2024 Ep 271 - Fame Shamed

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One.

Ahoy to my Dewey.

Dewey?

Dewey.

Um, yeah, Jack, he might say a lot, but I do eat.

He might say, but I do eat.

Is he a decimal system?

I was going to say, I hope we're a categorising system.

Ahoy to my Reese, Jack.

Reese?

Yes, Reese is how you measure the hot water output of any house.

Well, I am a hot water.

And I'm a decimal system used for library books.

What are you, Andy?

I am the Malcolm.

That's how you measure how in the middle a child is.

Yes, I actually think we're the brothers of Malcolm in the middle.

Yes, that's true.

There we we go.

That's what I was getting at.

I thought if I'd led with Malcolm, you guys might get it.

And if you put Malcolm in the middle, although it would have been strategically correct, we would have got it too.

But hey, not a bad one.

Not a bad one for people that remember Malcolm in the middle.

That's definitely a Mike one.

It's definitely Mike.

Mike Holly loves Malcolm in the middle.

Loved Malcolm in the Middle and loved

ones.

What's the guy's name?

Milky Muniz.

In the descriptions, Mike has written.

Malcolm.

He was played by Frankie Muniz, the best actor.

Mike loves Frankie Muniz.

Loves it.

Loves

was so excited when he saw him on I'm a Celebrity.

He wouldn't hear a bad word about him.

There's always positive spin.

Even when Frankie Muniz, like, I didn't watch much of the season, but where he was like not participating in, you know, eat a beetle or whatever.

Mike always had a positive spin for him.

Now you've got to understand that he's putting in.

He's easily the biggest star out there.

He doesn't have to do that stuff.

When he was on I'm a Celebrity, Mike couldn't believe they'd got him right.

It was like having Beyonce in the big brother house.

It was crazy the way Mike was reacting.

Ahoy also to Sarah from Osaka.

Ahoy Hamish Andy and the weasel.

This is Sarah from Osaka in Japan.

Thought I'd send in a voice memo because last night for the first time ever, I saw a real-life weasel outside my balcony.

No doubt on his way to score some cheap airfares, but I won't mention that.

Anyway, a mega earthquake is predicted to hit Japan in the next 30 years.

So I really hope this audio makes it up before then.

Gusto to you, boys.

I think the audio pace has improved, just so you know.

I think they're coming in thick and fast.

Thank you, Sierra.

We're probably getting the ones now that were the backlog from the dial-up to broadband era.

And so they're starting to flood through now.

Hey, you wanted the top of the show today.

Well, I want to float an idea past the team.

And

we're still a ways off the end of the year.

It's quite time to be, you know, going, okay, we're nearly at the end of this season for podcasting before the government mandate a break.

We've got like nine shows to go on before the season.

So we still have

two and a half months before that the boom gate shuts on our heads and cuts off all podcasting for a horrible amount of time, quite frankly.

I don't know how I'm going to spend it.

I've got a few ideas, but God, through gritted teeth, I will agree to them.

But, but

one of the things, one of the things I know I've been a passionate champion about this year, and I don't want to be a Peter out, is the speed undressing.

Special skill.

I know I keep coming back to it.

And there are some things that we've done.

I think we've allocated appropriate airtime to and manpower to.

I like that our quest for the commemorative coin is now properly in its hibernation zone.

The two years rest we promised we'd give it.

And that's in the background.

And I know I keep bringing this to the foreground, but here's the thing.

I was just thinking about it the other day and I was like, where we left it, we all know where we left it.

We did our times, like we, we had a go and we were all round about the 10 second or sub 10 second mark.

So we're still, then we asked for proof of life.

Yeah, we asked for proof of life.

Didn't get any.

We haven't received it.

No.

But we're still, I think after we did our tests, we were fascinated by it because we were like, look, we know where we could actually pick up extra time.

And yeah,

we're miles away from the two and a half second world record cutoff

but it didn't it didn't seem impossible

it seemed like oh okay it'd be amazing it didn't seem impossible like the two minute mile back in the day when they were starting to edge close to it you're like i think someone could get this yeah that's it was it two minute mile i think it was four minute wasn't it two would be good

four minute mile it might be unbroken still the two minute mile

we broke four and then we went actually that could break twice as fast now that we've got through the psychological barrier of thought.

What if we ran forwards much quicker?

No, but you're right.

Like any, any of those great pursuits, it was sort of like, well, no one's climbed Everest, but

well, Mount Dandenong was easy.

Okay.

Start somewhere.

Yes.

You know, start somewhere, build up to Everest.

And I was like, but we just...

We're so on the back foot waiting for Liam to finally emerge and go, I'm ready to do it.

I want to do it.

You come with me, Andy.

Come to our hotel room.

Come to our hotel room and we're going to have some naked time together.

And if and when that happens, we'll be delighted.

But it's such an exciting sport that I can't hate the feeling that we're at his mercy.

Yes.

That's where another piece of the puzzle came in.

Obviously, I'm not the only one that feels this.

Had an email from a guy called Brad, Brad Fleming.

Brad goes, guys,

listen, I've been listening to this stuff and I reckon I can do this.

Wow.

I think I can do it in sub 2.5, right?

So Brad stepped up and gone, I know you're waiting for this other guy to step up, but we've never encountered this with a special skill where someone's gone, I've got this skill,

you know, like, but I'm not going to do it.

But then someone else steps up and goes, well, I think I could do this skill.

Yep.

Brad, I've actually got Brad up here because I want to run something past him and you.

Brad, ahoy to you, Brad.

Ahoy, boys, and happy birthday, Ando.

Good on you, Bradley.

Brad, first of all, you've been as interested as we have in the notion of speed undressing here.

Correct.

Have you tried?

You obviously tried it, Brad.

So I've got a lot of people.

We should just love to hear another person as passionate in the sport as we are.

I've tried it.

Haven't had the stopwatch out, but yes.

Have you timed it?

No.

No, no,

but easily, easily will do it.

Right.

Easily will time it or

easily will take your clothes off in under two and a half seconds.

Both.

Okay.

And happy to send in video footage before you get me in if you'd like.

Well, mate, here's what I'm thinking.

Here's what I'm thinking.

So there's obviously a hunger in our listening audience.

I would like to propose to you, gentlemen, and Brad, you're included in this because you've sort of sparked the idea.

Go on, you, Brad.

At some point between now and at the end of the year, maybe for the last show.

Yep.

We have an invitational

competition

where for men and women, where we select people can start practicing now.

Tell us your times, tell us how you think you're going.

And just to be clear, the rules were shoes, socks, pants, undies, t-shirt, jumper.

Yep.

Okay.

Tell us how, and you can do it next to a bed because the technique involves flopping on the bed.

You can invent your own technique, but yes, the

I don't flop.

Oh, what do you do?

The Brad Nonsense?

Stand and deliver.

Wow.

Yes.

Okay.

Love the different tactics.

Now, again,

we'll have to figure out logistics as we get closer.

But do we go?

Okay, it's an invitational.

It's an open.

Send us your times.

Maybe there's a qualifying time of, say,

sub five.

Yeah.

You have to be under five seconds to qualify.

You've got to be under five seconds.

And maybe we have, I don't know, five in the men's, five in the women's.

You come to one place by the end of the year.

It'd be good to book a

penthouse of a of a hotel.

And he's just thinking, here we go, 10 naked people

what do we i just how do we make this thing a case i just think a bed for people that need a bed yeah yeah but wouldn't it a big cityscape high windows just to just make it feel professional no big i agree and here's the thing obviously you know we need someone in the room with people

i would be willing like let's say you know so if you if you're a you're a guy that's come and you go okay i feel most comfortable with jack um jack you come in with me so we need one of us eyewitnesses.

Then for the women that want to do it, I don't know, we either have Carly, our producer, she's a very responsible person.

She's a mum, or I don't know, we bring a nurse or someone that we can trust to sign an affidavit and then they go in the bedroom.

So you're going to be naked in a room with someone, not us, but, you know, whoever you feel comfortable with.

But we do need eyes on.

Like we need an official timer in a.

That's a good idea.

And let's see if we are getting females registering.

And then we'll be able to do that.

I mean, that's the thing.

I just don't, I think.

I don't want to be, but you'd you'd obviously go same rules, no bra.

You know, you're not going to be able to do that.

Bra's unfair because that is not that we don't wear bras on the most part.

Well, I wear a day, yeah.

Yeah, so I think that bra could stay on,

and I think to make it a fair playing field, it'd be t-shirt jumpers.

Yeah, well, I mean, you just take your bra off, but but bra would be one of the things that's no, no, he's not like take it off.

You just wore the Costco dialect, like you just t-shirt and jump.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

You just end up nude with a a bra on because you could get snagged.

There could be a, I don't know how it works, but there's some, I don't know, an underwire situation or something.

You're just taking your t-shirt off so fast, your hands get caught under your bra and you're falling over.

And I don't know, again, I don't know how it works, but we'll just not part of the, you can keep it on or take it off beforehand, but it's not part of the requirements to take it off during the

yeah, I think the nurse is an interesting idea.

Or we might be able to find a trusted

Lee Sales.

She'd be be trustworthy.

Yeah.

Very trustworthy.

I think she'd be up.

I think she'd be up.

You know, she's got Australian story and the assembly.

That's all in the can.

I was part of that show, but I know that's been recorded.

So she might have a pretty quiet back end of the year.

Seems that way, I reckon.

And so, and I think we should do this.

And then the winner, we could have, then the winner.

Like if you can get if we can get someone sub 2.5, that might be an eight coin coin.

But even if you win in your category or whatever, that's how you win a coin so right so that way we will feel like we've given a coin out to the fastest undressed undress

by the end of the year and we kind of regain a little bit of the momentum yeah just not waiting for the for the champ to emerge this is

so interesting to see if liam and liam's nick curious isn't he he's got all he's

we'd love to have him we've you know what we don't even need to see his qualifying time we have an affidavit from someone that knows him like he's got automatic entry exactly he started this whole thing but the game will move on without you, Nick.

Well, Leah, yeah, sorry,

it is not bigger than any one contestant, is it?

Love it.

Sorry, are you still there, Brad?

I am.

Sorry, mate.

You're invited to.

But do send us your qualifying time.

We'll do.

God, Brad.

Thanks.

Thanks out so patiently.

Thanks, Brad.

Thanks, guys, guys.

Hey guys, some new information has come to hand and it's time to do this.

You're under the microscope right now.

A powerful microscope.

We're all going to be under a microscope.

You know what?

I think maybe it's time you put Darcy.

Under the microscope.

Darcy,

scrubbing the barrel today.

Scrubbing the barrel in the phone today.

No, no, no, mate.

You get right there.

Andy's going to slide you right under the microscope once you make the magnification up to 1,000.

Darcy, of course, our audio guy here who prefers to remain completely behind the scenes.

But occasionally, due to the fact that his fiancé works with me on the 100, I hear some things that I need to double check with you, Dars, to make sure that you're not getting besmirched in another one place.

It is so fun, isn't it?

It's like when you see that stuff on like National Geographic where they're like these are all the animals that live at the bottom of the ocean and they've never seen the light of day before.

unlike the fish with the light on its head yeah

you just seem out of place in the studio and it's i don't like being here but since you're here let us examine you let's get on with it

can i add something to under the microscope now that darcy's in there already Just as he walked in, I saw that he was chewing gum and then as he got to the microphone, he's just put it in his hand.

I think he's just holding the gum in his hand.

He is.

Just holding gum.

All right.

Saving a hold of it.

Darce, the incident in question happened on on a recent ski trip with you and your fiancé, Jane.

Yep.

Would you mind telling everybody that there was an accident, wasn't there?

Yeah, yeah.

Unfortunately, two days in,

poor visibility just took a bit of a tumble.

And

we thought she had done her ACL.

But it's actually, it's all good, but she's still hobbling around.

But yeah,

she had to

ski down and get ski patrol.

And and she went in the sweater severe twist severe twist yeah severe twist bone bruising and what day of the trip was this this was the second second day of how many days far five five and so you obviously parked the skis and went well

got the refund on the rental gear and went one of us did yeah

okay

here are a couple of the allegations

it was darcy that suggested that we go down a difficult red run with very very low visibility.

Yeah, yeah, correct.

Red?

That's between blue and black.

Between blue and black.

And she just finished the greens that day.

What?

In my defense, this is how I was brought up.

Skiing was just, you know,

thrown in the deep end.

Gravity's your best teacher.

Yeah.

And so that's what happened, unfortunately.

You had three siblings.

They don't exist anymore, Junior.

Harsh, harsh approach to teaching.

Yeah, no, that was, I did push.

Okay.

And is this the the first time Jane had skied?

Uh, it's sort of second, yeah, second.

So, I would say, totally overall, we're talking for fourth day, maybe fifth day in her life, in her life, yes.

So, a low visibility thread.

Yeah, definitely a step up skills-wise.

Yep, yeah.

She then says that you made her drive that night to be a designated driver.

You then asked her to drive you up the mountain for another two full days of scare without her and pick up.

It was just that, yeah, yeah.

At the time, at the time, it was totally fine.

Realist put it like this, it does sound pretty cruel, but you benefit from that because then it's a closer drop-off point.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, the snow.

I mean, to get dropped off, having a chauffeur, like to get dropped off at the base of the chairlifts, no parking, no shuttle bus.

Wow.

And one of them was

the Remarkables, which is a it was a 45-minute drive away from where we were staying.

So that was there.

That was in the morning, pick up drive, and yes, at night.

This is Queenstown in New Zealand.

And from what I understand about, you know, the Remarkables, once she's dropped you off, what does she get to do with her day?

She went and got an x-ray.

She got an x-ray.

Yeah,

45-minute drive off the mountain.

She gets to go to hospital just in time to get the call from Das going, Hey, I'm just having a hot chocolate now.

We're actually a bit pooped.

I've had a wonderful time.

I've been doing red runs.

Mine

happens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She then said she got influenza while she was there, was in bed the entire time she wasn't driving your crew.

That's not my fault.

That's not my fault.

Okay.

Like, yes, but he was still asking for lifts when she had the flu.

She was.

Too tempting, isn't it, to have like a, you know, yeah,

she's a good sport.

She was a good, she was a good sport.

She was a good sport.

Would you say that the sympathy or level of care was adequate for the level of pain and illness that she

what else do I do?

What do I do?

Like,

do I cancel my ski trip?

I guess that's what we're in.

There are other ways to get to the mountain.

You don't have to get your

fluy fiancée out of bed.

So what do you do with a fluy fiancée who can't walk?

Exactly.

Make her chicken soup and bring her cups of tea in bed.

I don't know, Dars.

That's what I do, but what do I know?

I've only been married for 12 years.

Successful marriage.

Very stable.

Yeah.

She did say, though,

in your defense that...

I mean, sorry, can I just put it in there?

Because

on my side of the fence, if I said, yeah.

So anyway, can you give us a lift off the mountain?

If so, had a saw knee in the flu.

There'd be just no way.

So that's.

She's a legend.

She's a legend.

Yep.

She did say that you did just

make this balance, that you did offer to pay for a massage and facial.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I did do that.

While she couldn't ski?

Yep, I did.

And did she go and do that?

No.

That's her.

You haven't paid.

That's on her.

That's on her.

Okay, final bit then.

So I've just got one more, one more, Andrea, if I could.

Did you ever get off the mountain or finish a day of skiing and get in the car and tell her, regale her with stories about how great it was?

I did withhold sending photos of her on, like of us on the mountain.

We were there with a couple of friends as well.

And I did withhold.

sending photos of us at the like ski bar at the remarkables what a guy sitting down yeah it was a lovely photo and i said no i'm not gonna yes

i have to wait a few months and share that one final one then when you you got back to Oz,

you left her suitcase downstairs, took your own.

What is he going to?

What is he going to do?

What is he to do?

What do you want to do?

What do I do?

Yeah, and you unpacked yours and she washed all.

I know, and you washed all of your stuff.

Okay.

I don't want to go too far into it, but when we get home, I like to unpack stuff.

You're probably the same, Andy, I reckon.

Unpack everything immediately and put what has to go in the washing machine in the washing machine, and then you're done and dust it.

She leaves the suitcase for two, three days.

Yeah, okay.

As is the normal.

I'm not waiting for that.

Fair das on the last count.

The rest of the counts are guilty.

I like to leave it for a few weeks just in case another holiday gets sprung on you quickly and you need to go.

I like to have it ready.

You need to quickly take two weeks of dirty clothes.

This one's been bad.

Mike, can you please double check that when this goes to wear wear that the dash snip here doesn't snip too much out?

It's him sharpening his knives already.

All right, pop your gun back in.

Oh, watch your step.

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Dark.

I know, right?

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Hey, I mean, we love all listeners.

You can hear this at handishenny.com for anything, any pondering, but also a request to play this game.

Shit me with your best chat,

matter away,

chit chat champion.

Friends, take each other on today.

The email came in from James.

He and his mate, Charlie, are studying mechanical engineering at the moment.

And

James says he was very keen to take on Charlie at Chit Chat Champions.

James joins us now.

Ahoy, James.

Ahoy, Hamish Nandi.

And Jack?

Ahoy.

Andy?

Oh, thank you, James.

Little stutter there, which

just loosening up the tongue.

It doesn't bode bode well for chit chat what makes you a better chit chatter than charlie uh honestly mate i'm not sure if either of us are gonna be too good at this game uh but we're uh i'm keen for a bit of healthy competition and make everyone knows who the top chit chatter is in the universe

would you like us to make it slightly easier for you and do something in the science-y world

oh please don't

no you don't want the extra pressure of feeling like you're meant to be an expert you just want to, you know, you probably just want nice casual chat, don't you?

Yeah, that sounds like, that sounds like the perfect time.

Okay.

Well,

I mean, what was the last thing that you guys competed at?

Oh,

actually, well, the whole reason this came up was because Charlie and I went out for a round of golf and we were bonding over this podcast.

We were saying...

How it would be really cool to be on this podcast and compete in one of these competitions like Chit Chat Champions.

And here we are.

Who won the golf?

Yeah.

Charlie did.

Oh, so he takes that psychological advantage heading in.

Thank you, James.

We'll move on to Charlie.

Charlie, ahoy to you.

Hello, boys.

Angusto to you.

And gusto to you.

Gusto to you.

Charlie, do you think you've got better chat than James?

Yes.

Yes, I think I do.

What's the best chat you've seen James doing the worst story you've seen him tell?

Oh,

oh,

oh, he chats up his girlfriend pretty well.

Other than that.

When have you seen him really struggle, though?

Oh, we've had a few group presentations at uni, which

I think he's struggled a little bit.

Right.

Great.

I love how he continues to chat up his girlfriend as well after he's secured her.

Normally this has happened until the very beginning.

Still charming, still trying lines.

And again, this isn't about uni careers, but can you remember the topic of the class

presentation and the area he struggled in?

Meanwhile, I guess

confidence, I guess.

That sounds mean.

So he's just a player in our band.

It's a bit simple.

Came in undercooked, maybe, on the topic.

Opposite of Haim,

I went and saw him do a couple of speeches because I was bored with my own lectures.

And Haim went in very confident,

but with no ability to back up.

The less I knew, the bigger my bravado was on on the talks at uni okay all right we've got a real good idea of these old foes taking each other on put them both on hold should we start with James hand yes you would have heard those digs um James are you there James oh yeah here I am you've heard those little digs hopefully that um you harnessed that and you oh he's just rattled by me that's all right

okay this is good okay well you know the rules James um you know can't ask a question we won't tell you when it's your time to talk you just have have to naturally vibe out the right moment in the conversation to add the next piece of conversation that you think

helps move the conversation along, hence showing us your skills in chit chat.

Are you ready, James?

Ready to go.

Good luck.

All right.

G'day, Andrew.

Hey, Red.

Have you been following the story about the two astronauts on the International Space Station?

Oh, yeah.

They're only going to go up for two weeks, but they'll be there till February.

Yeah, I saw

a news story or like a clickbaity title today that they're starting to hear heartbeats and stuff.

And I'm wondering if all that time in space is starting to make them go a bit loopy.

I think they're looking towards being the longest people to be in space for a continuous amount of time.

But I would hate to be them right now.

Very good.

It was very good.

I think there were a few...

Our eyes were darting around in here a bit.

They're going, is he going on too long?

Yeah.

Is he rambling?

But I think you stayed

this side of the ramble i also it forced me to want to add a question what do you mean by hearing heartbeats like they're going they're going a bit nuts they're hearing heartbeats in their own minds oh i think it was a bit of a clickbait title as i said but i think it's uh they're just it was just feedback on a speaker and people just said oh it sounds like a heartbeat and then uh people took it took it and ran so there was a main story

well i mean ando um if is there a greater test for chitchat champion then you know after we've ceased to the game, you are interested in what you're doing?

The first time ever we've continued a conversation.

Yeah.

I mean, James, that boats very well.

Well done.

You've secured it.

He'll be pleased.

Now he has to go sit on the sidelines and watch his competitor.

Charlie, are you there?

Yeah, I'm here.

Charlie, James has secured his attempt.

Are you ready to go?

I am.

Let's do it.

Good luck.

G'day, Andre.

Hi, mate.

Mate, have you been following the story of the two astronauts on the International Space Station?

Yeah, they're meant to go for two weeks, but I think they'll be up there till February.

Yeah, I saw that on the news recently, actually, but I thought it was they were coming back in January, but yeah, I'd hate to be up there.

It's good because something

good because it avoids a freeze and it is a good little power move to go, I think you just slot me off there.

Charlie,

you'll listen back to this because you didn't get to see James's.

Yeah, yeah, unanimously, I'd say from the three judges here, James is superior to Daddy.

Oh, James was James.

James is one.

Yes, he was always, it was going to be tough to knock off.

He actually put in a really good performance first up.

Quick one for Charlie.

Yes, yes, he did.

I'm sorry.

Charlie,

did you make up the January thing?

Because

It's a good tactic to go with.

Just go, no matter what they say, I'm going to correct it.

It's also such a subtle difference.

Like, they're there for so long.

Mate, February.

I heard it was going to be January.

I don't know where you're reading your news.

That one could last till February.

Thank you.

Well played.

James, we'll send you out a token of no value, of course.

We attribute no value to that, but you can do with it what you like.

Oh, cheers, Lance.

I'll make sure to let everyone at uni know who the real champion of Cheers.

Well done, boys.

Preload it.

Cheers.

Thanks, lads.

Ando, very much behind the scenes, but a little bit on the show.

We are furiously pulling things together for this.

There's a cool new conference, no matter your beers.

Con con.

The conference's so nice, you can deduct it once at a maximum.

Can't stress it enough.

Yep, there we go.

One is the limit.

Hey,

we've heard a lot of people are disappointed that they've missed out on tickets concon um we won't be putting on another event but we are looking to find some additional tickets we are um but yes it's uh it is sold out but i think there's a few thousand people waiting on the step here's the overflow list and we really appreciate and again an absolute credit to australia and the hunger for professional advancement and that is what we're offering at this conference As we've said many times before, I'm sure people are well across the structure.

Two sessions in the morning, one session in the afternoon, that's on the Saturday coming up, an absolute blockbuster amount of professional development and education tailored to your industry, but you're also getting to meet like-minded individuals from other industries whose ideas you can take and apply to your own.

You will walk out of there with your head bursting full of business-related facts.

Your stomach, on the other hand, that's also my domain.

I want it to be bursting with biscuits.

As we've discussed on the show before, we've been to a few things that you could call a conference over the years, Ando.

Maybe we've MC'd them.

Maybe we've been, maybe it's been something to do with radio.

Catering,

to name but the only two examples of which we could have participated in.

The catering is an absolute kick in the pants.

Here's a wet croissant and the yellow melon, sorry, the green melon that no one likes.

Is there more cantaloupe?

And you can have one to four people.

It's a wonderful ratio of orange cantaloupe to green melon.

Yeah.

Can we please not have any green melon at the conference?

I'm sorry.

It's the cheapest melon there is.

And that's the only way we're making money at the conference is by over-indexing on green melon.

Damn it.

Get some grapes.

You can have one red grape.

Exactly.

So true.

Do I have to come?

You have to.

You have to come.

What about the croissants?

Has anyone were these baked in a kitchen?

Not really.

They came in plastic.

I hate these jobs too much.

And that's

kind of

what we're trying to avoid.

We don't want that.

Yes, we don't want that.

We don't want that.

So that was real method acting for me.

Yeah.

No, people can hear the despair.

And that's...

Do I have a good coffee?

Absolutely not.

No way.

Come to this urn.

Yeah.

Shit.

Yep.

And don't touch the urn.

You'll burn your fingers off.

Burn your hands off.

Yet the coffee that comes out is warm.

Go take it.

It's very confusing.

So anyway.

We're avoiding that.

It's been well documented.

From 9 a.m.

on the morning of ComCom.

This is, because it's sort of like organizing a wedding now.

We're all, you know, squirreling away, getting, doing our own jobs.

I'm across that nine o'clock hour.

We've said, please come at nine, be early.

That's tea, coffee, and biscuits.

Biscuits.

And we want it to be, we just never want anyone to want for more biscuits.

We want it to wow them from the get-go with the selection and the quantity and the encouragement to eat as many biscuits as you can in that hour.

First impressions last.

And I just think coming, that's how you warm a crowd up with just an astonishing biscuit selection.

So, obviously, on the show a couple of weeks ago, we had, and you talked to the catering, you talked to the people at the venue.

Yeah, and they were going to make their own biscuits,

which sounded more like a cookie.

It did sound a lot like a cookie.

And it kind of blindsided us a bit.

We didn't expect that.

Because I was just thinking absolutely, sort of like, you know, assorted creams is where we were going.

We made the call at that stage, that was just before tickets went on sale, to go, okay,

We do, you know, who doesn't love a home-cooked cookie?

Yes, and they did sound big.

And we sort of made a bit of a spur of the moment pivot to going, okay, we're in for these cookies, as long as everyone can have four.

Yep, right, but then we did put it on the I think the registration form for people coming to ConCon.

Were you happy?

It wasn't it, the drop-down menu.

Are you happy with the direction of the biscuit situation as goals?

I was like, Hey, I'm making huge calls out here, and I'd love to get a little bit of feedback from you.

You forget that

you were the person that asked for it.

No, no, I've got it.

Okay, because I was like, we wanted the, I've got all the responses out there.

Great.

Oh, fantastic.

All the responses.

And I'll read a sample of them out to you.

And I think you'll get where I'm at.

Do we know where

fell on the yeses or no's?

Like, do we have a percentage?

Like, were people happy with the direction of a

home cooked cookie?

Not all of them were,

you know, were a yes, no.

It was not binary.

Okay.

So it wasn't like...

It was a gray area.

Because you'd have someone, have, you would have someone say, for example, just reading some random results here, put me down for four biscuits.

Now you don't know if they mean.

Then someone else goes, I love biscuits.

Now are they, do they mean

home cooked the cookies or assorted biscuits?

Because people are just calling everything biscuits.

Then you get other ones, you get other people going,

look, bring on the gourmet cookies.

So that's fine.

It's clear.

But then you get other people going, no, I want quantity in all caps, quantity over quality.

So there's like, no, I want the all, I want the assorted green because I want my chance to eat between the two biscuits.

When you're kind of under 10 years old.

Because it was such a rush to get tickets.

A lot of the responses too were like, I don't have time to answer.

I just want to get my tickets.

People were scared of the ball.

You don't get Taylor Swift tickets on sale.

And then,

by the way, which one of these dresses did you like Taylor wearing?

When you went to the car park, we've actually put some azaleas in.

Have a look at the car parking at the venue and tell us if you like the azaleas some of us wanted succulents

yeah it's like mate don't care get us in the then we've got we have some very specific ones so people are like i want chocolate biscuits then we've got people going i want tim tams then you get people going i'd rather 400 arrowroots than the fancy homemade stuff

then you get people going So like, I can see you reading more.

Stop reading them.

And now you've got these two guys waiting on the phone who've been here for 10 minutes now.

Do you want to speak to them or no?

Listen, ando i

here's here's here's where i'm at okay because it's just not

i know you i know you can get into trouble trying to please all the people all the time i'm proposing a hybrid model i think it has to be the case i think it has to be a hybrid model yes i agree i agree but we have a situation now where that's a cost that's going to be a cost to us if we get the other biscuits which i'm thinking true or false i heard a rumor that arnits was had inquired about sponsoring true actually truly

Yes, Arnitz.

Can I ask you, as the head of media as communications and working with the sales firm, can you push that heavily?

Yep.

Get them on board.

Okay.

But if not, I'll look at paying for this out of my own pocket.

I'll look at it or you guarantee you will.

We'll look at it because we've got an option of Arnit.

I'll look at anything.

Yeah, look at it.

That's why I just wanted to pin him down.

And I will look at giving everybody a car that comes to Concon.

Well, listen, just as an example, that's my proposal, the hybrid option where I'm even now personally looking at paying for the biscuits.

We've got Oliver on the line.

Oliver, you have got tickets to ConCon.

First of all, congratulations.

Thank you.

Ahoy, boys.

Ahoy to you.

Ahoy, you're an aircraft mechanic for the Defence Force, so you can rest assured that there will be quite a lot of chat about aircraft.

Yeah, one of us will be well actually covering that.

i hope there will be yeah

i hope it will absolutely be there and it will be a you'll come away professionally developed from that and also a nice little chance for us to help out the nation this is very good awesome i don't know what i can claim but i guess i'll find out then no no you should

take it all and give it to go to your local tax professional get to know them go for a walk get a frappuccino sit down with them show them what have a biscuit with them yep and then you know you you'll go through it with them and they'll they'll give you i feel quite a lot of thumbs up there.

So here's the thing:

how would you feel about the hybrid cookies, cookie, and biscuit situation?

I think it's a great idea.

What would your preference be?

Definitely

cookies for sure that are filled.

I'm thinking, like,

cut down on all the size, the amount, and give one large cookie.

Like a dinner,

a dinner-size plate.

A third option has entered the chat.

You can come in like a pizza box.

Yeah, and that just everyone just gets one big cookie and that'll be...

That's a massive cookie.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks, Ollie.

Hey, interesting.

But to give you an example of what I'm dealing with here, we've got another person, Michael.

Ahoy.

And congratulations.

You are going to ConCon.

Ahoy, Augusto to you, voice.

And Gusto to you, mate.

Gusto to you, mate.

I see here on your application,

you're looking forward to learning about payroll processing software, which we're looking very forward to teaching you more about.

Yes, I've only recently started in a um in a payroll job for a government department, so very keen to uh

makes it easy for us.

We'll just give you the, you know, we'll tell you how you can do it better.

That is the theme of our conference, how everyone can do their job better.

So, get excited about some tips on that front.

But where do you sit on the biscuit situation?

I'm definitely team

commercial quantities quantities and

commercial brands.

I think I did say 400 arrowroots wouldn't go astray.

Oh, that was you.

That was you, right?

I think that was me.

Yeah.

And it was actually, there it is.

Yeah.

I even randomly selected you.

So

you

arrowroot's an interesting one because I would have thought people would prefer the assorted creams, but the arrowroot is in the classic pack.

Well, I think, I think an assortment of commercial options would be great.

I think the larger cookies are just a bit

too exotic of a flavor.

Pretentious.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Not very common.

That's true.

I suppose we could have an in-touch lost touch counter.

Not that you want to divide the conference before we get going.

You don't want to create teams.

But I think when you're suggesting we just have both, doesn't that just cover both?

Why are we chatting about this to these two individuals?

Like, what was it?

You did seriously six minutes ago to said, I think we should have both.

Now, let's see what this guy wants.

Oh, he was one thing.

Oh, that's covered in both.

Let's see what Michael wants.

Oh, he was that thing.

Oh, that's covered in both as well.

I'm just making sure that we're on the right path because everyone wanted cookies.

Now, it turns out we didn't even know that someone wanted a dinner plate-sized cookie.

Well, we're not.

I'm just saying, Ando, you just think this is so easy.

It's actually not, mate.

Probably the hour of cookies.

If we don't get that right, the whole thing falls over.

Okay, so I'm sorry I care.

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to get this friggin' conference correct from the get-go and get us all off on the right board.

I'll take it from here offline.

I'm gonna.

Well, the only thing you did really is give Andy more homework and he's got to go talk to Arnie, which I'd appreciate because at the same time, I am looking at paying for these cookies and the biscuits out of my own pocket.

And I'll talk to my tax professional to see if there's a little, if there's any sort of

benefit for me to do that.

Thank you.

Holy Michael.

Yeah, great.

A good, good, good, good.

what do you want what do you want ando do you want commercials or do you want the cookie

oh great question oh if there's only there was an option

yes okay so it's another yes for the hybrid model

um gents i'd like to report something i don't know if you've you might have run into this ando jack yourself as well being a leading melbourne fm breakfast radio celebrity these days um and and prolific um online man about town oh yes i've had two what i would classify as fame critics oh

incidences of fame critics happening this week well people having a go at me because they are like you know i perceive you to be you know oh you you look at look at you go bit of look at you go okay

One was at the airport, right?

I had parked and I was going to retrieve my car.

Now,

people listening might go, oh, hang on, does that mean you use the valet service?

Yes, I had, which is a self-declared

knockout.

Right.

That's not even, that's not even the criticism that I was in for.

I'd only been in the airport for one night.

And so I'd sort of driven myself and gone, oh, you know what?

This is a business trip.

Treat yourself.

Have a valet.

Deduct that.

Tell a valet, deduct that.

so you go back and to get your car you know you give the ticket and then they go and fetch a car anyway this is at sydney airport right

for people that have frequented sydney airport or a few of the other airports around australia you might have noticed me

um one of my passion projects is car rental and i'm on some billboards uh around around the airports for her

cut can't miss them and look you know

Some may argue they've been up for too long.

You like the face of the airport to make I am exactly.

I've seen the photo of me with Haim giving him the thumbs up.

I get

probably one to two a week from various friends around Australia going, okay, mate, you know, settle down.

I haven't even got my bag yet.

It was just me going, let's go.

Anyway,

I hand in the ticket.

The guy goes, oh.

Not renting a car, mate.

Well, no.

No, I'm just

going to get my car.

And he goes, oh, okay.

Thought you would have thought you'd have definitely been getting a hurt.

I said, well, no, it's my car.

So

I'm just getting wake.

He goes, it's all right.

All right.

He goes, hey, it's all right.

Like a bit of carding.

He goes, all right, I won't tell anyone.

It's not a secret.

You know, I'm sure

you can do a contract that you can't use your personal car.

No more using your own car.

But he was like, all right, mate, I went to it.

I know how this goes.

You say you love them,

but you're not really using them, are you?

I'd love an Uber to pull up and see it to you and go, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

You've got a car situation.

You know what to do.

You only hire cars for now for two years or three years, however long this deal is for.

You can never drive your own car.

That is a bit rough.

Yes.

What was the other one?

The other one was, I was at a MACA's toilet this week, right?

So ducked into MACA's,

right on that cusp of like, well, do we drive through?

Do we eat in?

And the toilet's off on the decider.

And And I was like, you know what, guys?

We're going to quickly eat in.

Okay, no playground.

We're going to quickly eat in because damn it was a toilet.

Family.

So we go, okay.

We jump in.

Zoe's doing the order with the kids.

I'm going to go and use the toilet.

Go to the toilet.

It wasn't a huge McDonald's, I think, is important because, you know, you get into that corridor where the toilets are.

It's a little bit cramped.

And I was like, look, we're on a time schedule here.

We're quick.

There was that slippery when wet

bollard out, right?

The yellow bollard or a bit of whatever you know cleaning approach but also there was sort of like some paper on the ground and you know late in the day I think it was a it was a Friday afternoon so late in the day school kids have been through like I'm not expecting MACA's to be running a pristine pastor operation here I was fine I was just like whatever I need to do I'll get in there I opened the door um to go in

Hercule, washing the hands, coming out.

As I'm coming out, there's a Macca's, whoever the guy, the staff guy guy that must have been on tours that day he's coming in with the mob he goes hey the signs here okay clean in progress right he wasn't in there when i went in there okay so it was did it say cleaning in progress or did it say slippery and where i don't know it was the yellow thing okay does it have a bar across sometimes they've got a bar that goes across the door that stops you from entering did you oh no no no no no bar just the yellow sign just the yellow sign and

If I'm, if I'm giving you a huge benefit of the doubt, maybe an A4 printed piece of paper had been blue tacked on or something.

I can't recall that.

Maybe it was there that's just like, you know, cleaning in progress or something.

But there was no one in the toilet.

So I just went to the toilet, dimmed the stuff and came out.

The guy goes, hey, he goes, oi, look at the sign.

He goes, just because you've become a celebrity now doesn't mean that you can ignore the sign, right?

He's gone.

The signs for everyone.

No,

not just people.

Now you're a celebrity.

I promise you, that's not why I use the toilet.

And also,

speaking from people that do have the perspective of people that have a public profile, number one, not many people, you know, no one looks at famous like, ha ha ha, yes, this is, I wanted to be famous.

Like, it's usually just, it happens, you know, you know one's setting out to be famous.

Some people are.

Some people are.

Have you watched Maps?

Sorry.

Yes, that's true.

But the people that are setting out to be famous aren't doing it because we all know that once you hit that level, you can now go to MACA's toilets,

even when they're being cleaned, and the staff won't have a leg to stand on because it's a well-known perk of celebrities

that you can go to the toilet,

really.

Yeah, copped it from both angles.

Thanks for listening.

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