Guys: Episode 90 - Lottery Guys with Tom Sexton

Okay, no time for a funny intro.

Let's get right into it.

The first ever live guys show in Vancouver was a big success.

People wore shirts and brought signs and tarps, and we're excited about doing more.

As soon as I can get a visa, we'll be hitting some American cities.

But unfortunately, if you miss the first ever guys live show, you will not be able to.

I'm just kidding.

We put it up on the Patreon.

It's live now.

Patreon.com/slash guys podcast.

I think.

I don't know the URL.

But go over and check it out.

The audio's up, the video will be up in November.

It was a lot of fun.

And go see what I mean.

Don't take my fucking word for it.

Go listen for yourself.

Sorry.

Bye.

Greetings, sweepsteak winners.

Welcome to guys, a podcast about guys.

I'm Brian,

and Chris is here.

Chris, do you play lottery?

Isn't it sweepsteaks?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I thought it was...

Yeah, I think it's, you said sweepsteak.

Oh, whatever.

Are you gaslighting him into flubs now?

No, no, not at all.

I just, I think, I don't know.

I could be wrong, too.

I don't even know why I said it like sweepstakes winner because we're doing lottery guys.

Yeah, it was not a great intro all around.

You didn't have a thing for me either.

You had nothing to say for me.

I was going to call you a loser, but that's so mean.

Yeah, it has other, like, it doesn't really come across as a thing from lottery.

Well, wait, I got Chris here, a big loser.

Yeah, that hurts.

Feels a little mean-spirited.

Yeah, I understand why you didn't do that now.

Yeah, no, I do not.

To answer your question, I don't.

I've never been a lottery player.

I've never been in the player.

They have them in Canada.

Yes, Brian, they have them in Canada.

And

we have, of course, Tom Sexton.

You heard him.

Hey, Tom.

Evening, sports fans.

So

you play the lottery, Tom?

I used to.

I used to play the game.

You prefer the other kind of gambling.

Well, I spent my 16th birthday playing scratch-offs

in a gas station.

So how'd you do?

Not well.

Yeah,

we just got really drunk, just kept playing them, just kept trying.

Do you remember what your biggest, like, do you have any moments, you know, where it was like, oh, shit, we hit a 50?

Yeah, I think there was a couple of those.

And, of course, you have to understand we played for hours.

Yeah.

The rule seems to be,

you can expect, and this is a bad rule.

And I'm not, this is not me okay giving this rule this is lottery guys that i've been reading for two days now the rule seems to be you can expect 50 of your money back but i actually probably would

yeah if you buy scratch offs you buy a lot of them and they're five dollars or above

not the one dollar one you never buy the one dollar scratch offs But if you buy $5 and above and you buy them in a large amount, then you can expect 50% back.

How large of an amount?

At that point, yeah, why don't you just do other gambling?

Because you like scratching off tickets, dude.

Yeah, that's it.

But then there's these guys.

There's, I'm going to find this one guy here real quick.

This is, this is the most degenerate of any of the guys

in this lottery episode.

And we can just start with him right away.

I'm scrolling through.

Oh, I used to play Kino.

I used to play Kino.

Okay.

Yeah, like my friend and I would sit there.

We would smoke.

You know, I'd be stoned.

We'd smoke cigarettes at like an outdoor little,

you know, corner store or whatever that had Kino.

And we'd just sit outside and play some Kino.

So that's probably my closest to gambling.

Tom, you know, you guys have that there, obviously, right?

I'm a Kino guy from way back.

Okay, okay.

You got any big numbers that you used to?

I have never had much success at any

time.

It wasn't much about the winning in Kino, I feel like.

It was really, you're in it for the love of the game, you know?

It's a real time waster of a game.

I once walked into, so in Ohio, we don't have

it's probably like this down there too, Tom.

We don't have that kind of culture like the East Coast has where people hang out at gas stations and shit and eat food from gas stations like Wawa and Sheets.

It's just not the type of thing you do in Ohio.

I never heard of somebody.

more of an in and out type deal yeah yes and there were a few times i went to this gas station there'd be like five guys sitting on a in a booth playing you got it said the gas station had a five guys you wish no it had regular but they were playing kino and i was just like that's such a weird place to be the casino is a 15 minute drive away from here no you don't you don't understand it keeno's different you go to the casino you could lose a lot of money.

You just stick around and play a little bit of Kino, you just waste a bunch of time sitting there with your buddies shooting the shit.

So it's a whole different game, definitely.

So Ohio has these machines they put in different bars

that are

instant win games.

It is really

probably the bottom level of gambling.

I don't know if you've seen video poker, but

trust me, whatever you think is the bottom level of gambling, I assure you, there is another, there are new depths to plunge to.

Well,

I'm kind of antisocial when I go out to bars because I hate bars.

But sometimes I'll go with my wife when she wants to go to a bar or something like that.

And I went with her and our friend Erica.

We went to the bar.

They were playing pool, by the way, terrible at pool.

They were so bad.

And then they're like, do you want to play?

And I was like, I'd fucking kill you.

Are you talking about your wife and your friend?

Yeah.

Oh, that's why them at pool.

But I mean, maybe they're just having fun.

I don't know that they're.

Are they competitive?

No, not really.

They were just trying to have fun.

But what if I did it?

And then I'd destroy it.

They look stupid and I just didn't do it.

So what I did was...

What did you say to them when they asked if you wanted to play me?

You don't want to play me.

I'm too good.

So anyway.

I am.

I grew up in a pool hall, man.

So just play.

Just play, man.

Who cares?

Like, then do it.

Showcase your talent to your wife.

You want me to bring my arsenal on a date?

Is that what you're doing?

No, just use the house cue.

I don't have a pool.

Brian brings the one he screws together.

You know what I mean?

I used to have one of those.

I grew up with a pool table in my house.

I had an like, and I didn't have a big house.

I lived in like a townhouse, but we had a pool table instead of a dining room table.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Because we were so into it.

My brother and I were really into it.

We had a a ping pong table at my dad's place in the garage and then a pool table at my mom's, which we lived primarily.

So we were pretty good.

And each of us had a cue, you know, that we would.

So I definitely went to a couple of pool halls when I was younger and brought my arsenal there.

I've probably spent more time in pool halls than any other facility that I've ever been to in my life.

My grandfather, I don't like to roll out my billiards bona fides, but my grandfather, Ralph Sexton, was a pro, probably most famous for beating Minnesota Fats.

What?

Grandfather beat Minnesota Fats?

What?

Eight ball nine balls?

I'm really good at nine ball.

That's my game, too.

Oh, my goodness.

So are you really good at pool?

Well, I'm a student of Greg Collins,

a master here.

But yeah,

I'm decent.

Wait a second.

So you are really good.

You're serious about it.

So I want to say this right now.

Both of you are probably better at pool than I am.

Yeah.

I thought I was like being a guy that was like, oh, yeah, you won't know this about me, but I'm really great at pool.

But you guys are both like levels above me.

I'm levels above you.

And then sounds like Tom is levels above me.

So what I did at this bar was they had this lotto machine that prints out.

It's basically an instant win game.

You see the machine.

It's got a touch screen.

You touch a button or basically a receipt comes out, and it's like you won, or a receipt comes out, and like you, you lost.

That's all it is.

It's not like

it's not like slot, it's kind of like slot machine.

There's nothing though, it's just you're you literally put your money in, and then a paper comes out and tells you if you won or lost.

Well, it'll be wrapped up in some like King's mountain or something like that, and they'll be like, You've lost

on the way to the summit and zero dollars.

That's kind of fun,

sure

but i won 90 bucks that wow wow this is the i love this machine two weeks later going to a different bar i go stand up to the machine i'm like i'm gonna grab 90 real quick I put in like $60 and I lost all of it in minutes.

It took no time at all to lose it because I was doing $10 bets.

I was buying a $10 ticket.

You were doing like high, like high-level bets on the receipt game.

Yeah.

$10.

Oh, yeah, but that's pretty.

Is that just a normal bet?

I would think you would put it.

No, you usually do a dollar or two.

But I was like, if you put, the rule seems to be to all lottery people, which I believe I might.

I thought I was, but I don't think I am.

Me and Katie buy scratch-offs all the time.

We go to the grocery store, buy $50 worth of scratch-offs.

How come?

It's like, I don't have my, my daughter's in college.

That's why.

What else are we supposed to fuck?

No, we used to buy them for the family, Tom.

We would all sit at the table together and scratch off lottery tickets.

Were you one of those families that like at Christmas time, you like an uncle?

He dropped you like a, like some lottery tickets and like a case knife or something like that.

My brother does that.

My brother buys everybody a scratch-off.

We would get scratch-offs always at Christmas in the stockings.

There would always be a couple of scratches.

So that's the only time I would do scratch-offs was around Christmas.

I think maybe I won 100 one time, and that was kind of cool.

But you win 50 bucks every now and we win most of the time.

I mean, I think one time, I mean, my entire life, I got them every year.

And I think one time I won $100, and other than that, I think it was just disappointment all the way.

I think you lose most of the time when you because if it's only one-dollar tickets, of course, you lose most of the time.

If you buy a ten-dollar ticket, you have a chance of winning a price.

So, here's a lemon drop.

So, I'm on Lotto Post is what it's called, and it is the lottery forum of all lottery forums.

Okay.

I'm so excited for this.

Lemon drop.

I think we've ever done so far.

Lemon drop asks, morning all.

Does anyone else only scratch off the barcode to scan on the California lottery app or in the store?

I used to scratch off all the symbols, but now the only barcode.

Is it just me or am I getting lazy?

Is it

so?

They're not even doing it for the thrill of the scratch.

They're just straight up trying to get rich.

Yeah, they're scratching the fucking thing and scanning it.

Putting it in the scat.

There's better ways to do it.

There's better ways to do it that like involve no work.

There's even better ways to do it, you know?

To laymen top, I would say

have you watched a horse race?

I mean, like, there's there's more fun ways to do that.

Yeah, there's exactly not even better necessarily, Tom.

Good point.

Just more fun ways to do it.

If you're going to, you know, why are you not, why are you just giving your money away to the scratch off?

Who runs the scratch off companies?

Is it the government?

It's usually the state.

It's like the same as the lottery.

Okay.

We have socialism in the lottery.

That's right.

Yes.

And when we buy stuff, that goes to the schools, of course, I think.

Although the schools are always broke.

So, and a lot of people buy lottery tickets.

I do know that.

That's because me and Chris have been buying the $1 tickets.

We've been only doing the $1.

And I don't know what I've been thinking.

What about two dollars?

Am I?

I've been doing that.

So, you don't want to do that either.

I'll get five or above.

There's a whole book about it.

I'm going to read reviews of it later.

Um,

Cape Scratcher says, uh, hi, Lemon D.

It's a very nice way to say it.

Nothing against just doing the barcode, but for a few reasons, I play the entire ticket.

For one, I find it entertaining.

Secondly, the state I'm in, Florida, publishes combinations of all potential wins for each game, and I like the mental exercise of matches, a ticket's winning spots with such info.

Thirdly, and to a lesser degree, on sites such as this one, when posting a pick of a nice win, I just prefer the barcode to be intact.

So

she's kind of treating it like Sudoku, like it's like keeping her from staving off Alzheimer's.

Yeah, and fun to lose, not a good name for a lot of guy, but kind of funny.

I think it's ironic.

And he goes, so if you get a big win, are you just going to cash it in?

Are you going to scratch off to find out how you got the win?

That's a good question.

I believe she didn't answer it, or Lemon D didn't answer it, because I used to only because I was in a time crunch and playing just to get a win and stuff.

I love that.

I learned from Cape to make sure you double-check before tossing them.

There's a possibility of tossing a winner, especially scanning multiple and at a rushed pace.

Now, I scratch the game more to waste time and buying a lot less these days.

If you can hit a symbol early, you get a feeling is there more to win from the ticket and you can leave it for another day while keeping that good mood and vibe of a big win you already know.

So that's,

I mean, it's

like this, this is gambling addiction as well.

But in a way, I think it's gambling addiction in a way that you don't get accused of gambling addiction.

Yeah, and it's also like, I guess, depending on how much you're spending on them, but like you're saying, they're spending on the five and $10 tickets and buying amounts of them because that's what those books are telling them.

So it's like they're not just spending small.

You'd say, oh, they're doing some scratching wins.

And it's like, they're buying like a thousand dollars worth

for real.

That is not bullshit because they buy the roll.

They go in and they buy the whole roll of the tickets that are there.

Let me ask a question.

What is qualitatively different of that approach than like buying like a 1997 like unopened box like uh you know flear ultra or something

it's an exact thing it's us it depends i guess i guess they have like play they have like you know players associated with them and they maybe watch them play yeah i guess maybe like you know there's i know as someone who's collected sports cards that like you know when i was younger there was like players that i loved and then they became my favorite player and i just like the idea of being able to find one of their cards was like so special to me and i I didn't really care about,

um, but yeah, there are people who you're right, you know, the ones who are just buying it and trying to find the ones that are worth a lot of money.

Yes.

And then, you know, there's so many people who are like that.

And so I think that in that case, it's the exact same.

Because I'm, I'm connecting the dots here.

It's like, like, like me trying to find like, you know, refractors when I was like eight years old.

virtually set the tone for me to become a degenerate gambler later in life

in a way in a matter of speaking yeah Yeah.

So here's an interesting thing that all lottery guys run into.

This is an issue.

Now, first of all, they all gather on these message boards.

I haven't seen one person win over $500.

So I don't exact.

I mean, listen, $500 is a good amount of fucking money.

I'm not saying, but you're whatever you're doing, you're doing wrong because you're not winning.

You know what I mean?

But here's something that they all talk about constantly.

This comes up often.

This is from our lottery.

And it says, realistically, this is from odd

calligrapher 8132.

It goes, realistically, how would you keep a win secret?

If you won the lottery, how would you keep a secret even from your family?

Surely someone would notice something is up.

Now,

this guy's got problems with his family.

Everybody does.

You're supposed to hide it from your family.

You start a blind trust.

What?

I wouldn't need to hide it from my family.

No, you do.

You can't tell anybody.

But my family's all, they wouldn't try to get the money from me or anything.

Chris, there's several, many such cautionary tales of people that flew a little too close to the sun with letting it be known.

But my family and I are quite close.

In fact, I would want to share some of the money with them.

I would want to share it with all of my family.

You know what I mean?

I would want it to be the family's money.

Then you are not a lottery guy.

You are so far away from being a lottery guy.

You have every threat.

There is a thread basically every two or three days about this.

This guy, Tommy Got a Job, says the most important thing is to not make a huge change to your life out of the blue.

I would wait a while before I move out, tell my parents I'm going to the casino so I can hit it big, and then use that as my reason to gift them some money.

Move out to a nice one-bedroom in a safe neighborhood that's not too rich, that'll raise eyebrows from the fam.

And make sure when I do cash in, I hire a financial advisor and create an LLC to keep myself anonymous thought about it a lot oh yeah this is that is so sad to me yeah of course it is of course it's like dreaming of this uh life where they're rich and the way to get it is through the lottery or whatever because it's such a horrible place for so many people and they feel helpless and in in like unable to earn money you know with their labor and get to the amount of money that they want and they're told they should have.

So this is the kind of only hope they have you make 55 million dollars and you want to hide it from your

friends and family because listen these guys have in their mind that when the person comes and claims the lottery ticket that's big news to everybody in the world like that everybody's going to see it and people from your high school are going to see but isn't it on the news here it's on it is on the news here it's on tv it's not on the news first of all it's on tv as a special tv show here nobody watches it nobody cares but you don't think that they would that that's a tv show that might get shared around like hey like one person watches it and is like hey your brother won 55 million dollars well that's why you get a blind trust and also get some ndas printed up

This guy goes, I thought if it was above a certain amount, you have to have a financial advisor.

That's what someone told me anyways.

And then this guy named iWriteFilms says, I'm changing my lifestyle.

I'll just tell the family I sold a script to HBO.

You don't have to have a financial advisor, just to be clear.

I don't think there's any rules that say no matter how much money you have, that you have to have a financial advisor.

Maybe I'm wrong as a poor person who doesn't have tons of money, but I feel like you're allowed to just have your money, aren't you?

Yeah, Charles Schwab told him that.

You know, it's actually the law that you have to have a financial advisor.

It's actually the law, you got to give me 15% to meet you.

These guys are really sad.

They're sad because they're dreaming of this life, you know, or whatever and trying to hit it big through the lottery.

But they also, yeah, they're also very selfish and that they don't.

Oh, they're selfish.

They don't want to share it with anybody.

They're trying to keep it away from the people, which, again,

that's really crazy, right?

Yes.

Yeah, this guy, Icy Sir8414, says, going to the lottery place to collect my winnings, getting on the next train out of town for good and never coming back.

So these people, I mean, I guess some people don't get along with their i mean i don't but i would still like you know what i mean

so how much think about the way brian talks about his family you still wouldn't just leave and not tell them well and you would have a reason to maybe you know who knows but you take my dad on a cruise maybe you'd take him on the sickest cruise you could buy him a lifetime pass like you know just

yeah that's that would keep him happy for sure let's go in the icon of the seas

you and your dad do that like seven-year long cruise where they take you all around the world, you know, for like half a million.

I'd rather be thrown overboard.

Just say bye.

Just take care of the next seven years.

Brian is not going on the cruise with his dad.

No, but I'll get him on a cruise.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't want to go on a fucking cruise.

Unfortunately,

Ill Funny5052 says, unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to hide it because my state announces winners publicly.

However, if it was an option, I would do things discreetly and tell them I invested in stocks.

And that's how I came up with a lot of money.

But why they know you have a lot of money.

Why not just throw you on a fucking lottery?

You want them to think you earned it?

Is that the idea?

Is that the kind of they're embarrassed that they didn't earn it?

Like, who cares?

Sab Life fan says, you'd be surprised at how many secrets I do keep.

My constant.

My constant chatter is a smokescreen, and my need to protect myself is much stronger than my desire for attention though it does compete with my altruistic side that might out me if i'm not careful and have a believable story at the ready imagine this guy get catches you at a party and gets you into a corner buddy oh

done oh it's over it's over for you man

and now pulse king does give the answer that you see most often open an investment account with a holdings company not a bank then request a monthly payment into your bank account of about your salary amount to ensure it's double what you get.

Then complete your will, et cetera.

Then just say you got a raise.

That's why I play lotto and try to follow algorithms and such.

And this guy says, easy, don't change your lifestyle and don't tell anyone.

Just don't do anything.

Don't use your money at all.

Just fucking keep living and don't use your money and just like, don't even fucking reap the benefits at all of winning the lottery.

Here's a good one.

Don't change anything figure out a story and fake making a much smaller amount of money that explains the future changes now when i splurge a little bit no one has questions think faking having a successful business investing in bitcoin selling an invention winning a smaller lottery oh my god just like Just creating these like elaborate lies, an invention, an invention.

You think someone's just going to be like, oh, cool.

No, they're going to be like, what did you invent?

Yeah.

What's this show called that you sold HBO?

And

why is your name not in the credits?

You wouldn't know.

You wouldn't know it.

I sold the pitch.

They just never made it, but I still made my money.

They still sent me $20 million, but because that's what you get paid when you sell a show.

That's how it is in Hollywood.

They barely even fucking put your name on the credits.

They just give you money.

Me telling people I won $1 million is going to be a lot simpler and limited than winning 500 million.

So he's kind of like, I'll tell people I have a million bucks, not 500 million bucks, but it's like money doesn't mean anything when you have 500 million dollars.

You know what I mean?

Like it means zero.

You could give so much of it away and you would never spend it in your life.

That's what I don't get.

Keto brain says,

I don't talk with most of my family.

So if it was me, I'd give an excuse.

So if it was, it'd give me an excuse to cut ties with the remaining members.

This is

like, like all these people are so

like,

how do I put this?

It's like, they're just like creating all these hypotheticals in their head about this dream life they would live.

And it's all mediated through

lottery.

And it's

so weird.

We did a mafia guys episode recently with Dan O'Sullivan.

People really liked it.

But there was a guy in the Mafia subreddit who said, you know, who's the real hardcore person?

The working man.

And it was just this like really funny guy acting like the dad from the mafia movie that doesn't want his son to get into it.

Like, why are you cosplaying that character in the mafia movie?

Yeah.

It's like your dream is to win the lottery and then then like get a one bedroom apartment in a nice part of town, but not too nice and not tell anybody and then jump on the first train.

Like that's your dream.

That's what you would do with $500 million.

It's such small thinking, I guess.

And it is all just mediated through the lottery.

This guy goes, hire a law firm to redeem the winnings into a trust rather than your personal name.

Also, a trust doesn't have to be set up under your name.

It can literally be anything.

Example, the pickaboo

revocable trust.

Have a contract ready to cover costs, like price agreed upon, have both sides sign NDAs, etc.

Now, whatever silly things you want to do after that will reveal your secret is your own problem.

Like buying a 15-room mansion, a 24-foot boat, helicopter, and all that baller stuff.

That's what I would do.

You would buy the baller stuff?

I would.

I would not hide it.

And I would just be rich.

I would be so, I got to tell you, I, in my mind.

Would you give any of it away?

Do you think?

Yeah, yeah, I'd be handing it out.

But I'm saying that, like, just in, just like, just handing it out to anybody, or would you sort of

Brian, would you make me and Chris millionaires?

I would.

I would definitely make you guys millionaires.

I would love to make you guys millionaires.

In fact, if you guys want to keep hanging out with me, you have to be.

So here you go.

I would, I would, I mean, yeah, hope.

I mean, if you become soup, I don't know how, I don't know what the podcast would turn into if you become.

soup.

It would turn off.

I would give you a bunch of money and then I would have a bunch of money and then I would hide in Hawaii.

So you wouldn't do the podcast if you had a bunch of money, actually.

You get more in a week.

But I don't want to say I would do the podcast if I won the lottery.

That doesn't, it feels so uncool.

You know what I mean?

Listen,

what would you, so you would.

You would buy like create like a big mansion and stuff.

Oh, God.

Well, maybe not a mansion.

The travel would be the insane thing.

Yeah, I think I would buy land.

It would be private jet all day, every day, going all kinds of like, what?

Yeah, I would go to all kinds of places wherever I wanted, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, I guess so, but you'd be just like on a private jet, just flying around all the time, probably, yeah.

Like, we'll be like, oh, let's go to like, I always wanted to be the rich guy that's like, let's go to lunch in Paris, the fucking, the fucking uh, quit, the Quinby plane tracker on Twitter.

Yeah.

Can you imagine

on a, you know, a little kid from Ohio named Queber?

Oh, don't say that.

Made show.

Oh, yeah, it's got into the main show, folks.

Brian.

Queber.

Brian's nickname.

That's Brian.

His whole life, he was referred to as queiber until like late on as many people still only know him as queber he revealed that on a bonus that only know me as that but they know me as that like like they call him queber they come like hey queber what's up you know

brian how long is like what how when's the last time you were called queber by a past oh it would have had to been like 2004 because i don't hang out with any of those people anymore but that's who the that's into his adult

that's into his adult life that's not just

that was when I started saying you need to call me Brian, was when Gwen was born.

I was like, you can't, you got to call me.

I'm a dad.

I can't be Queber

father.

But I really, really ribbed him about Cueber on the bonus episode.

That's why you guys got, I'm not trying to be a salesperson here, but that is why you have to sign up for the Patreon because Brian feels so damn comfortable over there.

He's always like, oh, yeah, nobody's really listening to this compared to the main episode.

I can let my hair down.

Yeah, he says the most wild, ridiculous shit over there.

And sometimes he just gets so horny on the episode.

I don't get horny on there.

So anyway, on Lotto,

on the Lotto page that on that forum I was on, there is a section called Mystical.

And what it is, is

you let them know your dream and they tell you what number to play based on your dream.

Oh, that's helpful.

That's helpful.

That's helpful.

This guy, is that kind of like astrology meets degenerate gambling?

Yes, you're not going to, you listen, you guys aren't going to believe this stuff.

It's crazy.

We're just going to sprinkle them throughout the show.

Here's the first one.

Dream of turtle.

A video of a turtle wearing a crown being showered with gold coins and diamonds just came through my YouTube feed.

This is a manifesting money type of vid.

So I'm playing it and watching it because I dreamed of a turtle last night.

Seeing this vid in my feed made me remember the dream.

Otherwise, I probably would have not remembered.

Pretty cool how things like that can happen, I think.

Since I play numbers all the time, I'm curious what numbers might be associated with, quote, turtle.

So I'm wondering this.

Yeah, you've been.

Well, I have to show you guys because I can't just read it on the show, but I promise this is what all of the replies look like.

Oh, my God.

The posts even look like betting totes.

Yeah.

It says 8888848080.

So a lot of eights.

Because it looks like a turtle.

I don't think so.

Because here, let's get to a second one because I think the second one will really show you the type of thing.

This one's titled Poisoned.

I dreamed I was poisoned.

Does anyone have a number?

I was also telling a child to dial 911.

Okay.

How about nine?

No.

Not one.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We got to think deeper than that, Tom.

Hang on.

119.

191.

That might be it.

991.

I don't know.

That's 999, isn't it?

Brock Lee says you should play the numbers of your local poison control phone number.

And she says, good idea.

So that's what they're going to do.

Listen, I do know a woman named Nina Fields that hit the lottery twice.

Like, not like crazy, ridiculous money, but like she won like six figures like twice.

What's her name?

Nina Fields.

She's dead now.

She was named like Nina.

You know, she was old when I was in the world.

Rest in peace to Nina.

Nina was was her name like nina the

n-i-n-a like nina but pronounced nina wow here's and that's that's really so was she some sort of uh

clairvoyant well she took a similar approach and she what she would do was she would take like just a collection of like friends birthdays and stuff and this is a true story she gave my mom like helped my mom come up with some winning numbers one time and my mom said if she would have picked my uncle my mom hit it for like a little bit she just did like a little office pool i think they won like 500 bucks or something like that because they got like a certain amount of the numbers.

And if the rumor has it, and I've never vetted this claim from them, but if they would have gone with my uncle Don's birthday instead of whoever's birthday they went with instead, they would have got not the whole prize, but they would have jumped up to like the next like big level, like 50, 60 grand or something like that.

So, Don,

I bet Don liked to talk about that.

I would never hear of the end of it.

We never heard of the end of it.

So here's one more dream before we get back to some of the posts.

I dreamed my oldest sister fell through several floors.

It must have been apartment floors.

And every time she fell through a floor, the Kedrick Lamar song would say, they not like us.

Then boom, another floor.

What?

What the hell does that mean?

Well, I mean, it was a big, it was probably during the time.

It was probably during that time when that song was just like huge, that one week or whatever, maybe three days where it was all over the place.

So it was probably just stuck in your head.

No,

there was not a play

about it.

It was just you heard a million times a day.

Okay, this is the first post I saw on Lottery Post.

Did you just say post?

Lottery Post is the website.

And the question is: would you dress up to claim a jackpot prize?

Yes.

47.4% say yes.

31.6% say no.

And 21.0%

say not sure.

So, uh, being honest with you, I didn't hear the question because I was thinking about Plow,

yeah.

And I, and I know you, his, he's, he's got a new steamroller technique

where when he does a big flub like that, he'll steamroll ahead and he'll just because his podcast at the end of the consummate pro.

I can't shoot him down.

If he really's still talking, then he'll, you know, he'll talk.

Yeah, but um, what was the question?

Would you dress up to claim a jackpot prize?

What does that mean?

Like, is it a disguise?

Well, you're going to not be surprised if I'm going to be able to.

I'm going to wear back and throw a tuxedo on.

Yeah, which one is it?

Do they mean dress up in a disguise or a fancy outfit?

Well, Artist77 says, I assume you mean dress up as in a costume, which is an odd assumption to make because I only want a tuxedo.

That's the only one I don't like.

Maybe dress up to like fool people so they don't think it's you.

Well, he goes,

I would try to be as bland as possible and with no cute or entertaining lottery stories to imprint on the mind of anyone.

Me, I'm slicking my hair back.

I'm going pencil mustache, tuxedo.

I'm sure I'm saying my 55 million, please.

Oh, yes, absolutely.

I'm making a huge to-do about it.

I mean,

I am absolutely milking it for sure.

It's got to be a huge moment.

This person's thinking like a movie again, you know, like you want to be nondescript, like, you know, you did

treat it like it's the Italian job or something.

Blended, like everyone did.

Yeah, that's what they're thinking.

They're in this, it's like, no, just fucking enjoy it.

You won the lottery, enjoy the moment, you know.

So, here's an interesting little thing: lotterologist posts.

I might wear a hat and a poncho similar to the one Clint Eastwood worn, but fist full of dollars.

I dressed like that in the 80s with a poncho that I bought in Mexico.

Nobody says a thing back to that.

What do you say to that?

And then, lotterologist comes off.

Next post from Lauderologist is the very next post.

I won't discuss the night I almost got into a bar fight against five football players.

Oh, man, we got to.

Come on, message him.

Message him and get the story.

Well, I will.

I was wearing my hat and poncho that night.

Oh, wait.

Oh, so he does tell us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So people wanted to beat him up because he wore a hat and a poncho.

Yeah, which is totally understandable.

The quarterback bumped into me in an unfriendly manner, so I shoved him.

And when his linebacker teammates intervene, I told him I would take them all on.

I'd be like, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on.

How did he know what positions they played?

You can't build.

He saw the dad start before he went into the box.

Maybe he's a big football fan.

You can tell from the numbers often.

Do you know what I mean?

They were wearing their jerseys.

Yeah, they're wearing their jerseys.

They probably are.

It was probably a game day or whatever, and they probably had their jerseys on before homecoming or whatever.

Yeah, and they had that.

You could tell, like, 55 or whatever is going to be a linebacker, whereas a quarterback is a quarterback.

Yeah, yeah.

I had been drinking, and the bar was full of people that night.

His much larger teammates diffused the situation by telling me that I was, quote, tough and they, quote, didn't want to fight me.

So, it was it, okay.

I wonder if he's talking about line, the aforementioned linebackers, or if these are line men, the larger ones.

Somebody in the bar even offered to buy me a a drink.

He's saying this dressed in a poncho and a sombrero.

Yeah.

Yes.

And on a lottery message board, after saying he wears a poncho and a cowboy hat, and nobody responding or upvoting or anything.

Don't act like he just said it.

They asked, they asked, Would you dress up to go pick up your lottery winnings?

And then he said, Yeah, I would wear this old costume I used to wear around town like Clint Eastwood.

I wonder if he had the little, the little cigar in the corner of his mouth.

You know what I mean?

Like, great great movie great films but oh i love them and and chris i mean films great films we do know chris chris doesn't think it's that bad because he dressed as the big lubowski for a period of time so well i didn't dress exactly like him i dressed in his essence and i believed i was him there's a big difference

So he goes,

somebody in the bar even offered to buy me a drink.

I accepted and the conflict was forgotten and the people went back to partying.

I had some wild experiences in my younger years.

Cool.

Did anybody respond to that?

No, not

one person.

That's brutal.

I know.

Because people are interacting on this.

Where I live, one can claim their jackpot anonymously.

So no cameras, no press, and this is no need to dress up.

I would show up in jeans and t-shirt.

Cool.

That's kind of a cool guy.

He's kind of got a cool vibe to him, Brad Pitt kind of vibe, you know.

This guy goes, I'd wear my favorite t-shirt with a funny saying in the jeans, maybe the sunglasses.

My future is going to be so bright after winning that I got to wear shades, parentheses, for those who know 80s tunes.

Thank you.

Good luck to all who have this problem of figuring out what to wear when they claim the big one.

For a couple hundred grand, I might even dress fancy.

What is, what is, I wonder what his funny shirt says oh i know i know i would i would do anything to see his funny shirt you should mess yeah i guess you can't message him and say what's your funny shirt look like what can i see a photo of your or you could just reply in the thread hey you know like when is that post from

uh like two weeks ago oh yeah you could just reply and say hey man i'd love to see the funny shirt you know

okay

uh our lottery leg leg own

leg aeon.

I don't know.

Is this a good strategy for lottery tickets and scratch-off tickets?

No, before you say anything, no.

There isn't any.

You haven't heard it yet.

Neither one of you have heard this yet.

Would it be a good strategy to buy massive amounts of scratch-offs to win prizes and money?

Suppose you had $1,000 or $5,000 to spend, money that you don't need for bills.

Would it be a good idea to spend that on lottery tickets and scratch-offs?

No.

I wouldn't.

You wouldn't want to.

You would want to save it or put it into some type of investments or whatever that were, you know.

I would say it depends on your situation, but yeah, you probably most likely want to save it.

Ty Blochko goes, bruh, with 5K, you can live for a few months at least and more in poor countries traveling and having fun.

But what about after?

What poor country?

But what about after?

Do you know what you have?

You can't just leave for months.

You have a job.

You have a job, I guess, maybe or something.

So he goes, this was just an idea or a concept.

I wasn't really that serious about it.

If I did do it this way, then I would purchase mass amounts of lottery tickets.

Poker.

Do poker.

Why don't you go play fucking roulette, the game of champions?

But do you need, but what if, what if something happens and you're like, do you have a huge amount of savings as well?

Your house is paid off.

I don't understand.

This is just unimportant money is what he's saying.

And what I'm saying.

What is unimportant money in the year 2024?

Well, I mean,

I don't have any unimportant money, that's for sure.

So I just, I, I would think that

these are people who just, they just want to play the scratch and win.

You know what I mean?

Like, if you're.

Color Me Slowly says, before I would spend that kind of money on scratchers, I would look at the remaining prizes and see where the past winning tickets were.

Although, this does not mean a lot, but I would research.

What?

Because you can look up the prizes that are left on the websites.

That's one of the secrets of being a lottery guy.

Wow, that is a secret because I did not realize that.

So, you can look up on a particular scratch and when, like, site, like, do they go in cycles?

Or you can look up

what has been claimed.

And you can also not just look up what has been claimed, you can look up how many tickets are left.

You say you're scratching once, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow, I had no idea of that.

That does the big strategy.

Yeah, that is, that, that makes sense.

That is worth looking into if you're playing the

scratchers all the time.

Yes, yes.

And he goes,

also, I'd stay away from new tickets.

They always have like kind of a good idea.

And then they're like, also, I would stay away from new tickets.

And the guy's like, why should you stay away from new tickets?

And they're like, more times than not, the top money prizes and those tickets are in the middle towards the end and not at the beginning so they think that the

i am not inclined to i am inclined to believe that scratch off tickets are a random number generator and that the state isn't deciding at what point they're gonna stick the big prize in the thing but these

you know what end would they be doing that slot machine guys are like this too where they believe it's like there's like algorithms to be gained and like there's certain like like patterns and stuff like that.

And I wonder if that is true or if it actually is just a case that they're losing their minds.

I would say with a, with a with a slot machine, there'd be more of a chance of it, maybe.

Probably more winners on a slot machine, I would guess.

I don't, I don't, yeah, I don't see what the benefit would be for them to say, oh, we're going to put the big winners in the middle always.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Like, why would they tip it in any way?

What would be the benefit to them?

If there was one, then then maybe I would believe it.

But right.

Well,

there is a question that is being asked about that.

And I think it's a good question that we should

look into because somebody did ask, like, is there luck in the place that you buy them?

You guys know what I mean by that?

Like,

are there certain places that you go to?

where you're going to get more winning tickets and does the lottery seed those places because that's something that I saw a lot of people like.

Why?

Again, exactly.

And it's not just seed those places.

It's mom and pop gas stations.

Why would the lottery seed mom and pop gas stations?

And how in the fuck would Speedway and like Kroger not be the ones that get seeded?

And does that even benefit?

Like, does it even benefit them?

Like when it would get them a little bit of publicity, you know, they get money.

Yeah, you see, like, gas stations sometimes say like a fifty thousand dollar ticket sold here like you know they put up the little yeah thanks and i wonder if that would be like

you know some some gambling minds will be like well there's no more winners there they've exhausted their winnings so i'm gonna go elsewhere so it may be like the opposite thing on that front you're so smart tom because i was talking to katie katie my wife is the one that got us to do this show because she just mentioned that she'd been seeing a lot of lottery guys on instagram now i don't know what she's doing with her algorithm.

She does like scratch-offs, I do buy her scratch-offs all the time.

So, um, all that time,

yes, when I go to scratch your house, how much?

I'm and listen, we're no judgments at all.

We know it's not even going to touch the money you spend on other dumb shit, but how much money would you say you spend on scratchers in a week?

In a week, yeah,

I mean, I don't buy them every week, but probably like maybe

I would say $50 a week would be a normal week, sometimes 100.

But when you buy $50 worth of tickets, you oftentimes win your money back.

And then we just take the tickets back in and we

buy more tickets and then lose the money.

So do you do that usually like as in, and does that usually get expressed as like $10, $5 scratchers?

It's usually one that has a

like general.

It's yeah, yeah.

We like to buy a few $10 ones ones, and then we'll go down to the $5 ones.

Like

when we're starting,

yeah, because we'll drop 50 bucks on them.

We'll go to the lottery machine.

We'll do $50 and we'll just, you know, pick a few 10s because you do win more on the $10.

And I believe

that you can do, like, you can win more on.

the $10 levels because there's just more prizes on a $10 ticket.

So this guy goes, Today I had a small winning scratcher and was near a convenience store store that I could run in easily without the crowds of the usual places I go to.

But then I had this feeling, oh, I don't want to go in there because I've never won anything whenever I bought tickets there.

I figured that was a while ago.

I'll give it another shot.

So I went in and traded my winnings plus a few extra bucks for 20 scratchers.

There was a guy already there scratching off about several tickets in a row.

He bought.

He showed his co-worker and he said, not one winner.

Guess we have to go back to work.

And they forced themselves to laugh.

With 20 tickets, I figured I'd get something back, but I only won $3.

Is it possible that some stores don't get a quote good batch?

There's another,

see, yeah, they piss off, they piss off the lottery guy.

Like,

they all go into a meeting every month, and some of them are like they just spoke disrespectfully to the lottery guy who gives out the tickets.

And now they get the, oh, let's give them a sour batch.

But this is so conspiracy-minded that I'm very, it's interesting

that to me that they think the way that they're thinking is so flawed because if the lottery was seeding places, you would assume it's because the lottery had interest in making money and that a small liquor store wouldn't be the place that you would seed.

You would

big businesses to

seed their tickets.

I know you keep saying, you say seed so many times, and I feel like it's

because

you're such a pervert and that you love.

But what are we like?

Seed just means like give it good tickets so that it's possible that some stores don't get good batches.

There's another store I frequently

as well.

Now he's saying batches.

That's what they say.

There's another store that I frequent mainly because I frequently went off their scratchers, even if I just buy one or two.

I can't believe I got 20 today and only one was a measly winner.

Something's fishy.

I made a comment to the clerk who gave me the death stare for saying it.

I didn't, you know, yeah, gave you, no, it was not the death stare.

It was, are you a fucking idiot?

Was the look that you were getting.

The look you're getting is there's eight people behind you.

And you are complaining that you didn't win the lottery.

I have to try.

I mean, because in a way I feel sorry for them, but.

Have you ever been like in a gas station getting something and there's lottery people that will just sit there and play the lottery while a line forms behind them and they'll, they'll do their scratch offs and they'll say, give me, and they'll keep ordering the tickets while there's people.

I want to drag those people out the parking lot and like drown them in that little fluid that you wash your windows with.

It's why, Tom, it's why I

hate coupons.

I just don't think they should exist.

Nobody should ever use them.

It's, it's fucking honestly, it should be considered bad manners to use them.

You're

being stumbled upon my pet issue, Brian.

Now, this is elitist.

This is elitist discussion.

Yeah, it is.

Some people need the coupons to be able to afford the stuff, Brian.

Sorry, not everybody is, you know, not everybody is fiscally irresponsible as me and Brian.

Words I was looking for.

I'm saying, though, like, if you're saving fucking 40 cents, I got.

I don't need you to be saving 40.

Like, it's 40 cents.

Have you ever gotten behind the extreme couponers?

And

done this at night at like the drugstore and like, and they just get in front of you, and you're just in line for 20 minutes while they just like rattle off 40 cases of fucking bounty towel paper.

I think

it's fine.

And whatever you can do in this day and age, it's tough out there for people.

And I say this to someone who lives in Canada and does not experience this at all because this whole culture doesn't really exist here.

So I've never been caught behind a couponer in my entire life.

Well, that's because you all don't have to pay for drugs like we did.

Oh, hey, hey, let me tell you something, Tom.

Shit is pretty fucking bad up here in Vancouver, where I live.

It's not Bernie's saying, there's this legend of the people.

No, I do not have a doctor, nor do I have a grocery store that's affordable other than your fine.

Walmart actually is the only place around here, interestingly enough, where I can afford groceries.

It's really gotten quite shitty up here as well.

Sorry, Brian, you were saying?

I'm saying if you're standing, I think it should be,

I guess, guess, like good manners would be considered if you're going to use coupons.

First of all, they should have one line for that.

And for lottery.

That's a good ticket.

That's a good idea, actually.

I just wonder if they can justify it.

But yeah, lottery line, lottery slash, you guys say coupon, eh?

Coupon.

I don't know how to say it.

I get made fun of it on YKS a lot of times.

Okay, but yeah, I say coupon.

Coupon?

Yeah.

I'll say coupon.

But you shouldn't, you should let the person go in front of you if you're a pain-in-ass customer is what I'm saying if somebody's standing behind you with like a fucking loaf of bread and you're like I'm gonna play 17 scratch off tickets real quick it's like you should let me go in front of you and just bread and get the fuck out of here I'll get pretty confrontational I'll be honest with you I will I'll like not in like a physically aggressive way or anything like that but I will say that if somebody's doing that I'll be like hey man can I just pay for I just have the one thing here can I just pay for this and then you can start doing that thing again.

I've just got to run here.

I would wildly inconvenience everybody.

Yeah,

I just go, though.

I would definitely say something in that situation.

I yelled at a lady once when I was real zooted up on pills.

What the fuck?

Well, this isn't, that's not what I'm talking about.

A lottery ticket story.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay, so what, what take us back to when, when was this?

Oh, God, it would have been like 2002,

maybe 2001, two.

It would have been two.

At this point, you were still queer.

Not at this time, because I think the people I was with would have called me Brian at this time.

I think you were probably.

It sounds like

if I know Cueber, I know Brian.

Brian's a good friend of mine, and I also know Cueber.

And if I know Queber, this is something he would do, yelling at Tom.

What is the difference in the two personalities, Brian?

Nothing.

Cueber qualitatively different than Brian.

Well, he was on Groveport.

He lived in Groveport.

Cueber was your drug addict.

Reprobate alternative.

He was the redneck.

He was like, if I had to be considered like the redneck pill guy, that's him.

He lived in Groveport.

He was the guy that was out there.

Tom, you've been to Groveport.

You know what it's like there.

Yeah.

That's who I was.

It's just you're a cuever.

And who gave you the nickname again?

What's the guy's name?

Friend Theo, who's Theo, Theo, Theo.

This is so good.

Yeah, Theo is a real, it was Theo.

Yeah, it wasn't Theo Vaughan, for anyone who's wondering.

No, it's the guy that I went,

I went to meet my girlfriend's parents, and he took me because I didn't have a driver's license or anything.

And he was kind of there too while we were eating.

Of course, Queber doesn't have a license.

We're eating dinner.

It's my girlfriend, me,

Theo, and his parents, and her parents.

And her dad offers Theo a job with him, but not me.

And I felt like that's like the rudest thing anybody's ever done in front of me because it's like, bro, you don't have to offer.

You could get his phone number and call him after I leave.

I'm your daughter's boyfriend.

But we discussed it.

Like, he was going by Gweber.

And I wasn't going by Gleber.

He didn't seem like a good worker or whatever, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Cotton Eyed Joe says, oh, yeah, it's definitely possible.

Wait a second, though.

Wait, wait a second.

What about when you were shouting at the old lady?

It wasn't an old lady.

She was mad.

She kept sending people.

It was 12.45 or so.

P.M.

And you got to stop selling booze at one.

So you mean 12.45 a.m.

then?

Yeah, at night.

It was nighttime.

Whatever that's called.

12.45 a.m.

is

the night.

It's technically the morning, but it's more.

I know what you're talking about.

It's the night in your mind.

Yeah.

But they have to stop selling beer at one and the cash registers shut down.

It won't let you scan beer after one o'clock in the morning in Ohio.

They have it all set up that way.

And it's 1245.

We're waiting in line and this lady has sent

a guy to check the price of cheese like four times.

And when he comes back, she's like,

she's like, no, that's wrong.

Go look again.

Go look again.

And time is ticking, the line is long, there's only one line open.

And I just went nuts on her and just started yelling.

And then I said, Oh,

pay for it, yelling.

Yeah, I was yelling, and I said, I'd pay for it, just get the out of here.

And you can imagine if you use you guys know what he looked like.

Then, if you've seen the photo,

you imagine the Queber doing that.

Oh, Kweeber just being like pilled up, like his eyes, just like fucking frisbees, you know,

just absolutely filled to the max, just screaming, sweating, and just looking like the median Woodstock 99 festival goer, you know.

Just

lady, just terrified, you know, and she might even recognize him as like, oh, that's one of the guys from the local violence gang that does stranger.

I would say I was not in a violence gang.

So, anyway, here's some more.

Here's some more dreams that I thought we'd look at.

Okay.

My daughter called me and she said she dreamed that Max's dog pooped in her house any numbers associated to this dream will be greatly appreciated god bless us all and good luck her address is 1444 what's matt what's max i don't know who max dog is but he pooped and then james he says i dreamed the ceiling fan started leaking water right after my son left for work when he slammed the door i heard the water dripping on the bed i got up and felt the bed and it was wet in that spot over my bed but when i got up the spot in the middle of the bed wasn't wet what does this mean

well wait a second Are you?

Did they just want to know what it means now, or do they want lottery numbers?

They want numbers, yeah.

What are the numbers?

That's what they're saying.

Dreamt, my husband, husband,

happy Easter.

I dreamt my husband purchased a gold truck for a hundred thousand dollars.

When asked, he said he borrowed the money from a friend to buy the truck.

It was in pure gold, not painted.

So it's another dream.

Just kind of.

It's kind of too close.

That dream is like too close to the lottery already.

It's too close to like the thing that you would do if you won the lottery.

You know what I mean?

It's

all right.

So we're on Amazon.

There is a book, a 27-page book that you can buy for.

I'm serious.

It's 27 pages.

It's $8.99.

You're telling me that, wait a second.

You only get 27 pages for $9?

Yeah.

That's $3 a page, right?

Am I

30 cents or something?

The book is by Bobby Alexander.

It's called How I Play and Win Lottery Scratch Off Tickets.

And so he says, all my.

Money's in the cottage industry always.

It's not in the scratch offs, it's in the selling a book to people that play scratch offs.

Yeah, that's how a lot of this stuff is.

How I made my millions through this book.

You know, like scratch-offs is the nuttiest thing to pick.

You know what I mean?

Like

makes sense because he's walking around in suits and he calls himself the trillion dollar man and you would think he would know what you're supposed to invest in.

But yes,

scratch offs are like the thing you get in your stocking when you're a kid at Christmas.

You know, they're like a fun little thing with silly little characters on them and stuff.

This is a three-star review.

And it says, this review is a fair rating because testing his theories takes time.

I read this book and found it very specific in in terms of its recommendations, but I am not rich.

Yet, yet, anyway, it will take time to try them.

What's interesting so far is just how willing and I guess legal it is to find out things he says we should know before buying a ticket.

I just called the phone number to the lottery office from the lottery website, asked how many tickets come on each role I was interested in playing.

I was surprised it was so easy to find out in five minutes.

I was even more shocked when I went to a few stores that sell tickets and walked up to the counter and asked what role or roles did you just put out?

And the girl answers.

What role is about to end with just a few tickets left to sell?

They look and they answer.

I'm next going to ask what ticket number is the next ticket on the roll.

The author recommends that the sweet spot on the roll is in a certain place.

It occurred to me yesterday.

that I will see if the girls at the counter freely give out info, give that info out as well.

I read this guy's book and bought another advice book about scratch off tickets on Amazon the next day.

I'm still trying and testing, and I was planning to mix the advice of both books, but now I think I'll stick with one book at a time and see the results are clear.

My practice is easier and clear, and instructions and results cannot be denied.

Good luck, everyone.

I'm taking the book seriously so that whether I win or lose will be based on if this guy is right or wrong, as I'm following the book to the letter.

Worth a try in case it works.

So,

um,

I mean, very weird review because he's like, I can't believe the lady told me how many tickets there are left.

Like, why would the cashier hide information from you?

She doesn't give a fuck.

What she doesn't know is that I've bought the system,

yeah.

She doesn't know I'm cheating, actually.

I like, yeah, I like how he treated like he was counting cards and she's the pit boss, you know?

Yeah, yeah,

at a convenience store.

God, are you kidding me?

This roop doesn't even realize that the wool's getting pulled over her eyes.

She's just like a fucking teenage worker at a gas station, you know?

He sees her as the house.

Yeah,

he thinks that like that money, that this money that he's going to win is coming right out of their coffers.

You know what I mean?

And not like,

the house always wins.

And by the house.

I mean the lady writing in the cash register where I buy the tickets.

This person gives it four stars and says, I learned something about scratch off tickets that I didn't know about.

how to play a roll of tickets well and when i'm very glad i got the book i'm sure there are things in the book that the lottery people would not want the people to know about yes i would recommend the book so

this sounds like it's a good book do you find any negative reviews on it uh here's a five-star review uh it's titled rick does the scratchies um oh no

it's not long but i like it like the author says these instant pays are a lot different from picking tickets you have to understand quote the pack you're playing i haven't had much luck with these but i didn't play and i haven't had much luck with these but i didn't play in correct sequence either i wasted time on one dollar tickets etc this is where idiot you moron why don't you just take your money and throw it in the toilet dip

the thing the three of us have said at the top of the show you can't play the one dollar boy you cannot it's pathetic it's stupid

and this guy even puts it that's where the state pockets a lot of their profits on the one-dollar.

Everybody knows that.

Yeah.

You could ask the cashier and she has to tell you that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's entrapment if she doesn't.

You have to tell me how many tickets are left.

All right.

Finally, a one-star review.

There we go.

There we go.

Here we go.

This is basic information slash common sense.

So the book is full of common sense.

If you didn't believe that,

just common sense approaches to winning Scratch on.

Yes, that's what they should put out, a common sense approach.

It's like, does it hurt your fingernail when you do it?

Think about using a coin, you know?

That's the only good advice for a scratch.

It is not the winning the scratchers.

No, it sounds like this guy does have some stuff as far as that is helpful to know what prizes have gone out and how many tickets are left, but I think all the other stuff about like you know the sweet spot of a roll and stuff, I think that's all bullshit.

But it's like it would be helpful if you knew, oh, there's a bunch more prizes left on this and very few tickets left on it.

So my odds are way better.

Like that's obviously helpful.

I would say one of the meanest things I've ever been a part of was we were on tour with the District Sentinel guys and Tom and Terrence, and we were out on the bus.

That's you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we were playing scratch-offs at a lot of places.

We would stop and we in every city and we'd buy some scratch-offs.

And one of them was a fake winner.

And we gave it to Sam Knight from District Sentinel Radio.

And he thought he won.

And he was so happy.

And he was so nice.

He's like, I'm going to give each one of you guys $1,000.

And like, he thought he won.

I immediately felt like the biggest piece of shit.

I know.

When he said, I'm going to give each of you $1,000, I was like, we shouldn't have done this.

This was raw.

Because I was on the record as saying I didn't want to do it from the beginning.

Well, what we should have did at that point was say, boys, all right, here's what we're doing.

However, we got to do it.

We're going to cobble together $50,000 and give it to this man.

50.

You made the guy think he's going to get 50 G.

He's like 10.

Maybe he's like 10.

It was something crazy.

It was a big amount of money.

And it was like he needed the money or whatever.

Like,

he used it at that point, right?

Working class guy, like not like, it's not like, oh, whatever.

Who cares about this?

This was like

money to him.

So it was a really mean prank.

It reminds me of the thing I've ever seen in my life.

Reminds me of the fresh prince of remember when they didn't that happen to Jeffrey the and then he like tells him like screw you and like

that's good if that had happened it would be like cool but when he said I'm gonna give each of you money it was like oh so how did you tell him had to tell him and then it I can't imagine what he felt like inside when it was the flattest.

Like it was like, you know, you're expecting this big payoff, right?

Like, we're all going to have a hearty laugh about this.

No, no, it was, I won't do that again.

Yeah, I would never do that again.

That's never, ever, I'll never be a party to something like that.

You don't, those are the work.

Do not buy those tickets ever.

They're the meanest thing you can do.

Yeah.

And so, and what at what point in the tour was this?

Middle?

Middle, yeah.

So it was the point i guess did it sort of like

did it put a bit of a cloud over the rest of the tour no he was fine but i in my mind i was driving and i wanted to tell him right away but i didn't want to be the guy that told him because there are 10 of us and it's like well i don't know how far they want to take this you know what i mean so i just didn't say anything i was about three minutes into the prank when i didn't want to do it anymore yeah yeah yeah

can we have him on an episode

i'm yeah let's get him on an episode um like maybe on the bonus to just talk about it and address the situation

how do you feel you know a few years later turn it into like a super serious

thing yeah five years later

that's that's that was five years ago man that's sorry brian i just Well, the best prank that I've ever heard someone pull like in a tour type thing is a comedian named Ryan Patterson, Canadian comedian, who was driving with this other comedian.

And he set up to have a fucking other person that they didn't know, like an actor, like someone that they knew from somewhere else, like as a hitchhiker, like down the road, and then picked him up like against the will of the other comedian who was like, no, don't pick up the hitchhiker.

And he was like, no, I think he seems nice or whatever.

And then the guy just acted so fucking psychotic and he made him like like sleep in the same like sort of area as him and it went on for so long and it really had no you know no one really got hurt by it and they all got to laugh at the end of it but yeah that is it was like so elaborate and so good i hate pranks that was like i hated pranks before i hate pranks too i'm i'm not a fan how can

maybe i just hate pranks on me Yeah, or like once you like, I guess I like pranks the way you do them because it's assholes.

Yeah, that's why.

And I don't really like pranks that much either.

I mean, I like, you know, I really much prefer just doing a character, which is what I do more on my channel now, like just doing long-form character stuff where I call as some character with some concept or have somebody on with a concept and do an interview, you know?

Before we get out of here, I want to go to Quora real quick for you guys.

There's a good question here.

How can you win a lottery?

So let's get an answer to that from this guy.

Fold your dollar up, put it back in your pocket.

Lotteries are taxes on people who can't do math.

The odds of winning California Super Lotto Plus are 1 in 41,416,353.

Even if you can't do math, you can see it's a losing proposition.

Take your dollar and put it into a small savings account or use Acorn or similar service.

Don't even look at the account until you have $10,000.

Then put it in a brokerage and get good professional advice.

I worked for Apple Computer in the 1990s.

He's got some bona fides.

I told the newbies right out of college to put 5% of their income into SPY, which is an ETF that tracks SP 500s.

If they did it, they'd be rich by now.

I did.

I retired when I was 40.

Well, that's, yeah, that's cool.

I think that I understand the lottery, though.

People understand, because it's not all stupid people playing the lottery.

There's a lot of people who are well aware of the odds and they know that they're probably not going to win but i think it's just like you're paying for like a little bit of hope or something like that you know you're just paying for that moment that hey i get it and it could happen and it's like i get to experience the hope of that potentially happening in this horrible place it's talking about what you would do i wonder if the proliferation of the gambling apps has like hurt uh the scratchers market share or helped it

i wonder yeah it seems like there are people that just love scratchers though You know what I mean?

Like, it doesn't, it maybe has hurt it because people can play slots, but it really feels like people sitting at home.

Like, I saw people who are like, hey, it's our date night.

I bought $200 worth of scratch off tickets.

And they sit at their sit in their living room and just scratch $200 worth of tickets off together.

That feels

too much dread.

I can't even describe to you what I feel.

But that's only, that's only two, that's only like twice as much as what Brian does with his one.

I know, I know, I know.

If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you would buy and why?

Tim Jones says, assuming I won at least, say, 30 to 50 million, the first thing I buy is a Honda jet.

As a private pilot, I fly old beat-up Cessna's that I rent.

I have lusted for the Honda jet, a single pilot aircraft.

It's so cool.

I could get to my hometown 500 miles away in a little more than an hour.

That'd be awesome.

Pick up my buds and fly them somewhere exciting for dinner.

Though with all the big city violence these days, we'd probably have to fly to a mid-sized city with a decent length runway.

Good point.

So much big city violence.

There's a lot of big city violence.

You're not going to want to take your private jet into the big city.

They'll see you coming from a mile away.

They'll probably shoot you down.

They'll probably shoot you down with the fucking anti-aircraft artillery.

I mean, there's no way that you're going to even hit the ground.

Good point.

Also, I love how they think that most airports are just actually right in the thick of the crime-ridden, you know, and not, and not like 20 miles out of town.

And

statistics of an airport, it's, yeah, it can't really, it's got needs a lot of space.

I would say me and Tom both live in mid-sized cities, too.

I do, too.

I live in a mid-sized city, I think.

It's not functionally very different from a big city,

other than being a little bit smaller.

We have a lot of crime as well here, I I would say.

Rick Klugman says,

a can of gasoline.

That way I could burn my shithole of a place down and have the money to start over.

Seriously, we bought our home when it had just been built in 94.

We've been lucky, and most of the original appliances are still working, but it's only a matter of time.

The rest of the house and furnishings are all original as well and have seen better days.

I love the house and I love the area.

So if I hit it big, I wouldn't want to move.

I'd just have it gutted floor to ceiling and start over.

That's kind of cool.

Yeah, I get that.

Hey, I want to stay in the same exact spot, but our house is shit and old.

I would just put up a nice new house here.

That's kind of, that's kind of practical and cool as well.

You know, like, it's like, yeah, that's a good, good dream.

And finally, what should you do if you win a huge lottery?

And this is one that I really wanted to read because this gets to the core of these guys.

This is the last thing we're going to do here.

And the guy goes, here's my plan.

One, I get a safe deposit box.

Two, I take a picture of the unsigned ticket next to my driver's license with a dated item.

And that's two.

Three, I store the ticket in the safe deposit box.

Four, I research and hire a legal and financial team to advise me.

Five, they set up a blind trust.

I'm in Ohio.

I can claim anonymously.

Six, who is this?

The financial team.

They're in Ohio, are they?

Not in Columbus, probably.

I'm not in Groveport, and you know it.

I live downtown.

I live in Short North.

Short North.

Oh,

Aristocrat.

Brian's never even been to Groveport.

Shut up.

I haven't been to Groveport since

you've never been.

You could take the Groveport.

I think

I could go around in Groveport and say, hey, do you know someone named Brian?

I don't think anybody would fucking bat an eye.

Queber, they might.

I hear you guys saying that.

It's just going to become.

They set up a blind trust.

The financial advisor helps me set up a long-term investment and distribution plan.

Next, I accompany the legal team when we go to claim the ticket through the trust.

I plan to be in the photograph with the big check as, quote, one of the team.

And also, I want to keep an eye on things.

Oh, so this is, this is a real, like, this is a full plot to a sort of an an action movie jason bourne style here he's like so he's like i'm just one of the team like he's pretending to be one of the team but you can't tell exactly which one if that's fair this is very smart this is what they're all this gets to the core of them when they win a real lottery guy when he wins does not offer money to anybody You know what I mean?

Well, you know, that's not true.

Offers money to different

companies to protect the anonymity of his winnings from all of the people he loves.

So they're like, hey, we don't.

So it's actually

really even worse.

I love how these guys, like all the guys that have conceived of winning the lottery are all prepared to live double lives.

Oh, yeah.

I've got a cash discounted option so I can control all of it from the get-go.

So I think they want the big lump sum payment.

Because when I have the distribution date in hand, I put in my two weeks notice at work.

When my first quote paycheck is deposited into my account, I pay off any and all outstanding debts.

Then I buy a new car.

Mine's 17 years old.

This will not raise suspicions because it'll be a reasonable car, not a Tesla.

Why would I need one?

I get some work done on the house, new roof, paint job, redo the driveway, a bit of landscaping.

Again, reasonable, won't raise suspicions.

There's a lot of inside cleanup to be done.

So I hire a team to help.

And then finally, I I go on vacation and try to wrap my head around what just happened and figure out a plan for the rest of my life.

That's so cool.

That's why I imagine that he's kind of you know, like he's just looking out over like the ocean.

It's a sort of a beautiful landscape in some foreign land.

And the camera kind of zooms in on his face as he looks off into the and then it's just the credits roll and he's alone.

There's nobody there.

There's nobody there.

He's Asian drinking a corona like in a Snoop Dollar commercial.

Yeah, and he's families filling out missing persons reports.

Just bring him home.

Just bring him home.

He's a wife.

He's got a wife that he's just left completely.

That was lottery, guys.

Tom, thank you for coming on.

And Tom's from the Trailbillies.

Great show.

Go to their Patreon.

Get it.

I hear Tom's voice in my house more than almost anybody's, more than Chris's.

What a great voice!

It is!

And we love Tom.

We love the Trailbellies, great show, one of our favorite guests ever.

And yeah, thanks, thanks for coming on, Tom.

Last time we tried to have you on, and there was like some technical thing, so we didn't want to say that to everyone because they'd be like, What the fuck?

We missed out on a fucking.

So, yeah, we got Tom back, everyone.

Yeah, well, we always will get Tom back.

We'll see you all next week.

Uh, don't know what we're doing, so we'll see you next week.

Bye.