2025 Ep 299 - The Jingle Joust

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a listener production.

Activate your internet.

Cause the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three,

two.

Sorry, still buffering.

One.

Ahoy to me, Stewart.

Hey, Mish.

Hello.

Please be famous elves.

No.

Ahoy to meet Bob.

Oh, Bob Stewart.

Bob Stewart is where I used to get my school uniform from.

But that won't be it.

That's not it.

And Andy, and I'm simply the full stop after Bob Stewart.

And I'll be Kevin.

Who was I again?

Stewart.

Stewart, Bob, and Kevin.

Were we all in Jebodire to the the Australian band?

Are we all prime ministers?

No.

Apparently, we are...

Stuart's a fred one.

We're apparently the three main minions.

Ah, yeah.

Have you ever seen the minions?

I have.

I've seen a bit of minions, yeah.

Kevin, Kevin comes up a bit.

Bob, yeah, there's a bit of Bob in there.

I've thrown Stewart in.

You guys don't like this one, do you?

It's good.

It'll resonate with a certain type of despicable me fan.

Yeah.

Huge franchise.

I get it.

it i don't remember them using their each other's names grew does yeah well they don't the minions don't but

groo does a bit of like you know come on bob you're better than that yeah yes like that well he doesn't say that but that's what we're saying to lies with regards to these three things

i reckon what's happened with lies is we all you know there was a lot of celebration over um you know there was a there was a pokemon one yep and then there was another animation based one wasn't there wasn't it are we saying none of that anymore?

Well, I think she's just going, oh, let's just pick popular culture.

The other one was the hyenas from Lion King.

That's it.

The hyenas from Lion King.

She's not too crazy.

She thinks she's fair.

I'm actually going to call her.

I'm going to ki bosh this loophole that she's using.

Okay, she's actually just disappointed outside the studio here with a darn it type fist stamp on it.

Yeah, like we're onto you.

We're onto you.

No more.

We can't just keep doing this to go, oh, you know, papa, clumsy, and some other smurf.

Like, we just don't,

we just, we're better than that.

We want the

clumsy smurf.

We want the brain stretch.

Don't we want the brain stretch?

Wasn't one like types of katana swords or something?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know a little bit about the world.

No way, we'll improve them.

Ahoy also to Jamie, who's in the US, who used the very easy to use system at hamishnandy.com, much better than WhatsApp.

Tell us what she's been up to.

No, it's not.

Hey, Hamish, Andy, and the Weasel.

I have a message for the Berg boys.

Berg boys.

For about a year in the 70s, the government paid my grandfather to break into planes, and if he could get in, he'd leave his business card in the cockpit.

When the pilot found it in the morning, they knew who to call to get their security system in order.

I think I have to go on record and say my grandfather wasn't a criminal, but if you're thieving to test a security system, you're not only entitled to leave a calling card, it's the responsible thing to do.

Sickard.

We haven't been talking about Berg Boys, but we are working on it behind the scenes, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

We don't want anyone to pick up on what we're doing.

And again, I knew this job existed.

It's died out.

Maybe it hasn't died out, but I mean, we just, we'll just bring it back for one time only.

Are we going to leave a calling card?

100%.

Can I please be in charge of a calling card?

You can absolutely be in charge of the calling card.

Good boys.

Hain,

people often write in at Hamacheny.com

and say that they've seen Jack in the wild.

Yeah.

Or you, unfortunately.

Or me, yes.

Pushing past them at a smoke mark and some other disappointing examples of behavior.

And I think since Jack has recently become unemployed on Mountain and Balmore, you were at

far more wild time.

Far more wild time.

Which leads me to a brand new segment.

A fascinating creature is the Jack Post.

But I'm just a little boy.

Often wandering aimlessly in the wilderness, he presents himself as having a lack of purpose.

I actually didn't listen again.

But don't be fooled.

He is a sophisticated animal, and it's very exciting to see

Jack in the wild.

It's nearly there, isn't it?

The AI Attenborough.

Yeah, no, we actually, there's

some legal issues with using a better one.

Gotcha.

So we've proved it.

He's got to be changed enough to not be Attenborough.

I was like, that is...

Someone who if on a crew if on a cruise ship they did seven other voices, you'd be like, fine, they do an 80% of everyone.

Yes, that is old man nature voice very distinct

not referencing anyone in particular just a man born in the 1920s who loves nature um

this came in from cullum i saw jack in the wild today okay

was driving into golf listening this morning on the on to the show and i hear jack talking about selling the people's trolley on marketplace which i haven't done i've got the buggy he goes i get to golf and he's in the group in front of me.

Oh, Jack.

There's eyes everywhere, man.

Late to his teacher.

You've got to be careful.

Late to his tea time, by the way.

I'm thinking, oh, at least the trolley is getting some use.

On hole 15, Jack's fussing about with it.

I can't believe this is seen.

The battery has died.

His playing partner, who is actually carrying his own bag on his back, says to Jack, that thing's more trouble than it's worth.

This is not good for your resale value.

You've got working legs, don't you?

Jack replies, clear as day: Yeah, you're right.

All I can think of is poor Doreen, or whoever that old lady's name was, that really needed the trolley for medical reasons.

So she can keep playing golf and maintaining a connection with her community.

Think he needs to get to gift it to the old chook, live on air.

Or

an apology song.

I've attached a screenshot of Jack's golf score for evidence.

No, I did have a bad round.

You've ever had a shocking.

Can you send that to the end of the day?

Double bogey on the first.

That's right.

Come on, I don't read that one.

He's had a good triple bogey on the first.

Then this went double, triple, double, bogey, triple in succession.

Wow, finally has a par on nine.

I can't laugh, but I am.

Doesn't bother finishing hole 10.

Double, triple.

I don't know.

I like this.

It feels so vulnerable.

Like, I'd rather naked photos of me being put on the internet.

As someone, Dak, I feel you, as someone that's trying to learn golf, this feels like being hazed.

This feels like you've been strung up in the locker room and you're just getting your bare butts spanked.

Hole 15,

where the trolley dies,

he then gets a par after the dead trolley.

Wow.

Anyway.

What was the final score?

Might as well.

You shot.

Well, there's no, the pickup's not.

You count it if that counts as 10.

If we put that as a 10, 106.

Mate, I can't laugh.

I can't laugh.

And for people who don't know golf, par is 72.

And more is worse.

And

we'll just stop now.

But

when you start playing golf,

you're actually afraid of people who are good at golf, like Andy.

This is absolutely

golf as worse than I'm saying.

You're laughing at scores like that.

And people tell you, don't worry.

What you'll learn on the golf course is that everybody's only interested in their own game.

They're not even paying attention to you.

And to have Andy read all by

the way.

It's horrible.

It's horrible.

I would hate that to happen to me.

I'm with you, Jack.

Can I just say I'd be happy with that score?

More than happy with that score many a day.

But can I just,

what I want to focus on is the trolley here.

Yeah, I've got to play with it.

The first round you played with it, after all, can I just say the reputational destruction you endured as you stole it?

Well, as you decided where you thought fair was on that game and you won it fairly.

I think most people who I bump into, especially those who are part of the 10,000 people who put themselves into the lottery, didn't see it as balanced as what i saw it

so you did there was a reputational cost for you to get that trolley but then the first time you took it out on the golf course and again i know for non-golf understanders or carers shout out to my wife if she's listening

as ando said 106 is a kind of a score you'd be like okay that wasn't my best day out there you shot an 88.

89 but it's 89 still easily my best ever score and it was the first round with the and you're like like, oh my God, this has been the missing link, which really spoke to me on a personal level because I do firmly believe that spending more money on gear is the answer to getting better at golf, not improving your own skill.

It's probably a gear problem.

So you probably can buy your way out of it.

So I was like, oh, my God, this sounds great, Jack.

I can't believe this.

But now it seems like.

the cart isn't the magic.

No, it's not magic.

Like I do like not having to push the cart and it drives around like on its own, but it is definitely not magic.

And I've been getting worse.

And can I say what, just like one bugbear with it, even though I'm very thankful for the company issues,

is

it gets you meant to charge it.

It says in the manual many times, charge it every round.

But at the end of the round, you can check the battery and pretty much at the end of every round, it's about 50% left in it.

So you often get to the end and you're like, oh, I probably can not charge it this time and just run the gauntlet again next time and get another 50% out of it.

So what happens when it runs a battery just to get it?

Do you think the second 50 goes faster than the first 50?

And then the second 50 on this occasion was only really had 14 holes in it, not 18.

And then it's because you walk from side to side the whole way down the 50.

I've got to say that's very cruel, but I must hand it to you, wonderful golf burn.

Oh, man,

it is so awkward when it dies because you can't, it doesn't, it's got something in it that doesn't let you push it because the motors are meant to um resist it resist the wheel so why this guy callum has seen me is like down on all fours you have to unlock the wheel from the motor to

otherwise you're dragging there's just three skid marks for five holes as you drag a stubborn mule of a cart along behind you not a great look callum thank you very much for your jack sighting um we only want real ones um but if you do see

that um but no i'm I'm just referring to my sightings, which tend to have a lot of.

We've never had a falsifier and I appreciate the people's honesty there, him coming in.

Can I hold on to it, though, Trolley?

I'm going to hold on to it.

Yeah, it's.

Couldn't we give a quick update on the piano that you had to get shipped off to the guy in Tasmania?

Yes, it is going very soon.

Very soon.

God, I shouldn't say it's a month or so.

The guy, apparently, the guy who's coming to pick it up had an abdominal strain and he can't lift it.

Did you get the cheapest?

I outsourced the logistics of this to Lisa.

Sorry.

Who have you picked?

Why have they only got one person?

Why can there only be one person that's got a sore ab so it can't come to sit?

No one else in Melbourne willing to move a piano.

It has been months.

Jack, why aren't you more across this?

This was to rebuild your reputation.

I know, I actually

keep asking what's happening with the piano.

She told me this morning before we started, he's got an abdominal strain and he doesn't want to lift the piano right now.

Did you say, don't worry, I'll do it because I don't have a job?

No, I said, yeah, good point because it's really heavy.

It is really heavy.

I think it's safe to say we all, if COVID taught us nothing else, it taught us how to sneeze.

Right.

Like it taught us the elbow trick.

Yeah, into the elbow.

I don't think we were doing...

Were you doing the elbow before COVID?

I was like, double hands.

Yeah, hands.

That turned out to be bad.

Yep.

Because hands go elsewhere.

Yeah.

And so we all learned, I think we all learned a lot about sneezing.

Yes.

I still feel that there's an element of when people sneeze now

way more post-COVID where people are like police the sneeze a little bit and go, you know, we're not back in those times.

Back in COVID, remember she sneezed, it was like, oh, yeah.

It was like you brought a gun out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glad.

I don't know.

Wild.

What you guys are like, but I don't think anyone needs to actually outwardsly sneeze.

Can't you just hold it in?

Like, can't you just?

no sometimes it's no i can't my son my son can he can do yeah he like can

it's like when you

i don't think i can hold it in i can deaden the explosion but i can't i can i can completely i could i could soften it but this actually leads into what i want to talk about this the the soft like the deadened one it's like when you yeah like someone like you know in old western movies like an explosion happens in a mine and you like hear something and then just a puff of smoke comes out the tunnel that's what i'm writing with yeah sunny can do those and i I admire his ability to completely do it.

But we're all sneezing into

our crooks.

And I'd be interested to hear your thoughts, Ando, and other people's as people that kind of are able to like choke out their sneeze and muffle it.

When you're by yourself, do you ever just let a sneeze off the chain?

Yes.

Yes.

And have a huge sneeze.

I do that as a choker.

So in, I won't, I will, I will use the silencer.

But then if I've taken someone out into the forest and I want to take the silencer off,

that's I, it is like singing at the top of your life.

Like it is like an elephant.

Sometimes if I'm by myself and because you the sneezers sneak up on you, so you only have a really one or two seconds to make the call.

Yes.

Are we suppressing this or are we going full noise?

Yes.

And when you realize

I'm in my bedroom by myself here and you can just

let it it out, and like a sonic boom comes forth.

It is great fun.

I did one the other day, spray, though.

Oh, yeah, it's cool.

It's an it's a dirtbag move.

But that's one of the outside.

An outdoor one is absolutely the best.

If you say, if you're on a walk by yourself, nobody around.

Just remembering I wasn't in the bedroom.

That's what I know.

That's right.

That's why there's so many trees around.

I thought it was the wallpaper.

But you're right.

Yeah.

Like, that's why I was so excited the other day.

You're right.

Because of the outdoor one, the wind can take it and no animal.

Yeah, it's just animals out there.

So I had one the other day where, because it's that really, really fast window to make the calculation.

Yeah.

Like, hang on what am I doing?

How am I controlling this next?

It's the closest I ever feel to being an elite athlete when you've got no time to think and you've got to get it.

Yeah, but it slows down.

So you're like, okay, what do we do?

Yeah.

Suddenly you're like the quarterback seeing all the options in front of you.

Am I indoors?

Am I outdoors?

I'm obviously outdoors.

Indoors is pig manoeuvre.

So I see, I had a bit of a, I had a bit of a blocked nose, like I, you know, been like blowing my nose and a sneeze came on.

So the algorithm comes down and I go, you know, first on the decision tree, soft or loud.

Yeah.

And I go, yeah, go loud.

You're by yourself.

And then

I invented almost take the day off for that one.

Yeah.

And then I went, there's a whole new thing you could do here.

What if I tried to, if I took a big breath in?

Because it's the breath in indicates how loud the sneeze is going to be.

It's like when they say the tide goes out before like a tidal wave.

So you breath in, you're like, this is going to be huge.

And then I made the call,

keep your mouth shut.

Wow.

Try and get it all through the nose.

And

you're in the bedroom.

I was in the bathroom for this one.

But I almost needed to put like tarps up on the wall.

Oh, God.

As it's coming, you're like, I don't know what's going to happen here.

But there's such a thrill when you're doing an experiment with your own head.

Your own head is the apparatus.

I was like, here we go.

Like, hold my lips.

It's not good.

It's not good.

I felt like I almost blew the top of my cheeks.

Yeah, it just came, like, all the spit erupts out through your lips and everything.

So it's not, it's not hot and it's not good.

No.

But

walk it back one step and I say, hey, it's just you.

You're a consenting adult.

You're by yourself.

Enjoy yourself.

Let one off the chain.

Out again.

Starting a business can be overwhelming.

You're juggling multiple roles: designer, marketer, logistics manager, all while bringing your vision to life.

But for millions of businesses, Shopify is the ultimate partner.

Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S., from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started.

Build a stunning online store with Shopify's ready-to-use templates.

Boost content with AI-powered product descriptions, page headlines, and enhance photography.

Marketing is easy with built-in tools for email and social media campaigns.

Plus, Shopify simplifies everything from inventory to shipping and returns.

If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify.

Turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/slash try.

Go to shopify.com/slash try.

Shopify.com/slash try.

We discussed this during the week.

A dying art, I think, is taking a popular song and making a jingle out of it.

I feel like it was huge and prevalent in the 90s.

Yep.

Or making it almost like a song about the company.

Yes.

Yeah.

Famous ones.

Those were the days.

Famous ones in the past.

It's Mac Tonight, as in McDonald's Tonight versus Mac the Knife.

This is a bit of that one.

We grew up with this.

When the clock strikes,

It's McNaught.

Come on, make it tonight.

Killer.

Now, giant moon singing from

memory.

Yes, yes.

And I can't remember who the artist was.

It was a famous artist singing it.

I just thought they'd written that for McDonald's.

I was shocked to find out later that was a song.

Yes.

But it was.

Did it die out because McDonald's started focusing more on the breakfast menu?

And

that's steering too many customers in store for nighttime.

Yep.

I think that's

probably from your franchise owners.

You have the pushback to be like, hey, that's we're a 24-hour restaurant.

Another one that we remembered was Banana Boat.

Banana Boat.

Funside side protection.

Banana boat.

It's 30 plus.

Banana boat.

It lasts for hours.

And then an hour's good.

Banana boat.

Banana boat.

Amazing.

I thought there was an ad.

The one I was singing was that maybe reminded me of it was,

I thought it was an ad for a Carlton ice.

I thought it was a drink.

No, no, yeah, I know the one you're thinking of, but it was just an ad for putting cans on ice in the 90s.

Yeah, it just talked about.

what do you mean?

It was just an ads.

It was an ad for cans.

It was really just an ad, like an aluminium, like Aluminium Australia.

Yeah, we know that you're like, it must have been, Jack.

It must have been from like the Aluminium Producers Association because it really was just an ad

encouraging you to have a preferred delivery mechanism,

soft drink,

like between bottles and cans.

Yes.

And it was an ad about just how great cans are.

Yep, have a listen.

They're as cold as

So take my advice.

A can is cold as ice, I know.

I swear my friend, it happens every time.

Every time.

Nothing refreshes like ice cold cans.

And they just had heaps of brands of different cans.

It was like a We Are the World moment because it was like

Koch and Schweppes and everyone had just come together to just be cans.

Like, what unites us?

We're just cans.

So we wanted to say to the biggest companies in the world, there's still an avenue for you and remind them that this could still be done.

We've shown some big hitters there.

Yeah.

Look at cans haven't gone anywhere.

It worked for cans.

It could work for you.

So in a segment we're doing today called The Jingle Joust, we put in eight big companies that may not normally turn to a jingle or a hit song to turn to a jingle.

And then we put eight big songs in a hat.

Have you got the company list?

The companies were WorkSafe, ChatGPT, Allbrand, LinkedIn, Louis Vuitton, Tesla, Durex, and Metamucil.

Really could go anywhere.

Although too heavy.

You've got Metamucil and Allbrand in there, so too heavy on the bowel movement.

It'd be unlucky if we pulled both of those.

I don't know what you guys are.

I didn't get either of those.

I don't know if you know either of us.

Okay, okay.

So we've

dodged a heavy fiber, two heavy fiber jingles.

The songs were All-Star by Smash Mouth, The Mac Arena, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Cake by the Ocean,

Those Boots Are Made for Walking.

Oh, What a Night, December 963, Spinning Around by Kylie Monag and Riptide by Vance Joy.

Now, we all dipped our hands into a hat for both the brands and the songs.

Haim, you kick us off.

Okay, great.

Do you want to go song first or brand first?

I drew LinkedIn.

Oh.

So initially I was like, okay, that's, I'm not on LinkedIn.

Jack, you might be because I should be on a job.

I don't have a job.

I'm going to job.

But

I'm not on LinkedIn, but that's okay.

You didn't have to be a power user of the product to

write a jingle for it.

And my song was Riptide by Vance Joy, which I now have, and I loved the song before, but now I have even more of an appreciation for it because you have it.

Specifically, the singing of it,

it's right in his key, isn't it?

Yeah, yep, he's done well.

I mean, good on him, he's good on him.

He's right,

he's not gonna write himself a wrong song.

Yeah, yeah,

so he's played to his strengths, and good on him, good on him, all powered.

He wasn't to know that I would be needing him to write a song that we both could sing

at some point in his life,

several times

He's just thought of himself.

And again, I say good on him.

He's the one out touring it.

You can see how long these things are.

How long is home's jingle?

55 seconds.

Wow.

Wow, you have to buy a double.

You have to buy a double ad spot.

Well, usually an ad is 30 seconds, but I guess you can buy a double, double spot.

This is a cinema ad.

Okay, linked in with Rift Hide.

If you are a dentist or NPR,

If you are a project leader needing work connections,

oh my friend, we are a dream

Best professional networking site that you've ever seen

We know what the world's thinking specifically about business things

Like job posts statistics on engagements and posts and also thought leadership posts those are the posts you love the most

asterisk details we're not totally free our free version is free premium is expensive

now that's a website i'd go to

i like it i really liked it

to be honest i don't remember hearing or seeing a linkedin ad before but they reckon that's on them they probably have done it and it does not mean as as memorable as what you've just produced they wouldn't finish the ad with our premium version is expensive

but i would argue to them that's the that's why you get someone just a man on the street to write your ads for you yes because that's how we want to see it yeah just more honest not saying it's the most expensive thing in the world it's certainly more expensive than free so it's a consideration yeah well but then if i was allowed more time in the small talk i would go yeah i mean it's more expensive than some things but you know you've got to spend money to make money i mean do you want a job or not get in there I mean, you'd already gone for 55 seconds.

That's everyone.

The adjusters had two minutes of songs.

It flew, which I think is testimony to the business.

Song credit advance, to be honest.

I'll take all the credit.

I pulled out of the song hat spinning around by Kylie Minogue.

Yeah, okay.

I then pulled out Louis Vuitton.

Wow.

There's a brand of all these brands that's least likely to get a jingle.

Yes, I don't think Louis Vuitton's going to go for jingles.

The Stuff that Louis Vuitton does just never, it just doesn't seem like it's one step away from a jingle.

And then nothing in the lyrics of spinning around rhymes with Louis Vuitton.

Well, yeah, no, and the tough thing about a jingle is you kind of need the, you kind of need the name of the brand in there.

Yes.

So

what do you think?

I'm going to ask both of you, and hopefully you get the right answer because this leads me into where the director is.

Is it something like, you know, our bags are round, you know,

long-shaped?

No.

What colours defy Louis Vuitton, do you think?

The most famous colours?

Would it be sort of a brown?

Yes,

very similar to that.

And this is what I came up with.

Oh,

gold letters on brown

gold letters on brown in leather and suede.

Beautiful bags that you simply can't miss.

Handcrafted goods from France and from Spain.

For every look, we've got something that fits.

Louis Vuitton, since 1854, sling a touch of Paris over your arm.

Really good.

Well done.

Really good.

And congratulations.

You took the world, possibly the world's premium fashion house and made it sound like a discount outlet chain.

But it's so catchy.

I reckon it would work.

If that was an ad that was always on TV and radio, you would start going like, which one's Louis Vuitton?

You know, don't Louis Vuitton letters, I'm Brown.

Oh, yeah, it's a bad, that's the kind of one you can never forget,

Jack.

Which one?

Uh, let's start with the song.

Okay, I picked out of the hat Frankie Valley in the Four Seasons.

Oh, what a night.

And the company that I've pulled out is WorkSafe.

I'll be honest, I was surprised to see WorkSafe even on the list because it's really more of a government organization.

Yeah, I always thought it's the kind of company that you're not going going to see a jingle for because they're normally doing really brutal ads where someone's in an industrial accident and listening to human and they're like, come on.

It's hard to take care of your mates.

So that's, that was the challenge of that one.

That's tough, Jack.

That's what I remembered of work safe ads growing up was either the horrific injury ones or there was the easier to digest one where the work site is looking out the window.

They see him rock up in the car park and they go, oh no, work safe here.

Did you put the metal guard on, et cetera, et cetera.

That was more of a precautionary one, wasn't it like you know

i feel like is it work safe is work safe a victorian thing or is it national oh i would have thought i think it could be just in case people in other states are listening i mean people could figure this out but i feel like it might be work safe victoria but we all grew up in victoria maybe but if it sure

is

like a work safe inspector coming around to check on you i'm not not saying that victoria is the only state that makes you have the rules so never

everyone else no no hard hats no scaffolding

Anywhere else.

Wear what you want.

And just, you know,

if you're getting really antsy up on there, tie a rope around your ankle and then tie it to a beam if you're really worried about falling.

So

I've been inspired by those ads of the guys looking out from their work site, seeing the work site safe man inspector rocking up.

This is sung from the perspective of the work site.

Yeah, the work site.

So the workers,

they are talking about the work safe man.

And I've also bought a double ad.

Oh, fantastic.

He's bought a double ad.

It's longer.

What I like about this, Jack, is,

and obviously, it's your vision, but I could see the start of the ad where they've got the radio on during the work site.

Love that.

And then this song comes off.

And they're in their high views.

By the end, they're dancing and singing.

Again, it's like an audio fade from radio music to kind of live-action singing.

Is that what I'm saying?

You've sort of written a musical, have you?

This is exactly my vision.

Here we go.

Okay.

The work safe guy.

He strongly recommends we change our shoes.

Steel cap toes instead of cowboy boots.

They might look nice, but they're non-comply.

He says that we need to comply or he'll suspend us.

He also thinks it's time to untie the apprentice.

I mean, I can see them all singing and dancing and

they're pointing out things not to do.

Not to do.

And it's got this kind of severe village people vibe.

That guy wasn't really a construction worker, but he got into it.

It's the village people if they're all the construction worker.

It's exactly it.

I mean, it adds way more to my mind, since we're kind of like painting a visual picture here.

There's a lot of finger waggling from the works that code.

Yeah, yeah.

Which you don't see in the ads.

And I think in real life, they're probably a bit sterner than that.

But it keeps it light-hearted.

You know, it keeps it light-hearted.

It has a lot of finger waggling.

Don't do that.

Well done, Jacko.

Well done, guys.

The tricky part for you, Jackie, is because you'd have to have that as the ad, but then it has to get into the serious bit at the end.

Like you have to be going from singing, don't, don't, don't do that.

You would have to like

quite quickly power down and then have like a voiceover over you know seriously don't do that yeah

all jokes aside spoken by b bancroft for work safe

aim as we strive to make the world tallest hat

the

in the war room where Sam and Grace are, they still continue to chat on WhatsApp.

And now I've monitoring it.

Yeah, I'm monitoring it.

I've also entered the chat to throw our ideas that we have in between the weeks to them to see how they respond.

Time for another one of these.

The inside word.

Conversations of tall hat construction.

By way of background, Grace is the university student, aerospace engineering.

I think she's studying.

And so she's doing design.

And Sam works at a compositing manufacturer.

So he's going to do the lightweight structure.

We're going a top hat

and the idea of making a lead rim.

Yep.

Did you mention to them the lead corks of a Bushman's hat?

I did, and that's why I wanted to show you where we're at.

And then I did.

Yep, throw that.

It's the first time I had the courage to enter myself into the WhatsApp with a suggestion

from the group that we could do a corked hat and have lead.

instead of corks to counterbalance the weight of the hat itself.

They began the conversation talking about how thick the lead rim was going to be.

I think Sam was trying to work out, he's our manufacturer, he was trying to work out how much of a tubular,

I suppose, end to the brim he will need to fill with lead.

This is how it started.

How thick is the lead?

Yep.

Like, is there a minimum thickness?

Not from our point of view.

Okay, easy.

Most likely we'll be lining the bottom of the tube with it.

Yeah, easy.

I have a mate with an oven he uses to make lead ingots.

Can have a chat with him about making the lining.

Okay, perfect.

Can definitely use any metal if they are easier to manufacture, or even getting curved sheet metal to embed.

I'm good mates with the manufacturing supervisor at uni if we need anything like that.

Yeah, perfect.

Might need to keep that in mind for the buckle.

Now,

it just showed to me, gosh, they're really going down this lead brim.

And I hadn't spoken up yet from our point of view.

It is also interesting because they don't know each other predominantly just through the chat.

It's a mate-off, isn't it?

Yeah.

I've got no friends like, oh, there's this guy.

No, okay, cool.

What's an ingot?

An ingot is just like a bar of bar of, like a gold ingot, it's like a gold brick.

So it's just like a little bar of, you know, the material.

Oh, so he's just got a mate whose bars of lead.

He can get bars of yeah i guess he has i guess he has a little mold that he can like heat up the lead and pour it in and make little bars ah okay

so yeah a bit of a made-off this is when i thought cheapest they're going heavy literally on the brim of this can i just ask i i i i just want to speak up for anyone trying to visualize this if they're talking about attaching so you think of a standard top hat felt felt on felt right felt brim felt hat you don't really need to think too much about the structure You're not going five meters in the air.

When you've got that kind of a situation,

thinking about the brim of a top hat, you kind of need to know how stiff that brim is, because if you start weighing down the outside of the brim, I worry it now begins to droop over the eyes.

No,

yeah.

No, I don't.

Too droopy.

No, I don't.

And I wondered if the whole brim being led like a halo is a better structural option.

So it still gives you the weight because we're really trying to make it, you're trying to connect the brim to the hat from what I can gather.

The whole brim is carbon fiber,

so it is soup, the whole thing is rigid

fiber.

Didn't know about that with a curl at the end, which they're going to build in the mold that they can then put the push the lead in.

I got out of curve.

Is that making sense?

So they hide the lead.

I thought it was felt.

Yeah, no, I don't know.

Okay, no, if the brim is carbon fiber,

no problemo.

Yep.

That's great.

Because I'm just worried about how you transfer the weight from the edge of the brim through the brim to the hat and if it was felt like we've got a droop we've got droop city on our hands yeah but that's okay that makes more sense to me we do need to cover we'll need to cover the carbon fiber with felt yes yes i think they plan on doing that so it'll be a very rigid brim i like it so this is where i went oh gosh i've I've got to jump in with our idea for the corks

hat and instead of corks with lead.

So the weight dangles lower, which would be a better counterweight, as you you were suggesting, Ham.

Haynes, obviously, our physics.

Maybe, maybe.

So I plucked up the courage and I jumped in.

Hey, guys, Andy jumping in here.

I'm no engineer, but this was discussed on the podcast.

What about we went with a corked hat and instead of corks, there were lead weights to counterbalance and improve stability.

Low-key, not a bad idea, but we'll add extra weight.

I think we can get away with just an absurdly wide-brim hat.

Agreed.

Just needs to grab the head well.

Okay, I'll butt out of this.

So I quickly just go.

You really didn't.

I can't say you advocated too hard for the idea.

I panicked.

Hey, guys.

I just thought I'd jump in with an idea.

Sure, what's up, Andy?

No worries.

I'm out.

Well, it got dismissed pretty quickly.

No, it wasn't actually dismissed.

She said low key, a pretty good idea.

Low key, not a bad idea, but we'll add extra weight.

I think we can get away with just an absurdly wide brim hat.

And then we actually can't have an absurdly wide brim.

Yeah, because

how wide is absurdly wide?

Well, that's the thing.

We haven't really passed off.

I was too nervous to jump back in and say, hey, hey, guys, I'm going to try something again because it seemed like they're really tight.

And I'm just wheeling.

What we're doing now is going back a few weeks where I got an email from a guy that claims to know the American guy that holds the current record.

And he said one of the rules he was following is it has to kind of be a standard hat.

They used a Santa hat that's just been stretched or lengthened height-wise.

Well,

they think a wider brim would be better for us.

So if I'm not sure.

I know, but does that violate the top hat?

Well,

but on one hand, we're stretching it one way.

Can we stretch it another way?

I don't know.

I think

it comes down to, for me, because we've decided to not embark on all the rigmarole and palava of using the Guinness Book of Records, because we're just going to have five honest citizens see it with their own eyes and judge it off the criteria.

Comes down to it's a question of honor.

Do we believe it's honorable to win this thing with a wider brim or not?

I think so.

Or we just pretend that

we're doing a wide-brim hat.

We change it from top hat to wide-brim hat.

I mean, some

how wide is wide?

Like, you know, this, do you know what?

This, what if I right now I asked ChatGPT,

has there ever been a wide-brimmed top hat accepted in society as a version of the top hat

and we let chat gbt decide because there ever been because when they say it has to be an existing hat

like what just the same base size and then just heaps taller yeah i think what they're saying is you can

you can alter it vertically but you can't yes alter it in

my reading i'm just looking to cherry pick the answer here

i and this is rare for chat gpt to do this to you, but it says historically and formally, no.

A wide-brimmed hat is not considered a legitimate form of top hat in traditional fashion or millinery classifications.

I say we switch to sombrero then.

We've got to ask them how wide they're thinking.

Because if they're thinking

joke-wide, like we, again, we've already done wide-brimmed hat before,

then it's not going to pass the test of this is a real hat.

I still now it says here in exceptions under, sorry, I'm still in ChatGPT,

Mad Hatter hats sometimes have a very wide brimmed they really do exaggerate so we could do the mad hatter hat that's a hat that exists yeah that's nice and then it says the Guinness World Records tallest hats sometimes extend brim width for stability but the record is based on height only not fashion correctness

so

I would say

I would think we would still claim the honorable win if we have a moderately wide brim, but not an absurdly wide wide one.

In which case, I would support going to a sombrero.

Okay, I'll plug up the courage to chat to them again on the WhatsApp.

I'll know how this will go.

You'll say, why don't we do a sombrero?

They'll say, no, we're right.

Thanks.

And you go, all right, bye.

Sorry, this was Jack using Andy's phone.

Bye.

Fellas, I found a category of things that people in relationships do, and they simply do them because they're in love with their partner.

and

love is a spell isn't it like it

it it can't they cast a spell on you and you end up doing things

and obviously sometimes the spell wears off and that's sad for those couples

but I find myself doing extremely annoying say if you asked me to do it Jack I'd go no way yeah but that doesn't surprise me because Jack's not your fiancé.

I know exactly, but that's that's that's the power of love.

That's the power of love.

You know, and I'm not talking about just bins or spider removal or the Andy jobs that we've said in the past.

Yeah, like me asking you to take my bins out is a lot to ask you because you don't live at my house.

Yes, no, I agree.

But you still do love Jack a bit.

Would you go and take his bins out?

If you were in the area, would you take my bins out?

If I was leaving your house and you said, can you take the bins out on the way?

I would.

Yeah, thank you.

Yeah.

But my point is that.

I'd take your bins out, Jack, if I was in the same city.

Thank you, man.

Okay, next time you down, test that, Jack.

Not if you're abusing it, but if you're like, mate, I'm absolutely up against it.

I need you to take the bins out.

And it was moderately convenient for me.

No, yeah, moderately convenient.

This is where best endeavors comes into contracts.

Very hard to ask.

I'd make best endeavours.

Absolutely.

Best endeavors.

No, I mean, those are things that for the betterment of the household, even though they're annoying for me personally,

I, and I think I have more of those jobs than Beck does, but they they're a joint benefit for that.

I'm talking about things that only benefit Beck and don't benefit me whatsoever.

Obviously, something's happened.

What's the job?

What's the job?

In fact, I'd encourage people to write in because I think this happens a lot of couples where you just find yourself doing something.

You're like, God, I wouldn't do this for anyone else.

Maybe people write in Hamishanny.com.

First one:

every night,

Beck asks me to set the alarm for her

because she doesn't trust her own phone alarm.

That is a bit too much, Darl.

So

this morning.

Pazo doesn't trust her phone.

She goes, I'm going to, like, if we have to go somewhere or something, she'll be like, got the alarm set for 5.15.

You set one too.

But if you've got it set.

Well, Beck's like, I'm getting Pilates at 5.15.

Can you

set the alarm for me?

Just set hers on her phone.

No.

Or on your phone.

On my phone.

And so I wake up at 5.15, roll over, wake her up.

She goes, thanks very much.

I'll try not to wake you.

I was like, No, you have.

And then she goes in and gets ready quietly.

And I get up at 7 or 7:30 or whatever time I'm getting up.

That to me is odd, but I don't care about it whatsoever.

That's love.

No, that's love.

That's love.

Here's the second one.

Bec has a coat that she likes to travel overseas with, but doesn't want to pack it in the bag because it would get crumpled.

I carry the coat on carry-on

everywhere we go.

That's good.

And I was just sitting there.

In your bag, or you just carry it in your arm?

No.

Carry it like draped over my arm.

Yeah.

And I was, Beck's easy getting through passport and control and everything because she doesn't have the coat.

And I said, hey, maybe you should carry the coat.

And she's like, oh, no, no.

It's like, you've got a lot of grounds.

And I was thinking, I would never,

if we got to the airport with you and Haim, you and I got to to the airport, Haim and you said, Hey, can you carry my coat for the rest of the trip until I get there?

Cause I might want to wear it once, I'd tell you to F off.

It's true.

I mean, it is, it's love.

It's love.

These are nice, these are the beautiful things you do.

Um, I mean, I'm only saying this because I'm a few more years down the marriage track, and maybe Jack has the same feeling, but that is a great little rehearsal of marriage.

You are a Sherpa, you're a coat rat, you're a man.

You're a collage club,

you're a concierge, you

report directly to management, but you're not management.

You have a great relationship with management

and you're often invited to drinks with them.

And it would be nice one day

to have them see you as management.

Exactly.

But they see you as a very, very, very reliable worker.

And there's nothing to be ashamed of there because you have the honor of serving management.

And long may you have the honor.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.