2025 Ep 290 - The Conclave’s Decision

Speaker 1 Today,

Speaker 1 in 2013,

Speaker 1 I did the vulnerability.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 so 3.

Speaker 1 Video, like,

Speaker 1 obtain Wi-Fi with local with ATNT Fiber with Al-Fi. ATNT connected the change.

Speaker 1 ATNT Fiber has limited the case, which is the service that covers Wi-Fi extended ATNT with carbon distinction.

Speaker 13 Sorry, still buffering.

Speaker 13 One.

Speaker 14 Ahoy to me, lotse. Hamish.

Speaker 16 Oh, yes, we're things you put before the word bargain.

Speaker 17 Lotse, heapse, and plente.

Speaker 11 Plente a barge.

Speaker 18 Plente a bargain.

Speaker 16 As you do your own ad if you have a barbecue or a furniture warehouse.

Speaker 14 True, but no, not today.

Speaker 14 I'm going to trial. Hopefully, I pronounce this right.
Ahoy to my Kanjinjinga.

Speaker 22 Kanjenyinga doesn't really go as well.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I can tell the way Andy fell away from it at the end and sort of

Speaker 24 verbally he hid in the bushes.

Speaker 9 He wasn't confident. I was pretty happy.

Speaker 14 Kanjenjinga.

Speaker 25 Even the way you're saying it and smiling at us and high eyebrows.

Speaker 19 Begging facially for us to go, yep, you nailed it.

Speaker 26 You're still not afraid of it. There's a little bit of that.

Speaker 20 There's a little bit of that.

Speaker 9 All right.

Speaker 14 I think this will give it away. I am K2.

Speaker 9 Oh, Mountain. Mountain.

Speaker 23 Mountain Timberlake.

Speaker 9 Second, third and fourth.

Speaker 28 He's right. Haywish has got it.

Speaker 14 We are the three highest mountains after Everest. Very good.

Speaker 14 Lotse,

Speaker 14 Haim, in Nepal,

Speaker 14 Kanjinga, whatever.

Speaker 9 Anyway. Where was that though? Just outside Lotse height.

Speaker 16 Oh, that'd all be kind of Nepal, Pakistan, maybe?

Speaker 14 Yep, Nepal and India, and then Pakistan and China as well. K2, obviously, the second one, 8,611 meters.
They're all

Speaker 17 about eight and a half.

Speaker 22 Is K2 named because it's the second highest?

Speaker 25 Like number two, like Everest says K1.

Speaker 24 We just never call it K1.

Speaker 9 Don't know, Jack. Good question.

Speaker 14 Ahoy Ahoy also to Dara who used the very easy-to-use system HamishAndy.com to upload what he's been doing. You can go there anytime.

Speaker 6 Oh, that's tough.

Speaker 31 Ahoy to Hamish, Andy and Vinweasel himself. Numerous six.

Speaker 31 Dara here, an Irish man living in Melbourne.

Speaker 31 And I thought I would just record this special moment because I've just ran into Coles and got my grubby mittens on a box of Ando's newest pyramid scheme, Demys and Timmies, which I'm very, very excited about.

Speaker 31 I got the spicy pork, and the box is kind of giving old school American cereal box vibes, which is cool. And we're down the street.

Speaker 31 I've heard that Ando himself has actually been leaving special prizes in select boxes.

Speaker 34 So, look, let's have a look anyway.

Speaker 31 Nothing in here, just tasty Demis.

Speaker 36 Oh, hold on.

Speaker 37 There's a little box with a note here.

Speaker 31 Congratulations, you have won a limited edition spicy pork flavored vapes signed by me, Andy Lingy. I've already had a gasp on one of my several smokos, and I think it's great.

Speaker 33 Enjoy from Andy.

Speaker 5 Oh, no.

Speaker 11 Wow. Cheers, Ando.
No. Oh, a modern day wonker.

Speaker 24 Don't just steam the dimmies.

Speaker 22 Vape them.

Speaker 18 Steam them.

Speaker 9 Flavour.

Speaker 17 Steam them. Not true, not recommended.

Speaker 11 I was actually thinking

Speaker 16 of you the other day, Ando.

Speaker 16 I got to somewhere and I was meeting a mate and I hadn't put any... I was like, oh, you know, dropped the the kids off, and I was just meeting straight away.

Speaker 16 And I quickly put deodorant on in the car and got out. And like a big waft of the deodorant came out.
And then my mate's like, were you vaping?

Speaker 26 Oh, no, it was deodorant.

Speaker 16 It was a can of deodorant.

Speaker 17 He goes, oh, it looked like vape.

Speaker 15 I thought, that's a cool trick for Andy to use if you are vaping.

Speaker 17 No, I'm hungry.

Speaker 9 I just say it's deodorant.

Speaker 17 Oh, no, it was deodorant, deodorant, deodorant, deodorant.

Speaker 15 I was hotboxing Rexona.

Speaker 25 We've got to move on quickly.

Speaker 9 Yeah, we do.

Speaker 9 Far more than that. But also,

Speaker 29 this is such an important day.

Speaker 14 I mean, it's quite crazy that the Conclave is happening in the Vatican City at the same time as our very important Conclave is about.

Speaker 16 I haven't paid any attention to theirs because ours takes precedent and we have so much to do. Jack, you have a huge job ahead of you as the head of the Conclave.

Speaker 9 We have.

Speaker 41 I've even watched Conclave the movie to set myself up for what was coming today.

Speaker 25 Okay, great.

Speaker 14 So we've got three people that have flown in from all all around the country.

Speaker 17 There's Larry, is there?

Speaker 42 Yep, Larry, Renee, and Charlie.

Speaker 28 Okay, Jack's picked them.

Speaker 14 They're all going to go into a special conclave, a sealed room, and

Speaker 14 decide between the three of them who is the chosen one to save special skills.

Speaker 14 If their special skill is picked, we'll hear them all. You will, Jack.

Speaker 16 Just be careful over explaining this, Andy, because remember, we've got a very elaborate opener.

Speaker 20 That's true. It's true.
It's true.

Speaker 14 But we shouldn't point out the chimney, the pipe, our.

Speaker 16 Sorry, that is something we do need to point out because

Speaker 16 sense is going to play a big part in today's claving.

Speaker 16 I, last year, in the Cyber Monday sales, I believe, or

Speaker 16 Black Friday, I can't remember which, was lucky enough to grab, because it did say the stocks were limited, a small portable smoke machine runs off, creates its own fog, fog smoke machine.

Speaker 16 And no one else in the family was using it today.

Speaker 16 So I was able to bring it into the studio and it's it's handheld it's like the size of i don't know um a shoe and a small shoe a size eight women's shoe and it has a tube that comes off and that's where the smoke comes out so jack you'll be armed with this yeah i've taught him how to use it he knows how to use it and you and it's got a full canister of gap of like liquid smoke so it'll it will work jack when the decision's made you just simply poke the tube out and

Speaker 16 um you know double press the button like i taught you and then the smoke will come out just like they do in Vatican City, and we'll know that the chosen one has been.

Speaker 29 And I'm just simply opening the studio door, I'll stick the tube out, and then you'll know whether or not if it smokes, you know, we've chosen a skillionnaire and the chosen one.

Speaker 25 If it doesn't smoke, it means we're still deliberating.

Speaker 20 Okay, that's right.

Speaker 43 Yep.

Speaker 28 Good luck, everybody.

Speaker 14 And I guess we'll meet the chosen one the other side of this.

Speaker 14 And now, please stand as we gather for a very special Hamish and Andy conclave.

Speaker 19 Since the ritual was first used to select a villager's preferred con, conclaves have been used as a sacred and fun way to select a chosen one from amongst a bunch of other ones.

Speaker 14 With the quality and quantity of special skills in steep decline, it was was decreed that the podcast was in grave need of a chosen one to save the segment and lead it back into its glory days.

Speaker 19 Many brave souls came forward.

Speaker 16 The chosen bunch, consisting of five talented people, were selected by Jack.

Speaker 19 Then, upon thinking about just the general flow of the segment and how busy it might sound, and also a little bit of cost saving, it was written in the sacred text that in fact three would enter the conclave, known as the chosen few.

Speaker 13 The chosen few.

Speaker 14 Once in the conclave, the chosen few will decide amongst themselves, overseen by the chosen jack, who of the few will be the chosen one.

Speaker 24 The chosen one will then exit the conclave, resurrect the segment, write themselves into history, and receive no less than three eight coin coins.

Speaker 12 Can I get it?

Speaker 18 Amen.

Speaker 49 Three?

Speaker 14 Three eight coin coins?

Speaker 13 I think that's a bit much.

Speaker 36 Okay, two.

Speaker 12 Two is still big and amazing.

Speaker 21 Can I get an amen?

Speaker 21 Amen.

Speaker 43 All right, Ando. We are outside the studio that's going to serve as the conclave for the special skills.

Speaker 50 We're kind of in the square outside the Vatican, aren't we?

Speaker 37 Yeah, we are.

Speaker 50 Can't wait to get a glimpse.

Speaker 13 What will they come up with?

Speaker 43 We've instructed the chosen few to not talk to each other.

Speaker 37 I just have a look at the hallway.

Speaker 39 They're all staring straight ahead in the hallway.

Speaker 43 The procession of the chosen few can begin now.

Speaker 36 Jack,

Speaker 24 silently lead in the chosen few.

Speaker 36 Amazing scenes here now as Jack Post walks slowly forward.

Speaker 43 We have a young woman, a young man, and another young man.

Speaker 46 Jack not making eye contact.

Speaker 39 The special skills

Speaker 43 chosen few heading into the conclave now. A couple of nods, a couple of high eyebrows, but no talking.

Speaker 43 A bit of giggling as they go into the conclave, but you're going to get that with conclaves because Jack took it very seriously, which I'm impressed with.

Speaker 32 He didn't even look.

Speaker 13 He decided to do a kind of a formal march.

Speaker 5 And then I think

Speaker 12 that it's what the occasion to band.

Speaker 52 And then the last chap, he saw Jack doing that and thought, oh, I better try that.

Speaker 52 But unfortunately, when you're trying to march formally and you're thinking about it too much, he went with his arms at the same time as both legs and ended up square gating his way.

Speaker 36 That's not enough.

Speaker 51 That's not.

Speaker 36 You meant to go opposite arm to opposite leg.

Speaker 51 But again, that gives you an idea of how high the tension is here outside the conclave.

Speaker 46 Annie and I now squat.

Speaker 6 I thought we'd be able to see in, but no.

Speaker 36 No, no, no.

Speaker 34 Imagine how we sit against the wall and we wait for the pipe.

Speaker 5 The pipe. Wait for the smoke pipe to come out.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 43 And we begin the sit, and no doubt inside, Jack is

Speaker 43 beginning the first of what I hope won't be too many rounds of voting until they get the three votes needed for the chosen one.

Speaker 13 How long does it take sometimes for the Pope?

Speaker 43 What's the longest one that's going to Vatican?

Speaker 13 I'd be guessing, but

Speaker 36 weeks? Two weeks.

Speaker 13 Jesus.

Speaker 13 Those snacks. Could be a longer snack.
We'd need some snacks.

Speaker 54 So the door of the Conclave was slammed shut, only to be opened again when the chosen few had selected the chosen one.

Speaker 25 Welcome to the Conclave, guys.

Speaker 42 My name's Jack Post, and I'll be the Conclave leader.

Speaker 9 Why are you laughing?

Speaker 20 This is very serious.

Speaker 8 Our job today

Speaker 47 is to choose a special skill that is so brilliant that it saves the segment.

Speaker 29 The segment is at risk of dying and never being brought back to the podcast unless one of you three here sat at this table.

Speaker 8 with the best special skill can save the segment.

Speaker 57 I'll go around the table and please introduce yourself.

Speaker 25 Who are you?

Speaker 7 Hello, I'm Brother Larry. I am the world's fastest knee sprinter.

Speaker 20 And what is a knee sprinter?

Speaker 7 Well, it's a typical sprinter that you'd see, but instead of running on my feet, I run on my knees.

Speaker 55 Okay.

Speaker 57 Charlie and Renee are our other contestants here.

Speaker 29 I'll get you a quick reaction to a knee running.

Speaker 20 I'm impressed.

Speaker 37 Renee?

Speaker 1 I think that would hurt.

Speaker 29 It does on a harder surface, but I typically dabble with grass.

Speaker 42 That's all right, Renee.

Speaker 29 You won't have to do anybody else's skills.

Speaker 44 Larry will be the only one running onto his knees.

Speaker 23 Larry, how do you imagine we would test something like this?

Speaker 7 Typically in the past, I have competed against others and simply beat them. But I have also whipped out the skill as a solo performer and just wowed people people with the speed, I suppose.

Speaker 25 Okay, very strong.

Speaker 36 Thank you, Larry.

Speaker 7 Thank you.

Speaker 42 Renee, what is the skill you're proposing will save special skills?

Speaker 1 I can taste aluminium. I can't say the word, but I can taste it.

Speaker 57 And describe how that would work.

Speaker 1 I can just taste it. If a fork touches metal, I can taste it.
Just say you got...

Speaker 1 a takeaway and it's in one of those alpha foil containers and someone like brushes a fork on it when they put it on your plate i can taste that charlie i'll get your reaction to aluminium foil tasting it sounds like a superpower larry

Speaker 7 i'm slightly confused but it does sound like the specific taste it sounds quite special i can taste it i can smell metal too

Speaker 41 okay so how do you think this will wow Hamish and Andy the most?

Speaker 1 It's better than the knees thing.

Speaker 57 Interesting. Okay.

Speaker 55 That's the best best we've got from Renee. So you would be...

Speaker 21 It's a good skill.

Speaker 29 So you would be blindfolded.

Speaker 1 I can pick anything. You could give me 10 forks.

Speaker 1 And I can tell you the exact one that touched metal.

Speaker 9 Okay, okay.

Speaker 55 This is better, guys.

Speaker 8 All right. So picture this.

Speaker 29 10 forks laid out.

Speaker 42 One would touch aluminium foil and be returned to the 10.

Speaker 1 And I could tell you without a doubt.

Speaker 23 We'd take Renee's blindfold off.

Speaker 29 She would lick each of the forks and then she would be able to tell which one had touched the elementary.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 100%. Okay.
I would back her with my life.

Speaker 9 All right, Renee, well done.

Speaker 8 Could you do 100 forks?

Speaker 1 So I could do 200.

Speaker 9 Wow, she could do 200 forks.

Speaker 29 Very good. Charlie, finally, tell us what special skill you have bought today to save special skills.

Speaker 35 I can tell you which direction North is, no matter where I am, if I'm blindfolded day or night.

Speaker 20 Wow.

Speaker 1 That is not impressive.

Speaker 2 Isn't it?

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know where North is ever, but.

Speaker 8 Do you have to look at the sun?

Speaker 20 No, no.

Speaker 8 So you could do it inside. Yep.

Speaker 42 We could spin you around 100 times. Absolutely.

Speaker 30 Could we spin you around 200 times? Make it 300.

Speaker 57 Wow, 300 spins.

Speaker 30 And you would know which way North is. Yep.

Speaker 1 So no matter what, in a pitch black room, blindfolded, spun around, you know where North is.

Speaker 9 Yep, absolutely.

Speaker 8 Larry, what do you think of the North Man?

Speaker 20 The Northman?

Speaker 49 I...

Speaker 7 I believe it's impressive. I just worry it's a random point.

Speaker 7 You know, like...

Speaker 9 No, North is not random. No, no, I mean, like...

Speaker 7 He could just simply be like, north.

Speaker 20 That was South, the way you just pointed, by the way.

Speaker 21 Wow.

Speaker 58 I guess we don't know if he's right.

Speaker 59 How accurate would you get it?

Speaker 29 So is it just general vibe, north is that way?

Speaker 47 Or is it down to the degree?

Speaker 20 I reckon I can do it pretty close to the degree. Wow, that's pretty impressive.

Speaker 23 Okay,

Speaker 29 we have a big job here today.

Speaker 38 We have to unanimously vote between the three of you one of these skills to be performed on the podcast.

Speaker 40 I'll give you a moment to think.

Speaker 9 I win.

Speaker 21 Okay.

Speaker 7 I win.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 40 And

Speaker 17 I'll win. Okay.

Speaker 9 I sort of vote.

Speaker 38 Everyone's very proud of their own skills.

Speaker 23 Let's have a vote now.

Speaker 30 The way we'll do the voting, I'll start with Larry this time and go clockwise.

Speaker 59 You just say who you're voting for.

Speaker 59 Larry, who are you voting for?

Speaker 17 Larry.

Speaker 29 Renee, who are you voting for?

Speaker 23 Renee.

Speaker 29 Charlie, who are you voting for?

Speaker 9 I'll vote for Charlie. Okay, this could take a while.

Speaker 20 Yes.

Speaker 47 Sit amongst yourself.

Speaker 43 Movement, movement, the door is cracking open.

Speaker 32 Okay. Here we go.

Speaker 51 Pipe is out.

Speaker 50 Is there smoke?

Speaker 6 Oh, no.

Speaker 37 Jack really whacked it out, didn't he?

Speaker 36 Well, I mean,

Speaker 6 more,

Speaker 51 let's be honest, more

Speaker 51 was more, was that just me? Or like he really like just gave

Speaker 36 it.

Speaker 53 It was a whip out of the pipe.

Speaker 6 He did feel a little less chimney

Speaker 6 more

Speaker 53 wangy yeah yeah thin wang had a serious thin what thin wang vibes to it expect that but anyway no smoke and it was but but i did get the feeling of like oh i know it was exciting to see his hand come out

Speaker 27 i think i just in my head imagined the pipe would come out but anyway

Speaker 43 They're obviously locked at one all or two one. I suppose it could be a 2-1 lock.

Speaker 13 Wow, okay.

Speaker 30 So, do you want to have a quick talk amongst yourselves about why you think it should be you and try to win some of the others over?

Speaker 20 Yeah. Sounds good.

Speaker 35 I'm very impressed that you can run any knees fast.

Speaker 20 Thank you.

Speaker 35 I like that you admit that's better on some surfaces than others, and I appreciate that you've tested it to know which ones hurt more than others.

Speaker 22 As for the aluminium, super impressive.

Speaker 20 Thank you. It's almost like you built more neurons in your brain than what the rest of us have.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 35 How did you find this skill out?

Speaker 1 Just as a child, I didn't let anyone put something on my plate that touched metal.

Speaker 9 So you don't like metal.

Speaker 21 Oh no, it's awful.

Speaker 2 I haven't even tested my skill.

Speaker 6 Not once.

Speaker 21 Wow, that's a red flag.

Speaker 29 Can you handle the microphone grenade just so we hear that?

Speaker 1 I haven't tested my skill once because it tastes gross and I don't want to and I already know that I can do it.

Speaker 41 Okay.

Speaker 8 And Larry, tell us a bit more about the knee running.

Speaker 7 Well, I don't remember how I've discovered this skill. It just, I think I was born with it, really.
Okay. And I eventually just started challenging friends.

Speaker 29 And I imagine it looks impressive.

Speaker 7 Oh, incredibly. Let me tell you.
It's like typical running where you float for a bit mid-power stroke, you know?

Speaker 38 We all understand that we have to leave this room eventually.

Speaker 56 And to do that, we need a unanimous vote. Renee, I'm going to start with you this time.

Speaker 23 I vote me.

Speaker 20 Charlie?

Speaker 20 I'll vote me then.

Speaker 17 Larry?

Speaker 23 I

Speaker 21 well,

Speaker 23 look.

Speaker 1 Come on, Larry, vote for me.

Speaker 7 I'm going to break the trend here. I'm not going to vote for myself.
I'm going to vote for Charlie.

Speaker 9 I knew you were going to do it for me.

Speaker 7 Because my theory is practicality.

Speaker 7 Like, day to day, that could be cooler. I do hikes every now and then.
If I had a friend who I was with, it could be like, hey,

Speaker 7 North's that way.

Speaker 27 That's true.

Speaker 29 That's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no one actually needs to know if a fork touched out of the menu.

Speaker 40 Guys, we have not voted unanimously, so I have to let the people know.

Speaker 55 Talk amongst yourselves. That's okay.

Speaker 55 Someone's coming.

Speaker 43 Here we go. Here we go.
The pipe is coming out.

Speaker 13 Hang on. He's holding.
It's holding. It's holding.

Speaker 36 Is he here?

Speaker 6 Oh, no.

Speaker 16 There is no smoke.

Speaker 5 He yelled yelled it there for effect, though, didn't he?

Speaker 6 Full stage front.

Speaker 6 He shook it a bit.

Speaker 53 Like, come on.

Speaker 51 Had to go off to a cubicle. No.

Speaker 43 Wow. No smoke again at the 13-minute.

Speaker 13 I can't wait to listen to this back.

Speaker 37 I mean, even though it's part of it.

Speaker 51 It's funny because, yeah, people listening, they'll know.

Speaker 6 We're the only people that don't know what's going on in there, but God, it's locked up.

Speaker 54 15 minutes had passed now, and the chosen few continued their deliberations.

Speaker 1 I do really want to see the Nee Run.

Speaker 21 Yes, I do. I'm going to see it.

Speaker 7 If I don't get this eventually, I do have videos, don't worry.

Speaker 21 Oh, I was getting in there. I want to see it.

Speaker 29 How about this, guys?

Speaker 51 We're at a deadlock.

Speaker 25 No special skill has been chosen yet.

Speaker 59 I'm going to say something that I think is important for us all to know.

Speaker 23 You're already all winners.

Speaker 41 You've been selected amongst an extremely large group of people for amazing skills.

Speaker 40 We can only see one,

Speaker 33 but

Speaker 33 you've already won.

Speaker 30 So don't, no need to stand and vote for yourself so vehemently if you think another skill in the room can save the podcast.

Speaker 40 Would it help to have my influence and I can tell you what I think is my favorite one?

Speaker 30 And then that might lead us cardinals to vote differently.

Speaker 7 I feel you're an unbiased voice here.

Speaker 39 And thank you, Larry. I am.

Speaker 25 And remember, I love all of your skills because I chose them during this selection process.

Speaker 9 Thank you, Jack.

Speaker 44 I think it would be amazing for the world to see a man run on his knees.

Speaker 39 And that's just me.

Speaker 29 So if I was voting today, Larry would have my vote.

Speaker 47 I'm going to start over with Charlie.

Speaker 59 We're going to vote again. Charlie, who do you want to vote for?

Speaker 35 This is a really big decision to make. It's huge.

Speaker 35 I wouldn't be lying if I really wanted to first Larry right now on an e-race, see how it went. That might be able to change my decision a bit more.

Speaker 26 I'm not doing it.

Speaker 35 I think the untested aluminium theory is just a little bit off the books for me at the moment. I apologise.

Speaker 21 It's alright.

Speaker 35 I still would like to vote for myself.

Speaker 60 Okay, Charlie's voting for himself. Larry, who do you vote for?

Speaker 7 I'd hate to argue with Jack's informed opinion, so I'm going to vote myself again.

Speaker 59 And Renee, who do you want to vote for?

Speaker 6 Renee.

Speaker 8 Okay, we're actually further away than.

Speaker 6 Okay, here we go. The door is cracking up.

Speaker 32 There we go. We've got a nozzle of a pipe coming out.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 53 It's gone back in.

Speaker 37 No smoke.

Speaker 51 That is three.

Speaker 51 That was a fast re-vote, though.

Speaker 51 That was only like two minutes later.

Speaker 6 What's going on in there?

Speaker 9 Can I have a quick word? Yeah,

Speaker 49 come out, come out, come out.

Speaker 19 Well, you're meant to be locked down in the conclave or break some conclave rules.

Speaker 51 Yeah, what's going on?

Speaker 29 They won't stop voting for themselves.

Speaker 29 This is why I but you and judge you have to break that deadline i've given like three different speeches about how it's not an individual competition we're trying to do it for the podcast put your own needs aside you're already all winners because you were selected from a huge group i don't know what i'll do the speech to you

Speaker 53 You do not see this.

Speaker 5 We do.

Speaker 16 No, they don't.

Speaker 4 That's why it takes two weeks.

Speaker 27 I know, but the air gardener doesn't come out to

Speaker 27 the square and go, guys, go home.

Speaker 53 They won't stop voting for themselves.

Speaker 13 Okay, why don't you do this, Jack? Okay.

Speaker 50 If you can't vote for yourself, who would you select?

Speaker 43 Maybe we have to do that.

Speaker 6 Maybe we have to change the rules.

Speaker 59 And so now we're no longer looking for unanimous, just whoever gets two votes out of three.

Speaker 36 I don't think we changed the rules.

Speaker 50 What I'm suggesting is if you couldn't vote for yourself, who would you vote for? Let's start with that discussion. Okay.
And then with that new information, let's vote again.

Speaker 36 Okay.

Speaker 53 Yeah.

Speaker 47 You got to know the energy in there.

Speaker 30 They're so excited to vote for themselves.

Speaker 16 except one guy honestly who I think has the best skill he's the nicest one who's probably ready to waive what about this Jack what about you go listen listen you guys can't get your act together yeah vote for someone else more bad guy no no yeah you go none of you get a vote I get the vote and I'll be choosing yeah okay and one vote will solve it okay yeah my question though Jack is are they all achievable do you think someone can save the segment they all think they can and that at least we've got that they're all super confident.

Speaker 60 Okay, great.

Speaker 15 Get back in there.

Speaker 13 Yeah,

Speaker 37 I think we're close.

Speaker 53 Well, we're not.

Speaker 16 But what I mean is, you wouldn't want the chosen one to come easily.

Speaker 32 It has to be through hardship.

Speaker 51 As the special schools Bible taught us nothing,

Speaker 37 this is the trial.

Speaker 36 This is the final test.

Speaker 43 And from this flames, the chosen one will emerge.

Speaker 60 At what point do we come back next week?

Speaker 26 Oh, God. I'm hungry.

Speaker 37 Yeah, well, I'm hungry as well.

Speaker 46 So there's also lunch pressure on that.

Speaker 54 Whilst the boys were game planning with Jack, back inside the conclave, the chosen few appeared no closer to breaking the deadlock.

Speaker 32 How far do you normally run on your knees?

Speaker 7 The distance I put was 50.

Speaker 9 50 meters? That's really impressive.

Speaker 1 I know, but you can just watch the video.

Speaker 21 Will you see it? I won't show the video.

Speaker 21 He's gonna hold it back now.

Speaker 11 It's a podcast.

Speaker 20 We can listen to the video.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a podcast. We don't even see you run on your knees.

Speaker 22 But it would make some funny sounds for the podcast.

Speaker 6 I'm sure it would.

Speaker 9 Oh, is that? Oh, sorry.

Speaker 12 I thought you were just doing it.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to give it up.

Speaker 9 I'm telling you right now.

Speaker 1 I just want to show my fork skill. It's the only skill I have.

Speaker 22 Does it have to be a specific type of fork?

Speaker 9 No, any fork. Any fork?

Speaker 1 I can literally I can taste, not that I do this often, but if someone cuts a key, I can taste whether it's being put into a lock.

Speaker 1 You taste it.

Speaker 35 How often are you putting keys in your mouth?

Speaker 2 Well that's why I stopped. Yeah.

Speaker 21 Because I was like, this is getting... Yeah.

Speaker 1 I only did it the first few times. I had to test it.
But then I was like, nah, I gotta stop doing that.

Speaker 35 Have you ever worried about, is there some sort of poisoning that comes with helimal?

Speaker 1 No, I asked my doctor and I can't have lime or lemon or anything like that it's all to do with some kind of

Speaker 1 wow imbalance that's I'm impressive

Speaker 1 smell metal I can taste it

Speaker 32 wow okay that's really impressive better than the knees thing right

Speaker 11 mr knees over here

Speaker 21 I get so competitive

Speaker 54 Jack re-entered the conclave could their plan force a decision?

Speaker 29 Cardinals, I'm going to ask everybody who they would vote for if they weren't allowed to vote for themselves. This is not your official vote.

Speaker 59 I just want to know who you would vote for.

Speaker 53 Larry.

Speaker 7 I did already vote for Charlie.

Speaker 7 And I do still believe,

Speaker 7 as a listener, I'd be more impressed hearing that than the fork one.

Speaker 25 So Charlie, of course,

Speaker 9 it doesn't have to be a fork.

Speaker 6 Well, in that case,

Speaker 48 Charlie, of course, you're voting for the human compass.

Speaker 40 You can pick North in any room.

Speaker 60 Okay.

Speaker 1 Renee, if you couldn't vote for yourself, I'm definitely not voting for Larry.

Speaker 56 Larry is our knee runner, so you would vote for the human compass. Yes.

Speaker 30 Charlie, if you couldn't vote for yourself, who would you vote for?

Speaker 35 I would vote for Larry.

Speaker 55 Larry, our knee runner, would get your vote.

Speaker 35 Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 59 I don't know really what to do from there because

Speaker 38 we still don't have a unanimous vote.

Speaker 56 I hate to do this to you guys, but I'm going to have to be strict parent on you if you can't unanimously vote this time. And I'm going to have to step in and I'm going to have to choose myself.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 38 Because we can't be here all day.

Speaker 56 Do you understand?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 9 Do you think that's fair? Yes. Very fair.

Speaker 56 I'm going to start with Charlie.

Speaker 29 Charlie, who do you vote for?

Speaker 35 If I'm not going to vote for myself, I'll vote for Larry.

Speaker 60 Larry, who do you vote for?

Speaker 7 I will repay that favour and vote for Charlie.

Speaker 40 And Renee?

Speaker 1 Can I still vote for myself?

Speaker 55 Yes, we're back to normal world.

Speaker 50 Here comes the pipe. Yes,

Speaker 50 more chimney like that's gone.

Speaker 53 It's gone again.

Speaker 6 It's gone back again.

Speaker 27 Stale, mate.

Speaker 6 Is he doing what we said?

Speaker 23 All right, guys.

Speaker 20 Renee. I don't know.

Speaker 29 Yes, Renee, I can feel the strength in your conviction that you should be you.

Speaker 49 I feel a weight on my shoulders because I was given the instruction that if it can't be decided unanimously, then I will have to choose myself.

Speaker 29 And I've told you I'm already very fond of me running.

Speaker 59 Larry, I would be choosing you.

Speaker 60 I'm going to ask the Cardinals again.

Speaker 8 I'm even going to say this.

Speaker 47 Imagine in a world where we see the special skill completed today successfully, you were each given a chance to show your skill as well on the podcast.

Speaker 40 So you still get your moment to shine.

Speaker 55 Now, put that aside and go, what skill do we choose here today

Speaker 30 that is going to most impress the people and has the best chance of success?

Speaker 38 Would you change your vote? Anybody?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 7 I think I would go back to myself also.

Speaker 9 All right. I vote.
I understand.

Speaker 29 Guys, guys, I'm choosing knee running.

Speaker 9 Oh, I'm choosing knee running.

Speaker 12 I did want to see that.

Speaker 12 Come on, did you just say that, Renee? Because mine's better.

Speaker 29 Larry, look in our eyes and tell us it's amazing.

Speaker 55 That's all we need.

Speaker 7 Jack, Charlie, Renee, it's amazing. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 What do you think it would be?

Speaker 29 Okay, and do we have consensus?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 32 Congratulations, Larry.

Speaker 19 You will save the podcast. Thank you.

Speaker 32 Congratulations.

Speaker 7 I am honored to be the skill, you know.

Speaker 1 What happens if he fails?

Speaker 29 If he fails, special skills will be cancelled from the podcast forevermore.

Speaker 21 He is!

Speaker 21 No pressure.

Speaker 11 No pressure.

Speaker 8 I did.

Speaker 11 I said he is.

Speaker 1 He's going back to me, Vokey.

Speaker 48 He is saving the entire segment on the podcast.

Speaker 29 Larry, good luck out there. We believe in you.

Speaker 56 Well, one of us does.

Speaker 29 We believe in you. The Cardinals have spoken in their own way.

Speaker 30 Congratulations.

Speaker 56 You are the skillionnaire. Let's see you run on your knees.

Speaker 55 Thank you.

Speaker 20 Thank you.

Speaker 9 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 7 I will save special skills.

Speaker 19 Okay, here we go. The door is cracked.

Speaker 43 That was opened forcefully.

Speaker 43 Yes!

Speaker 43 Smoke!

Speaker 43 We have a chosen one!

Speaker 53 It is a little bit dangly, sort of giving it a shake. We have a chosen one.

Speaker 9 Well, we'll go to the studio now.

Speaker 12 Hallelujah!

Speaker 32 We'll go to the studio and we'll meet the chosen one.

Speaker 61 Well done, Jack.

Speaker 12 You did it, Jack.

Speaker 32 Well done. Well done.

Speaker 45 Oh my god, may the chosen one emerge.

Speaker 12 We'll see them in studio.

Speaker 2 I vote, Renee.

Speaker 16 All right, we are now back live. But, Ando, we just to bring people up to speed, we haven't

Speaker 16 hear any of the conclave. We know, as a listener, you will have heard everything that just happened in the conclave.

Speaker 16 Me and Andy have gone from sitting on the floor outside, we saw the white smoke, we've now come straight back in here. Jack, well done.

Speaker 11 You look exhausted, Jack. It wasn't easy.

Speaker 21 No, we know, we know.

Speaker 16 I mean, it'll be massively edited down by the time that's sort of inserted into the podcast. But it was close to half an hour Conclave, which we were not expecting, but a chosen one has been selected.

Speaker 16 We now see it is one of the young men.

Speaker 17 Come on in. This is Larry.

Speaker 9 Welcome to the one. Larry, Larry, welcome.

Speaker 21 The chosen one. We are not in the world.

Speaker 14 Larry, you can pop those headphones on if you like.

Speaker 17 Larry, welcome.

Speaker 30 Hello. How was that intense?

Speaker 7 It was very intense.

Speaker 16 It seemed it just more than you thought it would be.

Speaker 7 Yeah, no, I thought I was prepared going in, but

Speaker 7 that was something else.

Speaker 16 So you say the Conclave takes it out of you and you've got to really want it.

Speaker 14 Larry, we don't know any of the special skills. Don't tell us any of the others, but what is yours?

Speaker 7 My special skill is I am the world's fastest knee sprinter.

Speaker 21 Wow. All right.

Speaker 16 So running on your knees.

Speaker 7 Running on my knees.

Speaker 7 Hands up by my side. Yep.
On my knees, and I just power sprint.

Speaker 20 I can't wait to see this.

Speaker 16 I mean, I've got bad knees myself, so extra respect from me. I'm very jealous of that.

Speaker 17 What?

Speaker 14 I mean, this is exciting, but we need to discuss now how we test this.

Speaker 16 When you say world's fastest, has it been measured or you just got a great vibe?

Speaker 7 So I haven't measured time and compared it to, say, other knee sprinters. However, every time I've brought up this skill, I've presented it to friends.

Speaker 7 I presented it to friends who are athletes, triathletes, AFL players, and I versed them in a knee sprint, comfortably win.

Speaker 16 Well, I was going to say, Ando, I'm in, I'm out because I've got quite bad tender narrowness in my knees, but you recently ran a half marathon. Would you be the control?

Speaker 16 Would you be happy to knee sprint?

Speaker 14 He would have to be, though, twice as fast as me, at least, wouldn't he?

Speaker 42 You've never done it before, so I think

Speaker 11 you are.

Speaker 14 How far can you knee sprint?

Speaker 7 So the distance I submitted was 50 meters. That's probably the max I've ever done.

Speaker 14 And you prefer.

Speaker 16 Is that getting into being a bit more of an endurance event then at 50 meters?

Speaker 7 Yeah, more, like I think my max speed would probably be around 25. Yeah.
But then 50 to 100, it's more just wearing on the knees.

Speaker 16 yeah of course and you must know you must feel when you're running along on your knees you must be get a greater appreciation for the calf and the shin and all the other the foot yeah and realize why they're such a useful part of the whole leg system larry is grass the best yeah grass definitely the best yeah i typically tend to stay on grass i've tried sand before

Speaker 7 not good no tracks carpet would be carpet burns and carpet yeah not awful but not the best either if grass is available it is preferred.

Speaker 16 Let's say we have a 50-meter track, Andy starts at 25, you start 50 back.

Speaker 8 Oh, yeah, I could catch.

Speaker 7 I could catch an overtake.

Speaker 16 Because that's a huge, for him to run you down over 50.

Speaker 11 I'm feeling it. Yeah.

Speaker 16 I'm feeling the tingle that the special skill is meant to give you, but the confidence, Ander. That's what we're looking for in the chosen one.
The confidence.

Speaker 14 Next week's show.

Speaker 32 Should we do that? Yes.

Speaker 16 I mean, I know we're going to...

Speaker 16 everyone's just heard what happened in the conclave. Was Larry a clear winner, Jack?

Speaker 55 Definitely not.

Speaker 28 Well, we'll see whether Larry.

Speaker 16 Do you do you think there is extra pressure now that the other two are like, how come he got to be the chosen one?

Speaker 7 Oh, no. I'm confident in my ability.
I'm confident in my skills.

Speaker 11 This is what you want.

Speaker 9 We'll see what happens.

Speaker 14 When Neo thought he, you know, never had doubts, did he? Other people were like, had his back. I mean, the matrix.

Speaker 16 Sorry, this is me kicking a chair because I'm stretching my legs thinking we're about to do this. I'm not even involved, but that's the infectious power of the chosen one.

Speaker 14 Well, uh, next week on the show, we will see whether Larry can save special skills with knee sprinting with knee sprinkling.

Speaker 16 Get on your knees, Ando.

Speaker 9 Oh, watch your step.

Speaker 52 Wow, your attic is so dark.

Speaker 53 Dark.

Speaker 39 I know, right?

Speaker 62 It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

Speaker 1 What movie is that?

Speaker 4 I haven't pressed play yet.

Speaker 1 AT ⁇ T Fiber with Al-Fi covers your whole house.

Speaker 61 Even your really, really creepy attic turned home theater.

Speaker 1 Jimmy, what have I told you about scaring our guests? Get AT ⁇ T Fiber with Al-Fi and live like a gagillionaire.

Speaker 63 Limited availability coverage may require extenders at additional charge.

Speaker 16 Hey, quickly, as the dust settles on the Conclave, the second most important selection of someone happened this week.

Speaker 9 There's a lot of selecting

Speaker 16 a lot of selecting going on with the election. Now, not a political podcast.
No one's coming here to get hot takes on politics, but I would like to.

Speaker 8 It would be.

Speaker 25 Well, late, anyway, because the election has already been run and won.

Speaker 9 As I said, as I said, that's why I've saved this till after.

Speaker 18 Reflection.

Speaker 16 Election reflections, I'm sure, is a great episode somewhere on the ABC podcast suite. And

Speaker 16 I was going to say, I just don't know if I'm going to say it. I was going to say, aren't there seats still being decided? But even as I said that, I was was like, that sounds very

Speaker 16 not our show.

Speaker 16 But what I wanted, here's something I do want to focus on the election in the wash-up, because I actually now have the data to answer a question that I wondered for weeks leading into the election.

Speaker 16 Probably similar in your areas. We all live in different electorates, so I'm not sure what happened in your zone.

Speaker 16 But in my electorate, it was clearly, judging by the placards on the Telegraph polls in the suburb, hot election between two different women representing two different parties.

Speaker 16 One the incumbent, one like, you know, she's the current member, and then another one having a red-hot go at it.

Speaker 16 The main strategy was these signs, like the core fluid signs. Did you have heavy signage in your?

Speaker 14 There was a lot of signage going on.

Speaker 9 There was a lot of controversy.

Speaker 14 Every single album where we were, there was a lot of controversy in my dad's area, parents' area, because one of the ladies going for the top job, her husband was filmed ripping down one of the signs of a competitor and grabbing it on it.

Speaker 16 I don't know the sign etiquette, but here's something that happened in this electrode. And I won't, we don't, I don't even need to name names here, but you've got these two women going for it.

Speaker 16 Someone had decided to black out the front right tooth

Speaker 15 on one of the one of the black hards.

Speaker 16 That's a bit of fun. One of the signs, but not just once, because I saw it and I went, oh, that's...

Speaker 32 Someone's just having to go for a walk with a Sharpie there.

Speaker 16 That's kind of classic graffiti. Not just once, but they hit everyone.

Speaker 15 Every single one.

Speaker 14 Every single one. Are you sure she doesn't have a small?

Speaker 9 No, no. So occasionally you'd see one without it.

Speaker 11 Occasionally you'd see one without it.

Speaker 9 But I was like,

Speaker 14 if I ever run for election, I'm going to go a burst smirk.

Speaker 9 It's dangerous.

Speaker 14 But you can't get graffiti down the teeth. You can't get graffitied on the teeth.

Speaker 17 I know I'm going to be a little bit of a

Speaker 9 smudge.

Speaker 16 I think I'll hold both my hands up like in a with a circular like this near my face to show that I can I can handle two issues at a time.

Speaker 9 I'm sure you'll be fine.

Speaker 16 Anyway, I'm probably not going to run to what remains to be seen.

Speaker 16 Here's the question. Here's the question.
So over the course of the few weeks leading up to it, you see...

Speaker 18 We just have two circles to say holding on to you.

Speaker 9 He can do two issues at once.

Speaker 23 Easily

Speaker 29 P-side does two figures.

Speaker 27 That's not what our PR team thought would be most impactful.

Speaker 20 So

Speaker 19 you see all the black stats fifth right.

Speaker 16 Here's the thing I was wondering. I go, okay, this isn't just like you see one bit of graffiti, you go, okay, that sign's been graffiti.

Speaker 15 But when you see everyone,

Speaker 15 it did begin to make you think, she's missing a tooth.

Speaker 45 Oh, that's the one that's missing a tooth.

Speaker 16 And then I thought, this would be really interesting because she was not the incumbent. She was trying to win the seat.
Okay, so this was her tilt at getting elected. She was an underdog.

Speaker 19 She was.

Speaker 16 Yeah. Well, I suppose, yeah, she's trying to get elected.

Speaker 32 And I went, this really raises two schools of thought here.

Speaker 16 You either go, because obviously you assume it's not done by her team. It's done by the other team to defame her.

Speaker 16 But you go,

Speaker 16 you either go, hmm, I don't know if I can trust her. She can't even get her teeth fixed.
How's she going to get the

Speaker 22 electorate?

Speaker 16 How's she going to get the electorate fixed?

Speaker 16 And how's she going to handle the issues? You can't even be bothered going to the dentist. That's what you're meant to think.

Speaker 15 That's what they're thinking.

Speaker 6 Or do you think, wow, look at that.

Speaker 16 She's so dedicated to fixing the issues in our electorate, she didn't even get what some would say is urgent dental work done

Speaker 16 till after the election because she puts the community first.

Speaker 16 And I went, I think this election will decide whether, how effective the blacking out of the tooth is as a slanderous.

Speaker 14 Were there any slogans alongside like community before my teeth?

Speaker 9 I'll get it dude.

Speaker 16 Don't worry, I'll get it it fixed day one.

Speaker 16 No, there wasn't. No.
Here's the other thing that we noticed, and this is actually sunny. This is my son noticing this.
I was like, mate, very astute.

Speaker 16 The incumbent, the current member, her signs were high on the power poles.

Speaker 9 All right. Higher up.

Speaker 11 Out of reach of graffiti artists.

Speaker 15 Higher up

Speaker 16 and like ladder height. And so they've driven around with a ladder.
Not convenient. That's kind of annoying from their team, but I reckon they have a lot of money.

Speaker 14 The less chance of seeing them, though, are they above ice?

Speaker 32 Now you get a good look.

Speaker 13 You get a good look.

Speaker 16 They're just sort of three meters high. And somebody's like, yeah, she's put hers up higher.
That's why she hasn't got graffitied. Or they knew, you know, it's a possibility.

Speaker 32 I was like, yep.

Speaker 16 And then the lady trying to get elected, she's down low.

Speaker 39 Now, did you know? Well, within graffiti range.

Speaker 14 Is the seat settled? Do we know who fly or who knows?

Speaker 9 Who's low who or high one?

Speaker 16 So is it effective to have your tooth blacked out? Does it show that you put the community first and teeth second?

Speaker 9 Or is it slanderous?

Speaker 16 Because who can trust someone with a missing front?

Speaker 11 Following this at all.

Speaker 14 I reckon the high placards won it.

Speaker 20 Yeah, me too.

Speaker 32 Absolutely smashed it.

Speaker 16 Low placards, missing a tooth is not a good way to win an election. It does make people worried about the fact that you can't handle your own face, how you're going to handle the electorate.

Speaker 32 And I reckon at the victor's party.

Speaker 16 Either the person whose idea it was to have the ladder or even the ladder itself probably got a victory's, got a hero's reception at the party, just going, let's not forget, you know, let's not forget Jenny whose idea it was to put them ladder high.

Speaker 53 That was our secret weapon.

Speaker 10 Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.
Catch up or contribute at Hamishandandy.com.

Speaker 9 Oh, watch your step.

Speaker 52 Wow, your attic is so dark.

Speaker 53 Dark.

Speaker 39 I know, right?

Speaker 62 It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

Speaker 1 What movie is that?

Speaker 4 I haven't pressed play yet.

Speaker 1 AT ⁇ T Fiber with Al-Fi covers your whole house, even your really, really creepy attic turned home theater.

Speaker 1 Jimmy, what have I told you about scaring our guests? Get AT ⁇ T Fiber with Al-Fi and live like a gagillionaire.

Speaker 63 Limited availability coverage may require extenders at additional charge.

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