2025 Ep 294 - The Relationship Bird Test

Starting a business can be overwhelming.

You're juggling multiple roles: designer, marketer, logistics manager, all while bringing your vision to life.

But for millions of businesses, Shopify is the ultimate partner.

Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S., from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started.

Build a stunning online store with Shopify's ready-to-use templates.

Boost content with AI-powered product descriptions, page headlines, and enhance photography.

Marketing is easy with built-in tools for email and social media campaigns.

Plus, Shopify simplifies everything from inventory to shipping and returns.

If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify.

Turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/slash try.

Go to shopify.com/slash try.

Shopify.com/slash try.

a listener production.

Activate your internet.

Cause the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three,

two.

Sorry, still buffering.

One.

Ahoy to me war tortle.

Hamish.

Ah, great.

Do you know what?

And I'm going to shark this from Jack.

We're evolutions in Pokemon.

But what evolution?

From Squirtle.

I've got it, haven't I, Jack?

Yes.

Yes, and thank you, Sammy, for your two-year period of being into Pokemon.

You get full marks if you can tell us what Andy is then.

What's the third evolution?

No, no, but we are not.

Blastoise.

Sorry,

I was about to give you the

three,

the middle evolution of three different Pokemon.

Okay, I know I but well done ham.

So Squirtle is then yeah Blastoi.

Yeah Blastoise and War Turtle or something like that.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm Ahoyda Jack who is Charmeleon.

Yeah.

Yep.

So it goes Charmander Charmeleon Charizard.

Who cares?

And then I am Ivysaur.

Yep, Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, Venusaur.

Wonderful.

Okay, who cares?

Radio Mike would be turning in his grave.

Sadly, he's died recently.

Because after after years and years on this podcast and he was the biggest pokemon fan of all time people remember

he probably resisted so much knowing that we would have just accused him of doing something he was into and now it was probably at the top of his notepad everywhere

can't do that

anyway he's also not dead the um no that's why i said if he's shock shock died in the last you know hour or so um uh ahoy also to wesley

He went to HamishNi.com, uploaded very simply a piece of audio to tell us what he has been up to or give us his thoughts.

He's just the evolution of child, Wes.

He's the middle one, and then

old man Wes is the final evolution.

Boys, how are you going?

I wanted to bring something to your attention that I have a theory on, and I was just wondering if Andy could speak on it.

The Is Josh and Arshole segment enjoyable.

I liked it.

I initially thought Arshole, Arso, all the way Arshole.

However, presenting the arguments from Hamish and Jack,

I felt kind of softened it up a little bit for me.

I especially understand the whole £4 is worth 10 minutes thing.

The more the story went on, the more I became suspicious that this Josh person is the equivalent of, oh, my friend likes you.

In that I believe Josh might be Andy.

The whole time I was thinking, this is a bit random that he just met some random dude playing golf.

I know that happens.

I know it does, but the other thing that made me a bit suspicious was towards the end

of the conversation when Hamish said, Oh, you know, was she dressed up?

Did she have her clubs?

And Andy, rather than saying, Oh, you know, Josh didn't say, or he, you know, he described to me what she was wearing, which would have been weird anyway,

he spoke in the first person.

He said, Oh, no, she certainly wasn't dressed up.

Maybe she was getting changed when she was getting there.

Now, it's a bit suspicious.

And I have a feeling that Andy

is Josh.

Might be a case of Hamish needing to blow this one wide open.

Oh, no.

Oh, Finkel is Einhoin.

Yeah, look, I'll pop it on the list.

I'm not Josh.

I can't see it.

Which is exactly what a Josh would say.

Do you remember what he was talking about?

Most of that, I didn't understand what he was.

It was a while.

It was from a few episodes ago.

But you're going to get that when it takes so long for people to upload the audio.

I do remember deciding whether he was an asshole or not, but he was so specific in what he was talking about.

I couldn't remember what he was doing.

He's clearly detailed.

He's clearly detailed.

He's listened and sat down and talked talked in that moment as if we've just done the end.

And it does take time to get.

There's a lag.

There's a lag.

There's somewhat of a lag.

People can go back and listen back.

That's the excitement.

Yeah, decided to be aware of it.

Here's Andy Josh.

Hey, you asked us to do an at-home test last week, Andy Joshie, I did.

Sorry,

which did involve us using our partners and recording them unbeknownst to them.

Some partner research.

People might have seen this going around.

I'm sure it's not a new thing.

Just happened to see it on Instagram the other day and I thought, I actually questioned its efficacy because it's called the bird test.

I think it goes by other names.

It's based on a theory of psychology that in relationships, there's always an ebb and flow of attention, right?

And we are trying to get attention.

And so it's called when you...

When you do something and you want your partner's attention, it's called a bid for their attention.

So you're like bidding for their attention and how they respond to that bid.

It's meant to be like a barometer of how healthy your relationship is.

So, no,

we didn't know this.

I couldn't tell you this because you'd perform up to it.

I wanted just a cold, yeah, I just had to do like a cold test.

So,

oh, Andrew, my Andrew, my sweet Andrew, what canst I do for you?

So, I just said, really simple, guys, we'll all do the same thing and see how our partners react.

The test is meant to be: you go, you're meant to, it's, it's meant to be an example of something mundane and how they respond to something mundane like are they interested in you will they show interest in something that they wouldn't normally show interested in so you're meant to be near a window i guess i added that bit in and go oh wow there's a really interesting bird outside this is my understanding of the test look at that bird then according to sort of the data they either go oh well what is it tell me about the bird or like oh that's cool and come over and be interested that's a good thing for your relationship that's good because it shows that hey well i'm actually actually over here, like putting the washing in the piles.

I'm not really interested in birds, but I will be if you are, because I'm not.

I may care where you are with mine.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, will you wait till the end?

Let us go.

Or they go.

The example I read, the attic I read was a bit hushed.

They go, I don't care about birds.

What are you talking about?

Okay, that's bad for your relationship relationship.

Which I didn't think you need to do a test for.

If you're in a relationship where you go, oh, hey,

I'm looking at an interesting thing.

And they go, I don't care about that.

How dare you open your mouth that's always a bit of a red flag but i was like somewhere on the spectrum yeah of what will our partners do does this test work

why don't i go first since i made us all do this okay my error was and remember yesterday i had i sort of read it yesterday morning and i was like we should do this on the pod tomorrow yeah

and i was out for a lot of the day finding the right window was tough

the right window in the day like time-wise or the right window to find the right window because andy has over 400 windows in his house

and sometimes the butler will kind of close up a whole room if like in the summer wing if no one's coming until the summer

and the velvet curtains because they get so dusty they get taken down hey made his own personal avery so it was very easy for him to see

imagine how interesting i had to say the bird was for it to top some of the birds that we have in that avery no the window of time because

i know we're getting to mind but that that was tricky because if if my sundown was coming and if you like oh, you want to see a bird in the daytime, definitely.

Well, in Sydney, because I'm in Sydney, you guys are knowing this, this sunset's like almost an hour earlier.

So, like, because you're further north.

So, I got home.

I was texting Carly, who's our producer, and I was like, remind me, remind me, must record the bird thing.

I did it pretty soon after getting home, but I

even as I walked into the kitchen, I was like, I've got to

record the bird test.

And it is, it's heavy dusk.

Yeah.

Heavy dusk.

Okay.

This is how I sent the scene.

Oh, sorry.

Well,

I think Zoe was cooking rice.

Okay.

And I had to go over to the kitchen window.

We've got like a breakfast nook, breakfast table.

And I had to lean out the window and

try and turn the phone on and leave it subtly on the ground.

Yes.

And my big thing was

getting her across to the window as well.

But as I looked out the window, I was like, I'm going to have to really sell this because it is legitimately dark.

So I knew we were on shaky ground anyway, but this is how I went.

Oh, wow.

There's such an interesting interesting bird outside.

Well, that's a lie.

What's that?

Yeah, there is.

It was up on the, like up on the pole.

Where are you filming?

I'm not filming.

You definitely are.

Damn it.

Are you interested in the bird, though?

There's no birds at night.

Should have done it earlier.

So heavy dust really matters.

She immediately came back with, well that's a lie.

Yeah, the first thing she said is that's a lie.

Which I was like, that's a pretty accurate snapshot of our relationship.

Listening back to my voice, I probably

did so much mayonnaise.

Let's have a look at Justin the start again.

It was so difficult.

Oh, wow, there's such an interesting bird outside.

That's lie.

Here's the place called version.

That's where Andy comes in and goes, I know a song about interesting birds.

Great.

Anyway, yeah, so we've got, I got that's a lie which is shell with yours.

I mean, that's a lie.

We got good insight.

That's me and Zoe's relationship in a nutshell.

If something's a little bit off, so I was like, what's up?

Yep.

That's a lie.

I'm on to you.

I've got no wiggle room.

Jack.

Okay.

Ours takes place at home.

Bianca was actually wearing headphones, listening to something

while doing stuff around the house.

So I waved her down as if I had something very, very interesting to say.

So this is her taking her headphones off as I'm saying there's a bird outside.

Hey, babe, come and look at this.

There's the most amazing bird outside the window.

What is that?

Do you want to see the most amazing bird?

Why are you being weird?

I'm scared.

I'm not being weird.

I want to show you an amazing bird.

You're being weird.

What I.

I want to show you a bird.

No, you're being weird.

I can tell you're being weird.

Come to the window.

What is it?

It flew away.

Okay.

What's your comment on that?

You're like, you're not very good at acting.

What do you mean?

I saw an amazing bird and I wanted to show you.

What was it?

You can't even make it up now.

Give me a second.

What's up?

What are you doing?

I love you.

I love you.

Wow.

The immediate response is you're being weird and I'm scared.

That one is.

That one is.

Jackie Lego plays.

You were stranger, Danger.

Yeah, absolutely.

I've seen the most incredible bird.

Oh, I really should.

I should talk to someone.

No, No, no, no.

Just you.

Come with me to this room.

I'm the example of the person you wouldn't follow.

Well done, though.

I'd love that you hadn't thought through what bird it was.

Well,

I didn't really know what the test was.

So

when we got to the window, I didn't know what part two was.

Yeah, that's a bit confused as well.

Yeah, and look in hindsight.

Maybe I could have dodged the test just so you knew what it was about.

Because, yeah, you were left with nowhere to go except you knew it was a relationship test.

I just thought you'd throw in.

All you have to do is around your partner, say, there's a bird outside the window.

And that's all the information we want.

So

we did that.

I could have given you a couple of what I'm doing now.

Can I review that?

Jay just threw in, and I love you at the end for good luck.

Basically, basically, just like getting a garlic bread with your order.

Who's not going to enjoy a garlic bread?

I'll just throw in an I love you.

But you go on back, which is nice.

If we head to mine,

I had a few competing factors.

It was dusk as well, but Beck was getting home with a small window of time before she wanted to go out to Pilates.

So I knew I had to try and get it in quickly because she was leaving in the next 10 minutes.

Good work.

And look, and I'll just say too:

we all got it done earlier than we do most work for the podcast.

Even doing this at five or six o'clock at night, that's prepared for us.

I'm surprised mine wasn't at two in the morning.

Hey, wake up.

Wake up.

I heard an amazing bird outside.

One error if it's still a drink.

One error I've made, which I've realized that I said in past tense, I saw a bird today.

So

there's not much to go with there.

That's a weak bid for attention.

So there's no Beck charging to the window or anything.

Yeah, right.

The other thing that becomes evident here is as soon as Beck gets home, I am normally referred to second with salutations and the dog.

takes up a good three or four minutes of her

talking to the dogs.

She's above you in the pecking order.

Asking what the dog's been up to.

I think mine starts with the end, I think the last 20 seconds of Beck's two minutes with the dog.

So I'm waiting patiently for that

feature.

Before she looks to the runt of the litter to see how he is.

You should have said Henry saw a great bird today.

Then Beck decides to wash her hands in the key moment where we try to hear an outcome.

So that's going to damage the audio here.

But also, Beck then picks up the dog and is still playing with it, not really listening to me.

So, if you, that's all the things.

I mean, we almost don't need to listen to this, but I don't have high hopes for you getting the response of her going, that sounds incredible, darling.

I love everything you see, and if it matters to you, it matters to me.

Basil,

you said your toast!

Oh, that's so lovely!

That's so nice!

That's so nice.

Cool nose.

Cool nose, little one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I saw a most beautiful bird outside the window.

Did you?

Yeah.

A popular bird rabbit.

What kind of bird?

I don't know.

I think it was.

Parrot movie?

Like a...

It was a, well, it's just,

it was certainly of a parakeet type thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, just

go there.

That's my favourite thing is.

A,

yes, I could have told you guys more about what this is about.

B, you both,

when put on the spot, took a good three to four seconds and both went with parrot.

We've seen amazing bird.

So I think Kelly.

It was the one from UP, the animated movie.

I can't say Flamingo.

They're not in the local area.

That would be amazing.

Macaw.

We didn't know what we were trying to do.

No, that's why I'm not.

I've stitched you guys up, but that's why you both had a big freeze and both said parrot.

I wish Becky.

I think that was what Andy said there.

Beck wasn't...

more interested in Andy than the dog.

My dream would have been Beck and Bianca going to Pilates together last night.

And then going...

Andy is the weirdest thing to do.

He He saw a parrot, Jack saw a parrot as well.

Maybe there's a bunch of parrots flying around.

Um, but good response-that best you could hope for from Beck.

She did say what kind of bird was it, and I think she even said, That's cute.

That's cute.

I think you win, Andy.

She tried honeymoon phase, guys.

Mate, she tried.

I mean, it was never as good as the dog having a cold nose, which she seemed very interested in.

And I attempted something recently that I think you'll be proud of.

I

was issued a red light camera fine.

Oh, okay.

And it was turning left on a red left arrow.

Yep.

Was me in the car.

I do remember that.

Was it a quick orange?

Very quick orange.

Remember, I tried to.

Yeah, you contested it.

Yeah.

Short orange.

Short orange.

Very short orange.

And I know where I was.

I was trying back from picking up Indian Takeaway.

So

just putting it out there in the listeners' minds.

Of course, I respect road rules, but you know what the pressure is like with hot takeaway.

Not saying I deliberately ran it.

I had no recollection of doing anything wrong.

But eager to get home at premium temperature for a takeaway for it.

And do you know what it probably was?

It was probably one of those ones where it goes red arrow and then it comes off again straight away.

So you know you're always going to get the almost permanent left-hand turn.

Yep.

But they put the arrow there in case someone's crossing the road.

I probably saw no one was there.

Maybe that's how I've inched through.

And I was just over.

Yep.

Just over.

So they show you the photo.

I get the find.

And it's huge too.

I was on clean points.

Like I had no demerit points.

And it's three demerit points and like 550 bucks for it.

Did it tell you how many seconds that you 550.

Oh, tell me how many seconds that you because I've had that before with a red light.

And it tells you how far you missed it by.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I would have been very, very, very close because my front wheel just inched over.

So I was like, I could contest it on that.

And on the app, you go, you, or on the website, you can go.

And I, and I contest it.

I go, do you want to contest this fine?

Yeah.

Yeah, I can test.

You could get it on good behavior.

I've been so cool.

There's a jet, there's a drop down menu and it goes, what are you contesting it on?

There's all these different options.

And one of them was excellent track record, never, hadn't, never had this offense before.

So I was like, okay, let's pick that.

And it goes, not available for this offense.

And I'm like, oh, well, don't put it there.

Because I thought that was the easy one.

Just to go, you get, well, you kind of get one of these.

And so I said, okay, other.

And it was like, takes you to this page and it goes list here's all the documents you need to supply for the to support your claim so what's your excuse and I was like I've already spent too long on this I'm so bored I just thought I just thought this would be easy to go let us off and hopefully they'll let off so I came up with an excuse

and tell me if you can remember where I got this from

I said

I was sneezing.

I thought you were going to say that.

And just in case they get snarky and review the podcast footage here too, I was.

Yes, exactly.

You were sneezing.

I was sneezing.

And I wrote, my wife said to me at the time, you might have gone through a red there during the sneeze, but I wasn't sure if I did.

And do you remember?

And I was like, yeah,

I think you can make a legal claim that you're not in control of your body while you're sneezing because.

At uni, we got taught it.

You and me.

Yeah.

I can't remember what class that was in, but there some lecture where they explained that someone got off something because they said they were sneezing.

Yes.

And I don't remember what lecture we were in either.

We weren't in my life.

I've used that as a fact for the rest of my life.

It was like 23 years ago.

And I've always told people.

You told people you retained from units.

You always told people that's a legal fact.

You know, you're not legally responsible for yourself while you're sneezing.

So you can commit microcrimes during the sneeze.

At the time, we were talking about going into 7-Eleven and pocketing extra as long as we're sneezing at the 7-Eleven.

But what is it?

I don't think that now I'm interested to know if it works.

Well, then it goes upload medical records, like upload all this,

like you actually can't submit the excuse

without uploading files.

Yeah, right.

And I was just like, no, no, that's just it.

My file is my store.

This is my excuse.

I was just a letter from Zoe saying he was sneezing.

I was already so bored, so bored.

It was just too much admin.

So I took a photo like camera right up against my jeans.

It's like a black photo, which was just to trick the system, just to go, I've just got to upload something

so I can send the form away.

I go back two days ago.

No, we don't accept.

We don't.

We don't accept.

So were we wrong?

I mean, we could appeal.

Well, no, I'm just talking about, were we wrong from university?

That's what I meant.

We'd have to find that lecturer and drag him in and go,

he told us.

And they'll go, well, so

are you saying you were sneezing?

Are you just saying you thought it was an excuse?

No, I was sneezing.

And again, to be really clear, if they're listening to this, because at the end you have to say, like, I'm not lying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's what I'm saying.

I was sneezing.

Shame it didn't work.

Hey, it's been a little while since we've done this, but they keep flooding in.

For a while there, we still remain it.

The show that you should come to if you want to get a superior advantage in social situations through listening to power moves submissions keep coming in so let's jump into it

let me kick it off definite and it from rice got a power move for you

interested to see if this actually would work but um sometimes

and remember it's okay if it's very niche sometimes it might only work for one person it's a wedding power move Great.

Mid-ceremony power move.

Great.

When someone's getting married and they're up at the altar, wait for them to look at you and then do a fake yawn hopefully they catch your yawn

making your making their spouse and the rest of the wedding guests think that they're uninterested in the nuptials that is big money if you can do that and and get the yeah if you can get the groom to yawn on vid Because that's making the wedding video.

That's huge.

I love that one.

Ando, very simple one here here from Mitch.

Pound me if you guys.

Pick a target, pick a bloke that has a full head of hair.

Now, he doesn't say this, but I reckon this would work well in the, let's say, 35 to 45-year-old male range.

Right.

When you're in a group, ask them what they would give or pay to have a full head of hair again.

They will be left scrambling trying to explain they still have all their hair.

I like it.

This is from Troy.

Go up to a stranger and say, hi, my friend set me up for a blind date.

Is it you?

When they reply, no, say, thank God.

Yeah, well,

you're completely out of things to do in the day.

This comes in from Lily.

Uh, it's it's sometimes you get these two, like it's uh recording of how move that happened to her in the wild.

He said, I just ordered a bakery item in a drive-through.

Um, I don't know if that's a drive-through bakery or a chain that offers bakery items, perhaps, like early morning.

And it was given to me frozen when I asked the cashier, What am I supposed to do with this?

He just said, Wait and close the window.

Time will fix that.

Thanks for the frozen cross on what a deluxe Parisian breakfast.

Again, I'm not sure if this works.

This is from Sam from New Zealand.

Sam Cam.

G'day, boys.

I had this happen to me the other day at the pub, and it was effective.

So he's got

find a sports bar where there's a TV on the wall and sit underneath it.

Wait until the big game is on and then just sit there watching everybody watch the TV.

Proceed to stare at everybody.

It'll distract them and put them off their important match.

Mate, Ballsy, the reverse watch.

I think it probably would work, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

Especially if you're not threatening about it.

If I was hungry and a guy sat directly under the TV that I was watching the whole day.

Absolutely put your hand up to cut him out.

Yeah.

Well, it's the whole reason, you know, like butterflies have like fake eyes on the back of their wings or whatever.

Because like the thought of being looked at is just off-putting.

People don't like being looked at.

All right, quick one for Max here.

He's coming up through the podcast.

He said, brothers have just recently got me into the podcast.

He's just hit episode 100.

So it will be a while till he hears himself in the pod.

But Max, you've made it.

And welcome.

Congrats on the catch up.

Yes, Donnie, if you're still doing power moves.

Yes, we are.

I think

you need to hear this one.

It was done to me a little while ago.

It's still living in my head, rent-free.

I'm driving on a country highway.

And this is a very simple one, Andre, but it's effective.

Driving on a country highway, and a fellow you was coming towards me.

You're like, all right, here we go.

Two Ute owners, maybe even the same model.

You know, there's that thing with what a game.

I go for the wave, but I get hit with a solid middle finger in return.

Never met the bloke, but I can't stop thinking about it.

That is such an asshole move.

Starting a business can be overwhelming.

You're juggling multiple roles: designer, marketer, logistics manager, all while bringing your vision to life.

But for millions of businesses, Shopify is the ultimate partner.

Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of e-commerce in the U.S., from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started.

Build a stunning online store with Shopify's ready-to-use templates.

Boost content with AI-powered product descriptions, page headlines, and enhance photography.

Marketing is easy with built-in tools for email and social media campaigns.

Plus, Shopify simplifies everything from inventory to shipping and returns.

If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify.

Turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/slash try.

Go to shopify.com/slash try.

Shopify.com/slash try.

Guys, I was driving along with Beck in the car and she nominated herself as car DJ.

Do you guys ever get a chance to DJ in the car if your partner's in there?

Yeah, I think it's just whoever the passenger is.

Really?

Never the DJ.

I'm never the DJ.

Nah.

Kids overall me.

Yeah.

I was telling you before, Jack, about the play.

I had to listen to two hours of

Bongo cat.

Yeah.

Bongo.

Who just sings popular songs, but with meow.

So, like, oh my gosh.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Yeah, that's a long car ride.

That's a long car ride.

It's a bloody long playlist.

And about.

Well, because the cat could do every song ever made.

Yeah.

I think it's a program.

Yeah.

It's a halfway.

I sort of five or six bangers in.

I went, I think, I don't think this is someone singing meow and then putting a filter over it.

I think they've created like a button and you can just feed the song in and it's a filter.

It just does it.

Oh, yeah, that's endless.

But I just, I just sort of give up.

I've stopped trying to fight in the car.

And then if my, if Zoe's in there, yeah, she's the family DJ.

House music, car music.

Yeah.

My musical muscles have completely atrophied.

I don't even know what I like anymore.

I don't get a chance, really.

I have like one album I listen to

in the garage while I'm exercising.

And it's just one, the same playlist every single time.

And the rest of the time, I don't know.

I don't know about any other music.

Beck will occasionally go to me, what do you put on what you want?

Right.

And I'll probably.

It would terrify me because I'm like, I don't know.

Fine, Bongo Cat.

And she immediately goes, no, no, no.

That's not the mood for this trip.

And I'll say, oh, sorry.

And she's like, you know, I'll put Bonne Vera.

She's too droopy, too sad.

You know, we're going to be here.

And I'm like, okay, well, you take over.

But then on another day, she puts on Bonnevair.

And I'm thinking, hang on, this is the same car.

We're going down the beach.

And this is the mood.

But anyway, she regains control very quickly.

She chose to put on Natasha Beddingfield's Unwritten.

Do you know that song?

No, to be 100% honest, I thought that was a news reporter.

Natasha Belling, I think you're thinking of.

That's what I'm thinking of.

Yes,

you'll know this song.

You'll know this song.

It was a really, really famous one back in the day.

And she chose it for radio.

So she's obviously wanting like 90s soft pop bangers.

Gotcha.

So this was a 90s song?

Yeah.

I do know this song.

You know this song.

Anyway, so she's going with that one.

Just.

Don't say it like, yeah, I don't really know it, but I have heard it.

You would know when it hits the hook.

Anyway, we're not going to get there, Jay.

She says it it fits the mood of time.

I think I can play just the hook here.

Oh, God, we don't.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

It must.

All of the girls outside here have just started dancing.

I think it must be right in that wheelhouse.

You could have given me 10,000 shots to name the title of that song, and I would not call it unwritten.

Oh, it's just in the song.

All right.

I'm downgrading it to 50 shots.

I think by the 50th, I would have gone, okay, let's just calm down, listen to the song carefully.

Is there a word we're missing in here?

And I would have got it within 50.

But before

I heard it.

Anyway.

Moments later, because it was unwritten radio, obviously Spotify players,

suddenly we get served umbop.

Yeah.

Right?

Quite You can see the you can see the link.

I said to her, to Beck, hey, should we, should we skip, should we skip umbop?

Are you driving?

Yeah, I'm driving.

So, you can use the steering wheel control.

I could have, but I just wanted to drive.

Respect the DJ.

She said, No, I'm loving it.

I said, Why?

She goes, I she said, I saw them live like last year when they came out and they played it four times.

I bet they did.

Which obviously that's the part where I couldn't believe it.

So

I heard that at the time.

Yeah, that rings a bell.

How is that discussion going?

It made, well, it just made me remember when we bought Frank Stallone out.

Yes.

And as a joke, we made him play it four times.

We made him sign a contract that he had this power bell in Far From Over.

And we're like, right, you're opening with it.

You're playing it in the middle just in case the energy drags.

You're closing with it.

And you're coming back out and

you can play it once or twice as you're encore.

yes yeah so about four or five then that would have been i assume the pattern that the and that felt ridiculous ridiculous on the night even though it was the only song we really knew of his it felt ridiculous to play it four times i reckon i reckon by the third time it was getting old and then as it came back up

it started getting funny again so who do you think

Do you reckon it was the band?

Like, because are they discussing their own set list or is someone coming in, like a manager coming in and going, give us a little set list?

We just did a bit of market research.

You're not going to love what's come back, but here's the ideal set list based on suggestions.

And you got to play it four times.

Because we were trying to not break the rule, you don't want to play it back-to-back.

So I assume they would have gone the same.

Did she tell you what order they played it in?

Yeah, I think they did what I didn't, I don't know, I didn't ask her this, but I think they did what we did, which was finish with it and then encore with it.

So they would have had one back-to-back.

Wow, that's a lot.

Four is too much.

The funny thing is that most

bands, like if I go and see like a Pearl Jam last year, so excited.

They came out, they start with Cordora.

I'm like, oh, okay.

I thought they'd hold on to that one.

But they have a lot.

They have a lot up there.

They got a lot of songs.

Most bands abide by the rule that it's once and once only, don't they?

So you're left guessing.

Yeah.

They wouldn't have even played Mbob once.

I wouldn't have thought.

No.

That's how good they are.

So when you unlock.

getting to play the song again.

Yeah.

That must be a strange feeling for the band.

Yeah, because even though it's played, the audience still has an anticipation of, well, it could be played again.

We're known for double, triple dipping.

We'll continue.

So I would imagine it started out with, should we play this twice?

How long before someone

they loved it episode?

Tourism went rogue.

The singer went, all right, thanks, guys.

Do you want it again?

It's like, oh my God, we're doing it three times.

And then it just, they got carried away from there.

I wonder if they've ever gone.

So this was in Melbourne, obviously, and they've done it four times.

Have they ever gone five or six?

And they've gone, that is too much.

We should deal timed the ceiling.

So

going to a restaurant and, you know, if it's a set menu, and they're like, now we know you've had the chicken and sweet corn soup, but we're going to do it again.

Oh, okay.

We've already had it twice.

Who doesn't love chicken and sweet corn soup?

And for dessert?

No.

Chicken and sweet corn soup, baby.

Four soups.

Four of the safe soup.

Well, look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love sweet.

You said you liked it.

It's a great soup.

It's the king of soups.

Give it to us.

Guys,

as you know, I take my role of blowing stuff, things wide open, very seriously.

Well, you haven't blown out for a while.

That's why I'm just taking it so seriously.

I won't just blow up things willy-nilly.

I don't know if we've seen you serious about something.

You're into it all the time.

When was the last time you think you blew something wide open?

No, I think it's different.

I think if you're so serious about something,

you might be thinking if you are frivolous about something.

No, no.

No, I'm thinking if you were seriously into something, I was seriously into golf.

I play golf all the time.

All the time.

You don't go, I'm seriously into golf.

When was your last round?

I wait three years ago.

I make sure conditions are correct.

I can see your point.

I can see your point.

But I had a case come across my table.

This is from Tom Rodman.

And it's not quite a blow-something wide open.

There's no way he's got the opener ready, bro.

I don't even know if it's...

Jack goes doing anything for this bit, and I said no.

So I actually wasn't quite paying attention when he asked.

I asked three times.

But you know what?

Because we don't know.

I don't have it.

I don't want it.

We don't know if we're buying something open yet.

Okay.

So

this is how seriously I take it.

This is a possible pre-blow scenario.

It's a theory that's floating around that I want us to test today.

Yep.

So

this just comes in from Tom Rodney.

He goes, oh, I thought we should take a look at this, test if it's true or not.

Diabolical, if true.

And just a link to a Reddit thing.

This has been going around, I say, on Reddit for a week or two now.

So people might have seen this around.

It's a theory about the beloved Doritos

corn chip, but salsa source.

So more the Doritos sauce.

Okay.

The theory is that obviously, much like many of the other big hitters in the salsa category, your old El Paso, et cetera, they have both a mild, medium, and hot offering.

Well,

Jack said that once about Old El Paso.

Old El Paso, and I was talking about the sachets of taco mix.

I didn't think that they had a three-heat taco mix.

And eventually they did bring one out.

Do you know why?

I think was it because of this podcast?

It's because of you.

We do a lot of, we've covered old El Paso very heavily in the past and they've held up to scrutiny.

But I'm talking about the salsa in the jar.

Now, Old El Paso used the same system as Doritos.

Don't know who you came with at first.

Green for mild, yellow for medium, red for hot.

Okay.

There are, you know, you can get some extra hots, but we're talking about the main three here.

The traffic light system.

Yeah.

Basically, no problems, some problems, all problems.

Okay.

So the theory on Reddit is going around

that medium salsa, for people that love very spicy, that medium salsa is hotter than hot.

And of course, no one notices because if you enjoy hot, you only buy hot.

You never go, oh, I better just get the other two

to gauge it.

You wouldn't know that it's hiding in plain sight right next to the hot.

Anyway, a couple of other people have jumped on and gone, I've tasted this before.

I have noticed.

I thought the only way to handle this properly is to do the experiment.

That's why I've got this silver breeze case here.

Well done.

Thank you.

See, some of us can be organized, Mr.

No Opener.

And inside.

I just wouldn't have been shocked if you said so.

So next week on the show, why don't we get some salsas in?

Inside, we have...

And I tell you what, and this killed me, but I've gone original salted Doritos.

I think you have to feel that.

You have to because you're tasting salsa.

Do you know how difficult it was to not get like double cheese, nacho cheese?

Or even if I'm being honest, and again, hashtag not spawn,

the mission nacho cheese.

That's unbelievable.

Anyway,

we've gone plain to do the right thing.

Yep.

I think the best way to do this is...

Is CC's still a thing?

CC's, yeah.

Yeah, CC's is still there.

Yep.

So you can say no to them.

You didn't mention them in your list of.

I easily said no.

He's walked straight past them.

I could have.

I probably should have got a different brand of corn chip to show that we're bipartisan on the show.

We're not just trying to make this a Doritos promotion.

And this could come out looking terrible for Doritos, too.

So I think the best way to do this,

having just thought about it now,

even though you bought the whole cake.

I'll be honest.

I'll be honest.

I'm standing above everybody else to say how organized and ready you were.

All fair.

I had got so proud of myself for bringing this stuff and hadn't quite thought through then how we do the next bit, the experiment.

Shouldn't be difficult, difficult, though.

I think, like a communion, I think you step forward.

Oh, right, you receive the chip, receive the chip, and you'll there'll obviously be three, but I'll mix up the order.

And you tell me.

Oh, okay.

So, we're not just going to take one and go that's I think it has to be blind.

Blindness.

Okay, that's interesting.

Sorry, just scientifically, I think it has to be blind because otherwise you could be influenced.

Yep.

So, do we need the most mild one there?

What do we need the most mild one?

Shouldn't we just do medium and hot?

Yeah,

don't stay anything relax

i'll have marb

you just like mild come on

what does that prove about the test

i don't know we just it doesn't all have to be fine some of it can be enjoyable

okay so we're gonna you're gonna put you're right you're right we didn't need marb

well don't open it i'm opening red all right from now on join just the lab rat enough feedback

so are you opening the hot one?

Yes, but you won't know what it is when you come and eat it.

Okay.

So

I'll do it in an order,

but you won't know the order.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

You sure you don't want mild in the middle to cleanse the palate?

No, we should take a glass of water to cleanse the palate before.

Sure.

Also a good idea.

Okay.

Okay.

To my stepping forward?

Yes, and that's why I'm going to put the seltzer here.

It's obscured from view.

It is.

It's working well.

You've got it behind your big silver briefcase.

Yep.

The seltzers are inside the briefcase.

That's right.

You'll reach in, you'll get a chip.

I'll walk forward to you.

You just stand over here so you never see.

And Jack, don't try not to see that.

No, no, no, I can't see what side I'm doing.

Yeah.

Hamish is now going in.

Looks like he's applying salsa to a chip.

Am I going to receive two chips or one?

One.

First, this is your first chip.

There you go.

Please enjoy.

He's eating.

And is he having a guest now or is he just thinking and talking about it?

I'll do this first so we've got the sound effect.

Okay, so I've had either the hot or the medium.

Yep.

Let me have a quick squish of water.

Yep, great.

I almost forgot which one I give it in.

No, but I have remembered.

Okay.

This is the other one.

Yeah.

That one's slightly hotter.

Okay.

Okay, Jack, we better get you as well.

You go around Andy's side.

You need to write down the results.

Are you happy?

I can remember one thing.

I'll just give you a quick medium.

Okay.

Jack.

Hamish has reached in for chip.

You know, the corn chips that we get at our house are like a...

Not a famous brand, but like a supermarket does their own brand.

And they're actually circular chips.

And I just realised it's...

Bianca's been buying them, but probably why I like them is no corners like on a Dorito.

Oh, you're worried about the sharpness, like a Toblerone.

Careful,

okay.

That's the control.

That's either medium or hot.

Yeah, yeah.

May I have some of this water?

You may

careful.

The hand glass isn't too sharp.

Have you got the other one ready?

This is the other one.

Same order as me?

No.

Okay.

Or maybe.

Second one is hotter.

The second one I ate was hotter.

Jack.

You said hot was the hottest.

In accordance with Dorito's brand marketing.

Yep.

Andy,

you said medium was the hottest.

Really?

Interesting.

Giving us...

Inconclusive, yet interesting.

Yeah.

Did you see it?

Do you feel it was

definitely different?

Only a tiny, tiny little bit hotter.

Are you eating another mild?

So is the experiment over?

I guess.

I guess we're not.

Yeah, no, when I said before, inconclusive, but interesting.

That was it.

Like, that's why I said it sort of in a bold voice.

Was that bold, was it?

Inconclusive, but interesting.

That's why we're not blowing it wide open.

Full stop.

No more to be said.

Well, Well, interesting.

They're very close to each other.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're probably too close to each other.

I was actually about to say the first one I ate was hotter, and then just as I left it a couple more seconds in my mouth, it got spicier.

So

if their feedback is anything, it's like, guys,

you've got three models here.

Like one.

You've got three cars.

One goes zero kilometers an hour.

And your other two models have top speeds of 195 and 200.

So, could you do a middle car?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.

Having said that, the zero is delicious.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.