Guys: Episode 112 - Umpire/Referees with Dan Duvall

Welcome to guys, a podcast about guys.

Let's talk about refs, baby, right, Chris?

Right?

Let's talk about refs, baby.

I thought about that earlier today when I was sitting.

I don't.

Is that like a like, listen?

I know the

original.

I don't know that I know that parody.

Let's talk about refs.

Yeah, you don't know it because I just made it up.

I'm going to make a million dollars off of it.

Oh, I see.

You did.

So then, yeah, so I was very confused because I was right, Chris?

Like, it was like I was supposed to know what the fuck you were talking about, but I definitely didn't.

So you, yeah, that's let's talk about sex, baby, and then you put refs in there.

Yeah, yeah, but a lot of them were talking about umpires, to tell you the truth, but that didn't.

I guess I could have done like let's talk about umpire state of mind, but they don't actually say the empire state of mind in the song, so yeah, you could have like angel hernandez,

and then it would be like a double because it would be like, oh shit, and then they're like, oh, that's pretty good.

And it's like, but do you realize the name of that song is umpire state of mind?

And then it would blow people's minds.

All right, let's stop being rude and and get the guest on the show we got dan duvall on the show hi dan hello thank you for having me on your show you want to sing uh do you have a parody song you've written about um

i mean it's Dan, I actually met you and I seen, and I don't know if you were there, but in Victoria, the Empire State of Mind, a guy from the Hecklers comedy club, he was up, he was, he sang that on stage,

older guy, Gary.

Yeah.

Gary a legend gary's a legend of this comedy club where dan uh lives he lives the vancouver island close to where i am and yeah this legend who also brian he told us he's like i fought in the first ever mma fight in canada and it's like that's probably true it probably is true it was true because we're like we're like this is fucking bullshit yeah sure you like in my head i was like oh that's really cool man but in my head i was like okay this guy at a bar is like telling me he fought in the first mma fight fucking looked it up absolutely on record.

He did fight in the first.

Yeah, he did some crazy type of, yeah, like martial art or something.

Gary Barker has crazy lore.

He is like this old man who hangs out in the bar.

And he like, if he, he'll, if you get him drunk enough, he'll rip his shirt off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's one of those old guys that's not funny.

And but

he has confidence.

He is funny.

He is funny.

He's very funny.

He's very, very funny.

And very, he's like a really nice.

He also teaches,

He teaches boxing in

the underground parking lot to comedians that does attach to the attached to the car.

Yeah, you go underneath and like when you're staying there, when you go perform there, you stay at the hotel and you like come down into the underground and there's all these comedians like open micers getting taught boxing from this guy who fought in the first MMA fight ever in Geta.

He really is.

But anyways, I saw him at a karaoke bar singing Empire State of Mind, the very song.

But yeah, sorry, Dan.

That's cute.

What would you like to sing, Dan?

We don't even sing it.

This is the first time we've ever sang on this show.

So don't like, don't like feel like this is a bit, this is not actually a very good bit at all.

I've been listening to the show and also I was like, hey, do I need to prep anything?

They're like, no, don't prep anything.

And then you're like, okay, so which parody song did you write about?

Well, the show does have its meanness, too.

He got a goof on him.

No, I'm kidding.

We're doing umpires and refs today.

One of the rare episodes

where you can't say guys.

It doesn't fit.

We can't call them umpire guys, ref guys, right?

Official guys?

I guess, I guess, I'm not really sure.

What are you going to call the episode?

There's been a few

like this.

I'm trying to think.

There have been a few where we could.

So just to be clear, I just want to be clear.

So maybe I'm a little bit confused.

so what are we look what are we like people who like umpires and refs or people who are no umpires umpires and refs so we are we are from the actual people who do it that makes more sense because i guess they don't they don't really have fans they're most

yeah

no there are some psychos on the nhl we'll read a little bit but i went to the i went to each of the major leagues and searched referee

and i have a thing i'll actually do it now because it's an NHL thing.

I wanted to make sure I had that in here because, you know, Canadian, Chris likes NHL, which is silly.

Okay, just to be, I mean, Dan's also, as we just covered, Dan's also, he's also Canadian.

Do you like the NHL as well, Dan, or are you not?

I do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm more of a football guy than a hockey guy, but so you're a big CFL guy because we, yeah, we do.

We don't follow the NFL up in Canada.

I always like to mention, oh, he's got a 49.

No,

I'm wearing a football shirt right now.

I'm a vintage sports t-shirt guy, so I'm not even a 49ers fan specifically.

No, the CFL is only followed by mostly boomers, people my dad's age.

My dad is like a die-hard Saskatchewan Rough Riders fan.

Oh, the Ruffies.

The Ruffies.

You can get him going so bad.

Like,

if we're watching a game together and one of the receivers drops a pass, I'll be like, guys, never going to go pro playing like that.

And he just loses his mind.

He's like, it's a professional league, it's a professional forgetting pain.

Yeah, I

listen, that's so funny because I had season tickets to the CFL with my dad because my dad was, you know, look because in its heyday of in their day, it was like really something, you know.

And so it really, yeah, but I used to like going with my dad, obviously.

I haven't watched a game in a while, but still, in my opinion, so it's kind of a better,

more watchable game than the NFL.

My dad's calling me right now.

That's crazy.

Tell him that we're talking about refs, okay?

He must have heard us.

He's like, it's a professional league.

This is R/slash NHL from Mo Dangles.

It says referees should have to do post-game interviews slash press conferences.

I think this would accomplish a few things.

We would get explanation as to why a call was made slash not made and how they came to their decision.

It would hold refs more accountable and possibly improve their in-game performance, knowing that they will need to explain their thought process.

We might see a more human side to them and develop a sense of empathy with regard to the difficulty that comes with pro-refing.

Number three is a long shot.

Anyways, I think this should apply to all major sports, but it's just a thought.

It will never happen.

Yeah,

the empathy part of it is like, oh, we want to see the human side of it, but I don't think that's really it.

At least as a sports viewer, for me, I definitely find myself sometimes I'm watching the game.

I'm like, this fucker should have to fucking give an interview after the game, explain his ass, you know, because I'm so fucking mad.

I have all this misplaced anger from all the other parts of my life that I'm sort of channeling towards this poor guy.

And so, I definitely understand that.

And it would be nice sometimes because you're like, what the fuck?

But the truth is, you don't need to put these guys out there even more.

There are, like, I understand the fans wanting to see this, but it just opens them up for more hatred and them to get like, you know, attacked more.

It is crazy

that these guys are consistently the most hated people in the room, and it's an arena with

tens of thousands of people in it.

And these guys are, you know, skating around.

Fucking, they get one call wrong and it's like, I want him dead.

Oh, Brian.

They don't even have to get a call wrong.

They just have to make a call against the team that the fans are watching.

It could be a completely correct call.

Well, this guy says the refs are held accountable by the NHL.

Their calls are scrutinized and evaluated.

No value in fans participating in that process.

Fans are largely stupid and biased.

So I would call this guy.

That guy is absolutely correct on all fronts.

100%.

It's like you said, there's no fans of refs.

Like, nobody hears the announcement of who's refing the game before it.

And then it's like, oh, nice.

Steve, he's the best.

Unless they really favor their team.

Like, you know what I mean?

There might be a situation where it's like, oh, shit, yeah, this guy is like always gives us real, you know, he always gives us the benefit because there are a few guys like that.

But yeah, it's not from a fandom standpoint.

It only comes from like

how much you love your team and you want them to win.

JPET says, this idea has been brought up a few times.

And while I think it's good in theory, it wouldn't really be beneficial for anyone.

While fans think that they want to hear a ref acknowledge a mistake, it's a dangerous line to walk.

Imagine your team loses a game seven playoff due to a controversial call.

Do you really want to hear the ref talk about a decision that's too late to reverse?

The fans will get angrier and the refs will get more hate.

It's a lose-lose for everyone.

That's probably correct.

Yeah, that's like what I was saying.

It just opens them up for so much more, you know?

And yeah, is it going to make you feel better

to have the guy be like, oh man, listen, I got, I guess some people, maybe if it's like, I got that one wrong, I got that one wrong.

Yeah,

he admitted, you know, so one of the things for Street Fight that I, when I was doing that show in the very, very early days, like I would, you know, it was the Obama administration or whatever, and I would be like,

he fucking did this and nobody will ask him about it.

And he'll never be questioned in front of people and he'll never be forced to answer a question.

And that, to me, was the most frustrating thing.

It was just like, okay, you did this.

Now explain why you fucking did this.

But that doesn't happen.

And I think that's, that's the impulse that they're going with with the refs.

It's like, you fucking did this.

Now you need to defend what you did.

But in the end, it's like, there's a human element to doing this thing that.

You know, I saw a lot of people asking for AI refs, which, oh,

good.

Baseball umpires are going that way, I think, right?

Yeah, there is like a it's it's like an automated strike zone or whatever.

They do have that.

And they, yeah, they,

listen, I, Brian,

loves AI.

I hate it.

I hate it so much.

Awesome intelligence.

I hate it so much.

And

Brian, the thing you were talking about, though, you were like, you're talking about the president of the United States of America.

But nobody answers any questions.

No,

I understand what you're saying.

And I'm saying that's like, that makes more sense to me as like a human citizen of the world to be like, hey, the president of the United States of America should have to explain himself versus like a referee in a game that you're watching.

Like, it seems like you're more.

reasonable and you and what you are looking for.

I'm saying it is that frustration of knowing

you'll never,

you will like never hear him say why he did this thing that you find objectionable.

And like, you will never hear a referee say, God, I fucked it up that time.

I don't know what was going on.

You know, I just watched a boxing thing.

It was like a little boxing documentary on YouTube.

And it was like the most controversial matches ever.

And it was just

laughing at you, like, just scrolling YouTube.

That's what I do, though.

These clickbait, like, was it three o'clock in the morning?

Yeah, no, he's not.

That was my three in the morning.

Yeah,

No, it was, so I go to look at, I watch this thing as the most controversial like boxing matches.

He's probably got some like, probably

the thumbnails, probably like some big, gigantic, like, eight-foot guy with like a thing, and then some tiny little kid with boxing gloves.

It's actually a good YouTube channel.

I wish I could, I think it's like SNB or something like that.

I actually really like the YouTube channel.

He just only talks about boxing, but there was this fight where this guy kept hitting this other guy in the nuts.

I mean, oh, yeah, yeah, what is that Galada?

Is that, I mean, that's no, it was like a, it was a more

amate, it wasn't amateur, but it was pro and it was in Mexico or something like that.

And anyway, this guy keeps getting hit in the nuts.

This referee is just like warning the other guy.

Like, he's like, you, you got to cut this out.

And you got to get your nuts out of the way, dude.

Yeah, basically, basically, move your nuts, man.

He keeps hitting them.

You're just letting them hit your nuts.

And so

through this fight,

the announcers are like, this is the worst reffing I've ever seen in my life.

And they would never, they don't usually do that shit, you know?

All right, gentlemen.

All right, gentlemen,

touch gloves, protect your nuts at all times.

This is a nut boxing.

We're actually having a nut boxing match where you punch nuts.

I mean, that's listen, listen.

That's, hey, listen, as far as I'm concerned, that's not too far off in this documentary we call idiocracy.

You know what I mean?

As far as I'm concerned.

At the end of the fight,

the guy that does the interviewing is like, what the fuck is wrong with you, dude?

To the referee, like in different words.

Like, what the fuck is going on?

Like, I think he said there was 28 nutshots that the guy.

That's so many.

That's 27 too many.

Yeah, that seems like it's like, also, like, I guess it can be dangerous, I guess, to be hit in the nuts a bunch of times.

They had a counter up on the thing and they showed each one, right?

The guy's like, hmm, didn't look like that from where I was standing.

From where I was standing, which was right there, which was like immediately beside, like right beside the fight.

Like you could hear the nuts getting

on the screen in the arena and they're like, do you see that?

And he was like, yeah, I don't see anything.

Guy was getting punched directly in the fucking nuts.

How did that like I wonder how that did it make you feel good?

It was like cathartic a bit to see him like being called out for that and being forced to actually watch it.

No, because

he felt like he did a good job.

He's like, I think I did a great job.

It's like fuck.

Perfectly preserved.

Yeah, that's like, yeah, that's,

I guess, more frustrating if he just, he's being showed like irrefutable proof that there was nuts being punched.

But he's like, no, no, no, I think I got it right.

That's so maddening a bunch of gaslighters referees all that yeah well now we're gonna get to what i found to be the main characteristic of the referee and that is a man that thinks he is very badass and tough and cool

yeah uh which is crazy because nobody thinks referees are cool

But let's get to this first one on R/slash umpire.

Toss my first parent over the weekend.

Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Hell yeah.

The boys all.

High fives, high fives all around.

This is very, listen.

I'm sure there's plenty of parents who deserve to be tossed.

I'm sure.

Let's hear the story because let's see.

Maybe he's completely justified and we'd be giving him high fives.

Let me tell you real quick.

I used to coach kids hockey and we were in a tournament one time, our team, and the refs were terrible.

And both sides of the parents were like,

the refs, first of all, were children, they were teens.

Yes, they're often young children, yeah.

And the parents were like, We'll fucking kill you.

Like, it was crazy.

And then the refs, the refs kicked all of the parents out of the arena on both teams, like a hundred people, and told them that the game would not keep going unless they all left.

They had to play the whole rest of the game with no parents.

And all it was crazy.

Wow, was there, was there any, did they have any adult representation, the officials, or was these, were these teenagers making that?

That's wild.

That's really ballsy from those teenage officials to not just leave themselves and just be like, hey, we need to get you guys out of here.

Like, that's, that's pretty, I applaud them for that.

Now, no, listen, these fucking refs, I'm sure they were blowing every call as well.

I beat the shit out of one of them after the game.

Yeah, they got rid of all the parents.

You didn't realize, hey, we're still here.

Yeah, the coaches are still here.

The setting.

And so he does the setting nine to ten-year-old fall ball at our neighborhood rec center.

So, this is the setting

to ten year old.

Yeah, the situation:

a very timid hitter steps into the box against a legitimately skilled pitcher and immediately steps out on two waist-high fastballs down the middle.

The third pitch was a looping change-up at barely half speed.

The kid on a mound had skills.

This guy's painting a picture, yeah.

And also,

this guy's like talking about this, like, fucking holy.

This is like fucking was this mariano rivera's kid i mean this guy he's really he's really into this fucking guy this kid's like pitching abilities you know he's like this kid is doing everything yeah he's like fucking straight heaters fucking painting corners this motherfucker must had a paintbrush

he's a nine-year-old kid he's probably throwing it so slowly

a nine-year-old throwing a change up is just so fucking funny too like because they're just, yeah, that's so young.

That's like pre,

I played baseball growing up my whole life, and that's pre.

competitive.

You know what I mean?

That's before you're a little bit competitive, but there's no like, there's no like, you know, rep or select or anything like that.

You're just all kind of playing together, learning how to play the game.

It's for sure his kid.

There's no way it's not his kid.

I've been teaching good.

So he goes, the kid on the mound had skills.

And he goes at half speed that dropped in for a perfect strike that the batter watched from outside chalk for strike three sorry buddy the scene this is where it made me so happy i can't wait for you guys to hear this line that was a

strike

apparently the kid's dad a big biker slash mma type

hovering right behind the back stop and took offense to the call

so it's just you know big biker mma

who's is

Who is his son?

I think his son was throwing the pitches.

His son's got to be the pitcher.

And he called it a ball because he didn't clarify that in the strike.

Oh, no, it was the batter because he said that wasn't a fucking strike.

That wasn't a fucking strike.

There you go.

So he called them three strikes because that's what he said.

Okay, now I'm more clear on it.

He called three strikes and

the biker MMA's guy got, he's got the little shit kid in the batter's box.

He doesn't have the fucking guy who's out there throwing absolute smoke.

He's got the cowardly child, and he is a huge guy.

You do not want to mess with this guy.

He's choked up on the bat, too.

He's choked up on the bat.

He's seconds away from straight pissing his pants.

This poor little kid.

Yeah, I mean, if this guy throws one high and tight on him, fucking brushes him back, you know?

Yeah, this kid's in trouble.

He's wearing a full cage.

I love the line.

A big biker slash MMA type was hovering right behind the back stop and took offense to the call.

Meanwhile, I was mildly baffled because that was the first time since I was a teenage umpire in the 90s that a parent actually swore at me.

I politely told the dad we don't use that kind of language around here, and there are rules in place for spectators.

That always works out.

I was like, oh,

we don't use this kind of language around here.

Yeah, that usually works to those MMA biker types.

Excuse me, sir, but there's certain decorum that we follow around these farts.

I also like the picture that the biker dude doesn't even have a kid in the game.

He's just there watching.

Yeah, totally.

Maybe he's not, maybe it's not his kid at all.

He's just like.

Of course, we're hearing it from the umpire, right?

This is the umpire.

Yes, this is a good thing.

So he's saying that this was

a strike, but maybe it wasn't.

Maybe he got it wrong, and this guy is just a guy walking by who's just like, that isn't a fucking strike.

He's a tough guy.

He doesn't have to, like, that's the thing.

This guy's so tough,

you know, he doesn't have to worry about getting in trouble with the referee because what's the referee gonna?

He's like, look at the referee, what are you gonna do?

He's gonna look at the umpire and go, what are you gonna fucking do?

I'm an MMA guy, don't call me

a biker type.

I'm a biker type, I will fuck you up.

I got a vest on and fucking cauliflower to yours, motherfucker.

Fuck with me.

I'm wearing my cut.

I'm one of the sons of anarchy.

One of the tough ones.

Yeah, I've got a sons of anarchy hoodie on.

Those guys are cool.

He goes, he goes, and pointed to the sign he was standing right next to.

Consider this your warning and don't use that language again.

No harm, no foul.

So the dad replies, I wouldn't have to yell at you if you did your fucking job.

Yeah,

true.

Yeah, no, true.

If you just get the calls right, then he doesn't have to say anything at all.

You know, that'd be funny.

Maybe he was wearing a guy's violence gang hoodie.

That could be true.

That's what he thought.

With that, I paused the game, grabbed his son's coach, who was the rec center employee, to explain what happened.

He swiftly

walked to him as he was packing up his camp chair, and he asked my name so he could complain about me.

And I really hope he does.

Yeah,

that's your best hope is that he's asking for your name to complain about you, buddy.

If we're talking biker type, you know, you might get your goddamn house firebombed next week.

Because I wrote up an ejection report, and when I got home and had it time to land in the rec center director's inbox at 8 a.m.

on Monday morning, end of story.

Oh,

end of story.

That's what he thinks, man.

He's fucked with an MMA biker type.

This, this, if I've seen this movie, I know it ain't, it didn't even act two yet.

You know what I mean?

There's a whole lot.

Yeah, there's someone's getting fucked up.

They're going to burn his umpire tattoos off his body.

They're going to make him fucking, they're going to make him like, they're gonna like sit him down torture him and make him say like that he hates Angel Hernandez, which is like for an umpire is such a crazy thing to see.

Hey Blue13 says, please elaborate.

I have quite a bit of ink and ride a motorcycle and watch MMA.

Oh, also an umpire.

Oh, wait a second.

Oh, oh, what?

Hey, listen.

Some of us in the Brotherhood of the Pyres.

We We're all so happen to be fucking super tough, inked up spiker-type MMAs riding big-ass fucking Harleys going to our fucking MMA tryout.

Their gang is called the Strike Zone.

Oh, man, this is, these guys are, yeah, I didn't realize that there was badasses, but it makes sense because

you're going to need to be a tough guy because you're getting, I mean, all joking aside, it probably is like the best thing you could have for these kids' baseball or like sporting events is just to have this fucking jacked up, tough ass dude,

like refing or umping the game because then all of these fucking shitty ass parents would shut the hell up.

They wouldn't be able to say anything.

You know what I mean?

Because like, who's going to say something to a big, tough biker MMA guy, you know?

It does feel like you're not going to tell a big, tough biker MMA guy, I'm going to follow you home.

Because that fucks you up.

Yeah, that's been something I noticed a lot with European soccer football as they call it their referees are scared

it's not just not just in yeah not just in Europe but in like uh

South America it's like a big bigger issue uh maybe even and in Africa as well like but yeah it is a huge

huge thing I think it's just the most popular sport and people get super passionate about it and it yeah it leads them to I don't know I guess like go murder a referee or whatever.

So he goes, they killed a guy in Colombia, one of the referees during the, I think it was maybe after the World Cup or something.

Yeah.

Yeah, they killed him in the streets.

They killed, well, they, yeah, and they killed a guy who missed a

penalty as well.

Like, scored on his own net.

He got an own rule and they killed him.

Yeah, they killed a guy who missed a penalty in a big competition.

You don't miss?

He goes, I'm also an umpire, coached for years.

I also volunteered for Special Olympics several different ways and spent countless hours a year donating my time, skills, and money to charity.

Simply speaking.

Thanks, man.

Like, I don't know what to say.

Like, this is, is this the MMA biker guy?

This is the second one.

This is the guy that's commenting back and saying, I am an MMA biker guy.

Okay, hang on.

So it's like, you really can't put this guy into a fucking box.

Hey, this guy, just when you think you've got this guy figured out, you're like, okay, so you're really tough.

Oh, you're an authority figure.

Oh, you're actually sort of badass.

It's really, really tough.

Oh, wait a second.

You're really kind-hearted.

I'm not sure how to actually, yeah, I don't know what you're all about.

He goes, I spend countless hours of year donating my time, skills, and money to charity.

Simply stating kids' father would have been enough here without painting others in a bad light based on stereotypes alone.

Thank you.

Sure.

Okay.

Next guy goes, I always love the players or parents who think they're going to get you fired for simply doing your job and when there's already a shortage of umpires.

Oh, yeah.

Good luck, pal.

I got tenure.

I got umpire tenure.

Tenure is crazy.

That's so funny.

These guys, there's so few of them that it gives them.

That's why they're acting so awful all the time.

We need to get more of them.

We need to, but the problem is who would ever want to be one?

Right.

So it's like, so it's this really horrible thing where it's like, who would ever want to be one?

And therefore, that makes them into these like people who have so much power.

They have so much power because they're in demand and there's so few of them.

So it's really, I don't think it ever will fix itself, this umpire problem.

Well, OP comes back.

You have to hear from him.

He goes, the best part, and I say this without any ego, is the rec.

Yeah, yeah, right.

I'm not racist, but.

Oh, hang on a second.

Yeah, saying you're, you say this without any ego is really a good thing.

I think the next line will make you happy.

He goes, the best part, and I say this without any ego, is that the rec director has made it clear I'm their favorite umpire.

Yeah, he they called me big man superstar.

They say that

I'm like, should be in the big time and everything.

Yeah.

I should be in the MLB for sure.

Yeah, they say,

yeah.

Yeah, I could be in the MLB.

I just don't have time time because

you got to umpire every day.

I got a job.

I can't, I don't have time for it.

The rec director.

I work at the grocery store.

He goes,

I'm our favorite umpire simply due to simply doing what we should all be doing as umpires.

Show up looking the part every time and every time calling a fair game by the rules with the addition of being very nice to the kids.

So it's really sad, he's saying that I'm just doing the bare minimum, and all of a sudden that makes me everyone in the world's favorite guy.

And I'm just doing it.

Yeah, with no ego, I'm just saying that, like, God, I'm just doing the bare minimum.

It shows what everyone else is doing.

It's really a comment on society, not really a comment on me and how much everyone likes me.

Leather Constant said, I'm sure you cost the kid a D1 scholarship in the process.

He puts the laughing emoji and he goes, yes, I have heard that from a parent.

Oh, yeah.

No, I didn't just make up that funny thing.

Yeah, so this is, they're really getting in their fucking camaraderie here, you know, like really feeling, yeah, this is kind of cool to see.

I feel like we're getting a peek behind a curtain here that we don't often get.

Yeah.

You're going to get a bunch of peeks, but it is crazy.

So,

Dan,

I just wanted to, Dan, do you, you coached hockey, so did you, you played sport?

Like, what is your, have you, like, do you have a built-in hatred for referees and umpires?

Have you ever done any refereeing or umpiring?

Because I've mentioned, right?

I've done umpiring.

I've I umpired kids.

I umpired kids.

I wanted money.

I was like a kid, and it was one of the only things that you could earn money at when you were that age, kind of.

You know what I mean?

You couldn't get a job.

My nephew refs hockey.

He's 16.

Yeah, yeah.

When you're young and you can't get a regular job, like I think I did it when I was like 13 or 12.

I had friends who umpired as well.

I never did.

I hated the refs.

I played hockey was the main sport I played.

i didn't i was like the satikinen kid i was like a lot of penalty minutes i was fast but not like that good so my

causing trouble you're yeah my job was to follow around the best player on the other team and slash them a bunch and so you were so you were constantly

you were constantly feeling hard done by the refs so oh yeah that's i just wanted to make sure i was like that was like yeah and brian do you have any sort of hatred or built-in hatred for the refs and the umpire like what what is i think we've talked about before what is what kind of sports did you play?

Well, I did play with Ross and the Quinnby's, where I bowled.

I bowled a 300 recently.

Are there refs?

There's no refs in bowling.

No, of course there isn't.

He's just trying to brag to you that he has lied so he can show you his 300 ring that he got from.

I did bowl a 300.

So that's that.

Well.

Is that

already?

Because I bowled a 300 and they didn't have any rings at the bowling alley.

My dad gave me one of his.

I promise you, they've always got rings at the bowling alley.

They don't have any rings.

They didn't have any.

You can call them.

So, actually,

I always remember when I'd say to Chris, you can call them.

It's like, oh, hey, we'll call them, actually.

I might actually

have, like, get them on record, on audio, saying they always have rings available for a 300-game.

Brian, I played baseball when I was a kid.

You played baseball, yes.

I think we talked about it a little bit.

I don't think so.

Yeah, because

I have this story that makes me feel seem like,

so I used to tell my friends this story about when I played baseball as if it was like a badass triumphant moment, and then they made fun of me for it later.

So I was at the bat, right?

I'm standing up there.

Guy pitches, hits my thumb.

Yeah, I do feel like, I listen, I feel like I've heard this before, but yeah, so I think maybe you've said, I don't know if, where you've said it, though, or I I don't even know if I was on a podcast, but guy hits my thumb, I throw the bat up in the air, it hurts.

You know what I mean?

The thumb's part of the bat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The ump goes, well, I hit the bat too.

So it doesn't even have to hit the bat.

If your thumb's on the bat and it hits your thumb, then the thumb is part of the bat because it's like covering up part of the bat.

You know, that's the rules.

Yeah, that's the rule, yeah.

It hurt.

And I umpire in your umpire days, you just know the rules still.

No, I just know the rules because I was like, I played baseball my whole life, you know, Like, I played my entire life until I was almost an adult.

So, I, yeah, I just knew the rules.

It hurt like fuck to me.

So, the next pitch was a ball.

Yeah.

And I got walked.

I didn't want to get walked.

I wanted to get struck out because my thumb hurt.

You know?

Why didn't you just swing?

I don't know because it hurt.

I was in pain.

I was so not good at baseball.

I have no clue.

This motherfucker wanted to strike out.

And he was so bad at baseball that he wanted to strike out and he couldn't figure out how to do that.

I did the bases, I got

a run, okay?

So, you got to run, so somebody else who was hitting behind you maybe got the eye, baby, got a hit or something like that.

I got to the home plate, and then I walked over to my dad, and I threw up all over him and passed out and had to be taken to the emergency room.

No, it was a sprained thumb,

but I thought it was so cool that I ran.

Hey, man, I didn't give up, I ran all the bases and then went and barfed on my dad.

It hurt so bad, I barfed all over my dad.

Ah, mamma, you stuck it out.

That's called being a fucking gamer.

That's called the heart.

It's about the size of the dog and the fight.

And that's what, that's the kind of drive and determination you need.

And how many years did you end up playing?

And what level did you make it to?

Okay, so I played two years.

I played T-ball and then minor league.

If all the people

played T-ball, that's so funny.

Well, T-ball, what happened was they made me the catcher, which is they don't even have a catcher position.

I know.

They didn't even have one.

They didn't even have one with a camera.

They made a position for you.

Yeah, they didn't have a catcher because they would just have like a parent do it or whatever.

So they had to have a minimum of

every player had to play a minimum of three innings.

So they would make me the catcher for three innings and then sit me on the bench.

Oh, man, that's tough.

And then one time they put me on a pitcher's mound.

If you're on a date, don't say any of those things.

He's married.

Okay, good.

He doesn't.

His wife knows all of her.

She thinks she's cool.

She actually told me I'm cool and tough.

Again, what was the tone of that?

Said, you're cool and tough.

And you bought 300.

Good job.

And she hugged me.

Katie is the best.

We love Katie.

Everyone knows on the pod that she's the absolute best and the sweetest.

And she knows all of these terrible things about Brian.

And so much worse stuff than what he's saying now.

And she still does love him.

It's quite incredible.

Yeah, three innings.

They let me pick three innings a game.

And then my grandma would come and she'd give me Hawaiian punch and I would just sit on the bench and drink Hawaiian punch and hope we won.

Yeah, oh, that's good.

So I can get ice cream.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, ice cream was a big.

Did they not get you ice cream if you lost?

Yeah, no.

If you lost, you were not getting ice cream.

Nowadays, I bet everybody gets ice cream.

Ice cream, ice cream, participation ice cream.

Now everybody gets ice ice cream which is so up some of the kids shouldn't get ice cream if they lose

it's funny that

it's funny that i think about it now because it wasn't a soft serve sundae and a baseball helmet oh that's beautiful really i love yes wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait a second like a mini helmet yeah i never thought about this yeah so This is a big, huge thing because Brian is obsessed.

He goes to the minor league baseball game and he goes there almost exclusively so he can have soft serve ice cream in a mini baseball helmet.

That's the whole

reason that he goes there.

But now we're finding out that this is like a childhood memory of his where after baseball, if he won the game, he would get that treat.

So now it makes perfect sense why you love that so much, Brian.

Hey, Brian, I just want to say, aww.

Yeah.

That's cute as hell, dude.

Thank you.

But yeah, they would let me play three innings as catcher.

And then one time

this person, this is right.

One time they were like, let's put him on the pitcher's mound.

Oh, this is going to be T-ball.

Right?

Oh,

yeah.

For T-ball.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Strike.

No, no, no.

But T-ball, pitcher in T-ball is still an important position because so many of the kids just hit the ball straight back to the pitcher.

Why did they make me there?

So anyway, we're in the round-robin winner.

So that's not number one.

That's actually third place.

You know what I mean?

But they, they made a little tournament, little round-robin tournament, and you, you know, you win.

And I caught one of the deciding

balls

because I just went like this.

Like I was standing around.

And I just stuck my glove out and it landed in my glove.

And everybody was like, oh my God, you did something.

Like, basically.

Brian, that's, and I don't want to listen.

I love to not give you credit for stuff.

It's one of my favorite things, but you caught it.

That's what catching a ball is.

You just stick your hand out and then the ball goes into the glove.

That's what it is.

I don't think it was a flu.

It wasn't like a complete flu.

You did.

Let me give you a classic Reddit lie here because

this is off the same post.

He goes, this guy goes, LOL,

because they're talking about how

parents will say they had a D1 scout there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm part of it.

So this guy's LOL.

That phrase reminds me of when I used to go out in the bleachers with an MLB polo shirt and khaki pants.

Brought a clipboard and binoculars.

Then, when you make your way to the dugouts or walk by, everyone looks at you a bit nervous.

When parents start asking questions, dugouts went from loud to silent.

Shit, I did some stupid stuff in my 20s.

That's for sure.

He's trying to fuck their moms.

He's a liar.

He's a lying.

Yeah, he's a credit liar.

Yeah, this is not a real thing that he did.

I don't.

You know, it's, I hope it's, I hope he didn't try to do it.

You know what I mean?

It's really, it's really a sad thing to be doing, you know.

It's sad, yeah.

Thank you.

Telling that story makes you look sad.

It makes you look sad because it makes you look like you're like, just desperate for this, like, feeling important or whatever.

It reminds me of...

like something, you know, like showing off a fucking bowling ring that you did not actually legitimately earn.

And this guy goes, the OP goes, I've told parents before that I do advanced scouting for a few different scouts.

And it's always fun to see how quickly they change their tone and step away from the batter's box.

So

OP is saying the same thing.

And then finally,

Flying Iron says, never did one as a baseball empire, but I also served as a NASCAR official at our Saturday Night Track.

One Sunday,

they had a kids traveling go-kart race there.

Probably Bubba's son was in in it.

Oh, most likely.

Most likely Bubba's son was in that.

Maybe this is Bubba, too.

They had a kids traveling go-kart race.

There was, and I was asked if I could help out.

I was up working with the flag man when some parent came running up yelling at us for some reason.

I told him I didn't know what he used for rate.

I didn't know what he was used to for racing venues, but this was a NASCAR track.

And if he didn't get back in the stands, I was going to have that nice police officer over there escort both of you and your kid out of here.

Oh shit, I don't know what it's like in your little in your fucking cart racing tracks or whatever.

This is NASCAR, baby.

Around here, we and around here, if somebody even walks in our direction, we call the police.

This is NASCAR, baby.

Around here, we are drunk as fuck and scared.

We are drunk and scared.

This is NASCAR around here.

The police will be involved.

They're already on the way.

This is NASCAR.

What this next one is from our umpire, and it just says, wear your goddamn cup.

And he goes, ball two, intentional pun, low, bounces off the plate, catcher whiffs.

Could have been much worse.

Your balls don't care that the kids are only nine.

The baseball is harder than your balls.

Usually I can just brush off whatever hits me.

I'm pretty tough.

Foul.

I'm an MMA type.

Yeah, let's just say,

yeah, I can drive a Harley.

I'll say that.

I've got some solly rivals.

I can drive a Harley.

Foul ball off the mask.

We good?

Pitch hits the batter, then into my chest.

Fine, I'll wear it.

I took a moment after this one, LMAO.

This guy goes, most umpires I know wear a cup, or rather all umpires who think of themselves as umpires wear one.

The random dad slash coaches forced to volunteer by Little League, sometimes don't.

And this next guy goes, male umpires on the plate are required by rule to wear one in Little League and FED.

It never even occurred to me that someone would be out there without one.

Next guy goes, how the hell do they enforce that?

Which is a good question.

Yeah, I don't think it's like an enforced thing.

It's just like, hey, this is a rule.

Do it, you idiot, for yourself.

It's like seat belts.

You know what I mean?

Like, just do it to save yourself.

Because, yeah, the ball is.

I mean, if you're playing, if you're playing, I didn't work.

I never wore a cup.

And I played like

I played as a shortstop.

And so it was a, you know, but if I was playing as a catcher, like if I was behind the plate every single time with potential like balls getting foul tipped and shit, I would definitely wear a cup.

Being back there without a cup on is

like a horrifying thought.

I have strong nuts, so I probably wouldn't wear a cup.

Okay.

My nuts are really hard.

They're hard.

Extremely.

They're like, they're like like adamantium.

I don't think they're supposed to be hard.

I feel like you've mentioned this before, too, though.

Is that

your balls are really hard?

Your penis is very soft.

No, my penis can get hard, but yeah, it's soft most of the time.

Maybe you're evolved, like advanced.

You have like a shell, a protective shell.

Like maybe in the next

one.

You're just like goofing around about your balls being hard, though, right?

Like you're just mean, like, you just mean like they're strong and tough.

You don't actually

mean that they're actually physically hard.

Yeah, I do.

Most umpire, this guy goes, male umpires on, okay, so he goes, how the hell do they enforce that?

And he goes, obviously, your partner should be giving you a little cup check tap before you go out to the field, as per baseball tradition.

He goes, I would guess it's an after-the-fact limit of liability rule rather than a pregame inspection.

And a guy goes, seems pretty harsh to approach a guy writhing in pain on the ground after being hit of balls and go, hey, by the way, here's a fine.

i would like that i would think that's funny yeah that's great yeah

uh guy goes for anyone who has not been hit in the balls yet from personal experience i can tell you it hurts pretty much identically with or without a cup the cup pushed in by the ball just pushes in on your junk the way the ball would.

The reason to wear a cup is it protects you from long-term injuries to your very sensitive organs down there.

And that is very important.

It's still going to hurt, though.

Yeah, no.

Yeah, absolutely.

It is true on some level, but I think as I have, I didn't wear a cup and did wear a cup a few times, you know, and it definitely hurts less when you have a cup on.

It still hurts, though.

Definitely hurts less.

This is Reddit, so there is a contrary in here.

Okay.

Yeah, he goes, this thread's going there anyway, so I don't think this is a vulgar or crass by any means.

Direct advice to OP doing youth games.

I tried it for a while years ago, but as a non-player, I ain't wearing no stupid fucking cup.

It's a pain in the dick and just wildly impractical if you're an adult-sized human on your haunches for X number of hours.

I also, I always advise every young male umpire to master the art of grasping the happy meal before each pitch.

You tucked it away, you tuck it away behind the catcher.

No one will ever notice, and the extremely seldom occasion that a coach or parent does notice, they get a chuckle out of it and understand the direct practical reason.

There are so many taps I've taken off a knuckle that I didn't even get a mark from the seams, would have destroyed my sack had I not been clutching it.

So this guy says, Hey, don't wear a cup, hide your balls in your ass, I think is what he says.

Stick your balls in your ass with your hand and just hold it there.

And like, occasionally, people behind you will sort of catch like all your junk behind you.

He's wearing shorts.

He's got, you know, yeah, like even in the tight like baseball short, like pants where it's just like you see the whole outline of like his penis head and his shaft and his balls and when the parents see that they get a chuckle

They like the kids love it

It's a it's a it's a big big hit at

the games Hey guys, it's the masturbating umpire.

They have a shortage.

So they're like, this guy plays with his penis the whole time, but he'll do the job.

Hey, listen,

if we want to play this game, we got to go with the masturbating ump.

The community center actually said, I'm the best ump.

Yeah, yeah.

Because I hide my balls better than anybody with a cup.

Well, that makes sense why that other guy is considered the best ump, you know?

He's just like, I wear a cup.

I don't fucking touch my dick a bunch during the game.

So, rule one.

First and foremost, I don't touch my dick during the game.

That's what makes me better than the other umps.

I think this guy is, uh, yeah, just being a contrarian, I guess, but maybe it's it is uncomfortable wearing a cup, I guess.

You know,

yeah, yeah, but I still think when you're back there, yeah, although don't play with your dick and balls, that's what the OP says.

Please do not grab your genitals while standing behind boys, just general life advice.

And the guy goes, Here's where you're wrong with sliding shorts and a built-in.

Here's where you're wrong

to responding to that.

Here's where you're wrong.

It's baseball.

You grab your nuts.

Oh, man.

It's baseball, baby.

So, yeah, there's a big argument going on about nuts and grabbing your dick and stuff like that.

So

this is all the same guy posting all of the same things so that he can get away with it.

He's creating his own argument so he can get away with touching his dick and balls during the game.

So I went to

all right.

I went to a website called Ref Chat.

It's a forum for referees.

So

this is European football.

Oh, okay.

So football.

Yeah, it's footy.

Footy ref soccer for the Americans.

Ramref says, hi all.

A very rare one yesterday.

Under-12 match, last minute.

Blue team, 9-2 down.

Game is dead.

In the first half, I gave a rather soft penalty to the blues, which they scored.

Similar foul happens on a red player, so I feel I need to give that one too.

Penn is taken and saved.

The ball out for the corner as we're getting ready for the corner blue number four comes and asks if they've paid me straight out dissent

Straight out dissent.

I mean dissent is the actual term for like that's what you get like a yellow card for dissent.

They call it

12.

Yeah, the kid's 12, but like just straight out dissent.

Like, oh my goodness, what do you do here?

He's asking, should I have said, should I send him off, right?

That's what he wants to know.

It says, YC Sinbin.

I don't know what Sinbin is.

oh they might they yellow card so why see

sinbin i guess i guess they do that now in youth uh in certain places where they'll actually have like a time where you get a yellow card and you you're off the field for a certain period of time like five minutes or something so he goes when asking for his last name all his teammates around him started laughing what which indicates a false name

oh this guy's gone full this guy's gone full straight up fucking law and order detective on this thing.

He's just like,

yeah, the reaction from his

people, the people around him indicated that this name was not real.

So let's get to the bottom of this.

Let's stop the game.

Let's do a background check on this guy.

We need to go down.

Let's go to City Hall.

No, let's go to your house right now.

No, I don't want you to have time to prepare.

That's the point.

Let's go down.

Do you have a recent piece of mail that anyone sent you?

Do you have a utility bill by any chance?

Under 12 guy, he goes, his coach walks on to ask what's going on.

I explain, and he begins taking the player off.

Player then turns around with his manager right next to him, begins running to me, shouting, you're fucking shit, ref, while giving me the two fingers.

Before I can pull the red card out, he begins punching me full force.

Okay,

listen,

I don't know that I've ever told this.

I remember playing

in a soccer tournament at Hugh Boyd Field.

That's my high school that I went to.

But it was like

there was some team from Coquitlam, which is just a suburb of Vancouver.

And this guy got a yellow card for a tackle.

And he ran right up to the ref in the middle of the field and he said, fuck, fuck you, you fucking cunt.

And

it was so offside.

We were like 10 years old.

It was like so unexpected.

I remember the absolute shock from like audible like, oh, from the crowd of people and shit.

And it was just like, I'll always remember that.

It was like, I didn't know that something like that could happen until that moment.

Was the ref an adult?

Oh, yeah.

The ref was an adult.

This is, this is, I don't understand why you would do this job as an adult.

You're not trying to be a pro ref.

I don't know what.

Yeah.

My money's not that good.

I don't know.

I think it must be a thing like authority.

You have like some sort of authority over something.

You know what I mean?

Like, even if people are talking shit on you, you get to make the final decision, you know, like you're the arbitrator or whatever.

I think I said this on the karate guys stuff we've done too on like guys plus and on the episode.

I just don't want to be in a situation where a 12-year-old can punch me as hard as he can because,

you know, I volunteered at a school, right for the first three years of my daughter's kindergarten first and second grade i i volunteered in the classes at the time they got the third grade the kids were getting a little lippy and they would you know swing on you and i was like i'm done i'm not going to do this anymore i'm not going to put myself in a position where a fucking nine-year-old can punch me and then i'm like okay well didn't you work at chuck e.

Cheese?

Well, yeah, I got, I've told you I got beat up there, though.

Yeah, I know, yeah.

But

I got beat up once, and then this one girl got, I was dressed as Chucky.

The first time I did it, these kids started punching the shit out of me.

Yeah.

And I knew right away they could fucking smell it on you right away.

They're like, this guy is fucking

toast.

This guy's not a real rat.

Nah, this guy is.

Yeah, this guy is real.

This bullshit.

This rookie bullshit.

Like the um, because, because, you know, if most of the coaches, their kids are on the team, usually, right?

But the rep is usually not tied to, and there's no reason to be there other than like it.

To me, it's kind of sus.

The whole thing is weird.

It's like, uh, it's like, um,

I feel like people who are adults and who are still just like reffing and umping, I guess they just love the game, maybe some of them to give them the benefit to say that, like, and not to say that some of them, you know, I'm sure that there's a lot of real fucking pieces of shit as well, but like, I think some of them just love the game and they want to be around it.

And again, it's just this feeling.

I think it's like have some power and it's like a thing where people have to respect what you say.

Do you know what I mean?

You get to say strike three and he's out and he has to leave the batter's box.

And I get to tell that's got to feel good if in your life you're walking around and no one's ever listening.

You're like, hey, get out of the way.

And they're like, fuck you, you know, and like, no one ever listens to you.

And you don't have that kind of, I don't know.

I can't, yeah, I don't know for sure what drives people because I'm not.

It would be interesting to hear.

I think they would probably say like

the game, you know?

Yeah, and in a few years, you're going to get, because I was asked to coach a soccer team.

Yeah.

And I was like, I don't fucking know how to play soccer.

They're the same people who work as security guards a lot of the time.

Yes, they're like lost prevention people.

That's lost prevention people.

I think these guys are like lost prevention people in the way that they think they're tough and all that stuff.

But they have more skin in the game than lost prevention guys because lost prevention guys are hiding.

They're getting off.

Like, I worked at a place called Shoppers Drug Mart, which is Canadian CVS.

I worked there for a long time, and we had, I worked in like a downtown one that was sketchy.

And we had our loss prevention officers would beat the shit out of people for stealing like a toothbrush, like tackle them through an aisle.

Well, Dan, are you familiar with merchants' privilege?

All right, here we go.

Yeah, we covered lost prevention guys.

We did a whole episode.

There's a guy

who we cover really regularly who tells stories and he goes back to the old places where he used to do lost prevention.

And he does the videos in the parking lot of the old establishment.

Like they're all closed now, but he'll tell the wildest

stories.

I've seen it with my own eyes, man.

I saw them full-on rugby tackle a teenage girl for stealing makeup.

They get to hide.

Nobody knows you're you're a lost prevention officer until you reveal that you're a lost prevention officer.

You get to go sit back in your stupid room and look at the videotapes.

Yeah, yeah, they had a camera.

I'll tell you real quick.

One time a guy, a guy,

he was, he went, they were watching him because there was like no one in the store.

He was just a regular looking guy.

This guy went and got a box from the post office that was in the store.

And then he went around and just grabbed really expensive stuff from the store, went back, put it in the box, and then mailed it to himself.

That is so funny.

Oh my god.

Yeah, but then he got busted for mail fraud, and it was like

a way worse offense.

Yeah, like really dumb in the end, seemed like one of those things that seems like it's a smart idea.

It's actually really dumb.

By the way, I just want to circle back and say, you said she was stealing $10 worth of makeup.

What, like a thimbleful?

I mean, that's a joke.

That's a joke for the ladies.

They'll understand that this stuff is expensive.

It was the early 2000s.

So

probably

inflation.

Oh, and nowadays, good lord is stuff getting out of control price wise i get half a chapstick for 10 bucks unbelievable though what they're charging for burts bees nowadays

get up it's wax man i i love this next line though so he goes before i can pull the red card out he begins punching me full force didn't hurt me but was quite shocking that's like the guy that watches a scary movie and says wasn't scary

he was punching me as hard as he could he was trying his best to hurt me and he still failed yeah I'm a biker MMA type, so

it's like my beard kind of blocked a lot of them.

I have a big, huge beard, kind of, that punched through my ink.

He goes, uh, manager and other players pull him away, so they had to be.

That's the nightmare is when you're at, it's the same.

I've said this before: when you're at somebody's house and their kid is awful, and you're like, I can't do anything about this, there's nothing I can do.

My nephew, I hate him.

And, like, whoa, whoa, whoa,

don't say that.

Well, I just don't like him at all.

But that's a kid, it's so annoying.

No, but that's a kid.

He's not a kid anymore.

He's, and he's still annoying.

How old is he?

He's like 18, 19.

He's been to jail and stuff.

You know what I mean?

Okay, okay.

He's not a child anymore.

Okay, that's fair.

You can't do that.

But I hated his guts.

And he would come up and just start bugging you.

But you hated him when he was a child.

Oh, dude.

He's the only child I've ever hated in my life.

I love kids.

Yeah, you do.

You're a kid's guy.

Yeah, you do like kids.

I like them more than pets.

I like kids.

I'm a kid.

I love toddlers.

I love kids.

People send me pictures of their fucking kids because they're cute.

I just sent you a couple of Charlie.

Oh, they were actually incredible.

I sent them.

Yeah, yeah.

They were some good ones.

It was like, I sent Brian some exclusive ones.

Some rare Charlie, rare Charlie's, I call them.

He goes, manager.

So he goes,

suppose he did that because he knew how how late we were in the game.

He wouldn't get back on.

Other blue manager didn't seem to do much either, which is slightly worrying.

The coach who pulled the player off was completely cooperative, though, and apologized to me for his players' actions.

And so did the Reds, managers, players, and parents.

The league and FA have seemed...

have seemed to be good with it so far.

Just want to know your thoughts on this.

Cheers.

Referee X replies and goes, wow, easy to dismiss this as a very young child, but there's a fair chance that someone who does this as a young child will do it again when they're not such a young child.

Yeah,

I would agree, depending on sort of, you know,

it seems like this person has some behavioral issues and some issues with authority that, if you'd sort of go unchecked, might continue to manifest themselves.

But I would, I mean, let's not write this kid.

If he's a young child, they don't need to say forever necessarily.

If you, you know, if you probably give this kid some love.

I mean, I started smoking weed and doing acid when I was 12.

Like, that was

yeah.

Yeah.

Now I go now I go to 12-step meetings.

Because kid possibly has situations going on outside of football causing them to relax, react like that, but it doesn't excuse it.

Needs a lengthy ban from playing to make them realize how unacceptable it is, but also needs a little bit of support, I would think, as that's not normal 12-year-old behavior.

Again, that is normal 12-year-old behavior.

Well, I don't think it is.

I don't think it is.

You're saying it's normal 12-year-old behavior to start beating up a grown adult?

I mean, I don't, you know, I know, Brian, when you were younger, you were in a violence gang and you would often assault adults, but it's I promise you, that's not normal behavior for a 12-year-old kid.

First of all,

it is alarming.

If somebody is like just in a situation like that, getting so mad where they're unable to control themselves in a situation like that, that they're beating up an adult, that is alarming and they need some intervention.

I was a bad kid, and I never did that.

Yeah, I had behavioral issues, and I had behavioral issues and issues with my temper and stuff like that.

And I never in all of my time, I did a couple of, you know, I remember I fully kicked out at a kid,

fully kicked out at him in soccer, just kicked his leg out like as hard as I could.

Like it was a brutal red card tackle.

And yeah, and I didn't get sent off because the ref was my babysitter from when I was younger.

And there it is.

His name was Mike, and he was very kind.

But I, yeah, I never

assaulted a refer.

I think that is like, you need to take your kid to go see somebody if that's the case.

I talk to somebody.

Or get him into the police academy real early.

Get him to be a cop.

Oh, yeah.

You're a great cop.

R slash umpire, Citizen Recon says, tell us about your first time.

He's not talking about fucking in sucking.

It's not this kind of, this isn't that kind of show.

Okay.

Wow, you just read this post.

Yeah.

I want to hear your story behind the very first game that you ever umpired.

How did you even become an umpire?

How did it go?

Where was it?

What level league was it?

Did it go as expected?

Let's hear about it.

First guy.

That was 15-year-old catcher questioning some of the balls and strikes of the umpire behind me.

He asked me if I thought I could do better, and I said something like, well, it wouldn't take much.

Between innings, he went and talked to my dad, came back and told me I was working 13-year-old Jamboree that Saturday.

That was almost 30 years ago.

Been calling games ever since.

Oh, my God, man.

Smoking a a cigarette looking out a train window

that that is such a like that's sam out

stand-up comedy story do you know what i mean just like you think you could do better like probably

been doing it ever since you know

oh man this that is a that is a really good origin story that is a really good that's me that's like might be my favorite umpire origin story that i could think of you know i feel like that's the only good umpire origin story Well, this one says, I got recruited in the spring of 1997.

I was a catcher and a played umpire noticed little things that I was doing that told him I understood some nuances of the rules.

I was grooming him.

Okay, hang on a second.

I might have found a better one.

This guy was such a, he was a catcher, and he's just like,

this umpire is like, I noticed something in this kid, you know?

He's like, hey, how would you like to get out of this horrible position you're in as one of the players in the game and become somebody who just calls the balls and strikes and no longer has any athletic involvement?

You could be in charge of the game.

I want to read that sentence again because it is so funny to me.

I got recruited in spring of 1997.

I was a catcher and the plate umpire noticed little things that I was doing that told him I understood some nuances of the rules.

So he was like, this guy follows rules.

So um yeah this guy knows the rules uh yeah that's so this guy was like such a nerd yeah behind the plate he was just like um better uh that untucked jersey rule 145a and stuff you know like it was just like he was he was absolutely narking everyone out

he's doing a good job out there that's my picture oh man you're calling the best balls and strikes

that was good that was outside you're right honestly i wanted it because it's our pitcher, but that was outside.

This is

this.

I think you guys are right, though.

That's mostly compliments of him, but also just being a huge nerd back there.

That's what got him into it.

Yeah.

He goes, he was a UIC ump in charge for a youth tournament that weekend and asked if I wanted to come out.

I'd officiated soccer, basketball, and volleyball since I was 12.

So I said, why not?

That weekend went fairly painless.

So

he's been officiating soccer, basketball, and volleyball since he was 12.

This guy should be in the pros, to tell you the truth.

He might just be honestly

jack of all trades, master of none, perhaps.

In this situation, you want to sort of focus.

You got to learn all the rules of all of the games.

That's

where

spectrum he is.

Yeah.

First high school game I ever did was in 2000.

It was a tournament championship that had been rescheduled and the umpires didn't show.

It just so happened to be at a youth ballpark that I was supervising the umpires at.

And I just so happened to be registered with the state for high school baseball.

Had a run-in with Greg Vitello, father of Tony, University of Tennessee.

He had a kid who got drafted in the first round that year, throwing for him and was begging for pitches about four or five inches off to be called strikes.

He did the old wait for me to come out to break up the mound visit trick to start complaining.

As a 19-year-old kid, I said to him, Greg, he doesn't need that pitch to be called a strike.

He isn't going to get it.

We aren't talking about it anymore.

Just a 19-year-old telling an adult this.

Listen, Greg, he doesn't need that pitch.

Like, oh man, this guy is really trying to do the umpire thing that he's seen on TV, you know, when he was growing up.

He turns his hat, like, starts screaming at

the 12-year-old and kicking third at him he's smoking a cigar yeah

we aren't talking about anymore game ended 2-1 he actually came to ask me why he's never seen me before after that game when i told him it was my first high school game ever he said could have fooled me man hell of a kid oh hell of a job kid

hell of a job kid makes more sense yeah

it's a little thing anyway yeah hell of a job kid

very cool yeah yeah he came up and he said you're a goddamn man you're the biggest.

How come I haven't seen you around the umpire world championship?

You want to go get a burger with me?

This is my first ever.

Your first ever?

Are you fucking kidding me?

That strike you called in the third inning?

That was fucking wild, man.

I'll tell you what, I've never seen somebody call a strike so perfectly.

I went to Quora

and somebody asked the question: Has arguing with the referee ever been successful for a player?

Jim

Gordon replies, and

this is his

bio.

Retired soccer ref, 3,500 assorted matches, ex-ref in structure, ex-coach,

structure, in structure, yeah, ex-coach, division three pro soccer team manager, local and U.S.

state association board member, youth player, and fan, top football refs in three countries, refed in two, got involved with refereeing and a couple more, and then it cuts off.

This is so oh, it cut him off.

He's got more.

Yeah, but I didn't say

you click more.

You have to click more and you thought that's enough.

It's the longest.

That is the long, because usually it's like one thing.

You know what I mean?

And honestly, like none of those were, it's one of those things where he doesn't have a really good accolades.

So he's just put a lot of things on there to try to sort of make it seem like he's an accomplished ref.

But I didn't hear

that.

Yeah, I didn't hear anything there that was impressive, really, as far as like being a top-level ref.

Well, he goes, arguing is a tactic that players and coaches and teams use.

Those who use it delude themselves that referees aren't generally just as smart and perceptive as players and coaches.

I like that.

Hey, we're...

You guys think you're so fucking smart because you play the game?

I know all the rules to the game.

How does that make you fucking feel?

I'm just as smart, it's just my body that doesn't work as well as yours.

If you think it works, you obviously haven't had any significant experience as a referee.

When a player argues with a ref, the player is basing his position on a belief that the ref either misperceived what happened or doesn't know and apply the laws correctly.

But I hate this guy.

I hate this guy.

I hate the way he's talking.

Yeah, this guy's the reason why we hate refs.

Yeah, he's a tough ref.

Yeah, Yeah, a tough ref, but he's he's one of those ones who he's going to sit you down and explain.

You see them on TV sometimes and if you've played sports, you've

like experienced it where they're like, they want to explain to you the call and it's just like, oh, shut the fuck up.

I don't care, you know, but they're just so into the rules and like every little thing of the game.

It's so important to them, you know?

That's so funny that you say that because, you know, I've talked about how I raised my daughter and uh, she's a good kid, she never got punished in the whole time she was a kid.

It just, I'm not, I'm not gonna ground you, I'm not gonna hate you, or whatever.

Um,

ground you or hit you,

that's what my parents did.

Those are the only ones.

Oh, I see, okay, so a grounded hitting, that was it, yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to think of what other ones, I guess, taking stuff away from you.

Yeah, my parents did take stuff away, but I never did that.

Ground and pound, yeah, the old ground and pound, the ground and pound.

So, anyway, uh, the punishment that wasn't really a punishment was if she did something fucked up,

she had to sit down and talk to me about how it made me feel, how it made her mom feel, and how it made her feel.

And she fucking hated it and would like, I'd be like, okay, it's time, you know, we got to have a talk.

And she's like, no, she wouldn't scream.

She hated talking to me.

when she got in trouble that sounds like what you're saying about the refs is like he's like look I need to sit down and talk to you.

And you're like, I don't want to sit down and talk.

I don't want to have this conversation with you at all.

I mean, listen, these refs, if you were being like,

I think these refs what makes them so upsetting, though, versus what made you upsetting.

I don't know what made it upsetting to talk to you, but to talk to them.

People find that it upsetting talking to me.

I'd say the upsetting, it's just these people who are obsessed with the rules to a degree that it's like, okay, you're obsessed with them.

You're calling all of them.

You don't need to explain them to me and talk about them.

I don't actually care about the sport on that level.

I have fun playing it.

That's it.

I'm going to give you guys some really good stuff here because he goes when a ref has developed some experience and some balance as a ref, he or she knows that he or she has repeatedly passed the annual rules test and has seen a lot of what happens on soccer fields.

Referees generally amass about 10 times the game experience that players do per year over a career.

Yeah, actually, because we're not doing any of the physical side of things, we can actually do like a lot of games every week.

So we actually have more experience than you.

Some might say we're like

more

of an athlete, more involved.

More of a soccer.

I mean, I would say the only person that I would say is more impressive athlete would be a professional wrestler because they have to have a bunch of different things.

They have to have acting.

They have to have all of the different, you know, they have to have fighting.

It's the most impressive.

Because thus, he or she immediately can recognize when a player is gaming the ref for either short or long-term game.

We teach referees that the laws require them to react to being called blind or stupid, ignorant, or a cheater by testing the player's eyesight for yellow or red.

Color version.

Oh, red.

Oh, boy, hate this.

So, yeah.

Yeah.

Can I check your eyesight?

Can you see yellow?

Oh, fuck you.

Oh, shut the fuck up.

Well, that's a red.

They wrote about it in their journal later.

That's a red.

That's all good today.

Because law 12 says dissent, disagreeing with the referee's decision by word or deed, is required to be cautioned.

Abuse, negative

characterization of an opponent or referee must be sanctioned by showing the red card and sending the person off and/or away from the field.

So he's like, if somebody

says something mean to you,

he's saying, like, you can get them in trouble.

Hey, you get this motherfucker in trouble.

You can send him, listen,

even when I was a kid, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but we had to go to a hearing when I would get red carded quite a bit when I was younger in these games.

And to try to deter you from it, you would have to go to like an actual fucking hearing.

Like, I would have to drive out with my coach out to Burnaby.

It was like 25, like for 45 minutes away from my house.

And I would have to drive out there and sit and wait in like a waiting room and go and sit in front of these adults and have a hearing and like discuss my red card.

So he's basically saying, like, yeah, you can really fuck these people's lives up if they say something mean to hurt your feelings.

You can really like.

Yeah, yeah, it was like teen court.

There were adults involved.

Were you playing at like a pretty high level?

Like, that's nuts.

I was playing rep soccer.

Like, I was playing rep soccer, but not at like a super, super high level.

Yeah, not at like, yeah.

I mean, it was.

I was young.

I was like, I was like 12 years old or

13 years old or whatever.

You told me that one of the referees was like, this guy's got it.

Well, one of the referees noticed that I saw the rules here.

And he said, you should be a referee.

And I was like, fuck you, buddy.

And he red-guarded me.

He goes, speaking for myself, when a player tries to argue, he removed all of his cushion of tolerance that I might feel for any infraction, foul, or misconduct that he might commit thereafter for a considerable time.

We teach referees that their integrity and independence are their most precious assets, absolutely necessary for doing a job.

Then he did an edit.

And he goes, a referee who lets a player or coach argue him into changing a decision is simultaneously showing everyone that the game is no longer being refereed by an impartial referee who makes his own decisions into edit.

Then he goes,

here's a favorite referee joke with a considerable element of truth.

Question.

What's the difference between a terrorist and a soccer referee?

You can negotiate with and maybe change the mind of a terrorist.

Oh, man.

That's a good joke.

That's funny.

Yeah, because it's like

that's the whole authority thing.

There it is right there.

This person is in it for the authority, definitely, because they're saying, like, yeah, this is my favorite joke is how you cannot change our mind no matter what.

And we must, we have the final say on everything no matter what.

The 9-11 hijackers, all referees.

I don't know if you knew that.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, that's why it went through.

That's why it worked.

You know that I knew that.

I know everything about 9-11.

To me, it is considered.

And no, it wasn't.

It's not funny.

Chris thinks it's one of the funniest things that's ever happened.

I did not say that in the morning.

I have the time to insult you.

People see, people have been spreading that rumor for years now, I feel like, but it's not true.

I did not laugh at 9-11.

I was like, he used to, when he was doing stand-up, he would go up on stage, and the first thing he would do is just look at the audience, and he would say, 9-11.

Erupt.

Like, they'd erupt into laughter.

And if you, you probably could get a laugh walking on stage and be like,

hey, guys, 9-11.

You know, like, that probably would be able to get a laugh, you know.

I would say,

let's try it.

We'll get you out here for Comfest.

Maybe you can go on stage and say, 9-11?

I got two shows tonight at a very low-stakes venue.

I'll do it.

Yeah, Dan, go up and try it out.

Just walk up and say, 9-11?

As a question, pose it as a question.

Well, this guy was asked,

what's it like to be a referee in the NBA?

And Timothy, his bio is Works at Basketball referee, 1983 to present.

So

he goes, these guys are gals are good.

It's not about making the calls right.

That's important.

It's more about having a personality that people won't question your calls.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is he not my NBA refs?

He says he works at basketball referee.

But is he

referring to NBA refs right?

Yes, yes.

That's what he says.

You don't have to get the calls right.

You just got to be cool.

You got to, LeBron James has to want to hang out with you.

That's what he's doing.

He's right.

The NBA refs are the worst revs.

They're then known as the worst.

You have to come out with a leather jacket.

I think it's so hard to ref basketball if you like watch it.

It's played so fast, and there's so much contact on every single play, and it's very, very difficult to

discern between contact that's legal and illegal.

But also,

there's a lot of the NBA revs who are like flat out taking money from the mafia and just shaving points.

It was the one guy who was like caught doing it famously.

Yeah, I don't, he might be.

I don't, I think he's like, it was a while ago.

He got, he, he like,

yeah, yeah.

And he, there's no way he was the only one that was doing it.

He's the one that got caught.

There's no problem in the rest of the league with any of that.

He goes, if everyone turns on you, you're gone.

Good lifestyle if you can take the stress.

They make a fraction of what players make, $250,000 average.

Obviously.

wait a second.

You tell me that guy out there who's officiating this game, working harder than any of them, is making as much money as that one guy, number 23, who's fucking taking, what, 10 shots all game?

He goes, the best get picked for playoffs.

Every call is dissected.

They have to watch the time like a three-eyed hawk.

Judgment calls are normally not questioned by superiors.

If you make a rule mistake or a timing mistake, that is looked at very harshly.

They stay at four-star hotels.

That's not bad.

I stay at four-star hotels.

Yeah, that's not bad, but that's my minimum.

Did they not stop saying stuff like that?

What it is,

I won't stay in anything under four.

Yeah.

Chris is like, I'll do a three.

And I'm like, bed bugs.

The hotel I stayed at in Tucson made me so mad when I got there because they told me they'd have a fan for me.

Yeah, you told me about this, and you went and you told me you went and clogged their toilet

i mean that did happen i posted about that on instagram the text sometimes i'll post text messages that brian sends to me i'll just post them to the public instagram account uh without his even asking him about it and um it was also

run down like the toilet no the the hotel oh okay

it was nice this is a hilton you know what i mean that's a that's a four-star place, but this was not four-star.

I almost rented another room.

Hiltons are different stars.

It's a big chain.

You just thought every Hilton is four stars or better?

No, no, no.

It said four stars.

Oh, it did say four stars.

And so I was the first night we were there, I was laying on the bed.

I was going to get a different hotel and just pay for both.

Because I was just like, I hate this hotel, but I didn't.

That's not that.

You could have done seven stars that, you know,

four star and a three-star.

Well, before we get out of here, let's do one more question.

How does one become a WWE referee?

Oh, great question.

It is, yeah.

Step one, cocaine.

Wait a second.

So

the fake sport, you want to be a referee on the fake sport.

That's like so many layers of like detached from athleticism or whatever where it's just like, I want to, I want to be a referee, but not on the real one.

I want to be.

That's

yeah, I guess you, yeah, you're, and you have to be able to do, yeah, you have to be able to take a bump, though, Brian.

Well, you know, this, right?

Sometimes the refs will have to take a bump.

You got to take a bump.

You got to not be looking where.

Like, it's very important that you're not looking when somebody cheats because

you might take a chair.

No, it's true.

I guess I'm thinking about it now, and it's actually a way more fucked up, difficult thing than being like an MLB umpire because nobody's hitting you with a chair

If there was a possibility of getting hit with a chair in the MLB Angel Hernandez would have got his ass clubbed 10 times by now.

I mean

Sabathia's fucking hitting you with a chair.

Sabathia running out of the dugout and clobbering Angel Hernandez in a fucking playoff game.

I mean, that would be really sweet.

Wow, C.B.

Buckner's the new Angel Hernandez, everybody.

He's always been by the way just to be clear cb buckner's been around for just as long and has been just he's like sort of he's always been known as being horrible as well but now that angel's uh retired he's sort of the main guy so yeah a wrestling referee again has to almost like they have to be bad in a way you know what i mean they have to let the heel get away with stuff but they also have to pretend like we're hey you cut that out you know what i mean like they all like it's they'll they have to let the heel hit the other guy with a chair and then they have to catch the baby face about to swing the chair like it's a it seems difficult you know i tried to do commentary once and it was so hard that i can't imagine what reffing is like where did you try to do commentary oh it was up in uh it was in houston texas uh tim faust

Oh, yeah.

Did this party world wrestling.

It was more of an art thing.

Okay.

But they had commentary in the building.

You could hear it over this loudspeaker.

And I sat down.

I was so bad.

I've never been so bad at something in my entire life.

I just, I didn't know what the fuck to say.

I didn't know anything.

What do you remember?

Any of the stuff that you said?

I don't, I don't, because, like, I, listen, I know all the moves.

Again, Tony Khan, you know, I know all the moves and stuff.

You gotta hire me.

I can fix this.

I can turn this thing around.

You just said that when you were actually

put into a position to be involved in one single event, you froze up.

Did I

completely blew it?

And now you're saying you want him to hire you for his big wrestling promotion.

Well, for booking, I can book.

You think you could be behind the scenes kind of guy?

I could be the best booker in the world.

You know what I'd do?

I'd make a spreadsheet.

That's all they need.

That's fucking smart.

Yeah, that's actually smart.

That's all they really need.

They don't

Brian is like 100% serious.

He's joking.

He's great at it.

The spreadsheet thing, he recognizes the humor in saying that, and he's thinking he's making a joke.

But I would do that.

That's what I would do.

That's my job.

He's 100% serious about how he thinks he could be the best booker in wrestling.

And as I discovered doing research for the 100th episode

a little while ago, a few months ago, is that it really is how every single wrestling fan feels.

I'm different.

And Brian, just like they wrestling fans, he could he could be in a whole episode where we're making fun of that concept, but they can't stop themselves from thinking that way if they're a wrestling fan.

They just have to be like, they're watching the matches.

They're like, no, he should be fucking fighting against him, and he should be doing it.

Yeah.

Yes.

So, anyway, how does one become a referee?

Well, Richard is a former naval veteran, long-haul trucker, and umpire.

So he's not a raf.

He's an ump.

He's done umpiring.

He's done some umpiring.

He sometimes drives his long haul.

He goes across the country and umpires games in different towns around America.

Hey, man, I'm in town next week.

You need any games umped?

Hey, you need a base ump there?

I don't know if I'm feeling up to behind the plate.

I got a long run the night before.

First of all, you need to watch a lot of wrestling.

Okay.

I watch a lot of wrestling.

Well, I don't watch as much as i used to but you still watch like way too much for a wrestler no i don't i watch dynamite and collision if i have the chance to watch collision and then i watch pay-per-views which by the way there's a pay-per-view what else is there like i don't understand for some reason well i don't watch any wwe

Okay, but you're watching everything that the one promotion puts out.

Okay, so I mean, I feel like that's quite, but you're right, though.

There are obviously a lot of people who are like, oh, I'm going to fucking watch New Japan and I'm going to watch all of them.

Oh, I'll watch that too.

I watched Wrestle Kingdom

this year.

You watch a lot of wrestling, I feel like.

I do.

I love Japanese.

I like Japanese wrestling better than American wrestling because the audiences don't chant.

This guy goes, I know, I know, Brian.

I know.

Watch how they move, how they perform such things as counting wrestlers out.

Their pinning counts.

Something as simple as how they enter the ring.

Next, you need to have a great understanding about the rules of professional wrestling.

But most of all, there are incredible amounts of politics involved.

You just don't walk into WWE headquarters in Stanford, Connecticut, and ask Triple H for a referee job.

It takes some

way you said that, it kind of made it sound like that is what I should do.

You know what I mean?

Like he's doing that thing.

Like, it's not like you just walk into WWE headquarters at Stanford, Connecticut, and ask Triple H that.

He drops the address.

Yeah.

I've driven by it.

He goes, it takes some connections in minor promotions like ROH, ECW, etc.

ROH, that's my promotion too.

Ring of Honor.

I watched a lot of Ring of Honor, too.

Most WWE referees are wannabe wrestlers who never made the grade.

If you're really serious about this, first of all, that's not true.

Yeah, I don't think a lot of them don't look like they were referenced.

You know, like it's a really different look.

Bodybuilding,

because you can't be bigger than the wrestlers as the ref you can't yeah

kick the shit out of that's good again we discussed that in the beginning it would be really good in real life it would stop people from talking shit but in wrestling in this fantasy world you have to have a little scrawny little yeah you can be you can be the one two three kid at best yeah yeah you can't be big yeah yeah yeah so he goes if you're really serious about this the first thing you really need to do is find some mom and pop promotion at some carnival.

Which, by the way,

just find a just.

Because they don't do that anymore.

Go to local.

Oh, Brian, do you go to all the carnivals?

You guys go around to local carnivals all around.

And that's like, they don't advertise them.

It would be easy.

Then everyone would do it.

You know, guys that still have people fighting at carnivals.

Yeah.

Guys that still thinks carnivals are like what they were when wrestling was invented at them.

You know what I mean?

Like, yeah.

The bearded lady.

After the bearded lady, we got a big wrestling match.

Pick a guy out of the crowd.

Hey, do you think you can beat this wrestler?

And then do like the worst fight.

And we got these guys wrestling now.

It's like, actually, we call them little people now.

He goes, I'm an amateur baseball umpire and a hockey referee for almost 40 years, and I've worked games at a fairly high level, but never the pros.

It takes incredible initiative and desire to make it that high.

I wish you luck.

And don't take no for an answer.

So

we could maybe get an NHL referee.

I know, I've mentioned before, I'm sure, that I do know.

I grew up with an NHL, a guy who's currently an NHL referee.

Wait, let me check before we get out of here because I have a list of the worst NHL referees.

Oh, my God.

I hope he's on it because

he might be on it.

He might be on it.

Yeah.

Wes

Macaulay.

No, that's not him.

Sutherland?

Kelly Sutherland?

No, Kelly Sutherland is not him, but he is from here.

And I have mentioned before, Kelly Sutherland, I know, because he used the guy who had sex with my friend's aunt.

And we would go over to my friend's house who'd be at his aunt.

He lived at his aunt's, and Kelly Sutherland would go over and have sex with her up in the bedroom, and then he'd come out and leave.

We'd all be playing video games.

Now that's offside.

That is such a fucking...

We do that here with Jack Hannah.

Yeah, yeah.

Jack Hannah has fucked so many women, so many guys' wives.

Well, I don't know if that's what we do with Kelly Sutherland around here.

This is just a personal story that I have.

I don't know if he's known to do that.

Well, he did say Kelly Sutherland and Organ Damage says he's consistently trash.

I think he gambles.

Yeah,

he hates the Canucks.

He's like, or like, that's what they say that the Canucks fans hate when he refs the Canucks games.

Yeah, it doesn't pay Bettman.

It says it has nothing to do with Pay Bettman trying to fix games.

Oh, yeah,

that's weird.

No, Gary Bettman

is the NHL commissioner.

This guy goes, I would think owners, you know, the ones whose money and often pride are on the line would do something about it.

They just sit in their boxes and watch their teams get screwed and shrug their shoulders, or maybe they enjoy it.

Yeah.

It is pretty funny.

By the way, the other referee that I grew up with,

his name, Trevor Hansen.

That's the referee that I grew up with.

I wasn't friends with him, but he was friends of friends.

You weren't a friend of a referee growing up?

No, I wasn't, but it is kind of funny to me.

It's just like, come on,

Canadians, we're not all just like hockey, you know, and then it turns out we're doing a refereeing episode.

And I

know, grew up with one NHL referee, and then had one NHL referee who had sex with my friends and.

And it sort of does make it seem like all Canadians are like hockey-obsessed weirdos, you know.

Well, they are.

Dan has a special coming out.

Tell people where to find ya.

Or it's out already because this comes out on March.

Oh, God.

Why do you eat?

25th.

Whoa, yeah.

My special.

Whoa.

See,

that got a whoa from our.

I don't want to tell you guys when we're recording this, but I will just say Brian saying that this comes out March 25th got an audible whoa from our

came from me from him saying that he knows exactly which date this is coming out because i also do a podcast and I have no fucking idea.

And by the way, there's a good chance that's not the right thing.

It is right.

It is right.

Listen, this is the last main episode before I go to California.

Yeah, he's

in California when actually I'll be home when this comes out.

I will have already been to California.

Yeah, we've already, hopefully,

we've already done

or announced

a new clothing drop.

Yep.

Hey, we also have a live show coming up that you can't go to because it's sold out.

But, Dan, tell people where to find your special, though.

We added a second show to the live show, and then it sold out.

Yeah, so thank you to everyone.

You're not getting in.

You can't get in.

There's no extra tickets to it, but thank you next time.

But that's listen, why do we take over Dan's plugs, Brian?

That's your fault.

My special is called Cheap Day,

and it comes out March 10th on YouTube.

So it's out, and you can watch it, and we'll link it.

Put the link in the description.

You'll have the link there, so you'll be able to click it and watch it.

Dan's very funny, as I'm sure you can tell.

He's funny, and he's a really cool dude.

And he's from around here where I'm from.

And that's

why you fucking kiss.

We're not in the same room.

We suck each other off.

We are in the same city, though.

I am in Vancouver.

So we can eat.

Oh, you're in Vancouver.

69 later.

All right, brother.

Come on.

We'll see you next week.

Let's go ahead.

Let's go ahead and end the episode.

We'll see you next week.

Goodbye.

Bye.