Guys: Episode 106 - Fart Guys with Demi Lardner

Welcome to guys,

a podcast about guys.

I am Brian, and I am here with Mr.

Fartz, Chris James.

Hi, Chris.

That doesn't seem like an insult from the the first show of 2025.

New leaf.

What's going on?

This is the first show we've recorded in 2025.

So we're turning

very confusing and just dating us

significantly.

Like, I think that was probably alarming to people.

Like, well, I knew that they recorded ahead, but good lord.

Oh, yeah, the farts episode.

So I guess you're going to be hitting that one even more than usual.

I just hit that one because it was next to the farts one.

No, I don't need to hit that.

I have plenty of guys farting.

And I don't usually tailor an episode to the guest.

Very famously hate it when people ask to do specific episodes, unless it's Libby because she brings research.

Yeah.

I brought on Demi Lardner from bigsofttitty.png to talk about fart guys.

Hi, Demi.

Yes.

What is it about me?

I don't know.

You just talk about

pooping on your show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I really can't.

The shitting is a, is becoming something else.

It's becoming a problem, I think.

Not like them talking about it too much.

The shitting itself is not becoming a problem.

Well, the shitting itself is

no.

You know what?

It's always been the same, but I think the people's reaction to it is telling me that it may be something I need to address.

Yeah.

You don't want to become known as somebody who takes huge shits.

Yeah, I was going to say, it's the size, right, that they're referring to.

I think that, and it's not just in reference to the difference between my size and the size of the shit.

I think that very small women often take gigantic shits.

I'm pretty sure that's true.

One of the things, you know, it's funny you bring that up.

When I worked at Chuck E.

Cheese,

that like

didn't know that.

I'm so excited.

So I worked at Chuck E.

Cheese and all of the people that work there, that's where I learned.

Like the women's restroom is so much worse than the men's, like wise although part of that is because they don't count all the piss on the floor in the men's room as a mess.

You know what I mean?

Yes, that's but but sometimes and sorry, and this is gross and also maybe it's a hacky thing to say.

I don't understand how women are getting piss everywhere because sometimes you go into the bathroom and I'm like, dude, the pussy's on the bottom.

I don't see how you're getting that anywhere else.

Sorry, where'd you say it is?

Where'd you say it is?

It's on the back button bit.

It's

oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah.

I think I, yeah, that, yeah, that's right.

A lot of people are going to think, hey, this is going to be about fart fetish guys, and that is partly going to come up way later in the show.

I only did a little bit.

This is about fart guys, guys that love farts.

So I thought I'd go to r/slash farts.

How do you know that they're it's just that they don't make any like reference to sexual things?

You're saying they're more like no, these guys don't.

We will get fetish guys.

I promise I have some fetish guys coming later.

I mean, there's a chance that some of these guys are fetish guys, but they're not posting about it.

Not these guys.

So you're

vouching for these guys.

I go to r slash farts.

It says quick question.

Not to, I mean, quick question to all members.

What got you into farts?

Not judging, just curious.

I mean,

so I feel like it's something that you're kind of born into.

Yeah, you're born into loving farts.

Well, I just know as somebody who has a baby, I just know that he thinks they're really funny, and he's as young as they come.

As far as he's not even, he's not even one, he's zero.

Okay, let me dad is the youngest you can be, and he loves farts.

He, in fact, he's kind of over them a little bit, like he used to love them, and now he's like 10 months, and he's like, that's not the best thing in the world anymore.

I think that once you get to adult life, if you start like really loving farts like a lot, like thinking they're super fun.

Like when I was 18, 19, and me and Katie first started dating, I would fart right in her face

and she was like i do not like that please do not do that anymore very early on so i haven't farted in her face since that day that's so disgusting

what and what like and then i stopped liking farts from that day on i was like well what's the point even

so

where would

you

can you can you give us like sort of a an explanation as far as how that would happen like was she just sitting down on the ground and sitting on the couch?

And then I get up and cross in front of her and act like I'm picking something off the coffee table and just blast a fart right at her.

And she's just like, I don't like that.

Don't do that anymore.

And she, yeah, that's fair.

Like, I agree.

I agree.

It's not something you want your like intimate partner to be doing.

It's not like super sexy or whatever.

You have to be.

I don't think I'd even, I don't think I'd even do that to a pig I didn't know.

Intimate partner of less than one year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe a really comfortable married couple who's it, like, you know what I mean?

It's like, I would never personally, but I could see it.

But yeah, doing it early on in a relationship.

So early.

So

like, because I remember the apartment we lived in, and it was my first apartment in my whole life.

Yeah.

Like it was the one where we smoked in the bedroom and had all that.

It was just a message.

Where we only smoked in my bedroom and I didn't make the bed and I had whole mountain dew bottles full of cigarette butts.

And I taped pizza boxes to the window one night because I was tripping on acid

and they didn't block out enough of the sun.

So I pulled the doors off of the sliding closet and pushed them in front of it.

So this room was a disaster.

And left them there after that night.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Once something was moved in that room, it was moved.

That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So anyway, like I used to do that and I thought it was so funny.

And like I'd be like, oh,

it's not funny.

One time I accidentally farted on

a partner and I thought it was extremely funny, but it was an accident.

And it was also in a really fucked up apartment that I lived in because we moved into this place because it was insanely cheap.

There was no fire escape.

There were a billion fire hazards.

There was already, for some reason, a turtle living in my room.

And I was like,

and they were like, oh, yeah, they didn't take that turtle.

And I was like, Well, I don't want another turtle.

I was also bringing my turtle, so we had to get rid of that.

Yeah, that's fucked up because they're who knows they might not get along or whatever.

Exactly.

And then this apartment was like, Oh, yeah, it's already furnished.

The furniture was disgusting.

The housemate we were moving into just kept leaving a full fish on the stove all day.

And it was, um, and then he stole every single pair of my underwear.

And that's when I moved out, not when the Italian guy moved in and hid his mother in his room.

There's an Italian guy with his Italian mother there.

There was one guy who was Korean who was like, hey,

something's going on with the laundry.

He had clearly stolen all of my underwear.

And then there was an Italian guy who moved into the other room.

And one day I was like walking into the bathroom and this very old Italian woman in like a towel.

you know, woman style towel, and then her head wrapped up was like, ah, scoozy.

And then walking in his very small small room yeah i was like a ghost or

his mom or maybe an older lady he was making love to

oh i don't think so because his room was only big enough for a bed and then a windowsill so i think it was his mother who was like sleeping under the bed i guess on a trundle And I want to make sure I'm clear about this, by the way.

On our farts, they say, one, no nudity or fart fetish posts.

So you're not even allowed to do it there.

It's against the rules.

I see, but yeah, I would say

you'll feel like some of the fart fetish people are going in there, which is whatever.

They would not.

It's against the spirit of R slash farts.

It doesn't matter, but I think some of them are in there lurking and looking at some of the posts and potentially getting horny for it.

But yeah,

as long as they're keeping the posts off of there, then it's a clean area for us to go into.

Can I also say that Chris had this on the wrestling episode where he said,

they have two things that they have to declare.

One is that it's not gay and one that it's fake.

They also have to do this.

So the first reply to this question is, I'm not quote into them in a fetish way.

I just think they're hilarious.

And then somebody else is like, same.

So you always have to say, like, first of all, I'm not jacking off to this.

Okay.

Of course, because like for an adult to be super into farts, that is the assumption that they're into it in a fetish kind of way because it is such a childish thing.

Like, whatever.

Farts are kind of funny in like a context.

I know, Brian, they aren't ever, but like, they can because they're inappropriate or whatever.

Like, and so they can be funny in context.

But I think when they're the funniest possible thing you can ever do in your entire life, and it's so good, and I love it so much.

That's a really cool attitude to have.

And it does, yeah, it seems like not plausible to me.

It's way more plausible that you're horny for them.

You know what I mean?

Well, this person, Ruby Moon, says they don't arouse me, but they make me laugh a lot.

And if I fart and the person with me doesn't laugh, I actually feel genuine sadness and disappointment.

And as an addendum, me laughing is one of the horniest things I can do.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.

That's what kicks me off.

Fucking,

I really, I really do think they're extremely funny.

Like whenever Tom, I sometimes Tom will like wake himself up.

Tom is my husband.

He'll wake himself up by farting.

And then I will downstairs be like,

and then he will go like, what?

Because he doesn't realize the fart woke him up.

He thought it was me.

I mean, that is funny, though.

That's very funny.

What about this person?

What about this person?

Funny AF.

And these days, anything that makes you laugh is a good thing.

So that's true.

Hey, true.

And in this day and age, we gotta laugh more than ever.

And finally, Fartmaster says, My dad, he's the king of farts and had a huge reputation for farting.

Walking around town, and the townsfolks

are whispering to each other.

That's a guy that farts.

Oh, don't go behind that guy.

He had a huge reputation for farting.

I inherited that sense of humor and become a bit like him.

I don't stink as much.

Okay.

I don't think, you know, I think that's how it works.

You don't realize.

But I feel like

that's because it's coming from your butthole, dude.

And your butthole is attached to you.

So is your nose, you damn well.

That's how it works.

But I fart in public and can't be friends with guys that I can't fart in front of.

And that won't fart in front of me.

I'm pretty sure most fart humor is passed down from fathers or brothers.

Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, I think that's probably true.

It's a I don't have any brothers, but I did have a dad who would call me up

too fart and then hang up.

So

that's very funny.

Really cool, I think.

Yeah, you're, I mean, I've just seen like a video clip of your dad.

Very funny.

It seemed funny.

But it, I think it, so they're saying, though, that it's that women, I think it is a mainly a male thing, but I mean, I mean, definitely, I mean, Demi loves farts, and I think there are women who are into farts, definitely.

So, it could be like Demi, if you have a kid, you might pass it on, you know what I mean?

I mean, I probably would.

Like, it's if it's a kid, I mean, no, it'll probably be like that, um,

uh, the show where the mom, uh, mom and dad are hippies, and so the kids turn out to be fascists or whatever.

Like,

I think,

oh, you're, you're laughing at a fart again, mother.

Yeah, very, very nice.

Well, on our slash farts, there is a guy who's kind of a menace.

His name is a pubic, a giant pubic mess.

And

the angle, the angle of every one of them is this angle, dude.

He's so artful.

I gotta tell you, I love this guy.

His hair is all messed up.

You're both.

He's got dreads.

He doesn't dread it.

He's a white guy dreads.

He's got dreadlocks.

Yeah.

I thought his hair was just messed up.

It's full dreads.

Okay.

Very cool.

He's been asked not to fart so much.

Post so many farts on r/slash farts.

And he goes, This is a special one for the two jabronis that messaged me telling me to stop farting.

Doctor,

as Dr.

Evil once said, how about no?

And then

click this.

He's trying to get this fart out.

Get it?

I don't know.

He's got the fart out.

What happened?

Did he not?

No, did you?

You had that, you had the volume down.

No, I didn't.

Okay.

I can't get.

I think those jabronis were probably right.

I did not like hearing that.

Oh, no, it's our slash farts, man.

That's wild to tell a guy to stop farting and posting his farts and our slashes.

You tell him stop farting?

Where do you think you are?

Tell him where he's supposed to go.

This is his last place for him.

He's got nowhere after this.

But also, I can I and I'm not joking, and I know it's going to sound like I'm doing a bit, but can I just say that I think the artistry of how much he was clinching to make the fart as long as it could be is like real, it's it's like a talent to me.

He is definitely a farter.

Like, well, you think there was like Will the Farter famously and another farter on Howard Stern.

Mr.

Methane.

No,

but there was another guy named Something the Farter, who there was two of them on Howard Stern, but they seem to, yeah, have that like a bit of skill where they'll clench and like release and they know how to to extend kind of, yeah, like breathe through their buttholes by moving their pelvis and stuff.

Yeah, like get some air in there, like breathe it in so that you can fart.

You're not like,

this is not a natural fart.

This is like me getting highlights.

This is me faking it.

He does somewhere.

He blows smoke out of his mouth while he's doing it.

I can't seem to find one, but here's one more of him.

So cool.

Maybe we'll get some more of him later.

He just posted this one.

He said, I honestly didn't ship my pants here, and i have no idea how

i gotta add the volume is so weird

i gotta say i don't know how he didn't either i think he might be lying

i can't wait for the

like notes app apology where he says i'm sorry i'm a liar i live next to a swamp that's haunted

i've never farted

we'll get more of him later he posts every day, like several farts a day.

Like

in that same, in that same phone kind of behind his butt, where it's like showing he's got his face in the shot.

Like

he's logic behind that.

Like

you could just like, he needs his face to be in it, but he does also need the phone to be in his ass.

Yes, exactly.

His face.

He's just like, if people don't see my face, I can't send this link to anybody and fart.

yeah he's like doing

it's like that you know the like jokes about a guy like trying to do like a take a picture of his dick and have the right angles or whatever but this guy's doing it for farts i he figured it out too he figured it out for real yeah he got the angles i mean he's no doubt about it a professional i

remember paul flart the guy who was the security guard who was farting on um

on his at his job and he got fired for farting

yeah i I remember.

Wait,

yeah, it was.

It was like, this isn't just a guy that you guys knew, right?

Because I remember a guy that was called

an online guy, right?

This was a famous, I mean, it was famous online.

It was like a viral thing, but I did also, I did know him because I did, I did, I found it so fascinating that I reached out and had him on my old Twitch stream and had him on for like a 35-minute interview.

And he did a live fart for us, which was incredible.

I put it on my soundboard and used it it for a long time afterwards.

He was the sweetest guy, he was the nicest guy.

But it just dawned on me now that, like, I know a farter, like a real deal farter.

And

the only interaction I have with the farting community is incredibly positive.

And yeah,

he's a really good spokesperson for the this is all r/slash farts.

Anyone ever ripped a fart in a cavern and it echoed?

And our guy, our guy, a giant pubic mess, says, not a cavern, but an empty silo.

When it was empty, and I was doing work in it.

It was a tall and narrow silo, and I was at the top dome portion.

It had the weirdest echo that was very loud.

Not a cavern, but a silo.

Not a cavern.

Is it a silo?

A great

cavern, but

so would a silo suffice?

That's the only story i have

it's empty it was giant empty silos so it is the same kind of thing this guy goes one time one time i ripped a nasty one at the bar and i got pulled outside by an older lady she scolded me and told me i needed to go get checked out um so okay so that it sounds that listen that happened to me today i i went to i have a i mentioned again sorry to mention my baby again but i went out just before we recorded this like within the last hour i I went to a restaurant and my fucking baby just lays the most disgusting part.

Like just, he's on solid foods now.

Yeah, exactly.

So then the fucking server comes over.

It's just me in the corner at the table with the baby.

And it's like, I don't even bother saying because it's going to sound like, you know,

obviously.

It was my child.

It truly smelled like Ariel and I had been texting earlier today or yesterday about how disgusting they're smelling right now, you know?

So it was like particularly awful.

It was, I go there all the time to this place.

Well, fucking humiliating.

Here's a good question from the username famous underscore farts.

And they said, what food makes your farts stink the worst?

Now, 18 votes, 18 votes, seven votes went to eggs.

One vote went to broccoli, two to cabbage, two to cheese, three to garlic or onions, and three to other.

So it's eggs mostly.

So eggs,

they make egg farts, but I think that might be a little bit of people mixing things up because eggs themselves smell like farts.

They smell like a fart.

Yeah.

So like if you, yeah, if you like, yeah, my, my fart smells like an egg.

Like, yeah, I know that already.

You didn't have to say it.

No under, no underscore elephant does say this goes in the cheese category, but I'll tell you anyway, mac and cheese.

Holy me, I'm not even lactose intolerant yet.

That messes me up.

It might be.

This goes in the cheese category.

So I'm going to, I've gone to the judges and they told me that I could actually enter this into the cheese category.

Biggest fucking mega mind brain you've ever seen.

That actually goes in the cheese category.

Do you okay, Chris?

I think you were here for this.

Not here.

I think you were at the place I was at for this, which was stefan's parents house do you remember the fart event that happened there uh now now that you're saying it i don't remember exactly but i do remember there was a fart event yeah there was um uh

there was there was a point where no wasn't it well kind of i mean i guess is producer dan is he more of like a guy or is he oh producer dan of course

i just want to apologize producer dan i know he listens to guys i want to apologize for remembering you in the story as a dog.

A dog with really smelly farts.

I just remember you as a dog with smelly farts.

So, what it was was that Dan, who is like a smell factory, basically, he likes, we were all playing hide and seek with

JF's kids.

And

Stephanie hid in the closet

and Dan came over and said to Stephan, hey check this out and farted in

and shut the door and then we walked in on Dan like holding his stomach laughing about what he'd just done.

Stephan's like retching because he's getting inside.

I used to live a lot like Dan and

those were not great fart days.

Are you saying that what your diet and

like lifestyle will maybe affect your farts.

This is one interesting whole milk and drinking at least two cups of lactate makes my fart so bad I have to wash my bed linen, then shower, or those farts will be stuck in my bed, lingering for a day or so.

Oh my god,

you're farting so bad that you have to do your laundry.

I fart so bad I had to do my laundry.

That's so fucked.

That makes you think they don't know what a fart is.

Looking at a solid shit and being like, my thick fart came out again.

Oh, my gosh.

God damn it.

I have to wipe some of this fart off of my ass.

I farted on my girlfriend and just a turd in her lap.

Fuck me.

I used to live with a vegan who had like the worst farts I've ever seen my entire life.

I believe it i've i got on what happened to me was i decided to get healthy like a couple years ago and i was like i'm gonna start doing protein powder so i went and bought the cheapest protein powder they had at the store i was just like you know what it's all the same it's all gritty and tastes like whatever you bought vanilla so i went and bought it and then for like three days i was like The fuck is going on here?

It was just so loud and so smelly.

And it's my nightmare because I hate farting so much.

I don't want anybody to hear me doing it ever.

So it was really hard for me.

But then I switched to better protein powder and it went away.

That makes sense because I was going to say that I have a smoothie every morning famously.

People love my smoothie recipe.

I am

dying for it.

And they will not get it.

I'll never give you my smoothie recipe.

But I put protein powder in that.

It doesn't give me farts, but I think Ariel gets good protein powder.

So I think that's probably.

You know what I put in mine?

I've been drinking Pappy.

Ooh,

Pappy Van Winkle.

This guy goes, I love my fart.

I love that my farts smell like warm, fluffy, scrambled eggs.

So I think he got it confused with what it smells like and what it is.

And I don't eat eggs.

So

I don't eat eggs.

So I'm fine with that.

The only thing that I'm mad at him for saying is that it smells like something warm.

Because warm isn't smells.

Warm isn't warm.

Your fart was warm.

You had a hot fart, and we can definitely infer how bad it smelled based on the heat of it, which, by the way, Brian, Brian a little while ago tried to say, oh, I actually, I had these, I had the hottest roast beef farts, and they didn't smell at all.

That's what he said.

Like, did you even believe on a, is there a planet that that could possibly be true?

He said he had medication.

Yeah, medication roast beef farts that he said were notably hot.

That can't be true.

Yeah, he's not.

No, it was antibiotics.

Okay, so I found this other guy, too.

And he's more of a, he's more of an influencer, I think, than our other guy.

Oh.

And he is the fartologist.

What he does is, is he goes to London restaurants and then checks into into a nice hotel and records his farts for the night.

So he's a little bit more refined.

He's a little bit more upper crust than the other guy.

Okay.

So the video is called Another Epic London Hotel Fart Session from Indian Blaster Food.

Okay.

Here you go.

Okay.

It's got a great open there.

That's like a beautiful like

AI opening.

Yeah, I love it.

It's one of those ones that it's just like proudly AI, you know.

Yeah, proudly AI.

And he hasn't, you can tell that he like he didn't have a second go at it when it looked nothing like him and looked like a child.

Yeah, he

got that one and said, let's roll with it right away.

He's like, maybe they were going to press like in 10 minutes, you know?

Yeah, no, he was holding his butthole shut with his fingers saying, yeah, we'll use that.

Yeah, we'll use that one.

Just let me start rolling.

He's got such a round face.

If you're just listening to this, if you're American,

he looks like Ben Franklin.

If you've ever seen Benjamin Franklin, he looks exactly like him.

Yeah, he's got a real round face.

He's got like, you know, he does have the classic double chin and the fact that he's got a face and then he's got more of it down below that doesn't even seem like it's there at first, but he looks also.

Quite refined and he looks, he looks like he's pretty serious about this.

Well, he has the kind of glasses that depending on whether you're like young and hot, can kind of look stylish.

And whether if you're old, you can look like, well, you know, what kind of guy?

Oh, yeah.

Which one's he?

Oh, the music is a choice.

The Maharaja Rindo.

Oh.

He shows himself.

By the way, so British.

He's so fucking British.

Yeah, so there's

Maharaja.

Yeah, he's playing that music because he has Indian blaster food.

Of course.

Oh,

so this is the camera.

Oh, hang on.

Sorry.

Oh, hang on.

So we've got a smash cut to his hotel room completely dark.

He's nice hotel, by the way.

Nice hotel.

Looks like a nice hotel.

He's got the camera pointing from his, like, where his asshole is.

He's clearly got the sort of flash flash on, and you just see one of his legs up in the air.

Pointing at the ceiling like it's saluting.

The TV is off, by the way.

The TV's off, which I find to be crazy.

It's a dark room with no TV on.

Well, the room looks sinister because the lights are all off as well.

And there is a loose tripod on the run next to the window.

Yeah, the loose tripod that

yeah, he's decided not to go with the tripod.

He's like, I'm going to go with this first-person view.

He loves this first-person person view.

I'm going to tell you that right now.

This is his view.

It seems to be a popular one.

Hey, what if you were my father?

Sometimes

I'm right now.

I'm about to lean back in my chair and pretend this is me.

And he also at the bottom, if you watch, if you're watching this, which on $8 Hot Wife tier on Patreon, you can watch this episode and video because I thought you need to see this.

He does have the phartometer in the bottom of corner.

I wonder what that is that actually works now you watch what do you mean it actually works

oh

oh

oh hang on hang on hang on

so i can see what you mean now it's like a it's like wait it's a decimal count

So it actually is like he's got a scientific fartometer in the corner that seems to be based in some type of science, but I think Danny noticed the same thing.

I think he's horny.

Do you think so?

I mean, at the end, he's like, he's like, oh, oh.

Oh, this might be bad.

Oh,

dude, that one.

You were clenching too hard.

You didn't believe in yourself.

He's worried.

I think he's legit worried on this epic hotel fart session from India Blaster Food.

He doesn't want to go full blaster, you know.

Okay,

all right.

That was kind of cute.

I'm not gonna lie.

The other noise was like horny to me and was a little off-putting, but that one, that like, oh, like that sort of excitement, like as if you just like made a horseshoe or something like that, you know,

that was that was kind of sweet, you know.

Oh,

oh, that that was hard.

Okay, whatever.

All right.

It went from.

Oh,

that one was good.

I'm just going to.

Look at the other foot, too, which is nice.

He takes care of his feet a little bit, you know?

Yeah, he could get some different people in there watching too.

He might be, you know, maybe he's figuring out that there's like some overlap in those fetish communities.

Maybe.

I don't really feel like, like, I know that people are like, oh, curry makes me fucking shit blue or whatever, but I don't feel like Indian food is the craziest fart food, in my personal opinion.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I guess it can be, I think.

It has some stuff in there that'll make you fart.

What would you go with, Demi, if you were trying to like do the biggest farts?

What would be your like intuition?

And Brian, I would love to hear yours as well.

Antibiotics.

Antibiotics.

Just take a lot of antibiotics.

Big bowl of antibiotics.

I mean, it's, I think fruit and vegetables really is the, you know.

Oh, I don't need any of those.

It's very much like I would just, yeah, like boiling broccoli in some milk.

Well, there's one.

Here's one more little, well, we'll look at this for just a second, but the fartologist performs 31 nasty max power farts at the Park Plaza in Westminster, London.

Oh, yeah, I'd love to hear his max power.

It's good to know because then we know what the like the scale is, kind of.

Yeah, let's see when he's really proud of himself.

He's feeling himself.

Yeah.

Look at watch.

He's wearing sunglasses, by the way.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

That was Max Power.

That is Max Power.

Wow.

Yeah.

He, he, like, for a second, he had the camera like pointed towards himself.

And his sunglasses.

And he is wearing sunglasses in his dark hotel room while he does these farts.

I think there's something going on with these farts where he recognizes like these are, there's something possibly radioactive or something.

He knows it's not like it's not safe to look at these farts.

One thing I will say is that, oh, here.

I'm sorry.

What I'll do for the people that aren't watching this is I will cut this as their, as their

you could just see one British tooth just

and sunglasses

this guy he looks so much like one of D B's got you know he really yeah he looks like the kind of guy who's sending photos of himself to you know posting on a lady being like very beautiful sweetie you know yeah I want to see how this gets on his face here we go

oh Jesus Christ can't stop.

Can I just say there's always dust blowing around where the farts happen?

Jesus Christ, I can't stop the way he said that.

Jesus Christ.

Like, it was like a live delivery from a movie.

Like, it was like so fucking serious.

Like, can we hear that?

Can we just hear that line one more time?

Yes, of course.

Jesus Christ.

Like, he seemed genuinely concerned a little bit.

I like to think so.

No, no, no, no.

He's not actually concerned, but he's playing it up because he knows it's like a better product.

It's a lot, yeah.

Hey, for the listeners of uh, the bonus stuff, Lone Depot just called me.

That's the first time on this one.

So,

oh, Brian.

Oh, I can't get it.

I guess I missed it.

Did you go further?

Oh, yeah.

That was it.

Here he goes.

Okay, I have two things to say.

One,

when he's got his foot up, it looks like he is directing the fart into the gigantic picture of the woman on the wall

Yeah.

And second, all I can think about is that, like, when you could see the window of the hotel, it looks like it's either dawn or the sun is setting.

And, like, it makes me think that he's

like,

well, it's not my house, it's a hotel.

And all I haven't figured out how to put down the blinds.

So I'm keeping my sunglasses on because

I'm photophobic.

Understand?

I can't it.

I'm trying to go to sleep, but I'm filming my farts all night.

He's trying to go to sleep.

Imagine the fucking people beside him.

He's going to one day, he's going to go really ultra-viral, and then they're not going to let him check into any hotels.

That's what happened to fucking Paul Flart.

Paul Flart went viral, and then his employer was like, oh, you probably shouldn't be posting videos of you farting while you're doing security at the place.

You can't do that.

You can't.

I went to Amazon and looked at the, and this is the top of the line model

of

a fart maker, you know, who uses them.

This is what Leslie Nielsen used to use.

Oh, this is a, this is like, what do you mean he used to use them?

Well, yeah, Leslie Nielsen used to do fart jokes all the time, and this is what he used to use.

It's called the pooter.

Um,

oh, he would, like, he would, he would go on those uh talk shows, and like just people said when they met him, like in public, he would just do it.

Like, he was always just making farts.

That's actually very fucking funny.

That's really cool, yeah.

Yeah, I didn't, I knew that he did it on talk shows, I did not realize that he did it off-camera as well, just to normal people.

I'm trying to find a guy's name.

The joke you can do, basically, is for nobody except for him.

It really makes some people feel special, I think.

So this is the main fart influencer.

And now I'm blanking on his goddamn name.

He sells these.

They're $11.99.

I could get one delivered overnight.

I need one, yeah.

It has their really nice Amazon name listing, too, which has the show.

So the customer views, I wanted to read the AI.

Customers find the fart toy fun and entertaining.

However, some have reported issues with its functionality, value for money, squeezability, and wear resistance.

There are mixed opinions on the sound quality.

So we're going to hear some reviews here.

People are a little bit of a fart toy squeeze resistance.

They're concerned about the squeezability.

Well, Brandon gave it four star or five stars.

These negative reviews just can't get it to work.

Got to try different positions on your hand.

Not every hand is the same.

It actually works on a different spot on my left hand than on my right.

Once you find the correct spot, it works with no issues.

Thank you, Brandon.

Thank you.

And Sam, five stars, says, this is cool.

Nice fart toy makes fart noises every time I squeeze it.

All right.

Oh, that's good.

That's what you wanted to do.

Ted gives it five stars and says, I didn't know what to expect when I ordered it.

It was a bit frustrating at first trying to make a sound with it.

A little ingenuity, research, and practice, and I'm making great fart sounds.

Did I actually just say that i can't wait for the next time i go shopping or have a long elevator ride let your inner child out you need this now that's a fart guy oh my god check please

this this guy is did i oh my god did i just say that uh

did i just say that the fact of like it is kind of funny you know the idea of sort of trying to perfect this i mean it's like or maybe not funny it's like i guess maybe sad

like spending a lot of your time trying to like figure out how to make this fart machine work.

Kevin L says four stars.

You have to really work to get this thing to work on the fatty palm of your hand.

It isn't perfect.

And my wife was over the novelty of it pretty quick.

That seems like a wife problem.

That's like marrying a wife then, Dane.

Maybe think about a divorce if your wife didn't continue to find the fart toy funny.

We have to laugh, but you have to hold it exactly right.

And even then, sometimes it doesn't work as well as you hope.

I'm not disappointed.

I just hoped I'd be more impressed.

I don't understand how there's an issue with the

well, you got to learn.

There's actually a instructional video of how to use it.

Like you have to, like, when you get it.

It's not a fucking unicycle.

I don't understand.

Isn't that just a fucking button that you press?

It's not a button.

The guy is trying to fucking find the right spot on the pooter, like, like, as if it's a clitoris, like, just trying to, like,

that's, it's not a demi it's literally a bucket of air that you're oh

exactly so it's not a like it's not a it's like a literal thing you have to find the right place on it okay well then now i agree with the fog guys that is a skill issue you need to learn then if you're gonna use it on your wife you need to get it right before you use it the first time yeah sorry uh sorry that it's not just like easy like yeah if you want fucking go grab on with the buttoned one if you want the real deal if you want the fucking real deal that leslie used then you gotta fucking learn how to use it.

Yeah, well, you need to buy yourself an asshole so you can do it for real.

Yeah, but

I really like Richard T.

Gross because he gave it four stars.

And he said, first of all, it comes kind of stiff and will soften with you.

Second, I add a tiny bit of Vaseline to the ball of my hand under the thumb, the area you will put the hole over.

The hole has to be placed near where the air will escape.

Too much flesh and the air can't force his way through.

I got mine yesterday and keep getting better at it with practice.

still not like jack veil but getting there so jack veil is the guy jack veil is the is the pooter guy so he's like the king of it he can just like he's like

and he's laying off the most sick farts you've ever heard he's not even thinking about it

yeah i need to grease my hand to not amuse my wife

yeah just spending so much time to make your wife annoyed at you it's like you can just do that super easily you know what i mean you don't have to learn how to do all of this stuff

Listen, man, it does.

I would just go like this.

I would do that.

I appreciate Dick Gross, though.

That guy's name is Dick Gross.

Yes, Dick T.

Gross.

Feldager gave it one star.

Uh-oh.

He goes, did not meet expectations.

Save your many.

He spelled money, M-E-N-Y.

He goes, does not work as shown in demo.

It's difficult to use.

You need moist palms to get the sound effect, which is not drawn out like in the demo.

So you need moist palms.

Well, if you're not as nervous as I am when I'm looking at my wife,

maybe it's not going to work that well.

Maybe they kind of count on, yeah, they count on you being super nervous while you're doing it.

So take one.

Guy who doesn't know how his wife's going to respond, is she going to think it's funny, or is she going to ask for a divorce?

And then it's just like, that's ideal.

You're going to lay out some of the best parts.

Even if she doesn't like it, she'll be impressed.

David says, one star, listen, doesn't work at all.

Four different people tried it.

Couldn't make it do what it said to do.

It's a bait and switch.

Why must I enter more characters to complain about

this?

This is a bait and this is a classic bait and switch.

I ordered a fart noise thing and it won't fart.

They bait you by giving you the best product you could possibly think of.

A fucking fart machine in your hand.

And then they switched it out with something that just barely makes fart noises.

It's a classic Caitanya.

JJV gives it one star and says, so bad.

Does not sound anything like anything but a squeak.

No, no, no.

Save your money.

Not a fart, but a squeak is all that's coming out of this thing.

I cannot recommend this gadget.

It's so bad, it's laughable.

Well, I mean, that's what you're

trying for.

Yeah.

i'm not gonna criticize how you get the laugh yeah whatever if it gets a laugh it gets a laugh if i was doing customer service for them like if i was the randymon of this company uh that famous uh customer service guy used to do customer service for hedonism um but i would just say to them like well you got the laugh sounds like you're the product delivered thanks randymon you know yeah

exactly This guy goes difficult to manipulate.

The reviews I read said it would take some

practice, but to be patient.

Well, my hand cramped and the emitted sounds don't fool anyone.

He's trying to fool people.

It's not for humor for him.

It's like part of some plan that he has.

Nobody is tricked.

This isn't a plan.

It's like a huge plan that I have, and it's just getting stuck every time because people are like, that doesn't sound like a fart.

That wasn't a real fart.

Guy that does it in public, and somebody just turns on him and goes, I know that was fake.

That was 100% fake.

What's that, a pooder?

What bottle do you have?

Is it a machine?

Next time, buddy.

Hey, nice try.

Nice try, dry hands.

He goes, well, my hand cramped and he admitted sounds wouldn't fool anyone.

I doubt this was Leslie Nielsen's choice.

Apparently, he never left home without his, but it must have been a different kind.

No, I don't think so.

I just think he knew how to fucking use it.

Yeah,

he practiced.

He practiced and he had he's like, you see, Leslie Nielsen with his font machine, he's like slapping it on the floor like ballerinas do with their shoes.

sand pots of it down because he knows exactly how it's supposed to be.

Yeah, totally.

His is like, he has a little case for his, like a pool cube.

I love the fucking line.

I doubt this was Leslie Nielsen's choice.

I doubt this was Leslie Nielsen's choice.

This guy was one of the best fucking fart guys around.

I doubt he would be using something like that.

Yeah, that is, that is like, that's a cool, that's a very solid thing to say.

Like, my man, Leslie, would not.

Yeah, it's a good thing to have an opinion on, too.

Yeah.

And one star finally from Brian, he goes, junk.

It's just a POS.

Got it for my grandkids.

Piece of plastic with a hole, not worth a crap.

Oh,

hey.

Hey, is something going on at home, dude?

Yeah, it's you're right.

It is a plastic thing with a hole, but that's evident from the photographs of it.

I'm not sure what you thought was going to come, you know.

This is from R slash Fart.

This is from Vermicelli Defiant 508.

Could be a Pastafarian, too.

He goes, buddy of mine got kicked out of a pizza shop after he ripped a huge fart and people got pissed and they threatened to call the cops.

It was effing loud as hell.

This was not a pooter, this was a real fart.

So, they

you never kick somebody out for the loudness of a fart, he's just adding that in.

No, no,

I used to get my brother used to get in trouble for farts all the time growing up.

I'm saying you people are talking about calling the cops because the fart was so loud, like a noise complaint.

I mean, I find that hard to believe.

I think it's a get out of here, just leave, dude.

But isn't it?

What is woke your baby up?

Thank you.

Thank you, Demi.

That is true.

There is some, there's some, there's this one store that I hate in the mall because I can't go in there because the music's too loud because it'll wake my baby up.

So my baby's asleep.

I can't go in the store.

So, yeah, it is a different consideration for sure.

If somebody farted so loud that it woke my baby up.

Yeah,

I'd have to give them a high five.

You know, I'd honestly have to give it up for him.

Like, that's impressive.

Yeah.

Well, Hector Spieler says, get everybody in this sub to leave a bad review on that place.

Oh, yeah.

Review people.

Review bomb it because they didn't want your fucking nasty milk fart fucking clearing their whole restaurant out like they're trying to run a business.

This next guy goes, I'd wear that badge of honor any day.

Okay.

That's what fart guys are doing.

People kept saying they got to be just fart fetish guys.

And I'm like, no, there are people who love farts.

They just can't get enough level.

Yeah,

because, yeah, to be proud of it is like, I think that is a whole different type of guy to me.

It's like that sort of proud dirtbag who's just like, because you have to not really care.

Because if you're just going out in public to a restaurant and like laying nasty farts down, and everyone's like, ugh, like they're trying to eat, and they're all like, oh, that's disgusting.

And you're like, oh, this is the funniest best shit ever.

Like, you have to be a pretty bad guy, or like, I don't know.

You just have to be like incredibly immature, you know?

Support a life.

Yeah.

I have a friend.

His name's Luke Hege.

He's like a really incredible comedian.

Like every sentence that comes out of his mouth is poetry.

But a private joke that he did just for himself was send.

I think it was like three months worth of farts to his friend who was a music producer and got him to do the, I think it's, what's that?

Ode to Glory?

Is that the name of the

yeah he did is that yeah he did the um he got him to do the ode to glory and the guy was like can i reuse some of the farts and luke was like no i'll send you more

yeah he needed them all to be individual individual farts that's beautiful well i mean for a fart guy i wouldn't like it it's like when they get the dogs to sing jingle bells i love it wait what it's like when they get the dogs to sing jingle bells i know they don't happen what what just happened to you there physically my mind stand is up right now so we're just gonna go ahead and just keep going as though it's not up okay so back on r slash farts i wanted to go to uh actually not r slash farts i wanted to oh well one last thing favorite fart position ah yeah see

i would think i just know the one where you like

Try to like I guess for a guy it'd be like the position of trying to suck your own dick or whatever.

I think the best position is like

straight up in a fancy London hotel room.

Well, yeah, that guy, that guy showed me a couple of new ideas.

I just, I just know that, like, you know, when you'd light your farts on fire when you were younger, whatever, you'd do that position where you back of your legs.

Yeah, you'd go like lay on your back and then tuck your, you know, legs in over your shoulder or whatever.

That's kind of the classic.

We didn't know that you need to point your toes towards God to do that.

We had no idea about any of the sort of rules.

And the etiquette, let's be honest, we're very unpolished kind of people.

And the fartologist also, like,

I really think he could get something out of like putting powder on his butthole before he cuts the fart, and then it kind of shoots the powder out because I saw a bunch of dust flying around all of his farts.

There was like a bunch of dust flying around in that area, and I was like, You should put some powder there and see what it does.

Yeah, people do that,

see the swirls and stuff, yeah.

Yeah,

I wonder if there's any artists who are doing that kind of work with different colors and stuff kind of Oh, I bet there are.

I bet there are, honestly, you know,

you guys have seen the videos of like, of the, um,

what is, what's the thing called when like the camera that detects heat?

Oh, yeah.

I have seen those where they catch people doing silent but deadly farts.

Yeah.

That would fuck the pooder up.

That would actually be really bad for the pooder crowd.

That's great.

That's, that's right.

I agree with you.

I agree with you.

I'm walking around entirely.

You'd hear a fart and they'd be like, my heat vision isn't even picking that up.

That can't be real.

Yeah,

yeah.

I've got my Google glasses on.

Wait, remember Google?

I almost bought some recently.

I didn't even know they still sold them.

They don't, but it would be funny to put them on and just show up on a stream one time.

Like, hi.

That was my idea with the Motor Bunny gaming chair, but then I thought it was an actual gaming chair.

And I thought it'd be funny to just stand up and all of a sudden it's a motor bunny gaming chair, but it turns out it's just a motor bunny, and you plug it into your controller while you ride it.

Motor bunny is like a Sibian, Demi.

It's like I was literally,

as you said, that the next thing that I was gonna say was that, man, what if we got one of those like, you know, 50s Sibians that doctors used?

Yeah, that's what we're talking about, and got someone to like make a porno with it like it's their main Sibian.

This is just what I use, they did it right the first time yeah

i like to bend over like a folding chair hugging my thighs and head between my legs and let out a high-powered fart sometimes i'll fart loud in the hallways at work hoping someone is within earshot around the corner so i can run away and they'll forever forever wonder who farted that's immature don't fart at work sounds like a fetish sounds like a fetish as well yeah this guy goes wooden chair lift one cheek So that's oh,

that makes sense to me, like a varnished wooden chair.

Yeah.

The guy that I want to hear from is the fartologist.

Well, also our guy with the dreadlocks, of course.

Oh, yeah.

What was his name again?

A giant pubic mess, I believe.

But here, I got more of his farts.

We can just check out another couple of his farts, too.

I actually have this one from this guy, Booby Chaser69.

Living ladies, man, sounds like.

This one says, first decent fart of 2020.

Oh, that sucks because it's like he's been doing so many shitty ones that weren't worthy.

It's like,

what Davis is like?

Oh my God, this is 10 days ago.

Yeah.

He got all the way to the ninth before he got a good fart.

That's brutal, man.

He's going over a week of just like nothing to post, man.

That is very sad.

Well, hey, this is triumphant then.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, that was, that was like, not like some of the ones we've heard.

And then it was just kind of that to me.

I don't want to be rude.

Those of you who've been listening to the show for a while.

Sorry.

Thanks.

Tom Segura's off.

That's our first ever appearance of Tom Segura on the podcast, ladies and gentlemen.

Yeah, that

I feel like that guy, I don't want to, this will come across rude, but that sounded like a civilian fart.

Yeah, because that's not a giant, a giant pubic mess, which we do have.

Yeah,

if I know how to fart, yeah.

Here we go.

See what I mean?

That's what I'm talking about.

Like, like,

it's interesting because the mass of the fart that that civilian posted, it was like, if you just weighed the two farts, I bet that one weighed more and had more to it, but he wasn't, he doesn't have the asshole control to like

exactly, exactly, yes.

It's fantastic.

Wow.

And finally, one more giant pubic mess.

That one.

Oh, wait, wait, go back.

One more from this guy.

One more from a giant pubic mess.

You got the sound down, yeah.

Yeah, I'll turn it up.

Here we go.

I would love to fly this guy to London to meet the fartologist and just both of them sit in a room together and really fucking work some stuff out.

It'd be kind of cool to see those two different types of walks of life coming together or finding common ground.

He did a funny thing there where he put a sensor over his

nipple.

He He does, he takes a lot of shirtless farts.

He does a lot of shirtless farts for sure.

It'd be cool to see like the house that the rental that he's moved out of and see like the stains on the walls from where his pictures of his family were taken down after all of the fuss that he's done.

I like when somebody smokes in the house for decades.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But R/slash farts, favorite types of farts.

I've been thinking about this lately and come to the conclusion that more favorite fart type are

FFFFFFFFFFT ones that start out extremely hot, followed by rapid cooling, making you feel like liquid came out.

I had one recently that made my entire seed hot and then my pants suddenly felt cool.

So much so that I stopped at Circle K and wiped, but nothing came out.

So

that kind of fart.

He loves that.

He loves when he has to stop at Circle K to wipe his asshole in the middle of a car ride.

And nothing happened.

Nothing even happened down there.

He fucking, boom, he has to stop, pull over, wipes his ass, looks at it, and he's like, whoa!

Looks at it, and it's clean, and he says, I love this.

Oh, this is the best.

This is good.

All right.

To the empty car.

I could put this toilet paper in my pocket and reuse it if I wanted.

Yeah, this toilet paper.

Yeah.

This guy goes, the best ones make you feel alive.

Fart wisely, my friends.

Next person says,

watery fart.

Hell yeah.

Those Titans smell like warm scrambled egg and warm trash mixed together.

Again, you can't smell warm.

Stop saying that.

Here's a guy.

Deep, juicy, bassy, manly farts is what he likes.

Also, really love wet farts that sound like they shit themselves.

And finally,

this guy goes, I suffered loud,

powerful farts recently that sound like a clax on and smell very rancid indeed, often so ranked that nearby dung beetles were spewing up.

Although great for comedy purposes, dropping in a crowded area or blaming on others, my favorites must be the low-pitched, gurgling, biological hazard ones.

Many an afternoon's merriment is enjoying those in malls, public buildings, etc.

So, again, like what type of a human being likes this?

And maybe I'm wrong here.

Maybe if you're listening, maybe there's more people like this than I thought.

But I didn't think that adults would do things like that, where it's like, I'm going to go and lay a disgusting fart down that makes everyone feel nauseous and disgusting.

And that's very funny to me.

But I mean, I guess if you hate.

I want to go and upset strangers.

Yeah.

That's.

Yeah.

Like, are they nasty, these people?

Did they do something to you?

Here's what I never thought of.

Here's what I never thought of.

Here's what I never thought.

Is this John Wick style?

I mean, honestly, John Wick just fucking going over to the guy's house and just fucking

parting after eating eggs.

Like

this guy goes, the ones that itch the inner anus for you.

So that's

like a fart with a little finger with a fingernail on it.

Debbie, a little bit gross, don't I?

I feel like

I like the ones that you're not.

It makes me that you've got like anal fissures that you need scratched by your own thoughts and i've never even i don't i've no does that would that work is that it happen yeah i mean i hate to admit it but i've had it happen

thank you for admitting it i do

like saying that i ever fart although the one time i said i fart 10 times a day but then i counted today it's been like four so And now everybody's like, that's really abnormal.

Four?

I mean, that's not enough farts.

And it's like, God, I can't win with you people.

It's enough.

four is enough i think even to it depends on again what you're eating and what you've eaten but i think it's like yeah four seems kind of normal four seems like four is four that you notice is definitely like yeah i'd say that's here's somebody here's somebody his name's books are like drugs and he says i like the ones that sound loud wet juicy and greasy kind of like there's a bubbling cauldron between your ass cheeks the ones where you check your underwear afterwards well they love these ones where they

they love

yeah

like they love the i that's i did not realize that that's an aspect of it that i was not aware of that like those are the most popular farts the ones that smell that sound like poos

i just love danger so like if i'm in public and i feel like something's come out of me that it shouldn't have here's an interesting question

i like bad boys and also farting really like fucked up.

I am going to be in trouble type thoughts.

Yeah.

Before we get to the fetish,

before we get to the fetish, I want to read one more, this question this guy asks, and it's the fucking Lebowski is his name.

He goes, why does my fart smell like the rotten version of my food?

It's not just me.

My wife has confirmed it.

My fart stench will correlate distinctly with what I had consumed some hours earlier.

For example, when eating chicken, my flatulence follows hours later, will smell distinctly of rotten chicken chicken and vice versa.

I've yet to know of anyone else with this problem.

That sounds like you're very close to death.

I can't explain.

It sounds like something is your body is not happening right inside.

You know what I mean?

I would go to a doctor about that.

Yeah.

that that sounds like the inside of you is um is killing your food

it's fair you could eat the animal alive and it would be dead by the um this guy goes mine smell like beef your fucking shits will smell normal

this guy goes mine smell like beef competitive world 40 says this happens with my wife's farts too lol

so okay

okay so people have noticed a couple other people but again yeah i i would be

i wonder how much it smells like them you know what i mean like if it smelled exactly like it That would be freaky.

And finally, this guy goes, when I was in the Navy, I drank a lot of Steel Reserve.

My fart smelled unearthly.

The guys in my division called them oily meat bombs.

So finally, let's get to the fart fetishists before we get out of here.

I went to our slash fart

fetish experiences and this post showed up, Gassy Girlfriend.

This is from today.

So I've been with my woman for three years, and recently we've started expanding our sex life and trying new things, which that includes my fart fetish.

She knows how much it turns me on.

She loves to tease me with it.

So that just makes me fart.

I'm eating beans.

Oh, is that what she's doing?

She's like eating beans.

She comes around the corner and she's got a can of beans.

And she's like,

if you don't watch yourself, I'm not eating the beans.

Oh, honey, I can't get the can opener to work on the beans.

Hey, she's naked.

Look at this cork I found.

That is a hard one,

I think, because

I don't know.

How would you react, do you think, if you're, I don't, I mean, I don't think I could do it in a sex.

I would never fart on my wife.

It's too funny, I think, to me, like, or just too silly and goofy and childish.

Like, I just don't

would be able to like, and it's gross as well.

There's like,

it's kind of like, and it's funny because it's gross.

I don't think they can mix.

Not for me, but fine.

But nothing.

What if Tom was like,

how would you, like, right now, if he's just like, because you guys are married, just to be clear.

You can't get away from him that easily.

Yeah.

You have to consider it.

You have to consider it.

There's legal things involved.

So what if

he came up to you and he was like, listen, this is what I'm into and I'd love to try it out.

You just say, you'd have to say no.

I think that's a situation where I'd be like, listen,

I love you more than anything.

If you need that, you need to hire somebody.

I can't do it.

That is sweet, though.

That is nice that you would like, you'd say, hey.

You can get, we can bring someone over to fart on you.

Go find some grassy ladies.

I don't want to do it.

And I kind of don't want to breathe it either.

So you can have the farts for you.

And

that's fine.

If that's going to please you.

Yeah, more farts for you.

More farts for you.

I don't even want to breathe them in or smell them.

I don't even breathe them.

You get all this smelling.

I don't want to take any of the smells away from you.

I'll take the smell from you and then wash your nose after, please.

It's been amazing.

And I'm so glad I told her about my fetish because it just makes her sex life so much better.

I'll take her out to eat since I know what gets her gassy.

And we'll come home and she just lets me lay on her ass while she lets them rip she'll sit on my face

she'll sit on my face and give me a hand job and rip a fart or two during it

They all stink so much.

She'll send me fart videos while I'm away.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What did he say?

They all stink so much.

They're the good guy.

Fuck.

Fuck, man.

This is so fucking bizarre.

I'm sorry if anyone's listening and you have a fart fetish.

I don't ever want to like

get sprayed.

I don't want to like kink shame in any way, but like the idea of you like looking across the table as she's eating these foods that you know will make her fart.

Yeah, just getting yourself ready for it and like anticipating it and like sort of like it like like a pig, like going and fattening a pig up or whatever, you know?

Like

there's something so weird about it.

She'll sit on my face and give me a hand job and rip a fart or two during it.

They all sting so much.

She'll send me fart videos while I'm away at work.

It's been really amazing lately.

And anyone who hasn't opened up to their partner about their fetish should edit.

She's a 5'9 skinny emo babe with a sexy bubble butt.

That is.

I didn't.

Oh man, I didn't think it could be funny.

The edit is good.

But thinking about a fringe over one eye while

while you're fighting

somebody's face i love the edit as well because it definitely says that there was a bunch of creepy fart fetish guys who are like what does she look like

this guy goes

This guy small gas8827 goes, you're a very lucky guy.

Congrats.

And he responds and goes, it's been really great.

She's the second woman I've had who's indulged in my fetish.

You just have to talk around and hopefully you find someone.

So, this guy at a bar getting shot down a hundred times before somebody's like,

I love that he's kind of walking around now, big man on campus, kind of like, hey, like, hey, you know, you guys will find one.

Don't worry.

I know.

Like, you know, when you'll find yours, like, he's just like, he's in heaven right now.

God damn it.

He's got a little spring in his step and a light smile on his lips.

I don't know.

He's walking around the world?

It's like, honestly, like, it's like, yeah, it's cool and everything, but it's just like, yeah, whatever, you know, and all the guys are like, oh my God, um, what's his name again?

Uh, current dot.

Current Dot.

Oh my God, Current Todd.

Tell us about the smells of the fart.

Honestly, she doesn't have good fart smells, but she's got loud farts.

For it in the volume of sound.

This guy was

go to the ear, doctor.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

He said there's fecal matter in your ear, and it's like, because I'm sticking it up against their butthole.

That's right, there is doctor.

Thank you.

High-fiving the doctor.

Doctor's like, you seem to have a bunch of fecal matter in your ear.

It is so crazy when he says in the original post, when he said she sits on my face and jacks me off and tosses me a couple farts.

It's such a weird way to word it.

She'll just toss me a couple farts.

I don't know where it just is a bonus during fact.

She noticed, she's giving him a hand job and she notices he starts to get a bit flaccid and then she's just like,

lays one down for him.

This guy goes, yeah, I guess so.

I really hope to find a person I can fully share that fetish with.

Do you recommend a specific place where you find people that are more open-minded about that?

Or so, yeah, the fart store.

I got it with the fart store.

Literally thinking, you know, the fucking fart store.

It's really brutal, though.

It is like, I wonder how many people there are.

It seems like a niche one to me.

It doesn't seem like it's like big, like the foot one or whatever.

Like, it seems like it would be harder to find somebody.

And it must be like, it's a hard one to broach.

You know what I mean?

It's so

like you're really putting, you're really putting yourself out there.

It like to actually like lay it out there, like, I'm I'm into fart fetish.

Like, you'll get laughed at a lot over that.

Like, even by people who you like, you know?

For real, yeah.

Well, he replies and goes, I met her at the end of high school, but I just tried dating apps and set it to out of your city so you're able to talk about your fetish without it getting spread around.

I drive fetches out of town to have like,

yeah, if you're in a small town,

it sounds like he's in a small town.

He's in a small town.

So that if you're in a small town, you probably don't want to be on the dating apps being like, Well, you come fart on me,

then you're just that guy forever, you know.

That's true, I suppose.

Yeah, I think that makes sense.

And finally,

finally, does anyone else know?

One time I saw my friend eat a cake in a funny way, and his name has been Mr.

Cake since then.

So, yeah, I think that does make sense.

If you feel like part of a community, it makes sense.

Mr.

Farty boy, he's Mr.

Farty boy's here.

You know, like, oh,

his friends own it, like, it's like, I'll fart on you for $50.

Oh, yeah, that would be a dream for him, eh?

Like,

people, like, you know, just like walking by the kids, walking up to him, like, there he is, there he is, walking up, like, like, just farting on him as they, like, instead of throwing something.

No, I only like of age woman farts.

Nobody men farts over here.

Women fart over here.

Oh my God,

this guy's homophobic with his farts as well.

He's like, oh, I don't want no fucking dudes farting on me.

All right, brother.

I don't swing that way, brother.

It comes different out of a Litney's ass.

I can tell.

I know.

They make different noises.

Men are more bassy.

Their farts are more bassy and meaty.

Finally, Quirky Necessary says, does anyone else have to hide their fart fetish from their girlfriend?

So, my girlfriend and I are very kinky, but there are some things I know she's not into because she's voiced it, and that's fine.

I'll partaking those kinks in my own, but she makes it so damn hard sometimes.

My girlfriend's very gassy and she's vocal about it.

We'll be in bed chilling, and all of a sudden, she pauses and lets it rip.

And they're always, always loud and bubbly.

And then she'll groan and say something like, That's gonna stink.

And I just have to giggle and be like, Yuck, haha.

When in reality, I'd love to just stuck my face into her butt butt and get face forward.

Oh, oh, that's so nasty, honey.

This guy's

listen, he doesn't have it that bad.

Yeah, yucky.

He gets up and acts like he's gonna walk out of the room and then trips and lands with his face on her butt.

Oh, honey, honey, what have you?

What have you been eating?

I just want to make sure you don't eat it anymore.

Like, writes down, like, fucking orders a hundred cases of whatever.

I don't know, it's not that bad, though.

He doesn't have it that bad because it sounds to me like he doesn't get to like really indulge in the way he wants to, but he's also having sex and getting big farts in the middle of it.

And that sounds great.

Just enjoy it, buddy.

Just shut up and fucking enjoy it.

That's awesome.

It reads like it does, it's fine.

Yeah, it reads like he's not getting the farts during sex.

It really reads like they lay down in bed

together, just hanging out.

So maybe

you just maybe toss some of those farts in the spank bank then.

Yeah, maybe just get up while you're chilling with a pillow of your crutch and go to the bathroom for a bit.

Yeah, honey, I got to go to the bathroom.

Yeah.

Laying in bed with the phone on her butt.

Like

what was it that you just did?

Was that called a fart?

Right.

That made me remember I need to go to the bathroom now.

Yeah,

it's because that to me that's all it is: is a strictly a bathroom kind of thing.

I just need to go there now, sorry.

Lays his he lays his phone recording right by her butt when they go to sleep, and he's like, Hopefully, I catch a big fart tomorrow.

He's like scrubbing through, like he's surveillance.

He's like,

It's like a guy going and checking his crab traps in the morning,

All right.

Well,

Brian asked me, Brian asked me, I just want to say informally, Brian was like, this is the first time ever.

He literally sent me the thing.

He's like, I want to do fart guys with Demi.

He's like, do you think it's too disgusting?

Do you think it's like too, do you think people will actually get upset with us?

And I was like, I think it's fine.

And hey, so if you guys are upset and it was too disgusting, that's on me.

You can get mad at me.

You can get mad at me as well.

I don't give a fuck.

I think it's awesome.

I think people like it.

It just was one of those things where I was like, is this grosser than the feet episode?

And then in my mind, I was like, this is grosser than the feet episode, but you can only use the feet for sex.

We only did like two minutes or 20 minutes of fart sex.

Yeah.

Believe me.

But the fartologist is going to be on all bonus shows and stuff.

And the straight-up guy.

Oh, yeah.

That is a rich vein.

He's a star.

He's a great guy to bring in, definitely.

He was so distressed.

He's like, I can't stop.

Oh, I can't stop.

You got to think about that in terms of it being a night where he had 31 blasters.

Oh, yeah, Indian blasters.

Those were Indian blasters.

Those were 31 Indian blasters.

That can scratch your anus and it hurts.

It can scratch his.

Oh, why does it go there?

I just can't stop it.

I thought it would have an effect, but I didn't think it'd be like this.

I'm going to get a bill, I think.

He was like distressed there.

You think he has to check the bed when he's finished?

Like, before he checks out, like, is there anything here?

Did I leave anything?

Yeah, maybe he, you know what?

If I was gonna.

His wallet and stuff, or no, like a little bit of wet poop.

Smallest amount of like spray got out there if he's planning on it i would hope that he's putting down at least like a hand towel under the area of action you know i don't think he is

i doubt it

i that's what i would do if that was my thing yeah for respect well in my dreams i'm gonna get uh the a pubic mess and the phartologist in the same room don't say those words in that

i dream i'm gonna get a pubic mess

i'm gonna get a pubic mess yeah i'm gonna get a pubic mess and the phartologist in the same room and have them trade notes with each other i think that would be i mean honestly like it would be it would it would kind of be like uh twisters or whatever you know well there's a next generation of yeah guys i mean i know i know the phartologist is kind of old but phartologist is in class he's he would have some stuff to tell but i think he'd have some respect for uh mess of pubes

yeah the gigantic pubic mess.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, like

a lot of actors didn't start like, what's his face?

Star Wars, Star Wars, and Fugitive.

What's his face?

Oh, Harrison Ford.

He didn't start acting until he was like 38.

That's true.

He's like, he's an old.

Nowadays, you see that all the time.

It's like an older guy, but he's a new influencer or a new comedian or whatever, you know?

So I think to me, though, I have a tough time thinking of the phartologist as anything other than a

real sort of...

Well, no, and just like an elder kind of somebody to like with

somebody with a lot of knowledge, you know, somebody that they can impart on us.

Dear Fartologist.

Maybe he will have some new appreciation in this time in his life.

You understand?

Dear Fartologist, I once farted really loud in a silo.

It was incredible.

Oh, yeah.

I'd love to come over

and hang out in your hotel room and fart with you.

It would be an honor.

It would be an honor honor to sit beside you maybe next time you make your booking for two double beds instead of one thing

and i could sit beside you and fart with you sir do i know

as ideal as a cavern however hear me out

all right that's it demi do you want to plug anything oh yeah um i've got a thing come just follow my main's demi lardner i'm the only one that really comes up if you search it but i have a podcast called bigsoft titty.png with my husband um and i have a film thing coming out uh this year that it will be on um

uh you'll see it it's it's gonna be really up is it a special

it's i'm doing a special at the end of the year but halfway through the year i'm filming um my fake game shows so you want to win a penis pump oh

Okay, I'll be watching that.

People are going to be interested in this.

We know.

Is it a pump or an AMS 700?

Well, it's not an AMS 700.

It's obviously a pump.

They're not selling an AMS 700.

You know how much that costs?

So something really fucked up that happened was I did So You Want to Win a Penis Pump Live at this show that I did at Auntie Donna's company

at Grouse House did this thing at South by South West Sydney.

It was like a mini thing where they did Grouse by Grouse Fest.

I did So You Wanna Win a Penis Pump Live.

And I got there and I had all of my shit there and everything that I needed for the show.

And then I said to my manager, Hey, I don't want this to come off really crazy.

I forgot to get a fucking penis pump.

And my manager had to go to the sex shop and buy me a penis pump because I didn't have a prize to give to the winner of the show.

And he brought back a fucking nipple enhancer.

You believe that shit?

That's not a penis, but I get what he's doing.

I get what he's going with.

Well, somewhere I've smart.

It was

on like a micro penis, my dude.

Sometimes penises are nipple size, not mine.

That's true.

That's true.

I've already said mine's 12 inches from the ground.

I took Chris's.

I took

my jokes because I said my dick's 18 inches from the ground.

That was my joke.

It's really funny to do it to him.

Anyway, yeah, my stuff's coming out, but I'm the only one really with my name.

So

if you want to see me do that, probably a lot of the listeners know you as well because

just been asking for you they've been asking for you to come on for a long time they'll be very excited about it and i'm sure a lot of them listen to your podcast because your husband that we've been talking about is also a big time fan fave as well so hopefully we can have you back maybe the two i know you guys don't really like to perform together but maybe the two of you

the most prolific like comedian podcast couple there is

next week next week hey if you this if this was too much for you next week is smart guys so

smart guys and smart guys.

We'll see you next week.

Bye.