Pretty Little Episode #52

This is a head gum podcast.

Pretty little episode.

Welcome to the handsome pod.

And our pretty little episode, it's Fortune Feemster, one of your hosts.

And I am another one of your hosts.

And my name is Tignotaro.

Yay.

Yay.

Hi.

Hi, Tig.

Yay.

Hi, Fortune.

I was laughing.

I don't know if it was today or yesterday, telling Stephanie about, I think May pointed it out, that

how many times, how often we show our guns on the podcast?

These relics.

Yes.

Yeah,

we do do that a lot because we're proud of them.

Well, May's got the like full-on

working out cut, like push-ups,

the bulge.

What is this called?

Bicep?

Arm.

Oh.

And I just have a little crease in the, is that tricep?

I don't know.

Yeah, I have a seventh grade education, but,

but this summer, I got a trainer.

Oh,

I didn't know that.

Well, yeah.

I'm almost 55.

I'm 54 and a half.

Hard to believe.

Easy, easy to believe.

And,

you know, I got to work on my bones and

strengthen my body and stuff.

So it's been hard.

I've had, I've tried a couple of times before.

with no success because of work and whatever.

Yeah.

But now that I'm, I'm taking things down a notch a little bit with my schedule, I'm getting kind of excited about it.

Yeah.

Cause right now I just walk and tread water.

And it's really interesting because I start to think I'm in decent shape,

which

I am.

Right.

But then I'm not somebody that lifts weights.

And so that really

reveals everything

because I am just not.

I mean, the the trainer said, Here, we're going to do, we're going to go easy.

And it was a 10-pound weight that I had to like lift up on my side.

And I was like, oh, boy.

Oh,

boy.

She was like, oh, okay.

We can go down.

All right.

We'll start.

We'll start light.

And she thought she was.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

So they say after 40, I think it is, that lifting weights for women is most imperative.

When I was buying some fitness equipment for my home because I didn't want to join a gym,

and I told the guy, I said, you know,

should I get a rower?

You know, one of those rowing machines?

And he goes, honestly, he goes, How old are you?

And I told him, he goes, you need to get this

weight machine.

He's like, the weights are going to do way more for you than the rower.

I was like, and so do you lift?

Yeah, I have like a thing that has like the bar, the pull-down.

Okay.

How long have you been lifting?

I mean, I need to be doing it more.

I try to do it like once or twice a week.

I should be doing it like every other day.

And it's like one of those stations where it has the pull-down bar.

It has the lateral thing and then the one that goes up like this.

And then the one that goes out like this.

It's like six different things in one machine.

Is it a Bowflex?

It's not a Bowflex, but that's, you know, it's actual weights and stuff.

Now, but I guess my question is: when did you start doing that?

Years ago or like

two days ago.

Oh, okay.

Two years ago.

Yeah.

But I've been, because I've been treading more, I then get lazy and don't go in there.

I should, I should be adding it to the treading.

And then I would be treading and shredding.

Treading and shredding.

My goodness, that is your new gym.

Is it not?

Treading and shredding.

Treading Treading and shredding.

Yeah.

But, you know, for me, I have to start working on my belly.

That's what I got to target next.

That's where my fat goes.

And what are you trying to do with your body ultimately and your health?

I don't have any particular goal other than not being as chunky as I've let myself get.

Just trying to be a health.

I don't have, maybe that's part of the problem: I don't have a specific goal, but it's just trying to, I put on a ton of weight, not

the tour I'm on, but the previous one.

And when I look at pictures, I just can't believe how big I got.

I'm just trying not to do that again.

Got it.

Yeah.

I've reached a point where

like I'm somebody that is not, I'm not terribly into

a really cut look,

But I was walking down the street in LA and I saw actually a guy

that had a body that wasn't, he looked like he actually

did things that made his body that

cut.

You know what I mean?

He didn't look like he had just full-on gym body.

Yeah.

He looked like somebody that was, I don't know what he was doing, but I was like, God, that is, I really like that look.

Yeah.

And it's like a subtle difference, but I think that's,

I'm only do, I'm only working out a couple of times a week.

So it's not like I'm going to be some shredded beast anytime soon or ever really.

Well, you do, you do all the hard work in the diet area, which is huge.

That is something I need to reel in for sure.

All I've been doing better is eating a lot less,

but I now need to start start making better choices well i can't wait to make that smoothie with you and i'm very curious if you'll like it stephanie loves it i make it for us uh every morning and it is her favorite thing in the world as is mine aside from my other favorite things in the world but anyway it's just an interesting thing to um you know it's that thing of like i was younger i took it for granted

and then now i'm like oh by 54 i better get a trainer i got to like work on my strength and I got to help my bones.

And I, and it's like, man, I'm like

sliding in there in the last moment because

I really,

this is a great time to start.

Sure, anytime's a great time to start, but I should have started, like you said, when I was 40, if not sooner.

But I was like, I'm not working out.

I'm not, I would just do things like hike or,

you know, swim or do some cycling, but I wasn't.

More than most people do.

Yeah, for sure.

But I can feel it.

I like feeling sore, but I don't like the I can't move the next day vibe.

Right.

So

you might notice a little more muscle on me.

I'm going to notice you're lifting weights and you're a lot stronger.

You're doing a good job lifting those weights and not being a little girly girl.

I am such a girly girl.

Should we hear what questions are waiting for our little ears to hear?

Please.

Hello, May, Tig, and Fortune.

This is Tracy from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

Edmonton.

And I love, love, love the show and have listened to every episode since the beginning.

Wow.

My question for you is,

if you could join any band, present or past, what band would that be?

I'm sure you have a quick answer to that one.

I don't.

Because my brain is jumping around.

Like,

I'm a big

pretenders fan, but I would not want to be in the band.

I feel like there's only room enough for Chrissy Hind, you know?

Yeah, right, right.

She doesn't have the vibe of like, you know, the band 38 Special?

No.

They're a southern rock band.

They have two drummers.

Yeah.

That's very generous to have two drummers.

You don't really need two drummers, I don't think.

But, like, yeah, it doesn't feel like they're like, Carl needs health insurance.

But yeah, I just don't think there'd be any room for

me with Chrissy Hine.

When I saw Paul Simon

and Edie Brakel joined him

on stage,

singing, I was like, God,

their voices are so

insane.

Insane.

I saw them when we were in Austin for our live show.

Yeah.

And

I don't know.

Anytime I insert myself into these fantasies, I'm like, well, I just ruined everything because I can't sing.

So it's like, Paul and Eda are singing.

Well, I'm very basic.

You could be a third drummer.

No,

I could be the third drummer of 38 Special.

Actually, my cousin was like a promoter in Mississippi, and he would bring bands in.

And I was living down there for like a summer when I was like 21 or something.

And he gave me a job going to pick up bands from the hotel to take him to the venue.

Oh, nice.

And I picked up 38 Special.

Oh, okay.

But they're like these, you know, big old bearded southern guys.

Yeah.

So nice.

But I was driving them, got lost in the backwoods of Mississippi

with 38 Special in the car.

Yeah.

And then you know before a concert how a local radio station will like play the band's music to get you pumped for the concert?

Uh-huh.

I was driving around and 38 Special's music was coming on the radio while we're lost in the backwoods of Mississippi.

And I was like, I just awkwardly turned to them.

I was like, do you want me to turn this up or down?

Oh, down.

I just,

I, I, it was very, it was, it's a fun little moment in my life.

Really funny.

Anyway, what band would you be in?

I need to think more.

Cause, um, you know, who I'd be in a band with is Emily Saliers.

Oh, yeah.

Because I have performed with her on stage twice.

One time in my Netflix special.

Yep.

I played drums.

And then one time I sang closer to fine with her on stage.

So you would pick Amy, Amy out.

Amy Ray.

Well, no, Amy is more than welcome to join.

I'm just saying, Emily

has been,

I've had two experience.

I've only had one experience with Amy.

I've had two experiences.

Well, yeah, I guess I'll just join the Indigo girl.

Just join.

Yeah, because I was just, it's the most recent thought I had was like, when I played drums with the indigo girls, that was fun.

And I remember Emily just being like, ah, who cares?

Do your best.

And then when I had to sing Closer to Fine and Ohio on stage,

I was like, oh, gosh, I'm going to ruin this.

And she's like, you're not going to ruin it.

Like, she wanted me to take a solo, essentially.

Like, she was way chill.

And that's all I need.

So her.

Yeah.

She's like the most positive person.

Yeah.

So

I guess I'll just join the Indigo Girls as long as Amy's cool with it.

I think Amy would be fine.

She listens to the handsome pod.

She told me.

Oh, my God.

This all sounds familiar because I forgot that Stephanie and I sold a pilot for a multi-cam.

Yeah.

And my character.

Join us.

Oh, my God.

My character.

This is so funny.

My character was delusional.

Like, I was totally a normal person, but I had blown up in my mind that I missed missed my big break

because I was supposed to be the drummer of the Indigo Girls.

But if you dig a little, remember Thomas when we were working on that script?

What was it?

Like, if you dig a little deeper, you find out that what happened?

Like, I wasn't ever in the Indigo Girls.

I was never, I don't know.

Yeah, you had like convinced yourself because you

maybe I played with them once.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I told everyone, like, yeah, I was supposed to be the drummer of the Indigo Girls, but now I'm not.

Now this is my life.

Kind of like the drummer Pete Best for the Beatles.

He was the original Beatles drummer.

Oh, wow.

Boy, did he miss some cash.

Missed out big time.

But, you know, we got Ringo.

Yeah, I'm going to join the Indigo Girls.

Okay.

That's a good one.

Thank you.

I mean, I'm going based on my personal experience as well.

I know what it is.

I write, it's pretty obvious.

The chicks.

Got to.

I got to.

I mean, they don't need me.

Yes, they do, Fortune.

Are you kidding me?

But performing with them in Nashville was one of the greatest nights of my life.

Yeah.

Their songs are so.

I hope Atlantis isn't listening.

Well, I'll join Atlantis too, but she really, she doesn't need me either.

Yeah, but the chicks need you.

The chicks is easier to join because they're already a multiple-person band and adding another person and your southern.

Yeah.

I know all their songs.

Atlantis would be like, I feel like people that kind of love the chicks from listening on the radio, but maybe they're not die-hard fans that know what everyone looks like.

You could just be on the stage.

Blend in.

Yeah.

But like if Atlantis started touring and people were like, who is that?

That would be more jarring.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so

it's such a specific sound.

Nally would still be the singer.

I could just join in the harmonies with the gals, with Marty and Miss.

But I don't think anyone would notice that like you weren't

even new addition.

Yeah.

And we would have like a sexy photo shoot together.

Of course.

Like short, shorts.

Short shorts.

I love that we both went short, shorts.

We got to see those games.

Girl, you can't hold,

you can't withhold the games.

Well, they might go.

When they go back on tour again, I might try to wiggle my way into another song.

Don't you worry.

Oh, of course.

And then also,

you and I need to join Little Big Town, the two of us.

That's right.

Since we both know them.

I mean, well, you know Amy and Emily, too.

Yeah.

I've met the chicks, but long ago.

Yeah.

Well, cool.

We've got this.

We've got quite a touring life coming.

We've got a future ahead.

Yes, we do.

What's your Tracy's answer?

I'm thinking if I

could join any band, it might be

the Mamas and the Papas.

Ooh, yeah.

For a very weird reason.

Oh.

Their vocals, their harmonies, their music was so beautiful, and the era they lived in was so interesting even though on the flip side their personal lives were complete gong shows

maybe not the best band to join but that's what i think i'd do thanks keep up the great work so wait is tracy

is tracy saying she wants to join because

there was a lot going on because they were such a cool had such a cool sound and it was a cool era but you know obviously that the band had some oh i thought she said she wanted to join for a weird reason.

Uh,

I don't know, you know, me, I'm in and out, but I love the mamas and the papas.

All the leaves are brown

and the sky is.

You just said you love them, and then you like hesitated on the first few words.

I went for a walk

on a winter's day.

I love the line, I'd be stopped.

Stopped into a church

and I began to pray.

Well, I got got down on my knees.

That's what it is.

I got a knees.

And I be

pretend to pray.

I'm going to go the first line because if you remember with my Atlantis experience, from what we told you, I second-guessed myself on the lyrics.

So I was like in my head, is that the right one?

And it was.

Yeah, I got their lyrics jumbled up just now because it's stopped into.

I love the way.

They say stopped into a church.

Love that.

Stopped into a church.

We were just listening to that this morning.

It's a great tune.

It is.

All right, Tracy.

Well, good question and good answer.

And good luck.

Good luck, Tracy.

What else you got, Mr.

Thomas?

Hello, handsomes.

I am a pretty little lady from North Carolina.

My name is Sarah.

My question is,

do you have a favorite word?

And I don't mean a word that you use frequently.

I mean just a word that you love the sound of it or what it means.

I do.

A word not that you necessarily use often, but it's just your absolute favorite.

Sarah, I hear you.

I got it.

And my word is telepathy.

Oh,

I love saying that word.

Yeah.

Telepathy.

Telepathy.

That's a good one.

There was a song in the 80s.

I can't remember the singer, but the guy he sings, I'm glad you picked up on my telepathy now, baby.

Thomas, will you Google that line and tell me who that was?

That's a good song.

That makes me think this is a different word.

Greg Abbott.

Greg Abbott.

That's the governor of Texas.

His name was Greg.

What is the name of this song?

Gregory Abbott.

He sings that song, the governor of Texas.

What is the name of that song?

Telepathy.

Shake you down.

Okay, yeah.

I like the word, the biblical word, Thessalonians.

Here we go.

What is it?

Thessalonians.

Thessalonians.

Why can't I say it now?

Telepathy.

Telepathy made me think of that.

My favorite word, we all know.

I cannot be denied the power of this word.

Cooter is my

favorite word.

It will always be my favorite word.

Cooter, cooter, cooter.

It also stands for a turtle.

So I could just be talking about turtles all the time.

We don't know.

Wait, a cooter is a turtle?

Yeah.

Okay.

Do not know.

And other things.

And if you're asking me for my favorite Spanish word, mariposa.

Oh, is that that's a butterfly?

It sure is.

Yes.

Mariposa.

There's dose words for you.

Oh, my goodness.

So bilingual episodes.

Oh, my gosh.

Fortune.

I'm deep in the woods here trying to translate what you're talking about.

Let's hear Sarah's word.

Let's hear it.

And my answer is sasqua pedalian.

What?

Which means a person who uses really long words.

Thanks, guys.

Can't wait to hear your answer.

Love you.

Class that one, Sarah.

Classic, Sarah.

She looked that one up.

Oh, boy.

And studied it.

But to be fair, May probably would have chosen that word.

May would have had some kind of

long word.

Yeah.

Not cooter.

Not cooter.

I gave you a biblical one, a ridiculous one, and a Spanish one.

That's

well-versed.

Well, I gave you telepathy.

It's amazing.

Say the word?

Telepathy.

There we are.

It takes my brain a second.

Well, let's move on into

where we're going to be and what we're doing.

Fortune, I'm going to tell you that I'm going to be at the West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center in West Hampton Beach, New York, August 17th.

And then Fortune, Provincetown Town Hall, Provincetown, Massachusetts, August 23rd.

Fortune.

Dynasty Typewriter right there in Los Angeles, California, September 21st.

And then Fortune.

Beau Revage Resort and Casino in Biloxi, Mississippi, September 27th.

And then boom, dynasty, boom, Largo, boom, dynasty, and so on and so forth.

Boom.

Go to tignotaro.com to see where I'm going to be working out new stuff.

Toronto, I'm heading to you soon enough, and I will be at the comedy bar, but I don't know when yet.

Check tignotaro.com.

Fortune, what is going on with you?

What are you doing?

I'm going to be at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival August 23rd in Spokane, Washington.

And then coming up in September, San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, and Richmond, Virginia, Washington, D.C.,

Portland, Maine, Boston, and Burlington, Vermont.

And then, I don't know.

I feel like that's all we can do at this point.

That's right.

Until next time.

Until next time.

Keep it.

Pretty handsome.

Handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a head gum podcast.