Zach Cherry asks about wasting time

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Cheers.

Guys, guys, wait, I just have to say,

I heard the theme song, which I haven't been able to because of technical difficulties for a while, and I heard it today.

So that was exciting.

Yeah, and I'm one of your hosts, Tignotaro.

Was it as good as you remember?

Oh my God, it was music to my ears.

It's delightful, right?

I'm one of your other hosts, Mae Martin.

And I'm the other host, Fortune Feamster.

And welcome to the Hansapod.

Yay!

Yeah, I feel like a bouncer right now in this shirt.

Oh, boy, are we going to start flexing again?

Yeah, we're going to.

Look at the

Fortune.

You want to get into this club?

You're going to have to come through me.

That tough sentence kind of fell apart a little bit.

You're going to have to come through

me.

This shirt has like short sleeve, like really short sleeves.

And did you choose it because your guns are growing?

Yeah, I don't, I don't think I consciously chose it, but clearly my body was like, that one show those guns off.

I feel like Danny and Grease.

It's very like 1950s.

I have to say, I just did a photo shoot and a handsome listener who knew the

like stylist or something sent a gift and it was plain white Haines t-shirt from 1952.

Oh,

like what a well-chosen gift for me.

It fits

very good gift for you, right?

And it's like tags still on it.

It's from 1952.

It's so James Dean.

It's sick.

So and it's a nice fit.

It is.

And it's got the shorter sleeves like that, like to show the guns.

Right.

Yeah.

Wow.

I just got back from Portugal, guys.

Yeah.

Tell us, how did it go?

I did the family vacay with my whole family, my brother, his wife, my parents.

We haven't been on a trip together in like maybe 15 years, all of us together.

Since you went to see,

what was it that your mother insisted you on?

Stonehenge?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you been to Portugal?

Oh, I love Portugal.

It's one of my favorite countries.

Oh, my God, man.

Like,

I was on this island, Sao Miguel, that was,

I mean, it's like Iceland where there's like hot springs, geysers coming out of the ground, and like volcanic rock, and it's super dramatic.

Did I meet a handsome listener in São Miguel in Portugal?

Yes, I did.

You did?

Of course.

It's mind-blowing, like sitting waiting for my shrimp or whatever in a restaurant, and someone went, keep it handsome.

That's cool.

That was fun, huh?

So fun.

And we did like a tour thing with this guide who we went to different hot springs where coming out of the earth was like

one of them had sparkling water, which I didn't realize, like

Perrier and those sparkling water things, like it comes out of the earth bubbly.

It tastes like fizzy.

It was fizzy in my mouth.

And I just drank it straight from the earth.

I did not know this.

Yeah.

And then he took a jug and he filled it up with hot water straight from the earth.

And then he made us like cups of tea.

And we drank tea tea straight from the water from the earth.

It was the earth.

Do we do anything cool like that in the States?

I mean, there are hot springs, but I'm not seeing a lot of springs.

I don't know if I want to drink the water from the earth in the States.

I'm not seeing a lot of jugs.

I'm not seeing a lot of jugs.

What kind of jugs we talk about here?

I knew that was coming, Fortune Marie.

Come on, I like jugs.

Show me your jugs.

Motor boating.

So it was a good time,

your vacation.

Yeah, it was magical.

We all

regressed to like our child selves, my brother and I.

And I haven't spent that much one-on-one time with my brother in years.

So it was good.

It was good.

We talked a lot about World of Warhammer and history.

And,

you know, it was sick.

I actually just spent the weekend with my brother, Jay,

and...

had not spent a weekend with the two of us because I, you know, I was married and he has, he's married with kids rarely do we have any one-on-one time.

And we both just happened to land in my hometown on the same weekend and spent two days together, and it felt like childhood all over again.

And it was like, whoa, like where he was beating you up?

He wasn't beating me up, not with those guns, not with these guns now.

But we like went and played top golf and

went to a movie, we hung out.

What movie?

We went to Superman.

Nice.

It is such a trip to be like an adult hanging out with your sibling.

It was pretty nice.

And also

the intimacy of

waking up in the morning and seeing someone in their pajamas and like

having your cereal with your friend.

Yeah.

And

we watched a movie that we liked when we were kids.

On Netflix one night,

we watched Legend.

Have you ever seen that?

Is that the Will Smith movie?

No, it's

I Am Legend.

That's I Am Legend.

This is like a weird 80s fever dream of Tom Cruise, he's 19.

Tim Curry plays Satan, and it's, and then it's all in like the woodland forest with gnomes and elves, and it's mystical, and it's so bizarre.

And, and, uh, I mean, it's really like, how did this get made?

It's, it's, it doesn't make sense.

Like, it's really crazy.

It's all about a unicorn losing its horn.

And then sounds like hell.

Yeah.

And then I see at the end, it was directed by Ridley Scott.

Oh.

And then I Google it.

It was, he made Alien, and then he made Legend, and then he made Blade Runner.

So I'm like, what happened in between

Alien and Blade Runner?

This was a passion project.

Yeah, that's what it felt like.

It felt like one of those like 80s kind of cocaine fever dreams where people just went a little nuts.

It could have been.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Does anyone take cocaine and then just

nothing?

Is that how it works?

You take it?

All right.

I just revealed

that I've never taken cocaine.

I've taken some cocaine.

It's funny talking about brothers.

I'm about to be with my brother and his wife and his kids.

And so we're about to

have a little family time.

Not one-on-one, but I mean, you know, our families together.

Are you guys going somewhere or he's coming to you guys?

We're meeting up and then just doing some, you know,

whatever.

He has a one-year-old and a three-year-old, so it seems like, you know, it's not going to be, it'll probably be around the little cubs, you know.

Gotcha.

But yeah, so a lot of brother time between the three of us.

Yeah, seriously.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Big fan of brothers in general.

Yeah.

One thing, because my brother is a historian, and one thing he told me, like going anywhere with him, you get the whole context of that place in history and like he just has this crazy memory and anyway but he told me that um

when they discovered the azor islands which are kind of in the middle of the atlantic but they're as far from europe as they are from nova scotia and uh they were sailing and then they found and and they imagine you've gotten very little food you're on these horrific ships like crowded and and you got scurvy and stuff and then they find these like paradise islands where it's so beautiful.

Nothing's there.

There's no even natural predators there.

It's like just birds.

And anyway, but because of the hot springs coming out of the earth, they thought it was a portal to hell.

And they were so stressed that they were like, don't stop here because it smells like sulfur.

And I guess in the Bible, it says that hell smells like sulfur and stuff.

So they were like, oh, fuck this.

And they left.

Is that the actual line?

Hell smells like sulfur?

Yeah.

Followed by, fuck this.

Fuck this.

That would be a scary portal to come across as

a portal to hell.

Oh, yeah.

You don't want that.

No.

You seen Buffy?

No.

No, I haven't.

Wait, what?

I know.

I feel like a terrible gay.

Oh, my God.

I didn't know that was gay.

What do you mean, gay?

I think lesbians were obsessed with Buffy back when it first aired.

In the beginning,

it was gay.

I don't know.

In the way that, like, in the 90s, you would grasp onto anything

even vaguely alternative as gay.

But then it became explicitly gay when

Willow, one of the main characters, got a girlfriend in the later seasons.

That was big for me.

Which was more uncommon back then, right?

Very uncommon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then who was the star of Buffy?

Sarah Michelle Geller.

I didn't know that.

Who never won an Emmy for

Buffy.

And truly, this performance, I mean, you got to watch it, Tig.

I bet actually, when they're a bit older, the boys would like it.

It's so so good, so well written.

She carried that show.

I could go on and on.

You know, years ago, I'm sure I've mentioned I used to work for the director Sam Raimi's company.

And

we produced, when I say we, I answered phones

terribly.

Xena, Warrior Princess.

And that was one of those like very

huge, huge lesbian following.

Yeah, which then I feel like the writers kind of listened to that, and then in the later seasons, like sort of canonized that.

Did you watch that?

Of course, every episode.

Oh, no, I've been, I didn't watch it either.

Yeah.

The fact that you know Lucy Lawless like blows my mind.

Yeah, well, I remember you were like, you got to get Lucy, and I'll be able to get her no problem.

I just keep forgetting.

Thomas, put that on the list.

Put it on the list.

Maybe I can get Sarah Michelle Geller.

That would be, that would be great.

Okay.

Yeah, why not?

Yeah, why not?

Yeah.

I'm with Fortune.

Yeah, why not?

Yeah, why not?

She's cool.

I also finished memorizing all the capital cities while I was away.

Do you want to talk to Finn?

Yes, please.

Yes, please.

I want to talk to him about how hard the South Pacific is.

Okay, and then there's also a new game that Finn likes to play, which is name any position or whatever on any baseball team, and he'll tell you who the player is.

Oh my god,

any single one.

That's pretty cool.

I wonder, like,

if he feels like, because for me, I'm just desperate for there to be a situation where I need this knowledge.

Like, I want to be in a bar on a hot date, and there's like a trivia game going on in the corner.

And then one of the questions is, like, can you name all the capital cities of the world?

And I'll be like, yeah, no problem.

It'll never happen.

You're like, yeah, no problem.

Let me, let me call Finn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That stuff will come in handy at some trivia night at some point.

It will.

I was shocked when, especially when you go back to Toronto, I was shocked when I was filming in Toronto how many trivia nights there were around the city.

Yeah, it was so big in England where there were like vicious trivia teams.

Like I'd go every week to this one and like my team, we had enemies of this other team.

And it started because somebody brought their dog into the pub and then someone on the other team complained and said, I hate dogs.

This was a labradoodle that we're talking about.

And I was like, They're my enemies, this team.

And then they'd like accuse us of cheating if we beat them.

Like, yeah, it was, it was kind of the focus of my life for a good four years.

That is hilarious.

Yeah, they were called, their quiz team was called The Taking Part.

And we were like, What?

They were just taking part of the evening.

The taking part of the distance

take you apart.

Ours was like butts and dicks or something.

Butts and dicks united.

Also great.

Butts and dicks.

divided how about that yeah

where you're in back in the closet you're still away yeah i'm in the closet feels good to be in the closet um i've been uh

working out i'm trying to compete with uh everybody's guns yes and um i don't think i can

uh I am bench pressing 15 pounds.

I'm bench pressing pressing a bar that has no weights added at this point.

Okay.

You got to start there.

Yeah.

You do.

You have to start somewhere.

And I have started there.

Yeah.

God.

And you know what I have to say that's also been a fun surprise is my trainer is,

you know how sometimes you'll work closely with somebody

and then whether they're familiar with you or getting familiar with you, there's like a heightened change in their personality where it's a little uncomfortable to be that working that close with them, maybe.

Oh, you know what I'm saying?

In what way?

Like they're

polished?

Like they're.

I don't know.

I desire a normal relationship with people.

I don't want anyone to treat me like I'm above them or

more interesting than they are.

Or I just want to, I just want to talk to them and do whatever activity we're doing.

And

you know, and she

is

just has been so great and just so normal and wonderful to be around.

And also

with

the loss of Andrea, like she's experienced a lot of just grief and trauma in her life.

And it's just been a nice kind of connecting experience for me.

Yes.

And And I just feel very lucky that nothing has shifted.

You know, we had the relationship where

she wasn't familiar with,

she didn't recognize me.

And then I guess when I left the gym, other people in the gym recognized me.

And then she looked me up and was like, oh, I've seen you.

It just didn't click.

But nothing changed.

She just was doing her job and we just talked.

And she would be like, oh, I watched your show and then just had questions or comments about it.

And then I lifted my 15-pound bar.

Right.

So it was just nice that

that just remained normal.

Yeah, that was good.

You know how sometimes people get nervous.

They want to make you laugh and they think that that's the only way you can connect is if they like come on strong and they're funny and they're nagging you or like whatever it is.

It's just like, I just love that nothing shifted and we're just lifting very light weights

um and just talking about grief

yeah she didn't come in with like a bar with two rubber chickens on the envelope

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But yeah, and it's that nice kind of level of workout where you feel that you've worked out, but you're not like, oh my God, I can't lift my legs.

Right.

I don't like that kind of workout.

I know.

I'm past those days of having my ass kicked.

I like to have my ass kicked, but I don't know what that says about myself.

You're younger than us, so you can still get your ass kicked for a little bit longer.

But also,

personal trainers, I mean, so many people

act as like therapists when they don't know they have to.

Like during filming,

I had a personal trainer during filming, Wayward, and oh my god, I'd be like crying as I was lifting weights.

But they know about the body too, so they're really, and if they're a good trainer about breathing and stuff.

So yeah, I do recommend,

I mean, get a therapist as well.

And I have a therapist, but now I have just a nice person to talk to while I'm lifting very light weights.

Yeah.

I need to get a trainer.

I got a great one.

I will send one.

But I did in.

But I got to go to a gym.

No, no, they'll come to you.

Oh, interesting.

In Portugal, there was a pool, and I said to my family, I'm going to tread water and make a video.

I said, I'm going to make a video of it, send it to Taken Fortune.

I started and I was like, I can't, I don't.

You gave up?

I gave up.

After how long?

Oh, five minutes.

Like, I oh, no.

Yeah, but it was like part, it was part boredom, part, part like cardio.

I was just like, oh, this is tough, but the intention was there, but maybe next time.

I love that you were going to try.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, here's my question.

If somebody was like,

you have to do one hour hour or else we will kill you.

Yeah,

then I think.

The stakes are high.

You could do it.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you have those guns.

You could for sure do it.

I could do it, I think.

What I couldn't do is hold my breath.

Like if someone said, you're going to die unless you can hold your breath underwater for like two and a half minutes.

I don't know.

I don't think I could do that either.

Yeah.

You'd have to get real zen.

What I do with the treading water that helps is I play a like podcast on the side of the pool.

Yeah.

So that I'm not focused on being tired.

I'm just listening to the podcast.

Yeah, I do that with TrueCrime and work.

But lately, I've been getting the pool in the morning.

It's a nice way to wake up.

Yeah.

I've been getting in the pool and making my breakfast and then I eat my breakfast in the pool.

And then I'm having such a delightful time eating my breakfast that I just like start scrolling on my phone.

And so like the next 30 minutes, I'm just hanging out in the pool, eating and scrolling.

And then I'm like, oh, crap, I got to tread.

And then so I've only been treading for like 30 minutes because I've only had an hour total.

And wait, aren't you supposed to not swim if you've eaten?

If you just ate?

I don't know, but I'm just going to go.

I think that's not true.

Now, what is your breakfast?

A bowl of cereal?

Please say yes.

No, it's like eggs or I'm not going too great.

I'm trying to eat at home right now because I've been traveling a lot.

So when I'm at home, I want to like eat better.

So just like

eggs or sweet potatoes or something like that.

There's some like,

I'm sure these aren't great for you, but Trader Joe's has some little gluten-free pancakes that are really good.

Oh, I like those.

The little

silver dollar little ones.

They're really tasty.

Hey, I also, when I was away, I took some pictures of a menu in a restaurant I was in because there were some items on the menu that I don't know if this is just the the English translation, or they made me laugh so much.

And I don't know what they are.

And I don't want to know.

I just want to imagine.

But okay.

So I took a picture and I circled the funny one.

So you got

cow woodpecker.

Delish.

I'll tell you what that is.

That's.

No, you're supposed to interrupt me and say you can't tell me, Tig, and you didn't.

But do you really know?

No, of course.

Oh my God.

No, I don't want, I don't want to know.

So we got cow woodpecker, pork woodpecker, regional rump in yeast cake.

Ooh.

One, this is the most intriguing, was just called run to the house.

What do you think that is?

Was there, there was no description?

It's just, I'll have the run to the house.

That sounds like it might give you diarrhea.

Yeah, I'm going to say this.

It sounds like the runs.

Yeah, it's under in the meat section, and it's called Alcara Acasa, Run to the House.

Run to the house.

What did you get?

I just got calamari.

I'll stick with the calamari.

There's a lot of fish in Portugal, right?

Yeah.

I spent a lot of time in southern Portugal when I lived in Spain, and

some areas were pretty remote where we went to this little restaurant in the village, and they had goats in the back, and they were making the goat cheese right then and there, thanks to those little goaty goats.

And it was delish.

Like milking the goats?

Milking the goats and making that goat cheese

and putting it right on the table.

oh my god you can make goat cheese that fast just right out

they told me if they lied then it worked because i was like best goat cheese i've ever had so fresh just goat cheese falling out of the goat right onto your plate oh

or maybe it wasn't like i don't maybe you know they're making it in batches but you got one batch from i think yesterday's milk

i feel like it takes a while for probably

i didn't ask questions clearly they just were like it's from that goat out there and i was like great

love it i'm very excited in my little vegan world uh i found some vegan blue cheese and i used to really enjoy blue cheese burgers yeah

and so uh i'm gonna make a blue cheese um impossible burger oh that'll be tasty for you and you like the the the vegan blue cheese tasted good i haven't tried it yet

But

I had this really funny experience where

Stephanie and I, this was several years, a few years ago, but we were at Sarah Paulson's birthday and she had gotten, and I'm assuming it was just for us, a little vegan cheese plate.

And I was eating it and I turned to this woman that I'd just been casually talking to.

And I said, oh my gosh, this cheese is so good.

Try this.

And the woman took a bite and then she turned to me and she said, How long have you been vegan?

And

I said, Oh, I've been vegan like, you know, whatever it was at the time, six years.

And she was like, Okay, because this doesn't taste anything like cheese.

Whoa, you've forgotten.

Yeah, you're.

She's like,

I mean, truly, my mind was blown.

I was like, this is so incredible.

And I mean, Stephanie, I think we were the only two vegans there, and we were just scarfing it down, mind-blown.

And that woman, I mean, we might have, yeah, it was.

So I don't know if the blue cheese is good.

I'll probably think it is.

I've had some amazing vegan cheese.

Yeah, there's some.

There was one at the farmer's market in Studio City for years, and then they stopped selling it.

But it was like this spreadable cheese with some kind of like

cayenne or something in it.

And it was so good.

Yeah.

i mean they can make people think of vegan cheese as just like

the you know kind of plasticky grocery store cheese but you can really get some incredible vegan cheeses especially at like gourmet yeah like places or like yeah specialty places or like um farmers markets and

anyway blah blah blah yeah so i'll let you know how the blue cheese that used to be my favorite kind of burger was a blue cheese burger yeah well let us know.

We were going to need an update on our next podcast, please.

Oh, my goodness.

Who is this character?

This character.

We know each other.

I don't know, but I'd really like an update about you.

No, no, no.

Who are you?

I'm just a woman that loves vegan cheeses, and I'd really like to know how this blue cheese tastes on your burger.

I mean, I hang in vegan circles, and I have never met you.

I'm a new vegan.

I'm new to town and new to veganism.

Where did you move from?

I moved from Cincinnati.

Oh, really?

What are you doing?

What is your name?

Amelia.

Hi, Amelia.

Hello, Amelia.

It is such a pleasure to meet you.

I just figured in the big city, I should try a vegan because there's more opportunities.

And when I say it's a pleasure to meet you, I of course mean it's a pleasure to plant-based meet you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

I'm excited for the salads that will grace our tables because I'm moving in with you, right?

Oh, and not with me.

Our house is full.

No, you can move in with me.

You can move in with me.

I need to move in with someone.

So you came from Cincinnati with no plan.

No plan whatsoever.

Okay, and I notice you're wearing a lot of badges on your backpack here.

A lot of.

I used to be a Girl Scout.

Right, okay.

I also, what i'm noticing more than anything is that your your um accent doesn't match cincinnati can you explain that it's i'm um i've lived in many places and many lives i'm not from cincinnati i just moved from there oh and how old are you oh god

12

53

i should really love to live with one of you well it's gonna be may yeah it's gonna be it's gonna be me is may a vegan

No.

Then I cannot be with May.

Oh, no, I am.

I'm going to need to live with you, Tig.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't insist.

No, I insist.

No, Penelope.

I'm sorry.

It's Amelia.

Whatever.

You cannot.

Okay, well, I'll get your address online.

No, you won't.

I'm sure I will.

Okay.

Well, I'm moving.

Love her.

And I'm calling the police.

I got to go.

Oh, good.

It's already a warrant up.

Goodbye.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

What a treat.

What a fun little visitor we had there that we hope to never see again.

Should we hear from our question asker before Amelia comes back?

Yeah, let's.

Although, I honestly think it should be a segment every episode.

We should have a visitor.

Not necessarily Amelia.

One of us just has to go.

Never again.

Yeah, one of us.

Never again, Amelia.

All right, next pod.

One of y'all has to bring somebody.

Yeah.

I'm excited about today's question asker because I just met him in Nantucket.

I did a panel with him, and I was already such a fan because I'm a huge fan of Severance, the TV show.

And I met him and his amazing wife, and I became friends with her, and we were doing watercolor paintings on the beach, and they're just such nice stuff.

Of course, you were.

Of course, you were.

So I'm really excited.

Today's Emmy-nominated question asker is best known for playing Dylan in Severance.

He also plays Ethan and U, Woody in Fallout, and voiced Wolf on Duncanville.

Zach Cherry is asking today's question.

Nice.

Nice.

Hi, Handsome Pod.

I have a question, which may or may not be relevant to how I've been spending my recent few days.

What is a way that you could easily just waste like 10 hours?

And I say waste because I don't mean like spend time with your loved ones or,

you know, something good like that.

I mean just like you're in a room with and you get to choose one kind of activity.

It could be a hobby or it could be just like something mindless that you could easily spend 10 hours doing.

So nothing productive.

Yeah, like

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Like a cut is funny.

Self-soothing thing, maybe.

Like, uh,

the thing that comes to mind for me is is kind of the capital cities thing or like

memory

productive oh yeah I guess yeah yeah that that caveat is a little hard because I just

I thought it was like how could you spend your waste 10 hour whatever it is I guess if you if productivity comes from it that's I guess that's fine yeah yeah like nothing goes it's like something I guess it's something that you can get so fixated on that you you lose track of time and you're on your own, just in your little world.

Like, um, like people play video games or like, yeah, interesting facts.

Oh, you know what?

You know what I've done before when I've been on,

this is a little embarrassing.

I've been on flights where like there's no internet and then I'll,

I mean,

something positive comes from it.

But have I told you about my to-do list where I move things?

I'll make a list of things that I want to accomplish.

And it's not like go to the dry cleaners,

any of that kind of stuff.

It's like a big picture to-do list in life.

Okay.

And then once I do that, I move it to another level, which is that it's done.

Then there are,

and then I keep that list so I can keep track of the

progress that I've made.

And then I also have this

part of the list that is things that I am, that are up next.

Like there's things that I'm actively working on, then there are things that I am

that are, that are, that I'm not putting my focus on next, but they are next in line.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

And so I keep track and I move things to the next, whatever.

I've done that.

I think I really enjoy lists.

Yeah.

And

I also made a

bucket list.

Oh, yeah.

And these are, I, I do these on flights.

Nice.

Yeah.

Where I'm just like, oh,

another thing that I can, I can get lost in on flights without internet is I'll go through all of my photos and videos and I'll, I'll do favorites, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Where I'm I'm like, clean up your phone situation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's juicy.

And I've, and I've had moments where I've thought, I've, I've been curious what people think I'm doing because, you know what I mean?

Like, I'm just looking at, I guess it's not that weird of a thing, but it feels vulnerable when I'm just going through personal pictures and liking things and moving them, deleting, liking.

Oh, man, but you must get off that flight feeling so organized, like you've, you've made your lists, you've organized your phone.

Yes.

That feels good to me.

On the flight from Portugal, on the way home, I did watercolors on the plane for the first time.

And I thought, of course, you did.

Yeah, but I thought, I'm never doing it.

On the plane?

Yeah, on the plane.

And it attracts too much attention.

I didn't.

Because you have all this art supply situation around.

I'm like, I've got, you know, I have water in the pens.

That was actually

Zach's wife taught me about putting water in the pens these special ones uh but no it was crazy and every everyone that walked by made a comment and i was like i can't i can't do this um what about you fortunate well we know wait did you have your propeller hat on please say

when you were painting it was really that vibe yeah just real quick I had such a propeller hat type moment the other day.

I was buying a belt for this photo shoot and the guy had been giving me kind of attitude throughout.

Like he was like, I don't think we have any menswear in your size kind of when I came in, basically.

And so I was already like pissed off.

Then I go to buy the belt and he goes, this is probably going to be too big for you.

I go, nope, that's the belt I want.

He goes, do you want to try it first?

I thought all belts were the same size.

So I kind of tried.

It's way too long.

Like I won't be able to wear it.

And it's expensive too, but I had to double down and buy it.

You bought it?

And as I'm buying it, I hear my, because he goes, do you want us to order you a smaller one?

I go, nope, I want this one.

And then I go, and then as I'm leaving, I go, my dad.

That's what I I came for.

I go, I showed him the most embarrassing thing was, I go, My dad has a leather bore, so

I was basically being like, My dad can make additional holes in the belt.

A hole, what an embarrassing thing to say.

My dad has a leather bore, you could have an extra flap that long, yes,

anyways.

You just send it around your waist two times, yeah,

because it would just be like in the moment, too embarrassing for you to just be like, No, that's not the one, yeah.

I just you were right

yeah exactly i was wrong yeah and the fact that my revenge on this kind of rude man was just to insist on spending money in his store it's crazy now is it hard for you to admit that you're wrong because

but i i'm i i guess i'm saying i'm asking because i actually wouldn't have pegged you as somebody who would be

It was more like I had spent 45 minutes in this store and I was like, I got to leave with something or else I've just wasted.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I'm just saying, like, in personal relationships, you know, because that's that

really

you can admit that you're wrong.

Yeah, totally.

Even when you strike when I'm not, just to keep my piece.

Yeah, I was going to say, you don't strike me as somebody that's going to just like

not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you just don't like the conflict.

Yeah.

You're like, it's all me.

I'm bad.

My bad.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Stephanie and I do this thing where we go, you're sorry.

That's really funny.

That's cute.

Does that help kind of dissolve some tension?

Oh, yeah.

We're very used to you're sorry.

But anyway, I was just, I would have been surprised and fascinated if you were a double down.

A double downer.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's different.

A double downer.

Yeah.

But,

but no, it would have surprised me if you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's a good quality.

No, thank you.

Yeah.

Everybody, it is important for everybody to take accountability.

Yeah.

I mean, I've been still watching Queer Ultimatum.

I don't know if Queer Ultimatum, if you're watching

Queer Ultimate.

I've finished it.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, my gosh.

I talked to Stephanie about it after we first, after we talked about it, she was like, I've told you about that show.

Stephanie watched it?

Yeah, I think she said, yeah, I don't know.

She only watched one season.

Yeah.

And she was like, also,

we know the producer.

No way.

Yeah.

And I was like,

somehow I missed all of that.

And now I'm interested.

And she was like, oh my God.

That's so funny.

Yeah.

She was like, I've told you, I wanted to watch it.

You're like, well, my unfortunate told me.

So now,

now,

yeah, I was like, I don't know.

Somehow it just didn't,

I just didn't take it in.

And I think it was like, as soon as I hear reality show or something, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

And

you had my full attention and I heard it.

And I was, and, and I've already forgotten about it, but now that we bring it up again, I actually am like, we need to watch that.

Yeah, queer ultimate.

I would be curious to hear your thoughts on it because it is an interesting look into people's psyche.

Well, what makes me laugh is like, and I feel like this is quite a kind of queer thing, but like the methods that people come up with within their relationship to navigate communication and conflict.

And these are, you know, mainly queer women who are so fluent in like attachment styles and things like that.

And it's just so funny the way it's like, well, you know, when she's triggered, I then, you know, we have, she presses a button and then I know it's time to get the guitar and we take a pause.

Like, it's like crazy.

That's hilarious.

It's so funny the way they like facilitate each other's triggeredness.

Yeah.

But Fortune, how would you waste time?

I mean, I know Best Fiends is a thing.

That one's good for an airplane ride.

Yeah.

I'm trying not to do it at home very much.

It's a little game that May and I play on our phones.

Gosh, you know what?

It's funny.

I work crazy hard.

I'm like,

my calendar would make most people

have heart palpitations.

So I know I'm a productive person in life, but I can also waste time

so easily if given the opportunity.

I could waste time in so many different ways, yeah,

um, I could

sit in the pool or the hot tub for hours.

Oh my god, I'll sit in the hot tub for three hours.

Yeah, I'll be a raisin, I don't care.

I will sit there and sit there and sit there and sit there.

I'll go through different times of like talking on the phone, or scrolling through the phone or staring into space or

talking to myself out loud.

I'd love to hear that, especially if it's Amelia's voice.

Yeah, so many different iterations of that.

If I'm in water, I'm fine.

I could be there forever.

Okay.

And then I'll get out and pee and come back in.

You don't just go in the hot tub?

No, I don't want to

sit in my own pee.

That's been being

swirled around.

But I just read: if you pee in the shower, then you're saving 2,500 liters of water a year just by once a day peeing in the shower instead of the toilet.

Well, all right.

May fact.

May fact.

I could also waste time by just sitting and watching terrible television or good television.

But there's something better about terrible television when you're waste.

You don't have to think about anything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How else?

How else?

Oh, I could, similar to TIG,

when I'm on a plane, I could, for hours, go through old photos and delete

photos just like ad nauseum.

Just like, cause, you know, we all take like

for whatever reason, when people take pictures, you take like 10 in one setting

of one, of one picture.

You're like, I don't need these.

I only need one.

I don't need 10.

Yeah.

So I got to go erase the nine.

Yeah.

But I could do that for hours.

Erase the nine sounds like another dish on a Portuguese menu.

Run to the nine.

Erase the nine.

Yeah.

I think that's a pretty good time wasting.

Yeah.

I could drive forever.

I love driving.

I could be in a car for hours listening to songs and podcasts, going in and out.

What podcasts do you listen to?

Only handsome.

Yeah, yes, of course.

We just listen to ourselves.

That was a trick question.

Then you passed.

uh you know the true crime ones yeah yeah uh i go out of my favorite murder and some of the other ones uh or you know some of our stand-up friends have podcasts i'll listen to some of theirs see what they're up to some serious xm shows and then and then just a little pandora station of like

different you know brandy carlisle or tay swift or

people like that uh florence and the machine

do you sing along Oh, come on now.

Any other stupid questions?

Have you met me, May?

I'm singing along, my friend.

I haven't sang on here in a while.

One of the most popular Brandy Carlisle tunes right there.

Have you met me, May?

Have you met me, May?

Have you met me, May?

Oh, man, there's only like one or two songs that have the name May in it, and I treasure them.

What are they?

Maggie Mae?

Dirty Maggie Mae, they they have taken you away and also um google dolls slide oh may you want to get married i run away that oh my god i was like 13 and saw them live and he said my name oh oh tingles not a lot of tick in songs no oh except take a look at me now tig old bitties

Tig old bitties.

That's a song, right?

Yeah.

Take a look at me now.

That's that's Phil Collins.

Yes.

Take Look at Me Now.

That is a

stellar tune.

That could be your next special could be called Take a Look at Me Now.

But it won't be, maybe.

No.

She leans.

It's in that vein.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She leans.

Yeah.

I am leaning right now, too.

Fortune.

Fortune songs.

Not one that comes to my mind.

No.

Thomas.

Google it up.

I'm trying to think of a pun, like

some punties.

Punties?

Those are panties with puns on them.

Yeah.

No, I know.

Wait, Thomas is typing.

Fortunate Sun, my CCR.

Somebody sing it.

I don't know it.

You don't know Fortunate Sun.

No.

Take, sing to me.

No, I will not sing it, but it's one of my favorite Creedon's Clearwater Revival songs.

I know I would know it if someone sang it.

Thomas, do you want to play a little?

It's so good.

Oh, wait.

You're going to sing it?

Okay.

Does it sound familiar?

We're not going to pay for the clearance.

It ain't me.

I'm the senator's son.

Oh, it ain't me.

It ain't me.

Okay.

I know it.

I know it now.

Wait, I was asking you to play the actual song.

I wasn't asking you to do that terrible rendition, Thomas.

I'm worried about getting a copyright strike on.

We don't want to strike on the old.

Is that how it works?

You get strikes?

You get, don't do that.

And it's like getting

two more strikes, baby.

Should we hear what Zach has to say?

Yes, we should.

Yeah.

I mean, it could be a lot of things.

You know, I really do love

sorting through things.

If you gave me, like, a big pile of papers on the right day, if the AC was going, I could sort papers for 10 hours

or, you know, read a good book.

Unfortunately, lately, I've been really wasting a lot of time playing the computer game Civ 7.

Civ 7.

And it's...

It is ruining my life a little bit as we speak.

So,

yeah, you throw me in a room with that for 10 hours and blink and it's over.

And also,

I just hope that you don't like hang on to this video for a long time because it already sounds embarrassing and insane to be playing this game as much as I am.

But if this doesn't, if this, you know, if you drop this in 2027 when this game is old and obsolete, then I'll look even more insane.

So

that's what's going on with me.

How did you spend your 10 hours?

I honestly can't think of anything more dreadful than sorting through papers.

Really?

No.

Yeah, I don't want to sort through papers at all.

Two against one.

Get the hell out of here.

No, I think I get it.

Yeah, I get it.

It was interesting that he specified with the AC going,

but

he's like, I don't want to be hot doing that.

Yeah.

No, I like the idea of sorting sorting papers.

Oh, can we stop talking about it?

Sure, sure.

It's just making you feel really bad.

Oh, by the way, Tig.

Yeah.

I was with a friend who loves zombie

movies, and

another friend was like, oh, you should watch Army of the Dead.

And I was like, Tig's in it.

And they had never seen it.

So we watched Army of the Dead.

You watched that?

I mean, I'd seen it when it came out.

Oh, you did?

But these friends hadn't seen it.

And so I watched you

be all tough and sexy.

Go on, say it.

Yes.

And sexy was the next word.

I thought you were acting a little shy today around TIG.

There she is.

She's a movie star.

You did great.

You look super sexy.

Thank you.

In your army.

Well, it was like a pilot's.

Yeah.

Onesie.

Yeah.

A pilot onesie.

A pilot onesie with your cigar.

Way to make it sound sexy.

Me and my pilot onesie.

I'm going to watch it.

I love that genre so much.

I just saw 28 years later in cinemas.

Oh, I went and watched that too in the cinema.

I thought it was weird, but you must have been into it.

I loved it, but it was weird.

You did?

Yeah, yeah.

There were dongs everywhere.

Fortune Marie.

There were, you don't understand.

There were all these zombie creatures with just the biggest dongs running around.

Fortune.

There was one

giant zombie dong,

but there were other floppity flops happening too.

Well, that's why May was into it.

Oh, I was

into it because it had a British sensibility.

Do you like the first two?

I like the other ones, but this one was like, what's happening?

And then the ending was so weird to me.

And I was like, what is this?

Oh, I could talk for.

Yeah, let's talk off-pod pod about the ending okay now if we can go back to Army of the Dead yeah yes we can sexy thank you how great of a job did Zach Snyder do um green screening me into that entire movie it was crazy I mean and his and his special effects people

you would never know I mean I'm in the room yeah I mean for people that don't know I replaced somebody and I filmed that movie alone with Zach How long did it take you to film?

I don't know, a few weeks.

Oh, okay.

I'm going to watch it tonight.

You haven't seen it?

No.

You're in for a treat or a little Tiggy Tig.

Are there any things in the game?

Do you think you're sexy, May?

If you think you're the sex pot around here, just wait until you see Tig.

Are there any dongs in it, though?

God, I hope not.

Otherwise, I wouldn't have taken the job.

Right.

No dongs.

Anyways,

anyway, I'm not going to get a

like a PlayStation or something like that because I'm worried about what Zach's talking about, that it would just ruin my life.

I think I'd get really into it.

Because I wasn't allowed to play video games growing up.

And then when I was like,

yeah, when I was like 16 living on my own, I got a Super Mario Brothers and it was like, oh, that's why I wasn't allowed it, because I think I played it for 12 months for 24 hours a day.

Oh, dang.

I see.

Got hooked.

Yeah, hooked.

And are you still into game?

Are you into video games?

No, I don't.

Well, I don't have.

I have my VR headset.

I went through a phase because there's a Star Wars game on it that by the end of playing this game, it's like a four-hour narrative game.

You feel like you've grown as a person.

Like you defeat Vader, you discover that you have the force.

You're in Star Wars.

And so that I would recommend.

But no, I think

too addictive a personality, I think.

I played him as a kid.

You did?

Yeah.

I only know how to play like Pac-Man and Donkey Kong and asteroids.

And I have that multi-cade game down here in my house.

Oh, stand-up arcade game with all those on it.

Well, I'll be right over.

Yeah, if you're ever selling that, I will buy that for any fortune.

I am not ever selling it.

Someone sold it to me, and I think she regretted it immediately.

And do you ever play it when you're treading water?

I don't ever play it, but I love that I own it.

Because it's so vintage, it's so rare.

And

Jax didn't really want it in the house, in this new house because it doesn't really go with anything.

But I was like, I am not selling this thing.

I think I'm just going to do it.

It's going to be like trucked with me wherever I go.

I like that.

I play occasionally.

It's very loud because it's an old game and they just didn't have volume controls.

Yes.

So when you play, it's like,

you know, it didn't come with Bluetooth.

It did not.

Do you have to put quarters?

You don't have to put quarters in it, though.

No, no quarters.

Do you just bang it on the side like Fonzie and then you am, baby?

It's right there.

Go walk up.

It's got the quarter slots.

And so you can see.

Did you notice?

Fortune just called me baby because she saw me in Army of the Death.

Everything's shifted since

everything's changed.

There's a full-on vibe.

Yeah.

I'm scared to watch it myself.

I don't.

I'm scared for you, too.

Come give me a kiss.

Come give me some shit.

As long as you're not Amelia.

Yeah,

Amelia's on her way to your house right now.

If she is, she better bring that video game.

You said it goes everywhere you do.

She's walking down the street, pushing that thing.

Pushing it in a baby stroller for some reason.

Boo, boo, boo, boo.

Boo, boo, boo.

Well, what a treat, you guys.

What a podcast, really.

What a podcast.

What a podcast.

A pleasure as always.

I think we've said everything there is to say other than what we've got going on.

Well, I also want to mention to please share this episode with a friend if you want him to join the handsome community.

Subscribe, rate, review.

I know I say it all the time, but if you haven't, just take one second.

Just one second.

Subscribe.

We also have a YouTube channel.

Subscribe to that.

Rate, review.

Tell a friend.

Share an episode.

This is an incredible community we've built, and we're very thankful for it.

Yeah, we want to keep it going,

keep it going, keep it growing.

Going and growing, y'all.

We want to be a grower, not a shower.

That's right, Fortune Marie.

That's what he said.

I'll be in West Hampton Beach, New York, August 17th.

I'll be in Provincetown, Massachusetts, August 23rd.

Dynasty Typewriter, September 21st.

Beau Rivage,

Resort and Casino, Biloxi, Mississippi, September 27th.

And then

the road goes on forever.

Go to tignotaro.com to see where I will be.

I got nothing live, I think, for the next little while, but check out SAP, my special on Netflix, or just uh go to maymartinmusic.com for cool updates you know i will i know you're there every day to check

the great outdoors comedy festival in spoken august 23rd and then september a bunch of dates in san antonio houston norfolk virginian richmond dc

portland maine boston Burlington, Vermont, Mobile, Alabama, New Orleans, and Atlanta.

That's all coming up in the next couple months.

So check those out.

Let's have some fun in person, y'all.

Go to thehandsomepod.com for all of our wonderful, beautiful merch.

And until next time,

keep it in the middle.

Keep it

handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a

podcast!

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

That was a hit gum podcast.

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