Giggling about book press, tummy time, and mustaches

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Sup, gigglers.

Harriet, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my Gilded Age gigglers?

We read now.

We read, like, when was the Gilded Age?

Um,

too much.

Too many questions.

Yeah, what the hell?

That was a Monday.

That was crazy.

I thought you were talking about the TV show.

I kind of was, but I was trying to reference our book that the girls are reading like it's

the only other activity.

Yeah.

The girls are reading like the internet is out.

The girls, by the way, have been tagging us.

It's so funny who's paid and Hannah coated.

Like the page coated.

No, Hannah, it's hilarious.

The page-coated book tags, there's flowers in the background.

It's aesthetic.

There's a candle lit.

Like, there's a

panel in it.

Yeah, like the Hannah's are like, Here's my dog and my cup of coffee, and I got the book, guys.

And the dog is eating the book.

Yeah, I mean, this is so Hannah.

And also, the Hannah-coated ones, they go crazy with the fonts on Insta Stories.

They're wild with the fonts.

The page fonts are the little, cute, tiny, adorable.

One girl was like bedazzling her book, and I was just like, oh, it's stunning.

You guys, the response from the book has been fucking insane.

If you haven't got it, I was just saying it's number five in Amazon and all books, which is crazy because Amazon invented books.

No.

I thought books originated in the Gilded Age from Amazon.com.

I feel like the kids don't know that enough.

Like, I don't think there's enough Gen Z that know that Amazon started as like, that's where you got your textbooks.

Jeff Bezos was a librarian.

No, it's crazy.

Now he looks like Ven Diesel.

Ven Diesel got put in the microwave.

I'm allowed to shit on Jeff Bezos.

I feel like, yeah, why can't you?

I'm allowed to shit on all the billionaires that are trying to like look like Justin Bieber now.

I mean, pre, not Justin Bieber now, but like Mark Zuckerberg, who looks like he's

dropping an album.

You know why we need to become billionaires?

Why?

I mean, a plethora of reasons.

You have to sell a couple more books.

A plethora of reasons, but I think that we would be like the world's first billionaires that like,

well, no, I feel like Melinda Gates does like a lot of really good stuff.

But like, I feel like we would be the first billionaires to just be like improving our sleep situation.

You know, like,

you know, like we're spending money where, like, where like it really counts to us.

Let's assume when we got our mattress firm deal, we went off.

No,

I've never been inside of a mattress firm more than when they were like, let's work together.

I was like, let's post up.

I went like four times to try out beds because I literally couldn't make my mind up.

And then I got one and I slept on it for like four nights.

And I was like, switch it out.

And like, I mean, I worked with them you know like we were texting

no your mattress like people who sleep well don't murder people you know the legally blonde quote

and not to sound like a lady of the night but like I've gotten so many compliments on my mattress

you know it's just like I'm like, I think it's the whole, when someone says that to me, I'm like, I'm going to be honest.

Thank you for that compliment.

I love that but i think it's the whole ambiance and you're actually selling it short my room is calm

like it is very important to me that my bedroom has nothing to do with my outside life

so like i will not allow

the chaos

energy of my life to get into my bedroom that i bring into my bedroom

I almost need to like hypnotize myself when I walk into my room to be like

you don't talk enough about how like you realize you're the one that brought that energy to your own function.

You're sitting there alone and you were like, what's with the negative energy?

And it's just me and Daphne.

And I'm like, do you feel that?

Wait, one thing I learned this week about Daphne is I truly did birth this.

Freaking cat because when we're laying on the couch together, she's like fine.

Like she's on the ground sometimes, sometimes, sometimes she's on the couch, but she's not ever snuggling with me on the couch.

Like it's our own separate time.

Yeah.

Recently, when we've been getting in the bed, she's been getting like jacked up.

Like

I've been getting in bed earlier this past week because we had to get up so much earlier.

And every time I got in at like eight o'clock, she's snuggling.

Like she's on my head, she's on my chest.

She's like, this is so fun.

And I'm just like, the fact that I realized this week that you love the bed.

Well, the funniest thing was

we had to wake up at like 7 a.m.

for something, and you said Daphne literally looked at you and was like, No, no, I'm not moving.

I turned the lights on, and it was as if I had like stolen her kittens because she gave me, she opened one eye, looked at me, and was like, Are you fucking serious?

Like, turn the light off.

Like,

I knew that's what she was saying to me.

Like, turn the light off, you idiot.

I was really busy last night running around and air puking, and I need my full sleep.

But

all the gigglers posting their pets in the background with their book is literally giving me life.

And I'm judging everyone's nails in a good way because, you know, I'm like obsessed with people's nails.

I'm like, cute, love.

And then people's rugs.

Some girls out here have a cute-ass rug.

Well, because they're doing like their rug with their little coffee table.

I'm obsessed now.

Well, you bank the pages.

Thank you to the pages.

Okay, for keeping your

story viewing aesthetic.

Well, I think

what we did accidentally with the book is that it's a coffee table book that is funny.

What other coffee table books make you laugh?

Most of them give me FOMO.

I'm like, I wish I was on the Malfi Coast right now.

Yeah, that's so true.

What's like one takeaway from the book tour that you were just like,

it's so crazy.

That people have said to us?

Yeah, or like, what was your favorite part?

Or like, what was something that you were like, this is cool?

i did have fun on good morning america yeah it's it's so funny i have so much fun when you don't um there's a pattern here

i walked into good morning america melinda gates waves at us we have no idea who she is but we're like what a sweet sweet woman we like her vibe we wave back and then i see gino who just won uconn's women's basketball nca championship so i'm like gino i love you you're like who are you yelling at you i feel like you talked to so many people at good morning america and i was i worked at Good Morning America.

I was like, who is that?

Then Michael Strahan was there.

And I was like, we love you, Michael.

Wait, I saw a video of that.

And I didn't even see him walk by because me and Lara were in like such a deep converse.

Yes, you guys were gossiping.

I see Michael Strahan and I say, Michael, obsessed with you.

He turns away, but then I realized from the other camera, he goes, love you guys too.

So I was making friends with everyone that day.

You truly were.

And that made me really happy.

And then meeting the gigglers has been so fun.

That one girl was like, can I do the worm in Barnes and Noble's and Barnes and Noble's is like we're gonna have to ask you guys to leave yeah they were like it's not our typical crowd no people thought there was a Sephora sale going on at Barnes and Noble

me

I literally got out of I was driving by Barnes and Noble and like if you see a line of girls and like you can tell what kind of girls like

I immediately am like oh sample sale today like I wonder girls with taste and who are in the know and well read I was like I I wonder what, like, like, spaces right there that there's like all these girls.

And I was like, it's a lot of girls.

It's got to be like a Reformation sale or something.

The bitches are lining up for aloe yoga.

And then when I got out of the car and it was for us, I was like, there's just no way.

I was like, guys, I thought it was a sample sale.

You know, I used to hang out at Barnes and Noble's after school, like in Midtown.

That's like what the kids did.

You just like, no way.

You'd sit on in like between an aisle and like get a magazine.

That is so emo.

That's so New York City emo.

And it wasn't like in a mall.

It was just a random Bernze noble on the corner.

But then you'd get a Starbucks and you, that, what was better than that?

What was better than your $8 Starbucks?

And you always got the most unhealthy one that you're going to shit your pants immediately.

But you're like, yeah, I got the vanilla strawberry extra fudge.

I feel like you missed that part of childhood.

What were you?

Oh, you were modeling?

No, I mean, like, we weren't like, we couldn't just like go places by ourselves.

We couldn't drive.

No, New York was crazy and we were allowed to do anything except drive.

And to this day, I can't drive.

I realize there's a lot of New Yorkers that can't drive.

Me, especially Gavin, who's so many.

Michael Che can't.

I think we have to all unite because I'm past the point of like getting my driver's license.

I now have like an emotional blockage.

Like, yeah.

Actually, I need, this is a PSA.

Are there any gigglers that work at the DMV?

Because I don't want you to cheat for me, but I just need you to hold my hand.

This is borderline illegal.

Is this

extorting the giggler?

No, this is literally bribing a public official.

Don't tell anyone I said this.

This is between us.

But I just want a giggler in the vicinity while I do it to make me feel calmer.

Because I feel like when I get in the car with them, they're rooting against you.

And I don't like that energy.

If a giggler can tell me about my vagina, I think a giggler can help us get you a license.

You know?

Look, I don't want to cheat, but I would like some support.

Yeah.

I have a cool lasagna.

When it comes to driving, like,

I don't, I truly don't think that you have to ever get your driver's license if you plan on living in New York City for the rest of your life.

Like,

I really.

This is the problem.

My parents are in Long Island.

If I want to see them.

Also, if I have children and I want them to go to soccer practice, like, I know.

Totally.

But, like, if you're in the city, you jump on the subway, you get in a car.

If you're going out to Long Island, like you,

unless Uber goes away, but like I feel like you're saying

you're enabling my bad behavior.

Okay, I'm not trying to.

Am I good for the environment?

Yes.

We don't talk about that.

Is your carbon footprint zero?

Zero.

No one talks about it.

No one talks about it.

I'm out here doing hairspray campaigns and it's not driving.

Okay.

That's the reason the ozone layer is broken.

We even each other out.

Okay.

My only question is, and I, maybe this is just how my brain is wired.

I think about living in New York City a lot in terms of like,

if something were to happen, because we live in such a targeted city, everything runs in New York City.

If something happened in New York City where we had to get out, like we had to get out quick, or like you had to jump in a car and like at some point someone was like, you have to drive.

In that situation,

do you think about that?

Like, oh, what if something happened?

Would I be able to, like, do you think in that situation you'd be able to do it?

And if the answer is yes, then I don't think you ever need a license.

And if the answer is no, I think you need to.

Well, shout out to all the people who have their license right now.

But like, like my grandpa, didn't want to bring him up.

My grandpa was 92 out here in these streets wilding.

Like, I was going to report that, man.

I was like, I was going to say, how does he have a license?

Probably shouldn't have been.

There's people who should not have licenses that have licenses.

Totally.

And for people

who remember the past, I did pass it at one point, except I hit the curb at the end and my dad didn't approve.

Whatever.

Long story short, it expired.

But I do think that I get really bad anxiety and I envision myself failing.

I have no positive self-talk with it.

And I just...

I don't know what to do, but I think I have to get it this summer.

Okay, so it's a summer goal.

you did answer the question though in a time of crisis would you be able to drive us over the george washington but my both my legs are broken

and my hand and i lost my hands okay so in college in wisconsin where everyone drives

my teammate got out of the car to drop something off and i was just sitting in the car and a cop pulled over and was like hey you have to move your vehicle

and i looked at him and i was like and you're like i'm a statue essentially

I can't.

And he's like, why?

And I was like, I, I, I, but I was like too embarrassed to say it.

And we had this very,

I thought I was gonna get arrested.

I was like, I'm a baby.

Yeah, no, literally, that's what you said.

You're like, a cute little baby.

I don't know.

And then I got my permit once.

And I was with a bunch of like important adults and they needed me to drive something.

And I like pretended that I could drive, but I was so scared.

And did you drive?

Yeah.

But it was Shelter Island.

So there's like not one stoplight.

So okay, so you could do it.

Yeah, I could do it, but like if you were like, okay, Hannah, if you mess up this parallel park, everyone in your family dies.

My whole family's dead.

Like they're gone.

Okay, I'm going to tell you something.

I've never parallel parked once in my life.

I parallel parked once on my road test when I was 16, and I'm 32.

I fucked it up, and he was like, You're fine.

I know you're hitting me.

But you didn't hit the curb.

You didn't hit the curb.

Okay, good.

But I wasn't close to the curb.

I was a problem in the opposite way.

I was in the street.

I was in the middle of the street.

I was like, this is fine.

Wait, so technically, you don't even have to do it.

You could be like, just to duck the points.

I didn't hit the curb because I didn't move the car.

Can we move on?

No, you have to do it.

I shouldn't be trying to get around it.

This is not good.

I will learn, but I have to take lessons.

So that's

a sea driver's head.

You guys, your ego is not your amigo.

Nope.

And that's where I'm at right now.

And that's where we're at.

I'm fighting the good fight emotionally.

One thing I wanted to bring up because I was watching Righteous Gemstones, which

is really...

I'm going to get into it.

Well, this is the last season, so it's like, it's fine.

But

an actress that people I feel like don't talk about enough that's hilarious

is Megan Malally.

Who is that?

I'm googling her right now.

Okay, she was in, did you ever watch

Will and Grace?

Oh, yeah.

She's Karen.

She's Karen in Will and Grace.

Yeah, she has the best voice ever.

And she's in this season of Gemstones.

And like, every time I see her pop up in something, like, she's in Parks and Recreation a lot.

Like, her husband is like the main, one of the main guys in Parks and Recreation.

Her husband's in Rec and Records.

She's like, Offerman.

Yes.

Got it.

And sometimes he would, she would go on Parks and Rec and like play his ex-wife, even though they were like married in real life.

Love that.

She's just so funny.

And I truly don't feel like people give her enough of flowers.

Like she's she's just as iconic as anyone else in that, in her, um,

like of her peers.

But, like, I feel like no one ever talks about her.

And so, like, Will and Grace awareness to her.

That show was incredible, and also, I feel like

made serious moves for the gay community.

No, I actually re-watched Will and Grace, like, start to finish

like a year ago.

It's such a good sitcom.

Like, I could, like, it's so funny now.

I couldn't imagine how funny it was when it was on TV, like that early 2000s.

Yeah.

So last week we're doing all this book press, and Paige looks at me and she goes, that's weird.

You don't have any gays on your team.

And I was like, well, the gays are in high demand and the best gays are currently busy right now.

And she's like, explains a lot.

And walks away.

And

you have two gays on your team.

Yeah, but when Lucio comes, then it's like, I have three gays.

Yeah, Lucio's three.

And so

it was just an observation because I saw my gays huddled and chatting.

And I'm like, the best gossip is probably happening in that, in that like little circle right now.

But I'm working.

I can't even go over to see like what they're chatting about.

And as I turned and looked at Hannah, I was like, oh, she's by all women, which like I'm also all women team too.

But like, I just made the observation like, oh, you don't have any gays.

And that's why you're like, I have all women, even though there's multiple male gays, but you're like, but it's all women.

It's all gays.

Well, there's no straight men in the vicinity.

I would say there's probably women on my team who have made out with girls before.

Okay.

But it doesn't count.

No, it doesn't count the same.

So we're just going to get you some gays.

Well, we were in Fallon and we were trying to think of like good stories to tell.

And you wanted to tell the story about how Radio City, they wanted, they asked us if we could come out from from the stage.

The stage, but it was going to cost $8,000.

And I was like, who the fuck do you think we are?

What's the name of the gay magician?

And I looked at one of your gays and he was like, why are you looking at me?

And I was like, I was like, what?

And he goes, are you talking about Liberace, who's a musician, not a magician?

He was like, first, that was targeted.

And second, I knew that you got it wrong.

And here's the answer.

He goes, that was a hate crime.

This is actually what you wanted to hear.

And then he helped you out at the end because that's how the gays are.

They'll read you, but then help.

So, anyway, I am in the lookout for a gay on my team.

I just, I think it's important.

Blakely Thornton is one of my best friends, but he's very busy.

He's busy.

He's busy.

He texts me sometimes.

I ideas about my career, but I wouldn't say he's fully on the team.

So that's something I will work on.

What is, wait, I didn't ask you, what is what's your favorite moment from the book press tour so far?

What's your Rosen Thorne?

Yeah, what's my rose and thorn?

I've been obsessed with my looks.

There was one day.

That's your answer always.

I did like my outfit.

I did, because it is the first thing.

I'm authentic.

It's the first thing that pops into my head.

8 a.m.

when Paige likes her outfit, she's gleaming.

I'm like, what are you so fucking happy about?

And she's like,

it's actually so bad.

Like, my whole mood is based on how I look.

And I should really deal with that in therapy.

Like, dive into it.

It's not good.

But it helps you also look good because if you don't look good, you want to off yourself.

You don't play good.

You don't look good.

You don't play good.

Yep.

And some would argue, it's not just like looking good every day.

It's looking good on like Good Morning America.

Like, it's stressful, you know?

See, I'm taking risks, and when I

nail it, I say

you have to take a risk.

No, here's what people don't know about you, Hannah.

And I'm here to like say it as a fashion icon because I think that you are entering fashion icon territory.

You have fun.

You, if you really want to be like a Julia Fox type, but you're like, it's really not my brand.

So you go as far as you can go and feel comfortable.

And like, you're giving vibes.

You're not giving like Anna Wintor, like she put this together.

You're giving like generation.

Like people will look back and be like, what was going on fiscally?

it was a recession it's giving recession

i feel like i keep getting those tick tocks like recession indicators

hannah in fake glasses every year

hannah in good morning america in a sweater set

There is a recession approaching.

Hannah Berner wore lilac on morning TV.

My thing is, if I'm going to work with a stylist i want to put together something that i can't do on my own and i can't buy on my own and that's like you know my favorite looks from this whole press store of yours was when we went to glamour magazine

oh my god wait i don't you guys know i'm really good and i never go in the comments giggly swab posted one of the videos we got on the wrong side of something People were mad.

Why?

They literally were like, Hannah needs to burn it.

Hannah.

Wait, are you kidding?

Okay, here's the thing.

Your outfit for glamour was very New York City coded.

Thank you.

So, like,

so I don't, so yes, you're going to get a lot of hate from Ohio over.

Thank you.

Okay, and I'm here to like.

Wait, I love how you go, let me, as someone who's been through,

let me hold your hand when I say this.

You don't want them to get it.

Okay.

You don't want them to say great outfit.

And I do have to say, I think the page-coated girls

are appreciating

the work,

the art.

Page-coated girls can appreciate the effort, the vision, and the risk.

Yes.

You know, like these girls are out here with bangs, and it's about to be summer.

We like a risk, you know?

Like, we're not stable.

Are you keeping the bangs for summer?

Yeah, I love my bangs.

You do?

I kind of want you one day to, this might, something, you might have to be really going through something which you have but that's that could

be really short ones short ones oh yeah you're always out to sabotage but maybe they're fake like just for a photo shoot maybe I could do like I you know what I want to do like I've always wanted to do it but I feel like honestly the reason I haven't is because I am scared people are gonna be like oh my god enough with her but I want to do a society's always this close to that with women feel like if she posts one more thing one more thing if I if I accomplish one more thing and I'm actually done for.

You've hit your pot of baby.

No, I hit her.

Also, it's not like you're like, you got out of a relationship.

Like, let her live.

No, like, literally, women get out of a relationship and they're like, and I'll be president.

I'm literally running for office.

Wait, now, what was I going to freaking say?

Oh, you.

Wait, rewind it, Grace.

Rewind it.

You were going to say, fuck.

I wasn't listening to you.

I wasn't listening to to you.

No, you never listened to me.

No, I've never listened to you once.

Shoot.

It'll come back.

Oh, you were saying at a photo shoot.

Oh, yeah.

I want to, like, recreate some of Audrey Hepburn's, like, most iconic looks.

And, like, do a photo shoot.

But I was like, what?

I'm just going to do this photo shoot for nothing and then post the pictures.

And people will be like, okay, for what?

Well, I think you do the photo shoot and then you keep it for

like some press that comes and then go, I have, I have the yeah, could it just like be fun?

Like, whatever, or you just do an Audrey Hepburn calendar, that's what they used to do back in the Gilded Age, they would do calendars like for firefighters, and like, I'll mail it to my boyfriend, yes, that's what you do, and your mom, yeah, no, maybe I'll do it for like a birthday shoot or something.

You with a pixie cut is gonna change the world, you just don't know it yet, but it's fine.

I just think I'm a couple, like

as your best friend, I have a vision, I have a vision, and like, but I can't force you to to do things.

Right.

That's true.

No, we know that.

We know that.

I have to do things on my own time.

Yes.

Also with the photo shoots, though, and I don't know if you feel this too, but like you kind of feel like you have to keep outdoing yourself.

Totally.

So like, that's why I wore no pants as last photo shoot.

I know why Playboy happens.

You were like, if Paige can put a tie on and act like she thought of it, like I can take my pants off.

I think it actually wasn't planned.

It was like I put on the top, and then you were literally mid-getting dressed, and you were like, whatever, just do like one like this.

I know you.

I literally was like, is this giving cunt?

I was like, you guys, is this giving cunt?

Here's the other thing.

Here's the other thing that I don't, that people wouldn't necessarily know, especially like

if you don't live in New York City and you, if you were one of the people that don't live in New York City and you didn't like Hannah's glamour outfits,

raise your hand.

I'm just sticking a poll.

Show yourselves.

Show yourselves.

Stand up.

Go to the back of the class.

Turn around.

Forehead to the chalkboard.

You're under arrest.

What I need you guys to also know is

Hannah is so creative.

So like even at a photo shoot, you're coming up with like creative visions.

You're like, what if we did this?

What if we hung hung from that?

And like

three out of every 10 ideas are like usable,

but you're coming up with them.

You know, like you're, so when you're at a photo shoot and you're like, oh, let's just like try it with no pants.

I know what was happening behind the scenes there.

Well, that is so true.

That is how I play this game of life.

I'm failing, failing, failing, failing.

Once you're in the middle of

strikes gold.

This is what they say.

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut

every now and then.

I would classify us as blind squirrels.

We're just two blind squirrels trying to find some nuts.

No, Hannah's literally got me on Calteen bars, actually.

There's always a peanut butter bar somewhere in the vicinity.

And if there's not, Grace is on her way to get a peanut butter bar.

Okay, so we're obsessed with the peanut butter bars at Starbucks, which is like a full meal.

The perfect bars, perfect bars.

Perfect bars.

And I was about to do one of the signings and I was like, Grace, I need a peanut butter bar.

But no, they are.

But I was eating them like literal, like it was going out of style.

And then Hannah goes, Yeah, there's like 400 calories in these.

They're like protein bars.

It's a meal replacement.

I go, A meal replacement?

I've been having them as a sweet treat.

And then you yelled, and then you had a piece of peanut butter in your tooth while you were yelling.

And Barnes and Noble shook.

All the books started to shake.

Oh, God.

Also, so giggly-coated at Barnes and Noble, lactate came through with the best lactose-free ice cream, 100% real milk, real dairy.

So good.

I ate so much of it.

No, it was so good to have a sweet treat after my hand was cramping and to hold something cold.

I also left with two.

Yeah, I think I was like, I sit with the ice cream, figure it out.

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Has anyone checked on Grace?

Is Grace okay after this press run?

No, but actually, Grace.

Grace, this is the thing.

Grace doesn't want this life.

No.

She doesn't want fame.

She doesn't want to be at the forefront of anything.

At Barnes and Noble, girls are coming up to us, barely making eye contact and saying, Where's Grace?

And I look and I said, Grace, I'm sorry.

This is what your life is now so Grace is getting very popular despite the fact she doesn't want to she's very scared she's very scared she's very

she's here's the thing she is shy but she's not

well this is the thing we can't fully understand it I look at her in the eye I said grace I will never understand what you're going through right now Because you're getting attention and you don't want it.

So I don't even know where to begin with this conversation, but I'm here for you.

I will.

What did they say?

I respect you.

What are they saying wicked?

I will hold space for you.

I wouldn't know.

But when I see attention, I say, give me that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But that's why we work so well together.

Actually, this is a fun question.

When you're home for a holiday, like, okay, for Easter, who was like at the dinner table?

Oh, okay.

This was actually kind of sad.

Okay.

I didn't mean to do that.

No, because my brother lives in Indiana now.

Yeah.

Wait, this is my first holiday without my brother.

Wait, he went to his girlfriend's?

Yeah.

No, like, life starts getting weird and you realize, like, oh my God, I took for granted every holiday.

It's so weird.

And you know, when you're at the table with your brother and you're like, can we leave and play Nintendo?

This just sucks.

No, well, I had to, like, I always disappear at some point in, like, the evening.

And I was like, wait, I can't.

They're going to notice.

You're the only kid.

You're the only kid.

I mean, you are the favorite, but it comes with a lot of responsibility.

It was weird.

Okay, so it's so far it's you.

So it was me.

Normally, it's my nan and papa, but they went to

the other side of the families.

We were very, this is also the thing, like, we're not very religious.

So, like,

Easter's not on the top.

Like, I think, no, I feel like, I feel like for everyone, like, Easter is not like the biggest.

Yeah, and family celebration.

Des had to do cellar spots, so he was in the city.

So it was literally me, my mom, my dad.

Wait, I love that.

Okay, so say it's not

a different dinner.

Thank you so much for that small, sad tale.

Wait, do you know I texted your mom?

Do you know I was texting your mom yesterday?

I should have known you were born.

Did you get jealous?

No, because my mom was like, Hannah texted me happy Easter.

And then I was like, fuck.

Like,

I have to text Lenore, and I literally forgot.

No, you don't.

I mean, my mom was waiting by the phone.

She was chucking it like that.

I should have said to my mom, ooh, so you're not real friends.

She wished you happy holidays.

Do you want to know how bored I was yesterday?

I look at my mom and I go, can you teach me how to make broccola robe with sausage pasta?

This is my favorite dish that she's done my whole life that I could have learned literally any day, but I've refused.

And I said, you know what?

We have nothing left.

The world's about to end.

Can I learn how to make this?

Did she make it?

So I cooked it with her, and then I took a photo.

Unlike Kim, when Kim tries to teach us how to cook, my mom let me touch the food.

Kim had no belief in us.

No plans of letting us.

But I cooked sausage and broccoli rob

and

the family liked it.

No one died.

And it was quite peaceful.

It was quite peaceful and nice.

Oh, so that's what you had for Easter.

Okay, so say it's like your parents, you and Des.

And interesting because Des is also like a stand-up comedian.

So like when you're at like a normal dinner with

all the vibes.

Are you guys like performing?

Like are you going back and forth?

Because here's your dad is also very funny.

So like, is it like a constant.

Great question.

And I think you'd know this because you know me.

I'm sitting back.

Oh, okay.

I'm not on payroll right now.

Okay.

I'm sitting back because there's so many big personalities in my family.

Nana is a star.

When Nana walks in, the energy changes.

Okay.

The energy changes.

And Papa's holding her coat.

It shifts.

She literally does what you do, where she stands there, looks at me, waits for me to compliment her outfit.

Then tells me, oh no, I don't look as good as I used to look.

Keeps walking.

And then my dad jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes.

Des

getting into it about some deep, like, historical, political, smart thing that I don't know anything about.

And I'm trying to find the cats.

Got it.

Okay.

What is your dynamic?

It's the page show.

It's Amazon Live.

I didn't know how to live.

It's Amazon Live.

But sometimes, like, okay, so like when my brother is there, it's him and I back and forth, back and forth.

Like, we're joking, and sometimes it's we're targeting them all at my dad, like we're just making fun of my dad, or like it's the roast of Gary DeSorbo.

Yeah, it's like roasting, whatever.

Um, but I'm yapping.

I probably yap the most I ever yap in my entire life when I'm like at the dinner table with my family because I can be my most self.

What if someone, Gary brought a girlfriend?

Do you change the dynamic and ask her some questions or no?

You go, this is my favorite.

How dare you put me in this?

You go, do you want me to lie to you?

No.

Okay, Gary's current girlfriend right now, I am obsessed with.

I was speaking general.

I was speaking general.

He really didn't bring like that many girlfriends, I feel like, to like a dinner.

And like, no, then I would like tone it down a little bit.

But if it's my significant others, are like sitting at the table, my mom gets like a little where she's like,

it's about you.

It's about you.

Like, are they going to find you annoying?

Oh, she goes, we're going to need less.

Yeah.

Maybe.

You're at a 12.

I need you at a five.

But it's my family.

So I'm like, I'm most comfortable here.

Wow.

I just had a memory once I was in a car and it was a three-hour car ride with my brother.

and a girlfriend at the time.

And my dad and I, yapping.

Yeah.

Yapping, yapping.

And I might have made this up, but I feel like she said something along the lines of, Do you guys ever shut up?

Yeah,

totally.

And I was like, This is my car.

Yeah.

No, that's insane.

Now, if I'm the guest, I'm at someone else's family, quiet as a mouse.

You are.

Like, we'll speak when spoken to.

And if I feel comfortable enough to like throw in a joke here and there, I'll do it.

But if one joke doesn't land, you're out.

I'm quite reserved.

Reserved.

Yeah.

See, on other people's classes, I'm anything they want me to be.

Ringing the bell.

I'm a chameleon.

Wait, do you want to say, remember when me and Allie came to visit your parents?

Yeah.

Allie, hysterical comedian.

She immediately was

commanded the room.

And I said, I can sit back.

Allie has taken that.

No, you enjoyed your lunch.

I enjoyed my lunch.

Yeah, you sat.

I love, I actually love being quiet.

Yeah, you do.

People don't know that about you enough, I feel like you do love being quiet.

Because my camera comes in my direction.

I have to, you don't, yeah, you don't.

It makes me nervous because I'm like, what are you thinking up in there?

You know, like, what are you cooking up in your brain?

I'm sorry.

Because you're so quiet.

Valid point.

Because when I'm talking, I'm telling you every single thought that's coming in my brain.

So when I shut up, you're like, this is going to be.

I'm like, something's worrying her.

Normally, yes.

Normally, yes.

But that's why we love Grace, because she keeps the flow going between the three of us.

Oh, have you heard of adult tummy time?

No, but it sounds like something I'd be interested in.

I'm surprised it hasn't hit your algorithm.

On TikTok, there's a thing going around called adult tummy time, which is apparently good for your spine because your spines

are naturally curved.

And from slouching, it reverses that curve and it's bad for you.

So if you lay on your stomach

and a little bit upright like baby cobra.

Yeah.

And you could still be on your phone.

Okay.

They say it's good for your posture.

So a lot of adults are doing tummy time now.

And you could also do choice time if you want.

What's choice time?

Do you remember when you're a kid and you could decide just what you want to do for the day?

Choice time.

And they were like, you have to nap.

And you were like, no.

I couldn't tell you the last time I had a choice.

Oh, God.

I know.

No, I know.

I know.

Oh,

I did want to say too,

since you've become like a performer and like you perform all the time, sometimes it is hard to get out of the performance mindset.

If you've been doing straight shows and then randomly you're at like a dinner,

you sometimes cannot turn it off.

Like I told you, I'll be doing crowd work at dinner and have to stop myself because your brain is just doing it.

You're like, you look at your mom and dad.

You're like, how long have you guys been together?

I go, what do you do for a living?

They're like, you know what we do for a living.

I go, okay, sassy in the front.

You're like, no, is that Lenore

with an N-E-O-R?

I go, why are you wearing that shirt?

Why are you wearing that shirt?

No, I'm so, but if there's like a man in the vicinity, especially like at a bar, if there's like boys, I'm immediately going.

Yeah.

But when we were doing morning TV, I definitely had to be conscious because I was in performing mode.

Oh, interesting.

See, when we do morning TV, I have to be conscious not to swear.

And I have to go a step further and be conscious about the context.

Yes.

And I have to be conscious.

You want to go.

I have to be conscious of you making sure you're conscious.

But then I also have to be conscious.

I'm willy-nilly with my legs.

I'll sit there full vadge open.

Like I

get told way more than you to close my legs.

And that

tracks.

It's a parallel.

And that's a metaphor.

I do have to say I'm all about

women empowerment.

So I loved your labia out.

I thought you were doing it on purpose.

But yeah, Fallon, you showed up with a standing outfit.

Yeah.

You also had a, you had a standing outfit everywhere we went.

Mm-hmm.

When all your job was to sit in front of the camera.

I was like, what if we stood?

I do have to say, I did go a little rogue on Today's show because Jenna

Bush Hager is so funny, and I just want to make her look at her.

Because Jenna's our friend.

She's our best, like our best friend.

So, like, going on Today Show doesn't, like, going on Good Morning America, I was way more nervous.

Going on the Today Show, I'm like, oh, we're literally going to Jenna's show.

And they wanted us to riff.

They were like, have you heard of this thing called It's Giving?

And I was like, that's just me and Paige talking on a given day.

And they didn't give us any parameters.

Yeah.

We love talking about the today show.

They didn't give us anything.

They weren't like, hey, don't do this.

Well, we're obsessed with the Today Show.

We're obsessed with our producer at the Today Show.

Success, gigglers.

They just get it.

So then I feel a little too comfortable.

I think it's important I go in with a little fear.

When I, oh, yeah, we were giggling.

Remember, we were giggling, and I looked at the guy, I'm like, sorry, we're drunk.

And he was like, those were the good old days.

Yeah.

No, you're riffing with the crew.

You're like, this is, I'm on production.

Here's the thing.

Every time we do a morning show, I love it so much that I'm like, we gotta do a morning show.

But, like,

if we had a legitimate morning, like, we should give Jenna Fridays off because, like, she has a family, like, she's tired.

She wants to, like, go to the spot.

Should we extort Jenna for Friday?

We're like, if you gave Giggly Squad just Fridays.

Friday at like 11?

Maybe.

I'm like, wait, can we actually be the fifth hour?

They're like, we don't have that.

Yeah, let's go.

Can we be the eighth hour?

I do think it would be so funny, though, if you and I had a morning show because it'd be like the anti-morning show.

Like, we'd literally be like, we don't want to be awake either.

Yeah, like, I feel like we do, we would do like very minimal glam.

And we would be, we would do it in pajamas because, like, that's crazy to not.

And they're like, it's noon.

And we're like, yeah.

And we're like, this is our hour.

Why don't you?

Sip it.

But we were with Tyra,

who, I mean,

TV icon, I watched all of those seasons.

She's, I had never seen her in person.

Her face

doesn't age.

Work of art.

Her face looks exactly the way it looks like when you were watching top model on TV.

I like couldn't get over.

I was like, wait, but you look like they plucked you out of the TV and just put you right there.

Well, she's been in Australia and they have very good water there.

Oh, 2000.

I just made that.

Oh,

you were like, well, I'm going to Australia.

Got it.

Got to catch a flight.

But they were showing the braided necktie, which shout out to my stylist.

Don't know why we haven't done it yet.

Pretty sure I've texted her 80 times saying I want to do a hair necktie.

Hair tie.

But I said, this is me after a full winter of not shaving.

Tyra, not happy about it.

No, she wasn't.

She wasn't.

She went, oh.

See, you were laughing too hard to realize.

You were so funny.

I love it whenever you say.

You were like, especially if you're an enabler.

But here's the thing.

That's morning TV.

That's why it's so easy to go and be funny on morning TV.

They have to laugh at you no matter what you say because it's like,

it's not the nightly news.

The nightly news, they have to be mean.

They have to be stern.

And they have to scare you.

Yeah, morning TV

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Fun.

Yeah.

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There's the part of me that everyone sees.

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What was the low of our press tour so far?

I know what yours is.

Okay.

What?

I was about to be like, I can't think of anything.

I had a great time.

I know exactly what yours is.

I know exactly what yours is.

What?

Just think about Paige.

I know know she seems confident, but she's a quitter.

She would quit everything if I wasn't there.

Okay.

All our job is to sign like maybe 30 more books before we can leave Marx and Noble.

Even get me started.

30 more books.

First of all, she's having trouble with her Sharpie, which I get it.

That's frustrating.

But then she starts getting negative and she's like, you guys, she gets the voice.

You guys, I can't.

My hand's hurting.

My hand.

My hand.

You thought you had rigor mortis in your hand.

I'm signing.

I go, sign it lighter.

You go so fast.

I'm enjoying this.

I think it's therapeutic.

She's literally having a mental break, being like, guys, you can't.

Tamar books.

I can't.

I can't sign it anymore.

And I look at her.

My hand is.

I said, you're fucking embarrassing me in front of Mr.

Noble.

You're going to sign this book and you're going to fucking suck it up.

I'll get you an Advil after.

Okay?

Smile?

My fingers went like cramped.

I couldn't move.

Because here's so many gamblers.

Just know this.

You've been scammed because Hannah signs her freaking initials, okay?

And I sign full-out name.

And she goes, well, you should have changed your signature before we agreed to sign $2,000.

I look over.

She's bleeding.

She's crying.

I said, can you just use your left hand?

Like, I can't.

I started to get a headache from my fake glasses.

We also had, like, 20 people there who were like, their only job is to get us to sign these books.

And Paige is like,

I said, I can't.

I literally can't.

So that was your thorn.

So that was my thorn.

There was one day where I was like, so tan.

Oh.

And everyone kept asking about where'd you get your tan and you were like, it's real.

I was like, ooh.

Okay.

No, because I went to Miami.

So I already was so tan, but I was peeling.

So I was like, oh, let me just throw a little fake tan on where I'm peeling.

No, I mean,

it was too dark.

It was too dark.

But you also were peeling, which

honestly was one of the more relatable moments you've ever had.

And I think.

I peeled all over New York this week.

My skin, my DNA.

Anyone could frame me for murder this week.

I mean, it's everywhere.

Oh, Kim is stressed out now.

So stressed.

I realized something bad about myself.

And tell me if I'm wrong.

Okay.

I realized.

Nope, spot on.

Tell me if I'm off.

You're like, you're not off.

I realized that if I was a man,

I would have a mustache.

Oh, man.

Abunciu, wait, wait.

I'm going to take it one step further.

I'm going to say you'd have like a quirky mustache.

Okay,

I was a gay man in a past life.

Yep.

Yep.

When I do crowd work and there's a man with a mustache in the front row, I literally lick my lips.

I say, what are you overcompensating for?

You boring loser?

What's going on?

And I go in on them, but then I realize like

I'm a man with a mustache because I would be like bored and I let him stand alone are you talking standalone stash yeah

like porn director stash yeah like no beard because a beard is like boring and then clean face is to try hard so you're saying it's clean face with a mustache yeah like the kind of mustache you'd be like okay

that's annoying and I'd be like

I would be that guy.

And that's why I think I was a woman in this life.

Yeah, see, I'd be the kind of guy that just had like the same

length

all the time.

You get a haircut every Wednesday from a guy.

100%.

I'd be getting shape-ups.

I'd be getting,

what do they call them?

There's like so many names.

I feel like I know them.

If we were both men, would we be best friends?

I think so.

What would really be that different about us?

Like, my hobbies, okay, obviously, like, my hobbies would change, but I'd probably be just as enthusiastic for like what's the equivalent of like fashion for guys.

Like, imagine I just knew everything there was to know about golf.

You also could be in, like, I think you'd be into fashion, like, you'd have nice watches.

You'd be very into watches.

So, into watches, and your wallet would be nice.

You'd have a nice wallet.

I'd have nice, like, access, like, manly accessories.

You would have like a $200 pen.

Holy fuck, Hannah.

Yes, I would.

I would be so into a ballpoint pen on my desk.

And you would love, what do they put?

I'd love like a custom suit.

I'd be like, yeah, this is

my custom.

Yeah.

Like my cufflink.

My cufflink.

Cuffling.

My cufflink game.

Would be nuts.

I'd be like one of those guys that would be like, you should see my loafer game in the summer.

Like,

I would say that exact phrase.

I'd be like, at a wedding is crazy.

You'd be at a beach wedding and be like, like, sorry, I can't go on the beaches with these loafers.

Yeah, I'd be like, my tuck shoes, like, you guys could never.

Wow, I'd be such a douche.

You love that.

But also,

sorry, the Sierra, if I were a boy, it just started playing in my head.

Because you are an artiste.

And that's what this pot is about: is just appreciate art.

Appreciate art.

It's subjective.

It is subjective.

What did you write about fake quotes?

oh my god

I just needed to say this because it's so crazy I don't know if it's like

if it's I don't know what it is if it's like bots or like if it's like people that get

I don't know what it is, but I keep seeing all these TikToks of like massive long quotes from by me, but like I never said them.

And some of them are so crazy.

And I'll go in the comments, and they'll be like, Yep, exactly something she said.

Wait, like bad quotes, yeah, and I have to like type in it and be like, I didn't, like, actually say this, and like, I don't know how defamation works, but I feel like this is like kind of damaging.

Like, I didn't say any of this.

Well, is it?

And it's like saying the source, like, is it like from this podcast or just saying?

No, it's just like a, it will be like a random TikTok account, and it'll be like, quote from Paige to Sorbo.

And so then I'm like, oh my God, did someone like pay someone to do that?

Or is it like a bot?

I know what it is.

It's so scary.

I hate to say it, but the algorithm does better when people write a long paragraph because people have to stop to read it so it makes the videos do better.

And then you're like a trending topic right now because like

you have people are just

yeah, and that's why a lot of things become popular on the internet because if algorithmically something works, like when there's a scandal, everyone talks about it because those videos do better.

It's not because they actually like

have honest takes or care about something.

It's so, so I just like, if I just...

If you see anything I said, I didn't say it.

Yeah.

Like if you see something say something, like it's so creepy.

Oh my God.

And it comes to your algorithm because they think you like are going to care.

Yeah.

There was like one quote and I was like, oh, what did I say?

And then I'm like reading it and I was like, I didn't say it.

But can we be honest?

Have you ever done an interview and as you're reading what you said, you're like, that's not the tone I meant to do.

100%.

100%.

I'm like, that was actually a joke, and I was taking very seriously.

And now everyone thinks it's very serious.

But if it makes you feel better, I've been seeing a lot of very empowering quotes by you on my feed.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And my feed is very curated

to what I want to see.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Perfect.

What are you watching?

What am I watching?

I'm watching the new John Ham show.

Oh my God.

I started started watching this show because my brother was watching it on my Prime.

It's called Mobland with Tom Hardy.

It's and Pierce Brosnan.

It's like the mafia in England.

It's so good.

Oh, wow.

Interesting.

Sounds like something Killia Murphy would be in.

Yeah.

Have you watched The Last of Us?

No, is that that HBO show?

Yeah.

I love it.

I love it.

And the second season just came out.

I can't do like post-apocalyptic.

See, I love post-apocalyptic.

It's so, I don't know.

It's giving.

You know why?

To really...

No, I like watching shows that are pretty.

Like, I like seeing things that are pretty.

And like, there's nothing pretty in post-pocalyptic.

You would hate how

the zombies are.

The zombies...

Because this specific zombie is basically like a massive yeast infection that keeps spreading.

Oh, wow.

And their faces are literally like yeast infection.

Everything's like tan and like dark green

and dirty.

Everything's

dusty.

Yeah.

You don't like it.

No.

But it's funny because you hate musicals, which are beautiful.

I'm multifaceted.

I'm like an onion.

You can't put her in.

You can't put me in a box.

You can't put her in a box, except if her box is out on morning TV every morning, this last week.

I was wearing vintage Muglaire, okay?

You were, and it was worth it.

It was worth it.

Anything else?

I think that's it.

Guys, the book is

out and about.

She is out here in these streets.

And if you've been thinking of buying it,

your instincts are right.

The feedback has been fucking incredible.

And the way you guys have decorated around your house has been fucking incredible.

And we just love you guys so much.

And

we do have an announcement for something new that we are dropping exactly a week from today.

Wow, I'm so excited for that.

I made my whole family purchase

watch.

Did they like it?

Loved.

I'm so excited.

I'm actually like trying to be patient but it's been really hard.

So yeah we have something we're dropping soon because you know what one thing about us we're bringing it.

We're gonna keep you guys fed.

That's my only goal in life.

Thank you for giggling with us.

We love you so much.

Bye.

And as a special treat, we're gonna play an excerpt from the audiobook right now.

We have trouble committing to a lot of things, such as every plan we've ever made.

But a bit isn't one of them.

Committing to a bit is one of the essential joys in life and truly the glue that keeps our friendship together.

We do not do weekly Pilates, make dinner together, or take pottery classes.

We do bits.

So what the hell is a bit?

There are all kinds of bits, but to us, it's an inside joke or phrase shared between people that's repeated often.

Bits in your friendship can feel like your own silly little secret language to find humor in our sometimes harshly mundane existence.

To share a bit with someone is special and cute and means that you share the same sense of humor.

Throughout this audiobook, there are going to be a lot of bits.

We will discuss our old bits and probably come up with some new bits.

Life is basically a bunch of naps and girl dinners with bits in between.

You didn't think we were going to get so philosophical, did ya?

And Paige didn't even hit her weed pen yet.

Whenever Paige is stressed, I pretend to hit a weed pen, and that's a bit.

Our first bit example.

Wow, writing a book is hard.

Pretends to hit Paige's weed pen.

Humor is our secret sauce.

Did the family dinner table conversation get a little too heated?

Crack a joke.

Feeling awkward on a night out?

Make fun of the nearest guy in a backward hat.

Our friendship is built on our shared sense of humor, as the best friendships often are.

Whether you're going to college, starting a new job, or moving to a new city, finding someone who shares your sense of humor is guaranteed to make the hard days more bearable.

We even turned our humor into a career, and now we're writing a book about it.

If that doesn't convince you that we commit to bits, then we don't know what will.

We would also argue that if you see life as just a bunch of bits, it can be easier to chase your dreams.

Whenever you're scared to do something, stop taking life so seriously.

It's just a bit.

Want to apply for a job you're unqualified for?

That's a silly bit.

Want to go up to the hottest guy at the bar and speak in a British accent?

That's a multicultural bit.

Want to dye your hair platinum blonde for $30 at a student hair salon in college?

That's just a cute purple shampoo bit.

If you take your life too seriously, you will be afraid to put yourself out there.

Don't worry about failure, embarrassment, or judgment.

It's not that serious.

When you mess up, your best friend will think it's hysterical.

Did you know that Hannah got married because of a bit?

Yep.

When Dez first picked up Hannah at the Shelter Island Ferry, she complained that she was late because of her dad's golf game.

He responded, at least your parents are alive.

Now, this was a particularly dark and risky bit to start off with on a first date.

But in his wise, old age, he knew that he did not have time to date someone without the same deranged, sick, dry sense of humor.

It was love at first bit.

Hannah immediately started giggling.

and that bit still holds strong in their relationship.

Whenever Hannah gets upset about anything frivolous, Des is quick to say, at least your parents are alive.

Orphan bits can be romantic too.

After a couple dates, I was ready to test a bit on Des.

This bit can be used early in relationships to test a date's sense of humor and overall vibes.

You have to make sure that he has paid for some dinners already, and then when it's finally time to buy something cheap like coffee or a slice of pizza or a soda, you look at him with a sweet smile and say, I got this.

When When the cashier asks for your card, you give it to them and say in a distressed voice, he always makes me pay, and then wait for the reaction.

Des passed the test and laughed.

If he hadn't gotten the bit, I would be a single mother to a colony of cats right now.

Which actually doesn't sound so bad.

A lot of people ask me, How did you get engaged?

Or what did you say to get him to propose?

Well, it really was a big bit.

Only weeks into the relationship, Dez joked that he was going to marry me.

So I joked back about what kind of ring I wanted.

Every couple days, I would randomly send him links to rings.

At first, this was hilarious.

It was so out of pocket to send a man you just started dating engagement ring photos because all those books tell you that men are petrified of being pressured into marriage.

Well, that means we have a great bit on our hands, folks.

She started with small diamonds, then big diamonds, then eventually got up to the M Rada double diamond ring, which he scoffed at.

But one day, six months later, he got down on one knee with the perfect princess cut diamond in platinum prongs and a gold band.

Before saying yes, I truly wondered, is this a bit?

The truth is that it was.

Life is just full of bits, and some involve a prenup.

I use Uber Eats for everything, and of course I'm ordering food all the time, but I don't just order food on Uber Eats.

I order everything.

I order from the pharmacy.

I order hair care items.

I order alcohol.

Whatever I need, I'm ordering it on Uber Eats.

Also, whenever I go to a hotel, I always seem to forget something from home.

So I'm ordering hairspray.

I'm ordering bobby pins.

I just can't live without Uber Eats.

You can get grocery, alcohol, and everyday essentials in addition to restaurants and food you love, of course.

So in other words, get almost, almost anything with Uber Eats.

Order now.

For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age, so please enjoy responsibly.

Product availability varies by region.

See App for details.

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