2025 Ep 308 - A Guinness (and a) World Record

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A listener production.

Many months ago, Amish mentioned in passing the Guinness World Record for the world's tallest hat.

But that's not really something this show would be interested in.

Everyone's had a crack at a Guinness World Record, every single radio show in the world, and we've kind of always viewed it as, with all due respect to our brothers and sisters in radio, kind of easy, low-hanging fruit.

Yeah.

Like everyone in charge of

hack job.

If if you can be like

hacked content, with all Jewish men, hacked content.

However, the sheer volume of emails suggested the boys should change their minds.

It's struck a nerve.

Everyone's been so many get a good one on board.

Even when it's strongly stuck a nerve can be a bad thing.

It's struck an erogenous zone.

More accurate.

So it's hit one of them.

People feel good about it, don't they?

But if you're going to break a record, you need to know the rules.

How far do you have to walk with the hat on?

Does it have to be the brim?

And it was 10 meters.

The wearer must walk 10 meters while wearing the hat.

Okay.

The hat must be wearable and worn.

It must be a functioning hat.

Jesus.

It's not.

And this is the hat you wear around?

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just to the beach and stuff.

Good sun protection.

People don't love it when I wear it to the movies.

Yeah.

The offers of help started flooding in.

Offering their assistance.

Grace, 21.

I am fourth-year aerospace engineer.

Hired.

World's Tortoise Hat has piqued my interest, and I believe I can design a 10-meter-tall hat that meets all requirements.

As to not take the record from you, I would merely like to do the design and build the hat for you, and you take all the glory, which is something that does appeal to us.

That's some of our preferred terms.

And design ideas were blowing them away.

Adam is having a thing.

He goes, think I got the perfect solution.

Tall chef's hat, but made out of the same material the wavy tube men at the front of car dealerships are made of.

Then we just pump her full of helium.

Helium's not a bad idea.

Helium's a good idea, and I think we absolutely employ it.

You really would need the chin strap, wouldn't you?

Man, it could create the hilarious mishap when Andy floats away.

Early on, the question of neck strength was raised.

This comes from Nat.

Nat.

Hello boys, just listening to you deliberate who would wear the world's tallest hat had immediate concerns about little boy Jack and his extremely weak neck.

I must remind you that while you were bringing peace to the north in Darwin, you traveled on a slightly bumpy road.

This resulted in Jack kinking his neck and ruling him out for the day.

So I think it's best left to you, Hamish or Andy to carry the load.

And the help of an outsider was floated.

Daniel Ricardo, because they have to have Formula One drivers have to have really strong necks.

I feel like of all the years of his career to test drive the world's tallest hat, this is the one.

Yeah, but I think he regards himself as being pretty cool.

So you got to have a cool hat.

What are you saying, mate?

What are you saying?

Which is the point.

We haven't even built that hat, mate.

You can't.

Think a 10-meter hat is going to be cool.

As always, the boys were looking for loopholes.

Is there anything in the rule book to rule against?

I'm not saying a chin strap, but you create a neck brace for the wearer that keeps the head very stable, but the neck brace does not connect to the hat.

Could you hide it in the collar?

A scarf, a cravat.

Yeah, a cravat.

A cravat.

Yeah, but the hiding is the problem.

The word hiding is the worry.

No, but we're not going to.

Yeah.

Reverend?

We are going to wear a cravat, but we're not going to hide it.

Oh, I can't wear a cravat.

I might wear that big fat cravat.

There was a lot of palava and cost associated with an official Guinness World Record.

Was it worth it?

Don't the Guinness World Records have a duty of like, if you say you're going for a world record, they should really come out and be there to stand up.

No, that would be if they're a government body, I suppose.

They're not the police, where if they hear a crime happening, they have to go.

They're not like the positive police, where if they hear something good happening, they must attend.

There's a guy getting in a swimming pool of baked beans.

Hold the phone, boom, boom,

but book deploy two

agents there because we've got three

longest nose ring.

Do not get in that bath

wearing the most amount of women's suspenders until we are next to you and we count the suspenders.

If a record is broken and someone from the beer company wasn't there to measure it, but others were who are just as trustworthy, did it still happen?

I say yes.

So do I.

And I think.

Yeah, I say yes too.

And I say they should.

Well, that's three yeses.

I mean two more okay's and we've got a full house.

You can't argue with that.

I think we get people's officials to be there on the day.

Trustworthy people, listeners of our show, that will authenticate it and we'll all know the rules and we'll play by the same guidelines, but we get, let's say, 10 government officials, 10

five of the people's officials.

Speaking of, is it worth it?

Andy had received a breakdown of what a carbon fiber hat might cost to make.

It's crash to talk about numbers, so I'm just going to hold it up on a piece of paper.

Well, you can't even say it for the podcast listeners.

I don't think so.

Do you think it would ruin people's enjoyment of this?

I do.

Okay, this is the minimum cost.

That's just super.

No, it's not.

It can't be.

You're not doing the Euros thing where they

throw decimal point in the wrong spot, eh?

That is the best possible outcome price.

There's no way it's worth it.

It's more expensive than Cong.

Yes.

But what price can you put on a world record?

Maybe the price of your neck.

That's what I'm worried about.

Worried about the possibility of catastrophic neck failure.

Given projected weight of hat could be up to 20 kilos.

What?

What?

It's a 20 kilogram hat.

That's huge.

That's tallest.

It's huge.

Of course it is.

It's the tallest in the the world.

It's never been done.

So to help tame such a large hat, some help would be needed.

Alongside, you've got two people that are sit there corralling the hat.

Yep, so very, very long sticks, maybe four to five meter long sticks with a big rubber stopper or a big buffer or even just a big soft catcher.

Yes, so which means that if it starts to fall, you've got a hat tamer that can catch it and obviously the record attempts over for that particular run, like you haven't said the record, but it stops

making it all the way to the ground and dying most important thing is to have the hat and neck intact yes another run yep mainly the hat

god knows we've got we actually have two backup necks in the room and no backup hats

so this would be a team effort but only one person can wear the hat do we let the hat decide how do we when we make the hat do we tip it upside down put two names in the hat

pick a name out of the world stores out yeah

So all that remained was to attempt a non-Guinness, people-sanctioned world record.

Not anti-Guinness, and I might even suggest we go and have one to celebrate.

Oh,

would they like that, do you think?

Or do you think

that wouldn't it be nice to be able to say, and you know what?

The other day, we had a Guinness and a World Record.

We had Guinness and a

World record.

And when we post a picture of it, we can just do Guinness, comma, world record

as the caption.

Tuesday, the 9th of September, 2025.

2 p.m.

Horgs warehouse in the outer suburbs.

Record day.

A day that you'll live in podcast history.

This is awesome.

We are amazing.

We are here at our Big Horgs' factory and it's a big

hogs.

It's Rooney's warehouse.

We're in the book warehouse.

We're actually in the same room.

Andy and I went and visited the Power Moves books earlier, Jack.

Oh, well, I signed 1,000 Power Moves books here.

And we appreciate that.

Welcome to like 650.

So funny.

There's also a different warehouse.

Oh, but it did look different.

Is it different?

I mean, it looks like a warehouse, but nothing's really ringing a bell.

A different suburb, wasn't it?

It's a different suburb.

Yeah, yeah.

He's hitch change.

But anyway, just to paint the the picture, we've come in.

There's a huge structure up that's meant to be the launch platform.

That actually looks like the most dangerous part yet.

That looks, to be honest, flimsy as hell.

I think they're worried about health and safety.

The most dangerous thing will be that structure falling on anything.

Well, it's an eight-meter-high, just wooden kind of frame.

Then there's a giant red curtain hanging down the front.

I mean, I wasn't really across the launch platform thing, and I don't think a lot of listeners were either.

I have a feeling that I feel like he's trying to distance himself from this.

I would also love to distance myself.

I remember taking one look at an A piece of paper that had a tower on it.

I was like, what's up?

This is on you because this is all the stuff that you were like, I'll be revealed on the day.

Remember all that?

Yeah, there was the pretend conversations like we had some sort of agency over it, but he wasn't really asking us.

It was just telling us that.

It's not on my head.

What's the head?

Why do we need the tower for?

Why do we need that?

We don't need it.

Is it for safety in case the hat falls either way?

No, no.

I think it's for theater.

Well, it was so someone could be high enough to help put it on the wearer's head.

And I think that's still the case, where someone can stand up on the platform.

There's another platform coming up and behind that.

But why does the tower need to be eight metres tall?

Well, that was just for theatrics.

It was just so then.

And then you could draw a curtain.

The giant mc curtain.

Well, it doesn't look like it's a split curtain.

No, no, no.

It's just a long piece of fabric.

So that's just going to tangle the hat up.

I think the curtain.

Wait, is the idea we walk through the curtain to reveal?

I know the curtain.

I think that's why.

No,

the curtain was meant to come apart to walk through, but I don't like a piece of fabric.

Yeah,

easily the hardest part of the walk is having to get through a 10-meter-high curtain, which I think with the world's largest actual curtain.

Why don't we even ask ourselves?

It's not one mouse.

What have we got three big red balls next?

We have to jump across.

We could scoop up another record, which is like

tallest curtains.

Okay, so let's just paint the picture though.

We've got a launch platform, which was not necessary, but it stands around about seven meters in height.

It's a large straped curtain in front of it that I think we'll have to remove for safety reasons.

It's

meant to stand inside there.

Yeah, imagine like a rocket launch, like a SpaceX rocket launch, but they also have put a curtain over the

rocket.

So you're not allowed to see it.

And then they're going.

Hey, this might get the rocket tangled up in.

And they're like, yeah, but it's good for theatrics.

Yeah, but we've got space between the...

I think we just stick to what we do, which is space or hats, depending on which story we're in.

But also for theatrics, are we going to see the hat beforehand?

Who's it for?

I don't know.

I don't know.

It's not like we're live streaming this around the world.

Well, I mean,

it'll be exciting to see someone come out from behind the curtain on its head for the first time.

It's like seeing the hat for the first time.

But again, I am nervous about it.

Should we go have a look at the hat?

Yeah, let's see the hat.

Is the hat in the building?

The hat's in the building.

It's arrived via semi-trailer already.

I'm interested to find out what they got the weight to because that is going to be important news for us and our necks.

God, let's go and say the hat.

Lying nonchalantly on the warehouse floor, a six-meter carbon fibre beauty designed by Grace and manufactured by Sam and Freddie from Top Stage Advanced Composites.

Wow.

Standing over the hat.

Let's start with you, Grace.

You did a lot of the design work.

How are you feeling about it all?

It's much bigger in person.

I'm very excited to see it vertical.

I feel like it will be much bigger than I anticipate, but the way that Sam's built it is like very, very well done.

I'm very, very impressed.

I'm very excited to see how this goes.

Okay, so you're happy with the result?

Oh, I'm happy with the result.

I still think it will be hard to walk in.

That's all.

But I think

it'll be a challenge, but this is probably the best level to go off.

How do you feel hearing the compliments to your work there, Sam?

Relieved.

I mean,

you know, all of us at Topstage, like we've we put a lot of time to this.

I didn't have a beard when I started this like that just tells you how long we've been going.

Congratulations.

It's a beautiful beard.

Thank you.

You too.

You're coming with the beard boys.

Exactly.

Just for the carbon fibre fans out there, when you look at the joins on this, Grace, what makes you say that this is so well constructed?

Is it the smoothness of the joins?

Yeah, just the smoothness of the joints.

I mean, talking with Sam as well, they've done a lot of like different layering, so it's heavier at the bottom, trying to get that center center of mass down.

They've done a really well done job even so.

So how thick are we at the bottom?

Like say for the first two meters of the top hat how thick are we there Sam?

Off memory we're three plies thick versus one at the top.

And what's a ply like a layer of carbon?

Doesn't have any mil.

Oh, you have to ask Freddie for that.

Sam only has five ply at his.

Yeah, no, to him three ply is still very thin.

We're about a mil at the thickest point.

So what did our final weight come in as?

3.8 kilos.

Oh

wow.

That's so good.

I think all next should be congratulations.

Congratulations.

Featherlight.

We might float away.

It might be like the hat from up.

So it becomes.

We were looking at 15 kilograms away.

20 at one point.

So is it too late to make this a 20 meter hat?

I mean, we've got all this weight to save.

Well done.

That's a shock to the system, but also a triumph for our next

and our family that we can now still turn to them on any long car ride if we are in the driver's seat and they're in the passenger.

It's featherlight.

A lot of people worried that in a triumphant moment, obviously the hat will come down.

Just be aware that's where most of the people are at the finish lines.

Well, you can't hurt anyone with this hat.

It's only three killers.

Is it fragile, Sam?

Will it smash if it hits the ground?

I think the ground might smash.

This thing's strong.

Really?

Oh, what a flex from Topstage.

Whether this record would be achieved today, nobody knew yet.

But standing by to witness and judge our hero's attempts were a panel of five of our most trustworthy listeners.

Hi, my name's Melissa.

I'm a trustworthy individual because I'm a nurse, which is the most trustworthy profession.

My name's Ben.

I'm a registered surveyor and a justice of the peace.

My name's Alex.

I'm an account director in a brand agency, and I'm trustworthy because years ago I declined £10,000 for the apron I was wearing.

Hi, I'm Callum, and I'm very trustworthy because I have Andy's personal email address, and I've never shared it.

Hi, I'm Alicia, and I'm trustworthy because I used to be a lifeguard.

We had a hat, a giant launch platform, and a judgment panel, but not yet a pilot for the hat.

It was time to chat to the trustworthy listeners and find out who that pilot would be.

A hush over the waiting crowd at the moment, isn't it?

The tension's building.

About 50 people

to launch.

We're here with our trustworthy listeners.

We'll start with you, Melissa.

You're a registered nurse.

Yes, I am.

I've noticed that that you've brought along a neck brace for us i did ask also that you wore a tooth mouth guard but i apparently you've got to talk so you can't wear it has a habit of i know the teeth and the wearing i know i've been listening for a long time and i know about your teeth how how is he's known as a clump the clumsy one

which is a shame how is the teeth ever going to be exposed i mean the hat can't find a way we thought i would say the person not wearing the hat was more likely to get their teeth hit i could be you as well yes we worry i'll make sure that i'm catching right underneath.

If you fall, most people tend to put their hand out and get a fush injury, and they're not protecting their mouth.

Do you know what a fush injury is?

No.

Fall onto outstretched hand.

Really?

Thank you.

You see the clumsy one.

Do you have children with those injuries?

Yes, yes.

No, no, no, I've done them.

And then I've had to say the kids I can't wrestle today because I've got a fush.

Melissa.

What is the ethical

dilemma?

If let's say between Andy and I that there's a medical condition that we

maybe should

declare before the drawing of the hats but we worry it will rule us out how often do you see in your line where people just keep things a bit quiet because they don't want to be excluded from piloting a hat or another important job so in the emergency department in the ICU that I work in we don't generally come across that although do people do keep things to themselves but it tends to come out are you carrying an injury into this are you carrying injury into this i'm wondering if you are or i am or i'm not but i'm just saying you've got to put your best person out there what are you carrying in i'm fine

i'm okay

i'm okay how important

is

i mean balance would be important for this no vertigo anyone got vertigo no anyone been drinking no no we went out we actually actually we declined to be around

we did we're so proud of ourselves like we're actually very good boys yes no yes that we were at a great

So you're on medications.

I feel really good.

Illicit or prescribed?

Neither.

Yeah.

I mean, what do you got?

Oh, no, thank you.

All right.

Well, I feel like we're ready to draw.

Yeah, no, I didn't want to bring it up, but months ago, I did get vertigo.

I had an inorrhea problem, but I'm good now.

Surely that's not a problem now, you know how light that is.

It's just embarrassing.

I've been very well balanced.

That'd be embarrassing.

Yeah, it was my daughter's birthday, and we went to a play center, and I had to get out of the playground, and I vomited.

That's terrible.

I went upside down.

So, as long as I say head over feet, I'm good.

Yeah, I had a chat to myself, I'm all good.

All right, as

our trustworthy officials, we're going to now pick who is going to be wearing the hat today.

It'll be a triumph for that person individually, but mainly a triumph for the show.

So, I'm excited to either be as a catcher or as a wearer.

Jack, you've devised the idea today.

in my pocket.

I have the world's smallest,

tallest hat.

This is a perfect replica, Jack.

Well done on making this, but I know you're not busy with no job and everything, but still, you made that this morning.

I made that this morning.

You've progressed further with that than your sauna for the last three months.

Well, it is a complete hat, so I guess you're right.

So, inside this little cardboard hat, which I have painted also,

is where you go to paint.

Uh, it's actually the colour of our kitchen,

Wonderful.

Great.

So just to describe it, Jack does have a hat, probably the size of the top hat in Monopoly, but it's extended, directly proportional to the size of our top hat.

It's probably 15 centimetres.

It's about the size of a pencil.

Yeah, that's right.

And inside are two thin bands of paper.

One has Andy's name on it, the other has Hamish's name on it.

Are you ready to find out who will pilot the hat?

Maybe we should let an official select which piece from the tweezers.

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

I mean, but I made the hat.

Yeah, but you could know which.

Alright, okay, let them pick it out.

Okay, your turn.

I can see two pieces of paper, just for clarity.

God, you're so trustworthy.

This is great.

Hang on, just before you do, Andy, I want you to know if it's you, it's the best man for the job.

Remade.

And if it's you, I think we should do a redraw.

Does someone want to count me down?

Okay, here we go.

Three, two, one.

Oh my god.

Oh no, the vertigo.

woozy guy!

The woozy guy with vertigo.

He's going to throw up on the hat.

I know.

I believe in you.

Let's do this thing.

You've got my full support.

My only worry is it's going to be too easy.

Thank you very much.

So, Hamish would pilot the hat, with Andy and Jack as hat tamers.

But how would Hamish's wife, Zoe, feel about him putting his neck on the line?

Only one way to find out.

We are now in the breakout room, which is normally where factory workers come to have.

It's really nice, isn't it?

Probably a dare iced coffee and a donut but it's changed your water fountain got your big double fridge what we require is a man with the people's expectations resting on his head no weight on my shoulders no you're looking about 40 centimeters too low

the expectations are up on my head exactly how you're feeling it's now real for you yep i know what i would have felt if your name came out there would have been a secret part of you going

Yes.

Because

your neck will be fine, but you also won't be held accountable should it not happen.

We're not here to blame you.

Oh, Jack, that's exactly what we're here to do.

Completely honest, hadn't crossed my mind that we're not achieving this today.

Yeah, me neither.

Now that that has entered my mind, yeah, there is a good scapegoat, isn't there, Jack?

Pilot or car error.

They always say that in the Grand Prix, don't they?

Yeah.

Is the car quick enough?

We're not going to really blame the heart.

No.

You might.

I might.

Are you going to call Zoe and say that?

Yes.

Very big day at the Blake Household.

Today, my daughter is auditioning for the role of Ursula, the Sea Witch, in The Little Mermaid, her school production.

And dad's wearing the world's tall sat.

Wow.

Wow.

She is very busy.

Yeah, she's always busy because she actually does a real job.

No, in particular, today is a day.

Really busy day.

Okay.

She might not answer.

But we're busy.

I know, we're very busy.

So what world record is she breaking today?

Yeah.

Busiest woman

but let's do you know what if she is breaking the record for being busiest woman wouldn't it be even more impressive to take a phone call in the middle of all that busyness and be even more busy yeah tip it off at the edge

okay

any more scared to pilot the hat or call your wife honestly call zoe in the middle of her day

that's what it seems like hey Annie hello darling how are you i'm just here with andy and jack hey zoe hi i know you're busy.

Well,

no, you're busy.

Just want to let you know that the pilot selection for who's wearing the tall hat just happened.

And your husband will be wearing the hat.

This is great news.

Yeah, it's great.

That's what we're hoping for.

I'm very busy as well, so I'll jump off the phone in a sec, but Andy's got one question.

If he does have any neck injuries, what kind of nursing can he expect from the household, yourself and the kids included?

Oh, no.

Is this a thing?

Is this could this really be a thing?

It could be a thing.

It's the main concern from our health and safety people and the insurance company.

Oh,

I'll probably send him straight to the osteo.

There we go.

Yep, outsource it.

Okay.

No worries.

Thanks, honey.

Good luck with everything you've got going on.

I'll send you pictures of the hat.

Okay.

Work hard, boys.

You're doing great.

Got to go busy.

But

fuck you, but

wow.

yes well that's good that's a nice breadwinners that's a nice

that's a nice endorsement though okay

we did say that the top hat wearer would be in a tux it makes sense it will look silly to wear a top hat in a puffer jacket which i'm in now so i guess i better get dressed for the big show the big and then jack you and i need to switch on i feel like you're you might you especially jack you Yeah, are feeling a little bit like a spectator.

That's how I felt like as well.

Don't you reckon?

You felt like he was one and done with his tiny hat.

We could just slip into warehouse mode where you were just wandering around.

Saunting around.

We don't have to start the playing game because you might.

I know you're just preparing for

fingers to be pointed later on.

I am laying some groundwork.

We don't have to start that now.

No, I know what my job is.

Catch the hat if it tilts either way.

Gently.

Just gently catch the hat.

And

don't make such a sharp movement that it would spook me and cause an error.

I would hate to spook you.

And I'm telling you now, i'll be there on your left or your right so expect there to be some movement as i move alongside i will expect reasonable movement but if the hat starts to fall and i can't get it back i hope it's not because you've scared me

I hope it's not because you are acting in an unpredictable fashion.

Because when someone gets spooked and when someone gets startled, it's unconscious.

You can't consciously not be startled.

Well, it'll be somewhat unpredictable because you've never seen me move with a giant pole with a hook on the end

i've never moved with a giant pole with a hook on i'm just saying i hope unconsciously it doesn't startle me i don't think it will it might

okay so i'll have the pole from the get-go

and he's gonna andy's gonna help you put the hat on and then i'm gonna race back down and i'll say and you'll grab a pole yeah but i'll do it really calmly in a way that you couldn't possibly be startled

The handle of the pole, is it a matte finish?

It's our pole.

No, it's metallic.

It's metallic.

It looks like...

It's a light can bounce off it.

Yeah, but

where

you go?

There's no sun going to reflect into your eyes.

Yeah, I hope that doesn't startle me.

You're not a crow that gets startled by mirrors and won't land on the farmer's crops.

I hope not.

Because at the time, my head will be getting pressed into my neck and the blood flow will be restricted to my head.

So that could happen.

I hope that doesn't startle me.

Do you want blinkers like a horse would wear?

Just

move appropriately.

In all seriousness,

how many attempts, Jerry?

You'll get it.

I believe you can get it.

I am.

How many attempts?

I'm honestly worried that this will be anticlimatic because it'll just be like, he smashed it.

Is there an amount of attempts where you relinquish the hat?

30.

Okay.

Well, we're going to stay here that long.

You got something else on that?

No, I just thought, like, after 10, won't we get bored of it?

We've been building onto this for six months.

We're not going to wander off because we had 30 attempts.

I think it's 30 seconds per go.

Or 30.

Then we'll get, like, then we'll be going home with the traffic.

I think 30 is a lot.

Guys, I'm going to do it in a few.

I'm just saying.

30 feels like

I actually think it should be left up to the pilot to go make

next fatigue should be when

sub me out because I think the more attempts, should something happen and we get down there, we go, oh, okay, this is actually way more of a head balancing challenge than we thought.

I think the more you do it, the more you get used to.

Agreed.

I agree.

I agree.

And so you want to know.

You want to fish man who goes, if it goes through Haim and he relinquishes due to net fatigue, goes through me.

Do you want to go at it?

Yeah, that's it.

Bearing in mind, the traffic will be horrendous by then.

At this point, we might as well keep going through the traffic and go home at night.

After the traffic.

They don't do too many launches at NASA, just basically.

We're reporting the mission.

What happened?

Oh, man.

Obviously, by the time we get it all back in the shed,

no way am I driving a school pickup time.

No way.

Let's get into this.

Oh, watch your step.

Wow, your attic is so dark.

Dark.

I know, right?

It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

Flick me.

What movie is that?

I haven't pressed play yet.

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Jimmy, what have I told you about scaring the guests?

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So after months of talk, design and construction, it was finally time to let the hat do the talking.

Would Haim get Vertigo?

Would Jack distract him?

Would they smash the hat or the record?

And most importantly, would they beat the traffic home?

Let's find out.

Pretty weird to have something on your head that's as high as the roof.

Hope that backlight doesn't distract him when he's putting the big hat on.

What?

It's not about being distracted, it's about being startled.

With the hat upright for the first time, the daunting task of protecting it was becoming apparent.

Hey, Ham, as far as like if it falls, we're going to try and catch it and then you'll just...

You'll just pick it up.

Yeah, you're just correcting, you know?

Then we'll take it off?

Yeah, well, then we'll just could just walk back.

Okay, try and walk back.

Just correct it and then go and then go again.

Okay, cool.

But I guess not everyone was laser focused on the record yet.

Jack, did you sneak off and get a

biscuit?

I wouldn't mind a biscuit.

Melissa made cookies.

Melissa made cookies?

Yeah, I made cookies.

Oh, Melissa.

I'm not going to do this with low blood sugar.

Will that be good for Vertigo?

It really is.

Blood sugar.

Blood sugar.

Oh, my gosh, yeah.

Thank you so much.

Oh, yum.

With a mouthful of chalk chip goodness, it was time to talk game plan.

I don't want to look down, Ando.

No.

So I'll come out.

I'm going to have my arms out for balance.

I'll be locked onto the distance.

If it falls backwards,

that's the only part that we can't really save you, like from the get-go.

But I reckon, Jack,

you're in charge

of left-hand side round to the front.

Okay.

That's good.

And you go through the back.

And then I'll come around the back here, Ham.

Yeah.

And I'll be changing.

So back wrapper.

Yep.

Every world beating athlete needs to start somewhere.

Maybe with some training wheels.

How did you guys feel about me holding the hat for a go?

Oh, yeah.

Sure.

Because I think if your arms can

actually get your sticks out, because I might need them.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, you can feel the weight.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's going to be tough.

Yep, oh, it's gonna be tough, yeah.

Well, yep, yep, yep.

Yeah, you can't chase it.

It's a lot of hat.

It's a lot of hat to control.

Yeah.

Be really nimble, Jack.

Yeah.

But not in a way that would startle me.

We've come so far.

Over many months.

The time was nigh.

All right, should we give one a bash?

Let's give it a bash.

Good luck, buddy.

Good luck, Haim.

Good luck.

But there was a small issue.

Literally.

Oh, she's a bit tight.

It's digging into the back of my head.

We have

a hat size issue.

It feels like it's sitting too high on my head.

The swagger and confidence of our hat heroes was starting to slip a little.

God, it's so much different when it's on your head than in your hands.

Amish is inside the tower.

He's got the hat on his head but so far he doesn't have control of it on its own.

I just feel like it's not quite steady.

No it's not.

Okay I'll let you take its weight.

Yeah it's well big lean back towards me at the moment.

Yep no worries.

I mean he's still got hands holding the hat but it's leaning against the frame of the tower.

And he's just trying to like so he hasn't even left yet, but he's just trying to work out

how he's going to even balance it.

Now it's coming forward.

All right, why don't you get it set with the stick?

Yep.

I think what we're finding out before we even begin is it's going to be way harder than what we thought.

You got it?

Now it's just like

he makes the smallest movement, it just goes haywire at the top.

But not a team to be defeated.

They tried to push the hat down and push through with an attempt.

Good luck, Haim.

Oh, no, it's going forward.

Where is it?

It's going to

be.

Do you need help?

Okay,

it's going to be so hard.

Here's the problem.

It's a huge hat.

Yeah, it's a big old hat.

It just doesn't fit on my head.

Do you want it to...

It's too shallow.

Yeah, we need to like crunch it down your head more, don't we?

It's not moving.

It's far and fiber.

It's not gonna, you know, you can't squeeze your head in it.

My head's too big for it.

Do you want to try it on your head?

I mean, not at the moment.

It looks really hard.

God, it's a real Cinderella moment, isn't it?

I'm an ugly sister and it just doesn't fit.

Despite some tumbles, luckily the hat had not cracked.

However, there were a few cracks appearing in the teamwork.

Get ready to catch Jack?

Yep.

You're not even paying attention.

Yeah, I'm not.

I told you, I was worried you were just a bit too loose today.

America, because he's got a big head now.

He's trying to take it out of me, but I don't know.

No, I'm not.

Can you hear that?

Ready?

Yep.

Sand, letting go.

Oh, you're on.

You're on.

You're on.

Oh, Jacko.

Jack, catch it.

No, catch it at all.

I thought you might have like...

How would I be walking with it?

It was at a 45-degree angle.

You know that thing where you want to...

Why are you waiting to catch it?

You're getting up to it.

Up to it.

I thought you wanted to do that thing where you like, you kept telling us that when it's falling, you can walk fast into it.

Like that angle, not

horizontal.

We made what?

One and a half meters, two meters?

Yeah.

Only eight and a half meters left to conquer.

And see if you can tell how the next attempts went just from these noises.

Why'd you go that way?

Look how it's falling, Jack.

And after an hour of unsuccessful attempts, the situation was dawning on the boys.

Just doesn't fit.

It was at this point where the crowd began to wonder what they'd spent their afternoon.

I think we've got a situation where this does not fit on our heads.

I think we've made a giant hat that doesn't fit on our heads.

Freddie from Topstage Advanced Composites to the rescue.

Angle grinder in hand, a larger, hamish-sized opening was carved into the carbon fiber hat.

At the moment, it's like balancing a broom on Hames' head.

It's not even getting down low enough for him to have any interaction with it.

I feel like every millimeter, it sinks actually onto your head.

Ideally, we want it right near the eyebrows.

Yes, and at the moment,

near the hairline,

which is high because, sadly, it is high.

With a much bigger hat hole, it was a whole new hat game.

Let the record-breaking commence.

Okay, after considerable grinding,

extra foam.

We're into our second hour now.

Molding.

Oh, so sorry about that.

I'm just keeping topics, okay?

I just want to give a picture for people who are listening at home.

Well, I think if we listened back to it, it sounded dejected.

But the spirit should be high because unlike Cinderella, where the slipper didn't fit the ugly sister,

they didn't have a Freddy who was able to get the angle grinder out and grind the slipper down and put packing foam in it until the slipper did fit a bit better.

Exactly.

Freddy is our cobbler.

The old head cobbler.

I wish there was a name for him, but that's as good as we've got.

A head cobbler.

So yes, it is a much better fit.

Now we hopefully have a little bit of leverage, a little bit of control as it's

some kind of a chance.

We just need to get down there.

It's an absolute balance challenge.

You can do it.

Balance Balance is my life.

How do I manage school drop-off,

golf and school pickup in one day?

Balance.

This is what I train for.

That is looking

out.

I'm coming out and I say we do it.

I have control.

That's all you, mate.

Give me space.

Do not startle me.

So Hamish set himself with a far better fitting hat.

It was time to launch again.

Three,

two,

one.

You actually had control?

Put me back.

Put me back.

You at least could send it this time.

You actually controlled it.

So you were doing well well to control it.

Yep, okay.

Let's have a few more of those.

Yeah.

With every attempt and ultimate fail, valuable data was gathered for the next run.

And you look very steady and stable.

That looks really good.

Great.

Ready?

Yep.

Launching.

Okay, go ahead.

Four meters.

You feel like you're getting better though, H.

Yeah, I'll say that.

Safety was a huge priority, and whilst neck integrity was spoken about a lot, it was ultimately the hat tamers who were in the firing line.

Here we go.

Pushing up.

Thank God, we're wearing helmets.

I got hit in the face by Jackson.

Sorry.

That was amazing.

God.

Like any great athlete, our hat pilot was tweaking technique and incrementally improving with every attempt.

I know what I'm going to go for now.

I'm going to go for a much faster one, okay?

Ready?

Give us some space, Jack.

No.

But maybe.

You're doing so well.

Record it, record it, record it!

Yeah, okay.

Good data.

That's great data.

They were so close to success.

I believe in you, mate.

This is feeling feeling better.

Feeling much better.

And after 23 attempts in a little under two hours, give us a little bit of space.

It happened.

Okay, here we go.

Three,

two,

one.

Yep, yep.

Here go, kick us, kick it, kick it.

So smooth, so controlled, like a night out at a fancy restaurant with a big hat on all.

It's not for us to decide.

We've brought five people here.

This is on their part.

They're all going in.

Jeepers.

We're having a huddle.

Having a whisper.

Oh no.

While the trustworthy listeners decided the team's fate, they reviewed the footage to see if Andy had touched the hat with his taming stick before or after the 10-meter line.

This is the wide angle we can see everything from start to finish.

Never expected it to be so

distilled.

Wow.

into the absolute bad dash for the border.

And our trustworthy expert panel agreed.

Record achieved.

Thanks, guys.

Sorry, I started running.

Jack startled me.

I didn't know what was going on.

I I saw something and I just panicked and I ran.

Oh, what on Ham?

And so, after many attempts, the beast had been tamed.

Although, to be clear, not tamed by a tamer.

Just a human neck and for the required 10 meters.

Turns out it wasn't just the trustworthy listeners who needed to duck for cover.

It was the doubters, the naysayers, and those who believed attempting this was sheer madness.

Well, it didn't look like sheer madness to Hamish and Andy.

It looked like a very formal man in a warehouse going for a well-in-control walk.

Stopping briefly, turning, changing his mind and spinning the opposite way.

Then going for a casual and extremely in-control run in the opposite direction until he crossed the line.

I guess we'd better have a Guinness.

Oh, a Guinness and a world record.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at Hamishandandy.com.

Oh, wow,

wow, your attic is so dark.

Dark.

I know, right?

It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

What movie is that?

I haven't pressed play yet.

ATNC fiber with all five covers your whole house.

Even your really, really creepy attic turned home theater.

Jimmy, what have I told you about scaring the guests?

Get ATNT Fiber with Al-Fi and live like a gagillionaire.

Limited availability coverage may require extenders at additional charge.