2025 Ep 303 - Where does Andy sit on the ‘cool’ ranking?

Today,

in 2013,

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One.

Ahoy to me, Mwimla.

Hey,

hello.

Where there's a Mwimla, there's a whaler.

Ahoy to me, meanie, Jack.

Ahoy.

No, I wouldn't call myself a meanie.

I'm a goodie.

If I do say so myself.

And I'm gonna do.

Haim, I thought was the best chance to get this.

There's a famous three in New South Wales.

Oh, there's the three sisters.

He's got it.

Well done.

Rock formation.

Yes.

Well done, Ham.

Yes, the three.

I did say that earlier, but you cut me off.

The three sisters in the Blue Mountains are three rock formations.

Lovely place to visit.

Unsponsored.

I mean, I don't see them every day living in Sydney, but it's good to know that those beautiful girls are out there.

Ahoy also to Cameron in Manchester, UK, who went to Hamishnead.com to let us know what he's been doing.

Ahoy boys and number six, this is Cam from Cornwall in the UK.

I just wanted to start this episode off with a bit of an upset Andy.

I have three separate cards to pay for things.

One is my savings, one is my account that I use regularly, and my other is my credit card.

Instead of going through the tedious process of pulling an individual card out of my wallet, I instead just hold my wallet up to the card reader and just let fate decide which card it's going to be charged on.

And then I just wait for the notification on my phone to see which one it is.

But I love the pod boys.

Keep it up.

Have a good.

That's bad.

you can't argue with the card gods yeah whatever they choose so shall be the charge i would be i wouldn't like the risk of what if it accidentally like double dipped and went on multiple cards i don't i'm at the stage now where i originally set up i was like i'm gonna have one credit card for credit card stuff and i'm gonna have another one for like tax deductible expenses and business stuff

And that system, I was at that four years ago.

I mean, I'm telling you.

I mean, I'm really proud of himself being ragged.

It lasted.

It lasted about two weeks before the first instance came where it's like, oh, I didn't have it or I missed accidentally like used one for the other.

And then I think on my browser, the tax deductible information was pre-filled, like was saved in the browser, and the other one wasn't.

And I couldn't be bothered remembering the other one.

So I was like, ah, I just jacked it up the tax deductible button.

And then so suddenly you know that that's not tax deductible anymore, that whole statement.

The pools just cross-contaminated so fast.

Because this has been jacked.

Because hey, Magman goes to be...

Do you keep

receipts?

Yeah.

And I'll file them away.

And he's like, oh,

that's...

I wouldn't know what I was doing.

I cannot believe Andy keeps receipts.

He said, the accountant told me that if I'm really strict and I put it just on one card, we can actually go off a bang statement if I don't cross-pollinate.

It's like when you have on the table,

you've got sour cream and salsa and avocado.

You go, okay, everyone, be really careful dipping here.

within two corn chips, everything's in everything else.

And that is what happened with my credit card.

Hey, speaking of cool things I've done, let's, I actually wanted to start today with a little bit of a test.

I'm going to do it on you, Ando, but maybe in future weeks we can do it on each other.

Oh, good.

But I think it's just a one-man test.

I don't know why I was thinking about this, but I thought.

Like someone was talking about, I think I must have seen something online, like it was like a list of the top 10 coolest celebs or something like that.

Okay.

And I was like, how, who's picking cool?

Like, there's a lot of, there's a lot of ways you would define cool.

Like, there was a lot of like categories and

cool things.

There was back in the day as well, because we were, we only, there wasn't other, we couldn't go other places to find them.

So like, they've all got their own niche now.

So they're probably cool in their own way.

But back in the day, it was just like Tom Cruise's got sunglasses on.

Brad Pitts also be like,

he made it.

He's flying.

He's flying a fighter plane.

He's cool.

He's cool.

Yeah.

Here's what I would like to know, Ando.

Where do you sit on the cool rankings?

Oh, gosh.

Worldwide.

No, no, I've got a list here of

famous male people.

And you simply have to answer honestly.

And I'd like your honest opinion.

Are you cooler than them or not?

And we should have a ranking system here of where you would sit, self-selected, on the list.

Yep.

You versus Karl Stefanovic.

I'm cooler than Karl Stefan.

Yeah.

I think that's softball just to get your eye in.

Prince William.

Oh.

Yeah, cooler than Prince William.

He's a bitch.

Cooler than Prince William.

Yeah, he's a bit stotty dork.

Okay, well, this is to clarify.

I'm not trying to start any feuds.

We just...

You don't need to throw anything.

He looks like a lovely guy.

I'd like to hang with him.

I have a bee with him.

I just don't think I'd be.

I'm cooler than the next in line.

What about when he becomes the king?

Cool.

That's powerful, but it's not not coolness.

You know, King Charles isn't cool, is he?

Yeah, fair enough.

But when William, let's say William became king this year, Charles went, you know what?

I'm sick of this.

You have it.

He has to do cooler things.

You can't just go, oh, you're the king.

I mean, it's the same about most billionaires.

You can't, you've got a lot to build.

Eli can't buy cool points.

I actually think if he was made king this year, he gets less cool.

And you would go, oh, well, he was cooler than Jack.

Would you think you're cooler than the King Jack?

That's Doddy Dork, of course.

I mean,

this is treason.

This is cool treason.

No, all right.

Fair enough.

I mean, one day we want to be on the same coin as him.

Yeah, true.

So we should be

the one man that can cut down the dream.

Next person, Will Anderson.

Oh, yeah, I'm cooler than Will.

Okay.

Why?

He would, at a point in time, Will was, but he's getting back problems, can't even.

He's lost his cool walk, hasn't hasn't he?

Was he known for a cool walk?

Well, he would have been cool and it is now

stiff.

So, you're you're looking at it more of like an overall, like he's a layman parlour on the

ABC.

He's on the ABC, which is like, not to say it's uncool, but are you?

Yeah, you're on the ABC.

You're cardoon's on the ABC, you do multiple voices on that show.

He literally just had his show launched on the ABC.

Just saying, not the audience there.

I mean, my audience is like five to eight year olds.

We don't want to show, but the average audience for nighttime viewing is like 50 plus, which you wouldn't, generally anyone over 50, it's tough to be cool.

He'd probably be over 50, wouldn't he?

I mean, he's walked because he's like 80.

Can't say I've noticed his gait.

Okay, no, interesting.

This is no wrong answers.

Nick Kirios.

No, he's cooler than me for sure.

Yeah.

What do you think, Jack?

Yeah.

that's a hard one to beat.

He's a pest.

He's actually traded in.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm not giving out compliments for free.

He might be above me on the ladder, but I can get him.

But I think what makes him so cool is he doesn't give a

damn.

I think he's actually traded in being better at tennis for being cool.

Because he doesn't give a good job.

He's preferred to be cool than good at tennis.

Yeah, right.

Okay.

So tough one.

Okay, so he's currently at the top of the list.

Currently, it's him, then you.

Yeah.

Bob Irwin.

Oh.

Robert Irwin.

No, I'm cooler than Bob.

Bob is a legend.

Don't get me wrong.

And he does cool stuff.

I feel like he got cooler in the, you know, the photo shoot.

Yeah, but

he does a lot of ads as well.

And as a Weezer, I don't disrespect that.

There's nothing wrong with doing ads.

There's a cause close to your heart, like

hubble television.

Exactly.

Step up and you do it.

But I don't think he would think he's cool.

Yeah, true.

Fair enough.

Got him on that one he needs you know what he needs he need like a scandal no a scandal would help him be cooler but also uh a part like beck just buys everything that i wear not saying what i wear is cool but like if i didn't have beck i would be so many rung below yep

not saying i'm hi yeah osher

way cooler than osha how come you're almost having tinkered with my name to try and find some coolness

okay

You've done well.

You've actually done very well.

Only next chooses be

Daniel Ricardo.

No, he's cooler than me.

Okay.

Yeah.

How come?

Well, he's one of the best Formula One drivers in the world.

He does like backflips off yachts in Monaco and he's seen doing shoey's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can't get, I can't beat that.

But could you get ahead of him now that his career is in the twilight?

Oh, it'd be tough.

It's a tough road back.

I mean, they've come back to us both in our 70s, but I still think he's just that guy.

He's just like, he's always got swagger.

He's on the edge.

He's living on the edge.

He's dead.

Like, would you put him above Kurios?

Is he

probably would.

I think I'd put Mikado at the top.

Yeah.

Yep.

They're nodding out there.

Yeah.

But Ando, you still took out third spot.

Was that him?

Give us one more, even just off the top of your head.

Conrad's sword.

Tough one.

Tough one.

I think Conrad's got me.

Okay, but he will hear this and he'll note the pause.

He'll note the pause as you did all the maths.

What I think you could do for a lot of this is line up everybody and give them kind of round sunglasses with a different color lens like blue and say put them on.

And they're like, oh yeah, Daniel Ricardo can wear them and pull that off.

From my understanding, even though it was about 18 years ago, isn't that basically what they did when you won Cleo Bacher Bacher of the year and you had to do the photo shoot around the pool?

Basically lined everyone up in order of coolness.

They pretty much did.

Yeah, I was the only one that left my shirt on, that's for sure.

I was feeling pretty cold, not cool.

Hey, we love playing a game to test people and their social skills, whether they be the perfect plus one at a gathering or a family party, because they can hold conversation.

It's chit-chat champions.

Shit me with your best chat,

natter away,

chit-chat champion.

It's the game everyone listening thinks they can play, but when you get on, when you get in front of the bright lights,

it can change.

The head noise can be deafening.

Yes.

It's a tough one.

The rules are pretty simple.

Andy and I will start a conversation.

We will not indicate to you when it's your turn to talk.

That's part of the skill.

You have to gauge correctly the moment to come in can't ask a question that's too easy uh you just got to go straight in with what you think the next interesting piece of the conversation would and should be our first player today is cat ahoy kat ahoy boys how's it going good what line of work are you in we like a little bit of backstory to see how you would go normally with chit chat

uh well look i'm a teacher of like uh early high school kids so not renowned conversationalists but that's tough but you've maybe that sharpens that sharpens the skill you've played against hard players it does i will i will caveat that by saying though i have been on maternity leave for the last two years so conversation's been uh fairly limited to toddler chat so this will be a good test okay okay so okay

try not to ask andy if he wants his sippy cup

unless you think that is the right spot people but it is a question it is a question it will be banned uh addy uh ahoy to you Ahoy, boys, and happy birthday, Andy.

Don't actually celebrate them.

But Addie, what do you do?

I'm actually studying primary education at the moment.

So I'm quite feeling the cat in that I need to know conversation skills for kids and stuff.

Awesome.

And the parents that come in and go, you know, why is my kid a bit of a shit?

Yeah.

Is it us or is it you?

I was going to ask you the same thing.

It's myself.

Let's put them both on hold for a second, Jack, because we want to bring everybody up to speed what we're doing.

Hamilton's was your beautiful suggestion.

We thought we'd up the stakes today.

I mean, jumping in on a conversation that's interesting is one thing.

Jumping on a conversation that we're banking on will be quite boring is another thing.

A lot of the off-air chat in here, and we really do try to keep it off-air,

relates to golf.

We thought, well, we've never bought one on-air.

Yes.

We've never done it in Chit Chat Champion before.

My wife visibly shuts down if I talk about golf.

Like both both her eyes turn into the Mac spinning wheel.

Like, she just freezes.

She cannot even pretend to be vaguely interested.

So, is that the ultimate test we thought perhaps it is?

It'll be a golf-related chitchat champions today.

Kat, she can go first.

Kat, are you there?

Yep.

Are you ready?

I'm ready as I can be.

Okay.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Hey, Ando.

Bit of a funny one.

I was actually thinking thinking of completely changing my putting stroke in golf.

I changed to a mallet putter just recently.

Do you know what?

I wouldn't know the first thing about golf.

I'd have to talk to my husband, who is known to be spending quite a few hours on the golf course each weekend.

But I'd be interested in taking it up.

I hear it's wonderful exercise.

Well done.

Well done.

Pretty good.

I don't know who said it's wonderful exercise.

That is by the by.

That's pretty good.

When you heard it was golf, did you panic?

I panicked.

The heart sank.

Yes.

But then you decided to play it real that you didn't know about.

Yeah.

Well, I mean,

what you got to do, hey?

Yeah.

Well done, Kat.

I mean,

you definitely speak differently during the game than you do to us now.

But I thought it was a very good attempt.

We'll put you back on hold.

Addy, are you there?

Yeah, I am, Andy.

Okay, okay.

You ready to go?

Yep, sure thing.

Good luck.

Oh, can I end it?

Hey, mate.

Hey, a bit of a funny one.

I was actually thinking of completely changing my putting stroke in golf.

I recently changed to a mallet putter, which helped me.

Oh, boys, I don't know very much about golf, but I think I'd be really, really good at it.

And I think a mallet putter is the way to go.

Gee, another good one.

Wow.

That was good, Addie.

Two really different tactics.

Addie, probably more started back foot than really front foot at the end.

Just came back in with, you know what?

Mallet putter.

Get one.

I'm going to say both of you have excelled more than most people have ever in this game.

Yeah, we started this going, this could be just two flame outs because who wants to talk about golf?

But we've probably got one of our very rare double wins.

Yes.

If

you had to pick someone, Jack.

I worry if I imagined a party and a follow-up question to Addie of like, okay, why is the mallet putter right for me?

It's going to run out of road really quickly.

No, no, I can do it.

I can do it.

Why is the mallet putter right for Jack, Addie?

Because it's mallet-shaped and it'll help get the ball further.

Yeah, you're not wrong.

She's not wrong.

Amazing.

Well, we're going to send them both out of token of no value.

Well done to the two of you.

Obviously, we won't put any value on that whatsoever, but when you receive them, you can place whatever value you'd like onto it.

But thanks so much for playing.

Thanks, Brace.

Well done, ladies.

Wow.

Tall hat update, Ham, after we fed back the things that we decided on last week.

The WhatsApp

was live again with a lot of back and forth between Sam, he's our man that's doing compositing and building this carbon fiber hat for us lightweight material and Grace who is the engineer who's going to try and work out how to get this thing secure in our head so we can walk and break the record

let's dive back into the whatsapp

the inside word conversations of tour hat construction Thanks to Topstage Advanced Commissites, we make cool stuff out of fiberglass and carbon.

It always catches me by surprise.

Yeah.

At first I go, did we put put a joke in this and then i go oh no yeah very serious thank you very serious we do thank top stage composites because then i remember quickly

sorry we can do beginner stuff as well i reckon but yep but then i just remember the cost and effort involved and they're sort of decently picking up the tab there so what a bunch of heroes yeah and what a tab it is that's not lightweight

one of the heaviest tabs i've ever seen for the construction of something they're going above and beyond as well we've been talking about so if people have just tuned the pod for the first time, welcome.

And the idea to try and break the world record for the tallest hat, you have to walk 10 meters with it on your head.

We talked about having people that are tame the hat, like lion tamers alongside with poles that have their own kind of catching claw at the end of them.

It's a soft buffer.

Yeah.

So if it was to tumble, we could at least make sure it doesn't hit the ground and smash because it's delicate.

This is the thing, like what started as a joke, and surely this can't be too hard to make a hat that tall has turned into ease, or got to be, I mean, I suppose you included the royal crown in this, so it's not the world's most expensive hat,

but geez, it's up there as a costly hat and you don't want to break it.

You don't want to break the neck of the pilot if it was to fall sideways.

So that's what our buffer team are doing.

Of course, if the hat starts swaying and someone has to correct it gently with their long buffer pole, that attempt will be over.

We're not saying you can

have it be handled by someone else.

No.

It just means we'll live to fight another day.

Spot on.

How many goes are you planning to have?

Get us done.

Just keep going.

Well, one, ideally.

Like you get it right.

You do it properly with this, you know, whoever the pilot is, their neck's properly warmed up.

They're good to go.

I think after

any extended period of time, neck fatigue will set in.

Yes.

And that's going to be an issue.

They had heard about us talking of the tamers, the guys with big, long poles with a buffet claw on it.

And so that's that piqued my interest when I saw them talking about that on the WhatsApp.

I have my subcontractors on the hat launcher and tamer apparatuses.

We have code named it Project Tall Terrier.

And I suggest the CAD file be sent with a similar code to ensure world record OPSEC.

That can happen.

Final CAD will be sent tomorrow.

Tall Terrier.

So got a code word for it now.

going to make

they're going to be making also the tamer sticks.

I thought it was those have brooms or something.

It's got to be, they've got to be pretty high, the tamer sticks.

I think the sticks will have to be at least

broom eaters.

This thing's six meters in the air.

I think I'm bad at conceptualizing how big this is.

Thanks for your honesty.

But yes, a broom is too small.

Like a long broom.

Think of...

No, pole vault pole.

Yeah.

That's why we were talking about Steve Hooker weeks ago.

Yeah, yeah.

Because he's got pole experience remind me to get on to him um

the other thing that we brought up ham was we're going to pick who pilots it out of you and i because jack has decided he doesn't want to risk his neck he's got kids to take care of and um obviously another new job to find

um

so

um we thought we'd

have to come in and have a job interview with his head resting on the table because the muscles of the back of his neck have snapped or compressed

we're towards the end of our careers we can risk it out yeah

his head doesn't need to be up for too much longer

there was talk of that we would turn the hat upside down and put our names oh yeah that's right yeah that has caused so much difficulty for them we've got to stop we've got to stop saying things on a whim so because we had the idea that we'd put our names on a mag on magnets at the bottom of the hat and then have a six meter long fishing line go down and draw one name out of the hat so they were really worried about that because the brim is counterweighted with lead to keep the center of mass very low

so to tip it upside down makes it really difficult yep the discussion went on and on cherry pickers and on and on and i eventually i'd been out for a bit so i came back to it going oh my gosh they're putting a lot of time into this um

but i was about to jump in and say hey don't worry about it we can think of another way to pick the person.

But they had this suggestion between the two of them.

Taking the top of the hat off also helps with weight and center of mass.

Alternative to picking a name out of the hat is seeing which name falls out the fastest.

Taking the top off will reduce the strength of the hat, though.

Will it be stiff enough to not need it?

Only concern with that is getting her upright.

But when you walk with it on, it should be fine.

Yeah, fair.

Also, most top hats hats tend to have a top.

They haven't asked for a convertible.

Just thinking about the head ventilation.

Your head's not going to need to be too ventilated.

We're only walking 10 meters in this and there's a six metre tube of air above your head.

Like, I don't know how stale the air is going to get in the 12 seconds it takes.

Are they talking about taking the top off so that we don't have to tip this six metre hat over and we would pick it up?

So basically, we would take the very top of the hat off, like just have it open and then you could drop names down i think i'd prefer to see which one comes out the bottom first yes i think i'd prefer

um and we can do this i think i'd prefer a capped hat though so like if it must if we're going to go this path we should definitely have a cap on the top that comes i i do agree if you'd hate to do go to all this effort and someone call foul and go that is a topless top hat yes yeah So how passionate are we about picking a name out of the hat?

Do we want to be able to remove the top of it to drop two paper names

and then hopefully they float down and we see a clear winner as to who comes out?

Or do you want to pick the pilot differently?

I'm not passionate only because I forgot about it.

I do have to admit, I did forget.

I think I like the idea of it being upside down.

Again, maybe I'm more in Jack's camp here.

In the stick figure drawing I had, it was just the ladder.

And someone was at the top of the ladder fishing.

But of course, six meter ladder, that's very hard.

It's a cherry picker situation.

Then it's safety.

Could snap the hat by turning it upside down.

Imagine we broke the hat just trying to pick a name out of it before we even started the whole thing.

That'd be chaos.

Yeah, it's you realize with something this big, you really have to look after it.

It'd be like NASA going, before we launch the rocket to the moon, who's up for a big game of spin the bottle?

And like, just while we, just because it's a funny thing to do, and then you do it, and the rocket snaps, and you're like, well, it just was never designed to be used like that.

so

let's not do that keep the lid on it keep the strength of it we'll find another way to select a pilot on the day it's only we really i mean

i know of i know of a few ways you can pick someone randomly from two choices

coin flips and many other things come to mind let's just keep the mission simple for the hat team sorry for that we keep thinking of these things great so i think that's right um this is

proved to me that they're getting close because Grace has, in her own time, been working getting the center of mass lower to make it wearable and easier to walk with.

I thought this was pretty incredible where she got to.

I've been testing around to see if the added weights will be as beneficial as we hope for the center of mass or if the heavier weight will make it harder to walk in.

Right now, I'm working with 1.5 meters of cardboard around a cowboy hat to test out balance and weight.

Image sent, person with a cylinder on her head.

But with this, the balance is okay-ish, and I can correct if it's tipping.

It's more that the hat isn't fastened enough right now to properly test out if weight also helps with walking.

So I've got to

put that photo up on our pipes of Grey Shamie.

You know, I just had a flashback.

Year two,

I won the Easter Bonnet Parade

with what I thought at the time was a record-breaking tall cone hat.

I remember the nerves of having to walk on stage with such a tall hat when other kids just had like ice cream.

How tall are we talking?

Probably a meter.

Why did they make us do

Easter bottom parade?

Let's just come roaring

back to me.

Just kids with ice cream cantones on their heads, it's Easter eggs, sticky totes, just looking glum, like no real reason to do it.

What a ridiculous parade.

However, that is what we're sort of doing here.

We are doing our own bonnet parade of one.

But I'm just saying, I remember it was pink cardboard.

And it was a big duncer's hat, like a big witch's hat.

And it was a whopper.

It was an absolute whopper.

I think my dad did it.

I think it was the size of cardboard above A3.

I think it was A2.

Maybe even A1.

It was monstrous.

And it was hard to drive, but I did it and I won because it was just an absolute spot.

It was huge.

It was massive and had Easter eggs stuck to it.

And then that would have mucked around with the center of gravity and all that.

So

I understand what she's saying.

And I'm like walking around with a tube of cardboard on your head.

That's something that I've...

I remember.

I hope I'm remembering it correctly.

And it comes back to me should my name be picked on the day.

You'll be able to draw upon those skills.

But it feels a bit Anakin Skywalker is all I'm saying.

It feels a bit like I have an origins.

Yeah, you were chosen well before you knew.

Yeah.

We'll put that photo of Grace up on our social pipes.

Yeah.

I'll just,

it could give me huge flashbacks because it sounds exactly like my Easter bonnet.

We'll be able to announce in two weeks' time when we're doing this.

Yeah, that's huge.

That's because basically they've done the work.

They press print.

Yeah.

Like, so excited.

One hat, please.

There's only one other thing we have to address.

Andy, get on to Steve Hooker.

Oh, yes.

I'll go.

You just said, Elliot, remind me to get onto Steve Hooker.

I just wrote that down.

Oh, watch your step.

Wow, your attic is so dark.

Dark?

I know, right?

It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

What movie is that?

I haven't pressed play yet.

ATNC fiber with all five covers your whole house.

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Jimmy, what have I told you about scaring your guests?

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Gentlemen, I did something

thrilling and very dangerous the other day.

I went ice skating with the kids

at one of those little pop-up rinks that you sort of see that come around in wintertime.

Yes.

And they're very small.

It's like the size of a pool, like a backyard pool that they just, I guess, freeze and sink into the ground or however you do it.

But

the thing about ice skating with the kids is they

love the concept of it.

But the reality of ice skating is it's a very slippery activity.

Yes.

And it's not a skill that you can really get that much better at in the 45-minute slot that you get when you're out

when you're out on the ice wearing like the very hard plastic, blunt and clip-on skates that you get at the skating thing.

And

they give kids these Zimmer frame type things, these like barriers that they can hold on to.

So you can get out on the ice and kind of skate a bit.

You can hold on to something.

That's what Andy needed when he smashed his teeth.

Yeah, we have a bad history at ice skating.

I went back out in the ice earlier this year with Beck.

Beck and I went

to ball.

It was the first time since.

How'd you feel?

Yeah, it felt okay.

Yeah, not like obviously.

Should we get the ice hockey team back?

I haven't ice skated since that day.

Yes, Yes, you have, Jack.

We went for skating practice the next week.

We tried to keep the dream alive.

That's right.

Yeah.

In 12 years, I haven't been back on the ice.

Yeah.

I mean, that was,

we were looking good for a little bit until Ando, yeah, that smashed his teeth out.

Yeah.

It was just a fall forward, wasn't it?

And a land on the ice.

back in behind me if it was if it was on the puck wouldn't have been an issue but

that except it's on my stick wouldn't have been an issue but to reach back for the puck you know trying to keep yeah so why didn't you put your hands out to to yeah that's off of the floor steve is an interesting question he landed on your chin to be honest that the ice came a lot quicker than i was expecting i think anything

shot off

with a normal fall to the ground

you don't have your legs

slip you know like flying out the other way the other way you have some traction you have some traction and that is really what ice skating as a dad taking your kids is all about is watching the the other dads go, I think I can do this.

And then when people get the reverse, oh, yeah, like Scooby-Doo legs, where they're just running, running, running on the spot, and you go, it's so thrilling to watch someone doing that when they're kicking out in front of them because you're like, all right, well, we're right now, we're in a wonderful moment where it's man v gravity.

And the only thing keeping his cocksy from shattering is panic.

Who will win?

Who will win?

Gravity or panic?

I did have that moment when i was with beck earlier in the year and unfortunately panic didn't win panic ran out yeah panic panic has a as a shelf life it can only keep you going so long and i just reached sorry i just reached the confidence to go hey beck film me on this

them hitting the deck quite the biggest the biggest fear out there though definitely the kids because they have these like the little things they can hold on to and so they don't need to be good and they just it's they think it's like dodge them cars yes so i I was just like, because here's the other thing: there's not many skills I can do,

but as you boys know, in the late 90s, early 2000s, I, as it turns out, historically incorrectly chose rollerblading over skateboarding.

Back when we didn't know which was going to be cooler,

and both were about as cool as each other at the X games.

Yep.

And I went, I think blading's going to get it.

Yep.

And I'll invest my time learning how to rollblade.

So can skate

can get around.

So my body, I was like, I'll see if I can remember how to do this because I haven't been back up.

Yeah, I wouldn't have done it since we did it 12 years ago.

But I was capable enough to skate around.

But the real fear comes from going like it,

what it actually felt like, only because I've just finished watching it, was a squid game game.

where you're like, you get out onto the ice and these kids are flying around.

You're like, any one of these kids could give me a knee reconstruction anytime.

And

before you get on the ice, ice, like before you play the squid game game, you're like, oh, yeah, I can make it through.

It's just a simple game.

I think I know how to beat this one.

But then things start happening out there where you realize it's horrible and you should never have done this.

And definitely after this one, you're quitting.

Like you can't keep playing this game.

You're going to die.

But I was, I was doing it all right.

And the whole thing we'd organize was like, I'll take the kids and then Zoe will meet us like.

40 minutes later and she'll come and see us at the end and we will show our skills.

And it occurred to me, she's never seen me skate.

She's never seen me rollerblade or ice skate.

Thank goodness she hasn't seen you rollerblade.

Relationship over.

Right.

There's a level.

There's a level that you can get to, which is pretty hot for women.

I'm highly analyzed around you just both went.

We can't be by that.

It just occurred to me.

I was like, there's not many things I can do in front of my wife where she's like, wow, that's a skill.

I'm impressed to see that skill.

And what's great about this.

I don't have any skills I can show her.

And you don't have to go, hey, come and watch this.

She's already coming.

She has to come.

Look at her children.

Exactly.

That's great.

Like, because normally when I think I'm doing something great, I go, hey, Bec, can you come and watch me do this?

And immediately there's nothing cool about that.

I'm kind of getting into the rhythm and I'm skating backwards.

I'm like, oh my God, like,

I think she's going to ask me to reverse my vasectomy.

I think it's, I think I'm killing this.

And I noticed she turned up and I'm skating backwards and like winking and sort of dancing as I'm going past her.

And then on the next lap around, I'm checking on the kids and they're getting goofy.

I'm aware of them as well.

So I'm looking after the kids and I'm skating backwards, like thumbs up, dancing as though, and she was filming me.

She was filming me, Ando.

That's how impressed she was, which she's never done before in her life.

So we finish up, got off the ice, and you're like clunking over in your skates on the plastic floor.

And I was like, This is it.

She's this is a rare moment where she's going to go, like, oh, I didn't know you could skate.

And she, I went over and she goes, I so badly wanted you to fall over.

That makes sense why the camera was there.

Yeah, yeah,

she was like, I was, dude, I was filming in slow-mo.

Positive you were going to fall.

Have you guys gone and got a can of Coke here?

Yeah, at the vending machine.

Well, no, at the shop.

At the shop.

At the shop.

There's no longer a vending machine.

Yeah, I did it.

I did it last show.

I forgot to tell you guys about this.

It's a secrecy system.

Well, I asked.

I asked some.

So just to clear it up for people, the rest of this building is like a regular office where we podcast, like studios and then like sales department, but like an open plan office.

the communal kitchen is and it's like a newer building.

There used to be vending machines there.

Yeah.

And now there is food.

Like there's like protein bars and fishermen's friends and like packs of nuts.

And you open your own fridge, you take the can and then you go and scan it yourself.

And there's like a little, there's a self-checkout, Jack.

You would be an absolute heaven here.

I did see it.

I actually have seen it only from afar.

And the first thing I thought unfortunately, which I know your favorite thing to accidentally forget to pay for at the supermarket.

I did actually see it.

I thought, that looks like a loose system is all that really came to mind.

So I said to someone standing here, I go, what is to stop everyone just taking this?

And they go, I know, there's cameras.

I look around.

I look at the roof.

I go, where are they?

And she goes, oh, no, on the machine that looks like a small ATM.

No, that's not.

It's got a camera in that.

And I go, watch this.

tough to describe in audio, but there's this small ATM looking out directly beside it is the fridge.

Yeah.

yeah you can kind of i just i walked i walked on the other side of the fridge stood behind it yep snaked my arm around the front opened the door took four bottles of coke and said there's no way it's all that yeah that's exactly how i felt

this is the easiest yeah like we're not doing burg boys here this is the easiest robbery of all time so who do you think is in charge of tech in the building here who do we normally turn to

Well, we turn to...

Isn't there a book where we have to write down all the problems?

No, no, no, no.

Like Gino, you mean?

Gino, yeah.

Yeah, Gino, right.

So

That book hasn't existed for about 20 years.

When you decide radio, 20 years ago, I haven't been over that side of the desk for decades.

I'm putting the men who dealing with like a computer error.

Gino is the desk.

It's the fault log.

Yeah, default log.

That's it.

So I go to the fridge, I pull out a Coke and wait for a beep or something or it to be weight-based so like it knows.

Yeah, you gotta go check it out.

Yeah, you gotta do a checkout.

And I'm like, is this an honesty system?

Because there are those futuristic, futuristic i don't know if you've been into one i went to one in the us it's like a little news agency no but you're it's in an airport but as you're grabbing stuff off the shelf it just knows you scan your card when you go in you grab stuff off the shelf it just knows it watches you and knows what you've taken and then it charges you your worst nightmare

so i'm saying like we could it could you could have been mistaken for thinking we have that here at the radio station so i said is this an honesty system

and someone said no like a bath spy said no i said well it is because i have to go to the kiosk gino

pipes up and goes this cameras same as you they've absolutely this is like guys and i said to they've done a number on you here guys these cameras are not scary enough to deter crime i said to gino i don't believe it he goes no if we're out the stock's out and it's tech weekly Yeah, so we can rewind through

148 hours of footage.

coke.

I said to Gino, I'm going to test the system.

Yes.

I mean, I meant to do it last week.

We were so busy.

He said to me, you shouldn't have told me.

And I said to him, and I know this is going to, there's a slight crossover with Berg Boys, but I'm like,

hours are going to be farmer alabett.

But I said to him, hey, I'm doing it this year, and I'm not going to tell you when.

Absolutely.

And I'm doing it in a wig.

So goodbye.

Because he's just going to be looking for you now on the footage.

Simple, simple wig for the cost of an $8 wig and an overcoat yeah you've just got yourself free coats for a year then gino follows me down the hallway and says just you know the shop adjusts price based on

these congratulations you've just told me the cameras don't work

you've chased me with a plan b to stop me stealing if the cameras are an effective deterrent yeah and you had faith in them you would have said good luck mate because we'll see you there's no way you can do it.

Well, I think he went for the more social media.

He's trying to appeal to like...

They will adjust the price of all the stock for the following.

Right.

So if a lot of people steal Coke and chips, it could cost $20 for a Coke.

Well,

we'll charge your fellow employees.

Let me ask you this, Jack.

If a bottle of Coke is $3.50

and you stole one every day for a year and it put the price up to $3.55 for everyone else, would you do it?

Well, this is the thing.

And I don't advocate for stealing as much as you joke that I will.

I wouldn't do that, but it does feel like it's punishing the person who's paying and not the person who's stealing.

Yeah, yeah, but would it stop you from stealing if you knew the price was going from 350 to 355?

If I was a stealing person, that would not stop me.

No,

how were you able to get into character so well?

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at HamishandAndy.com.

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