2025 Ep 309 - Groundhog Day, But With More Weasels

A listener production.

Activate your internet.

Cause the Hey Mission Andy podcast starts in three,

two.

Sorry, still buffering.

One.

Ahoy to me hammers hammer.

Yes, it's nicknames we would like to introduce.

Ahoy to me damper.

Jack

I wouldn't mind damper as a nickname.

It found very like a few Australian

call you damper behind your back at parties.

Oh no, dampers here.

No, it's like you're dampening the mood.

No, dampers like that bread that the like bushrangers used to make.

Simple, high carb.

Aussie.

Jack post.

And I am Keys.

Oh, we're all parts of it piano.

We are all parts of it.

The hammers that hit the strings, the damners that stop the strings that say to the strings, that's quite enough.

And of course, the keys that make it happen.

Miraculously, it's fallen to me for that one.

We're just going to go straight into this today.

What a show we've got today.

What an episode.

This,

it's so exciting to be at the brink of something that will either be famous or infamous in the history of the show.

We started the year.

Isn't it crazy?

We started started the year with the, let's be honest, the debacle of the golf cart.

You know, it was meant to be a simple weaseling.

There was a handback of a huge prize,

a longing for a smaller prize, a seizing, an attempted seizing of that prize, and then ultimately a...

Some would say fair, some would say foul, rigging of a contest to award a prize to a man.

And we thought that chapter was over, but now we find ourselves in the piano saga.

Yep.

A brand new piano piano sits there.

Jack.

It's in the studio.

It looks amazing.

Jack's already gone and given a little tinkle.

I said he wasn't allowed to.

A beautiful KY ND21 upright piano from Stuart Kelly's house of pianos.

We salute you, Stu.

Stu's here.

He's here.

He's out of the house.

I don't just go over to the house now thinking that it's unguarded.

He's left it.

This is pre-recorded.

I mean, it's a beauty.

It's so nice.

We never expected to get a piano this good.

And

Jack came in and just went, gosh, I really want that.

Jack, you look like a little boy.

We know you're a little boy.

You look like a little boy on Christmas morning who's not sure if that present is for him.

Who's not sure if he's at the right house?

He's looking at the Christmas tree going, do I live here?

I hope I live here because then I can have that present.

Stu tells me it's perfect for beginners, Jack.

but also experienced pianists, what you may become, Jack, if you practice enough about how to beauty.

The problem I see with seeing it in the flesh, and it is so nice, is I gave myself a bit of a pep talk before the show this week and said, I'm not, I've used up so many weasel tokens this year, I'm not going to go crazy for it.

Remember, Augustus, when you get into the chocolate factory, don't eat all the chocolate.

You have had more than enough chocolate for one little boy.

But then you saw the one, then you see the chocolate, and you found your cup.

I could put my head in.

um exciting i should actually point out you can head to uh houseofpianos.com.au to check out the piano we're talking about in the case i'll go jack may have to go there to get his own he mightn't um

hey let's bring everyone back up to speed jack you gave away your piano yes which was a nice gesture aimed at rebalancing the karma between show and listeners yes yep turns out you gave it away twice and you didn't even realize you'd already offered it to a fellow called Lee on your other radio show, which is separate to the podcast.

So Lee then, we've tracked down, we've chatted to Lee.

We're going to give him the opportunity to win this piano because he feels he's owed one.

In the balance of the universe, Lee is owed a piano from you.

Now, before we knew about Lee, you gave away your piano to Matt, listen to Matt in Tasmania.

He has your old piano.

We thought that kind of balanced everything out.

And this is a bit of a warning about good deeds as well, because I gave away that piano.

And then look who comes out of the woodwork, but somebody else who claims that piano as well.

And all of a sudden, I'm doing something nice is costing me something more.

The problem is you've done it nice twice

and only had enough

materials or goods to do it nice once.

Yep, that is true, Andy.

You were in line.

In another world, Jack, we would be sitting here just quite simply giving you a new piano, using your weasel tokens to go, you know what, you did a nice thing.

Stuart's from, he's come out, he's got a house full of pianos.

And he said, you know what?

I heard about the nice thing Jack did.

Look, forget about the golf cart tobacco.

I think Jack could have a new piano, but you can't have a new piano because you're down one piano.

I doubt it would have played out like that.

Your inventory is down one piano.

Now, the really simple thing here to do would just be like, well, thank God Stuart exists because it just goes straight to Lee,

which we can do, Jack.

Right now, we could just give this straight straight to Lee.

Except

you

would like the piano back.

Well, I think everybody wants to see another contest.

That's what brings excitement and entertainment to the show.

Just giving away a prize, I've always found kind of boring, but to do some sort of contest like last time.

Like, I'm sorry that I won everybody, but it wasn't exciting.

Well, it's not the show's debt, Aim,

to give Lee a piano.

The show has acquired this piano.

It's It's not our debt.

It's Jack's debt to give Lee a piano, or at least give him the opportunity to get one.

The hints we've also put it out to the listeners.

Yep.

Well, we decided on last the last time we talked about this, there's three parties who have

either a claim or a wish for the piano.

Yes.

Lee has a claim to the piano.

Yes.

Jack has a wish if you ask us, a claim if you ask him.

And then the listeners have a wish for the piano.

So you have three parties here.

And the last time we spoke, people, remember, we said, all right, I think last time jack was in charge of who gets how many tickets in the raffle we think lee should be in charge this time he seems to be the front of the queue and the way we're going to do this is there's 88 keys on a piano we're going to let lee decide to divvy up amongst those three parties lee jack and listeners who gets how many keys okay i like that then you want stickers corresponding and you can place them like on a roulette table you can put your chips down so he might say okay jack you get 20 keys out of 88 Yes.

And then you get to change.

How would that make you feel?

I'd feel a little short change, but no, that's actually not too bad.

I mean, it's a quarter of the key.

Well, but I'm just thinking it's like three, three, there's three parties.

Well, there is, but nobody's saying it has to be an even split.

453 people registered at hamishneady.com.

An outstanding

reach out, given the fact that piano is a big offering.

Big commitment.

You don't have space for it.

So,

well, then if Lee goes, okay, the listeners can have 50 keys.

We simply then, if it lands on one of the listener keys, then we have to go to a randomizer on the computer and we'll select it that way.

And then he gets, Lee's got all the rest of the keys.

If it lands on one of his, very, very simple.

He's coming to the studio today.

He can just take the piano home.

Fair rule.

The way we're going to decide what key comes up is we're going to ring Matt in Tasmania, who has your old piano,

Ask him to walk across to his piano.

He won't know the keys that we've stickered in here.

So to him, it's just simply a normal keyboard in his house in Tasmania.

He presses one key and let the piano decide.

Let the music decide who the real things, who the rightful owner of this piano is.

That sounds like a good deal.

That's a great idea.

Okay.

It's amazing we're back here again.

It's in Lee's hands to make the decision.

Let's have a look back and see how the hell we got here.

It feels like Groundhog Day.

That we are here again.

Can you believe this?

Again and again.

Gimme, gimme, gimme.

All for Jack.

I want a golf cup.

Yeah.

I honestly can't believe it.

I know.

It's insane.

Not what the people want us.

There are booze and there are thumbs down.

This is a take that was incredibly unpopular.

It is just horrendous and it's getting a lot of media attention.

People are asking, what's he going to to do to make it right?

To ease the people being unhappy about that, I said I would give something of mine away and I chose my piano.

Oh, wow.

These are promises that we make to each other.

Exactly what he promised to do.

Neighbor to neighbor, friend to friend.

It's a big sacrifice, so I think the gods will be happy.

After so many broken promises, people here on the ground have low expectations that things will change.

Matthew Campbell, how you going?

Made well great news.

You've got yourself a brand well new to your house.

And so the kids are loving it.

Oh, it's the best.

But then we hear this on the Christian O'Connell show.

Thank you very much.

Let's go to Lee.

Good morning, Lee.

Jack, when can I come around and grab my free piano that you offered?

I was dumbfounded.

Promises made, promises broken has become a recurrent theme.

Did I at one point offer a listener my piano?

Yeah.

He doesn't know whether he's coming or going but he promised these are promises that can never be fulfilled and then he goes and says this yeah i would i would take it back

people are sick and tired now and i've got no piano and i would love to have a piano i honestly can't believe it his track record is atrocious yet again yet again we are back here again discussing the same thing that we are

because i want a new piano i don't know

will he ever be satisfied Here we are again.

Here we are again.

This is a huge decision.

Huge impact.

The decision.

The outcome of this monumental decision.

Well, it's in Lee's hands.

In Lee's hands.

It really is in Lee's hands.

Oh.

Welcome here, Lee.

Welcome to the studio, Lee.

How's that build up?

That was...

What I was expecting, actually.

Well, it's probably, it's a moment of huge gravitas on the show.

Are you happy with the format we've gone for to select who gets the piano?

Questionable, but really?

Pretty good game, we thought.

88 keys.

Not on your behalf, but the fact that Jack's still involved in it somehow.

That's about

Jack.

We haven't even begun to know Schatz.

And I'm a fair guy.

Yeah, I am a fair guy.

Okay, well, before

we find out...

I don't like this, Lee.

Yeah.

He's coming to his channel.

Yeah, because Lee even can be.

Jack can be nervous.

Even as I waved to you through the studio glass, you did this thing like you're looking at me, like watching what I'm doing.

Yeah.

Meet the funkers.

Well,

Jack has asked Lee whether he could have two minutes one-on-one with you without us in the room.

Like a negotiation.

We have granted Jack that.

We understand producers asked you that.

And what was your response?

Well, your initial response was, Jack's already wasted enough of my time, so I don't think two minutes, you know, in the scheme of things is going to hurt moving forward.

So I will allow it.

Your mission is clear, as I would assume, as I understand it.

You're going to go in there and you've got two minutes

as many keys out of Lee as you can.

Can I know before we go in there, Lee, how many keys you're giving me?

I'll reckon we'll still leave it till in there last minute.

We'll just go.

He can still be more moulder.

That is, Jack.

It's sort of nice to literally see your sweat in person.

Well, there's three parties, obviously.

There's Jack, there's yourself, and there are the listeners.

And obviously, if Jack's getting his two minutes with you, Lee, we thought it's only fair that the listeners get two minutes.

And they sent in a hell of a lot of voice minnows.

Ahoy, hey, Mission Andy.

Ahoy, boys.

Ahoy, boys.

Hello, hey, Mission Andy.

I had a piano passed down to me from my grandmother, but after a roof leak, there was water damage to it that couldn't be repaired.

I've done a jack and I am in between jobs.

Unfortunately, my girlfriend's birthday is coming up and I don't really know what to get of.

I have a 101-year-old great-grandmother who needs a way to keep her fingers moving to prevent the onset of more arthritis.

I'm an independent recording artist and I only own a 30-centimetre two-octave little keyboard.

So anytime I have to do keys, I have to do my left hand and then record that and and then I have to record my right hand and then put that up separately.

After learning for nearly 18 years, the very common man, bottom-of-the-range keyboard I had to buy when I moved to the city is so depressing to play, I hardly practice anymore.

My poor 11-year-old daughter, who is dying to do music for a life, is going to be in tears if we don't come and weasel that piano from the weasel.

Hey guys, my name's Elliot.

I play keys in a band, but I don't actually own a piano, which is pretty sad.

I'd like to own one, but the music streamers don't actually pay a lot of money for streams, which is kind of sad.

For now, I'm just going to have to enter these competitions to try and win one.

I'd love the chance to win the piano.

We do only have...

a six by six grainy flat that we live in but I'm sure we could cross that bridge when we come to it.

I've currently got a 20 inch piano in my house.

Quite difficult to play so I'm I'm looking to upgrade to maybe a 65-inch piano or 70-inch piano.

I've recently been talking to my mum about wanting to get one, and oh, logistically, it's just so hard, as Jack would know.

I have four kids.

This house is just dying for a musical instrument that no one can play.

Jack doesn't deserve a new piano because he made the dumb decision to give his old piano to Matt.

I'm not musically talented in any way.

I don't need a piano.

I've got no space for a piano.

But I want this piano.

So, Jack can have this piano.

Okay, full spectrum.

Full spectrum.

That was Elliot from the Rubens, actually, just dropping us a voice memo at homeishdaddy.com.

Imagine being able to support a great Aussie band.

Yeah.

I love the Rubens.

But

they, I mean, I've seen them live, and he has a keyboard.

That's like a piano.

Lee,

Jack, we'll get you guys to go next door now.

You'll have two minutes.

We'll be able to hear.

We'll be able to listen in.

Okay.

But Jack, you'll be able to go next door and plead your case.

See how many of the 88 keys Lee will allot to you.

Okay.

And then we put the stickers on and we find out who gets it.

Good luck, boys.

All right.

So.

Do you know?

You don't remember it, do you?

No, I don't remember offering you a piano, but I believe you.

I think you have a claim to many of the stickers because

you deserve a piano.

I would say don't worry too much about the listeners.

True weasels.

Because

I know we just heard that package and like, oh, my grandma needs a piano.

They just say that.

They'll say whatever they want.

Trust me, they just say whatever they want.

I think

the listeners are kind of already against me in this department of like winning stuff on the show.

Do you blame them for that, though?

No, I don't blame them, but it's like it can't really get any better.

So I would say don't worry too much about the listeners.

I was even thinking overnight, I was like, do we cut them out?

So just you and me go 44 keys each.

I think the listeners do have a right.

Possibly more so over you.

I don't think so.

Only because

that golf cart did belong to them at one stage in a way.

I'll admit that.

But the piano's got nothing in it.

Well, these are the people that probably wanted that golf cart and would just take anything away from you.

Yes.

See, they're doing it out of spite.

They're not doing it because they want a piano.

They're doing it out of spite.

You got to watch that in the world.

You've got to watch it.

Have you done anything out of spite?

No.

I only do it for personal gain.

We know that.

We know that.

So don't worry too much about the listeners.

I'm totally pro-listener.

Totally pro-listener.

Let me just ask: do you consider yourself to be a nice guy?

Yes, I am.

Well, guess where they normally finish

last.

Yeah, let's go.

Let's go evil.

Is that what you're saying?

You want me to go 50-50?

See, that's more conniving again.

Okay.

What do you think?

Without the listeners, there's no jack, there's no show.

So let's go

third.

Yes, love it.

Thanks, Lee.

it.

Love it.

Love it.

Love it.

Thirds.

That is unbelievable.

Here we go.

Okay.

He's coming back in.

Come in, guys.

All right.

That is unbelievable.

We heard it jump on.

I've never seen Jack so happy.

And we've seen him happy.

We now need to ask for your official answer.

We heard that, but we weren't meant to be a part of that.

So, Lee, whatever you say next, you'll be locking in.

What is your official answer?

How are you going to split up the keys?

I did say thirds.

I think I will go

60, me.

60 keys.

60 keys.

60 keys?

60%.

Oh,

yeah.

Get your calculator out.

So 60%, you.

Yep.

So you just.

Did you lie to his face when you said thirds?

Yeah.

Well, he's done it to everyone else, hasn't he?

Oh, wow.

No, this is what you're watching.

People will love this.

I know they will.

60% is 52.8.

That's 52.8 keys.

Would you like it to be 53 or 52?

I'm feeling generous.

Go 52.

52.

52 to you.

Okay.

Leaving, we have now 36 keys remaining.

And then let's divide that into

half.

Okay.

Jack gets 18 keys.

That's still been reasonable, Jack.

So the split is you get 52 keys of the piano.

The listeners get 18 keys.

Jack, you get 18 keys.

I think so.

Well, you got to lock it in.

You can lock it in.

There's going to be listeners out there hating this.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, the listeners have, there's going to be

confronted.

There's been

firm.

I'm honest.

We're giving you the option 52 keys, 18, 18.

Done.

I reckon.

Done.

Sorry, listeners.

See how hard it is, Lee?

Now, just now that it's all done, this is exactly where I've been before.

We go, okay, I could just be generous.

and then when it comes to the crunch you go i'll give myself a bit more of favor it's definitely tempting but i would not probably pursue it like you do for a career

yeah well i'm can can i say i mean in terms of the levels of swing we've seen people give themselves on the show it is the largest advantage we've seen someone give themselves on a show i feel like we watched and masterclass in gameplay from jack we listened to it just where you came and just tried to cut the listeners completely out jack yeah but then then we got blindsided by this is just like

I do love the listeners.

I will say that.

And when I meet you in person, I love you.

I love you.

We'll pause now.

What we'll do is we'll leave, because it's 52, we won't put 52 stickers on.

We'll make that the majority.

So there'll be stickers for Jack.

There'll be stickers for the listeners.

And anything blank, that's Lee's Keys.

Yeah.

That's got a ring to it already, hasn't it?

Hey, Lee's Keys.

Jack, you were riding a roller coaster, aren't you?

Because you thought you were getting a third coming out of that room.

I thought I got you to third, Lee.

I'm still pretty happy with 18.

Yeah, well, that's good.

Yeah.

For a second, I thought when you gave me those devil eyes, I thought you were giving me zero or like one.

Yeah, yeah.

It's 20%, Jack.

You got a one in five shot here.

So, and I've and I've got good luck on this show.

I'm not, I actually don't hate my chances.

The piano is set.

The stickers have been done.

It's really interesting, isn't it?

I did the stickers for the listeners.

Jack, you did the stickers for you.

Yes.

And Lee, you have all the unstickered keys.

It looks like the piano is heavily stickered, but of course, the majority is unstickered.

Well and truly.

There was one instant we did a quick count of the keys, Jack, and you'd actually put 19 stickers down.

Yes.

Not surprising, but there was a...

Oh, that was an honest mistake.

Yep.

You had to take one off.

I hadn't finished doing the listener's stickers, and I was very excited to swoop in and put my sticker on the one you took off.

What was that C sharp down the low end?

Low C sharp, which, God, I hope it comes up.

That will be amazing.

I love you, Tiki.

Lee, it's out of our hands now.

It's in the hands of one man, Matt.

The most beautiful dad

from Tasmania.

He thought he was just doing a nice thing.

He really, he entered a golf cart competition.

He didn't ask to be involved in the piano saga at all.

But

at the time, it felt like the gods were really smiling upon the show because they decided, yes, here's a young father living in Tasmania.

His daughters really want a piano.

We're giving one away.

Boom.

His name came out of the randomizer.

Perfect situation.

Now he finds himself.

as the magical decider, the diviner.

His piano is going to guide us us towards the note.

He's going to press one note on his keyboard.

Yep.

Whatever note that corresponds to in here, whether it's red stickered, listeners, green stickered, Jack, or no stickers, Lee.

That is who will win this piano.

Here we go.

Let's call Matt.

How are Matt speaking?

Matt.

Ahoy.

Ahoy to you.

Tami Shandy, Jack, and Lee here.

Ahoy, Matt.

Ahoy, Matt.

You've been assessing.

How you're going?

Oh, it's just high tension in here.

Things have been said.

And I don't want to throw anything out of context here, but phrases that I never thought I would hear on this show, like, quote, don't worry about the listeners.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

That's exactly what we found.

It sounds like it's gotten serious.

It's gotten serious.

The strategy has gone through the roof.

We obviously can't tell you how many keys have been divvied up or who's got what or who's in what area, but...

you know what's going on here.

We have a piano in here that has an assortment of stickers on it corresponding to the future rightful owner of the piano.

All you have to do is honestly, I think, let your heart guide you and let your heart tell your finger and your finger go where it feels like the rightful owner of the piano belongs and play that key that speaks to you the most.

Matt, are you in front of the piano now?

I'm in front of the piano.

I'm sitting down.

Let your heart guide you, Matt.

Matt, when you're ready, play the note.

Good luck, Matt.

I'm going to play the note.

It's in the middle.

It's in.

I know Jack's excited because there's a lot of green stickers there.

Jack is so excited.

I'm wandering across.

Okay.

There's some red in there, too.

Listeners, there's some red.

No, that'sn't it.

That's too high.

Was that too high?

No, too low.

Play it again, Matt.

I'm going again.

Oh, there's a lot of green around there.

It's not.

That's it.

It's not middle C, is it?

Is it Middle C?

Matt?

It's Middle C.

Oh, no.

Oh no!

Oh no!

Oh no, he raced for middle C, Joe.

He pushed me out of the way.

Listeners, I tried to get Middle C and Jack pushed me out of the way.

I had everything.

No.

I had the two notes around the covered.

No, no, no, no, no.

This can't be happening.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

What a light job.

Matt, you want me a piano?

Oh, no.

You don't want me.

Wait, you don't want me to have it?

No one wants you to have it, Jack.

I don't think anybody does, do they?

No one wants you to have fucking hats.

Not even Stu from House of Pianos wants Jack to have the piano.

And it's his job to give people pianos for a very competitive price.

And And a wonderful switch.

Yeah.

Well, you just had that air about you, too.

He's put the signal.

He's like, I just feel good about this.

I'm feeling good.

Oh, I can't look.

Matt, he was my first sticker on the piano.

I just feel like we have a kindred spirit.

You'll play my old piano.

In all seriousness, though, in all seriousness, though, Jacka, as you said, you have your fun.

We did it for a contest.

What do you really want to happen with the piano?

I can.

No, no, I can't give it away.

And here's why.

People do it.

We know why.

And it starts with the W.

Sorry, guys.

Wow.

Sorry.

Ando, a couple of shows ago, we were talking about Dimmies and Tinnies.

You have the hat on right now.

Your

Dim Sim brand you're involved in.

Yes.

You're not the only person, you know, you're not cooking them, but you're heavily involved.

don't don't don't want me cooking them i mean it sounds like i can't cook a dime like cansbury sounds well no it sounds like you're known for contaminating gimmicks

god you don't want me doing it you know what i'm like i'll put anything in there no they're delicious they're available in supermarkets but we're talking about the um and alas i mean there was two flavors to sorry jump into this we're not doing an ad just let you know just to be really clear but Beck likes, there's a chicken and sweet corn one.

Beck loves them.

Not selling well.

Not selling well.

And buses when diet vanilla coke wasn't doing well and i could tell it was going to get taken off shelf beck is extremely nervous she hoarding yeah and she's extremely nervous because they're the ones she snacks on during the week do you have a number that you know is like as soon as it goes below this in sales it's i feel like it's gone jack i feel like

the other one's going beautifully but it's yeah well i i wonder if it's sad i wonder if it's got anything to do with what we're going to talk about because We were talking about the health star rating system and I said,

do you have health stars?

You're like, No, we choose not to play, choose not to play.

Fair enough.

Um, don't know what the ins and outs are.

Maybe it's expensive to get the health stars on, that's fine.

And I said, Well,

you know, what can you say to people?

And from memory, you said something like, Well, it's deliberate, it doesn't need health stars, it's delicious and nutritious.

Oh, okay.

And I said, Can you say that?

I think so.

And then you said, This, I can say what I want, guys.

What did I swear?

Well, yeah, well, I can't play it because we need a little E.

Really?

Can I say, I'll play it again.

I'll play it again.

I can say what I want, guys.

I can say what I want, can't I?

It's not what people heard.

We had hundreds of emails coming in, thinking they are called USE by now.

You might have meant, I don't know what you meant, but that's what the more we listen back to it.

The more we're like, wow, who's this guy?

Who is this guy?

He's the head of the Dim Sim Empire.

He's doing what he wants.

He's doing what he wants.

And I, Jack, and I were like, well, when all these emails came in from people going, please go back and listen to it.

Why didn't that episode have an E on it?

It should have been explicit.

Can't I?

You've got this guy now.

And I just felt like we got a flash.

We got a flash into who, what is really going on in Andy Lee's head.

And so Jack and I were like, well,

I guess we have to.

Just accept that this is the new Andy and this is who he is.

I'd never heard him say that before.

Yeah.

But now

saying it.

Seems like that's the kind of guy he is, and so that's what I guess inspired this song.

He said his dog was tall, which was a weird lie, but overall we thought he was a decent guy.

Yes, we thought Andy had a heart of gold, but now we see the story that has been untold.

I can say what I want, guys.

There's a big cue who goes straight to the front.

Andy!

I'll do what I want.

Guess who brings mackerels to a Chinese restaurant?

Andy!

I'll eat what I want.

And who admitted they could run a Ponzi investment?

Andy!

I'll scam who I want!

Who ignored an ivory band and shot an elephant?

Andy!

I'll hunt who I want!

If you were a train and he was a train and you lived in a world where people were trains and you needed a little push and he could easily push you, guess who wouldn't even give you a shunt?

andy motion who i want you

andy i'm the king of the trains you are a

and do whatever i

want

okay i don't think you said that that was too much

the real andy

I feel like saying it though now.

Like it's like it's good catch.

We're gonna have to deal with you doing your new catch phrase, aren't we?

All right.

Shall we take a little break?

Now.

Sorry.

No, that's your time for your catchphrase.

Yeah, I'm not buying into this.

Take a break when I want.

Hey, we never thought we'd be the place for this, but it's for extreme empaths to come together and share their moments of feeling, deep feelings for everyday objects.

And it's a place they can share.

We've got got another round right now.

Of course, the opener being every single song ever written, so no song feels left out.

Do you want to kick it off, John VT?

Mate, so many have come in.

You're kind of like, oh, this is...

Let's start with Margaret.

Okay.

She says, we've got a cupboard at work that doesn't quite close properly, so I have to kick it shut.

Every time I kick it, I have to whisper, so sorry.

I have to open that cupboard at least 10 times a day.

So it means I have have to kick it at least 10 times a day.

But I try and kick it in a different spot every time so it doesn't get too sore.

Nothing more than feelings.

Lovely, Margaret.

Carly Ham here.

I was drinking coffee out of my husband's Star Wars-themed number one dad in the galaxy mug.

A gift he bought himself.

It ain't Darth, I'll tell you that.

He was very absent father.

True.

A gift he bought himself for Father's Day while I was unfolding the washing.

I happened to to fold the pair of matching number one dad in the galaxy socks when

that came with the mug and set them down on the laundry bench next to the mug.

I realized it was the first reunion of the socks and the mug since the day they were packaged together as a gift set.

So I gave them the afternoon to catch up.

Nothing more than food.

All right, this I've got two rock-related ones.

Matt.

Really?

Rocks.

Rocks.

I would have thought there was some that are just immune.

No, feelings can be attributed to everything.

Okay.

Whenever my girlfriend Emily goes to a pebbly beach, she digs up pebbles below the surface whenever she's sitting because she said that some pebbles won't ever get to see the sunlight.

That,

that is a long, that's really never going to start extrapolating that.

That's a long sit at the beach because how do some get chosen and some not here's another quick one it's from michael he's in ireland he goes i thought i was immune immune to extreme empathy and tell us on holidays in greece i was relaxing by the beach tossing in the odd stone or two to the ocean when it suddenly hit me that rock has been painstakingly making its way up the seabed and onto the shore for potentially centuries taking advantage of every wave and every tide to barely move.

And here I am just whimsically undoing all that hard graft when all that rock wants to do is relax on the beach as well.

Nothing more happy.

It's from Ashley.

I am an empath working at a winery seller door.

Okay.

And we change the nine wine tasting list every week.

I've noticed the manager consistently puts the most popular wines back on the list.

So when I was asked to make the list this week, I put all our least popular wines because I felt bad that they would sit on the shelf watching everyone else get get sold and fill me with such great joy every time someone said something nice about the generally unpopular wines when tasting them.

By the way, I'm sure it's unrelated, but I'm no longer allowed to make the tasting list.

And is this wine the best?

No.

No.

God just feels left out.

God, no, we have heaps of it.

This comes from Miranda.

She goes, I didn't think I was an extreme empath, but I do have some signs.

I work in a factory and my co-worker will only run his machine on a speed that's an even number.

While he was on holiday this week and I'm running his machine, I found myself running on only odd number speeds because I feel bad they never get their chance to shine.

And the even numbers might also be tired.

Gives me some peace of mind to know that they've felt love for at least a week before going back into retirement.

Loving more than feelings.

Hopefully, time for one more.

This is from Jed.

In a moment of extreme empathy, I recently put my container of microwave rice on the outside of the rotating plate in the microwave rather than the center so it wouldn't get dizzy.

I've got to finish this one because I reckon I do the same.

Although I don't know if I do it as an extreme empathy.

I just do it through a sense of like, I don't know, sportsmanship.

Abby, when putting a trolley back at the supermarket when there's more than one rack, I'll put mine in the shorter rack so they have the hope that they'll catch the more popular one.

Like, I feel like I do that too, because you want to see it be an even race.

Nothing more than feelings.

Too late.

Very late.

Guys, I was around at my future-in-law's place, Beck's parents, and it came to the end of dinner and I was going to stack the dishwasher, but they'd already just done a cycle.

So I went for the unpack of the dishwasher, which is always a dangerous game because there's specific spots for people to put their things.

Oh, away from home.

Doing an unpack.

Yeah, nice hard.

But I was pretty confident.

I was doing that thing where

when you find...

a friend or a family member of you know that the same type of glass i'm like okay that's great well that goes there oh like when you open a cupboard and and you go, oh, there's the brown mugs.

Yeah.

Great.

Yeah.

And then I was in a situation where I put a few plates away.

And Beck's mum comes in and goes, what are you putting that there for?

Okay.

Already on the mother-in-law gear.

That's a pretty aggressive impersonation.

I take that back.

I take it.

Okay, we're going to lean into it.

She's like, what are you putting it there for?

and i said well you know it's where you said the the plate goes that's a good plate you know the the good plates go over here the bad plates go in here platters and plates and i was all right so then she showed me where the bad plates go she goes we've put a good plate and a bad plate

and i was looking

at the two plates going

these are indistinguishable i don't think it's possible I pulled out another plate.

It looked to me like a bad plate.

I was heading for that cupboard.

She goes, where are you going?

Oh no,

just all on the bench, all on the bench, and they can be put away by a specialist

to prove how hard this is.

I didn't put them on the bench.

I've bought all of Gabby and Lee's plates in today.

Oh, for even good plates

for a game I'm calling the plate game.

All right,

it's Jack versus Hame.

Okay, here we go.

And we just simply say good plate, bad plate.

I'm going to hold it up.

I've got a pre-recorded description of the plate so people will hear it.

That's what you guys will hear first.

That is your deliberation time.

Are we allowed to see the back of the plate?

You cannot see the manufacturer or no.

Or do we have to just go off the

face value?

Yeah, face value.

You can't see the manufacturer.

Okay,

okay.

Here is the first plate.

Andy is holding a cream-coloured oval ceramic serving platter, which has a slightly scalloped edge with a wavy dark green band something you might find in a farmhouse setting

easily a good plate i was gonna say bad plate i mean it does look decorative but it's run of the mill bad plate hamish gets the point oh well

who's using a scalloped serving platter as a bad plate at their house but it looks aged like

i mean that's the thing that's 30 years ago you know but not back in the plate game that makes a plate valuable no not old enough to be not current but not old enough to be an anti-it's not like a wood it's not like a ceramic found in Pompeii or something like it's in it's a it's a well-made plate I think okay I think wear and tear still doesn't I mean you can get graduate like you can get demoted I suppose but wear and tear generally doesn't affect whether it's a good plate or bad plate I mean that was I felt like that was an absolute softball most people go if it's a platter it's going in the good plate cupboard on the night Andy did did you get that one right?

I got that one wrong.

No, sorry, I got no.

You put a platter in the plate.

Yeah, you know, no one put that in there.

You put a platter in the plate cupboard.

I got that one.

Bex mum's back in the room.

What are you doing, Andy?

I got that one right.

The next one.

Andy is holding up an oval ceramic serving platter in plain white with a glossy glaze.

It features a gently scalloped shield-like rim and seems thin and delicate.

Well, we know now a platter loves to go in the good plate section, so I would put that in the good plate section.

However, is Andy trying to trick us here?

I'm not trying to trick you.

These are not my rules.

These are the rules of Lily.

No, I mean,

has Andy found their everyday platter?

Which I wouldn't, I don't have an everyday platter in my house, but who knows what Beck's parents do.

Maybe they entertain daily

and they use an ever, they have an everyday platter.

That does look,

I think it's still a good plate.

It is actually a bad plate.

Really?

I know.

Bad platter.

It's more decorative than the first one.

It's of a cheaper quality, though.

So bad luck.

A lower gloss.

It's a lower gloss.

That's what I had alarm bells going and I was like,

and I know the way Andy structures games.

And I just thought he's just not going to start with two easy good plates.

I should have stuck to my guns.

Plate three.

Andy is holding up a round ceramic plate with a cream base and a decorative border.

The rim features a hand-painted design with teal vertical strokes connected with black horizontal lines.

It's a bold statement piece for any table.

God, it's actually the platter game.

Sorry, yeah, plates and platters.

It's plates and platters.

That's a good plate.

That's a very good plate.

That looks like finer, almost China.

That's a good plate.

Hold on, you too.

You both sleep some platters.

Although the red herring there was, it's completely blank.

So I can understand your distress in the kitchen, Andy.

You just couldn't find the algorithm that was deciding these plates.

All right, now, the next one.

Andy is holding up a vintage-style ceramic serving platter with a botanical strawberry design in the center.

The border is adorned with a matching vine, creating a garden-inspired aesthetic.

What was this meal?

How many people are at the gym?

It's just platters.

It's just platters.

Was it a wedding?

Beck's Beck and Beck's taking this from her mum.

You've been around with Beck says.

It's like everything has to be, like even napkins go on a platter.

Like it's just, it's a...

Wow.

Yeah.

I know.

Yeah.

And I'm the cleaner.

That's a good plate, though.

You can tell, I reckon, because it's glossy on the front and then this matte sort of side.

It's ceramic.

It's like ceramic.

They're expensive.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

It is a bad one.

Are you kidding me?

Fairly I like that.

Wow, it must be nice to live in a house where that's a bad plate.

Yeah, I know.

Staff though.

Final final plate.

Hames, I've got one.

I've got good platter every time.

Okay, here we go.

Andy is holding up a light blue square-shaped serving dish with softly rounded corners with a smooth glossy finish.

A rather simple design makes it versatile, well-suited for a contemporary table setting.

That is a good plate.

I reckon it.

That is a good plate.

We have similar at our house, and they don't even live in the kitchen.

Where do they go?

They go next to the dining room.

Oh, I take dining room and Saber.

They sit behind the two guards.

Really?

I was going to say bad plate masquerading is a good plate.

I reckon it's one of those ones that looks expensive, but then they cost you a lot.

Oh, you think it's a dupe?

Yep.

Jack, you'd be wrong.

It's a good plate.

AWS wins triumphantly too.

I applied to.

Congratulations, Ham.

And it's a TV game.

I'll have to play probably for the rest of my life as I go around to their house.

But you guys will never have to play again.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.