Gianmarco Soresi asks about getting in trouble

This is a Head Gum Podcast.

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Cheers.

Welcome to the Handsome Pod.

It's me, Fortune Beepster, feeling handsome.

And I'm May May.

Hello.

You go.

go.

Oh, it's me, May.

Oh, May, it's me, Tig.

Hello.

Fortune, what a handsome shirt.

Thank you.

If you're on YouTube or you want to head over there now, you can see the gorgeous merchandise across Fortune's dumpster.

Matittes.

Tig, I was giving them a bounce for you.

I see that, Fortune Marie.

And

way to rub it in that mine.

I never done that on camera before.

Here, I can do mine.

I don't mean to rub this in your face, but you've done it off camera a lot.

I like that.

Do you see mine?

Yeah, Phantom tigs juggling those jugs.

Those tiggle bitties.

It is okay if it jiggles.

I do kind of wish that when I had boobs, I'd made more use of them.

I wish I'd motorboated a bit.

I wish I'd jiggled them around.

I just didn't like them.

Somebody's spread far apart, so it's hard to motorboat them.

They're spread far apart.

They're like, oh, heat.

Lift your shirt.

Lift up your shirt.

How dare you?

They're just, you know, some

ladies have a big space right here, and I do.

You could wear like a very low-cut gown because that, and then that...

the space would

do you want me to give you two a little private time together while you tell fortune what you would like you just asked fortune to take your shirt off good point may okay that wasn't sexual that was me just curious about a friend's anatomy shirt up that wasn't sexual

some people wear the some ladies wear the tucks with no shirt underneath that's a good look i think i could not pull that off

wait i thought you could because there was space between your uh but i just don't think that's my do people really want me to.

Yes.

No.

Oh, you could put fake hair on your chest.

That actually is pretty funny.

That is really fun.

That would be incredible.

Yeah.

Tig, you could rock that too.

I could imagine that.

Like with a fake mustache and full fake hairy chest.

Like

fake hairy chest.

Oh, right.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Well, when we host the Oscars, you'll have to come out with a tux and fake hairy chest.

Yeah.

And will you wear your handsome t-shirt?

Maybe.

Okay.

Yeah.

We'll all go.

We'll all go tux shirtless.

Yeah, I'm into it.

How are you guys?

So good.

I was just watching Taylor Swift did her man's podcast.

Really?

Has she ever done a podcast?

I don't think she's ever done a podcast.

And people are like, I can't believe she's doing podcasts.

But then other people are like, podcasts are literally the most popular thing in the world right now.

Yeah.

And could you, do they have chemistry?

They, I will say, they were really cute together.

Do you listen to his podcast, or you listen because you heard she was on there?

Um, I see clips of it online, and then you know, once you watch one clip, it's serving you up 20 on TikTok.

Um, I was curious, I think everybody was curious because she's so famous and she's never done a podcast, and people are curious about them.

I've met him a couple of times, and he's super nice, really, really nice, fun guy.

I totally got why she was into him.

He is like the

guy you want to hang out with.

He's so fun.

He's like, though.

You like a chain

type.

You like a Travis.

You like a

burly.

I love those big burly guys.

I loved him.

I met his brother too.

They're both awesome.

And I met him.

I met Travis twice, and I'm like, I, when you meet him, you're like, I get this a thousand percent.

But seeing them together was.

Are people not getting it?

Why

he's like the jock and she's like the cerebral

poet singer.

I don't know.

I think he like he's the jock and she's the prom queen.

It's perfect.

To me, it makes it's like I don't think she's like prom queen, like the queen, like the prom queen in the sense that you think of prom queens, you know?

Right.

You're seeing her more as a queen.

She like loves books.

They even joked about it on the podcast.

And she doesn't know how to read.

She used some big words, and he's like, I don't know what that is.

And

she grabbed his face and she goes, You're so handsome.

Oh, God, I like that.

That was a nod to our show.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe that secret plug.

Thanks for the shout-out, Taylor.

I know.

We should actually grab that clip.

Yeah.

And we make a note of that, Thomas.

We've commandeered the word handsome socials to acknowledge that Taylor Swift gave us a nod.

Let's get into a massive legal battle with Taylor's team over the use of the word handsome.

Taylor and handsome, you idiots.

Or even a mud wrestling competition.

Yeah, let's mud wrestle with Taylor.

That would be fun.

And she can throw her burly dude in there, too.

I forgot you're into burly men, Fortune.

Let's be clear.

I'm not into men.

Yeah, right.

But I've got eyes and I can see that certain men are attractive.

See, I like a guy that is about my size.

We can share clothes.

I can imagine you tig with like Jeff Buckley.

Like a beautiful sort of feminine man.

Like

a deep guy, like who thinks.

I just like a, I like an artsy kind of creative writer, funny, interesting.

Yeah, Fortune can mud wrestle with Travis.

I can mud wrestle with Travis.

Look, I think Travis is cute, don't get me wrong but like i don't want to roll over

and find him in my bed

okay picturing that yeah is so funny yeah me rolling over oh hello oh hello

what did i do last night what the hell are you doing in my bed he's like what's up girl you want to go uh get some breakfast or i'm more like is taylor here

yeah they're they were really really cute together.

I know people have been waiting for our hot take on on their relationship.

People were waiting, people have been really waiting.

I'm telling you, I'm a fan.

I like them together, and I'm rooting for them.

I am a massive Taylor Swift fan.

Oh, I love her.

I think we are the only two that love her, but we love her big.

We love her big.

I love her so much.

And I love also listening to her old country days where she kind of had a twang.

And

it's just adorable because that twang is nowhere to be found anymore.

I'll tell you, having gone to her Eris tour and seeing her perform for three and a half hours,

non-stop movement, dancing, songs, guitar, piano.

I'm like,

this person is one of the most talented people ever.

And the endurance that it would require to do what she did is like athletic level, like D1 sports, professional athlete.

You know how, like, singers and they'll practice by singing on a treadmill because they got to dance and move around, but not get out of breath.

Yeah, maybe that's what she does.

Fortunately, you just sounded like the gayest reviewer.

I mean, we are talking D-level

D1 sports in college.

We're talking about professional-level

athlete, Nike-sponsored,

eating protein,

terabloading,

on a treadmill.

Okay.

You know, hitting the squats.

She looks like a girl and does it.

Looks amazing.

Sounds amazing.

Yeah,

I was a fan before, but that cemented it to the next level.

The podcast.

No, the Aristotle.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

I can't concentrate sometimes when you talk.

I've been trying to read books up here in Lake Arrowhead.

I brought a whole stack of them.

You're only reading now.

Yeah, man.

And I'm reading

Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate.

Gabor.

Is that the guy that does the,

he's from another country?

He's, I think, originally Hungarian, but he is Canadian.

He's a,

he was a GP and he writes about like all kinds of things, mental health and addiction.

He does a lot of podcasts.

Yeah, he does.

And he's got a great book.

So I see clips of him all the time.

Yes.

And what is his name?

Gabor Mate.

And

this book is about ADHD.

It's blowing my mind.

I'm like, I think I have.

I mean, I've been diagnosed, but I don't know.

Reading the book, I'm like, yeah, I definitely have this.

But does it then tell you, or maybe you haven't gotten there yet like tips about how to manage it I hope so I'm hoping because I'm really like observing my patterns as I'm up here

and it's so quiet and I'm like all the distractions are not here and I'm trying to do different things and retrain my nerves

I'm being pretty good I'm being pretty good okay yeah I'm still on it a lot I'm on it a lot

yeah I'm on it a lot yeah I went up to Lake Arrowhead to look at my phone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But like

in this city, I had gotten into a pattern of always having a true crime podcast on or like watching survivor or just constant noise and, and so much horrific true crime.

So I'm trying to like cleanse what I'm ingesting and putting in my brain.

So I'm trying to read.

And if I'm going to watch something, I'm going to watch something happy.

There you go.

Now, would you ever just sit?

Yep.

And you have, or you were

okay.

But like, if you just sat.

I'm working on it.

Really?

Oh, okay.

That's exciting.

Tig, you meditate, but Fortune, can you just sit on a bench?

I can sit in a hot tub and I can sit in a bench.

But other than that, I get a little distracted for sure.

Yeah, there's so much.

I get so much going on.

Like, I don't have this problem on this podcast because there's three of us.

On my radio show, I get somehow I get really distracted because it's two hours a day and

I wander off.

What do you mean you wander off?

You leave Tom alone?

No, I'll be here.

But he'll be there.

He'll be talking and I'll just kind of be like, look at the trees outside.

Or like look at something on my phone.

I definitely get distracted.

He is such a funny man.

He is.

Oh, yeah.

I asked him to do a question for us.

He's got to get that.

He is just so silly.

He is

silliness.

Our Thomas ever...

I mean, because we're talking and talking, like, Thomas, do you have other tabs open?

Are you reading a book?

Oh, my God.

He's like writing, he's making notes of how annoying or boring or, oh, my God, they're repeating this story.

or got a grocery list up right now i'm mostly updating the list right right that takes a lot the list that we don't ever check off hardly we're going to eventually just keep accumulating things

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Now, Fortune, how is Ginger doing?

If you care to share, no need to share, but I just wanted to check in because you did mention you like to sit on a

park bench.

I do like to sit on a park bench.

I'm going to go see her in a week.

It's not going quite as good as we hoped.

She had her three-month like check-in

to the plan was for her to get chemo for three months and then they were gonna

test her, like do MRIs and do

different tests and just see like what is happening, what the chemo is doing.

And the chemo's not doing much.

So that is a bummer.

I think she was hoping it would just kind of magically shrink everything.

We knew it wouldn't get rid of it.

It's incurable.

But to not see any change, I think really was discouraging for her.

But it's still, there's, you know, still early days.

So she's still keeping her spirits up and still being positive.

And how are you doing?

I mean,

it's hard because, like, I

hear the updates and know that it's not good news.

But it's like, I don't want to

dwell too much on it.

Still, I just wanna kinda remain positive and hope that like

we just, you know, continue the path and that if the doctor feels there's other like more more chemo or like this might have to be a surgery at some point.

I d I'm just kind of waiting to see what the

the plan is before I get too

wrapped up in the emotions of it all.

'Cause then I'll think I'll just be sad all the time if I just like dwell on that.

So I think for some reason I'm hearing everything,

but it's I'm just a little numb maybe.

Yeah.

And do you and maybe we've talked about this, but is there an advocate at the hospital that yes, she does have a

there's some word for it, her nurse something

who's who's really she likes a lot and she talks to a lot.

And I think he even went with her to her mri today okay so yeah she an advocate or something like that a nurse advocate um so yeah she has someone um she was pretty bummed out

for sure uh yesterday uh and today um

because she she didn't tell me until today But she was, I could tell something was up yesterday.

Cause she gets, feels bad about, she doesn't want to like burden me.

And I'm like, but you have to tell me yeah you just have to tell me the updates it's just this is the journey yeah well you know and as hard as that is there are those

moments or those decisions that are made in people's treatment where a doctor can shift course

and

really have incredible

you know, a patient can respond really well to

a different treatment or different kind of chemo or whatever.

Obviously, I don't know the ins and outs of Ginger's situation, but

I think it's obviously good to keep hope and

to

be forward-thinking and just like step by step.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I just,

you know, wanted to

prolong her life as long as possible and

hope that this is, is, you know, something that we just

can

figure out.

And,

you know, she's doing everything she can and

time will tell.

Maybe this is a dumb question, but does she like journal at all?

Or, like, I've heard that that's super because there's so much information coming at you, but also just to dump your thoughts and worries out.

I don't know.

She has been given journals.

I don't know if she's using them.

I'll have to ask her.

They do, as part of her treatment, give her a therapist.

So she has that outlet.

But

I didn't know that.

That's amazing.

But yeah, I know she likes to write, so I'll have to ask her.

Well, thanks for updating us.

Yeah, thanks for asking.

It's a weird year.

Weird times, but I'm just tracking along and

trying to just keep a positive attitude as she is as well.

Well, I know for a fact you have a massively handsome community behind you and gender.

That's true.

It's massive.

I know everywhere I go, it's so lovely.

Like

people

so much are coming up to me and just saying, like, I'm thinking about your mom, sending love to your mom.

It's really sweet.

Oh, that's amazing.

Well, send her our love as well.

I will, for sure.

And tell her we'd love to read her journals one day.

We want to read about your secrets.

My grandma.

You have a journal?

I'm not a journalist.

My grandma left a journal, and

it was pretty offensive.

Oh, really?

Because

she left, you read them when she died.

Well, she was saying someone should publish this.

We read it.

We were like, nah,

she's just shitting on everybody.

Yeah, like, yeah, it was just nuts.

Oh, my God.

I don't journal.

I did when I lived in Spain

and

because I had nothing else to do.

That's my story up here.

I got nothing.

I'm journaling.

Oh, you don't crazy.

You're like, I'll write something.

Yeah.

Are you journaling like crazy, me?

Dude, the other night, let me just.

Can you read us a little?

Should I?

I haven't read it before.

Oh, my God.

Oh my God.

Okay.

And this is kind of funny because I was sitting in the pitch black and I couldn't see what I was writing.

So my, you you can't it's like it looks like a child wrote it but sure okay what did i write

i this could be really embarrassing because this was like early that's why i asked you to read it okay okay

this was august 12th i wrote tonight between midnight and dawn there are meant to be thousands of meteors streaking across the sky Friends, strangers on the internet tell me tonight is a powerful time to set intention and manifest, particularly, this is bad, this is really embarrassing,

Particularly in the arena of love, money, and abundance.

I take it to heart.

What else am I meant to do?

These people have gone to the trouble of making these videos, and some of them are doctors.

Anyway,

that's a good point.

Your journal excluded appreciation for those making these videos.

Yeah, and then I wrote the part of my brain that responds to

stuff like this, I think I mean like manifesty, spiritual, new agey stuff, all of these ideas like simulation theory, they all reflect and mirror back some deep feeling that we all have inside.

A sense of unreality, of absurdity, in a world that we increasingly don't recognize.

The cruelty and greed and idiocy we see doesn't reflect our inner nature, which I have to believe is good, which wants to love and be loved.

So, how

then have we let this happen?

Anyway, that's the kind of

deep thoughts for sure.

Yeah, but what do you think?

You are very poetic in how you write.

Thanks.

I'd be like, if I were writing this, I'd be like,

well, today was fine.

Sat on a chair, ate a hot dog.

I saw somebody posted, someone posted their, like a snapshot of their grade five journal, the first page.

And it was like, my name is Lauren.

I'm 11.

This is my journal.

Also, what is the meaning of life?

I am thinking a lot while I'm up here about like, how are we going to make a massive shift in the world and how we've we've entered the age of Aquarius and the last time that happened was the 60s and maybe we'll have some if we can all get our shit together and like be like radically practicing love and peace and stuff maybe we could do it I don't know I'm just like what are we gonna do this is not working

when did we enter the age of Aquarius Couldn't tell you in fact are we even in it I don't know

are we in it

can you google it for the age of aquarius Yes.

Yes, Fortune.

That's right, May.

I don't know any other lyrics to it.

You don't know either.

I certainly don't.

But while Thomas is Googling whether we're in or out of the Age of Aquarius, should we...

Kiss?

Should we kiss?

Fortune, Marie.

I was going to say, should we.

You were stuttering over there.

I assumed you were wanting a kiss.

Is that what a stutter is?

You just seem nervous.

And I was like, you must be trying to ask for a kiss.

I am nervous.

I'm very nervous.

Every time we do this podcast, you are crying.

So nervous because

I do have secret feelings for Fortune.

I knew it.

You knew it, too.

You knew it.

Yeah.

Well, I love you, Fortune.

I'm not paying yourself.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh, it's mutual?

Yeah.

Wow.

I'm expecting that.

I don't actually know how I two veil

Neither

do you got together.

It would be two against one to the max.

Like, I would feel so excluded.

Oh, my gosh.

What would you do?

And then also to know that, like, I'm leaving your friend Stephanie to be with your friend Fortune.

God, that would be some, that would ruin the pod.

Do you think?

You think?

Same.

Fuck yeah.

That's a big drama.

You guys are podcasting from the same bed, like in your PJs.

Topless.

We are matching Peaches to keep a straight face.

I've got my arm around you holding your mic.

We've just snuggled in there.

Thomas, are we in the

I'm no home wrecker?

Okay.

I'm keeping Tig's family intact.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Some astrologers say we are in the age of Aquarius, and some say we are not in the age of Aquarius.

Well, that's

how

we cannot be in the age of Aquarius if we are not in agreement that we are in the age of Aquarius.

Thank you for looking that up, Thomas.

I mean, I need a definitive.

Who's the number one astrologist?

I don't know.

Maybe we can find an answer in the question that's being asked of us.

Do you think that we should do a Let's get to the question.

Jolie, let me ask a question real quick.

Okay.

Should we do a podcast where we have all had a glass of wine?

Yeah.

Don't you think that would be fun?

Oh my gosh.

No, you don't, you wouldn't like me when I'm drunk.

What would you be like?

Well,

yes.

No,

I don't drink a lot.

I know, that's what's fun.

So, as soon as I feel any change, I just yell, I'm drunk.

I'd love that.

I think we should try it.

Yeah.

At one episode, put it on the list, Thomas.

We're all going to have drank a glass of wine.

Not, we're going to drink one before, and then start recording and also have one while we're recording.

Have you been drinking, Fortune?

No.

You can't, could you sound drunk?

No, no, I haven't.

Oh my gosh, I saw some clip online.

I think it was probably our best of or hundredth episode or something.

And

when I watched it, you know, it like went through so many different things and people or whatever.

It must have been our 100 episode.

And it made me laugh so hard because there was the clip where you just see Fortune's games.

Oh, that one I had had a

afternoon boozing.

Yeah.

That's my favorite.

I love

a top secret afternoon drink

or two where I feel it and I have a little secret that the rest of the world doesn't know because it's the middle of the day and I've had drinks.

I love it.

Does it have a certain drink though?

No, I mean like beer or

I don't margarita, I like a skinny margarita.

Okay, I don't like anything

too sweet or too sour.

We're going to get

on our live shows.

Sometimes when we have whiskey on stage,

sometimes we get a little off the rails.

Yeah, we do.

We're going to type a podcast where we're having an afternoon beverage.

Well, yeah, we'll have to record in an afternoon sometime.

Yeah.

We will.

Yeah.

Okay.

We will.

Fair enough.

All right.

Well, I'm glad that we settled that.

All right.

Let's, let's, um, let's get into our question, shall we?

Well, today's question asker is a stand-up comedian, actor, and the host of the Downside Podcast.

Gian Marco Seraisi is asking today's question.

Nice.

Hello, handsome.

I'm Gianmarco Seraisi, and my question is,

what's the most trouble you ever got in at school?

Bonus points if you got suspended or expelled.

Oh, Jean Marco.

He's very funny.

I'm really thinking about this question.

That's a great question.

I have so many to choose from.

I know.

I was a good girl.

I was a good girl.

Love your mama.

Is that the words?

Love Jesus.

Love Jesus.

Jesus.

And boyfriend, too.

I'm a bad boy.

Oh, I'm Mexican.

I love raccoons and dudes.

Well, let's hear about y'all being degenerates.

Well, I'm interested in Fortune because it feels like it would stand out in your mind if you got in trouble because you rarely got in trouble.

I was an angel.

That is so weird to rarely get in trouble as a kid.

Yeah, rarely.

I have been so responsible my whole life.

Wow.

I don't know why.

I think it's just my nature.

I did get in trouble, and I'll tell you a couple of those tales, but I would like for you guys to tell me about all the shenanigans you were up to.

Well, I'll tell you one time, I mean, I got sent out of my classrooms

all the time.

And

when I was in seventh grade, and I had been thrown out of my science class,

Here's the first mistake is the teacher would send everyone disrupting the class into the hallway.

So now we're just feral children in in the hallway, unsupervised.

And I had this brilliant idea to

because our classroom was at the end of the hall, and at the end of the hall was the bathrooms.

And

I was like, why don't we go into the bathroom, get the toilet paper, and just start toilet papering the school and just wrapping the bushes and trees in the middle of the day.

And we got caught.

Well, yeah.

We got caught.

Of course.

It's like seventh

middle of the day.

We're just like wrapping the toilet paper all around everything.

And

yeah.

But I ended up in in-school suspension all the time.

I was never suspended from school, but I always had to go sit in a classroom.

that was isolated.

It's called ISS.

Yeah, and that's when I eventually dropped out.

I was sitting there because in-school suspension, they send you your classwork and you have to finish it when you're in the suspension area.

And, you know, say I was in there for two or three days for something I did.

They,

as I said, send your classwork.

But if you don't finish your classwork, they add days.

So I'm sitting there looking at this stack of papers and books and I'm like, I don't know who they think is going to be doing this work because it's not me.

That's not what I do.

I don't do my schoolwork.

So I didn't see any out from in-school suspension.

Right.

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So you just kept having a stay.

Yeah, and so I was sitting there and I remember I was like, oh my gosh, I'm just going to head home.

And I got up and I started to walk out of the classroom, out of the suspension room.

And the teacher or coach, it was a coach that had to watch us, he stood up and walked in front of the door.

He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going?

And I was like,

I'm heading home.

I was like, I'm done.

He was like, no, you can't.

And I was like, no, no, no, I quit.

I'm done.

Like, I'm going home.

And he was like, wow, got out of my way and I walked out.

I felt so free and happy.

I got in the car, went home, done.

How'd your family take it?

Yeah, how did your family act?

You know, I think it was a long long road with me.

Again,

failed three grades, dropped out of high school.

Yeah.

And I think

because even though I was a kid that got in trouble at school, I wasn't

like this really bad kid.

I was just

yeah, and I just, I was meant for a different world and life.

And I think my mother knew that.

And she and my stepfather just encouraged me to get my GED, which I did.

And then I think I've mentioned my cat ate

toilet papering.

Yeah.

The goal of toilet papering is just,

it's just like a chaos.

And it's everywhere.

Yeah.

It's just, yeah.

We went through a toilet papering phase my senior year of high school where we toilet papered someone's house like every weekend for like three months.

I thought you were an angel.

I thought you were a good angel.

What a good point, May.

Yeah, we did.

You're right.

That is where

the place where I was a degenerate.

My friends and I toilet papered, like, we well, we all did the high school because that was the senior tradition.

So it started there.

The senior tradition was the day before the first day of school, the night before, you toilet paper the school.

And we

thought we were so like bad, and like you're like,

We did, oh my god, and the principal gets on the

intercom and was like, Anyone who was a part of toilet paper in the school last night must go outside right now and clean it up, or you will be suspended.

And our ass is like

200 seniors, like bolt outside cleaning it up.

We were all giant pussies, and but you felt safe in numbers, Like you were like, safe in numbers,

yeah.

And you're in senior year.

Yeah.

And then we toilet papered a coach's

car at one point and

a couple of girls' homes as well.

Oh, I know what I did have happen.

I did have a stripper at my house.

What?

What are you talking about?

In all of our conversations about your original sexuality in high school, it was a male stripper.

A male stripper?

So this was probably the biggest like

departure from my responsibility is it was my friend Leslie's birthday.

And she's now a lesbian.

She was turning 18.

And so her friends wanted to throw her a party.

And my mom was gone all the time.

on the weekends because her boyfriend lived out of town.

So they're like, they said, let's do it at my house.

And I was like, yeah, whatever.

So her friend, who was over, you have to be like, I think you had to be like 21 to hire a stripper.

And her friend found some guy in like the yellow pages.

And

so there was probably about 25 girls at my house.

And

this guy shows up in a suit.

And he's not cute at all.

Oh, no.

We're just like, oh, God.

And

we're all just like sitting in my den.

And he comes in with his like jam box, puts it in the corner, takes his suit off.

He has

something in his crotch area that's like supposed to make his wiener look enhanced, but it was bent.

So it was like pointing to the side.

Maybe that was just his wiener.

And I don't think so.

I think he had something in there.

Unfortunately, but you don't know what's going on in the

true part.

And he also was wearing a G-string and he had acne on his butt.

And so

he starts grinding on all the girls in the chairs.

And I was taking pictures

behind the camera.

Every single picture, the girls have their hands over their eyes, closing it because they don't want to look at him.

And everyone's screaming.

Oh, this poor guy, in a way, but it's like, I'm sure we weren't tipping him very much because we were all broke high school students.

And

we're like 17 and 18 years old, and he does his like dance.

And a neighbor shows up, and he and he's been drinking.

He's like, I heard y'all having a party.

And we're like, get out of here.

He's like, is there a stripper in there?

And we're like, what?

And then the guys that were dating the girls knew we were having a stripper, and they put trash cans up against my house so that they could peek through the window, the top window.

What a sea.

And they were laughing at us.

They were laughing at us because the stripper was so ugly.

And then that night, the stripper left, and we went and toilet papered people's houses.

Oh my gosh.

We were

on one, though.

This was like your night of like you're the host.

I was

your initiative.

You're did oh my god.

And all those girls spent the night at my house.

What a dream.

This is what I'm feeling is that there was like it was a sexually charged environment.

You were sort of in control of.

You're taking pictures.

I'll tell you this, mate.

Not one girl was sexually charged.

There was nothing

sexy.

Were any of these girls like considered attractive for that age?

Very attractive.

There was some very attractive girls there.

Calm down.

And

cheerleader.

Leslie, whose birthday it was, she was like the head cheerleader.

Okay.

Did he get naked or no?

No, just the G-string.

Thank God.

Wait a minute.

Hold on a second.

Why is it that cheerleaders are always attractive?

I don't know.

Aren't kids that

want to jump around and do kicks and twirls sometimes maybe not

conventionally attractive and like can they not be on the i guess it depends who how old-fashioned the coach is and how

or how comfortable you are in that little tiny outfit yeah

yeah you do need a bottom of the pyramid i could have been a cheerleader

i could have i could have done it i could have done i could have been the bottom of that pyramid did anyone find out about the like did your parents find out about oh yeah my mom my brother found out and told my mom was she mad and i was she goes do you have a party uh i said um

she goes you can tell me because i already know the answer and i was like yes

because

what did you

what did you do i was like um

had hot girls and a stress driver

she's like what

but i was so responsible that she i did not get in trouble yeah wow

i think now i know for sure if if we ever get asked the question again if you could go back in time to one event, I just want to be there that whole night.

You wouldn't want to see flapping.

We were hysterically crying, laughing.

That's why I say there was nothing sexual about this night.

It was

all of us squealing.

Are you still friends with them?

Yeah, like when I go home, I'll see some of these girls

for sure.

Did May, did you say your thing?

I feel like I was similar to Tig, like, just didn't do, like, hated

the work part of school.

I like the social stuff and being funny and stuff, but I just couldn't physically bring myself to do the homework or, yeah, and I would lose stuff.

And I would, so I was like, yeah, in a perpetual state of like high anxiety of like lying to my parents, because like my, my mom was really involved in my education.

Like, she would, at the end of the day, say, let's go through, see what homework you have, like trying to keep me organized.

And I'd go, no, we didn't have any today because I couldn't bear the idea of being in school all day and then sitting and doing homework.

So I just was always in trouble.

And then I similarly had like a freedom moment of the amount of work I would have had to do to pass was so, and they were laying out this thing, you know, you're going to come in.

And I said, I can't.

And I dropped out as well.

I was also always in summer school.

Were you in summer school?

No, thank God.

Never in summer school.

But I reading scattered minds is

about ADHD is really like that feeling of like I I can only focus when something interests me like and otherwise it's physically it feels impossible but I don't know and how did your parents feel about you dropping out

well they were already mad about other stuff I was already doing comedy and drugs and they were already and actually the part of the reason I dropped out was I was in a an argument with them and then my mom said, well, I guess you're just going to drop out of school next.

And it hadn't even occurred to me as an option.

And then I was like, oh, okay.

Yeah.

She planted the seed, not knowing.

That's hilarious.

Yeah.

But I got the most trouble I got in specifically was maybe for stealing gym uniforms because I couldn't remember.

I would lose my stuff.

And then having to face the teacher or my parents being like, I lost my gym uniform again.

So I would ask to go pee and then I would go through the hall.

This is bad to admit, but I would see if any lockers were open in the hall.

And I would just grab, and they had people's name tags in them and stuff.

And then it'd be gym class, and some poor girl would be like, Where's my gym uniform?

and I'd be like, I don't know, I guess you better get better at remembering.

But that was real bad.

And then they kind of put two and two together that I was the gym uniform thief.

Oh, really?

Did you get in trouble?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I was just so scared of my parents finding out stuff, like parent-teacher interviews.

I would just be waiting at home, like dreading the,

yeah.

I always said we never got our report cards.

Right.

Always.

I always said that.

Like,

school's not doing them this year.

I'm like, how long can I

keep this at bay?

Like, my parents are going to find out that the, especially because my brother went to the same school and would come home with a report.

Right.

Like, I don't know what happened to mine.

I remember my mother just like

just being like, damn it, getting in the car and driving up to the school.

And I'm like, oh no.

Oh, God.

It's straight ups.

Should we hear John Marco's answer?

Yeah.

The biggest trouble I ever got in at school was

at the end of like plays and musicals,

the final show on a Saturday, we'd stay the night to take the set down.

We would strike the set.

And

it was always

a Bacalian, is that the term?

Event where there was a a lot of drinking and

pot and edibles.

And it really, it was like a tradition.

And my sophomore year, I participated, and someone, Walhai, pulled the fire alarm.

And because of that,

That started an investigation that went beyond the theater department.

And first they got all the seniors and the juniors, and they doled out suspensions if you brought alcohol or brought pot.

And then eventually it got down to the sophomores and freshmen.

They gathered us in a room.

They went one by one.

They said, confess.

You know, did you drink?

Did you smoke?

We had all talked.

We said, we're not going to come forward.

And one by one, we were like, no, I didn't do it.

No, we didn't do it.

No, I didn't.

I said, no, I didn't do anything.

And then this one woman who said no in the beginning, she just started crying.

Oh,

fuck.

And then she was like, I took a bite of a pot brownie.

Someone else, someone else, someone else.

I held firm, but the head of the tech department looked at me and mouthed, we know you did it.

And so I had to admit that I got drunk and I was put on probation.

And they put us on probation because at the time you didn't have to tell colleges about probation and they didn't want to affect people's admissions.

But then my year,

you did.

They changed the rules.

So I had to write every college I applied to saying I got drunk on campus, even though it was like the only time I ever drank in high school.

I hoped it wasn't too long.

But

yeah,

that's the most trouble I ever got in at school.

That sounds like a debacle.

Geez.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Those big dramas at schools where there's like school meetings being called.

Oh, yeah.

And everyone's talking about the scandal.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

But also that he never drank.

And then that was the one time.

I will say, my school in my area, if anything like that had happened, it would have been a big deal.

If

kids if if anyone in high school had been drinking and smoking pot as part of a school thing, it would have been huge.

Right, I guess'cause it was on campus.

I'll never forget the

it was a tradition that when uh you graduated high school, you would go to Myrtle Beach parties party city and you would do like a beach week.

And the the there were these uh seniors that went and like a local journalist infiltrated their group, and like

and like, like it was an investigative journalism.

I mean, this is like tiny ass North Carolina, and they put this on the front page of the local newspaper: pictures of these kids partying in Myrtle Beach.

And this journalist had like infiltrated them and like reported on the senior

trouble, yeah.

They got like, they got like shamed.

and i can't even imagine that brutal i'm picturing a journalist dressing up like a teenage girl and like going undercover

i mean that just seems so wild yeah that's crazy like that's what you're that's what you're investigating your seniors having drinking during beach week and i would say it was a small town true so what else are you gonna investigate this this reporter was like really uh trying to get some dirt yes indeed yeah or just wanted to party in Myrtle Beach.

It feels like it could be the plot to like an Ana Ferris comedy or a Drew Barrymore comedy where they're a grown-up journalist going undercover on spring break.

We got to get Drew acting again.

Anyway, that's for another time.

Yeah, let's.

But,

well, once again, a delight.

An absolute delight in some big bomb drops.

I mean, the stripper and the fortune hired to her home as a teen.

I'm pretty sure I have a picture of the stripper in my

scrapbook because I used to be an avid scrapbooker.

Yes.

Pretty sure it's up there in that scrapbook.

What if he went and looked and it was Channing Tatum?

He grew up to be.

I definitely know it's not Channing Tatum.

What do you guys have coming up?

I mean, I'm on tour.

My taking care of biscuits tour is underway.

And in September I've got San Antonio and Houston Texas and then Norfolk and Richmond Virginia and Washington DC those are all September then

Boston Mobile New Orleans Atlanta

Chicago Charlotte North Carolina lots of places what about you may

I'm just I'm at Largo on September 17th with special guests I'm gonna do music and chat and other than that I'm I'm around if you want to hang and you know yeah, I got Wayward coming out.

I'm getting pumped.

The more like buzz I can build about it, the better.

It's so important when things come out to try to

make an impact.

So if you, you know, if you want to.

We're all going to watch it.

There we are.

Let's have handsome viewing parties.

I can't wait.

Now we're talking about it.

Even though Tony Colette will not, she doesn't have the Australian accent in this, right?

Not in the show, but in real life.

She commented on your accent, remember?

I know.

She said it was the worst one she's ever heard.

And that's offensive.

It's a badge of honor.

Yeah.

Well, she doesn't belide her mind yet.

Rise up lights.

Rise up lights.

Pretty sure she's wrong.

What have you got, Tig?

Well, people of Mississippi, if you want to see me, this might be one of your only chances.

September 27th, Biloxi, Mississippi at the Beau Rivage Resort and Casino.

Come on out.

Again, that's September 27th.

September 21st, I'll be at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles.

I'll be back at Dynasty Typewriter on October 4th.

Also, make a note that November 14th, the documentary that I produce called Come See Me in the Good Light will be out on Apple TV.

And

it's one you cannot miss.

Tell your friends, family, everybody, subscribe to Handsome.

Get your merch.

Get your merch.

Go to handsomepod.com and get your merch.

The The holidays are coming up.

Are they?

Sure.

Sure, they are.

The holidays are upon us, you guys.

Holidays?

Get ahead of the game.

Yeah, yeah, it is.

Order stuff now.

Absolutely.

But until next time, my friends.

Keep going.

Keep handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

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