2025 Ep 290 - The Conclave’s Decision

Today,

in 2013,

I did the vulnerability.

Okay,

so 3.

Video, like,

obtain Wi-Fi with local with ATNT Fiber with Al-Fi.

ATNT connected the change.

ATNT Fiber has limited the case, which is the service that covers Wi-Fi extended ATNT with carbon distinction.

Sorry, still buffering.

One.

Ahoy to me, lotse.

Hamish.

Oh, yes, we're things you put before the word bargain.

Lotse, heapse, and plente.

Plente a barge.

Plente a bargain.

As you do your own ad if you have a barbecue or a furniture warehouse.

True, but no, not today.

I'm going to trial.

Hopefully, I pronounce this right.

Ahoy to my Kanjinjinga.

Kanjenyinga doesn't really go as well.

Yeah, I can tell the way Andy fell away from it at the end and sort of

verbally he hid in the bushes.

He wasn't confident.

I was pretty happy.

Kanjenjinga.

Even the way you're saying it and smiling at us and high eyebrows.

Begging facially for us to go, yep, you nailed it.

You're still not afraid of it.

There's a little bit of that.

There's a little bit of that.

All right.

I think this will give it away.

I am K2.

Oh, Mountain.

Mountain.

Mountain Timberlake.

Second, third and fourth.

He's right.

Haywish has got it.

We are the three highest mountains after Everest.

Very good.

Lotse,

Haim, in Nepal,

Kanjinga, whatever.

Anyway.

Where was that though?

Just outside Lotse height.

Oh, that'd all be kind of Nepal, Pakistan, maybe?

Yep, Nepal and India, and then Pakistan and China as well.

K2, obviously, the second one, 8,611 meters.

They're all

about eight and a half.

Is K2 named because it's the second highest?

Like number two, like Everest says K1.

We just never call it K1.

Don't know, Jack.

Good question.

Ahoy Ahoy also to Dara who used the very easy-to-use system HamishAndy.com to upload what he's been doing.

You can go there anytime.

Oh, that's tough.

Ahoy to Hamish, Andy and Vinweasel himself.

Numerous six.

Dara here, an Irish man living in Melbourne.

And I thought I would just record this special moment because I've just ran into Coles and got my grubby mittens on a box of Ando's newest pyramid scheme, Demys and Timmies, which I'm very, very excited about.

I got the spicy pork, and the box is kind of giving old school American cereal box vibes, which is cool.

And we're down the street.

I've heard that Ando himself has actually been leaving special prizes in select boxes.

So, look, let's have a look anyway.

Nothing in here, just tasty Demis.

Oh, hold on.

There's a little box with a note here.

Congratulations, you have won a limited edition spicy pork flavored vapes signed by me, Andy Lingy.

I've already had a gasp on one of my several smokos, and I think it's great.

Enjoy from Andy.

Oh, no.

Wow.

Cheers, Ando.

No.

Oh, a modern day wonker.

Don't just steam the dimmies.

Vape them.

Steam them.

Flavour.

Steam them.

Not true, not recommended.

I was actually thinking

of you the other day, Ando.

I got to somewhere and I was meeting a mate and I hadn't put any...

I was like, oh, you know, dropped the the kids off, and I was just meeting straight away.

And I quickly put deodorant on in the car and got out.

And like a big waft of the deodorant came out.

And then my mate's like, were you vaping?

Oh, no, it was deodorant.

It was a can of deodorant.

He goes, oh, it looked like vape.

I thought, that's a cool trick for Andy to use if you are vaping.

No, I'm hungry.

I just say it's deodorant.

Oh, no, it was deodorant, deodorant, deodorant, deodorant.

I was hotboxing Rexona.

We've got to move on quickly.

Yeah, we do.

Far more than that.

But also,

this is such an important day.

I mean, it's quite crazy that the Conclave is happening in the Vatican City at the same time as our very important Conclave is about.

I haven't paid any attention to theirs because ours takes precedent and we have so much to do.

Jack, you have a huge job ahead of you as the head of the Conclave.

We have.

I've even watched Conclave the movie to set myself up for what was coming today.

Okay, great.

So we've got three people that have flown in from all all around the country.

There's Larry, is there?

Yep, Larry, Renee, and Charlie.

Okay, Jack's picked them.

They're all going to go into a special conclave, a sealed room, and

decide between the three of them who is the chosen one to save special skills.

If their special skill is picked, we'll hear them all.

You will, Jack.

Just be careful over explaining this, Andy, because remember, we've got a very elaborate opener.

That's true.

It's true.

It's true.

But we shouldn't point out the chimney, the pipe, our.

Sorry, that is something we do need to point out because

sense is going to play a big part in today's claving.

I, last year, in the Cyber Monday sales, I believe, or

Black Friday, I can't remember which, was lucky enough to grab, because it did say the stocks were limited, a small portable smoke machine runs off, creates its own fog, fog smoke machine.

And no one else in the family was using it today.

So I was able to bring it into the studio and it's it's handheld it's like the size of i don't know um a shoe and a small shoe a size eight women's shoe and it has a tube that comes off and that's where the smoke comes out so jack you'll be armed with this yeah i've taught him how to use it he knows how to use it and you and it's got a full canister of gap of like liquid smoke so it'll it will work jack when the decision's made you just simply poke the tube out and

um you know double press the button like i taught you and then the smoke will come out just like they do in Vatican City, and we'll know that the chosen one has been.

And I'm just simply opening the studio door, I'll stick the tube out, and then you'll know whether or not if it smokes, you know, we've chosen a skillionnaire and the chosen one.

If it doesn't smoke, it means we're still deliberating.

Okay, that's right.

Yep.

Good luck, everybody.

And I guess we'll meet the chosen one the other side of this.

And now, please stand as we gather for a very special Hamish and Andy conclave.

Since the ritual was first used to select a villager's preferred con, conclaves have been used as a sacred and fun way to select a chosen one from amongst a bunch of other ones.

With the quality and quantity of special skills in steep decline, it was was decreed that the podcast was in grave need of a chosen one to save the segment and lead it back into its glory days.

Many brave souls came forward.

The chosen bunch, consisting of five talented people, were selected by Jack.

Then, upon thinking about just the general flow of the segment and how busy it might sound, and also a little bit of cost saving, it was written in the sacred text that in fact three would enter the conclave, known as the chosen few.

The chosen few.

Once in the conclave, the chosen few will decide amongst themselves, overseen by the chosen jack, who of the few will be the chosen one.

The chosen one will then exit the conclave, resurrect the segment, write themselves into history, and receive no less than three eight coin coins.

Can I get it?

Amen.

Three?

Three eight coin coins?

I think that's a bit much.

Okay, two.

Two is still big and amazing.

Can I get an amen?

Amen.

All right, Ando.

We are outside the studio that's going to serve as the conclave for the special skills.

We're kind of in the square outside the Vatican, aren't we?

Yeah, we are.

Can't wait to get a glimpse.

What will they come up with?

We've instructed the chosen few to not talk to each other.

I just have a look at the hallway.

They're all staring straight ahead in the hallway.

The procession of the chosen few can begin now.

Jack,

silently lead in the chosen few.

Amazing scenes here now as Jack Post walks slowly forward.

We have a young woman, a young man, and another young man.

Jack not making eye contact.

The special skills

chosen few heading into the conclave now.

A couple of nods, a couple of high eyebrows, but no talking.

A bit of giggling as they go into the conclave, but you're going to get that with conclaves because Jack took it very seriously, which I'm impressed with.

He didn't even look.

He decided to do a kind of a formal march.

And then I think

that it's what the occasion to band.

And then the last chap, he saw Jack doing that and thought, oh, I better try that.

But unfortunately, when you're trying to march formally and you're thinking about it too much, he went with his arms at the same time as both legs and ended up square gating his way.

That's not enough.

That's not.

You meant to go opposite arm to opposite leg.

But again, that gives you an idea of how high the tension is here outside the conclave.

Annie and I now squat.

I thought we'd be able to see in, but no.

No, no, no.

Imagine how we sit against the wall and we wait for the pipe.

The pipe.

Wait for the smoke pipe to come out.

Yeah.

And we begin the sit, and no doubt inside, Jack is

beginning the first of what I hope won't be too many rounds of voting until they get the three votes needed for the chosen one.

How long does it take sometimes for the Pope?

What's the longest one that's going to Vatican?

I'd be guessing, but

weeks?

Two weeks.

Jesus.

Those snacks.

Could be a longer snack.

We'd need some snacks.

So the door of the Conclave was slammed shut, only to be opened again when the chosen few had selected the chosen one.

Welcome to the Conclave, guys.

My name's Jack Post, and I'll be the Conclave leader.

Why are you laughing?

This is very serious.

Our job today

is to choose a special skill that is so brilliant that it saves the segment.

The segment is at risk of dying and never being brought back to the podcast unless one of you three here sat at this table.

with the best special skill can save the segment.

I'll go around the table and please introduce yourself.

Who are you?

Hello, I'm Brother Larry.

I am the world's fastest knee sprinter.

And what is a knee sprinter?

Well, it's a typical sprinter that you'd see, but instead of running on my feet, I run on my knees.

Okay.

Charlie and Renee are our other contestants here.

I'll get you a quick reaction to a knee running.

I'm impressed.

Renee?

I think that would hurt.

It does on a harder surface, but I typically dabble with grass.

That's all right, Renee.

You won't have to do anybody else's skills.

Larry will be the only one running onto his knees.

Larry, how do you imagine we would test something like this?

Typically in the past, I have competed against others and simply beat them.

But I have also whipped out the skill as a solo performer and just wowed people people with the speed, I suppose.

Okay, very strong.

Thank you, Larry.

Thank you.

Renee, what is the skill you're proposing will save special skills?

I can taste aluminium.

I can't say the word, but I can taste it.

And describe how that would work.

I can just taste it.

If a fork touches metal, I can taste it.

Just say you got...

a takeaway and it's in one of those alpha foil containers and someone like brushes a fork on it when they put it on your plate i can taste that charlie i'll get your reaction to aluminium foil tasting it sounds like a superpower larry

i'm slightly confused but it does sound like the specific taste it sounds quite special i can taste it i can smell metal too

okay so how do you think this will wow Hamish and Andy the most?

It's better than the knees thing.

Interesting.

Okay.

That's the best best we've got from Renee.

So you would be...

It's a good skill.

So you would be blindfolded.

I can pick anything.

You could give me 10 forks.

And I can tell you the exact one that touched metal.

Okay, okay.

This is better, guys.

All right.

So picture this.

10 forks laid out.

One would touch aluminium foil and be returned to the 10.

And I could tell you without a doubt.

We'd take Renee's blindfold off.

She would lick each of the forks and then she would be able to tell which one had touched the elementary.

Yeah, 100%.

Okay.

I would back her with my life.

All right, Renee, well done.

Could you do 100 forks?

So I could do 200.

Wow, she could do 200 forks.

Very good.

Charlie, finally, tell us what special skill you have bought today to save special skills.

I can tell you which direction North is, no matter where I am, if I'm blindfolded day or night.

Wow.

That is not impressive.

Isn't it?

I mean, I don't know where North is ever, but.

Do you have to look at the sun?

No, no.

So you could do it inside.

Yep.

We could spin you around 100 times.

Absolutely.

Could we spin you around 200 times?

Make it 300.

Wow, 300 spins.

And you would know which way North is.

Yep.

So no matter what, in a pitch black room, blindfolded, spun around, you know where North is.

Yep, absolutely.

Larry, what do you think of the North Man?

The Northman?

I...

I believe it's impressive.

I just worry it's a random point.

You know, like...

No, North is not random.

No, no, I mean, like...

He could just simply be like, north.

That was South, the way you just pointed, by the way.

Wow.

I guess we don't know if he's right.

How accurate would you get it?

So is it just general vibe, north is that way?

Or is it down to the degree?

I reckon I can do it pretty close to the degree.

Wow, that's pretty impressive.

Okay,

we have a big job here today.

We have to unanimously vote between the three of you one of these skills to be performed on the podcast.

I'll give you a moment to think.

I win.

Okay.

I win.

Okay.

And

I'll win.

Okay.

I sort of vote.

Everyone's very proud of their own skills.

Let's have a vote now.

The way we'll do the voting, I'll start with Larry this time and go clockwise.

You just say who you're voting for.

Larry, who are you voting for?

Larry.

Renee, who are you voting for?

Renee.

Charlie, who are you voting for?

I'll vote for Charlie.

Okay, this could take a while.

Yes.

Sit amongst yourself.

Movement, movement, the door is cracking open.

Okay.

Here we go.

Pipe is out.

Is there smoke?

Oh, no.

Jack really whacked it out, didn't he?

Well, I mean,

more,

let's be honest, more

was more, was that just me?

Or like he really like just gave

it.

It was a whip out of the pipe.

He did feel a little less chimney

more

wangy yeah yeah thin wang had a serious thin what thin wang vibes to it expect that but anyway no smoke and it was but but i did get the feeling of like oh i know it was exciting to see his hand come out

i think i just in my head imagined the pipe would come out but anyway

They're obviously locked at one all or two one.

I suppose it could be a 2-1 lock.

Wow, okay.

So, do you want to have a quick talk amongst yourselves about why you think it should be you and try to win some of the others over?

Yeah.

Sounds good.

I'm very impressed that you can run any knees fast.

Thank you.

I like that you admit that's better on some surfaces than others, and I appreciate that you've tested it to know which ones hurt more than others.

As for the aluminium, super impressive.

Thank you.

It's almost like you built more neurons in your brain than what the rest of us have.

Yeah.

How did you find this skill out?

Just as a child, I didn't let anyone put something on my plate that touched metal.

So you don't like metal.

Oh no, it's awful.

I haven't even tested my skill.

Not once.

Wow, that's a red flag.

Can you handle the microphone grenade just so we hear that?

I haven't tested my skill once because it tastes gross and I don't want to and I already know that I can do it.

Okay.

And Larry, tell us a bit more about the knee running.

Well, I don't remember how I've discovered this skill.

It just, I think I was born with it, really.

Okay.

And I eventually just started challenging friends.

And I imagine it looks impressive.

Oh, incredibly.

Let me tell you.

It's like typical running where you float for a bit mid-power stroke, you know?

We all understand that we have to leave this room eventually.

And to do that, we need a unanimous vote.

Renee, I'm going to start with you this time.

I vote me.

Charlie?

I'll vote me then.

Larry?

I

well,

look.

Come on, Larry, vote for me.

I'm going to break the trend here.

I'm not going to vote for myself.

I'm going to vote for Charlie.

I knew you were going to do it for me.

Because my theory is practicality.

Like, day to day, that could be cooler.

I do hikes every now and then.

If I had a friend who I was with, it could be like, hey,

North's that way.

That's true.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, no one actually needs to know if a fork touched out of the menu.

Guys, we have not voted unanimously, so I have to let the people know.

Talk amongst yourselves.

That's okay.

Someone's coming.

Here we go.

Here we go.

The pipe is coming out.

Hang on.

He's holding.

It's holding.

It's holding.

Is he here?

Oh, no.

There is no smoke.

He yelled yelled it there for effect, though, didn't he?

Full stage front.

He shook it a bit.

Like, come on.

Had to go off to a cubicle.

No.

Wow.

No smoke again at the 13-minute.

I can't wait to listen to this back.

I mean, even though it's part of it.

It's funny because, yeah, people listening, they'll know.

We're the only people that don't know what's going on in there, but God, it's locked up.

15 minutes had passed now, and the chosen few continued their deliberations.

I do really want to see the Nee Run.

Yes, I do.

I'm going to see it.

If I don't get this eventually, I do have videos, don't worry.

Oh, I was getting in there.

I want to see it.

How about this, guys?

We're at a deadlock.

No special skill has been chosen yet.

I'm going to say something that I think is important for us all to know.

You're already all winners.

You've been selected amongst an extremely large group of people for amazing skills.

We can only see one,

but

you've already won.

So don't, no need to stand and vote for yourself so vehemently if you think another skill in the room can save the podcast.

Would it help to have my influence and I can tell you what I think is my favorite one?

And then that might lead us cardinals to vote differently.

I feel you're an unbiased voice here.

And thank you, Larry.

I am.

And remember, I love all of your skills because I chose them during this selection process.

Thank you, Jack.

I think it would be amazing for the world to see a man run on his knees.

And that's just me.

So if I was voting today, Larry would have my vote.

I'm going to start over with Charlie.

We're going to vote again.

Charlie, who do you want to vote for?

This is a really big decision to make.

It's huge.

I wouldn't be lying if I really wanted to first Larry right now on an e-race, see how it went.

That might be able to change my decision a bit more.

I'm not doing it.

I think the untested aluminium theory is just a little bit off the books for me at the moment.

I apologise.

It's alright.

I still would like to vote for myself.

Okay, Charlie's voting for himself.

Larry, who do you vote for?

I'd hate to argue with Jack's informed opinion, so I'm going to vote myself again.

And Renee, who do you want to vote for?

Renee.

Okay, we're actually further away than.

Okay, here we go.

The door is cracking up.

There we go.

We've got a nozzle of a pipe coming out.

Oh, my God.

It's gone back in.

No smoke.

That is three.

That was a fast re-vote, though.

That was only like two minutes later.

What's going on in there?

Can I have a quick word?

Yeah,

come out, come out, come out.

Well, you're meant to be locked down in the conclave or break some conclave rules.

Yeah, what's going on?

They won't stop voting for themselves.

This is why I but you and judge you have to break that deadline i've given like three different speeches about how it's not an individual competition we're trying to do it for the podcast put your own needs aside you're already all winners because you were selected from a huge group i don't know what i'll do the speech to you

You do not see this.

We do.

No, they don't.

That's why it takes two weeks.

I know, but the air gardener doesn't come out to

the square and go, guys, go home.

They won't stop voting for themselves.

Okay, why don't you do this, Jack?

Okay.

If you can't vote for yourself, who would you select?

Maybe we have to do that.

Maybe we have to change the rules.

And so now we're no longer looking for unanimous, just whoever gets two votes out of three.

I don't think we changed the rules.

What I'm suggesting is if you couldn't vote for yourself, who would you vote for?

Let's start with that discussion.

Okay.

And then with that new information, let's vote again.

Okay.

Yeah.

You got to know the energy in there.

They're so excited to vote for themselves.

except one guy honestly who I think has the best skill he's the nicest one who's probably ready to waive what about this Jack what about you go listen listen you guys can't get your act together yeah vote for someone else more bad guy no no yeah you go none of you get a vote I get the vote and I'll be choosing yeah okay and one vote will solve it okay yeah my question though Jack is are they all achievable do you think someone can save the segment they all think they can and that at least we've got that they're all super confident.

Okay, great.

Get back in there.

Yeah,

I think we're close.

Well, we're not.

But what I mean is, you wouldn't want the chosen one to come easily.

It has to be through hardship.

As the special schools Bible taught us nothing,

this is the trial.

This is the final test.

And from this flames, the chosen one will emerge.

At what point do we come back next week?

Oh, God.

I'm hungry.

Yeah, well, I'm hungry as well.

So there's also lunch pressure on that.

Whilst the boys were game planning with Jack, back inside the conclave, the chosen few appeared no closer to breaking the deadlock.

How far do you normally run on your knees?

The distance I put was 50.

50 meters?

That's really impressive.

I know, but you can just watch the video.

Will you see it?

I won't show the video.

He's gonna hold it back now.

It's a podcast.

We can listen to the video.

Yeah, it's a podcast.

We don't even see you run on your knees.

But it would make some funny sounds for the podcast.

I'm sure it would.

Oh, is that?

Oh, sorry.

I thought you were just doing it.

I'm not going to give it up.

I'm telling you right now.

I just want to show my fork skill.

It's the only skill I have.

Does it have to be a specific type of fork?

No, any fork.

Any fork?

I can literally I can taste, not that I do this often, but if someone cuts a key, I can taste whether it's being put into a lock.

You taste it.

How often are you putting keys in your mouth?

Well that's why I stopped.

Yeah.

Because I was like, this is getting...

Yeah.

I only did it the first few times.

I had to test it.

But then I was like, nah, I gotta stop doing that.

Have you ever worried about, is there some sort of poisoning that comes with helimal?

No, I asked my doctor and I can't have lime or lemon or anything like that it's all to do with some kind of

wow imbalance that's I'm impressive

smell metal I can taste it

wow okay that's really impressive better than the knees thing right

mr knees over here

I get so competitive

Jack re-entered the conclave could their plan force a decision?

Cardinals, I'm going to ask everybody who they would vote for if they weren't allowed to vote for themselves.

This is not your official vote.

I just want to know who you would vote for.

Larry.

I did already vote for Charlie.

And I do still believe,

as a listener, I'd be more impressed hearing that than the fork one.

So Charlie, of course,

it doesn't have to be a fork.

Well, in that case,

Charlie, of course, you're voting for the human compass.

You can pick North in any room.

Okay.

Renee, if you couldn't vote for yourself, I'm definitely not voting for Larry.

Larry is our knee runner, so you would vote for the human compass.

Yes.

Charlie, if you couldn't vote for yourself, who would you vote for?

I would vote for Larry.

Larry, our knee runner, would get your vote.

Yes, absolutely.

Okay.

I don't know really what to do from there because

we still don't have a unanimous vote.

I hate to do this to you guys, but I'm going to have to be strict parent on you if you can't unanimously vote this time.

And I'm going to have to step in and I'm going to have to choose myself.

Okay.

Because we can't be here all day.

Do you understand?

Yes.

Yes.

Do you think that's fair?

Yes.

Very fair.

I'm going to start with Charlie.

Charlie, who do you vote for?

If I'm not going to vote for myself, I'll vote for Larry.

Larry, who do you vote for?

I will repay that favour and vote for Charlie.

And Renee?

Can I still vote for myself?

Yes, we're back to normal world.

Here comes the pipe.

Yes,

more chimney like that's gone.

It's gone again.

It's gone back again.

Stale, mate.

Is he doing what we said?

All right, guys.

Renee.

I don't know.

Yes, Renee, I can feel the strength in your conviction that you should be you.

I feel a weight on my shoulders because I was given the instruction that if it can't be decided unanimously, then I will have to choose myself.

And I've told you I'm already very fond of me running.

Larry, I would be choosing you.

I'm going to ask the Cardinals again.

I'm even going to say this.

Imagine in a world where we see the special skill completed today successfully, you were each given a chance to show your skill as well on the podcast.

So you still get your moment to shine.

Now, put that aside and go, what skill do we choose here today

that is going to most impress the people and has the best chance of success?

Would you change your vote?

Anybody?

No.

I think I would go back to myself also.

All right.

I vote.

I understand.

Guys, guys, I'm choosing knee running.

Oh, I'm choosing knee running.

I did want to see that.

Come on, did you just say that, Renee?

Because mine's better.

Larry, look in our eyes and tell us it's amazing.

That's all we need.

Jack, Charlie, Renee, it's amazing.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

What do you think it would be?

Okay, and do we have consensus?

Yes.

Congratulations, Larry.

You will save the podcast.

Thank you.

Congratulations.

I am honored to be the skill, you know.

What happens if he fails?

If he fails, special skills will be cancelled from the podcast forevermore.

He is!

No pressure.

No pressure.

I did.

I said he is.

He's going back to me, Vokey.

He is saving the entire segment on the podcast.

Larry, good luck out there.

We believe in you.

Well, one of us does.

We believe in you.

The Cardinals have spoken in their own way.

Congratulations.

You are the skillionnaire.

Let's see you run on your knees.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I will save special skills.

Okay, here we go.

The door is cracked.

That was opened forcefully.

Yes!

Smoke!

We have a chosen one!

It is a little bit dangly, sort of giving it a shake.

We have a chosen one.

Well, we'll go to the studio now.

Hallelujah!

We'll go to the studio and we'll meet the chosen one.

Well done, Jack.

You did it, Jack.

Well done.

Well done.

Oh my god, may the chosen one emerge.

We'll see them in studio.

I vote, Renee.

All right, we are now back live.

But, Ando, we just to bring people up to speed, we haven't

hear any of the conclave.

We know, as a listener, you will have heard everything that just happened in the conclave.

Me and Andy have gone from sitting on the floor outside, we saw the white smoke, we've now come straight back in here.

Jack, well done.

You look exhausted, Jack.

It wasn't easy.

No, we know, we know.

I mean, it'll be massively edited down by the time that's sort of inserted into the podcast.

But it was close to half an hour Conclave, which we were not expecting, but a chosen one has been selected.

We now see it is one of the young men.

Come on in.

This is Larry.

Welcome to the one.

Larry, Larry, welcome.

The chosen one.

We are not in the world.

Larry, you can pop those headphones on if you like.

Larry, welcome.

Hello.

How was that intense?

It was very intense.

It seemed it just more than you thought it would be.

Yeah, no, I thought I was prepared going in, but

that was something else.

So you say the Conclave takes it out of you and you've got to really want it.

Larry, we don't know any of the special skills.

Don't tell us any of the others, but what is yours?

My special skill is I am the world's fastest knee sprinter.

Wow.

All right.

So running on your knees.

Running on my knees.

Hands up by my side.

Yep.

On my knees, and I just power sprint.

I can't wait to see this.

I mean, I've got bad knees myself, so extra respect from me.

I'm very jealous of that.

What?

I mean, this is exciting, but we need to discuss now how we test this.

When you say world's fastest, has it been measured or you just got a great vibe?

So I haven't measured time and compared it to, say, other knee sprinters.

However, every time I've brought up this skill, I've presented it to friends.

I presented it to friends who are athletes, triathletes, AFL players, and I versed them in a knee sprint, comfortably win.

Well, I was going to say, Ando, I'm in, I'm out because I've got quite bad tender narrowness in my knees, but you recently ran a half marathon.

Would you be the control?

Would you be happy to knee sprint?

He would have to be, though, twice as fast as me, at least, wouldn't he?

You've never done it before, so I think

you are.

How far can you knee sprint?

So the distance I submitted was 50 meters.

That's probably the max I've ever done.

And you prefer.

Is that getting into being a bit more of an endurance event then at 50 meters?

Yeah, more, like I think my max speed would probably be around 25.

Yeah.

But then 50 to 100, it's more just wearing on the knees.

yeah of course and you must know you must feel when you're running along on your knees you must be get a greater appreciation for the calf and the shin and all the other the foot yeah and realize why they're such a useful part of the whole leg system larry is grass the best yeah grass definitely the best yeah i typically tend to stay on grass i've tried sand before

not good no tracks carpet would be carpet burns and carpet yeah not awful but not the best either if grass is available it is preferred.

Let's say we have a 50-meter track, Andy starts at 25, you start 50 back.

Oh, yeah, I could catch.

I could catch an overtake.

Because that's a huge, for him to run you down over 50.

I'm feeling it.

Yeah.

I'm feeling the tingle that the special skill is meant to give you, but the confidence, Ander.

That's what we're looking for in the chosen one.

The confidence.

Next week's show.

Should we do that?

Yes.

I mean, I know we're going to...

everyone's just heard what happened in the conclave.

Was Larry a clear winner, Jack?

Definitely not.

Well, we'll see whether Larry.

Do you do you think there is extra pressure now that the other two are like, how come he got to be the chosen one?

Oh, no.

I'm confident in my ability.

I'm confident in my skills.

This is what you want.

We'll see what happens.

When Neo thought he, you know, never had doubts, did he?

Other people were like, had his back.

I mean, the matrix.

Sorry, this is me kicking a chair because I'm stretching my legs thinking we're about to do this.

I'm not even involved, but that's the infectious power of the chosen one.

Well, uh, next week on the show, we will see whether Larry can save special skills with knee sprinting with knee sprinkling.

Get on your knees, Ando.

Oh, watch your step.

Wow, your attic is so dark.

Dark.

I know, right?

It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

What movie is that?

I haven't pressed play yet.

AT ⁇ T Fiber with Al-Fi covers your whole house.

Even your really, really creepy attic turned home theater.

Jimmy, what have I told you about scaring our guests?

Get AT ⁇ T Fiber with Al-Fi and live like a gagillionaire.

Limited availability coverage may require extenders at additional charge.

Hey, quickly, as the dust settles on the Conclave, the second most important selection of someone happened this week.

There's a lot of selecting

a lot of selecting going on with the election.

Now, not a political podcast.

No one's coming here to get hot takes on politics, but I would like to.

It would be.

Well, late, anyway, because the election has already been run and won.

As I said, as I said, that's why I've saved this till after.

Reflection.

Election reflections, I'm sure, is a great episode somewhere on the ABC podcast suite.

And

I was going to say, I just don't know if I'm going to say it.

I was going to say, aren't there seats still being decided?

But even as I said that, I was was like, that sounds very

not our show.

But what I wanted, here's something I do want to focus on the election in the wash-up, because I actually now have the data to answer a question that I wondered for weeks leading into the election.

Probably similar in your areas.

We all live in different electorates, so I'm not sure what happened in your zone.

But in my electorate, it was clearly, judging by the placards on the Telegraph polls in the suburb, hot election between two different women representing two different parties.

One the incumbent, one like, you know, she's the current member, and then another one having a red-hot go at it.

The main strategy was these signs, like the core fluid signs.

Did you have heavy signage in your?

There was a lot of signage going on.

There was a lot of controversy.

Every single album where we were, there was a lot of controversy in my dad's area, parents' area, because one of the ladies going for the top job, her husband was filmed ripping down one of the signs of a competitor and grabbing it on it.

I don't know the sign etiquette, but here's something that happened in this electrode.

And I won't, we don't, I don't even need to name names here, but you've got these two women going for it.

Someone had decided to black out the front right tooth

on one of the one of the black hards.

That's a bit of fun.

One of the signs, but not just once, because I saw it and I went, oh, that's...

Someone's just having to go for a walk with a Sharpie there.

That's kind of classic graffiti.

Not just once, but they hit everyone.

Every single one.

Every single one.

Are you sure she doesn't have a small?

No, no.

So occasionally you'd see one without it.

Occasionally you'd see one without it.

But I was like,

if I ever run for election, I'm going to go a burst smirk.

It's dangerous.

But you can't get graffiti down the teeth.

You can't get graffitied on the teeth.

I know I'm going to be a little bit of a

smudge.

I think I'll hold both my hands up like in a with a circular like this near my face to show that I can I can handle two issues at a time.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

Anyway, I'm probably not going to run to what remains to be seen.

Here's the question.

Here's the question.

So over the course of the few weeks leading up to it, you see...

We just have two circles to say holding on to you.

He can do two issues at once.

Easily

P-side does two figures.

That's not what our PR team thought would be most impactful.

So

you see all the black stats fifth right.

Here's the thing I was wondering.

I go, okay, this isn't just like you see one bit of graffiti, you go, okay, that sign's been graffiti.

But when you see everyone,

it did begin to make you think, she's missing a tooth.

Oh, that's the one that's missing a tooth.

And then I thought, this would be really interesting because she was not the incumbent.

She was trying to win the seat.

Okay, so this was her tilt at getting elected.

She was an underdog.

She was.

Yeah.

Well, I suppose, yeah, she's trying to get elected.

And I went, this really raises two schools of thought here.

You either go, because obviously you assume it's not done by her team.

It's done by the other team to defame her.

But you go,

you either go, hmm, I don't know if I can trust her.

She can't even get her teeth fixed.

How's she going to get the

electorate?

How's she going to get the electorate fixed?

And how's she going to handle the issues?

You can't even be bothered going to the dentist.

That's what you're meant to think.

That's what they're thinking.

Or do you think, wow, look at that.

She's so dedicated to fixing the issues in our electorate, she didn't even get what some would say is urgent dental work done

till after the election because she puts the community first.

And I went, I think this election will decide whether, how effective the blacking out of the tooth is as a slanderous.

Were there any slogans alongside like community before my teeth?

I'll get it dude.

Don't worry, I'll get it it fixed day one.

No, there wasn't.

No.

Here's the other thing that we noticed, and this is actually sunny.

This is my son noticing this.

I was like, mate, very astute.

The incumbent, the current member, her signs were high on the power poles.

All right.

Higher up.

Out of reach of graffiti artists.

Higher up

and like ladder height.

And so they've driven around with a ladder.

Not convenient.

That's kind of annoying from their team, but I reckon they have a lot of money.

The less chance of seeing them, though, are they above ice?

Now you get a good look.

You get a good look.

They're just sort of three meters high.

And somebody's like, yeah, she's put hers up higher.

That's why she hasn't got graffitied.

Or they knew, you know, it's a possibility.

I was like, yep.

And then the lady trying to get elected, she's down low.

Now, did you know?

Well, within graffiti range.

Is the seat settled?

Do we know who fly or who knows?

Who's low who or high one?

So is it effective to have your tooth blacked out?

Does it show that you put the community first and teeth second?

Or is it slanderous?

Because who can trust someone with a missing front?

Following this at all.

I reckon the high placards won it.

Yeah, me too.

Absolutely smashed it.

Low placards, missing a tooth is not a good way to win an election.

It does make people worried about the fact that you can't handle your own face, how you're going to handle the electorate.

And I reckon at the victor's party.

Either the person whose idea it was to have the ladder or even the ladder itself probably got a victory's, got a hero's reception at the party, just going, let's not forget, you know, let's not forget Jenny whose idea it was to put them ladder high.

That was our secret weapon.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at Hamishandandy.com.

Oh, watch your step.

Wow, your attic is so dark.

Dark.

I know, right?

It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

What movie is that?

I haven't pressed play yet.

AT ⁇ T Fiber with Al-Fi covers your whole house, even your really, really creepy attic turned home theater.

Jimmy, what have I told you about scaring our guests?

Get AT ⁇ T Fiber with Al-Fi and live like a gagillionaire.

Limited availability coverage may require extenders at additional charge.

Starting a business can be overwhelming.

You're juggling multiple roles.

Designer, marketer, logistics manager, all while bringing your vision to life.

But for millions of businesses, Shopify is the ultimate partner.

Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S.

From household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started.

Build a stunning online store with Shopify's ready-to-use templates.

Boost content with AI-powered product descriptions, page headlines, and enhance photography.

Marketing is easy with built-in tools for email and social media campaigns.

Plus, Shopify simplifies everything from inventory to shipping and returns.

If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify.

Turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash try.

Go to Shopify.com/slash try.

Shopify.com/slash try.