Kristen Schaal asks about the afterlife

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I have to say, I'm still having that issue where I can't hear the theme song, so I just have to follow the head bobs.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Well, it's in the theme song is always in your heart.

I do know that.

I do know that.

Yes.

It is.

It is in my heart.

It's in my soul.

It is all-encompassing.

Well, it's good to see you guys.

Good to see you too.

Everyone's looking good.

Yeah, everyone's looking handsome.

You and May are kind of twins.

Yeah, we are.

Today.

Yeah.

White shirts.

White tees.

White headphones.

Do you have a chain?

A gold chain, Tig?

It looks like Tig does have on a gold chain.

I do.

You know, the

wonderful documentary I produced about Andrea Gibson, the

film crew,

we all wore Andrea necklaces

over the past year.

And

yeah.

And

I don't normally wear it out of my shirt.

And I actually honestly didn't even realize it was out of my shirt.

But there it is.

It says Andrea.

Does it say Andrea?

Is that what it says?

Yeah, it says Andrea.

Oh, I can see that.

That's nice.

Yeah, that is nice.

And we're so sorry for your loss.

And I've been just consuming tons of Andrea's work and content over the past few days.

But how are you doing?

I am.

Yeah.

Here it comes.

Yeah.

Very up and down, I imagine.

Yep.

Or what you said before about feeling like you're on a different planet, that really resonates because it's like life is kind of continuing for everyone else, but you've got this fishbowl around you of just like.

Yeah, it's

just such a, it's, it's so crazy.

It's like before I got on today, I was like, oh, I'm okay.

I had a very rough morning, woke up at four,

took a walk, and watched the sunrise.

Wait, do you hear that?

No.

What is it?

I have no idea what just started.

This is so crazy.

I hear myself

doing stand-up.

Oh my God.

What do I do?

You should listen to yourself and laugh.

Yeah.

None of the material sounds familiar.

It's a future set.

Hey, it's Tig.

This is a little unusual, but it's about a week after we recorded this episode, and I wanted to add in a quick explanation after the fact of what just happened.

So, mid-chat about the loss of Andrea Gibson, I started to hear random stand-up of mine in my headphones.

Neither my co-host nor Thomas could hear it.

I wasn't touching my computer or my headphones, nothing.

I had to search for where this was coming from to try and turn it off.

My relationship with Andrea was always fun and funny.

So if this was Andrea, this is exactly how they would have messed with me on an episode where we are talking about them.

Anyway, I just wanted to jump in from the future to give that moment some context in the event that you maybe would find this interesting in some way.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Where would I find this?

I wonder, it must be playing on your computer somewhere.

I am.

Yeah, like in your iTunes, Maybe itunes.

I found it.

That's crazy.

It's really surreal.

It was your own self telling you, trying to soothe yourself.

Yeah.

You said you went up for a walk?

Yeah, I woke up at four this morning.

I've been having trouble.

I had been having trouble sleeping because I knew I was kind of expecting news.

Andrea had taken a turn

maybe

three weeks ago at this point.

Today is July 17th.

Andrea passed away three days ago.

And

when Andrea took a turn,

you know, you kind of don't know with cancer sometimes because

some people just

keep on chugging.

Yeah.

And in all honesty, I have been hoping for the past four years that my friend Andrea Gibson was a liar.

I was hoping so desperately that Andrea was going to be one of those stories of somebody that lied about their cancer diagnosis because I kept thinking, I can deal with that.

I can deal with a friend that's a liar.

We can get to the bottom of what is that trauma.

Let's figure that out, you know.

And

I was having trouble sleeping, even though Andrea passed away.

I woke up at four, I took a walk, watched the sun come up.

It was just like unbelievably glorious.

And

really felt like

I want to,

I feel like I could keep walking for the rest of my life.

I had so much energy.

I was just taking in every

bit

of beauty around me.

And,

but it was hard.

I was taking in the beauty.

I was also

devastated, reliving it all.

And what I'll say is, I was lucky enough to get out to Boulder to

be

there

at Andrea's bedside.

And

it's the fourth deathbed I've been at.

And man,

have they all been so different?

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

And Andrea was at home.

And I'm not going to go into great detail.

This is all very new.

But what I will say is

that

I

don't know

when

I will ever come out of this

headspace that I'm in

after the experience that I

went through with Andrea's friends and family.

So many people showed up from so many different

histories

with so many complications,

some with very short journeys,

figurative and literal journeys to that bedside.

And

also

emotional journeys to get there.

And it was, you know, I talked to my therapist before, just like, man, I'm,

I am scared to walk in that door,

you know, seeing a friend die.

Yeah.

And then also,

this is a web.

This is a web.

And

it

was

so

transformative and beautiful.

Oh, in a positive way.

That's.

Yes, indeed.

Like,

I walked in with expectations

that I think a lot of people did,

and

all of the journeys that everybody was on

came

together

in one of the most

beautiful,

otherworldly ways

that I

it was so sad.

It was so deeply sad.

And it was also so, it's, it's so crazy because the day I got there, Andrea

was sitting up

with their parents and like, you know, Tig,

tell my mom and dad about that thing with Max and Finn.

And, and, you know, I was telling funny stories and we were all sitting around.

And by that night, that's where the turn took.

But, um, and it, and it all, I'm just so thankful I got there when I did.

But man,

when I walked in and saw Andrea, we just embraced, and

they were just sobbing.

We were holding each other, sobbing, and they were like,

I'm crying because I love you so much, okay?

And I was like,

same, I love you.

It just was

really, really beautiful.

And

I wish I selfishly, I wish I could share every detail, but it's just not

for me to do, and it's not for me to do right now.

But it was poetic.

It was, I mean, Andrea was truly,

it's so crazy, too, because I met Andrea 25 years years ago backstage in Boulder.

And I remember being introduced, and my friend was like,

this is Andrea Gibson,

a poet.

I'm looking at this person that looks so familiar and feels so familiar.

They're tatted up,

cool, sexy.

I came from like, a past of rock and roll, music business, comedy.

I was like, I know this person.

This person feels so familiar to me, but poet,

that is, that's not my world.

And then I, and then I watched Andrea walk on stage and just

destroy the room.

You're crying, you're laughing, and I was like, I had never experienced anything like this.

And nor would I have guessed 25 years ago, backstage, that I would be at Andrea's side

at the end of life.

And

I'm so,

I think I mentioned this maybe somewhere on the podcast, but

my

dearest friend from childhood sister died.

And I remember calling my mother and being like, what do I do?

I'm so scared to go over there.

And my mother said,

You just go,

you just walk in the door.

Yeah.

And that impacted my life.

I think I was 23.

And I remember having that fear of walking in to Andrea and Meg's house.

But

what was on the other side of that door?

I mean, Andrea saw bits and pieces of what was happening in that house.

And

if I had missed that,

I mean, I would never have known what I missed.

Right.

But it was,

it was life-changing

to the point.

And I know, of course, I'll go back to my life and things will be,

you know,

back to normal.

But the headspace I'm in right now, I cannot imagine.

Like, what are you carrying with you from it?

Like, kind of, because I thought when it happened, it's so rare and unique for

someone to be so aware of that process that they're going through and create art from it and kind of narrate it for the people around them and

face it and be like,

and so much of Andrea's work was about gratitude and presence and love and like,

yeah,

what do you want to hold on to from that headspace?

Like, like gratitude and presence and things?

Well, yeah, I mean, I think that's kind of the

thing that you're

once you experience that kind of

sorrow, grief, loss,

you just want to stay in that sweet spot of like, God, I'm so

thankful.

I'm like, that's what I keep telling people is I'm equally as grateful as I am sad.

I'm just, I'm, I'm, it's almost like I'm levitating,

like I've taken mushrooms or something where I'm just like, whoa, you are not going to believe what I just saw.

There's that.

And,

but it's also, it's just that bittersweet feeling.

I keep thinking about Andrea's line of, you know,

let your heart break so your spirit doesn't.

And

it feels

really

good

to just let my heart break.

And I don't know, you know, it's so crazy.

I was thinking about all the different losses in life, like a parent can abandon a family, or you go through a breakup, or

somebody just kind of ghosts you, and you're left going,

what happened?

Like,

that's like, okay,

or a death, and

it's just so many different

versions of

grief or confusion.

And what I have to say about Andrea is, and oh, and Fortune, I saw that you posted that love letter from the afterlife

where Andrea is reading a poem they wrote for their wife.

Yeah.

That's so beautiful.

And I'm not a religious person.

I'm not somebody that's like, oh, I can, I saw my loved one or I, I, I, I, I don't know.

I'm just not that person.

But I have to say, Andrea,

unlike so many of those other

departures and

confusing grief that you're left with,

As sad as I am, I feel,

I was just telling my friend staff the other day that I kind of can't finish my sentence because two different things are coming together, two different thoughts.

One being, I'm not a religious person.

I don't really believe in the woo-woo stuff.

Meanwhile, here comes this other thought: Andrea has left us, our friends, our family, the strangers, fans, whoever, with so much

to get through this, to carry us through.

There's so many,

especially when you hear that poem of

incredible,

wasn't it?

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What were your favorite lines?

Tell me the

altitude of heaven and I'll

ask me the altitude of heaven and I'll ask how tall you are.

I don't, that's not the exact line, but like

keeping the secrets in your back pocket of

all the things you never said.

Yeah, that you thought would make me love you less and that only makes me love you more.

I mean,

there's so many, there's so many lines i i i did not know andrea personally i i i got to see andrea perform once and like you and like everybody just fucking blown away like how does a person have this kind of depth and the ability to speak it you know like that's the thing that i'm like may i've been watching a lot of poems since Andrea passed and just like couldn't believe a person could

like describe the human experience and love in the way that Andrea did, like the depth of it.

And just seeing that,

I just couldn't imagine how hard that would have been to like write it and then say it to the person that you love and are leaving.

I can't imagine Meg hearing it.

Yeah.

So when I posted it as, you know, an homage to Andrea, having not known her, but really feeling

the loss for all of the people in Andrea's life.

Yeah.

And

it's gotten almost a million views of people just being like, on your page?

Yeah, like, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Wow.

I lost someone and

this makes me feel so much better.

Yeah.

Because, you know, I always think like when someone dies, like you want them to be remembered.

Yeah.

That their life mattered and certainly Andrea's did and does and their words will live on.

And to just see people be like, holy cow,

this is transformative, seeing this, hearing this, like it really, it really was.

Yeah, and I know it's like, I mean,

I texted this to you, and I know it's like, no,

not a huge comfort, I imagine, but to be able to have made that documentary and for Andrea to have felt that reaction and

how much it touched people, and to be able to sort of

eulogize someone when they're with us is so rare and

special to be able to do that.

But

yeah, I hope everybody's

reading Andrea's work and watching the videos.

And one of the beautiful, amazing things was that because so many people learned about Andrea, there was a massive influx of book sales of Andrea's that

after I left, our friend Steph called me and said, Tig,

we have been having

a book shipping party.

And they've been at Andrea's house, just

Meg and friends packing up all these books and shipping them off.

And

if I can encourage people, like if you're like, how do I get more Andrea, not to turn this into a commercial, but like,

I know Andrea has saved so many people's lives through their words.

I just would love for more people

to experience

the

yeah, just laser precision.

Yeah.

Just real quick to go back to the afterlife, one of my favorite lines.

And of course, I can't, I don't know it exactly, but let's google, let's get it up.

Yeah, yeah, get it up.

But it's a line about how Andrea in the afterlife is going to share

their grief with the people about to be born.

One day you will know why I read the poetry of your grief to those waiting to be born, and they are all the more excited.

Yeah, that's it.

And saying I'm with you more now than I ever was is pretty powerful.

Like I thought I was going somewhere else, but I'm actually here more now than ever.

Yeah, I think what struck me

about Andrea

was just seeing someone love

life

so much.

Having not known Andrea personally, the takeaway is like, God, you it makes you want to be so much more appreciative, like you said, about being grateful.

Like there was an interview Andrea did about like ha having just found out their cancer was incurable and they went on a drive and there was they saw like llamas and Meg was like, Look at the llama.

And Andrew's like, I don't want to open my eyes because I'm afraid I'll love it so much.

And then they did.

And then they loved it so much.

And I just admired that,

that just taking everything in

so

deeply and appreciatively.

And then it makes you just like, I can only imagine how you feel in the people in Andrea's life, but it makes you be like, that's the person who should get to love this for so much longer.

But then you're also like,

they loved more than people do in 80 years.

You know, they did that in 49.

Almost hit 50.

And yeah, I know.

And that was their dream.

They just wanted to hit 50.

And I said this in my post on Instagram, but it is.

It's one of my favorite things that Andrea said is like, what kind of poet would I be if I could only make life beautiful on the page

and

I'm just like

I just love it I just love it and

really towards the end of

you know when somebody

is going before they go like

one of the most amazing moments is Andrea

kind of yelled out as much as they could in that state, I fucking loved

life.

And you're just like, oh God.

And they did.

They did.

And I think that's what I was saying before is like,

I just, all of it,

there's so much for me to turn to and carry me through like so many people.

Yeah.

And I just am so grateful.

I'm so deeply sad, but I'm so grateful.

I'm so grateful.

It would be so easy to be like

consumed by the unfairness of it all and the like for someone to stay buoyant through that and like what a gift to everyone and to them and the bravery.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's really inspiring.

So Thomas has found the video of Andrea reading their poem The Afterlife to Meg.

And I think we should listen to it.

It's pretty amazing, pretty powerful.

Yeah,

Andrea's reading it to Meg's face.

It was the final

television, final interview that that's what it came from.

This is called Love Letter from the Afterlife.

I've never read it like this.

My love,

I was so wrong.

Dying is the opposite of leaving.

When I left my body, I did not go away.

That portal of light was not a portal to elsewhere, but a portal to here.

I am more here than I ever was before.

I am more with you than I ever could have imagined.

So close you look past me.

when wondering where I am.

It's okay.

I know that to be human is to be far-sighted.

But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living.

Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive?

Ask me the altitude of heaven and I will answer, how tall are you?

In my back pocket is a love note with every word you wish you'd said.

At night, I sit ecstatic at the loom, weaving forgiveness into our worldly regrets.

All day, I listen to the radio of your memories.

Yes, I know every secret you thought too dark to tell me.

and love you more for everything you feared might make me love you less.

When you cry, I guide your tears toward the garden of kisses I once planted on your cheek so you know they are all perennials.

Forgive me for not being able to weep with you.

One day you will understand.

One day you will know why I read the poetry of your grief.

to those waiting to be born and they are all the more excited.

There is nothing I want for now that we are so close.

I open the curtain of your eyelids with my own smile every morning.

I wish you could see the beauty your spirit is right now making of your pain, your deep-seated fears, playing musical chairs, laughing about how real they are not.

My love, I want to sing it through the rafters of your bones.

Dying is the opposite of leaving.

I want to echo it through the corridor of your temples.

I am more with you than I ever was before.

Do you understand?

It was me who beckoned the stranger, who caught you in her arms when you forgot not to order for two at the coffee shop.

It was me who was up all night, gathering sunflowers into your chest the last day you feared you would never again wake up feeling light-hearted.

I know it's hard to believe, but I promise it's the truth.

I promise one day you will say it too.

I can't believe I ever thought I could lose you.

Jesus Christ.

I don't know if I could have sat

as strongly as that

from either of you.

Jesus Christ.

Oh my God.

You know, and I also,

I know we've obviously turned this into, and I'm so thankful.

I owe everybody, first of all, the three of you reached out to me, and it meant the world.

And so did so many people.

So

such

loving

messages and conversations that I've had.

But

as

much as Andrea was one of the most incredible poets, I'm like

desperate for people to know.

Andrea was also one of the most deeply funny people.

I could see that.

Deeply, deeply works, deeply funny.

And like somebody that found everything so precious, but also nothing was too precious.

Yeah.

And one thing I do want to share was like,

one of my fears I was telling my therapist was like,

I desperately wanted to get in bed with Andrea.

I just wanted to be by their side so close.

And I didn't know if it was going to be okay to do that.

But it was.

And

this was like after things kind of took a turn, but Andrea was

awake and talking, but you know, very weak still.

And so I crawl in bed.

And this is just like

so perfect.

I crawl in bed.

And Andrea

turns

and

points to these three little mysterious stains on the bed and just says,

I don't know what these are,

but we'll just blame them on Meg, okay?

And it just made me laugh so hard.

I mean,

so dry, so funny, so like ready for any

kind

of humor and joke.

And one of my favorite things was the lines

on

Andrea's face when they smiled and laughed.

Their smile would lift

their skin and create lines on both sides.

And I just will miss those.

so deeply because they were there

when Andrea was smiling and laughing.

And I just like,

you know, it goes back to that when somebody feels like home,

their sense of humor was home.

Yeah.

But again, I really appreciate this chance to

talk about Andrea.

And I just am very thankful for everybody's love.

And I know Meg and everybody's so thankful.

So thank you.

Thank you for

talking about it with us and letting us all

cry with you and feel that with you.

Yeah, I'm sure people listening are also feeling that.

Yeah.

There are few people who impact others so much that you would have a wife and four ex-girlfriends and dozens of friends surrounding you in your death.

That is, I think a lot of people read that and went, whoa,

that is

fortune uncommon.

and what a person to be able to bring all those people back around and fortune

my friend

was it

a few days of it was I'm endlessly thankful I was in that mix because I have not seen shape-shifting in the most glorious way

than in that house.

Wow.

I can only imagine, yeah.

You can only imagine, and I can't even imagine because it's just so

rare what you experienced.

I imagine, yeah, that just does not happen.

That's something to aspire to.

That's like you know, you've got a life well lived that in your day-to-day life to keep that in mind in terms of your relationships and your friendships and stuff.

Not like I hope these people are at my deathbed, but just like how powerful those connections can be and how soothing and transformative.

And like, just to value them properly, that's what it's all about.

I mean, my mind was so blown after those days there

that I, I was like, you know,

I'm never excited to speak in kind of

popular terms, you know, the like, I'm here for this and, you know, whatever.

But like after that happened, I was like, man, am I here for the surprises of life?

What happened under that roof was one of the biggest surprises of life.

And

it was,

yeah, just one of the most beautiful experiences.

I think every single person that walked into that house and walked out of that house, just stunned with beauty.

And it's all

for the love of Andrea Gibson and Meg Falley, who again is a beautiful person and poet and human being, just which is also a person.

But anyway, I'm just

here for the surprises of life.

I'm so here.

And I know we've all experienced those.

And are they not the most glorious?

Yeah.

Yes.

For sure.

Transformative, like you said.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So

we've tried to pick a question here that was sort of on

theme.

Mm-hmm.

Weird transition.

Weird to transition.

What if we were like, our question asker wants to know what our favorite food is?

Yeah.

I'm Peter Sagal.

NPR is very serious, mostly.

It treats newsmakers with all due respect, almost all the time.

It brings you the most important information information about the issues that really matter, usually.

And it never asks famous people about things they don't know anything about, except once in a while.

Join us for the great exception.

Listen to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the news quiz from NPR.

We'll stay on theme.

Today is all in honor of Andrea.

Today's question asker is an Emmy-nominated actress, comedian, and writer who's starred as Louise on Bob's Burgers, Carol on The Last Man on Earth, the guide in what we do in the shadows and so much more she is delightful she has a new podcast called the extraordinarians christian shawl is asking today's question nice

hi forgiven hi dig hi may

um my question for uh all you handsome folks is

Is there an afterlife?

It's just like off the top of my head.

just off the top of my head just can i tell you what is so crazy that ties us all together perfectly is i was just recalling

kristen is from colorado too oh no

yeah yeah yeah anyway so that's perfect i love kristen Yeah, she's great.

So funny, so unique.

Oh my God, there's nobody, nobody like her.

No, and that voice, I mean, you know, people are obsessed with Bob's Burgers, and she is such a vital part of that show.

We've had some good voices on the pod, and Kristen's up there.

You know, we've had Cindy Locker, we've had Arnold, we've had some iconic, some iconic voices.

Guys, we've had Andrea Gibson on the pod.

We've had Andrea Gibson on the pod.

Yeah, yeah.

Asking about flirting, I think.

I don't know.

I think so.

Flirting?

Yeah.

Is there an afterlife?

Well,

I mean,

I feel like, to me, I'm sure there's something.

And I kind of hope it's nothing I've ever heard of or imagined.

Like, I hope it's none of the things that we've dreamed of.

And it's so beyond all of that.

But I'm always excited when science starts to bridge that gap between spirituality.

Like I find it soothing knowing that energy can't be destroyed and that it goes somewhere.

So I just hope that there's there's something like being reabsorbed into

wherever you were before you came that's what I hope

so yes or no I'm gonna go

it's like well yes I but I don't know about it it being a place I think that's a state a state

like a spirit like

kind of all around

yeah yeah and I love all those things you know about people who've had near-death experiences and they describe this feeling of total love and

and

euphoria and and like perspective and having all the answers that sounds pretty good to me yeah

yeah what do you guys think i i believe in an afterlife i mean i don't know that i like think of it in terms of like how they've portrayed it in movies like you show up to the gates and everyone's like hanging around in a robe.

Wouldn't that be amazing though if that is exactly what it was?

I know.

I know

I do have this nagging fear that it's gonna be like

fucking exactly.

I just I guess what makes me want to believe is because of I've talked about before my grandmother.

I just want I just feel her

so much around me that like

it has to be something.

I don't know, like May's saying, what it looks like, but it is an energy.

And it could just be that's me making myself feel better.

But there's so many things that have happened where I have asked my, I kind of like when in hard times, especially this year,

the last, you know, this, this whole year, actually,

I have summoned my grandmother more than ever in guidance and answers.

And

I will tell you, some of the things that have happened right after

have been like, holy crap.

She answered

very clearly right away in some really big, specific ways.

That I was just like, I mean, she has to be with me because that there's several things, and that's just just like otherwise it's some crazy coincidences

but those are the things that make me feel like there is something more and also again like hearing people's i haven't seen a ghost yeah ghost um

but hearing other people's like very clear vivid experiences make me go well that's something there's something

because that that so many people have seen something or felt something that it's like that can't be a an accident.

I'm open to it all.

And if you've ever, you were saying you feel like you're on mushrooms tig.

And

I think part of that comes from,

and I'm not advocating strong psychedelic use, but like the thing that is unanimously reported with those experiences and that I've felt is like the illusion that we're separate kind of.

dissolves and you feel the real truth of that connectedness and like that like a source energy or whatever.

And so I got to believe that that's, that's part of it.

Yeah.

What do you feel, Tig?

I don't believe any of it.

Yeah.

No, you know, I was just sitting here thinking about, I mean, since we were so deep diving on Andrea, and again, I'm very thankful for that time that

we did deep dive.

And believe me, we could have gone deeper and longer.

But,

you know, I think about what Andrea was saying of like, why didn't anybody tell us that we're reincarnated into

the

people that we love that are still alive?

And

I think more than an afterlife,

I just, this is where it's hard for me to finish my sentences because I have these

different feelings

and ideas, but

I can feel that more,

you know, with the energy

going someplace is into us right now, like your grandmother is in you and

Andrea is

walking with me as I'm crying down the dirt path.

But

yeah,

I mean, is that afterlife?

If

I guess that's a version of it, but I really don't know.

I don't know if it's Andrea's energy or if it's Andrea's just thoughts that are guiding me.

And

to go back to the afterlife poem, it's the first thing I've heard or read that has felt

so comforting and so much like a guide.

And like

I just feel feel carried right now by Andrea.

I know so many people

in their life do.

And

if that's the afterlife.

And if I'm wrong, if there's, if there's pearly gates and robes, and I hope so much.

What a book is for you.

Oh, my gosh.

If Andrea's in a robe

right now.

You know, you know what I sometimes feel like, because people always talk about like like peace and you know you're elevated beyond the kind of minor troubles of this human experience and stuff.

And I'm like, I hope I don't,

I hope there's some drama as well.

Cause like, I would, I think if you have to answer all your shit all of a sudden, well, just like if it was all peaceful all the time, like, I hope there's still a bit of spice, you know, like some cattiness amongst

some flirting, some like

highs and lows, you know, because the lows are part of it too.

Yeah.

Well, there also has to be, you know, if that is happening,

you know, I'm thinking about if people in the afterlife are looking over us and they're they're seeing things, there has to be

upsetting moments or funny moments.

And

so there's waves that will be made in that way.

And I had this moment that I was mortified by yesterday.

I had these friends, my childhood friends come in town,

Megan and Kristen, and we had all taken a picture and it was such a great picture of me and Kristen and Megan and Stephanie, but in the background was a port-a-potty

and

so I asked my assistant to remove the port-a-potty from the picture.

And so I sent the new picture to, I thought, my friend Megan,

but I sent it to Meg and Andrea yesterday.

Oh, my God.

And I just sent a picture and I said, I had my assistant remove the port-a-potty.

Oh, my God.

And sent it to Andrea.

I sent it to Andrea and

Andrea.

And Andrea.

I sent it to both of them.

And then I saw immediately and I was like,

oh, my, even though I know Meg so well, I was still like, oh, God, oh, God, oh, oh God, because like, like, Meg's not in the mood to see Andrea's name pop up on the phone.

Like, that is so confusing.

And so I just was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I, I just, I, I don't know how this happened.

It took me a second to realize it was the Meg and Megan thing.

Yeah.

And then Meg wrote back,

I love you.

This is no doubt making Andrea laugh as it did me.

So please don't worry.

Yeah.

And I, But I was truly like,

oh my, and this is why Stephanie at our house is like, you're not allowed to press buttons.

Yeah.

Because

I'm just like, I send things on wrong text threads non-stop.

Oh, my God.

Non-stop.

And I did that yesterday.

I was like, God.

I have the port-a-potty removed.

This is also hilarious.

And then the whole thing that it like, it went to Meg and Andrea and a port-a-potty, but and it goes back to like Andrea and Meg, that everything's so precious to them, but nothing is, you know?

But I knew there's a chance it could have leveled Meg, but thankfully she was like, oh my God, this is hilarious.

And Andrea is so deeply laughing at this.

So yeah.

I don't know.

I think with the afterlife,

my kind of thought is like, and it's so removed from like religious stuff when I say this because that's a whole other ballgame.

Yeah.

With the afterlife, you're kind of like, what is the harm in having hope

that you see a loved one again?

You know, like

if that, if, if all

who knows, but if all it does is make us feel better,

that it helps in even a tiny way with our grief, then

great.

Yeah.

You know, like grief is so

hard hard and devastating, and to lose someone you love and so desperately want to see again,

if you, if it makes you feel better that one day you will,

good.

Then that's helping you through that grief.

And that's just kind of how I look at it.

And so I think it's different for everybody.

There are so many things that we can't

see with our eyes, but we know to like love is so ephemeral.

We can't see it or like quantify it, but you feel it so profoundly.

Wi-Fi is all around us, and it's real, and yeah, like you know what I mean.

There's no reason why, like, May, you're gonna make me cry.

Wi-Fi's real, man.

That's really touching dig deep.

This episode's already been a wrecker,

and now to think of the Wi-Fi,

but yeah, you know, I

hear you both, and um,

I agree.

It's like, what's the harm in that?

Yeah.

God, I hope you see your grandmother again.

Yeah.

And how lucky that you feel guided by her.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it, yeah, if it's just like helping me make better decisions, if it's helping me feel peace, if it's helping me get through a sad day,

I'll take it.

Yeah.

And also, like,

culturally,

we never talk about death.

everybody's, you know, and so to even just as a fan of Andrea, watch this and be confronted with it like that.

It's um,

it's so powerful and helpful.

And it makes me want to, like, I think about, uh, remember when David Bowie was dying and he made Lazarus, that album?

It just makes me want to leave funny notes behind paintings to make people laugh.

You know, and like,

the more you can sit with it and be okay with it, the more you can

curate it in the way that you want, I guess.

Yeah, you can create your own afterlife.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

Definitely seeing Andrea, too, like with these poems and

the words and the depth, it makes you want to

not be so scared to share feelings, to tell people how you feel, to take chances,

to you know, like even

going through

this heartbreak that I've

experienced this year like I don't want to shut myself off or close my heart you know like

seeing that depth and the facing of these emotions and not being afraid to share emotions it definitely made me go just

freaking live life and take some swings

who cares you know yeah absolutely was it like some interview with Ethan Hawk, maybe, where he was talking about poetry and the value of it, or how it's interesting that we always reach for it, like when someone gets married or when someone passes away, like these are the moments where we find poetry helpful.

And

yeah, I thought that was cool.

That's nice.

Yeah.

I was when I was talking to our friend's staff yesterday, because she's still with Meg, and she was like

she said that um

Andrea wore hoodies all the time and Meg's going to give Andrea's friends different hoodies of theirs.

And I was like, oh, that's so great.

And you know, I just wasn't assuming I was going to get a hoodie or anything.

I didn't know how many hoodies there were.

And Steph goes, oh, yeah.

And you're getting the hoodie that apparently every time Andrea wore it, they said, what do you think Tig would say if she saw me in this hoodie?

And I was like, I cannot wait to get this hoodie.

Like, I cannot wait to see what this hoodie is.

I cannot wait.

That's cool.

Oh, my God.

I cannot wait.

Anyway.

Well, should we hear what Kristen's answer is?

Yes, yes, yes.

If I were going to answer that, and I guess I am,

I would say that yes, there is,

because,

well,

no one's been,

there's no proof that there isn't.

No proof that there is, no proof that there isn't.

But there is something about the fact that we have these imaginations that I like to think is a little gift, like a little evite from

like someone, someone up there, just like tickle, tickle, tickle, just letting you know

there's somewhere else to go oh a little tickle tickle tickle classic classic kristen when we feel a little tickle tickle tickles we know what that is yeah

i just saw kristen at a party and we had such a nice conversation and it it ventured into the religious

world

spiritual world yeah yes yeah yeah so it's it's perfect that this is her question yeah well thank you for um you know sharing with us.

I know this is not an easy week.

That's not an easy thing to talk about.

We'll cut all that out, right?

Everything to excite about Andrea?

Absolutely.

That needs to go.

Just kidding.

It'll just be tickle, tickle, tickle.

Tickle, tickle, tickle.

But

no.

Thank you so much.

Thank you all for your support.

And everybody who loves and appreciates Andrea,

thank you

and dig more into their poetry and Meg's poetry and don't wait for a funeral or

any of those moments of life.

Check it out and don't wait for those moments to say your appreciation,

to share your appreciation for people.

100%.

Yeah.

Say the thing that you want to say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Throw the party now.

That's right.

Throw the party tonight.

Throw it tonight.

Get in touch if you let us know that you threw a party tonight.

Yeah.

If this is your first time listening to Handsome, this is not a typical episode.

We've had a couple this summer that have been deeper.

That's right.

I know, May, it's your turn next.

Oh, God, May, you better

get emotional soon.

Yeah.

I've been crying for the past hour.

Yeah.

But yeah, if this or any other episode speaks to you, you really enjoyed it, share it with a friend and let's build our community and subscribe to the podcast and

like and review and get our merch, walk around with our little handsome merch.

And

does anybody have anything coming up?

I don't really.

I'm chilling for August, but my show Wayward comes out in September, so I'm getting excited for that.

Yeah, and check out my music on Spotify or

Feel Good on Netflix.

Amazing.

I'm actually performing in Iceland

Friday, August 8th in Reykjavik.

So if there happened to be any handsome listeners out there, I would love their eyes.

Then Spokane in a couple weeks, and then I start a lot of new dates in San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, D.C., Boston, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago, tons of places.

So come see me on tour, Fortunefeamster.com.

And I will be

in West Hampton Beach,

New York, August 17th.

Dynasty Typewriter, September 21st, the Beau Revage Resort and Casino in Biloxi, Mississippi, September 27th.

Back at Dynasty, October 4th.

Largo, October 17th, and the road goes on forever.

I'll be back up in Toronto, but yeah, all local dates in LA and Toronto are, you know, new material, fumbling through it all.

So come on out, and

I don't know.

Until next time,

keep it, Hands.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a podcast!

What a podcast!

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