun.

By the end, I was like, yeah, I fuck with you.

So then we're like literally skipping down, like,

going down.

And she looks at me and I say, okay, like, I have to, I have to leave.

This went to the curb of the airport.

You know, right when we get off the plane, go, I have to leave.

And she looks at me and she suddenly gets mad.

Yeah.

And she goes, that's what drunk people do.

She goes, I'm never going to see you again, am i

i don't know and she's like i'm not gonna see you again am i

and i was like bam like i love you

i love you all you're i love you and i like hug her and then i go i have to leave like i have to go pee and she goes so do i

go no

So I get into the bathroom and then I was like, I have to go.

So I left.

And I hope she's doing well.

What was her name?

It's not important.

I think it was Caitlin.

Okay.

I think it was Caitlin.

But like, I hope she had a great weekend.

I hope she had a great time.

I hope she got, was she flying home or flying to LA?

She was flying to LA to like kind of party.

She basically, not to give all her older story, but she was a single mom and raised two boys.

And the ex was abusive.

And that's why she's really strong.

And she did it.

She raised the kids for 18 years and they finally are in college and now she's finally like empty nest and she's living for herself now wait i'm so excited for her i know so am i she's a giggler she's a giggler she yeah she also is like waium side private she goes she's like also called dupor yeah she goes i thought you guys had a big tour

seems like you're really slumming it here on delta she literally was like and she's like where's paige and i was like paige at home you're like on a a private place somewhere.

Not dealing with.

Paige was private.

I don't.

I try to save money.

So anyway, that was my flying experience.

Wait, I'm obsessed.

But everyone's been caught, you know, where you're like, I can't get out of here.

So life is about perspective.

That was my burnt toast theory.

It happened for a reason.

Yeah, that's so true.

That happens to you a lot, though.

A little too much.

Yeah.

A little too much.

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So I'm watching White Lotus, but I'm not caught up yet.

I'm starting season two.

I'm in the middle of season two.

Okay, you're in the middle of season two.

You like Theo James, right?

I would die for him.

I think his American accent's weird.

Okay.

He's British.

Yeah.

No, see, I think it's a great.

I'm a speak American.

I'm obsessed with them.

Degasome.

Truly, though, like, once it hits May, I'm absolutely fucking off.

Like, I'm

May, June.

I don't know.

May, I might have some stuff, but June, July, August, I'm off.

Okay, I'm gonna start the birth control literally

like April 29th, so I can like freeze my eggs right in the beginning of May.

You have to be like relaxed.

I know.

Right?

Well, I think that's why I stopped getting my period in January because I was so fucking stressed out.

January, February, March,

2012, 2013, 2014.

No, the things men can do to you, you're just like, and no, I don't have my period.

I'm not a woman anymore.

I'm not happy.

So I have to, no, and I really didn't want to have to do the birth control, but I waited as long as I could to see if I could get it back.

Apparently, birth control can help with UTIs.

Okay.

Like helping with your, I don't know, I might be.

I've ordered literally everything.

The gigglers have been been messaging me for 17 days about trying to figure out our vaginas.

Yeah.

The gigglers are our doctors.

Yeah, they are.

They

well,

I have to call the doctor back.

I

she's a giggler?

No.

Well, it's a man.

Oh no.

I don't know his sexual orientation, but I'm going to lean toward homosexual.

Well, he better be.

So I'm on the phone with the doctor and I'm like, hey, I had a UTI last week.

They gave me pills.

It came back like stronger than ever.

She gave me different pills and I still just like don't feel completely right.

Came back with a vengeance.

Came back with a full vengeance and I still don't feel completely right.

And he was like, okay, I would hate to have to give you a third antibiotic, but if by tomorrow the pills really haven't kicked in, come back in.

We'll do another test.

We'll see what's going on.

Blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, okay, like, I just sounded defeated on the phone.

And then he was like, and I just want to let you know, I am am a giggler.

I was like, oh my God.

If you are in the healthcare medical field,

start out with that.

Start out with that you're a giggler because then we can be open and honest.

And we're just local gossip.

Local meaning, my specific vagina.

Okay.

I wouldn't have used so many like,

oh, and thank you so much.

And I will call.

Like, you know, I would have been like, okay, it's burning.

I really don't know how people at the end say they're gigglers like i have went to pilates class last week and

this the she was such a cool instructor and i was you know being friendly and at the very end she's like by the way i'm a giggler like why don't you tell me because then we could have been riffing i was being polite and like kind of shy one back to jimmy fallon we didn't talk about like the green room and like backstage oh yeah how giggly squad coded it was yeah now mind you john hamm and patrick schwarzenegger are there like two iconic people at this time and in their field and in their industry.

Their hair and makeup wanted nothing to do with them.

They were gigglers.

Well, men don't need hair and girls.

They came to us.

Like, I just loved that part.

No, their publicists came to us too.

And also, a woman that was there,

we were hanging.

What's going on?

Was a giggler.

I did get a spray tan once.

Like, I went into a place and, like, mid-spray tan, she was like in between my butthole.

And she was like, by the way, like, I really like your show.

She was like, can you turn your knee?

Actually, that's like when your badge opens up.

She's like, actually, I am a giggler.

Oh, God.

I don't forget who told me.

Was it Josephine?

It was someone who was surprised that I don't bite my nails.

Josephine.

It was Josephine.

Which.

Loki's so insulting and Loki's so page coaching.

Josephine.

Every now and then, she literally reads me to filth.

Josephine is Paige's assistant and head producer.

Let me give you the lore on Josephine.

Josephine was my very first assistant years ago.

She was my assistant for less than a year.

She ended up getting a job.

You're very loyal like that.

You like people from day one.

Day one.

Yeah.

Day one only.

Yeah.

She was my first assistant ever.

And she left me within like seven or eight months of working for me because she got like her dream job.

Get you a real job.

Yeah, Condé Nast.

And I was like, go and flourish and live your truth.

She bounced around to a couple couple of jobs.

And then last year, she messaged me and was like, I want to come back.

And I actually was like, I could bring you on full time.

Here's the thing about Josephine.

Are we doing hard work day to day?

No.

Does Josephine really need to use her brain at full capacity to do what we do?

Also, no.

Josephine is there for full vibes.

But is also Josephine Daphne's handler 24/7.

Correct.

Does Josephine Josephine know what's going on half the time?

Josephine has the energy of cotton candy.

She's light.

She's happy.

You're only around it when it's time to have fun.

Here's the thing why I need her at my apartment every single day, morning till night.

She changes my brain perspective.

Wow.

If I was with someone who was too similar to me and like a little bit negative.

Are you on me right now?

No.

No, no, no, that's why we work too because you're not negative.

You're not really pessimistic.

I can really get down on it.

You know, like when me and Sierra are together longer than she did, it's dark.

It's bad.

It's real bad.

I'm like, and fuck them.

That's why the three of us keep it light.

We keep it light.

Josephine brings so much light and positivity to my life.

Yeah.

So perfect.

But I love that I'm rubbing off on her a little bit.

Because that's snarky.

This is why it hurts because Josephine will never mean anything mean.

Never.

So she's literally compunged me and she goes, your nails look so good.

I would have thought that you were a nail biter.

And I'm looking at her.

She's looking at me.

I'm looking at her.

And I go, that is so fucking valid.

Cause I actually so would look like I'm one of those people, but not to brag, like, why not?

Well, actually, I said, that's for.

amateur out.

Like my issues are so much deeper and more complicated than nail biting.

Yeah.

Nail biting is literally

basic.

Yeah.

A basic thing.

I don't nail bite.

It's so funny because when she said that i thought oh my god she gives exact nail biting energy and i've never thought it's gonna look like a nail where like you look at my nails and they're just like to the bottom like there's no nail left no i don't bite my nails but i do other things that are way worse and harmful to myself right but i self-sabotage in different ways sorry i'm a creative yeah sorry i'm a creative um so shout out to josephine oh yeah i also i had a college memory i wanted to bring up

I feel like you don't have memories from college.

I don't have memories.

I truly know.

I'm not going to lie.

I was laying in bed the other night and I was trying to think of like

something from my childhood.

And I was just like, I can't think of it.

And then I was like, can I think of anything?

Like, I truly can't remember a damn thing.

Like, sometimes people, like, I saw this thing on TikTok and it was like, when's the last time you were really happy?

It was like, I was like, okay that's too deep and i know it's been a while but like

but then i was trying to think of things from my 20s and i was like and how did i feel then i was like i don't know like i couldn't think of anything it is crazy though you really do change i know that people say they don't change but like i used to only wear gold jewelry now i only wear silver like that's a huge change women can change men can't

You're so right.

Women are changing.

Also, I feel like my style changes every year.

Like, I'll see stuff I wore the previous season and I'm like, I wouldn't be caught dead in that.

Absolutely.

So, I'm evolving.

But in college, I had a triggering memory.

I was like talking to a hockey guy, which never went well.

And he was trying to be funny and like called me a nickname.

And it was like the worst nickname ever.

I mean, I feel like you got bullied so much in college, but you didn't actually notice it till you're in the middle.

I'm now

at college.

So we were freshmen, me and this guy.

Yeah, they called me Big Thighs McGee.

I'm like, what?

He's just so.

I'm like, that's me.

This is worse.

This is worse.

He calls me this name.

And then all the hockey guys like latch onto it.

So whenever I walk in the bar, they would like yell it.

What was it?

They called me Burn Dog.

Okay, they thought you were a lesbian.

No, that's so bad.

Burn dog.

Burn dog.

You want to know what

I'm defending them?

It does roll off the tongue.

Like, it's an easy burndog.

Like, it's an easy thing to say.

And you know what?

It was fun, but like, I was at the height of like exploring my sexuality in college, and it wasn't the tone I wanted to give.

Yeah.

Like, if my teammates called me Burndog, I'd be like, yes, we're like, we're friends.

But, like, for a hot guy to be like, burn dog,

like, I could dry up hearing that.

Do you know that I've never really like had a nickname?

Well, whenever we play sports, I turn into a JV, angry JV coach, and I go, Desorbo!

Yeah, you do.

Desorbo, what did you?

You're the only one that's ever called me by my last name because I've never played a sport.

And then people call you you P.

Yeah, some people call me P.

But that's like

it's just my initial.

There's no like.

Well, and then when you get drunk, people call you Pam.

Yeah, but that hasn't happened in a while.

Oh, is that not a thing anymore?

Getting drunk.

Not really.

When is the last?

I couldn't.

When is the last time I was drunk?

When was the last time I was drunk?

When is the last time you were drunk?

I know the last time I was drunk, I think it was like New Year's Eve.

Well, I actually know that for a fact because I died and had to get an IV.

You just died, went to heaven, came back.

Went to heaven, saw my grandma and came back.

Said, I love you, Grammy.

Said, hi to Anna's daughter, grandpa.

Did you tell him I missed him?

Did you say Anna doesn't shut up about you?

Why are we getting the pet psychic on the pod?

Good enough.

Grace, you have literally one job to find the pet psychic.

All I'm doing, May, is fucking off, freezing my eggs, and And going to pet psych eggs.

Pet psych eggs.

Yeah.

I wonder how Daphne feels about me freezing my eggs.

That's one thing I want to ask.

The pet psychology.

Should we freeze Daphne's eggs?

She doesn't have any.

She's fixed.

She fixed.

She's fixed.

Yeah.

How's she doing?

I mean, she's gorgeous as ever, just like living her life.

Wait, I'm obsessed with making people's animals into AI humans.

Okay, just so you guys can understand from my perspective, I woke up at 5 a.m.

6 o'clock, my phone, 6 a.m.

in California, my phone is blowing up from page de Sorbo, and I said, something bad must have happened.

Something bad must have happened.

Everyone send pictures of your pets.

She's sending me, she's obsessed with ChatGPT and AI.

Like, she thinks it's the greatest thing ever.

She wants to replace all humans with it.

No, I'm obsessed.

And we're going to put it in the newsletter what ChatGPT said our

human versions of our cats are.

She sends me this like beautiful girl and she goes, this is Daphne as a human.

And I was like, It's 6 a.m.

And then she goes, Send me a picture of butter now.

And I was like, Okay, you don't have to be so bossy.

And that looked exactly what we thought butter would look like as a human.

And I sent it into AI and I said, This is my best friend's cat.

She runs away a lot and she doesn't let anyone pet her.

She's from Queens.

Do you feel closer to AI than most people?

I do.

Yeah.

Like, I feel closer to AI than you.

I think that you do.

I talk to my children.

I don't trust AI.

It's like Bluetooth.

I don't trust it.

I don't like it.

And it's not good at comedy, so it doesn't help me.

How do you know it's not good at comedy?

Because I said, right, I had a burner's neck is hour, and it didn't do a good job.

Wait, one sec.

To end the pod, in celebration of our book,

I want us to read the back of the book.

Oh, yeah, because no one's seen it.

No one's seen it.

And you guys are going to get it delivered on Tuesday.

But we want to, the back is a, it's called The Blurb.

We didn't know what that was.

But we got some quotes.

So if you guys want to know the reviews are in and this is what people said, do you want to start?

I'll start.

Our first quote: This book feels like Hannah and Paige's friendship.

Honest, hectic, and always hilarious.

Said by Amy Poehler, actor and producer.

Next.

My sister isn't that funny.

Gary DeSorbo, Paige's brother.

This is going to be the greatest book ever.

Instagram psychic.

Daphne, Paige's cat.

We have a lot of notes.

The publishing company.

So nice of them to add something.

I like them on Bravo, but I didn't know they have a podcast.

Bravo fan.

Can we hire HR, Grace, our CEO?

No comment from Butter.

I wrote this book, Lenore Berner, Hannah's mom.

I think I met them once, Chelsea Han, their comedian, TV host, and six times, six times, New York best-selling author.

Oh, my God.

Okay, Chelsea.

Well, how to giggle.

If you order it now, it will arrive.

I just wanted to say this.

On stands now.

On stands now.

If we're in the airport, we might see the book.

Oh, yeah.

And like a Hudson News.

That'll be cool.

Okay.

Cool.

Things to look forward to.

We love you guys so much.

Thanks for giggling.

Talk to you soon.

Bye.

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