Guys: Episode 116 - Satanic Guys with Howell Dawdy

Welcome to guys, a podcast about guys.

I'm Brian, and I'm trying to do a Satan voice, but instead I probably sound more like Cookie Monster or something like that.

With me is my co-host, a Christian slave chris james a chris christian slave you're a fucking chris you christian

slave yeah i understand that it's like they mean i'm a slave to christianity but i do think there were also a lot of christian slaves as well uh just as a whole sort of separate i don't believe in that you don't okay i'm not

slavery you don't believe in it i mean it's a fact i'm against it yeah no i don't talk about it oh i see i see so you're you're taking a stance against it i understand i'm against slavery I see.

So you don't believe in the, you believe that it happens and happened, but you

there's some debate about that.

No, there isn't.

This is, I just love the idea of people because not everyone who listens to this podcast is really kind of aware of your politics.

And just some people trying to, hey, my friends told me to check out this new podcast, guys.

And right in the beginning, the guy is like a slavery denialist.

Can you have met?

I've never met one of those.

I've met a Holocaust denier.

You have?

Oh, yeah.

Here, let's get our guests on.

We got Howell Doddy.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

Wait.

Say that and then go.

And here he is.

Don't do that.

So I used to work with a Holocaust denier.

Okay.

So, yeah, to be clear, Howell is a different person.

I'm a different guy.

Yeah.

I'm not the guy who's a guy who's a good guy.

Yeah, Howell's a way different guy.

Okay.

So I got him a job at the cable company, this guy.

You got a job for a Holocaust denier?

Maybe.

You gave a reference to a Holocaust denier.

So, and this would be the second worst reference he's ever given, just to be clear, because

one of the references he gave also got a job and got fired for masturbating at his desk.

I never considered that I've gotten given too bad referrals.

I'm actually going to put the, I'm going to put the guy who jerked off at his desk

a spot lower on the list than the holocaust denier i'm going to say that the holocaust denier is the worst guy of course howell of course but does he embarrass you as much and work like it depends i guess on how vocal he is with his holocaust denial if it never comes up in in the work setting then you could be less embarrassed than hey you know that guy brian gave reference to yeah he was jacking off at his desk to pornography yeah and there was another couple guys there at the cable company i I think they found common cause with being Nazis and like they talked about it, but they talked about it in a way that like after like just a couple days, I was like, oh, I think these guys are Nazis.

Like I, because they don't say I'm a Nazi.

Yeah.

Yeah, they don't self-identify as Nazi at work.

Especially as you're training them, right?

Like they just got a job.

I'm training this guy.

He's got these tattoos that I'm like,

that might be a Nazi.

But the other guy doesn't have any tattoos.

I can see, yeah.

Yeah.

And he's just a guy I knew, and he didn't really talk about politics all that much.

And then one day, you know, it was 2004.

We were kind of talking about the election with John Kerry and George W.

Bush.

And I, I don't remember how it came up, but he was like, some people say

Holocaust didn't happen.

I was like, oh, I don't think we're friends anymore.

I was even at that time kind of like, ooh, this guy's got some bad opinion.

Yeah,

that is one of, I mean, that's known as one of the worst opinions.

Worst opinion you can have.

It's one of them, known as one of the worst opinions.

I guess it's not even really opinion, an opinion, I guess, because it's like, it's a factual thing that you're denying.

So I don't think you even call that.

He hates people so much.

He just hates everybody except for white guys

so much.

I have to say, if you're trying to reach out into the world with that kind of awful opinion,

you know, bringing it up in a conversation about the 2004 presidential election is pretty bad.

Like, that's

you're bringing it up in a lot of stuff if you're bringing it up.

That's true.

It seems like it might be a heavy talking point for you.

I was like, I was watching the daily show last night.

Jon Stewart had some interesting things to say about John Kerry's Swiftboat Veterans for Truth.

And then somehow it turned into, well, some people don't think the Holocaust ever really happened.

And I was like, whoa,

to Jon Stewart.

We're going back to Jon Stewart.

So anyway, yeah, I got this guy a job.

Then he got another guy a job.

So there were like three guys working at the cable company that were Nazis.

I don't know what ended up happening with them, though.

So he like, he was like the first guy.

They're in the government now.

They're like.

Well, I don't mean Nazi.

They're like

running everything.

They rule us now because you got them jobs at the cable company.

They're now in charge.

He allowed a sell to infiltrate the cable company by getting this one guy in, and then he started getting all his buddies and opening the door for them.

Congratulations.

Well, guess who got me in?

They founded Clear Channel after that, and then it was just all over.

All over.

Wait, I'll tell you who got me in.

P.S.

Yep.

Oh, and then he got fired shortly at Porto Sean.

Got me a job.

Porto Sean.

So

he got me a job.

and then he went to do a ride along with the police.

That's right.

And when he got to the police station, they put him in jail because he had a warrant out.

Yeah, so it wasn't so much a ride along.

No, he ended up just being in jail.

He's arrested.

He's arrested by the police.

And then a little later on, so we're working for the cable company, our mortal enemy.

We have a warrant for porno Sean.

Yeah.

But our enemy, our enemy is the satellite companies.

This guy goes to a guy's house.

He doesn't want to run the cable up through the attic and stuff because it's hot.

It does suck to run cable through an attic.

I agree with him.

And he goes, you should sign up for DirecTV and then handed him the fucking card.

And then the guy called and was like, Port O'Sean handed me this card.

And they're like, that's it, dude.

You're fired.

That's really, that's a really funny thing to do as a

you should get you should get direct TV.

Yeah, whatever.

Ah, this guy goes on.

So we're talking about Satanists.

Any of you guys ever worship Satan before?

No, I know,

I don't think so.

But I definitely,

when I was younger, I was like, thought it was cool.

You know what I mean?

There was like a period of time where I was like, yeah, Satan, you know, like the devil.

That's kind of cool.

Like,

I'm a bit of a, I'm a bit of an atheist, I guess you could say.

You know what I mean?

What about you, Hal?

Did you ever do the satanic thing?

I would, I mean, probably as a as a

as a little metal head, like a little kid listening to heavy metal, I think that's the closest I ever got to it.

Like the imagery of it and shit like that, I absolutely never, I never read anything, anything written by a Satanist.

I never, uh, I never

got, I never, I never dove in any deeper.

I was two years a Satanist.

Okay.

I was a Satanist for like two years.

When people asked me what I was, I'd say, I'm a Satanist.

Oh, I see.

But you weren't like, what did that mean to you at the time?

And what age were you?

I was 16 to 18.

Oh, I see.

So you had very strong convictions.

Yeah.

Well, what happened is I had this class called Crafts.

Crafts.

Yeah.

Okay.

Were you at school?

You were in the regular schools?

Yeah.

Yeah, I took crafts.

Okay.

Okay.

I don't know.

Listen, I'm a Canadian.

I'm an ignorant Canadian, so I will just say

I never had crafts class.

We just had art class.

It was just always called art.

Yeah,

I did crafts in art class, and then there was like shop class, which, you know, more

vocational, I guess.

But yeah, yeah, yeah.

You never had a craft.

I never had a class that was just called crafts.

Okay.

We did.

We drew, we made,

oh, God, we made a ceramic hand.

Oh, that's cool.

We made

a collage.

Mine was great.

It was satanic.

That's why I brought it up.

So this was probably

perfect for you, probably, because they were telling you exactly what to build.

You weren't having to do a mock situation, make your own creation, because you would have really struggled with that.

We know

you can't make a mock.

I only did one project in a whole class.

I see.

A collage.

How many were things out from the magazine and you glue them to a piece of poster board?

The rest I just was like, I mean, that's that's art, though.

I think, I think collage.

Thank you.

If you're expressing yourself in a collage, I think that's

that to me

falls more

on the

side of the line of art.

But I mean, what

was in your collage, Brian?

I remember the whole middle of it was pictures of Charles Manson.

Whoa,

and then

Jesus.

Okay, hang on.

Yeah, hang on a second.

So,

this is, yeah, so you were a Satanist, obviously, as you're saying, and he was a well, there's more of it.

He was a famous Satanist, right?

Like, he would always talk about

he wasn't, but I thought he was.

I think he was, yeah, I was the type of Satanist.

He was actually like a, he was like,

like an insane, like, Christian, right?

Like, wasn't that his thing?

That he thought that there would be a war between the Christians and the Satanists.

Right.

And he wasn't as good.

And a race war as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that was bad.

That was a bad part of his philosophy.

But I got really,

yeah, unfortunately, there was also that.

Are you trying to say?

Are you trying to sort of do a thing where you're like, well, yeah, he did that one bad thing.

Like, I feel he's just kind of known as a bad guy mostly.

He is.

I don't support Charles Manson.

Okay, good, good, good.

Big news, everybody.

Brian doesn't support Charles Manson.

Brian probably fucking

Brian probably gave him a recommendation for a job.

If Brian knew Charles Manson in his early years, he would have recommended him to work at the cable company.

I do kind of feel like Brian so far in this episode

has been playing a kind of like bad clip roulette

thing.

No,

I'm saying that like I thought that I was a Satanist in that like

I loved Satan like I would put Satan like a lot of the a lot of the collage was upside-down crosses pictures of Charles Manson and then also cigarettes I went through all the cigarette ads and just glued cigarette ads to the thing that's really cool that part of it is really cool I wish I still had it I'm gonna tell you the truth I wish I still had the collage but I don't because they took it to the principal's office they called my parents The parents came in and they sat down.

It's the only time they ever stuck up for me.

They were like, I mean, you told them to do a collage.

This is what you're going to get.

You know?

It was the Charles Manson part, probably, that they were most concerned with.

I would imagine, like, hey, let's get a collage of your interests.

And you're like,

noted serial killer, Charles Manson, is one of my big guys.

I think in my mind, I didn't put any weed on it.

You know what I mean?

So I can't get in trouble.

Oh, I see.

So I was satanic in that, like,

yes, all the teachers knew I did drugs too,

but all the teachers,

I felt like, well, everybody here does drugs.

I need something else.

Yeah.

It's kind of funny that the entire assumption there was just that you were saying cigarettes are awesome and Charles Manson is awesome because you could read that collage as,

here are things that

kill you, right?

That's good.

Yeah, that's not why I was.

You could read it that way, but if you have you seen a photo of him at that age, I'm just curious if you've seen what he looked like at that age.

There was no misconstruing what the messaging was there.

It was like, I love Charles Manson, and I may be a serial killer myself.

That's how I would read it.

Yeah.

Well,

also just cigarettes.

Yeah, I love smoking.

I love smoking.

Everyone would have known how much he loved smoking.

He would have been smoking all the time in the bathroom.

I loved smoking in the bathroom.

And they knew we were smoking because the rule was they had to catch you with a cigarette in your hand.

So somebody would stand outside and be like, teacher's coming real loud and then, or the teacher's coming, and then the teacher would come.

They're like, you're not allowed to do that anymore.

So then we were like, okay, fine.

So then we would stand at the door.

And when the teacher was coming, we would yell like, I love candy or something like that.

And that meant throw your cigarette away.

And the teacher's like, you're not allowed to say you love candy anymore.

But you would just switch it up every time, right?

Yeah, and then the teacher teacher would tell us what we're allowed to say, and we'd just say something else every time.

The teachers didn't really have a good plan in place, I feel like, to stop it.

Let's look at some Satanists.

Let's uh, let's look at this question.

Well, they gotta, you know, they gotta, they gotta let them use the bathroom, so it's you're kind of your hands are tied, basically.

You're right,

you're right.

And by the way, okay, so we're starting off with a guy that we actually know quite well.

We've met this.

We're not yet.

I have him up here because we're going to learn about Satanism from Count Jacula, who is a guy that we love.

Yeah.

Personally, he's great.

He gets horny for dead bodies.

So this is the first thing I found.

It said, my uncle sends me Bible verses every morning.

What's a good scripture from the Satanic version I can send him?

First reply, send other Bible verses back.

I personally like this one, Ezekiel 23, 20.

There she lusted after her lovers whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose omissions were like that of horses.

So he's just saying like there's actually some pretty nasty stuff in the bible just showing that like presumably

the guy who's sending you bible verses every morning is aware of those passages of the bible i don't think i don't think any christian's aware of the this guy's got a huge dick and it comes a lot because that's really what that was yeah i know but you don't think they're aware of that i think they are no i and then this next guy this next guy goes this is the real way don't make him question your faith make him question his but why would that make him question it why would that be the thing to make him?

There's a lot of things you can do to make them question it, I feel like, but just being like, hey, check out this passage where they talk about a guy with a huge cock that comes a lot.

Yeah.

I bet that's got you thinking a little bit, you know?

If you told me that being a Christian means I get to have a huge cock that comes a lot, I'd be a huge Christian.

Yeah, I'm thinking that that's actually going to validate me.

This guy goes,

this person goes, this is a great idea.

So they're all on board with the sentiment Bible burst.

These guys,

off the bat, I might be wrong, but

they do have Pastafarian energy a little bit as far as the also slightly more annoying

Christian, like slightly, they're like slightly more annoying atheists in a way.

I mean, I get it because they don't believe in Satan, most of them.

I guess there are some schools of thought which believe Satan is a guy.

I was going to say,

if they do believe,

this type of stuff lacks the courage of any conviction whatsoever where it's like

you should be able to send a verse of your of your feelings about the world

and not go like well actually just send him something that will make him look stupid on his own terms i think the problem with that's very that is very as you guys are saying that's very like that reads very atheist to me that's very like

that's exactly what it is this guy goes send him and i don't care and then this guy replies and goes those who remain silent about evil in the world share in culpability.

It's sort of funny to imagine.

It's sort of funny to imagine

a real Satanist, you know, sort of dark corner of the room, eyes glowing red, looking at the Bible and reading the passage about the guy with the big dick that comes and going, This is disgusting to me.

This is

vile.

This is this guy goes, What kind of shit are you all reading

this guy goes this guy goes read the satanic bible there are no gods and he gets a reply and goes there are hundreds of thousands of gods just check the satanic membership so there's a bit of come on

oh so he's saying he's basically saying everybody in who's a satanist is a god yes is he saying that in a kind of way like you're all gods and kings or something or does he mean literally is that like the what they that they believe okay he's just saying it many of them yeah chris many of them do not believe there is a satan many of them are just atheists who believe in hedonistic stuff right so so like i'm an atheist but i also believe in like radical self-interest and we're gonna read a lot about you know the easiest way to think about these guys is libertarian atheists is what they are yeah that makes sense welcome to the welcome to the words are made up club basically is what they're is what they're doing yeah this then the guy the guy that said uh uh we're all gods he goes i have four down votes on my comment so who's encouraging

so

you can't be saying something this is on reddit right yeah you can't say something like uh if you get your if you get your comment down voted you have to accept it it's like ignore it you have to ignore it you simply have to ignore it to come in and say um what's with the down votes guys is like one of the worst reddit moves you could ever make.

It is humiliating and you can't come back to it.

Frankly, it's a fallacy is to do it.

It's an appeal to authority.

And, you know, and I simply

have no standing whatsoever.

I picture Socrates saying that.

I hear I've been getting a lot of down votes on the last lecture.

What's with all the down votes on my theories lately?

The guy goes, maybe you need to consider a Mennonite path or something more passive than Satanism.

For me, if you do evil, I will not remain silent.

I will stand up for my rights and protect my own.

Not like Canada, where you have, where you leave your keys out so the thieves can steal your car and leave your doors open so the criminals can walk in and take what they want from your house.

What?

That's I live in Canada.

I lock my car and my house.

Well, this guy got 28 down votes for that.

Yeah,

that's a stupid thing to say.

And it also, it's like,

he's one of those guys who's like, it's all he he ever talks about is that thing.

So he's just like, that's not really what we're even talking about.

He's like, not like Canada.

And it's like, wait, what?

Canada?

We're talking about religions.

What do you mean?

How did you jump to that?

But that's just what he's always thinking about is freedom and how.

I wonder if that guy's an American.

Here's some jokes.

Let's get a few jokes in.

That guy heard an anecdote like.

25 years ago about how Canadians don't lock their door because there's no way that he watched Calling for College.

There's no mine.

I know exactly where that came from.

So he heard that anecdote, and it has

morphed in his brain over the years to you have to leave your door open in Canada so that criminals can come take your stuff.

That's why.

Yeah, and by the way, like, it's just a small town thing, I think, really.

Yeah, I think in small town America, people don't lock their doors either.

It's not in the big city in Canada, you have to lock your car.

In fact, we have a big issue with cars being stolen right now in Vancouver.

Well, right, because you guys don't lock them.

That's what, as I understand, and you leave the keys in them.

And I want to tell you that in small towns here,

most guys have like a security system and a gun and they lock their doors.

There's like a difference between Canada.

Is that true?

Is that true?

But in every small town, you really think it's like that in all small towns?

You don't think small towns exist where there's like an actual community feel to it?

Chris, there's like Yellow Springs, Ohio, where like Dave Chappelle lives.

But you're talking about a bunch of hippies, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

And that they don't maybe have it.

But I'm saying that 90% of small towns in the United States are a bunch of paranoid people with guns.

Yeah.

Well, I will say a lot of small towns in Canada are paranoid people with guns as well.

But yeah.

A couple of jokes here.

This guy goes, I would just send quotes from Bertrand Russell, Christopher Hitchens, Carl Sagan, Isaac Asimov.

Lots of great quotes to choose from.

And then finally, let's get a joke in here.

This guy goes, I like sending Bible verses about hemorrhoids, but to each their own, I suppose.

Kind of funny.

Okay.

Wait, what?

They happen on your butt.

Yeah.

No, I.

Yeah, you're not.

FYI.

I know what those are.

For your information, hemorrhoids happen on your butt.

That's pretty funny.

If there's something in the Bible that

I mean, there might be something about hemorrhoids in the Bible.

I would imagine if they've been around for a long time.

All right, let's check in with the other one.

Yeah,

a plague of piles, maybe.

yeah piles they used to call them piles yeah let's take a look at count jackula he's he's answering a question am i really a satanist

he he is talking in his normal voice this time chris it's kind of a letdown oh wow that's weird i don't know if i'm there is another one where he reads the nine tenets of satanism where he talks in the count jackula voice yeah but he also says a bunch of like off-the-wall like stuff i don't want on a podcast

he i've no no i haven't heard him in his regular voice in a long time.

Very cool for me.

Greetings, fellow heathen.

Okay, so his.

I mean, that's not his regular voice.

He says weird stuff.

I'll say that.

That's not exactly his regular voice.

That was really funny to sell that.

This is him being normal.

Yeah, this is the greetings, fellow heathen.

No, he's not.

He is doing kind of the jackular voice there.

No, but he's not doing it.

Hello, I got the battle.

He's not doing the full voice.

He's not doing it as much.

yeah greetings fellow heathens it is i count jackular

and this

is the start

of a very

special

video oh you see over the last few years the show has undergone massive transformations

but none of those individual parts

Sounds like, can I say this?

It sounds like you're listening to like an NPR show when those drums kick in and it's like the guy is explaining, you know, the beginning.

It's like Ira Glass in a way, but satanic.

But hey, you know, it's never really truly structured like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A cohesion to it.

And so I thought it was about time that I tried to bring all the disseparate parts of what has okay.

It's disparate, but I get what you're saying.

I know it's disparate.

We're just going to let that slide.

Spin the Count Jaculus show

into

something

a bit more focused.

I've considered doing a video like this for some time.

One where I open up about my personal beliefs and thoughts.

And while I've done this sort of thing before,

I haven't really done so

earnestly.

And that's because, quite honestly, like most people, I'm afraid of ridicule.

But seeing as how I've already opened up a bit about my personal beliefs on this.

I feel kind of bad now that we're going to ridicule him.

I think I like Jacqueline more than a lot of the people that we watch.

Yeah, you know,

I kind of like her.

I really like imagining somebody with their

fingers

chapeled, right?

He's got his hands chapel together.

He's got his hands like this, and he's saying, Because I am afraid of being ridiculed.

And I love that.

I really love that.

It's unfair for us to talk about Jackula without showing how you got to see what he looks like.

He's got an interesting look, definitely.

He's got a great look.

Here's some pictures of him.

You guys, go look him up right now because you're a good one.

So, this is Count Jack right here.

These big.

Oh, shoot.

Wrong.

So that's him.

I bet he looks like Vigo.

He looks like Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters 2.

He's got long hair.

Yeah, go look him up.

Yeah, he's got a unique look.

He's very cool.

Oh, shit.

Wrong video.

God damn it.

You know, this is sort of an introduction to him.

So

here we go.

Satanic Sunday streams, which you are all welcome to join, by the way, every Sunday evening, starting at 9 p.m.

Pacific Standard Time.

I think it's time that I actually did this.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, you're just in direct competition with this guy

for viewers.

Yeah, we're fine.

Oh, we stream earlier than that.

Okay.

Yeah.

And also, here's the thing.

I'm a satanic guy, so this is fine.

Yeah, no, we're on the same team, him and I.

I'm realizing now, I don't know what a Satanist is, I don't think, because it's hard to understand.

Because they believe in the Bible, right?

No.

But the Bible is where Satan is from.

Yes.

So Anton LeVay writes this book, right, in like 1968 called The Satanic Bible, which, of course, I owned along with like Helter Skelter and a few other books, just so people, the Anarchist Cook book.

You know what I mean?

You get like, it's like,

did you read it?

Did you read the Satanic book?

No, absolutely.

I haven't read the regular Bible.

Yeah, he didn't read books.

I did read books.

I read Helter Skelter

and

the other one, the Marilyn Manson book.

And I only read books by Mansons, to tell you the truth.

No, kidding.

Anyway, it was like, like, people would believe that.

I've read a ton of fucking books.

Okay.

Yeah, Brian, I know you've read a lot of books now.

I'm saying at that age, I don't feel like you read a lot.

I think you became a good big reader.

The Satanic Bible really does seem like something a lot of people buy and don't read.

I think you get bad kids.

We're going to do a few reviews.

So anyway, what I understand of it is, is that, no, we don't believe in Satan

in the actual being of Satan, right?

We're atheists.

Okay.

The reason we use Satan is because we do the opposite of Christianity.

It's the simplest way to explain it, right?

That's why Christianity says

an upside-down crypto.

Christianity says, don't fucking suck.

And they're like, fuck and suck.

You know what I mean?

Like,

one of the big things they do on their subreddit is they'll post pictures of like meals and be like, gluttony.

You know what I mean?

Like they're very excited because they're doing a thing.

Oh, they're excited about gluttony.

Are they excited then about

being gay?

Yes.

Is that like a big part of it then?

Accepting of all that stuff.

Okay, that's

some of them get a little up in their feelings about social justice warriors, of course.

I mean, you're going to have to.

Yeah, it seems like there'd be a lot of, there'd be some messy, weird overlaps of different things there.

Yeah, like some crazy metal Satanist guy who's like some real kind of dirtbag.

And, you know, I don't know that he would be so socially accepting of that part of things.

But that is cool.

That is cool.

I love that.

I love the fact that they're like, oh, the Bible says don't be gay.

Well, we're going to be extra gay in the city.

I like that.

So here's, here's, I do, I do imagine that there has to be, there has to be somebody out there who's like

a real Satanist, like really, really likes.

Okay, all right, all right, okay.

I'm just imagining how frustrating getting into this culture would be and being like you just keep running into atheist libertarians and you're like i know that would suck what they're like i really want

what the hell dude i want to do the rituals and stuff i want to talk to satan yeah

no sacrifice what the yeah dude i got all these goats come on

My house is always looks like Halloween.

And this is not fair, which a lot of them love Halloween.

I'm going to tell you that right now.

That's like one of their favorite holidays.

They don't use inflatables.

They would never.

This guy goes, people feeling threatened by you, this is theistic Satanism, which means that you do believe in a Satan.

Okay.

How do you cope with the fact that when people know who we are, they feel threatened by our very existence, and sometimes it makes them attack us?

Oh, shit.

Everyone's so fucking freaked out by us even being here.

Like, look at everybody over there there fucking sitting there.

They must just be like so freaked out by our presence.

I love this attitude.

This is a cool attitude to have.

I think if you're a Satanist that's wearing like a cannibal corpse shirt,

nobody's like really nervous about you.

You know what I mean?

Like if you're wearing death metal t-shirt and a pair of jeans, but I do think if you're one of those Satanists that wear like a robe and like like a cloak.

Oh, if you're like if you look like

a druid or whatever, like just sort of walking around.

I mean, in today's day, honestly, I mean, I I don't bat an eye now because people are like, we could be cosplaying and like wearing weird shit all the time.

So I don't bat an eye when I see someone wearing some weird like army fatigues or like some weird shit in public.

But yeah, I can understand, I guess, how somebody who's like painted their face all fucking gray and shit is wearing a druid robe could actually freak people out.

I would actually say imagine you're going to parent-teacher conferences and there's a guy in a cloak and like all that stuff and a black turtleneck that like comes up and like single father single father I'd imagine I mean because his wife is not gonna let him wear that to the right yeah yeah well there's some we'll talk about that in a little bit or maybe she maybe maybe she's there and she's only wearing a snake you know like something like that I that's what I sort of imagine the wife of that guy is that's what I'm saying how both parents are satanic and they dress like not like heavy metal people because again, nobody cares about that.

Nobody even right.

Well, you see that you see the kid in the cannibal corpse t-shirt and you just go, okay, that's an IT guy for some company somewhere.

But

you see the other guy and you're like, this person's independently wealthy.

I fundamentally don't trust that to start with.

And second of all, they look like they do ritual sacrifices.

So yeah.

Yeah.

He's wearing a $1,500 quote.

cloak and a $1,500 Baphomet necklace.

I think like like, this guy is, I don't like that.

So, this person goes, I limit who knows.

I also prepared to defend myself if required.

He gets the reply, the famous Reddit reply, this is the way.

And then the guy goes, smart.

And so somebody asks him, right?

Like, this is the way.

So they're all, so no matter what, no matter, no matter where you fall on any of this spectrum or gamut,

they're all watching Mandalorian.

They're all

loving baby Yoda.

Like, no matter what.

It is funny to imagine the guy in the cloak watching the Mandalorian.

So anyway, this guy, they asked this guy, how do you prepare to defend yourself?

And when I'm reading this, I'm like, well, I brush up on my satanic Bible.

I get a couple good Bible verses.

I get a couple of satanic Bible

like prof things.

I just fucked that up.

I just lost my money.

Verses.

And then like, I look at the nine tenets of Satanism.

and then I talk that.

No, that's this guy goes like this:

MMA classes, specifically jiu-jitsu with some striking on the side, pepper spray, and a knife in case a knife is used against you.

But the safest bet is to always get away if possible.

Wait, I don't think

nobody mentioned you being physically attacked.

I think you're jumping to a conclusion here, like making a huge leap.

And this, of course, is a different type of guy as well.

This is an EDC guy,

just somebody who's like, hey, always be prepared for every situation that you're in, no matter what.

Never find yourself in a situation where you could be killed.

Situational awareness, not placing myself or loved ones in sketchy situations to begin with.

Concealed carry.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on?

Where did we go?

Did we change threads here?

No, this is the threat of how you deal with people feeling threatened by your existence.

And it's like, it seems like you're dealing with it by threatening them.

Yeah, Yeah, wait, I think these people are threatened by your existence from other stuff other than the Satanism, this particular gentleman.

I think it's the fact that you seem like you're always ready to kill somebody.

I mean, this is psychotic thinking.

Imagine that.

Like, you're just constantly looking for, like, making threat assessments when you're like out in Disneyland with your family.

The practicing Satanist with the pepper spray ready to go in his hand, going like, I try to stay out of sketchy situations.

And also,

pepper spray is such a soft way.

It's such a weird, like, old lady way to deal with it, too.

He's like, this guy's like, I'm a badass Satanist.

I got my knife.

I got this, and I got my pepper spray.

You know, like some

fucking Christian comes up, like, would you like,

can I interest you in a few readings from the Bible?

He's just spraying him in his taste.

Put him in his fucking rear naked trope.

Spraying Spraying him with peppers,

choking out a Mormon kid who tries to talk to him at a train station.

This guy goes,

he does go, he does say CCW at training and program compliance, additional solutions and training related to non-permissive environments, taking a gray man approach to daily life.

Taking a gray man approach to daily life.

Brian, did you, did I just hear that?

Taking a gray man approach to daily life.

Is that what he's suggesting?

Yeah, and I was wondering, I'm kind of still wondering if he's talking about that movie, The Gray Man.

I think he is.

I think he is.

Yeah, I think he's literally going, try to be Jason Bourne.

That's what he's saying.

He's like, yeah,

because the Gray Man is the one with like Ryan fucking, what's his name, right?

No, it's the one with Chris Evans, right?

Chris Evans.

Yeah, no, I know.

I thought he was in it as well.

I thought Ryan, what's his name was in it as well.

I'm looking at.

I watched that movie.

I watched that movie.

so this guy is, he's just like living that life, that wick life or whatever, where he's just like,

it's, you know what it is?

What is a gray man?

It says gray man theory.

Blend in, avoid attention, be prepared for emergencies.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's what it is.

That's basically what it is.

It's like

blending in and making it so nobody can ever sort of like

get you or you know like always like being in the background.

It's like a real sort of CIA way of thinking of things, you know?

Like this guy thinks he's kind of like a special agent, definitely.

I like this next guy.

He goes, this is how a lot of them talk.

Now you're going to get how a lot of these guys talk.

Okay.

If you've ever experienced this reaction again after the first time, you made a generally unwise decision, just how do you expect the majority of people around you to react when you reveal to them your allegiance to the ultimate symbol of evil in their eyes?

Or at best declare you are a silly, misguided, and immature in their opinion?

The guy replies, replies, he goes, you're right, and I'm learning a hard way.

So a lot of this here seems to be, don't tell them you're satanic.

It's that I don't like.

They're basically saying, like, once the cat's out of the bag, you will no longer be respected by anybody in your circle.

And they don't really...

Like that person sort of, is that person making fun of Satanists?

I don't understand.

Like that was

sort of confusing.

Here's another guy that talks like a Satanist.

Faith shall be something tied to a private, intimate sphere.

So you shall discern who you are talking to before making your views clear.

The person is listening must

be somewhat.

It did.

That's nice, didn't it?

He should have said this is a poem I wrote.

If he would have said this was a poem, we'd all be like, whoa, okay, this guy's a poem.

All who enter here beware.

It's

written in that kind of voice.

He goes, the person listening must be someone willing to reflect your beliefs.

And here's the thing, Chris, and how.

I thought this guy was doing a quote okay like because that sounds like a quote out of some book right nobody talks like this well that is not the case this is him because in the end he goes or else you're getting a lot of ned flanders on your back so

it was not a quote and he's worried about ned flanders's uh like just like really nice christian person

yeah yeah yeah and then one guy said that tells him to hide his power level is that And that's bad.

That's bad to have a lot of Ned Flanders on your back.

You don't want that.

No, because

you don't want, man, you got to shoot him and kill him.

They're on your back.

Yeah, if they're on your back, it's very difficult to get them in a rear naked choke.

You're going to have to reverse that and like flip them over the top of you or whatever.

One guy says, anybody that would feel threatened is supposed to feel threatened.

Yeah.

It's just weird to pick Ned Flanders as your guy there when it's like

he's like nice.

He's nice.

He's known to be nice default.

Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, somebody goes, hide your power level.

And the guy goes, what do you mean by hide your power level?

And the guy responds and goes, it means don't tell everyone you're a Satanist.

So

see, I don't understand that.

Why is that?

Why do you think that?

You need to hide your power level.

It sounds to me like your power level is the opposite of a power level if you have to hide it to continue to get respect from your peers.

I think that's not what power is.

You have to wear your chicken shit, power, and hide your...

You got to know when to play that card.

And that is smart because someday, someday

you're going to be talking to the boss at the big company.

And he's going to give you a look that tells you that he's in the club.

And that's when you play your card.

That's when you play the Satanists.

Oh, shit, we're both Satanists.

And then all of a sudden, yeah, you've got the big promotion.

You and the boss are out at his fucking summer house drinking goat blood, watching the muff.

Yep.

Yeah, chasing the muff around.

I was going to try to, I was going to try to use a dazed and confused line there and try to throw in drinking the blood, chasing the muff around, but I flubbed it.

So my apologies.

Why do all people force to use Christian calendars?

I don't see the birth of Jesus a reason to count time for.

I proclaim this year to be one AL after liberation.

Oh, I see.

So making their own calendar.

Yeah.

I declare that I am taking one AL right now.

Yeah.

Okay.

You can declare a lot.

I declare that I actually don't.

There's a lot of people like you who like to declare that they're not following the rules.

They're known as sovereign citizens, and there's a lot of great videos of them getting tackled in courtrooms.

So what's the date?

Oh, it's one.

No, no, sir.

I'm going to need you to put the correct date on your, on that, when you fill out that paperwork there for your arrest.

No, it's one.

Day's one.

Yeah.

He goes, welcome to say 10.

So he gets in a fight.

He deletes all the original thing after that, right?

Because he called them all Christian slaves for following the calendar because it's a Christian calendar.

Okay.

Okay.

But then he goes.

I do sometimes consider myself to be a slave to the calendar as well, so I can understand that.

Well, I don't mind being a slave to the calendar.

It's just being a slave to the Jesus calendar that's bothering me.

I'm a slave to the calendar.

I got to admit it.

I'll come out and say it right now.

First of all, when it says one on the month, I got things I got to do on that day, and it doesn't matter what is happening.

Is it 1-1-1?

Like if that's the date we're going with, now this guy gets to rant.

I wish I could say that.

I wish so much I could say today is 1-1-1.

Unfortunately, I cannot do that.

I would love to.

My hands are tied.

I cannot do it.

I would love to start over again at 111 and just say, hey, guess what?

Hey, my name is Chris.

You've never met me before.

Let me give it another shot.

You know,

this is the difference.

It's 111.

Your court date makes no sense to me whatsoever.

So I simply will not be there.

I will not be in attendance.

And, oh, sorry.

Oh, I missed our anniversary, honey.

No, I didn't.

It's actually 111.

I think our anniversary is on 27.

So that doesn't happen for another six to seven pilons, and that's the new thing that I'm using to manage your day.

This guy goes, so he edits.

Because what he did, I love this man.

Oh, the courthouse has a Christian address.

I don't think I'll be going there.

I found a new courthouse

that I'm not a slave to.

I also like this guy because he gets into a fight with the whole subreddit and then goes through and edits all of his comments so he looks right every time.

That's smart.

Good use of time.

Edit, welcome to R/Satanic Temple, where apparently the Satanic Temple is not advocating for church and state separation, where comments are quite negative when I propose the idea of refusing to comply with Christian state-enforced calendars when church and state should be separated for some mysterious reason.

Either we established a secular worldwide calendar or we have the state accept any religious calendar.

I think that's only fair.

So, I mean, listen, man, I get, I guess, what you're saying.

That yes, this calendar is a Christian.

It's based, you know, it's kind of odd.

It has these like,

you know, Easter and whatever and all these things that we don't necessarily.

But I don't know, man, everyone's just kind of using it now and it kind of works or whatever.

It'd be really hard, i feel like

as we were discussing i think it would be really hard to exist without using the standard calendar

we're just using a different calendar they need to accept our calendar yeah i don't think they will i don't think they will that's my feeling i think they will continue to use their calendar and i think that you will struggle i believe if you yeah i've been telling chris about this for a while uh i want to fly him out here at the end of june for this thing called comfest

And I forgot to tell you that I have decided I'm going to fly out at a different day so I can watch the white calves play the Columbus crew.

This guy.

So anyway, so Comfest is this thing

that

a bunch of hippies thought up in way back in the 70s or something that is this huge festival.

called the community festival and like a lot of the like the beer sales go to like these leftist charities and like the wine was sold by the communist party of of ohio and stuff like that.

And like everybody in the town comes to it.

But one of the things you are allowed to do for no money at all is put up a tent for your cause.

You know what I mean?

So, like,

last year I was walking around and a guy kind of stopped me.

And I was like,

you know, how's it going?

And he was like, or I was like, what's going on?

He's like, I need you to sign this petition.

And I'm like, why?

He's like, we need to change the name of Columbus.

And I was like, I mean, I get it.

I'm listening.

yeah because the guy was an asshole I'm listening I've heard this guy is not he's yeah he's known as one of you know he's a real craton this guy Columbus so I'm listening what's the what's the new name uh well I don't there wasn't a new name because we're gonna vote on that okay

and I said

I'll sign it okay that's fine We're going to change the name of the state city.

I'll sign it.

I just don't think in our lifetime, people will ever call it anything else.

You know what I mean?

They do these things where they let everybody vote on it, and then you're stuck with a city called City McCity Face or whatever.

Yeah.

I love that.

You would love to live in City McCity Face.

Something that happened here that always has rubbed me the wrong way is the Columbus Blue Jackets.

When we got our NHL team, everybody agreed.

Like all the polls said this, is that we wanted to be the Columbus Mad Cows.

That was just the thing we decided because people call it a cow town and stuff like that.

He mocked up the jerseys, got everything set up.

And then the guys that own it were like, we're not going to be the mad cows.

We're going to be the blue jacket.

And that's always stuck in my crawl.

Like, we should be the mad cows.

You know what I mean?

So I guess, you know, you just can't, you can't beat city halls, what I'm saying.

This guy goes to the face.

I think we had kind of a similar thing here where

our local

baseball team was called,

when they were thinking of what to name our local baseball team, the obvious choice was, we'll call them Louisville Sluggers.

And

for, I mean, I think pretty obvious reasons, Louisville Slugger did not want to be associated with one baseball team.

So instead, they compromised and they did,

I think they had a vote on it.

And it was maybe they were going to be called the Louisville Bats, which makes sense.

It's a little bit like knockoff.

It's a little bit knockoff.

It's a little bit go bots or something to call yourself the Louisville Bats.

But then what they ended up landing on was the Louisville River Bats.

So it's an actual bat is the mascot.

That's not good.

Let's check in with Jack Dilla here.

That makes it a bit more

real.

So let's start by answering a question I've gotten more than a few times.

More than a few times.

Are you really

smarter than a fish?

Seems like the answer for these guys is no, right?

Seems like the short answer for these guys is no.

Yeah, I well, yeah, I think he's a Satanist, though.

He's a Satanist and say he's a Satanist, I believe.

This is the thing.

He must like work at a comic book store or something.

You know what I mean?

I think so.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

I wonder what he does.

Yeah, a hobby shop or something like that.

Yeah, for sure.

That's what he.

He doesn't work at Amazon.

You know what I mean?

No.

I don't think so.

Yes.

A member of the Satanic Trouble, which along with the slightly more infamous Church of Satan, is one of the two major branches of American Satanism.

And yes, there are actually two major branches.

Satanism is like any other religious club.

It has disagreements, rivalries, and schisms.

And the largest division is between the Church of Satan, which was created by Anton LeVay back in the 60s see now for people that can't see this that anton levee is on the screen now anton levee is the guy that i think of when i think of a satanic guy that would scare people yeah

this is this is really funny to me to to get so fast to yeah we're just like every other religious organization like even people talking about their religious organizations will not volunteer that it is just like every other

thing out there like it's so weird

but they need that how It's different.

They are different because they're trying to be accepted as a religion, basically, right?

Whereas they're sort of seen as this anti-religion and they're trying to say, like, no, no, we are an organized religion in the same way as all the other ones.

I get it.

It is really funny to say it, though.

It's really funny to be like, no, we're just, we might as well be Episcopalian.

You know, we might as well.

Whatever.

Just pick one of the other ones.

Honestly, it doesn't matter.

Honestly, honestly, get direct TV.

Get Direc TV.

Honestly.

It's pick one of the thing is like pick one of the other ones

and we're kind of like that, but the opposite.

Pick the bad guy and one of the other ones.

But yeah, that's why they have to say it because they're thought of as opposite anti-religion.

And they're always sort of trying to say, like, hey, we are a religion.

We need to be, you know, like our rights should be protected in the same way other religions are and stuff.

Well, let's hear more about the schisms

and the satanic temple, which was created in 2012.

I mean, which is a very old.

Can you go back?

Who is that guy?

I don't think he likes him.

Maybe.

I don't know here.

Created by Anton LeVay back in the 60s.

And the Satanic Temple, which was created in 2012.

I mean, which is a very old and venerable organism.

I just wanted that guy, he had a glass eye.

And

the other guy, who he doesn't seem to,

I don't know, but isn't he say he's part of the satanic temple?

Well, I think he explains it which one he's a part of.

Zation, that was certainly not a satirical protest by a Harvard neuroscience student that got way out of hand.

All right.

All right, look.

All right.

If your mind fills with visions, satanic rituals led by Anton LeVay.

There we go.

I'm going to cut, I'm going to find a picture of Anton LeVay in his stuff now.

Anton Levee because he has little horns.

Anton LeVay is wearing a child's devil costume.

Yeah, it's true.

That you would see on Halloween with fucking red devil horns and a little like widow's peak black thing in the middle, like Grandpa Munster.

This guy looks ridiculous.

He's going to poke you in the butt with a fucking pitchfork.

Like, if he showed up with a pitchfork and one of those tails, you'd just be like, Yeah, that's right.

This guy's the least scary guy I've ever seen in my life.

I know that he's like, right now, there's like a chalice that's like covering his intimidating goatee, so you can't really even see that.

But right now, he looks like an absolute buffoon wearing a child's devil costume.

He looks like a cookie mascot right now.

Yeah,

yeah,

and involving Hollywood stars like Jane Mansfield, Sammy Davis Jr., and Marilyn Manson,

then you're thinking of the church of Satan.

Okay, but instead your mind conjures up images of a statue of Satan placed in front of the Oklahoma State Capitol next to the Ten Commandments.

That's the Satanic Temple.

Good.

Okay, so now we kind of understand

I belong to.

So wait.

Jacula's part of the Satanic Temple, not the Church of Satan.

And he said that that one's a church.

So he's doing this as a joke, kind of.

He's sort of saying that.

No, I believe he's saying that, Brian, because he's kind of saying, like, oh, it definitely wasn't started by some Harvard neuroscience as a big joke that just got out of hand or whatever.

So he seems tongue-in-cheek about it, I believe, is what he's saying, that he doesn't take it seriously like the Anton LeVay people.

I think I like the certificate.

That's the

read.

He's like,

I'm in the by your logic chapter of Satanism.

I'm in the liberty.

Shout out to our friend Felix.

Yeah, we love Felix.

This guy goes,

he's got a certificate of membership, and it says, to whom these present shall come be it known that by virtue of authority vested in me, I hereby constitute Count Jackula, a member of the.

See, that's how I know it's not a real religion.

You have to have your real name on there, I think, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Your Christian name.

Let's look into the calendar guy again.

This guy replies and goes, good luck with having your own calendar.

I once lived in a part of North Arizona that didn't mess with daylight savings time.

Caused me no end of trouble in scheduling with people just a few miles away.

This guy is like being so reasonable.

This is such a like, yeah, like you think you're going to like people change one hour and it fucks things up immensely.

This is a known thing in business, too, is there's like certain things like don't do daylight savings or whatever, or there's like the weird switchover, and it just fucks up all kinds of stuff

with logistics and shit like that.

So, yeah, this guy, I mean, he's just gonna, I wonder what the OP is gonna say in response to this.

Well, he also has this line that I think you're gonna love.

And if you dig a bit deeper, you will find that Christian holidays have been conveniently grafted into very ancient pagan ones.

And why not enjoy the Norse days of the week and the Roman months while you're doing your research?

So that's logical.

Because Satan told me that was was bad or something.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Maybe

it's just,

it's weird to be like, so why not enjoy the pagan delights or whatever?

I know.

It's funny to say, why not enjoy Christmas?

He's right, though.

He's right.

It is funny, but he's right.

I mean, hey.

No, he's totally right.

He's totally right.

He's totally right.

He's saying, like, hey, this comes from a place of weirdness that I don't agree with.

But hey, Christmas is usually a pretty fucking nice time with a family and a nice meal and hang out and see everybody.

Just enjoy it.

And then finally, the last comment here, and then I'm going to get to some reviews of the Satanic Bible.

It goes, you need to get yourself over to the Church of Satan, mate.

They'll absolutely fucking love you.

And then OP responds and goes, I think they involved.

I don't think they involved themselves in politics.

I think you need to get yourself over to Christianity.

Who's that?

Who's saying that?

That's the OP that said that to a guy who said you're in the wrong

Oh, he's trying to say, like, get over to the church of Satan.

This is Satanic Temple.

Is that what he's saying?

And then he's just like, buddy, you're so fucking off the rocker.

You're not even

Satan, whatever.

You're fucking Christianity.

You're the whole

thing.

That's a roast.

That's a roast.

They're roasted to each other.

Wow.

Okay.

It really does seem like

the two branches of American Satanism seem like they have less in common than any other branches of religious

doctrine that I've ever heard of, where one of them is essentially just doing political stunts and jokes, and the other one is

trying to get Sammy Davis Jr.

to come over and do

virgin sacrifice.

Yeah.

Yeah, it almost seems like maybe one of them is making fun of the other one.

Yeah.

Probably.

Yeah.

Let's read the

let's read some reviews from Amazon.

Five-star reviews of the satanic Bible written by Anton LeVay.

What was his background at the time?

I don't know.

I think he was trying, honestly, what I think he was trying to do in the end

was get

tax,

the tax thing.

You know what I mean?

Oh, churches don't have to pay taxes.

I'm a fucking satanic church, you know?

He was a writer and a musician.

Yeah, that's cool.

I'd love to hear some of his music.

I'll bet his music is the worst music you've ever heard in your entire life.

I'm going to see if I can find some.

So anyway.

Yeah, we should listen to some.

I'm curious.

That's funny.

I don't think I've ever heard any.

I'm looking to see if I can get my hands on some kind of music.

Oh, got it.

Got one.

Let's do this.

Let's listen to a little bit of Anton LeVay, everybody.

And his really old-time music, too.

And he did like covers of stuff.

So I think it's going to, I don't think it's going to be satanic.

He worked at a circus as well.

I was reading about it.

He worked with big cats at a circus.

All right, here we go.

I love

pulling up Anton LeVay's music, and it's like

no,

this is a satanic album.

Yeah,

it's called Satanic Mass.

Here we go.

Here we go.

And this was recorded live at the Church of Satan.

Is this just going to be a talk?

Nope.

Okay, so it's just

just sounds like a hammer horror score.

His other albums are called.

Can you?

So he's got two other albums.

Satan Takes a Holiday.

And then the third album is called Strange Music.

Hell yeah.

Here we go.

Here we go.

This is Satan Takes a Holiday.

This is going to be his Les Baxter.

Okay, so he's leaning in.

Come on, Anton.

He's playing a church organ.

It sounds like he's playing a church organ, probably a fake one, though.

Here he goes.

I mean, at least like distort the organ or something.

Run it through a Marshall stack.

Put some.

I love it.

This is great.

Can we listen to a bit more of this?

This is yeah, yeah, it is.

It is I want to get to the chorus.

I want to get to the chorus.

makes a holiday.

You know what this is?

This is

trying to have his own monster mash.

It was absolutely Anton LeVay's monster mash.

Anton LeVay is like, I want to have a monster mash, and it fails.

And he's like, fine, I'm the church of Satan now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's read this review from Blorton Adler, five stars.

He goes, great quality, but sometimes hateful employees will vandalize your copy before sending it to you.

It doesn't look like he goes, first off, I love how half the reviews that are one-star are low because the people who wrote them don't agree with the message the book contains.

I'm sorry.

I thought reviews were supposed to be about the quality of a product, not whether or not you agree with the product's message.

The other half, the reviews.

These reviews are of Anton LeVay's Satanic

book.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, of the Satanic Bible.

Listen, man, I guess

you're technically right, maybe, but I don't even know if you are, because I think that it's pretty standard to like just review something whether or not you like it, right?

Like you're reviewing it and saying, like, I watch a movie and I'm like, oh, I really didn't like this movie.

I gave it a bad review because I thought all of it was bullshit.

And that's allowed.

He goes, the other half that were actually claiming poor quality look like some childish hoodlum decided to deface a bookstore's property out of spite for the writer.

As if hurting the store somehow hurts the writer.

And the store didn't notice before mailing him out.

But those things are ironically strong evidence reinforcing the points made in this book.

People who don't even bother to learn about something before they jump straight to trying to destroy it, no thought given, no objectivity, not even so much as an attempt at peace, only mindless destruction.

Anyways, to the actual review part of the review.

And that's how Satan takes a holiday.

That's how Satan takes a holiday.

I was just, I looked up the the like the chief like points of uh of Anton LeVay's satanic Bible because I don't I don't even know what they are I don't even know what what his point of view was and and Brian I don't know how much you looked into this as you were I I've looked into it in the past I didn't do it as much as this one called your ass out Brian called your ass out

so the things that the uh things that jumped up here uh presents Satanism not as the worship of an actual being, but as a symbol of humanistic values like self-assertion, rebellion, and vital existence, emphasizing indulgence and liberation over hypocrisy and repression.

Now, this hypocrisy thing, I think, if you were trying to marry the two branches

of American satanic...

like

doctrine you could you could use that hypocrisy as a way to say hey we're both

we're both against the hypocrisy of

the big name right now.

But I don't think they're looking to marry them because I think, again,

I really do believe that the one was created

in a way to mock the other one.

So I don't think they're looking to like, you know,

the satanic temple wouldn't be looking to

find common ground with the group that they're making fun of.

I don't know.

I mean,

I think they were more concerned with making fun of other religions than they are of making fun of specifically Satanism.

But here's the only other, I just wanted to get to that, the only other thing that I thought was interesting when a quick Google of this.

LeVay also says that a Satanist would never sacrifice a baby.

Hey, all right.

That's good.

I agree.

That's good to hear.

A Satanist would never sacrifice a baby or an animal as they are pure carnal beings and considered to be sacred.

So there's like a rule against sacrifice in this in the satanic Bible.

I mean, that's the, I mean, yeah.

So the first stuff that you said is, Brian, you did cover that to defend you.

I mean, just the idea of it being sort of like,

you know, like a rebellion against what it is and them not actually believing that there's a real Satan, that it's like a figure, that it's like a

you want them to believe there's a real Satan, I think, in the end.

Like, that's the way I am.

I'm like, these guys are just libertarians.

I'll read you something real quick.

Well, that's, yeah, I guess I just wanted to know, like, which, which side of the, because it seems like we keep, keep, people keep pointing it towards something that might actually be what I think of as Satanism, which is like

you're you're carving into your own flesh on a star that you've carved into the into the floor or whatever.

Like

I'm just I nobody seems to be going anywhere near that.

No one's no one's doing anything.

I don't think that

kind of like seemingly seems to mostly exist in your mind, Howell, because I, yeah, I don't think, I don't think I had ever really thought thought that, I'll be honest, I'm not trying to be rude, but I didn't ever kind of think that that type of person existed when I thought of Satanists.

I didn't think that there were people who were, you know, maybe like a few, but like, I thought it would be so niche that it wouldn't be like a movement of people who are just like, yeah, acting in that extreme of a way.

Let's read this last question.

I'm only looking for clarity, Chris.

That's all I'm looking for.

I'm not.

Hey, you came to the wrong podcast.

Yeah, we don't care for any of that.

This guy goes, this guy on our Satanism, this is a question.

This is going to really let you guys get to know one of the other weird things.

Shoplifting.

One of those satanic rules of the earth on the Church of Satan website is do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

Would this include shoplifting from big business or only from individuals?

I occasionally shoplift necessities, pretty much only food when it's needed.

I'm very careful about it.

Just interested in being a Levian Satanist and want to know if this could exclude me in any way.

Now,

well, they kick me out because I shoplift.

Now, that's the question.

And what do you

the answer in your mind is obviously no.

Not going to kick it.

Yeah, I would think that you should be able to steal if you're a Satanist.

Well, it should be a big part of it is like, because they say thou shalt not steal in the Bible, right?

Aren't you doing the opposite?

Well, I don't know.

This person goes, I think there are a few ways to look at it.

First, you're taking something that doesn't belong to you, but if you're starving and don't have food, stealing food may be considered self-preservation to a point.

However, most Satanists wouldn't consider breaking laws self-preserving because they can lead to detrimental consequences from fines up to loss of freedom.

Ultimately, you're going to have to decide for yourself.

You say when it's needed, but most Satanists I know would go pretty far to make ends meet before breaking laws that could get them arrested or ruin their chances of getting future employment to support themselves.

A lot of employers are on background checks and theft is often a deal-breaker for any business.

These guys are square, man.

You do not need to bring Satan into what you're talking about.

Yeah, it doesn't have to be just regular lifestyle.

That was already there.

All that thought was already there before Anton LeVays came around.

This is a square way of thinking.

Well, of course you're not going to win it.

I mean, your shoplifter's going to be repercussions.

I mean, you know, like,

think about your job prospects.

I mean, it's smart, but it's really

the way I think a Satan is going to be like, like, fucking jamming out to like fucking metal-ass music.

Like, you know,

Satan takes a holiday.

Yeah, that's, I don't picture them as really caring about that kind of stuff.

Like, some crush punk or, you know, like guy who's just like, yeah, like you said, dressed like, you know, wearing like a fucking, what are those things called?

The five point, the penta

or whatever.

Yeah, just like wearing that shit, like smoking sigs and shit.

I'm not, I'm not thinking that they're just like, well, I should consider how this could look on a job application later down the line if I were to shoplift and be prosecuted for it.

Well, and you're like, that's just one person's answer.

Well, the next answer, I guess this is a gray area.

Fundamentally, Satanism is a group of

order.

Yeah, it could be.

It's a law and order philosophy.

It has a large focus on being responsible and being able to enjoy your life in freedom.

Satanism and the Church of Satan do not endorse illegal activities.

On the other hand, self-preservation is the highest law.

And if it's food that you genuinely need in order to live, for example, not candy or alcohol, then one could understand, though not condoning.

Dude, dude.

Candy.

If you're stealing candy, you're going

to heaven.

Well, I mean, that's making it sound like alcohol and candy are frowned upon by,

like, just in general are frowned upon by the

well yeah i mean i mean i mean the health effects how you got to consider i mean long-term health effects and not just you want to live

you want to live a long full life uh you just you don't want to feel like you always have to escape from your reality if you're dealing in that type of way it's like yeah i mean you need to go and get help probably i also like the idea that it's like well if you're stealing broccoli i think that's okay

i I think Beelzebub will let it slide if you're stealing some broccoli.

But yeah, he's not a big fan of candy, to be honest.

This guy goes, however, many would argue that a Satanist should ensure that they don't end up in such a situation through the application of the philosophy.

lesser magic, responsibility, forethought, and planning.

I can't speak to your current situation, nor if you truly are only stealing food that you would otherwise die without.

But these are the philosophical aspects of Satanism relevant to the discussion.

I don't think it's about, again, like Kyle said, I don't think it's Satanism.

Those are just philosophical discussions about like being a person and just sort of like, you know, integrity and shit like that.

I don't think.

Here's a good one.

Here's a good one.

It's really funny to imagine yourself at the grocery store and you're looking down at that Snickers bar and the clerk is turned completely around and you've got on one shoulder you've got the little angel and on one shoulder you've got the little devil and the devil is going, I don't know, I don't know.

let's check the let's check the calories on that thing both of them are telling you that's actually honestly that's not so good for you you know the devil they're in agreement on this one you know well here's a great one guys this is a good comment as a business owner i assure you legally a corporation is a person at least in the united states i'm not as familiar with international law yeah it's called and he goes uh he explains with the big chains it's not even like they're the owner who you're indirectly impacting He goes, right.

It's all the other people that you're impacting, employees, suppliers, customers, people who also have families and lives to take care of.

So this guy.

That's not true.

I think, and I, and by the way, of course, I went on Howell's podcast before, and we did a song, and I did a song about stealing from your job and how you should steal from your job.

A great fucking tune.

One of the all-time favorites.

Honestly,

one of your best, like, Howell made it great.

Not as good as Ramble, but, you know.

those are two truly great songs from season two.

Howell, Howell.

You don't have to, come on.

Let's be real.

Let's be real here.

I mean, it's two different things we're talking about.

But, yeah, Howell deserves all the credit for the song.

But I...

I just, I think that that's a little bit of a stretch to say that the people most impacted by your stealing are not the people who are running the business.

I think the people running the business are most impacted by it.

Definitely.

And finally, finally, this guy goes, I have to respectfully disagree as my own version of Satanism is transgressive and defiant, especially in the face of mundane social rules.

Finally,

finally, we find the one guy.

The one guy whose Satanism is transgressive and defiant.

Finally, come on.

What we were looking for.

A truly panic individual is someone who is dangerously intelligent enough to walk the fine line of outlaw without fear.

Oh, this guy rules, Brian.

What's this guy's name?

Does he have a name?

Apocalypse Nouns?

Oh, yeah.

I love this guy.

Can you read that again?

Can you read his thing again?

The thing about walking the fine line, or like walking the line.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is beautiful.

This is beautiful.

I'm willing enough to be.

I have to respectfully disagree as my own version of Satanism is transgressive and defiant, especially in the face of mundane social rules and attempts to impose control.

In my opinion, a truly satanic individual is someone who's dangerously intelligent enough to walk the fine line of outlaw without fear.

Dangerously intelligent enough to walk the fine line?

That's

the only response.

I'm getting that on a t-shirt in a bunch of different fonts.

Dangerously intelligent enough to walk the fine line of outlaw

without without fear he only gets one response and the guy goes yeah okay professor chaos yeah so it didn't really get the response that he was looking for on the boards he was just like yeah it's time to fucking lay down and like everyone's just nobody like he was this was a triumph

they're groaning they're groaning at his shit this is a deck in his mind he was gonna say it to like a chorus of like like in like ancient rome like yes like you know like just and and it was was just like, I told pitchforks like that.

Pitchforks.

Yeah, like, yeah, this is our leader now.

And, uh, and everyone is just like, all right, man.

I think stealing candy is wrong.

These are the biggest nerds.

So finally, I'll read you a joke by this guy I found who is an active member of the Church of Satan.

His name's Philip.

He's on Quora.

And he'll probably come up another time because he has some very funny posts.

Chris has to leave.

We don't want to talk about him behind his back when he leaves.

You know what I mean?

And this guy goes, what are the best examples of a

one-joke film?

He answers,

The Passion of the Christ.

I thought this film was one big joke.

Good thing I never saw it.

Oh.

Well, okay.

So you don't...

The concept of it was?

No, you didn't actually watch it.

Yeah.

This film was one big joke, and I never saw it.

Yeah, and that's funny.

And Brian, just to be clear, you don't have to say that Chris has to leave and that's why you take the day off.

Because a lot of people are like, oh, I wish the episode was longer.

People are listening to it, and they're like, oh, I'd love an hour and 40-minute episode.

Now they know it's my fault, and there's just no need for it.

Chris has to go do something that's more important than podcasting.

I genuinely do.

There's nothing more important than podcasting.

All right, man.

Nothing.

Well, I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

I closed my office door, and I'm sorry.

I'm going to apologize because my dog has decided to sit right outside my office door and bark.

You know what, Howell?

That sucks.

That's the reason.

Can I not be on it?

Yeah, that's the listener.

That's the real.

We're trying to be nice to our,

like, Howell has sent a message saying the dog's not going to stop barking.

And

I decided to take the bullet there because, guess what?

I'm fucking dangerously smart enough to walk the line of being a fucking outlaw.

So I also have to leave because I have to prep a bonus show it knows people pay.

Okay, I have to leave right now, though.

All right.

We'll see.

Howl, do you got anything you want to plug?

I almost just ended the show like, fuck this guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll just, I'll plug my podcast, Fast Track, which is back, and which is going to have Brian on it very soon.

And Chris on it again, hopefully soon.

And

I'll plug my Twitch stream, which is twitch.tv slash bighowdotty.

Yeah.

And

listen to Fast Track and go back and listen to the episode that I was on.

The

episode I was on, listen to the one I was on, and just be like, Holy shit, just go to the end and listen to the song at the very least and be like, Holy shit, this song.

But, anyways, Howell is an incredibly talented musician, and it's a great concept for a podcast.

And it has a bunch of people who have been on here.

So, if you haven't checked it out, go check out Fast Track.

I'm excited it's back, by the way.

Go to the fucking Patreon if you want more satanic stuff because I assume we're going to be goofing on them for months to come.

Yeah, I just backed up on

my camera, you can see my thighs.

Okay, bye.

Hello.