2025 Ep 297 - How Many Monkeys Are You Carrying?

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One.

Ahoy to me, deep hollow.

Amish.

Okay.

Horn names?

No.

Okay.

Ahoy to me vertical.

Jack could still be porn name.

Not as sexy.

Well, mine.

Mine's vertical, Jack.

I suppose if you're always lying down.

And mine's, well, this actually does sit on the theme as well.

Protruding.

It's also not an innie.

Not an inny, but

or belly button type.

Jack's got it.

Oh.

Well done, Jack.

I feel like I assisted again, but well done, Jack.

Deep hole.

Deep hollow.

Belly button isn't using the belly that's.

So that's an ultra innie.

Because why isn't it just a hollow?

Well, it's...

You know what I mean?

Why deep?

Because it forms a shadow underneath.

Which is most are deep hollows.

Vertical is the one that looks quite...

like a like a yeah that is yeah it is interesting when you see those like a cat's eye yeah like you'd need two like at at the indoor cricket net, you'd need two people either side to pull it back to get in.

Sure, yep, niche, but

correct shape,

and obviously you're outie.

Yep.

It's protruding.

It's protruding.

It's not protruding, yes.

Roughly 10% of the population have an outie.

Ahoy also to Brileyham, from New Zealand but in Japan.

Went to hamishandy.com.

Tell us what she's been up to.

Ahoy, Hamish Andy, and number six.

I'm currently in Japan, Sapporo, just strolling through uni.

But the other day I had to sign some very important documents.

And as I was signing it, my boyfriend told me that my signature could do some work.

That's when I thought, hey, what happened to Hamish's imports file?

Yep.

With the calligrapher to create the new signatures for you guys.

Anyway, could you use that guy right about now?

Sayonara.

Great call.

Yeah, we should get back on Babat.

no i can that's a genuine peter out oh shit wasn't it a scam didn't they not get i paid it twice i bought it twice for us yeah and i just don't think they ever then we just didn't get around to doing it we filled out real forms about it remember that we had to fill out like do we want them flourishy or do we yeah i remember that

i just didn't no i did get one back and then i just said this isn't any of the things i asked for it's not it was just quite neatly written my name possibly just AI generated.

And I went, I don't think that this is, I don't know that you've read the brief.

And then I just, we just didn't hear from them.

But I do still like the idea of getting kind of like a Declaration of Independence type,

flourishy signature.

I've got to go back to the well a third time.

It'd be

do that in your own time.

I've got to delete it then off my desktop because you know you get those files on your desktop which don't really have a home.

And one of mine is the photo I took of the what I want the signature to look like And it's just sitting there.

Delete it, man.

Okay, it's gone.

So it's still

a current project on your own.

I'm reminded of it.

All the time.

As I'm clearing out my desktop, I thought, well, this one, we might come back to this at some stage.

Slowburn.

Well, funnily enough, Jack, interesting that you mentioned that because it's something, this is sort of in the ballpark of what I was thinking I wanted to bring up on today's show.

We might as well do it now.

Okay.

That, I mean, it's not a huge one, but you'd almost classify that as a quote-unquote monkey on your back.

Yeah, it's just a little something right there.

Yeah, niggle niggle.

Heard this the other, we all know the saying, but I heard something the other day.

It was a friend of mine.

They just like finally sorted out a council thing.

They're like, he's like, great to have that monkey off my back.

And I thought, we do all use that term.

And I thought, how many monkeys does the average person have on their back at any one time?

We all know where the term came from, obviously.

Do we?

I think I assume it's from, you know, millions of years ago when we had a common ancestor with the monkeys, then we split off, we became Homo sapiens, they became monkeys, then they realize we've made the better choice and they're always jumping on our back to get a free ride.

And we're like, no, you don't.

I don't know whether Zay go from.

I just feel that it'd be annoying to have a monkey on your back.

Jump on your back, yeah.

You want to get him off.

And it's the kind of thing that you say, like, I must get him off because this is my body.

It's terrible.

I can't shower.

I can't go to sleep.

And it does seem like,

where i guess it's like if you just put a bit of effort in you could get you could always get a monkey off your back yeah but you could also go about your day forgetting the monkey was on there if he was light and if he was quiet yeah and then

from time to time he would you know yeah he'd spark up and he might put a claw in your hair and then you remember i do have that monkey on my back i must get around to getting rid of that so i think sometimes a monkey's the monkey's psychological like sometimes his admin which is changing very rarely is it a real monkey yeah that's right

Almost never.

They are usually psychological.

No, but like, you know, oh, that admin, like, I've got to do that.

But sometimes it's just like, oh, he's never won at this particular ground.

He's got to get the monkey off his back.

Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It can be like

getting rid of a curse.

A curse.

It can be a curse, yes.

And sometimes their monkeys are much smaller than they seem.

Just once you start grabbing at it, you're like, oh, I thought it was, you know, more of an orangutan, but this is just a little monkey.

I just had to put the effort in to get him off my back.

Correct.

Here's my question to you guys.

as a case study because i was just thinking to myself we're all walking around with various amounts of monkeys on our back

this

it was interesting this friend of mine you know he's got a pretty busy job and like he's got three kids i was like didn't sound like it was the final monkey off his back uh it wasn't like great to have the final monkey off my back and so his back still has monkeys on it when he got the rid of this little admin bit yeah so the council thing happened he goes i've got that monkey off my back and i thought i wonder how many are left and do we ever get to a stage where we have no monkeys on our back?

And would you ever say,

great to get the last monkey off my back?

You've got to be then getting rid of monkeys faster than new monkeys at grabbing on.

Yeah, that's true.

And then

monkeys see so many monkeys on your back and they think there must be something going on on that back.

And I want to get on that back.

So it can happen.

Here's what I want to do.

Take a moment.

Yeah, we might even pause.

We can pause the pod.

We write down how many monkeys we think we have on our back at the moment.

And I'd also think it would be interesting to write down how many we think each other has.

Okay.

To see if we're close.

Okay.

Do you want to?

Because I've just got to have a quick think about like what are what qualifies a monkey.

Okay.

We're back.

Okay.

So how do you want to run it?

Are we going to say how many we all thought Jack had and then we'll go around it?

And then he can reveal the number.

Okay.

Okay.

How many do you think Jack has, Ham?

I think Jack has four monkeys on his back.

Oh, I had Jacked out as two monkeys only because I feel like he passes a lot of these monkeys to Bianca.

Jack wears a Teflon coat.

And Bianca, unfortunately, is underneath with a grippable coat.

Yes.

That the monkeys can land on.

Jack has a perspex little bit of plastic that goes around his trunk.

Like they stop possums running up trees in nice parts.

That's right.

Almost impossible for a monkey to get on.

I was generous.

I gave you four monkeys, Jack.

I have exactly four monkeys on my back.

All right.

Wow.

That's great.

Okay.

Are you willing to go into?

Some might be personal.

I can say all four.

There's a downlight in the kitchen that's gone out.

Got to do that at some stage.

That's been a week now.

Do you guys have a will?

I've never written a will.

That is an absolute monkey on your back.

It takes so long.

I know how to start.

You should do it.

You should do it.

That's what everybody says.

Well, you should do it.

It is a gorilla.

But you definitely should do it.

You know, the hardest part you'll face is, or maybe not, but when it comes to like, okay, you have to answer the question about your kids, like, who's going to look after the gordy?

And you go around.

You just have to stop.

But you go, hang on a sec.

Okay, if it was them.

And you just go through.

And I'm sure everyone with kids goes through this.

You go, no, I don't want to live with them.

Oh, God.

No.

No.

Actually, it's got to be us.

Yes.

You basically just get depressed because you don't finish your wheel and you just go, I must not die.

That's where we finish.

We must not die until the kids are 25.

I've been asked whether I would be.

I mean, yeah,

you get it.

You have to pick someone, but it's not like that.

It's a tough one to say no to.

Yeah.

Was it a family member?

It's got to be a family member.

I had been asked by someone that wasn't a family member well that's weird that's a celebrity thing

was it someone on the street just a fan of 100

don't do it wow and that's a huge ask and then i thought to myself

no

at the time i'm like well no but then i'm in my head going well they're not going to die and this is such an easy it's a huge ask your life would change so much yeah at the time i wasn't at the time i wasn't with beck so it would have been by myself single andy Strange choice.

I mean, it's basically two and a half minutes with Charlie Sheen, I think.

Just not as funny in real life and goes for more than half an hour.

What's your

third monkey?

The third monkey is: Dad got us a board game for Christmas, and every time we see him, he goes, You played the board game yet?

And we haven't played the board game.

So either we hope dad dies or we play the board game good to get the board game.

The last one is

I went to play golf and they double charge me where she goes, oh, I don't think it worked.

And then I had to tap again.

And then last week, I was looking through my charges.

What's that double charge?

And so to get the money back, I've got to go back to the golf course.

Just play again.

Yeah, but it's not my usual golf course.

Oh,

you have a nice life.

They're my monkeys.

No, that's good.

They're those nuisances.

There's a nice amount of monkeys.

There's a good amount of monkeys.

Okay.

Jack, how many monkeys do you think Andy had?

I said five monkeys.

And my reasoning was,

because I've given you a lot more, Haim, I reckon Andy has a lot, like he's got his fingers in a lot of pies, but he's great at getting things ticked off.

Okay, I agree with the pies,

but just because you've got your fingers on a lot of monkeys doesn't mean you're getting them off your back.

I gave Andy 15 monkeys.

Wow, 15 monkeys.

He just has so many things that you...

He's so good at.

They're like, if there's a problem, he addresses it quickly.

There's not a single admin monkey on my back

doing a road

because i think

maybe i go if i was just dealing with all the admin that andy embroils himself in even his house alone must be 10 monkeys yeah but he's so good at taking a bunch of face no jacket you have no idea Think of a million monkeys falling from a water bomber, right?

Well, hang on, this is like, that's Andy underneath with that build.

That's an interesting thing.

That's an interesting thing because at the moment, I have no decisions.

It's all with everybody else.

So, does that mean

monkeys?

There'll be monkeys in place back in the day.

Oh, he's chucking monkeys at everyone else.

Yeah,

he's getting monkeys.

The only monkey he's really got is their friend's kid

if they pass away sadly and he has to adopt them.

And you're not getting that off your back.

That's there to stay.

You might as well get that monkey a little bed because he lives with you.

I'm not saying the kids, the monkey.

Metaphorically.

Here are my monkeys.

The wedding invite list.

Oh, yeah.

That's a hard, that is a hard part.

That's a monkey on my back, too.

When's this bloody bucks party?

I need to start locking out dates.

I don't love that one.

I got asked to write a speech for a person's function and I said yes.

And it's just slowly coming at me.

And I ate those one.

It's a monkey.

That's a monkey.

A present for Jess.

I suggested just Jess's birthday.

I said to Beck.

Jess works for you outside.

Yeah.

I said, Beck.

that was that was weeks ago i know i said beck we should get jess this beck's like that's not good enough so what about this beck's like that's not good enough i said hey well can you organize it and now jess gets the treat of having um and then and now thousands of people hear that it's an absolute monkey on your back

every time we see jess we lie to her and we go she's just here she's looking at me and we go it's on its way we don't know what it is presents in general are a monkey it's a monkey on my back now it has to be something that oh justifies that it's on its way exactly No, I can't go back to the things that I was suggesting at the beginning because you go, oh, well.

Yeah.

Custom engraved cowboy boots from Texas or something.

Look forward to those coming, Jess.

I have choked the last two golf tournaments with my mates.

Had a huge lead.

Yep.

And that's a psychological monkey.

So that is one of those.

Jack, I'm close on 15 here.

He's got a huge list.

No,

that was four.

And then there's a lot of boxes that have been put in my office that I haven't unpacked yet.

I've just stuff I don't even know what's inside.

From Moving House?

Yep.

What brand of boxes are they?

Are they Kennards or like, is it a great?

Just good to know.

Because I small prank we could play, Jack, is just continuously sending Kennard's boxes to Andy and he'll think that they're from the move.

So six monkeys.

Yeah, nice.

I had Hamish

at 17 monkeys.

I could have gone higher, but I had him at 15.

Do you know what?

I'm at three.

No, no, no.

You don't think you're at three.

Do you know what I think of my meeting?

I've got so used to living with monkeys, I just feel like I'm wearing a big jacket.

There's no way you've just got three things to me.

Honestly, I'm just moving.

I'm one of the monkeys.

I've actually been adopted into their tribe.

We don't know if they're on my back or I'm on their front.

They're probably talking about having a human on their front.

We're all just a big wobbling ball of primates.

We don't know who's on who.

That's that's interesting, actually.

That you just have to accept it.

That's life, that's how you get through life not feeling stressed.

You just become one with the monkeys, yeah.

Because if you don't care, even if it needs to be done, but you don't care about it, maybe it's not a monkey on your back.

So, yeah, Zoe would look and be like, Get that monkey off your back, and he's okay, he's been there for ages.

And Jacko, there's an ad going around at the moment, played a lot during the footy AFL football that has really got me perplexed.

And it's got Christian Petraka in it

from the Melbourne Football Club and Isaac Heaney from the Sydney Swans.

Do you guys have you seen the ad?

I've seen the ad.

I actually have seen the ad, yes.

Do you do you know where I'm?

I reckon I know.

It's like it's what you wouldn't expect two stars to be involved in this instance.

No, you you would say that they were equal footing as their contribution to the game.

Yeah, one of them in the ad is obviously a winner and one of them

is not a winner.

Yes.

In that particular moment.

Yes, you're right, Jacko.

That's what I find confusing.

So

we'll just, it offers up a lot of questions.

So in the ad, for people who don't know, the ball is coming in.

Christian Petraka is waiting to catch the ball or market.

Isaac Heaney is behind him, also wanting to catch the ball or market.

If you're not familiar with the game of AFL, both players want the ball.

Shares that with a lot of other team ball sports.

The ball is the desired item.

It's an ad for toothpaste, Colgate.

Yep.

So far, if you're just hearing that for the first time, you'd be like, I don't see the connection just yet.

Isaac Heaney decides to smile, and it's the power of that smile that gives him enough energy and a boost over his

frowning opponent.

His teeth and Track has beautiful teeth, but at that stage, they're just not being used.

He should have used them.

He's got them sheathed

in his mouth.

And so then Isaac Henney takes the mark on top, like climbs up on top of Christian and marks on top of him.

This is what the ad sounds like.

And then the smile is what gets a lovely notion.

Yes.

Now, you've got a beautiful notion.

And I'm all for more smiles than frowns in the world.

Are they saying, though,

it's you smiling that'll make you feel better?

Or is it like the positive reaction to your smile?

Because I don't think there's enough time for Isaac Heaney to smile.

for the crowd to feed to notice it and to respond positively and then for that energy to reflect back to him and then he's charged up

from that energy he just feels good about himself he feels good about himself so it gives him the extra energy.

And we just happen to be the fortunate bystanders that can see the smile.

Absolutely.

Bright white smile.

Here's the parts that I want to ask.

Did Christian Patrakot know that he was going to be the dunce of the ad, not the hero of the ad?

Before he rocked up on set?

You know, I think I reckon both outcomes here

make Petraka look like a great guy.

Because if you...

If the scripture says player one,

if you're, if you're, and again, he, he would never say this, but like we can say it.

One of the greats, right?

Oh, yeah.

One of the best of all time, Australia.

You get a script and it says, player one leaps on player two's back.

A thousand percent.

If you're one of the superstars of the game, you go, oh, sure.

That sounds like great fun.

I wonder who player two will be.

Exactly.

Because I'll be soaring high above them.

And you know what?

I might even take, you know, if they've just got some extra that plays like Club Footy, I might take along a jersey or something just to give to them to give you, mate.

Good fun meeting.

You might make this guy's day.

I reckon.

And then you turn up and it's another star on your foot on your level, then it would get, then you go, uh-oh, who is player one and player two?

Yeah.

So then did they film both options?

Or was that like, and they're just like, let's just see who had the better smile?

It would be smart from the ad to do that.

But just knowing what we know about ads, you've got very limited time.

You can't shoot two versions of the ad with each other playing each other's role.

Would have been incredibly smart from Colgate to do that because you would have seen the biggest smiles of all time from the first time.

Their gums would have been ripped off their heads by like desperately.

I'll be watch this, watch this, guys.

Actually, do you have any like pegs, sort of the color of my skin that I could use and you could paint out maybe in post?

Because I will get up there.

You got to check.

You do have to check.

Remember, like it was last year, I got invited to speak at a, at a corporate event,

and it was a fireside chat for a large, like a tech company from America.

And they're like, I'd love you to, you know, would you come and be like half an hour?

And they pay you a fee.

And I was like, yeah.

What's a fireside chat?

A fireside chat is a fancy way of saying a Q ⁇ A answer.

There's no actual fire.

Well, they can be fires, but this was at the Sydney Convention Center.

So no fires in this one.

And they went, it's a fireside chat.

I went, love Q ⁇ A.

Like, how good is Q ⁇ A?

Yeah, mate.

I'll stay for an hour.

Yeah.

And then they go, great.

Awesome.

We'll get in in touch with you week out from the event they go okay so you're gonna be with janine ellis the founder of boost yep went oh wow okay and yeah what sort of questions do you think you'll ask oh yeah

i was the a i thought i was the a you're like no well i mean it's janine ellis i was like yes no i know she's

got much much more to say about business but Yeah, you totally thought you were player one and then you've rocked up and you realized you're player two.

100% player two.

So now I'm like, oh my God, I have to do homework.

I thought I was just going to rock up to the fireside and just be player one.

Well, here's my other question, if we ever manage to get on track, because we should ask him a bunch of these things.

Because what I was going to say was if you turn up on the day and you find out you're player two,

good on him for just going, yeah, sure,

I think you should get paid more for being player two.

Yeah.

So do you think the person in the ad that does more work gets paid more?

Not necessarily more work.

Because I know why you're guarding this.

Jack, long,

long long-running question between Andy and I that we've been asked many times by people, pay for the Hubble TV ad.

You guys did.

Did Hamish get paid a lot more?

Because you're dancing in the middle.

You're in the costume.

He's in the box.

He does all the voiceovers.

And Andy essentially just sits on the couch.

So it's interesting to hear what Andy's argument is here about.

how you split the money.

Would love to know what is the answer?

Was it a 50-50 split?

Splendidly, Jack.

Yeah.

Well done to you, Andy.

Because it shouldn't be, should it?

He's not dancing.

He's not in the box.

You're not doing the voice.

You're not in the costume.

I can't believe that.

There's one ad where he doesn't even speak.

Sitting there as player two laughing all the way to the bank.

Helped him out of the box occasionally.

They have people for that.

Didn't need you to do it.

And I would have paid someone else.

And it would have been a lot less.

Yeah.

True.

But if Christian Petraca got paid the same as Isaac Heaney, that is the same situation that Hamish should have got paid more, I think, than you.

So, you think Christian Petraco should get paid more or less?

More.

Same.

More because Isaac Heaney would be sitting there going, but I'm the guy smiling.

That's the thing.

And the brand Colgate comes over the top of Isaac Heaney when he catches the ball.

Arguably, they're using Heaney's teeth and the

person.

The tooth person is.

Yeah, but I agree.

The reputation is

a sacrifice.

Yes.

He has, he has.

The reputation.

Similarly, Hamish has made more sacrifice than Tubble.

It's me going, yeah, this is a great product that's really selling the product.

Yeah, but Hamish is made.

That's not

good.

There were murmurs, Ando, because true or false, there were a few days on set where you left before me, too.

No, all days on set.

Yeah.

True, yeah.

And there were murmurs as I was walking off set, you know, like the camera guys and the unit and stuff, and there were people packing up.

It was like 30 people on set.

There's a lot of rumbles going, God, it could have just been anyone on that couch.

I was like, come on, guys.

We did a good job.

People were like, man, I could have just sat there.

If it's just a guy on a couch, I was like, oh, okay.

Well, he's

It didn't really translate, but the whole idea was meant to be a play on words of Hubble and Andy.

Hey, Mission Andy.

Oh, I never got that.

And that plays all the time.

Only works with the and Andy, hence making me as integral.

I feel you, Trap.

I feel for you.

Hey, tall hat update.

Great.

Is this from the team?

Don't?

So people may remember that we've got Sam and we've got Grace.

Grace is at university studying aerospace engineering.

Sick.

And Sam

has molds and does manufacturing of carbon fibers and other materials.

Just seems like the perfect mix of theory and practicality, doesn't it?

Yeah.

A couple of episodes ago, you said, you made the comment that we should be more involved and being across they're what they're up to.

So we started them on a WhatsApp.

I've now added myself to them.

Surprised you didn't do a website form that's extremely fiddly.

Every time you have something to say, just simply go on.

Simply upload it to hatchat.org, and then I, as the admin, will jump on the back end, scroll through the code, and have a look at what you've said.

I

have gone into the WhatsApp hair.

I'm now there, but it feels like

that I'm surveilling them.

You know, I very rarely add much, Jack.

And then I wait for them to chat and you never know when the chat's coming.

And suddenly at night, for instance, they have a question for each other and then they go back and forth.

And I've got to say, what I love about these two is,

and this won't surprise anyone, but I'm just going to say it anyway.

Obviously, at this stage, our hat business is cash flow negative.

So they aren't making any money.

No.

This is just passion.

This is, they're just building this for the love of the people's podcast here.

So you got it.

You got to love them.

Yeah, well, now they did mention that in conversation.

I'm not going to focus on that right now.

But again, I'm not sure if they are aware that I'm

failing them.

Well, maybe me saying stuff like this and getting the word out there about how generous they're being with their time might

hose down any requests for money.

It will remind them of their passion.

Well, guys, what I thought I'd do is in the coming weeks, I will relay to you what is being discussed on the WhatsApp.

Right.

Great.

I've used AI to regenerate their voices so we can get their conversations.

Then we pause and then we contemplate it.

We can get back to them.

It's a new segment called.

The inside word.

Conversations of tall hat construction.

This is extra exciting because

WhatsApp can't do this.

That's their whole thing.

Like, we can't get into your messages.

It's end-to-end encrypted.

By having someone in the chat, you can't, obviously.

So, you know, if Mark Zedd ever asks to join your chat,

you don't want him to know, you should keep him out.

But this is huge, Ander, that we're spying inside of WhatsApp.

There's three conversations that I want to concentrate on today that happened this week.

First one, just to give you a sense.

I mean,

I downloaded it and converted it to a Word doc it was five full word doc pages for this week

of conversation and that's just back and forth between them you're never chatting to them never chatting to them

this is give you an idea this is um ai's best representation of sam who's in the manufacturing side this is the kind of stuff that he's bringing up so we have access to an oven for pre-preg but that's only a thousand by six hundred by four hundred millimeters.

We've been thinking about it at work and reckon we'd make a 1200mm mold with both the top and base on it.

We'd then lay up and cut the lengths that we need and assemble the full hat post-cure.

I had no idea what that meant.

All right, couple of things he's saying there.

First of all, let's get our giggles out of the way at pre-preg, because where I come from, pre-preg is sex.

That's how you get to.

That is pre-preg.

Anyway, I assume that means something else there well i looked that up that is the type of different fibers and materials that they that all get injected in to create a certain mold and just like just and they're impregnating the mold which again we're scientists here so let's keep it cool um i think what he's saying though is we only got an oven so big so in in in in

Other words, if you're trying to create a 10 meter high sponge cake, you're obviously not cooking that in one batch.

I think what he's doing, saying is we're going to tier it up.

So we're going to build different layers and you're essentially building like sticks in a circle times 50.

And you just stack and layer itself.

Well,

they went back and forth on materials, et cetera, on that front.

That to me was a bit boring.

But then this is where I thought the conversation got interesting.

So I feel like when I'm watching the WhatsApp that I'm in a van outside just listening to people and then, you know, some guys wand off to get donuts and a coffee and then you go.

They're talking about something that I find interesting.

And this was part of the conversation.

What are your thoughts on balancing?

The more I think about it, the more I think we'll have a big problem with it, staying upright while walking.

Apologies.

Just getting home from uni now.

Hmm, my thoughts on this was having a bottom-heavier hat, even using the brim to distribute more weight.

Yeah, I was thinking of a similar brim idea.

If we dropped the level of the brim below where the hat contacts the head and lined it with lead, then we can have the center of gravity below the point of rotation.

Should make it want to remain upright.

Yep, 100%.

Not sure how we could get it below the point it touches the head.

You'd want as much surface contact as possible, but we are on the same page.

I did have another idea if we had someone with a ponytail wearing the hat to put it through the back of the hat as extra support like a cap, but not sure if that's above board.

Now, I don't think that is above board because you have never seen a top hat

with a ponytail with a tail hole.

No.

I mean, yeah, you can only imagine if they stayed fashionable, one would have been made, but alas, the world moved on and top hats fell out of favor.

Let's go back to this weighted brim idea, though.

Ballast, ballast brim.

So they're saying it's going to be a wide, a brim, but it's only obviously been a top hat wide, but it will have at the outer edge of the brim lead all the way around to make it heavier at the bottom to add a base and more structural support again

if you've got one of those you know um inflatable toys that you punch and it comes back like yes it's it's it's using that kind of idea to have a very very heavy base and were they talking about having the brim lower than what you would usually have that worries me because i think it's not going to look like still look like a hat well that's where i need to jump in and go to that at some point jump on the whatsapp and go hey guys it's got to make it straight here it has to be a replica of a known hat you can't have brim around your shoulders or something like that.

This is where the FBI listening van analogy breaks down a little bit because this is you hopping out of the van, ducking inside, and saying to the sopranos, Sorry, guys, just need to let you know.

I just need you to speak up a bit when you're talking about the syndication stuff.

So, yeah, we just can't hear what you're saying.

Okay, as you were, I'll be back in the van.

True, true, true, true.

So, I'll have to get them straight on that.

We can't have like what I thought they were hoping for is like if you had, say, an extra length length and eye holes in the top hot like so for instance like a more of a mass of your chin yeah but the other thing we could do is hang corks of lead off it like so it's a cross between a swagman's hat and a

top hat but again that's not

does violate the rule no but could you have heavy corks and just make it a a bush hat yeah we could say it's a swagman's hat Oh, yeah.

And the heavy corks are to stay.

We know they're for stabilization.

You'd want them to be able to get the...

This could give us the edge over the Americans who currently hold the record because they would have never thought of a bushy's hat.

But you would need, I don't think you would want the corks on a string.

They'd need to be on rigid rods.

Not necessarily.

It just is about getting the weight under that.

They're rolling around.

It doesn't matter.

It's all just under that line.

Okay.

So it does, it does mean that whoever's wearing the hat may have to wear a mouth gut.

But again, again, and this comes down to who our athlete is who wears the hat, the hat fleet.

But

they've got a huge responsibility driving this hat.

You take off too fast, that thing topples backwards.

The correct way to drive the hat, the more I think about it, and this is what they're talking about with balance, would be ever so slightly, lean your head forward.

and the hat begins to topple forward.

And then you smoothly accelerate under it and kind of catch that topple.

That's how I would imagine you drive the hat.

Because if you just take off from a standing start with your head upright, that thing's going backwards.

Going backwards.

This is another part of this conversation.

I also looked into helium.

Unless it was pressurized, that volume will only make around 300 grams of lift.

So I don't think it's worth chasing.

Yeah.

I don't think it's worth the hassle.

I don't think weight will be a problem.

You can apparently hold 20% of your body weight on top of your head, so I think we are good for that.

Well, it's not worth it.

Not including balancing weights.

I think we can be under 12 kilograms.

12 miles.

Wow.

How quickly did Grace just go off going, I've heard you can hold 20% of your body weight?

Yeah, that's like very strong African women who have grown up doing that with like a giant, like, you know, 10 barrels of water on their head from birth, and it's an acquired skill.

We ain't holding 20 kilos on our head.

No, no.

Or 12.

12.

Well, there's a 10 there.

That's some heavy corks.

They're saying that it's around about the 12 kilo mark.

That's a whopper.

Go to the gym, grab a 12-kilo dumbbell and pop it on your head and just see how comfortable you think that might be.

That is, that's heavy.

I mean, I know the way it's distributed, hopefully, through a system, you know, internally.

Or lead rim or the cork.

The thing is, yeah, I'll accept the extra.

I would have thought, I'll accept the extra weight if it's really going to help the balance.

But,

gee, it wants to be light further on.

I think they're talking about 12 kilos before the lead rim.

How do you feel about this?

That's a bloody heavy hat.

I just feel like Ricardo, I've come back to asking Daniel Ricardo.

It's

a strong-necked person.

I hate to say this out loud

because my phone's in here and I think I thought I got through this, but I get served quite a lot on Instagram and ad for a thing.

I was just saying a bit quietly here because the phone's listening for a thing called the iron neck.

And it's a training aid to strengthen your neck.

I thought I'd moved on from that.

I managed to get through that.

But it might start advertising at me now a lot more.

Do I buy one and start training?

I mean, that comes down to the discussion that we'll have to have in future weeks is who's wearing the hat in the hat.

I think we'd need eight weeks' notice before

go time to strengthen

Look, an eight-week next strengthening program.

And we need to think about it.

We can't just have a conclave because the three of us will all just vote for ourselves to wear the hat.

We've been down that path.

So to be continued.

Guys, at the end of last year, I hinted at something.

that I said, look, I'm working on it for next year.

This could be eight weeks.

This could be any week.

Are you just

gonna kick keep kicking it down the road or shame shame shame on you do you really think i'd be bringing it up if i didn't have something concrete to bring you yep i

i said i'm working on a case it's gonna take some time and it's about crumpets so as

to give you some context so you weren't just like well anyone can say they're working on a case yes I was working this specific case, crumpets.

What were you had to work?

What was the case again?

That's all we got told.

oh we don't know

so was your question what have you been working on no like

the case

do we know any details of the case i can't remember crumpets no you don't yet and that's that's one of the that's one of the new things i'm bringing to the table today to tell you about the case oh so we didn't even know it was crumpets you did know it was crumpets

you knew the genre

you knew that you knew that something was being investigated under the subheading crumpets my recollection jack was he sees we've got a case.

I'm about to say, by all means,

take the time here and pad.

I got no issue with the padding.

We know.

So I welcome it.

I welcome it.

We've got a case.

Yeah.

I said anyone can say that.

You have to tell us what area it's in because otherwise you can just say we've got a case.

He said crumpets.

Do you have any questions to that?

I now remember.

Please proceed.

Well, we might be out of time.

We might have to pick it up next week, unfortunately.

No, okay i'll give you i'll give you a little bit more from a very alert listener cassie she came to me she said look i know you've got a lot on your desk true but i'd like you to blow something wide open

okay now before i get out the dynamite before i get out the truth gel ignite

you got to do your you got to do your research she lives in adelaians last time you blew something wide open oh no that couple would have been not in the last few weeks but you just never know

did he do one last year no he did one this year at some point didn't he?

But like it was like you didn't even get the sound effects prepared or anything.

You just.

We might not have time for this today, actually.

So why not?

What did she say?

Okay, so Cassie's in Adelaide.

She was in Brisbane last year competing in High Rocks, which is a fitness thing.

But in preparation for this, she did a food shop.

The reason I mentioned Hyrocks is because you've got to, obviously, you've got to fuel up before the event.

She got all the stuff that she gets to fuel a pre-game, you know, chocolate milks, muffins, cereal.

What's High Rocks?

It's like it's a you do a lot of exercise in a road.

Yeah, like an Ironman type thing with exercises in between.

Like an hour and a half of running and exercising.

You run, then you do burpees, then you run some more, do something.

Jeez.

All right.

It's a tough way to spend an hour or two.

So she's obviously she's good at it because she's traveling interstate for it.

So she got crumpets.

That's quite a popular pre-marathon, pre-race snack that you come across.

She's had crumpets and she said, at first I thought I was going crazy because these didn't look like the same crumpets we have in Adelaide same brand same circle But they looked better.

They looked thicker wider and fluffier.

So she goes I was with my friend at the time and asked her if she thought the same thing.

She wasn't sure because she hadn't had a crumpet since she was a kid.

Okay, so just to show she's doing her homework, but sometimes not all leads lean any lead everywhere.

She goes, okay, I eat them.

It was incredible.

It was like biting into a cloud.

They're the most incredible crumpets I'd ever had.

And so which state she in in?

She's in Queensland.

Queensland.

First thing I did when I got home, ran to the store, got another pack of the same crumpets.

She's like, confirmed my suspicions.

They were thin, brown, almost dehydrated in comparison.

But the same brand.

Same brand.

It's now a month later.

She's gone back to Queensland.

Bang.

Fluffy crumpets again.

Same variety of the brand?

Same variety.

Yep, yep.

White crumpet.

Yeah, you go white and brown.

Yeah, yep.

Same, I've checked white round crumpets.

So she goes, okay, what's going on?

Puts it on her Instagram stories.

She goes, I discovered it's not just Adelaide.

People from Melbourne and Sydney have noticed that when you go to Queensland, the crumpets are fluffier.

Wow, wow.

Okay.

So have you got some of these crumpets for us?

So what I'm saying is, I thought the only thing to do is we have a test where we get fresh.

Day fresh crumpets has to be bought that day and express posted to us.

So we have Queensland, then we have every other major capital city.

And we do a blind tasting to see which one is the fluffiest.

Great.

And that is happening next week.

So if you get contacted,

if you get contacted this week by someone called Carly from the Hamish Nandy Show, you have been specially selected to go to the shops and buy the crumpets and express post them back to us in time for next week.

That's why I need to say it now.

Okay.

Not a scam.

That will be Carly.

Carly will will be quite.

So Carly's going to look up our database.

Just get someone from every cap city.

And they've got to go and express post-chosen.

They win the chance to be part of this experiment.

And what are we doing in exchange?

Eating the crumpets.

Then what do they get out of it?

We'll name check it.

Okay, beautiful.

So you get, yeah, you know, this experiment is thanks to our loyal crumpet mules

from every capital city, and then we'll be able to test next week.

Perfect.

I like it.

Yep.

Thank you.

That's why why I had to have a lead up.

Oh, yeah.

Not just Patty.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.