Guys: Episode 118 - Entrepreneur Guys with Your Kickstarter Sucks

Welcome to guys, the podcast about guys.

I am your business associate, Brian, and

Mr.

Startup Failures, Chris James.

Hi, Chris.

How many startup failures have you had?

Okay,

six, but I didn't know that we were going to attack me so early.

Listen, I'm an ideas man.

I get a lot of really good ideas.

I'm an ideas man.

Okay, yeah.

All of your ideas are mine.

No, I understand that.

You make that very clear.

Chris's video of the week has Brian's video of the week featuring Chris.

Yeah, you're really, really aggressive with that.

For anyone who doesn't listen to the bonus episodes, I brought in a new segment called Chris's Video of the Week.

I, of course, have to send it to Brian, the videos for him to play them.

That's just kind of the format of the show.

And now he sort of says it's his segment.

That's right.

I hit play.

So we brought on, we're doing entrepreneurs.

We're going to do inventors, but you know what?

Inventors don't like to post their inventions.

I'm telling you, if I'm being honest.

Wait, we're not doing inventing, guys.

We're doing entrepreneur.

That's a fucking insane way to run a show.

No, it doesn't matter, though.

See, there's no prep.

You don't have to do prep for it.

It's the same thing.

They're like literally the same guy.

Yeah, of course.

I didn't know either.

This is the first I'm hearing of it.

You didn't know either?

No.

I thought we were doing Inventor Geist.

I didn't even know.

He told me Inventor Geist.

No, it would have been Inventor, by the way.

It wouldn't have been Inventor Geist.

It would have been an episode without the guys, like the umpire.

Why?

Wait, why?

Because sometimes you don't, they're not guys.

Wait, what determines whether you put guys in the title or not?

I don't know.

It would be whether or not

if it's the guy who's doing it, it's different, I suppose, in a way, versus people who are fans of something.

Well, wait, hang on.

It's so funny how you've invented your own categorization system.

And I just want to be clear here.

I'm only speaking from Brian's perspective.

I disagree with him entirely on this.

I love it so much.

I'm with us doing Kickstarter stuff, and it's like, well, we got to make

something out of nothing here.

What do we do?

Miss the cut.

It is funny.

Look,

it's a creep.

Thank you.

It is a creative process, and it's not fun unless you give yourself the little restrictions and challenges to like where I totally get that.

I'm just wondering, are you being 100% consistent with the way that you do it?

So I'm looking at like

with the naming conventions.

I am consistent.

So hiking guys with Libby Watson, episode 102.

You're saying those guys didn't hike?

No, no, no.

I'm saying that you would say hiking guy.

Like,

this guy's a hiking guy.

You know, he's just talking about it language-wise.

Like, you wouldn't say you would say umpires.

Umpires are their own.

Umpire guy that I know, you would say umpire.

You're not an English major.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's listen, Jesse.

Stop shaking your head, Jesse.

Stop saying that.

That's what he says.

Stop shaking your head at the same time.

It makes perfect sense.

Okay, episode

92, man, guys with Merit Kay.

You're saying you would normally, that's a man guy.

You would say that in the joke.

That's what that was.

I was being a goofy guy.

Hey, guys, that's funny.

I literally thought of man guys before I even knew what man guys are.

Okay, all right, all right, guys.

Enough of this.

Let's get into inventors.

Entrepreneurs.

Inventors don't post their things.

And the only other option it would have been is doing Kickstarter.

Kickstarter stuff.

And you guys, we didn't want to do it the late hour.

The horse is dead and has been beaten to a bloody pulp by this point.

Yeah, there's no point.

No, we're going to be in the same city.

Soon, this comes out way after that, but we're going to be in the same city, and I don't want to get beat up by him.

That's exactly right.

Yes,

we're very protective of our

ideas.

We can take them in a physical fight.

I do believe we could beat them up in a physical fight.

I think it would be all three of you up in a fight.

Yeah, I think that.

Well, I think you might struggle if you decided to turn on me in the middle of the fight, right?

It'd be confusing.

I'm not saying I'm the toughest guy, but yeah, I don't think you could win three on one.

But 2v2, I think guys versus YKS.

I think if we, you know, one of those creator clash kind of boxing matches.

I don't know, but looking at the way you did that apple over there, I think I'm liking my chances.

Barely even took down the apple.

Can't even eat an apple.

Oh, I'm so full for my apple.

Saving it for later, dude.

Yeah, right.

Can I be completely honest?

I am so fucking tired, and I have no time to do anything.

I literally forgot we're doing this episode, and I try to eat this apple as fast as possible.

I don't want to be eating it on Mike, though.

You don't cut them up?

No, I just eat them all.

I cut them up.

I'm going to eat an apple like that.

Do you hear these fucking apple pussies, Mike?

We fucking destroy these guys.

We cut them up.

You guys can cut them up.

Just don't hurt me.

Right.

When we're trying to sound tough, when we're trying to sound tough, don't fucking say you cut your apples up, dog.

Don't say that.

I actually have my wife cut my apple up for me.

I did for a long time, but now I do it myself.

So I went to R Invention first, and I saw this post

entrepreneur.

I did.

Don't worry.

We'll be going there.

He doesn't know.

Chris doesn't know that they're recording an episode today.

Brian doesn't know what the subject of the episode is.

I have all the information.

Mike, we got to carry this fucking thing.

We got to do everything.

Okay, let's talk about this.

What's up with inventions, Mike?

Take it away.

They're crazy as hell.

That's what I'm fucking talking about.

That's what I'm saying.

This is what these guys can't fucking do.

Top of the charts.

Okay, so here's an invention somebody came up with and posted that I kind of like.

I had the privilege to visit Turkey a few times.

They have a system called Hamam bathing, where they fill a big warm bucket of water and bathe you and wash your hair.

The warm bucket of water feels amazing.

The invention is multiple full buckets of water being poured out onto your body simultaneously or in succession at various speeds.

It's also faster.

You could technically bathe you in half the time.

So once you get the bucket treatment, you will no longer want your crappy spray nozzle shower head you are indoctrinated with.

Yes, this is way more complicated.

It might just be for wealthy homes or high comfort families.

I'm a high comfort family.

This would be something you might go with a bucket shower

where and what would, and the invention would be it's a some sort of device that splashes you with huge amounts of water.

I haven't figured out.

I could actually help this person, but I'm not going to.

Yeah, but how

do you see it?

You're standing in a tub,

there's a shower bar all the way around the tub, and there's buckets

like sort of on the ring,

and then they dump at different times over your body.

And then, boom, you've got yourself a shower if you're a high-tech.

And could they be refilled?

Could there be a situation where they go up and then something is pouring into the body?

Sometimes the pipe goes into them and refills it.

Yeah, it refills them with the warm water and then you're getting dumped with the buckets.

I mean,

it's a stupid sounding idea, like in the beat, like when I first heard it, but it does sound that does sound kind of nice.

And it seems like it's maybe a waste of water, though, right?

Massage guys over here, like guys that go and get massages.

It's the same thing.

It's like you,

I could never do something like that.

I feel like

do I know what the episode is about today?

I feel like I'm completely.

What the fuck are you talking about?

It's like a business idea.

We're going to look at some business ideas.

Why are you talking about massage guys?

He means he's

explaining somehow.

I would not do the Turkish shower thing where guys dump fucking.

You don't have any interest in going to a Turkish bathhouse no and so I don't want to go anywhere where I'm naked and it's oh and it's like massage it's like massage guys who like to get massaged yeah guys that like to get massaged yeah okay okay taking a bath is like getting a massage got it or getting bathed is like taking a massage he's just saying he doesn't want to have anybody else involved in the process which that makes sense I mean bathing is a I can handle my own bath yeah or it's not personal for a lot of people

eating an apple it's like I don't need to have anyone else involved in me eating eating my apple.

I'll just eat the apple and I'll probably actually finish it.

Also, I'll be able to clear the whole apple.

You'll see the core afterwards.

There he goes.

There he goes.

It's mad now.

He's madly eating it off.

This guy's eating an apple in the most angry way you've ever seen.

Don't choke.

Don't die.

Also, you eat the whole thing.

Let's check in with some business ideas, guys.

A drink combining protein and fiber.

I want to create a beverage that would combine protein and fiber.

It would mainly be catered to the weightlifting community,

but can also be targeting any customers interested in a healthy lifestyle.

Don't cater it to fat slobs.

No real need.

No point.

I think

they're covered with stuff.

They got enough stuff.

As a big guy,

I think fiber should be more targeted through to guys like me that go to the emergency room sometimes because they have constipation.

I was going to say, as Hungerman, Hungry Man Fiber Edition, Hunger Man XSL fiber edition or something.

Yeah,

Brian recently went to the emergency room because he lied to his doctor over and over again when the doctor asked him questions who he didn't know the answers to, so he just said yes instead of I don't know.

And then he ended up at the emergency room for seven hours only to find out he just needs some more fiber.

Yeah.

Okay.

Drink more water too.

Do you not do a lot of fiber, Brian?

No,

no, I do now.

I'm fibering it up.

I'm eating fiber gummies.

I'm drinking fiber drinks.

I'm fucking going crazy.

I'm crapping constantly.

Yeah.

Did the doctor say that you should go crazy on fiber?

That was his exactly.

You need to go completely overboard on it.

You need to make up for lost time.

Doctor said there's no level of fiber you can have that's too much.

much.

He was like, I'm 50 and I'm always eating fiber.

So

do it however many times it says on the package.

And then I just do it double that many times.

Smart.

So anyway, this guy's like,

I just always double it.

For the weightlifting community, they need such a high protein intake that it's often very hard to meet adequate fiber intake.

So if I'm able to get some fiber into a protein drink so that it is one, very very convenient, and two, they can knock out two birds with one stone.

I mean,

someone, listen, I just want to say, I don't know how this stuff works because I'm an idiot, but I just think somebody has thought of this thing before.

And so there's probably a drink that has fiber in it, or if there isn't, there's a reason for that, I would say.

I would say, have you ever done like the Metamucil?

Yeah, maybe a couple of times.

Very rare.

Yeah, I have like 16 cups of it a day.

Yeah, why?

I have no problem.

But if you do the Metamucil, you can't leave it just sitting there after you've poured the water.

It gets all sludgy.

Yeah, it gets real sludgy.

It like automatically sort of expands in the thing.

So I think that the reason this doesn't exist is because there's no way to get fiber in it that doesn't expand.

Because scientifically, the fiber's supposed to expand and then roll out of your button.

I'm just sure that this is not like some problem that nobody has considered in the weightlifting community before.

And then at the end, he goes, also, another thing worth noting is that most American diets do not include enough fiber leading to digestive issues.

So he's saying, like, guy like me,

have his drinks.

He's right about that, I think.

I think that that is, that's correct, right?

That people are not eating enough fiber, generally speaking.

Well, somebody does reply to him and says, not a bad idea, in my opinion.

I buy Fairlife protein shakes.

They have good shelf stability.

Those are good.

I know.

Yeah, you guys like those ones?

Are they like pre-made proteins?

They don't taste.

Yeah, they're pre-made, but

they don't taste like a protein shake.

They taste like chocolate milk or whatever.

It tastes exactly like chocolate milk.

It's really great.

It's unfortunately.

You can't get some of those, but of course.

You can only get

Costco.

I'll bring them up.

Do they have them at Costco in Canada, do you think?

Maybe.

I paid for a Costco membership for a second year in a row and have only been once, so I could go there and maybe use that.

But I don't think you could, yeah, don't you don't need to bring a, I mean, bring a couple to Toronto, like just a couple for me, honestly.

That would be we wanted, we want the only reason I got a Costco membership is because I wanted to see what was going on inside there.

So me and my wife are like, let's go get a membership and just see what's doing in there.

But there's only two of us.

He's, he's such a, it is, he is such a sort of like white trash kind of like version of a a guy who's like a highfalutin kind of dude.

He's just like, oh, you know, we just got a membership to Costco just to go.

But we thought we might buy some stuff because everybody's always talking about how great it is.

Yeah.

Yeah, we got in there.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

It's good, man.

They don't have anything there.

They have everything.

I'm going to push back on that.

I'm going to push back.

It's huge.

You see the size of the place.

There's just no way.

And it's very little empty space.

It'd be crazy to not have anything in there almost crazy to rent out a space that large and pay for the you know the lease thing to do is you get a membership and then like three or four of you share it or whatever or you know you if you you know your sister or your your daughter or something be like what do you want from Costco make a Costco run yeah and they give you the money for it that's what people do around here too you go on a Costco run or whatever we we used to do Costco shopping when I was a kid we ate so much my brother and I that we would go and actually shop at Costco But yeah, like, so I used to love it.

And Brian saying that they don't have anything is crazy because that was the thing that stuck out: they had literally everything.

They have everything.

They had televisions, jeans, they had food, they had everything.

Proportions, but I there's two of us, though.

But that's not even that.

That's not really.

I know that that's like the book on Costco is like you have to have a huge family to benefit from it.

And okay, I guess if you're insistent on buying like meat from Costco and you don't want to freeze it for whatever reason, okay, fine.

Yeah, if you're going to take down 28 drumsticks, maybe it would be nice to have a barbecue over instead of eating it for two people.

That's fine.

But like everything else.

Ryan would have no problem with the 28 drumsticks.

That's

a lot.

I know you guys wouldn't do the apples there, God forbid.

But there's like, what the fuck, man?

These apples almost done over here.

I have a friend that might be even listening to the show that eats the core, too.

No, not done.

Hi, Zane.

He's come up twice on show.

Billy Goat.

Hey, shout out to Zane.

Zane the Billy Goat.

He's not a Billy Goat.

He just eats the core.

His parents taught him to eat the core.

There's fiber in there.

Billy Goat Zane is a good.

Billy Zane is a famous actor.

So Billy Goat Zane is a really good name.

He has now.

A bidet with a camera so you know when you're clean.

No.

Has a

show.

We had like a toilet lid, a seat lid thing that had a camera on it or something.

Or it a mirror, actually.

A mirror, yeah.

You wouldn't need a camera, but I guess nowadays everything with a technology

everyone wants to be looking at their phone and everything.

And so you just look at your phone, check.

It'd be nice while you're shitting, you're watching your YouTube video or whatever, but then in the top right corner, like I'll watch my kid on the baby monitor sometimes in the corner of the phone, but instead you got a monitor on your ass.

The last thing I want to see is the poop coming out of my ass, and they're going to find a way to put an ad on it.

Oh, yeah.

So

you're watching a 30-second ad before you even get to see your turd or your butthole.

It's like lasers an ad on your turd.

It's a fucking mid-roll.

God damn it.

It's clean.

I just want to see if it's clean.

It's like a seven of nine.

Oh, oh, my God.

Your kids are banging on the door with daddy, daddy, you okay?

You okay?

I'm just going to fucking use a toilet paper.

Which is the way to do it.

I mean, I don't want to look at a turd coming out of my butt.

So, that was one idea.

A lot of people were saying just

I'm actually really surprised to hear that.

You don't want to see it.

And I'm not saying I do.

I'm saying it seems like something you would say.

He's grossed up by like.

I hate poop.

And you guys know that from my thing, my list of bodies.

Yeah, puke.

Poop is like the last.

To be honest, I don't.

I wish myself barf.

It's because he's he shits so much, and there's all these stories of him like shitting and like busting out fucking toilets at establishments and getting banned for life.

Well, wouldn't that make you more curious, not less?

No?

I think he just, I think, now, correct me if I'm wrong, Brian, here, but I think there's maybe a little bit of shame surrounding what you've done to toilets.

He's the one who's left between every turd.

I don't want to see a turd ever that came out of my butt.

It's disgusting.

I hate him.

I hate him.

There's a famous photo that did float around.

Float is a good

word

on the Discord of one of Brian's shits that I guess like this one was so impressive that he got past this and he actually posted it and shared it and it is fucking football site.

Right.

Yeah, I did shit a football out.

Guy goes, just think of the celebrity.

Now they're riffing.

Just think of the celebrity videos.

I predict some Kardashian will be the first to claim they were, quote, hacked and their video was leaked to some paywalled site.

I don't think the Kardashians are going to leak videos and take a crap.

Oh, you know, the Kardashians, they're looking to

break the internet again with their ass, and they know that their ass won't do it.

They'll probably do it and then claim they got hacked.

Scammers.

That's what this guy is saying.

They'll probably turn it into a fucking TV show I have to watch with my sister.

Probably try to make money off it somehow.

I like this guy.

Takes it seriously.

While innovative, this bidet camera concept faces significant hurdles.

Privacy concerns alone would make many users uncomfortable, regardless of potential hygiene benefits.

From a business

perspective, you'd face regulatory challenges regarding personal recording devices in bathrooms.

The market for this specific solution is likely much smaller than you might expect.

I think it's non-existent.

It's almost non-existent.

I don't think it exists at all.

Yeah.

It's so small you can't even see it.

But yeah, I guess it would have to be in your own personal bathroom that you do not allow anybody to use ever, right?

Because yeah, that's a good point.

If it's like you have to.

You have to sign a waiver.

Yeah, there's a waiver at the front of your guest bathroom just saying, like, hey, you agreed to.

Well, you know how sometimes people print out those little cute Etsy things.

It's like, here's my Wi-Fi password and stuff like that.

If you want to get on the guest Wi-Fi, you could have that just like, hey, just so you know, if you use the bathroom in here, I will be recording the shit coming out of your asshole and posting it on live leak.

Yeah, you could be.

I mean, that's what happened to Hulk Hogan, but

the cameras just happened to be there, right?

That's essentially what happened to Hulk Hogan, honestly.

Yeah,

the cameras just happened to be there, and he's doing fine, so might as well happen to us.

Everybody really likes him, you know.

That's the one thing about him.

He walks out there, and people are like, Yeah, it's Hulk Hogan.

He's got integrity, he has integrity.

He does.

I have two things here that are roughly the same, but there's an escalation in them, and it's incredibly stupid.

This is one of the dumbest things.

Deadliner, an AI that makes that fakes pressure so you actually work.

A productivity tool that creates fake, urgent situations, AI-generated consequences, and even fabricated human interactions to manipulate you into getting things done.

Wow.

How it works?

I liked it.

The procrastinator's brain.

Yeah, that could be kind of this idea.

I really do like this idea.

Yeah.

He goes, how it works.

You input a task, for example, finish pitch deck, write 10-page paper.

Deadliner creates a fake but convincing slack thread from your boss or professor asking how it's going.

AI emails you.

You get CC'd that say things like, we need this by EOD.

Let me know if you're stuck.

So how do you end up doing that?

But do you, you have to know that it's fake, right?

Because if it's convincing enough that you believe it's real, then you would respond to the emails.

Yeah, but it's but it's like anything else.

It's like it's like these chatbot girlfriends we all have now.

You know what I mean?

It's like, yeah, obviously, I know she's not real, but I still want to make her happy.

You know, I still want to tell her, you know, I cummed in my hand like she told me to and all that stuff.

And it's like, that's, I know it's not real, but I make it real because that's what I needed from this in that moment.

You know what I'm saying?

It's psychological.

It's philosophical.

Reality is what you make it now.

Right.

True.

A countdown timer with simulated consequences.

If not done by 5 p.m.,

this will be auto-submitted to your team.

A fake assistant, Sam from ops, that checks in every hour with guilt-trippy updates like legal's asking for it again.

Oh, crap.

Damn it.

Deadliner could work because people don't need reminder.

They need pressure.

Traditional tools are boring.

This one hacks behavior by simulating urgency.

It turns stress into a game, making procrastination productive.

I'm aware that it would not work for everyone, but it doesn't have to.

I don't think it would be.

This type of person I hate the most, by the way.

The other people I feel like they're like doing some stupid invention or whatever, like some dumb idea that they had more than anything.

Whereas this person is just like...

This is a thing he really wants, is thinking of like, this is an app that I could possibly use to make money using AI to like pressure people into working harder.

This guy sounds like a real proper dickhead to me.

It's dystopian, but I do think they're right that

if you would download this, it would work on you.

So like, I don't think they're wrong.

I think this person exists.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't, I just, to me, it's, I guess, hard to wrap my head around the idea of somehow convincing yourself that the urgency and pressure was real.

I just don't know.

Like, I think you would have to be on some kind of like drugs or something or something that would like disassociate from reality.

Cause otherwise, wouldn't you just sort of

at the point in our lives where we're old enough and we have enough freedom, thanks to Mr.

Trump, and we're flexible enough with our work that even if someone did tell us to do something and they could, they actually had an expectation that we would do it, we would still tell them to go fuck themselves because that's like

according to that.

Exactly.

That's our bad personalities.

But like the other people who live in the world where there are people telling them what to do and they're like, oh shit, I better do that.

This is like, this is totally perfect for them.

If they don't have oppositional defiant disorder, this actually could be a good application for them.

That's why I hate it then, I guess, even more is this guy's like, he's really, he's kind of got something that might, that someone might actually use.

Yes.

A company would use, but I think in his mind, you're buying it for yourself.

You know what I mean?

Like,

this guy goes, this sounds fun, actually.

Like an office simulator brought brought to life.

Oh, that sounds fun.

Office simulator, I do think of as being associated with fun.

Yeah.

That's kind of fun, man.

The idea of like being put under pressure to complete work.

I mean,

is there anybody who thinks that's fun?

I guess.

Yeah.

He's looking at it as like the Euro truck simulator guy.

But you're driving

around in the truck.

But you wouldn't think it would be fun.

And I think that in his mind, he's like, well, people do stuff all the time that you wouldn't think would be fun.

Yeah.

so this guy goes uh biggest question do enough people want this would they pay for it now

i believe i have to i have to scroll way down but there is an escalation in this that i found that i think is really

something

yeah i got a crazy stupid idea will you pay for it

make elon your boss problem

Most people struggle with motivation, accountability, and productivity.

They set big goals, but fail to follow through without a strong push, they get distracted, procrastinate, or lose focus.

Solution.

What if Elon Musk was your boss?

This AI-powered email system keeps you accountable by sending personalized emails from quote Elon, parentheses, not real, asking about your progress and pushing you to do more.

It's like having a high-performance CEO in your inbox, challenging you to work harder and stay focused.

Doesn't he have those issues that you're describing where he loses focus on like one particular thing?

Yeah,

are so varied with the boring company and he's very

successful financially, obviously.

He's like, has so much money and stuff.

But yeah, like I know that the cyber trucks, I was reading about how they're not really selling at all.

People are not buying these cyber trucks.

It's funny.

It's funny because I talked to Jesse when I was in Nashville and said,

we're probably going to get a new car soon.

I think I'm going to get an electric, an EV.

And you were like, if you don't have a house, don't buy an EV because you can't charge it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I think Mr.

Musk is going to come up with something for that.

I think there's something where you can.

I saw recently he was working on an invention where there's something they can put on the outside of the cybertruck where if someone throws a rock at it, it can suck the rock in and turn that into juice for the battery, which could be really.

I think

as we move forward here into the next couple of years, that could really drive for weeks.

You never have to plug in, yeah.

There's one in my neighborhood, and I seen this guy.

It was this little guy who

was driving, and he was,

this was only for me, by the way, too.

He is loading in with his family, taking some pieces of wood out of the cyber truck, and he was just this like little guy driving this big cyber truck.

And I was just walking by with my baby and my dog, and I just said, Hey, you guys need a little help over there?

You know,

and they just thought I was being so friendly.

They're like, No, no, it's fine.

I was like, Hey, have a good day, you know?

But in my mind, I was mocking them so so much.

That feels good.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like when your kid brings their friends over and they're kind of goofing on you and you know it, but you have to be like, oh, you know, yeah, yeah.

That doesn't happen to me.

That doesn't happen to me, of course.

We also have

kids that respect you.

That's what I'm saying.

It could happen to DB, perhaps, I guess.

But Brian,

do you have any instances of you getting goofed on by?

I don't think they're goofing.

They're just being like smart ass because they're probably stoned on weed and coming in, and they're like, I don't like that.

You let them into your home, you let them into your home.

You wait out on the porch until it's over, until it's out of your system.

Hey,

you go sit on the porch.

I'll wheel out Dark Side of the Moon and you can watch it, but after that, I expect you to be sober.

Yeah, it's what, yeah, when you stop looking absolutely blown away by that.

Right.

I'm going to smoke all your guys' joints just so you know how it affects you.

Like, Mike Hill's school of paradigm

just look cool to you

there was that thing when i was growing up i had so many kids their dad made them smoke like two packs of cigarettes because they caught them smoking them like you sit down and you smoke all these cigarettes right now it's like i don't think that's teaching a lesson i mean i would have loved it i would have been like let's do this now i got to take my kid to the hospital uh jokes on me yeah

How it works.

Sign up, subscribe to receive daily or weekly emails from AI generated Elon.

Get challenged.

Emails ask about your progress, push you to do more, remind you to stay focused, reply, and stay accountable.

You can respond, track progress, and get follow-ups that adjust your work habits.

So the first guy goes, but what if I stop/slash unsubscribe the mail?

If I'm a procrastinator, then I can easily unsubscribe from the email.

Right?

It's a fatal flaw.

Fatal fight, your business model.

Oh, what if I don't want to do any work?

That one.

Well, I would know.

I don't unsubscribe to anything, so I get a lot of email.

Wait, what?

I can imagine.

Somebody saw my inbox recently.

I showed it on the screen.

I just don't unsubscribe because it's too much work.

And I like getting the...

It's like getting a little recommendation.

You need access to your email and your computer.

It sounds like it would be trivial to get.

I honestly don't.

I'm the same way.

I can't really judge Brian because I'm the same way.

I'm checking my email.

Right now in my inbox, I have 20,883.

What are you doing?

These came in my inbox, and now, look, I own them.

Yeah, those are his

typo negative

AirPods.

They're not officially licensed by Typo Negative.

No, he just.

They're custom in the sense that some guy painted them those two colors and then sent them to Brian, marked up about 1,000% or whatever.

And they targeted Brian in his inbox, saying, Hey, you're a dip shit.

You probably want these.

Hey, and Brian's like, Yeah, I want them yesterday, man.

Ordered them immediately.

Expedited shit.

Expedited shit.

I need these quick.

Two to three days.

Who knows what I'll be doing by then?

I want my custom airpods.

I need these before I've come to my senses.

I think it's a really good idea.

Perhaps you've got the ability to pick your boss before you begin, like in a video game.

It could be a made-up boss, Steve Jobs, or a famous life coach, or Elon, like you said.

I just think having an Elon-centered app will put a lot of people off when actually the concept of the app is awesome.

Yeah, I'm not sure if you're following the news, but yeah, I'm not sure we really want to have him associated with the app right now.

And people start fucking smashing the app and spinning on the app and stuff.

People hate him so much now that, like, oh, buddy, you should come up here.

You should come up to Canada and see how hated he is.

Yeah, you should be able to get it.

He's just trying to extend humanity's lifespan, dude, by taking us to Mars.

Yeah, by taking us to Mars.

Or possibly just taking him and all of his children from the sounds of it.

It sounds like a win-win.

Sounds like he might have a huge amount of time.

We should all be like, yeah, you should go, man.

Yeah, no, dude, honestly, you go.

You bring your boy.

Go with your boy.

set it up for us, set it up, and we will honestly, like, we're going to get some shit set up on our end, and then we will be there very soon.

I got to clean up the house before I get in the spaceship, but then I'll be right on.

You can lean into the gamify concept as well.

As you develop good habits, wins, and make progress, you can start having shareholders on your back, employees you have to manage, etc.

All things to keep you motivated, accountable, and making things happen.

Okay, so now it's sort of turning a little bit into like a

big super like superstar, like star business guy simulator, kind of where you're now like you've got like,

yeah, you're like pretending you're like bigger now.

You're a CEO or whatever, and you have this.

Yeah, that's kind of a cool thing.

Now, this is fun.

Having like the same entry-level job, but then the app makes you think that you're a CEO and you have to get your entry-level job work.

Yeah.

I mean, you're right.

If somebody owned a company and put this on their servers or whatever, it might work for some people without telling them.

You know what I mean?

It seems like a good pressure device.

I think you have to tell them.

I don't know.

I don't think you could just do this as a business and have these fake people putting fake pressure on your.

I think there's some ethical stuff.

I think they would find out at some point when they tried to email their progress report and it like bounced back because the person doesn't exist.

Yeah,

Elon works here.

No, no, no, Jesse.

Then wait.

I got to buy a gun.

You just have to get a person to play each role and reply to the emails.

It's very simple.

Okay, my fault.

Here's an interesting question for all entrepreneurs that I found on our entrepreneur.

Hey, Brian, is your window open?

Oh, yeah, why?

Is the sound open?

No, it's just a window.

The wind is blowing and the.

It's a nice little windy 80-degree day.

It's nice.

I have my window open too, to be honest, because it's kind of

a little bit...

no, no, it's fine.

It's like breathing the air.

It's an interesting choice because now

anybody walking by is going to be able to hear you recording your podcast.

He's up high.

I'm up high.

Wait, what floor are you on?

Well, I'm on the second floor, but I'm in the back of the house.

Two floors.

You get what I'm saying?

I'm in the back of the house.

So anybody like skulking around in your backyard could easily hear the show.

That's possible.

That is.

And

if it's happening, then fine.

Steve, my maintenance man, is on the roof right now.

Maybe he's hearing it.

Oh, my God.

Steve, shout out to Steve.

Hey, Steve.

Stay safe up there.

I mean, yeah,

that's the last thing we want on this episode to go viral for so hard.

Oh, he got a gut buster, and he literally busted his gut.

Oh, God.

That would be honestly really good.

Like, if it came out that, like,

we need Steve to survive the fall and we need him to say what happened was he was laughing so damn

good promo for your show, though.

That would be nice if I fell off the roof.

We should push him.

When I finish, I'm going to go out there and talk shop with him about roofing because I was a roofer for three months.

I'm going to go out there and be like, hey, how's the roofing going?

That's cool.

Hey, what's new in the industry?

Ask him, like, what's up new in the industry?

I did that with the cable guy.

I feel like that.

The last time the cable guy came here, I was such a pain in the ass because I was just saying stuff so that he knew I knew about his job.

You know what I mean?

Like, not really.

Arxus 3 broadband uh router oh is that a coax is that a coax that coax you got their rg6 or rg are you gonna do rg6 or rg11 to the house

that's interesting because usually for rg11 you you want it to be a way longer drop like just talking to the guy about like

and i know how annoying it is because i used to hate it when the homeowner would follow me around that's why you got to do it yeah

that's why you got to do it to them they the guys that would follow you around the house the whole time and just talk to you and say, what are you doing there?

What are you doing there?

What are you doing there?

I actually do.

I think that that's completely defensible behavior.

I don't think it is.

It's better.

I don't think that that's good.

It depends, I guess, if you have a genuine concern that they're doing something and you want to go and make sure, like, oh, no, don't, you know, make sure you don't watch that or whatever.

Why would you just let some weird guy in your house to do whatever he wants just because he has a name tag on?

It's a cable company.

Well, you're hiring him.

You're hiring him.

I'm not hiring him.

I'm not paying him.

But the cable company is.

He's an employee.

You have to have some level of trust in society.

Jeffed and insured.

I don't have any trust.

He took an oath.

He took an oath.

He took a Hippocratic oath, okay,

to not to make sure to.

On my honor, I will do my duty to be the best.

Listen, I've heard.

I've never heard a story of a cable guy acting in a bad way or anything on this podcast.

I would be concerned with a cable guy showing up to your house high on pills.

Where he's high on pills, you're going to drive up on top of your Corvette.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

That was just something that happened.

It was an anomaly.

I mean, the only other time something weird happened was when I was trying to get fired.

That I

bent my butter knife in the crash.

We all know my

butter knife.

Okay.

I kept losing tools, and they were like, listen, you lose another screwdriver.

You know, we're going to have to write you up.

So I brought a butter knife because I lost my screwdriver.

And what's wrong with butter knife?

So this guy asks a good question because I'm curious about it.

Knife-wielding stranger is in my house.

I guess I don't want to go.

I guess I'll let him go into my kids' room.

Oh, what are you killing?

Oh, well, now your kids shouldn't be in the room.

We don't even want your, us cable guys don't even want your kids you're not one of the cable you don't get to say us cable guys He's not.

He still goes to the meetups.

You don't need to be worried about this guy being in your house, Jesse.

This cable guy's name is Cueber.

You can see on his name tag, it says Queber up there.

And he's obviously not a danger.

You can see he's basically falling asleep on your couch.

Sure.

And the point, I couldn't keep up with him anyways.

He's just as fast as electricity, so I wouldn't even be able to keep up.

One guy

shock yourself one time.

And then also,

I get a few things weird, but it wasn't that crazy.

And it was annoying when the guy was asking me questions and stuff.

You know what I mean?

If Cleaver came to my house, I would follow him around.

It would depend.

It would depend.

You know, somebody comes in your house as an older cable guy, trustworthy kind of guy.

That's different.

Let him do his thing.

But if Cleaver came over, like

genuinely, like noticeably high on pills with a fucking butter knife and was like, hey, yeah, where's your fucking, yeah like i would be like all right i'm gonna keep an eye on this guy be the drill stuff or like i i do understand if i was noticeably high i don't think i was i was very good at being high on pills yeah most people do think that right yeah i think when you're under the influence you often have an idea that nobody knows But yeah, and then the guy, I'd be out there like packing cable to the house and like drilling holes in the house and stuff.

I can understand it.

But again, I wasn't high.

I was just a normal guy.

Well, I was high.

but I wasn't even high on anything crazy.

You know what I mean?

It wasn't marijuana.

It was pills.

Yeah, which is more, you can zero in on stuff on pills a lot easier.

That's why a lot of top performers do abuse narcotics.

At what point do crime organizations start to threaten you?

Right.

What are we talking about, John?

Just to reassure you, I don't watch that many drug-related movies, but seriously, if you're in a big city and your business starts booming, especially in an industry where there's a lot of mafia or gang activity, they might reach out and try to interfere with your operations.

What revenue would trigger their attention?

You know, this is a good thing.

When you're starting a business, this is one of those good things to think about.

You should get a lot of protection racket, right?

What level do I want to stop?

To stay under their radar.

Yeah.

I think a lot of people think of this from a different standpoint, like taxes or whatever, you know, just as far as that.

But this person is saying, at what level am I going to have an Italian guy show up and

ask for me for money?

Yeah, that subway restaurant's doing pretty good.

Yeah,

this is a kind of

grand guy that we deal with who's, you know, life is very much a movie and is living inside of a movie, and all of his sort of ideas and stuff are coming from movies.

So he's just like picturing, like, if I start a business, oh, wait a second, fuck.

La Cos Nostra will show up at some point.

I'm Pacino is coming to my house.

You know what it reminds me of is

the way that conservatives think about counter-terrorism, where it's like they think that there's a Jack Bauer guy, like cutting the red wire.

Yeah, yeah.

And stuff like that kind of stuff.

It was like

the guys who killed Bin Laden over the years.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're making decisions every day to protect us.

It's like, no, they're not.

They're mostly sitting at a desk or like

parked somewhere, beating off or something.

They don't do anything.

I don't think there's nothing wrong with sitting at a desk all day.

I think there's a lot of.

Nothing wrong with parking somewhere and beating off.

I pretty much zeroed in on the two things these guys do.

That was not a good choice, Brian.

I don't think you're supposed to beat off in your car.

I'm going to say no beating off in a car unless it's in the garage.

What if you're at the park?

Right.

That's a bad place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There are a few parks here where people suck it.

There's one by one by like a there's a park here where people constantly are like reviewing it and be like, there's guys jacking off

on the trails and stuff.

I think it's considered bad and probably even illegal to go out in public and jack off in your car.

They call it a pickle park and everybody knew about it when I was growing up.

Guys would be sucking each other off at this park.

But what if you had a real raised up truck?

If your truck is really raised up

and no one can see, I think that's different.

You got good tint job, raised up tires, monster truck kind of situation.

Right.

We already talked about monster trucks a couple weeks ago.

You sucked off in a monster truck, yeah.

You can get sucked in a monster truck or jack off while you're driving a monster truck.

And I think that's perfectly fine because who's going to see you?

An airplane, a skytrain maybe in Vancouver?

That's why I got a cyber truck because you can get sucked off in the cyber truck and nobody can see.

Nobody wants to look at it.

Yeah, that's a great thing about that.

That's a good point.

Somebody commented this on social media, and it is true.

You do never see anybody in a passenger seat of a cyber truck.

I've never never seen it, not one single time I've seen an image where there's somebody in there.

Because their heads in the fucking lap of the guy driving.

I was thinking about this like last weekend.

I was walking down the street, and you know, those slingshot parks?

Yeah, I've seen these little three-wheel things, dude.

Yeah, and they play music so

fucking loud in them that it's ridiculous.

That and like the big Goldwing type Honda fucking motorcycles where they're blasting like the Allman Brothers or some shit on it.

It's so funny.

A guy drove by on one of those the other day listened to Rapper's Delight.

Better than the typical fare, I suppose.

Yeah, Ted Nugent or something.

This guy looked like a biker, too.

He looks like a biker.

He's listening to Rapper's Delight driving down the street.

Interesting setup.

Every time you see that, if there's somebody in a passenger seat, they're both staring straight forward because they can't hear each other talk.

don't know why two people would ever go out in one of those things.

Like, what kind of date is that?

You know, well, you looked at them and it burned a memory of them in your brain, which is their entire purpose for living on planet Earth.

They're like, want to go drive around and be annoying?

That's what it is.

Yeah, perfect.

I mean, that's the neighborhood I live in.

It's like, they have signs all over the place that say, like, hey, don't rev your engines here.

That would be, it would be very kind of you not to rev your engines and all night.

It's like, what are you doing?

Why are you doing that?

I'm dealing with a dirt bike kid right now, Brian.

He's going up and down the street.

I'm plotting his demise.

Are you going to kill a child?

I think I might, yeah.

There's a well-timed stick in the spokes, and he just goes flying.

I saw a family from like another neighborhood said some, there's this guy that rides down the street here doing a wheelie all day.

It's so funny on a bike.

It's so funny to do.

You're driving on the same strip of road over and over and over again.

Like a fucking, like a gerbil on a fucking...

God, that's so funny.

He's just up and down doing wheelies the whole time.

And like, there was, he does it on the sidewalk sometimes, which I hate.

I get really mad about that.

I'm really protective of the sidewalk.

That's right.

I'm protective of the sidewalk.

And then there were some people behind me that were like, we ought to stick a spoke in his wheel.

And I'm like, well, we don't want to kill him.

He's a bicycle.

I don't know.

Fuck around and find out.

This guy goes, well, that's complicated.

Organized crime members are basically small business entrepreneurs who are constantly looking for cracks in the system and things to exploit.

The New York mob made money in like 20 different ways.

This guy's a real mob guy.

This guy is a real like mob.

The mob respector has jacked in.

Yeah, Mafia guy shows up.

Yeah, and he's just like, listen, that's just they're finding a different way of doing basically the same.

It's very complex sort of shit.

And it's like, they are very, yeah.

I love these old school guys who are just like

they have this idea that they still might get into the mafia, possibly.

Oh, yeah.

I wanted to be in the mafia so bad.

I'm not Italian, though.

So, no,

no, hey, how's it going?

But I did want to be in the mafia.

I tried to start a mafia when I was that's how, of course, famously how the violence gang started, kind of.

Well, Boys in the Hood started the violence gang in a way because, like, I I saw it and I was like, I want to get it in a gang.

But yeah, yeah, but you didn't start the gang, just to be clear.

You weren't in charge of the game.

I was the leader.

Who was the leader?

What was the guy's name who was actually the leader?

Me and Aaron had a power struggle over here.

Aaron was the leader.

And you know, Aaron, because I've never heard one story of Aaron being held down and given purple nurples for 40 minutes by the other people in the gang.

And I just don't think

Brian and doing nipple stuff for 40 minutes at a time.

nipples it's a belly button number one sorry belly button yeah sorry they did belly button thing

but i just don't think that like i think if you're the leader of a gang i'm not saying that it's like not going to happen a little bit of this happened after the the the crew this happened after the belly button thing okay i told you it was happening in my early 20s The violence gang was in your early 20s?

No, that was in school.

And it's not a gang.

It was just

your 20s.

Yeah,

what's going on here?

Oh, you're some kind of drink.

I told some people in my early 20s that I don't like people touching my belly button and I don't like looking at belly buttons and I don't want to touch a belly button.

I want anything to do with the fucking belly button.

But sometimes they put me on Fool Nelson and stick their finger in my belly button.

But that is a different time

than when I was in what you call a violence gang, which is just my friend.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, for us it was just a game.

Did violence happen sometimes?

Yeah.

Hey, we walked around too.

We call this a walking around gang as well.

I mean, fuck.

We did a shitty gang.

I mean, fuck.

We did all kinds of stuff.

We played Mortal Kombat 3 in violence.

By the way, in a tournament.

It was fucking just soaked in violence.

Yeah, that's all you're just like, oh, let's learn some new moves we can do on some old lady outside the grocery store.

I've heard about it.

I'm trying to turn her into a baby.

I'm trying to turn her into a baby.

Oh, double flawless friendship, my buddy did in a tournament.

Knocked the fucking best guy.

Jakai was like the best at putt putt, and my friend was the best at quarter flash and he fucking knocked that guy out of the tournament with a double flawless friendship and everybody lost their fucking mind it's one of the great days of my life it wasn't me that did it but it was i just loved it you were there to witness it i was doing drugs at the time i wasn't in a tournament yeah i've heard

i've heard about a campground that came that came by to that h a i don't know what that is hell's angels hell's angels came by to ask if he was interested in a business deal the idea was that they could hold their meetings near the lake in private.

The business owner told them no, and they were okay with it.

Well, that's kind of nice.

Honestly, that

sounds kind of nice.

I mean, if that's the case, like, hey, hey, you want a little protection there?

Or no?

All right.

Sounds good.

No problem.

Good luck with your business.

Okie-dokey.

All right, guys.

Let's go.

We work.

Yeah, that's not usually how it works, I feel like, with

cheese though.

Oh, it was so nice.

They had the picnic tables all set up.

I would be the one to have it here.

How fucking beautiful is the lake?

It's fresh.

Beautiful lake.

Oh,

fucking other places.

They might be Canadian Hells Angels.

They might be Canadian Hells Angels because we do have a lot of Hell's Angels here in Canada.

And they do sound, that sounds like the sort of politeness of

us.

We're sort of more famously a little more polite upright.

Oh, yeah.

This guy goes, it just depends.

In the pinball and arcade space, for instance, Mike,

I fix pinball machines.

There are legit people and some not so legit.

If you leave them alone, alone, they usually leave you alone.

But I got warned off of working on some machines for a vendor with questionable part.

I just leave them alone.

It's nice having them around, honestly.

It's like you leave them alone and they'll leave you alone.

You know, I love that sort of talk, too.

I mean, I think everyone's been guilty of it a little bit, maybe, but it's really loser kind of talk, in my opinion, where it's just like.

They're kind of cool, you know, they're kind of, they're not bad.

They're not doing anything bad to me.

And it's like, but some of them are doing bad stuff to other other people.

You're saying you want to you is Chris, are you saying right now you want to confront the Hell's Angels?

Is that what you're saying on the show?

You should, you should.

What I'm saying right now, you'll be at the live show in Toronto.

It's a yes.

I hired them to super

show.

Hey, this comes out after the live show in Toronto.

So, yeah, hey, this is a message to the Toronto Hells Angels.

This guy got just, I'm just kidding around.

All the Hell's Angels show up with one apple apiece.

Chris's worst nightmare.

We'll see you get through us, pal.

The Hells Angels used to come to the comedy club that I performed at.

I mentioned it.

It was this place in New Westminster called Laugh Lines Comedy Club.

And they would show up like halfway through the show and then stay like, they didn't care when there was two shows in the night, like 8 and 10.30.

And they would just show up at like 9.15 and stay there in between the two shows.

And then for like some of the other show in the beginning.

And they were really, really rude because they didn't really care.

They would just like,

and I remember all of the there was so much of this talk from like comics and stuff.

Like, it's kind of cool.

Listen, they're totally fine, you know, they you leave them alone, you show them respect, and it's like, well, they're not really showing that much respect to the menu, they're showing up like whatever they want and leaving whatever they want.

Um, but yeah, how many comics, how many comics do you think claim to have ties to the Hells Angels because of that club?

Because of that Laughlin's club that, yeah, that like, well, yeah, I'm like, I guess I'm sort of a hangaround.

That's an actual term in biker.

I played at a Hells Angels club the other night.

Yeah, exactly.

They would literally say that.

Like, it's like, and it wasn't.

By any means, was it?

It was just like a regular club that they would happen to go to sometimes.

You know, that's all that it was.

The Hells Angels guys cutting the ribbon on the opening of Laugh Lines Comedy Club in New Westminster.

They love jokes.

They love it.

They love physical comedy.

Yeah, but again, yeah, much respect to the Hells Angels.

The Hells Angel improv theater would be.

Here's a question somebody asked, which I think is really interesting.

And I think this could be a service for our listeners.

What's the best way to make $1,000 to $5,000 in one month besides having your nine to seven regular job and doing this in a realistic way that is possible and legal?

I'm putting together a list of ways to make money quickly and I'm looking for good suggestions to add.

Thanks.

So

$1,000 a month.

Shit.

Yeah, I don't know.

What would be a good way to make $1,000 in a month?

Does anyone know?

This guy does not want to work his nine to seven job.

That is long hours.

Sounds like he's up against the wall a little bit.

Yeah.

That's long hours.

That's 10 hours by my estimation there.

And I think that, but making making $1,000 in a month is obtainable.

Like, it's not one of those things where it's like, well, you need some crazy get-rich-quick scheme.

You could do it through legal means.

Or getting rich quit.

Now that you say it, getting rich quick

sound pretty good, actually.

Yeah, do you know how to do that scheme I want?

You got a line on that?

We just get $100,000 and then you stash it away and then...

All right, yeah.

Forget this $1,000 business.

Let's just go all the way up to the top, guys.

While we're doing it, while we're in there, might as well get rich, huh?

Well, here's some ideas.

Rent out your assets.

And it could include anything of use, e.g., camera, car, garage, bike, house, room, or anything like that.

Hello, Swimly account.

Here I come.

You guys on Swimly?

Are you guys DB on Swimly?

Yeah, we're pool hopping on Swimly.

You're on Swimly?

Yeah, I got my thing posted up on Swimly.

Sometimes I'll do double shifted even.

I'm actually banned from Swimly.

I had diarrhea in the last two weeks, so I'm off of Swimly for a little while.

Oh, they don't check that.

Yeah, but hey, I know somebody

over to check i could get you back in if it was uh it depends but it was a self-report

i had to let them know we we talked about an airbnb on a bonus show that said that the hours for the pool were after five o'clock because they rented out swimly from nine to five

that's so perfect yeah

so funny man and they were just like oh should we complain and it's like yes renting out your assets is, in my opinion, one of the craziest ideas for making money.

Like, I would never consider it.

I guess I don't have all these assets, but like the idea of just like, oh, let somebody use my car or whatever.

It just seems like such a

very depressing concept.

Yes.

It feels like there should be a lot of things that you do before you start doing that, in my opinion.

I mean, sell your shit.

If it's really,

I wouldn't suggest that.

I like my stuff.

Yeah, I would say that.

I like selling stuff.

Yeah.

Sure, yeah.

You're mostly thinking of all of the shit like Legos you have in your fucking house.

I have to get rid of so many Legos.

Okay, Brian, we discussed it.

You're donating the Lego.

Remember, you're not selling it.

Okay, this guy, freelancing,

performing a skill that you have for a proper fixed fee.

Or three online courses or tutoring.

If you're skilled in something or know or have studied or completed a certain education, which you can teach, then that can be used to teach someone for a proper fee for drop shipping.

It's a job.

It's called a job.

Guy with a bachelor's degree in a teaching certification going, God, I just can't.

What am I supposed to fucking do?

I need $1,000.

Fuck.

Drop shipping can be one, but many people are already behind it, but still, it can be done.

Nope.

Well, yes, it can, Jesse.

We do drop shipping.

We've done drops, and you can make, we can make it, we made $1,000 off of it.

Yeah, no, it's definitely a lot of people.

You can tell people what we made.

I don't want to break into my hand.

Wait, are you talking about your merch?

Yeah.

Drop shipping as a business is a little different than

what is it?

What is it?

What is it?

Drop shipping is where you set up a front for a business like on Etsy or Amazon and you buy something and then resell it without it coming to you first.

So like a lot of times people will be like I'll see

like on Reddit you know if you're looking at Reddit all the time maybe you see that people will be like hey the buyer asked that I don't include an invoice in the box and that I like cross out my business name and I ship it directly to an address that's not on their profile.

That's because those guys are drop shipping it.

And then they're also maybe mail forwarding freight forwarding it to different countries and stuff as well.

So they'll put a markup on something and then just send it across like if you bought it from Target or whatever.

Like on ads, you'll see that this is a drop shipping company that's like doing a drop shipping thing.

People do that shit.

yeah they'll buy it on like oh you guys can't do it anymore but like temu or whatever right and then they'll just resell it at whatever the thing is and yeah okay so i was just thinking we ship things that we do during a drop no that's crazy that's terrific that's good and that's and that's

that's good and by the way shout out we are Not going to be using Shopify anymore.

Fuck Shopify.

We're done using Shopify and they're AI asses and a lot of other reasons, too, we've learned about.

They're just an awful group run by an awful company.

So we're done with this

with them we're not using shopify anymore and prian isn't aware of this but we do we're going to be doing it in a different way so fuck shopify i don't care i don't care what website you do it on yeah yeah number five this is a really good one for everybody okay selling photographs or videos on shutter stock that's pictures you took and are of great quality there are many more if you observe more good luck so yeah look you can put what a thousand pictures on your phone just fucking put that up there that's what you get two three dollars per per each.

You get a couple dollars per pick and then you're back in the black big time.

Yeah, that's there is because people, there's a real premium on getting a hold of photographs

nowadays.

There's still a lot of people doing it all the time, every single day.

People love photos.

Yes.

There's a reason why everyone takes a million photos every day.

It's because they love them so much.

Is there a whole photo frame industry?

I forget.

Hmm, yeah.

Is it like actually the best thing you could ever hang on a wall?

Let me think about that for a second.

Yeah, why aren't we cashing in on the ass?

This person says, if you've got some money to invest, which I mean, he's almost putting the cart before the horse a little bit.

Yeah.

I would say if you got that money, yeah, I would just say put it towards that thousand dollars.

Right.

I would always advocate for purchasing a business that's already earning a passive income.

That's what I've been doing for the last 14 years, and it's worked really well for me.

I started with one, then gradually built it up and sold it for a higher price, then bought another, and so on.

And so, so get yourself a laundromat.

I found though if you can find a small business where the family is dealing with like a personal tragedy or whatever, you can kind of get in there and swoop.

Yeah, it's called the swoop.

It's called the swoop technique.

And you just want to swoop in there, and then you can get it for a very low price and then sell it.

Car wash, yeah, car wash and laundromat.

Those are the two best things you can do if you want to be a business guy.

That's just straight up.

Laundromat is so scummy, dude.

Laundromat is so expensive.

It's such a fucking, and it's, it's, every time you go in there, it looks like all bombed out.

It looks like a fucking disaster area.

Fucking fake plywood walls everywhere and cameras looking at you and shit.

You having an issue?

And the fucking Outrun machine doesn't work?

No, Chris.

I'm just saying, generally, this is a DBA.

When I was in LA,

when I was in LA, because I was gone for two weeks, I was like, I'm going to do laundry at a laundromat.

So when I searched, I searched hipster laundromat because i was like maybe

maybe there's a cool one where there's a where it's a club it's half a club yeah why did you want that like why what was in your mind that does exist in brooklyn when i lived up there there was like a place that was like a

place that was like a half laundromat half like a restaurant or something that's right food so that's what you wanted names you wanted it to be like you wanted it to be a whole vibe or whatever i wanted it to be a whole vibe i wanted it to be very fun yeah do you didn't find it though you should do your own laundromat dude.

I will.

Plus, you can wash your clothes there for free.

Stop telling him to do stupid shit because he'll believe it.

The guys mat.

It'll be called the guys mat.

It's totally fine.

You already got the name.

You're totally fine on this because

if it involves a bunch of work to get it done,

you're all right.

Okay.

Yeah, if you could just put it as set up your laundromat and then play episodes of your show at the laundromat.

Oh, it's free advertising.

Hang on a second.

Yeah, video, like at Wahlberger's or whatever.

Wahlbergers has episodes of their reality show playing on the TV.

Yeah, yeah.

That's a really, really good marketing strategy.

Yeah.

Here's a good one.

This person goes, whenever I set something, this is a different guy.

And he's just letting people know he has an idea.

I think you guys are going to like this idea.

Whenever I set something in the calendar, like a reminder or a meeting, I often forget about it.

The calendar only gives a notification.

So if I'm not using my phone or if I'm lost in social media, I probably don't see it.

As a result, I've missed tons of meetings.

Oh.

Just looking at websites.

I'm thinking of creating a calendar app that rings an alarm or at least vibrates to notify me of an event or meeting.

I'd love to know if you think this idea is valid and if you have similar experiences or stories, I'd love to hear them.

Wait, doesn't that on the iPhone?

On the iPhone, that it can get a set of mine.

If you're looking at the sites, though, it doesn't pop up.

This guy's got a Windows machine and an Apple.

No, I feel like it does pop up.

I feel like it pops up.

Well, but sometimes if you're really looking at your site, you just

swipe it away.

It's funny to be like, it starts ringing.

That's exactly what he was talking about.

You can set it.

You can set the alert.

Flick it off.

Click it off because you're looking at the.

Yeah, so it's just smacking off.

It's annoying, yeah.

I don't think, I could be wrong here, but I think that this thing exists and it's on literally every single person's phone already.

This guy goes, I have no idea if it's viable or not, but I'm with you.

What would be perfect is a very low power OLED screen with extremely low refresh rate and a minimal design that would just display a full-size calendar and upcoming appointments.

Slap it on my refrigerator and good to go.

Yep.

Which is ironic because I could also pull my always accessible phone out and check my calendar.

But I never do.

This way, whenever you're at the fridge, you can open it up and say oh fuck i missed a meeting this morning yeah yeah

i don't understand how that is a fucking solution uh so this guy goes this is real as fuck please do it and uh he goes yeah sure we'll notify you when it's ready for launch so people people are saying this is a good idea so maybe i'm wrong maybe i'm wrong maybe

it is maybe it doesn't exist No, you're fucking right.

They're called reminders on the iPhone.

And you can set reminders to go off.

And if it, like, if you're not holding your phone, then you're not, like, what do you expect to hear?

I need somebody to come over to my house.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Like, well, they have, they have DoorDash.

And so it's not actually that crazy to think, why can't somebody come to my house?

And like, yeah, I might be sleeping and it might be hard to wake me up, but why can't they go the extra mile?

Bang, bang, bang, bang.

Maybe knock on my neighbor's door and like see if the neighbor has my phone number or something like that.

Yeah, why didn't somebody?

Why won't someone help me?

Why won't somebody come over to my apartment and pull a fire?

Has anybody else noticed that nobody's waking us up for work?

Right.

This guy goes, at first I thought this is what most apps already do.

Correct.

Moron, stupid ass.

First thought is always wrong.

Let's kill him.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize none of them are doing it well.

A colleague's iPhone just flashed in a meeting as a notification, and it made me think, how would it be great if you could have an app or plugin that interrupted whatever you were doing with a stronger user-modified notification.

Sound, vibration, light flashing, banner pop-up, all of that.

I need my phone to start jumping off of the table and flipping around.

I need the shit to go crazy.

I need it to hook into the sound system of wherever I am and start screaming at me.

Yeah, that's, this is really, this is what's happening to people, though, in general, of course, happening to all of us, where you're just like so reliant on all of this stuff that you're like, yeah, why don't they have something that will

fucking go past sound and

wipe my butt.

Why the fuck am I doing this?

Yeah, wait a second.

This day and age,

I'm still fucking literally cleaning off my own asshole.

There's poop on there.

What the hell?

I mean, for the phone thing, you could have, remember

the boxing glove on a spring thing.

Right.

Use the boxing glove to come out of the phone.

Punch that, punch right in the face.

It's time for a meeting, dude.

It's time for a meeting.

I mean, yeah, like it just,

I just,

I don't think, I think what these people want is,

or what these people should want is maybe just like a little bit of a better work ethic or a little bit more focus.

Yeah, but don't want, I don't want, that's, don't like that.

Ah, nobody wants that.

I don't like that.

I'm on my phone.

Look at sights.

That's the thing I'm not.

That's the thing I'm arguing.

It's one thing to be like,

but you're saying that you're on your phone and that's where the alert is happening.

That still is somehow not alerting you.

I don't know how to help that.

A fire alarm type thing.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Like somebody to come to your apartment, pull the fire alarm or whatever.

The authorities come, make sure everybody's awake.

They can use a battering ram or whatever.

Well, something I noticed in in this

and looking at this stuff is that a lot of people came up uh with the ideas that already exist this guy goes i'm on my final business idea if this fails i'm going to subject myself to modern-day slavery so i don't oh he's not he's not working in lieu of coming up with his ideas that's great he's considering going into modern day slavery i'll put in an application i'll put in an application somewhere fine if this doesn't work out this doesn't work of course i have to give it two to three years to make sure

It's not going to get any traction.

Would you hear the idea?

I made this little idea called Late Night Munchies in my area of the UK.

I haven't started yet as I don't know how to.

I'm going to take pre-orders first and do only delivery as I don't want people knowing where I live.

Smart.

I feel that if this works, I'm going to make an agency where I can get people to sell home food and find drivers to go pick it up and deliver it.

Yeah.

Now, this, see, I think that's the thing.

I know I always do this, but come on.

Is this person maybe doing a joke?

He's not.

But in the end, it's about late nine munchies.

I'm trying to sell a bunch of fast food stuff and have a decent income to replace my income from my job.

Anyone got any advice how to start a food business from home?

Also, I got to go to university right now.

If anyone wants to see the logo,

if anyone sees a logo and food and a little menu I've made and wants more information from me, I'm willing to share in the DMs.

Private message me.

So

they get informed that it's really hard to do this, right?

And

because

you can't do it.

Sounds like the competition already trying to squeeze you out.

Oh, you better not do that.

Oh, no, that's so much hot.

Click on that profile.

That's probably a guy who owns a bunch of restaurants.

So

he thinks you can't do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It might put him out of business now that people know you can get food from home.

goes, the guy responds and goes, let's set aside legality and paperwork.

Right.

What if I just already, let's just say I already did it.

Now, what's the next thing?

Moving on.

Let's start with good food product.

In USA, Insomnia Cookies started as a late-night cookie delivery idea.

What are you selling?

Have you taste tested on anyone?

Feedback.

Insomnia Cookies is such a massive company now, though, that I think they probably had a leg up on, or they're probably bought by Venture Capital or something.

Do you ever get Insomnia cookies, Brian?

Yes, there's one like right down the street from you.

You ever had them?

No, but I knew for sure you would say, yes, you had ordered Insomnia cookies before, so that's why I asked.

It's the most confusing place I've ever been to.

Is it like crumbling?

No, it's different.

It's been around longer, and the cookies are actually good.

I don't like crumble cookies, but like they have two, their menu has like deluxe cookies and then non-deluxe or something like that.

Fancy cookies.

Yeah, which one did you get, Brian?

Brian, which one did you get?

Well, I kept trying to order.

I kept trying to order cookies, and they were like, you kept trying to order cookies.

Yeah, because I was there.

This is like an app where you can do that.

They were like, you can get four deluxes and four non-deluxes.

Okay, so something for something for the geese or whatever.

So I tried to do that.

And then I get my four deluxe cookies or whatever.

And then I asked for another one.

He's like, that's deluxe.

You can't have that.

You got to get a non-deluxe.

And I was like, okay, fine.

So like, I ordered some non-deluxe, and then I non-deluxe, but I couldn't figure out which ones I wanted or whatever.

So I said, here's the deal.

Can I just ask you for some cookies and you put them in a box and sell them to me?

And just pay, I'll pay whatever.

This does not sound like cookies I want.

I'll be honest with you.

I feel like, yeah, I feel like

it was probably pretty clear about what was going on.

You tried to order a McNuggets meal, and you tried to get more McNuggets instead of a drink.

Like, you fucked

up the entire concept.

Yeah, there's like, here, you get a four and four or something.

This is our four and four, and then we get this.

It's like, okay, and I want another one.

He's like, well, you'd have to just pay for that.

Like, that's what I'm doing.

I did.

I wanted to.

I wanted to just buy cookie.

Yeah.

And every time they won't let you.

I know everything is now.

It's all upside down.

Fucked up

This guy just wants to buy some cookies.

And yeah, does he want the deluxe ones?

Yeah, he does.

Does he deserve them?

Yes, he does.

He deserves the deluxe ones.

And so all of a sudden, you're going to try to give him fucking regular cookies?

Yeah, no, I feel you, Brian.

Isn't the part of this that you're Insomnia Cookies is for getting cookies delivered, right?

Yeah, but he's one right down the street.

I don't have to get them delivered.

I understand.

They have a storefront.

I just wonder if maybe we got off on the wrong foot because the whole concept of the business is cookie delivery and you walked into the building and said, give me some cookies.

Like, is that me?

What are you doing here?

Is that maybe part of it?

No, you know, they used to be part of it.

They have when they expanded to a storefront.

That happens with a lot of these companies.

This one, I don't think, delivers either because it's

a weird place.

You just throwing your hands up in the air and just being like, just fucking, just give me fucking cookies or whatever in a bag.

That's what I said.

I was like,

I was like, listen, I'll pay anything.

You said I'll pay anything for this.

No, I said, let's get rid of this combo concept.

Let's get rid of this.

It's just you and me.

Just you and me talking here.

That's what I felt like I was doing because I did.

Really, I was like,

you do not care about the combos.

And the guy was like, yeah, but each cookie costs more if you don't do the combo.

And I was like, well, why don't I order cookies?

Listen, sir.

And then if I.

You see, this cost me.

No yard.

I went once last year.

I'm not worried about the price, my man.

No.

I said.

You can get a deluxe six-pack.

I'm looking at it right now.

You don't even have to get the 4-4.

Just get six deluxes.

Yeah, you want an 8.

I tried to do that.

I tried.

I tried to do the six deluxes, and then every time I asked for a non-deluxe, they were like, that's a non-deluxe.

Yeah, but then.

So why didn't you go back to the 4-4?

Yeah, but the problem was, I think he was looking for a 5-3.

He was looking for a 5-3.

No!

I was just looking for a 6-2.

He was looking for a 6-2 or a 5-3.

I was just looking for cookies.

So what I said to the guy, what I go to the guy is I say, I'm going to order cookies.

You put those cookies.

That's the wrong thing to say when you're in person, by the way.

Don't say I'm going to order a cookie.

You're confusing the whole thing already.

I'm not assuming him because he's assuming that.

No, but what I'm saying is, I

sir, we have the cookies here.

I don't know.

I'm not sure.

We don't need to order them from anywhere.

I was like, I'm going to get cookies.

I'm just going to pick the cookies I want and the amounts I want.

And then if it meets a combo,

we'll do the combo.

But if it doesn't, I'll just pay for each cookie.

Because it started to get so confusing.

It was really like.

What ended up happening?

I paid $53 for like

cookies.

so you you

so you paid for all premium cookies or whatever i believe i did just pay for each cookie separate because it it had gotten so confusing you probably went seven and one is my guess you probably want seven premiums and one regular and you can get a deluxe six pack is twenty five dollars and fifty cents by the way I bought eight, I think, and it was $52.

See, why wouldn't you just get that pack?

Because I couldn't figure out what was what.

Listen.

It's very clear.

I'm looking at it right now.

If you just got a six-pack is $25, then you get two more cookies.

These couldn't have been $25.

So it sounds to me like...

Chris, it's even worse than that.

He could have gotten two four plus fours for $56 and gotten

eight deluxes and eight non-deluxes for $56.

He could have gotten twice the number of five delays.

I want to say he's always

a salesperson.

No, no.

He did not pay $50 something dollars, though, because sometimes in his mind, i think he remembers it he's like because this is what i'm saying he is the grove for high roller he is the like when his mind he's just like i dropped 50 spot at the fuck my cookie shop so it's like i think it's more likely he's like spent about 39 or something that would be my 268 oh my god he's got the receipt yeah

february 9th i bought cookies from insomnia in the short north and it was $52.

I'm looking at that exact menu right now.

The differences between the normal, the deluxe cookie and the non-deluxe cookie is like a non-deluxe cookie will be,

for instance, I'm looking at one right here, which is double chocolate chunk.

Okay.

And then the deluxe might be triple chocolate chunk.

So the difference between the two is one single chocolate that Brian had to have and couldn't deal with the double chocolate instead of the triple chocolate.

Was that the calculus you were making there?

I'll tell you.

The calculus I was making is: I wanted cookies.

I want the most expensive stuff.

No, no, no.

It's just I want cookies.

Well, then you should be happy because you got raked over the coals, my man.

$52 for you says that.

Oh, there's a tip, too.

There's a tip, too.

Why would you tip the guy who was screwing you six ways to Sunday at the cookie store?

But you paid over $6 per cookie.

Maybe.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't remember how many cookies it was, but it was eight to 10, I think, is where we were at.

So

you paid a good amount.

You paid over market price for cookies.

Yeah, I think it's because I said, because what I actually said was, I will pay for each cookie.

So he was, I'm sure this guy was like, listen, dipshit, I'm trying to tell you how you could do this, but like $26.

And then Brian's like, listen, man, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Swats and cookies.

And finally, this poor worker was like, fine, idiot.

Then I'll charge you for each fucking cookie.

And you can pay $50 something dollars.

That's what happened.

You know what you should do, Brian, is you should make cookies at your house and then sell them to people to recoup the cost you lost.

In front of the Insomnia cookies.

Oh, you about to go in there and get screwed.

By the way, these are actually cheaper.

These are actually $54.

The combos are normal, is what I would say.

Yeah.

No more of his combos.

You would say, like, hey, at my place, we got no combos.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You pay full price.

Right.

You pay full price.

Listen, Jesse, people hate being confused with all these numbers.

Like, you can save $10, $12, $18.

That's confusing to me.

I want to pay full price, please.

Forget about it.

Yeah.

I don't know what happened that day.

I just remember being insanely frustrated and just saying, like, I just want cookies, dude.

Because every time I would say, I want a cookie, they'd be like, you already have four of those.

You gotta get one of these.

And then I'd be like, okay, I'll take one of those.

And they're like, yeah, you already got three of those or something.

Like, it was always a thing.

It just kept being a thing.

Sounds like a story my kid would tell.

Yeah.

Too bad I can't.

We'll never experience that with

because I now have decided to never come to the United States, by the way.

My family really does not support me coming there even for vacation anymore, really.

So, yeah, unfortunately, I don't know that it might be four years before I'm able to experience those wonderful cookies.

That's a long time, huh?

You're going to miss out on a lot.

You're going to miss out on a lot, actually.

I'm actually going to miss out on a lot doing live shows in America for the people who listen to this podcast.

I won't be able to do that.

I also won't be able to go watch any white caps games that are way games that I really want to do.

Go over to Seattle and Portland to watch some of those games.

Won't be able to go see Brian.

Some of our mini freedoms.

Yeah, won't be able to do a lot of freedom.

I don't want to come here on the 4th of July.

I mean, I'm not.

I'm not a Middle Earth High Life.

I genuinely do.

That's the crazy part.

I don't even hate America.

I want to come there, and then it's just so dangerous.

You have to come here all the time.

It's easy to come over here.

I'll tell you that right now.

I would imagine.

Yeah, I don't know why that would be hard.

What inventions can I make that aren't made yet?

This is a chorus lesson.

Good question.

So stupid.

Eric answered.

He's got a few.

Number one, transmission of power from a device to another with a cable.

There are no great solutions to this, and frankly, I don't think there ever will be.

A space plane like Skylon, something that can get to orbit and back with a single stage.

I think that isn't that a

rocket, right?

Yeah, fully self-driving car.

You're working on it, but not quite there.

So

you're going to come in.

I'll do it.

I'll do it, goddamn.

I got this.

You want something done right?

I've been thinking about it.

I've actually been thinking about it.

They just put a computer in this son of a bitch.

Really let it sing.

The idea.

Yeah, the idea that you are going to come in and be like, this is my new invention on this thing that they are working tirelessly at.

There's whole industries around.

Yeah, of course.

We have that shit all the time on the richest guy in the entire world.

He's sleeping at the factory.

Automated automated house building.

3D printer, robot, et cetera, which can build a whole house automatically.

Yeah, that would be a sick invent.

We joke about it and laugh about a lot of stuff, but that would be a sick invention to just be able to like, boom, there's my house.

There's a mine printing.

There's a 3D printed house here

in Ohio.

There's a 3D printed house in Columbia.

Oh, really?

How big is it?

I don't know.

I should go walk by that someday.

I want mine to be

like sick, like a mansion-size, like super sick with like big pillars and stuff like that.

Waterfalls, fucking cannons, fucking.

And if it's 3D printed, I could have like, am I crazy to say this?

Like avatar type things?

Not crazy at all.

Yeah, like I wouldn't have to have things that are necessarily

stuff that's like necessarily in our reality.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Because it's 3D printed, so you can make whatever you want.

Fuck yeah.

Oh, I can show you guys

the 3D printed house.

You can show us.

I'd put a confusing cookie store in mine just because I think it it would be.

Well, then you, Insomnia's got it down there.

That's kind of nice.

It's like a normal house.

This looks like a normal house.

This one doesn't.

This looks 3D printed.

Well, it's not.

I don't understand why the.

I haven't looked into it at all, obviously, but I don't understand why what's the holdup with all this stuff.

They've been on this 3D printed house stuff for

a decade or more.

Oh, I see.

Making the guns.

Well, actually, I just figured it's because it sucks.

That's why.

Yeah, it's probably horrible.

I mean,

basically, the way I think about it is that it's like.

It's It's concrete extrusion, right?

You're just going around a little thing and it's concrete.

Why is that bad?

Why is that?

Oh, I kind of got the idea there was something else.

I think, I don't know if it's like specifically concrete, but insulated concrete forms is another way of building homes that's not like stick-built,

you know, with just lumber and stuff like that.

And that's what people do for like, well, lumber is actually shitty compared to the ICF

builds.

They hold up better in weather, they last longer, and they're like tremendously more expensive.

So anybody who does like a real nice uh custom house will have all the insulated concrete forms and that'll be like the um the structure of the whole house but it's so insanely expensive to do it and those like already exist like you can go buy those but then having like a big computer come out and print a house out of concrete is like even more expensive than that And it also seems like the house will suck.

I don't know why.

I just feel like I have a print.

I'm going to build it.

Yeah, but for low-cost housing, you know, it's pretty cool.

Yeah, for low-cost housing, I think that's not what it's going to be.

They're not going to do low-cost housing.

It's funny that you think that, though.

Yeah,

that's not free.

That's cute.

Hey, that's actually cute.

Nothing is real.

I know nothing's real.

I know nothing's real.

And nothing good is ever going to happen.

I get it.

I'm just saying.

How about this one?

Asteroid Miner.

Asteroids have enormous wealth, but we don't really have the spacecrafts to mine them yet.

And I don't want to miss a thing.

Not until you let my ass up there.

Hell yeah.

Home DNA sequencer?

A box to sequence your DNA at home cheaply?

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't know why you'd want that.

Cut out the middleman.

Yeah.

Have you guys ever done that thing?

The 23andMe?

No, I have not.

I did.

We didn't.

And he makes fun of me.

I didn't do it.

Yeah.

I'm not sure where I'm making fun of you.

Are you a genealogy guy, Jesse?

Are you a genealogy guy?

What was it?

Because we learned about this on the episode of people who do it to...

Were you

doing it to find out that you were a king or something like that?

I was, I actually don't care about it at all, but this was something I did like 12 years ago when my mom wanted to do it because she likes looking up family history and stuff like that.

So, yeah.

Did she want to know if you guys were a king?

That's what most of the people we've done.

I found out that he has 55% Neanderthal DNA.

Isn't that right?

Wasn't that the thing it was?

Yeah, from the waist down.

Hoping Neanderthals had big dicks, not curious.

They definitely did.

Neanderthals were fashioned.

That's You know, those old cavemen had big punk hits.

Oh, yeah.

Big swang and things, you know.

Last one, cheap desktop 3D printer for the home where you can print in more materials than just plastic.

For example, you can print in metal, ceramics, and other useful materials.

Oh, yeah, why don't they print metal?

All the 3D printing manufacturers stomping on their hats.

We thought the plastic would be good enough.

Oh, God.

I want a 3D printer.

I'm going to get one.

Well, Well, that was.

Wait, no, stop.

Don't end on that and think, why do you want one?

What are you going to do with it?

Dude, he can make his own Legos.

Yeah.

Could make my own Legos.

It's not going to work.

Buddy, you can't even build your own Lego sets.

You won't even do them MOC.

You think you're going to make your own Legos?

I'm getting rid of all of them.

Yeah.

I'm not kidding.

That city back there.

It's gone.

I mean, the 3D printer would just be a thing that Brian buys and then never uses as a record player or whatever.

Everybody just make a gun or a record.

Yeah, I make a record player.

Do you say a gun?

Oh, yeah, you keep it.

I can make a gun.

Yeah, you do.

I can zip gun.

Yeah, you do want a gun.

I know you want a gun, but I think I'll get a gun.

I think you're going to have one.

A gun would be another thing that Brian would have, and he would just forget about it.

He'd never use it.

He would never use it.

He would never use it.

It would be so pathetic.

It would be like, buddy, you've never used that thing.

You haven't shot anybody with it.

When's the last time you went on a mass shooting, idiot?

When was the last time you even fucking defended your house with that?

Waste of money.

Waste of money.

My father-in-law has a gun.

He wanted to show it to me and not in a menacing way.

That's a trick, by the way, Brian.

I'll tell you that now.

When your in-law says, I need to show you my new gun, that's a trick.

Don't fall for that.

I think his in-laws are pretty trustworthy.

He took him out behind the chicken coop by the buckets of piss and shit.

Oh, okay.

He said, Hey, let me show you this gun.

So, yeah, you're sort of picturing it a little bit wrong, Jason.

I was not focused on the gun at all.

I was focused on the Trump sticker on his headboard for his bed.

Oh, my God.

So focused on that.

That bed is

I couldn't even.

He watches over me while I sleep.

I know they're not fucking and sucking or anything like that, but if they were, how do you know that?

She's looking at it.

Yeah, she's riding him on.

Yeah, she's probably riding him and looking behind her doggy style position, and he's looking at the sticker.

And she gets to look at it too.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They probably switched positions so they can each have a peek.

When I was at the ER, there was a Trump person in the room next to me watching the news, and I could hear her commentary on it like all the time.

And she owned a steakhouse because she bragged about that to the nurse that came in.

She was like, yeah, you know, I own a steakhouse in Logan.

And I was like, so I'm listening to her and I hear the, because we can hear her TV.

Ours is turned off.

I hear the news and the news starts talking about Palestine.

And

the guy on the news, she goes like this.

She goes,

it's disgusting.

They killed all those people.

I guess they feel like they killed enough people.

And I was like, that's weird, like that she's on the Palestinian side, right?

Like, I was like, hmm, that's, and she goes, and you know, Trump is disgusted by all the killing.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm sure.

He's disgusted by the whole thing.

She's like, he just hates it.

And she was also, you know, talking about stocks.

Like, because now they're like, oh, the stocks are better than ever now.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

That's always, that's good, right?

That's couldn't only be good, right?

Yeah, I didn't know that.

Stocks, hell yeah.

Yeah, I mean, they heard about my poop.

Like, that was my revenge for them.

Is like the doctor talked so loud about my constipation.

Yeah.

And also, like, we're going to ram a finger in your ass.

And they're like,

hey, we got to ram a finger in this guy's ass.

I only trust doctors that'll ram a finger in your ass.

Yeah, Brian likes to have a double-clicking.

I don't like that.

Because he likes to showcase.

This is his words.

He likes to showcase his strong anus.

Well, okay.

I do, my doctor told me it was strong, but I do if

your doctor never

that's what she said.

She snapped it through her hand.

That's what she said.

Don't think you can just say it with a different fucking

joke.

That's what she said.

That wasn't a joke.

That's what she said.

She said it's strong back here.

You got to like loosen up a little bit or whatever.

That's what she said.

My cheeks are just because i walk so strong back here it's strong back there that's the crazy you were clenching your cheeks yeah

somebody was putting a finger in my butt what are you stupid

yeah how do you do that he just you just lose you just relax your ass how do you relax yeah well that i would love all the time

dude you need an asshole massage

no i just i i don't if your doctor because i had a doctor for like i got a guy i had a doctor for years and years and years she never put her finger in my butt, not one time.

Well, did you ever ask her to?

Yeah,

she can't read your mind, Brian.

You have a colder, Brian, you have a headache.

It's more than you.

You can't keep coming back here like this.

No, but I had issues where she, I was like, oh,

I'm having trouble peeing.

Oh, my asshole feels kind of lonely back there, doc.

It's not a warning thing.

I'm having an issue where my asshole is totally empty right now.

Doc, you got any of those gloves I've seen you put on?

My hole is

somebody to test the strength of my cheek.

But just when you're younger, there's less need for people to put their, as you get older, there's more like prostate stuff and they're supposed to check that stuff.

I was asking about prostate stuff and she never did it.

So I was like, how would she even know?

You know what I mean?

And then I went to a doctor and he did it and I was like,

oh, you know, if a doctor isn't willing, we're talking.

A man knows what a a man needs.

I constipation trip to the emergency room.

I want to know everything's okay.

I want to know you're willing to fucking do whatever you want.

Die for peace.

Yeah.

Figure out that I'm okay.

Brian, the only guy in the Ohio hospital system who has drug-seeking behavior and asshole pleasure-seeking behavior on his fucking chart at the same time.

Yeah,

don't fall for it.

Brian, I understand what you're saying, though.

You just want somebody who's like, will go

or whatever and is fully like, is not

worried about uncomfortable.

That's right.

Yeah, I mean, I could understand if you came in, fucking spread your cheeks open.

No, I don't spread my cheeks.

You tear your asshole out.

He doesn't know how to spread his cheeks.

That's the problem.

I brought some gloves set aside for her.

I brought some from home.

This is the lube I like, by the way, Doc.

Well, what's our lube?

I don't know if it's a different lube.

Brian, what's our favorite lube?

We have a favorite lube.

Spunk.

Spunk lube.

Spunk lube.

She's not going to use spunk lube.

It's not a sexy thing.

It's a healthy thing that I want.

I like knowing that everything's good in there.

And I like knowing that the doctor's like, listen, if I got to put a finger in his ass, I'll do it.

And that's what I'd like to know that the same as when I answered yes to all the questions when I went to the emergency room.

Because if I didn't know the answer and I said no, and then it turned out it was happening.

You get what I'm saying?

Here's an invention.

That's the wrong answer.

This should wrap the episode up for now.

That's it.

What about an invention?

What about an invention where you have an app where they put a camera inside your asshole and they go in there and then you can monitor it yourself and you can do your own doctor stuff and you don't have to fucking pay for all this medical shit.

Smart.

Would they tell you the strength of your cheeks?

Oh, yeah.

It it could measure.

It could measure cheek strength.

It could have all of that stuff.

Measure

cheek strength.

Well,

we got Mike and Jesse do your Kickstarter sucks, and they're the nicest guys in the world.

No matter how much they make fun of me,

I still find them to be the nicest guys in the world.

I'm sorry.

Jesse has bad opinions on Pop, but that's whatever.

And Mike, you're perfect to me.

Brian, I've said it's the decade of Pepsi, I think it's coming.

Don't you agree?

It is.

Yeah,

it's been decades of Pepsi.

What is your bad opinion on POP?

It's Coke.

He's a Coke guy.

Well, no.

I prefer Coke over Pepsi as well.

I don't drink either of them, really.

Like, if I do have a POP,

I'm afraid to say I'm going with a ginger ale, ladies and gentlemen.

Ginger ale, very nice.

I'm going with a ginger ale only from the fucking gun, though.

I will not drink that canned Canada dry ginger ale or any canned ginger ale.

It's got to be from the gun.

My daughter's boyfriend

bought me

Cherry 7 Up because they don't have it anywhere downtown.

And

he works out of town.

So he bought me five 12 packs of it.

Oh, shout out to Ashron.

Ashram Ashron.

He's a good

one here.

He's the best.

All right.

We'll see you all next week.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Sweet.

Yes, sir.